#& it just really made me think abt the way this person just used dyke so flippantly.

[toastsnaffler]

actually ive been thinking abt this a lot lately like basically for years i assumed i was very (cis)het passing and only recently ive become aware that i am in fact. very obviously perhaps almost comically gay to other queer ppl. like lmaoooo ok then

[lesbianlenas]

i agree with you on the issue of bi people saying d*ke and f*g, i saw something weeks ago not sure if it was twitter or tumblr but it said something like 'i can tell who you are a chronically online baby gay if you get upset for my friends and I saying f*g' and it was written by a lesbian i was like ??? why does not wanting to say slurs make you a less 'good/valid' (for lack of a better term) gay person? why do so many people fight to try to say more slurs i think we should all say less slurs

u r so correct lol. also it’s so funny that that person said u have to be chronically online to not like someone saying slurs when saying slurs all the time is a 100% online behavior. the excessive use of slurs to be funny is so clearly a way of showing that u r special from other ppl bc it’s a word u r only allowed to say if u are part of that community. like for ex for a lot of ppl if u r going around saying dyke u r basically being like i am special bc i can say dyke even tho other ppl can’t. and ultimately it has circled back into homophobia in a lot of cases bc u have ppl saying slurs they should not be saying and feeling so comfortable w that that they use them in a derogatory way bc they still see that as funny. like there was a post going around here that was of the gay guy from glee having a shrine of the queen or smth and ppl starting mass commenting under it f*ggot like. none of these ppl doing this were even gay men. that is what happens when u have no real connection to the damage of a slur bc u do not have any idea of the weight of it. just bc u may b bi calling a gay man a f*ggot as an insult is still extremely homophobic & not remotely funny. as a lesbian i would NEVER call another lesbian a dyke in a derogatory way. the whole point of reclaiming a slur is to use it in a loving way against the hatred it originally came from. when i say dyke it is done w an absolute love & respect for other lesbians which someone outside of our community (for the most part) cannot have esp if they think of it as a joke. slurs are not a punchline lmfao. and they aren’t smth to make u feel special bc other ppl can’t say them. and u certainly should not be trying to force other ppl to use slurs or try to imply they are inferior bc they won’t use them like tf? saying slurs does not prove u r gay it doesn’t make u more gay and it isn’t like some special benefit u unlock to show u r a Real Gay™️. anyway if u r upset or angry bc someone says that they don’t like that u said a slur then i think u need to examine why u feel like it’s so important that u get to say slurs idk.

[rollercoasterwords]

rae give us your thoughts on taylor swift more specifically her rich white feminist thing she’s got going on and her influence on the current ‘girlboss’ trend and the current perception of women in media today???? asking bc i love reading your opinions on this stuff 💕

it sounds like u have some opinions of ur own lol but sure i can talk abt taylor swift! will be putting it under a cut bc i love my swiftie mutuals tho...swiftie mutuals look away im going to be mean sorry....

i mean yeah overall u kinda summed it up lol. i don't think i'd really care much about taylor swift were it not for the way she's been branded as some sort of groundbreaking feminist and subsequently played into that perception to profit ("the man" makes my eyes roll out of my skull sorry...)

i think my dislike of her was first seeded when "you need to calm down" came out--before then i just hadn't really cared abt taylor swift, knew a few songs but wasn't crazy about them, etc. but then she dropped "you need to calm down" and suddenly she was getting TONS of praise for doing SO much for the queer community and i was like. well first of all the song is bad second of all she's literally comparing her online haters to violent homophobes as though those two things are in any way equal or similar experiences third of all she's getting praised for profiting off positioning herself as a #ally. like this song and music video are not some sort of feminist praxis they are a way to funnel money into her already bulging pockets.

but because literally everyone around me (many swiftie friends) was gushing over how amazing she was for hiring all those dykes + faggots to dance behind her i felt like i was being gaslit + the fact that taylor swift was just happily accepting the money + accolades at the same time made me dislike her

when folklore came out i actually did enjoy the album which was. the first time that's happened for me lol i usually like maybe one or two of her songs and think the rest are mediocre at best but i was like huh maybe she's like changing as an artist and sort of settling into a new groove that's kinda cool. and then i didn't like evermore as much but i was still like okay cool new sound new vibe. and then she dropped midnights and i tried really hard to like it for my swiftie friends but...honestly i was shocked by how bad it was lol. just felt like a new level of low in terms of bad lyrics and the music was incredibly bland and boring to me, nothing new or interesting going on there. and then i felt gaslit again by all the swifties raving abt the lyricism of lines like "draw the cat eye sharp enough to kill a man" like!!! babe that is a tumblr post from 2014...

