#& dont get me wrong pretty decent movies from what i remember (its been years) and im sure the special effects were good at the time

[lokigodofaces]

Finally found out what was weird about the Shang-chi trailer! The only live action kung fu movies I’ve seen before were super low budget or are older so they didn’t have too great of special effects. So I thought it was weird when I saw Simu Liu do all of that, when really Marvel just has the money to make this not look like trash. It just took me a few hours to realize it.

[stutterfly]

Swipe Right 01 | Context Switch | JJK (M)

Rating: M (Explicit 18+)

Pairings: Jungkook x Reader, brot7 x friendship

Genre: E2L, fluff, angst [later on], humor, [eventual] smut, PersonalTrainer!Jungkook, fuckboy!Jungkook, Nerd!Jungkook, Nerd/IT!Reader

Word Count: 12.8K

Fic Summary: Jungkook wasn’t always like this. Or maybe he was and you don’t want to admit that he had you fooled. You quickly discover he has a lot more to offer than exchanging pleasantries and awkward small talk. In fact, he never seems to shut up.

For the better part of a year, he’s held your irritation hostage, never passing up an opportunity to deliver savage one-liners at your expense. When he discovers you’re on Tinder, he turns up the brattiness factor and intentionally seeks you out. Who knows? Maybe if you gave him a chance he could charm the pants right off of you. Then again, maybe he’s just a fuckboy.

Tags: Fuckboy Jungkook, like cannot stress enough Fuckboy Jungkook but gets soft later, dirty jokes, talk nerdy to me, PUNS, friendship feels, sexual tension, Jin being bad at copying Mario’s accent, Namjoon being bad at accents

CW:  panic attacks, filthy language, this whole chapter is setup so like nothing too bad i dont think???

Series: Activate your SIMCard Fic: Swipe Right (1/?- Ongoing) Do not repost. masterlist // next chapter

(A/N: This is part of my “Activate Your SIMcard” series. Each member of BTS has their own AU in which IT/TechSupport/NerdReader gets dating help/advice and ends up falling in love with them instead. As with a dating sim, the same characters are utilized--same professions, similar scenario placement-- but different interactions/pathways lead to different romances. ~Anyway here’s the Jungkook route.~ The Namjoon route, “Love Bytes” is currently in the works.)

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Nerves wrack your stomach as you make your way down the hall, clinging to the man beside you. His strides seem gigantic next to yours and you find yourself struggling to keep up with him. “Stop walking so fast, Namjoon.”

The man laughs, but slows his pace just enough to allow you to walk side-by-side. “Sorry. I’m just excited for you to meet them.”

Digging your fingernails into the flesh of his elbow, you swallow hard. It’s been a couple months since the young English professor stumbled into your life holding the pieces of some very expensive, very shattered college property. State of the art technology, brand new, busted in less than a week of his arrival. He’d get the biggest chew-out of his life if he presented it to your boss, and you were too sympathetic to let that happen.

While you’d willingly paid for the whole thing out of pocket to cover for the newbie, it had definitely put a strain on your finances and what little social life you had. Within a week he’d worked up a repayment plan than spanned the course of a year. He even started buying you a coffee every Friday as an apology for how long it was going to take.

After a few months of bonding over kung-fu movies, life before Namjoon’s friendship seemed like a distant past, a hazy dream. It was natural that your new bestie wanted to grow your pitiful social circle. But there was a reason you didn’t let people get close to you. The fact that Namjoon had slipped past your defenses so fast made him an anomaly worth dissecting for scientific discovery.

Just the thought of having to now socialize with people you don’t know has your temperature boiling and your head spinning.

He attempts to tug his elbow away from you, and you stumble forward, keeping your death grip on him. “I know, but talking to people isn’t exactly my strong suit. Are you sure it’s best I meet all six at once?”

“You’ve already met Jimin,” he begins, clawing at your hand with long, veiny fingers until you release your hold on him, “but he’s not coming tonight, so don’t worry... you can relax a little.”

Your face twists into a sour grimace as you try to sputter out a response. “I-Pfft. I mean. Jimin’s a model. His face is on billboards and shit. Like… how is that supposed to not be intimidating?”

“Jimin is the world’s biggest sweetheart,” he laughs, shoving his hands into his pockets as you continue down the hallway. “You don’t have anything to be afraid of. I have a feeling you two will get along fine once you stop being so shy.”

You huff and tick your jaw a few times before wringing your hands together. Maybe.

“Anyway. Taehyung is out of town on business, but you can meet him another time. He’s kind of quiet when meeting new people too. Hoseok and Yoongi texted they might be a little late. It’ll just be Jin and Jungkook you’re meeting now. And it’ll be just the four of us for a bit.”

A deep breath escapes you as you hook your elbow with his. “Okay. I just… I’m nervous.”

He stops at the door at the end of the hall and looks down at you. “Give them a chance. If you’re still feeling bad in an hour, then we’ll leave, and I’ll hang out with y’all separately from now on. Deal?”

You eye his extended palm peeking out from beneath the crook of your twined elbows before a smile creeps across your face. You shake his hand. He always knows what to say. “Deal.”

As Namjoon knocks, you leave the comfort of his side, realizing how your anxious clinging might be mistaken for a romantic gesture. You begin to shrink back, trying to hide in his shadow before the door opens. You’re about halfway there when a young, well-built man appears, prominent leg muscles bulging from beneath his basketball shorts as he props the door open with his foot. There’s a cup of instant noodles in his hands, and you’re pretty sure at least half of its contents are dangling from his mouth.

The scent of garlic and rosemary drifts into your nostrils, and you freeze as you cower behind Namjoon, realizing how long it’s been since you last had a decent home-cooked meal. You were promised free food so maybe it won't be so bad after all.

“Ah, Namjoon,” he greets and gestures with his head towards the domicile. “Come in--Oh!”

He chokes a chunk of noodles back into the paper cup as he notices your figure standing behind the tall man.

“Jungkook, this is Y/N,” Namjoon says, stepping to the side and pushing you out into the light of the apartment “I told you she was coming tonight, remember?”

Jungkook’s dark brown eyes widen and he pumps a fist into his chest a few times as he tries to get the remnants of spicy noodles dislodged from the back of his throat. Namjoon sent a bunch of texts this week making sure it was cool to bring someone to hangout night since he’d made a friend at work and wanted everyone to meet them. The way the texts were worded definitely didn’t give any indication that the friend he was bringing tonight was a woman. Maybe they did. Maybe he should have read more of them.

The muscular man before you holds the remaining food in his cheeks and waves bashfully with two fingers as he swallows. "Jungkook," he mumbles, as if the name itself is introduction enough and all but sprints from the room.

Seconds later, a new voice shrieks out from the other room. “What are you doing eating that?! Dinner will be ready soon! Jungkookie if you don’t put that down--!”

A dull smacking sound accompanies the clattering of silverware and plates. You swallow hard, trying to think about anything other than the way the young man had rushed out of the room at just the sight of you. Maybe you’re just that ugly.

“Hey! I’ll eat! I’ll eat! I promise!” Jungkook cries out. His voice drops an octave. “Namjoon is here.” Their conversation becomes indiscernible, but you can’t shake the feeling that you are definitely the subject of their quiet discussion.

You throw a worried glance in Namjoon's direction. "Did I do something wrong?" your voice is hushed as you work your sneakers off, trying to hold in the crazy amount of anxiety that threatens to unscrew the top of your head and send your brain exploding into the ceiling.

Namjoon shakes his head, unbothered by his friend’s odd behavior. "Honestly, I texted him a bunch this week to make sure it was cool and I got one-word replies so I'm wondering if he even read them." He bites his lip and spares a glance back at you, knowing he probably should have kept that to himself.

"Oh," your heart sinks into your stomach and threatens to fall out your butt as you straighten your spine. "If that's the case, should I... leave?"

"Leaf?!" A bright green piece of lettuce is thrust into your face. "How about a whole salad? You can't go before you try it! It's unbe-leaf-able."

You blink in rapid succession, trying to stifle a laugh at the cackle emanating from the man whose bony fingers are holding the lettuce. It sounds like a... windshield wiper? A giggle slips out, stronger than your will to keep it tucked behind your lips, and it only seems to make the grin on his face stretch impossibly wider. Heavy shoulders rise and fall with his laughter, causing the bright pink apron across his chest to wrinkle.

Namjoon groans. "This is--"

"Now do you smell that delicious flavor in the air? Because this just a taste of what you will find at my amazing restaurant 'Heart and Seoul'," he announces, cutting off the man beside you as he clutches the lettuce to his chest with eyes closed. "Where I give you a piece of my heart and soul... Some refer to me as Worldwide Handsome, others call me the God of Cookery. Some call me an angel and believe I fell from heaven." He bows with a flourish and takes your hand in his. "But you can call me..." He finally looks at you, a dark smoulder in his features that sets your cheeks on fire. "Later?"

He seals your fate with a gentle kiss to the back of your hand. Your jaw, which has been hanging open for some time, finally decides to snap itself shut.

"This is Seokjin, and he's going back into the kitchen to finish making dinner." Namjoon is already ushering his friend back towards the kitchen and chiding him as you purse your lips together to hide the smile spreading across your face. Did you just stumble into some alternate universe where all of the men you meet are ridiculously good-looking?

"It's nice to meet you, Seokjin," you call after them before letting your eyes wander around the room.

Paintings line the walls and photos sit on the bookshelf in the corner. As you approach the shelf to get a closer look, you realize those aren't books, but video games. There must be hundreds. Don't people use cloud storage for most of their games now? Your eyes curiously scan the photos on the top shelf. The man who had introduced himself as Jungkook is in all of them. There's another man in a couple that you don't recognize, but his gaze is piercing and cold when he's not smiling. You're able to pick Jimin and Namjoon out in a few, but it feels like looking at a family photo. Everyone seems so close; it makes you envious.

You lick your lips and can't help but admire the collection of video games underneath. You crouch to get a better look at the ones lining the bottom shelf. You're surprised to see there are games for all types of consoles: PS4, XboxOne, Switch, WiiU, Nintendo DS, SuperNintendo, PlaystationVita, PC... The list keeps going. Jealousy spikes your gut as you note a Mass Effect "SSV Normandy" ship figurine on the shelf above your head. You eye it with wonder and pride as your memories flood with the hours you spent playing the trilogy. Your fingers reach out to brush against the raised letters on the side of the ship.

"Have you played Mass Effect?" a quiet voice asks from behind you.

You jump in place and spin on the balls of your feet in a fluid motion that nearly sends you careening into the basketball shorts in front of you. Surprised by how close Jungkook is standing, you gasp and stumble back into the bookshelf, causing it to wobble and bring some of the frames filled with photos tumbling down onto your head. You wait for the impact but it never comes.

As you look up, Jungkook has several frames balanced on his arms and between his fingers, carefully maneuvering them away from you and back onto the shelf. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you! Namjoon told me you liked video games too and I saw you looking at the Normandy and I thought maybe you've played it. Ah, I'm sorry."

It's hard to miss the crestfallen way he rubs the back of his neck and stares at the floor once he places all the photos back on the shelf. You're still in shock that he caught everything before it smacked you in the head, but you force yourself to respond anyway. "No, it's okay. I'm just a jumpy person. It's my fault. I'm just glad I didn't break anything. I'm... asari? Get it? 'Cause like, I'm sorry... but also hot blue alien chicks, am I right?"

He smiles wide and laughs softly as he offers to help you up. As you take hold of his hand, you're quickly thrust to your feet with an ease you weren’t quite expecting. You steady yourself by reaching out to grip his arm, a movement you reverse the moment you feel the firm muscles beneath his t-shirt.

"Thanks," you mumble. Feeling his hand tense around yours, you take it back and twiddle your fingers. "So what decisions did you make? Renegade or Paragon? Rachni Queen? Samara's mission? Quarian and Geth dispute? Genophage?" You pause only to take a breath. "If you let Wrex die, we can't be friends."

He blinks at you a few times before breaking into a relaxed smile. “Of course not. What kind of monster do you think I am?”

You allow a relieved sigh to pass your lips. Maybe this wouldn’t be so painful after all.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You must have made a good impression that night. It’s been nearly a month and Namjoon’s friends have started pulling you into their group texts and Saturday night plans. This had been fine by you since you rarely had anything going on. Honestly it was kind of nice to be included.

While you still don’t exactly know everyone, you feel fairly comfortable talking with your new friends. Seokjin is absolutely hilarious. He’s so full of himself that his cockiness rides the line between charming and annoying; it’s hard to decide which aspect overwhelms his personality more. But you know that you find him irrefutably, irritatingly attractive because of it.

Jungkook is still polite and rather gentlemanly towards you. Your conversation about Mass Effect was enough to tide over any residual awkwardness regarding your initial meeting. He’s just a muscular, nerdy introvert who seems genuinely nice. However, Namjoon insists that Jungkook is still hiding a louder, brattier side when you’re around. He’s got this theory that since you’re a friend of a friend, Jungkook is holding back his usual antics for some reason. The harmless little crush you’ve developed on him has you secretly holding out hope that it’s because he wants to ask you to be his girlfriend. You’ve considered asking Jin what he thinks, but that man has no tact and honestly you’re afraid he’d just ask Jungkook with you standing right there.

Hoseok is a ball of smiling energy, one who has been begging you to visit his dance studio. It’s hard to say no, but you’ve managed for this long because of the very real possibility that you won’t be able to do anything but stare at the dazzling way he moves. He seems to take pride in his ability to make others feel good and absolutely beams when he’s the cause of his friends’ happiness. You can easily see yourself talking to him without Namjoon around to act as a buffer, which is amazing for someone with your level of social anxiety.

Yoongi is quiet, but when he speaks his words are sharp with purpose. Some people might mistake that for coldness, but you can tell he has good intentions and a soft heart underneath. His pointed remarks in the group interrogations have poked fun at you, but never in a condescending or cruel manner. And it’s certainly not in the way you see him absolutely roast the others. Maybe he’s taking it easy on you.

Jimin is still so beautiful to look at it devastates you, leaving a flustered, stuttering mess behind every time he leaves. Now that he’s become aware of the effect he has on you, he’s been testing the waters of your friendship with some teasing that borderlines flirtation. But you have a feeling he’s just screwing with you because he finds it funny to see you squirm. You’re hoping to build the confidence to dish it back some day.

Taehyung has been a little standoff-ish, but Namjoon had already warned you about that. You wonder if it’s because he’s a hundred times richer than you’ll ever be. Despite seeming like he’s in a different social class, he still seems deeply fond of his friends, and relatively down-to-earth. He’s a bit quirky, but he’s an artist, so you expect that kind of thing.

Namjoon says that he’s known almost all of them since college, so he’s been able to absorb most of the discomfort associated with meeting new people. He’s sweet, and more relatable than you originally would have thought for an English professor. He’s kind of like a pillar that you never knew your life had been missing. And now that he’s got your back, you can’t go back.

The smell of coffee pervades the air as you skim an article on your phone regarding the latest Halloween skins for Overwatch. You’re supposed to be meeting Namjoon here but Seokjin, and Jimin showed up and have been chatting about their plans for the weekend. Apparently they throw a Halloween party every year and it’s Jimin’s turn to host. Seokjin is supposedly in charge of planning the decorations due to his love for theatrics and has been discussing the possibility of a haunted house walkthrough. You smile at the thought of Seokjin popping out of the shadows to drop fake spiderwebs on people. It sounds like the kind of thing he’d get off to.

Namjoon flops down on the couch next to you. “You’re coming, right?”

You’re broken from your thoughts as you scroll further down the page. “E-Excuse me?”

“The Halloween party. You coming?”

You look up from your phone, feeling everyone’s eyes on you. “I mean… I don’t want to intrude on your group thing.”

“You’re not intruding!” Jimin, Jin, and Namjoon’s voices all stack upon each other and you’re taken aback by the sound.

Jin frantically scrambles to make you feel included. “Y/N, we just assumed you were coming. Of course you’re invited! You can help me get everything set up for the scary walkthrough. Please come.”

“Don’t give her work to do that you should have already figured out,” Jimin hisses before sending a warm smile your way. “I’ll text you the address later. It’s a costume party so make sure to dress up!”

Your bottom lip unconsciously protrudes in a pout as you pass a discouraging look Namjoon’s way. “What are you going as?”

He gives you a heartfelt, dimpled smile. “Sherlock Holmes,” he says with the worst british accent you’ve ever heard in your life. “World’s greatest detective.” He drops his accent and starts gushing. “The tweed suit is fairly iconic and most people will recognize the costume so I think it’s a safe option. Originally, I was going to go as Judge Di but Jimin kept telling me no one would get it. It would take some research to really get a feel for how he’d dress, but I’d be willing to put in the work.”

Your eyebrows furrow. “Judge Dee? Like…. Judge... Ju...dy?” you trail off in confusion, immediately regretting your decision to ask.

Jimin throws his hands up as if this is the proof he’s needed to convince his friend that he’s wrong. “You see? I told you no one knows who that is.”

“Judge---! Really?!” Namjoon looks like he’s about to go off, but he shakes his head and sighs. “You know what? It’s okay. I look really good in a tweed suit. That’s all that matters.” He finished his statement by gesturing towards his chest.

You can’t help but laugh. “You’re such a dork.” You turn your attention to the others and raise your eyebrows at them. “What about you two?”

Jimin drags his teeth over his lip and shyly smiles. “I’m going as Iron Man. Tae’s been helping me build my costume for a while now.”

“Jungkookie and I are going as Luigi and Mario,” Jin proudly states he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees while tenting his fingers. “I’m Mario, of course, since everyone knows he’s the best.”

