st8rrywrites

[st8rrywrites]

SEVENTEEN - CHAPTER THREE

FEMALE OC - SKYLAR SLADE

BLURB: What lingers in the darkness should be left alone. Especially when its least expected. Being seventeen never had its perks and this was one reason why. What do you do when you feel like someone is coming after you and all you can do is plague those thoughts alone?

WARNINGS: stalking, physical abuse, mentions of quite a bit of blood, mentions of anxiety/panic attacks, verbal abuse.

WORD COUNT: 3892 words

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CHAPTER THREE:

Waking up the next day felt like Skylar had been dragged to the depths of hell. Her head was pounding. Her limbs felt weak. She didn’t want to get up.

“That’s it, I’m never drinking again.” she mumbled through tossing and turning on her bead to find a comfortable position to lie in.

She laid on her bed, in the same position, for what felt like hours. Until she remembered that she still had to check her phone. Grabbing her phone with a struggle at first, she glanced at the screen, until her whole body rose up in less than a second. Unknown number…who could that even be? She barely conversed with people, let alone get anyone’s number at the club last night seeing as she was cowering in fear for more than half the night. Huh…that’s strange. The message was only sent five minutes ago. But the texts didn’t even consist of words, it was just a collection of images. Images of Skylar, alone, at the club last night. There was approximately fifty five images over a period of two hours that flashed up on her phone. Chills spread though her bones as she could already feel herself starting to panic. She couldn’t even begin to start panicking, before a knocking on her door pulled her out of this frozen trance. Her mum came strolling in with a glass of water and some ibuprofen.

“Hi sweetie, thought you might need these. You were pretty out of it last night” her mum spoke, trying to gently place the items onto her bedside table as to carefully not make her daughter feel even more ill.

Because if you knew Skylar, you would know that even people’s presence made her feel worse. Little did her mum know that she was out of it for all the wrong reasons.

Only a grumbled “Thanks” came out of Skylar’s mouth which thankfully her mum passed off as her being hungover.

Skylar was grateful, of course she was, but all of her energy had seeped out of her and run off. On top of that, she was feeling violently ill and she didn’t fully get time to process the messages she got before her mum came trudging in. As soon as she heard the door click shut again, she was back on her phone as quick as a wink. She didn’t know what to do. I mean what would you do in this situation? A million ideas popped into her head all at once. She could either tell Rose about this, message this unknown person, or talk to her parents about it. But she decided to do none of them.

It had been a few days since that night.

Nothing else had ever clouded Skylar’s brain this badly before. It had been all she thought about since that night. She thought that maybe it was time to tell someone about this…but not her close friends. She feared the judgement. The next person she could think of was Leo. Leo rarely judged Skylar unless it was about her music taste, so she thought that maybe he was the right person to go to in this situation. Battling with herself, she glared at his contact, pondering whether this was the right thing to do or not. That was until her thoughts were briskly diverted to the notification that popped up on her screen. It was from the unknown number again. Panic seeped through her veins again as her head reeled over the flashbacks of a few days ago. Steadily gaining the courage to open the message, it had been a solid few minutes since the notification so Skylar’s head was overflowing with the thought of ‘What if this stranger is on the other side of the phone, waiting to see that I’ve read the messages and find some sick satisfaction from it, even more, decide to pester me to the point of fearing for my life?’.

Her fingers twitched as she neared closer to tapping on the unknown contact. She’d done it. The simple action took less than a second, it seemed so effortless but in Skylar’s mind it was far from that. Flicking through the new pictures, they consisted of Skylar in all different parts of the house. Thankfully, all pictures were taken from outside the house. If that hadn’t been the case, she would of quite literally feared for her life. They somehow knew Skylar was home alone…that’s why she was petrified beyond doubt. When Skylar feared for her life, it was in a predicament of her own mind. Not quite literally. There was something new to these series of messages this time though. Under all the pictures, ‘Be careful of who you let in’ stood out in capital letters. As if to threaten the only sanity Skylar had left from these last few spiralling days spent in isolation and thoughts. Isolation came easy to her, but not like this. Especially when she had been home alone for two days, her mum going on her yearly business trip to the other side of the country, forced Skylar to accustom some maturity to this situation. Hell, Skylar thought she was taking this whole situation admirably. She was the world’s most dire fearer. Anything could make her tick. Yeah she had been practically paralytic for the last two days and even now but she somehow was strangely calm in a sense.

Booming knocks erupted from the front door, setting Skylar into a frozen panic What was she supposed to do? After those incriminating messages, she didn’t want to move an inch. Not if opening the front door might cost her in a life or death situation. Okay, maybe she wasn’t taking this as well as she thought. If anyone were to see her right now, she’d be the laughing stock of the town.

Without another thought, her feet rose before she could think plainly, leading her towards the descending stairs and through to the front door.

The whole time Skylar had been contemplating, the knocking never once stopped. For a minute, Skylar looked like she was having a staring contest with the plain, white door in front of her. Hands trembling, breaths ragged, she reached for the door. Just as she was about to unlock the door, the door gave her a welcoming hello. Striking the girl right in the nose. Knocking her to the floor with a grunt. Clutching her nose, Skylar tried to stop the constant flow of blood trickling down her face. It was too late. It had already started to seep through her t-shirt, colouring it a dark red hue.

Casually striding into Skylar’s blurred vision, was a towering figure stood frozen in motion in front of her. A few quick, rapid blinks and her vision had refined near enough back to normal. That’s when it clicked in her brain. That’s also when the fear started to creep back up again. Her father. Not surprisingly, accompanied with a bottle of whiskey, didn’t even let Skylar come down from everything that had just happened. Gripping the collar of her t-shirt with a mighty twist, leading her into the kitchen and shoving her harshly against the counter.

“What took you so long to open the door you brat!” he screamed at a mere inch apart from Skylar’s face.

“You not going to open the door for your own father, what a disrespectful cunt!” slurring each of his words.

“I’m sorry dad! I had my music on, I couldn’t hear the knocking from upstairs. I promise!” Skylar pleaded.

With an extra shove, which Skylar knew would end up with a huge, purplish tinted bruise tomorrow, he blared “ You better be sorry girl, now go and make me some tea as it’s clear you have been a lazy shit all day.”