but aside from finding it genuinely incomprehensible that she gets so much credit for being an amazing writer or lyricist when the bulk of her discography is simply incredibly mediocre or straight-up bad imo (bc honestly that alone wouldn't be enough to make me dislike her; ik these are all subjective measures so even if i find it annoying to hear people rant + rave about music i think is bad it's not gonna make me dislike the artist or the people raving necessarily) what bothers me more and solidifed my dislike of her is the continuation of the way she acted when "you need to calm down" dropped. which is to say, it's infuriating enough that her fandom has sainted her, but what's more infuriating to me is the she seems inclined to play into that sainthood.

she often leans in to portraying herself as either a victim of misogyny or a #girlboss feminist. and like--this isn't to say taylor swift hasn't experienced misogyny, or that she shouldn't talk about those experiences, or that rich white women are exempt from sexism. but her feminist consciousness seems to begin and end with her own personal experiences of sexism, with no effort at a deeper political engagement made. she flies her private jet around and poisons the environment and when people try to call her out for it she sits back and lets her fans accuse anyone that criticizes her of being sexist. in fact, it seems that any criticism of her is met with accusations of sexism, which is an infuriating obfuscation.

at the end of the day, her politics such that i have seen are incredibly liberal and toothless, and her feminism seems largely focused on making herself more money ("the man" being about "getting ahead" faster, the whole thing with that one guy owning her masters centering around a dispute over property + who gets to make money, etc). she is a capitalist first and foremost, and because of that her feminisn kind of sucks, so i hate seeing people treat her as a Feminist Figure. i also think the gaylor thing is sooooo stupid and annoying and reinforces the concept of identity first and foremost as a discrete ontological category rather than something socially constructed + materially rooted. like the idea that taylor has some mystical gay Essence inside her that exists regardless of how straight her music + lifestyle is, the makes her Queer--sorry but give me a fucking break lol. i don't give a shit if she kisses other girls, taylor swift is not a Queer Icon, and i don't understand why people desperately scrabble to find proof that she is when there are already plenty of openly gay pop singers!

in conclusion taylor swift is the epitome of #girlboss liberal feminism to me and her supposedly genius music being aggressively mediocre is just the icing on the cake lol

[munamania]

oh my god you know what i AM so glad im not attracted to men thank god im sick and tired holy shit. this was going to just be a stupid reactionary post on my silly little tumblr blog bc ive seen stupid posts like ':( maybe in another life i like men' and like we are NEVER getting out of here! and now i need to be like oh oop hangon everyone i for sure dont mean every man and also by the way i promise i am not trans exclusionary and also i really do promise i can wrap my brain around intersectionality in case you got a wild sense of ignorance from me saying im SICK AND FUCKING TIRED of everything being about men. you cant not think about them. ever. girls around you are going to base their entire personalities and identities and sense of self around attention and attraction to men and youre going to be made to feel rude if you dont go along with that being so #slay #girlboss #feminism. and honestly if we're fucking talking about it maybe i am glad not to deal with people who are socialized to think it's gay to care about hygiene and so dont wipe their asses or wash their hands maybe im simply so relieved to not have to deal with that and to have a partner that doesnt have to be taught to like and care about me and/or babied and mothered etc. jesus fucking christ holy shit. i want that for every woman but this is abt me rn and really many people whether they realize it or not ARE hostile to dykes!!!!!! and it sucks so incredibly hard to be around you!!!!! you people dont make a single effort to not talk about men or center every conversation around them, at best, and at worst, youre constantly fucking making lesbianism sound MISERABLE. it's not! it's really not. except well it is because everybody just cannot fucking exist without making it about a man or how they feel about not liking men or whatever goddamn tragedy idefk. this is clearly going to be nonsensical by the time i post it but holy fuck! shut the fuck up! the state of feminism rn is in genuine shambles ashes dust in the wind never coming back to save us.

[styxnbones]

10, 11, 24, 25 for Cass!

10. What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC? abo

I'm not huge on AUs in general outside of like, slight Canon Divergence, but the first thing that comes to mind is that Cass would absolutely *thrive* in a Mafia AU. That, or like a Disastrous Cohabitation Era casstrid Wings AU- I think there's something you could do with like Being Embraced = Getting Wings and like how they look depending on clan and current hunger.

