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stayevildarling · 10 days ago

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Billie Dean Howard x Wilhemina Venable x Cordelia Goode x Reader- Happier than ever- Part 2

A/N: part two for this fic as requested 🤍

tw/tags: mention of depression (mild), mention of disordered eating (very mild), mention of smoking, mention of cheating, cursing, angst, hurt/comfort

word count: 4.4k

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00, @ninaahelvar , @paulsonsratched , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometimes , @wastdstime , @p1pecleanerwitheyes , @queen2234 , @ihartnat , @lifebyinez , @ahsatanizgay, @laavaagil, @wtfffisgoingon , @stepintomyworld

The silence that followed in the academy was defeating, the only sound Billie‘s sobbing, Cordelia‘s quiet tears and Wilhemina‘s sighing. Throughout your whole relationship, you had never walked away from them like this. Not when the academy was under attack and you didn‘t even have witchpowers to fight the monsters off. Not when the darkness was pulling you under, not when Mina lost her temper sometimes. And maybe that‘s why this hurt so bad, the unpredictability of it all and whether there was ever a chance your ordinary and quiet but beautiful life could be close to what it had been before.

Neither of them had been sure whether you would come back to them, even come home that night, not with Billie‘s attempts to call, Cordelia‘s voicemail or Wilhemina‘s messages. Billie managed to retreat to her office, the guilt crushing her whole, Wilhemina and Cordelia impatiently waiting in the bedroom for your return. And you had doubted it, you had thought about leaving this all behind for good but you couldn‘t. Not when the three people that had given you everything were waiting at home. And so after a long gym session, your legs carry you back to the only place you knew was home, the academy.

It‘s dark and quiet when you walk inside, a faint light glowing from the door of Billie‘s office but you aren‘t even close to dealing with all of that so instead you make your way to bed. As soon as the bedroom door opens, you are greeted by two heads snapping to your direction and a sigh of relief spilling from Cordelia who had been sitting in the corner of the room in the large armchair. She crosses the room in seconds, her hands reaching for your face and as soon as those brown sorry, worried eyes glimpse into yours, the dam breaks. Wilhemina watches in silence and pain as your face falls apart and Cordelia pulls you into her arms. After everything you still hated this, showing them weakness and letting them but especially Mina see you like this. But tonight you couldn‘t hide it, not when the image of Billie sleeping with that random guy was still so vivid on your mind.

By the time Cordelia gently rids you of your clothing and lays you in bed in some comfortable pj‘s, your eyes are already closing, sleep coming much faster than either of you could have anticipated. Cordelia glances at Wilhemina who gets into bed beside you as you sleep on the supreme‘s chest. „I hate this“ the redhead whispers, the anger and annoyance perfectly clear in her voice and the supreme just nods, knowing this wasn‘t going to be an easy fix, let alone something that could be solved over night.

And god Billie had tried over the next few days. She slipped right back into her old routine, cancelling whatever work things came up for her, focusing solely on fixing her relationship. She would make coffee for Wilhemina just the way she liked it, bring Cordelia tea without asking and slipping your favorite protein bar and drink into your gym bag. It was subtle and little things, just like the way she had done before everything fell apart days ago. And the blonde knew it couldn‘t fix things, not even remotely but she hoped time and showing up would maybe lead you all in the direction of healing. And for some reason it came a little more naturally with Cordelia. Maybe it was that the supreme had read her girlfriends intentions and seen that night unfold with her magic and the crushing guilt in Billie the next morning.

The two of them would talk more often, occasionally even leaning into each other to make up for the distance and how much they miss you and Wilhemina as the two of you had your own way of dealing with things. It took a week for Wilhemina to actually look at Billie again when she brought coffee to her office. „Was he at least good?“ she asked so seriously it nearly knocked the breath out of Billie and when she shook her head almost violently muttering a quick „God no“ Wilhemina just smirked. That sarcastic smirk that she would do when she would bicker with Billie or take the piss out of her and the blonde‘s chest felt a little lighter afterwards, knowing that was a start.

But when it came to you she had achieved nothing. You still wouldn’t look, let alone talk to her. You wouldn‘t reply to her messages when she text you throughout the day or try to make eye contact with you during dinner. In the occasional occurrence that your eyes would drift to her by instinct, she instantly saw the heartache and the guilt would crush her again. She had been respectful, staying out of your way and sleeping in her office since last week, trying to give you space and time to heal but the loneliness and longing for you never stopped. She missed staying in bed with you on weekends, snuggling and drifting back to sleep even when Mina and Delia waited with breakfast. She missed dragging you through the mall and spoiling you rotten even though you hated her spending money on you.

But most of all she missed your smile, that gentle and soft smile that made her heart light up and chase the terrors of the ghosts and hauntings from her profession away. She missed how your arms would wrap around her from behind when she had a nightmare. How you would bring her coffee in the morning and sit on her lap while she smoked in the garden and how you would fake cough to make her worry for a second before giggling together. She missed kissing your lips and seeing your eyes light up in that familiar way it had since the first time she had ever kissed you. The medium had tried everything, pulling some strings to get her a referral to a good therapist nearby and Cordelia and Wilhemina joining her but the absence of you haunted her every time, wishing you could sit on that sofa too, talk through your feelings and hear her version even if it could never erase the damage she had done.

But the guilt wasn‘t only weighing on the blonde as it was equally weighing on you too. You felt guilty, seeing the appointments circled in your shared family calendar, watching them leave together from the window with heavy hearts and come back a little lighter even if it was just barely. You felt guilty for pulling away from all three of them the way you had been but Billie‘s actions had pulled you right back into the darkness that took you ages to get out of. It wasn‘t nearly as bad this time, you could sleep mostly, eat and your head wasn‘t screaming constantly but the doubts still filled in. Whether you had failed this relationship, considering they had mentioned so many times you had been the glue to their relationship for years.

You can‘t help but feel like maybe you hadn‘t given enough to Billie in order for her to stray into the arms of someone else. That was the beginning before the full force of insecurities hit you. Maybe you aren‘t pretty or attractive enough for her. Maybe you not working as much or having a career like them wasn‘t enough. Maybe you had never been enough, at least for her and maybe thats why this happened. All rationality left you in that week when the insecurites hit you, forgetting that Billie was drunk, how sorry she was and that she cut all ties with him, let alone her disgusted reaction to his flowers. Once you entered the spiral there was no leaving it anymore and as Billie had taken over your usual little tasks for Wilhemina and Cordelia, it left you aching and bored with your feelings.