You roll your eyes. “Sounds like you, Seokjin.”

“What will you come as?” he questions with a smirk, cocking a mischievous eyebrow at you.

“Well...” you hesitate, knowing that most costume shops will be sold out of anything interesting or slutty; at this point your options are limited unless you want to be a Crayola shit brown crayon. “I’m not sure yet,” you mumble, scratching your cheek sheepishly. “I only found out just now so I don’t have anything ready. I usually go over Jennie’s place, hand out candy in my pajamas and watch scary movies, so I don’t know if I should bail on her like that.”

Solid excuse. Great job, brain. Really. Can I sound like more of a loser?

“She can come too,” Jimin offers with a thoughtful tilt of his head and a warm smile. “It’s a very open party. Lots of people will be coming and going, so it’s no trouble if you want to invite more of your other friends, if that makes you comfortable.”

Other friends. Like you have more than this group and Jennie. You’re going to just pretend like you didn’t hear that part. You can already hear her shrieking at you to say you’ll be there. She loves dressing up and would be more than happy to exchange a night of handing out candy for a night of partying. You suppose you can always get some vampire teeth and dab some fake blood on your mouth, but it feels like a cop-out. It’s a solid back-up plan at the very least.

“Okay. I’ll think about it,” you murmur with a fleeting look of panic directed at Namjoon.

He offers a sympathetic smile and pats your shoulder. “It’s okay if you don’t come. I’m just saying there will be free food.”

Your spine straightens and you perk up.

“Free food?” The words on you’re about to utter spill from a different source. A chin drops into the space between Namjoon’s shoulder and yours. Jungkook’s hair is still wet, but thankfully it’s not long enough to brush against your skin. The soft, sweet, almost floral scent of his body wash wafts into your nose as you turn your head to look at him. You surmise he’s come directly from work if he’s showering in the late afternoon. You internally swat the butterflies playing with your ribcage, trying to remember how to act normal.

Jungkook smiles sweetly, his eyes nearly closing with how high his cheekbones have risen. “Where is this food?”

“At the Halloween party,” Namjoon comments with a dismissing wave of his hand. “I was just telling Y/N that she’ll miss out if she doesn’t come.”

Jungkook raises his eyebrows and drops his smile as his surprised stare pierces your periphery. “Oh, you’re not coming?”

“I was thinking about it.” You immediately feel the need to defend yourself. “I don’t have anything to wear.”

“So don’t wear--” Jungkook catches himself before the word anything comes out. “A costume,” he finishes simply, straightening his spine and clearing his throat. “I mean we can make an exception. No one’s gonna kick you out.”

A devilish grin spreads across Seokjin’s features. “I’m sure I can help you find a pink dress and crown if you’d like to be our lovely Princess Peach. We can give each other items.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen at his friend and Jin stares back with anticipation, waiting for him to make the mushroom joke he clearly set him up for. Jungkook purses his lips and quietly regards you. As the moment passes, Jin’s brow furrows and he crosses his arms in a huff, wishing that he’d said it instead. It’s been too long since you’ve blushed for his liking.

“Maybe I’ll show up in a leotard, spiked collar, and fishnets as Bowsette instead.” You nearly snort at your own joke.

Jungkook and Jin spill their surprise over one another.

“Whaa? Really?” Jin’s mouth hangs open, the image already permanently searing its way into his brain.

“You what?” Jungkook clamps his hands over the edge of the couch, hulking figure looming over you.

While Jimin and Namjoon are both oblivious what a Bowsette is, the words “spiked collar and fishnets” have certainly grabbed their attention as well.

You blink a few times, realizing how serious everyone has become as you sputter out a nervous laugh. “Kidding, guys. Kidding.”

Jin tuts in disappointment, slinking back into his chair. Jimin simply smiles. Namjoon breathes a relieved sigh. Jungkook starts walking away, distracted by the signage on the counter promoting a cinnamon chocolate chip milkshake.

“Besides, I’m more of a…” A lightbulb flicks on in your head and the thought comes spilling out your mouth before you can process it. “Oh, I have a cosplay from the gaming convention I went to a year ago. Maybe I can wear that.”

All three men lean forward, suddenly very interested in the concept of you using a cosplay as a Halloween costume. Jungkook’s head snaps in your direction just as he extends his hand to give his money to the cashier, but he drops it prematurely, sending coins scattering across the counter.

The sound causes all of you to look over at him and he quickly turns back to the cashier. She raises her eyebrows at him as he scrambles to recover all of the money for her. His ears turn bright red from the attention and you can’t help but put yourself in his shoes, cringing at the embarrassment coursing through your veins at the thought of swapping places.

Spinning back to face the others, you find Jin and Jimin on the edge of their seats, staring at you. Namjoon blinks at you and tilts his head expectantly. “You were saying?” he prods. “Something about an anime costume?”

Suddenly you’re embarrassed for yourself rather than Jungkook. “Don’t be weird, Joonie. It’s just a Princess Zelda cosplay.” You scratch your cheek in contemplation, murmuring, “Actually, I don’t even know if it still fits since I’ve gained some weight since then.”

Namjoon pats your shoulder assuringly. “Ah you’re fine. Don’t worry too much about it, ok?”

“He’s right. Just bring your smile, cutie,” Jimin says encouragingly.

You blush at the nickname and grin in response. He said it innocently enough, but you get the feeling that you reacted exactly as he had hoped because he exchanges a smug smirk with Seokjin. “See? Bring that.”

“Ah, you guys are embarrassing me,” you mumble, diving back into the article on your phone. “I’ll talk to Jennie about it later.”

Jungkook listens carefully as he tongues his cheek and waits for his drink to arrive at the counter. Are you really going to show up in that? He pulls out his phone and starts skimming amazon. There’s no way he can pass up the opportunity, regardless of what’s at stake.

A familiar veiny hand sets the drink down on the counter, and he outstretches his palm. “Service was good, yeah?”

Jungkook looks up from the checkout page and locks eyes with Yoongi. He scoops a large portion of whipped cream from beneath the lid and pops it in his mouth thoughtfully, smacking his lips as he washes it down with a sip through his straw. Yoongi raises his eyebrows at him expectantly, but remains silent.

“Hmm, I’ve had better. Maybe if I had some more whipped cream?” Jungkook suggests as he tilts his cup forward and gives it the tiniest shake, shit-eating grin strewn across his features.

Unblinking, Yoongi squirts a puff of cream into the top of the container before loudly setting the can on the counter. Satisfied, Jungkook reaches into his pocket and fishes out some money for a generous tip. “See this is why you’re my favorite barista. You always make it just how I like it.”

Yoongi forces a smile as he stuffs the cash into the half-filled tip jar. “The Java Stop values your patronage, customer.”

He catches a glimpse of Jungkook’s phone screen before the younger man snatches it from the counter and walks away. What the hell is he up to?

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You curse your past self for choosing Zelda’s outfit from Twilight Princess rather than Breath of the Wild; style over comfort rarely is a good choice, but it’s a choice you often repeat without forethought. It’s tighter than you remember, and not just because there’s a corset sewn into the chestpiece. As you sit in the passenger’s seat of Jennie’s Civic, you fidget with the hem of your dress. Without taking her eyes off the road, she reaches over and slaps your hand.

“Stop it. You look great.”

You rub the back of your wrist and pout, knowing it does nothing to change her mind. You eye her tattered dress, wishing you could pull off something so slutty with the same confidence she does. White contacts make her look even more ethereal than she normally does. Natural waves and curls poke out from beneath the bent witch’s hat atop her head and you can’t help but admire her beauty.

“I look like a nerd,” you say, feeling shittier the longer you compare yourself to her. It’s not her fault. You’re just insecure and wish that you could be more like her rather than the you that you are.

“You are a nerd,” she laughs. “What’s wrong with that?”

You smile. “Nothing, I guess. I don’t know why I’m so worried about it. It’s not like I’m gonna be getting laid any time soon. This costume solidifies it.” Negativity is something you’re used to dosing yourself with, but you know it’s an action you need to work at correcting.

“Hey if no one wants to fuck you in a Zelda costume, do they even deserve to fuck you?” Jennie asks, wagging her pointer at the ceiling as if scolding some invisible source above. “I don’t fucking think so.” She tuts for a second. “So speaking of… Which ones are off limits?”

You scoff and stiffen in your seat, trying to play dumb. “What? What’s off limits?”

“Y/N,” she starts in an accusatory tone. “I’m sure there will be lots of hot people there, but I’m talking about seven hot people in particular. Now if they came up to me and said ‘hey Jennie you so fine you wanna suck all seven of our dicks?’ I’d be like hell yeah I’ma suck all seven dicks. Get in a circle and let me at ‘em.”

You smack your hand to your forehead, wishing you could purge that image from your brain.

“Now I’m just saying in this hypothetical situation that I would never turn down going down on any of them if they asked. Unless I remembered that one time you told me you were crushing, maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t suck that particular dick.”

“We’re about to go see these people. I don’t want to be thinking about this while sipping my drinks across from Seokjin. That man can smell fear, shame, and insecurity,” you mumble, looking out the window at the trees lining the side of the road.

“So that’s why we get it out now before we get there. Can’t possibly slip out if you’ve already got it out of your system,” she explains with a confident smirk.

You cross your arms and give yourself a moment to truly think about the seven men. You certainly find all of them attractive, but crossing that line might make things weird. But maybe, hypothetically… “I don’t know… They’re all pretty hot in their own way…”

“You’ve got to be attracted to one more than the others,” she prods. “Come on, Y/N. Which one does it for you?”

Your tongue clicks against the roof of your mouth before you sigh. “I guess…” You subconsciously lick your lips and give it a few seconds before the memory of falling picture frames surfaces in your mind. An embarrassed smile flickers across your face as you give your quiet, honest answer. “J-Jeon… Jungkook.”

“The young one!” Her mouth falls open. She drums her fingers against the steering wheel excitedly and spares a delightful, yet surprised look at you for a fraction of a second before her eyes return to the road. “Really? I never would have guessed. But I haven’t talked to him much honestly. Doesn’t he work at that nerdy-looking gym you almost joined? What was it, Iron Kingdom? You could always sign up for personal training. Ya know, get some one-on-one time with those muscles...”

“He’ll think I’m dumb for not knowing how to do anything,” you mumble. “Besides that’s not why.”

You shake your head and pause to start counting the list on your fingers. “Okay so he’s got muscles, a cute laugh, he likes video games, he literally always smells so fucking good, he has a great smile, he’s nice, and like he’s so mature for his age. I’m so surprised.”

“I mean from the few times I’ve seen him, I thought for sure he’d be a tool and a major shithead,” she admits.

“I know, but seriously don’t judge a book by its cover. He’s been so chill and respectful and has made me feel so welcome over the last few weeks. None of that fuckboy shit you’d expect to get with younger guys like, he doesn’t talk over me, no mansplaining, he looks me in the eyes and not at my tits, and listens when I say something, even if it’s just me talking about my day.” You pause, registering the words you just said. “Wow, the bar is really low, isn’t it?”

“Sad, but true.” She nods, glancing at the GPS on the dashboard. It’s says you’re nearly there, but it’s kind of further out from the city than you’d both been expecting.

She laughs, mulling over everything you’ve said. “He seems kinda shy. You probably need to make the first move. Maybe you should tell him you have a big fat crush on him. Tell him you wanna hold his hand. Do you think he’d blush? I bet he would. I bet he has a cute flustered face. You should totally do it.”

Recalling the way his ears turned red at the cafe causes you to purse your lips, but the action can’t hide the smile curling at the corners of your mouth. So you have a little crush on Jungkook. Who wouldn’t? He’s practically flawless and totally swoon-worthy. Your heart races as you imagine his reaction to your outfit. Would he be taken aback by how good you look as one of the hottest, most iconic female characters in gaming history? He’s a huge geek so you know there’s a possibility that he could appreciate it. Sweaty fingers work their way down your wig, carefully smoothing out any loose strands. You hope he does.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Walking into Jimin’s place feels like entering a mansion. He told you that he lives with two other people from the same modeling agency, but you didn’t realize how big the place would be. Seokjin’s ability to gather this many decorations and display them with such attention to ambiance is certainly a feat worthy of praise. You find yourself lost in the orange and yellow lights that border each doorway and drape along the walls. Their soft glow is comforting as you walk down the dim hallway, exploring the house just enough to find the table filled with fruits and snacks.

Jungkook is nowhere to be seen and you find yourself breathing a sigh of relief as you sip punch out of a red plastic cup, filling a plate with an excessive amount of strawberries, peaches, and other sweet fruits. Contrary to your previous belief that admission would mean freedom from the thoughts swirling in your brain, uttering the words out loud has made you paranoid that everyone now knows about your secret crush. You’re hoping that drinking will remove the worry from your brain, so you do your best to down the liquid fast and refill your cup.

Jennie immediately hit it off with one of Jimin’s roommates moments after walking in. You’re envious because holy fuck that guy is tall and jacked, and he’s wearing a Captain America outfit. Jennie is about to make out with Captain America and you’re gulping down spiked punch from a little plastic cup. You appreciate being able to silently agree to split, but know that you have each other’s back if either of you were to suddenly express interest in leaving, even if Captain America is balls deep.

She’s an extrovert. She loves socializing. Tossing a strawberry into your mouth, you eye the table of snacks again. You don’t. You love food. Food or sex would be a tough toss-up for you depending on the menu, and in this situation food definitely wins. There’s a buffet table of appetizers looping around the room and into the kitchen. It doesn’t get much better than this, especially knowing it was catered by Seokjin’s restaurant.

You remove a glove and tuck it beneath your armpit as you stuff your face full of sweet treats and survey the amount of people on the dance-floor. There are a good amount of people here --some with ludicrous costumes-- and it makes you feel better about being able to blend in.

You had arrived fashionably late only because Jennie may have passed the house a few times, thinking this place couldn't possibly be it. A hand skates around the periphery of your vision and you frown as it attempts to surreptitiously claim a peach slice from your plate. Following the hand to its owner, you find a smile quickly claiming your mouth in place of the previous sour grimace.

"There's plenty of peaches left over there," you say, pointing to the table of snacks beside you.

"Mmm," Namjoon hums as he pockets the fruit in his cheek. "But this pile is better. I can deduce that you've already picked out the best pieces, Zelda."

You look him over from head to toe, examining the details of his tweed suit. You hate to admit he's looking dapper as fuck in this outfit. Despite often wearing three-piece suits to work, you rarely have time to stop and really appreciate just how flattering they are on his frame. Your eyes settle on the dark brown silk carefully knotted around his neck. "Don't you get sick of wearing ties?"

His eyes widen and he blinks at you as if you'd just told him that he sat in some gum. "Do you think I should have gone with the bow-tie? I spent hours weighing the pros and cons to both and which would be more quintessential to the whole ensemble. Did I make the wrong choice?"

You open your mouth to respond, meaning to allay his concerns and tell him that he looks fine, but he interrupts rather quickly. "You know what, don't say anything. I brought the bow-tie as a backup. It's upstairs in the guest bedroom. I'll go put it on."

You grab his arm just as he's about to leave, noting the plate full of chicken wings precariously balanced on one hand. "Namjoon. Chill. Your tie looks fine. I was only asking because I would strangle myself if I wore one all the time. Now gimme some of that chicken."

His eyes dart from you to the plate in his hand and his anxiety seems to visibly melt away, replaced with a soft smile. "I'm overthinking again, huh?"

The words have never come easier than they do now. "No shit, Sherlock."

At that he offers a laugh. "How about a trade? I share the wings for access to the princess's treasury of peaches."

"Deal," you agree with a smirk, wiggling your eyebrows up and down. "Wanna people-watch with me?"

He nods enthusiastically as he tosses a handful of fresh fruit directly from your plate into his mouth. "I was gonna wander aimlessly and socialize but this sounds way better."

"Glad we're on the same page," you murmur into the chicken wing at your lips, sucking the sauce off of it and scanning the room for any particular eye-catching costumes.

The flash of red, flowing satin catches your eye. Is someone wearing a bathrobe? Seriously? The taste of hot buffalo sauce causes your lips to tingle as you note the soft, fuzzy edges of the robe. It looks comfy, actually.

You elbow Namjoon in the ribs, directing his attention to the slender, black-haired figure gliding across the room. Namjoon opens his mouth as if to identify the stranger, but the flourish of the robe beats him to it. As the material spins, you catch a glimpse of tan skin peeking out from the chest, long legs exposed as he reaches for the sash at his waist.

The silk billows as it comes undone, cascading to the floor like a river of crimson. There's no mistaking it. You're now staring at the nearly nude, half-painted body of Kim Taehyung. You can't help the way you jaw drops open at the sight of so much skin being flaunted seemingly without a care in the world. Namjoon's hand flies up to cover your eyes, as if he's going to spare you the sight you've already taken in. Now that you've seen Taehyung in a thong, there's no going back.

Sauce-covered fingers pry his away from your eyes just in time to meet the piercing gaze of the man across the room. Is it mirth or anger that graces his features? It's hard to tell with a paintbrush trapped in the box his teeth make. He takes lazy strides across the room as you struggle to keep your eyes off the unforgiving fabric outlining every last curve of his dick. It's not until he's closer that you notice the thin belts crossing his hips, which appear to be holding six tubes of paint, three strapped to each side like gun-holsters. You have to admit they frame his crotch rather nicely.

It takes every ounce of willpower you possess to keep your eyes trained on his face. He carefully takes the paintbrush out from between his teeth and extends it to you. "Draw something pretty on me, Y/N. You too, Joon. Tonight I'm a human canvas on display for the universe."