“Okay, sorry dad.” She replied with her head down, praying to the gods that this would be the end of another one of her dads outbursts.

Letting loose of the solid grip of Skylar’s now scrunched up collar, he miserably stumbled away, still with the bottle of whiskey attached to his hand like it was his own child.

Except he already had two of those and he treated them like prisoners.

No one extensively knew what Skylar’s father was like. Not behind closed doors. They would have to torture her to get the truth out about her father. She was embarrassed to tell anyone about his antics, plus she had no one to go to about it. She was the eldest daughter, she had to stick up for her younger sister and make sure that that vile man never laid a hand on her. She wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt if he started attacking her sister too. It was all too much. She never told anyone about the series of events that went on with her and her father because in her mind, it made her seem weak and fragile. Everyone already viewed her as that so it would just cause more humiliation on her part because she couldn’t find it in her bones to stick up for herself. How pathetic right? Thankfully, the bruises and marks that he engraved on her were easy enough to cover up. Learning to do makeup at such a young age came in handy for once. Her father didn’t live with them, hell he barely even visited them. But when he did, the house would end up with a stench of whiskey lingering for days. Not to mention the cover ups and lies that Skylar had to risk so her mum wouldn’t figure out that her ex-husband had come strolling in again just to take all his anger out on his poor, helpless daughter.

From the outside of the house, if you were passing in the street, you would think that a domestic fight was occurring in the tiny semi-detached house. That wasn’t the case though. It was Skylar trying to make her father a meal, one worthy of not getting another beating from. She’s surprised that he hadn’t come in here and had another meltdown just from all the chaos she was creating in the kitchen. He could be passed out on the sofa though. And that’s exactly what he was doing. When Skylar crept through to the living room to check on her father, she found him strewn out on the sofa, snoring his heart out, in a drunken haze. Great. Now she was wasn’t escaping his antics at all. She either woke him up and he would be raging or wait for him to wake up, risking the tea she’d made getting cold and not hearing the end of it from him because she didn’t wake him up. She contemplated her choices for a mere second before giving up on thinking about the consequences and strolled up to the shadow of her father, sprawled out on the sofa. A little nudge was all it took to shake him from his snoring slumber. Skylar backed up a bit in case things went south real fast.

“Sorry for waking you up but your tea’s ready in the kitchen, I’ll go get it.” Skylar piped up when she noticed her father glares from across the room.

Before hurriedly adding, “I made Chicken Teriyaki Chow Mein, is there anything you want me to bring through with it? Salt?”.

Her father just grumbled in response, abruptly turning on her heels and heading to the kitchen to grab the tea she’d made for him. She wanted to just get this over and done with so then she could crawl back up to her room and hide under the covers until he leaves. And that was exactly what she did, not once looking back as she scrambled up the stairs to the only space she deemed safe in this house.

It wasn’t long until he father had left.

Exhaling a ragged breath she didn’t realise she’d been holding in, her mind switched back into action. It’s like she’d fallen into a trance. All her thoughts came flooding back as if it had been a forgotten memory tucked away in the back of her head. Panic was settling in more vigorously this time…even more than when her father would make his monthly appearance. Night was slowing approaching and Skylar had to figure out what to do before she was alone, in the dark, fearing that someone could harm her at any splitting second.

It was time to ring up Leo.

So that’s just what she did. Now here she was with Leo, trying to calm down an overwhelmed Skylar. She thought that if he stayed here to see it through all of this, then he definitely wasn’t going anywhere in the future. If Skylar was being honest with herself, she had the fattest crush on Leo. But she had never done anything about it. Instead she kept the friendship going so he could still be in her life.

Since Skylar was little, she felt unloved by everyone around her, including her family. This led her to believe; manipulate herself into thinking that she was unlovable, and that this sinking feeling would never change. Ever. It was hard to picture anyone having a crush on her, let alone be in love with her. That’s why she gave up at such a young age of finding that special someone, unlike everyone else her age. She hated the fact that having boyfriends and girlfriends at such a young age was normalized for her whole school experience. It crushed her, it made her feel unwanted. She knew that literally none of these relationships would last but she just prayed and prayed that maybe someone would take a liking to her, to make her feel a little more normal compared to all her classmates.

But like always, she stuck out like a sore thumb.

It was currently 11:00pm, Skylar had been able to stay calm for a fair few hours now.

Maybe that was because of the presence sat scarily close to her, or maybe it wasn’t. Feelings were too confusing to contemplate right now. Skylar sat silently next to Leo, coyly waiting for him to kick off another conversation. It had been hours since either of them had spoken. At first, the climate was still; solace, but as the hours passed by, it became cloudy with an agonizing silence. A silence that Skylar couldn’t handle, especially in her own bedroom. Not to mention that this is the first time she had ever had a boy round, let alone in her room. All of this was brand new to her, she didn’t know what to say or do. She barely had her friends round at her house. So this was bold for her, especially when it’s the guy she’s had a crush on for five fucking years.

It was like he’d listened to her prayers.

“Are you okay?” Leo asked, his tone laced with concern as he looked at Skylar’s worn out expression.

“Yeah, no I’m okay thanks for asking.” She meekly replied with what she thought was a convincing smile. It wasn’t. Leo could see right through her.

“No you’re not. Don’t lie to me Skylar, I just want to help you. In any way I can.” He replied with a gruff, raking his hand through his hair in a frustrated manner.

“No, no, I promise you now. I. am. fine.” She replied as she looked away from the piercing stare he held on her, biting her lip for what felt like the millionth time tonight. As soon as she gazed up to see if she had convinced him enough, she knew that there was no point in lying anymore. So she just came out with everything her brain could scramble out.

“Okay, fine, I am stressed beyond anything! I haven’t slept in days. My mind won’t stop spinning with thoughts, thoughts that are nowhere near pleasant to even be thinking about. I have double checked all the locks in this house at least a hundred times in the last three days. I thought the texts might be some stupid idea of a prank that my friends thought would get a good laugh out of me, but this isn’t. I swear I’m not going crazy. There is someone out there that god knows what they want to do to me and I feel helpless! I can’t talk to anyone about this because one slip up and I’ll be on my way to a psychiatric hospital in the middle of fucking nowhere. You were my last hope.” Skylar slurred as she just gave up and let everything out. Except the last part, she’d simply whispered that part to herself because god forbid she embarrasses herself in front of the only chance of safety she has tonight.

