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Dream(s)

People dream,

But Dreams change ,

People change ,

Times change ,

This guy I used to know ,

I lost him

I lost me

I lost myself in someone

Someone stupid enough to fall for me

My dreams changed

I changed

My current dream ?

This place where I’ve never been

Nor do I want to

Not in this life

This place of snow

This place of people

One of those many amazing people is my dream

She’s my best friend

Growing up with my best friend is my dream

They say the better karma you have

More are the chances of ur dreams coming true

I wish I could grown up with her

Grow with her

Become that old bag of bones that wish for one more day with her .

Cry with her

Run with her

Fall with her

Fall for her

Fall for her again and again ,everyday

She said everyday is our “date”

She meant that if we have a date

We’ll think of each other on that day after we breakup

We will be sad.

What she doesn’t know is

If “everyday is our date”

Everyday will be “that” day

Everyday I would want to talk to you ,my best friend , my girlfriend .

Our pact is to not fall

But my dream is to fall for her

Fall for her in my next life

My dream is to grow up in a place so special, that god himself chose for her(Shimla).

I wanna be kids with her

Holding hands

Walking through the biggest snow storms

But maybe it’s too late in this lifetime

Next life is our time

We will be kids again

Everything would be the same

But you’ll have me

I will have you

And we will grow up together.

We will fall again and that is when I will say the forbidden 3 words to you .

Ps/iloveyou

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What am I most scared of?

Her smile 

The way her cheeks shine every time she smiles 

Those cheeks make me happy 

They make me anxious 

Why anxious? Idk that maybe one day will come when she doesn't like me anymore? Idk that I might do something to catalyze the very thing I'm most afraid of? .

I asked her “what are u most afraid of?”

She replies - “darkness” 

She’s afraid of darkness 

I find her interesting 

I'm obsessed 

I tell her that from time to time 

But the catch is ppl can be blind sometimes 

This is a very generalized statement but i think if I keep showing how much I'm obsessed 

A day might come when she might not need me anymore 

She might not feel the same obsession 

She might have a reason to not feel the same 

My feelings? They’re intense 

Why do I write this? 

I heard that it's a good way to dissolve anxiety 

Remember how she said that she’s most afraid of darkness? 

Well let me say this “I am too, I am scared of the dark” but my dark is a bit different, dark as per norms is the nothing, no control, no stimulus ,just….nothing.

Heck even Schrödinger said that if there’s no observer present to observe an entity, that entity doesn't even EXIST? as absurd as this sounds but this is true 

At least on a quantum level.

Let's jump back to what type of dark I am scared of, darkness for me is every second spent without :

talking to her 

Looking at her 

Listen all her yapping 

Getting lost in those eyes of her 

Observing every little detail about her 

Everytime i get to play with her hair 

This is light for me 

This is vision to my eyes 

Waves to my ears 

Pressure to my skin 

Ions to my olfactory receptors 

Taste to my tongue

So if darkness is absence of external stimulus to our senses then yes every second i spend without her is darkness for me.

This is what I'm most scared of .

This is fear and this is my anxiety.