Your eyebrow quirks as you exchange a look with Namjoon and set your plate down. "You know people are just going to draw a bunch of dicks on you, right?"

He scoffs, waving off your concerns. "Don't be so negative. I will have a beautiful mural by the end of the night. Mark my words."

"I think you're putting too much trust in the goodness of human nature," Namjoon comments, his lips pressing together in an attempt to hide the amused grin that is quickly spreading across his features.

Taehyung cocks his head to the side and leans forward with a lopsided grin. You're afraid he's about to get even closer and whisper some dirty secret into your ear. Instead he asks in a breathy, low tone, "Princess Zelda wouldn't draw such dirty things on me, would she?"

Twirling the thick handle of the paintbrush between your fingers, your eyes dip to the paints secured at his waist. His eyes chase the trail yours make down his side and his delight splits his mouth into a goofy grin. "Oh. Help yourself." He gestures to the colors available with a sweep of his hands just above his hips. "Feel free to use your fingers instead.” He pauses when your mouth falls open slightly. “You know, to paint... Just be careful what you grab, Princess," he jokes.

Removing your other glove with your teeth, you drape them over your shoulder and reach out for the tube of yellow paint, trying to hide the way your hand trembles. He looks down and smiles as the cold paint touches his skin. Before long you have the faint shape of 3 triangles at the center of his chest.

“How fitting,” he murmurs, offering an amused hum as you fill in the last triangle with a glob of yellow that threatens to run down his torso.

“Oops, sorry,” you apologize, moving to tap the brush against the excess, but he grabs your wrist before the bristles can make contact with his skin again.

“That’s alright. Let it do what it does. I like it like this,” he says, watching the clump of paint slowly slide down his midriff. “Besides I’m sure someone else can use it.”

“Like Sherlock!” you suggest, holding the paintbrush out for your companion.

Namjoon takes it begrudgingly and uses the excess yellow to draw a small smiley face beside the triforce symbol.

“Cute,” Taehyung laughs as he takes the paintbrush back from Namjoon. “I love it. Thanks guys.”

Just as he turns to find his next artist, a long object bars his path, pressing against his chest just above the collarbone. You follow the shape of the bar to its owner, revealing a grinning Hoseok clad in an officer’s uniform.

“That’s a bold choice Taehyungie,” he says, securing the faux nightstick into a loop at his waist. “Just make sure you keep that thing on…” He gestures to the small bit of material at Taehyung’s crotch and holds up a pair of handcuffs with his index finger before continuing, “or I’ll have to arrest you for indecent exposure.”

“Impersonating an officer is a crime, you know,” Namjoon says, even as he’s reaching out to touch the shiny metal. “Wait. Where did you get these? Are they real?”

You squint at the device in Namjoon’s hands, looking for the safety release latch like the cheap pair you bought to use with your ex. You don’t see it. That can only mean that these are the kind where losing the keys would have real consequences. But you’re not about to out yourself as the kinky freak you are, so you bring your nearly forgotten drink to your lips and guzzle what’s left in the cup.

As the empty plastic hits the table, your eyes happen to trail across the room and land on a crowd of people gathering around a very impressive, fully-lit Iron Man costume. Jimin seems to be soaking the attention up as the crowd grows ever larger. The massive room has begun to diminish in size, and it’s as though the once comforting lights are now wilting and closing in on you, threatening to strangle the air from your lungs. The adrenalin spiking your veins is telling you it’s time to seek the comfort of open space and solitude. Fast.

You duck beneath Namjoon and Hoseok’s arms, carefully sidestepping around Taehyung to avoid brushing against the wet paint on his skin. “I’m gonna get some air. Try not to get cuffed, Sherlock,” you manage to joke with a smile before turning on your heels and booking it from the room.

If anyone responds to your joke or even acknowledges your exit at all, it’s lost on your ears. Sweat beads on the back of your neck as you hastily attempt to make your way down the hall. If you can just get outside, you can breathe. You’ll be fine. You know it.

Warm bodies clutter the path to your freedom and you can’t help but feel more and more breathless by the never-ending apologies spewing from your mouth as you squeeze past each blockade. You don’t feel like yourself, even as you speak. Taking in sharp, greedy breaths like this isn’t helping. Why is this place so devoid of oxygen? Your body moves on autopilot, seeing the faces of the people you pass, but not feeling their eyes on you.

You float out of the front door, your head as light as a feather, but your eyelids feel like they’ve been anchored. You’re positive you’re about to gracefully glide down the front steps, legs becoming amorphous blobs beneath you that will surely allow you to fly. Just as you’re leaning into the momentum of gravity, two pairs of hands steady your shoulders and criss-cross around your midriff.

“Deep breaths,” Jennie’s voice briefly cuts through the ringing in your ears.

“Do you need to sit down?” The other voice spills into your eardrum as a rushed whisper, one that’s dripping with concern.

Huh? You work on steadying your breathing instead of trying to answer.

“What did she drink?” the familiar voice asks Jennie, the brief flicker of panic quashed by the evenness of his tone. “How much has she had?”

“Relax, Yoongi. Not even our lightweight champion gets drunk that fast,” Jennie reassures him as they help you seat yourself on the top step. “Are you familiar with panic attacks?”

Yoongi rubs the back of his neck and nods silently, backing up to give you some space.

“Jennie. I’m fine now. Thank you,” you mumble, shaking your head and regaining your sense of self. “I’m glad you have my back.”

“Of course. I saw you in the hall and I just knew.”

You jump when you meet the gaze of her white, eerie contacts, which causes both her and Yoongi to laugh. You look up at Yoongi. He shoves his hands into his pockets, long flowing shirt obscuring any flesh poking out from beneath it.

“Hey, you’re not dressed up,” you blurt, realizing he’s sporting a very goth, natural Yoongi look.

He scoffs before bending at the waist and baring his teeth. A single vampire fang is affixed to one of his canines.

You tilt your head like a dog hearing a strange noise. “What, only one fang?”

“Just as dangerous, princess,” he warns with a smirk, standing up straight.

You swear you see a wink, but then again maybe you’re imagining it. You have been known to exaggerate things in your head. Still your stomach somersaults and you focus your attention on Jennie. “I’m okay. I think I’m gonna chill out here for a bit. Get back in there and dance with… god what was his name? Jackson? Jae-beom?”

“Jin-young,” she corrects before biting her lip and glancing back towards the house.

“Go. Hottie McYoungie won’t wait forever,” you tease and point your thumb over at the man hovering above you. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine with toothless over here.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes at the nickname but nods at Jennie. The answer seems to be satisfactory and she gifts you with a tight hug. “Text me if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay. Love you. Now go get laid.” You whisper to her before playfully pushing her back. Before you know it she’s scrambling up the steps and slips back inside, tattered dress swinging wildly with the sway of her hips, revealing just enough of her fishnet-clad thighs to draw Yoongi’s attention. There’s a fraction of a second where he wets his lips as he watches her go, but it’s gone in the blink of an eye. You don’t have time to tease because his dark eyes fall to you.

“Is there anything I can do?” His face is stoic but you can hear the sincerity in his tone.

“Wanna take a walk with me? I’d like to keep away from the big crowd.”

“I know the perfect place,” he says, hopping down from the steps and offering you his hand.

You take it with a smile and rise to your feet, carefully moving down the steps as you dust off your butt. The night air is a bit chilly and you start to work your gloves back up your arms to fight the goosebumps forming there.

That’s when you hear it. You want to misread the sound for a flute, recorder, oboe, or even someone’s radio, but you know those are all incorrect assumptions. It’s an ocarina: an ocarina playing a crude rendition of the opening to ‘Gas Pedal.’

Turning slowly, nothing can prepare you for the sight before you. Jungkook stands on the top step of the porch dressed in a green cap and tunic, tan leggings, and the ugliest dark brown boots you’ve ever seen in your life. He’s got the ocarina nestled between his lips, slowly descending each step with a roll of his hips that accentuates the definition of muscles behind the thin material hugging the shape of his legs.

Your eyes are wide, mouth falling open in surprise. “Jungkook?”

As he jumps down the last step he stops the tune and cups the ocarina in his hands, bowing slightly. “Princess.”

“What are you doing?” you ask, biting back the intimidated voice in your head that’s telling you you’re being picked on.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” he asks in a low tone, a crooked smile crossing his features as he takes a few tempered steps towards you.

You swallow. How are you supposed to answer that? You take a deep breath, trying to drive off the urge to run as he advances on you. Yoongi takes a few steps back and folds an arm over his torso, cupping his elbow as he brings a knuckle to rest against his mouth with intrigue. He couldn’t hold out for one more day? Should I step in? He brings his weight to the front of his foot, ready to diffuse the situation.

“It looks like you’re trying to fuck with me.” You stand your ground, clasping your gloved fingers and calmly resting them against your dress in true Zelda fashion.

Yoongi’s weight shifts back, retracting the step he had taken. A direct accusation isn’t exactly something he would have expected from you, but he finds himself pleased nonetheless. He certainly chose a difficult target this time.

Jungkook gets close enough that you can see the tick of his jaw and the part of his lips as he drags his eyes across your form, settling on the cleavage created by your corset. “Some of those words were right.” He pauses, leaning to whisper against the shell of your ear. “Can you guess which ones, Princess?”

Heat consumes your face as his posture straightens. He doesn’t budge past the space he’s already claimed as his, but he doesn’t move forward again to invade yours. He watches, basking in the full on show your face puts on for his own entertainment. First comes the confusion, next realization, and then shame.

It’s hard to tell if he’s coming onto you or picking on you. You swallow, throat growing drier by the second. “You knew I was coming as Zelda. Weren’t you coming as something else?”

He throws his head back enough to feign exasperation while keeping his eyes trained on you. “Come on. You don’t like my costume?”

Instead of giving you time to answer, he brings the ocarina back to his lips and blows an obnoxious amount of air through the hollow space inside, producing a piercing rendition of ‘Talk Dirty to Me.’

Your shoulders raise as you inhale, suppressing the irritation bubbling within your belly. You wince, turning your head as a particularly shrill note escapes the instrument. Yoongi’s expression sours as he plugs both ears with his fingers.

Jungkook immediately stops playing and offers a sheepish grin. “Oops. I learned that one for you. Maybe I need more practice. Do you want to help me?” He briefly pauses to wet his lips, presenting the ocarina to you. “I can show you how to blow.”

You grind your teeth as your jaw ticks back and forth a few times before answering, “No thanks.”

Yoongi silently tents his fingers over his forehead and tries to massage the secondhand embarrassment from his skull. This is a trainwreck waiting to explode and at this point there’s no looking away.

Jungkook raises his eyebrows at you as he stuffs the ocarina into a small brown pouch hanging from the flimsy belt at his waist. “Ah. Sorry, Princess. I don’t mean to insult you. You’ve probably already mastered the art. Hah. Maybe you could show me a thing or two?”

Unable to form a proper response, your lips purse as the wheels in your head spin. Say something clever. Think of a comeback. Something. Come on. But here you stand, mind blanking for even the simplest of clapbacks. You’re having trouble coming to terms with the fact that your innocent little crush on the once “sweet” Kookie has come crumbling down with his facade, leaving your chest aching with the humiliation of your naivety.

He looks you over, admiring the artistry in the gown you’ve lovingly crafted. For a moment he’s lost in the embroidery stitched into the sash swaying in the breeze of a chilly October night. “I love your…” he trails off, eyes darting across your shape to capture every last detail of your attire.

He pays special mind to the gems adorned at your hips, and the heavy-looking chain belt which links the sash to your dress. He marvels over the color and velvet texture chosen for the purple corset at your torso. The sheer attention to detail and craftsmanship in your costume stuns him into silence for half a second.

His eyes reach the perky mounds of flesh peeking over the top of the corset. Miraculously his voice resurfaces. “...costume.”

The way his dark eyes linger on your chest isn’t lost on you. Your cheeks burn in the cool air, despite the goosebumps littering your arms. You cross your arms over your chest, higher than you normally would to combat his lurid gaze. The green hat atop his head folds over itself as he cocks to one side. Dark, hungry eyes snap to yours, voicelessly pouting at your blockade. For a split second a guilty excitement pulses through you, but you’ll be damned if you’re the cause of an obviously already inflated ego.

“You never said what you think of mine,” he prods. His eyebrows wiggle up and down as he slowly runs his hands along his torso, as if feeling himself up is going to sway your opinion.

You tell yourself not to fall for it, that he’s playing you for a fool right now. Still, your jaw is tight as your eyes helplessly follow the flow of his fingers down his body. His pinky purposefully catches on the flimsy pleather strap acting as the belt at his waist. An impish grin spreads across his face as he notes the way your chest stutters out the breath you’d unknowingly held. Satisfied, his hands continue their languid journey down his body. Your eyes are glued to the way he traces the contours of his thighs.

Finally his fingers dig into the meat of his those muscles and you feel the need to look away before answering. “I hate it.”

He sighs. “Hate is a strong word. Are you sure that’s how you really feel? Why don’t you look at me when you say that?”

Strengthening your resolve, you force your eyes back to his smug face. Stupid doesn’t even begin to cover how you’re feeling at this point. Biting back tears, you swallow hard and do your best to remain composed. Here he stands, a crooked smile amplifying the air of arrogance surrounding him. He’s playing you. He’s been playing you this whole time hasn’t he?

“I don’t even know who you really are, do I?” your voice cracks, only adding to your humiliation.

“I’m the bad guy. Duh.” With that he cackles as he pulls the ocarina from his pouch, proceeding to play the melody from ‘Bad Guy.’

You spin on your heels and storm past Yoongi, the blood rushing through your ears in a distraught rage, drowning out the bitter sound of the notes. A pang of guilt strikes the half-assed vampire as he stares at his friend. “One more day. You couldn’t make one more day?”

Jungkook shrugs, making his way back up the stairs. “If you see Hobi, tell him I’ll have his money tomorrow.”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Dragging your hands across your face, you keep your gaze cast towards the ground.

How fucking idiotic, how self-absorbed have you been to assume that he’s been nice because he likes you and not because he was playing some game with you? He's probably just been waiting for an opportunity like this and you fell right into his trap. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

A hand clamps down on your shoulder and you spin, ready to deck the person you assume to be Jungkook. Yoongi's eyebrows raise as you stand poised to punch. He ducks to the side just in time. As you realize your mistake, it's too late. The momentum brings you forward.

His arms come up around you in a soft embrace, one that you're quick to return. "It's just me," he mumbles, kneading his thumb against your back. "...Sorry."

You bury your face into his shoulder, allowing the tiara to slip from your head and hit the soft ground with a dull thud. Why is he apologizing? He didn't do anything wrong. You want to tell him that, but any sound you make might bring about a slew of tears you've been holding back. Instead you just squeeze your arms around him even tighter.

He awkwardly pats your back a few times, not quite knowing what to do with the hug that's lasting longer than anticipated. Sensing his discomfort, you pull away and adjust your wig as you offer an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry."

A figure approaches, bending down to pick up the forgotten adornment. Out of the corner of your eye you see him rub the dirt off the tiara. Jin carefully places it on your head. "A princess should have a crown."

You look him over, noting the giant overalls, red newsboy cap and hideous fake mustache. You can't help but laugh as he forces a hard blink and puckers his lips, alternating lifting sides of his mouth so the mustache comically tweaks itself in a seesaw motion. "I like your costume," you manage between giggles.

He grins back, donning an over-the-top Italian accent. "I a-like-a yours too! A beautiful costume for a beautiful a-woman."

"Please stop," Yoongi groans.

Jin ignores him, fiddling with the corner of his mustache. "I don't-a know where my brother went. I think he's a-scared of the haunted mansion."

You roll your eyes at the joke. That's right. Jungkook was supposed to be Luigi. "He's busy playing a dick for the night."

A look of realization washes over him and he nods, puffing out air through overly inflated cheeks. "Hmm. You know what might-a make you feel better? Helping me scare-a the pants off of people!"

He folds his elbow and holds it out for you, tempting you to lace yours around it. Channeling your bruised ego and hurt feelings into scaring people for fun? That might just work. You feed your elbow through the crook in his. "Zelda and Mario working together."

Jin laughs. "The dream-a team!" He makes a motion to skip towards the outer entrance to the basement that he's dressed up with spiderwebs and a large, hand-made sign that says "MARIO'S GHOST HOUSE." Beside the entrance is a giant blown-up decoration of King Boo, its pink tongue flapping in the breeze.

As you're tugged in the direction of his creation, he stops abruptly. "Oh, we haven't had that many people though. So we have to make the few that come through count!"

Yoongi's eyes light up. "Hey. I’ve got an idea. I’ll get you a the best customer. But you have to really scare him. I promise it will make your night."

Puzzled, you furrow your brows and tilt your head. “Okay…?”

Jin grins like a maniac as Yoongi makes his way towards the front of the house. “Come on. I’ll show you the best spots to hide.”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

About twenty minutes have passed since Yoongi left in search of his promised customer. Only a few people have wandered in. You have to admit it’s therapeutic to watch people scream and jump when you bang on the false walls within the maze Jin has somehow constructed in this basement. Watching people run up the final stairs to safety leaves you with a feeling of satisfaction, always giving Jin a prideful high-five before returning to the beginning to await more guests.

“Ah! My-a new-a guests!” you hear Jin enthusiastically greet the latest people to stop at the entrance. “Are you a-ready to have fun?”

There’s some hushed whispering that you can’t quite make out from your hiding place within the set.

“Don’t be such a pussy,” Yoongi chides loudly. “Seokjin made this. Do you really think it’s that scary?”

