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August Anniversary Adventures! - Part 1

Starting this month’s blog post with a disclaimer: this post isn’t a cop out* and I haven’t forgotten all the questions people submitted after last month’s plea! I’ve still got a handful of questions saved, but they’re ones I plan to write full posts on, which will take a bit of time. And time is something that seems to have escaped me completely this month. But I guess that’s always the way when you go on holiday!

(*It’s a little bit of a cop out.)

As I’ve mentioned before, Phill and I had our first little getaway together booked for this month, as it was our second anniversary on the 21st. Between booking everything in June and the day before we left, I was pretty much bursting with excitement. To be honest, given that we both work shifts and don’t actually get to see that much of each other, I would have been happy to have the time off to spend with Phill in any capacity. But being able to step out of reality for a little while and go away to a pretty little Somerset hotel where we could spend all that time together, totally uninterrupted, was an absolute dream.

We’d chosen Somerset on the basis of going to Longleat. Luckily, rather than just booking either of the two suggested hotels on Longleat’s website, we had searched the web for others in the area. This is how we found Knoll Hill Farm - The Place To Stay. The first thing that caught our attention was that for what we wanted - three nights somewhere cosy with breakfast included, preferably with some kind of spa facilities available - the price was better than anywhere else by a country mile. And on further investigation, we saw you could choose which of the ten individual rooms you’d like to book. We chose room 2, the Beech Tree suite, which is one of the barn conversions and looks out onto the farm.

We got to the hotel on Monday 20th August at around half past three. After being given a tour by a lovely, smiley girl called Emma, being introduced to Dylan the dog and the swallows in the rafters, and taking a little time to get settled into our room, we headed straight over to The Bodhi Tree, the in-house spa facility. We’d called ahead of time and spoken to Joss and Paola, who had gone out of their way to make arrangements for us to have a double treatment together rather than one after the other. We had each opted for full body aromatherapy massages, which were as blissfully relaxing as you would expect a massage to be.

We hadn’t made any plans to go out for food after the massages; we’d expected to be fully ready to crash out after a 2-hour drive immediately followed by a massage. But in the pre-treatment consultations when we’d chosen the mix of essential oils we wanted, we’d each gone for scents that were more refreshing than sedative, and we found ourselves a bit more lively than we’d anticipated. So rather than just picking up a takeaway and curling up with it in the hotel room as we’d planned, we ended up heading out to a restaurant called The George at Nunney, as the hotel welcome pack had recommended their wood fired pizzas. Such a good shout. I kid you not: their pollo pizza (chicken, peppers, pesto, tomato and mozarella, sans mushroom) might be the best pizza I’ve had. It was divine, as was the follow-up belgian waffle with pecan nuts and butterscotch syrup. Phill’s desert was listed on the menu as ice-cream filled profiteroles, but ended up being more of a monster double profiterole-ice-cream-sandwich. No complaints there.

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The next day it was up bright and early for a fresh full English and a few obligatory anniversary selfies before our Longleat expedition. The sat-nav only took us the wrong way three times before we finally got there. We had planned to book ourselves in to do the safari on one of Longleat’s safari tour buses, so we could get all the good bits of the monkey drive-thru without worrying about any damage to the car. But the bus was all booked up for the day, so rather than heading straight back to the car and getting on with it, we decided to wonder around the park and get everything else done before doing the safari a bit later on. We saw roller-skating parrots, tropical butterflies and red pandas - Phill was extremely excited for me to see the latter in real life as I never had before (and they didn’t disappoint - I’d like to take one home to cuddle for all time please).

After wandering around the park for a while, we queued up for the jungle cruise. Phill was kinda disappointed as he’d been excited to see the hippos, but they didn’t grace us with their presence - or they apparently did poke their ears out of the water for all of about three seconds, but we didn’t catch them. We did get a couple of snaps of the gorillas though - and I got what turned out to be my new favourite picture of the two of us. So I was more than happy.

Then, of course, it was time for the safari. We went in at four o’clock, and didn’t end up getting out until around six. I’ve been through it twice in my life before - once when I was little with my parents, and again about ten years ago with my dad, stepmum and brothers - but it was no less amazing than as if I was seeing it all for the first time, especially with Phill who was doing exactly that. It really does leave you quite awestruck, watching these creatures walking around your car in real life. Inevitably, Phill made the last-minute decision to brave the monkey drive-thru - and we were both so glad we did. We had three monkeys on the roof at one point, spotted plenty of teeny tiny babies being carried around, and were even visited by what looked like the grandpa monkey on the bonnet. It was so worth it too as thankfully there was no damage to the car (although we watched the unfortunate souls in front of us have their top brake light popped off and happily chewed). Unfortunately Anne the elephant was nowhere to be seen, but we got to see giraffes, tigers and wolves, and at one point even had papa lion walk right in front of our car.

It goes without saying that the whole thing was absolutely amazing. And the fact that the weather had turned out to be so beautiful for the day was an added bonus. But have you ever tried sitting in a car in the blazing sun with your windows closed for the best part of two hours? We were baked good and proper by the time we got out of there. Ice cream, naturally, was the only answer. We each had a cone before traipsing our sweaty selves around the beautiful Longleat House for the last part of the day, and made it out with perfect timing at seven o'clock, the park's closing time. We drove back to the hotel tired but ultimately feeling pretty jubilant.