The gym became your sanctuary, sometimes hitting a full workout leaving you sweating and trembling, sometimes blasting the music on your headphones and punching the punching bag for hours, skipping the gloves as you wanted to feel the pain in your knuckles, imagining it was him you were punching over and over again. And of course neither of your girlfriends were oblivious, especially not now. Cordelia saw the way you skipped meals again, how your face became paler and skinner. Billie noticing how you pulled away from all three of them instead of only her and Wilhemina could see that familiar darkness pulling you down again in the way your shoulders would slump and your tired eyes would greet her or fake smile at her.

They had tried once, Mina and Delia, trying to talk to you when Billie took the afternoon off to give you three some space, hoping the two of them could coax the truth out of you but you brushed them off, telling them you are tired and working through the Billie thing and needing your own space for a bit. But neither of them truly believed you and Wilhemina‘s composure and patience was slipping by the day. Seeing your bruised knuckles after the gym, knowing exactly what this meant, seeing how you would look at food again, in that familiar disgusting way and how you would be unable to sleep, slipping out of bed secretly and quietly before disappearing into the garden and smoking cigarette after cigarette to at least numb the pain and hiding a little bit.

And tonight she couldn‘t hold it in anymore, seeing you walk through the door, almost like a ghost, setting your gym bag down in the familiar spot, smiling and greeting them barely before heading upstairs to shower. She quietly follows you, sitting on the bed as you disappear into the bathroom to wash away the remains of sweat and blood from your workout before stepping outside in some pyjamas. „Little one“ she gently speaks in order not to startle you before your eyes meet hers in surprise, not having had a proper conversation with either of them for nearly a week. „Let‘s have some tea, follow me“ she gestures and your shoulders slump, wanting nothing more than to get into bed and get this day over and done with.

For a moment as you follow behind her, you worry she might drag you downstairs to your other two girlfriends but you sigh in relief a little when she opens the door to her office, letting you slip inside where a tray of tea and cookies is already waiting on her desk. „Take a seat“ she offers gently and you do so, before reaching for a warm mug of tea, hoping it could stop the trembling of your hands. „I haven‘t seen you much this week“ she announces softly as she takes a seat opposite you before reaching for some tea herself. „I‘ve been busy“ you explain with a smile, hoping she wouldn‘t see behind the facade but her face is filled with that concern and knowing she was about to give you a speech.

„The gym hmm?“ she asks carefully before gesturing to your almost raw knuckles at this point. You glance down and quickly lower the mug so she couldn‘t see, knowing it was too late but feeling ashamed either way. „Yeah“ you almost whisper before averting your eyes from hers. „Look little one, I‘m not here to convince you to do anything. You don‘t wanna join us for therapy? fine. You don‘t wanna talk or be near Billie? fine. But don‘t shut us out not me or Cordelia“ she explains and you sigh, knowing she was so right and the guilt of that having been eating you for nearly the entire week. „I‘m fine Mina“ you lie, feeling both too drained and emotional to let them in and see, not when you had fought so hard to leave this darkness for them not that long ago.

„Little one, listen to me“ she begins as she sets the mug down and leans forward a little, eyes searching yours „I get it. You are hurting and all we“ but she doesn‘t get to finish as you cut her off. „You don‘t get it Mina, you don‘t“ your voice is calm, too calm and both of you know there was a thin line of you snapping any second but thats exactly what your girlfriend wanted, wanting you to share what has been going on, how you have been feeling, not wanting you to keep it all inside. „Then tell me“ she urges but you can‘t, quite literally biting down the words as the one person in the world you didn‘t want to fall apart in front of being her, the one who carries so much pain every single day and never complains. „I can‘t“ you sigh, setting the cup down with trembling hands before looking anywhere but her brown beautiful eyes.

„We are hurting too you know“ she begins with a sigh „Delia and I, we are hurting too and the only way this is going to work is if you do this with us, together“ she tries, unsure how to get you to loosen up and regret that she didn‘t let Cordelia do this as the supreme was undeniably better at getting the truth out of you. „I know“ you sigh before swallowing hard „And I‘m sorry for being quiet and gone a lot but I can‘t do this“ you mumble, trying hard to hold the tears back and swallow the lump in your throat. „Darling I get it and we see you, we see your pain“ she tries again seeing the cracks slowly „We - I know this hurt“ she tries and thats enough for your composure to crack as your voice raises ever so slightly.

„No you don‘t- you don‘t fucking understand anything Mina. God do you have any idea how much this hurt? I finally beat this shit only for her to break everything lose again. I‘m so fucking tired but I can‘t sleep because-“ your voice cracks now, loud enough for both Billie and Cordelia to hear downstairs. „Because every time I close my eyes I see them, him and Billie and I feel so fucking guilty and stupid.“ Her eyebrows furrow in confusion, not in the slightest hurt at you raising your voice as this had been what she wanted all along to get you to open up but your words aren‘t making sense to her. „Guilty little one?“ she asks confused before you nod „Yes I feel fucking guilty because maybe if I was just normal and not so damn broken she wouldn‘t have searched for him. Maybe if I had an actual career or talent she would see me, maybe if I was just skinny or pretty or fucking good enough she would have chosen me and us“ you scream, voice breaking now and tears flowing down your cheeks.

The redheads heart cracks open at your words, the pain written across her face, she tries to reach out but you flinch away „Little one, this isn‘t on you, she did this to us too“ Wilhemina tries but you shake your head with a bitter smile. „Yeah but remember what you two always say? I‘m the glue to make this thing work and this relationship perfect so tell me again how I didn‘t fail, not only Billie but you two as well“. The silence after those words is defeating as you stand and walk away, the sobs coming freely now and as you burst through the door, a very worried Cordelia stands there having heard every word but you don‘t even stop, rushing past her and into the garden for some air and a very much needed smoke. Cordelia watches after you in pain, unsure whether to follow you or not but when she sees Wilhemina‘s expression, the shock, the confusion and realisation at all once, she knows there is no point.

