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[maybe-in-another-universe]

One shot suggestion: Dick finding out about joyfire bc him finding out his little brother is dating his EX (and honestly probably his other ex too, let’s be real) IS SO FUNNY

OMG I LOVE THIS IDEA!!!

(also can I just say I also love ur username <3)

This isn't short enough to be a drabble but not exactly too long either, it's 760 words, so make of that what you will. Here it is!

TW: Jason's usual level of swearing but milder

"YOU'RE DATING MY EXES??!"

Dick stood in Jason's doorway at the Manor, eyes wide. This was one of those rare times when Jason was staying here, just for a few days, mostly for Alfred's sake. His friends (or so Dick thought) Roy and Kori had joined him— for reasons unknown.

Dick was... feeling slightly awkward with them being around, Kori more so. He was quite civil, buddies, even, with Roy— after all, they'd only dated for a week or so. But Kori... their relationship had not ended well, at all. But Jason refused to unless his Outlaws did, so Dick let it slide.

He'd gone up to call them down for dinner, at Alfred's bidding, going to Jason's room first... to find Jason sitting on Kori's lap while she cradled him, and Roy french-kissing Jason.

"YOU'RE DATING MY EXES??!" The words tore out of him as he stood with his eyes wide, trying to process what he'd just seen.

Jason turned beet red, suddenly jumping away from the red heads. Kori sat cross-legged, smiling as if nothing had happened, while Roy wore a smug grin.

Dick turned to them, his voice high-pitched with disbelief. "AND YOU ARE DATING MY LITTLE WING?"

"I ain't little, Dickface," Jason scoffed from the corner, looking downright embarrassed.

"I don't see the problem," Kori stood from the bed, towering over all three men. "You and I, or you and Roy are not dating anymore. And we are all adults. And we have the love for each other. Why would we not date?"

A unbelieving sound escaped Dick. He turned to Roy, eyes flaming. "You. I know for a fact how vulgar you get in a relationship. Have you done it with my baby brother?"

From across the room he heard Jason's choked gasp, but he paid it no mind.

"Dude. Your 'baby brother' is 24." Roy shrugged, resting a hand on Dick's shoulder. "Why're you getting so worked up over it?"

"I'm not— no, no, I'm not worked up!" Dick scoffed. He faced Jason, pouting. "You. You stole my exes!"

Finally, Jason managed to get control over his expression and forced a smirk. "Yeah. Maybe they just know who's better."

"Yes, Jason is a much better of the partner than you, Dick," Kori pointed out not-so-helpfully.

Roy finally registered Dick's bloodthirsty expression and backed away, hands lifted. "Whoa, hey, man, chill. Seriously."

"I am chill," Dick snapped, glaring at him. He turned back to Jason, who was clearly trying to appear cool and intimidating, and pointed an accusing finger. "You have so much to explain. But right now Alfred wants you all down for dinner."

Then he left the trio without a word.

A bit after dinner, Dick finally found Jason alone in the library, reading some book titled 'Jane Eyre'.

"Jason." Dick walked towards him, expression a forced calm. "I am... sorry about how I reacted earlier."

Jason looked up from his book, an eyebrow raised. "No, you're not."

"No, I'm not," Dick agreed, sitting beside his brother. "How could you not tell me?"

"I didn't tell the rest of the Bat-cult either. You're not special." Jason leaned back, carefully placing a bookmark in the book before putting it aside.

Dick took this as a sign that Jason wanted to talk. "Jaybird... I'm your big brother, you know I love you, right?"

Jason looked away, muttering something that sounded like a mix of "Fuck off" and "Yeah, I know."

"It's just... If you'd told me, yeah, I might have freaked out at first. But I just want you to be happy, in the end. And if you're happy with my exes..." Dick sighed. "I guess I'll just have to live with it."

Jason turned back to his brother, glaring slightly. "Stop calling them your exes. That's my girlfriend and boyfriend you're talking about."

Dick winced. "Yeah. Sorry, sorry, I just... Do you just have a thing for redheads? You had that schoolboy crush on Babs when you were, like, 13. You were dating Artemis of Bana-Mighdall. And now you're dating Roy and Kori."

Jason scoffed. "You're one to talk. You've dated Babs, Kori, Roy, Wally West... Do I really have to go on?"