In an unexpected twist, it would seem that tumblr is limiting me to 10 photos per blog post, and that I've reached that limit. I didn't even know there was one. Every day's a school day I guess! 🙄 So with that in mind, I think I'll wrap up here for today and carry on with a bit more about the rest of our trip tomorrow. Until then! 💕

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Q&A, anyone?

The end of July is gaining on us (no idea how that happened) and I still haven’t posted yet this month (quelle surprise). Most of yesterday was spent sitting at the computer, knowing that I’d be working late shifts for the rest of the week so it might be my last chance to post something before the month ended. And the later it got, the higher the level of frustration crept as I continued to come up with absolutely nothing. I trawled through old diaries, pulled forgotten documents from the depth of my laptop and scoured the half-written drafts saved on my blog account for anything at all that I thought might be worth reading. The search was completely fruitless.

And then: brainwave. The whole problem was that I was struggling to come up with something I thought people might find interesting enough to actually want to read. So I figured, instead of worrying and wondering about what people might want to engage in ... why not just ask them?

So I put the feelers out on all my social media accounts, asking if anyone had any questions they might want to see my answers to. I don’t know what I expected, really. In hindsight I can see I should have been more prepared for gems such as:

Were Medusa’s leg hairs tiny snakes? - Jamie Crofts This is not something that would ever have occurred to me, strangely enough. But it seems like the only logical answer is yes, they probably were.

Why are you scared of frogs? - My mother I genuinely do not know. All my AS level Psychology lessons tell me that I must have had some sort of traumatic experience with a frog as a child, or been conditioned not to like them in some way, or generally associate them with something bad. But I can honestly say that I can’t think of a single thing that could have caused me to totally clam up when my little brother proudly showed me the one he’d caught in a plastic tub, or to overhear a conversation about a frog getting in through an open window and then not want to go into my bedroom for the rest of the night just in case a frog had got in through my open window.

If Albus Dumbledore and Jean Luc Picard are having a fight, how much alcohol have I consumed? - Matt Davies Not enough until Gandalf gets involved.

Would you prefer to fight 20 duck sized bears or one bear sized duck? - Kieran Griffiths 20 duck sized bears. I did think that with the alternative, you could probably oust the bear-sized duck in one fell swoop if you did it right. But I dunno. I just really don’t like the idea of such a massive duck. Whereas if the bears are only duck-sized, I reckon I could take ‘em.

Don’t get me wrong, all contributions are carefully considered and greatly appreciated. But I think I was kind of aiming for something I could sink my teeth into a bit more.

Luckily for me, Jamie also asked me a couple of questions about writing that gave me a bit more food for thought, as did my friend Abby. There’s so much I could write about each of the things they’ve asked me, though, that I decided I’d do a standalone post for each of them. So be on the lookout for those - and in the meantime, if there’s anything else you reckon might make a good post, feel free to ask me something! It doesn’t have to be limited to the subject of writing at all - it can be about anything you fancy. Books, music, memories, plans, news, views, people, places, unpopular opinions or just a random story; if you want to read about it, I’m game to write about it. Not that I can promise to be particularly clever about any of it, but I’m willing to give it a shot!

If you think of anything you’d like to see me answer, please leave me a comment or send me a message on whatever platform you happen to be reading this on, whether it’s public or anonymous. I’m absolutely always open to any prompts! :)

Just maybe don’t ask me to define a country mile. I’ll make no promises there.

x

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Lovely Aesthetics

Kylee ( two-lumpsofsugar-and-tea )

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painting i sold in 2015 😁

instagram: @numb.teeth

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Happy June Happenings

Shwmae!

Halfway through June and the blog post is already going up. It must be a good month.

For real though, it has been. So much has gone on, I’m definitely feeling a bit more positive than the last few posts have probably come across. I kicked off the month still on a high from going to Radio 1′s Big Weekend at the end of May - which really was as amazing as you’d expect, and then some. Despite the many showers I had afterwards, I’m pretty sure I entered June with traces of glitter still in my hair (and Phill suffered the same fate second-hand, bless him).

The excitement of the month started on the very first day of it. You’ll probably know I’ve had my cat, Posie, for nearly four years now. Here she is in all her gorgeous feline glory:

I first got Posie in August 2014, when she must’ve been about four weeks old - the managers of the shop I worked in at the time found her in the woods, and brought her to me since they couldn’t keep her because of their dogs (and because they knew I’d been sorely tempted to get a cat). Since at the time I lived in a small top-floor flat with no way for her to get in and out while I was out at work during the day, I had to keep her as a house cat. This has meant she’s had a pretty sheltered upbringing. It was just the two of us for so long, that it’s only recently she’s started to be alright around other people (by that I mean she doesn’t hiss and growl at every person who isn’t me within the first five seconds of spotting them). Of course, she’s used to Phill living with us now too, and we live in a bigger house with more room for her to play, or to hide away if she doesn’t feel like being sociable. So her temperament is generally loads better, even with other people - when our landlord came to visit, he seemed oblivious to the fact that Phill and I were rendered speechless at seeing Posie rubbing herself all over his legs and purring like an engine. But, despite the fact that we’ve started to let her snoop around the back garden on sunny days, I was under no illusions that she would have quite as warm an attitude towards another cat. The above photos were taken on May 31st, when we spent a good chunk of the day cwtched up on the sofa together - I was making the most of it because I figured that after that she’d have it in for us all for a bit for disrupting her peace. Because the next day, we brought in a new addition.

