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it must have killed haymitch to see katniss unwilling to let the arena take rue's body away. the same protectiveness and despair. the same hope.

maybe he knew that she'd be the one to break the cycle when he saw her defiance. he saw so much of himself in katniss, and even more bravery than what he had even before everything burned down with his family.

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A Spark of Light by Jodi Picoult

review: First off, this book is very character driven. The point-of-views shift between multiple characters and jump across quite a few timelines, thought the main conflict is established at the beginning. Most of the point-of-views last barely a page or two, so if you are the type of reader who gets confused at often POV and time switches, this book is not for you. The characters are all very well-rounded, and I applaud Picoult for her character shaping. They left a lasting impact on me, and while I disagreed with some of the ideas and opinions conveyed by the characters, those thoughts all came from a place I could understand and empathize with. The pro and against abortion values are equally pictured by Picoult, and the book definitely left me with a lot of things to ponder on.

The entire plot is pretty simple, with many dives into each character’s backstory, but I wasn’t a huge fan on the timeline jumps. At times, all I wanted was to read about what happened in the main timeline, and I was just skimming through the other POVs. It wasn't the most intriguing book, but I wouldn't say it wasn't worth reading. Picoult's writing style is also pretty easy to understand and not too verbose, which I really appreciate.

I got this book from a friend who moved to another country and gifted me most of his collection of novels, so I can't say I would've bought this book if I saw it at a bookstore. I must say, however, that it was a pretty important read to me. As a girl living in a country where abortion is normal, and who has only heard of the abortion conflicts in the US, this book woke me up to the reality of women's reproductive health and the lack of access many in both privileged and unprivileged countries face. I wouldn't say this was my favorite book, or that it changed something deep inside of me, but it was definitely interesting and informative.

rating: 6/10

genre: realistic fiction, contemporary, crime

synopsis (from goodreads):

The warm fall day starts like any other at the Center—a women’s reproductive health services clinic—its staff offering care to anyone who passes through its doors. Then, in late morning, a desperate and distraught gunman bursts in and opens fire, taking all inside hostage. After rushing to the scene, Hugh McElroy, a police hostage negotiator, sets up a perimeter and begins making a plan to communicate with the gunman. As his phone vibrates with incoming text messages he glances at it and, to his horror, finds out that his fifteen-year-old daughter, Wren, is inside the clinic. But Wren is not alone. She will share the next and tensest few hours of her young life with a cast of unforgettable characters: A nurse who calms her own panic in order save the life of a wounded woman. A doctor who does his work not in spite of his faith but because of it, and who will find that faith tested as never before. A pro-life protester disguised as a patient, who now stands in the cross hairs of the same rage she herself has felt. A young woman who has come to terminate her pregnancy. And the disturbed individual himself, vowing to be heard.

notable quote(s):

“We are all drowning slowly in the tide of our opinions, oblivious that we are taking on water every time we open our mouths.”

“Laws are black and white. The lives of women are a thousand shades of gray.”

“Coal, with time and heat and pressure, will always become a diamond. But if you were freezing to death, which would you consider the gem?”

[sunsetschloereads]

"Cant catch me now" by olivia rodrigo truly fits the ending of the ballad of songbirds and snakes because coriolanus sees Lucy Gray in everything. In the mockingjays, in the guitars, in the songs, in the snakes, in the rebels, in the rainbow coloured dresses, in katniss, in Every. Fucking. Thing. In a few years, he will not remember her face, or her smile, but he will see a mockingjay, and hear her laughter threatening to collapse his entire world. He will hear her songs, and remember how she once sang of him with so much love and passion. He will one day witness Katniss' bow after her assessment, and remember how Lucy Gray charmed the crowd into rooting for her. He will watch Katniss and Peeta with envy, and remember the way he used to caress her cheeks like that too. She will forever be the one thing that he longs for, but cannot quite grasp. She's everywhere, but he'll never be able to catch her. He will remember her even if he hates it, because she haunts every single one of his memories.

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It’s honestly heartbreaking to see how each of the characters accept their fate with total resignation. No questions, no doubts, no hope for survival, just pure acceptance. To be taught that your only purpose in life is to donate your organs so real humans could continue living defeats any meaning in life. They are born, they grow up, and they die, like any other living being does, but their lack of purpose in their future makes them so different to us. None of them worry about their future careers, nor their future spouses, or even their future at all. It’s all predetermined, and all they have to do is keep themselves alive and healthy so they can be used. They do have a better life than some humans currently living on this planet, but they’re also deprived of chances of ever being able to work for a better life. They’re stuck in this life forever, and their only escape is death. Maybe that’s why they embrace their completion without fear: they never had hope for a future from the start. 

