pasta-problems1

[pasta-problems1]

My Bulimia Story/Health Scare

I threw up two days ago and woke up with some throat pain, later at work I had sudden chest pain. It hurt to swallow, cough, breathe, and even just walk. My chest had constant pain throughout the shift, I could barely talk. I would keel over while talking for prolonged times. I went to the hospital after my shift and they did an XRay and a CT scan, seeing a tear in my esophagus. I got transferred to another hospital who could do more for my situation. I was hooked up an IV and had tests ran to look further into my esophagus. Thankfully, the tear wasn’t huge and was just weakened and can self heal so I’m on meds to help with my acid reflux. However, they said there were some situations where surgery is needed due to the damage.

I have struggled with bulimia for 5 years and had random chest pain throughout these years and had often had throat pain after throwing up, but I never worried about it. Bulimia has been the most consistent part of my life. I’ve gone through phases where it comes and goes but it never really went away. My esophagus was already weakened due to the consistent throwing up and the aggressiveness of the last time I threw up sent it over the edge. This experience really opened my eyes to what I’m doing to myself. While I’m not sure I’m ready for recovery and will probably continue restricting, I know I have to stop throwing up and if you’re struggling with bulimia, please seek help. I’m 20 and was in the ER for this; there are real consequences to bulimia and sometimes it takes staring face to face with those consequences to realize there needs to be a change.

[pasta-problems1]

I tore my fucking esophagus

Omg guys 5 years of bulimia WILL catch up I’m in the hospital

[pasta-problems1]

Omg guys 5 years of bulimia WILL catch up I’m in the hospital

[pasta-problems1]

Guys I work 60 hours this week end me omg

[pasta-problems1]

Does anyone else’s family members know about their ed? Mine found out a few years ago and they think I recovered and sometimes they poke fun at it and act like it wasn’t a big deal and that it was stupid. Idk like when they joke like that it makes me upset

[pasta-problems1]

Goal Weights

GW 1: 140 lb - ✔️

GW 2: 135 lb - ✔️

GW 3: 130 lb

GW 4: 125 lb

GW 5: 120 lb

GW 6: 118 lb

GW 7: 115 lb

UGW: 113 lb

[pasta-problems1]

So I actually had pizza at work but that slice fueled me through the night ngl

omad’ing sushi and then going into a 12 hour shift 😎😎

[pasta-problems1]

Unpinning at 125 lb /56.7 kg

[pasta-problems1]

omad’ing sushi and then going into a 12 hour shift 😎😎

[pasta-problems1]

I so so grateful that after 2-3 weeks of binge and then light restriction I’m somehow at the same weight before that but I neeeeed that euphoric feeling of seeing the scale lower like I need to hit another GW

[pasta-problems1]

I’m on vacation and keep eating soooo much (but super good food tbh) but I don’t want to be miserable so I’m not gonna restrict or throw up but it’s so hard to not throw up my meals :( and I know they’d find out (from past experience) so I won’t but I have to LOCK TF IN when I get home

[pasta-problems1]

It’s not like I LIKE throwing up, but it’s so ritualistic for me. It’s the same with cutting; I know I shouldn’t, I don’t even care for it personally, but it’s such a ritual

[pasta-problems1]

I know this sounds dis0rded and stuff but I truly don’t get HOW not everyone has an 3d… like you just live life??? Losing healthily????? Not consumed by your body??????

[pasta-problems1]

My old acc @pasta-problems was terminated :(