nanfrost

[nanfrost]

Content Warning: This story has non-con elements and very dark and disturbing premise. Do read the tags and see if you're still willing to give it a shot. I figured since I have this account now, might as well share this here. I enjoy discussing this story with other people, good and bad, so any feedback on it is welcomed!

And yes, I am perfectly mentally stable don't worry. Probably.

[nanfrost]

some reminiscing and some iron under the sun.

The bells chime and the flowers of all kinds bloom today. Joined with a gentle breeze, its quite the perfect weather in the suitcase, and many lively arcanists enjoy their peaceful time and play around in their antics. However, the Timekeeper is nowhere to be found.

She couldn't be found outside of the suitcase, as the residents had not felt the gentle rocking for quite some time now. She could not be found in her office either, with the only telling clue being her indigo coat and hat left hanging on the rack. When asked, all the spirits had said, "She had departed quite early in the morning. 4 in the morning, in fact."

However, somewhere among the trees, hidden within all of the blooming fruits and lush leaves, is a girl sitting on the branch. Coat discarded, hat dismissed, it was merely just Vertin. Not the famed Timekeeper everyone knows, but Vertin; the troublemaker, the arcanist with little power, the lonely child…among other titles.

Vertin enjoyed doing this. Climbing the trees was a fond hobby for her, and it was a way for her to reminisce.

Its why she was here. To see how the sunlight made their way through the leaves, how the ants traced up the old bark, remembering the struggle to climb up the branches and finding the right one to sit upon, and the way iron shone against the sun.

Iron?

Ah, yes. On this day, Vertin wears something else rather than her hat. The thick iron circlet could only fit the top of her head, but just enough that it wouldn't be able to fall off. A piece of small yet rugged cloth was tied to it, having familiar texture despite how it never seemed to have been cleaned. On her lap was a stack of similar yet smaller hoops, shining brightly against the sunlight.

Balanced perfectly on top of them was a plate of fish and chips, with a small cup of onion vinaigrette on the side. It was a familiar meal, eaten on the days where she had to risk sneaking out to get them right off the school kitchen's counter. She made this plate for this special occasion.

Vertin hums, taking out a candle held on a small terracotta pot, and a lighter. Lighting the candle, the humming turns melodic, singing a song that was never sung to her in her life, until four—no, nearly five—years ago.

...

"From that day forward," He declared. "It will be our birthday! You and me Vertin! You and me."

...

Today is October 20th, 1913. 2 weeks since she had been broken out of the rehabilitation center, and 1 week away from the anniversary of the day that changed her life forever.

Luckily, today was not that day. But while it is a day of celebration, of shared memories and dreams, all Vertin could do was celebrate it alone. The person she shared this day to, the one that declared this day as their own, is forever immortalized by the iron circlet and bands. But, he was the one who drove her to move forward, and encouraged her to keep going.

He, among others, was the reason Vertin continues to strongly strive for change and peace, for freedom for everyone. She won't let this unresolved grief hold her back, as it will ruin her efforts. It will ruin her friends'—old and new—efforts in fighting for a new future and to go home. It will put her old friends' unfortunate sacrifices in vain. But as the Timekeeper, she won't let any of these happen.

However, today was their day alone, for once. Theirs; not the Timekeeper's, not anyone else's, but just Vertin's and his. He enjoyed climbing these trees and feeling like they were on top of the world too, you know.

For this instance, she was 12 and he was alive once more, to celebrate today for the first time.

In the suitcase, the grass was dappled with shadows and rays of light, the flowers of all kinds bloomed, and the breeze was cool and gentle. Today is one of the happier days.

Because on this day, it was a day of celebration and the birth of a newfound hope for freedom.

Vertin sighs, looking at the candle and then the meal, giving it a faint smile. Blowing out the small flame from the candle, she says: "Happy birthday, "Ring." Happy birthday to the both of us."

[nanfrost]

Summary:

Regrets.

It's something that everyone has experienced or harbor thoughts of at least once in their life. Whether it's regrets for an action they shouldn't have done, regrets for something they should not have said, or simply regrets of not spending more time with the things and people they cared about.

For Vertin, it was the latter.

Yet the world was crueler to her for this. The Storm was crueler to her than anyone else for this.

For the Storm takes and never gives. It destroys what it can never rebuild. It robs the only girl whom defies it any chances to mend her mistakes, to mend her regrets; a cruelty curated solely for her to endure.

But what if God did exists? What if someone out there, observing this very girl battling through it all, struggling to keep herself steady amidst the tides of chaos and pain, decides that enough was enough? That something needed to be done? That a break for that certain person was solely deserved?

That for the Timekeeper to finally receive the culmination of all she had endured this entire time for, a gift that will be a reassurance that her efforts is not for naught.

A gift of Hope, brought to her through fluttering wings of a Snowy Dove.

[nanfrost]

Statue - Assorted Transparents (3/3)

(1) ---- (2)

[nanfrost]

A Schneider Scene Analysis: Her decision to do what she did at the end of Chapter 2.

For those that need a little refresher or well, a reminder to what happened at the end of chapter 2: Schneider decided to do a little pro gamer move and stare into Vertin's eyes as she vanishes into thin air.

An incredibly traumatic and heartbreaking scene definitely, and it left me in pain for days later.

But recently, someone actually asked me something that I find that to be an interesting question to answer; that being why did Schneider decided to do what she did at the end, likely knowing how traumatic doing something like that to Vertin.

For those who have always been curious to know this, or have been given an interest now that I brought this topic up, welcome! I will be giving my own interpretation of Schneider's character and the lead up to her ultimate decision to do what she did. Hope you will enjoy!

For us to be able to fully understand the context of this scene, we need to properly understand Schneider as a character first.

Schneider was someone who grew up in a large yet incredibly poor family, and aside from being the least cared for, she is also the most left out of that family; the one that never seemed to be remembered or fit in.

She shared no religious belief like they do, not the fragility and gentleness of her sisters, nor a soft heart that can take any beating given to them and still continue to struggle under the weight of the world like they do.

In other words, she was like an outsider, who besides name, didn't resembled any of her siblings or parents.

And yet, she still cared for them, more so than one probably should given the circumstances and the treatment one receives had they been in her shoes.

Schneider loved her family, cared for them, and did everything in her power to give them a life they could be at peace with. To give them a life they can be truly satisfied with living, and die with relief in their hearts.

In other words, Schneider had always been a selfless individual. A girl who will give up everything about herself to pursue happiness for those she cares for, never asking for a reward for herself. 

And we see that with Vertin as well, we see how this selflessness is reflected through her actions and words with Vertin and subsequently after her influence on her. Because Vertin absolutely did change her for the better, although, "change" might not be the right word here.

Instead, Vertin opened Schneider's heart, a heart that had long since closed off to everyone that isn't her family. A heart that is far more kind and caring than it lets on, a heart that when given the chance and the right opportunity, will flourish under the sun and blossom into something beautiful.

And we see that clearly later on once she was safely freed from Manus clutches. 

Schneider could have very well run off with Marian, to take the girl with her in a desperate search for their family again. To maybe have a final reunion before they were sifted away by the Storm. She had no real reason to keep risking her neck for these strangers, these people who she really only knew for hours, let alone a day. 

And yet she did, because Vertin had made Schneider believe again.

Vertin had ignited Schneider's desire to help, to be kind to strangers, to offer her assistance even when she gains really nothing from it. Yes, in a way, she would be helping Vertin as well, but she didn't need to be so forward and casual with it, she didn't need to be so buddy buddy and joking with Sonetto after their last interaction was pure hostility towards each other.

And yet she is, because Schneider wants to be kind, wants to be open about her mind and feelings, to not inherently distrust everyone around her anymore simply because she doesn't know them. To give herself and them a chance to connect with one another, to work together in a goal that is purely altruistic of them all. 

Because Schneider had always been selfless, and now she was given the right chance to show that selflessness to those around her.

