rellajai-blog - Tumblr blog

[rellajai-blog]

Something that applies across many aspects of life. We are always quick to impose on others. Perhaps it was something that was not within you to do? Maybe you are just “of your opinion” and believe it just cannot be done? Whatever your reasons, it does not make it permissable to tell someone who is doing it that they can’t. -RellaJ'ai

[rellajai-blog]

She was the kind of beautiful you wanted to keep forever. Like a rare hypnotic jewel; you could spend a lifetime appraising and admiring her every facet. She was precisely the kind of treasure every man wanted to own… but couldn’t. Because that kind of beautiful was always meant to be free.

Ranata Suzuki | Diamond in the rough (via theprocast)

[rellajai-blog]

Are you okay?

I would be dealing with everything, every form of heartbreak yet still keeping strong. Internally exhausted, externally alive. Present within me would be that attitude of

“I don’t want or need anyone’s help. I will deal with it on my own as I have been. I don’t want your sympathy, be happy in your life”

Although secretly screaming for help, for someone to talk to yet at the same time putting up every defence to prevent that from happening. Yet someway, somehow, someone gets through and they aren’t impatient, they aren’t judgemental but genuinely concerned and they ask me

“are you okay?”

And like a lock that has been picked, I unlock and the hinges of the door that I keep shut, falls off and the walls that hold my fortress up, falls down. And I am vulnerable…..and I am naked

But overwhelmed and relieved that someone has come to save me from me, that they have come in this life boat to save me from drowning.

No I am not okay, but because of you I am on my way there.

-RellaJ'ai

[rellajai-blog]

If I have to dress like her….look like her….and act like her to keep your attention, I have to let you go at the risk of possibly wasting your time… Because to be like anyone else would be to erase the amazing parts about me. And let’s face it…I’m pretty freaking awesome.

RellaJ'ai (It’s a shame you couldn’t see it)

[rellajai-blog]

Apparently we are bad for each other. It would be boring if we wasn’t.

RellaJ'ai

[rellajai-blog]

I’m as tough as they come. Hard exterior, heart of steel, can handle pretty much anything…. Until you ask me those three dangerous words: “Are you okay?” And my fortress falls; exterior crumbles, my heart melts and my eyes pour.

RellaJ'ai

[rellajai-blog]

Don’t be fooled, There is such a thing as being too loyal.

If your loyalty to another compromises your loyalty to yourself then you’re doing it wrong

-RellaJ'ai

[rellajai-blog]

Which is ironic because how do you recognise love, far less the love another has for you, if you cannot love yourself? You need to be able to love yourself first before seeking love from others because no amount of adoration will compensate for what you cannot appreciate in yourself. Would you even believe them? Love this.

[rellajai-blog]

For me there is just something about London Stations....Hmm I dunno....Perhaps my train of thought perceives things on a different platform to others....

[rellajai-blog]

I guess she was tired. I guess she guessed that too.

RellaJ'ai

[rellajai-blog]

Heart VS Brain

Hate it. I hate that can’t speak my mind Scared that shit won’t come out right Hate that I can’t be too honest Always step back from the spotlight When it’s shone on me.

Can’t vocal my heart Or explain how it feels Because my brain only retains facts And cannot tell if it is real

My heart must really hate me I know it does It give me hints and clues I know it does My brain tries to think strategically I know it does Goes on stats and figures Of what it is what it was My mind tells me he sells dope I know he does My heart tells me she might change I hope she does My brain says go with him You won’t get hurt And if you do you’re smart enough To stand back up and make shit work I go with him I do get hurt My heart tells me I was right I know you was

My heart says If you and brain Wanna go at it again On the facts thinking and logic Of the figures it retains Then please don’t love Count me out For the ignorance of brain Doesn’t understand the feelings Of which his thinking is to blame All he does is send the neurons to the eyes to make it rain And the information that I need to know that you’re in pain From a reaction That the thinking organ Can’t understand and can’t explain Cause you can’t love with an organ That is still learning in this game

Hate it.

I hate that I can’t speak my mind

Scared that shit won’t come out right.

Hate that I can’t be too honest

Always step back from the spotlight

When it’s shone on me.

-RellaJ'ai

[rellajai-blog]

Dream as if the sky is your ground. And then fall.

Hard.

-RellaJ'ai

[rellajai-blog]

Demons In White Tiles

You see I’m sitting on this bathroom floor, It’s probably very cold. It’s just that I can’t feel it, I can’t feel the cold. And it’s not because I’m warm, But because I’m cold.

I’m so distant from my soul I feel like giving up…

UP

Something so foreign to me, Cause all I’ve been is down. Which is why I’m sitting on this ground. But believe I’ve been lower Lower than the underground, So low that you’ll dig fossils up Before I can be found.

I tried to find me Find Peace Find Reason But my mind just spoke War Spoke Hate Spoke Treason

Treason against everything I’ve wanted, Everything I’ve dreamed, Leaving sadness to hatred, With nothing in between. No middle ground to convince myself that everything is fine, That I am not a slave to the imbalance in my mind,

That these medications that are supposed to cheat me to this “up” Where the rest of society hangs, Will not change me. Are not necessary. That it’s me who holds the hand,

To force this game called life to fold, And leave me the hell out. But there is no middle ground, There is no way out.

Only wails from my mouth, Tears that give a sense of relief, That at least I can still feel something, Despite the fact that I want to feel nothing.

Despite the fact that I want to feel nothing.

The door is locked I’m sitting here please do not come in, Cause right now I’m contemplating every mistake, every sin. Please do not ask me if I’m okay, My demons will keep me company. I have so many to fill this room that there’s barely room for me.

I’m sitting on this bathroom floor rather than the rest, Because white tiles and mirrors seem to show mistakes the best.

-RellaJ'ai

[rellajai-blog]

Sometimes you just have to throw yourself into the deep end. Heart and all. No life vest or boat. Just the steady hope that you will stay afloat. If it just so happens that you start to sink, then there’s no better time than now to learn how to swim.

RellaJ'ai