mrneglesworth - Tumblr blog

[mrneglesworth]

[mrneglesworth]

Tending of one's mind opens the door to your truth. Peer meekly and see. A vortex of the perspective with every person looking through a fisheye leaves the bread loaf rising up into the sky my mind wonders drifting off like out to sea lions roaring as the ice caps melt away from one another the technology connects us while keeping us at bay harbors become the inlet to life with humans chasing things upon things within consumerism built on the backs of ghosts kept all so far are our identities when we can’t see past the fog of greed and ignorance catching us all like a sea net and a turtle. Do you have someone? A mentor that can guide you. Don’t discount yourself.

[mrneglesworth]

I enjoy the present time to observe my surroundings. If I need to alter my surroundings to find my equilibrium, my balance internally of all emotions and this helps quit my mind. I just have sought this out in my past. I enjoy walks in the woods. I have at the very least been able to recognize this fact. I think the peak of enjoyment is the actual being in the woods, not any feelings or thoughts occurring after I leave. It is actually when I am physically in the woods that I feel the most benefit of what it offers me. 

Trees blowing in the wind. The leaves move differently than the branches. Waving versus shimmering. The cattails across the pond bending and swaying to Nature’s force as she speaks. The soft noise that can drown out the conversations in the mind are what I seek. Nature’s words that kiss my ears bring the lulling effect of a mothers soothing love. 

The birds. The insects. The wind. The instruments of Nature that my mind unmistakably loves. The gentle patter of a winding creek can be the crescendo before I reach a state of repose. With ADHD, this is a welcomed thing.

What do I seek? The will of God. But why? IT will be good and pleasing. The trials and tribulations are worth it when seeking the glory of God and doing what pleases Him. It’s akin to a parent seeing their child doing well and it is a result of their good parenting and guidance. God just gets to have the most awesome interactive ways to be there in our lives to guide and teach us. 

The two thinking modes of our minds. The present observing mind, and the inner dialogue mind. Connected and unrelated. \\\

What do I seek? I can only speak from my own experiences and thoughts. If a person who will end up struggling in life without the help of intervention and assistance of some kind from outside knowledge or help, can otherwise avoid this while still learning from the ones who lived the harder lessons, then it seems to my limited understanding that that would be more desirable. If people received mental health help sooner rather than later in life, perhaps the world could be a better place. 

True life and purposeful living can not occur without the balance of pleasure and pain, happiness and sadness, truth and falsehood, love and hate. You cannot see one without the other and how do we learn of these things without first hand experience. Life isn’t synonymous with pain, it is that life is synonymous with a full and entire experience of opportunities within this physical realm.  God could have just given all our souls this knowledge without the physical experience, without the emotion. The emotion of empathy and the definition of empathy aren’t synonymous. Many people suffer in silence unknowingly and blind to the ways it is hindering their life. He could have just implanted it in our being and it would be known. Feeling something is not synonymous with knowing something. Sharing these vulnerabilities with others is part of the purpose. We are not all alone while being 8 billion on this little rock. We share the same basic feelings and emotions, but they come from a multitude of different experiences that shape our lives. If 1000 amazing artists all paint the same scenery, does that take away from the intrinsic beauty of each person's work? Of course not. Each painting will have obvious and very subtle differences. Aren’t we all human? We all bleed red blood. We all need the same basics to survive. But getting beyond the basics is what the campfire is for. What brings your inner self to a state of inner peace the most? How do we end up so different while sharing so many similarities? Is that not amazing?

[mrneglesworth]

The Tree will Break Through I couldn’t help but take notice of a tree growing out of the side of the cliff along the creek and it ignited a spark within me. It was jutting out of the sheer vertical wall of rock that made up the side of a small hill. The connection that I envisioned streamed into my consciousness like downloading a program to the hard drive, a imperceptible amount of time that contains millennia of truth. It was a representation of any life that is birthed from adversity and overcoming the drudgery that is contained within a limited perspective. 

Speaking to the moment gave me the patience to sit with the feeling and alter my own perspective. My consciousness swept the fear aside that comes with leaning over a sheer drop. Forcing the body to defy the mind and perhaps enduring the emotional pain of ignorance to gain the understanding, the viewpoint to be engulfed with nature’s beauty. Not looking down or up , not sitting frozen in angst, but stepping into the security of faith. The bird does not fear the height at which it sores. It does not know the physics of what it does. The bird steps into its own instinct and acts on what it knows.

The rock broke and split under the force of the soft tree shoot, allowing it to burst through searching for light. Sometimes the strength to break through the most resilient barrier to growth comes from something soft like the heart. The water flowing in the creek shaped the hard rock,  yet the water takes the shape of what it’s confined by. Is the life that inspires arrive from a leisurely stroll or from an odyssey? Does the inspiration to sustain the effort needed to live a life of purpose hit you like toothpaste from the tube or a flash flood ripping through a valley? Where will your mind settle when the cinders of humanity cease? The story isn’t over yet!

