rotinhellandyou - Tumblr blog

[rotinhellandyou]

my name, my current name, is a gender neutral shortening of my birthname. i like it right now. i’m pretty happy with it. so long as people actually use it and treat it like my name, and not just as an optional nickname.

today i heard someone else going by my name

using my name

and i’m usually not one to get hung up on names but this one kinda pissed me off

because it wasn’t just my birthname no

it was my name

just my name

multiple times and only my name

never the long version, only the short one

and it’s not like i feel the name belongs to me

it’s not just mine and i know that

but the fact that someone else was so easily called it

is so easily called it

it and only it with no variation

makes me feel like shit

someone else. a girl. is respected enough for that.

they respect it enough to use a nickname and a nickname only, when it isn’t even that important

they’ll respect a nickname preference that staunchly when it is truly a nickname

but people won’t call me my name

because it is my name

my actual name

not my nickname, my name

it’s my name. and people won’t use it. but they will as a nickname for another girl.

i am not a girl. i am not the girl my birthname suggests.

i am a boy. i am a boy who uses my name.

i don’t say “oh but my friends call me name” during roll call to imply a nickname.

i say “i go by name.” clearly. that’s it. i don’t leave room for interpretation or suggestion. i say what the name i use is.

this random girl gets respected enough for a name preference to be listened to.

but i, someone who am pretty clear that no my name is not a preference, it is in fact my name, am not listened to.

it just feels like they don’t deserve to have my name almost, even though i know that’s bullshit.

i would be so happy if i was called my name that much. i would be so thankful. i would cherish that. and it feels like others are just brushing that off and giving it up.

it feels like others are taking something i would kill and die for as nothing to ever be serious about. and even though i know it’s not directed at or even remotely about me at all, it still hurts a bit. hurts a bit to see someone taking something so important to me for granted.