smashins - Tumblr blog

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Parents really be asking their child why they don't talk abt their mental health with them anymore after stigmatizing mental illnesses, psycho and neuro atypical people, fatshaming and telling them to lose weight, slutshamming daughters, saying it's not depression but laziness, considering that since they provide a roof food and education they have no reasons to have a breakdown, telling them having suicidal thoughts is selfish and ungrateful, laughing at autistic and disabled people, being lgbt-phobic, considering any interests unrelated to school/future carrier as childish, always comparing them to others and being condescendant and judgemental all the time

Please just don't procreate at this point

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Well i figured out something

If i wanna lose so much weight to look androgynous, if i hate having tiddies and it makes me anxious and sad, if i wanna look like a boy most of the time but still wanna look like a girl sometimes, if i want people to use other pronouns than she, if i'm often thinking of another, less feminine name, if i hesitate to buy a binder, if i have body dysphoria

Maybe it's not just bc i have an ed, not bc i'm fucked up, not bc i'm a faking bitch feeling this for attention (lmao the logic here)

It's because i'm non binary :)

(i'm simultaneously happy to figure this out and to finally put words on it, but scared of enbyphobia, transphobia, feeling invalid/à fraud, and sad bc it's a main reason why i'm stuck into my ed but this time it's not a temporary thing)

So where u at my nb and trans and queer and gender non conforming and non cis folks i wanna make friends ;-;

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⚡Some of my favorite outfit thinspos ⚡

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I wanna be stick not thick :(

someone: how do you wanna look, huh? all skin and bones? that’s what you like?

me:

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Beginning of 🎄Christmas season⛄

Everyone : *happy bc Christmas holidays are in a few weeks*

Me : *crippling anxiety bc I'll have to spend it with my parents and won't be able to eat <500 cals /day without them noticing my relapse*

During the holidays

Everyone : *enjoying the holidays, treating themselves with wonderful Christmas food*

Me : *constant mental breakdown, unable to enjoy spending time with loved ones, can't eat the delicious food without being on the verge of tears*

After the holidays

Everyone : *happy bc they've spent a good time, having gained a few pounds isn't really an issue*

Me : *relieved bc I can go back to starve and punishing myself for having gained a few pounds, and hating myself bc I couldn't enjoy Christmas this year again*

Oh yeah having an ed is so🎊much✨fun🎉

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Lmaooo I tried to pour myself another cup of coffee today (idk how many I already had) and I spilled it everywhere bc I was shaking so much.

And sometimes you feel your heart beating like crazy and wonder what's going on, casually sipping on your 5th cup of coffee while fasting

ed culture is having coffee and nothing else and then being like "wHy Am I sHaKiNg"

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I remember a moment when I was at my lw (dangerously low) that made me realize how fucked up my ed and body dismorphia were.

I was naked in front of the mirror, disgusted by how large my chest was. I was squeezing my torso to see how much fat I had and how I'd look if I'd lose it.

And then I realized I didn't have any fat left there. What was too large for my ed was my ribcage. I was a fucking skeleton trying to get skinnier and even bones seemed too much.

And despite knowing I was deadly sick, desperate, lonely and suicidal, a part of me wants to go to that weight and body so bad. And I'm slowly relapsing again, saying I'm just trying to "lose some weight" when in reality I wanna be a skeleton again.

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Random person: *eats food*

Me: yES you go sweetie, take care of ur ✨🌙 b o d y 🌙✨ and live your life to the ⚡️f u l l e s t⚡️, don’t let anyone bring you down, you got this, you gorgeous, gorgeous ❄️💫 h u m a n 💫❄️

My ED: that’s never allowed btw lol

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Lmao my dumb ass really thought I could stick to my reasonable 1000cal/day meal plan without bingeing

I'm such a fool

I managed to do it for 2 weeks without bingeing tho (which I'm kinda proud of btw!), but I've quickly cut out my breakfast and decreased my dinner to <200 cals on the 2nd week (so I was eating ~500cals/day)

I felt overwhelmed by the idea of eating nearly 1000cals bc I don't workout and always think I don't need/deserve that much food.

And tbh I don't see any changes in the mirror neither in my clothes so I thought I should speed up my weight loss

BUT I've binged on Friday evening of my 3rd week and ate the leftovers of this binge the next day too

Then I kept my meal plan for the following week, but kept it at ~500cals instead of 1000. And yesterday I had to buy chips and beers bc I was spending the night with a friend at their place. I knew when I was going to the store that I would buy binge foods and would eat it before seeing them.

I ate too much and was really guilty and depressed, and also ate too much at their place. And today I went back at my place and ate some cookies I bought for the binge.

So basically I'm a piece of shit rn. All my restriction of the 4th week has been vain bc I ate more than the amount I restricted for 7 fucking days.

Next week I'm planning on eating under 500cals/day every day and I CAN'T binge on my 5th weekend I really need to have some self control.

I need to lose 10kg by the end of January 2021. I need to workout. I need to stop bingeing. I need to eat whole foods. I need to allow myself low cal treats without eating the whole grocery store.

I need to go back to my lw, which means I must lose 24kg.