As we move on to the final few scenes of chapter 2, we continue to see this selflessness of her, reflecting in her suggestion to ask for everyone's wishes. A suggestion that prioritizes everyone's well-being and desires beyond herself.

Yet during it, we get a small scene with her and Vertin, a scene that hints towards the finale of the arc itself. 

For as much as Schneider is selfless, she does have a desire to want something for herself. A desire buried deeply under years and years of constantly giving herself away to those she cared for, never truly being given the chance to be expressed outwardly. 

But for now, it remains only a hint of that desire, as we move on to the next scene, the scene where this hint only further grows. 

Vertin asked for Schneider's wish, something that even the girl herself seemed surprised by. Either because she truly didn't expect that someone would ask her such a thing, or she thought that nobody would notice her enough to do so. 

And here, Schneider lets herself indulge just a little more. To wish for something she never thought she had the capacity to ask for, to crave for; until now.

Schneider wishes for Vertin to not forget her.

An odd wish, a strange one, but most of all, it was a selfish wish. A wish made that will only benefit Schneider alone, a far-cry of what she has been like this entire time.

And yet, even with that wish, there was a clear restraint in her desire. Schneider had kept her identity of being a pure-blooded human a complete secret from Vertin and everyone else, because she didn't want to concern them with her troubles. To not let them worry over someone like her when there were others that deserve it more than Schneider. 

Even when she was asking for something for herself, Schneider kept this thought in mind, fully intending to bring this secret with her till the end. To not worry Vertin or the others until she finally departs from this world, her only desire is that Vertin will remember her at least, even for just a little while.

Now we move on to the final scene of the chapter, and the conclusion to Schneider's character; and also the culmination of all these scenes finally coming into play to create a finale that just hurts. 

Because Schneider had always been a selfless girl, someone who would sacrifice herself if it meant that others that she cared for would live. A girl who will bury all her secrets, all her lies and all her desires to her grave if it meant she could grant the people around her no burden from herself.

Yet even a girl like her still desires to be loved, to desire affection, to desire compassion from someone they loved. 

In the end, Schneider had kept up her front, she continued to be that selfless girl for Marian to the very end. But when her last real family disappeared in front of her eyes, leaving nothing but her clothes, a dam broke, and Schneider couldn't bear to hold it anymore.

And so she leaps into Vertin's arms, pleading for the girl to hold her. Because at the end of her life, Schneider just wants to be held by someone who cared for her, who acknowledged her as the young girl that she is; a girl who loves everyone around her, and received none back, and not the killer she had become.

In the end, Schneider let herself be selfish, the only and last time she could ever be given a chance to be. And yet even at the end, you can still see the immediate regret of her selfishness, she must have known just how badly this might hurt Vertin. Had Schneider survived, it will be a regret she will solely hold in her heart.

Yet at that moment, Schneider just chose to not think about it, to just let herself be held and be embraced by the last person she knew and had grown to care and love. To be held by someone who found her to matter. To just let herself be selfish, knowing the consequences of it. 

In the end, what she finally did was a heartbreaking and painful and a horribly traumatic move to pull on Vertin, yet at this point, after all that, can you really blame her for it? 

For a girl who had given up so much and gained so little back, is it really worth it to blame her for just wanting to feel like she mattered in her final moments, and to at least go out not having to lie to herself or to others, even if it would hurt them? To just let herself be selfish for the only last time in her life.

To die not being Schneider, but just Yelena Greco, a girl who finally found someone to love her.

[nanfrost]

Udimos Photo Album from Official Bilibili CN

[nanfrost]

A dive into Vertin's core aspect of her character and it's impact through the story: Part 3

Part 1

Part 2

Matilda and Vertin

It's important to note that despite everything, Matilda and Vertin are good friends. 

Matilda had the same aspirations as Vertin did as children: the freedom of self expression in spite of being raised to abandon those values; to know their world around them than to just learn from the textbooks.

However, what sets them apart is that Matilda willingly chose to join the white marble.

What sets them apart is the extent they’re willing to go to achieve that, and how they help people at their positions.

What sets them apart is how they handle their own inner struggle.

Matilda finds Vertin, who is in a miserable state, utterly unresponsive to the people around her because Sonetto is no longer around.

In just a day, the girl had already reverted back to being a mess, a sight that shocks Matilda greatly, but also pity for the girl who she respected a lot as a friend and classmate.

Sonetto had already given her the lengthy details, but seeing it for herself still leaves a pit in Matilda’s stomach. It was awful, how low Vertin had let herself be.

Yet somehow, Matilda feels determined, approaching her old friend as she tries to talk to her.

It doesn’t work of course, Vertin doesn’t even look like she seems to acknowledge the girl’s presence. This is what Sonetto was fearing, that without her, Vertin has no one she can open herself to, no one she could vent her pain to, no one she can let herself be broken fully towards.

It’s almost painful in a way, that even though Vertin is as much of a mess as she is, she still hides herself away from others, to not trouble them in having to deal with her. Even though it only makes people more worried, Vertin refuses to let anyone in, to know the full extent of her pain.

If Matilda was similar to Sonetto, she would likely try to find comfort for her in any way, to try to be an emotional pillar for Vertin. But that was nigh impossible, she didn't know Vertin as long as Sonetto did, didn’t understand her as much as Sonetto does.

And besides, she isn't Sonetto anyways.

“You’re scared, aren’t you?”

Matilda doesn’t know Vertin as well as Sonetto does, so she doesn’t know what would be the best way to help Vertin. But she is more perceptive than she lets on.

“Not of others, but yourself. You’re terrified to let people in, because you don’t want them to bother having to worry over you. To not have to deal with you. For them to not have to care about you.”

Matilda can’t be like Sonetto, a girl too kind, too caring and too sweet to ever be harsh or direct on people she cares about, especially Vertin. But she is kind in her own ways too.

“Sonetto is worried sick for you, I don’t know if you knew that or not. But if you do, then get up. Get up and let me help you do something about it.”

Vertin, although surprised, didn’t respond. But even so, the girl still stands, following Matilda lifelessly, for as miserable as she was, a part of her also understood just how much trouble she was placing on Sonetto. How much of a burden it must be to care for someone like her. 

She feels sick of herself for doing that to her partner, and so she follows Matilda, to see if there’s something she could do.

But what can Matilda do? What does she even have that Sonetto doesn’t? How can she help Vertin when Sonetto, the person closest to her, couldn't even do that?

She can’t.

Of course Matilda can’t. They were only friends and not even close ones, it would be completely arrogant of her to think she could do anything for Vertin.

So instead, she will get Vertin to help herself, by using her divination skills and her own perceptive nature to guide the girl to her own answers.

Matilda drags Vertin’s inner thoughts out and lays it bare for her, forcing her to confront those memories and the regrets she holds within her mind. Some bad, some very bad, and all of it still hurts to this day as she constantly relieves them.

At first, Vertin is bombarded with toxic and painful thoughts of herself, but it’s through Matilda’s words and guidance that Vertin starts to see things a bit more clearly. By having Matilda offering her perspective, Vertin can see the events in a more objective manner.

Vertin had kept all these events warped against her. She wanted every reason to hate herself and so her memories were altered to fit into that narrative, to make it easier to put the blame on her and solely her. But Matilda will not let that happen, she will offer her own insights and keep Vertin from spiralling out of control.

Eventually, they do make progress, as Vertin starts to understand that she wasn’t responsible for everything. That there were things completely out of her control and she shouldn’t, couldn’t have known better. She was only trying her best in her own ways, even if it didn’t turn up well. 

But the catalyst that got Vertin to even begin to accept this was Matilda, for through her conversation with her, did Vertin start to notice something in her that she never before. Something that gave her a sense of comfort, knowing she isn’t alone; something that they both share in common.

They are both selfless individuals.

Vertin gave herself up to help those around her, disregarding her own safety and agency if it means the people around her can make it out safe. She has no inherent sense of worth, only existing to help others as a way to bring meaning to her life.

