stingraey

[stingraey]

murder

I hit his head three times. 

BAM, BAM, BAM

I didn’t mean to, I swear. 

I meant to only hit him once. Softly. 

My hand got out of control. I didn’t know what to do. 

I was lost. 

I looked everywhere, flipping the maps upside down and side to side. Reading it from every angle. My anger just didn’t seem to follow directions. 

It took control. 

Like in Inside Out, that one emotion takes control of the whole control panel. That’s what happened. 

I hit him, 

Again. 

And again 

And a final third time. 

That’s what they say, right? 

Third time’s a charm? 

And the fourth would be ludicrous. 

His head reminded me of the ribena drink. Red, dark, rich in color. It was oddly beautiful. I’m sure it didn’t feel as good as it looked though, of course. But it was worth it! It’s for me! Of course it would be worth it.

It wasn’t all just smooth red liquid. There were chunks. 

Chunks of skin. 

Chunks of teeth. 

Chunks of me. 

Me, dispersed from the shattering of this man on the ground. 

His head smashed into pieces, just like mine was. Except, not literally. 

Have I gone insane? 

Hahaha…

Holy shit, I have. 

My hands tremble like atoms in a solid state. 

My eyes twitch following the beat of a nearby club. 

My heart pounds following the bass of a nearby guitar band. 

It’s loud and noisy.

It’s quiet and nasty. 

Just like my hands, my legs and my hair. 

The flies, the maggots and the dirt. 

I need to take a shower. 

I never killed this man. 

I never did. 

I’ll buy a plane ticket, fly to another country. Hide my face, get some plastic surgeries. Work at a vet shop, with my expanded knowledge on bone anatomy. I’ll buy a dog, and live with it. Gain a couple pounds, and dye my hair. I’ll volunteer in shelters and make good friends. Be nice to the people on the streets and support small businesses. I can work part time at schools since I love kids. I will run away. 

I will hide. 

I will make it out alive. 

I didn’t do this. 

All of a sudden, it’s me on the ground. The same me that I said was going to fly to another country, get plastic surgeries and dye my hair. It was me. 

I killed myself. 

I… killed myself? 

Haha, what? 

No, that can’t be right. 

What have I done? 

The reality in which I was so comfortable with, shatters. 

Surrounding me was just black doom. The floor sucked me in – into the sight of the man’s blind eyes staring at the sky. 

What lifeless eyes. 

Terrifying. 

Sacred. 

Possessive. 

I own this man now. 

But it’s not just one body I have to carry, it’s two. 

Mine. 

And his.

He didn’t do much. Until he did. 

Until he grabbed my hair. 

Until he grabbed my waist. 

Until he came so close, so close that I could smell that nasty stench. 

The stench of a pervert. 

I look around making sure no one’s around, before carrying him, his body, his open abdomen into the garbage bin. 

The dark, pungent bin. 

That’s where trash belongs. 

“MA’AM! PUT YOUR HANDS UP!’ 

Ah, shit. 

[stingraey]

we sit still amongst the odds -

the brain breaking, window chattering, clouds crying -

that the sun might just explode, that the volcano might just erupt, that the salty water might just flow.

the pages turn,

the carbon spills,

the blades swirl,

the squeaks persist, clicking continues.

and it all comes sliding down.

ears heightened, eyes lightened;

heart darkened, brain softened.

seems all too familiar.

[stingraey]

In love

Your eyes, fixed on the one giggling and laughing right in front of you. You smiled, just enough for her to see. She grinned back, more awkwardly this time but still as bright as ever. You were captivated by her beauty and charisma that you didn’t even notice there were only 2 minutes left to complete the history writing.

How does she always manage to do that?

Always making you forget about the worries and the sounds of the real world and instead make you daydream of your unfulfilled desires. She’s like a magnet, an annoying but charming magnet that you would fall for any day.

You managed to quickly complete the history writing and go back to looking at that gorgeous face. Her laugh was probably the only thing you’d agree to listen to on repeat for the rest of your life. It was just so… contagious? No, lovable would be more of the right word.

God… she was just so beautiful. Is it even possible for someone to be that amazing?

It was only time before the bell rang and had to go home.

Once the bell rang, the crowd of people all started packing up and a wave of chattering was filled in the classroom within a second.

You were in the midst of packing up your things when you turned around to be greeted by the one you’ve been staring at the whole history lesson.

The volume died down as you two were left as the only few people in the room.

“Ah, can I help you?” You said, surprised that you were able to get that out before you were too enveloped with her confident but nervous-at-the-same-time stare.