„Did you?“ the redhead asks and Cordelia just nods, of course having heard the entire thing before sitting opposite Wilhemina, neither of them sure what to say as tonight the depths of your pain are finally clear to them, even if they have no idea what to do or how to even begin to fix this. As soon as you rush out the back door, almost stumbling into the garden, you reach into your pocket with shaking hands, reaching for a cigarette and lighter. „Y/N?“ Billie‘s voice startles you as she sits on the little bench next to the door, having heard bits but leaving you to have some space, not thinking you would come out here. You back away, trying desperately to light the cigarette but your hands are trembling so much you can‘t do it.

With careful steps, Billie steps forward, her hands in the air as if to motion she wasn‘t going to touch you. Carefully she puts her hands around the cigarette to block the wind before lighting it for you. You stare at her for a moment, seeing her tired and broken features and despite the urge to fall into her arms, you take a step back before whispering a quick „Thank you“ and putting a safe distance between you both. The medium finishes her cigarette before putting it out and leaving, wanting to give you the space for tonight but almost as she reaches the door, she hears it. A broken and almost inaudible sob that wrecks her completely. All she wants to do is turn, run and scoop you into her arms but she knows she isn‘t the right person and so she steps inside before finding her other two girlfriends in the kitchen.

Her face is pale as she glances at them both before muttering a quiet „Can one of you please check on her? she‘s crying“ is all the medium says before heading to her office, the guilt crushing her with each step she takes. Cordelia and Wilhemina exchange a glance before the blonde goes , knowing the exchange with the redhead minutes before may not help you right now. But nothing could have prepared the supreme for the image she sees next, finding you curled up in a ball on the grass, sobbing freely, the cigarette long forgotten beside you. She has to compose herself not to end up crying herself, the image hurting more than you could ever know before she crouches beside you. „Baby come here“ she tuts before she takes you into her arms gently.

This time you don‘t flinch, you lean into her chest, hands clutching her shirt like a lifeline as she holds and rocks you back and forth a little, while wiping your tears. The two of you stay like that for several minutes, the moon illuminating you both before she scoops you up and takes you inside, gently guiding you down onto the sofa before she wraps you into a blanket and into a steady presence. You are so out of it, you don‘t even realize the person holding you smells like lavender instead of honey, how the hands cradling you feel different and how the soft shushes are different too. Cordelia leaves for a moment to shut the back door and get you some water when your eyes finally open and you almost shake in Wilhemina‘s arms.

„Mina?“ your voice sounds so soft and broken that it almost kills her. „I‘m so sorry“ you whisper before crying again, feeling terrible for how you had snapped at her. „Shh it‘s okay little one“ she reassures before holding you tigther and kissing your forehead so softly, as if you are the most fragile thing on the planet. „But I shouted and“ you try but she isn‘t having any of it. „Stop“ she whispers gently before Cordelia joins you both with enough water and tissues to last the entire night if you needed it. The silence around you is warm and almost comfortable as you cling to Wilhemina, occasionally crying, occasionally drifting off to sleep before mumbling broken and quiet „I‘m sorry‘s“ before they both tell you it‘s okay.

The two of them watch over you like your own guardian angels, eventually taking you into bed and wrapping you in blankets and their arms, right there by your side for when you would wake up. By the time you do, it‘s around 4am, both women finally having found sleep themselves. You instinctively leave their arms, making sure not to wake them, before finding a hoodie and wrapping it around yourself, stepping outside into the cold air to have a smoke , almost like a ritual by now. The door opens about a minute later and your breath hitches, scared either of them would have found you like this but when you turn, you see the silhouette of Billie, standing there with a cigarette in her mouth but hesitating to light it after finding you here too.

Your eyes stay locked for a moment before she turns around „You can stay“ you quickly say before muttering a quiet „Almost done“ and Billie almost cries, this being the most you had said to her since it all went down. She sits down hesitatantly and lights her cigarette, eyes occasionally darting to you before you put it in the ashtray. As you pass her she wants to reach for you so bad but stops herself and instead her voice comes out quiet „Can I just say one thing please?“ she pleads and this time you let her, maybe it being the middle of the night, the encounter with the other two or the deep longing and missing you have been feeling for the blonde despite it all. You stand still, allowing her to go on before she speaks to your back.

„I know there is no apology worthy for this but I heard you and I want you to know one thing. You are everything to me and those things your head is telling you, they aren‘t true. You are the glue, fuck baby, you are the whole damn world. You are gorgeous, your body is beyond perfect and you are my whole sun. None of those things are true and I wish I could erase it all but please know this, none of what happened is your fault. It‘s me, making a selfish and stupid drunk decision“ she speaks so carefully, knowing this was a privilege to have you listen to her in the first place and more kindness than she deserves. „I miss you so much babydoll and I really am so sorry and god I wouldn‘t blame you if you never forgive me but please don‘t lose yourself over this, you have been doing so well and I- we are so damn proud of you, don‘t let my foolish mistake erase your strength“.

She fully expects you to walk , not even look back and ignore her like you had but it was okay because she didn‘t need you to do anything else other than hear her. But then something unexpected happens as you turn around, your tear stained eyes locking with her own, mouth slightly open as if you want to say something but the lump in your throat keeping you from doing so. There is silence between you two before you step forward, never taking your eyes off her. She drops her cigarette mid motion, not caring about that whatsoever before she stands too. „Can I- please?“ she whispers before you nod and the breath that leaves you both is one full of relief as her arms finally and at last wrap around your frame. It‘s so tight it nearly knocks the breath out of you and for a minute you are stiff before you lean into her fully, holding on as if she will slip any second.

And both of you know this wasn‘t over, that this would take healing and conversations and maybe there would never be a version of you that could look at her the same way again but right now, under the stars, you two cling to each other. After minutes, the medium tries pulling away to give you space to breathe but you only cling on tighter and thats when her last holding back leaves her. She scoops you up, takes you to bed and lays you down, beside Cordelia and Wilhemina who are still sleeping before slipping into bed beside you. You instinctively cling to her, laying your head on her chest and listening to her heartbeat. And neither of you say a word as she holds you, knowing you gave her a chance tonight, one she wasn‘t gonna take for granted ever.