[mrneglesworth]

The sun seems to be rising again today. There has never been a more present moment of time than now. I am at the furthest point in history, with the other seven billion people, on Earth. That is a crazy concept for me to think about. Things you can read about from our past, people, events, natural phenomenon, but they already happened. Just as I have had past moments in my own life, those “things” have come and gone, people have died who once were living. Buildings that were admired and were filled have been crumbled down to the fine sand particles they were made from.  The present moment is a transitionary period from the close past to the near future. It is where our actions and behavior take place along with where memories are cherished and made. Your body cannot leave the constant present moment. Your mind can. Where can we go mentally when we separate the mind and body? Drawing from past experiences and memories can awaken and insight fight or flight. Subconscious behavior is a bitch. How much of our inner distress is the result of living a life we don’t intrinsically agree or believe in due to accepting the given “normal” narrative from society without any soul-searching? Society, societal norms, societal expectations, social contracts, subconscious behavior, stealing from living fully in the present moment. Distractions designed to kill the spirit. Success is not a place we arrive , a moment within our lives. We don’t have either or within the moments that make up our life. They are learning points to grow from that transition us into our next present moment. Life, success, joy, happiness, peace, these are a state of mind. They are not things to go pick up at the store and put in our back pocket or in a vault to go use when we need them. These mental states can positively guide behavior. It is very typical to experience fear when stepping into something you’re truly interested and passionate about. The fear stems from your vulnerability within taking a risk and exposing yourself, atleast to yourself. Do the distractions that we conjure up in our minds as an avoidance technique to living our purpose work?  Stepping into the vulnerability of being judged and failing, accepting we may have a long way to go to be good or an expert at the thing we apparently love, being ok with who we are, these spark a bit of fear within us, but this is a good thing. Being apathetic towards a goal or desire shows a lack of interest, a lack of passion, and therefore will not foster the best version of you that is held within. Even when we are “all good” and life is ok, I will presume most people would still feel they can be “better” or better their life. What is required to make this a reality? Change. What type of change specifically? New beliefs change lives and will require changed behavior as evidence to instill them at your core. Seeking new experiences are the stepping stones to a changed life. Understanding the steps to become an athlete or a teacher or an author or engineer, or scientists, or cop, or spouse, or parent. Then seeking out the experiences required to make these desires a reality. We will most likely not be successful in our first attempts at whatever we try, but that is ok and isn’t a deterrent, but a learning moment.

[mrneglesworth]