11. What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

Knives baybee! Specifically balisong/butterfly knives, bc yeah they're exactly that kind of show-off. They've only got one dot in Melee so they're not the best, but they've certainly gotten their use out of it. Usually they prefer to talk their way out of things, though.

24. What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

I mean, if she hadn't taken the job for Astrid she never would have been, yk, killed and turned into a vampire, which would change basically everything that happened since. Other than that though, I think it's interesting to contemplate a version of her chronicle where Cass and her coterie had chosen to back the extant Prince, instead of starting a coup to put his brother into office. She probably wouldn't have gotten the chance to diablerize anyone, for one thing, so she comes out of it with significantly less tangible power. But, she also probably gets to stick around long enough to make good on her mission for MacNeil and maybe even lays the ground work for overturning New Orleans to the Anarchs, instead of just another Camarilla Prince. Who knows... much 2 think abt tho.

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

What can I say? I'm a sucker for magnificent bastard chessmaster type characters, and also messy shitty lesbians. So yeah, for Cass it's definitely the like Archetype she fills- I love the kind of character that is like, objectively terrible to be around but still has this sort of pull to them, and who no one really *wants* to involve in their shit but who does such undeniably good work with what they do that you can't help but let them wind their fingers in and twist the situation however they like and hope it turns out in your favor too. Also the Dyke Drama TM is just so fun to me like my favourite kind of character relationship is someone who is objectively a terrible partner and/or person x someone who deserves it.

[aeide-thea]

anyway totally apropos of nothing i'm just thinking abt like. i really hate DNIs that are—i mean, i could've stopped there, i really hate DNIs period, i think they're performative and useless and naive, but. i really hate DNIs that use identity as a shorthand for the (mis)behavior the poster expects from people of that identity

like there's a Respected Butch Blogger on here who years ago posted something about a man at a bus stop, idk, attempting to strike up a conversation/hit on her*, something in that line, and made some comment to the effect of like, look at me, i'm obviously a butch dyke, he should've known i wasn't available to him! and i thought at the time, and still think now—the problem here was the creepiness/entitlement of this man's behavior! nobody should be chatting anyone up at a bus stop or grocery store (real example from a past stage of my own life 😞) or other practical public venue where like‚ they're just trying to do their thing and get home! but framing the problem as instead being about, essentially, an IRL failure to respect an implicit DNI, as though someone who presented differently would've been fair game for predatory treatment—i hated that then and i hate it now

[ultimately of course it's like. people sometimes frame things in shitty ways on their perblogs when they're upset and it's good to cut them a little slack abt that... but also like. in venting veritas]

and i just like. this is a disconnected patchy sort of post but you just see people going up these ladders that are like 'i assume Men are looking at me and having Gross Disrespectful Fantasies abt me in their heads and so i don't even want them clicking a silent heart on my posts'

and ultimately everyone's entitled to set whatever boundaries they like! but it just feels to me like. tbh you're spooling out a whole Gross Fantasy of yr own abt Men when like. instead you could just set a boundary about what kinds of comments are welcome. and even from whom! but like. why are we collapsing Man into Person Who's Inevitably Gonna Behave Invasively and Disrespectfully. like when the traditional model of masculinity also says that but with an accompanying smirky thumbs-up, and then you're saying that with a thumbs-down... idk. just like. where's the vision of a better world. bc like. i thought that was actually what we were trying to open the door for, personally!

ultimately i guess it's just like, our approaches are not compatible and i shd be grateful 2 their DNIs for making that clear to me, but. i really don't see how the master's tools (framing identity as shorthand for/inevitable predictor of undesirable behavior) ever dismantle the master's house (kyriarchy)

[edoro]

Hey there! A while back you made a post abt willow (&hunter) using the word ‘fairy butch’ to describe her (potential) style. That’s stuck in my mind and intrigued me bc I’ve never heard the term before, & I haven’t really been able to find anything about it online. I feel like I sorta know what you mean but idk. So, what does ‘fairybutch’ mean/ look like to you? Do you have some examples of outfits? (obv like. you don’t actually have to answer or go digging thru photos or w/e. Just if you feel inclined

okay! well let me preface this just by saying that these are my personal understandings and conceptions of these concepts and not meant to be like, an exhaustively accurate primer on these identities or anything

and this is primarily in terms of like, the aspect of this identity that relates to presentation

so to me when i think of butch i tend to see it as this mirroring of masculine chivalry, attitude, and dress in specifically a queer female way. it's not 'being a man' but instead adapting aspects of manhood and its presentation through the lens of womanhood - and usually this is either a sort of rough-neck blue-collar handy type of dyke masculinity, or the buttoned-up and dapper type. being rough and tough, sure, but also being a caretaker, a provider, and a gentleman.

