scripturientdelight

[scripturientdelight]

I'm a lonely misfit, bereft of the energy required to become anything else.

Why is a single sentence to another person so much more draining than a paragraph, or even a page, silently scrawled in my journal?

[scripturientdelight]

You'd think I would learn, eventually, but I have not.

Not yet.

I was too reserved with my morning hits all week, so conservative I barely felt it lift me at all above the ruminating agony of conscious life.

So today I erred in the opposite direction, launching my mind beyond the boundary of idle thought and into the stratosphere...

[scripturientdelight]

When I get real high I stop thinking in words so much

So if I want to communicate at all it ends up feeling like pulling together magnetic poetry in my head

With every word, though I sometimes have to dig for it.

[scripturientdelight]

Once again, I've forgotten what it feels like to not be constantly overwhelmed.

As a tree or a cloud I could be alright.

[scripturientdelight]

Is a single line poetry?

What if I then translate it into every language I'm attempting to learn?

I love the warm kiss of the sun on my skin beneath the cool breeze

Αγαπώ τo ζεστό φιλί του ήλιου στο δέρμα μου κάτω από το δροσερό αεράκι

Dw i'n caru'r cusan yr haul ar fy nghroen o dan yr awel oer

[scripturientdelight]

Helios

As I sit outside in my morning sunshine time,

While the autumn sun is still a warm caress upon my skin

I am reminded anew of everything glorious about him,

And the depth of my love draws me back to the idea of making his name mine as well,

In the deepest act of devotion I can conceive of.

All I want in life Is to be loved like all heliotropes - Myself included - Love the sun.

[scripturientdelight]

The Tdick Paradox:

Compared to before testosterone?

HE'S HUGE!

Compared to perisex men?

Not so much...

[scripturientdelight]

I'm a grown-ass man, but also a work in progress. I'm old enough to decide for myself - with sufficient professional agreement as to make it possible - to decide I deserve to spend my late thirties finally going through The Right Puberty.

I'll assimilate a weekly shot into my routine and eventually look in a mirror and see Myself reflected comfortably, when I'm no longer obsessing over every potential sign that my body's starting to change. I've only just started, but I'm finally on my way

[scripturientdelight]

I wanna be a dryad.

Or I'd settle for just a tree.

Trees don't get bored,

or have hyperactive ADD.

I wouldn't be depressed in winter,

Just undressed, if not evergreen.

In fact, a cactus would do as well, I suppose.

Then birds could still hug me.

[scripturientdelight]

I watch the clouds float by and implore they take me with them

[scripturientdelight]

Hints of Spring

It's so nice outside I want it to inspire page after page of story scrawled in vines of ink across the blank sheets, but a breeze passed and the leaves quiver and I'm lost in the loveliness of spring, all peace and no words. Just the warm kiss of sunlight and the tender caress of the cool breeze and a sense of surety that I am a part of it all.

[scripturientdelight]

I am him and he is me. With time my form will fit properly.

[scripturientdelight]

Phoenix

I am the fire reborn;

and my flames grow

ever brighter.

A little #selfaffirmation #oneminutepoem to cope with #genderdysphoria atop all this year’s chaos! My chosen name is Not Subtle 🔥☀️

#transmascwitch #queermagic #queerwitch #firewitch #iamthephoenix #transmasc #forapollo #thanksares #solarwitch #actuallyautistic #wordspractice #atleastaresisproudofme https://www.instagram.com/p/CIFJoxuHaJz/?igshid=1iaausnd98mwc

[scripturientdelight]

Sometimes I still get so tired/ I can't silence the hate inside

Sometimes I have to listen/ As it makes me want to die

How can I grow stronger/ If I'm too exhausted to try

I feel so weak and hopeless/ As I just rock and cry

[scripturientdelight]

Ares/Mars

Small devotional acts.

Take a self-defense class

Adopt an “unwanted” animal

Learn first aid

Have a bonfire

Physically destroy reminders of harmful things

Go to protests, fight for what you believe in

Go on the massive rides at fairs/amusement parks

Educate yourself on PTSD

Wear more leather

Join a debate team

Look at war critically, without glorifying it

Delete contacts who were negative influences

Eat spicy foods

Wear clothes that make you feel confident and badass

Keep a pocket knife/multi-tool on you

Have multiple shots of coffee

Stand up against racists, sexists, and the like

Find small ways to build your endurance each day

Inspire others

Donate to charities that support abuse victims

Wear metal jewelry

Use writing or art to channel your feelings (it doesn’t have to be pretty and light)

Learn more about war history

Follow through with tasks you are given

Listen to music that makes you feel a little chaotic 

Drive on roads you can go fast on

Explore alternatives to the systems and paths you were told to follow

Play a competitive and physical game/sport

Help your friends clean up after a party (or fight)

Fuel your hate into productive energy

Wear darker makeup

Don’t be afraid to have opinionated conversations

Know the best ways to get rid of blood stains

PRACTICE LOVING YOURSELF

Many, many, many other things not said here

[scripturientdelight]

I love the haikus

They are so chill and pretty

Can I stay forever

[scripturientdelight]

transmasc dysphoria

The softest curves have the sharpest edges where they dig deep into and through my soul