mina-hemligheter
mina-hemligheter
My life crisis
979 posts
My own personal (second) blog about depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts. Warning! Can be triggering. My most active blog is: jehuspy.tumblr.com check it out ;)
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mina-hemligheter · 8 years ago
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mina-hemligheter · 8 years ago
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25.8-17
My chronic pain has been so bad again that I'm fantasizing about suicide. Also due to my mental illnesses I again have to quit my studies and now again I have no future and life is just a long never-ending struggle.
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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More screwed than you think.
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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this user has thoughts of suicide
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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28.12-16
Two years ago I did my first suicide attempt, tho not the last one. At some times I've been better, but again I'm partially giving up, cos this anxiety I've had the whole autumn won't stop. And again today I've had suicidal thoughts. I just don't want to live with these mental illnesses, I'm done with them. 😖😭
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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* panicked anxious laughing* I don't want to be alive anymore
Me neither :(
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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So much anxiety that I actually want to die.
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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My psych ward trauma
Every now and then I tend to have nightmares where I´m back at the psych ward where I was in jan-feb 2015. In the nightmares I´m panicking cos I can´t get out, and this is still haunting me. So to go deeper into those memories, the feelings I mostly felt in there were: anger, frustration, anxiety, restlessness and panic. And these feelings were just bypassed and the nurses/psychiatrist were encouraging/forcing me to take relaxants. So basically the traumatical? stress this gave me was denied. For quite a lot of the time I spend in that ward they overdrugged me. I didn´t get up for breakfast and quite usually I somehow left bed for lunch. And the staff were giving me sedatives all the day(s).
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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Jealous
I´m jealous of normal people, people without mental illnesses. I´ve felt like fainting the whole autumn almost every day, and it seems like it´s because of my social anxiety. I hate the feeling of being dizzy when I´m in school or in some public place. I don´t want this anxiety. I don´t want to live with it.
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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Social anxiety
Why does it have to be so damn hard? My social anxiety has again been so bad. In the evenings I wish that I wouldn´t wake up the next day so that I wouldn´t have to go through this anxiety again, and again. Waking up-getting to school meanwhile I feel like fainting, being in school, feeling so bad and freaking out when it´s lunchtime, leaving school earlier cos I can´t cope, blaming myself for not exercising cos my anxiety is so bad that I can´t get out in the afternoon/evening. Repeat. 
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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14.11-16
This autumn I´ve felt too too exhausted to bother cooking food or even too exhausted to eat. Also kind of I don´t care. And I still want to loose weight. The problem is that I´ve started to feel dizzy or like I could faint. Next week I´m having a doctors appointment about me feeling like I would faint, but I can´t decide if I should tell the doctor that I´m not eating well.
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mina-hemligheter · 9 years ago
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Mostly I want to be alone, tho sometimes I feel lonely. I would love to have someone who could be there for me, someone to hold my hand when my anxiety gets bad and someone I could be comfortable with in general. Tho, where on earth can I find a friend like this? Cos I could never trust anyone good enough in my new school. 
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