loveletters-rosebouquets - Tumblr blog

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

I’m reminded time and time again,

mind of a man,

It can be anyone.

Even your friend.

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

I love writing messy poetry, not caring if anyone counts it as is. It doesn't matter, just flows out of my without thinking. I love stand-out lines and the sheer rawness of it, just spilling whatever comes to me out onto my keyboard or paper. Very fun.

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

sat in the shower, over two hours.

wondering’ who I am, who I should be.

My feet all red, been in there too long.

Baby, you’re my muse.

Stomach hurts, too much honeydew.

My mind is in a million little pieces,

Dancing in my room completely naked, not even intoxicated.

Moaning down the hallway, go to hell.

Black mascara running down my cheeks, left my lashes on your nightstand.

Call upon me, ring the bell. I’m here, I’m here.

Blood means fuckin’ nothing, keep on drinking that wine.

I’ve been hearing things that aren’t there, disturbed is the word.

Visions blurred, I’m terrified to turn off the water.

Turn off the music, my hips go sway.

Elliot come back, I’m not done talking.

You’re my safety, restore my sanity.

I don’t know who I am.

Not so innocent lamb.

I wanna be in the 70’s, cigarette smoke rolling off my tongue.

You’re my religion, I’m your devotee.

Devil says slick words, god’s are worse.

Elliot’s got the devil in ‘em, fallen Angel I am.

Draped my wings, wearing nothing but a halo daisies in my hair.

His claws are sharp, but I am safe in his grasp.

Bra unclasped, scars on my back.

Cut off my wings, clipped and burned.

It stings.

I am free.

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

I am the vast open sea, you are the moon that sets into me. Without you, I am incomplete. ♥︎

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

“You, angel of decay, mistress of death. I’ve come to abandon myself into your holy ardour.”

— Kostas Karyotakis, tr. by Manolis Aligizakis, from “What Can I Say to You,”

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

I know that he’s lying,

Hair messy, I’m crying.

In bed, I never rise,

Silently weeping, no one’s surprised.

Another chance, it’s all I give.

This grave, I’ll continue to dig.

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

Hi angels! Feel free to join my server. MDNI.

Moderated and a safe space for all! Bigotry and glamourizing of ED/pr0-ana is not tolerated. Perverts will be banned immediately.

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

I have some poems coming up soon!! Just gotta go through my doc lol. ♥︎♥︎

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

I have extreme love and attachment to the sea. So, of course I had to write about her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He told that my soul was blue,

Blue like the sea, and it made sense finally.

My heart belongs to the ocean,

Ever since I was a little girl.

Adorned with pearls and shells, my essence is made of sea foam.

The beauty of it all, she feels like home.

I’ve always been drawn, I’m only this close,

If I could lay myself in the crashing waves and take her all in,I would.

There’s nowhere I’d rather be than the sea,

The salty scent in the air, the sun rising and falling over the glittering water.

I feel more and more attached to the beach, perhaps because of all the time away from her,

One day I swear I’ll live as close as possible,

Get me out of this heat.

I’m sweet, I long for my home,

He promises he’ll take me to her, to break it would be to break my heart.

My soul feels tied to the marine,

I’ll sing by its side, laying on the ocean floor.

My honey eyes bore into the deep blue.

I’ll collect shells, try to take home with me,

But it’s never the same.

I’d give my life for her, she is comfort, she puts me at peace.

I can’t live a life away from her any longer.

I’ll get on my knees, break down and cry.

To feel the coldness, the smooth currents push against my fingertips, I beg.

My heart belongs to the ocean,

My soul is in the sea.

I’ll give everything I have just to be.

Lay me in the waves, shells cover my pale body.

I know many others won’t understand, but this is my calling.

I’m tired of the stalling, the waiting,

I hear her gentle song, I sleep to the recording of her hums.

She is a home to many, scaled folk and big blue whales.

I’ll dive right in, set your sails.

Take me out, I’ll happily breathe in the damp breeze.

Lakes aren’t the same, I’ve never felt the same.

Nothing will ever compare to her.

She is my first and final love, my only home.

I’ll bring you with, let me take your hand,

I’ll show you her beauty.

My heart belongs to the ocean,

My soul is in the sea.

