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No guts, no glory (or valor)

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Off in a world of her own

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Venus Man Trap

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The Grime

Life as we know it has drastically changed. How dare you oppose me when I’m righteously enraged. We’re all related by blood yet you’ve thrown us under the bus. I never did anything wrong to any of you even when your only value to me were dust. – If I could legally dispose of you, I don’t mind doing it personally. After all, it’s not like there’s any shortage in our family’s genealogy. The…

[roxstarash]

Bloodbath

[roxstarash]

Half and Half

If there’s no chance for my hopes and dreams, maybe I should advance my death. It’s so tiring having my wants and needs always being unmet. I thought a good character and proper morals could make me one day wealthy. But all this hard work didn’t yield to my dreams coming true, it just made me empty. – I used to huff at a person who sold off their soul. Now I somehow understand that it’s…

[roxstarash]

Merely Surviving

Another year that I’m still here

Problems catching up behind me, I fear.

Am I supposed to learn something from this perpetual hardship

When I can’t even afford a house ownership?

-

Dying is massively more practical than living.

I’m so tired of a life wherein I’m merely surviving.

God can give blessings, but he can take away.

But what if you only had little to begin with, anyway?

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They say hard work pays off, well, not in this generation and economy!

It’s not easy when you’re carrying something heavy on your shoulders – an entire family!

A dead father, a sick mother, and an unemployed brother.

To hope or dream about my own life and goals, I don’t have time to bother!

-

Sacrificing my own happiness, what do I even gain?

There’s only unending sorrow and agonizing pain.

Nothing. Nothing feels even the tiniest bit rewarding.

Tell me, God, why should I even go on living?

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I know, I know – I should carry my cross every day.

But I’m no savior, it’s too heavy for me in every way.

I know you can bless other people, that ability is true.

Can you please, please, please do that for us too?

-

It’s just the beginning of the year and I already want my life to end.

I wish you’ll come to our aid and that favor; you’ll send.

I’m starting to think that others are right with life having no meaning.

That adversity has no lessons at times and is just sheer suffering.

-

Copyright

Star Ashley Cruz

Jan. 21, 2025

[roxstarash]

All I wanted by Paramore (c0ver)

1st attempt of the year. – All I wanted by Paramore. (Forgive me, dear Hayley as I can’t hit the chorus and I didn’t try to lest I end up scaring my cats for life. 10

[roxstarash]

Eldest Daughter

I’m the eldest daughter, I could probably afford to move out If I didn’t have to feed other useless people’s mouth. Ever incompetent, they always find ways to make things hard for me. Hard to believe other people actually enjoy building a family. – A dead father meant I’m the new man of the house. Oh great, more responsibilities I can endlessly browse. How difficult to be an adult when I…

[roxstarash]

Miserable

The cost of living is so expensive that dying seems like a relief. Thinking of my dreams and basic needs cause me grief. A small home and a family of two, That’s all I ask but can’t afford even at thirty-two. – I was only sixteen when my father passed away. Life became difficult and bleak every single day. Just when we’re starting to rise above, my mother became sick and incapable. And my…

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Running away from problems is running around in circles

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Don't provoke quiet girls

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Birds of a feather by Billie Eilish (cover)

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Bare Howl

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Beauty in Thorns

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I’m only wanted when I’m generous, hardworking and collected. But not when I’m sad, angry and exhausted. Even when I tolerate their incompetence, shortcomings and laziness, I still come across as an arrogant “your highness.” – Because of life’s hardships, what became of me is unlikeable to most. Well I don’t exactly dream of being everyone’s  welcoming host. Just a reminder that I never even asked to be born anyway. Nothing and no one feels like making me want to stay. – The only reservation is my possibly missed potential. The future I long for seems reasonable and logical. But lack of resources and support has made even the bare minimum unattained. In this miserable life, how long must I be detained? – They’re only with me because they need me. I’d rather be alone, far away and free. But the former keeps me from the latter, without me they’ll die. It may be an exaggeration but it’s not a lie. – What do I get from all this, another world on my shoulder? Please, I’d rather just be instantly crushed by a boulder. This life and its “lessons” aren’t getting me exactly far ahead. This is why most of the time, I fantasize about being dead. – Copyright Star Ashley Cruz June 22, 2024

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Sanity (demo) by Paramore (cover)