This is Albus!

Yup, we finally got a new little kitty buddy. :) Jess and Liam were looking after his mama for a friend when she had her litter, so we met and even had our first cuddles with Albus when he was only three days old. Naturally he was still a bit anxious when we took him home without his brothers and sister, but he settled in so quickly - he had a little snoop around the place before deciding to settle down and watch The Office with Phill, who very quickly became his favourite thing.

Posie, on the other hand ...

Her eyes bulged like saucers as soon as she spotted movement in his carrier, and then she took herself upstairs to the office and pretty much didn’t come back down for two days, even for food. Once she realised her protest wasn’t going to get rid of the intruder, she started to allow herself to associate with Phill and I again - only when strictly necessary - and if Albus came near her, she was absolutely not having it; there would be hissing and growling until he backed the hell up, thank you very much. She was never actively aggressive or violent towards him though, just defensive. It became obvious that she was absolutely petrified of the little dude. The problem with this - or maybe the saving grace of it - was that, after the initial shock of being growled at a couple times, Albus decided not to take any notice of her attitude. Concluding that he would take his chances on his face being ripped off, he resolved to make Posie his friend whether she liked it or not. Which, at first, she definitely did not. She came down to greet me when I got home from work one night and I watched Albus take the opportunity to bound right up to her, only dodging at the last second when he realised that her ears being flat against her head and her literal snorts of fury meant that perhaps she wasn’t in the mood to play.

But then we got a Feliway Friends diffuser. We’d used Feliway when we first moved into the new house, to help Posie settle into her new surroundings, and it had worked like a charm - she warmed to the new house, and to Phill, in a matter of days. So I reckon it was a combination of that and of Albus’ sheer bravery that led to the defining moment just a couple of days after the above incident. It was sunny, and Posie was sunbathing on the windowsill, lying belly up, basking in the warmth. She had her eyes closed, so she didn’t notice Albus jump up onto the back of the sofa right behind her. I thought I’d better warn her so she wasn’t unprepared if she tried to jump on her - since I was sitting on the sofa myself, I didn’t fancy being in their line of fire if they rocketed off the windowsill in a ball of claws and spit. I called her name, and as she opened her eyes, they landed on him instead of me. I braced myself for her to hiss and launch herself away as he’d dared to get so close. But instead, she simply flinched, and let out a small, squeaky “mrarp!” sound, like she does when she spots a bird through the window. She stretched her body for a moment, still on her back, and reached her paws out towards him ... then rolled over, unperturbed, giving him the go-ahead to come onto the windowsill with her.

Since then, Albus follows Posie pretty much everywhere - into other rooms, to her favoured chill-out spots, even to the litter tray. Don’t get me wrong, she’ll still throw the occasional hiss at him if she’s not in the mood, and she will readily give him a battering - Phill and I were literally weak with laughter last night as Albus pawed at Posie from inside the laundry basket, and she turned and pummelled the top of his head like a whack-a-mole. But they’re playing, rather than fighting it out, and it’s the most adorable thing to watch when they chase each other around the room. We never dreamed they’d accept each other this quickly. They’re not exactly cuddle buddies yet, but watch this space!

In other news this month, I had something else incredibly exciting to look forward to. About ten years ago, my friend Dominic moved to Canada. Having been one of my best friends since we were seven or eight, I was pretty cut up about it. He came back for a visit at Christmas time in 2008, but apart from that and the odd Skype call, the last time I’d seen him was when he looked like this:

To Dom’s credit, he’d been hounding me to come to Canada and see him in almost every conversation we’d had since he left - it just wasn’t something that ever happened. So you can imagine my excitement when he sent me a message in January to say he was coming back to visit again.

So the day finally came last Sunday, and Phill and I took the train into Cardiff. I scouted the area outside central station - bearing in mind that we mainly kept in touch over messenger, my last face-to-face reference was the picture above, and I was almost anxious I wouldn’t recognise him. We eventually established that we did, in fact, walk past each other once or twice. But as I phoned him to find out what colour shirt I was supposed to be looking for, I clocked him outside the Great Western and realised I could’ve spotted his grin from a mile off. Given that he only ever came up to my shoulders the whole time he lived here, I was fully prepared for the first thing he did (after the giant hug) being to point out that he is now, marginally, taller than me. Apart from that minor detail, and the Canadian twang in his accent, not much had changed. The three of had lunch in Spoons, met Ashleigh for a drink, and then all went back to our house so Jess and Liam could come over and see him too. When you’ve been close with someone for that long, it’s always easy to pick things up, no matter how far apart you’ve been or for how long. It really was so wonderful to see him again. :)

