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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The West Wing Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: John Marbury/Leo McGarry Characters: Josh Lyman, C. J. Cregg, Toby Ziegler, Sam Seaborn, Leo McGarry, John Marbury, Jed Bartlet, Donna Moss Additional Tags: Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Getting Outed, Insecurity, Feelings are hard okay, Figuring Things Out Summary:

Leo tried not to sigh. He knew Jed only meant well, and that the man had never really understood why they’d kept things as secretive as they had to begin with.

“Yeah, sure, I guess we can say that,” he said, and Jed gave him a scrutinizing look.

“You’re not ashamed of it, are you?”

Leo and Marbury are outed. It results in some introspection.

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I had this exchange on Bluesky the other day and it’s been rattling around in my brain since, so I have some thoughts.

My New Year’s resolution is to stop politely hiding my values for other people’s comfort. Having values means sometimes making value judgments.

I think changing your name to your husband’s when you get married is a bad choice and I would advise every woman against it! I don’t hate every individual woman who does so, or automatically think they’re a bad person, but it is a choice that I think harms women on a macro level and I wish fewer women would do it.

Why should I be reluctant to say that? The people who believe the opposite certainly aren’t politely filtering their opinions on the matter, after all.

I need to work on letting go of the fear of upsetting people or making them feel defensive. There are feminists who likely think that marrying a man at all is a bad choice and that fewer women should do it (and, honestly, given the fact that marriage is, overall, far and away more beneficial to men than it is to women, they’re almost certainly right). I still did it, obviously, and am very happy I did. Sometimes we make choices that are right for us, or are based on certain circumstances, but it doesn’t make them inherently good choices or inherently feminist choices, and it certainly doesn’t make them free from critique. We need to stop pretending otherwise or we’re never going to actually dismantle any of these systems.

We must truly grapple with the fact that our “choices” are shaped by the society we live in, and the society we live in is misogynistic (and racist, of course) to its very rotten core. It therefore has an incredibly clear motive to incentivize “choices” that will uphold that paradigm. “Choosing” to take your husband’s name reinforces the patriarchal ideal that the man is the “head” or “owner” of the family and his wife and children are merely components of his identity. On that scale, it simply doesn’t matter what other individual reason you might have; the patriarchy doesn’t discern between them as long as the end result is the same and everyone falls in line.

Another example: I like to wear pretty dresses and makeup. Was this a choice I made entirely on my own? No, of course not. I have been influenced by beauty standards and gender roles just like everyone else. Am I doing either to consciously support said traditional standards and roles? Also clearly no. But neither of these things are particularly feminist choices, because at the end of the day I am still comporting myself in the way demanded by patriarchal gender norms, not to mention contributing to industries based wholesale on the exploitation of women. Am I going to stop? Doubtful, because I like the way I dress, and that’s what matters to me on an individual level in this case. But I cannot and should not pretend that it is somehow “empowering” for me to choose to conform to traditional standards of femininity on a macro scale. It very objectively is not. It is simply repackaging the same patriarchal expectations and acting like they’re “good” now just because I happen to like those ones personally.

This is not an easy thing to separate in oneself, I think. We are our choices, ultimately, and it’s unsettling to realize how many of those choices weren’t really ones we made consciously at all. It’s also unsettling to think about how deeply all of this runs and that there truly is no escaping it, that through our actions we are inevitably supporting this terrible system in some way. But that’s on purpose. This country was set up and built for white men with the explicit intention of disenfranchising women and people of color. It is not a “broken” system, so it cannot be “fixed,” as it is doing exactly what it was intended to do. We won’t effect any meaningful change by merely putting up new wallpaper and claiming it’s our system now, because it genuinely never can be. The entire structure needs to be demolished and built again, brick by brick.

Tl;dr: If you join the marching band ironically because you want to make fun of it and the person next to you joins because they have an indomitable lifelong passion for the tuba, when you zoom out, you’re both still members of the same band, wearing the same uniform, marching in step, and absolutely no one else can tell the difference.

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[sarcasticsra]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Criminal Minds (US TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi Characters: Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, David Rossi's Family, Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds), Penelope Garcia, Emily Prentiss, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Alex Blake (Criminal Minds), Original Characters Additional Tags: Curtain Fic, Fluff, References to Homophobia Series: Part 3 of Domesticity Summary:

Ten more snapshots of Hotch, Rossi, and their family.

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Fully convinced that in the alternate universe where Hatchetfield isn’t Just Like This and no crazy supernatural stuff happens, Grace and Max would make for a terrifyingly compatible couple who could still wreak all sorts of more mundane havoc and harm on others.

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Yeah, I picked the first option because I think it’s the closest in vibe to what I’d actually do, which is mention it as something I’m considering, because we like each other quite a lot and talk about basically everything, but in no way would this ever be presented as a question I was asking him to say yes or no to.

