marginalizedrants

[marginalizedrants]

I wanna be excited for Dragon Age: The Veilguard but the character creator has me worried

The following rant will cover my concerns and problems with the following topics: top surgery scars, trans representation and body dysphoria. If you don't want to read this, you don't have to. I just needed to get this off my chest as this bothers me a lot. Also I'll try to structure the post because this is gonna be long!

First off: I'm not a dyehard DA fan of the first hour. I found the francise around the release of DAI and played it then, watched my then boyfriend play DA2 and heard a bit about DAO. I don't have a strong emotional connection to the franchise and I thus don't care how it may have changed to earlier entries but I understand the fans who do. I'd probably feel the same with other franchises I have loved for generations.

I'm a pretty casual gamer. I don't really care about combat mechanics and stuff either. I'm usually there to go on walks in pretty environments as a pretty character, to immerse myself in an interesting storyline and to abuse games as dating sims wherever they let me. I did like the first looks at the game that came out! I do like the art style that many criticize. The game looks good on an objective technical level and the art style appeals to me on a subjective one. I also do like the look of the new companions a lot and I'm so excited to meet Emmrich and Lucanis!

Then where's the problem? Well... I've taken a look at the character creator footage that has been revealed to get a feel for what my Rook could be and as I did, I felt like someone punched me in the gut. They made a separately standing specifically named toggleable option for "top surgery scars".

And I can already hear both sides. One saying "That damn queer propaganda is ruining my game!" and the other saying "Trans people need more visibility and acceptance!" while I, as a trans person who this was theoretically made for, who should theoretically be happy about this, feel seen and accepted, just stand here and feel ... utterly uncomfortable. And this isn't the first time this happened. It's not only Veilguard. Top surgery scars have become a very touchy subject for me. A trigger even, that makes anxiety and dysphoria bubble up in my chest. They have become a symbol instead of just being a trace of medical history. In recent years, I've seen top surgery scars pop up in artworks of artists I like more and more. They might have good intentions, I can not know that, but all I see, all I feel, is that they are used like an aesthetic, a trend, a style thats popular right now. But it's more than just a fashion choice, it's inherently backloaded with political statements and positions, no matter if the artist wants this or not.

Top surgery scars have become a symbol of a movement that is very lound and polarizing right now, one that puts identity and gender expression above all else. I will probably write about my opinions on this topic in detail in another post or this would become to long. What I want to say is, that those scars are a symbol of a movement and wearing them, I would involuntarily mark myself as part of that movement, no matter if I agree with their points or not. I will be recognized by both sides, the ones that are for and those that are against it and both would associate me wrongly. Thats why top surgery is a very touchy subject for me at this time. Right now I haven't had any, even though I talked to a surgeon more than a year ago. I just feel paralyzed. I'm standing in front of a huge choice. Three in fact. Do I choose the method where I end up with a nicely shaped masculine chest but potentially huge very visible scars that are immediately recognizable as female to male mastektomy scars? Or do I choose the method where the cuts are held minimal and around the areola and risk loose skin and nipples that are positioned lower than normal? Or do I choose to not do any surgery at all, avoid all potential risks that come with any kind of medical intervention but have to live with wearing binders, choosing clothing after how visible they might be at the collar as well as never going to public pools or saunas and staying dressed at the beach.

I know I'm highly emotional torwards this topic right now and this is a me-problem. This is my trigger and it's my responsibility to deal with it and either avoid or learn to live with. I don't expect anyone to do anything for me here, I just want to put my voice and my feelings out here for people who might feel the same and like me, only rarely feel represented or hear similar opinions. And I want to put it out here for people who are not themselves trans but want to support. Not all trans people think and feel the same and some might be uncomfortable with all this visibility and inclusivity.

I don't want to be visible as a trans guy. Thats why this blog is anonymous. I usually don't share that I'm trans because I don't want to be trans! I just want to be a guy!

Okay so... after this very personal rant, let me get back to DAV because I still have a bone to pick with them!