The silence confirmed her worries. Of course he wouldn’t find her clinically sane. Not a single person in her life did.

She prepared herself for his excuses to come spluttering out of his mouth as to why he needed to go. But those words never came. Instead she was taken aback by his next words.

“Hand me your phone.” He asked with what could only be read as anger on his face.

Skylar didn’t even think twice about it, handing him her phone, he shot up from the bed and placed the phone to his ear. It took Skylar all of two seconds to realise what his intentions were. That’s when she too shot up at lighting speed to try and stop Leo from doing the most utterly stupid thing right now.

“What are you doing?!” she whisper screamed, flailing her arms in front of him as he paced up and down her bedroom, trying to gain his attention as if she thought that would stop him from his next actions.

Voicemail. Thank god.

Huffing out a strangled breath, she watched silently as Leo came to a halt. Thinking this was over, she made her way back to her bed but was stopped quick when she heard an angered voice ring out around her. Wait there’s two voices that can be heard in this house right now. What the fuck is happening.

“Hey asshole, if you ever think about sending another text to Skylar, there will be real fucking consequences you hear me? Now fuck off back to whatever hole your fucked up head came from. Dick.” Were the next sequence of words she heard echo through her bedroom.

Before Leo could speak up again, Skylar shushed him as she was trying to catch another glimpse of what she had heard before.

She hadn’t been hearing things. She could hear the groaning and crashing of objects downstairs. She knew only one person who would do this.

Her father.

Shoving past Leo, Skylar headed straight for the stairs in a hurry. What could her father be doing back? He normally never comes back especially after he’s just paid his monthly visit. He’d outstayed his time; Skylar was seething with rage. She wasn’t thinking clearly. I mean who would in this situation? She had so much happen to her in the last few days that she had finally snapped and had enough, she’d found the perfect person to take that frustration out on.

With Leo practically on her tail, they both reached the bottom of the steps. Halting their steps, to pay attention to where the sounds were coming from. The clinking sounds were a big enough clue as to what was suspected of the so called ‘father’, Skylar had grown to despise over the years, was doing. The anger was rising every second she wasn’t intervening yet another one of her father’s so called ‘mess-ups’. Switching the hallway light on, the anger tipped over and flowed out of control.

You could say like father like daughter.

Charging towards her father, she smacked all the scrunched up notes and rusted coins out of his hands. Causing the deafening sharp rings of each and every coin to fall to the floor in some fucked up melody.

As Skylar screamed, “What the fuck are you doing back here? Let alone taking all the money that is for safe keeping? Get out of this fucking house, id don’t want you here or anywhere near for a matter of fact!”.

Heaving in deep breaths, she came to terms with what she had just done. She’d finally stood up to the pathetic piece of shit who had in his own words ‘raised her’. She knew that the outcome of this wouldn’t be pretty in the slightest but she felt content knowing that Leo was here and that if something happened then she wouldn’t need to crawl to get help.

All of a sudden her neck felt tight, like someone had stolen her breath. That someone being the man who was always the cause of her hurting. He’d grabbed Skylar by the neck so skintight that if she’d tried to squirm her way out of his grip, she’d be able to taste death knocking on her doorstep. Reeling his way backwards, he shoved her so firmly against the banister that it fucked up her vision. Now she was seeing two. The tears that were sat at the bridge of her eyes didn’t help the hopefulness of making it out of this alive.

Another smack to her head is what did it in the end. The gasps and pleas stopped immediately, as she sank to the ground in an unconscious state.

All her father had to say was “It’s what you deserve you bitch. Don’t ever think of interrupting my plans again or you’re dead. Well that’s if you’re not already.” He ended with a chuckle as he made his way to the door with his freshly painted blood money.

The slamming of the door shook Leo out of his own trance, rushing over to the limp Skylar. He was in such a state of shock; anger that he couldn’t think straight. He only needed to do one thing. Make sure Skylar’s alive. He had to. She was everything to him. He couldn’t even fathom losing her.

Running into the kitchen, he swiftly grabbed a clean cloth off the rack and practically slid back to where Skylar’s limp body was.

Applying firm pressure to the gaping wound at the back of her head. Steady breaths filled the silent hallway as Leo tried to retrieve his phone to call the emergency services. The dark, brick red blood dissipated through each and every crack in the flooring, making it’s way onto both of his hands causing him to lose grip on his phone. Every little minor inconvenience kept Leo on edge as he tried to call the emergency services again, this time through his voice.

When he heard the 999 call handlers voice beam through the speakers of his phone, relief washed over him. That was until the woman’s voice asked about the pulse of the girl he was cradling with his whole life.

He went to check her pulse. He didn’t know how he could have been so stupid as to of not checked this earlier.

A shivered gasp caught in his throat as he brought two fingers to Skylar’s fading body.

Her neck was deathly cold to touch.

There was no pulse.

[st8rrywrites]

SEVENTEEN - CHAPTER TWO

FEMALE OC - SKYLAR SLADE

BLURB: What lingers in the darkness should be left alone. Especially when its least expected. Being seventeen never had its perks and this was one reason why. What do you do when you feel like someone is coming after you and all you can do is plague those thoughts alone?

WARNINGS: mentions of suicide, mentions of paranoia, mentions of anxiety/panic attacks.

WORD COUNT: 4050 words

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CHAPTER TWO:

The night club was far from pleasant. The sweaty atmosphere of a bunch of drunk teenagers all swaying and shoving into each other whilst the dim lights leave barely any sight to see where you’re going wasn’t down Skylar’s street at all but she wasn’t doing this for her, she was doing this for her friends. All she had to do was stay here for two hours minimum and she could be back underneath her sheets, laughing about how the night actually wasn’t that bad and that as much as she couldn’t face the outside world she was going to have to put up with it and act like every other human being on this earth.