“P-Pussy?” Hoseok stares wide-eyed at his friend and scoffs. “Don’t be rude. I just know Seokjin. It will be worse than whatever I think”

Is that Hobi? You were kind of hoping Yoongi would get Jungkook to walk through. Knowing what you do now though, you have no doubt that Jungkook would be unphased by something like this. All you can hear in your head is the echo of his obnoxious laughter and a pang of hurt slices through your heart. God, you’re so stupid.

Yoongi points to the Boo’s tongue flapping in the wind. “It will be like that, probably. It’s silly to be so afraid.”

Hoseok bounces from foot to foot in uncertainty. Even a police uniform can’t steel his spine or guarantee safety. “Why should I do this to myself?”

Yoongi sighs. “I’ll help you look at new places and… help you move. I’ll even be your roommate if the rent is too high.”

Hoseok is beaming. How long has he been asking for help searching? Jin looks from one man to the other, hiding the subtle smile beneath his mustache. He knew Hoseok wouldn’t go in so easily, that something had to be offered up, but he really didn’t expect Yoongi to go so far.

Hoseok points at Jin. “You’re my witness. I go through this and he’s my roommate.”

“If the rent is too high only,” Yoongi tries to reason, but it’s too late. Hoseok has heard what he wants to hear. He grabs his friend and marches into the depths of the basement.

Immediately you bang the walls on their journey down, feeling Jin rush past you to set up for the next scare. Hobi screams. “Never mind! Never mind!”

Yoongi scoffs, dragging his friend forward. “Come on, officer.”

You listen for their footsteps as you circle the walls behind the maze. Hobi’s frantic yelling breaks through the room, slipping into loud curses. You pull your glove up and wait, peeking through the hole you’re hoping he’ll get close enough to. Even shrouded in shadows, Yoongi’s form peeks out from around the corner.

“Don’t think about the dark,” Yoongi says, slowly shuffling towards the wall with Hoseok crouched behind him, using him as a shield from any more scares. “Think about how you bet Jungkook he couldn’t stop himself from trying to get in Y/N’s pants, not even for one month.”

You freeze. Yoongi knows you can hear him, right? He has to know.

“Think about how well he was doing. You would have been cleaning his house tomorrow. Maid Hobi, bound by servitude.”

“I know…” Hoseok groans. “It would have been awful. He’s so messy! I wouldn’t even be getting paid! What was I thinking?”

“But instead, he bet you a month’s rent that he could,” Yoongi continues loudly. “He blew it tonight for the chance to dress up as Link and tease Zelda. He only had one more day.”

“He’s a dumbass,” Hobi comments with a nod, turning to look at the ceiling and making sure nothing is going to drop down on him.

You swallow, taking in the revelation Yoongi has just bestowed upon you. All this time you had spent thinking Jungkook was a sweet gentleman was actually due to Hoseok making a bet with him? You would rather have known Jungkook was a dick straight up because now the innocent, harmless crush you have on him feels so dirty and foul that you wish you could swipe it from existence.

It’s Jungkook’s fault. He lied. He pretended. You know this. But still you can’t help but partially blame Hobi for the bitter taste in your mouth. As Yoongi passes, you reach out, letting your fingers swipe down Hobi’s forearm and retract through the hole in the wall as he lets out a high-pitched scream.

“Hoseok, get off.” Yoongi tries to push away the man climbing onto his back.

“Something grabbed me! Something grabbed me!” Hoseok wraps his legs around Yoongi’s waist and huddles close to his neck pointing. “Over there! It grabbed me from over there!”

“Let’s keep moving, then.”

“No! No more! I’m standing right here until the sun comes up.”

“How is it standing if your feet aren’t touching the ground? I won’t carry you all night,” Yoongi says, adjusting his stance to compensate for the weight on his back.

“You will, too,” he pouts.

Jin helps you position a furry spider decoration above them, slowly dangling it lower until it finally hits Hoseok’s shoulder. The wail that escapes this grown ass man almost makes you feel bad. Almost. He swats the creature into darkness as he spurs Yoongi on by digging his heels into his belly. “Get me out of here! Please!”

Jin’s shoulders move up and down with the sound of his laughter as he slaps your hand in victory. Scaring Hobi made you feel a little better at least.

��� ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

The party has died down quite a bit and at this point Jimin has been passing you far too many drinks as he and Namjoon regale you with tales from college. Namjoon is clearly feeling toasty, laughing like a dork at every memory Jimin brings up. Apparently they were roommates and Jimin has a liberal arts degree from four years of being undecided.

Your head lolls around to rest on Namjoon’s shoulder, your backs pressed against the bottom of the couch as Jimin sits cross-legged in sweats and a t-shirt on the floor before you, his costume laying discarded beside him. He’s spinning his latest story of how Namjoon had accidentally thrown up on some girl he really liked. Yoongi silently lays on the couch behind you, smirking with his eyes closed. You can’t tell if he’s sleeping or just relaxing as you struggle to stand, using Namjoon’s shoulder as leverage to prop yourself up.

“Bathroom?” you ask distractedly, searching the room like a door will appear if you look hard enough.

Jimin smiles pointing at the doorway across the room. “Go out that door, take a left down the hall. It’ll be on your right.”

Your head dips a bit as you try to take in the directions. Namjoon looks up at you as you stumble forward, clearly off-balance. “Do you need some help, geeksquad?”

“I’m fine,” you mumble, hating the nickname he’s given you from work. “I’ll be right back. Don’t drink my drink.” You narrow your eyes at Jimin and he blinks at you in surprise, like you’ve accused him of such a heinous, unthinkable crime.

Rounding the corner, you pass a grinning Taehyung being led upstairs by a cute girl in a red beret, black and white striped shirt, and miniskirt with suspenders. Art hoe? Mime? It’s hard to tell what her costume might be. While his skin is covered in a beautiful mess of colors, your tri-force symbol still stands untouched at the center of his chest. You smile as you watch him climb the steps, clearly distracted. But as his back is revealed, your eyes widen at the sight of a mural of painted dicks. Well. At least he can’t see them.

You walk down the hall for what feels like an eternity, passing a few closed doors on either side. Maybe you should try one? Knocking on the one closest to you once, the door swings in and you lose your balance, not expecting it to open.

“What took you so long? I almost came without you.” The voice is pouty and low, somewhat familiar. He gasps when he realizes you’re not the person he’s been waiting for.

You stumble forward, falling to your knees and catching the bed frame before your face smacks into the wood. As graceful as you can manage, you pull yourself up. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to! I didn’t realize it was open and I was just looking for the---” The will to speak leaves you as soon as you see him.

A very sweaty, very naked Jungkook crosses his arms and he leans back expectantly, smushing the pillows behind him into the headboard. Your eyes take in the pleased expression on his face, quickly scanning the muscles of his folded arms, his chiseled abs, his bulging legs. The pointy green hat he had been wearing earlier tents across his sculpted hips and pelvis, thankfully obscuring any shape hidden beneath it.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again tonight,” he says, licking his lips as he watches your form tremble, practically falling apart in front of him before adding, “...Princess.”

A devilish grin overtakes him at the sight of you spinning around a little too fast, staggering towards the door and holding onto the frame for dear life. “I hoped I wouldn’t see you again tonight.”

“I can’t say it isn’t a nice surprise. You don’t have to leave,” he coaxes. “Do you wanna see my Master Sword?”

“Grow up!” You make sure to slam the door shut behind you. You hate him so fucking much it hurts.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

“Jennie, how could I be so wrong about him?” you sigh, dropping your forehead against the kitchen table. It’s been three weeks since you’ve talked to him, but it’s still the only thing you can think about.

Jennie takes a sip from her beer. “Sweetie, you’re not good at reading liars. Maybe you should look at some dating apps. You could get good read quick.”

“But I don’t wanna,” you whine into the coated wood. “Why can’t people just be nice?”

“Because. People suck. Come on, Y/N. Jungkook ain’t worth the headache. Drink with me. I’ll show you how Tinder works. It’s not so bad.”

When you don’t say anything, she tugs your chair across the floor, dragging your form close to hers and setting her phone down on the table. You peek out at the screen as you raise your head and rest it on a lazy elbow.

“Swipe right on the hotties. Swipe left on the fuckboys and losers. Jungkook? He’s a swipe left. But look at all these good ones on here. These are all swipe righties.”

You nod as she goes through a few profiles and begin downloading the app on your phone. Maybe she’s onto something.

[love-fireflysong]

You’re bored? How about you answer the rest of the questions for Climbing Crash? 😂😂 (pretty please 🥺)

Oh lordy, let’s do this I guess! Also this is posted like super late, sorry about that I didn’t see this until just before I left for work asdljasldj. Also, most of these will be answered in respect to my outlast au obvs, cause that’s the type of climbing chrash I’ve got on the brain!

GENERAL

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go? Without spoiling too much, cause this is a scene I’m super looking forward to write someday, Josh finally brings it up after Chris and Ashley confront him about why he’s been so cagey and irritated lately. Once it’s out in the open though, the two of them just go ‘oh’ and its answers a lot of their questions on why they’d been feeling so awkward recently.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like? Seeing as they’re trying to keep the fact that they’re dating a secret from literally everyone, their first ‘date’ was them watching a movie and crashing on the couch when they stayed up too late. They absolutely woke up stiff and sore and tangled, and they happiest they had been in a while.

What was their first kiss like? Hesitant, unsure, and awkward, (just like them <3) but it felt like a piece they had always been missing just slotted right into place. But oh man the ones following were anything but. 

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)? Look at these dorks. You expect me to believe that Chris and Ash, who were so hung up on each other, and Josh, who was so busy trying to get his best friends together that he ignored his own feelings, had interest in dating other people? I mean, even if Josh did date occasionally in high school, I can’t see it lasting long cause it just felt wrong to NOT have Chris and Ash there with him, so he either ends it pretty quickly or the other person realized that Josh really wasn’t into it a whole lot and shut it down themselves. They were absolutely 100% each other’s first everything.  

What’s their height difference? Age difference? Do I even need to explain this one? I mean it’s right there in canon lol. Josh and Chris are the same height, with Ash going up to about their chin. That being said, age difference wise, I totally headcanon that Josh is not quite 2 years older then Ash, and Chris is about 1 1/2 years older then her.

What’s their relationship with each other’s families? Once upon a time, before the events that lead into my outlast au? Things were great, they were constantly at the others house to hang out and shit since they were kids so their parents tended to think of them like extra kids. Now? Oh the Washington’s hate Ashley.

Who takes the lead in social situations? Josh obviously. The dude is a rich, charismatic asshole who is used to shmoozing and rubbing elbows with other rich, charismatic assholes. Guy’s got a silver tongue what can I say 😏

Who gets jealous easier? Honestly? I think there was absolutely a period of time when they first started dating where they weren’t jealous of other people hanging out with them, but jealous of each other. Like there was some major insecurities that had to be worked out. 

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear? Oh Josh 100%. Def def def just pops behind one of the others to whisper the dirtiest shit into their ears just to watch them turn into a fucking tomato and squeak in embarrassment. The others hope he’ll get over it eventually, he never does.

LOVE

Who said “I love you” first? Either Josh or Ashley I think. Kind of waffling back and forth on them, but I’m leaning more Ash right now. Don’t wanna go too much further into this cause I’m still sorting through how this scene is gonna happen myself. I’ve got ideas, but very very loose ones.

What are their primary love languages? Had to look up what these were lol. Ummmmm, physical touch and quality time definitely, but words of affirmation are a big one too, just less so.

Who uses cheesy pick-up lines? Chris. Just, just Chris. Nothing makes him happier then using the worst pick up line ever and watching Ash and Josh groan and/or laugh in response. Josh will use them too, his just tends to come hand in hand with the whole inappropriate whispering thing lol.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA? PDA? They’re trying to keep everything on the down low, so very little. But once things are out in the open, they almost always squished together and hands stuck into another’s pockets. In private though? Oh boy, good luck separating these assholes. They were absolutely those friends that were just super relaxed and willing to hang off the others or sit on them at the drop of a hat. Now that they’re dating they are even worse.

Who initiates kisses? Oh man, so I’ve been thinking about this for like an entire day now, and I STILL DONT KNOW. I mean, Chris and Ashley seem to me the type of people who absolutely adore the more ‘innocent’ and ‘sweetly romantic’ kisses; like cheek, knuckles, forehead type jazz. Makes them feel all bubbly and giggly and warm. But Josh is the one who goes for the more sensual/sexual I think; base of the neck, corner of the mouth, nip of the ear. He takes a frankly scary amount of joy in watching the other two just get all flustered and turn into stammering messes. So Chris and Ash are more likely initiate the everyday and sweet ones, whereas Josh loves initiating the ones that lead into something more. Does that make sense? 

Who’s the big and little spoon? I think that they’re less spoons and more sandwiches honestly lol. But when spooning does happen, Josh absolutely refuses to be the little spoon. Ever. Chris is more then happy to be either the holder or the hold-ee, he doesn’t care which as long as he’s there. Meaning that Ash tends to get regulated to little spoon, but she’ll glady hold on when the chance arises. When they’re feeling particularly clingy though? Well, that’s my little secret ;)

What are their favorite things to do together? Is everything an answer? Cause it’s everything. 

Who’s better at comforting the other? Chris is definitely more skilled at the whole comforting thing no question. But the other two aren’t too bad at it themselves.

Who’s more protective? If you’re expecting me to say Chris, well then you’re wrong. It’s absolutely Josh and Ashley. They’ve been through some shit before and after they got together in this au. If you even think of hurting her boys, Ashley will not hesitate to rip your head off and tear you to shreds, physically or verbally. Josh is less obvious about his anger, and that almost makes him more dangerous. 

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection? Physical affection all the way. They’re just so used to being able to just touch each other whenever they wanted that the blow of having it taken away just about breaks them.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise? Oh jesus. Okay, so I don’t know how many people have listened to my really messy outlast au playlist, but a decent chunk of it is just climbing chrash songs. So the few I’m about to share are ones that I think apply to them in general, but I have a veritable laundry list of songs that work specifically to this particular au. You’re Mine - Disturbed Wind Me Up - Strange Kids Cemetery Weather - Isles & Glaciers Blindfold - Sleeping Wolf (i can feel it in my bones that this is a climbing chrash song, i just can’t tell you why)

Whispers in the Dark - Skillet

What kind of nicknames do they call each other? They really don’t. I mean we got Cochise, but that’s about it. Other than that it’s just the shortened form of their names. (I had Josh call Ashley ‘Red’ in another fic, but that was before they even knew each others names, I don’t think he ever really uses it again. Maybe if he’s feeling a little competitive? Maybe?)

Who remembers the little things? Oh definitely Ashley, for good or for worse. She will remember the time you promised her half a chocolate bar and only gave her the last bite as easily as the time you picked up the book she had been looking at for ages on the way home one day and gave her a kiss on the head when she started to read it immediately after.

Ship questions over here!

[my-chemical-bookshop]

I have a mission!

(involving books, of course. All of you can join into this as well and flourish our home libraries!)

I recommend reading the whole thing, it’s actually pretty interesting and fun but like wtv

I am going to spend the entire day in a bookstore with my best friend tomorrow. (Utopian daydream??) And I have decided to start developing a mission inside said bookstore.

We are going to go there, have some coffee, or tea in my case, I spent a lot of time saving money and now I can say that I’ll be able to spend $50 in books! (IM SO HAPPY, AND DEFINITELY EXPECT A BOOK HAUL POST) So we’ll just talk, look for books, buy books, maybe even read them. Honestly my perfect idea of a best friends hangout, but have 1 (one) friend willing to do it, so after years of thorough planning ITS HAPPENING!

So, on to the actual purpose of the mission, quest, whatever you wanna call it.

The mission is to slowly but clearly and surely begin to build up a list of books I have read in the past, whether it have been as schoolwork (some of those books were actually pretty good), pleasure or as gifts, that I believe were good reads but for some reason are currently not in my possession and I believe should be.

So, tomorrow being when I’ll spend my day in a bookstore, I plan to wander around looking at book titles and start writing my everlong list of long lost books, and then with time, hopefully be able to buy all of the books (or the ones worth it at least) that are part of this list.

I am sure the list will grow with time as I see or remember other books whose titles I didn’t see at this bookstore. It will get bigger and I am completely aware of that, but I think it is worth spending a little time and some money to get back these good reads and amazing memories, I could even try and thrift these other books to save some!

on to the big question..

Why dont I have those books anymore??

There are a million reasons.

Either because I rented them out of the library, borrowed them, lost them, gave them away, threw them away, had them taken away, stolen, ruined, or any other reason I cant come up with right now, I have lost physical possession of these books.

When I was younger I used to not like reading as much as I do now, where I can work my wat through three or even more books in a single day, I did like reading but it wasn’t the book hoarder, “take care of them or I’ll kill you” kind of reading like it is now haha.

I know, dont kill me for this but I must admit I have given away or thrown away good books in my life.

I WAS NINE YEARS OLD WHEN I GAVE AWAY MY ENTIRE HARRY POTTER COLLECTION OKAY!? It is one of the things that haunts me TO THIS DAY as one of my most regretted decisions!! But I will get those books back even if it takes me five years! (It probably will) And I will maintain my updates and progress on this mission through this blog I hope you guys enjoy.

Also if anyone has any tips for jolting my memory and remembering book titles from the past that would be great.

I’ll reblog this with the titles of the books I am able to remember as frequently as I am able to or every time I remember some books worth getting back, each with their situation briefly explained.

So, shall I begin?

✔️The Fault in Our Stars:

I read this book both in english and in spanish, but I sadly only own the version in spanish and want to divide my bookshelf by language, and I also really want to own the entire collection of John Green books for which I am only missing this one and “Will Grayson, Will Grayson”.

