queer-advice-hotline - Tumblr blog

[queer-advice-hotline]

i recently came out to my friend as agender. she didnt really know what it meant, so i said i dont feel like i have a gender. she got really confused and said that she doesnt understand what i mean by that. apparently she doesnt have an innate feeling of gender either, and she said that the people who strongly identify with being a man or woman are like sexist homophobic macho men and those stay at home moms who make their whole personality about their kids. and that what im feeling is normal and doesnt make me a different gender. so now im confused, is she right? is it true that most people dont have an innate feeling of gender?

No, most people have a sense of their gender, and find labels that match accordingly. Even cis people feel like the gender they were assigned, the same way a trans person would about their gender.

[queer-advice-hotline]

I am afab non-binary and use they/them pronouns more often than not but recently I have been referred to as sir and he and that makes me feel fuzzy and happy? For some reason. Would it be disrespectful to use trans-masc instead. I'm new to everything about this so I am uncertain.

It wouldn’t be disrespectful at all, if that’s how you’re feeling. You’re more than welcome to use any label that feels the best.

[queer-advice-hotline]

I am genderqueer and AFAB, I feel so confused when a lesbian says that they like me because… idk, it feels like I’m tricking them. Any advice on what to do? Is this something I shouldn’t be worried about? Help!!

As long as they’re aware of your gender, there’s no need to be worried.

[queer-advice-hotline]

Hello there- is genderflux and agenderflux the same thing?

When I try to learn abt agenderflux i get a lot of genderflux stuff so was wondering if it’s the same or not

The definitions of them are similar, but ultimately it’s up to the person using the label how they define it for themself.

[queer-advice-hotline]

I don't wanna let go of being a girl but I also want to be a girl :(

You can be a girl and not a girl at the same time, if you want.

[queer-advice-hotline]

any name finding advice? I've been having trouble choosing one

You can ask people close to you for suggestions, and try those out.

You can pick a “theme” you think you might like, like nature or space themed names, and look through lists until you see some you might like, and try those.

Ultimately the best way to find one is to have people call you that name for a while and see what sticks. Getting a list of ideas together is the best first step.

[queer-advice-hotline]

To the anon who is struggling with their faith and identity, hi. I get you. I’m in the same boat in a lot of ways. (Discussion of anti-science rhetoric, lgbt-phobia, and conservative Christian stuff for anyone who doesn’t wanna read that)

I was raised Christian, and taught that evolution and the Big Bang were false. I was taught that dinosaurs were real and the earth was billions of years old, but we were still creationists.

I was also taught that being gay or trans was sinful and that gay marriage shouldn’t be legalized. My family was never outright hostile (my uncle is gay and we always loved him, even though “we just don’t agree with his decision” ugh), but clearly bigoted.

I was also raised in baptist churches, who absolutely love to quote the same three verses over and over in order to tell women (like myself) that our whole purpose is to shut up and bear children and take care of the house, that we are to obey our fathers and husbands in everything and cannot teach men at all. Fortunately my parents at least hated that BS, and after every sermon regarding that point my mom would lecture us that that was the only thing she disagreed with with our church, and that me and my sisters could be whatever we wanted to be. She continually pointed out the instances that contradicted what our churches had said about women’s roles.

When I went to college, I made friends, met people with wildly different backgrounds, and began to form my own opinions. I am a supporter of lgbt rights (I believe that there is strong evidence that wording was changed to condemn homosexuality, and that even if it’s a sin, we are called to love each other first and foremost, and that we cannot force our religious beliefs upon anyone else, and that respecting someone’s sexuality and pronouns is just basic fucking courtesy. I’ve even convinced my trump-supporting grandparents to use peoples preferred pronouns and respect gay marriages, with the logic that “you believe it’s sinful, but they don’t, and you can’t force your religious perspective on them. There is nothing loving about making them uncomfortable just because you disagree.”

I also strongly believe in scientific theories like evolution and the Big Bang. There’s plenty of evidence, and if you read genesis with fresh eyes it’s pretty clear to me it’s highly symbolic, not literal. I can believe God created the universe and that he did so through the Big Bang. I can believe God created humans in his image through the process of evolution.

As I was expanding and changing my worldview, I also realized that I was aroace. I’ve never been interested in dating, I don’t find men good looking at all, and my appreciation for women’s beauty is more similar to how someone would appreciate a painting, not someone they want to date or marry or have sex with.

And I don’t believe it’s a problem for me to stay single either. When I told my mom she immediately told me that the Bible says that singleness is, for many, a gift, and only a different path, not a wrong one.

