obligatoryjauneblog

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jaune is a heavy sleeper, so ruby and nora sometimes stack things on his sleeping body like jenga. pyrrha tries to stop it when she sees it but they always get away

Yang: And he just... doesn't wake up?

Pyrrha: Essentially in a coma... I keep trying to get him to see a sleep specialist.

Pyrrha and Yang were staring as a 5 foot tall stack of pencils and erasers were being balanced off Jaune's nose. Nora was currently on Ruby's shoulders, placing the final piece.

Ruby: W... oof, why couldn't I be on your shoulders?

Nora: Cuz, silly billy, I was the base last time so now it's your turn. Plus, this is a great arms and chest workout for you.

Ruby: Just please hurry up...

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Just found you on here. How do feel about SilentKnight?

Not really something I seek out but they're cute, tend to ship him more with Emerald or Merc if we're talking villain ships.

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jaune is a trans woman so repressed she doesn't realize it till mercury fucks it out of her

I can see both as repressors tbh, T4T caduceus is something I gotta write.

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Jaune: Hey Whitley, just wanted to introduce you to my boyfriend. Merc, this is Weiss' brother.

Mercury: Hey.

Whitley: Is there a reason he's trying to make my head explode with his mind?

Jaune: He just does that around every guy for some reason.

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~After Wolf Faunus Ruby is petted by Jaune~

Squirrel!Faunus Weiss: I'VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT. RUBY ROSE IS A BITCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER, SHE GOT PET BY MY FUCKING HUSBAND TO BE.

Weiss: THAT'S RIGHT. SHE WAGGED HER FUCKING WOLFY TAIL OUT AND CLAIMED IT WAS "This Fluffy" AND I SAID THAT'S DISGRACEFUL.

Weiss: SO I'M MAKING A CALLOUT POST ON MY SCHNEETER DOT COM, RUBY ROSE, YOU'VE GOT A MATTED TAIL. IT LOOKS LIKE THIS OLD SHAG CARPET EXCEPT WAY DIRTIER, AND GUESS WHAT? HERE'S WHAT MY TAIL LOOKS LIKE!

Weiss: THAT'S RIGHT BABY! ALL FLUFF! NO SHEDDING, NO MATTING! LOOK AT IT, IT LOOKS LIKE A GIANT FUCKING BODY PILLOW!

Weiss: SHE GOT PET BY MY HUSBAND, SO GUESS WHAT! I'M GONNA GET PET BY HER SISTER! THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S WHAT YOU GET!

Weiss: EXCEPT I"M GONNA GO HIGHER!

Weiss: I'M GONNA GET HER DAD TO PET MOM! THOW DO YOU LIKE THAT OZPIN! OUR PARENTS ARE GONNA GET MARRIED YOU IDIOT!

Weiss: You have 23 Hours before the Paper work goes through the fucking legal system, now get out of my sight before I make you get Petted to.

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Ren: I thought you said your dad was dead.

Jaune: Oh, I meant dead to me.

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Jaune: Comment... ça... s’plume... No, that's not right.

Pyrrha: Uh, Jaune, what are you doing?

Jaune: Just practicing my rural Valean so I don't lose it, mon cher.

Pyrrha: O-oh.

Pyrrha: *mentally* I don't know what he said but it makes me feel nice.

Pyrrha: Say Jaune h-how would one say "I really like you, let's go out" in rural Valean?

Jaune: Oh, that's easy. Je t'aime, sortons ensemble, mon cher.

Pyrrha: O-oh- *passes out*

Jaune: Pyrrha!

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Plus, the whole golden retriever energy Jaune has pairs well with her.

Lord Pilot, I beseech thee. What are your crack ships? Your guilty pleasures? Your "If my favorite wasn't this ship for these two, it'd be those ships" ships?

Very well, peasant, I shall answer thy query

Honestly, I’ve always been a fan of the dynamic between Blake and Jaune?