Walking on a normal walk with Arlo around Perry Farm. A few minutes in and I felt compelled to start picking up litter after carrying Arlo’s poop bag for a few minutes looking for a trash can to throw it into. I prayed right there that if You provide a bag to put this poop bag in I will fill it with trash. It wasn’t two minutes later that I walked upon two bags laying there on the ground waiting for me just as I had asked Him for. I proceeded to fill them up, and it was sad at how quickly I accomplished this. As far as the distance traveled to pick up this garbage, it was maybe as far as having to walk from the back of the parking lot to the entrance of the grocery store. So much plastic. A lot of drink bottles, crap food wrappers, random oddities. I can’t help but think there is more to this garbage so I delved a little deeper into these bags contents and used my imagination to try and form a sentiment to the possibilities of how nature and human trash remnants came together. The origin of this unfortunate juxtaposition is the central point of focus to enable a safe place for connected vulnerability. I hope to offer a perspective that allows anyone to walk away with the ability to turn my inner dialogue into their own unique avenues for introspection, self-growth, and healing. So by taking my thoughts and sharing them with you all is my way of introspection and self-growth which leads to lifelong healing. Being able to hold onto memories, while letting go of pain, allows us to move forward in life with a positive trajectory aimed towards your goals. Time keeps going regardless of if we mentally, spiritually, and physically grow with it. Time and the universe are infinite and always expanding and we either stay stagnant or expand with or against it. Something must happen regardless of the direction and don’t be fooled into thinking stagnation isn’t movement. So back to the litter bags and their contents containing the stories of someone’s lost time. Plastic coke, water, and gatorade bottles allow me to infer a few things. First, I wonder how uneducated I am on the factual truth of the importance of consuming water specifically for our health, the status of the natural water reserves throughout the world, and also the role of artificial ingredients on our health and well-being. Second, our ever present state of mind or lack thereof, by the discarding of waste improperly, is a telling sign of our overall well-being. Can a memory, pain, or trauma be let go or processed and if so, does the way in which we “let” it go affect the outcome? {sQurriel- Are you really over your ex-boyfriend, are you though, really? Why do you always eat his favorite chips every day, acting like there isn’t a correlation, and then littering the empty bag like it means nothing. Your subconscious is trying to “throw” your ex-boyfriend away like a piece of unmeaningful trash. But you can’t throw him away, so you have a metaphor representing him with his favorite brand of chips.} Take for instance a particular item found and held within one of those bags, a photo. A pretty unassuming picture at first glance, but when context is put to it, what it could say may hold the key to unlocking the door to saving someone's life. A backyard patio with basic furniture with enough chairs for a small group to gather around the table adjacent to a lush green yard. Now place any number of memories one could associate with this setting, this very particular place. What if it is a place that you would see daily and in doing so has the potential to draw up a negative memory tied to it. Say this is your family's backyard patio and is the last place you and your parents sibling(s) were before your dad left for a bag of ice and was killed in a car crash on the way, or perhaps it was where an older brother took his life after battling a lifetime of mental health issues, or maybe where the last fight that took place between your parents before they got divorced. And say the place I find this picture on my walk is surrounded by empty beer bottles. What are the possible reasons for their proximity? Was the individual mulling over the negative associations to this picture and being tormented by the pain chaining them to this memory, which led them to the seclusion of a small wooded area to drink the memory away? And what happens after these moments? Does the person walk away healed from the trauma as if pounding the alcohol in seclusion was a cure? Not likely. So we discard the picture just like the beer cans. Throw them in the dirt with your pain to just stir it all together, only infecting the open wound. What if a person has this negative experience, and proceeds to make an interconnected chain of bad decisions that further the negative impact that the power the picture holds over them? Bad decision after bad decision after bad decision, with no intervention from someone else with their head screwed on right to help, that eventually leads the person to “their low” or ultimately an untimely and early death. Pictures tell a thousand words. If society was a well known safe haven that allowed individuals a stigma-free environment to seek help, I believe the world would be a better place. Humanity would have a positive impact on the environment. Peace and equality would be the resounding world social status. Discomfort is the area associated with growth. When it comes to physical strength and endurance, a person has to push their limits to discomfort, allow the body to rest and regrow, and then they become stronger. Mental and spiritual growth happen when we question why we think, feel, and behave the ways in which we do. This is a lot of the times quite uncomfortable, as it allows us to peer into how “our decisions” are a lot of the times very heavily influenced by others and not our own thinking and reasoning. Much of our behavior is reactive to particular triggers and stimuli and unless we become highly trained in the art of being self-aware in each present moment, then much of our life slips by without having a say in what happens. Our emotions are a constant roller coaster through fog, never knowing when you're going to crash down orup. As of now, life has no redo or start overs. Time is as relevant as air or water when it comes to key factors of importance in one’s life. If you govern how your time is experienced and you come up short of a goal, this is not lost time. It is a moment where you stepped into your vision and passion, didn’t meet the criteria, and that moment here that we have become accustomed to describing as failure was misleading by our teachers. This moment should be seen and viewed as when we allow our bodies to rest and grow after exercise to become stronger. It is a moment for the brain to learn from mistakes and “grow” to retain whatever is necessary for your certain success. This moment can be seen negatively and creates a downward spiral of negative emotions if allowed. Or you can see it as a growth moment and redirect the emotional response to introspection, and redirection to positive perspectives. {sQuirrel- just because your dad never got help about negative experiences, memories, associations from his upbringing and past doesn't mean you have to associate his experiences with your life as an adult. So if his view was only winning is ok and nothing else matters and your a failure if you’re not number one with everything you do, and you don’t operate in this way, then you don’t have to take on any negative emotions or self beliefs when you live outside his parameters or a happy successful life.} That was a hard corner leaning out into left field for a while, let me see if I can come back to focus on the topic. -Being ever present is crucial to dictating your thoughts, emotions, and behavior. -Help end the stigma of all things mental health, well-being, personal, drama, not their business. We are all together on this one planet. The things of nature will go on without us. I feel it could be unanimous that it would be cool if humans can manage to coexist with the earth and nature for as long as possible in the most peaceful way possible. Talking through issues and becoming more educated helps people be happy and productive. The easier we make it for everyone to talk things out, the more society will lean in this peaceful coexistence. -If more treat their mental health like we treat “boredom” then all that is negative in the world produced by humans will slowly disappear like poor mental health being the prevailing current status.  - I want to collect trash in my local community, rummage through it and see what stories it can tell me, and then create this space where we can be vulnerable within moments of discomfort which allows growth and strength. -our current society is the aftermath of poorly educated, understimulated, malnourished, unhappy, dissociated, manipulated masses that are reactive to unknown triggers and often guided by someone else's unknown ingrained belief system. Most people experience generational belief patterns or behavioral patterns and have trauma as a result of misguided parenting. Each individual's life is different, therefore resulting in different trauma. The human biological response is the same though. Enter stress into a human's reality, and you will get a fight or flight reaction. It then manifests in a million different ways. If a kid becomes an adult finally and for any number of reasons would benefit from counseling from a professional, but all he knows is you don’t need therapy, men don’t need therapy, or men don’t talk about their feelings, or men don’t cry, whatever it is that is pushed onto him, then he doesn’t seek the help he deserves, needs, and wants. The generational beliefs pushed down upon him make him feel ashamed or guilty for his own feelings and thoughts. So this is a safe place to allow vulnerability and safety and in connecting, we begin to know we aren’t alone. Life is rough. It’s freaking amazing and beautiful, but that whole growth within the discomfort thing, yeah, life can be rough. So why not do it together in a way that encourages each other, helps share knowledge with each other, and embraces each other with love that extends distance and time. When I am low in strength I call upon God and within this connection to others living by this strength in God, we can pretty much do anything. Maybe we can start small and take baby steps. If you manage to get out for a walk, with the dog, your memory of a past dog you were fortunate to be bestowed, your partner, your kid, or simply alone, and that has been a hurdle then share it. That shit’s big! Be a light for us all. To some it’s a leisurely walk, to others that could be their mt.everest. #CouchPotatoWarrior     If you feel good and are walking consistently, see about taking a bag to fill up with litter along your walk. A little bit goes a long way and you may just rub off on that nosey neighbor. Your community plus my community multiplied beyond each neighbor equals the world. Changing the world one moment at a time, one perspective at a time. Every second of your life you are making decisions. They may seem small and insignificant, but that is just a perspective on your given reality. What entails your perspective of value? Why can we charge millions of dollars on art that may have taken an artist a few hours to create and $30 dollars worth of supplies? Why does paper money have any value at all? So again, I pose the thought, what do you value and why isn’t time a high priority on that list? How are multibillion dollar social media companies getting richer and richer every day? Think about it for just a second. If these companies don’t exist without us using their apps, and we don’t pay for this service, then what is being sold? Our attention (time)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our moment to moment time available to do the whole existing thing is so valuable that algorithms have been developed to do nothing but capture your attention, stealing your time. {sQuirrel- I wish I could already write using correct grammar and organize my work into a more fluid and understandable expression for more people to get it, but this is me. This is how it happens raw. I correct little things along the way, but as you read it, this is how it happens. Taking the time to reorganize it into a format that would be necessary for a book and expect it to sell, well that probably isn’t realistic. Proper paragraphs and sentence structure, and traditional order of operations.  But this is my blog. My journal. My thoughts on the fly and this is how I enjoy and love expressing myself. What you see is what you get and it happens rapid fire in intervals throughout the day. Sometimes i have to add back into the computer later stuff i may have needed to write while  “living”, but if you don’t understand me, then maybe just ask and we can talk if you really would like me to further explain an idea or thought. But I have the passion, love capacity, strength, fortitude,  and faith to haul a big load and I'm bringing as many people to JoyVille living out their dreams. 

