moni-vibes

[moni-vibes]

Donations offer some relief from the stress and anxiety of having basic needs met. Please share or give if you can. 💚 Image Description: Dark blue background with yellow daisies along the bottom of the image, and a thermometer on the right showing $125 of a $950 goal. The gold text reads: $225 needed by next Friday for @moni_vibes! I'm in need of support for groceries and utilities. Any amount will help. Thank you! Send contributions to... Cash App: $Smoni85 PayPal: paypal.me/Smoni85 Amazon: wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1WAVXT3UMBG9G?ref_=wl_share

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Insomnia Post😴 Bills are piling up and I still need support for groceries and basic necessities. Please share or send funds, if possible. Cash App: $Smoni85 PayPal.me/Smoni85

[moni-vibes]

Negative Energy

Negative energy is hard to handle especially when it’s hurled from a parent. You’re stuck between wanting to be respectful and defending your own tender spirit. I have the stereotypical over 60, Southern, Black, Father. He is spiteful and can never be wrong. He feels like he has the right to yell any and every hurtful thing that runs across his stubborn mind. As a child, his way of addressing my weight issues was to look over my shoulder as I was eating and say “Oh! You’re eatin’ again huh? This continued in many hurtful variations, and today as a almost 33 year old Woman I still prefer to eat my meals alone.

Through my teenage years our relationship deteriorated further. Actual fights included. Once I reached about 18 I decided I would apologize for my part in the dysfunction of our relationship. A large part due to the belief that you should “Honor thy Mother and Father...” I was in College then and had a break from the usual feeling of “Ugghh! Dad’s home from work.” The space allowed me to see that he had his own issues with what is the correct way to raise a child. How he thought chastising you’re weaknesses would make you stronger. Not understanding that you have to face that same judgment from outsiders and that those same words from your Father penetrated twice as much.

I learned to navigate my home and manage his “lessons”. I learned that I can control my responses in order to protect my energy. But every once in a while he feels the need to show that he is the Parent in this relationship and that he says is law. The last couple of times it was directed towards my younger sister, who is a grown woman also. The first instance I feel into the trap he had set and after cooling down went back to apologize for my outburst and “light hands”. I was angry that allowed him to control my actions again.

Tonight he verbally attacked my sister again. This time about how not only was she incorrectly raising her children but that she wasn’t raising them at all. Obviously a touchy subject for any Mother but especially for my sister. He was yelling at my niece repeatedly telling her that she was BAD! After being asked by my sister to stop telling the 6 year old that she was bad the light of ignorance was lit underneath my Dad and there was no stopping him. He cannot see his own troubling behavior because he is always blinded by the belief that the parent is right no matter the circumstances.

This time I was able to stay out of that battle but still suffered from its’ effects. My heart began to race and my eyes filled with tears. How can he not see how hurtful and most importantly how disrespectful his words are? Could he not hear his own Grandaughter crying? Could he not see that her Mother was only trying to protect her from the same traumatized experience she had as a child? My Father realized that my sister’s sensitivity revolved around being called STUPID and DUMB and he used every chance he had to throw those daggers in her direction. As I write this, I’m realizing that this all stemmed from the fact that my sister asked her child to explain what happened.

My Father felt lesser because the opinion of a child was being considered. Which goes back to the root cause of every argument had between My Father and our whole family including my Mother. He is always right and you dare not question his decisions. After the argument was done, I walked through the house burning my palo santo (I was out of sage. lol). Demanding that the negative, hurtful, disrespectful energy leave this building and requesting that peace enter my home and the hearts and minds of those inside.

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purest moment in tv history….

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"Your cake so warm, this Ol thang Act like you'll never taste mf cake like this again!" #BakersInParis #poundcake #dessert

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I still need a lot of work on my penmanship. 😑 At least I know it tastes delicious! 😏 #redvelvet #cake #homemade

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👌

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Weerrrkkk!!! LOL

i’m mesmerized by the slayage

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