mossandthoughts

[mossandthoughts]

i deeply relate

I was thinking about something earlier: being sensitive can be hard and overwhelming when most emotions you’re feeling are negative and cause suffering. But then I cried for hours listening to live music today, my soul was moved, my heart felt so much for all that beautiful music, for all that talent, for all those people involved in making this music and this concert, and I was with people I love. Everyone left the concert in awe. I felt such bliss. And honestly, being sensitive is hard, and like anything in life, it is something that one needs to learn how to live with, to find balance within it.

I’m soft, I cry easily, I feel whenever I see someone suffering, I care a lot. But sometimes I get to see so much beauty and I get to cry happy tears and think about my loved ones, and to be grateful to be alive and experiencing so much. I must allow myself to. Life itself feels like a gift these days, and allowing myself to just be me is only fair, and now restraining myself based on “what will people think if they see me cry” seems so silly. Who cares?

I’m experiencing life, this is my first and only time in this world, it’s a finite experience, and I’m not spending it ashamed of being moved by the world around me. It means this world becomes a part of me when I perceive it by the way it moves me, and I become a part of it by living life in an authentic way, without so much fear of being judged for caring a lot. What a great thing it is to exist and experience so much!

[mossandthoughts]

everything sings and I’m trying to listen.

[mossandthoughts]

YOUR ART IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!! I would like to eat and savor all its colors :)

I love humans and their expression through art. When they create stuff it’s such an honor to experience, it’s like sharing a part of their soul.

I made this a year ago stoned out of my mind ♥️it was a vibe. My favorite quote ever!

—R

aughh google how do I gauche

[mossandthoughts]

I live such a privileged life. I have parents who are willing to ignore my queerness and let me live at home. I cannot afford to move out. They love me in their own way despite God saying I am an abomination and will end up in hell.

I have a minimum wage job that keeps me busy. I have a few treasured friends. My mind has always been ill but thanks to medication I still have faint dreams of living in a small cottage somewhere and researching something of interest.

I have a rather large extended family who i care so much for even if some of them dont like who I am.

And I truly try to appreciate what I have and create beauty out of the mundane. My family started with nothing and now we breathe a little easier. Still, pennie’s are pinched. That’s the way things have always been.

I am no stranger to trauma and death within my own personal life.

Being a history lover I have studied the past and its triumphants and tragedies in every form.

Yet, death and suffering has become much more personal in my recent years. And wether it be some horror stories from war vets or School shootings on the news-With the internet nowadays I can read first hand accounts of survivors within my own agegroup. I’ve seen videos of Children huddled in a classroom trying to stifle their panicked sobs as a shooter hunts their building.

Ive seen videos of mothers crying over the cold bodies of their toddlers in Gaza. Those babies never knew a world that wasn’t against them.

Mothers, fathers, aunts and uncles some dead, some just clinging to life staring at me through my bright phone screen. I check the date and time, it was posted a couple hours ago. How long do they have to live? Will they survive the night? I feel sick and then I have to turn my phone off. It’s sickening that I can do that. It feels so wrong.

I’m reminded again just how good I have it. I’m reminded how that could have been my younger cousins. We are all human. Are they not my brothers? Sisters?

I hug my family and I tell them I love them often. I try to quell the thoughts of them in similar tragic situations. As of late I cannot help but fear that something like what I see online will happen to my loved ones in my lifetime.

[mossandthoughts]

Look at that flower. It's not doing anything extra to be pleasing to you. It's beautiful just because it's here.

Look at that painting. It's not doing anything to be appealing to you. It reminds you of something nice just because it's here.

Look at the moon. It has spots and it keeps going through phases. It's not doing you any personal favours. You still love looking at it just because its here.

Look at the stars. They are so far away and you only see them twinkle. You still love gazing at them just because they are here.

Look at the sun. You can't live without it even if on some days its heat is scorching. You still love the days when its heat is the best feeling on your skin. Just because it's here.

I promise, somebody looks at you and finds you beautiful, gets reminded of nice times, loves looking at you, loves gazing at you and chooses to love you despite the bad days (and so much more) just because you're here, I promise. Human beings are naturally loving creatures. Maybe that someone is from the past, maybe that someone is from the present, maybe that someone is from the future or maybe that person will be you one day. But you have to keep existing to find out.

[mossandthoughts]

I asked the moon,

Where did my dreams go to hide?

Sun said, "you'll never see them, they died"

"I'll remember them for you" ocean cried

Birds sang to whisper "they lied"

While she being loved under the heaven's skies.

So I asked the moon,

Where did my dreams go to hide?

"In the nights, the prayers i heard,

'Please give everything she wants' as I remembered,

Boy this is what she ever wanted."

'But not from him' she told to a bird.

"Don't your heart feel little light,

Just by knowing she had a good life?

Some stranger is gonna commit your crime,

And she's gonna feel the same this time."

"No a dream cannot ever go to hide,

Someone is gonna live them even after you die"

"Then why do I feel this weight tonight?" Asked I

"It's human nature to be selfish" the moon smiled.

—pas (where did my dreams go to hide?)

[mossandthoughts]

being trans is the most wonderful and natural thing there could be. you are participating in the act of creation, which is essentially what all life is here to do. Its connecting you to the earth. 

[mossandthoughts]

happy summer to dykes in tank tops and basketball shorts, goths who's makeup is melting, little kids catching frogs and fireflies, guys who just bring their guitar everywhere now, 13 yr olds very obviously in their emo phase during a family vacation, gas station employees, old people sitting on porches, and dogs swimming at the beach

[mossandthoughts]

the thing about barbie is that it captures the exact feeling of growing up as a girl. you begin with thinking everything is perfectly pink, that you are perfect, until.

until someone stares at you.

until you compare yourself to others.

until you feel the fear of aging.

until someone assults you.

until someone makes you feel unsafe.

until you notice the horrors of the world around you.

until you want to crawl into a hole where no one will look at you.

until you feel like you can do nothing at all.

and you have to find ways to stop these things. these things that you can not change, and barely influence.

and you think nothing in the world is fixable. you arent fixable.

until you see friends laugh together.

until you have a nice moment with a stranger.

until you look at the beauty of nature.

until you talk about these issues with others.

until you find community.

until you find yourself.

and then the world starts looking a little pinker again.

[mossandthoughts]

The older you get the more you will realize that your friends are people who have made mistakes and bad decisions and even just fucked up and hurt people.

And obviously your boundaries with your friends are completely up to you but you do need to recognize that if you cut off everyone who has done something wrong, you’re going to end up with no friends (and you yourself will have also fucked up in your life, and not lived up to those impossible standards either).

I’ve found it’s much more constructive to learn how to say “hey dude, that was massively fucked up of you,” because most people are really willing to say ���yeah, it was, I need to work on it/not do it again/apologize and make things right” ESPECIALLY if they are hearing it from you as their friend.

[mossandthoughts]

mother do you see me? can you hear the war in my mind?

Sometimes I catch your eye and your face is pained. Am I feeling okay?-you ask.

if I told you this body never felt like my own, only a vessel to which my soul was trapped in would you dismiss it? I am your forever daughter never your son. Knowing this cuts deep a wound that will never heal. I can’t do this to you.

mother hold me, please, don’t let me go, hold me like im your baby again. I will always be yours but you won’t always be here. Oh why can’t you live forever? Why can’t we stay like this? My thin arms around your neck, our hearts beating together in that familiar song like I did after I took my first breath as you held my tiny hand. It took half your life away to give me mine. And I am so endlessly thankful but I’m hurting because this body isn’t mine.

[mossandthoughts]

AI ART.