[mrneglesworth]

Chase Within

Happiness First

Helping People Help Themselves

I have always tried to place a lot of focus on my own personal mind. My intentions and reality haven’t always matched up very well. I have learned that is ok. My thinking noodle, my brain, my mind. My feelings and emotions. The balance of emotions and thoughts and actions make up my well-being. I try to be purposeful with my actions based on the thought/emotion balance. My actions, however, haven’t always matched my reality. 

I have ADHD. I also have blue eyes and all ten toes. My left pinky toe is a hammer toe though. I don’t know if it’s the end of the chain or beginning of my tight neck, shoulders, and back. But my ADHD, it’s a lot like my back  pain. You can’t see it, but it plays a large role in my life. It is a constant driving force for my behavior and emotions. I am 33 years old and was diagnosed in 2020 with ADHD. Before that I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder type two in 2019, which is a very common occurrence. I took a mood stabilizer, an anti-depressant, and eventually a sleeping pill due to these wrong medications messing me up more than I already was. 

I eventually changed therapists and she helped quickly get to the bottom of my situation. I stopped taking the BP medications and started out just trying new behavior modifications and grounding techniques, my regular therapy, more exercise, more water. But ADHD was still in control of the steering wheel of my life. I was afraid to try the traditional stimulant meds most commonly prescribed for ADHD. I have had pretty severe back pain since an 8th grade trampoline accident that I never sought true help for. I have always been afraid of ever trying traditionally abused pills and harder drugs.  I just started smoking pot at the same time as this accident and it helped unknowingly with my ADHD symptoms and back pain simultaneously. Pot helped in the same way that someone who needs glasses and has them, but they just aren’t the correct prescription. My reality was still foggy due to the internal chatter of the ADHD symptoms I experience. 

ex: All of my education was a struggle. from kindergarten until I dropped out of college. The amount of energy required for me to be a C student is more than it should take. More than for most people. And when I became overwhelmed with this reality I would do a few things to “help” . Sleep, smoke, or do things that were risky. Skateboard and try things that were way above my level resulting in me usually getting hurt, For sleep, it didn’t matter if I was at home, a friends, or in school. Some how I managed to get by with most of my teachers not bothering me on my bad days and allowed me to just put my head down all through class. I also had very long hair that was usually in my face regardless so I could be sitting up and half asleep, too. I smoked pot before school, a lot of times during school, on my way home from school, and up until I went to sleep. 