By the time Cordelia and Wilhemina wake up almost at the same time, their eyes widen for a moment seeing the empty space between them where you had slept before they turn and see you on Billie‘s chest. Your eyes are open , distant as you glance out the window and so are Billie‘s as she watches over you protectively. „Little one?“ Wilhemina asks gently, Cordelia propping herself up to take the image in, glancing at Billie with a proud but heartbroken smile. „I wanna try“ you mumble, voice still thick with sleep and barely audible. „What sweetheart?“ the supreme asks a little confused before you clear your throat „I‘ll go with you three, I wanna try“ you confirm before Billie sobs into you, the relief and guilt washing over her at hearing your words.

„That‘s so brave sweetie“ Cordelia smiles as she bites her own tears back, Wilhemina‘s hand finding yours and holding on tight, giving you that proud smile that is filled with love, the one she has reserved for when she wants to tell you that you are the strongest person she knows. A tear slips down your cheek before you hold on a little tighter to Billie, staying right there with them, not ready to face the world yet. And neither of you four move, knowing that again this wasn‘t over, that it would take more tears, more raw conversations but ultimately you gave them the chance this morning, a chance for your ordinary but beautiful life to return, slowly but steadily. And judging by Billie‘s crying mixed with a smile, you had made her happier than ever for now, holding onto her almost like before.

#asks #sarah paulson #cordelia goode #wilhemina venable #ahs #american horror story #anon #billie dean howard #sarah paulson x reader #cordelia goode x reader #billie dean howard x reader #wilhemina venable x reader #ahs coven #ahs apocalypse #ahs murder house #lgbtq #lbgtq writing #pride month #writing

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stayevildarling · 14 days ago

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Billie Dean Howard x Wilhemina Venable x Cordelia Goode x Reader- Happier than ever

A/N: It‘s certainly been a while🥲 I have no clue whether anyone even reads my stuff anymore but here we go 🤷🏻‍♀️

tw/tags: polyamorous established relationship, mention of cheating, mention of past depression, mention of troubled eating, mention of working out, cursing, angst, hurt.

word count: 6.5k

taglist:

The months lately had been ordinary in the most beautiful way possible. The four of you spent your days at the academy, Wilhemina her usual badass self in her HR role, Cordelia making sure the academy is taken care of, teaching classes and helping students. Billie was filming a new season of her show and despite filming in New Orleans she was undeniably busy lately, working between cities, award shows, filming. But the medium would make sure to spend any free second with the three of you.

Nights would be spent in the comfort and arms of each other, dinner still in the peace and quiet after the witches had their own. Weekends would still be date nights, each of you choosing different things. Billie mostly a new flashy bar or place, Mina or Delia more subtle with quiet fancy dinners and you always choosing something fun, whether its ice skating on colder days, picnics on warmer days or walks in the park. It feels like the four of you had settled over the last few months, very sure about each other‘s feelings and belonging. And maybe that ordinary quiet wasn‘t meant to last and the peace and quiet you four had was bound to be destroyed.

The years together hadn‘t been easy and the four of you knew it, always a quiet understanding in each other‘s eyes. The times when Mina‘s pains flared up badly and she refused to let any of you in for a while. The times when Billie had nightmares for months from her show and you three held her. The times when the academy and Cordelia were under attack that quiet night and it left you with a scar that still haunts Cordelia to look at when you protected her. And the times when depression pulled you under bad and they barely brought you back to the surface. But no matter what life threw at either of you, you always managed to stand tall in the end, supporting and loving each other through the high‘s and low‘s.

Neither of you had been aware that with this upcoming week something would test the bond the four of you had been building for years. The week had only just started, Wilhemina at work, Cordelia teaching classes all day, you tidying and cleaning around the academy, sorting some files out for the supreme and preparing dinner as well as Mina‘s bath for the evening before you headed to the gym. Billie was gone for the next couple of days doing filming and press for her show. You missed the blonde like crazy and she did equally as she would face time you and message in your shared groupchat every free second she could get, whether it‘s silly selfies or suggestive texts that made Delia roll her eyes, Mina smirk and you blush.

When Wilhemina returned home that night there was a different tension in her shoulders than the usual one. It wasn‘t that tired way from the day she endured, her annoying bosses, mishaps from interns at work she had to fix or her pains. It was a raging thunder and when Cordelia‘s eyes met hers from the kitchen where she finished dinner you had prepared she could tell. One look at the redhead was enough to see that something was severly wrong. „Where is Y/N?“ Wilhemina questions sternly before Cordelia gets the chance to greet her. „She‘s at the gym love, what‘s the matter?“ the supreme asks carefully before the redhead throws her phone on the table, the noise startling the supreme.

The blonde can see an open tab and so she reaches for the small phone with the lilac case you had bought for Wilhemina years ago. Cordelia‘s hands shake a little as she picks it up and reaches for it, her eyes flying over an article from a celebrity magazine and seeing her girlfriend Billie in the headlines. She scrolls further only to see the medium on some balcony, assumingly the event she had been to days ago, smirking, chuckling, taking selfies with a guy, presumably some other celebrity. As she scrolls further she sees more, the two of them close, touching and the guy even reaching to kiss her cheek. Cordelia‘s eyebrows furrow for a second as she sees all the comments and rumors about Billie and the guy dating.

Wilhemina can see Cordelia‘s brain going a thousand miles an hour as she tries to justify this, knowing Billie‘s past and history with dating but equally knowing the medium for years now and how loyal she had been to this relationship. „How did you find this?“ she asks carefully before Wilhemina scoffs. „My assistant showed me earlier, giving me her condolences for our failed relationship“ the redhead mutters and Cordelia has to sit down for a second to breathe through this. There is a moment of silence, the only sound to be heard the quiet mumbling of witches in their rooms and the sound of rain patting against the large windows. „Look“ the supreme breathes out but her girlfriend interrupts. „Don‘t- don‘t justify this“ the redhead scoffs before pouring herself a glass of wine.

„I‘m not“ the supreme explains before carrying on „We don‘t know the story, you know how paparazzi and the press can get with these things“ Cordelia tries but she can‘t hide the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. Billie had been absent lately, maybe not emotionally or in this relationship but she was always gone, always doing more fun things than leading an academy or working a nine to five job. And Cordelia had worried sometimes in the back of her mind that you three weren‘t enough for the rising star, that Hollywood may pull the medium under but she had brushed those concerns away every single time when seeing how soft the medium was with you and how her and Wilhemina would jokingly bicker at the dinner table.

