mindlessboogie

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I'm working on the @airbnb listing today and adding a house manual and guidebook ready for our first guests in a few weeks time 😎 http://www.airbnb.co.uk/rooms/19210359 (at Kensal Green)

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And just like that...i'm an Air B&B host! While Michael spends the rest of the year going up and down from Scotland, i'll be loaning his room out and making some extra dollar. And we've already got our first booking So if you're on the lookout for a bright, self-contained loft space with en-suite, 20 mins from Central London, look no further... (at Kensal Green)

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For the many not the few

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@emilyrowanstudio For the many not the few

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Something i've been wanting to do forever but have never had the balls/confidence/courage to go for is try to sell my embroidery work. I very nearly studied Textile Art at uni before applying for Illustration and then settling on Photography. I've sewn, crafted and embroidered on and off from a young age when my Mum first taught me how to cross stitch right through to being dubbed a "textile design genius" through my GCSEs. I was ultimately put off by the breadth of fashion courses available, of which I had no interest in, to what appeared to be the entire detriment of any conversation around textile design courses. Embroidery is always something i've dipped in and out of, however. I picked it up again in 2012 when I first experimented with the lettering you see above, before pouring myself into it in a big way after a particularly debilitating patch of depression in 2014 where I spent most of a Summer alone in my bedroom. I've always found it incredibly therapeutic and have used embroidery several times in the past as a way of lifting myself out of bad mental health. Making objects with my own two hands that require immense skill and imagination remind me that I'm worthy, even talented, and DO have something to offer the world. I'm coming out the right side of another severe bout of depression now. Taking medication for the first time along with therapy has really helped me reach out from inside my own head. For a long, long time I have put myself in the way of the things I want but now the negative voices have lessened to such an extent that I feel more confident, courageous and willing to takes risks for the first time in longer than I can remember. So here it is, my etsy shop, (if you've even made it down this far in the post to read this announcement!). Follow my new account @emilyrowanstudio to stay updated with my embroidery projects and enjoy a family and friends discount of 20% with code BFF20 which can be used as many times as you like. Please follow me, and heaven forbid buy something if you fancy, to prove that putting myself out there won't crush my entire soul, which the depression always made me fear it would.

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I've been doing a lot of embroidery lately. I find it calming and therapeutic yet it keeps me busy. A hoop like this typically takes about six hours of on/off stitching to complete which makes it the perfect accompaniment to Netflix or catching up on my favourite radio shows - or to bring on a long bus journey such as today. I've always felt most likely myself, thrived, when doing something creative. I've built up quite a collection of these little embroidery projects over the last few months as I've learnt to regain the want and confidence to do the things i'm good at. #embroidery #embroideryhoop #busjourney #longjourney #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #sertraline #mentalhealthdiary #creative #creativestreak #creativelife #quote #inspirationalquote #society #social #socialobligation #solitude #happyalone

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I'm on my way to Cheltenham today to visit the long lost sibling @bluecollarrevolver. Takes over an hour to leave London, as per...

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We're doing the Ring of Kerry today, so when in Rome... (at The Red Fox Inn)

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It hasn't stopped raining all day. And that's how we roll in Killarney! #killarneynationalpark #killarney #kerry #countykerry #ireland #eire #emeraldisle #lake #killarneylakes #lakesofkillarney #water #woodland #forest #ireland #europe #travel #travelblog (at Killarney)

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Off on some more travels today! (at London Stansted Airport)

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I Want to be Calm - Harriet Griffey #mindfulness #calm #destress #anxiety #depression #stress #sertraline

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"...after an accumulation of life events that made my head such an ugly thing to be stuck in, my brain's chemicals started to agree... Had I neen treated by a therapist at the onset of my depression, perhaps its mere kindling would not have turned into a nightmarish psychic bonfire, and I might not have arrived at the point, a decade later, where I needed medication just to be able to get out of bed in the morning" Elizabeth Wurtzel - Prozac Nation #depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #sertraline #prozac #prozacnation #antidepressant (at Kensal Green)

