mxehmzari

[mxehmzari]

Tolerate it

“ While you were out building other worlds, where was I? Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire? I made you my temple, my mural, my sky Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life.”

༉‧₊˚. Warnings : none?

༊*·˚ Tags : oneshot, angst?, Sebastian, black butler, Kuroshitsuji, gender-neutral reader, not proofread

Note : A fanfic I wrote instead of studying, inspired by Tolerate it by Taylor Swift. It's my first time writing a fic and English is not my first language, so please bear with me.

As I watch him run his hands through his hair, grumbling about the conversation that we just had a few whiles back, it was obvious that he was upset. Mad even.

Where did this squabble even start? As far as I can recall, he came home again today at an ungodly pleasing time, being tired and pent-up about this reoccurring habit, I have finally spoken up about it.

Which he did not appreciate, not even one bit.

We used to handle disagreements so well, well…used too as time goes by, came with hurdles between us that shaken our bond. This makes me ponder, was there ever a bond in the first place?

“ What do you want me to do about it?”

Was all of this even worth it? Can this even be salvaged? All of this is coming down on to me, rethinking all the times he's been like this. Refusing to make amends. Refusing to take fault. To communicate.

“ I don't know. What do you want? “

Sebastian does not like it when I talk back. In every 'misunderstandings' that we have, he always makes it seem like everything was my fault. That I was to blame.

“ You wanted this. “ I did? I wanted this?

“ I never asked for this. I never asked for your absence, for your lack of affection. I never asked for neglect! “

With every word that comes out of my mouth, I hold myself back from raising my voice, for I know that it would only make things worse.

“ I do not know what you're talking about. I have given you everything you wanted, everything you've wished for. What else do you want?”

What else do I want? You. I want you. Though I can not say that aloud for my pride is holding me down. To add context, Sebastian has been out a lot these past few weeks. I understand it, I really do. Being a butler is no easy job, but you see. . . On his days off, he'd rather stay out than return, or sometimes he'd rather not go back home at all. I miss him, and for him to act as if it does not affect him one bit answers my debate.

“ I can't do this anymore.” I leave my place and enter my, our bedroom and grabbed a bag. I started packing my clothes and all of my other essentials, while he just stands there in disbelief.

“ You can't do what exactly? “ Unlike before, his voice and tone was less sharp and harsh.

“ Sebastian, I can't continue living like this anymore. We agreed on sticking on each other's side, and you go on leaving me all alone in this damn house. You don't even bother on coming home, either.”

I stood up, zipping my bag, it was full to the brim. Stepping out of the room, I gather as much courage, looking at this damn demon's eyes. God. I miss him. I miss him, but this is too much. It's getting too painful.

“ Sebastian. I think. . . This is for the best.”

“ Do what your heart desires. Leave.”

He remained stoic. Does it hurt him as much as it hurts me? Does he really not want this in the first place? Was I a fool into thinking that loving a demon would actually be alright? He's a demon, for fuck's sake! Was he just tolerating me? I barely even knew who he was, but I was contented. I was contented with what we have. What he had. I did not love him less.

“ I wish you well, Sebastian. Take care.” I try my hardest to not break down on the spot, to not run back to his arms and sob, to not hysterically cry on the ground. I turned around and grabbed my bag.

He did not utter a word. As I stepped out, he closed the door and with a click the door was locked.