✔️The Book Thief:

This one holds a similar situation as the last book. I do own the spanish version but have actually never read it in english and really want to do so. I guess it counts?

✔️The entire “Harry Potter” series:

Yes, the whole thing. (Except for The Cursed Child). I’m ready to be brutally killed by any and all potterheads including myself.

I grew up with the Harry Potter movies and became a huge fan. Everyone at my dad’s office knew me as Hermione instead of my actual name because (up to 12 years old), I would always go out in my Hogwarts uniform and had fluffy brown hair like Emma Watson.(I dyed it pink) I was obsessed, and as soon as I was able to read well enough to process the books, which I must say wasn’t long after turning six, I begged my parents for them, and I got them! But oh silly me, I didn’t value actually keeping my books as much as I do now! So I read them all, and then one day in second or third grade, there was a book trade in my class, and I decided to give away my entire collection of HP books hoping I would maybe get something really good or at least decent in return. You wanna know what I got back? A freaking Winnie the Pooh storybook. I wanted to cry (peobably did) but I couldn’t take my books back. Of course, I, as a child being able to read higschool-level books, thought everyone had the same abilities and tastes, and I was clearly wrong. While all my 8 and 9 year old classmates still read Winnie the Pooh or Disney kid books, I was off reading books over 500 pages, or series like Harry Potter, or The Book Thief. So this was of course a tragic moment I will always regret.

I will reblog updates in this post as soon as I remember more books yay.

Join me!

All you have to do is Re blog this post to join the mission!

I know I’m not the only one who has gone through this and would like to get them back and be able to form our dream room library, so join!

Add in your books and why you dont have them anymore, tell me what happened to your favourite book years ago, I want to know your stories guys!

I will also probably follow any book blogs who reblog this because I need more to follow!

[woildismyerster]

HOW CUTE WAS THAT PIZZA FIC??? Can we have the same kind of set up but with Aaron Samuels?

One of the strange things about staying home for college instead of leaving was seeing everybody else come and go during breaks.  For months, you could go to the store without seeing anybody you graduated with, and then you would suddenly see three or four people you’d never wanted to see again.  You’d have to ask those obligatory questions, you’d forget the answers immediately, and you’d have to do it over and over again.

It was the worst.

Summer began, your old classmates came home, and Chicago felt far too crowded.  The best solution to the overcrowding was, for now, staying home.  Thank God for takeout.  

You had grown used to getting the same two or three pizza delivery guys, all of whom were in high school.  They were about as disinterested in you as you were in them, so the exchange was quick and painless.  Today, you opened the door, and it was not a kid on the other side.

“Aaron Samuels,” you said, voice going up an octave in your surprise.  You cringed.  “Hey!”

He smiled, and your throat felt a little tighter.  You hadn’t been ready to see anybody today, least of all somebody who actually mattered.  “Y/N!  It’s been a while.”

“For sure,” you said.  You had seen him around a few times since graduation - at the store, movies, graduation parties.  Normal places.  Never on your doorstep, in a work uniform.  “So, you’re a pizza guy now?”

“College was too much,” he sighed.  “I thought this was a better career plan.”

“Totally,” you said, working to keep a straight face.  “Work through the ranks.  Save your tips.  Buy the city.”

“Pizza is the future,” he said, and handed you a receipt to sign.  “No - this is my summer job.  I wanted to make a dent in the decades of college debt ahead of me.”

Aaron was at some out of state school, though you couldn’t remember which one.  It hadn’t really mattered back then, when he was a popular guy with a popular girlfriend.

The problem with guys like Aaron was that he deserved his popularity.  He was worth knowing, worth liking, and thinking too much about him made you want to think about him more.  It had been easier to avoid thinking about him at all.  Now he was on your doorstep, and he had a pizza, and there was nothing else to think about.  You suspected that thinking about him now would be just as dangerous.

“Try to marry somebody rich,” you advised.  “No need for pizza deliveries when you have somebody to pay for your every whim.”

“I haven’t met anybody that rich,” he said.  “But I’ll keep an eye out.”

The pizza he gave you was still warm, and the smell hit you like a ton of bricks.  

“Have a nice day,” you said.  When he left, you wondered if you had said that many words to him in all of the years you were in school together.  You wondered whose fault that was.

Aaron was a good pizza guy.

You started ordering a lot of pizzas.

It had nothing to do with Aaron being a good pizza guy.

Probably.

“I’m going to ask a question that I should probably already know the answer to,” you told Aaron.

“Shoot.”

You schooled your face into the most casual, businesslike face you could manage.  You immediately started wondering if that was the wrong face - you wouldn’t be asking if you didn’t care about the answer.  “Are you still dating Cady Heron?”

“No,” he said, and his face was as blank as yours.  “No, we broke up a little after she started college.”

“Are you guys on good terms?”

He shrugged.  “We aren’t really on any terms.”

You had liked Cady.  She seemed nice, most of the time.  She seemed like the type of girl that Aaron would be good with.

“Is that a good thing?”  He didn’t seem totally broken; he was always genuinely cheerful when you saw him.  The way he looked now - carefully empty, like he was making sure not to react - did not seem as casual.

“She felt like we were heading in different directions.  I disagreed.  It didn’t matter; relationships have to be mutual, but breakups don’t.”  Aaron picked at the corner of your receipt compulsively.  “It’s been a while.  I’m fine.  I’m sure that she’s fine.”

“That’s good,” you said cautiously.  “Fine is good.”

“It’ll do,” he said.

“And you haven’t seen anybody since then?”  You were pushing things now, surely.  No casual face would mask the fact that you were asking if he was single.

“Nope.”  Aaron blinked at the receipt and smiled apologetically.  It was mangled in one corner.  “No, I’m not seeing anybody.  Are you?”

“No,” you said, and the nod he gave you was a little less than casual.

“If you find somebody rich to marry, you should pay for my pizzas.”

He snorted.  “Why?”

“Because,” you said grandly, “I’m tipping you really well.”

He hummed.  “So I should pay you back for paying me to do my job?”

“I’ll be your best friend,” you offered.  You felt like a six year old.  From what you remembered of six year old Aaron, he got in trouble for drawing turtles, no matter what he was supposed to be drawing.

That did not make six year old you want to be friends with him.  That definitely made current you want to be friends with him.

“That seems like an unequal friendship,” he said.  “If you want to talk to me, I have to bring you a pizza.  If I want to talk to you, I have to wait for you to order a pizza.  I’m not sure that it’s worth it.”

“Fine,” you said.  “I’ll add you on Snapchat.  You’ll still have to bring me pizzas.”

“I don’t have Snapchat,” he said.  As it turned out, Aaron didn’t really do social media.  You could see why - Northshore hadn’t had a great media environment.

“I guess I’ll have to buy my own pizzas,” you sighed.  

“I do have a phone,” he said.  Your eyebrows went up - the words had come out in a rush of air, like he had been as surprised to be saying them as you were to hear them.

“That’s good,” you said, not sure how he wanted you to respond.  “It’s hard to get a job when you don’t.”

“No - I mean, I don’t have social media, but I do have a phone.  If you wanted to be able to contact me.”  Aaron didn’t meet your eyes while he spoke, but the was a whisper of a smile that gave you a warm, jittery feeling while you wrote your number on a scrap of paper.

“So, now you can buy my pizzas.”

“No.”

“How long is your shift today?”

“Eight hours,” Aaron sighed, and the look he gave your pizza box was hysterical in its longing.

“I’ll bet you’re wishing for that sugar-momma now, huh?”  You opened the box and gave a dramatic inhale.  “Oh, that smells amazing.”

“Don’t be cruel,” he warned.  “I deliver your pizzas.  Someday I’ll spit on it, and you’ll have no idea.”

“Now that you’ve told me, I will.”

“You won’t know when.  It could be next time.  It could be a year from now.  You’ll be terrified until I do.”

You shrugged.  “Fine.  I’ll use the request section to ask for literally any other pizza guy.”

You both knew it was a bluff, but he didn’t call you on it.

“I’ll recruit them,” he said.

“What, you’ll woo them into submission?”  Realistically, he could.  Aaron Samuels got more attractive by the day - or maybe you were just more attracted to him every day.  It was a thin line to walk, but you fancied yourself a decent acrobat.

“If that’s what it takes,” he said, and his smile had enough of a edge to it to make your chest flutter.  “Don’t play a player.”

You gave a snort of laughter.  “Aaron Samuels, a player.  Sure.”

“You’ll never see me coming,” he said.

The next time you ordered a pizza, you requested that he deliver it.

Y/N:  Aaron

Y/N:  are you working?

Y/N:  i heard a funny joke, and i’ll tell you if you deliver my pizza

Y/N:  if youre working, dont reply for 3 minutes

Y/N:  im ordering a pizza

Aaron:  I wasn’t working.  I was sleeping.

Y/N:  yeah.  i know that now

Aaron:  What was the joke?

Y/N:  you lost your joke privileges

Aaron grinned, lopsided and wonderful.  “I can see the perks of the guy that controls dairy, from season one.”

“You’d be the perfect pizza guy,” you said, and he laughed.

“What about you?  What Misfits power do you want?”

“I’d be okay with the time travel,” you said.  That had always seemed like a no brainer to you - time travel was a prime power.  

Aaron took his hat off and ran his hand through his hair.  It was a hot day, and his hair was sticking up in wet clumps.  “You seem to have things pretty together.  Is there really something that you regret enough to go back in time for?”

You twirled the receipt pen around your fingers.  “I should have listened to My Chemical Romance before they broke up.”

“That would have made all the difference.”

“Mikey Way would have fallen in love with me, I’ll bet,” you said.

“And all of your college debt would be taken care of,” Aaron said, and the way he smiled made you drop the pen.

“What about you?  Any big regrets?”  You picked up the pen and handed it back, making your voice light and airy so you could ask a hard, heavy question.  “I’ll bet it’s Cady, right?  Maybe you’d go back and fix things with Cady - live happily ever after with your beautiful wife and decades of debt?

He shook his head, thoughtful.  “No, I don’t think I would change that.”

“No?”

“I regret the way things ended, maybe,” he said.  He handed off the pizza box, and you were so focused on his words that you almost didn’t take it.  “I don’t regret the fact that things ended.”

You picked at the hem of your shirt, not wanting to look too happy or too interested.  It would be so easy, when he was looking at you with that smile and those eyes, to believe that the only reason he was single was that he wasn’t with you.

“Maybe it would be different, though, if you went back,” you offered.  “You could go back and be with the Cady that loves you.”

“No.  The Cady who loves me isn’t the person I want to be with anymore,” Aaron said, and proceeded to say something about needing to go back to work.  More pizzas to deliver, and all that.  You didn’t have the chance to ask him what he meant.

It made you feel a little queasy to ask Aaron if he was excited to go back to school, and he looked a little uncomfortable while he answered.

“Yes and no.  I like school, but I really like not-school.”

You nodded.  “When do you go back?”

“In a couple of weeks.”  He held the pizza box steady so you could sign the receipt on it.  “I have less than two weeks before I stop working.”

“And I’ll have to break in a new pizza guy,” you sighed.  “What a shame.  You’ve been doing such a good job.”

“Tragic.”

Your feet shifted a little.  “And, you know, I’ll miss seeing you.”

Aaron’s face softened, and a few strands of hair fell in his eyes.  “I’ll miss seeing you, too.”

“If things were different -”  You paused, brow furrowing.

“What?”

“If you were staying, I think I would ask you out,” you said.  There was no point lying, not when he was about to leave.  If he didn’t like that, you would just start ordering more Chinese.  “We’d hang out all the time, and we’d be able to see each other every few days.  It would be really nice, and I think we could make it work.”

“Yeah,” he breathed.  “If I was staying.”

You took the pizza, stuck somewhere between happy that he hadn’t laughed and sad that he seemed as wistful as you were.  For the rest of your life, he was going to be your ‘almost.’

“Y/N?”

You paused, only able to see a sliver of him through the crack between the door and the frame.  “Yeah?”

He was almost smiling, but it wasn’t quite happy.  “If that was a roundabout way of telling me that you like me - likewise.”

You had not ordered a pizza, but Aaron was standing on your doorstep with one.

“I think that you’re doing your job wrong,” you said, raising one brow at him.  “You only give food to the people who paid for it.”

“I paid,” he said.  “Do you want it, or not?”

“I want it.”

Aaron gave a pointed look to the room behind you.  “Are you going to invite me in?”

You crossed your arms.  “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

“I haven’t found a rich woman to marry me,” he said.  “So I thought, hey, maybe I should start looking for somebody who I might like for reasons other than money.”

You bit back a grin.  “How’s the search going?”

“That depends,” he said.  “Are you going to invite me in?”

You took the pizza, making sure to let your fingertips touch his hands as you did.  He smiled, running his hands through his hair.

“This is only because of the pizza,” you lied.  “Anything for a pizza - even if I have to deal with a boy that’s leaving.”

“What if I promise to buy lots of pizzas?  I guess I’d have to visit sometimes, but it’s a cross I’m willing to bear.”

“I guess I’ll have to let you in lots of times.”

In the end, you would let him in empty handed.

[the-waifu-smackdown]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104.

smartass cough i mean yeah lets get started on this

1- You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

I’d ask them how one of us managed to teleport over 1000 miles and why im naked.

2- What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? 

uuhhhh we broke up and we haven’t talked in months.

3- If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? 

yeah kinda

4- Is your last name longer than six letters? 

yes

5- Was your last kiss drunk or sober? 

all of them have been sober

6- Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? 

yeah. put simply i made too many strong advances

7- What does your last received text say?

putting aside memes its “it me”

8- How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? 

fuck i cant remember that

9- Where was your last kiss at? 

probably my room

10- When is the last time you saw your sister? 

idk its probably been over 7 months

11- What do you drink in the morning? 

milk. or water. usually water than milk then water again.

12- Where did you sleep last night? 

my room

13- Do you think relationships are hard? 

depending on the relationship, yeah. i mean if you feel that a relationship is hard then its not a good relationship.

14- If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? 

as much as i would want to say otherwise, no.

15- You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? 

it would be extremely awkward

16- Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? 

rainy

17- Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? 

i know people who have my middle name as their first name

18- Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? 

pajama pants but that’s going to change in about an hour

19- Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? 

if things go as planned then no

20- Does anyone like you? 

yes

21- Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? 

my ex’s name started with an s

22- Is the last person you kissed gay? 

i think they were bi?

23- Is there a person you CANNOT stand? 

yeah the person who kicked me out of my last home

24- Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? 

many times

25- In the past week have you cried? 

i cant remember the last time i cried.

26- What breed was the last dog you saw? 

mutt

27- Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? 

outside of the shower. i ain’t wanting to get my towel any more wet than its getting

28- Have you ever kissed a football player? 

no

29- Do you think you’re old? 

no

30. Do you like text messaging? 

yeah

31- What type of day are you having? 

too early to tell

32- Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? 

maybe once

33- Do you prefer warm or cold weather? 

i prefer cooler weather bc jackets. but not cold because snow is horrible to drive in.

34- Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? 

yes

35- Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? 

a relationship

36- Are you a simple or complicated person? 

i like to think myself on the simple side but then again all people are complicated

37- What song are you listening to? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IK6eLTNV1k

38- When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? 

i try to

39- Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

she knows a lot about me and i know a considerable amount of her

40-What made you start liking the person you like now? 

shit that’s a whole can of worms. i guess its when she convinced me to start taking philosophy classes and fencing and i got to start spending a lot of time with her her slowly learning about her and her good sides and her bad sides and at some point i fell for her.

41- When did you last receive a text message?

at 4:30 am while i was asleep

42- What is wrong with you right now? 

shit bro i aint even about to touch that. too much to talk about

43- How well do you know the last female you texted?

if we are talking about the group text then ive been friends with both of them for over 6 years now. shit its been 6 years? if we are talking about individual conversations then i would like to say that i know them pretty well.

44- Does anyone disgust you?

remember the person who kicked me out of my last home? yeah.

45- Would you date someone right now if they asked? 

it depends on a lot of things; if i didn’t  know who they were and they asked me out of the blue then i would probably refuse but if it was someonw who i knew a bit better then i would consider it.

46- Are you in a good mood right now?

i suppose

47- Who was the last person you talked to in person?

a friend of mine

48- What color shirt are you wearing? 

aqua ish?

49- Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

i wont say there has been anything that i haven’t wanted to hear. definitely things that have made me uncomfortable but not anything i would outright say that i wouldn’t want to hear

50- Anyone you’re giving up on? 

i give up on people on a daily basis you need to be more specific

51- Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? 

shit i cant let myself hate them

52- Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? 

yeah

53- Do you like rain? 

yes

54- Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? 

as long as its not excessive not really

55- Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? 

you mean right now?

56- Do you like to cuddle?

yeah

57- Are you shy? 

kinda? i know how to be sociable when i need to. learn how to do something sop that you don’t have to do it.

58- Do you get along with girls? 

most of my irl friends are girls

59- Have you dated the person you texted last? 

no

60- What do you carry with you at all times? 

phone, wallet, notepad

61- If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? 

i used to live in a building that was supposedly haunted. once you get on good terms with the ghosts its not that bad

62- Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

if its the right kind of relationship then yeah.

63- Think back to October, were you in a relationship? 

no

64- The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? 

i don’t think id be able to function of they kissed me on the forehead

65- Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? 

define cute. how are we using this?

66- How old are the last three people you kissed? 

excluding my mother we have about 21, 25, and 21

67- Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? 

do them myself

68- Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?   

zebra

69- Do you have any stickers on your car? 

yeah. because i bought the car from a family i was friends with it has a zombie family on it. if i can fins my triforce stick ill put that on there too

70- Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?     

who? who?

71- Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?     

android

72- When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? 

i dunno

73- Do you like diet soda?     

eh

74- What color are the walls in your room?    

beige

75- Are you 16 or older?     

im older

76- Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?   

what?

77- Do you have a job? 

yeah i gotta get ready soon for that

78- What are your initials? 

NTS

79- Did you ever have braces?    

no

80- Are you from the south?     

no

81- What does your last status on Facebook say?    

i haven’t touched Facebook in ages

82- Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?

yes

83- Are you closer to your mom or your dad? 

probably my mom but I’m really close to my dad too

84- Have you ever done cheer leading or gymnastics? 

does yoga count?

85- What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? 

probably guardians of the galaxy 2

86- Do you smoke? 

no

87- Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? 

probably heels unless they are stilettos on any type of high heel

88- Is your phone touch screen?   

yes

89- Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? 

my hair only slightly curls so straight

90- Have you ever snuck out of your house? 

i think so. its been about 4 years since i lived at home and if i have it would have only been once

91- Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?     

rivers are fun

92- Have you ever made out in a car?    

yeah

93- …Had sex in a car? 

…i dont think i have?

94- Are you single or in a relationship?     

single

95- What were you doing last night at midnight?   

reading this ask and deciding to go to bed and answer it in the morning

96- When’s the last time you saw fireworks?   

last night

97- Do you like the camera on your phone? 

its a decent camera

98- Have you ever had a friend with benefits? 

i guess my first relationship was actually fwb situation but honestly it was so messed up that i cant even remember

99- Have you ever passed out from drinking?     

no

100- Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

probably

101- Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

every time a girl wants me to do her raw

102- Name your favorite Kesha song:     

i think blow is my favorite

103- Do you have any tan lines right now?     

right above my butt and some subtle tan lines on my arms

104- Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?     

are you crazy?

[jesliey]

The Many Ask Thingymabob

Second times the charm...

Tagged By: @caramiathegreat

Spoofy Soundcloud or Pandora? Im a spoofy kinda man

Messy or clean room? I think my room is comparatively clean

What colour are your eyes? Bluest blue to ever blue

Do you Like your name and why? Its alright. It always seemed a little lackluster to me

Relationship status? The running joke in my friend group is my 3 year dry spell. It isnt a very funny joke.

Describe your personality in 3 words or less? Distanced pragmatic dumbass

What colour is your hair? Golden and luscious

What kind of car do you drive? My moms PTA-mobile

Where do you shop? Bad Dragon

How would you describe your style? Dying, yet fashionable college student

Favourite social media account? We all know timboblr is utter trash, and i picked up natter a while ago and its honestly pretty fun

Bed size? Queenie my man

Any siblings? two older stepsisters and a wee lil half sister

Anywhere to live in the world and why? GERMANY OR POLAND. BECAUSE HERITAGE

Favourite snapchat filter? I really like the flower crown an butterfly ones but my phone is being dumb with snapchat and i cant get them

Favourite makeup brand? I mean i dont wear it, but im definitely not opposed! i dont know anything about brands and i am ashamed...

How many times a week do you shower? I go by how my hair feels. Usually its every other day, or every two days.

Favourite TV show? Currently? Gotta be that weeb and say Jojo...

Shoe Size? Depends on where i go, but like 12 - 13

How tall are you? Very

Sandals or sneakers? I like wearing socks and sandals feel weird on my feet

Do you go to the gym. I LIFT SO MANY THINGS WEEKLY SWOLE SESSIONS BRUH.

Describe your dream date? Existent... T-T

How much money do you have in your wallet? I dont carry cash!

What colour socks are you wearing? Black

How many pillows do you sleep with? Like 6. Ones a memory foam body pillow its soooo nice....

Do you have a job? Nah...its not for lack of trying though

How many friends do you have? Like...sooo many duuude...not really...

Whats the worst thing youve done? Cut someone who was bad for me out of my life. Bad for them, good for me.

Favourite candle scent? I mean i dont do candles but i love lavender

Favourite boy names?

Gabriel

Alistair

Jeremiah

Favourite girl names?

Elizabeth

Abigail

Lauren

Favourite actor? Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

Favourite actress? Ashley Johnson

Celebrity crush? theres a lot...

Favourite movie? The Boondock Saints. Easy question.

Do you read a lot? Whats your favourite book? I dont read as much as i think i should, but i loved 1984. I wanna try David Foster Wallaces Infinite Jest and i have the first book in Baccano that i borrowed from a friend and havent touched yet :/

Money or brains? Ignorance is bliss and im filthy fuckin rich HOLLA

Do you have a nickname? Jesliey is an old one. People also call me J a lot. Very briefly in highschool someone called me J-Money whenever he saw me

How many times have you been to a hospital? Not very many. I went in a few years ago for a tonsil infection but that was it in recent history

Top 10 Favourite Songs? Ok this is in no particular order and also limiting to 10 is blashpemy

Subdivisions by NSP

Everybody Wants to Rule The World by NSP

Resist and Bite by Sabaton though if im honest most of Heroes belongs here this ones just my fav

Winged Hussars by Sabaton POLISH PRIIIIIIDE

Wrong Side of Heaven by Five Finger Death Punch

All of Pendulums Immersion album im not picking one

Come with Me Now by KONGOS

History Maker by Dean Fujioka

Setting Sail, Coming Home by Darren Korb

Sonata For Whitestone Castle by Aiden Chan

Do you take any daily medications? No, but i probably should have...

Whatis your skin type? on a good day, slightly dry. on a bad day, cracked bleeding sandpaper.

Whats your biggest fear? My man i used to battle almost daily with some quite hefty anxiety. I could stare down the Grim Reaper and say “I served my time you come and take me”. Wasps and needles are pretty bad though i guess

How many kids do you want? Id be lying if i said i didnt want a daughter at some point...but theres no way im passing on my genetics. im adopting if i ever want a kid.

Whats your go-to hairstyle? Either free flowing and glorious, or ponytail if i need it out of my face

What ype of house do you live in? Moms house is pretty decently sized i suppose

Who is your role model? I dont really have one...

What was the last compliment you received? I dont know I dont really get those often...this is getting kinda depressing....

What was the last text you sent? “Well i hope shes alright”

How old were you when you stopped believing in Santa? Like 10 or 12

What is your dream car? Oh god i want a 1985 Pontiac Trans Am so bad you have no idea...

Opinion on smoking? I dont get the appeal but everyone can make their own choices

Do you go to college? Yes and im dying

What is your dream job? Metalworking and blacksmithing has lowkey been a huge fascination of mine for like 2 years now. i would love to be able to do that for a living

Rural area or life in suburbia? I like the idea of both, but rural areas have space for metal workshops

Do you take shampoo/conditioner bottles from hotel rooms? Nah i bring my own

Do you have freckles? A few spread sporadically all over my body. no noticeable patches though

Do you smile for pictures? Yeah but most of the time it feels so forced

How many pictures do you have on your phone? Somewhere between 1 and 2 hundred. Im not adding them up among all the folders...

Have you ever peed in the woods? Bruh the forest has seen every bodily fluid ive got

Do you still watch cartoons? ANIME IS NOT A CARTOON DAD. also yes quite often.

Wendys or McDonalds nuggets? GIMME DEM CHICKIN MCNUGGiES

Favourite dipping sauce? Sweet chili thai!

What do you wear to bed? Pajama pants, a shirt, and socks usually. Occasionally whatever i wore during the day. Ive been known to ditch my pants and socks in my sleep.

Ever won a spelling bee? Never been in one, but i think i could have if i wanted to

What are your hobbies? I wont as long as i live under my mothers roof, but i would hella get into amateur blacksmithing!

Can you draw? yes. should i draw? no.

Do you play an instrument? I can play trumpet, but i would really like to pick up playing cello

What was the last concert you saw? If i remember correctly it was the Scorpions

Tea or coffee? Both. Simultaneously. I like to remain calm while containing the energy of a god.

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Fuck you america! Tim Hortons!

Do you want to get married? I wont oppose if a future partner wants to, but if i love someone enough to want to spend the rest of my life with them, then it wont be necessary

What is your crushs first and last initial? Which one tho?

Are you going to change your last name when you get married? Im indifferent

What colour looks best on you? Blue and red are my standard colours

Do you miss anyone right now. If i think about this at all the answer is usually yes

Do you sleep with your door open or closed? I have the lovely habit of losing my pants in my sleep. for the sake of everyone else in this house, closed is best

Do you believe in ghosts? Call me a skeptic

What is your biggest pet peeve? Im pretty laid back about a lot of things. Only thing i can think of now is more of an anxiety thing but i cant stand people randomly touching my hair without me knowing

Last person you called? My mother

Favourite ice cream flavour? Butterscotch ripple

Regular or golden oreos? Golden

Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Rainbow

What shirt are you wearing? An old white one with some brand graphic on it

What is your phone background? Lockscreen is Goku from DBZ if he were done as a Jojo character, and home screen is a cr1t1kal quote

Are you outgoing or shy? Im not overly comfortable with just meeting new people and striking up conversations without some kind of help

Do you like it when people play with your hair? I mean i used to...theres a girl at my college who has absolutely no concept of personal boundaries who has at least partially ruined that for me now. Like i said earlier, i cant stand people touching my hair now without me acknowledging it

Do you like your neighbors? Ive lived her about 8 years and im still learning their names

Do you wash your face at night? In the morning? lmao

Have you ever been high? Hella my dude

Have you ever been drunk? Also hella my dude?

Last thing you ate? Coscto chicken penne and a salad.

Favourite lyrics right now? “Light up the night./ There is a city that this darkness can’t hide./ There are embers of a fire that’s gone out,/ but I can still feel the heat on my skin./ This mess we’re in, well you and I,/ maybe you and I,/ we can still make it right./ Maybe we can bring back the light!” Light Up the Night by The Protomen

Summer or Winter? Autumn fuck that noise

Day or night? Night

Dark milk or white chocolate? White!

Favourite month? October

What is your zodac sign? League of Legends Cancer

Who was the last person you cried in front of? I legitimately dont remember...probably @vocoterra

GOOD LORD THIS TOOK TOO LONG TO FINISH

If anyone wants to do this feel free and say i tagged you!

[backfist]

1-104 d:

going to compress this for the people on mobile

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

“how in the world did i end up in texas? also what’s good you hungry?” @littytittymanda

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

we haven’t talked too much recently, she’s busy with school as am i

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

depends on the drug, and depends on how it affects them. but i care about them regardless so yes.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

way too long yes

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

too many times

7. What does your last received text say?

“how evil” about this ask, also from @littytittymanda

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

a lot actually lol, good hundred or 2 at least

9. Where was your last kiss at?

in a car behind a sushi restaraunt

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

when im an only child

11. What do you drink in the morning?

hella water, so much water

12. Where did you sleep last night?

in my bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard? 

they dont have to be!

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

oh a few things, definitely. school wise, people wise, etc.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

not really, we would just talk about life

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

rain! my favourite!!

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

i dont think so? at least off the top of the dome

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

none ;D

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

i could see it

20. Does anyone like you?

seems like they do!

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

yes indeed, 2 people

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

i dont think she is

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

indeed! ugh, i wish it wasnt that way

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

considered, yes, but unsure about the importance of it later in life

25. In the past week have you cried?

yes once

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

MY CHIHUAHUA

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

in the shower of course?? why would you do it out?

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

if you count powderpuff games lmao, but no

29. Do you think you’re old?

not relatively but this is the oldest ive ever been so

30. Do you like text messaging?

yeah, its fun

31. What type of day are you having?

decent is the best word, nothing TOO big

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

no, never!

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold over warm is where i like to be, a mild 50 is perfect

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

of course.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

right now a fling because why not? but i definitely want a relationship in the future

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

i would say simple on the outside, but complex at least to myself

37. What song are you listening to?

right now..nothing, but the commentary of the Raptors vs Bucks game

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

always. i hate being the cause of someone’s pain or anger.

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

@say-tonic

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

i like a lot of people, and they’re all great

41. When did you last receive a text message?

just this instant

42. What is wrong with you right now?

eh who knows

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

decently? we only started talking a few weeks ago, so not much time but a good time

44. Does anyone disgust you?

LOL yes

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

no, not right now

46. Are you in a good mood right now?

id say so yes! (:

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my buddy Chuck from work

48. What color shirt are you wearing?

im...not? there’s a pattern here

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

UH yeah, nothing too harsh though

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

sadly. a friend that has given up on trying to be successful in life.

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

not at all.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

YES YES THIS IS A MISTAKEWEED NEGATIVITY OUT

53. Do you like rain?

UH ITS MY FAV BRING ME THE RAIN DAY AND NIGHT EVERY DAY

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

not particularly, unless if becomes a problem

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

AHAHAHA YES YES

56. Do you like to cuddle?

WHO DOESNT ARE YOU SERIOUS

57. Are you shy?

somewhat, more introverted but im a lot more open with people i feel comfortable with

58. Do you get along with girls?

id say so. i feel like i’m a very respectful person overall and that goes a long way

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

nope lol

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

my phone and wallet and keys

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

i will spend a month in there give me a flashlight and some food

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

i CAN but will i? thats the question

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

no no

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

hella

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

not really from what i can remember! oh well lmao

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

wow 3? gotta think about this one hmm. 

22 / 24 / 22

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

shoot im paying, need an expert

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

both gaudy, but zebra

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

i dont have my own car!!!!! :(

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

i hate country so by default lil wayne

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

ANDROID 5000

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

wow at least like..5/6 years ago. pizza hut is overrated

73. Do you like diet soda?    

bad soda bad yuck

74. What color are the walls in your room?    

beige

75. Are you 16 or older?    

NAH SON IM 11

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

watched it once, was decent, dont think id watch again

77. Do you have a job?    

heck yeah! get the money

78. What are your initials?    

J D K

79. Did you ever have braces?    

you said i got gum stuck in them all the time? heck yeah

80. Are you from the south?    

no im from M I C H I G A N

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

“PC Gamers; what steam games do you reccommend?”

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?   

heck yeah! we’re cool (: 

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? 

mom 100000 percent   

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

gymnastics when i was just a BABY BOY

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

oh gosh uh..that would have to have been..not the current one, but the last Fast and Furious movie

86. Do you smoke?    

not about it!

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

FLIP MY FLOP

88. Is your phone touch screen?    

HECK YEAH I LOV IT

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

straight because it’s so damn shorty

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

almost impossible, i live on the second floor

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

POOLNEVER IN LAKE OR RIVERS I CANT NOPE

92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

you betcha, it was pretty great

93. …Had sex in a car?    

lol haven’t had sex

94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

single 

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

talking to a friend and on here DUH

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

4th of july last year i think

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

its pretty good! i take too many selfies to end up deleting them

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

kind of, yeah. an ex that was a best friend that becamne that, and then back to being good friends

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

LMAO no i’ve only drank twice

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

i dont think so? that’s pointless

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?   

L M A O NOPE I WOULDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO 

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

the acoustic version of Die Young

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?

hasn’t been sunny enough so no!    

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

LMAO WHY NOT CALL ME THE SHERIFF     

[theoneloneblogger]

Retrospective Rumours Sins Part Three Sins Of An Impatient King

Perry’s Retrospective Rumors: S2E3 - Sins of An Impatient King

Note: Some of the following is a fictional and romanticized version of true accounts and should not be held to historical scrutiny.

 With the word that antidepressants have been linked to 28 reports of murder and 32 cases of murderous thoughts, in cases referred to the UK medicines regulator over the past 30 years, we revel in wonder today. The BBC programme Panorama had its researchers discover a link between murders and antidepressants in cases referred to the MHRA. Professor Peter Tyrer, a psychiatrist at Imperial College London, has been assessing the performance of SSRIs since they were first introduced in the 1980s. Prince Albert Victor, Duke of Clarence and Avondale was the nephew of Queen Victoria and was as guilty of taking advantage of drugs pleasures as the next man. There is a theory that he sent a letter to his confederate in London to initiate the various stages of the culling of a degraded city. Postulations centre around him reassuring himself that the only difference between his friends and him was that he felt he was aware of the disgusting nature of modern industrialization and leisure. Eventually it would lead to the downfall of organic solidarity itself.  The letter is supposed to have contained instructions. Instructions containing the writing of a further letter to the press of London’s east end. Then it would go to Scotland Yard itself. It was a letter that would shock the world. Forever.

  In relation to the recent Panorama programme on the BBC, the question is how much of the awful instances are related to these drugs and how much to outside influences? The programme also looked into claims that the Batman movie killer James Holmes, who killed 12 people at a midnight premier cinema screening at Colorado in 2012, was taking the SSRIs sertraline at the time of the murders. The drugs he was taking seemed to remove his inhibitions it was found, eventually making him psychotic. Are we to look more closely at the effects popular fiction has on our postmodern drug made states as a result?

  It must be remembered though that such serial killings are made in thoughts and ideals long held within the mind of the public and even famous minds. The Krays for example are well known throughout history as being psychotic and pathologically insane; inparticluar Ronnie. If it was not for the well-known influence of their motherly upbringing we would never have got a decent handle on their fractured thinking. In the 1980’s the Hungerford massacre was all over the headlines. The understanding at the time was that he was schizophrenic as a result of motherly adoration and contempt for society of the time. His liking for hand weapons is thought of as stemming from social media that resulting in such behaviour as he showed.

  Philip Zimbardo, an eminent phycologist, hit upon the theory of what he called the Demonising Effect. In February 2008, he told of his theory on this further in Monterny, California, at a lecture entitled ‘What Makes People Go Wrong? In this he states that this depersonalisation effect was apparent in Iraq only a few years previously when military prisoners were abused by American soldiers to ‘soften them up’ for interrogation. This is just the same as deindividualisation by the main military environment. Can this concept be related to Stanley Milgram’s experiment examining obedience? Certainly there can be no similarity between the reality of human conflict and the stable environment of laboratory conditions. For one thing there is no historical motivation involved in the obedience experiment, and the time factors involved are so widely different that any comparison centres into the realms of fiction.