Dick chuckled, laying an arm around Jason's shoulders. "Guess it runs in the family, huh?"

"We're adopted, asshole," Jason grumbled, but leaned into Dick's touch.

After a long beat of silence, Jason spoke up again. "I also dated Rose Wilson for a while. She is not a redhead."

An amused laugh escaped Dick, and he ruffled Jason's hair lovingly. "Yeah, yeah."

[maybe-in-another-universe]

….jason kori and roy

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I want a batfam fic when Jason dissapears, so Steph and Cass break into his place to investigate, and all they find is a note like that:

I got married and am now on a space honeymoon, where we get married at every single planet we can.

Xoxo

Jay

Ps.

Whoever found it - Get everybody's (especially B's) reactions on camera and give to me as the best wed gift in the world, and you'll be my favourite forever.

If you're B - Fuck you, you always ruin my fun, and you're not allowed at my place, so if it's you I hate you. Fuck you, B.

Is it a joke? Did he really eloped? And with who? Because he sure as hell didn't tell anyone. Like, WAS HE EVEN DATING?

Anyway, Steph and Cass have a blast out of it.

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Important not to mess up the timeline when doing time travel shit and meeting your younger self but that doesn't mean you can't make bad jokes about future trauma they have no clue about

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i hc that in a way bruce and batman are two separate entities. i like to think that batman only put up that display in the cave after jason died because all robin was to batman was a soldier, a partner, a role. but bruce? bruce lost a son. the manor is filled with jason’s essays from school (his favorites of course) framed on the walls. his report card is still hung up on the fridge and his prized possession, jason’s annotated copy of pride and prejudice, weathered with love, remains on display in bruce’s office, where he likes to flip through it when he misses him more than usual.

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“that’s not accurate to the comics!!” I couldn’t care less, these r my dolls and I will do whatever I want to them, i’m playing house goddamnit!! lemme live in my delusions!! It’s called feeding ur inner child!!!

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Tim, suddenlly looking up: Oh My God Dick: What? are you okay? What happened? Tim: I just realized why Jason keeps making jokes about how he died Jason: Yeah, because I died. It was a fairly big thing Tim: No, it's because nothing else happened when you were Robin Jason: What Tim: Dick's the original Robin and the first sidekick, not to mention Discowing, so he has a lot to joke about- Dick: Hey! Discowing was cool Tim: No it was not. Neither was Ric without a k. Never be anything but Nightwing Dick: Aw, you like it when I'm myself Tim: No, I'm less tramatized when you're yourself. Anyway, Steph started a gang war, Demon Brat died and came back to life and is still Robin, Duke's not Robin but he started We Are Robin and jumped out of a police car before being a vigilante and I have my own things that we don't need to discus- Dick: Saved the world in a intergalatic baseball game- Jason: Hid the purchase of your own batmoblie in the batarang expenses- Dick: Sunk around and took photos of vigilante at the age of 9- Tim: THAT WE DON'T HAVE TO DISCUSS! Back to what I was saying, Jason's the boring robin Jason: Rude- Tim: You were the good robin, the little crazy shit you did like steal the tires off the batmobile were kinda overshadowed by the fact that you like Jane Austen and you been red hood is because you died so everything you've done since then still has to do with the one thing that happened to you as Robin Dick: Oh My God. You said you were sticking to the same joke over and over again so it would have the same effect, but really you have nothing else to make jokes about Tim: Exactly! Jason: We really don't have to talk about this- Tim: I need to go tell Steph immediately Dick: I need to go tell everyone immediately

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Bruce hates when Jason says something like "you are not my real father" because a) it does hurt b) when Alfred tries to comfort him, he reminds Bruce about the times he said the same thing to Alfred himself but didn't mean it, and Bruce wants to sink into the ground.

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oracle, ban this guy

(some shitpost while i work on that bernard comic)

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”You don't need to say anything.”

