rashi-pov

[rashi-pov]

and i watched you give her your soul, while mine crumbled at your feet.

-rashipov

[rashi-pov]

Grave

I wrote another poem lol

Grave

I stand on the grave of my feelings,

buried so deep down.

I watch casually as more fall apart from within me.

with no one to share them with,

I tear myself from me and dig a grave every time.

Self-destruction in the name of altruism,

what a high, it is.

Flashbacks of the warmth I never seem to have had,

the nostalgia to something that never belonged to me.

Anemoia, for the snaked arms around my neck,

for the flutter of a 'forever' on the forehead,

for the entangling of hands.

I bury every desire burning deep within my veins,

I watch over them as I feel my world crumbling.

Oh, everyone leaves you behind,

Oh, everyone gets lost in the maze of the world.

Now, that I'm standing alone,

watching my grave not being able to take anymore of all that I throw on it,

even it falls apart, along with everything else around me.

my grave of feelings, at last not only intangible,

Tangibility struck it, and with everything else, even I succumbed to it.

[rashi-pov]

obsession.

[rashi-pov]

so i wrote something (again)

this one’s for finally giving up (you shouldn’t) and it’s name is scarlet.

scarlet

i’m staring down the barrel of the gun,

only the gun isn’t the weapon, it’s my own reflection,

i see the scarlet dropping down as my gaze surrenders what it could see.

i look at myself and laugh, all wasted, whatever i could be,

the highs and lows broke the back,

reminded the soul of all that i lack.

Time is an illusion, so they say,

isn’t it true though? as soon, i’ll decay.

the agony spills from my own,

drop down to the floor,

the physicality of it, too overwhelming.

salt on the wounds, oil in the fire,

heavy eyes, heavy heart- the feelings, they tire.

the soul running away, begging for mercy,

for how can one be so cruel?

how can i let myself live after this misery?

isn’t it easier to let go?

i asked myself all my life,

and now i truly answer,

scarlet drops down to the floor,

my gaze shutting down,

all that was heavy, becomes numb

and all that i was and couldn’t be, is no longer.

the breath no longer strong,

it all shuts down, the starlet,

becomes silent after all she sees is scarlet.

[rashi-pov]

Your Life’s Not Boring—You’re Just on Your Phone Too Much

If you’ve been feeling glued to your phone—especially apps like TikTok and Instagram—you’re not alone. So many of us are stuck in this loop, and it can seriously mess with our energy, motivation, and overall health.

One thing I’ve struggled most with lately is comparison. Feeling like what I do just isn’t... enough. If you’ve felt that too, this post is for us both. A little reminder that:

✨ You are enough, just as you are. ✨ You’ve survived every hard day, and your inner child and I are so proud of you. Don't ever forget how far you've come as a person! If all you did was make your bed and hydrate today, that's a win worth celebrating. You're doing just fine, and you'll do all that you wish to on your own divine timing.

And yes, your life isn’t boring. You might just be too distracted to see how beautiful it really is. So instead of escaping it, let’s try to romanticize it!

10 Ways to Romanticize Your Life & Be More Present

Wake up a little earlier. It doesn’t have to be 5 AM (unless that’s your thing). Even an hour earlier can give you quiet time to get things done without distractions.

Take an "everything shower." These are pretty meditative for me in a way. I like to imagine the water washing off all my stress and stagnant energy I may have accumulated throughout the day. Like a reset button!

Make a breakfast you’d actually get out of bed early for. Pancakes? Fruit? Whatever makes your inner child happy.

Play jazz or soft instrumentals while doing everyday activities. Instant cozy vibes.

Read outside. Sitting on your porch or even by a window gives you that vitamin D and a fresh perspective.

Find a screen-less hobby you enjoy. Try crochet, painting, poetry, LEGO kits, pottery, etc. Block-building kits are my fave—they’re so fun and satisfying. Just remember to take breaks and stretch!

Re-watch something comforting or start something new. That show you keep skipping past might become your next obsession.

Connect. If you’ve been stuck in your room all day, talk to someone. Call a friend, hug your pet, or chat with family. A quick convo with my mom always boosts my mood!

Learn something new! When was the last time you went out of your way to explore something you didn’t already know? (and nope, school doesn’t count.) Take a moment to find a subject you’ve never looked into or dive deeper into one you already know a little about. Pick up on a new language, study an unfamiliar culture, or even try learning a random skill just for fun. Expanding your mind keeps life feeling fresh and exciting.

Travel (if you can). I can't stress this one enough!! Even just getting out of town for a single 24 hours can give you a whole new perspective. A change of scenery does wonders, especially when life feels repetitive. It doesn't have to be far, either. You can travel to the next city over and explore what it's like there!