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"While it may be true that a great deal of art finds its inspirational wellspring in sorrow, let's not kid ourselves about how much time each of those people wasted and lost by being mired in misery. So many productive hours slipped by as paralyzing despair took over. None of these people wrote during depressive episodes. If they were manic-depressives, they worked during hypomania, the productive precursor to a manic phase which allows a peak of creative energy to flow; if they were garden-variety, unipolar depressives, they created during their periods of reprieve. This is not to say that we should deny sadness its rightful place among the muses of poetry and all art forns, but let's stop calling it madness, let's stop pretending that the feeling itself is interesting. Let's call it depression and admit that it is very bleak... Forget about the scant hours in her brief life when Sylvia Plath was able to produce the works in Ariel. Forget about that tiny bit of time and just remember the days that spanned into years when she could not move, couldn't think straight... Think, instead, of the girl herself, of the way she must have felt then, of the way no amount of great poetry or fascination or fame could make the pain she felt at that moment worth suffering. Remember that when you're at the point at which you're doing something as desperate and violent as sticking your head in an oven, it is only because the life that preceded this act felt even worse. Think about living in depression from moment to moment, and know it is not worth any of the great art that comes as its by-product." - Elizabeth Wurtzel, "Prozac Nation" #depression #prozacnation #elizabethwurtzel #antidepressants #sertraline #sylviaplath #art (at Kensal Green)

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Having a go on my Mum's SAD lamp, and listening to 'SAD Light' by @glasvegasofficial for added effect #glasvegas #sadlamp #s.a.d. #SAD #sadlight #depression #anxiety #sertraline

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A post shared by Emily Rowan (@emilyfayerowan)

It hurts to realise I haven't been coping. I returned to work four days ago and at first it was okay. A little daunting maybe but the people I work with made it manageable. Sadly on Tuesday we suffered a major incident that couldn't have been predicted. This was an unfortunate week for me to return and yesterday I quickly became overwhelmed, had a panic attack, and cried in the branch manager's office for two hours. Today i've been awake since 3:30am. I woke up, started crying, and couldn't stop. I feel quite broken. At this point I'm sad because i'm sad. Sad I can't be strong, sad I can't kick this feeling, sad that I thought I was doing well and now feel like i've had a setback. Helpless would cover it. I don't feel like I can look after myself. But I went into work despite the spiralling and the paranoia and I managed to complete a chunk of my to-do list. I'm exhausted but have set myself up for a good start to the coming week. On a day when getting out of bed to make a cup of tea would have been an achievement, I feel brave for having faced the music. This is what i'll hold on to. #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #panicattack #sertraline #achievement #work #accomplishment #sad #facethemusic #hope #paranoia #spiralling

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Yesterday's long walk wasn't too long at all. Twenty minutes each way down to the @unioncanaldeli, located just off the canal by Ladbroke Grove. I've only ever got the bus that way so like many places in my area that are actually quite close, the idea of walking it seemed a lot further than it should have done. The deli was spacious and bright and decorated with a colourful minimalism. I bought a coffee, sat at the back with the door open which provided a lovely breeze and sat for an hour or so reading a book, something else I haven't done often enough in the last year or so. At the moment i'm reading Richard Yates' collection of short stories, 'Eleven Kinds of Loneliness'. It was a great place to stop for a while, i'll definitely be going back. I've reached five days of this new, positive feeling. I'm starting to settle into it now, trusting that it will last rather than drop off at a moments notice. The difference in how I feel is almost startling. It's hard to believe I felt so much less than myself for so long and didn't realise it. Hopefully now I can begin to find my way back. #mental health #depression #anxiety #mentalhealthdiary #longwalk #ladbrokegrove #london #londonlife #unioncanal #unioncanaldeli #deli #coffee #cafe #minimalism #positive #positivity #mindfulness (at Ladbroke Grove)