I have a question which could be slightly controversial i guess.

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the only satisfactory resolution to the jamie/keeley/roy love triangle is polyamory. in this essay i will-

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Guinevere (Choices: Stories You Play Visual Novel) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Guinevere/Lancelot du Lac/Arthur Pendragon Characters: Guinevere (Choices: Stories You Play), Lancelot du Lac (Choices: Stories You Play), Arthur Pendragon (Choices: Stories You Play) Additional Tags: this is the ending that exists in my head and I will never be dissuaded, THIS SHOULD BE A CHOICE, once again sara tries to solve love triangle drama with polyamory, it just makes too much sense here!!!, they are like 98 percent of the way to an OT3 by chapter 3 latest Summary:

Guinevere was as beautiful as she was fierce and intelligent, as captivating as she was kind and generous, and he marveled every day that she was his wife. He could not fault Lancelot for his feelings for her.

Lancelot was honorable and heroic, truly the most loyal and dedicated friend and knight he had ever known. He put everyone else before his own heart, his own happiness, even at great cost to himself. He could not fault Guinevere for her feelings for him.

He nodded.

“I love you too, my heart,” he said, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing her knuckles. “And I think it’s time I live up to the promise I made you.”

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People will look at kids who read 58 books per year and go "parenting done right! :)" while everyone I know who used to read like that as a kid now has CPTSD.

[sarcasticsra]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Leverage (US TV 2008), Leverage: Redemption Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Alec Hardison/Parker/Eliot Spencer, Paul Orozco/Eliot Spencer, Maria Shipp/Eliot Spencer Characters: Eliot Spencer (Leverage), Parker (Leverage), Alec Hardison Additional Tags: you are allowed to be happy Eliot, For God's sake, Leverage: Redemption (2021), Past Relationship(s) Summary:

He stood there, staggered, like she’d just clocked him over the head. She picked up a single pretzel and carefully inspected it.

He thought about Maria. She was fierce and fun and a federal marshal who took her job seriously, and he’d enjoyed their time together. Maybe, deep down, some part of him had always known it was limited, even as he wanted…

What did he want?

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i love you adult women on tumblr i'm glad we all still have blogs

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"Why, Grace! Are you assuming that I, Pan, am some sort of…scoundrel?"

I absolutely adore that man so of course I will draw him whenever I can. Summerfall Studios delivered such a nice chaotic-neutral character.

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remembering the fact that both Pan and Freddie wanted to run away from the city and I passed out for 2 days to this on my canvas

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Stray Gods: The Roleplaying Musical (Video Game) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Freddie/Grace (Stray Gods: The Roleplaying Musical), Apollo/Grace (Stray Gods: The Roleplaying Musical), Grace/Pan (Stray Gods: The Roleplaying Musical) Characters: Freddie (Stray Gods: The Roleplaying Musical), Grace (Stray Gods: The Roleplaying Musical), Pan (Stray Gods: The Roleplaying Musical), Apollo (Stray Gods: The Roleplaying Musical), Hecate (Stray Gods: The Roleplaying Musical) Additional Tags: Polyamory, mentioned Asterion/Hecate, i don't trust greek god magic not to have weird aftereffects, it just seems unlikely Summary:

Pan has a theory about Grace's so-called mortality; Apollo has questions and far too many feelings; Freddie has an idea about Grace's relationship... with all of them.

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I already commented but I saw your reblog and just wanted to add: Troy Baker's voice acting is incredibly hot, oh my god. Especially when Apollo is being sweet or bashful around Grace. You can literally hear the character blushing thanks to his voice.

Here for the Ride is also the only one started from Grace's POV! I also just really, really like that song. It's genuine and sweet and "I can help you and support you but you're ultimately the one who has to figure it out for yourself" which is a really lovely thing to hear in a love song.

But yeah. Apollo's bashful awkward pleased chuckles whenever Grace teases him give me LIFE.

Apollo enjoyers, why do you love him?

I dont get it, but i realy want to.

I feel sorry for him, and i feel, that "there is nothing to forgive", but i dont feel love.

He looks like a wet rat, cannot botton up his shirt and always going in this bad mood. I mean, how i suppose to love him, if he hates himself this uncharismatic way?

[sarcasticsra]

PSA: if you wear a bra

You're probably wearing the wrong size. Most people are.

This is a screenshot of the bra company Pepper's size guide. Let's take a look at this, shall we?

Hmm, a 25-26" underbust and a 29-30" bust... sized as a 30A.

No. This is not how bra-sizing works. The band ought to match or be fairly close to the underbust measurement. It HAS to be, to provide any support and to be comfortable. Because, yes, bras can be quite comfortable! In the correct size. A band that is too big is going to ride up and shift and rub and move and be awful. A cup that is too small is going to squeeze your tissue into the band, making it feel tighter, and painful, because now your band is pressed into breast tissue.