I don’t become angry when I realize how different my life could have been if i had been diagnosed much earlier in life, and that would have probably been great I’m sure. But despite my hardships and “lost” time, I wouldn’t change it now even if I could. You see, I don’t enjoy solitude naturally. I love people and all that life has to offer. IF I had received that early diagnoses as a kid and finished school well, and graduated college I wouldn’t have this passion to want to help other people who struggle alone like I did my whole life. You may see my life from an outsiders point of view and it may not seem that bad. And it’s not. I love my life. But here’s the key ingredient. Potential. I’ve been operating at 50% or 60%  of my potential. 

Three days ago I gave up the fears and spoke with my therapist and have started taking Adderall. From day one of starting that medication, I have been steadily feeling like I am gaining back that lost potential. My mind is starting to do what I ask of it. My emotions are becoming regulated and significantly less overwhelming and downright enjoyable. I’m not being triggered from over stimulus into near panic attacks. I am recognizing shifts in my emotions and able to pause and see where the change came from to check it’s validity or not. If I choose to sit with an emotion now, it is because I decided to, not because my body is out of control. 

From here I can only go up and I hope to bring as many of you with me. This story isn’t over, come on back now!

Side note: ADHD is genetic and a person is born with it. It is a neurodevelopmental disorder of our brains. We lack the neurotransmitters norepinephrine and dopamine. Boys and girls can have it and it doesn’t look the same in every person. So don’t neglect the signs if your kid is struggling. And many many adults are walking around with ADHD unknowingly just barley surviving. Reach out, you just may help someone out of the gutter

[mrneglesworth]

God has bigger plans and I know this path of our mental facilities is so high of importance. I see that with the vulnerability created by sharing our own stories, we open the door for another to step through and receive healing through the washing of exposing our pain instead of hiding it within us.

[mrneglesworth]

You never know how, when, where, why, or with whom God will teach you your next lesson, but if you pay attention and keep your heart as open as your mind, He will come through. It was a blessing getting to meet and listen to Andrew. Talking with him opened my eyes in a way no reading or research could have ever done. He is an eight year old child with what appeared to be a rather severe case of ADHD. Andrew also has a condition that affects his rate of growth and as an eight year old, he has the body of a ten or eleven year old at 5 feet tall. He goes to physical therapy to help him with his coordination and get used to using his larger limbs. What was most fascinating was being able to watch his mind work as he told a story. I understood him and could follow him through his fast paced speaking and what could seem like long- winded and anxiety inducing explanations to the average neurotypical person. As I listened to him, I may have not known the initial correlation of seemingly unrelated topics as he melded different stories on top of different stories seamlessly as if it was one, but as he continued, I flowed right along with him understanding the connections as quickly as he could rapid fire the words from his articulate little mouth. It was also interesting to be present with him as his mouth couldn’t keep up with his mind at times. I experience this regularly and can drift off ending what I was saying because my mind had already finished the sentence in my head before I could speak it. The different colored dyes in everything from food to medications also have a harsh and immediate impact on the little guy. Within just a few minutes of ingesting something with red dye, for instance, he will become very mad or angry and irritated. I have never seen such a young child so aware of his own emotions and proactively making decisions to help himself control these undesirable effects. Andrew has two great parents that are going the extra mile for their son and even themselves. They have cut out the junk foods and everything they can with natural alternatives to replace the dyes and preservatives that affect our health. Seeing Andrew's parents stepping up in a society that doesn’t talk about or share how we feel or what our personal struggles are, or about our own mental health is inspiring and showed me in person that the path God is leading me down is in fact about this very thing. Helping individuals help themselves by taking control of their health: meantally, physically, and spiritually, by forming connections and allowing a safe space to be vulnerable and open with one another. They don’t judge Andrew just because they may not fully understand his experience, and they are doing all they can to help him be his full self and potential in an accepting environment. The level of patience both his parents have ,while most neurotypical people would drown him out once his motor got revved up, truly filled me with joy. I knew what this kid's life was like and I had just met him. And to see in person these two parents going against the status quo of reactions for this situation and not putting a bandaid on what can be a deep deep wound gives me hope and fills me with even that much more desire to continue along this road God is leading me down.

I want to acknowledge and thank God in a more public way and to share what He is actively doing in my life each and every day. I don’t know who needed to hear this today or what you take from it, but know I’m here for you and only plan to further grow the connections ,while doing my best to #ChaseWithin #HelpingPeopleHelpThemselves since when I put #GodFirst the #HappinessFirst follows!

[mrneglesworth]

When the past takes over now and the demons of a memory create that which isn’t real, fear of an experience lived over and over held on by chains that won’t break, the terror of the past's pain, fear of a battle won. Not seen as triumph over death. Take the memories and create a foundation that does not crumble,  a mighty platform to build for the glory of God, all you have is a gift from Him. Our stories were written long before our first day drawing a fresh breath of air.  The experiences are the stepping stones, learning from what each has to offer, nothing is personal, the details aren’t the point, the lesson and truth are what’s gold. Why do you think the same truths can be possible from eight billion living souls? Each person is equal in the eyes of our Father, it’s taken a long time to write each story personally. 

