rheyareads

[rheyareads]

I give up. My feelings have never mattered and they never will. I don’t want someone who sees I’m in this much emotional and physical pain and does nothing. All I’ve ever wanted and needed was to hear your voice. To know you’re there. And you can’t even give me that. This is just like your phone being on DND. What’s the point of having you as someone I can “call” if you never hear the phone…

[rheyareads]

I just don’t understand why we can’t talk this is insane

[rheyareads]

Find me a cave For me to run to I’ll sleep through winter

[rheyareads]

Or don’t, I don’t know why I’d expect anything different at this point. Maybe when I’m dead you’ll be there for me when I need you.

[rheyareads]

Check your email.

[rheyareads]

I’ll just start posting shit like this then I suppose.

[rheyareads]

🙄🙄🙄🙄

[rheyareads]

I physically don’t have the energy to keep playing this game of play a song, check my blog, play a song, check my blog — You have my phone number and my address. Pick one and use it.

[rheyareads]

It’s been a whole week and you’re the only person who’s noticed. But this isn’t love it’s toxic. I don’t think anyone understands anything anymore.

[rheyareads]

Monsters aren’t born they’re made.

[rheyareads]

What do you want for your birthday?

To not have to ask for something. To be known. To be seen. To be understood. To be loved. To be chosen. To be protected. To be trusted. To be defended. To be cherished. To be held. To be missed. To be found.

[rheyareads]

Vision Board

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What are your goals? Seemingly simple questions yet my heart guards the answer with the most complex of truths. Every future I see is filled with images of you and me When I look ahead I don’t see my home I just see myself coming home to you And in every version of that I feel it’s truth Working together as a team We encourage each others dreams And…

[rheyareads]

Dandelion

I am like the dandelion. Not a flower, grown from love A weed that grows in spite. My beauty is deceptive I appear like any ordinary flower But there’s more to me than meets the eye. Bright yellow like sunshine I multiply and let joy shine through my flowers With strong stubborn roots and prickly leaves to protect me. But dandelions are not flowers Weeds are not allowed to…

[rheyareads]

I just want to bleed until I can’t feel any of this anymore. Let the life drain from me slowly and I’ll drift away to a place where my pulse quiets as it slows and this silence that surrounds me isn’t consumed by the absence of everyone who doesn’t care, it stills into the depths of this darkness no one’s even willing to venture inside. By the time anyone notices I’m gone my choking gasps will…

[rheyareads]

This is the end.

I used to wonder what it would be like if I died. Wrote about in 2018. How would people react? Would they even miss me? Would their lives be impacted at all? All the last 6 months has shown me is the answer to that question is — their lives improve, their lives move forward, their lives go on. I waste away slowly. I am choking on my grief, barely conscious anymore. I’ve survived by stealing…

[rheyareads]

transPARENTsee

I’ve once again found myself self soothing by scrolling through my Instagram feed and I’m happy to report I can actually link the account this time! As mentioned previously, I do a lot of my self-reflection this way and I’ve once again found myself diving into my self-schemas upon looking at a post from this account. (Said post pictured below). My entire blog has become a testament to my…

[rheyareads]

I sleep so I don’t have to feel

Cardiologist. Urologist. Neurologist. So many appointments I need to make, doctors I need to see, tests I’ll need to do, results I don’t want to find out. But I cannot stop sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. When I’m sleeping I’m not nauseous. When I’m sleeping I’m not in pain. When I’m sleeping I don’t think. Just let me sleep through the worst of it. I cannot ruin things if I am asleep.