fairybutch then is a type of butchness that's a bit softer and more whimsical, as i understand or am seeing it. it's butchness that's sort of feminine masculinity through the lens of dykeness. more on the sharp and dapper side, brighter and softer colors, patterns, spinning the mirror of masculine/feminine back and forth and stepping through it as it spins.

with Willow i see her as a very like... well chivalrous is a good way to put it. she's soft-spoken and gentle and nurturing, she works with her hands, she's very earthy and firmly rooted, and she wants to protect her friends and use her body to do it, to be strong and absorb and block harm from reaching them, to provide for them and nurture them. she wants to be strong, she wants to be a leader, she wants to give people room to grow and flourish.

she's not necessarily super masc, to me, but she's got that chivalric butch vibe there, and i think the aesthetic then of butchness that's a couple layers of recursion through the masc/fem binary deep would suit her. dapper in a cute way, pretty in a handsome way, soft but strong.

i hope that helps!

[dyketubbo]

intro post (cleaned up a bit.. again!)

basic summary: my name is dyke/eyez/circus/mask/whatever you wanna call me, im a minor, im nd and a qpoc, i use any pronouns but he/him (and dont like masc terms, including bro, dude, guy, lad, stuff like that), and im apart of a system.

dni if youre against any kind of minority (includes racists, terfs, truscum, queer exclus of any kind [yes, even mspec lesbian exlus], etc etc), support ccs like schlatt uncritcally/actively like him, are nsfw, ship irl ppl (even ones that are okay with it), do x reader stuff with ccs, truth ccs at all, believe fiction doesnt effect reality/are a pro shipper/anti anti, or dont tag triggering things like zoophilia n stuff. dont be romantic or sexual towards me at all, and dont talk about touching me w/o asking. also dont interact if youre fine with those kind of ppl and actively interact w them (only exception to that last one is if you interact w ppl who like cc!schlatt, idc about that as much as long as theyre critical of him)

i like benchtrio the most but keep up w/ everyone best i can and like analyzing and drawing. im really sensitive and kind of an asshole so. bare w/ me if i lash out or am too much or something.

currently we have small intros of us per member on a page (/systemstuff) but dyke n grass will talk the most (mostly dyke). ty for reading, i hope you have a nice day and if its late for you, feel free to go get some rest. if its daytime, go eat!! or hydrate if you havent.

follows/likes and stuff will come from @/cottonskittles, reblog/like spam is ok, i dont care how people interact w me or my posts as long as they dont breach my boundaries, i think thats it but feel free to ask questions if u need clarification. more stuff under da cut

hi howdy just some more in depth stuff

im bad w tone so like. if you make fun of tone indicators or think theyre unnecessary/annoying (unless talking about excessive use/people using them as an excuse to be mean n stuff) probably dont interact w me because while i can interpret messages w/o them my own tone is often unreadable so i use them for the sake of others

story wise wise i usually look for benchtrio stuff, but i also try to keep up with everyones lore! theyre all important to the story in some way :]. however due to the themes surrounding them c!dream and c!schlatt make me uncomfy, and i only receive secondhand info abt the torture stuff bc its uncomfy too. also im personally critical of c!techno and i know that esp bothers a lot of ppl so yknow. warning to stay away this blog might piss you off

dni wise dont be a bigot. if youre against minorities of any kind fuck off, dont follow if youre nsfw or make nsfw content of childrens media, uhmm for personal sake regarding themes on the dsmp remember to like. tag cult stuff, drug use (esp underage), zoophilia, pda, and cannibalism if ur gonna follow me. tyyy. also dont follow if ur uncritical of some of the things various ccs involved have done (this is vague bc i know theres misinformation on dream and techno specifically but theres still shit thats actually been done and of course uh. the whole schlatt situations), and generally dont follow if you outright like cc!schlatt (c!schlatt likers r fine). like im not gonna make a big deal out of it but i will at the very least softblock because he makes me. really uncomfortable. you can interact n stuff just dont follow. dont interact if you use the new pan flag its gross and ugly and i dont agree with why it was made. and dni if youre a pro shipper (even if its to cope- find better coping mechanism thanks im a survivor and it makes me relapse to even think about pro shipping, actively romanticizing pedophilia, incest, age gaps, etc in media and then pretending like its just shipping discourse is Fucking Disgusting and i hate it), and dni if you like genderbend stuff it makes me uncomfy