Heal my mind and heal my heart. Fill all of my mind and all of my heart with your love. I seek your will. What you have written on my life pleases me, my life happens because of you. You are enough. I will walk with you, make me a water walker. 

I pray that I see each turn as your guiding hand, that any bumps or trials are seen for the truth and lesson you’re showing me. Please continue to keep me safe, for I don’t always see the danger in the world. Please help me to continue to experience the ever present moment for the wondrous gift called life you give us,because each new day brings the chance to try a little bit harder and walk in your light just a little bit closer. Please keep the one’s I most cherish safe and guide them in the ways I ask for myself. Thank you for all of your beautiful ways of telling us you love us more than we can know.

[mrneglesworth]

Gratitude:

-I am grateful for my mother. She is single handedly the most resilient and strongest person in my life. She has endured so much, experienced more pain than I can imagine, lost more people than one should ever have to, and never lost her faith in God. The example she has set to walk in the light of Christ subconsciously kept me walking to the light my whole life, even when I didn’t understand it was God I was walking towards. For that I am forever grateful.

-I am grateful for the lesson of patience. God has been working on that characteristic with me from the first breath I drew into my lungs. It took much time to show parts of His plan for my life, much pain and struggle, much anger and misunderstanding to allow my humanistic point of view to grasp the beauty of how He was working in my life. And now that I can see clearly what He had in store the whole time, the patience He instilled in me guides each step I take. Every time I don’t understand or grasp what is happening or why, I turn to this lesson of patience and pray for more of it, for God to fill all of my mind and all of my heart with His love. Within that love I can endure all. He is limitless and within that limitless love nothing is impossible.

-I am grateful for the memory of my stepfather’s departed spirit being with me during a bike ride many years ago. When God revealed him to me through the power of the Holy Spirit I truly knew that God has a place for all of us in His kingdom. No matter your transgressions here on this planet, He will wash all your sins away when you seek His love and mercy. Knowing this allowed my calloused heart to heal from the pain my stepfather caused our family to go through.

-I am grateful for my church, a place to specifically gather with other Christ followers and worship God. I know in the past this hasn’t always been possible because of being persecuted and being a Christian was illegal. I know that it is possible we won’t be allowed to worship openly as we do now, so I am grateful for the ability to do so.

-I am grateful for the song God Taught Me by Zauntee. It perfectly reflects the fact that no matter your success or whatever you have in life, your skills, possessions, family and friends, anything, it all comes from God. He teaches us and shows us the way to peace, happiness, and fulfillment through an abundantly beautiful life that walks in the light of Christ.

-I'm grateful for the thorn in my side that God placed there. That’s what I call having ADHD. It has been the path, through my life experiences and mental health journey that God brought me to Him, is using me for good, and is continually using me every day. ADHD was a way for God to show me I have to rely on Him and not on myself. It humbled me and showed me it was ok and necessary to ask for help.

[mrneglesworth]

I am a believer in that all humans deal with an internal battle that starts with our thoughts and emotions. I’m no psychologist or expert on this subject. I do have my own experiences and have been molded by life that has brought out the importance of a sound mind and strong mental health. Some peoples battle is more of a struggle than others, yes, most certainly. However, that does not diminish the lesser struggle. Mental health encompasses our psychological, emotional, and social well-being. If you had lousy parents then you may have started out in life moving up hill. Or perhaps you witnessed something traumatic, potentially more than once, or have a chemical imbalance or hard wiring that isn’t quit right. This doesn’t mean your bad, or no good as a person. This just means God has placed something on you and your life to learn from. These lessons come as hard slaps in the face at times, but they are needed for particular souls, during particular seasons in their lives. Easy lessons don’t stick in our minds and hearts the same way a hard lesson will. Embrace the pain of life and know good comes from it when we live a life of purpose for our Creator. When God put bone and flesh on and came down to Earth as Jesus, He showed us the way to salvation, to happiness, how to persevere in the midst of any storm in life, and ultimately the way back to Him. IF your mind is weak then all of you is weak. The body will struggle, no matter it’s strength, if the mind and mental state are frail. The mind can become conditioned to good or bad. You can start out weak and become strong. Training the mind goes hand in hand with training the rest of the body. The mind is pliable with routine and even when you’re in the thick of battle with your mind, the body will do as it’s told. I hope something here strikes home with you. 

I ramble on but, my point is that nobody can escape dealing with their mental health. It is like the wind, you can’t see it, but dare to say it doesn’t exist and try to ignore it. Step out into a storm and see where ignoring the wind leaves you. So I say this with the hope that if you are struggling in life, examine the state of your mental well-being and ask yourself if what you’re experiencing is acceptable, and if not then finally make the decision to stand up and ask for help. This step means admitting that something about your own mental state, thoughts, and emotions, aren’t where you’d like them to be. This could be grossly understated, since a person with a broken mental psyche can be headed to their death bed, jail, homeless, or just ending up at the end of there long life only to discover they were never in control of their own life and as a result didn’t live as their true self while reaching their full potential. Any embarrassment or shame should be thrown to the way side. We all are afflicted by this and to think otherwise would be diminishing the lesser struggles of others and ignoring the fact that your pain is real, too. 