Almost at the same time it dawns on them both as their eyes lock and their thoughts drift to you. „Do you think?“ Cordelia begins but Mina interrupts „She‘s way more tech savvy than we are Cordelia, she‘s active on social media, I‘m sure she has seen it“. And that‘s when the supreme really begins to worry, knowing you had worked so hard lately to get you out of that dark place where depression had pulled you under. Countless sleepless and crying nights, having to actively try and not give in to your dark thoughts and slowly battling your way back into the light for them. Cordelia knows about your pain, maybe more than your other girlfriends as she could see it, feel it with her supreme abilities. She knows about the people you have lost, the trauma you had endured despite not nearly as old as them and things happening to you that should have never happened.

And in that moment both women realize this would hit you harder than them, hurt you in ways and rip up old wounds that barely healed over the years. Wilhemina knows about your insecurities, knowing thats why you had been going to the gym more and eating healthy, remembering the rare moments when you would share things with her in the silence of her office in the at night. She knew about your fears of getting cheated on, getting left and knowing you aren‘t the jealous type, knowing this would hurt. But before they can overthink any of it further, they hear the sound of the front door, soft shuffling from you taking your shoes off and hanging your jacket up before walking inside. The image pains them a little as you are completely soaked from rain but your cheeks clearly tear stained.

„Sweetie“ Cordelia tries as she tilts her head to the side a little but you already brush it off, acting like you are fine, giving them a brief but forced smile before heading upstairs. „I need a shower, you can start without me, I‘m not hungry“ you mumble before you disappear in front of their eyes. All Cordelia can do is sigh and rub her temples, knowing this would take a while for you to let them in and help you through this pain. Wilhemina‘s anger rises by the minute as she reaches for her phone, already dialing the mediums number. Cordelia watches with anxiety in her chest and trembling hands but quickly overhears the sound of Billie‘s voicemail. „Typical“ Wilhemina scoffs before returning to her wine glass. And all they can do is wait, wait for Billie to explain and for you to return to them, their hearts a little heavier than a few hours ago when the world was a little more ordinary.

But their waiting is useless as Billie is at some event without her phone and you decided to bury yourself in bed and go to sleep after your shower instead of dealing with the feelings that those photos sparked inside you. With worried glances and a sad sigh, they lie awake beside you, Mina‘s hand softly reaching for yours and holding it while you sleep and Cordelia snuggling up to you from the other side, hoping their steady arms and hands are enough to guide you through sleep and show you that no matter what, they are here, just like they always were. You don‘t wake that night, not to Mina‘s phone buzzing when Billie eventually calls back but she misses it, not when Mina‘s alarm goes off and she gets ready for work and kissing a kiss to your temple and not when Cordelia starts her morning.

By the time you do end up waking up, the sun had long risen, the academy‘s usual buzz already there as you hear the sound of witches chatting and giggling in the hall. You close your eyes again after blinking, hoping last night may have been one of your nightmares but when you see the headline again on your phone seconds later, you realize this was real. It takes a few moments for you to wake up properly and when you do you realize that the blonde supreme had been sitting in the corner of the room, her usual reading chair, watching you carefully. „Good morning Dee“ you greet her before she walks over with a smile. „Morning Darling“ she greets you softly before pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. „You have seen it then?“ she gestures towards your phone and you avoid her gaze as you nod and look away.

„Sweetie I-” she begins but you cut her off immediately „Delia it‘s fine“ you mutter before letting go off her hand and getting out of bed. „I know how press can twist things, I don‘t care“ you mumble before taking a sip of water and disappearing into the bathroom. But Cordelia can see it, in the way your hands shake when opening and closing the bathroom door. She can see it in the way your shoulders are slumped during the day, how your eyes dart to your phone, waiting desperately to hear from the medium and some kind of explanation to this. She can see the sadness in your eyes when you kiss her goodbye before heading to the gym and Wilhemina can certainly tell when you barely touch your food during dinner with them.

„Have you eaten anything today little one?“ she asks carefully and as you look up she can already see the small panic in your eyes. „Yes“ you lie before muttering a quick „Not that hungry tonight“. But they could both tell the lie from the way your eyes avert them, how you push your food from one side of the plate to the other, how you never ended up eating the dinner that Cordelia saved for you last night and how you probably didn‘t have anything other than a protein bar all day. „Sweetie, it won‘t help you to just swallow it all down, we‘re here and I know this hurts you“ Cordelia tries gently, her eyes desperately trying to reach yours. „I told you I don‘t care“ you repeat your words from this morning but Wilhemina knows better than your hiding and excuses. „Then why haven‘t you eaten? why haven‘t you spoke more than two words all day? Why can I smell smoke on you when I haven‘t in months and why do you look so damn heartbroken?“.

Her words stir something inside you as your head snaps towards her, the words catching you both off guard and also hitting you right in the feels. Tears well in your eyes but before they roll you are already up on your feet, not wanting them to see this. „Sweetie stay“ Cordelia pleads as her hand gently catches your wrist. She stands and quickly pulls you into her arms and that‘s when the tears begin to fall, quickly and unable to stop them. When the first sob wrecks through you, the supreme is quick to sit you down in her lap, hold you as you rest your head on her chest and let it out. Wilhemina‘s grip on her cane is so tight that the supreme thinks it may snap any second. The redhead hated seeing you like this, this not the first time seeing you fall apart like that. But so far she could never actually hold anyone responsible as mostly your own mind made you feel like that in the past, never one of the only people that should never make you feel like that.

In a quick motion, she reaches for her phone and leaves the room, her heels and cane echoing off the floor as she dials the mediums number again. It rings three times before the blonde picks up. „Hello Ms Venable, to what do I owe this pleasure?“ she jokes but Wilhemina is in no mood for the mediums usual antics today. „Were you even gonna call and explain any of this?“ the redhead asks, trying hard to keep her composure. There is a moment of silence before the blonde replies confused „What- what are you talking about honey?“ she asks puzzled before Wilhemina fills her in. It takes some seconds and the redhead can hear her girlfriends acrylic nails tap against her own screen before she sighs. „This damn press“ Billie curses. „Nothing happened with him, it was just innocent“ she tries to explain herself but again the redhead isnt having it.

