muskuna - Tumblr blog

[muskuna]

[muskuna]

that little wave of melancholly and sadness hitting when you pass by the places where you've created good memories :')

[muskuna]

self harming is not working anymore, i need to pull my organs out

i need to let it out

[muskuna]

it is not fair, you don't deserve it, you just simply don't who the fuck i have to be so you treat me right what the fuck do i have to do

All you have been doing is just hurting me more and more everyday, you make me so fucking sad only if you knew how many times i cut myself because of YOU and nothing else, you make me feel unlovable, unworthy and like im just human trash, everything you say and do makes me crazy and i feel like that because i fucking care about you, you bastard. Everytime i try to tell you how i feel you want me to shut up. I would try to tell you to fuck yourself but i just cant lose you.

[muskuna]

having no sleep, no friends, no desire to keep going is just my day to day. You don't realize how painful is hope and to wait for something or someone that just will never be the same again. ever.

[muskuna]

Im not sure why but i start to feel like all of this shit happening to me is either going to make me commit suicide, or, just another phase of falling face to the ground and just getting up like nothing had happened and ignoring it but with that memorie pervaded in my mind.

Im trying to find activities to distract myself from self harming, it's not going that well but im trying to do the best i can. i feel im losing a lot of things and it makes me sadder each day.

[muskuna]

i want to keep the promise i gave to my therapist and to my loved ones

i don't want to disappoint them

but my scars itching, i want to make more

i want to feel the pain i know i deserve to feel

i want to bleed

[muskuna]

I've been feeling dissociated for almost one week, having anxiety and all i can do is just sit and space out and drink, i want to self harm so bad but im trying to stay clean, right now im 6 days

I cant even cry wtf

[muskuna]

If cutting bad, why blood so pretty?

[muskuna]

Just carved a kitty :]

I kinda fucked up but ill do it again maybe on my arm

[muskuna]

I just relapsed 3 days ago, i havent bought a new blade bc i was trying to stay clean, almost made 1 month so i dissasembled my razor, now i have 3 new and very sharp blades :') . Also i tried to stay sober but each time that i felt like shit i just kept on drinking.

yesterday i literally almost died in a club

friendly reminder to not drink when you haven't eaten since the day before and you're feeling sad

[muskuna]

One of the worst phases where i can be is being numb but when a little inconvenience happens all i have is an explosion of feelings i can't control, it makes me think i am the problem here, not what is happening

Anxiety has been winning lately, i feel sick everyday, i havent been able to cry, but i got a pressure in my chest and my stomach feels twisted, when will i be free of everything that burdens me...

[muskuna]

‘youre just like your mom’

me: oh ok ☺️

[muskuna]

I wanna slit my thightsss !!

fuck why does it make me feel better like what tje fuck lol

[muskuna]

i am not her, i feel weak, fragile... I feel like a petal beside her, she is a whole bouquet, pretty, colorful, full of joy... but i am just a petal that never found her flower and has lost her beauty, now she has to exist as a single petal, flies here and there, but will never come back to the place she belonged, the time when she felt complete and beautiful now seems like a lost memorie.

i've discovered a lot of things, been trough hard times, learned, but it all seems to not be enough

i am still feeling like a child who is about to realize how hard life can be .

[muskuna]

use me, destroy me, fuck up my life, make me wanna slit my skin and take off my guts, make me cry, scream i don't give a fuck, i will never leave you because bodies can die, but feelings don't

[muskuna]

i am in the verge of cutting myself and break my 19 days clean

i am fucking furious, i want to destroy my skin and bleed so much