They’ve got the “my partner got hurt/died because of me” trauma. They’ve got the “I’ve been lying to my friends and myself for so long that I don’t really know who I am anymore” complex. They’ve got the “I have to carry this burden by myself because if I hurt anyone else close to me I’ll explode” mentality. They’ve even got the character development hair cut

I dunno, I just think they’re neat. But also I’m not much of a shipper in the first place

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martial arcs or renorarc por favor

Nora: So Jaune, since you went so hard after Weiss I take it you like flat gals or something?

Jaune: Oh nah, short ones actually. Honestly, lot like your height.

Nora: ... Excuse me?

Jaune: Oh yeah, plus I was always into gingers and God you really just drive a man wild when you lift five times your weight.

Ren: It's true.

Nora: O.. oh wow...

Jaune: And for guys, I'm more into silent dudes with dark hair like Ren.

Ren: ...

Nora: ...

Jaune: Hey guys, why are you locking the door?

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@pilot-boi listening to this and couldn't help but think of Raven and Jaune

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Jaune: .... oh God, dad knew I was gay even back then.

Jaune: I once asked dad if I could talk to him about my feelings. He said, "Son, feelings are for women and gay children."

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Marrow: Hey, newbie.

Jaune: Yeah?

Marrow: You think Specialist Schnee's carpet matches the drapes?

Jaune: W-what?!

Marrow: I mean, yeah she has white hair but dark eyebrows so-

???: Ahem.

Marrow: Oh gods have mercy...

Winter: Marrow, please see General Ironwood and explain to him why you'll be scrubbing toilets this weekend.

Marrow: Yes, ma'am...

Winter: As for you, Arc.

Jaune: Y-yes, ma'am?

Winter: Want to see if the carpet matches the drapes?

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Jaune: Ruby, don't worry about what I'm saying, just let me rant. I smoked some bubba kush from Mercury and am in my flow right now.

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Jaune: ... Em is around the corner trying to break in, isn't she?

Mercury: ...

Emerald: Mercury, I swear to God, if you sell me out for dick...

Mercury: ... depends on if you wanna go out again...?

Mercury/Emerald: *preparing to break into a dust store*

Mercury: *looking out while Emerald picks the lock* SHIT!! My ex is walking towards us! What do I do?! 😨

Emerald: Act natural! Play it cool!

Mercury: Got it!

Jaune: …Mercury? What are you doing here?

Mercury: *mostly undressed in a “Draw me like one of your French girls” pose* Well…hey, Jaune…! 😘

Emerald: 🤦‍♀️

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Twins AU: Forgiveness Is Earned (for @pilot-boi)

Some background (1, 2, 3, 4)

Summer Rose took a deep breath as she closed the door, it hurt lying to them. She clenched her fists as her "partner" for the mission arrived.

Raven: Nobody suspects anything?

Summer: No, and if we can, let's keep conversations to a minimum.

Raven: Summer Rose telling lies and b-

Summer: Don't. Don't you even dare talk to me like we're friends after what you did.

Raven: What? Yin? He was we-

Raven didn't even have time to duck as Summer's fist hit her cheek. Her aura kept the punch from stinging too much. She knew better than to provoke another.

Summer: In a just world, Rae, I'd have a son back there sound asleep and you'd be rotting in some woods. If... If we make it back, I want nothing to do with you. I never want to see your face again. If I see so much as a fucking feather near my house I'll reunite you with Yin personally.

Raven couldn't even look her in the eye, staring at the ground as she silently opened the portal.

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Mercury: *seeing Jaune* You are the gayest huntsman since GAY came to Gaytown!

Jaune: Woooooooah... Easy! Whe-Where's this comin' from?

Mercury: No! Let's get down to it! What I say is very baffling!

Emerald: Hey, hey! Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, you two. We don't want any trouble here, now, okay?

Jaune: Naw, I'm with you. I don't think violence solves anything.

Mercury: God, you're gay.

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Jaune: Hey, uh, does this shirt make me look stupid?

Weiss: Nah, you don’t need a shirt to make you look stupid.

Jaune: Those are words I need to think about…