I often don’t know what God’s intention is, but I do know that Christians are called to be the light of the world. So I will always be kind and loving, because that is how you be a light. I always pray for better understanding of how I should do things, but in the end the most important thing is to be kind.

Sorry if that was rambly, I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone in these struggles, and that you can believe different things without being a bad person. Personally, my family doesn’t know that I’m now fairly liberal and that I believe in evolution and the Big Bang and such, but I’m okay with that. If they find out, I’ll tell them more or less what I just said here. Best of luck to you and to anyone else in a similar situation 💛

Thanks for sharing, I’m sure this will be helpful for a lot of people.

[queer-advice-hotline]

Binding

Binders

I found that Spectrum Outfitters worked best for me (prices range from $50-$39). I also have binders that are older and stretched out or that don’t work as well (like gc2b) that I use when I don’t need as flat of a chest because they are easier on my rib cage lol. If you do that, do NOT count that as a break!

Practice safe binding!

Don't bind for more than 8 hours

Don't sleep in a binder

Don't exercise in a binder

Get the right size

Try to only wear a binder for 5 or 6 days a week (this one is hard, I know)

If it hurts, take it off!

If you notice bruising, something is wrong! Your binder might be too small or you may be wearing it for too long.

TransTape

Wearing binders all the time is not too good for you so I recommend using a variety of different binding techniques. One is TransTape!

The reason Ace bandages are unsafe is because as you breathe it gets tighter and tighter and can really hurt you. But TransTape doesn't do that, it's like the tape athletes use when they sprain their ankle or something. It's safe as long as it is used properly. Plus, you can wear it for up to 5 days, exercise and sleep while wearing it, and it's water proof!

TransTape isn't the only brand of course, but they do have a lot of great resources.

Learn more at their website here. I recommend starting with this page and the FAQ.

Men's Compression Shirts *I have not used these myself (yet) but I hear they work pretty well*

Made for cis men with gynecomastia but hey we can use em. Obviously will work much better for smaller chests, but could still do something for bigger chests, maybe for under a hoodie?

They won't flatten you as well as binders but the goal is more to masculinize the shape of your chest than to completely flatten it. They are also safer than binders.

Other stuff

The color black will make you look flatter

Layers! Lots of layers! (don't overheat)

Sports bras

Compression bras

Button ups <3333

Resources

Pain-Free Binding Techniques | Youtube Video by Arthur Rockwell

Binding 101 - Point of Pride

Binding Safely - Spectrum Outfitters

How to Hide Your Chest (without a binder) | Video by Iris Olympia

Please free feel to add!

[queer-advice-hotline]

heyyyy so like. got a question

is it normal to be like.. scared of being trans or smt??? like, i know im not cis in any form but im so scared to.. 'embrace' (would that be the word?) that for [mostly reason my brain refuses to define] and i think its a mix of

- [that undefined reason]

- what if im FAKING IT

yk?

Yes, that’s a relatively common experience. It could be due to some internalised transphobia, as well as worry about faking it.

One thing that can help with that is talking with other trans, or otherwise not cis people, and figuring out what’s helped them.

[queer-advice-hotline]

Hi! Idk if this is the right place for this, but I've been thinking about trying out trans tape, but I've found conflicting information about if it's safe or not I know that the adhesive can irritate the skin, and to put something over the nipple so it doesn't hurt that, but could it do internal damage?

No, the reason a lot of people prefer trans tape over binders is because it doesn't have as many risks associated with it, like binding does.

The trans tape website here can help you with more questions.

[queer-advice-hotline]

Transmasc enby in a sticky situation here…

I've made a fair bit of progress transitioning in the past year. I'm almost 6 months on T, though I had a bad dose for a while so it’s functionally like 3-4 months. My voice is significantly deeper, and I have a more masculine frame and a little bit of wispy facial hair. I'm also out to pretty much everyone in my life - excepting my extended family. I do think that most of them will be accepting when I do eventually come out, it's just something I've been avoiding. It's a little awkward, because AFAIK I'm the only queer person in my family, and also I worry about being seen as the stereotype of "GIRL BRAINWASHED BY THE TRANS AGENDA" lmao.