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Think you eat too much to have a problem?

Many active people (women included) eat 3000+ calories a day and stay plenty lean.

The recommended daily calorie intake is 2000 for women and 2500 for men.

The recommended daily calorie intake for weight loss is 1500 for women and 2000 for men.

A 5-year-old needs about 1400 calories or more every day.

The minimum daily calorie intake for a long-term diet without medical supervision is 1200 for women and 1800 for men. Eating less than that eventually leads to starvation mode (a real–yes, real–state of biological stress characterized by decreased metabolism, increased cortisol production, and heart, brain, organ, bone, and muscle damage).

A 2-year-old needs about 1000 calories or more every day.

Most people can’t even imagine eating 1000 calories in a day. You’ll get 1,357 Google results if you search for the exact phrase “1000 calories is way too low” or “1000 calories is way too little”…but you’ll get even more results if you Google the same phrases for 1200 calories, because few people consider dipping below 1200.

A 3-digit daily calorie intake puts you at high risk for binge-eating, slowed metabolism, bone and muscle loss, nutritional deficiencies, gastrointestinal issues, infertility, hair loss, mood swings, and depression. Oh–and sudden death.

900 calories is less than what a completely sedentary, 5'0", 80 lb, 70-year-old woman burns daily (keeping in mind that your metabolism slows with age).

A very low calorie diet, also known as a starvation diet, is 800 calories a day or less. It is prescribed by doctors to obesity patients who need to lose weight quickly, is specially formulated to be nutritionally complete, and is monitored by medical professionals to prevent sudden cardiac arrest and death. It is considered an extreme diet.

600 calories a day or less is literal starvation.

500 calories is less than the daily calorie needs of the average 1-month-old.

400 calories is less than the daily calorie needs of the average newborn.

300 calories is less than what the adult brain alone burns every day.

-Mod Lia

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Here is my current meal plan!

It's low in fat and sugar, budget friendly (less than 30€/week), meal prepped

I eat less than 1000cals/day so this makes room for when I see my friends and it wasn't planned (it's beers mostly lmao)

Breakfast (20-200 cals)

I usually don't have time and just drink a coffee with milk but sometimes I make oats :

50g oats, 60ml milk, cinnamon, stevia (200)

Lunch (400)

I make my lunches in advance (usually 2 days the night before) so it's ready in the morning and I don't have excuses like "oh I don't have time to prepare lunch I'll just eat at the cantine"

1 portion (200cals) of protein rich carbs : lentils, quinoa or red beans

1 portion (140cals) of protein : 2 eggs, chicken, tofu, tuna, soja meat

1 portion (60cals) of seasonal veggies of choice

Plenty of water, black coffee and tea throughout the day

Dinner (200-400)

I'm lazy and don't feel like cooking dinner and next lunches the evening bc I get home late, so I usually eat something light and convenient

Soup, fresh or canned veggies, fruits, pre-made meals or salads

If I crave something sweet, instead of buying and eating a whole cereal box or several cookies packs like I used to do, i now force myself to eat tangerines, oatmeal or chocolate covered rice cakes (they're 60 cals each), and drink coffee or tea with sweetener and have a piece of gum

I'm not ready to buy sweet/fatty/junk foods again bc I know I'll eat it in 1 sitting, so I stay away from it for now

If I'm really hungry, really craving something or feeling weak, I choose to eat!! I know eating more once or twice a week won't be as bad as restricting too low and then having huge binges! It's way worst to starve and binge bc y'all know it's a never ending hell

And eating 1000 cals/day will definitely make you lose weight (it's already a low intake), and it will be easier to keep it going

Goals can be reached with patience and consistency :)

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Soooo after months of trying to lose weight and gaining instead bc i'm stucked in a binge/restrict cycle

I've finally decided to increase my planned intake! I was used to plan 400cals/day and always ended having massive binges multiples times per week

I've made a 1000cals/day planning for a week and didn't binge once!! I haven't succeed to maintain a realistic meal plan without bingeing for months!

I'm so proud rn, I should lose 10kg by the end of January by keeping it on, I really hope I'll be able to do it!

I'll try to be more active on tumblr to keep me motivated :)

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Fucked up to be happy when you're sick bc you're not hungry, food disgusts you, got nausea and you shit all the time

I'm a tired wreck but at least I'm losing weight right ?

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Am I the only one to leave tumblr every time I "fail" having an ed?

Idk I feel like a fraud for gaining instead of losing and I can't go on ed tumblr bc i'm not worth it and everyone will see it if I'm connected lmaoo wth

Anywayyyy I'm back bc holiday ends and I need to get my shit together - I hope I'm going to be so busy I won't have time to binge

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I wonder

Every time I see a very skinny person (like they could be bonespo and seem to have a bmi <14), I wonder.

Do they suffer from an ed like me ?

Are they upset of seeing /smelling food when walking in the city like me ?

Is their life a mess regulated by restriction, thinking about food/calories and how to avoid events like me ?

Do they hate their body to the point of slowly killing it like me ?

I'm jealous bc I want their skinny, bony, sick body.

And I'm saddened by the fact they may have an ed and therefore I know too the painful struggles that life has become.