Something I’ve been pondering about is what I would’ve done if I were in their situation. Would I have spent my entire existence trying to escape this predetermined fate, or would I accept it and move into other things in life. Perhaps it’s not escaping fate that matters the most, because the end will come no matter what we do, and we’ll all complete someday. Perhaps being like Kathy and Ruth and Tommy and all these characters, who accepted their fate and chose to continue making memories and experiencing the wonders of this world, would satisfy our hopes and dreams, because all that’s left in the end are the memories, isn’t it? 

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The Poppy War Series

“How could she compare the lives lost? One genocide against another—how did they balance on the scale of justice? And who was she, to imagine that she could make that comparison?” --R.F Kuang, The Poppy War

[spoiler alert]

I have so much to say about The Poppy War series. No amount of words will describe the feeling it left me when I turned the last page and broke a little inside, but I will try, because that's all I can do the lessen the heartbreak of reading this series:

Rebecca Kuang. No words will describe my adoration for her writing abilities. To be able to incorporate such beauty into such a dark tale is impossibly hard, and no words will describe my absolute respect for her. I absolutely loved her truthful portrayal of war, instead of just romanticizing cruelty, and how utterly blunt she was about the horrors that ordinary people faced during times of chaos.

Rin, Nezha, Kitay, Venka, etc etc. They were just children. That's all I can say. They were children that were no longer innocent because adults shoved swords into their hands, and told them to die for a cause. They were so fucking young when the responsibility of millions of lives was forced upon them, and no person should ever have to make a decision that had such impact, especially not some young people. I loved each and every one of them, and I also loathed the decisions they made, but at the end of the day, they were just children born into a fragile world of cruelty and darkness.

Rin

"Dying was easy. Living was so much harder--that was the most important lesson Altan had ever taught her" --R.F. Kuang, The Burning God

From her choice in choosing to pledge Lore, till the end when she took her own life, I didn't like Rin. I didn't like her decisions, and I didn't respect how she treated her friends, but I did grow so SO attached to her as a character. I hated her for leaving Nezha with a shattered nation, but I also realized how much courage it took for her to take that route. Since she was born, survival mattered the most, always, and the fact that she chose to kill herself, with the interest of her country in mind, deserves so much respect. Yes, you could argue that she realized how hard surviving was, and chose the easy way out, but she was nurtured in a way that forced her to choose survival, to choose life, even if she wasn't truly living. Along with that, she also had Kitay's life bound to hers, so I don't think she made her final decision out of selfishness, but rather a willingness to sacrifice her life so that millions more would keep their own. As long as she was alive, the Hesperians wouldn't leave them alone, so she made her final decision for her country.

Nezha

“He knew exactly what choice she'd made and what she intended. And that made everything- hating her, loving her, surviving her, so much harder.” --R.F. Kuang, The Burning God

I truly believe that Nezha only acted the way he did because he was fucking terrified of everything happening around him. Yes, he was bred for this, but nothing ever prepared him for the shit that was going to come his way. And when Rin was going to kill herself, his composed mask just faded and he revealed the fear he had in him all along. He was another victim of the fragility of society, and I truly hope that no matter what happened after the third book, he found his peace and order.

Venka

After her reappearance (iykyk), I was so terrified that she would die, or go through something just as traumatic again. AND SHE DID. I was trembling when Rin accused her of being a traitor, and the way she threw herself on top of Rin to save her just broke my heart. I refuse to believe that she sold them out and wrote the letters, because how could anyone be a traitor, and still be willing to sacrifice her life for the person accusing them of such things?? Since the truth will never be uncovered, I will live with the hope that she was innocent all along, because she's been through so much, and her legacy should live on clean and untarnished.