“You left your sketch-book on your table yesterday, so I thought I’d return it to you,” She said, fixing her gaze on me as I took the sketchbook from her hands. “Nice drawings by the way,” She said smirking, “Anddd, you could just ask me next time and I’d definitely pose for you. I need to make sure I look good before you draw me you know?” She said half sarcastically. “Anyways, gotta go. Bye-bye.”

You stood there in utter surprise as you brought that notebook in your view and flipped through the pages, noticing all the drawings and sketches that you’ve made of her. You felt your cheeks burn up and your heart about to explode.

She saw all those drawings? And she was fine with it? And she told you to tell her before you draw anything?

You mentally screamed in confusion, happiness and embarrassment with what just took place.

You went home that day, thinking about her and only her as you attempted to fall asleep. That was by-far one of the most eventful days of school. Ever. But… It was memorable. You felt yourself falling deeper and deeper into the hole of love. Cause how could you not when there’s such a beautiful, charismatic and lovable person with you, right?

You love her, and will continue to love her till you can no longer.

[stingraey]

Hopeless

Bang. 

You watch as your companion falls to the ground, face first. Their expression, full of pain yet had a hint of love painted across it, as if saying, “remember me”. 

The air was silent. The trees stopped moving. The birds stopped chirping. And all you could hear was the last gasp your lover let out. 

You couldn’t move. The two men holding you back by the arm were far too strong. The only thing you could do was stare helplessly at the one now laying on the ground, lifeless. It felt impossible to run as your leg started giving up on you, realizing that the one you loved the most was about to die. But then it got to you. 

You felt the rage bloom. The anger of how that villain just inhumanely shot someone so beloved to you. You felt angry. Bloodlust quickly entering your body. 

You screamed. The loudest you have ever dared screaming. 

You started kicking the two men, frantically trying your best to wriggle out of their strong grip on your arm. It was exhausting, but the drive coming from your now broken heart pushed you to try your hardest. 

“Let’s go.” You hear after the vigorous amount of kicking and squirming around. 

They let you go and walked away as if nothing had happened. You stared at them. You have never felt this angry before. 

You quickly looked at your partner on the ground. They were drenched in blood which was caused by the bullet screwed into their head. 

You got up and ran, and sat beside the body, not knowing what to do as your hands hovered over the body. Your hands shaking. Heart-beating so fast as if you were running a marathon. Excessively sweating. 

Then the realization hit. 

They were dead. 

Never going to wake up. Ever. 

You let out a sob. Tears streaming down your face. Hands cupping your face trying to calm yourself down. But it was no use. 

You flipped them over to see their face, motionless. Their head on the inner part of your elbow and your face cupping their cheek. Your heart was shattered to a million pieces. It hurt. It hurt more than any type of pain you have ever felt before. 

After an eternity, you stopped as you seemed to not have any more will to let out any more tears. Your eyes felt dry, and you felt numb. 

You stared at them silently for the last time, enveloping yourself up with the beautiful features of your deceased significant other and reviewing all the happy moments you had with them. 

It pained you, knowing that you will never be able to experience another joyful moment like in the memories again. 

You got up and walked away from the body. Avoid looking at it as your heart can't take the pain anymore. Tears once again showered your face, but this time in complete silence, as you were exhausted after all the events. 

It was depressing. You imagined yourself in the future, never being able to get over the fact that someone you loved so much has died. 

Numbness creeped back in again. And once again, everything became hopeless. 

[stingraey]

Like Magic

You were quickly awoken by the sound of dishes clattering and the succulent smell of your favorite meal for breakfast, eggs and toast. The warm sun rays peeking through the curtains which lightly pecked your eye was enough to make you roll on to the other side of the bed. 

You blinked a couple of times, realizing the bright light had made you see stars for a second. You settled down and continued to contemplate if you should stay or get out of bed. 

You stared at the ceiling when suddenly you heard a knock on the door. 

“May I come in, your highness?” you heard behind the closed door. 

“Yes, you may.” you responded, sarcasm laced in your voice. 

You watched as the door opened, letting the delightful fragrance of eggs and toast fill the room. You watch as your partner moves swiftly underneath the covers with you, noticing all the little beautiful and unique features they carry. 

Their hair swinging from side to side as they cozied up beside you. Their mole which was placed right below their right eye. Their eyes darted quickly all over the messy bed in which you were lying down. 

You rolled on to the other side to be quickly greeted by the beautiful face of your love. You stare at their gorgeously colored eyes as they stare back at yours.

They opened their mouths to speak, but you put your finger on top of their lips. Letting them know that you just wanted to stay and indulge yourself in the comfortable silence. 