also this is specific but if youre nonblack and weird about aave i will fucking murder you. n if you make suicide jokes please at least tag them. if you tell people to seriously kill themselves or joke abt "do a flip" or w/e or find that funny then dont interact w me at all

non dni wise w/ boundaries dont use masc terms for me, dont like.. talk about kissing me or flirting with me or anything, dont call me smart or a good person (just a personal thing. you can use synonyms if you really want), ask before talking about touching me, i have mirror touch so when people describe physical touch in any way i can feel it and thats uncomfortable. dont call me a liar, anddd dont make too many sexual references w/ me. keep it to the level thats like, present in beeduo streams but dont talk to me about kinks or anything even as a joke. finally make sure to tag things w /p if you mean it platonically around me, its for comforts sake. feel free to talk or message or ask for other socials or whatever idc about any of that

thatsss all for now. i do analyses ig, also art. have a doodle of my sona to tide u over under this paragraph. sorry for rambling, im not good at summarizing my thoughts and i have a lot to say. ok thats all thank you if you got this far and read it all i rlly appreciate you /gen. i was milfsmp but i didnt want to take the chance that someone would call me milf as a nickname

[cruisercrusher]

i totally wanna hear what you have to say abt rebels!! personally im a big fan and ive never seen anyone specifically not like the show so im interested in ur thoughts !!

Ok please keep in mind I do not at all pretend to be unbiased because clone wars is my most favourite thing ever so every Star Wars thing ever gets compared to clone wars it’s like my thing

The core of why I’m not fond of rebels is because to me none of it felt impactful. I’ve actually watched I think 3 out of the 4 seasons, because my d*d made us all watch it as a “family” and imma be real with you chief. Years down the line I struggled to remember the main characters names. Almost none of it actually stuck with me in any meaningful way, someone will mention something that happened in an episode I did watch and I’ll be like damn i have no recollection???? But also like having gone back and taken a second and third look at the show I’ve gotten the impression that even within the show nothing has that much impact, maybe the last season is different idk but it feels very one note to me and at times shallow in the story telling. Nothing sticks, because the characters retain a degree of staticity throughout what I’ve seen, and Disney very clearly had a set formula laid out for how the episodes/arcs would go that left little room for the ballsy storytelling and character development we got from clone wars.

It’s a little disappointing because I think there were things in rebels that had a lot of potential, rebels as a whole had a lot of potential but Disney really put a stranglehold on Dave Filoni and the rest of the creative teams creative ability.

That being said, I really don’t like the animation either. Like, really don’t like it. I feel like it lacks depth and texture, and I don’t like a lot of the character designs, and the backgrounds are a little flat, and the way the characters move is weird to me. They’re just a tad too fluid and a touch too expressive that for me it reads as very uncanny valley, it actually took me out of it sometimes.

(Also the human skin tones all looked kinda off to me I was like I don’t think that’s the right undertone babes that’s too much yellow. Too much yellow babe)

As well as the fact that the animation stayed pretty much exactly the same throughout the series, and had none of the actual real innovation and groundbreaking animation that the clone wars had.

Going back to the story telling, and again, this is Disney’s fault, there were a lot of missed opportunities for them to go really hard. There were a lot of lessons in clone wars (like always question authority, and Capitalism Bad, and War is Futile, and sometimes the people who are supposed to be the good guys aren’t necessarily very good) that Disney is just straight up afraid of. Like clone wars really had a lot of more left leaning themes that is simply too much for the conservative, one percenter, trump supporting Disney executives and shareholders.

An example of this I feel would be when they introduced the clones. If I could have I would have done that arc very differently. And don’t get me wrong, I loved seeing grandpa Rex! But the way those episodes were executed felt a little. Dissatisfying? Maybe not quite disrespectful, but then again imo the story of the clones is THE MOST tragic one in all of Star Wars and those episodes had an element of levity to them that I don’t think fit. That arc could have been really deep and somber (and they could have done at least a little to acknowledge the rampant ptsd the clones must have, especially Wolffe who shot down his general and father figure against his will) yet the script didn’t really do those characters justice at all.

