minimarvelh

[minimarvelh]

*on a mission*

Tony: I see raccoons here

Peter: omg wait I know the raccoons from this area. Is it a King?

Tony: wait, how did y-never mind. but it’s definitely not a he because it has babies.

Pepper, through the radio: oh, a gay raccoon can’t have babies?

Tony, panicked: oh I d-don’t know. I guess he could adopt or have a surrogate.

Pepper, angry: oF cOuRsE hE cOuLd.

[minimarvelh]

Fully convinced peter sleepwalks 😭

YES!! im also convinced he talks while asleep!

Tony: wh-what..the fuck??

Peter, who is sleepily cocooned Tony in his web: you’re a beautiful, beautiful butterfly.

Tony, seeing Pepper in the bed: did you just let it happen? don’t you see, iM iN a cOcOoN!!

Pepper: shhh butterflies don’t speak

thank you for your ask!!🥹❤️❤️

[minimarvelh]

IRONDAD CUDDLES

YEP!!!!

*Happy and Peter are coming to the living room*

Tony: oh, here’s my little sleepover star! How was it?

Peter: it was bad, then really bad, then it was morning.

Tony: but you did it! Now you never have to sleep outside the house again!! Not when you go to college or graduate college or even when you get married!!

Peter, excitedly: Yay! I love you dad🥹❤️

Tony: no, I love you!!

*lots of huggies and forehead kisses*

Avengers, that are sitting on the couch: ..

Clint: does anyone else feel like a third wheel?

Steve: little bit

[minimarvelh]

Tony: *on the verge of breakdown*

Peter: Listen carefully, Mr.Stark..

Tony: *listens*

Peter: *takes his hand* Life is a journey.

Tony: *waits*

Tony: *waits*

Tony: that was it?

Peter: what do you want from me? im 15, i don't have life advice.

[minimarvelh]

Tony: Peter, I love you.

*Peter, in shock, opens his mouth*

Tony: *puts a swab into his mouth and takes a sample*

Peter: hEy, it’s nOt fAiR!!!

Tony: *kisses him on the forehead* Friday, call Pepper, say we are going out today! after 116 days, 10 broken Marks’, 2 broken windows I was able to take a sample.

[minimarvelh]

*everyone is eating an ice cream*

Clint: oH nO the spider bit me.

Steve: don’t worry, im gonna bring a first aid kit.

Clint, whispering: im in my 40’s, at this age I can’t bare the responsibility of being a spider man.

Peter, next to him: *side eye*

Tony:

Tony, whispers: did you bit him?

Peter, whispers: yes

[minimarvelh]

i like ur blogs please dont explode

HAHAHAHA I nearly exploded today, but seeing that made me reconsider 🙏🙏🙏 will keep pushing through🤝

[minimarvelh]

Clint: Tony, you can’t be mother henning him. he is an adult.

Tony: yes, I can.

Pepper: yes, he can.

May: yes, he can.

Happy: yes, he can.

Strange *sticks his head through a portal* : yes, he can.

Peter: no, THANK YOU!! finally!! someone on my side.

Tony: pls should I remind you about yesterday?

Peter, rolling his eyes: pfff okay, Clint, listen, once you hear a full story you will be on my side.

Clint: heck yea, spider boy!!

Peter: so I was doing biology and during it fell asleep but didn’t realise it so I *logically* thought im going blind and started crying and asking Tony to donate my spider man costume to a dog shelter and-

Tony: okay and what about today?

Peter, offended: pLeAsE, everyone could have accidentally shove their toothbrush through their eye. I wasnt even close to losing my eye!

Clint:

Clint:

Clint, turning to Tony: thank you for keeping him alive. I take away my past statement.

[minimarvelh]

Peter: what is the meaning of life anyway?

May: Stark, what did you do to my kid? Two hours ago I left you with a happy and joyful kid.

Tony, rolling his eyes: he got an iron man toy in happy meal but wanted a captain america.

Peter, heatedly: yOu dOn’T gEt iT, I already have a whole army of iron man toys, it’s like every time we’re at McDonald’s, he *he points out at Tony* makes sure I get only iron man merch.

Tony: hOw dArE yOu to think that I would do such cruelty to you?!!

Tony two months ago after lazily scrolling in his ipad and seeing a new toy collection: *talks with a manager* if you don’t discreet every captain America toy from this specific McDonald’s I will sue your company for hurting my feelings. Also * takes a photo of Peter out of his wallet* tell all your coworkers in all restaurants in country that if they see that boy, they are only allowed to sell him an iron man toys and nothing else. Even if your coworker next to you opens a closet with hundreds of Captain America toys, claim that it is fake. Got it?

[minimarvelh]

Steve: Tony, what are you doing?

Tony: i’m making a chocolate pudding.

Steve: It's 4 o'clock in the morning, why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?

Tony: cause I've lost control of my life and not accidentally adopted a kid and now this spider-teen woke me up and asked for a chocolate pudding.

Tony:

Tony: and no, this can’t wait 2 more hours, it needs to be done now.