Matilda gave her life to her studies, her academics and for the constant grind to become the very best, to stand at the top amongst the top. She does it so she can be acknowledged by the people around her, so that she can convince herself that she is meaningful, that she has meaning, that she can help.

Her constant drive to better herself is so she could feel like she is useful, to feel like she matters, to feel like she can help anyone in need.

Her sense of value comes from other people’s perception of her, and she will go to great lengths to prove that she can be useful. She exists to be helpful to those around her, for her value comes from their perception of her.

The way they go about it may be different, but Vertin and Matilda share this trait between themselves. They were mirrors of one another, reflecting both ends of the extreme. And because of that, Vertin learned to trust the girl more, to start opening herself up for she now understands that the girl truly does sympathize with her, at least somewhat.

Finally, after a long and gruelling journey of unwinding all the events in her head, Vertin comes face to face with the thing that represents all her insecurities, all her doubts, all her hatred and pain that she has kept within her for years until now.

Vertin faces herself, the one that started it all.

Gazing at the girl that represented Vertin’s biggest regrets and mistakes. The girl who had wronged so many lives because of her own naivety and unwillingness to look past herself.

She admits to herself that after everything, Vertin still cannot forgive her. She can’t forgive the girl for what she had done, for the people she had lost, for the trust she had broken and for the mistakes she had foolishly wrought over and over. 

She admits that the girl was stupid, blinded by her own short-sighted and naive views on the world that caused others to suffer because of it. She admits that the things she has caused can never be erased, that the pain will never fade away no matter the decades that pass by.

And yet, Vertin admits that there is more to the girl, that in spite of all the bad she had done, some of it was good. 

The girl had saved lives, gave others a reason to keep going, gave others hope and the conviction to follow their own hearts and even became the reason for others to put their faith and trust and love in, because they truly believed in the girl, placing their hopes and faiths into her goal, but above all, because they genuinely cared about her.

Vertin admits it, she admits that she does not know if she could keep walking a straight path, that she would never make a horrible mistake again like she had done before. That she wouldn’t one way or another lose the most precious things to her, that she won’t falter and break again. 

But she has hope.

Because in spite of everything, there is still someone who loves her. And for that, she wants to have hope, to hold onto it as tightly as she could. 

Hope that through them and through her crew, she won’t fall back into her old ways, that she won’t break again. 

Hope that someday, maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a long long time, but someday; she can learn to like herself a little more.

With that, Vertin finally concludes her session with Matilda, thanking the girl for what she has done. But most of all, she acknowledges that the two of them are alike, going through something similar albeit still very different ends of the spectrum; but if the girl ever needs help, she is willing to be there for her.

Vertin’s selfless nature never disappears, and it likely won’t ever.

Because that is who she is at her heart, a girl who cares far too much to ever let other’s lives sifted away. But she will try to include herself this time, to find things about herself that she can like, to learn to place a bit more value on herself, even if it will never be above others. For she now understands that there are those who care far too much to let the blazing life that is Vertin's soul fade away as well.

Her friends, her crew, her family has always welcomed her, yet she has always kept herself distant from them. She did it because she didn’t want to hurt them, and didn't want them to get too involved with her where they would inevitably get hurt by her. All because she fears that she might lose them again, that because of her, she will lose those precious to her once more.

But now, she is willing to knock on the door of that familiar home, to let herself be welcomed in, an invitation that has always been open to her. To meet their happy and warm gazes with her own. To let herself be not the Timekeeper, but just Vertin, a scared yet hopeful girl.

Reconnecting with friends:

Eventually, Vertin will gradually start being open again to her team, Slowly but surely, she’ll start taking the time to interact with them more and properly communicate with them on her own without an emotional crutch or trying too hard to keep up with a facade.

Vertin is willing to be vulnerable to those around her in spite of still harbouring doubts about herself, letting her thoughts and emotions be known to those that she cares about, and who Vertin also gradually starts to accept that they care about her too. 

After reuniting with Sonetto again, being surrounded by all the people she has grown so close to in just a short few months, Vertin laughs. 

A laugh filled with regret, sadness and underlying pain that she can’t ever forget; but also filled with joy and relief and happiness. That after so many years, Vertin finally feels like she belongs, to feel like she can belong in a family she can call her own again. 

She regrets that it took her so many mistakes, so many bad choices and so many lives lost just for her to finally reach this point, that resentment towards herself still clings to her every step of the way.

But Vertin has found hope again.

She has hope that if she continues the path she is now, to continue walking along with her new-found family and to rely on them just as they rely on her, to find the worth in herself that she refused to admit she has for so long; that one day, she can look at herself in the mirror, and smile at the girl she had become.

And that is how Vertin’s character development might look to us. At the very least, if the game goes towards focusing on her selflessness a bit more throughout the story. 

For those that read all the way to the end, we hope you enjoyed it. It’s a very self-indulgent analysis that we have been obsessed with for a week, and it took many tiring nights to get to this point. But this was our way of showing our love and appreciation for the character that is Vertin, and so no matter where the story will take her after this point, no matter how absolutely wrong we are in predicting her story(which I have zero doubts we very are wrong lmao), it would be a story that we would eagerly await all the same.

With that, I shall be signing off. I will keep rambling on, until we meet again.

[nanfrost]

A dive into Vertin's core aspect of her character and it's impact through the story: Part 2

Part 1

Facing the aftermath of this event, Vertin is completely broken in every sense of the word. That natural calm facade she always wore on her face vanished, leaving only a hollow expression, eyes void of any kind of emotions. Vertin became a husk of herself, steeped in nothing but unending guilt and self-loathing to even function.

Her crew, knowing that Vertin isn't going to make it if she stays like this, tries desperately to help. But the tragedy of it all rear its head once more when not a single one of them knows what to do. 

Because none of them truly got to understand Vertin as a person deeper than Vertin allowed them to. That all this time, this was what Vertin had been hiding from them. This broken, hollow, empty mess of a person was what Vertin had buried and put away from them, all because she couldn't bear to let anyone worry about her. Yet now, that didn't seem to matter any more, Vertin no longer has the heart or soul to even think about it.

It's ironic isn't it?

Vertin, a selfless girl, wanting nothing more than to protect and cherish the relationships she has with the people around her, never actually formed a genuine bond deeper than just friendly acquaintances with any of them.

A girl surrounded by people who wanted the best for her, yet could never bring herself to believe that she deserves it.

Time passes by and still no improvements on Vertin's mental state. Eventually, with no other choice, the rest of her crew needed to help the people who were still suffering through the aftermath, doing their best to lessen Vertin's workload for they know that she isn't in any condition to do it.

And so, alone in her suitcase like she once was a long time ago, Vertin stays completely motionless. Her head looping back the recent events over and over, the voices in her head repeating the same poisonous words to herself, a self-inflicted anguish wash over her as she rightfully suffers under the weight of her sins.

Until suddenly, somebody sat down next to her, as gently as a feather. 

Vertin and Sonetto:

It was Sonetto, sitting beside her as the girl gazed at her with soft but pained eyes.

Vertin said nothing back to her, her soulless eyes peering deep into hers.

Sonetto began to talk to Vertin, trying her best to give the girl some sense of support, yet her words could not reach her. Seeing this, Sonetto tries a different approach, telling Vertin that things will get better, that eventually, things will be fine again, that Vertin will be fine again. 

For a moment, Vertin flinches at those words.

Sonetto continues, voicing her genuine thoughts to Vertin, that she knows a girl like her will make it through this. That Vertin had always been strong and determined, but most of all, she was always so kind and loving and caring to those she met, even if she barely knew them. That Vertin will always find a way, even when it seems difficult, because she cares too much to not try her best for others, to not give it her best shot. That is who Vertin is, that is the girl that Sonetto knows she is, and that was the girl that Sonetto had grown to lov-

Vertin snaps, yelling for her to stop before she could finish.