Five minutes into the night, she had already excused herself to go to the bathroom to calm herself down and reassure herself that everything would be okay. It wasn’t as easy as you would think to calm her racing heart down, the booming sounds of the music from the speakers echoed in her chest. Another banging could be heard. Maybe she was hearing things? No this was definitely happening in real time.

A meek voice pulled Skylar out of her trance, “Skylar? Are you in there?”.

Rose’s voice questioned, silently wishing that her friend wouldn’t just trap herself in a stuffy cubicle all night. Rose wanted Skylar to have fun, its all she wished for. No-one should have to go through the crippling anxiety Skylar felt but Rose has always thought she could pull Skylar out of that black hole and hopefully experience the only few good days she had left until she would be turning into an adult. Now was the time she had to face her fears for if she didn’t then she would be stuck forever. Gathering herself, she steadily opened the cubicle door to be met with a soft face. One of concern laced with empathy.

“Come on, let’s go get some drinks and soon enough your worries will be behind you, don’t worry about being left alone, I’ll be by your side the whole night.” Rose shared.

Those words in themselves made Skylar feel less anxious, setting off towards the bar with her best friend right by her side.

When it came to drinking, Rose went all out. Especially at home. When she would have gatherings, she would make all sorts of concoctions. Bloody Mary’s, sex on the beach’s, jelly shots, and then the basics, cider, vodka, champagne, wine (red and white), lager, you name it and she had it. So Skylar just got handed whatever Rose knew was her favourite.

Walking back to the group after what had just gone down in the past ten minutes was embarrassing to say the least. Even if Skylar didn’t show it on her face, her body language made it very clear. But her friends were understanding, that’s who they were.

The whole group consisted of six people in total, There was Leyla who was the oldest of the group, Bea, who was the second oldest, then there was of course Skylar who was surprisingly the third oldest in the group which you would never of guessed, Rose was the fourth oldest, Belle was then the fifth oldest, and then Rory was the youngest of the group. Every single one of them had made Skylar’s life considerably better in high school and to be honest if it wasn’t for making those friends in high school, she would be so lost right now. Skylar was closest with Rose which was already so telling but she adored each and every one of her friends because deep down she knew that people actually did care for her. It was just hard to come to the realisation that this was the case because her whole life the voices in her head had put her down so hard that she got used to them, so trying to dig out of that deep hole wasn’t easy.

Leyla already had her license, she passed when she was still seventeen, which opened up endless amount of opportunities for the group to do. However, that excluded Skylar from all of this because she was too in her own head that she couldn’t make time to go out with her friends. Even if she did go out she would just be too engrossed inside her head to make out all the conversations that were pooling around the group.

When Skylar had first met Leyla, she was scared, not in a bad way, just that Leyla was known a stranger to her. When she first joined, Skylar peeked down. It wasn’t Leyla’s fault at all! It’s just that this was a whole new person that’s just come into her life and it takes a long time to fully be herself around strangers. It took quite a while to even feel comfortable to speak properly whilst Leyla was around, but when she did, she realised that there was no judgement on her part of who Skylar truly was. Leyla was a really put together person, even if she didn’t think so herself, Skylar thought it was admirable. Keeping down a job, working long hours, and still being able to go out and have fun. That in itself was something Skylar could only dream of being able to do. On top of that, she was gorgeous. She had the confidence, style, and the looks. Which yet again is something Skylar wishes she could have.

To say Skylar despised the way she looked was an understatement. She hated her face, her body, her hair, any aspect that other would compliment would be flushed out straight away because she couldn’t believe it. She felt like lies were the only thing that could spew out of her friends or family’s mouths sometimes. How could someone hate themselves so much? It was pretty easy for her to feel like that, it felt like a second hand thought to her at the end of the day. No-one has taken a picture of her in years, she hates it. She can’t ever describe the feeling of when she looks back on a picture, it’s an indescribable, hopeless pit. ‘Do I really look like that?’, ‘Everyone else looks like how I see them, so is that how I truly see myself?’, ‘I feel sick’, is what ran through her head so much that she stopped even taking pictures of herself. She’d push the thoughts aside. If she wasn’t taking a picture, or someone else was, or avoiding any reflective surface, then she could go on about her day and only picture what she looks like. Which she was contempt to her, that’s how she liked it.

One memory that sticks, is when everyone was round at Rose’s house. Everyone was chatting away whilst Skylar was still coming down from an anxiety attack. She hadn’t seen her friends in so long that that was the thing to cause her attack in the first place. She thought she had well and truly lost it. If she can’t even stick around her friends without having an anxiety attack, then how was she going to get a job? Once the panic started to settle, she felt herself grow more happy with being there, catching up with how her friends lives were going. After about roughly an hour and a half, a few people were tipsy or drunk. ‘This is fun’ Skylar thought to herself. She even started bringing up dancing and Leyla was so down to do it with her. Grabbing the remote, she put on the just dance version of Rasputin. Now anyone who has done this dance would know that it’s a lot of movement, it indeed was. Bea had joined in at this point and we were all filming it and giggling to themselves, just letting the burdens of what was to come tomorrow and the days after off their shoulders. You could tell that Leyla was drunk, and Skylar was tipsy, it was heaven. Maybe one of the only times she actually felt free and could be herself in the limelight of her friends. By the end of it all three of them were panting and trying to catch their breaths. Bliss. The only word that could be used to describe that moment. She had completely forgot that she was acting to her true self. Leyla on the floor, spread out and Bea taking pictures of her whilst laughing at how funny she looked right now, whilst Skylar was sat back down just reminiscing on what had just happened. That was one of the memories she could remember vividly where her and Leyla had a good time together.