When I am with her, I am calm.

I am free.

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

cw: social anxiety and loneliness

Sat at the kitchen table,

The house is dark.

All I have left is my art, my words, the music.

My heart is heavy as always,

Trying not to be burden, I won’t bother anyone,

But when will it end?

Realizing how little I have,

Sat alone at my desk, how many pages can I use?

Dirty paintbrushes, wishing I could swim in the colors of my canvas,

I’ll paint myself a life to live, friends by my side.

The rooms are always dim, afraid of the outside,

I’ll try to reach out, type my words, but fear always comes through.

My hands tremble, I feel like an outsider no matter what I do.

I’ve never been confident, sat in the shower on the floor.

Watching the water run, I’ll sit for hours.

I’m afraid of others, the judgements I’d receive,

I can never find my voice, I’m ashamed of speaking.

I recall asking my mother if it’s normal to feel like a burden,

She looked at me all funny like and I knew she’d never understand.

I can’t reach out, my hands are shaking, I’ll lie under running water for an eternity,

I’m not sure if I’m just shy,

Wishing someone would pry for my words,

I’ll stay silent, wipe my tears,

Hold my knees to my chest.

I know it’s not normal to be so afraid of my peers.

I’m sorry mother, I’m sorry father,

Maybe one day I’ll find my voice, you’ll be proud.

You’ll see.

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

TW: Mention of a noose, kinda rant/vent. Nervous for this one!

I try to look at you with hard eyes, failure quick to come with a softened gaze.

My heart is heavy, glazed over with a slick of numbing cream,

My love for you isn’t a silly teenage girl phase.

I feel so frustrated, so trapped.

I’m banging on the wardrobe doors,

Antique wood is easy to break.

I tie the ribbon tight on my skin, feeling it press and constrain.

Makeshift noose, you hold it there,

I need to swim to the top, need a fresh breath of air.

I’m so sick of your false promises,

God please just listen to my prayer.

Pointless arguing, you just get angry.

It’ll always end in tears, I wonder if it’s worth the trouble.

I’m waiting on you honey, don’t you want any better?

I’m so tired of my chest all tight, tears in my eyes.

Watercolor words, I try to be beautiful and delicate with you.

No honey, it’s fine, take a deep breath.

I’m giving my life for you, a false hopeful dream down the drain.

Children, never my own.

Never home.

Not now, mommy is tired,

Please don’t let me end up like my own mother.

My ribs are tight, it’s what I feel,

I want comfort, am I the bad guy?

Ultimatum- love or life?

What’s a girl like me to do, my heart is breaking.

Either way, unless I start seeing you changing.

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

TW: ED. I do not condone the support of eating disorders. I am not Pro-Ana. Capitalizing and trying to take others down with your disorder is disgusting. I simply write my mind, and am trying my best in recovery. If this is triggering content for you, please scroll.

Sat in the bath,

Water too hot.

Red skin, remind me I’m alive.

Forgotten it,

Am I cruel?

Is it just another voice,

Another lie I am told?

My body is weak, it needs what it needs,

I struggle to provide.

The scale and I,

I’ll always crawl back,

Like I need it to breathe.

I’m reliant, like a pet,

Is this all I’m worth?

Numbers, numbers, numbers,

Never low enough.

I’ll try to enjoy what I eat,

But I leave the table heavy and hung with guilt.

Laying on the cool wood, the air is too hot,

I’m suffocating.

I’m alone, remnants of my childhood around me,

Like shards from a broken mirror,

What once was, still is.

It’s just you and me,

Never good enough,

Ana, won’t you leave me?

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

CW: Mentions of su!c!de, Bodily harm, low self-worth. Mommy/Daddy issues. Generally just very depressing.

♡

Red nose, hot tears.

My eyes are full, do you see my pain?

I haven’t cried this much in a long while,

Lord, why am I so broken?

I am unwanted, small, and needy.

Sitting on the side of my bed, sunk into the shape of my body,

Feeling suicidal, wanting to open my stomach up.

I can't speak my mind, don’t wanna hurt anybody.

I can’t explain my pain, mother please listen to me,

See my hurt, see my heart.

Falling out of my chest,

Everything seems so perfect yet it’s in a million pieces,

Picture picture,

Mother, why am I like this?