Sonetto is completely taken aback by this, shocked to hear Vertin raise her voice towards her for the first time they have been together. And with it, a dam broke within Vertin.

Vertin began to sputter the words inside her mind one by one, everything she has been holding inside of her now pouring out in a downward muddy stream that just won't stop. 

Her insecurities, her pain, her regret, her mistakes, her resentment towards her own stupidity and naive belief, her disillusioned with  the goal she had always strived for, yet now realizing just how arrogant and utterly naive of her to believe that someone like her could possibly do anything, to achieve anything, when all she ever did was live in a fantasy conjured by her own mind, ignoring the reality of it all.

In the end, she finally saw herself as who she was deep down.

A useless, selfish girl who so arrogantly forsake her own life just because she believes it to be the best choice, not caring or even thinking to consider the feelings of others.

Vertin can’t help but feel absolute disgust towards this thing called herself. Disgusted at the girl who refused to look past herself, yet still so arrogantly announces how much she cares for others, and now looks at her; nothing but a murderer.

Vertin absolutely hated herself.

Sonetto listens to all of this, taking in every self-deprecating thing Vertin throws at herself, as if hanging on every word. Before finally, the girl stops, as silence looms over them. 

Perhaps in the past, Sonetto would have nothing to say here.

What could she say? She barely understood her own emotions and feelings, let alone her feelings towards others, especially to Vertin. So it made sense that she would keep her silence, that she would have nothing to say, for what can she really say that would make this any better for Vertin?

Except, this isn't past Sonetto. 

She had changed. Ever since chapter 3, Sonetto's character trajectory had been a steady road to her finding her own true feelings and coming to terms with herself. To finally gain an understanding of just what she actually feels towards the closest person to her.

And now she knows, as she states this to Vertin with pure conviction and warmth in her voice.

Sonetto loves her.

Sonetto loves the girl, even if she can't love herself.

Sonetto sees the best in Vertin even when she can't, because she wholeheartedly believes in the kind-hearted, compassionate and caring girl that Vertin had always shown time and time again. That even now, even when she's pouring all her hate, all her resentment, all her mistakes, she never once puts this on anyone, to only direct her anger and hatred towards herself. Even now, at her lowest point, Vertin still cared about others, and that's why Sonetto believes in her.

That is why she loves her.

Yes, Vertin has flaws. She has incredibly deep and terrible issues with herself, that much Sonetto now knows, but that doesn't change all the good that Vertin has done in spite of it. That even with all this pain, Vertin still helped so many people from so many places, no matter how difficult it was. Even with everything that happened, Vertin is still a kind girl.

Vertin initially refutes this, unable and unwilling to listen to any of this.

How could she? Someone who had directly caused so much suffering, so much pain onto people she supposedly cares about? People who believed in her, who chose her as their leader for a better tomorrow? How could she possibly take any of those heartfelt words with sincerity when all she sees are resentful eyes bearing down at her soul, her arm soaked in so much blood that she can never wash away no matter the decades that passes by.

She can't, and all she could do was whimper, shutting her eyes so she doesn't have to look at Sonetto. To not see the gentle girl gazing at her with nothing but genuine kindness, when she has done nothing to deserve it.

And Sonetto listens to all this, sees all of this, understands everything that the girl had so painfully conveyed to her through muffled breaths and whimpers, and she gives a single, gentle response.

"I'm still here, aren't I?"

That response takes Vertin aback, her eyes widened as she stares at Sonetto. The girl simply smiles.

Vertin has lost so many people, some familiar, some not, but all of them she had grown to care about and deeply hurt by all the same. Yet Sonetto is still here. 

Vertin made mistakes, many at that. A lot of them she doesn’t know if she could ever live with or move on from, nor does she feel like she should let herself do. And yet Sonetto is still here. 

Vertin buried her own feelings away, to keep everyone from getting hurt by her because she couldn’t bear the thought of losing any more people. She wanted to create distance, to shield them away, to protect them, to prevent them from getting hurt by being involved with her. Yet Sonetto is still here.

Vertin can never forgive herself for what she did, for what she has done; the sins flowing from her hands can never be washed away and Vertin can never look at herself with anything but contempt.

And yet Sonetto is still here.

"Even if you can't forgive yourself, I forgive you. Even if you can't bring yourself to believe anymore, I will believe in you. Even when you push everyone away in fear of hurting them more, I will stand by your side. And if you can't even love yourself, I will love you.

So please, even if you can't say it, even if you can't bring yourself the strength to forgive, let me stay here with you. Let me be here with you. That is all I ever wanted, Vertin."

Facing such sincerity, such affection and most of all, such pure compassion, even the most jaded and broken of hearts will flutter and melt. And Vertin was never an exception.

She still didn't know what to do or to say. She wasn't sure of anything any more, her head was nothing but a twisting mess. But she did know one thing. 

She was tired.

So extremely tired.

And so she leaned forwards to Sonetto, her throat trembling slightly, as if wondering if she should even say it, before exhaustion gave way for a small whisper.

"Hold me.”

And Sonetto does just that, holding the girl she loves in her arms as she laid her gently onto her lap. With a gentle caress, Sonetto hums for Vertin, letting the girl who has gone through so much in so little time, fall asleep soundly. 

Things were still a mess, and whether or not it was ever going to improve was never a certainty. But at least for this moment, Vertin can rest.

Here in this instance, Vertin and Sonetto’s relationship would start to flourish because of how they find comfort in each other as the only pair in the game that really did grow up together despite everything. They share the same upbringing. Different paths were taken, and they both received different struggles, but both grew up in the same place, and have the same ideas and desires in mind. It's why they understand each other, and have many things in common despite having different views on it.

Sonetto and Vertin find comfort in each other, a sense of familiarity out of everything. Their love is deeper than that of both platonic and romantic, as it’s the kind where one really does understand you; The one that knows every part of you and embraces it, with all its imperfections and inherent flaws.

They found something that can’t be found nowhere else, something that’s truly theirs and that’s just right. They found what they desired from each other. Sonetto found the feeling of freedom she sought out for, and Vertin found that sense of belonging that she had been looking for for years.

The loyal hound that yearns for the bravery and freedom of the bellwether; the daring bellwether that yearns for shelter and love that is well received by the hound.

They finally felt like they had found what they were missing all this time, each other.

Following this, we see their relationship start to blossom further, with Vertin now having an emotional anchor to keep her steady, and is even willing to share her feelings and thoughts to Sonetto, something that she had always held herself from doing. And to Sonetto, she is more than happy to be such a person for Vertin, offering her support and a shoulder to lean onto whenever Vertin needs it. 

For a while, this worked. Vertin is able to keep herself stable with Sonetto by her side, and the two along with the crew try their best to help with fixing what had been broken. To atone for the mistakes that Vertin has made with their choice.

But not all broken trust can be mended, and not all past mistakes can ever be forgiven.

After the events of chapter 4 and subsequently after, Vertin's influence amongst the Foundation members grew stronger and stronger, and more people, especially Arcanists sided and believed in her. So when that trust they have one-sidedly built with Vertin is broken due to what Vertin did, that admiration turned into betrayal and unjustified anger, directed back to Vertin.

Being in the emotional mess that she is, even with Sonetto's care, Vertin is still getting bombarded with anger and blame. Those that only know her on the surface level may stay neutral or may criticise her for her actions, while those who only knew the ideal version of Vertin would be the most vocal, voicing their unfounded yet filled with painted disdain and rage.

Some even ask why she out of all people survived.

And the most damning part is that Vertin can't refute this, for she more than anyone knew the choice she made, and it was in a big way her fault that this happened.

This, of course, starts to take a toll on Vertin. She tries to fix her mistakes, tries to amend for her errors, but Vertin still hasn't learned her lesson. She still puts everyone else above herself, acknowledging how incredibly disgusting of her to still do so. Even though she knows how broken her worldview is, she still clings onto it because what else does she have? She has no self-worth, so the only thing she can do is to keep giving and giving until she's nothing but a husk.