Aside from all this, I’ve been doing a lot of reading recently. After a reading slump right throughout March, I was steadily getting back into it, as I mentioned last month. And then, earlier this month, Louise Pentland set up a group on Facebook called Wilde Readers! for her followers who have not only read and loved her novel Wilde Like Me (which I did on both counts late last year), but who are also just bookworms in general. It’s such a nice little community to be a part of! At the moment it’s a closed group, but requests to join are generally accepted by Lousie’s sister Tiyana. It’s not there for promo, or book clubs, or swaps or anything like that - it’s just a page where you can post and chat about all things bookish. Be warned though - as much as your literary appetites may thank you for joining, your bank balance may not! I’ve bought five books since joining. Oops. One of them was Giovanna & Tom Fletcher’s Eve Of Man, which in fairness I would have bought anyway, but I was spurred on by the fact that it was arguably the most talked-about book in the group following its release. I burned through that in a couple of days; it really does live up to the hype! After I’d finished that, I went straight on to Gail Honeyman’s Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine, which I was given by my lovely friend Lauren from work when I said I’d been in two minds about buying it. I’m really interested to see what that one will be like - I’ve heard it’s unusual, and I’m still at the stage right now where I’m not quite sure what to make of it yet. I’m also re-reading Goblet of Fire right now, but I’m keeping that for bedtime reading as it’s a big hunk of a book, so it’s a bit heavy to be taking in my bag for the train journey to & from work, which is when most of my reading gets done. If you’re into reading - no matter what genre - Louise’s group is definitely worth checking out, as there are so many people posting reviews and recommendations for all kinds of books.

Last - but by no means least - the 8th of this month marked two years since Sarah and I passed up our planned jogging session in favour of going to a beach barbecue with her friend from work who I’d never met before, and who I’d eventually fall head over heels in love with. I mentioned it to him before I left for work in the morning, and when I came home that night I found a gorgeous bunch of flowers waiting on the mantelpiece for me. :) Otherwise, we didn’t really do anything to mark the day, as I was on a late shift. But we’ve booked our first little getaway together for our actual anniversary in August - three nights in a hotel in Frome, day tickets to Longleat for the actual day of our anniversary, and a full day the next day to explore Frome, Bath or Glastonbury. So there’s a blog post just waiting to happen already!

For the moment though, that’s pretty much it. I don’t think I’ve really got any big plans for July, that I know of - but I’m sure we’ll find something to natter about in the meantime. :) Hope your month is going just as nicely so far! xx

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Bank Holiday, Books, Bathroom Walls and Big Weekend!

I’m trying to remember any other time I’ve ever started writing a blog post as early as 9am. I’m not sure it’s ever happened. But then, why would it? No one would have any reason to do that. Unless yours is the type of body that, after a week of having to get up before 8am every morning (even on late shift days), chooses to wake you at six thirty on your only available lie-in day with no intention of letting you get back to sleep no matter how hard you try. And wouldn’t that be delightful?? :) :) :) So here I am, resigning myself to being up and about, in a bid to override this sluggish feeling by Being Productive.

It’s probably just as well, really. Wishful thinking had me planning a day of staying firmly parked in bed, but we’ve got a painter/decorator coming to the house later today. We’ve had men working on the damp problem in the house for the last two weeks (hence the daily early starts). They’ve been hacking the walls off, damp-proofing them and plastering them all back up again. Our bathroom is in tatters, all our stuff is clustered right in the middle of the living room so we have to edge our way around everything, and there is black dust everywhere. So ready for it to be over. But it’s a good thing. It’s been a long time coming, and when it’s done, we’ll finally be able to start decorating the house the way we’ve planned. We’ve got colour schemes figured out for most of the rooms. Much to my delight, Phill readily agreed to my offhand suggestion of a Hufflepuff colour scheme for the living room when we first moved in. So that’ll be the first port of call. We’ve got most of the stuff we need - grey furniture, yellow cushions, and cream curtains with the most perfect yellow and grey floral pattern (those probably look a lot nicer than they sound). We just need to brighten up the walls and we’ll have our very own cosy Hufflepuff haven. Excited about that.

Other than the decorator visiting though, today’s still shaping up to be pretty chilled. Phill and I haven’t had a full day off together in weeks. Even though I couldn’t manage to stay in bed until noon, he still can, and in the meantime there’s nothing particularly pressing that I absolutely need to do. I’ve done one load of washing. The cat has been fed and is now asleep in the window - she usually sunbathes there on a nice day, but I can’t understand why she’s chosen to curl up there rather than on the back of the comfy armchair she’s claimed as her own. I do need to make some kind of effort to get ready to go to Radio 1′s Big Weekend with Jess tomorrow (SEEING!!!! TAYLOR!!!! SWIFT!!!!!!!!). But we’re not staying overnight, so there’s not a lot I need to prepare. And there’s not a lot of point in trying to tidy things up around the house yet, because with the work still being done it’ll just get chaotic again anyway. So for the rest of the time I’ve got, I might just write, or read. I think the next book I’ll start on is Goblet of Fire - I’m reading right through the Harry Potter books again for the first time since I was in my teens, and I am loving it. It’s so interesting reading them all again from an adult perspective, and knowing how things turn out. (Reading how Lupin reunited with Sirius after everything that had happened and “embraced him like a brother” in PoA almost broke me.)