  His breakdown of identity through institutionalisation can be seen as quite a lot. In this particular instance he took female participants and asked them to deliver shocks to another girl as part of a learning experiment. One group of participants wore bulky clothing and hoods, which covered their faces and were not called by name but placed in a darkened room. So dehumanising them, making them numbers rather than people. The second group wore their normal attire as well as big name badges and placed in a brightly lit room. The shocks delivered by the hooded group were twice as severe as those given by the other group. Thus demonstrating the power of individuality. This power is particularly notable in one of the most famous cases of the 19) th.

  It was 1888 when letters were sent to the Central News Agency citing responsibility for one of the most outrageous crimes imaginable at the time. It read:

Dear Boss

So now they say I am a Yid when will they lern Dear old Boss! You an me know the truth dont we. Lusk can look forever hell never find me but I am rite under his nose all the time. I watch them looking for me an it gives me fits ha ha I love my work an I shan’t stop until I get buckled and even then watch out for your old pal Jacky.

Catch me if you Can Jack the Ripper

Sorry about the blood still messy from the last one. What a pretty necklace I gave her.

It is an interesting note but is it genuine? Some books written think that Jack wrote a diary and was in fact a wealthy, Liverpool merchant James Maybrick, but is not taken very seriously as this shows bias towards the sort of drama that the case has had for a hundred and twenty years and the need to look at other instances.

  The case for Mabrick being the Ripper seemed almost certain by Dan Farson in 1959, upon his discovery of a man who claimed to have remembered a pamphlet being distributed in Australia around 1890 entitled "The East End Murderer -- I knew him." Though there is very little evidence with which to prove his guilt. Peter Turnball in his book, The Killer Who Never Was has the idea that the Ripper was the product of simple sensationalism and mass circulation of the press. Of course the most famous of the lot, and an opinion that has been hyped and speculated on with increasing excitement is the involvement of Prince Albert Victor, Duke of Clarence and Avondale. Grandson of the reigning monarch, Queen Victoria. This opinion was examined by Dr. Thomas Stowell who, in 1970, published an article in The Criminologist called "A Solution".

  Again, drama rears its head. Stowell used the private papers of Sir William Gull as his primary source material and throughout his article, the killer is referred to as "S", but there is enough private evidence to identify the prince as his chief culprit. This is in dispute, especially as it is a proven fact that he was in Scotland at the time of Catherine Eddows murder at least. It must also be considered that he was of ill health at the time. He died in 1891-92 of the influenza epidemic of the time. He could of course have had an accomplice in the streets of London doing his work for him. A high contender for this instance being Montague John Druitt who was another such suspect and the second son of a medical practitioner. Though he was discovered drowned in the Thames river on December 31, 1888. However, in 1903 Detective Inspector Frederick Aberline stated to the Pall Mall Gazette "...Scotland Yard is really no wiser on the subject than it was fifteen years ago”.

  So we are left in the 21) st with an overwhelming sense of depersonalisation such as Zimbardo thought of all those years ago. As such many of get up in the morning and wonder why we don’t go out and commit such atrocities on a regular basis. Perhaps not. We don’t all need to wear a pretty necklace all the time or get others ‘bucked’ for our own amusement and retribution at the corrupt nature of the world around us. Do we? Fleeing from an honour that’s ours, acting our own small powers. Our history is left to stew.

 Video

 ·         Jack The Ripper – An Ongoing Mystery, Robert Lindsay, Virginia Williams, Steven Manuel, Henninger Productions, Discovery Channel, Feb 2000

·         Philip Zimbardo, ‘The Lucifer Effect, Ted Studios, 2014

·         Secrets Of Scotland Yard, BBC 2013

·         Krays Interviewed, 1953

[shinozaki-ayumi]

Please answer all the things from the ask thing I can't decide what I want to know most :'''(

omg thats ok!! this’ll be a long one then lol

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

its my boyfriend, so i’d probably be just like… “oh hey, that’s cool”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

he’s my boyfriend lol

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

yeah mostly because i don’t want to associate myself with it and i’d also just be really concerned about their health too? like weed isn’t bad but anything else is a no

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

nope. exactly 6

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober bc i don’t drink lol

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

the only person i’ve ever had a crush on is my current and only boyfriend so no 

7. What does your last received text say?

“pack up your stuff”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

too many times over the past three years to even begin to count

9. Where was your last kiss at?

about 20 mins ago at my boyfriend’s front door

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

i don’t have a sister, but i have a brother and i saw him 2 minutes ago

11. What do you drink in the morning?

tea or milk

12. Where did you sleep last night?

in my own bed 

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

not really because if you are really meant to be with someone you both will put in the effort to make sure you are respectful of each other. i do think it’s probably difficult to find a partner though, especially in high school bc those almost never last. 

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

not really honestly lol. this year has been pretty decent.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

nope. it would prooobably be pretty awesome actually

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

rainy! i love rain so much. it’s so relaxing to listen to and watch.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

no. my middle name is Jean, so i don’t know many people with that as a middle name. i don’t think it’s very popular.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

pajama pants :D

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

hell yes. my boyfriend and i have been together for three years already and are more stable and loving than we ever have. 

20. Does anyone like you?

not at the moment i don’t think, but i have known about several guys who have liked me. aside from the current bf, they were all… gross….

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

my boyfriend’s name is Stefan lol

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

nope, he’s straight as can be

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

SO MANY. SO SO MANY.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

absolutely! i want something simple (like a triforce or something) on my wrist or ankle. 

25. In the past week have you cried?

this morning lmao

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

mutt/mix/hunting dog thing. idk what she is. her name is hazel and she is my boyfriend’s dog.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

mix of both? lol

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

no none of the football players at my school are even remotely attractive to me 

29. Do you think you’re old?

…im 16, so no

30. Do you like text messaging?

it’s ok. but honestly, in comparison to the past few years, i just prefer talking in person or on skype

31. What type of day are you having?

GARBAGE but its ok because its getting better as it goes :)

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

no… the only piercings i want are more ear piercings.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold. like, mid fall weather. 

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

i would literally die to save my boyfriend from suffering

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship; flings/one-time things are not appealing to me. i like friendship and emotional bonding.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

complicated, but i don’t think anyone is really “simple.”

37. What song are you listening to?

none, my computer just decided to turn volume up to 100% for some reason without me pressing the buttons and now my ears are ringing. nice.

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

depends who i’m talking to and whether or not they deserve it39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

a girl? ya, but only one. i only have a few female friends. most of my friends are boys lol40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

i had a dream that they were sleeping in my room and the next day at school i almost threw up when i saw them. good times.41. When did you last receive a text message?

about an hour ago42. What is wrong with you right now?

TOO. MUCH. HOMEWORK. 43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

she’s my mom, so pretty well i think lol44. Does anyone disgust you?

a variety of people. pro-life people especially disgust me. also any religious zealots and closed-minded people in general. 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

no, way too dedicated to my actual boyfriend.46. Are you in a good mood right now?

i’ve been better but my current mood is far better than my mood yesterday/this morning!!47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my mom48. What color shirt are you wearing?

black49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

yeah… it’s pretty personal though. not gonna talk about it.50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

not currently but in the past year or two, many people51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

not in the slightest

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

not sure if this means in a relationship or not but platonically yes. that friendship ended in far shittier ways though, so sometimes i sort of regret it. don’t think it could’ve ended any other way though.53. Do you like rain?

I LOVE RAIN 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

yeah because if they are a huge party animal who wants to drink all the time and loves being drunk all the time i am NOT compatible with them. casually drinking once in a while would probably be fine though.55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

the only person i’ve ever liked is fully aware that i like him lol56. Do you like to cuddle?

YES. SO MUCH. I LIVE ON CUDDLES.57. Are you shy?

yeah but i’m growing out of it a bit!!!58. Do you get along with girls?

not really59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

currently dating60. What do you carry with you at all times?

phone, pencils, sketchbook61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

I’D DO IT FOR FREE 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

it’s been three years in my current one, so yes lol63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

you all know the answer to this64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

yes i love when he does this. its gentle and reassuring65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

idk. not cute, but i had some nice moments with my bf. mostly just laying on my bed and talking about “deep�� stuff while playing fire emblem

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

theres only been one and he’s 17 

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?

do them myself but i haven’t done my nails in years    68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

can i say neither69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

i dont have a car but my family does not70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?   

….can i say neither?  71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? 

iPhone   72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?   

ages ago because my town’s only Pizza Hut closed years ago  73. Do you like diet soda?    

no those cancer-inducing chemicals can stay 5000000 miles away from my body74. What color are the walls in your room?    

dark yellow-y tan 75. Are you 16 or older?    

i’m 1676. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?   

no, tried, not a fan 77. Do you have a job?    

no and i am dreading it. i’d like to take commissions instead lol

 78. What are your initials?  

EJC  79. Did you ever have braces?    

yes and they are long gone. i am grateful80. Are you from the south?    

nope, upstate New York! best state 

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

i don’t use facebook82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?  

lol  83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

my mom84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?  

neither  85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?  

i genuinely do not remember. i think Rogue One  86. Do you smoke?    

HELL no 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

flip flops88. Is your phone touch screen?    

yes89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

straight90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

no91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?   

pool 92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

yes93. …Had sex in a car?  

no lol  94. Are you single or in a relationship?  

in a relationship  95. What were you doing last night at midnight? 

sleeping   

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? 

fourth of july on Saratoga Lake    97. Do you like the camera on your phone?  

its much better than my last one, but still not the best. i have a 5s   98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?   

nope 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

never drank 100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?  

not on facebook, but on instagram yes  101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

yes even though it was 99.9% irrational. i’m tokophobic lol. thank god for the pill 102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

i cant even name one 103. Do you have any tan lines right now?  

HAHAHAHAHAHA i’m of british and german descent (aka about as white as they can come) so my skin burns, never tans   104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?  

absolutely not

[deadmantalking117]

HURTS SO GOOD!

With all due respect to Johnny Cougar. I'm not really familiar with this sensation. Love the song Mr. Mellencamp.. but my hurts are pretty damned bad. This is a tough one to write. It's hard to describe pain to someone else. You have your own pain. You know how bad you hurt. But how can I possibly understand what you're feeling? As empathetic as I think I am. I can't feel what you feel. You certainly don't want to feel what I feel. But it's so important that when you have to go to a doctor or hospital, you can adequately convey what's happening to you. Whenever people ask me about Crohns disease, I try to make it relatable for them. Remember the worst case of stomach flu or food poisoning you've ever had? You're on the toilet non stop. The diarrhea, the vomiting, how SICK you feel all over? I call that "Tuesday " That's an average day for me... then some days is goes right off the rails. Crohns attacks, like most bad news, usually comes in the middle of the night. No idea why. It starts with waking up from a dead sleep. When I went to bed.. I was fine (ish). Now its 3am and the show's about to start. First I usually have to go.. right now. It goes from 0 to 60 in seconds. I was unconscious 10 seconds ago.. now I have 10 seconds to get on the toilet or else... clean up on aisle 5 ! But usually I make it just fine. Gonna need to clean the toilet AGAIN. But I made it. Except that there are actually 2 directions your stomach empties from. And it wants to be empty.. really badly. So the vomiting starts. I have several different meds to help with vomiting.. but once the show starts.. it's too late. I take a pill.. it comes right back up. My guts are pissed off. Somethings gone wrong down here and we're abandoning ship! Unfortunately your stomach or gallbladder don't care about that.. They're doing their jobs cranking out acid and digestive juices, and they are now going in to overdrive doing so.. it's a party! In very quick order I've gone from being blissfully asleep to a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. The vomiting is relentless. Even when not much comes up. Its crippling, every muscle in your abdomen is dedicated to getting those few drops of whatever OUT! Kat rolls over. "Are we going?" My beautiful wife has been through this hundreds of times over the years. She's sound asleep. Gotta get up for work at 6am. But instead its 3am and there a circus performing in our bedroom. I promise I'll tell you more about this amazing woman as we go. But thats a different story for another time. She gets up, gets dressed.. gathers some things. I'm in my sweats and tee shirt. Soaked. But no time to clean up. Thing are unraveling fast now! She loads me into the car. I have my emesis bag. My puke bag. Its half full already. By the time we get to the E.R. it's mostly full. She pulls up to the front door and I get out and stagger to the front desk.. she goes and parks. I can barely walk. I'm doubled over. I cannot stand straight.. it's not physically possible. The nurse at the desk grabs a wheel chair and in we go. First.. new bag. This ones kinda full. Next- Intake. Information.. vitals.. paperwork. All while I'm slumped over in a chair puking into a bag . Fortunately, being a frequent flyer means that once I give them my name and birthday.. they slap on an I D bracelet and wheel me back to a bed. Usually in short order I'm in a gown. In a bed and another nurse is sticking in an IV. Most times, within an hour. They've started to get me under control. When I first go in.. I'm making lots of noise. I physically cannot stop it. The puking, the moaning, I'm feeling like Mike Tyson is working over my guts. I can't stop from gasping after each punch. Have someone punch you in the stomach unexpectedly.. hear that grunt? Thats happening over and over. I can't steel myself against it no matter how hard I try. The hits just keep coming. A quick aside. Linda Hamilton is the voice in my head! When I get this bad.. I don't wanna go to the ER.. I don't wanna get up.. dont wanna walk or move or get to the hospital. Everything is a blur of agony. But I have no choice. Its only getting worse. Then I hear her clear as a bell.. Sarah Conner in the first Terminator movie. And she's screaming at me.. "ON YOUR FEET SOLDIER! MOVE IT!" and I focus every last bit of will, and get up.. somehow. I live in terror of the day thats coming when I won't be able to do that. It's been an hour or so now.. the IV drugs are working.. mostly.. but there's still a pretty decent amount of pain.. thank God I'm mostly done vomiting.. mostly. Sometimes the doctor wants xrays.. or CAT scans. Sometimes they just get me under control and ship me home to rest. I don't need to spend much time describing my pain to the doctors. We've been here so often.. they got the idea. But YOU do need to be able to give them an idea of what level of pain you're in, and what that feels like. So I'm going to try here to give you some helpful reference points. WHAT'S YOUR PAIN LEVEL LIKE? Thats a hell of a question! IT HURTS! ok.. but is it bad? Really bad? Really really bad? Is it stabbing pain? Burning? Cramping? Short bursts? Or long continued pains? In ERs they have this handy little chart with Emojis showing different facial expressions based on pain levels.. its cute. It starts with a smiley face thats a 0. Then it works its way through 10 with increasing frowny faces.. finally at pain level 10. There's tears. Where's the screaming face emoji? I'd be pointing at that one. But you've got to somehow convey what you're feeling. And how bad it is. Maybe I can help. 10- Kidney stones.. giving birth.. sever abscess in your tooth. Second and third degree sunburns or any burns to large areas. Being gut shot or stabbed. Migraine headaches. (Usually). broken bones. Getting burned over more than 5 percent of anywhere on your body. Post surgery for some things.. open heart, bowel resections. The chest burster alien from that movie. These things are all usually considered top drawer pain. Its next to impossible to think about anything else. 8- Things like sinus headaches. Bad sprains. Being punched in the face. Bad cuts. Injuries to smaller areas of your body.. post surgery for smaller things. Appendicitis. Tonsils. Etc. this stuff hurts bad.. but you can still mostly function. The pain is bad.. but you follow along with the t.v. show you're watching.. you can be distracted for a few minutes. 6- The daily bump and grind of just being alive. All the regular cuts, bumps, burns, and bruises. I think most of us have level 6 pains all the time off and on. Cracked your knee on the table? Damn that hurts.. but you aren't going to seek medical attention for it. Pulled muscles. Twisted ankle. Headache. Stomach bugs. Toothache. Things that happen all the time. It sucks.. but you'll live. 4 and below. Being over 30... getting older hurts. Most things that you cover with a bandaid.. or BenGay. Stuff that hurt when it happened.. now its the leftover pain. Being alive most days for most people is level 4 pain. The problem with my helpful little references are this. No one feels pain like you do. Pain is completely different for everyone. Whats a 10 for you is a 6 for me. What's impossible for me to bear is a mere nuisance for you. Pain management clinics deal with these issues everyday.. and they're usually lousy at doing it. What works for you.. does not even touch my pain levels. Does nothing. Why are you doing so well? And I'm in agony? There are many doctors working on these questions all the time. But there are so many factors involved. It's an impossible task. But here's my best advice if you find yourself in real pain. Dont ever let any doctor tell you that you don't hurt.. honestly some will. They can't feel what you feel. If Dr. A can't help you.. or won't. Look for Dr. B. or C or D or Q. Never give up.. let the pain motivate you. I have wonderful, caring doctors. But sometimes when I say the word "pain" they get this look.. like "forget it champ.. you have enough drugs" I didn't even ask for more.. but it's the go-to response for some doctors.. especially now days. (More on this subject later). I've spoken with so many people who are in this boat. They just can't get any help from any doctor. I feel for them all.. I'm right there with you. Some pain will never go away. No matter how many drugs you take.. warm cloth on your neck.. cool rag over your eyes. Heating pads. Neck braces. VapoRub. Wrist wraps. Pepto Bismol. Hot showers. There are not only whole sections of stores dedicated to pain relief.. there are entire stores for it. Pain is a multibillion dollar industry.. and business is good! Maybe THAT'S what he's singing about !?