Bea was only a few days older than Skylar, back when Bea had joined school late, she was the talk of the year, and hell, Skylar understood why. Bea was the person only people could dream of being friends with. The thing Skylar admired the most about Bea was that she had gone through so much and still managed to flash a smile on her face. Honestly, one of the strongest people she knew. Every time everyone would hang out, she always checked up on Skylar if she noticed that she was being a bit more distant or away in her thoughts, Skylar would never voice that her words alone made her feel better. Just the simple check up truly made Skylar believe that the doubtful thoughts of having no-one that cared for her would vanish in a second. There was a huge difference between the girls who were only a few days apart in age. Going out. Most nights, Bea was out with all types of different friend groups. Skylar only knew this because she would sent multiple pictures and videos of what she was doing at that time. FOMO – fear of missing out, was a massive part of Skylar’s life. It had pretty much been a burden since she turned the ripe age of thirteen. Jealousy was normal for any teenage girl. But she just couldn’t shake the feeling when she would see each and every picture/video that ‘what was so wrong with her that she couldn’t be like this and live this life like Bea was?’. Overall, she was just grateful that their paths had met. Being in the last year of school, you don’t expect anyone new to be joining the year because this is the year where you take your GCSE’s, and it would be a tough struggle to catch up with the previous years of learning in only less than one. And by the end of the year, Bea had worked extremely hard to achieve the grades she wanted, and everyone was so proud of her for how she had adapted to the whole new environment and just put her head down and tried her best. If she had never moved schools in the first place, she would of never of met Bea. It always puzzles her when she thinks about it because like everything, if you hadn’t done that one thing then you might not be where you’re at right now. Bea knew all the gossip, even if Skylar never had a clue who the people she was talking about were, it was slightly amusing to see what people around her were getting up to.

Then there was Rose. The one Skylar was closest to. Skylar had met Rose back in year seven through mutual friends, however, they didn’t become friends until year eight and from then on they were practically inseparable. Except for year nine. But we don’t talk about that incident. Rose had always been there for Skylar, every single time she had been swept over with her depressive states, to each and every panic attack she’d experienced. At the end of the day, Rose seemed to be able to help Skylar in making her overcome the worries that would flood through her head. They had met on one instance before high school had even started but Rose would never remember that. She had the poorest memory ever.

The summer before the nerve wracking start at high school, Skylar had gone with her sister to a trampoline park. They were queuing up ready for their hour slot at the park when she overheard a minor conversation in front of her. It was something along the lines of “I can’t wait to start at Trinity High School!”. Now this was what perked Skylar’s ears up in the first place. She was going to the same school as these two girls in front of her. As soon as she had heard the words come out of their mouths, her head whipped around to look straight at her sister, the same bewildered facial expression was plastered on both of their faces. She still remembers vividly that Rose had dip dyed pink on top of her natural blonde hair, and the other girl had dip dyed blue on top of her also natural blonde, wavy hair. Not even a year later, and she would be friends with one of these girls and would introduce her to the best friendship she’s ever had.

Skylar admired so much about Rose. The list could go on for hours if she wanted. If she had to pick only one though, it would be her ability to stand up for herself. Any sort of confrontation or argument that fizzled it’s way into Skylar’s life, caused her immense amounts of distress. So much distress that it could make her physically sick.

However, Skylar never felt as if she had to hold back when explaining her various fears to her friends, especially Rose and Rory who understood the darkness depression and anxiety brought to lives. It was something Skylar could hardly put into words. Some days it would be a specific feeling lurking behind her almost similar to the feeling of forgetting something and feeling all eyes on you as if you had made a huge fool out of yourself, when in reality you were alone in your teenage bedroom. Or in Skylar’s case, she always was. Alone. In her teenage bedroom. Other days this feeling crept in front of her as if it was the only thing she could feel or think about. It was almost as overwhelming as drowning. The feeling of needing to breathe, but all the air was sucked from your lungs and the water was rising. That was until Skylar realised there was no water, and it was just a feeling she would have to become familiar with. Fortunately for her, Skylar had certain friends which could help her with this, draining the water from the pool she was drowning in. Removing the plug. Adding more oxygen. Skylar often felt alone in this world. Like the only girl in the world, even if swarmed around by people. It was a feeling she could only dream of escaping. But these friends made it just that little bit easier of being alone. Alone but not lonely.

There was one instance, when Skylar’s phone was blowing up. Her friends messages. Constant. Yet this drowning feeling wouldn’t escape. She was being dragged under. Her thoughts wouldn’t stop pouring. Just as she was on the verge of ending it all. Drowning. For real. She checked her messages. Almost immediately. Rose would call this fate. “Always remember everything happens for a reason Skylar, it will lead to better things” is what Rose miraculously tried to enforce into Skylar’s brain no matter how long it took. Always so persistent. She looked at her messages. Floods of questions Skylar couldn’t even process of answering right then. “are you okay?” “how are you?” “what’s up?” “why aren’t you replying?” “what’s wrong with you?” what’s wrong with you. A question Skylar could only dream of having the answer to.it was that moment Skylar realised she wasn’t okay. She thought about those questions for hours that night. Laid in her now cold bath water until her fingers were wrinkly. Am I okay? She thought to herself. She was tired. So tired. Her body almost as if on its own was slowly sliding into the water. Her face almost engulfed by a layer of water, until her phone rang, and rang. And rang. She shot up, answering it without even looking at the caller Id.

“what is it.” She demanded

“hi love, just checking in. I haven’t heard off you for days, I was about to send out a search party.” Rose giggled.

“I’m busy, I’ve got to go” were the only words that slipped out of Skylar’s now dry mouth.

“okay.. well please stay in tou-“ rose attempted to reply, but instead she was faced with the ending of the call due to Skylar’s anxious cancellation of the call.

Guilt.

 Guilt was another feeling Skylar couldn’t escape. She felt bad for how she reacted. Out of impulse. As a defence mechanism. Guarding her true feelings. Like an armour. A shield. All she wanted in that moment was to pour her heart out to rose, all her friends. The whole world even. But she couldn’t. there weren’t enough words in the English dictionary for her to express her thoughts. So she shut them off. Everyone. Everyone who helped her. Or at least tried to.

It happened that night too. Skylar had just finished her 7th drink of the night. The feeling of freeness and euphoria others often felt were masked as anxiety and paranoia as she scanned her eyes over the crowded club. I need to get out of here. Now. Her only thoughts as she glanced at her friends smiling beside her. Without another word she walked towards the green exit sign lit above the door. The sign she noticed straight away. Almost as if it was her aim to follow it the whole night. As she took a few more steps she felt her arm being slightly pulled behind her. She turned around in confusion, until she was met with the faces of all 5 of her closest friends. Rose, Bea, Leyla, Belle and Rory.