„Innocent?“ Wilhemina repeats before she carries on „If it is all so innocent Billie then why the fuck is Y/N crying her eyes out in Cordelia‘s arms right now? why is she not eating and smoking again?“. There is another moment of silence on the other end of the speaker before there is a sigh. „I‘m coming home“ is all the medium says before the phone call comes to an end. By the time the redhead returns you are bundled up on the sofa in Cordelia‘s lap, the TV playing softly in the background and despite your eyes fixed on it, she knows you aren‘t watching. The redhead knows that whatever she is going to say next couldn‘t fix this and so all she does is lift your legs gently and sit down, letting your feet rest in her lap as she holds onto your legs, her fingers tracing your skin softly and grounding you.

Neither of you speak but neither of you need to, knowing you letting them in was enough for the night. And despite the redheads anger, there is a small part of her that hopes that the medium would be able to explain, make that sadness disappear from your face and let you four get back to the ordinary of your life. It takes about three hours of silence before the front door bursts open and the sound of heels clicking fast against the tiles startles you three. Cordelia and you had faintly dozed off before their heads snap towards the medium rushing into the room. „Billie?“ Cordelia asks a little confused as the redhead didn‘t have the time or right moment to fill her in just yet. „I‘m so sorry about that stupid press“ she huffs before setting her bags down. „I promise it was just innocent stuff, they always have a way to twist things with their angles and headlines“.

You stare right at her and she can see your dried tears and the sadness in your eyes. „Who is he?“ Wilhemina asks bluntly before the medium sighs „Just some industry guy, did an interview with him and saw him at a party one night“ she explains before kneeling right in front of you. „Babydoll listen to me, I love you, I love you three so much and I would never do that“ she smiles, her eyes serious and her features sad at your state. „Did you- did anything else happen with him?“ you ask, your voice sounding hoarse from crying and the small sleep you had in Delia‘s arms. Neither of you three expect her to stay silent then, for her eyes to avert yours and the guilt in her eyes is enough for you to know.

„Jesus christ, did you fuck him Billie?“ Wilhemina‘s voice cracks through the room which causes you to shake in Cordelia‘s arms. The supreme instinctively pulls you closer as Billie stands and takes a seat across from you. „I didn‘t“ she states before lighting a cigarette. „But?“ Cordelia asks, her own heart breaking a little at Billie‘s reaction. „I got really drunk at one of those parties and he kissed me but I pushed him off I swear, I don‘t care about him I promise“ she explains. „Jesus“ Wilhemina mutters before avoiding her gaze and before either of them can react, you yank yourself away from their touch and stand. Billie stands too, abandoning her cigarette in a nearby ashtray before trying to reach for you. „Don‘t“ you hiss before your voice breaks and you head upstairs, faster than any of them can catch you.

„Good job Howard“ Wilhemina mutters, more upset about the medium hurting you than either of their own feelings or what happened. Cordelia is dangerously quiet, unsure what to say to any of this as she truly didn‘t expect the medium to go this far. „I know she‘s upset but come on, it‘s not like neither of us have done that at a party“ Billie tries to justify herself, mostly to herself than her girlfriends. „Expect we haven‘t“ Wilhemina interjects before the medium huffs. There is silence for a while before Cordelia stands. Billie‘s eyes immediately find hers before she speaks. „You know I don‘t care about what you do when you are away Billie, we are adults and if you kiss some guy at a party that‘s that. But if you think for one second that she deserves any of this you are wrong. She sits there all day waiting for a message or call from you. She looks at photos on your socials missing you, she sleeps in one of your jumpers“ the supreme begins.

„That girl loves and adores you with all of her heart, patiently waiting for you to return and all you do in return is go and kiss some random guy? she deserves better than that“ the supreme statles bluntly, even taking the redhead by surprise as her mouth stands slightly agape. „And the worst thing is, she finally managed to get better, she finally began working on herself again. And the thing is I have been worried sick for the reason she has been doing it. I know she doesn‘t go to the gym for herself or take her meds. She does it for you and for us and I can‘t believe how selfishly you handled all of that, how you walked away from us, while we give you our trust and hers and you just walk all over it“. Before the medium can reply, the supreme leaves, walking up the stairs where she can already hear your sobs.

„You really messed up this time Howard“ is all Wilhemina says before standing herself and heading to the kitchen for some wine, knowing Cordelia has got you and not needing a second person right now, not wanting to overwhelm you. The supreme stays in your arms that night, holding you, letting your arms wrap around her and as the sadness overwhelms you, her arms are steady as they elope you in warmth. Wilhemina takes considerably longer to return to bed, staying in her office by herself mostly to deal with this. Billie had tried and failed to get a glimpse of you awake and so she opted to stay in her office, trying to figure out how to fix this, eventually falling asleep by her desk, the guilt and shame overwhelming her in it‘s intensity.

The next morning comes slowly as Cordelia takes care of the academy, taking turns with Wilhemina as the redhead called out of work, wanting to be here to fix this and the necessary talks that would follow. By the time you wake your eyebrows furrow a little as you feel Mina‘s arms around you instead of Delia‘s but you relax just as quickly, melting into the older womans touch as you both drift back to sleep, the outside world and Billie waiting for you both. It‘s about midday when the redhead manages to get you downstairs for something to eat. The smell of smoke lingers from the backdoor and your eyes drift there for a moment, seeing Billie look both so broken and tired, a glint of guilt still in her eyes as she paces through the gardens.

Wilhemina and you don‘t speak much, moving in sync as you prepare a light lunch and the redhead makes enough tea for the four of you. Just as Billie steps back inside, there is a knock on the front door and you walk towards it slowly. There is a courier, smiling awkwarly before handing you a bouquet of flowers with a note tugged inside. Slightly confused you walk inside before setting it on the table, Mina‘s head snaping towards you and a puzzled look on her face. „If thats your version of apologising Howard then“ Wilhemina mutters mostly to herself before you glance at the note and step away. „It‘s not for us, it‘s for Billie“ you exclaim almost too calmly before you step away. Wilhemina‘s head snaps in your direction, then to the table and Billie who reads the note, her features sinking before grabbing the bouquet and note and throwing it in the trash can with a thud before stepping back outside to light another cigarette.