Yet when giving isn’t enough, when no matter how much she loses herself in helping others, it’s not enough. What she has caused can never be repaired or mended, no matter how hard she tries. In the end, the only one losing was her.

And after enough verbal assaults, Vertin begins to regress again, her mental state rotting every passing day. Her mind is filled with nothing but insults and disgusts towards herself, that even with Sonetto, she still struggles to look past her own self-loathing, self-hatred. 

And this is where the fundamental cracks of their relationship begin to show. 

For Vertin, Sonetto had become an irreplaceable pillar. Without the composure she once held, the girl was the only life-line Vertin now had to retain some semblance of her sanity, to not let herself be drowned by the suffocating voices of the crowd and the silent but painful curses that echoed inside her own head. She was still drowning, her hand holding desperately onto the lifeboat that was her partner. 

But she never once tried to push herself towards the surface, nor believed she should.

For Sonetto, Vertin had become someone she needed to constantly take care of, to constantly be there every step to ensure that the girl wouldn’t be completely lost without her. Although the girl absolutely does not mind this in any way, a part of her also recognizes that just being here for Vertin isn’t enough.

For there was an inherent imbalance to their relationship. A one-sided co-dependence that only grew more unhealthy and obsessive as time passed.

Vertin clung to Sonetto for everything, to give her life meaning. Her resentment towards her own life prevents Vertin from caring about it anymore, only living because Sonetto still needs her to, because there are those who still need helping, even from someone like her. Without Sonetto, Vertin falls apart, for there was nothing left to hold her together under the massive weight of her sins.

Even if Sonetto is willing to give everything to Vertin and love her in every way possible, the hole that was Vertin’s heart only grows larger, its emptiness only becoming more apparent as a by-product of Vertin’s utter lack of self worth.

Because no matter how powerful and genuine love can be and is, it can never fill the bottomless hole of an empty vessel who has no desire to love themselves. 

A girl driven by her blinding sense of selflessness, losing everything she cared about because she didn’t dare to value her own worth, is now completely disregarding it, throwing away any semblance of identity she has left. Instead of learning from her mistakes, Vertin doubles down on it, further drowns in it, she lets herself succumb to the misery that she had caused to others and to herself, and is dying a slow and agonising death. 

And Sonetto knows this.

She knows that all she is doing is dragging on Vertin’s suffering. That no matter how much she cares and supports her, it won’t improve anything if Vertin continues to disregard herself like this. 

But what can she do? For as much as Sonetto loves her, they were never given the knowledge nor were they allowed to be taught how to deal with their emotions. How to process them or deal with them in any healthy way. They were raised to die as martyrs, and so they were never taught how to live for themselves, nor to understand one another.

It’s why it took Sonetto so long to finally understand herself, how could she possibly expect that she could understand Vertin? To be able to empathise and recognize just what she is experiencing, and most of all, to even know how to help her?

And even if she did, even if Sonetto eventually finds a way, it will be too late. Vertin will be long gone, that fact is clear to her. 

As if it couldn’t be any worse, she is then called off to a personal solo mission, forced to leave Vertin on her own. This was the worst possible moment for such a thing, and Sonetto is afraid. She is so afraid that Vertin will revert back to the whimpering, vulnerable and broken mess that she was without her; something she couldn’t bear to see again.

What should she do? What can Sonetto do?

She could do nothing. 

It took her a long time to accept this.

Sonetto simply can’t nor have the necessary skills or experience to actually help Vertin in any real way. For she loves the girl too much to be harsh on Vertin, to push her nor to be hard on her, in fear of hurting her further. She cares far too much for the girl to let herself act that way.

Sonetto can’t save Vertin. A heartbreaking yet necessary truth she needed to face.

And so she entrusts that monumental task to Matilda. 

Someone who once helped her with her own inner-struggles, and now she chooses to believe that she could do the same for Vertin.

Sonetto trusts Matilda with all her hopes and convictions, that she will do what Sonetto can’t. To drag a loved one out of the darkness they have thrown themselves in, and give them a reason to pull themselves back up.

And Matilda, of course, accepts the task given to her by her dear friend and rival, taking on the task to help Vertin.

Part 3

[nanfrost]

A dive into Vertin's core aspect of her character and it's impact through the story: Part 1

This would be a character analysis with mix of speculations, headcannons and eventually just straight up heading to fanfiction levels territory, so if you were expecting a more cannon analysis, you have been warned.

With that said however, for those who are still interested, welcome to my insanity! This was something that I have been working with a friend of mine who you may or may not know as @acesw for the past week, and we are finally satisfied with it enough to post it! A lot of the ideas that are present in this came from them, while I offer my own interpretations and expanding on those very ideas through my writing. Without them, this analysis likely will have never come to fruition, so I can't be thankful enough for having them go on this journey with me, and also to just have as a good friend. Go check them out, they have really neat ideas and is a genuinely creative and artful person!

Now with that outta the way, time for the main event you are have been waiting for, our one and only beloved Timekeeper herself, and the emotional roller coaster that we have prepared for her. Please do enjoy.

Background context:

Vertin is an incredibly interesting and compelling character in many ways. Her ability to care for other people to a great extent whether she knows them for long or not. Her compassion for everyone around her, her empathy, her willingness to open her heart and listen to others when it matters. All these traits make up who Vertin is as a character and is a large part of why so many people fall in love with her and the story; to not only see more of her but to see where her story will go.

However, there is one part of her character that stands out the most to us, a core aspect of her character that makes up most, if not all her major decisions in the story up until this point, and will be the main subject of this entire analysis.

And that is Vertin's incredible sense of selflessness.

From going out of her way to save Regulus and not let her be forced to be taken in by the Foundation. Her attempts at getting through to Schneider, to understanding and showing her immense compassion even in the heat of moments. Choosing to stay behind in the Walden to fend off the Manus while the others escaped, and most crucial of all, her conscious decision to bury all her trauma inside herself to prevent others from worrying about her. Hell, even her entire motive and drive to seek the truth about the Storm and a way to stop it stems from her desire for freedom and the future of everyone.

All of this is in some way driven by Vertin's selfless nature, always prioritizing the sake of others above herself, to the point of risking her own life if it means she could protect those around her.

She's someone who will go out of her way to connect with others, even when knowing that the pain of losing them will never fade away, to give them comfort and help them if she can no matter what.

It is an incredibly beautiful part of what makes Vertin such a compelling, lovable, and admirable character and person, but at the same time, it also represents Vertin's biggest issue about herself.

That Vertin isn’t just selfless, she is selfless to a fault.

Vertin will prioritize saving everyone above herself, or rather, she would prioritize and save everyone but herself. For Vertin intrinsically has no sense of self-value nor self-worth; in other words, she has no self identity, for her entire life is valued based on other people, not herself. This can bring a lot of self-conflict, as well as possibly even harming others when reaching a point where every step taken is crucial.

And this serious of posts will detail and explore this aspect of her, its ramifications upon the character, and to not only show the ugliest and most painful parts of it, but to also show a path that Vertin might possibly take in the story to confront this part of herself somehow. In other words: welcome to Vertin's suffering builds character arc.

What can we tell from canon?

Where do we start seeing the decision making? We already start seeing them in the first 2 chapters. In summary:

Chapter 1 - Vertin continuously is left with decisions that she has to make on the fly, starting from deciding to try to see if Regulus can survive the storm and choosing to stay behind the Walden and risk getting harmed by the Manus Vindictae for the sake of her team as well as helping Schneider.

Chapter 2 - Vertin finds herself having to choose between keeping her silence and “joining” the Manus, and when she initially refuses, Arcana has her answer questions that bring unsatisfactory answers, leading her to harm Schneider. But when she does say she’ll join, she is first tasked and eventually manipulated to “kill” her.

