redyarns

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i have a oneshot (an actual oneshot) in the works where its just bryce accidentally seducing clark

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i think a rite of passage is to write yet another peter in gotham fic, except mine is gonna also heavily feature superbat and - wait for it - dick/peter. OH COME ON THATS FUNNY

anyway i literally only just thought of the idea now and it would tickle me pink if peter has a crisis over bruce and clark trying to act like his guardians, which freaks him out because it reminds him too much of aunt may and tony, both of whom he lost. hes vehemently against the idea of ever getting close to anyone again, but of course dick is like r u fucking kidding me? and hits him on the head because peters even more dramatic than bruce is sometimes.

also its just bruce constantly being anxious and crashing out over the idea of peter not doing well because when he and clark first discovered him peter was totally malnourished and beat up. but clark is surprisingly the opposite and is enthusiastically optimistic and while bruce is shrieking in the background over how high peter goes when hes web slinging clark is just totally in awe and cheering him on

and of course an awkward teenage gay romance between both dick and peter and peter has a crisis at the tender age of 17 because why the hell does he keep staring at dicks lips while dick is just bouncing his leg at inhuman speed and trying to ignore how peter keeps staring at him

and of course the pivotal angsty moment of peter having the opportunity to go back home to his original universe, and he chooses to be selfish and stay here instead. its an utter relief to bruce and clark and dick, though they dont want to say it because its clear how upset he is.

so anyway thats my idea for now, peters just an emo turd (understandable) while clark and bruce dance around each other like bums and dick is just patiently waiting for peter to get with the damn program and kiss him already

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btw someone just liked this post i made in 2017, aka about oh... 8 years ago. how and why did u find this 😭 NO MORE OF MY DARK PAST

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snippet (this branch right by your door ch. 4)

working on the next chap. there were a lot of comments on the last chapter about how strange i write bruce and they were frying me

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absolutely itching to write a fic where kal ends up on a planet devoid of any super intelligent life and grows up there. its also the planet bruce accidentally crash lands on adter a space mission gone wrong, and they spend a year trying to learn about each other and their languages since initially they cant communicate for shit.

eventually though bruce picks up on kryptonian and kal does the same for english and kal is *such* a chatterbox especially now that theres actually someone to talk with, wowee!!! and somehow the talks turn into them spending time together and trying to fix the ship and one day kal is staring intensely at bruce and smiling sheepishly as he admits that he wishes he could kiss bruce, but...

bruce has to wear a helmet since the planets atmosphere isnt suitable for humans, but that doesnt mean he doesnt flush totally pink and mumble something as clark carefully kisses his helmet, right over his lips.

anyway im sleepy so i dont know the details but eventually they become the equivalent of space married and fix the ship and bruce returns to earth after an entire year to greet the league and introduce his new boyfriend

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oh my god i fucking love the trope where clark confesses he loves bruce after a huge misunderstanding between them and bruce's immediate reaction is "no you don't" I CANT

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coughs

a week ago something possessed me to write this. theres no explanation for it other than "clark wants the batussy"

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oh my god r u guys fr

a week ago something possessed me to write this. theres no explanation for it other than "clark wants the batussy"

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so im working on the vampire battinson fic and its more of a vampire battinson + weird alien corensupes thing. while everyone knows superman is an alien, he gets embarrassed and self conscious about all the alien things he does, while no one aside from clark knows bruce is a vampire.

so they grow close and try to cover for the other when they happen to be doing something not... super human or normal, and so far ive created these ideas:

bruce sparkles in the sunlight and one day after a battle his suit is a bit torn and hes petrified of people figuring it out. clark realizes whats going on and in his panic he decides theres only one thing to do: he strips himself completely naked. he flashes dozens of people and his "full justice" distracts all of them so much that bruce slips away unnoticed. people call superman as hung as the moon and he wants to die but... at least bruce gives him that tiny smile

clarks biology will be a bit more expanded upon (aka me taking very heavy creative liberty), and one thing he does is he has this *thing* where his jaw unhinges and he has rows of razor sharp teeth. he never lets it show but it can happen in times of great stress, and when hes arguing with hal about their larest mission gone wrong, bruce recognizes the signs and decides to intervene by throwing a temper tantrum so large that the other league members are baffled while clark manages to control himself

bruce cant enter holy ground. well he can but it hurts him and he always ends up hopping on one foot to another like an idiot. their latest league battle takes them to a church where the bad guys are hiding, and clark, who realizes why bruce is hesitating, asks to "do this one on my own." they ask why and superman lies out of his ass as he says "to get closer to the lord." hal calls bullshit and says "give me even a single damn bible quote". and clark, whos never gone to church or touched a bible once in his life, very confidently says "let thy hair run in the wind and thy calves frolick in the meadow".

clark has an extra set of eyes right underneath his usual ones. theyre not visible at all when closed, but when hes incredibly stressed then they tend to pop out. during a battle, bruce pretends to be hurt by someone punching him, and clark freaks out and the eyes pop. bruce, who realizes this, is like oh ffs and pretends that hes mortally wounded. hes got the theatrics up to near incomprehensible levels as the rest of the league flocks to him in a panic while he shoots clark glares to tell him that hes *fine but put your damn eyes away, kal!* and clark, whos flushed and embarrassed, slaps his hands to his cheeks as he turns away and tries to make his other eyes go away while barry clutches at bruces hand like hes dying and diana demands to know where bruce is injured.