The body resting beside you took the hint and slowly shut their eyes, enjoying the moment you’ve created while you once again swiftly glance at each corner and edge of your partner. 

You breathed in and snuggled into the other, your head resting on their chest as they placed their chin on top of your head. 

You listen in close to the sound of their heartbeat, a steady beat. Your breath naturally follows the sound of the one you’re lying close to. 

You wanted to stay in that moment forever, the cozy bed, the gorgeous person sleeping next to you, and all the wonderful little things that made you feel at home. 

It was wonderful how easily you felt so safe beside that person. 

It was like magic. 

[stingraey]

If only it were that easy...

How long has it been since I’ve been staring at the ceiling?

How long has it been since I’ve gone outside?

How long has it been since I’ve showered?

How long has it been since I remembered feeling happy?

Was it always this hard to get off the bed? 

Was it always this hard to earn the motivation to get out of this miserable state?

I know how vulnerable I am. I know how lonely I am. I know how sad I am. I know everything that’s wrong with me, but how do I fix it?

Will I ever be able to fix myself?

Will I ever be able to smile again?

Will someone come and save me?

I don’t even have the energy to talk, listen, nor even to look at anyone. 

When was it so tiring to think?

When was it so tiring to stay in bed all day?

When was the last time I looked out the window and thought to myself, 

“Life’s wonderful.”

“I’m happy.”

“This day is going to be marvelous.”

I miss those times. Those times where I was free, just being able to get out of the house like it was no big deal. 

I want to be able to get out of this absolutely miserable loophole of abusive thoughts and vulnerable actions. I can’t take it anymore. 

How much longer do I have to deal with this? 

Will I be able to break free of this repeating cycle of dread?

Please…

I just want to be able to get out of my bed today…

Just that will be enough for me to feel happy and alive again…

To make me feel something, anything again…

Will I be able to do that?

I want to be able to do that.

What’s this horrible smell? Oh, the rotten food left on the counter.

What’s this I feel? Oh, my ribcage. It’s starting to hurt. 

What’s this I see? Oh, just my filthy room filled with messy clothes everywhere, plates of uneaten food on the ground, dirty floors, cobwebs, and things everywhere. 

What’s this horrible feeling? Oh, it’s just numbness. 

I wonder how many calls I’ve missed. 

Or how many classes I’ve overlooked. 

Or how many friends I’ve ignored. 

Or how many knocks on the door I’ve dismissed. 

I’m tired. 

How long has it been?

I need to get-up. 

Please. 

Please get-up. 

Please wake-up from this sorrowful dream. 

If only it were that easy….

[stingraey]

Daydreaming

You appeared to be in a landscape of grass with no ends to wherever you turn your head to. A blanket of dark clouds was lightly covering the sun from it’s bright sun rays, creating your favorite weather; not too sunny that the sun blinds you eyes, nor was it raining from the dark clouds coated in the sky.

You were sitting on a picnic blanket which had your favorite books, a fluffy yellow blanket, a small pillow and lastly, a croissant and a glass of apple juice. 

The earthy view was relaxing - though it was just the sky and grass. The view was accompanied with the natural earth sounds coming from your surroundings. 

You decided to just lay down on the pillow and put the blanket over you - which lightly covered your body, except for your feet. You would usually do that since putting the whole blanket over you would make you feel too hot, but not situating it would make you too cold. 

You looked up at the sky, making patterns of whatever you could draw from the never ending, shape shifting clouds. You made a whole underwater world in your head just by looking at the sky, it was wonderful. 

The silence was comfortable. You were at peace with the environment you are in, the greenery and the aesthetics. You enjoyed the moments where you would just close your eyes, and review your thoughts. 

“Ahh, I see. Daydreaming again, aren’t you?”

You flinched at the noise, making you turn your head to wherever the noise came from, which led to the whole wonderful fictional land you made up in your head to disappear within less than a second. 

You frowned at the sudden disappearance of your comfort-escape wonderland. 

You looked up, finding the face filled with anger looking down upon you for not completing your work you have. It’s not like this hasn’t happened before anyway. 

“Sorry…,” you mumbled after a period of silence, “I’ll complete the work by today.”

The superior scoffed at you, and made their way back to where they were - leaving you alone and vulnerable. 

You wanted to go back to the dream you were just in. 

The world where you were care-free. 

The world where you were at peace. 

One thing is for sure, you absolutely despised the sick world of dread and mistakes. And the worst part is, you’ll never be able to escape that world. That world you wanted to leave so badly and enter the wonderful land you had created in your head. 

It hurts a lot. 

You wanted to escape and never come back. 

But did you have that option? No, of course not.