Now, that’s all fine and dandy and does communicate that she is a very altruistic person and a selfless individual, but how is any of that bad or problematic? How does that correlate to her not having any sense of self-worth? Chapter 1’s ending is the first instance we get to see just how far Vertin’s selflessness goes, by her decision of staying behind to grant Sonetto and the others time to escape. Because of Vertin’s sacrificial play, Druvis and the majority of Manus didn’t pursue Sonetto's crew as aggressive as they would have, giving them time to properly make their runaway. Not only that, but both her and Schneider were kept alive, albeit captive. 

There, Vertin’s selflessness is shown in a good light, being an admirable trait of hers that was crucial in progressing the story. This is the only instance in the story so far that has highlighted this trait of hers in a positive light, which is then contrasted by what happens in chapter 2.

Here, that aspect of hers that so far has been so boldly displayed as a good thing; saving Regulus and her team, is now flipped on its head, showing us that sometimes, being selfless simply isn't enough.

Vertin was put into a situation where she needed to make a choice, to either join Manus or reject their offer. When she chose the latter, Schneider was put into danger. And as each question Arcana asked piled on to her and the pressure started to rise further, Vertin went back on her words, choosing to stay with them. 

This is so she could ensure Schneider’s survival, a selfless choice she makes for the sake of a person she had barely known. It was also here where Vertin’s naivety blinds her of the situation she was in.

That no matter what she chose, Schneider wasn't going to make it out of this.

Schneider had already betrayed them, but even before that, she never truly believed in them in the first place, only soaking up to them for her own personal goals. She was the one who lied to Manus about her identity, to pretend to play along with them until she bided her time, and now she was captured right in their hands. 

It doesn’t take much for one to come to the conclusion that Schneider was a dead woman walking.

Yet, Vertin did not see this. For her view of the world even at this point was too naive, warped by her own perception and belief. A belief that by giving herself up, by throwing her own agency away will somehow lead to other people’s lives improving. That somehow, someway, by disregarding her own safety, the safety of others will be secured.

Vertin is living in a highly warped perception of the world, thinking and believing that if she alone suffers, no one else has to. 

Green Oranges serves as a reality check to Vertin, albeit one that Vertin was unfortunately in too much emotional distress to properly realised.

However, it’s important to note that the game was rigged from the start. Regardless of what Vertin would have chosen, Schneider was going to “die” there either way. So although we witnessed the consequences of Vertin’s selfless choice, it would be unfair to call it her fault. So for now, this chapter only serves as a warning to Vertin.

That even if her selflessness is admirable and has paid the way to many good results, her complete lack of care for herself is not, and is leading her to believe in a false image of the world. A flaw that she will continue to neglect until it becomes far too late to remedy.

Chapter 3 and 4 are the harder ones to allocate, mostly because Vertin isn’t the main focus and rarely appears in the story at all except for flashbacks or dreams. But it still serves a very important role in giving us another facet of this character trait that Vertin exhibits.

That this selflessness of hers doesn’t just affect her, but also the relationships she has with the people around her, and specifically, her crew and Sonetto.

We were told that before Vertin was put to sleep, she had acted relatively the same as she always was, carrying out her duties until she was forced to be sedated and put into the coma we saw her at the start of Chapter 3. We knew that Vertin had set up plans in the form of Lilya and the bill she made with Madam Z, but this was something that wouldn’t be known by us or the other characters until much later.

For the entirety of her time spent before the events of 3 and 4, Vertin kept herself closed off, ensuring that she wouldn’t worry her new friends and even more so, Sonetto. But as a consequence, this results in nobody truly knowing what Vertin was thinking or trying to do prior to going comatose.

Sonetto, Vertin’s closest companion, someone who knows Vertin the longest and has been with her the most, wasn’t even privy to what Vertin’s plans were. She was left struggling to figure out what she should do to help Vertin, while also battling her own inner turmoil.

Druvis, Sotheby, Regulus, APPle, all of them were also victims of this. They had no idea what Vertin was planning, nor was even given any hints; they were left to their own devices and in turn, the influence of the Foundation. Vertin may have tried to help them by not getting them involved with the Foundation matters, but this ironically only led to them being drawn into the organisation because of their desire of wanting to help Vertin.

If Madam Z hadn’t come in to give Druvis the push she needed, Constantine likely would have gotten things to go her way. If it wasn’t for the collective efforts of Z and Vertin’s crew and so many others, Vertin likely wouldn’t have been freed. 

These two chapters showcase the loyalty and trust that her friends have in Vertin, but it also highlights the issue of Vertin always trying to hide things away, to always keep herself emotionally closed. Even if she had good intentions, it still led to less than favourable outcomes that could have very well ended badly for all of them had things gone differently.

With that, we have gotten a rough understanding of Vertin’s character up until this point. Vertin’s selflessness can be an good thing to posses, but because of her disregard of her own well-being and her naive belief that only she needs to make sacrifices for the good of everyone, it is ultimately an unhealthy outlet for Vertin’s way of coping with her trauma. Not just internally, but externally as well.

From here on, I will be diving into my own personal headcanon of where the direction of the story might go, with the purpose of having Vertin’s character be pushed slowly towards a breaking point that will force her to confront this very part of herself, and perhaps, come out learning something from it all.

Speculation: Vertin’s breaking point

Before we get into it however, there is one thing that must be noted here so that the events that will transpire would make more sense.

That being how exactly could the story push Vertin’s character to her limit, when she herself is a naturally strong and composed person? It’s quite simple really, in fact, the answer was already given to us all the way back in Chapter 2.

Vertin’s one crucial weakness that even she might not even realise, that being her overwhelming compassion for those she cares about.

Throughout chapter 1 and 2, we have seen how Vertin deals with stress. How she is able to mentally process the situation around her in a logical and composed manner, allowing her to come to the best possible solution in a short time without letting her emotions run rampant.

And during her confrontation with Arcana, she continues to showcase her composure when faced with a difficult situation and choices. That is until Arcana began to shift her hostility towards Schneider, and we start to see the cracks forming at her surface. 

Vertin is capable of dealing with high stress situations, however, when that situation involves other people, especially those she has come to know or care about, this mask of calmness starts to slip as she reveals how she truly feels.

That Vertin cares too much to see other people get hurt, knowing she can do something about it.

But this wasn’t enough, Vertin might be faltering, but she still tries to keep a calm level head, even when each question gets more and more personal for her. But it was okay, so long as she answered truthfully and picked their side, things will “somehow” work out.

This dream is then shattered by Arcana’s mission given to her; to kill the girl she had chosen to save by throwing her agency away. 

Here, the mask falters even more as Vertin slips further into emotional distress. This is the rare time, and really one of the only times you get to see Vertin raise her voice, far from her monotone voice she always has. It was getting to her.

This is then exacerbated from her shooting Schneider. Even if it was not by choice, Vertin was still the one who pulled the trigger, the one that held the gun against Schneider, and the one that killed her; a girl who she had come to care a great deal about in such a short time.

Here, the mask completely falls as Vertin expresses just how much this breaks her heart. The only instance in the game where Vertin ever shed a tear for something or someone.

So it’s clear now that the biggest strength to her character that Vertin has; her love and compassion for others, is also her biggest weakness. A weakness that can be exploited and used to push Vertin past and even beyond her breaking point.

So let’s do just that.

The narrative will go like this: Vertin and her crew are tasked on an important mission of some kind, where they are given more control and permission to decide and do more so long as Vertin is the one making those choices. This puts Vertin into a position of power much higher than she usually assumes, which will first add a layer of stress over her as she carries out her mission.

Then, the story will sprinkle in a variety of different decisions that Vertin has to make, some big and some small. All of them have some kind of effect on the people around her or their situation. This further adds stress to the girl, now having to juggle the responsibilities of making the difficult choices and decisions that no one else can, because she was their leader, the one assigned to do the job.

At first, things do start to look better as her crew tries their best to assist her, and the situation starts to look more promising. It would be here where a wrench would be thrown, completely sending the whole mission into disarray.