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sorry, long post but hear me out: the core four batboys (+bruce) and makeup!

its not out of the question to assume that each of the batboys at some point have had to go under cover— whether it be as a woman, child, a prostitute, etc.— and that means they’ve probably had to pull out some makeup to finish the look. it’s also no surprise that bruises and scrapes happen all the time on patrol and obviously they can’t get someone else to cover it for them— that would lead to too many questions. so, as mandated by bruce, they are all well versed in the art of makeup:

bruce is the most well rounded skill wise. you name it? he can do it. you need a bruise cover up? impeccable. you need eyeliner? that man had one hell of a punk phase 20 years ago, he has you covered. he can do everything, but he doesn’t really specialize in one particular area. he trained himself to be able to do it all very quickly and very efficiently.

dick on the other hand, while able to do everything that is needed, specializes in the art of dewy type makeup that makes you look soft and innocent— the kinda tabloids go crazy for and the kind that distracts cameras, interviewers, or potential suspects from noticing any hastily covered bruises or scrapes. the makeup also adds to the somewhat eligible bachelor persona he puts out to the press. he’s practically a celebrity icon for the looks he pulls at galas, and the people of gotham go crazy for it. there’s entire youtube channels dedicated to recreating his gala looks.

jason, self-perceived to be in dick’s shadow as a kid, does the exact opposite of what his big brother does. where dick’s look are soft and glowy, jason’s are sharp and announced. his look is reminiscent of the most beautiful statues, and, to his pleasure, makes him all the more unattainable and unapproachable in the eyes of the press. his eyeliner could skewer a man without doubt. nowadays, he doesn’t do it often, no point when you’re legally dead. however he can do it if he has to and he will look better than you.

tim is a little different. he doesn’t do looks necessarily so much as he changes his looks. the man is practically a shapeshifter with the kind of concealing he can pull off. he can stay up for 48 hours, have the eyes of a raccoon, eating habits of a bird, half starved, sleep deprived, corpse-ish looking, go into the bathroom for 20 mins and come out looking like gothams next prince and americas next top model, alive with a glow that makes him seem healthier than he could ever hope to be at one time. his skin is unnaturally healthy. the batfam doesn’t know how he does it and quite frankly, they’re too afraid to ask.

damian is another story. while it starts out as wanting to be as capable (possibly even more so) as his brothers, he learns that similar to sketching and painting, makeup is another art form to express himself with. he doesn’t share it with many, mostly only ever allowing his eldest brother to see, but the kid can do graphic liners like nobody’s business. his looks are actual paintings on a human face, and he takes pride in it, even if only a few select people see it. one day, he will build up the confidence to show it to more people, maybe even wear it out in public. but for now, he’s content with gaining his confidence in the solace of his room in front of a mirror improving his skill with each look he does.

i just think this is a fun, unserious idea. i like the idea of them helping each other get ready, each playing to their strengths! also just the dynamic of brothers yk? like dick doing his makeup and jason walking by and glancing at him just to like quirk an eyebrow and say “you’re eyeliner’s uneven.” or something and walk away with dick cursing behind him, even if it’s perfectly even. or tim one day looking for where he set down his laptop or sm and catching damian in the middle of doing a super impressive look by accident and right before damian can start to snark at him or defend himself, tim just gives him a once over, nods, and says without any hint of sarcasm, “looks good, gremlin.” and turns around walking out. damian won’t admit it but it does give him the boost of confidence he needs to try some more extravagant looks.

anyways brothers being brothers and being silly and goofy. i just want them to be happy! idk enough about the others just yet to do them justice on this, but i may come back to it when i do, possibly fleshing out the rest of the batfam!

[maybe-in-another-universe]

being in the batfamily fandom on ao3 means double and triple checking that it’s a & and not a /

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ATE

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if any of yall doubt this when i was a kid my cousin (raised like sisters) once kicked my four front teeth out (two on the top and two on the bottom) and after that we watched how its made in the living room for the rest of the night with no grudges held so yeah what’s a few broken bones between siblings

The way Jason keeps insulting Tim but still consider him his brother.

Ouch.

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nightwing being hurt in the field, and over comms he can’t get out what was wrong, nearly in shock, and jason puts on his best batman™️ voice and says “robin, report.”

and it snaps dick out of it enough to say concussion, possible broken ribs, and a gash in his side.

no one talks about it, and then a year later, damian does the same thing to tim

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Tim reminding Jason that people care about him and that he's far from a failure:

And then Jason also reminding Tim all his strengths as Robin:

They are brothers, your honor!!

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I think it’s funny if Tim did tell his siblings that he lost his spleen but they didn’t take him seriously until Bruce finds out and flips shit about it. Then they all just collectively decide that they’re going to gaslight Tim into thinking that he never told them so they don’t get in trouble for also never mentioning it to Bruce.