[mrneglesworth]

(Running The Dog)- The dog keeps me present. Her attention span is so short it requires a lot of effort from my end to get her to respond to commands, but if I do my part, she does hers. Anything that can take up my time that keeps me present interests me. If it results in a positive outcome then I am game. I think throwing the ball and having her fetch it is as fun or more so for myself than it is for her. Can you scratch my back please? I fight staying present, that itch is driving me crazy. She’s waiting, drop it, leave it , leave it, leave it, good girl. And before I can throw the ball, she’s gone rocketing down the field knowing the ball will be there to get and bring back. The joy she experiences from the little action I can do for her brings me equal joy. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. Dissociating has been one of my best skills from childhood and I fight it every day a majority of the time. So when I say I love anything that keeps me in my present reality in a constructive way and with a positive mental attitude then I mean it with utmost sincerity. I am constantly trying to change my behaviors to allow myself to run to these things. I don’t want to live an entire lifetime and then realize I wasn’t there for the experience in a way that was meaningful. Purpose gives me reason for wanting to be present in the first place. Finding my “Why” has given me a new outlook on life to give me a vibrant energy every morning that drives me to be better than I was the day before. Connections with others, bringing about peace and love in the world, leaving the planet better than how I found it, helping others when I can and always helping them help themselves. Seeking growth by Chasing Within and peering at my strengths and weaknesses and challenging myself and my own thinking to ensure I end each day making the right decisions when presented with the opportunity, helping my fellow man when given the opportunity, and just in general being a positive beacon. Join me on this ride called life and let’s see if we can help bring about more positivity and love to humanity and the rest of the earth. (at Bourbonnais, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/CJ7SEE6lF8Ls8cCRjhOSeO9tOv2MD2HwVkYNIs0/?igshid=btf13wqb2qtr

[mrneglesworth]

(Change Me)-

God don’t change my circumstances, change me to handle my circumstances. 

At 32 years old I have come to accept I kinda suck at certain things. I can do the right thing most of the time, I think. If it affects someone else I am more likely to do what I should. When it comes to myself, I am less responsible. I recognize moments in my life where I have a decision to make and for whatever reason, some I know and am aware of and some I am not, I don’t  choose what will help me towards my goals, and towards being a better person. 

So this is how I see it. I like to refer to God as the Creator. It’s just what I feel most comfortable with and what makes sense to me. God can be a symbol like a bridge that you cross to go to the “good” side. Whatever makes sense in your brain is fine by me, I just see this world from a perspective where I feel most content and life makes most sense to me through the eyes of God.

In my human form, I need God and the guidance His story gives. If for nothing else than a symbol, Jesus provides all I need to get me through in life. It won't necessarily be in a way where everything is just plopped right in front of your lap, but sometimes that is just what He does. And that is just from the symbol, what He does in the story, The example He provides, that is where I draw my courage, humility, and knowledge from. I can’t look at myself and say, “Ok Chase, What should we do here?” Sometimes I can answer that question correctly, but more times than not I need the direction and foresight from another source of wisdom. And I will always look to God as I understand Him for this wisdom first. 

God may very well be a black woman or an elf or opossum, but , all I know is that  if the concept of what Jesus is and did, how Jesus is the Creator, that He humbled Himself to not just human form, but to be a servant to show true humility, to show what being Christ like is all about, It’s these things that help me through the dark moments in life that my human brain doesn’t understand. It helps me do the right thing when otherwise I wouldn’t have, and I’m perfectly content with that. 

What’s my point? I need help. I can’t do life on my own. Reliance upon the love and knowledge of God are where I draw my strength from. No darkness is too dark, no enemy too strong, no fear too paralyzing  for the power of Jesus. And this is just how it most makes sense to me. I don’t dictate the universe or mine or your thoughts and feelings. I just have to be able to go to sleep at the end of each day and my eyes are open enough to the world to need to wonder and search. Maybe someday the Creator will be revealed to us all and everything will make sense. But until then, my mind searches for the words to explain my reality and I find them within the story of Christ. #WWJD

[mrneglesworth]