Something completely unexpected occurs, causing chaos and mayhem to follow suit. Vertin tries to assert the situation and find a way to stabilise the people, her crew doing their best to help. However, in their task of ensuring the situation doesn’t derail any further, her crew subsequently split off from her, leaving the girl alone to her own devices.

Here, we begin the start of Vertin’s downfall.

Now without her crew or Sonetto’s help, Vertin is now forced into a situation where she needs to continuously make quick and decisive actions on the fly, all to ensure that things are kept as stable as possible. This leads to her going out and helping as many people as she can, trying to resolve as many issues as possible by herself so that others can focus on their safety. 

However, not every situation can be resolved peacefully nor gracefully.

Gradually, Vertin is faced with more and more difficult choices, ones that require her to choose one side or the other with escalating stakes and tension. No matter what she chooses however, people still get hurt, lives are still put in danger. And Vertin, being the girl that she is, can’t bear to see it happen.

So she tries to find ways to choose both, to save both parties so long as she can help it. Even if it meant having to risk her own safety, Vertin cannot bear to choose one and let the others perish. She can’t allow that to happen.

So she gives herself up to the task of saving people. To abandon her own safety and subsequently her own agency in order to ensure that others will live. So that everyone can make it out even if she doesn’t.

If only she is the casualty in all this, it is the result that Vertin can accept, a result that Vertin can be at peace with.

What she doesn’t realise, or perhaps she isn’t willing to see is that she’s forcing herself into a corner. By placing so much emphasis on saving, by abandoning her own safety and subsequently her own position of power, Vertin has left a chain of command with no real leader, and the situation starts falling into chaos. 

But she can’t see it, Vertin isn’t able to recognize this because she’s so intensely focused on the people around her who are suffering right that moment. Her composure is slipping, as she watches as people’s lives are being destroyed and perished rapidly before her eyes, and she can’t seem to make it better no matter how far she keeps going. This only furthers her careless act of selflessness, forgoing more and more of her own life until it was the last thing on her mind.

Eventually, things reach a boiling point where Vertin, alone, is faced with an obstacle that directly threatens her life and countless others. She now faces a choice, whether to prioritise her own safety over the lives of dozens of people, some strangers, some whose faces have grown familiar to her, or throw her life away again with the blinding hope that things will work out.

If she chooses to run, choose to save herself, Vertin can never live with herself. For a girl like her, who has made it her life to save anyone she can, and so running away can never be an option for her. So naturally, without a second thought, Vertin chooses to throw her life away in exchange of saving everyone’s lives.

A decision that will haunt the girl for the rest of her life.

By the time Vertin awakes, she finds that she is still alive, unscathed at that. But only a moment passes before Vertin notices the countless bodies of those that died, and the destruction that was wrought about around her. At first, she was confused, then the memories started to flood in. 

The memories of the moment she chose to throw her life away, chose to give herself up for the sake of others. And in that instance, someone did the same for her, pushing her out of death’s way as they sacrificed themselves for her. Someone she personally knew and cared about.

In the end, Vertin faces the result of her sacrifice; nothing but lifeless corpses, an utter wasteland filled with bodies with no souls left in them; and she alone survives.

But she might as well be dead, life completely leaving her quickly dulling eyes, a single thought consuming her mind.

This was her fault.

She chose to give her life away, to disregard her own leadership, her role and her worth all for the sake of others.

Because she was too selfless, too kind to ever let herself bear the guilt and burden of letting innocent people die when she could have saved them. And she thought that by sacrificing herself, she can do just that.

She never accounted for the fact that someone would save her.

That someone would prioritise her life over countless others, to choose to sacrifice themselves for someone like her. To give their life for Vertin.

Vertin kneels, her arms and hands shaking as her eyes froze still. She can’t bear to look at the scene before her, her stomach rising to her chest.

For she has finally seen the reality of the world around her, finally acknowledges something she has willingly and selfishly ignored for all this time.

Vertin has always had some level of survivor's guilt within her. Starting from the breakaway incident, Vertin had likely always felt how unfair and cruel it was that only she got to live, when she was the one that was responsible for leading them here.

Sure, the kids went with her because they desired the same thing, but it was she who led them, she who gave them the spark of desire to want to venture out, and because of her, they were all gone. 

Vertin has been carrying that guilt ever since, always masking it under layers and layers of self-imposed composure; a way to protect herself from the pain of the past, but as a way to stop people from getting too close to her, because she is afraid that something similar might happen again if that was the case. That if she were to let people know her, to get to care about her, that they too will suffer because of their involvements with her.

But Vertin was too kind, too good, too compassionate. Even when she emotionally distances herself from others, people still flock to her because they see just how kind she is.

Because even when she doesn’t show it, the girl cared enough to go out of her way to save them, so of course they would be grateful to her, of course they would feel immense gratitude and appreciation for her. Of course they would choose her as their leader and follow her. 

And of course, one of them would throw their life away to save hers. 

Vertin had abandoned all self-importance or self-value, believing that she, the lone survivor of a terrible tragedy, the one who shouldn’t have lived for the sins that she had committed; deserved no such thing. That someone like her should not dare to believe she had value, when all she had done was cause death to those she cared about. That was what she had believed in, what she had convinced herself to believe in.

Because of that, she ignored the signs. She ignored the warnings given to her by others, the warning that if she keeps going down this path of self-annihilation, that eventually she will be met with a fate much worse than death.

In her selfless attempt to save everyone and everything, she had selfishly taken away the people’s chance to save her. To save the girl who had suffered far too much and who had helped even more, even when she can’t see past her own warped perception of herself.

And now she is facing the consequences of that. She is now looking at the results of her blindness, the carnage that was her willful ignorance to herself and to others, and the irony of being the only one left alive through it all once more.

In the past, she was an unwilling player on a chess board designed for her to lose. Now, she was the girl who gave up her own King for the all her pieces, and in return, she lost everything.

Vertin facing this, her composure long since lost, finally breaks.

She slumps onto the floor, her body and mind utterly overwhelmed with every facet of emotions she could conjure within the darkest pit of her stomach, all while drenched in the blood of the people she was supposed to save.

The blood of people who knew her, who admired and respected her, who cared for her, who saw her as a friend, who saw her as family. All of them suffered at her hands, at her own selfish choice to forsake her life because she saw no other way; because she perceived that there was no other way.

And she can't bear all that guilt. All the pain and unprocessed trauma she had buried inside her now finally comes bubbling out of her, completely suffocating the girl. That lack of self-value that she harbours now replaced with unending resentment and pure unbridled self-hatred. Something she had always carried inside her that only got worse over time, and now, it finally had an excuse to be let out.

An existence that had done nothing but wrought pain and death to everyone it ever cared about. An existence that so readily throws its life away at the slightest of inconvenience, never caring about what others think about them, for they were too blinded in their own suicidal nature to ever think that they deserved to be cared about.

Vertin truly believes that she does not deserve to be cared about. She truly believes that she is the worst of the worst, an willfully ignorant murderer, so blinded by their own vision of the world that they refuse to see the reality as what it is. And now, they're paying their just price for it, a price they should have paid long ago.

Vertin knew better than anyone, that she was nothing but a murderer.

Part 2

[nanfrost]

An excerpt of a Vertin doc I have written together with someone, wondering if it would good to put it out here in full.

Because of that, she ignored the signs. She ignored the warnings given to her by others, the warning that if she keeps going down this path of self-annihilation, that eventually she will be met with a fate much worse than death.

In her selfless attempt to save everyone and everything, she had selfishly taken away the people’s chance to save her. To save the girl who had suffered far too much and who had helped even more, even when she can’t see past her own warped perception of herself.

And now she is facing the consequences of that. She is now looking at the results of her blindness, the carnage that was her willful ignorance to herself and to others, and the irony of being the only one left alive through it all once more.