bruce is allergic to garlic and hal unfortunately grows obsessed with garlic chips. clark decides the best course of action is to swoop in whenever hals about to eat some, steal the chips, stuff them all into his face in .3 seconds, and put on the 'aw shucks' attitude to 1000% as hal screams at him for eating his snack, *again*.

clark molts once a year. its just his bodys way of growing new skin cells since his skin is invulnerable and doesnt slough off like normal humans. he grows very itchy and twitchy around this time, and when barry asks whats wrong and tries to grab clarks wrist, bruce, whos nearby, actually scruffs barrys neck and begins to lecture him about the "absolutely fucking disgusting mess you left in the damn kitchen" and drags him off. theres no mess. they dont even have a kitchen. (clark also eats his skin once hes done molting. bruce always insists on watching because he loves it. clark is mortified.)

anyway i have more but its supposed to be a slowburn comedy fic that gets more serious and heartfelt as you get deeper into the story

edit: technically it should be justice gang and guy gardner instead of hal. but also my fic so whatever

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a week ago something possessed me to write this. theres no explanation for it other than "clark wants the batussy"

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so you know those vampire bruce fics? heres my version, except its battinson. come on thats hilarious something something robert something something twilight

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alright so let me talk more about my kara comes to earth first au because ive invested waaaaay more time into it than i initially thought i would. but basically i was like you know what i rarely read (mostly because it doesnt make sense in any context except this one)?

fics where bruce is the (more or less) emotionally stable one while clark is an actual hot mess. this is put in motion due to the fact that clark was a full grown adult by the time he escaped krypton right after baby kara, and he spent roughly 30 years in the phantom zone before he was able to make it to earth.

can you imagine that? youre a young man whos freshly 20 and your whole world and your people quite literally disintegrate while you lose 3 more decades sleeping. and when you arrive at the place that was supposed to give your purpose, you find your baby cousin whos all grown, and shes already shouldering the weight of the world as supergirl, and suddenly youre not doing anything at all except feeling petrified that this world is going to blow up just like your last one did.

so clark spends hours and i quite literally mean *hours* at the fortress every week, feeding the supercomputer hundreds and thousands of scenarios and getting simulations back. what if a meteor gets too close? what if theres a solar flare? what if these idiotic humans try to build a freaking dyson sphere?

krypton died because of an overusage of natural resources, and clarks burning hatred for the rich extends to earth as well, since it seems humans are just as fallible to greed. which is exactly why he thinks bruce wayne is the scum of the earth, even if bruce is just... a guy.

you know, a guy whose 4 kids are all also the 4 vigilantes that gotham has running around. one might ask why he allows his children to do the fighting when he was the one who trained them, but he was more forced than anything to first train dick, whose actions spurred his brothers to follow suit, much to bruce's dismay.

bruce himself once seriously considered being a vigilante himself, but after one too many close calls with stress-induced cardiac arrests from alfred (and also a healthy dose of therapy), bruce decided to shelve vengeance and embrace being a father instead. which backfired since dick was insistent that bruce teach him how to fight, and even if bruce refused, dick would go out anyway, which was enough to get bruce to reluctantly agree.

anyway bruce is just some guy (whose sons are law breaking vigilantes) who thinks the new gardener he hired is cute, if not mildly boring and also curiously kind of hostile towards him.

meanwhile clark (the new gardener) is determined to dig the dirt on bruce wayne and expose his dirty little secrets out. no billionaire was good and clark was going to prove it, dammit, especially since he has good intel (kara) that wayne might be involved in whatever crap luthor's trying to stir up again.

so in summary it's several things:

clark is severely traumatized from the loss of krypton (mmm yummy trauma)

bruce is surprisingly emotionally competent (he still has anxiety because he thinks all his boys will die young and if not them, then him because of stress induced ulcers)

this is technically a case fic but it's less case focused and more about clark learning to heal and properly grieve his people and home

sort of cracky because there is just complete one sided hatred on clark's side. like he LOATHES bruce meanwhile bruce is just all :D the gardener's nice

and here's a list of stuff out of context so i don't spoil more stuff:

lena

conner

trains

swaddling bruce like a baby at least 5 times

college applications

heliophobia (kind of)

9

supergirl harem

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snippet of the role reversal au i have where kara went to earth first before clark

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oh my gosh. i completely forgot my fic where bruce gets sent back in time and has to deal with college aged clark whos a complete horndog for him and bruce is stressing tf out bc its like the universe is forcing him to be the main love interest for clark

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maybe im secretly the mentally ill one because im having a blast writing my clark is deeply traumatized fic

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Title: Strawberry, California

Chapter: 1/10

Relationship: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne

Summary:

“There was a time, you know,” martha said, and she sounded weary, because of course she did. she rocked in her chair and she smiled at bruce like he was her son. “When I thought he would outlive me.”

bruce stared at the wooden patio, where clark had once hammered the floorboards into place.

he scuffed the toes of his thousand dollar loafers, and he wished clark was there to tell him off about it.

“yes,” bruce said eventually. “me, too.”

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well i just think ill write something silly about bruce accidentally slipping up and saying things with a british accent, a natural consequence of being mostly raised by alfred. clark adores it even though it makes bruce want to crawl into a hole