Remember: Social media is NOT real life. That influencer who’s always partying in Miami with a closet full of designer bags? You’re seeing their highlight reel, not the full picture. Some even goes as far as faking luxury lifestyles for the views. Don’t compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s curated feed. At the end of the day, it's all for the aesthetics/entertainment.

Be gentle with yourself. You're doing better than you think, angel. xo, Kay 🪽

[rashi-pov]

so i wrote a poem, for when you hate yourself and start to give up. it’s called loathe.

How can one be so cruel to oneself?

To want to pick myself apart, in-front of the mirror,

just so I wouldn’t see the loathe in my eyes,

my eyes, that have loved so many, so dearly,

betray my vision, when it turns to my own reflection.

Anger and hate merging at what i come across,

My bare soul- my flaws, high lightened,

My hopes, guillotined,

hope of being held so the loathe knows,

knows it’s existence is false,

yet again, i fail,

yet again, the loathe seen in the mirror, looks at me again.

To be loved is to be chosen,

but what about the ones that run away before the choice is made?

fear of being seen; too high

yearning of being seen; left stranded.

The true self looks at the voices in the head through the loathe, begging it to stop,

yet the eyes only give the tears away.

A sign of an apology,

a sign that the voices only get louder,

louder, till they stop completely.

OH, it’s not only the voices that stopped,

the heart gave up and the mind broke, and

yet again, the loathe…won.

[rashi-pov]

“The only obsession everyone wants: ‘love.’ People think that in falling in love they make themselves whole? The Platonic union of souls? I think otherwise. I think you’re whole before you begin. And the love fractures you. You’re whole, and then you’re cracked open.”

— Philip Roth, The Dying Animal

[rashi-pov]

amen

just a girl and her unconditional love for the moon

[rashi-pov]

“That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons that history has to teach.”

— Aldous Huxley, “A Case of Voluntary Ignorance”, Collected Essays

[rashi-pov]

creating a new identity:

aka; how to build an alter ego / how to create the new you / creating your higher self / create a new version of yourself

this is a guide for people who want to change their life around, and most importantly, change themselves (because obvi to change your life, you must first change yourself first). oki lets get started!!

3 reasons why you want to change:

first of all name at least 3 reasons WHY you want to create a new identity. some reasons could include:

wanting to get better at school/ higher grades

becoming more social

more stronger

more disciplined

becoming better at something (ex a language, instrument)

if you don't have your 3 reasons on why you want to create a new you, then your desire is probably not strong enough and you won't be able to stay consistent in it.

create the new you:

give it a name! (you can do this at any point tbh so not really important atm)

choose and decide the aspects of your new identity: (how they think, act, behave, feel. what their hobbies are, their habits, what type of person they are, how they treat others and themselves, etc etc)

write down these aspects in your notes app, notion, blog, docs, (wherever you want to). you don't have to go in full detail but just write everything that you need for this new identity so that if you forget or need to be reminded, you can just check that.* *reminder that you can create more than 1 identity/ alter ego! so for example you may have one thats for workouts/ sports, one thats for studying, one thats for socialising, etc. this means that you don't necessarily need to write other hobbies for an alter ego that is made for working out. you just need to write whats important to that specific identity.

once you've done all this, theres nothing left but to just BECOME. stop over planning and procrastinating, step into the energy of this new version of yourself. channel the energy and enjoy your life!

tips:

take inspiration from people in real life! this can be celebrities, anyone you've met and admired, movie/ tv show characters (for me; rory gilmore, elle woods, gina linetti), book characters, etc. you don't have to create a new alter ego from scratch, you can just adopt energy of a person that has already been created/ exists.

a signature something. give this new identity a signature scent, outfit, accessory, etc. anything just to give it a bit of a touch/ cherry on top <3

Xoxo, Vanilla

[rashi-pov]

the woman i want to be loves to

educate herself on various topics

take care of herself mentally, physically and spiritually

be pretty in her own way. prettiness doesn’t hurt and isn’t strict, it adapts itself through her authenticity

explore her inner world & the outer world

be in tune with her inner child

embrace and understand her emotions, even the bad ones

be kind, specially with herself

be organized, but flexible with what life gives her

work hard, rest hard. she loves to be in harmony and have a balanced life

eat light and nourishing food

feel good in her own skin and she actively work on it everyday

take her meds because she knows it’s good for her

[rashi-pov]

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my whole existence is a full blown circus

[rashi-pov]

My heart is drowning in missing you.

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