And Wilhemina doesn‘t need to look at the note to know who sent them, assuming it must have been Billie‘s fling. She rolls her eyes, setting the cups of warm tea back down, before she storms upstairs, knowing you need space and needing the silence and calm of Cordelia to keep her grounded in order not to lose her temper on Billie in this moment, knowing it would make things much worse. But as soon as the redhead steps inside the supreme‘s office after knocking, she knows something is wrong by Cordelia‘s tense features. She is staring at her laptop screen, not the usual concentrating headmistress look or some academy crisis either. „Well Billie just recieved flowers from her guy and Y/N read the note so there‘s that“ she huffs as she takes a seat. „What‘s happened to you? you look like you‘ve seen a ghost“ she murmurs before Cordelia‘s teary eyes meet hers.

„I -” she begins but stops herself to swallow the lump in her throat. Wilhemina‘s features deepen with worry as she leans forward, trying to take the supreme‘s hand into her own. „What is it, love?“ she tries gently before Cordelia sighs „I was just trying to write some emails and“ she begins but her girlfriend can tell the words physically hurt her to say. And Wilhemina knows by now that Cordelia needs calm and gentle in these moments and so she doesn‘t push, her fingers stroking the supreme‘s gently and her eyes carrying ever ounce of patience she has. „You know our family cloud?“ the supreme eventually asks before Wilhemina nods, knowing she set it up some years ago for you four, making access to all the devices in the house much easier and secure.

„Well I found these“ Cordelia sighs before turning her laptop. Wilhemina adjusts her glasses before reading over a text message conversation from Billie‘s cloud, seeing a contact with an unfamiliar name. „The other night was amazing, when are you back in town? Ready for round two?“ with some emojis that makes Wilhemina feel sick with rage. Her features instantly tense as she glances at Cordelia, the supreme‘s bottom lip wobbling as she tries holding back her own tears. In a quick motion something inside the redhead snaps as she takes her cane and leaves the room with rushed footsteps, the supreme sighing before following, knowing this was going to blow up in all of your faces any second.

Billie was just stepping back inside from her cigarette when Wilhemina storms downstairs, Cordelia close behind, neither of them aware you heard the commotion and walked down the other staircase to see what‘s going on. In a swift motion Wilhemina‘s hand strikes the blondes cheek, not too hard but enough for her emotions to speak as loud as the slight crack that follows. Billie‘s hand immediately travels to her cheek but the guilt stings more than Wilhemina‘s action ever could have. „So not only do you lie to us but you also fucked him?!“ she screams, not caring about her voice or the witches somewhere in the house right now.

Cordelia tries hard not to break down herself as she holds Wilhemina back. „I didn‘t mean to“ Billie finally breaks, tears stinging in her eyes. „I was really drunk at that stupid party and I let my guard down and“ but before she can finish Wilhemina interrupts her. „You know we trusted you and you pull this?“ she hisses, her eyes flashing with anger and hurt. There is silence for a while before Cordelia steps forward „Why Billie?“ is all she asks and the tone of her voice makes Billie cry harder. „I don‘t know“ the medium sighs, knowing it‘s a terrible answer but she unfortunately didn‘t have another one. „I didn‘t even remember the next morning, it meant nothing, I only found out when he kept texting and calling me the next day“ she huffs rubbing her temples.

Before either of them can speak, you finally step forward, expression pale, hands and knees trembling as her words replay in your mind over and over. „You.. you slept with him?“ the words are barely audible but three heads quickly snap in your direction. Wilhemina‘s furious gaze at seeing your state and knowing Billie caused this, wishing she could have shielded you from this and not have you witness this. Cordelia‘s tears, knowing this was going to break you all over again and at last Billie‘s guilty eyes, for the first time since seeing the damage she has done. Seeing the person who fought so hard to be there again after the darkness, knowing it was for them and for her and how she broke you all over again. „Baby I-” she tries but before she can say anything, you walk away, grabbing your gym bag and ignoring Cordelia‘s pleas to stay.

„You ruined everything Billie“ Wilhemina mutters before she storms off, needing her own space after this and Cordelia simply stands there, heartbroken, looking at the door you just left through, knowing they may have lost you for good this time. Meanwhile, the walk to the gym is a blur of panic, tears and lighting the occasional cigarette to cope with this. The sound of Wilhemina‘s slap and Billie‘s words repeat in your mind, causing your ears to ring and your hands to shake as you fiddle with the membership card and trying to get inside. You hit the treadmill first, loud music blaring through your headphones as you push yourself further and further. You stay for hours this time, hitting the punchback later over and over again until you practically collapse into it and hug it before sinking to your knees and crying. Thankfully, no one is there at this late hour and so you fall apart quietly, missing the countless calls from Cordelia, Wilhemina‘s worried messages and Billie‘s attempts to apologise to you.

By the time you return, tired, drained and fatigued it‘s past midnight, only managing to get up after crying for hours near a punching bag. The academy is dimly lit and you see the lights coming from both the mediums and redheads office, knowing they would deal with this in their own ways. But when you step past the living room, Cordelia is already waiting for you, eyes equally red from crying and that look on her face, the one that means she knows exactly how you are feeling. „Baby come here please“ she ushers as you set your bag down but you can‘t. Not when she is looking at you with such pity, not when she is the one equally hurting and knowing you should equally be there for them. „I can‘t Dee“ is all you manage to mumble before walking right past her, collapsing into an empty bed before eventually drifting off to sleep from exhaustion.

The next few days until the coming weekend are quiet in the academy, Cordelia teaching, Mina working from home and Billie trying to be there. She tries to make Mina her tea the way she likes it, silently placing it on her desk without a word, bringing Cordelia coffee in the morning and trying to talk to you. But you brush her off every time, spending your days mostly in the gym, not able to stand being around them or the house much. But by the time the weekend rolls around fully, all of the witches gone to their familys or out with their weekend plans, the silence is overwhelming and neither of them can take it for another second.

Billie prepares breakfast, trying hard but eventually failing at making the pancakes and going to a local bakery before waiting for you three. Cordelia is the first one downstairs, making some coffee before sitting beside Billie in silence. „Dee“ the blonde begins, their brown eyes meeting „You can read me, I know you can. Go inside my mind and go back to that day, it meant nothing, I had no bad intentions I swear“ the medium pleads and as she the blonde stretches out her hands she relives the moment, Billie‘s realization after the hangover and her true intentions. She let‘s go off her hand, sighing „It doesn‘t make what you did any better“ the supreme sighs before the medium nods. „I know- god I know but I need you to know“ she begs before the sound of a cane is to be heard and their heads snap towards the redhead, who simply takes a seat next to Cordelia, knowing this conversation needs to be held.