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I just finished rereading the TOG series and like. there are so many thoughts and emotions spinning around my mind that I can't express properly, like how will I ever explain that optimistic part of myself I saw in aelin, or the longing for a purpose or cause to kill myself for like lysandra. how will I convey that sense of frustration for my own inabilities like what aelin felt when she could do nothing but wait for the dam to break and flood the entire valley. how can I talk about love when there are couples like elide and lorcan that exist in the world today. how will I ever admit to that small part of me tucked into a pocket for the stand against fears, which tells me "my name is sam cortland and I will not be afraid," or the warning in the lavender-scented soap to never be selfish or unsure with the people you truly love. tog truly taught me something a lot of other books didn't: that the journey mattered more than the ending. it mattered so much more that they managed to find their mates rather than find the happy ending. it mattered so much more that they found a new family, another something worth fighting for. it mattered the most that all the journeys and experiences they went through still gave them courage and strength and willingness to fight for what they believed was right, and I'll always remember this book for its characters that followed their heart, and sometimes died chasing after the stars.

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convincing y'all to read books based on excerpts/quotes!!

The Poppy War series by RF Kuang

"Hate was a funny thing. It gnawed at her insides like poison. It made every muscle in her body tense, made her veins boil so hot she thought her head might split in half, and yet it fueled everything she did. Hate was its own kind of fire and if you had nothing else, it kept you warm" --TPW (book #1)

"Nothing is written," said the Phoenix. "You humans always think you're destinied for greatness. Destiny is a myth. Destiny is the only myth. The gods choose nothing. You chose. You chose to take the exam. You chose to come to Sinegard. You chose to pledge Lore, you chose to study the paths of the gods, and you chose to follow your commander's demands over your master's warnings. At every critical juncture you were given an option; you were given a way out. Yet you picked precisely the roads that led you here. You are at this temple, kneeling before me, only because you wanted to be." --TPW (book #1)

"And you think you're on the brink of madness, you think that this moment is going to be when you finally snap, but it's not." "How do you know that?" "Because it gets easier every time. Eventually you learn to exist on the precipice of insanity." --TDR (book #2)

"People will seek to use you or destroy you. If you want to live, you must pick a side. So do not shirk from war, child. Do not flinch from suffering. When you hear screaming, run toward it." --TDR (book #3)

"He knew exactly what choice she'd made and what she intended. And that made everything - hating her, loving her surviving her, so much harder" --TBG (book #3)

"The point of revenge wasn't to heal. The point was that the exhilaration, however temporary, drowned out the hurt" -- TBG (book #3)

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Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross

[the first book in the Letters of Enchantment duology]

review: The first thing I noticed while reading this book was the pacing. Note here is that I read on a kindle, so I don't really get a feel on when the book is about to end. When I reached the end of the novel, it didn't feel like the end, and not in the cliffhanger kind of way. It just felt unfinished and abrupt, and I was completely not expecting the book just ending there, even with the knowledge that it was a duology.

The summary on goodreads also says that this book was written to be "an epic enemies-to-lovers fantasy novel filled with hope and heartbreak, and the unparalleled power of love." Needless to say, I was pretty excited going in as someone still recovering from reading SJM's works (I love her so much), and my expectations were not met at all. I wish I could say I enjoyed the romance in the novel, but everything was so so rushed, and they barely had time between being enemies and becoming lovers. The overall idea and worldbuilding was intriguing for me, but I just couldn't get into any of the scenes and characters. The main character and love interest both fell flat a lot of the time, and the author's writing style (especially the dialogue) just wasn't for me.

Though I tried to read the sequel to find out what truly happened in the first book, I ended up losing interest quickly and just DNFing it. Not a rec from me, and I think it was definitely overrated by BookTok.

rating: 3/10

genre: fantasy, military romance

synopsis (from goodreads):

When two young rival journalists find love through a magical connection, their fate depends on their facing the depths of hell… together. After centuries of sleep, the gods are warring again… All eighteen-year-old Iris Winnow wants to do is hold her family together. With a brother on the frontline forced to fight on behalf of the Gods now missing from the frontline and a mother drowning her sorrows, Iris’s best bet is winning the columnist promotion at the Oath Gazette. But when Iris’s letters to her brother fall into the wrong hands – that of the handsome but cold Roman Kitt, her rival at the paper – an unlikely magical connection forms. Expelled into the middle of a mystical war, magical typewriters in tow, can their bond withstand the fight for the fate of mankind and, most importantly, love?

notable quote(s): "i write words that i don't despise half of the time. words that will mean something to someone else, as if i've cast a line into the dark and felt a tug in the distance."