“and where do you think you’re going?” boomed Bea.

“Skylar come have a drink!” Leyla beamed as she offered her a selection of bottles of alcohol in her hands, in which she only imaged were bought for her by the variety of men she was flirting with most the night.

As Skylar thought about what to reply, the truth or a lie? The only words that left her mouth, ever so quietly were; “ I cant do this. I’m sorry. My mums outside, I’m going home” she lied. Her mother was in fact not outside. Or on her way.

She now had to find a way to get home, as quick as possible.

Great, Skylar thought.

If only she could teleport.

As Skylar felt the cool fresh air brush over her, she let out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding. Her muscles relaxed, almost automatically as her eyes scanned around the empty streets and alleys she was faced with before her, for any signs of transportation. Bus stops, train stations, taxis. A dodgy white van slowly driving past even. She would do anything to lie in the comfort of her own bed right now. As she realised there were no forms of getting home in the snap of a finger as she hoped she reached for her phone which she for once didn’t have glued to her hands, as her parents like o refer to it. “maybe if you went outside once in a while and got off your phone, you wouldn’t feel like this.” Like this. What even is this feeling? She glanced down at her phone – which was on do not disturb ( like always) – and momentarily rolled her eyes as she was faced with the fact it would be almost impossible to go find a way home at 2;44am in the small local area 2 miles away from her house.

Skyla never referred to her house as her home. She believed home was a feeling more then a place. There were moments where she believed she was there. Little snippets when laughing until she couldn’t breathe with her best friends or listening to music until her eardrums could most likely bleed in her bedroom. But the more she overthought, the more she debated whether she’s ever really felt at home.

Walking was out of option. It would take her two hours to walk home, a twenty minute drive. But a two hour drive.

If only she could teleport.

She began to search on her phone for possible solutions. She tried everything. Buses, trains. She even attempted to find the courage to ring a taxi service in which she was glad was out of service due the fact it was a bank holiday. Great. Thoughts of doubt flooded her mind as she contemplated going back in to her friends until they left. That was also out of the picture. She couldn’t face it again. Walking through the doors, alone. Searching through the sweaty crowd for her most likely drunk friends until they felt the need to finally leave. In which, in this case wouldn’t be for hours knowing her friends.

As these thoughts circled through her mind she looked down on to her phone with the aim of calling one of her parents, preferably her mother to pick her up with hopes that she’d wake up within 2 rings. She took a deep breath in as her finger hovered over the call button, just wishing her mother would understand.

After the first 17 calls, unanswered Skylar began to think walking or crawling at this point may be the only way to return to her comfort zone.

If only she could teleport.

That was until she saw the puff of smoke float past the corner of her eye, in which she’d bet on her life the she saw it and felt the presence of someone next to her. Someone unfamiliar. She creeped to the left, where it came from. No one was there. Okay that was weird. It’s not like Skylar didn’t already feel like her sanity was slipping away slowly, but something about this instance just felt so unlike anything she had felt before.

In the end, she decided to just sit patiently and anticipate when her friends would appear, stumbling out of the club.

Two hours later ( the amount of time it would of taken to get back to her house), Skylar’s ears perk up at the familiar sound of one of her friends giggles. Thank god. She had started to feel a throbbing pulse pulling at her head an hour ago, as she had been resting them in between the comfort of her own two legs. Too afraid to face the outside world again after the incident that had happened just mere hours ago.

“Skylar?” Rory questioned whilst in a fit of giggles as to why her friend was out here, crouched down on the filthy ground, in the freezing cold.

“What are you doing out here? Why are you still here?” Belle asked timidly.

Because the state that Skylar was currently in, didn’t look approachable in the slightest. Her whole body quivering as she looks up to five pairs of eyes, all with the same worn on expression, like they had just copied and pasted one facial expression and slapped it onto all their faces. Every one of them except Belle were drunk off their heads, so this whole situation just turned to mush in their brains and instead of asking any more questions, they set off towards the car. All except Belle, who helped Skylar off the floor and held on tight to her trembling figure as she lead them in the direction of where everyone else was heading.

‘Who was that?’

‘Surely there was someone there right? Or do I really need to start worrying about my sanity?’

‘Why won’t this god awful feeling go away? It feels like something is about to go terribly wrong.’

Were what ran through her head as she studied the outside world as if to ask if they had the answer to these questions. Something was seriously wrong and even her friends could tell which was a sign in itself.

[st8rrywrites]

SEVENTEEN - CHAPTER ONE

FEMALE OC - SKYLAR SLADE

BLURB: What lingers in the darkness should be left alone. Especially when its least expected. Being seventeen never had its perks and this was one reason why. What do you do when you feel like someone is coming after you and all you can do is plague those thoughts alone?

WARNINGS: mentions of suicide, depressive episode mentions, mentions of severe anxiety.

WORD COUNT: 3,245 words

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CHAPTER ONE:

Imagine never changing throughout your whole existence. Yeah, well this is how Skylar felt. Mind you she was only seventeen on the cusp of eighteen but she felt like surely life would change maybe even for the better. Sure she had her doubts but she thought that maybe she could have something gratifying happen to her just once.

Skylar doesn’t really remember anything from her childhood unless its shown to her through stacks of pictures and videos. I think that’s down to the point that she drove everything good in her life so far into the back of her mind that all she can think of when someone speak so dearly of their childhood is all the things that went wrong for her as a kid.

Her mind works in mysterious ways, as a kid she always thought everyone’s minds worked identically, however, this was not the case. When Skylar was around the age of nine, it was lunch at school and she was trying her hardest to include herself in her friends conversation whilst they were all sat round the hall eating their packed lunches. What she said next caused a lingering silence over the whole group for the rest of lunch, and in fact the rest of the day until school was over.  Skylar wasn’t even fully concentrating on what they were talking about, probably something about boys or something along those lines.

“Do you guys ever wonder what those little voices in the back of your head are doing?”.

Silence. Pure silence loitered for a whole two minutes as Skylar’s mind was racing with thoughts. To say she was floored was an understatement. Just as she was about to make a quick exit after realizing she had just practically shook the souls out of her friends, one of them spoke up looking like she was about just laugh right in her face and send her on her way.