Here's the problem. My grandmother is turning 100 in a month. Obviously it's a pretty big occasion, and most of my extended family will be there, as well as many other people that may know me. I don't know if they'll notice that I've transitioned. I didn't get any comments last Christmas, and I don't feel like I've changed much since then, so maybe it'll be alright? At some point I'm planning on making a coming-out post on the family Facebook page, but I don't think I should do it before my nan's birthday. Especially since the party will have more people than just my extended family. Still, I wonder if any seniors with poor eyesight are going to ask if my nan has an extra grandson, and I worry that I'd have to awkwardly come out then and there…

But yeah, any tips for navigating the 100th birthday party of my devout Christian grandma, which will be attended by many people who are used to thinking of me as a cute little girl in a pretty dress, whilst being pretty transparently Not A Lady? Lmao, typing it out has made me realise just how fucked I am…

Telling them you are a girl if they ask would be a good way to get around it if they ask. If they ask about your voice you can always say that you have a cold or something along those lines.

Staying closeted both for your safety and comfort won't be an enjoyable experience for that day, but it may help to remember that it's just that one day, and then you can work on coming out on your own terms.

[queer-advice-hotline]

So I thought I was a demigirl for a while but then I realized that my amount of femininity/masculinity changes everyday so I think maybe I'm genderfluid. Could I say I'm a genderfluid demigirl? Any advice at all on how to know what I am?

Yes, you can be both.

The best way to figure out what labels wor is just to try them out and see how you feel. Remember that labels can change and that's ok, so whatever feels the best for now is what you should use, and don't worry about if it changes in the future.

[queer-advice-hotline]

I am a cis woman, and I’ve never really questioned my gender, but I’m very uncomfortable with my boobs. They are rather large, and it makes me uncomfortable both physically and socially. I’m aroace and not interested in dating, but several times people have mentioned my breasts being nice and I hate it. I don’t want to do anything permanent (at least not anytime soon) but would it be rude or offensive or disrespectful if I were to start binding, even though I’m not trans or nb or anything?

I use sports bras most of the time, and they kinda help, but they really just push my boobs together more, I don’t get much compression or redistribution or anything. I’ll probably get a breast reduction in a few years because I hate dealing with this. I can barely even find regular bras in the size I need because I need such large cups with a smaller band and nobody ever has that.

Idk I’m just frustrated but I wanna make sure it wouldn’t be disrespectful to get a binder.

It's not disrespectful at all. Binders are for anyone who needs/wants them.

[queer-advice-hotline]

Hi there! Do you have any advice on how a genderfluid person can feel more gender euphoria? I've been trying to find things that make me feel more like my identity (I'm an afab genderfluid demigirl), but I'm not sure of any specific things I could do to help. Any ideas?

Thank you and have a great day ❤

I think experimenting with different things is really the best way to figure it out. It can be difficult to figure out if you would like something or not without giving it a try.

Trying out things like new types of clothing, new hairsyles, or other forms of your gender presentation can help you find things that work.

You can consider keeping a journal of some sort to track what sort of gender identity you're feeling and when. You can also track what your gender expression feels like at different times. This can help you determine the best way to feel gender euphoria at different times.

Anyone with other ideas feel free to share.

[queer-advice-hotline]

Hello, I'm a genderqueer genderfluid person, any my transition goals are to look more androgynous, so I'd like to ask if there would be medical transition available in the future to make me look more ambiguous on my physical presentation (keep in mind that I'm a person with a uterus/biologically moved by estrogen, if that's gonna be important).

You can get a breast reduction surgery, instead of a full top surgery, if you wanted. Getting full top surgery is also an option, and both options could make you more androgynous.

You could microdose testosterone, if you wanted some of the changes of t without going so fast. It's also possible to start testosterone and then stop when you have your desired results.

Anyone with other ideas, or experience with this sort of thing please share.

[queer-advice-hotline]

Can you give some more info on agenderness?

Specifically:

Does it mean you identify with having no gender or smt else?

What are some -for lack of a better word- clues that you could be agender?

For identifying as agender could you feel a mix of all genders (or not exclusively a lack of gender?)

Also thank you for this acct it is seriously so helpful for ppl figuring out their stuff who can’t ask anyone in their community <3

This post here give some context on what being agender is, and how it differs from nonbinary.

Some ways to tell that you might be agender could be: feeling as though you don't identify with they concept of gender, feeling as though your gender doesn't exist, feeling as though your gender is completely neutral. I recommend reading the agender wikipedia for some good information on that.

In regards to your last question, feeling a mix of all genders would be considered pangender. If you feel agender sometimes, you could be agenderflux, or some form of genderfluid.

[queer-advice-hotline]

I kind of want to make a quick little guide for packing, but I really don't know what people need guidance on (mostly because I pack based on vibes, and I've learned things the hard way), so if anybody has packing questions, I'd love to answer to the best of my abilities

Frankly, packing was never a topic that was openly discussed even when I first started packing, and I think it's about time to remedy that more.