omenday1

[omenday1]

Kalau aku menetap namun kau pergi, apa namanya? (If I stand up but you leave, what do you call it?)

Kalau kau punya cinta tapi tak bermakna, apa namanya? (If you have love but it has no meaning, what do you call it?)

Ah, sial... (Ah, damn...)

Bahkan seserpih asa saja memiliki makna. (Even a sliver of hope has meaning.)

Lalu, aku ini apa? (Then what am I?)

-dwi_apriyn

[omenday1]

I know nothing

I understand nothing

I don't feel anything

I am just tears running down your cheeks

I'm warm and wet

I can mean happiness, I can mean pain

But I know your eyes, I know them well

I understand how you see things, how you see people

I feel the change in your pupils when you see something you like, something you don't

I can't tell anyone what's in your heart

I'm not words and sounds

No, I can't be your weapon, I can't be your weakness

You're crying

You're the one telling people with words or sounds

They won't understand your silence

Even tears

omenday1, "What Tears Have to Say"

29 Feb, 2024

[omenday1]

At the very last, people will give up helping you. And the problems remains yours.

In the end, everything you have tried to do, was just in vain.

You want to get away from it, but you still want it.

No, what's wrong is not the problems you face. That's not what made you like this, doing this. You want it.

You try to stay away from everything—people, things, places—that you think contributed to making you the way you are. But not. You are wrong.

The person who makes you what you are is yourself. Deep inside you know it, you know it. But you refuse to believe that you are the antagonist in your own story.

The person at fault in this case is yourself, but you want to put the blame on someone else.

One day when you notice it, will you be able to stay in place and fix it? Or are you just going to run again from it all?

~Me, myself

[omenday1]

To be honest he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend. I don't hope so either. He is a great guy who is perfect in every way and he has never paid attention to other girls. Why should I be an exception? After all, we were just getting to know each other. It's not wise to date someone who doesn't really know us. In short, I am quite satisfied with my friendship with him which clearly exceeds my closeness with other friends. One day maybe I'll hope for more. One day, later. Not now.

Meanwhile, life goes on.

*Original copy in Indonesian

*With adjustments

~Perburuan dalam Kegelapan (Dark Series #2), Lexie Xu

[omenday1]

Have you ever felt lonely in a crowd?

Have you ever felt left alone even though you were in your group of friends?

Have you ever felt guilty even though you were on the right side?

Have you ever felt gloomy in the middle of a pleasant situation?

Have you ever felt like you're just an extra when you're the main character?

Or is this just a made up feeling? Or is this just a feeling of guilt for a mistake you made in the past? Or is this just punishment for crimes committed in the past?

Do I deserve all these feelings of emptiness? Can I blame someone else?

Please...

Please give me a little help. I feel drowned in this dark feeling. Someone give me a helping hand!

I really want to give up, want to drown myself in this dark ocean. Please...

I'm not ready to leave everything, I will miss everything. Give me some help, please!

I know a clear sky is waiting for me out there, please, help me step forward there.

Please...

[omenday1]

Maybe for the umpteenth time in my life, I have to say this objection that disturbs my mind.

I think the world is so unfair, really so unfair. Those who are rich, good-looking, and popular can easily get whatever they want. While the rest have to be satisfied with their mediocre lives.

This thought...

Am I the only one who is selfish and shallow-minded? Am I just jealous and insecure? Am I just unable to see other people's happiness and feel the world is being mean to me?

Am I that low?

*Just a quote

~Me, myself

[omenday1]

Should I be disappointed or happy? Should I be angry or sad? I was expecting too much so what I got disappointed me a bit. Maybe this is the best for me, but obviously I still expect more. Between falling too deep or just walking on flat roads? I don't want both. Am I expecting too much? Or am I just greedy? I don't know, I don't want to know.

But at least we talked about this together, at least we decided this together. At least... At least we know and hope that this is the best for us until better times come. Someday, but definitely not now. Luckily I'm a patient person, luckily.

He said it's better this way, it's more fun this way. Isn't it better this way? Wouldn't it be more fun if we were in a relationship without status, without the burden of commitment and responsibility in a clear relationship? Isn't this more free and spacious for both of us?

Isn't this way better? Until one day when we are both ready for something more serious and challenging. I laughed out loud when I heard it.

"You want me to wait for you to be ready?" I asked.

"Do you want to?" he asked.

"I dunno."

"If you wait, I will wait more," he said firmly.

I paused for a moment, then nodded.

"One day, but not today."

[omenday1]

"Do you have anything to talk about?" he asked.

"Apparently not," I replied wearily. Nothing interesting happens today, but usually there's just something I want to babble to this cute person.

"Weird. Usually there's some random incident you want to tell me about," he chuckled.

"Yeah," I thought for a moment. "Actually there was an interesting incident."

"So? Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"It would be weird if I told you about that."

He looked at me rather seriously. "How come?"

"Because the interesting things that have happened to me lately have always been about you. Isn't it weird if I tell you about you?"

He laughed softly.

I huffed angrily. "As for yourself? Is there anything interesting you can tell me?"

"There isn't any," he said, looking down.

"There isn't any?"

He chuckled again, "Because anything interesting happens to me, you're always there."

I huffed again, but now with a racing heart. "This because of you anyway!"

"What's my fault?" he said in a surprised tone.

"Now we have no topics to talk about."

He smiled, then laughed loudly. "Then it's fine if there's no topic. The important thing is that every interesting event that I experience, you will always be in it."

He always know how to make me blush.

[omenday1]

Started by wanting to cry, until I realized this was all just a scenario. Everything felt too real, until the air that swirled in the air I breathed felt tense and cold. Too cold, even. He loved the drama I started too much, and now he plays his part much better than me. One more shot of that cold stare, and I know, my world will crumble and disappear, then evaporate in the air.