Also, I would have written Sabine’s character very differently. For one, I would have made her at least twenty, because with everything I know about it her it’s baffling that she’s supposedly only like sixteen. Makes zero sense. I don’t get it. Also I would make her a butch lesbian. Like a total mean dyke. We need more of those and I think Sabine could have mean dyke potential.

Now. The inquisitors. Dear lord. Again, could have been really cool, but tHOSE SPINNY LIGHTSABERS DRIVE ME INSANE HOW DO YOU FLY WITH THOSE IT SHDHJSJFJD FORGET THATS NOT HOW THE FORCE WORKS, THATS NOT HOW PHYSICS WORKS!!!!

Barbie life in the dream house had better animation because they were actually supposed to look plastic. Also, rebels yoda haunts my nightmares.

And I specifically don’t like Ahsoka’s character design either. I like her outfit but she looks less like Ahsoka to me and more like Ahsoka’s cousin. Her skull is a different shape. Why is it a different shape? Did she have jaw transplant surgery? Where is the consistency. We literally see an older version of Ahsoka during the mortis arc and she actually looks like herself (and looks really cool!) but Rebels Ahsoka looks nothing like that? I don’t understand. It makes my brain hurt to think about it

Alright, I’ve said a lot of negative things, so here’s a positive: I really appreciate Chopper. I just love chaotic astromech droids who feel nothing but unbridled bloodlust at all times. It is so funny. I appreciate him

And, bearing in mind I haven’t seen the whole episode (because I don’t want to) mostly just gift sets and clips, but the episode where Maul finally finds Obi-Wan on tatooine and they have their final duel?? Very cool concept, lots of potential, I just wish the lightsabers weren’t so SKINNY WHY ARE THEY SO SKINNYYYYYYY

I think that’s about everything? Barring the fact that for the longest damn time I thought none of the characters had fingernails because I mistook Ezra’s layered gloves for fingerless gloves and thought he didn’t have fingernails and that freaked me out? Yeah I think that’s about all my thoughts. I tried to have as little blantantly comparing to clone wars as I could because that’s not exactly fair, of course rebels was never going to be on the same level as clone wars. When it comes to well done cartoons I think it’s like. Way up at the top tier is Atla then clone wars in second place, and then literally everything else is wayyyy below it because that’s just how it is tbh. Anyways hope this satiated your curiosity!

[star-anise]

Hey! Your post about any wlw being able to identify as butch/femme etc was really enlightening. I was curious about your thoughts on the word stud. From what ive read its a word that only applies to masculine lesbians of color, but it seems like youre more knowledgable abt lgbta+ history than me.

I think that the LGBTQ+ community on Tumblr spends way too much time word-policing. People saying “femme” was a lesbian-only term was just way too hilarious to pass up, given how lesbian separatists have traditionally felt about the butch/femme dynamic, so I went into provenance for that.

But generally? There is no Central Administration of Queer Word Usage, and I don’t think there should be. I think that most of the time, policing word usage hurts us as a community. It creates unnecessary division and renders people Problematic when they’ve been part of the community for decades. 

Part of my experience is in the disability community. In 2009 I was excited when my friends started a group blog, FWD/Forward: Feminists with Disabilities for a Way Forward. I was an avid follower, and in small part, contributor. One of the things the blog tried doing was Ableist Word Profiles, which pointed out the discriminatory underpinnings of common derogatory words, like “idiot”, “moron”, “cripple”, and “stupid”. People were challenged to reflect on the biases underlying their speech and change how they used language.

It was a SHITSHOW. A genuine public relations nightmare. The furor around those word profiles drowned out every other thing we tried to talk about. Even people who would normally be on our side perceived us as a group of hypercritical, never-satisfied nitpickers. It derailed every outreach effort we made, alienated allies, and even made participating in the community as a member a really fraught process. The barriers to entry were so high; if someone wanted to run with our crowd, they had to police their language to an incredible and unnatural degree.

Ableist word profiles were correct. They were factual about the ableist bases of words, and did in fact point to the ableist base assumptions of our culture. But they were a TERRIBLE hill to die on. As a community you have to pick your priorities, and I’ve come to the conclusion that there are so many more important things than policing the non-hateful speech of your natural allies.