I am also reading other books in between the Potters, to break them up a bit. Last night I finished Carys Bray’s The Museum of You. I absolutely adored it. It’s one of those stories that makes your heart feel light, not just because of the content of the story but because of the way the author tells it; the way all the metaphors, comparisons and descriptions make such perfect sense, but they’re strung together in more poetic ways than you could ever have used, and it excites you that there can be such a vast array of beautiful ways to describe things that are so easily taken for granted. (Bonus points, too, for the brilliantly unexpected reference to this video.) Another recent favourite was The Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham. I read it in April; it was the first book I’d read since my Nan died. The reason I had it at all was that she once mentioned in conversation that she’d read it when she was young. Her description of it - “a post-apocalyptic book about plants that take over the world” - intrigued me enough to add it to my list of books to look up, but didn’t fill me with a sense of excitement, as such. It was just a “maybe one day”. I saw it on sale in HMV a couple of months before she died, and I bought it. I forgot to tell her, and whenever I remembered I thought I’d mention it when I’d finally got around to reading it, so that we could talk about it properly. It was brilliant - such an interesting concept, so cleverly written and easy to make sense of, despite how far-fetched it might sound at first. I really wish I could tell her how much I enjoyed it.

Perhaps it’s because I’ve been doing a lot of reading again lately that my attitude towards writing seems to be slowly creeping towards a more positive place, too. Where last month I mentioned that I was having a hard time thinking of blog posts worth writing, and this one admittedly is just a chatty (and somewhat overshare-y) one that I started just because I fancied it; I actually had three more ideas about things I could write about over the month, which are currently half-baked and stashed in my drafts for refining later. On top of that, I’ve also had the beginnings of a new idea for my book - not a new book entirely, but a new element to inject a different energy into the one I’ve already got on the go. I always said this would be the book I would one day finish, and having invested more time, effort and imagination in this one than any other one I’ve ever tried, I was feeling an untold amount of frustration at myself for practically giving up on it. But I had a bit of a lightbulb moment on the train back from Pembrokeshire the other day, relating to some changes to a particular plot point that will put a whole new perspective on the story as it builds. And it couldn’t have come at a better time - my shift pattern in work has just changed so that I’ve got an extra day off every two weeks. So I’m finding myself with a bit more time and a bit more enthusiasm to spare, I’m keen to see what I can do with it.

I think that’s pretty much it for the moment. There are definitely more things coming up that I could write about, but I think they’re probably better saved for later posts. So I’ll catch you then :)

Hope you have a lovely bank holiday weekend! x

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What makes a good blogger?

Here we are once again, at what we must now admit is becoming a standalone event each month: the Blog Post. As I’ve mentioned before, I figure if I stick to my promise of writing at least one a month, then at least I can say I’m not losing it completely. But more often than not it transpires that each month’s entry is a last minute one, rushed to fit the criteria. For now, I’m accepting it. It’s better than just leaving this blog to rot in cyberspace, is it not?

I was thinking about how, despite having touched on this subject before, I still often face the problem of not knowing what to post on my blog because I don’t know how much other people will be interested in anything I have to say. And I already know that thought process is silly, because as I’ve also said before, if I’m enjoying what I’m posting then that will naturally come through to other people as well so it shouldn’t matter. But I’m increasingly finding even myself stumped as to what I could possibly have to write about that would be interesting, to myself as well as anyone else. It’s weird. I know I have things I could write about. I’m always dreaming stuff up, making mental notes of situations that could make a good story, and working out how I would translate them from my thoughts into my writing. But I often find this train of thought occurs to me when I’m otherwise occupied - walking to work, or washing the dishes, or writing a diary entry - and I haven’t got the time to stop and actually write it. And then when I do get the time, it often transpires that either I’m too exhausted to make a start, or that the thoughts that have inspired me in other moments just aren’t there any more. I can’t think of anything that I want to write, let alone anything that I would later want to go back and read. I just seem to lack the motivation at the very times when it would come in handy.

But then it occurred to me that the aim here isn’t necessarily to be inspiring, or even particularly interesting. My biggest worry when I’m writing to make a point is that it will come across as contrived, because it’s too obvious that I’m writing to tell. I never have that problem when I’m writing diary entries, because no one is ever going to see them. In the case of my diary, I’m not writing to tell at all - I’m writing solely to express, and there’s a big difference. I’m not worried about any judgement, so everything I write is completely honest; and I sincerely believe that some of my most interesting writing is locked up in those pages that no one will ever read. Further to that, I often find that some of my favourite bloggers don’t write posts with the aim of intriguing or enlightening anyone, either. Most of the posts I enjoy reading are made up of what is, essentially, chatter - and that’s precisely why I enjoy reading them. They’re relatable enough to strike a chord without the writer trying to make a point of doing so. And that, in my opinion, is what makes a good blogger.