Instead, you thought, 

“Fine. If I’m not going to be happy here and never be satisfied with the way they treat me here - I’ll just go back to daydreaming every time, running away from the responsibilities I have. Running away from the madness; from everything.”

You were tired and done with everything.

You made another fictional world of yours, hoping to come in terms with peace once again. 

You went back to the wonderful planet of daydreaming.

[stingraey]

Fulfilling

Thud

That was the first thing you hear after the long, dark, heavy silence. You sat there, chin on your knees and hands hugging your legs, with dried up streaks of tears on your face. You waited patiently for a response, or some sort of noise on the other side of the wall. 

“What’s your name?”

A voice came from behind you. It was a gentle, quite subtle voice. You sighed in relief as you now know that it wasn’t someone coming back asking for lunch money. 

“Cl-”, you coughed, attempting to fix the croaked voice that first came out of your dry mouth. 

“Clara.”

“That’s a really nice name, Clara.”

You smiled hearing that compliment, a simple yet effective compliment that made your smile. You quickly wiped the smile off of your face, realizing how dumb you must appear to be, not responding to the person behind the wall.

“Oh, how rude of me. What’s your name?”, You said, attempting to spark a bit of interest from the other person behind the wall.

“Heh, name’s Dave. Which class are you in? I’m currently in X-8.”

It made your heart flutter knowing that they were trying to initiate a conversation with you, especially when everyone else doesn’t really act like you exist in the world. 

I’m finally getting noticed by someone?  This is a wonderful feeling…. The feeling of having someone to genuinely come and talk to you… But… what if they find me boring? What if I seem like I’m trying too hard to be their friend?  Am I acting weird? Should I respond? What do I do? It’s not like they’re going to come back again to me… I need t-

“Clara?”

Your mind was racing with all these negative thoughts, wondering if you should respond or not. 

I don’t want to be lonely anymore.  I’m tired.  I’m tired of being such a coward.  I’m tired of being treated like a speck of dust. 

“Oh yes! Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts. Oh, I’m in class X-7.”

Please, please, please... please never leave me. I beg you.

“Oh, I see. X-7 has the best classroom. I mean, it’s the only class with gigantic windows! Our classroom has those small ones…”

You drifted off listening to Dave, admiring their charisma, their voice, everything. 

You finally had someone to speak to, and only if it’s just for a while, it will mean the world to you. 

It was nice. It was fulfilling. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m sorry, HAHHAHAHA, have mercy on me :”)

[stingraey]

I whipped my head from to the direction my name was called, making my hair flop onto the other side of my face. It was difficult to see what was calling me as the sun was just about gone and it was getting pretty dark. I squinted my eyes, scanning the area, searching reluctantly for the source of noise. The big trees were making it harder for me to find them. 

I turned back around to open the cars’ door handle again. Hoping and wishing secretly to run away from this suspense. Was it just me or was the air getting colder? One last time, I slowly turned my head to scan the area for anyone to be calling me. I got a shiver down my spine as I notice a figure in the distance. 

It was thin, wearing a big, black coat, I couldn’t see their hair... maybe it was wearing a cape or something to cover their hair? I couldn’t see any part of their face. The lamp posts around us were dim. The trees were tall. The whole scene was eerie. 

The distance between me and that person was just about enough for me to sit back down on to my car seat and drive away, but instead, my body automatically called out, 

“Hello?”

I pleaded in my head for no answer, and that they would just walk away. But a part of me wanted them to respond back and clarify why they called my name. 

“Are you going to respond or are you just going to stand there staring at me?”, I shouted. I was surprised by the bravery I squeezed out of my slightly trembling body. 

They started walking towards me. Every step they took, they became quicker. 

My head was spinning, I couldn’t think straight. Cold sweat dripping from my forehead and heart racing a marathon. I was more scared than ever. Why didn’t I just drive off? Why did I ask them those questions? The back of my throat was stinging with all those negative thoughts. I tried to swallow them down. 

Before I knew it, they were standing right in front of me. The wind was howling, it was cold, and the atmosphere was heavy. I shut my eyes with my arms in a position where if they hit me, I’ll be able to protect myself. But it was no use, my whole body was shaking, my knees were so weak I had trouble standing, my whole body was about to give up on me. 

“BOO!”, the figure spoke to me.

“AHH-”, I screamed and immediately recognized that voice. Lucie, my best friend. At last, my knees gave up on me and I fell to the ground. I glanced up at the figure now hovering over me as I am on the floor. I sighed frustratingly, and with relief both at the same time. 

“Why would you DO that, Lucie?!”, I questioned her. 