The way they put the top surgery scar option in just feels so ingenuine and shallow, as if it's just a marketing stunt for them, using a highly discussed polarizing topic.

Why put them in their own toggleable option instead of putting them with all the other types of scars? Are they superior to scars gained in battle or in a horrible accident you gladly survived? Are trans people more important than survivors of horrofic injury? Why name them? Why put such a modern concept in a historic-style fantasy game? How would that even be conducted? Do you even know how complicated and risky such a surgery is and which complex medical equipment is needed? This option not only hurts the worldbuilding of DA due to its implications, it also looks so very strange, pulled into the forefront of the character creation while all other scars stay behind.

All I feel when seeing this is trying to jump onto a band wagon of a popular topic. This has nothing to do with wanting to make trans people feel better, feel more seen, make society more accepting of them. If they wanted to do that, they would treat those scars like all other scars like trans people should be treated like all other people and not as some ultra special precious thing to be paraded around. If they wanted to do that, they would not only add the most popular afflictions over and over again like top surgery scars or vitiligo but other way more common things like cleft lip scars or port-wine stains who I see in real life on a daily basis but have never seen represented in a game ever. Nor are they ever discussed!

Of course I can't know what intentions are truly behind DAVs decisions but to me at least it feels like they either only care about polarizing topics to push their game or they tried to be inclusive but only looked very shallowly into the topic.

Those companies are not my friend. Those companies don't speak for me.

If you read this far, thanks a lot, no matter if you agree or disagree. Feel free to share your thoughts as well!

[marginalizedrants]

Please read first!

Hello dear reader!

If you are new here and don't know what to expect, please let me answer some questions first:

Who are you? You can call me Luc. I was born in 1997 in Germany where I still reside. I am a biological female who started to struggle with depression and the wish to be male in my mid teens, resulting in me starting transitioning in my early 20's. I'm on hormones since 2021. I work in the medical field and I love my job even though it's tough. Besides that I love video games, roleplay games of all kinds, cosplay, art, sewing and crafting.

What is this blog? Here I will occasionally share rants and opinion pieces about everything that moves me. Positive as well as negative stuff, but I'm afraid it will predominantly be negative just because negative emotions are usually stronger catalysators for my motivation to write. I will probably have some unpopular opinions on things so be warned. I will talk about topics that might trigger some people either by themselves or due to the opinion I hold, like transsexuality, lgbtq and queer themes and maybe some other political stuff but mind I live in Germany and thusly view them from a different angle. If any of those things might trigger you or make you uncomfortable, feel free to block me, I don't want to provoke, I just want to share.

Why make this blog? Even though taking hormones and reaching a level of passing where everyone recognizes me as male made me way more comfortable in my daily life and helped with my depression a lot, recent years have had me struggle on a different ground more and more. I feel more and more uncomfortable with how queerness and transness are regarded and portrayed in public, in media and in social media. Representation rises which should be a good thing but I just can't help myself feeling alienated and uncomfortable with the community that should be my community. I often feel voiceless, powerless and helpless because I think differently about things but I can not speak about it out of fear of bein ostracized and hated. I feel like it has become impossible to have a nouanced discussion on topics, everything is black and white and you are either for us or against us. I want to be able to voice my opinions and views on things and I want healthy and mature discussions. You don't have to be affected yourself or a studied expert to have an opinion on a topic so feel free to voice your thoughts as well, positive and negative. What if I don't like that? As I said, feel free to block me, you don't have to read what I write. If you don't want to waste your precious time with things that only make you angry or sad, you shouldn't. If you want to read what I write and criticize me for my words, feel free to do so. You can message me anonymously, you can comment, you can repost, you can do whatever you want. I would advise you to stay polite and reasonable but I can't tell you what to do. I'm not afraid of hate here. If I can't take it, I can just not read the answers. I can just not open tumblr. What now? I don't know. I will probably post very irregularly whenever I feel crushed under the pressure of life in the hopes of finding some relieve in writing everything down and getting it off my chest. Maybe this will help, maybe it won't and I'll abbandon this blog again. We will see. Thank you for reading, stay safe and have a nice day!