In the past, she was an unwilling player on a chess board designed to make her lose. Now, she was the girl who gave up her King to save all her pieces, and in return, she lost everything.

Vertin facing this, her composure long since lost, finally breaks.

[nanfrost]

[nanfrost]

[nanfrost]

An idea I have for a what-if Schneider survived, but with a slight twist. Might expand on this more with the right incentive.

It starts with Vertin in her own personal office in her suitcase, writing a new report for the Foundation. It has been months since the events of chapter 4 and Vertin is starting to get used to the new responsibilities and workload she has been given with her new position.

Today however, she was left all alone in the suitcase, a rarity these days after she had found a new family for herself. On this rare occasion, everyone seemed to be busy with something, leaving her all to her own devices. Even her trusted assistant who clings to her tightly like a puppy is nowhere to be seen either, for once having a matter she has to attend by herself.

So now, Vertin sits by herself, her report long since finished and finding herself immersing into the silence and quietness of her office.

It felt strange to her.

Just not too long ago, Vertin never paid attention to how silent her suitcase was. But now that she has a family, she realized just how empty things felt, and yet, it didn't necessarily bring her discomfort.

Instead, Vertin slightly smiles, partly out of appreciation of having some peace and quiet for herself after intense months of constantly working herself to the bone to accommodate for her new position, but also because she knows this silence is not permanent. That sooner than later, this place will be filled with noises and music again, and Vertin can talk to those she has grown far closer than anyone else in a very long time. That thought comforted Vertin.

And yet, she can't help but think to herself how it could be just a little nicer if a certain citrus scented girl was still around.

Her smile wanes, a tinge of sadness flash over her eyes.

It's silly isn't it? Vertin barely knew the girl, and yet she can't help but ponder about her every so often. Pondering about how things could have been, how things should have been.

Vertin knew nothing about Schneider, and at the same time she knew everything that mattered. That she was far too kind, too selfless, too loving to those around her to ever think about her own life.

Schneider was like her, and Vertin had really believed that she could save that girl. That she could give her a chance to live on and preserve her memories, and to find a way to move forward again after the Storm.

And yet, she failed, now left with nothing but memories she promises to preserve for as long as she lives. The memories of a girl so different to her, yet so similar all the same. The memories of a girl whose visage was that of a fluttering dove, one who imprints their impression onto you, only to vanish soon afterwards without another word. Stayed just enough to be remembered, gone far too quickly to truly be understood.

Vertin finds herself gazing at the distinctly folded clothes next to her desk, its crimson feathers still fluttering as if the one who once wore it still existed. The girl stood up and went towards the desk, her soft fingers gliding across the leather fabric of a coat far too big for the small woman.

She held it up to her chest, pressing the soft feathers gently onto herself as she closed her eyes briefly.

This wasn't anything strange to Vertin anymore, she had long made a habit to keep the belongings of her companions that were no longer present; a way to remember them.

But Scheneider had wished precisely for her to never forget her, and so she kept it close by instead of storing it carefully away with the others. Even if she knew she won't ever forget, Vertin wanted to make sure to herself, to be sure of herself that the girl whose memories still shine so brightly in her mind can continue to remain clear for however long possible. For a wish to stay fulfilled until Vertin can't remember no more.

Footsteps began to echo from far away, alerting Vertin as she opened her eyes once more. Her eyes misty, making it just a bit harder to see than usual. She wipes them away with her finger, before folding the clothes neatly again as she places them on the same position.

She hears a door creaked open, their footsteps now clearly audible inside her office. Vertin breathes out a short sigh, before turning to whoever was there, like someone from her crew or perhaps Sonetto, with the same stoic expression she always carries with her.

Except, the person that stood by the door was none of them, Vertin's neutral expression drops completely as her silver irises widen.

Standing beside the door frame was a small woman, her frame barely half the size of the wooden frame. Her frail yet still elegant body swayed ever so subtly, enough to communicate the fact that the girl was in fact there. That she was in fact present.

Schneider, the person Vertin has not forgotten, stood in front of her, their soft crimson eyes gazing back at Vertin.

This was an illusion right?

That's what Vertin immediately thought. It wouldn't be the first or last strange phenomenon to occur to her in this suitcase. She has seen many things before, albeit not something quite like this.

Yet, the figure moved forward, casting doubts onto Vertin's assumption as she stepped forward towards the gray-haired girl; her fingers grasping onto her chair ever so tightly.

"My lord?" The illusion spoke, their voice so awfully familiar. Can illusions really talk?

Vertin's hands began to tremble slightly, her eyes never once breaking away from nor blinked at her. She was frozen in the spot, staring at a perfect replica of the girl that shouldn't exist anymore. And yet, her voice felt so close, so palpable, she felt like she could reach for it right now and actually touch it.

Vertin wants to touch it, but this was still just an illusion. It has to be.

"My lord..." The illusion of Schneider broke her eyes away from Vertin for a moment, seemingly spotting something at the corner of her eyes. Was it the clothes? Can an illusion really pick up their surroundings like that, or is it just a trick? But a trick on what? What does it have to gain by tricking her?

Every question piles more and more confusion onto Vertin's mind, with no answer in sight. All she could do was watch the illusionary girl sway back and forth, before turning to look at her once more.

"Did...something happened?" Schneider spoke once more, the distance between them now shrunk exponentially, to the point that Vertin can make out the details on her face. The smoothness of her skin, the light paleness of her cheeks, her confused eyes, gazing at Vertin, an edge ever present to them that only helps to amplify how softly she looked at her; one so gentle and so fragile, like a single touch could shatter it in a single moment.

This was too real.

This "illusion" felt too real.

It reminded her of a spell once casted onto her a long yet still not long enough time ago, one that had also allowed her to see the same expression she was seeing now on this girl's face. That same fragility, that same softness, that same glint in her eyes.

Vertin couldn't help but purse her lips, trembling as they were.

"....Are you...real?"

Her voice was barely audible, her throat so utterly dried that it felt physically painful to even speak. And yet, she had to, for Vertin's hands was trembling from gripping onto the chair far too tight and far too long now.

Schneider's expression swayed slightly, as she seemingly took her time to process the question. Then, an agonizingly long second passes by as the girl's look at her once more with those same crimson eyes.

"Do you want to find out?"

And without another word spoken, Vertin dashes towards her, arms wrapped around the girl as she slumps onto the floor.

Vertin's hands gripped onto the girl tightly, feeling the fabric of the familiar jacket she had held in her arms time and time again now filled with genuine life once more. The crease of the fabric stretches and pulls with each subtle movement from its wearer, so lively with each one.

But most of all, Vertin could sense her heartbeat, a rhythmic, slightly faster than how it usually should be, pounding ever so gently on the same side of where Vertin's heart laid. A right heartbeat.

Vertin gasps, yet no air left her lungs. Her arms closed around the girl's soft body ever so more, as her shoulders began to tremble.

Schneider stayed still, her face flashing through many different emotions as she struggles to find one to stay on, but as she feels Vertin's trembling shoulders, her tight fingers clasping onto her coat so firmly as if for just a moment of careless could cause her to slip away from the girl's hands once more; Schneider stayed quiet, as she wrap her arms gently around Vertin.

The Timekeeper doesn't express emotions. It's what the girl had come to learn for herself. She had learned to process them, understand them and then bury them under her mind, to keep all her emotions firmly set in place. It's what was expected of her, what was needed of her. She had not abandoned her emotions regardless, no matter what anyone tells her she should do, but she had learned to keep them in check, to not let others worry about her.

Yet now, her arms wrapped tightly around the citrus scented girl once more, feeling her soft breath against her neck once again, and that very same girl could only let streams of tears run down her cheeks as her eyes remained still like glass.

After all, even a Timekeeper would cry when witnessed a miracle.

[nanfrost]

Sonetto in hnk au!

guess whos backkkk happy new year yaaayyy

[nanfrost]

Happy Birthday Sonetto!🎉🎉