“Oh my god Skylar, I never knew you had any humor in you.”

Pausing, for maybe longer than it felt, Skylar just played along with it because surely that was the best thing she could do in this situation. She’d tried so hard to not make a fool of herself for the five years she’s spent at this torturous place already and she couldn’t deal with it if the teasing started over something she believed was deemed normal for everyone her age. This wasn’t the first memory Skylar could place of her childhood but it was definitely up there as one of the most embarrassing ones to this day.

Shortly after that incident at school, the thoughts of that day just wouldn’t stop intruding her mind in any irritating way it could possible so she decided to ask her parents what they thought about it. Best to say they didn’t take it calmly. At all.

The week after she had the conversation with her parents, she was sitting in a room that looked like it had projectile vomited warning signs in every direction you looked. At nine, most people envision playing on the streets with their friends until their parents call for them to have tea, this wasn’t the case for Skylar. Instead of enjoying her time doing things most kids were doing, she was sat trembling in fear at where she was and why her parents had sent her here. Her thoughts were racing and it felt like one more thought and her brain would quite literally explode like she could imagine one more thought squeezing into her brain and BANG! The several nerves, blood vessels and chunks of her brain cling to the walls like a fresh, new coat of paint. But that didn’t happen. Instead, her thoughts were closed off when a shadow towered over her, a massive grin etched from both corners of her mouth and if she didn’t think clearly she thought that this strange woman could of gobbled her up whole.

“Skylar Slade?” the woman questioned.

Sheepishly looking upwards a slight, a hushed “yes?” slipped from her mouth.

“Brilliant! Come this way!” the woman enthusiastically replied.

Trudging through the dim halls, Skylar found herself be lead to a room at the back of the hallway. Making herself as comfortable as she could (although it looked anything but that from anyone else’s point of view) on one of the chairs inside the room, the young lady sat down parallel to a very confused, and agitated Skylar. The silence just grew louder as Skylar thought her ears might burst from the ringing that was starting to slowly grow louder at the anticipation of what this stranger was about to say.

“Hello Skylar, I’m Susane and I’m going to be your therapist for however long you need me to be.”

As soon as Skylar knew what was actually going on, she barely had time to form a coherent sentence before Susane spoke up again.

“So today, I thought we would just start at a slow pace and get to know each other better!” she shared as she looked intently into Skylar’s eyes awaiting an answer.

Still in a daze, Skylar meekly nodded as if to agree to what this woman was saying but also being very unsure of the whole situation still. And that’s how every Wednesday for the next few months went.  As a kid she just thought that it was her parents concern for her but as Skylar grew up she came to the realization that they were in fact scared of their own daughter.

Now being seventeen on the cusp of eighteen brings so many opportunities and experiences, for everyone except Skylar. She barely went outside let alone hang out with her friends. Not that she didn’t want to, she desperately wanted to go out and do things but there was just barriers holding her back and she didn’t know if she could ever cross them. Yes she had her whole life ahead of her but she genuinely couldn’t shake the feeling that life was going to drag on like how her life had been for the past seventeen years until death gets ahold of her and her life ends like everyone else’s does. From Skylar’s beliefs it didn’t make a difference if she went out or not. She’d always felt invisible, and terribly alone. Even if she had loving family and friends it didn’t make a difference because everyone she knew felt like the same person to her. Either fuck up her life or simply exist beside her. There was no other option in her eyes.

Back in year eleven, Skylar had to do a group project that would end up going towards her final grade. It felt like the teacher was trying to laugh right in her face purposefully when she told the whole class what the topic of the project was. Emotions. ‘Well at least I might get a good grade out of this’ is what she was thinking. The next sentence the teacher said was what sent full on shivers down her spine.

“You’ll all be put into groups of four, and I will choosing them so don’t start moving closer to your friends.”

Skylar wanted to throw up. She couldn’t do this. ‘I only talk to like three people properly in this class’, ‘I cant talk to most of the people in here what am I going to do?’ and ‘I’m fully shaking, I need to get out of this room as fast as possible’, were running through her head at the speed of light. She needed to think of something fast because she doesn’t have long left before the teacher announces what group she’s in. Before she could let another thought intrude her panicking, the teacher speaks up.

“Okay, group one…Skylar”. Fuck. “Leo, Jennie, and Alex.”

Her fear slowly crept away a bit when two of the names that were listed were people she could talk to. After that whole ordeal went down, the rest of the lesson went by swiftly. Now was when she had time to work on her piece by herself, at home, in the comfort of her own space. She hated art class for once specific reason, that everyone else in that class could see everything she was working on and even though it was high school and not a professional art college or anything but it was still so intimidating for everyone to see if she had miserably failed on something or not. And mind you, a lot of the people in her class were born artists. Honestly, she swears the talent came out with them when they were born.

The piece of artwork was due the next week so she decided to get a head start on it so she wasn’t flailing around last minute trying to make it look perfect. Without even realizing, Skylar had finished the whole piece in one night. She was actually very pleased with the way it came out. Then it dawned on her…’What if this is all too much?’ she mused. Imagine being really proud of something you’ve achieved and then getting the crippling fear that others will judge you for it. That was what was swarming round Skylar’s head.

A week had past too fast and its only because the panic of what the other students would think of her artwork. Back in the seat she was sat in exactly a week ago, trembling in fear was now laced with paralysis as she patiently anticipated what the outcome of this whole ordeal would be. Finally as if on cue of cutting her thoughts off, the teacher arose telling everyone to get into their groups and to share what they had all created. Leo was the first to share his piece with the group, it consisted of an oil painting of a silhouetted man hurdled at the knees with waves above him as a symbol of emotions crashing down. It was really creative and the symbolism made it ten times better in Skylar’s opinion. Next up was Jennie, she had sketched an intricate design of half a face and inside of the iris was a broken and beaten down person but from the outside the person was smiling.

“Emotions can hide other emotions,” Jennie mentioned.