So, while I’ll readily admit that this post is just another stop gap that I wrote because I feel like I should, rather than one borne of an enthusiasm to get some thoughts down; I’m hoping to start doing more for this blog. Properly, this time. My attitude towards writing has been miserably flat for a lot longer than I’d like, and I really want to change it. I know that I can do that, and naturally produce good content - I’ve had enough people tell me so. Family have told me; friends have told me; I even had a guy I was in school with stop me in town at Christmas time just to tell me (Jake, if you happen to be reading this one, thank you so much again - it meant a hell of a lot!). I think I just need to work on making the self-belief come even without the reassurance of others, and I might start getting somewhere.

See you in the next (hopefully more chirpy) post! x

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Facebook / Twitter / Ko-fi / Buy the book

[Drawing of a green cat saying “It’s okay to love the person you are now even if you don’t plan on being that person forever.” in a yellow speech bubble.]

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A poem for my Nan.

It seems all but impossible to try to comprehend

The world could move without you and our hearts could ever mend.

It's truly inconceivable, a life as loved as yours,

And such a constant in our own, could simply be no more.

I often stop and wonder if it really can be true

When there's so much about the world so closely linked with you.

You were a shining force of good in every life you touched,

So just to say you're simply gone; I can't believe as much.

The beauty of the person that you were, and still are yet,

Instilled in us virtues of yours, too precious to forget.

We'll take heart from your comfort and we'll borrow from your strength,

And as we trusted you, be one to trust to the same length.

Everything we do is done with kindness at its core,

Reflecting what you've taught us all so many times before.

We'll give, as you were giving; everything we have, we'll share.

We'll speak with your stark honesty, and keep our judgement fair.

You'll be there in our humour, smiles kept warm and laughter loud,

And in each choice that's made based on what would have made you proud.

We'll always talk about you, and we'll reminisce alone;

We each have memories just of us, shared moments all our own.

And yet we know they're all the same: they're love, and love alike,

And that's the thing we all hold close from your wonderful life.

So, implausible as it seems that you're no longer near,

The life of you that lives in us will always keep you here.

June Lilian Price

1930 - 2018

🖤

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One particular goal I set myself, on turning 24, was to write at least twelve blog posts over the year. I figured if I wrote one a month, I couldn't go far wrong. I'd managed it up until this point; but now, with two hours left of February, I'm throwing together a post on my mobile which is honestly nothing more than a last-ditch attempt at getting a post in before the month is done.

In fairness it's been a bad month. There's no other way to say that. It just has been horrible. That's not limited to this specific time period; I just say it's been a horrible month because the significant horrible event that threw everything else into disarray happened during this particular month. It's put all other thoughts and feelings right to the back burner, and so I haven't really had anything to write a blog post about.

The only thing I can really think to say is this: hold the ones you love close. There's always time for one more hug, there's always room for honesty, you can always choose to laugh with someone instead of complain about what might have been wrong in the day (because those memories of laughter will stick with you a lot longer than any trivial complaints will), and there's never a bad time or way to tell someone exactly how much you love them. I mean that with all my heart. Make sure the people you love know that you love them. You'll be glad of it.

🖤

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💙

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Resolutions

Fun fact: the other day in work I used the word ‘resolution’ in conversation with a customer (in the context of “we’ll be able to find a resolution”), and he laughed derisively and asked if I’d been to university, to be using words like that. Wasn’t quite sure what to say to that one.

Regardless of my lack of tertiary education, it’s probably a bit late in the day to be talking about resolutions, at least in the context of New Year’s ones. Because a New Year’s Resolution, in and of itself, is made for the New Year; in which case, if you made any this year then you’re likely either just about getting used to them as the first month draws to a close, or at this point you’ve already broken them. Don’t worry, there’ll be no judgement here. Every year I resolve to consume one glass of water before anything else each morning, and every year I’ve forgotten by January 3rd.

Other than that one, I don’t really tend to make New Year’s resolutions. If I’m setting myself goals, I tend to do it just after my birthday in November. And even then, they’re not really solid goals; I don’t consider myself to have failed if I don’t complete them. They’re mostly just things that I’d like to do, and would probably have had a better year for doing. I have a list in my diary that I update each year. Of course, new items get added with each update - this year’s includes re-reading the Harry Potter series, getting a kitten (!) and going on holiday somewhere with Phill. And things that didn’t get done from the last list sometimes get carried over to the new list too - I will one day finish writing my book, and take trips to both Ireland (to visit my family) and Bristol (simply because everyone I’ve spoken to who has spent time there seems to love it).

But, perhaps unconventionally, my list of annual goals will always contain a few that are repeats, despite having been ticked off already on previous lists. And these are probably my favourite ones of the lot, because they aren’t about making changes; they’re reminders to keep challenging myself in certain areas, keep on top of the things I already do to make sure I’m as happy as I can be, and not to let them slide. These are the life goals that I’m not likely to beat myself up for failing on after the third day, because they’re not quick fixes for anything; they’re more guidelines to check in with every now and again, to make sure I’m reaching my full potential when it comes to how content I am with the way I live my life.