Also? “Stud”? For as long as English has been a language, the word “stud” has pertained to horse breeding. A stud, specifically, is a stallion of exceptional quality, kept for breeding mares. When it was applied to singular people in the 19th century, it originally applied to cis men. “Yeah, that guy’s a real stud.” Then, 50 years later, it began applying to lesbians and other members of ball culture as a synonym for butch and dyke.

Stud STILL APPLIES to straight cis men! Go check out its urban dictionary entryl Half its entries don’t even mention lesbians. It’s a word the LGBTQ+ community borrowed, but that doesn’t confer ownership. 

Here, let me get my thoughts in order with a numbered list.

Policing all but the most extreme and hateful speech within a community or among that community’s natural allies is going to demand a ton of work with very little return. Pick your battles carefully and sparingly.

If you want to create a separatist lesbian state that has positive and respectful relationships with bi women and trans people, you are going to have to create one from scratch. All attempts to find such a group in the past are going to either find you

Groups of queer women that include and intermix with bi women and trans people, usually in the context of a shared need for protection because of widespread sexual/gender deviance, OR,

Groups of lesbian separatists who have been exclusionary towards bi women and trans people in ways that have been hurtful and unhealthy.

That’s it! Those are your historical choices! And in the future, the only way to kick out bi women and trans people, without being exclusionary, is to vigorously support those groups in the spirit of solidarity and mutual aid. Otherwise the moment one of your members transitions genders, dates a man, or God forbid, has a son, you’re going to treat that person or child badly, and they will not thank you for it.

I am SUPER SUSPICIOUS of lesbians who will police word usage by people who are, within the LGBT community, more marginalized than cis lesbians, but will NOT police the word usage of straight cis men. If lesbians want to claim “stud” as lesbian-only, they can send me receipts of them spending at least a year a year actively trying to wrest the word away from straight men, and then I’ll consider their request as genuine. Until then, it just reeeeaaaally feeeeeels like round 6381 of “Cis lesbians shit on bi women and trans people”.

So yeah. Do I think “stud” is a good word for white WLW to use, given its history predominantly among Black lesbians? I don’t know. If it applied to me, I’d think really hard before using it. I might decide against it. But there’s a really big difference between “this is a word people should use thoughtfully,” and “this is a word people should ATTACK SOMEONE ON SIGHT over if they see her using it.”

[dynabi]

(dif. anon) tysm for addressing this Kristen stuff, its nice bc i dont rly follow her that much but its just nice to know about. my ex used to call me a “cute little lesbian” and it made me feel shitty n confused bc i felt like addressing my interest in men was somehow lessening my interest in her, but now im with a guy who accepts me for who i am and is v good at listening and changing the way he speaks about my sexuality to make me more comfortable. anyway thx b,, its good to get some bi rep!!

My bad for answering this sort of late

But yeah np! Honestly the only way I found out myself was when I was looking at stuff abt Charlie’s angels and there was like....ONE person in the tag that was tagging her as “bi” which made me curious, so I looked it up bc I was sure she was a lesbian....and surprise surprise lol...so I made a sort of impulsive post bc it pissed me off tbh.

I’m glad you’re with someone that respects you now. My ex gf was a lesbian, and I’d feel the same way sometimes. She was never really disrespectful of the fact I was bi- it didn’t phase her -but her friends would call us lesbians n dykes n all that and I never had the fight in me to constantly correct them and she never said anything either (not bc she was a bad person but she prob wasn’t thinking it was a big deal to me).

But there is certainly an unsaid pressure that can come about when you’re with someone to hide certain parts of yourself...keep quiet bc you don’t want to be THAT person. It can be exhausting if you’re not with the right person.

[hmsindecision]

(Part 1) Hey... I've been feeling bothered recently, specifically in regards to my identity. Ive been wanting to appear and be more androgynous for awhile and its something I've wanted for myself for since I was young. But my parents wouldn't allow it. They demean me and anything remotely gnc and it sucks. But I plan to really go after it and forge my identity despite their disapproval. To get ideas, style inspiration, and etc. I've been looking at butches, trans guys, & non binary ppl.

