lockhinge

[lockhinge]

"Garrus checks back in and sees what is now a three-part rogue-machine of bad ideas spooling up."

- The paladin's player

[lockhinge]

"I vibe-check the darkness!"

- Player makes an Insight check vs suspicious shadows

[lockhinge]

"A lot of people's legs have been in this goat."

- DM describes a costume in the worst possible way

[lockhinge]

Creed, who is definitely a real magician: Is this your card? Rogue, immediately: That's a receipt.

[lockhinge]

"I'm a successful, real magician. Look, I have a card... Is this my card? That was a magician joke. I'm here to buy explosives."

- Creed, who is definitely a real magician

[lockhinge]

"In the next room are five other kidnapped actors—some are pacing and some are weeping. There's a tiefling holding a recognizably-tiefling skull in her hands, reciting her lines… At least, you hope she is, because otherwise she has fully snapped."

- DM paints a word picture of Endelyn Moongrave's domain

[lockhinge]

"You think we don't have to worry because the monsters sound small? Two words: pack tactics."

- The party's rogue

[lockhinge]

"Okay, whoever wins the Perception Check Lottery points up and says, 'I think that's it!'"

- DM when the party is nine people and half of them are NPCs

[lockhinge]

Rogue: Hey, hey. You guys are ex-brigands now. NPC Bandit: Yeah, we're more like hobbyist criminals. Rogue: I mean, that's basically adventurers.

[lockhinge]

Horny Rogue: I had myself a little fey snack... Nervous Rogue: I don't want to know, I don't want to know— Horny Rogue: —No! I meant that literally, oh my god—

[lockhinge]

[Meanwhile, mid-combat...]

DM: You see that the bard is all by himself on the other side of the map… Aside from the small child he's carrying, a nearby flying sword, and a pig trough that's come to life and started dancing. Player: Yeah, that seems about right.

[lockhinge]

"The bard will be the front of the unicorn costume, because that's where the acting needs to be. I’ll be the back of the costume, because I know how to shake my ass."

- The party's horny rogue

[lockhinge]

"I was trying to remember [plot point], but I was also busy being four children and an oil can."

- DM tries their best

[lockhinge]

Rogue: Heeeey, Garrus... Paladin: Yes? Rogue: So, you're looking hit-pointy today... Paladin: Uh-oh.

[lockhinge]

DM: [The pseudodragon] takes his job very seriously. Player: Uh huh... DM: He has a little mustache. Player: I bet it's taped on. It's just a little bit of moss. DM: It's a caterpillar. Player: ...Of course it is. DM: He takes his job very seriously!!

[lockhinge]

Human Wizard: Did you have games back at the goblin village? Goblin Cleric: Yeah! My favorite was Throw a Knife at your Cousin.

[lockhinge]

"The bard tells the tale of how you defeated the gang that was trying to rob the government building, but he makes it sound more heroic than what you remember--which is mostly getting shot in the chest a few times and then someone stealing your eggs benedict."

- DM recounts a brunchtime robbery