[minimarvelh]

this is so random but i think peter like BEGGING tony to shower or at least change into clean clothes because his been stuck in his lab for like 2 days would be SO CUTE AND FUNNY. (if this is weird or not ur thing please just ignore)

OMG wait, you gave me two ideas😭💔💔

Pepper: Tony, you need to sleep

Tony, who didn’t sleep for 2 days: No, Pep, I can’t, I need to finish this project, it just can’t wait-

*one day later*

Pepper: Tony, you.need.to.sleep

Tony: Pep, just two more minutes, I swear..

*two hours later*

Tony: that’s not fair, only one minute passed I-

Pepper: okay, honey, can you just hold this for me?

Tony, not paying attention: yeah, yeah, put it whenever *waves his hands in the air inexplicably*

Pepper: thank you *goes to him and takes his coffee cup away*

Tony: hey, hey, hey, what are you do-

Pepper: *puts sleepy Peter in his hands*

Tony: what?..

Pepper: shhhh be silent, dont wake him up! he worked on his biology project the whole night and fell asleep only two minutes ago.

Tony: aww baby.. why didn’t you sleep the whole night? nothing is more important than your sleep

Pepper: *side eye*

Tony: but-but why didn’t you let him sleep in his bed?

Pepper: babies are always better sleep in their parents’ hands. it is scientifically proven.

sleep-deprived Tony: oh yeah ..that makes sense* starts slowly rocking him*

15-year old Peter, who is rocked on Tony’s laps: *slighty opens his eye* how long should I do this?

Pepper: 15 more minutes and you get +1 hour Minecraft time before bed

(anyway, I hope you like it!! Thank you so much for idea!! 😭😭❤️and there is no weird here!! I would like to hear any ideas you have and want to share with me🥹❤️❤️other post inspired by your idea I will post today but later!!!😭❤️❤️)

[minimarvelh]

i literally just found this account and i cannot stop laughing. how can one naturally be this funny

OMG stop, you’re too kind🥹❤️❤️thank you!! im really happy you enjoy reading it!!

[minimarvelh]

Tony: wait, how did you have enough money to buy a lego, you didn’t use my credit card for a month.

Peter: oh, I don’t need it anymore. I have my own business now.

Tony, tearing up: omg, you finally ended that project and applied it to our company’s program? im so pr-

Peter: oh, no, I just adopted a pigeon that I found on the streets and together with Ned we taught him how to attack people and now people buy a monthly subscription and we send him to attack people they dont like.

Tony: ..

Peter: right now we’re pretty popular and thinking about expanding our business, making a whole army. what do you think about it?

Tony:

Tony: I can’t decide whether it the most genius or stupidest idea of yours.

[minimarvelh]

Tony: oh my god baby, what happened to your arm?

Peter: oh, it’s nothing, just broken.

Tony, on the verge of fainting from worry: JUST BROKEN?

Peter: Mr. Stark, I swear I didn’t break it!!

Tony: thank god, but you just said that you broke it?

Peter: no, I didn’t. I said that it’s broken, but I didn’t break it. Flash did.

Tony, again in a worried dad mode: Flash did WHAT?

Peter: yeah, I found out the girl I was dating cheated on me with him and I thought we could get coffee and have honest conversation about it. I get there and suddenly he grabs me by the arm and snaps it in half. can you imagine?

Tony, slowly muttering: good think I don’t believe in god because i am going to kіlІ this kid.

Peter: what?? no, don’t do it, maybe he just had a bad day.

Tony: ??? one more kind word and im wrapping you in a bubble not allowing you to go out into this cruel world ever again.

[minimarvelh]

hey, i love your post, they are really well written and hilarious (if this is awkward just pretend it isn’t)

OMG thank you so much!!! I really appreciate it, bc every time I get the idea and post it, I feel like it’s not funny hahaha😭❤️❤️

[minimarvelh]

btw i have 3 asks in my inbox but every time I open it, I don’t see them😭😭so if you have sent me something, please do it again!! (also, if anyone wants to message something — feel free to do it🥹❤️)

[minimarvelh]

Peter, through the radio: on 3 cut the gray wire, ok? 1..2..

Tony: wait, I don’t have a gray wire! I have red, green and yellow.

Peter, scratching his head: that’s weird. I have light gray, medium gray, dark gray.

Tony: you do?

Peter: fuck. my bad, I forgot I’m colour blind.

Tony: you’re WHAT?

Peter: doesn’t matter, just cut the middle one.

Tony, slightly panicking: it DOES MATTER! My middle one could be different. The wires are all twisted!!

Peter: on 3..1..2..

Tony, overly panicked: PETER, STOP

Peter: *rolling his eyes*

Tony: wait, I’m coming to you.

Tony, running to him: point to the wire you want me to cut.

Peter, showing him: this gray one right here.

Tony, heavily breathing: okay, by the way, it green, kiddo.

Peter: ohh.. which one is red?

Tony: the one in your left hand.

Peter: wait, which one is that? I’m also dyslexic.

Tony: how. did I. not know. THAT