They wait in silence for a few minutes before they hear footsteps and see your frame. The sun casts golden shadows over your features and if it wasn‘t for the bittersweetness of the moment this would have been their usual morning , waiting for you and your presence lighting their hearts, except this morning there is nothing but sorrow and heartache. „I got your favorite“ Billie tries gently, pointing at a pistachio croissant on your plate and some orange juice. You look away, towards your gym bag in the hallway before shaking your head. „We need to talk sweetie“ Cordelia tries gently, hardly having seen you and severly worried about how you are coping. „I‘m good, I‘m going to the gym“ you announce but before you can take. a step Wilhemina‘s voice rings through the quiet kitchen. „Sit down“ she says, not cruel, not angry but her tone leaving no room for arguments and so you do, hiding your shaking fingers underneath the table.

„Look..“ Billie begins as she glances between you three „I know I can never undo what I did“ she sighs, already fighting her own tears, having realized exactly what she has done in the past few silent days. „But I need you to know that it was never my intention to do what I did. I was drunk and I let my guard down when I shouldn‘t have. It just happened and I am really so sorry for what I did“ she explains. Cordelia clears her throat before speaking next „It‘s true“ she begins which causes Wilhemina‘s eyebrows to furrow and your eyes to meet hers. „I read her mind and she was drunk and it wasn‘t her intention. I saw her reaction the next morning and it may not undo it but she isn‘t lying“ the supreme explains calmly which causes Mina to scoff. „For once“ which causes your eyes to dart into your lap.

„I don‘t understand Billie, we aren‘t in our twenties anymore. This isn‘t like before when she wasn‘t with us, when we did what we did because we were open“ Wilhemina gestures towards you, wanting nothing more than to understand this. „I know“ Billie sighs, her frustration for her own actions causing some tears to slip down her cheeks. „For the last few years I haven‘t even looked at anyone but you three, I‘m so happy and grateful and I let it all get to my head, Hollywood, the shows, the fame, when I really shouldnt have“ she explains and neither of you three need powers to tell that Billie isn‘t lying, never having seen her so honest and serious before. „Has he contacted you again?“ Cordelia asks before Billie shakes her head. „Well he has but I blocked him, told my management I never want him near anything I do ever again“ she replies which causes Cordelia to nod.

„I know I really fucked up and I know no gifts or explanations will fix this but I wanna fix it so if you wanna yell at me, if you want me to give you three space for a while I will. If you need me to get us a good therapist then I will but please don‘t let me loose the only thing that has given me meaning and purpose for years“ she pleads now, tears streaming uncontrollably down her cheeks. There is silence for a while as you three let her words settle in, Cordelia seeing the genuine remorse and Wilhemina surprised that the medium is actually taking responsibility for once and not brushing things off the casual way she usually would in life. „I think seeing someone might help us“ Cordelia agrees and even Wilhemina is quiet then, knowing that may be the only way to restore what you four had for years.

But there is you, not having spoken a single word, listening to their words but not able to shake the pictures of Billie and the guy haunting your memories since the day you had seen them. „Thank you Dee, that‘s all I‘m asking for“ the medium cries as she puts her hand on top of the supreme‘s. She worriedly glances at Wilhemina who simply nods, features still tense but knowing this wasn‘t gonna be something they could fix this time. And then suddenly three sets of brown eyes are on you as they try and read your expression. „Little one?“ Wilhemina tries gently, Cordelia‘s hand softly reaching for yours under the table but you instantly freeze and pull away.

„Babydoll please say something“ Billie pleads with a broken expression before you swallow the lump in your throat. „If that‘s what you three wanna do that‘s fine by me“ you simply mutter before Wilhemina‘s eyebrows furrow sensing what‘s about to come. „Us three?“ Billie repeats in confusion. „What about you baby?“ she asks before you shake your head, trying hard to keep the tears at bay. But there is silence on your end, Cordelia‘s heart skipping a beat, knowing that expression far too well, the one where you had given up and this time on them. „Sweetie don‘t do this, don‘t push us away“ the supreme pleads as she reaches for your hand again but you pull away. „I can‘t do this“ is all you say before you stand abruptly, startling your girlfriends before Billie stands, reaching for your arm but you immediately step back, as if her touch burns and her breath hitches when she realizes.

„I thought we were finally happy Billie, I really did“ you begin as you make sure there is a safe distance between you. „I was finally happy Billie and you took that away by being reckless“ your voice is slightly raised, startling them as you usually are quiet and composed no matter the circumstances. „A few months ago I wanted to die Billie. I wanted everything to stop so bad but I didn‘t, for you, for them. In my worst moments I pictured your smile and the way you would take my hand before dragging me shopping and spoiling me rotten with that dopey face of yours. And I fought through hell to get back here with you“. There is a pause before you carry on, the tears already spilling. „Ever since I first met you, I knew I was never good enough for you three, I don‘t have the looks, the magic or the career but I genuinely thought I was good enough by now and that you wouldn‘t just go to the next best guy“.

„God Billie, a fucking guy, do you have any idea how much that hurts?“ you cry now, hugging yourself to make the exploding pain in your chest any better. „If you three wanna try then I won‘t stop you but there is no version where I can ever not see those photos of you two, his hands on you and that smile on you. The smile that I thought was for us and me“. And without another word you step away, reaching your bag and leaving, the door banging shut on your way out, echoing through the silent academy. Cordelia‘s completely sobbing into herself, Billie unable to say another word and even Wilhemina‘s world is shattered, never having heard those words before, understanding the real damage for the first time and her heart aching as the words echo in her mind.

And then Billie sinks to her knees, the sound of her sobs shaking the room as she knows she had lost you and that there wasn‘t a way to fix this. Not this time and maybe not ever. She had crossed the line and the same realization dawns on Cordelia and Wilhemina as their eyes meet, the same heartbreaking expression on their face. Maybe this truly was the end, your ordinary world that once was now gone and unable to return this time.

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