I want to shatter that mirror, scream and cry,

Sticking glass shards in my skin,

Holding my hand over the Bible, I am true.

I don’t believe in god, never have.

Stop saying he’ll save me, I don’t need anybody.

Mother, am I what you wanted?

I know I’m not.

I am what you will never have, a painful reminder that there is no white picket fence.

The blood you have shed, was it not a sign?

God telling you to leave it alone, maybe you shouldn’t.

Little girl trying to live in a big, big world, I know you didn’t know better.

That doesn’t make it right.

Too young, you birthed your pain.

Feeling suicidal, I’ll make it go away.

My sweet baby, I worry you don’t want me.

You won’t touch me, please touch me.

I'm lost, I'm worthless.

I’m ripping my hair out, I’m begging, I’m pleading.

You’re the apple of my eye, I’m living in the garden of Eden.

It’s all a lie, it’s all a lie.

There’s nothing holy, daddy please stop drinking.

Feeling suicidal, I wanna go back to hell.

He was my haven, the sweetest devil I ever met.

What’s a fallen Angel to do when Lucifer is done with this fiery game, the passion that died.

Eating pomegranate seeds, begging to be trapped with him once again.

I’m being condemned, forced to listen to the screeches of your Bible,

Trying to force me to confess my sins.

This body is hell, I want to shave it down, chip away the smooth surface,

Put in the work.

Hold Aphrodite’s beauty, you’ll be wanted.

Honey is only so good for so long, why wouldn’t he crave peppers?

Let me crawl inside, grow my wings,

Will I be beautiful?

Mother, father.

My love.

Will I ever be enough?

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

the multiple drafts I have of poems about my mommy issues 💀

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

Seeing myself grow and change is beauty,

It can be small,

A change in my everyday order, in my clothing style, my musical preference for the week.

It’s ever changing- yet still myself at once.

It’s beautiful, complex.

Authentic, and remembering that I’m no brand.

I am myself, I live for myself.

I love for myself.

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

Note: Realized we’ve been together for a year and a half! Thought about how much better he is than my ex, so this was made. I ♥︎ you, S.

How do you like me now?

I’ll spit on your grave, what a bad man.

I gotta new honey to hold me tight,

Buying me cherry cola, sweet vanilla, strawberries and cream.

He treats me right,

He’s the greatest, been ridin’ with him since last September,

I’m his pretty baby,

Actually satisfied, where are you?

Sucking his fingers, I don’t have to worry.

The coolest, give me the world.

Ride or die,

Pressing me against the cold counter, he’d do anything for his bunny.

Who knew, the very man you hated calling me his baby,

I’m happier than ever, who are you?

Wearing his big jackets, trying on his big silver rings,

More of a man than you’ll ever be.

Sick to my stomach thinkin’ of you,

I’d laugh in your face, sat on his lap like a throne,

I was your first love, I don’t care.

You treat me the way you did, you’re no good.

He’s the sweetest devil I ever met, smoking my first cigarette with him,

He says “Little Angel, looking so fine,”

Walking me around the car show.

Thank god you left,

You never treat me right.

I’m the sweetest girl you’ve ever seen,

Baby you’re so mean.

My new man better than you’ll ever be.

[loveletters-rosebouquets]

Honey orbs gaze upon his warm hands,

Tracing soft skin, counting the freckles and scars.

His chunky silver rings catch the light,

A skull with red gems for eyes,

A black cross.

A sliver chain around his neck,

He wears because he knows I like it.

The bed is warm and plush, my pink sheets beneath my figure.

He looms over me,

Staring up at him through my false lashes,

My heart full of stars.

Thin lips contrast to my own plump ones, yet they lock together so beautifully.

Intricate freckles placed delicately across his handsome face,

I swear he is made from the gods.

Laughter fills the car,

Watching his head move as his favorite song plays,

It’s nothing in my taste, but I listen to feel as though I have a piece of him.

Heavy metal in my ears, even miles away, I feel close to him.

One day, he promises to get roses tattooed across his body,

To carry me wherever he goes,

He is my heaven.

He loves my skirts, bows in my hair,

So far from his own appearance.

It feels perfect, like a lock and key,

Please, lord, never let this end.