“Because, why not?, I mean, I saw you a while ago and thought of just, you know, pranking you haha”, She answered. 

I smiled, “Well, it worked. And I’m still shaking. How fun.”, I said sarcastically while letting out a dry laugh. 

The atmosphere lifted, and I was probably the most relieved I have ever been. She helped me up from the ground and we drove off to the nearest restaurant to have our dinner. 

-----------------------------------------

¯\_༼ ಥ ‿ ಥ ༽_/¯

STORY STARTER #1

I’ve started a story, now it’s up to you to continue it! Below I’ve written a short paragraph. Reblog this post and add the next paragraph yourself and let the chain continue until the story gets completed. You don’t have to put too much thought into it, this is just a writing exercise! Just have fun!

The setting sun disappeared behind the trees as I walked steadily towards my car. My exposed arms shuddered against the chill of the cool evening breeze. I glanced down at my wristwatch, which was barely visible in the fading light. 8 o'clock sharp. Taking a moment to marvel at my punctuality, I then reached for the driver’s side door handle. That’s when I heard my name being shouted from somewhere in the distance.

[stingraey]

She

She laid by the kitchen door, 

Remembering the thoughts that kept her on the floor, 

For she thought of a world full of kindness and sincerity, 

A world with of politeness and courtesy, 

Not a world full of abruption and competition, 

Not a world with corruption and dishonesty. 

Her desires were only some mindless imaginations, 

Never to be able to come alive, 

But to be hidden in the minds 

Of the ones feeling most broken, 

The ones feeling most swollen, 

And the ones feeling most prowoken. 

She though never was finished,

Determined to be undiminished, 

Ought to be the one to see,

Her mindless imaginations to come to dream,

She

[stingraey]

A land full of Magical Imagination

Taken aback by the magical imagination,

for what you saw was a world full of incarnation,

testifying the magical destiny with great ambition. 

Through the skys’ you see wonderful constellations,

constellations wondering throughout the sky you wish to be,

and in the ground in which love and solution was told to be.

Where you told yourself,

that the magical imagination 

was no longer the land or sky you ought to see,

But was the dreadful world of actuality. 

[stingraey]

The Attic

You come home from an exhausted day of work, wanting to just collapse onto the soft bed, and wish to get an infinite amount of sleep. You craved the bed, the fluffy blankets, the cozy pillows, everything. But, as soon as you stepped into your bedroom which had clothes, books, and everything everywhere, you thought of your comfort cave, the attic. 

The attic for you is your heaven. You can do anything there. You could sing as loudly as you want there, you could dance as much as you want there. You could scream as much as you want there, You could cry as much as you want there, You were free in that little cave of yours. 

You managed to squeeze some excitement out of your tired and exhausted body. It was just the thought of going to your attic, sitting on your desk, looking at the window, admiring the beauty, and lastly your most favorite thing to do, to write in your journal. 

You ran up to your attic, going through several steps of stairs and climbing the ladder that led you to your attic. The moment you opened your door, the old familiar scent of dust and wood washed over you. You stepped into your attic, which was probably the cleanest and tidiest place in your house. 

There was a big shelf filled with a variety of books and décor items along with posters of your favorite artist on the right hand side of the room. You also have a variety of plants, some hanging from the ceiling and some placed on the ground, on the left hand side of the room. And finally, you have your neat and organized desk, right in front of a big window where you can see many houses and trees, with the view of the sunset as the scenery too. 

You walk over to your desk and sit down. Immediately, you feel at ease seeing the sight of the familiar journal where you hold so many precious memories and moments in. It was always nostalgic whenever you would read back the pages you wrote when you first had the notebook. 

You flipped to a new page, a blank page with lines equally spread out on the piece of paper horizontally. You took your black pen, and started writing about how your day went and how you felt. It was nice writing down all your feelings and thoughts. 

You continued writing, not following any specific topic. After a while, you noticed the shades of yellow and orange streaks on the pages of your journal. The golden hours started to set in, and an array of beautiful shades of many warm colors seeped through the window, some of the rays landing on your face, and the rest throughout  your room. The room was lit up with the beautiful sunset shades. 

At last, you feel at ease as you came to a conclusion in your writing. You looked out the window, noticing the sun had almost set and the last rays of sunshine were just about gone. The peacefulness was calming yet silent--but you didn’t have a problem with silence. 

You closed your book and set it aside along with the black pen you used. 

You closed your eyes and cherished that moment. That moment where you felt as if you were floating, as if you were so light that anybody could just pick you up, as if you were a feather, flying in the air, lightly and with nothing holding you back. 

You were free. 

You were light. 

You were happy. 

[stingraey]