Two people had already gone, now she could feel the panic bubbling in her throat. Thankfully, Alex went next, and his piece of art was incredible, it consisted of a blurred out face with many colors leaping off of the persons face as if they were in a hurry to scatter around. He concluded his presentation with,

“It’s supposed to represent the unknown of feelings and emotions.”

Now it was Skylar’s time. All the eyes were on her as she gathered herself to pick up her artwork and show what she had miraculously made. She closed her eyes firmly, not wanting to know the reaction of her peers. That was until she heard a slight gasp from across the table which then turned into a second and then third gasp emitting from all three students. Skylar couldn’t tell if this was a positive or negative reaction so she slowly peered her eyes open to view the three students gawking at her like she had just won the lottery.

“That is the best artwork I’ve ever seen! I swear on my life!” Jennie said with so much awe in her words.

The two other students grumbled in agreement. Skylar didn’t think this would be the outcome. At all. The thing is that Jennie, Leo, and Alex didn’t know that this piece was based off of her and not just some inspiration she had found online. But it didn’t bother her. In fact, she would rather it be like that, less humiliation on her part. She had sketched a person screaming with miniature heads above them, all shouting at the person as if to manipulate their brain into doing something irreversible. Skylar had to come up with something quick to make it seem like it was about another person before the questions started pouring in from the classmates.

“It’s about the voices in your head that try and trick you into doing damage to yourself mentally and physically,” quickly after saying that she quipped with “I know that’s what some people struggle with so I wanted to bring it to light so that other people can see it drawn down on paper.”

She well and truly thought she had saved herself. But when does anything go right for her.

The next day she trudged into school not knowing what was waiting for her behind those hellish doors. Five minutes into the school day, her head of year comes waltzing in asking for Skylar. She never thought anything bad of it, the head of year probably just wanted to chat about how her grades were slipping more recently. What took her by surprise was that the same piece of artwork that she had gleefully shown off to her classmates yesterday was now in the hands of the year leader and being wafted right in her face. The voice of concern came next and Skylar was not excited for what was about to come out of head of year’s mouth.

“Your art teacher, Mrs. Dounce, handed this to me this morning and voiced her concerns about what you turned in for your group project yesterday.”

Fuck. Stuttering was not an option right now but Skylar didn’t know how to form a full sentence to reply to what had just happened. Forcing the first words that wracked into her brain she responded,

“I’m not exactly sure what you mean? I just created a piece of art that I thought was best suit for the topic we were given?”

Confusion laced in her voice as she tried to create the perfect lie.

“You know you can come to talk to me about anything, my door is always open.” She mentioned as she looked at a shrunken Skylar with pleading eyes.

Skylar tried her best to calm down the situation whilst also trying to speed up the conversation so she get out of this uncomfortable situation as fast as possible.

“No I promise everything is fine, like I said I was just trying to stick to the topic and make sure I made it to the best of my abilities.”

The year leader slightly shook her head in approval before dismissing Skylar back to her lesson. But before she could reach the doors to make her brisk exit, a small slip of paper was forced into her hand. She didn’t even check what it was, she just departed with a slight smile and darted as fast as she could towards the bathroom. Once safely in the bathroom she took the time to calm down the high rise of anxiety she was feeling, she peeled open the note. Her worst fears came true that day. Another slip of many she’s had in high school, a school therapist - date and time and where to find them. The school acted like it actually helped the students, but in fact it made them want to off themselves even more.

So here she was again, back in yet another form of therapy. She stopped counting after the age of twelve, it was too much to handle at such a young age. She also stopped caring all together because deep down she knew that none of this would help especially after she’d been doing it for nearly a decade.

Skylar just somehow managed to pass all her GCSE’S in the end. Now was the time to freak out about a fresh new start at college. Skylar doesn’t speak about college, actually she refuses to, it was too much for her in the end and she didn’t make it very long before she dropped out.

Now she just lazes in her room, day in, day out without a care about her future or even herself. She feels like she’s slowly slipping away from reality and her mind is losing consciousness of what day it even is. ‘When the voices won’t quieten down at any time of the day and you feel yourself slipping into insanity, is that normal for a person to feel like this?’. Is what lingers in the back of Skylar’s head everyday as if to notify that her parents might have been right to be afraid of their daughter all along. To say she was lost was an understatement, she forgot how to feel proper emotions after being cooped up in her room for so long but the same would of happened if she was going about her regular day to day life. The world was what made her crazy, the people, the shallow fear of what outside had to bring, and for the most part the three set rule – be born, work until your old, and then die. Being alone had its perks. It gave Skylar time to be herself and to calm down from all the overwhelming responsibilities she knew she had to overcome one day. Being alone also has it disadvantages because as much as she loved being alone she had to actually make sure she kept the only friendships she had.

Speaking of her friends, Rose had tried ringing Skylar five times already trying to get her to come out with them to a club tonight. Skylar though that was possibly the worst situation she could end up in tonight. She would rather be curled up in her bed scrolling through her phone and binge watching a show she’s already seen multiple times before. However, she did feel bad that she had ignored the pleas from all her friends, especially Rose, about tonight’s plans. So out of guilt she ended up being somehow persuaded into this hellish evening. This was the person Rose was, persuading. It depended on the day if she wanted to be viscous or gentle about it though.

Rose was the person everyone would die to have as a friend. She always kept everyone in their best interests and would always reassure everyone that they deserve to live, if not for them then for her. Never a day in her life has she made anyone not feel included. She just has this comfortable presence around her that makes you never feel judged in the slightest for your interests, your personality, and much more. For only being seventeen, she has every trait only Skylar could dream of. Outgoing, bubbly, a kind soul, enthusiastic, and caring and so much more that the list could go on forever. When Skylar agrees to things its always out of impulsiveness, the panic always creeps up after. This is the stage she was right now.

She’d never gone outside of her comfort zone like this before. She knew she couldn’t live in this bubble forever but why did it have to face it today?

Bracing herself for what was to come, she rolled out of her slump and started to gather an outfit together. The endless possibilities of what was to come tonight raced through her head the whole time she was getting ready. Now was the time she could back out but that would just make her friends more disappointed in her.

So here she is, stood outside in the freezing cold waiting for her friends to pick her up. Who knew that this night would change the course of her life forever.