(Purpose)- “The grand necessity, then, for our bodies, is to keep warm, to keep the vital heat in us.”-Henry David Thoreau What is this heat? What is this energy? The desire to connect to others. Love manifested into its own being. The creator knew the joy of shared mutual love through connections and designed a way for the spirits to experience it too. *CONNECTIONS- Our bodies need the soul to exist. The soul will exist regardless. The energy that makes you and I up is contained within the body. The energy will only move, not be destroyed, if it makes its way out of the body. It is but a transportation device that will travel through time. There must be something truly magical about this physical world that we are not grasping that makes it so desirable that the creator deemed it important enough to create. So then what becomes the purpose of this physical world gifted us? Connections that manifest with a physical aspect that the spiritual world must not be capable of. Holding a tangible body of someone you love in your arms truly is hard to match for experiences that fill your cup. How can we utilise this energy contained within us for good? If time is one of the most valuable facets to our existence, then how can we ensure we don’t waste any of it? What can be done? What becomes a passion soon becomes a purpose. Does anything stir an emotion within you so greatly that it becomes the fuel for your internal combustion propelling your existence? In modern times we have come accustomed to using alarm clocks to meet each new day. Finding the purpose for your life allows you to beat that alarm clock each morning by being woken up by the fire fueled from within. If humans had no special purpose beyond coexisting in unity with earth then we wouldn’t have the capacity to think beyond instinct. Be more than average. Chase within and create a life of purpose and joy. Get vulnerable and connect with others through your passion and at the end of your life you will look back and be content. (at Bourbonnais, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/CJ3h4HZFqgV_7L2J_7CcXGfFefv19TeWCjWKSQ0/?igshid=1rw7tkgshqepi

[mrneglesworth]

(Purpose)-

“The grand necessity, then, for our bodies, is to keep warm, to keep the vital heat in us.”-Henry David Thoreau

What is this heat? What is this energy? The desire to connect to others. Love manifested into its own being. The creator knew the joy of shared mutual love through connections and designed a way for the spirits to experience it too. 

*CONNECTIONS-

Our bodies need the soul to exist. The soul will exist regardless. The energy that makes you and I up is contained within the body. The energy will only move, not be destroyed, if it makes its way out of the body. It is but a transportation device that will travel through time. There must be something truly magical about this physical world that we are not grasping that makes it so desirable that the creator deemed it important enough to create. So then what becomes the purpose of this physical world gifted us? Connections that manifest with a physical aspect that the spiritual world must not be capable of. Holding a tangible body of someone you love in your arms truly is hard to match for experiences that fill your cup.    

How can we utilize this energy contained within us for good? If time is one of the most valuable facets to our existence, then how can we ensure we don’t waste any of it? What can be done?

What becomes a passion soon becomes a purpose. Does anything stir an emotion within you so greatly that it becomes the fuel for your internal combustion propelling your existence? In modern times we have come accustomed to using alarm clocks to meet each new day. Finding the purpose for your life allows you to beat that alarm clock each morning by being woken up by the fire fueled from within. If humans had no special purpose beyond coexisting in unity with earth then we wouldn’t have the capacity to think beyond instinct.  Be more than average. Chase within and create a life of purpose and joy. Get vulnerable and connect with others through your passion and at the end of your life you will look back and be content.

The colorful box in the picture is a homemade utensil holder made by my best friend Nathan. It is out of his normal as far as art work he creates, but he faced the challenge with excitement and created a useful piece of art that my girlfriend and I will get to enjoy for a very long time. He has gone out on a limb and gone all in on himself. He creates unique art that captures the eyes and imagination and allows the viewer to wonder. Nathan has manifested a reality for himself where he can wake up each day and create what pops into his beautiful mind. That is passion, creativity, and wonder all balled up into a little package called happiness.Decide to sift out all things in your life that hold you back from choosing happiness first. Just begin to get honest about habits, relationships and friendships, hobbies, jobs, school, any commitment, one thing at a time, big or small, it doesn’t matter, just remove it as peacefully as you can and then take a step towards that happiness.

[mrneglesworth]

(Purpose)- “The grand necessity, then, for our bodies, is to keep warm, to keep the vital heat in us.”-Henry David Thoreau What is this heat? What is this energy? The desire to connect to others. Love manifested into its own being. The creator knew the joy of shared mutual love through connections and designed a way for the spirits to experience it too. *CONNECTIONS- Our bodies need the soul to exist. The soul will exist regardless. The energy that makes you and I up is contained within the body. The energy will only move, not be destroyed, if it makes its way out of the body. It is but a transportation device that will travel through time. There must be something truly magical about this physical world that we are not grasping that makes it so desirable that the creator deemed it important enough to create. So then what becomes the purpose of this physical world gifted us? Connections that manifest with a physical aspect that the spiritual world must not be capable of. Holding a tangible body of someone you love in your arms truly is hard to match for experiences that fill your cup. What becomes a passion soon becomes a purpose. Does anything stir an emotion within you so greatly that it becomes the fuel for your internal combustion propelling your existence? In modern times we have come accustomed to using alarm clocks to meet each new day. Finding the purpose for your life allows you to beat that alarm clock each morning by being woken up by the fire fueled from within. If humans had no special purpose beyond coexisting in unity with earth then we wouldn’t have the capacity to think beyond instinct. Be more than average. Chase within and create a life of purpose and joy. Get vulnerable and connect with others through your passion and at the end of your life you will look back and be content. (at Plainfield, Illinois) https://www.instagram.com/p/CJsC16tFGf4XuHt8Mq0zOTrGLTz3Jv1kEij-KI0/?igshid=16jgs02iifkdc