silent3lullaby-blog
Silent Lullabye ✨
We all need that one place we can go to connect 👥, somewhere our feelings are matched 💔our pain is felt and our tears not overlooked. 😔💔Make this your place. ✨ ( ask questions of any type 👀 or simply inbox me to chat about anything and everything🗣. I have no secrets 💞but lock away the ones whispered to me 🔒 ) With much love , Olivia 🖤✨
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Audio
Listen even if you don't understand Spanish ( look up the lyrics , the english version ) online. They are so beautiful
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I can't even begin to tell you the type of night I had, But i will try my hardest to remember. It all started with a bottle of fireball... now we all know where this post is heading. So i got home and mom was asleep and I went to my room and turned on some music and began to drown all my pain. I was on the phone with an old friend and we were just talking and I knew that it had all hit me when a Spanish song came on. Promise by Prince royce, ugh do I love that damn song. I could listen to it for hours... even though I already do lol. Anyway, I knew that I had finally reached the point to where I was drunk because i started to dance to the Spanish music on camera. I was such a mess. Slurring my words and tripping. But in that moment i was having fun lol I was happy and I didn't think about anything bad that was going on in my life. Then came the bad ...
I had been ignoring my boyfriend or whatever u want to call him cause we arnt really together but we are at the same time.
earlier that day i had went to the clinic to get birth control and the women had gave me a couple of condoms and it hit me that the boy that I'm with , we’ll call him XX. So XX had sex with another girl, his ex, and they were talking and he hid it from me for months but ill have a separate post about that. But basically when she gave me the condom I realized that when he had sex with his ex he went in her raw and then turned around and did the same to me, had sex with me with no condom, which is what we always do but still he did it with her as well. so then i became depressed and upset and i went out and bought a bottle of fireball came home and drank all of it. The entire bottle. it wasn't one of those small bottles either it was a decent size bottle. anyway everything was good i was enjoying myself until i went to the bathroom after he had called me the first time. he called me and i finally picked up after about 7 hours of not answering any of his calls or messages and i told him what happened and what i had done and he just hung up the phone. I had to use the bathroom so i stumbled over to the bathroom and peed for what felt like hours lol. But after wards i couldn't even get my pants on and i flushed the toilet and was hanging over the toilet because i felt like i was going to throw up. so i was hanging over the toilet for probably 20 minutes and then i thought holy shit my mother could have to use the bathroom and i don't want her to find me like this. so i crawled... and when i say crawled like hands and knees not even with my pants pulled up crawled to my bedroom. once i got there i heard my phone ringing and it was XX and i can't even tell you what the conversation was about because i don't even remember. But all i remember was he told me that i needed to call my mother before he called her and told her what was going on. At this point I'm on the floor throwing up in a shoe box with throw up spilling out of the shoe box. throw up all in my hair and all over my hands, PANTS ARNT EVEN UP, and i can not move up off the floor. I finally called my mom. i called her @1:47 and told her that I was in my room and i needed help and for her to please not get mad. she came into the room and asked me what had happened and what i drank and i pointed to my bed and she took the bottle and threw it away. She didn't scream at me or talk down on me but surprisingly she really helped me and was telling me that I was sad and that everything was going to be okay. She gave me water but I just thew it up so she made me some tea and that was the only thing i could hold down and not throw up. But boy was I throwing up a lot!!! it was terrible, it felt like i couldn't breath and i was so embarrassed to have my mom see me like that but I'm glad that i called her because could have died that night or she would have found me like that sprawled on the floor and had a damn heart attack.
Finally after two hours of throwing up she was able to get me into bed and i fell asleep.
The reason I'm telling you this story is 1. because its a blog and I'm suppose to write abuot what happens to me on here and 2. so teach you guys a lesson:
The lesson is if you drink to numb the pain of whatever you are going through or do drugs to numb the pain i won't lie to you , it does help... until the high goes away or until you either a) are throwing up all over the place b) you are no longer under the influence or c) until you wake up the next morning. YOU CAN NOT RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS IF YOU DO NOT DEAL WITH THEM HEAD ON.THEY WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT THERE LIKE THE SUN WILL ALWAYS BE IN THE SKY.
I know that the pain of what we go through makes us feel so small, like it completely takes over our body and mind and its all we ever think about. but trying to put ourselves in danger by doing drugs or drinking is even worse and will cause you even more pain in the long run. lets say that i didn't drink in my room but i did it outside or with some friends or even at a party. If i did it outside i could have passed out on the street and a random person could have came along with bad intentions and took me and did what they wanted with me or i get picked up by the cops. In todays day and age anything is possible and people these days are sick and twisted. if i had done this with some friends or some people since i just moved back here they could have just left me there, they could have taken pictures of me and posted them on the internet, they could have even done stuff to me. you cant trust anyone not even people you call your friends because you never know what someones true intentions are with you. lastly if this had happened at a party i could have been raped by more then one guy because when ur at party no one cares about the kids that pass out from being drunk tbh and its sickening. anything could have happened yesterday. shit i could have had fucking alcohol poisoning if i didn’t throw up or i could have choked on my vomit in the middle of the night if i didn't call my mother and died. Today would have been so different for me if any of these things had happened.
and guess what... my problems are still here. i didn't escape them or run from them, they didn't disappear. they are still there. Now i just have another failure i get to add to my list of failures. I hate being such a disappointment to my mother and to XX. I feel like i just keep disappointing everyone. I think I'm just going stick to smoking. But don't run from ur problems they will still be there even if it feels like they disappeared for a little bit.
I hope you guys didn't have a bad and fucked up night like i did. and if u did i promise you, you will get through it and I am her for you!
#drunk#alcohol#depression#depressing thoughts#depressing quotes#hurt#pain#teen#blog#silent3lullaby#drinking#drugs#almost die#fuck
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Photo
the beauty of this picture is that it shows every women’s imperfections while still capturing her elegance.
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flowers are beautiful
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Have you ?
have you been so sad and tired and want to be alone, but at the same time you really wish there was someone who you could talk to who cares
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Thoughts on this quote???
“you don't just stop loving someone. you either always will, or you never did in the first place”
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Quote
vodka may burn my throat but the thought of you burns my mind. i'd rather black out than stare at my empty hands that once held yours.
Anonymous
#depression#depressing quotes#depressing thoughts#sad#sadness#silent3lullaby#alcohol#drugs#love#passion#teeen#blog#blogger
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Wednesday April 19, 2017 @10:32
Today was actually a pretty good day. I didn't do much but watch Netflix, update the blog and had some pizza wit some fiends.
So what I'm going to try and do is upload one song everyday that represents how I feel. You guys can comment what songs you like or you want me to listen to because I neeeeeeeeed some new songs to listen to!
Today was a lot better, my mood was more stable and wasn't all over the place and I'm feeling a little bit better about my relationship with him. Again I will get into detail about him later because thats going to be a longs ass post.
yeah I didn't really do much today so i don't really have much to write about. I really wanna get high tho so badly maybe tomorrow.
Bye lovelies, I'm going to post some more quotes and maybe a poem.
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