So, like I said, I know it’s a bit late to make New Year’s resolutions at this stage. But if you’re fretting over the leftover Christmas chocolates that jeapordised your fitness mission, or the sneaky fag you’re pretending never happened the night your vape wasn’t quite cutting it; all is not lost. There are other ways you can keep tabs on your progress this year, in fields you might not have even thought about.

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Maintain a body shape I’m comfortable with. - As you’ll know if you’ve read my Body Image post from 2016, my relationship with my body image is a very up & down one, which is something I’m sure a lot of people can identify with. For years, this point on my list was actually worded “Get down to [X]st and maintain it!” And if I did get down to [X]st, the next goal would be [Y]st … you get the picture. So I never actually got there. I think it was 2016 that I realised how shambolic this was - because, as it happened, I was a stone heavier than [X]st at the time, but felt the most confident I had ever been in my body because I knew that feeling good is the most vital part of looking good. So that’s when the end game of this point changed - because I realised I really didn’t have to put a number on how pretty, sexy, confident or happy I felt. That’s not to say I’ve always kept to this one. The past few months have seen the biggest drop in my self-esteem I think I’ve ever witnessed in such a short space of time, due in part to the fact that I know I’ve gained a lot of weight. So I’m not saying I’m the best example of this, by a long stretch. I just mean that, rather than putting your body through the ringer trying to get the scales to a certain number, it usually pays more to measure your happiness about the way you look against how comfortable you feel in your body, than it does to measure it against that number.

Make a new friend. - I think this one is more important than a lot of us give it credit for. It’s been on my list for as long as I can remember, and it gets its box ticked every single year without fail. Last year, I ticked it when I started penpalling. The year before, I ticked it when I got to know some of the people in my old job (then my relatively new job) well enough to have a giggle with them in the office and get plastered with them at Christmas. The year before that, I got back in touch with someone I hadn’t spoken to for years, and we re-established our friendship. In 2014, on a few occasions I developed surprisingly close relationships with people I hadn’t known very well before, and they still mean as much to me today as they did then. This point isn’t about gathering a new best bud into your circle every year to spill all your deepest secrets to knowing they’ll always have your back. It’s more about making sure you’re open to new relationships, and always broadening your horizons through the people you get to know. I really don’t think you can ever have too many people who you’d call friends.

Learn to cook five new things. - This one is pretty simple. Actually cooking from scratch is a skill I’ve always been lacking in. I can definitely bake cakes, and some of the recipes I’ve improvised and invented are renowned among my family and friends. But there’s a marked difference between presenting an extravagant cake for a specific occasion, and knocking something together for dinner that isn’t passed straight from freezer to oven. So for the past couple of years I’ve made a point of adding this one to my list, just to remind myself to keep on top of a basic skill I probably should have made an effort with much earlier on. (Hunter’s chicken lasagne was a personal triumph last year!)

Read at least 20 books. - Disclaimer: I’m fully aware that not everyone enjoys reading, and I’m not saying that everyone should aspire to a full literary education. Your own version of this particular goal may differ from mine. But reading has been one of my biggest loves since … well, before I could even read, actually. I’m often told by my Mum that she would watch me sitting with a picture book in my lap when I was a toddler, following the print with my finger and reciting my own imagined version of the story aloud in incoherent baby babble. Since I could understand the words and immerse myself in the worlds they build, it’s been my favourite way to pass the time. And it differs from writing in that that’s exactly what it is; not an aspiration, but a pastime. While writing offers the same escapism in the opportunities to get lost in different universes, writing requires me to do the building and take it somewhere, whereas reading offers me a ready-made world to step into. Finishing a book always leaves me with a feeling that’s hard to describe; it’s as if I’ve just gained a new life experience, without ever having to leave the spot I’m sitting in. And I love that feeling with all my heart. So when I write this point on my list, I’m not doing it so that I can say I’ve added another 20 books to my reading repertoire and can therefore legitimately call myself a Reader; it’s to remind me to take time out throughout the year to do something that I wholeheartedly enjoy, with no added pressure.

Have the courage to do something I usually wouldn’t that could make me happy. - This one has to be my favourite. Again, every year it makes the list, and every year it gets ticked. I think the main thing I love about this one is there are no limits to it, neither is there any unreasonable level of expectation for myself. And yet it’s been fulfilled in all kinds of different ways, from just taking a train trip to a city completely on my own for no other reason than to have a day of solo retail therapy, to standing up in front of a room full of people and reading poems I’d written, to applying for a job in London I knew I physically couldn’t take to see where it would get me (incidentally, it got me a response from an agent from the publishing house I applied to full of encouragement despite the fact that I couldn’t take the job on that occasion, which I will always treasure). I think the key part of this point is the wording, because that means I can’t fulfill it just by indulging myself in unremarkable everyday pleasures to make myself happy. I have to push the limits of my comfort zone; decide if something could make me happy, even if there’s a risk that comes from never having done it before, and do it anyway to see if it will. And it doesn’t have to be drastic. It could be something as simple as changing a small habit, and realising somewhere along the line that you feel better for it. Or it could be something on a much bigger scale that will change the way you live your entire life. But whatever it is, it’s something new that benefits you, and you’re learning and growing every time you endeavour to tick that box. And surely that can only be a good thing.

