ronja444

[ronja444]

what if god lives by the beach?

the waves are his tongue,

mimicking our words, rolling on the sand

Speaking their own language

What if god lives by the beach?

In the birds and gulls flying around

In the blue clear sky

chirping and singing

feeling free

Watching over us

What if god lives by the beach?

Like the worms hiding in the sand

as we walk over them

Getting washed over by the waves

What if god lives by the beach?

In a beautiful house

With many windows and plants

Looking over the sea and ships

Floating around in it

What if god lives by the beach?

Would he watch over you too and take care of me?

[ronja444]

if you look at things with love, you will start to notice, that love actually is everywhere.

[ronja444]

I once saw this sentence on social media:

“Please just give me 5 more minutes.”

I saw that and it didn’t hit me at first

I thought oh well, what could someone mean with that?

Then I remembered when my grandpa died.

He was laying in the hospital not able to speak a word.

That was the first time I ever saw my father cry.

And all I could think was:

“Please just give me 5 more minutes.”

Then, years later

My friend died.

I didn’t know, I didn’t realize,

We didn’t have the same friends, just us.

I found out a month later over instagram

And all I could think was:

“Please just give me 5 more minutes.”

When that happened, my cat was already sick.

The vet said, he didn’t have much longer and we should prepare for the worst.

I held my baby, who spend so much of my life with me in my arms, whispered my last “I love you” to him, while he took his last breath

And all I could think was:

“Please just give me 5 more minutes.”

1 1/2 years later,

Last year to be exact

I found out that a friend from elementary school khs

I went to her funeral, haven’t seen her for years before

And bawled my eyes out, because I cared so much and wasn’t able to get why she would do that

And all I still could think was:

“Please just give me 5 more minutes.”

Since Saturday, my grandma is also in the hospital

She’s sick, she has been sick for long,

But I’ve got a feeling it won’t last any longer

And my mind wanders off,

And I pray, I hope, I beg life

“Please just give me 5 more minutes.”

But life won’t stop.

Not for me, for you or anyone else

You either deal with it or you get lost in the crowd

Still it doesn’t stop me from begging:

“Please just 5 more minutes.”

[ronja444]

What if god lives by the beach?

[ronja444]

drowning

Head under water no horizon to see

not able to reach for help

Am I that weak?

Drowning

Can’t breath

Feel like I never fit in

Why is existing so difficult?

Drowning

No energy to keep up

Feeling like I’m losing

While everyone else keeps winning

Why am I so disappointed with myself?

Drowning

Head under water

Hope is gone

Maybe I should just let the water consume me

Why does my best poetry always come out when I hate myself?

[ronja444]

Drunk poetry is the worst

Alcohol

Why is that everlasting poison the only comfort I allow myself when it gets bad

Why can’t I just ask for help?

Drowning my sorrow with not one but two bottles

Does it help at all

Dizzy and disoriented

Drowning in my own room with no water around

Cant help myself

My need for independence was always stronger than my desire for help

Asking for help is weak; I tell myself

But isn’t getting help so much more useful, than shutting everyone out and slowly losing yourself?

Alcohol is pleasure and guilt at the same time

Needing a quiet mind but a loud life is the worst feeling

Sometimes I just want myself to shut up, cause if I talk drunk I just talk nonsense

Laying naked in my bed, everything is turning and falling

I just need to sleep I think

I always tell myself I will stop but I never will

I’m not as strong as my grandma (45 years sober)

I wish I was

Alcohol is the worst thing I ever do to myself

Can’t even focus on the music I’m listening to

Why does girly pop always bring me so much comfort when I’m sad? Anybody got an answer to that?

Anyways,

Drunk poetry is the worst

[ronja444]

Thoughts

Letting out your feelings doesn’t make you less worthy!

I’d rather be consumed by emotions wholly than not feel anything at all.

Being consumed, my whole flesh, skin and bones…

Going under in suffering and humanness,

The biggest part of me

And how I experience life

Is how I feel about it.

I think a lot more people should understand that…

Nothing matters, but anyways

Everything matters somehow.

How can you say so much,

But nothing at all…

Feeling is like breathing,

But breathing comes without thought,

Feeling always causes thoughts,

Good or difficult ones.

(There are no bad ones)

I wish I could consume my emotions wholly,

I always feel hungry for more.

Connection, a spark,

Emotions should be felt the most intense way,

Not drowned in sorrow of the past

And drowned in the lake thats made out of the tears I cried…

When Kafka said,

“Life is a costume party and I attended with my real face”

I felt that.

I would rather never be able to be consumed at all ever again,

Than having the feeling of not being understood completely or just being said

I’m too much,

Or too loud.

I’d rather give myself all the love I need,

Than not being loved enough by the wrong person

Ever again.

Poetry is about heartfelt conversations in the dark

And late night thoughts

And I think my poetry,

Is about my being

And how I feel deep inside

And exactly that way I want it to feel to you,

And maybe you can understand me

A bit better now

Or hopefully you’ll get consumed by the drowning void of feelings and connections

Between yourself and the universe

Or whatever…

And Prayers

Love is the most precious thing in the world

I think it should be cherished like a diamond

Protected like the most expensive necklace

And Shared like the books you use in school

But the love i want is so much more

I want to be loved by a person that thinks it’s easy to love me

That I don’t have high expectations

And loves me like it’s breathing to him

I want him to remember Little Details about me, cause I will also remember them about him

I want him to know my favorite flowers and even if he doesn’t understand why they are so important to me

Gifts them to me every once in a while

I want to Share my special interests with him

And him to share his special interests with me

I want to have good and bad experiences

I want Glamour and skum

Breaking and entering

I want him to want to understand every part of me

Even the ugly ones

I want Someone that tells me the whole truth

Even If it can be ugly

And solves Arguments with me alone instead of spreading it out for everyone to see

I want Someone to want to understand my vulnerability

And why I don’t like certain things foods or fabrics

And why I’m so emotional and deep and Kind and angry

I want them to understand my relationship with my mom

And how Hard it is for me to never be able to live up to her expectations

But most importantly:

I want him to WANT me

With every breath it takes

I want him to think how beautiful I am

And cherish me and praise me

And think I’m one of the best things that ever happened to him

That’s all it takes for me to be loved

Is it too much?

And if no one is ever able to give that to me

I think it would be way more beautiful

If before waiting for a man

And forcing the wrong one to be the right one

I’d rather give all of the love and energy that gets poured into relationships like this

To my precious friends

That mean everything to me

And most importantly

What I forget most of the times

to myself

[ronja444]

[ronja444]

Endorphine

Vermischen der Schatten am Boden der Tanzfläche

Atme ein atme aus

Rhythmus

Der Beat

Eine bewegende Masse

Atme ein atme aus

Viel zu warm

Noch ein Schluck

Augen zu

Einfach Bewegen

Atme ein Atme aus

Schatten am Boden der Tanzfläche

Verschmelzen,

überlappen,

kombinieren

Haare in meinem Gesicht,

denke nicht

Bass zu laut,

mein Herz schlägt zu stark

Surrealität,

versunken im Dasein

Entrückt aus der Realität

Atme ein atme aus

Die Schatten

Sind es Schatten?

Sind es Seelen?

Daseinsschimmer eines Traums

Ich denke nicht mehr

Kopf aus

Herz an

Musik lässt mich fühlen

Was meine Gedanken nicht in Worte fassen können

Schatten am Boden der Tanzfläche

Atme ein atme aus

Bitte lass das niemals aufhören

Einfach weiter tanzen

[ronja444]

drinking coffee >>>

[ronja444]

saw this at the superbloom festival this weekend, thought it was so wholesome! 🖤