[qualitybirdmemes]

do all the "send me a number, yo" asks!!!!!

You got it dude.

Under the cut bc its long!

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?I’m afriad that im making the wrong long term career decision. 

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

No, but I wake up right next to her so we say it in person

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

Nah as long as she’s safe about it.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

Depends on the vibe I get from them.

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Playing BOTW

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

Hopefully my partner

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

I dont even know. I would be so crushed and angry. 

8: Are you close with your dad?

Nope

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

Yep! My girl.

10: What are you listening to?

My partner tapping her foot to music

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Blue gatorade

12: Do you like hickeys?

Love ‘em

13: What time do you go to bed?

Between 1 and 3am

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

Nah

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

Nope

16: Do you always answer your texts?

For the most part

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

No. She’s the best thing thats ever happened to me.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

20 ish mins ago

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

Ye, my girl

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

“God my hip hurts”

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

Yeah, several. I’m at school.

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

I hope it does.

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

No. I was at the beginnings of a depressive episode.

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

Sorta?

25: In the past week, have you cried?

Yeah.

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

Maroon.

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

Nope.

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

Not as far as I know

29: Do you have a best friend?

Several

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

It’d be devastating considering I’m dating the last person I kissed.

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

Both from my Mom

32: Are you mad at anyone?

I’ll always be lowkey mad at my dad.

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes, once

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

23

35: How many more days until your birthday?

87

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

Work

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

Ye.

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

Nope

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

I dont think so

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

Lowkey, but not really.

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

To an extent, yeah.

42: Are you available?

Nope!

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

Since it ended? One. And Im with her now.

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

Probably a second lip piercing. Maybe tongue.

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

Depends on the circumstances but yes.

46: Do you regret anything?

Yeah but not so much that I would want to go back and change it

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

My health

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

I feel like I sorta half lost one. We still chat, but its not like it used to be and its probably my fault.

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

Not at all.

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

I already did and it was a success. : )

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

Several times

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

Every day

53: What was the last thing you ate?

Apple slice

54: Did you get any compliments today?

Not yet

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

God I have no idea. Maybe Idaho Springs?

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

I mean most things are made in China so???

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

Most of them are outside the binary, but lean towards female.

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

Colorado

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

Can’t remember

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

Nope

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

Nope

62: Who do you text the most?

Either my Mom or my partner.

63: What was the last movie you saw?

Would You Rather

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

Idk, they love me I guess?

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

None.

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

Yeah by like a year ish.

67: Do you curse around your parents?

I try not to

68: Are you happy with where you live?

Decently so. Its messier than I’d like, but 4 college students live there, so what can you do?

69: Picture of yourself?

Will post separately.

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

I prefer monogamy because I’m easily jealous, but under very certain circumstances, I’d be willing to try polyamory.

71: Have you ever been dumped?

Nah. 

72: What do you most like about making out?

Tongue ;P

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

Kissed, yes. Made out, no.

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

I’ve only done it once, and I initiated.

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

The crease where thigh meets butt, hands, neck, legs lol

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

My partner

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

Nope

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

Nope

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

When I wake up to her smiling at me

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

Depends on the age of said child

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

My current partner, yeah.

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

Nah, only like one person

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

I always miss her 

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

Probably about a month ago in our living room

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

Nope

86: How can I win your heart?

Someone already has it. But personality is everything.

87: What is your astrological sign?

Libra

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Getting ready for bed

89: Do you cook?

Not as much as Id like

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

Not really an old flame, but an old friend yeah

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

Not single

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

Monogamy

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

Physical traits dont really matter. Its more a personality thing for me

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

A dick, the willpower to lose weight, a higher wage, another iced coffee

95: Are you a player?

Not really.

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

I dont think so

97: Are you a tease?

Yeah, but only with her

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

I think so. Probably at a con

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

Currently am

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

Only the gal Im currently dating

101: Hugs or Kisses?

Hugs

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Most of the time yeah lol

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

Idk, voice? Smile?

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

Ye

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

NOOOOOOOOO

106: Do you flirt a lot?

Kinda lol

107: Your last kiss?

My gal

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

Nope

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

Ye

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

The girl to my left

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

Absolutely

112: Does someone like you currently?

I hope so!

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

Yes indeed

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

Serious only. I dont see the point in a fling.

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

Made out, no, kissed, ye.

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship

It depends. Id say Im happier with her than I have been in a great long while.?

[approxim8ly]

All of them . Every single one

goddamn dude1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? im glad we've finally reached this level in our relationship2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?radio silence my dude3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?yeah, i would want to know so i can keep them safe4. Is your last name longer than six letters?no5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?sober6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?yeah7. What does your last received text say?"lmao"8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?once9. Where was your last kiss at?a pool10. When is the last time you saw your sister?i dont have a sister11. What do you drink in the morning?milk12. Where did you sleep last night?my bed13. Do you think relationships are hard?i really dont think theyre as hard as other people say they are. it seems really simple actually, just communicate with each other and be true14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?yeah. i wouldnt pick up softball15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?nah we're pretty ok with each other16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?rainy17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?no18. Are you wearing jeans, sweatpants, or pajama pants?no, im wearing shorts19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?maybe. it depends how busy i am20. Does anyone like you?yeah21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?no22. Is the last person you kissed gay?no23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?absolutely my dude24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?yes and i want one25. In the past week have you cried?yes26. What breed was the last dog you saw?i have no ideadachsund maybe?27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?out of the shower28. Have you ever kissed a football player?no29. Do you think you’re old?absolutely not i am a baby30. Do you like text messaging?yeah31. What type of day are you having?its been ok, really busy32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?yeah33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?cold34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?yeah35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?relationship36. Are you a simple or complicated person?complicated but i dont like to show it37. What song are you listening to?im listening to the adventure zone38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?sometimes39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?lmao fucking no40. What made you start liking the person you like now?i dont like anyone rn41. When did you last receive a text message?like ten minutes ago42. What is wrong with you right now?lmao you want a list43. How well do you know the last female you texted?we've been friends for seven ish years44. Does anyone disgust you?yeah45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?depends on who they are46. Are you in a good mood right now?its more like "ok"47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?louise48. What color shirt are you wearing?grey49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?yeah and im still kind of pissed about it50. Anyone you’re giving up on?not currently51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?no52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?no53. Do you like rain?yes54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?i dont really care as long as they arent hurting anyone55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?yes56. Do you like to cuddle?hell yeah dude57. Are you shy?i can be58. Do you get along with girls?:/59. Have you dated the person you texted last?no60. What do you carry with you at all times?a hairtie61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?as long as there wasnt a chance of death62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?sure63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?no64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?yeah65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?i dont remember66. How old are the last three people you kissed?well ive only kissed one person ever and they were my age67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? do them myself68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? ughzebra i guess69. Do you have any stickers on your car? no i dont have a car70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? never listened to luke bryan71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? iphone72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? like six months ago at least73. Do you like diet soda? only sometimes74. What color are the walls in your room? light yellow75. Are you 16 or older? yes76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? no77. Do you have a job? i have two78. What are your initials? rah79. Did you ever have braces? yep80. Are you from the south? is missouri in the south81. What does your last status on facebook say? "facebook was a mistake"82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? nope83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? dad84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? gymnastics85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? ughmy family went to go see ghost in the shell soi really dont like the fact that i did86. Do you smoke? no87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? god i hate flip flopsheels88. Is your phone touch screen? yeah89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? straight90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? no but ive snuck out of other peoples houses91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? lake or poolmiss me with that river shit92. Have you ever made out in a car? no93. …Had sex in a car? no94. Are you single or in a relationship? single95. What were you doing last night at midnight? talking to my friends on skype96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? fourth of july97. Do you like the camera on your phone? its decent98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? no99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? no100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? no101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? no102. Name your favorite Kesha song: ive only heard tik tok103. Do you have any tan lines right now? yeah104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? fuck no

[travelinghermit]

The Amazon

First off, who forgets a rain jacket when entering the largest rain forest in the world? Well that person would be I ladies and gentlemen and I only discovered this while aboard the motor canoe without any kind of cover as it started to rain. This was just the beginning of what was about to unfold over the next five days as I embedded myself deep in the Amazon rain forest and thankfully my guide Dario came more prepared than I and brought a spare poncho. Our party consisted of I, Dario the Ecuadorian Naturalist, Ainsley a Canadian girl who joined the expedition last minute and thankfully saved me $200, and three native Huarani men. Eduardo who was the best canoe driver and two other guides. We set off from Coca Monday morning at about 830am and drove two hours to the National Parks Port which was our gateway into Yasuni National Park, the deep Amazon. This truelly felt like an expedition as I looked out into the brown murky Shiripuno river which stretches hundreds of kilometers all the way past Peru. With a truck load of provisions such as a tank of gas, food for five days, and whatever else necessary we were all set. Honestly I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was given a rough itinerary but it was all in Spanish so it was of no use to me, besides I preferred leaving the agenda to the unknown. We set off with the motor canoe all packed by 1130am and began the long journey down the Shirpuno river to the village of Bomeno in the heart of Yasuni National Park. We were already technically inside the Amazon when we left as the rain forest in Ecuador is split in two parts, the Upper and Lower. The upper section is located in the area around Tena which is the home of the Quechua Native people. The population of the Quechua is massive, they are the prevailent Natives of Western South America yet where we were going you would find none as just up till recently no Quechua would roam the Lower Amazon as they feared the Huaorani tribes people. A warrior race who just until recently in the1960s were an uncontacted tribe living off the land in the rainforest as they had for hundreds possibly thousands of years. The Quechua and Huarani had been in constant conflict with each encounter consisting of Huaorani ambushes and ending up with countless Quechua deaths. When the Huaorani were first contacted by European missionaries the contact ended in disaster when all five of the missionaries were murdured all by spearing. This was the tribe I was to spend the next five days with. In the last fifty or so years the Huaorani have embraced the modern world yet still found a balance between their ways and using outside technology. When we arrived late Monday night into the village some of the children and adults were watching their new flatscreen TV just bought in February watching the Marvel movie Thor. How times have changed. Back to the boat ride - It might have taken nine hours but it was absolutley thrilling the whole way there. The rain forest was everything I dreamed it would be. Massive trees growing out into river, plants that looked how I would imagine they looked in prehistoric times. In fact I am convinced I did enter a land before time. Plants that looked like giant ferns but they were really a species of palm tree. The deeper we rode trailing the serpentine river the farther back in time we travelled. That was one surprising aspect of the river how curvy it was, it truelly felt like the Shirpuno river was some sort of Anaconda itself. We passed by white caymen chilling on the beach, tortoises sunbathing on fallen tree branches, toucans and macaws flying through the skies, and finally we passed the king, or was the king. A beached, decapitated anaconda with a huge bulge in its stomach. Certainly its half digested prey left in its belly. Its one thing to see these beasts from the comfort of home on a tv screen but its a completely other level being in arms reach of it. Dinosaurs certainly still roam this earth because that thing was no animal, even labelling it with all the other reptiles seems a stretch. By 630pm it began getting dark and next thing we knew we were sailing in the pitch black of night with our asses sore from sitting on wooden seats for seven hours and yet we still had two more to go. The sky was clear revealing all its stars giving us something to look up too and finally we arrived in Bomeno at 830pm. Their radio system was down so they had no idea we were coming but rapidly they set our surprisingly comfortable hut for us. That first night we slept like bricks. Over the course of the next four days we lived as they did. Many Huaorani men accompanied us on our expeditions into the jungle. The eldest being a man named Ginto who was extraordinarily. The only person I have ever seen make a proper spear within five minutes, and can take any leaf and form it to make a very convincing Harpy Eagle whistle call. On the first day with the natives they took us on a hunt. Yet looking back on it I am not sure how serious of a hunt it truelly was but it was still exhilerating. They possessed a three maybe four meter long wooden blow pipe which was there main weapon for hunting monkey high in trees with poison blow darts they obviously make all by themselves. They dont rely on guns or anything modern except a machete. A blow gun and spear is all that is needed. Along the way we found fresh jaguar prints which was about as close as I wanted to get to one. We swam in the murky Shiripuno river and trekked into the jungle. Every two meters it seemed we were stopping and our guide Dario would tell us of the many uses of plants the Huaorani people exploit. Vines to make baskets and even grip tape for spears, plants for poisons and medicines, trees to make canoes. It seemed like every plant had a usage to the Huaorani people. It was absolutley fascinating yet I got tired of all the stopping I just wanted to trek. Third day we went out Anaconda hunting. Taking the canoe down the river, into the jungle, and then all five of us rode on this tiny wooden canoe that seemed like it could flip over with one wrong shift of weight. We had to all be completely silent as to not disturb the animals. We found a type of prehistoric bird that I forgot the name but the sound of the area around us throughout the jungle was buzzing incredibly loud. The jungle is very much alive. Unfortunately both times we went out to hunt for the Anaconda not to kill but just to see turned out without any sight. Yet that afternoon for lunch I tried my first monkey meat. A howler monkey which Martine a man in the village hunted the day previous. It tasted surprisingly alot like beef. The Huaorani love monkey meat. They will chose that over deer or peckory (a type of wild pig) anyday. They believe when you consume monkey meat you also acquire monkey like abilities. The last part remaining was a paw and when I put it right next to my hand it was oddly similar. The remainder of the time was spent trekking in the jungle and practising with their blow pipe which I wasnt too bad with. Hitting the fruit on a pike a couple times yet the weight of the long pipe affects your aim noticeably. Id like to think my archery practise helped as aiming is really no different. We also went fishing in the Shirpuno and I caught a pretty decent sized catfish that we all ate for dinner. Made me feel like a true Huaorani warrior providing for my tribe. That was really cool. My brief five day jaunt in the Amazon rain forest was something truely special. I remember going to the Gold Museum in Bogota on Day 3 of the journey and learning of the natives and writing on this blog that I wanted to spend time with some in the future and here I am. It was refreshing to see a completely different side of life, of humans. To see some of the insanities of modern life. It just made me want to start my garden again, made me want to be more self sufficient because these people dont rely on anyone but eachother. When the men hunt they give graciously to everyone in need. Another unforgettable life experience in the books and yet I continue forward on the journey to the end of the world.

[ghostysurveys-blog]

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Last person I texted --> my mum. :-))))

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? We are in a relationship

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? If it was to an addictive degree, yes. If not, then thats ok!

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? Yes

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? Yep

7. What does your last received text say? “When will you be home??”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? A lot

9. Where was your last kiss at? A bed

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? Maybe 2 weeks ago 

11. What do you drink in the morning? Water, or juice.

12. Where did you sleep last night? My boyfriends bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard? Not if you’re with the right person. 

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? Yes. 

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? No

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? RAINY

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? I don’t have a middle name.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pyjama pants? Pyjama pants

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? I hope so

20. Does anyone like you? Yes!

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? Not that I can remember

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? No

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? Yepp

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yes!

25. In the past week have you cried? Yeah

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? I couldn’t remember

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? In the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? Noo

29. Do you think you’re old? No

30. Do you like text messaging? NO

31. What type of day are you having? Pretty good !

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? Yeah, but  I’m really not sure about it. I might like to get my septum.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? COLD COLD COLDD

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Yes

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Relationship

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? Complicated I suppose

37. What song are you listening to? Nothing

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? All the time !

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? Yeah

40. What made you start liking the person you like now? He put in effort, which was rare for the people I had previously been with. 

41. When did you last receive a text message? Maybe 10 minutes ago.

42. What is wrong with you right now? Tired. Hot. Hungry. Sooo unhappy with my skin. 

43. How well do you know the last female you texted? My mum ! Very well. 

44. Does anyone disgust you? Yes. 

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? No

46. Are you in a good mood right now? Yeah!

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? My boyfriend

48. What color shirt are you wearing? Pink !

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? Not really, no

50. Anyone you’re giving up on? Nope !

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? Yeah

53. Do you like rain? SO SO MUCH

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? No ! Go for it.

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? I think they’ve always found out

56. Do you like to cuddle? YEs yes yes yes

57. Are you shy? it depends on the crowd

58. Do you get along with girls? Yeah !

59. Have you dated the person you texted last? My mum - no..

60. What do you carry with you at all times? My phone. My wallet - with my pills, cards and a polaroid of my boyfriend. Mints! And lipstick. 

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Yeah, for sure. 

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Yes. My current relationship has been 8 months

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Yes

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? YESS

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? Yes ! 

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? 17, 18 and 17?

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Get them done.

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Both are horrible. Maybe leopard. 

69. Do you have any stickers on your car? I dont have a car. 

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? -

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? iPhone

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? Maybe a week ago

73. Do you like diet soda? Its all the same to me

74. What color are the walls in your room? White

75. Are you 16 or older? Older

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? I used to, I need to catch up

77. Do you have a job? In retail

78. What are your initials? CE

79. Did you ever have braces? Yes

80. Are you from the south? Nope

81. What does your last status on facebook say? I’ve never posted one. 

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? Yep !

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? My mum - my dad left lol

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? Nope

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? The Edge of Seventeen

86. Do you smoke? Not regularly.

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Heels

88. Is your phone touch screen? Yeah

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? Natural - curly/wavy

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? Yeah

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? Pool

92. Have you ever made out in a car? Nooo

93. …Had sex in a car? Nooo

94. Are you single or in a relationship? In a relationship

95. What were you doing last night at midnight? Watching a tv show

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? Not sure at allll

97. Do you like the camera on your phone? It’s decent enough

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Kinda

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? Nope

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? Yeah

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Nope

102. Name your favorite Kesha song: Gosh I don’t know

103. Do you have any tan lines right now? Nope

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? Wouldn’t wear them in general