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Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Chapter 39

- this is an addition to the end of Order of the Phoenix I wich Harry’s beating himself up about what happened at the Battle of the Department of Mysteries

- Harry sat there staring at the floor. Another encounter with death and this time he did not exit as the victor. Instead, he was the fool. He interrogated himself over and over again. He knew that it was his own ego that killed Sirius, that ended his life. No matter how much anyone tried to tell him it wasn't his fault or how he wasn't to know that Voldemort had created these visions and how they weren't actually happening. But he knew it was his fault. 'Why didn't I just listen to Hermione, just used the two-way mirror that Sirius had given me, just thought for one second? But no, I had to go and act the hero, be the saviour, the man of the hour. Why do I have to be so stupid, so vein? I put not only myself in danger but all my friends, the people I love the most... who love me the most. They could have died, all because I wanted to be the hero again. How had Voldemort entered my mind, gotten to know me so well, found my Achilles heel? Known that I would do this for my family. Known that I would put everything at risk just to make sure the ones I love are safe. The only time he’s ever met me was last year, the graveyard. Yes, I tried to get Cedric back but... that doesn't me he could know that I would do this for S...S...' The tears were trying to break through his eyes, but Harry was stronger than they were and held them at bay even though he didn't want to. He was sat in the middle of the common room for god sake, and THE Harry Potter wasn't the type to break down. Or at least not that people knew...

'How stupid can I have been, why was I ever cursed by this god damn prophecy and made to live out this eternal hell created for my future? Why do I have to deal with... with this? I have killed my parent’s best friend, my teacher’s best friend, the one who was wrongly imprisoned for years by his own best friend, for fuck's sake my own almost-father. The only man who let me feel like I was a teenage boy and not a wizard born to defeat evil, not some sort of celebrity to gawk at and to fuss about. He was the one who listened to me and what I wanted, what I thought. He was always there for me when I was alone or having to fight my own battles. The one who treated me like my parents would have...'. And at this point tears began to fill his eyes. They were beginning to fall down his broken face. His breath hurried ahead of him, and his heart hastened after it. The minutes carried on and yet all Harry wanted was to be anyone else. Be a normal boy. A normal kid who’s only worry was who he would be going to college with or who did or didn't fancy him. Not this hell he was forced into. Not this hell he created for himself. Not this hell that...that...that he'd pushed himself into.

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Always

Lily: No, no, no. You're wrong. There are way more things I hate about James than like about him.

Mary: Like what?

Lily: His stupid Clark Kent glasses, his extensive Zonko's collection. Oh and he loves quidditch so much. He once talked about Puddlemere United for two hours. I timed it. And he only stopped because he saw me timing him. Granted, he laughed and kinda made fun of himself. It was a nice moment, but still. He always ruffles his hair while he talks. And he tilts his head whenever I say something ignorant about the game, but he never makes fun of me, which is nice. He's also incredibly patient and kind and surprisingly jacked. And- oh fuck, I'm in love with James.

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Will always be ship #1

In his loneliness hunting horcruxes, Harry usually caught himself thinking about Ginny and the way she moves her hair.

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Never gets old...

James: “So… I saw you spending a lot of time with Remus lately.”

Sirius: “No James it’s not what it looks like! I swear!”

James: “Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?”

Sirius: “No Prongs, you’re the only one for me!”

James: “Is that so?”

Sirius: “I swear to god! Remus and I are just dating, ok? He’s my boyfriend!”

James: “So there are no best-friend-feelings involved?”

Sirius: “You are still my one and only best friend! He’s just the love of my life, nothing more!”

James: “But I’m still the platonic love of your life right?”

Sirius:”Of course bro!”

James: “Bro!”

Lily and Remus: “What the-”