patheticcryptid - Tumblr blog

[patheticcryptid]

Keeping with tradition when it comes to Tolkien verse on screen, I am expecting Legolas in season 2 of RoP.

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I can't believe Nori is Saurons biological daughter, what a plot twist.

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What I want to know is how they clean their teeth in Middle Earth. Considering all the ale they drink the acid damage alone must be horrendous.

Do they even have dentists? If they do I bet they are dwarves and everyone is terrified of them.

Bearded, easily agitated dwarf in full armor coming at you with pliers. I bet there's a clinic in Dale, and parents use it to threaten their kids when they misbehave.

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The Hobbit, but all of the dwarves are played by Julia Roberts.

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you guys seemed to enjoy my cringe-fail legolas sexy gimli post so here’s some more of my thoughts ab that dynamic:

-when legolas goes home and announces his engagement to gimli thranduil is shocked but every other elf is like “yeah checks out. that kid’s always been a little weird.”

-gimli goes home to announce his engagement to legolas and every dwarf promptly loses their SHIT at the fact that THE gimli, son of gloin, is betrothed. only to further lose their shit at the fact that it’s to that weird elf prince that they have never heard speak unless to send some sort of diplomatical message for his father but some dwarflings once saw him sobbing in front of a tree in the middle of a rainstorm while gripping a fallen branch.

-thranduil only gives his blessing to the proposal once he realises just how angry all of erebor is that their most eligible bachelor, gimli, the silver-tongued battle ready diplomant and descendant of kings, has been stolen away by thranduils weird tree-hugging naked star gazing hippie son.

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I'm bored so I made this atrocity.

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"Hate you, Bilbo" this is how I'm signing all official documents from this day until I die and my cats eat me.

Dear Lobelia:

It is my pleasure to announce that my birthday is almost here, and with it a huge party. There will be more food than any hobbit can eat, desserts prepared by the best chefs in Hobbiton, and of course, gifts that I bought without skimping a penny. So now I personally invite you to don't come to my party.

Hate you, Bilbo.

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My favorite part of the Fellowship of the Ring movie is during the council of Elrond scene, when Gimli says “and my axe”, and Legolas briefly looks into the camera like he’s on an episode of The Office.

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I wish I had the confidence of Thranduil bringing a travel throne with him to battle.

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My kitchen is being upgraded and I've been without hot water for four days, but it’s fine because I'm depressed and I wasn't going to shower anyway.

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"Through caverns deep..."

Bilbo deciding to join the Company after hearing Thorin sing