Bra sizes are a ratio. The letter by itself is meaningless. There is no such thing as "an A cup" or "a D cup." Both A and D cups look vastly different on different bands. "Size DD+" as a bra size category is similar to a shoe store with a "size 6+" category, except worse, because shoe size really is generally only determined by one number. "DD+" being all the information you're going on to determine a bra size would be like answering the question, "How far away is that?" with, "Five." Minutes? Hours? Miles? Blocks? There's a whole range of things that could mean!

The letters correspond (roughly--people don't come in 2-inch increments) to inches of difference between the under and over bust measurement. So going back to our supposed "30A" up there... let's assume a 26" underbust and a 30" bust. 30 is 4 more inches than 26.

A: 1 inch, B: 2 inches, C: 3 inches, D: 4 inches.

Yes, that's correct. That person Pepper is trying to shove into a 30A should be wearing a 26D. A 30A bra would be for someone with a rough underbust measurement of 30 inches and a rough bust measurement of 31 inches. 1 inch difference. Whereas the 26D is for 26 under, 30 over. Notice how the 26D is actually a SMALLER total circumference than the 30A? Cup size scales with band size.

The reason this company pisses me off in particular is because if they wanted to be a niche "smaller boobs" bra company, there is a HUGE untapped market in people who need sub-32 bands. A few carry 30s and 28s but good luck if you need a 26 or 24. And they could help more people get into PROPERLY fitted bras, instead of tossing them into matrix sizes and pretending they're special.

I saw this on their website: "The industry designs for 36C. We design for AA, A, and B."

YOU CANNOT DESIGN FOR CUP SIZE INDEPENDENT OF BAND SIZE.

Also, the industry designs for fucking no one. The industry calls "A cups" small and "D cups" large, tosses out 32-40 in bands and A-DD in cup sizes and calls it good.

DD is five inches of difference between under bust and bust. 5 inches on a person with a 30-inch underbust is going to look MUCH different than 5 inches on a person with a 38-inch underbust. A circle with a total circumference of 43 inches is MUCH larger than a circle with a total circumference of 35 inches.

If you wear bras, and you want to make your life infinitely better, I beg, plead, urge you to go to abrathatfits.org and do the calculator. (Particularly if you've always been sized as an A or B cup, because those are actually very rare true sizes on any band.) The calculator actually takes into account 6 measurements, because for some people a leaning bust measurement is more important than a standing one. Believe the calculator. It will almost certainly give you a band size smaller than you expect and a cup size much larger than you expect. It's not perfect, so it's a good idea to try a cup larger and smaller, too, but it's generally very close. Try different sizes in the same bra--and NOT a t-shirt bra or any bra with molded/formed cups. almost no one properly fits those. Look for an unlined, seamed bra. Go by UK sizing, and stick to the UK brands. (Bare Necessities carries a bunch of them.) US bras are horribly inconsistent, especially in larger cup sizes. UK brands also generally have a far larger size range.

Any time you try on a bra, be sure to "scoop and swoop" to ensure ALL of the breast tissue fits into the cup. A big issue with ill-fitting bras is breast tissue that migrated to the armpit. You ever notice a little bulge on the side at the top of the band under your arm? There's a good chance that's actually displaced breast tissue.

Also check out The Irish Bra Lady on Instagram. She has tons of posts showing what properly fitted bras look like, in a wide range of sizes. If you're really in doubt about the size the calculator gives you, check her account first, she probably has a picture of someone in that size or close. It's helpful sometimes to see what it actually looks like.

Unfortunately, size is only one aspect of a well-fitting bra. Shape is equally important. Some bras have taller cups, some have shorter, which work better for different root sizes. There's fullness, is it mostly on the top or bottom? Even? Horizontally? Close set, wide set? Projected, shallow?

Go through all the resources at the abrathatfits subreddit. They have tons and tons of information to help determine your shape, what bras might work best for you, and the commenters are incredibly helpful if you need to make a post to ask a question.

I'm not going to lie, it took me probably 6-9 months to find a bra that fits? I have to buy mine from Poland. It was a bit of an ordeal.

But now? Now, I think about my bra exactly twice per day: once when I put it on in the morning and once when I take it off in the evening. I don't notice it. It doesn't shift. It doesn't poke. My straps aren't cutting into my shoulders or falling off them. I'm not constantly "reseating" my boobs. It turns out they stay put just fine if you give them a seat they actually fit into.

Finding a well-fitting bra is up there with medication and regular exercise in terms of its contribution to my quality of life. It's confusing, and there's a LOT, but it is SO fucking worth it.

You know that TIkTok trend question that's all, "if you HAD to start talking about one topic for 30+ minutes straight, what would you talk about?"

Yeah.

I will spend the rest of my life shouting all of this from the rooftops. Bras can be comfortable! It's actually true!

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