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So that’s it; there’s my (hopefully) non-preachy list of Not-Quite-Resolutions, More-Like-Pointers which might, or might not, be helpful throughout the year. Regardless of whether you’re making or breaking any resolutions, I hope this New Year has treated you wonderfully so far, and will continue to do so. Because, resolutions or no resolutions, you deserve it. 💚

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It’s a thing that’s good for your brain! 

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Feeling Fairly Festive!

At the risk of sounding like every single other person you’ve spoken to this month: where the actual hell did this year go?!

It is astounding to me that we’re in December already. I know how stupid that sounds, but as I mentioned in my last post, so much has happened this year. And it doesn’t feel like it’s been spread out over the course an entire year. Everything that’s happened is still so vivid in my mind, it doesn’t feel like there can possibly have been months at a time between those moments and right now. But no matter how much I can’t wrap my head around it, the year is indeed coming to a close, as it always does. And, of course, Christmas is upon us.

I have to say: I am loving the fact that I get to spend my time in Cardiff at this time of year. I always love going into the city when it’s draped in festive decor, and the fact that I’m there almost every day now does not make it any less of a novelty than it has been in previous years, when I’ve just made the odd day trip to get some Christmas shopping done. If anything, it’s better. If I’m not working a late shift, then when I’ve finished work I get to wander around the city at my leisure, with fairy lights twinkling at me from every direction, market stalls lining the streets, and all manner of Christmas songs seeping out of the shops, merging into one with the street buskers as I pass them by. And everyone seems genuinely happy about the whole scene. Last year, my dad summed up perfectly the way the world works at Christmas time. He said the reason he loves Christmas so much is that everyone is one degree nicer. If you’re normally a six on the niceness scale; at Christmas, you’re a seven. The season brings out the best in people. I can totally see that. It’s so hard not to get caught up in the spirit of it all.

Yesterday was my day off work, but I made the trip into Cardiff again, with a mission on my mind: the dreaded Christmas Shopping. Alright, “dreaded” is an exaggeration. I was meeting Jess in town, and we were going on a shopping trip. I can’t realistically say I was dreading that. But of course, there was an ever-so-slight sense of trepidation, borne of the fact that I had no. frickin’. idea. what to get anyone. Nevertheless, I managed to piece together some ideas, and after a quick confirmation phone call to my brother, we agreed who was getting what and I set to work. By the time Ashleigh came to meet us in Costa an hour or so later I was laden with bags and feeling a sense of accomplishment - but also nursing the onset of the upper backache that comes with any good shopping trip. The three of us shuffled awkwardly around a very busy Lush, and traipsed through TK Maxx on a half-hearted lookout for any final bargains, before deciding to call it a day. 

Ashleigh went one way to head home, and Jess and I went the other way in the direction of the train station. And then we spotted this.

Jess had sent me a link earlier in the day about the Truly Scrumptious bus serving Christmas cocktails in Cardiff. I thought it was a nice idea, but we hadn’t made a point of seeking it out. Seeing it there on the street though, we couldn’t resist - and I’m really glad we didn’t!

As soon as we stepped on, the friendly staff pointed us up to the top deck, where we were met with all the festive cushions and fluffy throws you could want. We nabbed the cwtchy seat right at the front of the bus, and cooed over the cute cosiness of it all. And of course, the various vodka, elderflower, Baileys, cointreau and cherry brandy cocktails went down smooth!

We really did only intend to stay for one. But then, given that we were sitting right next to the CD player, the guy serving our drinks pressed two Christmas CDs into Jess’ hands and said “Come on Mr DJ, I don’t know what to put on!” Inevitably, Michael Buble ensued. And then it would have been wrong not to stay for more. So we sank those, then ventured out to the back of the bus where there was a canopy set up over the open deck, complete with fake candles and knitted blankets to snuggle under.

When we finally headed back downstairs, we were offered complimentary glasses of spiced whiskey - which allowed us some extra time to play with the tinsel glasses we spotted on the tables. If that’s not enough to get that festive feeling simmering, I don’t know what is. I think I speak for both of us when I say we were considerably merry when we left. The Truly Scrumptious bus is in Cardiff until 20th December, and if you’re around, it’s well worth checking out. We only had time to stay for cocktails, which were gorgeous enough to warrant an hour or more spent chilling there, but a very reliable source (the chef) informed us that their tapas is fantastic too!

So it’s safe to say that I am now well on the way to being Christmas ready. The fact that my train tickets are booked and I’m officially going home for the holidays has undoubtedly helped to boost my Christmas cheer, too. But the past month or so has definitely given me a newfound appreciation for Christmas in the city. The build up this year is totally different to anything I’ve experienced before, in a wonderful way.

I hope everyone’s having an equally lovely December! x

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