Continued: (Part 2) Its honestly been really fun and soothing in its own way, but I've realized that a lot of these people have disidentified with womanhood or lesbianism in some way. Which I found interesting. Personally I'm cool with being a woman and a lesbian, Ive only had an issue with it when I've been told that there was something wrong with them. But I've been getting the idea of potentially disidentifying and identifying as a trans guy. Now I'm not putting all that weight on it, 

(Part 3) It is just a small thought, I don't even have dysphoria, but its just seems like so many in the lgbt community does so. I've noticed that on lgbt twitter/q*eer twitter the vast majority of people that are popular are bi people or trans guys (who also tend to be bi). And the people that are least attacked or targeted on q*eer twitter are trans women. Gay people are under more scrutiny overall. The popular users are hailed as just these youth icons. They seem so sure of themselves. 

(Part 4) they seem to have "so much fun on The West Coast. They seem like they're truly living I hate to admit it but I feel jealous. They're so accepted and free, its enough to make me consider to disidentify with lesbianism and being a woman altogether. I know if i go somewhere as a lesbian, theres a solid chance i wont be welcomed and i will be judged. But if identify as a trans guy or some bi non-binary, the lgbt community wouldn't really flinch to open their arms to me. And thats unnerving. (

Part 5) I know its because bi people, on average, make the largest demographic in numbers in the lgbt which is cool. And trans people are center stage atm. So it makes sense. But I watched a video in class a few days ago abt an intersex trans guy and he made fun how he used to be a "man hating seperatist dyke" which really hurt to hear. And I asked a school counselor about the lgbt community at their school and she told me about the trans community before any group else maybe out of assumption. 

(Part 7) Which i totally get and agree with. I surely wouldn't transition or do whatever for these reasons. But I just want to be honest about how I feel and not bottle it up. I just want to be a cool kid lesbian being secure in herself, loving herself. But it feels hard. Thats really all. I'm sorry this is so long. You don't have to answer this, I really just wanted to get this out. Thank you for listening.---------------------------I apologize, I think I may have not received a part of this ask, so please excuse any gaps in my answer to you. I think this is such a hard subject to talk about, and I think that you’re being really brave with this kind of honesty. It is scary, and there is pressure, and as humans we do desperately want love and acceptance--withholding love and acceptance from lesbians to the point where some of us misidentify is truly a disturbing thing, and my heart hurts that you’re feeling this way. 

The core fact, for me, it this: if the choices are between pretending to be something that I’m not for acceptance and love or being myself and facing possible scorn... well, I made that decision a long time ago when I came out, and I think you did too. Pressure to identify yourself as trans or non-binary exists, and it can absolutely be glorified to do so. To me, this sort of liberal pressure can be similar to conservative pressure to be straight. It’s hard, because this closet can seem more free, but I’m not sure it is. It still doesn’t allow for disagreement or even being allowed to exist without ideas around what that looks like. You deserve better, you absolutely do, and I’m sorry that this community has made “better” so difficult to come by. 

Fact is, it wouldn’t surprise me if there were more bi people than gay people. And it also doesn’t surprise me that people who experience opposite-sex attraction would become more popular in both a homophobic world and a community of people who value what they consider strange or interesting over the experiences of gay and lesbian people.

You should have the freedom to explore wearing whatever you like, and no piece of clothing has the power to change who you are. Clothes are fibers twisted together that we use to cover our bodies. Any clothes you wear are your clothes, not man’s clothes. You have an orientation--fashion doesn’t. And anyone who makes the assumption that, based on you being gender non-conforming, you are trans... is not a good ally to lesbians and never was. How you look does not equal who you are. Who you are simply exists. 

Fact is, I don’t think these people truly are happy and free in the ways that happiness and and freedom can truly exist. Happiness and freedom come when you do not exist for others, and you don’t have to alter yourself for others. Stepping back from yourself, blaming your body, existing to be popular, those things don’t lead to any kind of true happiness. Finding a style that truly makes you feel comfortable--I think that is a great thing. And people who inspire your style don’t need to reflect your identity. 

I know it hurts to see people that might not accept you as you are. It always does. But if you have to change to get that, you won’t be accepted for who you are, but for what you’re trying to be. And there are people out there who will accept you exactly as you are, as a lesbian woman. I’ve been lucky to meet more and more of them, and I know you can be too. It might take time away from your parents, it might take some time with yourself, it might take talking to some women who feel this same kind of pressure (there are some butch women on here who know a lot of this kind of pressure, and I know that @redressalert is a really kind person that might have some good advice).

But you are not worth trading for anything. Ever. 

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind