#& span over more years bc the boys have known each other since they were like. 13 so

[raiiny-bay]

some photos from the boys' teen years

[dreamescapeswriting]

Cabin In The Woods [M] ~ BC [Request]

WORD COUNT: 4K

GENRE: SMUT, non idol au

PAIRING: Chan x Fem!Reader

A/N: I had to name the camp this there was no other wayyyyyy Hope you like it!

Camp crystal lake home to some of the most adventurous kids every summer the camp would be home to 200 kids with 16 camp counsellors all in charge of them and you were there every year, along with one of your best friends Bang Chan who was a counsellor as well as a lifeguard that worked on the lakes. The entire camp was huge despite there only being nine cabins that the kids could stay in. Eight of them would house 25 kids within their age ranges since kids from the ages of 13 to 17 came to the camp you had to keep them all in different groups so that group activities were fair to everyone. While the younger kids stuck to swimming, football and other outdoor activities the older kids got to learn and do more. Archery, boating, horse riding, and many more things were all part of your daily activities around the forest. There were two major lakes in the camp, Wilderice lake and Crystal lake the one that the camp was named after and each was just off from the cabins that went on a long stretch of road. Everything was pretty close together the only cabin that was far away from the rest of the camp was Seneca, which was known as the punishment cabin. Mostly because kids who had done terrible things were sent up there, only allowed out to go to the toilet, or meal times other than that they had to sit there bored while everyone else got to do the fun activities. Not completely unsupervised of course, that would be dangerous. A camp counsellor would always go to check on them to make sure they weren't doing anything they would regret or that they weren't in any danger.

"Y/n!" You turned around hearing your name being screamed from the entrance and smiled as you saw one of your favourite kids rushing over to you. A bag around her shoulder as she sprinted into your arms, you span her around a little. 

"Hey Alice," You laughed as the small 15-year-old girl began telling you how much fun she was going to have over the summer with everyone. 

"I invited my best friend along, Brenda!" A brunette turned around when she heard her name being yelled and jolted over to you and Alice. 

"We wanted to see if you and Chan were dating yet," You laughed loudly upon hearing Alice, Chan and you were known among everyone as the flirting pair but it was nothing more than playful banter. 

"You're too young to think of boys that way," You began messing up Alice's hair when she moved away from you, whining and straightening out her hair. 

"I'm not, I'm 15 and I know you and Chan lovvveeeee each other," You glared at her playfully about to tell her she was wrong when Chan came to stand beside you. 

"Ah the trouble maker," He whined out, pretending to be upset that Alice was standing there. She was by far your favourite kid there, always willing to do whatever it took to have fun and even helping out around the camp when she needed to. 

"We were just saying how-" Alice stopped speaking when her mother came over, kissing her on the cheek as she began to cry about leaving her at the campground as she did every year. Not that you blamed them, it must have been a nightmare leaving your kids somewhere for two weeks and having no means of communication.

"I'm new, you must be Chan. I've heard a lot," Brenda said as she began shaking Chan's hand with a giant smile on her face, blushing as she turned to look at you. 

"Good choice," You pushed her and Alice towards the bus that would take them down into the camp and you ignored as Chan asked what that was about.

"Go, you have your first round of kids at the lake in an hour." You whined as he walked up behind you, tickling your sides as he demanded to know. 

"Tell meeee," He whispered in your ear, it felt as though a bolt of lightening ran through your entire body and you whined at him once again. Slapping his hands away from you and shaking your head, 

"Go to work, I'll tell you later." Later meant you had enough time to come up with some sort of lie instead of telling him that Alice and Brenda thought you had a crush on him. Which you did but he didn't need to know that. Things between you were good and you didn't want to ruin that by admitting that you had a crush on him, playful flirting was easier than losing him. 

"Who have you got this year?" Chan asked as he sat down beside you in the archery field. It was pitch black sine it was around midnight, the two of you had been so busy with the first day of camp you'd barely seen one another besides a brief encounter at the lake.

"Ages 13 to 14, what about you?" You questioned as you looked up from the folder you were studying from, every year you liked to try and get to know each of the kids you would be looking after for those two weeks. Getting to know their names, likes and dislikes as well as what they were allergic to and everything else you would need to know. 

"16 to 17," He said with a giant smirk plastered across his face, the camp counsellors that were blessed with the older kids barely had to do a thing around the camp. Take them on the odd walk around the forest or make sure they weren't trying to kill ne another with equipment but that was it. They were practically adults and could look after themselves, of course the counsellors would be around if they needed them. 

"You're going to get stuck with the younger ones one summer, even if I have you force you to myself," You joked as you jabbed him with the end of your pen, leaving a small black mark on his white crystal lake shirt.

"Already in uniform?" You frowned looking down at him as you realised he was wearing the red shorts and white shirt combo that was giving to you every year. 

"I thought I would be the first one...That and I accidentally spilt a drink down my only good pair of jeans." He mumbled as he looked at you, you began laughing softly before laying your head on his shoulder tiredly. 

"It's going to be a great summer," He whispered to you as he nudged your softly, 

"Fire night, bring your scary stories and marshmallows!" Someone screamed making you move apart from Chan and nod your head. 

"I've got the perfect scary story," You smirked. Fire night was the night camp counsellors got together to try and tell the best story as well as sharing food something you did every year when the kids all went to bed on the first night. It was somewhat of a tradition amoungst everyone for old and new counsellors to get to know one another. 

"You probably stole mine from last year," Chan rolled his eyes at you jokingly and you rolled yours back, 

"Oh yes because yours about the child who had diabetes was so scary Christopher, I'm still shaking." You pushed his shoulder and got up from the seat you were sitting on, watching as people began filing over in the direction of the fire grounds. It was a huge campfire with logs around it so that everyone could be warm.

It turned out that your story had nothing on what Chan was telling that year, your story was about a girl who got lost in the woods but Chan's was far more creative. 

"Jason was never seen again after he entered the lake and every year when the counsellors came to the camp to set up they were all murdered!" He clapped his hands together making you jump as he continued to tell the story of a masked serial killer killing off counsellors one by one using different ways that were all nearly impossible yet creative. 

"Then just when the counsellor thought she was safe in the water Jason swam up and dragged her down to the bottom of the lake!" Chan finally finished and you did your best not to act as scared as you were about it. It wasn't as though the story was completely impossible, the thought of someone randomly walking onto the camp was easy and they could just as easily kill everyone if they wanted to. 

"You okay?" Chan questioned when he sat back down beside you on the log, giving you a hot chocolate as you stared into the flames. 

"Y-Yeah, peachy," Your voice cracked and Chan knew that you weren't okay, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder. 

"I'll keep you safe," He whispered as you snuggled closer to him just enjoying the feeling of being that close to him.

"I'm heading up to my cabin, walk me?" You questioned as you noticed how late it was getting, you weren't scared of the woods but walking around in the dark wasn't something you opted to do alone most nights especially after the story that had just been shared by Chan.

"Sure," He chuckled softly as he began walking down the field with you heading in the direction of your cabins, all 25 kids seemed to be sleeping so your night was going to be easy. 

"Are you scared?" Chan nudged as you clutched onto his hand tightly as you stood outside the cabin debating going in or staying with him a little while longer. The sparks you were getting from his hand begged you to stay and feel them longer but you knew you had a long day tomorrow and couldn't. 

"N-No," You lied obviously as he smirked at you, hugging you tightly. 

"I'll be right next door, if Jason comes for you I'll save you," You pushed him away before going over to the door and opening it up.

"Night," You whispered to him before heading into the room, Chan stayed outside for a moment just waiting for you to come back out but you never did. He hoped you would come back out and beg to stay with him for the night because you were so scared but you never did.

"Night," He whispered to himself before walking in the direction of his cabin for the night which was right next door to yours. 

The next day was ruined by the thunderstorm that seemingly appeared out of no where. No outdoor actitivties could be done since it was unsafe for everyone to be in the water and no one wanted to get sick out in the cold. 

"Does anyone know where all the board games are?" You questioned as you sat in the dinning hall, 200 kids all staring up at you with unimpressed looks on their faces. You didn't blame them, this was supposed to be one of the best summers of their lives and yet here they were spending it trapped inside where it was raining so hard you thought it was night time.

"Punishment Cabin, we kept them up there last year for Tommy and Ned since they were in there so much." One of the counsellors mentioned as she looked at you, none of you could figure out how to get the kids to calm down so if this was the only way then so be it. Board games and indoor games it would be. 

"Christopher. We're going for a walk," You ordered as you grabbed him by the back of his jacket, pulling him towards the door as you stared out at the rain. It was coming down so hard that it looked as though it was a tap gushing out water, 

"Why? Why can't you go alone? I'm so dry in here," He whined looking at you but all you did was give him your large puppy dog eyes and he melted, giving into you right away and grabbing his umbrella. 

"Let's go." He grumbled as he began heading out into the rain, the two of you sprinting off in the direction of the cabin which was secluded from everything else around the camp. 

"Punishment Cabin," You mumbled as you looked up at the cabin, the roof was leaking a little and the door was wide open thanks to the wind. 

"Let's get the games and leave," You told him as you headed inside finding everything practically ruined that had been on the floor. It was all soaked in water and the roof was leaking inside and on the beds dripping onto the mattresses. 

"Oh shit," He whispered as he looked around noticing everything, a clap of thunder sounded and you jumped back knocking into him as the door slammed shut behind you both jamming in place. 

"What the fuck?" You asked as you twisted the handle trying to open it but it was locked in place, not even budging a little no matter how hard you tried to pull on it. 

"Here, let the man do it." You scoffed stepping away from the door and watching in amusement as Chan continued trying to do the same thing you had been but with little success, 

"Let the man do it," You mocked playfully before sitting down on one of the dry chest of drawers. 

"You're just going to sit there?" You shrugged your shoulders since there wasn't much else you could do, the windows were bolted shut from the outside and it wasn't as if you could just smash them open. 

"Look, they know we're up here. They'll come looking when we don't come straight down." You reassured him as you shivered a little, it wasn't exactly the warmest in the punishment cabin but you would only be there for an hour at the most. 

An hour turned into three and you were sitting in front of the fireplace together trying to stay warm. No one had bothered to come to look for you but not because they didn't want to but that they had planned for this. As soon as the counsellors saw that it was going to rain all day they set their plan into action deciding to take matters into their own hands. They were going to arrange for you both to go up to the cabin and have someone follow behind you, locking you inside and only letting you out when they knew that you had finally confessed your feelings for one another. It was juvenile but they didn't care, every year it was the same. Endless flirting together, the costant hints that you btoh had a crush on one another and they were finally going to make sure you ended up together in ways that were more than just friends. 

"I'm cold," You shivered as Chan started up the fire place that was in the cabin, he'd found old scraps of paper and some matches in the drawers you'd been sitting on and started it up. The thought of you getting sick made him feel bad as he looked over at you,

"Here," He whispered as he began laying down dry blankets and pillows in front of the fire. 

"We'll warm up together," He promised as you sat down on the floor beside him, his arm wrapped around your waist as he pulled you closer to him. Maybe it was the cold or the fact that you were snuggled together in such a romantic setting but you couldn't help but stare up at him in awe. 

"Thanks," You stuttered out as he kept you close to him, your body felt as though it was going to surrender to him. Sitting so close, hearing his heartbeating and the way his fingers traced small patterns on your skin was doing all sorts of things to you. A wetness dripped betwee your tighs as you squeezed them together trying to ignore the sensation and focus on getting warm but it was hard with him right there. 

"You know what might warm us up faster," You finally broke the silence as you glanced up at him, the two of you had been sitting in front of the fireplace for ten minutes. 

"What?" His voice was smooth as he looked down at you, eyes seeming to sparkle in the light of the fire, one thing came over you and you kissed him. Smashing your lips against him and rolling him back against the floor. At first he didn't do anything, he held onto you until he realised what was happening and gave into the feeling of having your lips on his own. 

"F-Fuck," He stuttered out as you pulled away to look at him, his lips were pink from the kissing and you could feel your body heating up from the embarrassment of randomly kissing your best friend. 

"I-I'm sorry...I don't know...I just wanted...I've wanted to do that for so long," As soon as the words left your mouth Chan kissed you once again pulling you to straddle his lap as he kissed you softly. 

Your hips began to move out of habit and you felt him harder beneath you which meant he wanted you just as much as you wanted him.

"N-No one is around," You whispered breathlessly as you began to kiss down his jawline and down his neck. Whimpering at the thought of finally lettin him take you the way you had always dreamed, 

"We would warm up faster," He smirked as he ran his hands down your hips pushing at the red short shorts you were wearing. Your whole body tensed as you realised it was finally, really going to happen. 

"Do you want to?" You nodded at his question and he kissed you again, making out with yo as you both slowly removed one another's clothes piece by piece. 

Laying down completely naked in front of him should have made you nervous but with Chan you weren't at all, he looked at you as if he admired every inch of your skin. Taking a good look as he licked his lips, kissing your lips softly, 

"You're so beautiful," He whispered as he ran his fingers down your stomach until he was at your clit, slowly rubbing your wet bud in circles as you let out a whimper. 

"So wet, how long have you wanted me?" He smirked as he pushed a finger through your folds, your toes dg into the floor as you mewled out, 

"Tell me," He whispered again as he pushed two of his long fingers into you, curling them up to hit your g-spot again and again making your head spin. 

"A while!" You stuttered out as you began squirming underneath him as you moaned out his name. 

"Me too,2 He whispered as he began kissing you deeply, thrusting his fingers deep into your soaking core. Wet noises filled the cabin as Cha continued to take you with his fingers. 

"C-Chan," You breathed out as you gripped onto the blankets that were surrounding you, you felt intensity building up inside of you.

"I-I'm gonna-" You couldn't cum before he took his fingers out of your abruptyly and smirked as he began kissing you possessively, your legs wrapped around his waist pulling him close to you. 

"So needy," He chuckled as you let out a hiss when his cock ran through your folds, 

"Shut up and fuck me, we've waited too long." You begged as your breath as heavy, he smirked shaking his head and kissing down your body. 

"I want to taste first," He whispered as he kissed towards your core, he lingered above your cunt and looked up at you to check that it was okay. Once you gave him a nod he dove his tongue between your lips and began flicking your cunt with his tongue. 

"Oh shit!" You screamed out as your hands worked their wayy into his hair, pulling him closer as he continued to eat you out, biting down softly on the part of your outer labia making your eyes roll back. 

"J-Just like that," You cried out as you felt your orgasm building again, he hummed against your cunt and you shuddered over and over again as he continued to eat you out like you were his last meal. 

"C-Cumming," Your voice cracked as the pleasure exploded in you without warning, your head threw back against the pillows and you filled the cabin with your desperate moans of his name. 

He kissed you sweetly as he lined his cock up with your opening, teasing you with the tip as he smirked against your lips. 

"No teasing," You whined out, too desperate for any games that he was planning in his head. 

"As you wish," He pushed his hips forward slowly, sinking into you. You moaned out squeezing your eyes tightly at the stretching, he stayed still for a moment wanting you to feel comfortable before he even tried to move inside of you, 

“Y-You can move," You whimpered as you opened your eyes, his cock felt incredible inside of you, you felt full as you gripped around him as if he had always belonged there. 

"Shit you're so tight," He whined out as he grunted, slowly pulling out of you only to thrust back in as he let out a small moan. 

"Mmm Chan, please," You begged, digging your heels into his ass wanting him to move faster than he was and he smirked, 

"Chan please," He mocked playfully before he began to move his ips faster, fucking into you as you let out moans of pleasure he was sure people would have heard even from the dinning hall. 

"Just like that!" You screamed out as he began thrusting harder into you making you squeal out as he rammed in and out of you. Cock hitting so deep you thought if he came it would be deep in your gut. 

He continued to fuck into you hard, changing between slow and passionate thrusts to hard and fast ones as he stared down into your eyes. 

"Holy shit," You cried out as you felt yourself tighrening around him, the build up becoming too much as you began to cry out his name, pleasure reeling inside of you. 

"You close?" He questioned as he felt you tightening more and more with each thrust of his cock. 

"Cum for me," He whispered as he bent down into your ear, biting down as you wrapped your legs around his waist drawing him closer if that were even possible until you finally came undone around him. Grunting out he pulled out of you, cumming onto your stomach as you giggled up at him. 

"Shit," He panted watching in awe as you ran your fingers through the liquid and licked your fingers clean. 

"Y-You're going to be the death of me," He panted ashe laid down beside you and took a deep breath.

"We should move babe," He whispered an hour or two later after you had been laying there, the sun was out and someone was bound to come looking for you now that you had been gone for so long. 

"Here-" He handed you the shirt he had been wearing and then your shorts before he slipped on his coat since he had used your top to clean up your stomach. 

"Babe?" You looked at him with a smirk on your lips,

"You don't think I'm going to just have sex with you and leave it be, do you? I'm in love with you." He whispered as he kissed your lips again, the door opening just as you kissed each other. 

"They finally kissed," Someone announced out of the door, if only they knew the two of you had done a lot more than kissing in that cabin that day.

Tagline: @taestannie @sw33tnight @acciocriativity @mwitsmejk @minholuvs @anxiousbobatea @justbangtanthingz​

[yuzukult]

effortlessly (m) || jungkook & reader

title: effortlessly  pairing: jungkook x reader genre: fluff, romance, school!au, smut (poorly written, don’t come @ me) words: 4.5k warnings: this chapter contains smut. a/n: i wrote this on wattpad like months ago (unfinished) but i was kinda sad bc you can see the view count so i decided to finish it here and spruce it up since tumblr lessens my insecurities lol also, i decided to make this my first series (a five part(?)) series!!! note: jungkook & reader are 18+, seniors in high school. series: part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six || part seven || part eight || part nine || part ten || epilogue 

"Alright, pick your partners!" Your P.E. teacher exclaims, clapping her hands to quicken the students' pace to get started. Jungkook beams at you with a smile before giving you a nudge into your arm. "Let's be partners, it'll be more fun this way!"

"Okay, okay," You unwilling agree, crouching down before falling on your bottom. You bend down and motion Jungkook to hold down your feet so you can start doing the sit-ups. Leaning over, he sits on his knees then wraps his soft, gentle hands around your ankles. "Go."

Oddly enough, this wasn’t the first time when you began to notice things about Jungkook that made him seem... more and more like a man. It was so strange – he'd been your childhood friend, so in your eyes, he was still that innocent little boy who played house and leap frog with you outside in the backyard. His shirt was snug around his arms that were flexed from holding down your ankles, hair ruffled from the wind blowing, and his jawline was especially sharp in comparison to the roundness his head was in his younger years.

You gulp. Hands crossed over your chest, touching your shoulders, you move your upper body up and down continuously, trying to avoid his gaze. "Why are you looking away, weirdo?" He chuckles, head tilting in confusion. "Uh, no reason."

"You're not afraid that you might accidentally kiss me, are you? Like we're in some k-drama?" Jungkook raises a brow, stopping you in the midst of a set. "What?" Your head shoots to his direction.

"Come on, we've kissed before, this is nothing."

"How about we be each other's first kiss." Jungkook suggests, tapping his toes on the floor anxiously. You were both in your early teen years, sitting on his bed side by side as you've always done, discussing about how your classmates were starting to get their first kisses and you personally were afraid of not being able to get one soon enough. "I mean, you mentioned that you were scared, right? You said it yourself that you don't think you’d get the opportunity any time soon. I can give you mine, and you can give me yours. It'll be perfect." You bite your bottom lip, feeling something churn deep in your stomach when he turns to look at you. "Are you okay with that?"

"I'm okay with that." Jungkook cups your cheeks with both his hands, and you felt your ears turning hot. Closing your eyes, you feel him scooting closer when his heavy breathing hits your face. Pursing up your lips, you feel his lightly meet with yours before he pulls away with the cheekiest grin.

"What—stop saying stuff like that in public. People will stare." Glaring at him, you wrinkle your brows in slight annoyance. "I'm not in the mood to get attacked by some crazy fangirls around here."

"Hey you! Why are you stopping? Chop chop!" The teacher proclaims toward you, and fearfully, you quicken your pace in compliance.

"Crazy fangirls?"

You move hastily as your form starts to mess up before you stop then stand, ignoring his response. "Your turn." Jungkook switches positions with you without argument, except you sit horizontally from him and on his feet. "You didn't answer my question. What do you mean by crazy girls?"

"I don't know? You're like a pretty boy kdrama lead type of guy. The girls here think they're the leads, and you're their romantic interest." He slows down his sit-ups and observes your expression. "Kdrama-lead? Pretty boy? What are you saying?"

"Think about it. How many girls have confessed to you in the span of a week? You're telling me that you don't notice these things?"

One of Jungkook's friends, Hoseok, jumps on his back eagerly to gain his attention then messes up his hair. "Come on, little guy, let's grab some lunch!" He grins from cheek to cheek, tugging him along with the rest of their group. "Oh, um, Jungkook," a soft voice speaks; Jungkook and his friends freeze, directing their attention to the girl standing before them. "Yes?"

Her hands were full of gifts – a bag with treats and a flower inside, a small carton of chocolate milk, and a letter stamped with hearts and doodles all over it. "This is for you," She says with her head down and arms extended to give him her confessions. "Aw, sweet! What's the occasion?"

"Oh—I—"

"Come on guys, I'm starving!" Someone shouts from the back, pushing Hoseok and Jungkook to move forward as the latter waves goodbye to the girl with a smile on his face while he grabs the items from her hands. "Thanks for the gifts!"

"Hah, there's no way," Jungkook retorts, sitting up from the workout before clicking his tongue in attempts to retrieve the memory of the girl's confession. "Okay, but what about the other girl from Tuesday?"

"Tuesday?" He looks at you questioningly. "What about Tuesday? There was a girl?"

"You don't remember?" You slide yourself off of his feet, and settle yourself on the dirt across from him. "That girl, the one who recently dyed her hair blonde. She bought you breakfast and gave you that little note in the bag. Did you even read that note? Did you even read the other girl's note?"

Jungkook looks up, trying to recall back to the moment. "I really don't remember seeing any of this. There was a note?"

"Ah, so you didn't read any of the notes. They were all confession letters."

"Confession letters? People still do that?" He lets out a chuckle before getting up, and brushing the dirt off his pants. "We're in high school, I thought that was something people left behind in middle school."

"I think it's kind of romantic," You shrug, and Jungkook offers his hand out for you and you accept, standing and dusting off your shorts as well. "But it is kind of sappy. You can't blame them though, these dramas are setting too high of standards for these people. Either way, you should tell them whether or not you reciprocate feelings. Are you really that oblivious?"

"Reciprocate feelings?" Jungkook crosses his arms before he continues, "They should know that you're the only girl in my life." 

What?

"Yeah, but I'm your friend, not your romantic partner." Jungkook lets out a sigh before he runs his hands through his hair, and you’re suddenly wishing you were the one doing it. "Okay, fine. But help me, I don't know how to let them down easy."

You were neighbors since the beginning of your lives, and didn't know of any friend that you both have known longer than each other. There were weekends where you would sleepover at each other's house, play games, watch movies, and eat junk food. It was almost a ritual – something the two of you do on a bi-weekly basis that it was never questioned by either of your parents. There was a level of trust that was established; he was welcomed to your house, and you were welcomed in his.

You're not sure when it started, these weird emotions you began to feel towards Jungkook. He was always the same annoying, overly excited, lazy guy. You didn't think you liked him in that way but there was this weird fuzzy feeling you had every time he smiled, or whenever he would blurt something flirtatious, even though you knew he was joking. You've seen him at his worst—room filled with trash of wrappers from candy, empty bags of chips, half drunk bottles of soda and water, and his clothes, dirty and clean, mixed in his room as if a tornado hit. But you had also seen him at his best, competing at his swim meets against the biggest names in the nation and locally combined, and during his practices where he’d still show the same persistence and motivation. Jungkook wanted to become a professional swimmer, and his ambitions were something you had always been supportive of and found admiring. He always left you questioning what your goals were, and how you were going to get there.

Jungkook snaps his fingers in front of your eyes before sitting down on the bench in front of you with his lunch. "What are you thinking of so deeply? Or are you staring at that guy over there?" He questions, tilting his head curiously.

"Oh, sorry, I just got caught up in my thoughts." You shake your head at the thought of having feelings for him before grabbing your chopsticks and digging into your lunch. "You're not thinking about the girl that just confessed to me in the lunch line, are you?"

"Wait—what? Again?"

"Yeah," He says, reaching into your lunch to steal a bite of some of your side dishes. "She was telling me how she thought that you liked me but since you never really tried confessing, this could be her opportunity to ask me out. I like that women these days are taking the initiative. Girl power," Jungkook pumps a fist up before poking through your lunch again. You slap his hand again and grimace. "Circling back to the main topic... So what did you say in return?"

"I told her to be patient and that you'd ask me out."

You choke on some rice, coughing as you grab the water that Jungkook hands over to you and chugging it down. "You told her I was going to ask you out?"

"Remember this morning? I said that you're the only girl in my life."

You couldn't help but think about what he said for the rest of the day. You're the only girl in my life. Groaning, you slide your arms on your desk with your hands in your hair, tousling it in slight frustration. He couldn't keep saying things like that; it made your heart flutter.

"Hey," A classmate, Yura, turns around in her seat in front of you, tapping your arms that were covering your face. She was a friend you made several years back, now coincidentally having the same classes as you. "What?" You mutter, peeking in between your palms. "I heard another girl confessed to Jungkook again during lunch." You sigh, letting your hands fall back onto the desk. "Yeah, what about it?"

"Well," Yura starts, pushing her seat back to move closer to you. She's sitting backwards in her chair  with a bright smile spread on her face. She loved to bother you in every way possible but beside that, she was equally of a great friend as Jungkook had been to you. "I'm curious as to why he hasn't dated anyone yet. No one here sparks an interest?"

"Well," You mimic her with a laugh trailing afterwards. "Are you hoping you can spark an interest?" She waves her hand and shakes her head, dismissing the assumption. "Oh, no no, I'm just curious. He just seems like the type to want to date around but he won't even glance at a girl. Is he gay?" 

You pull out a notebook from your bag when you notice your teacher walking into the classroom, rolling your eyes at her comment and nod your head to gesture the teacher's presence. "He mentioned before he wanted to focus on just becoming a swimmer. Maybe that's it."

"Okay fine, fine, I'll drop it. Anyway, let me come over today! I've been dying to try that new candy you bought from that store downtown. I haven't been recently..."

Later that day, on your walk to your house with Yura, she stops in her tracks and drags you aside to hide behind a tree. "What—"

"Hush!" She spits, peeping out from the side as you wipe her saliva that sprayed on your face. "Disgusting, Yura. What are you looking at?" She tugs on the sleeve of your uniform and you both sneak a look from behind the tree. "It's Jungkook. Who is that girl?"

You see him opening the gates in front of his house with a female, who looks around your age, tracking behind him as he readily unlocks the front door to his house. She looked pretty – although that was presumption since you didn't really know what her actual features were other than from behind. But her hair was lusciously long, and she had a petite body, appearing to be Jungkook's ideal type. You haven't seen her before, so who was she? He never really had any female friends other than you. "Guess he brings girls home after all."

The two of you quickly make way to your house, rushing up the stairs as your mom shouts at you from the kitchen. "Stop running! You're going to slip in your socks!"

Yura already had her backpack dropped at the door of your bedroom, peering through the window as she bends down below the windowsill's height. "Look! She's in his room." You had a perfect view of Jungkook's bedroom from your own. Sometimes you'd catch yourself looking at him changing his shirt, or doing his homework. There were moments where that's where he'd be able to contact you if your phone died, too.

"I'm not looking," You respond, grabbing her stuff from the floor and placing on an unoccupied chair. "That's an invasion of privacy, Yura."

"They're talking," She commentates, ducking below at times when either of them face her direction. "What are they saying? What do you think they're saying?"

You walk toward Yura before pulling the blinds down and it hits her fingers. "Ah! What was that for?"

"Stop spying, Yura!" In all honesty, you just couldn't bring yourself to see him be with some girl, especially if she's been in his room. "They could be doing some intimate stuff. Are you trying to get free porn? Do you not have that at home?" She groans in return, falling back onto the floor. "I really wanted to see something juicy."

"Let's lose our virginity to each other," Jungkook proposes, fiddling with his fingers, trying to evade your gaze. "Eventually, we're going to have to do it with someone, but our firsts... wouldn't it be more comfortable with each other?" It was around 8pm, and Yura had already gone home. Jungkook threw a pebble at your window to gain your attention so you could come over to “talk.” He said it was urgent. This was urgent?

"You're not a virgin?" You let slip from your lips. "Sorry, I just... I assumed that you already gave yourself to someone because I saw someone in your room earlier."

"You peeked through my window?" He cocks a brow, finally locking eyes with yours. Your face was flushed in embarrassment, lips pink and slightly swollen from chewing on it so anxiously and hair unkempt from the friendly rough play with each other before. Jungkook knew he made jokes here and there about how you were the only girl in his life for him but he truly met it. He always had lingering feelings for you, but he was afraid of getting rejected then losing the friendship between the two of you.

"Accidentally," You lie, falling back onto the bed and looking up at the ceiling. "I'll be honest. I thought you slept with her. I thought you slept with a lot of girls."

"I'd tell you. Even if you didn't want to hear. I feel like I can't hide those things from you." He interjects, lying back onto the bed beside you, turning his head to observe your expressions. "I want to lose my first time to you."

"Wouldn't it be weird?" You turn to meet your eyes with his, tapping your fingers together restlessly. "You'd see me naked. It'll change the entire view of our friendship."

"That could never happen — negatively, I mean."

It didn’t take much convincing when it came to Jungkook. You’d do anything for him and likewise. He never failed to go above and beyond for you, extending his hand whenever you needed it. And you? Well, you felt the same way. "Then... okay. Let's do it."

It was just another Saturday night, where you'd plan to stay over at Jungkook's for a marathon of a kdrama the two of you found interest in recently. There were snacks and drinks in his room, and he brought the bedsheets, blankets and pillows onto the floor to get closer to the small TV monitor he had in his room. You both sat at an arms distance, and you were hugging one of the pillows while you were throwing another piece of popcorn into your mouth before you hear the door creek open and his mom peers in. "Another movie night?" She asks with a smile, handing Jungkook a plate of cut-up watermelon. He nods and thanks his mom before she closes the door with a goodnight.

"Ah, she's so nice. She knows I love watermelons the most." You comment, drinking some water to clear your palette before reaching for a slice. Taking a bite, juices spill out of your mouth, signaling with your hands to get Jungkook to get you a napkin as you shove the rest into your mouth. He gives you a napkin but doesn't let go, leaving his hands in yours. Furrowing your brows, you manage to say with cheeks filled with watermelon, "What are you doing—" Jungkook was already leaning in, licking the spill. He traces it with his lips before meeting with yours, moving in closer with his free hand on your waist.

What is he doing? You felt gross. A wash of emotions flush through your face when you realize you're not dressed for this. Was he trying to do your first time now? And how? Your hair was loosely tied up in a bun, wearing a baggy hoodie with some shorts that you quickly grabbed from one of your drawers. You felt so insecure. You didn't even have makeup on — at least if you did, you wouldn't look so... average. Jungkook was handsome, sexy, and cute. But when you saw yourself in the mirror, you couldn't even call yourself beautiful or ugly... just average. Was Jungkook going to lose his virginity to someone who didn't even look at anything he would want to remember?

You didn't move. He took the lead for a couple moments before reclining back, bumping his forehead with yours, lips swollen from the tugging of the kiss. "I think... tonight is the night. Can we do it tonight?"

"I don't really feel... attractive enough right now." You confess after swallowing the remains of the fruit. "Trust me," He says between his breaths that seemed a bit heavier. "You're attractive right now." Letting go of your hand, he leans against his bed on the floor before lifting you from your waist to straddle him. "It feels effortless this way."

Moving closer, you try to sit down completely on him, hands confusingly trying to find a placement before he grabs them and guides you to wrap them around his neck. He groans, raising your hips slightly to lose contact with his. "Sorry, I'm kind of hard and it hurts when you press down that hard," He reveals, ears brimming in red. You immediately back away before he brings you back closer. "Sorry—"

"Don't be sorry," Jungkook says before pulling you into another kiss, hands gripping onto your thighs before maneuvering them up and down your legs. You slowly reiterate his motions, opening your lips slightly for him to slip his tongue in. Your fingers comb through his hair before he pulls away for a moment, panting uneven patterns compared to yours. "My hormones are raging, and your shorts are just really short. You're not even wearing a bra," He states as his hands begin to roam around your bottom before he slides them underneath your hoodie to feel your bare skin. "You're beautiful." Oh, that made my stomach feel weird.

He nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck, planting delicate kisses, following a suck and a nip afterwards that made you feel slightly uncomfortable but at the same time pleasurable. Unconsciously, you move your hips into his before a faint moan escapes his lips. "Sorry," You apologize, lifting yourself up, only for his hands to shove them back down, grinding his hips into yours. Suddenly, you felt warm down there.

Jungkook takes a moment to take off his t-shirt, exposing his built chest. You had noticed he had been working out lately, but you never got to see the results of it. He tugs on the hem of your hoodie, giving you a look. "Can I take this off?" You slouch a bit, feeling your cheeks flush in embarrassment. "I kind of have a junk food belly at the moment." He lets out a chuckle, pinching your stomach a bit before shaking his head. "I think it's attractive, please let me take it off." You hesitate, but comply anyways and he discards the material. Your chest falls in his sight, and he felt himself twitch in his pants before grabbing a breast and letting the other one's nipple slip into his mouth. Your hands find the crown of his head and tug on his hair gently, earning a hum from you. "Feels good?" He asks, and you reply with only a nod before he lays your body back onto the floor, holding onto your head before slipping a pillow underneath.

Jungkook plants a kiss on your lips before tailing down to your neck, and then your chest, playing with your nipple before leading his hand down into your pants, finding a place in between your legs then brushing your clit. He leans back up to kiss your ear before whispering, "Show me how to make you feel good." You nod, feeling a bit flustered, still placing your hand on top of his outside of your shorts. You guide him, and when he touches the right spot, you can't help but gasp and close your legs. "Please?" He begs, and you open your legs back up for him as he slips a finger in. You were warm and wet around him, and his breath quickened against your ear. Jungkook pulls in and out before adding another finger, earning a whimper from you and he slows down, noticing your face crinkle up in slight pain. He wanted to stretch you enough for him so you wouldn't be in as much pain later.

The feeling eventually subsided and replaced with pleasure. You stop his hand when you feel yourself almost hitting your high and lock eyes with him as he raises a brow questioningly. "I'm ready."

Both of your pants were off, and your legs were spread for him as you watched him lean to his bedside table to grab condoms from a drawer, opening on and sliding it onto his shaft. He positions himself outside of you, looking up to meet your gaze before gifting you a peck on the lips, slowly entering in. "Ah," You wince in pain, as he moans quietly from feeling your warmth. "I'm going to move slowly, so please tell me when you're ready." He says, lips pressed against your collarbone, holding himself back from letting it go.

After several slow thrusts, you squeeze his arm to signal him to move faster. He eagerly obeys, quickening his movements before he feels his stomach clenching moments later. "I think I'm about to cum," He says, body tensing above you as strings of cum paint your inner walls. Jungkook's chest is against yours when he collapses from reaching his high, face in your neck with his fringe damp and body glistening with a layer of sweat. He regains his composure before lifting his head and giving you another kiss on your lips. "I'm sorry, that was fast, you were just so tight and warm— do you want me to help you finish?—"

You lay, hair a mess, no sign of the tie anywhere, skin sticky, uneven breaths, and cheeks flushed crimson. It felt good— even though it didn't last for long— but it felt good. Shaking your head, you pull him in for a longer embrace. "Don't worry about it, it was good. I'm content," You say honestly. You didn't need to finish because you felt like you were at your high already.

The weekend passes, and Monday hits.

"Wait... you're telling me that your first kiss and your first time was with him? And you've never wanted to date him?" Yura says astoundingly. "But you're still friends. There's no way you don't have feelings for him. You like him, don't you?"

You scratch the back of your head before shrugging your shoulders, opening the textbook laying in front of you. "I don't know, Yura, you're asking me a lot of questions right now. I'm not sure how to reply." It was the middle of a break session in class, and people were sitting around, talking or playing games, so it was rowdy enough for the two of you to have a conversation without anyone overhearing. "That's what someone with a crush says," She responds, shaking her head before tapping her pen against the table. "Maybe you should confess to him or something."

"Confess to who?"

You felt your heart drop for a moment -- no one heard anything, did they? Eyes looking up at the person whose body lingers, you notice that there are two people standing at the end of your desk. "Oh, Jungkook, Hoseok, you scared me," Yura has her hand on her chest, inhaling in a deep breath. "I decided to drop by your class since Jungkook is too busy to hang out with me today," Gleams Hoseok, arm hanging around Jungkook's shoulder.

"You guys didn't answer my initial question, who are you confessing to?" Jungkook asks. Although the question was supposed to be directed to the both of you, his eyes were directly locked onto you. "Uh, pft, no one," You turn your head to look at Yura, stare hinting for her to help. Luckily, she reads this and claps her hands together with a laugh. "Me! I should confess to a guy,"

"Oh, who?" Hoseok had already grabbed a chair and sat down at this point, suddenly interested in the conversation. "And how are you going to do it? Are you going to do it like those girls did for Jungkook?"

Jungkook shakes his head, and extends his arm out to shift Hoseok back in his seat. "No, I think you guys were trying to talk about someone else's confession, not yours, Yura."

The bell rings. Hoseok frowns, standing up before returning the chair back to the rightful owner, ruffling Jungkook's hair. "That's my signal to leave, please tell me what happens next!" He makes his way out of the classroom as Jungkook waves goodbye but keeps his stare at you. "Saved by the bell. But I expect a talk later."

Fuck.

[donkey-hyuck]

𝑪𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒃; 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑨𝒓𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒂: 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔

three card spreads↴

tarot cards;

the hermit (upright) 

contemplation, search for truth, inner guidance

strength (upright)

inner strength, bravery, compassion, focus

the emperor (reversed)

tyranny, rigidity, coldness

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

word count- 18,355 (woah wtf😳) 

genre- angst baby || fluff || yk just pure angst || high school! au in the beginning || college!au || bittersweet ||

characters/pairing- kinda popular kid!lee jeno x fem!volleyball player!reader || nct dream including mark || sooyoung

warnings- swearing | mentions of cheating but only accusations | dialogue heavy | lowercase letters intended | over usage of words bc i’m irrelevant | spelling/grammar mistakes | a whole relationship rollercoaster | jeno’s a dickhead | lots of self pondering

introduction- maybe you two just had enough of each other. being involved in one another’s lives could have just taken a huge toll on the both of you. so after finally separating practically your whole lives, you may both think you’re fine; but inside, neither of you can let each other go. one heated argument leads to another and you may have just lost your best friend, the love of your life… or maybe you didn’t…. or maybe you did.

taglist! @badwithten​, @jenoji​, @joyfuleggsfishbanana​, @proseeuhn​, @danishmiilk​

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

“mommy! jeno just pulled my hair!” your five year old self shouted as five year old jeno huffed and turned the other way. his mother had been out for the day for a job interview and your mother had promised to take care of him. the two of your mothers’ had been friends since middle school, grew up together, went through their adolescence, helped each other with university work. they were the best of friends, inseparable. and when they found out they were both pregnant at the same time, they were ecstatic to raise their children together.

you and jeno had known each other your entire lives up to that point. he was only four months older than you but he acted as if he was so superior, and it just made you ticked off. throughout elementary school—mostly kindergarten and first grade— the two of you never got along and fought constantly. your mothers’ tried to make you like each other but to no avail.

“mom! y/n pinched me!” five year old jeno yelled to his mother as you stuck your tongue out at him and crossed your arms. your mother had brought you along to their house when that happened and it just seemed as if the two of you would never get along.

but all that changed when you entered middle school. well, not completely, but you had his back when he needed it. mostly when you were forced to help tutor jeno in your science class, or when he had a crush on one of your good friends. he had your back too, telling you not to get into fights with the girls who thought they were so much better than you, or trying to set you up on dates with his friends. middle school was truly a place where you and jeno put away whatever feud the two of you had going on. middle school with jeno was actually fun, graduating your eighth grade class, messing around with teachers, meeting new friends. there was just so much enjoyment for the both of you during those years.

when high school came along, the two of you had been in separate classes, you being put in advanced placement and jeno being put in stem. that was kind of the first time you have been separated from each other at school. during your primary days, you and jeno had the same schedules and it seemed like fate wanted you two together. but when you entered high school, you were both more distant toward each other, specifically during all of junior and most of senior year.

freshman year was more of an experience. it was weird to not see jeno through the halls, let alone not have classes with him. but the two of you were just as inseparable as your mothers’, and met up with each other after school anyway, whether it was your mom picking the two of you up or his.

you were two peas in a pod and had seemed to always be teased by your peers, even when you denied liking each other. if it was true or not, no one had believed you and the two of you were stuck as the couple throughout the entirety of freshman year.

“true friends are never apart. maybe in distance but never in heart.” as you two said.

but new years of 2016 all changed the way jeno had perceived you. he was invited to a new years party with a few of his friends— na jaemin and lee donghyuck— and jeno had seemingly been gullible enough to believe the lies people were saying about you. about how you started the rumor of him dating a model his age from overseas, the rumor about him making out with younghee during his free period one thursday morning, or the rumor about him liking eunseo. he was furious to know that you were the one who spread all of the gossip around school, pushing past the idea that you and him had been connected by the hip since you were born. pushing past the idea that you truly weren’t like that. but jeno was enraged, nonetheless.

while he was feeding off of lies people had told him that night, your family— as well as his— were spending the new year right. you and your family had been invited to the lee’s for the countdown and you noticed your best friend wasn’t there.

“y/n! jeno’s not here, he’s with donghyuck and jaemin for a new years party tonight. i hope you won’t be bored here,” said his mother with a look of disappointment in her eyes. you shook your head and smiled, “it’s okay, aunty. i have minjung!” although you were excited to have some alone girl time with his older sister, jeno had never told you about attending a new years party that night. and to think about it more, hyuck nor jaem had told you either. it was weird. but you just pushed that all aside and walked down the hall to minjung’s room. at the time you were fifteen and she was eighteen and a well-known senior at your high school.

“minjung!” you bursted through her door and she immediately ran to hug you. “y/n! i missed you!” she hugged back as nal nudged your calf in a greeting. picking up the feline, you walked out of the room to eat and sit in the living room to play some family games.

your two families counted down together and it was officially 2016. your parents had decided to stay for another hour before going back home. but during that hour, hyuck’s mom had dropped off jeno and he was met with your families laughing and having the time of their lives together. another year, another long friendship that was to never end; or so your parents thought.

jeno came home upset that night. he felt betrayed and disappointed that you would say those things about him but all the more that made him angry. his mother had greeted him but he coldly shook it off and took to his room. you were shocked, jeno never acted that way towards his mother. you didn’t notice how quiet it was until your parents nudged you to talk to him.

“uhm.. aunty, uncle. i’ll go talk to jeno, see what’s up with him.” and for some unknown reason, you were nervous walking down to his bedroom.

carefully, you knocked and let yourself slide through the door, “jen…? are you okay? why’d you do that to your mom?” your voice was soft, just more of a way to not trust you. you were a hoax. at least, to jeno you were.

“i’m fine, y/n. get out of my room, i need to shower,” he rushed you out only making you want to say and ask a million questions about what was going on in that moment.

“no. what’s wrong with you? what happened tonight?” your brows furrowed and that was when he turned to you with stone cold eyes.

“none of your business. now get out!”

you don’t think jeno had made you cry since you were little but this was the first time a tear had shed because of the person you cared most about. however, you could never really recall why you cried that night. it wasn’t a bawling kind of cry, more of a sniffly kind of cry. whether it was frustration or shock, you walked out of his room as you wiped your tears with your sweater. it’s probably only a mood, you tried to convince yourself.

boy were you wrong.

the next few months were like this; you constantly trying to get jeno’s attention, crying about losing your best friend, and questioning what had happened to get him so upset at you. it was all a mind-fuck and you missed jeno. and by the time sophomore year was over, you and jeno had seemed to become less and less involved with each other when your parents were invited to their house or vice versa. around midway summer vacation before junior year, you stopped trying to get jeno’s attention because you clearly didn’t matter to him anymore.

both of your parents were confused as to why you stopped talking all of a sudden. you two still saw each other, yes, but there was nothing past the glaring looks of pure hatred. ever since that night, there was never a spare of words between the two of you and your mothers’ were worried.

one morning, before driving off to school, your mother had asked you, “y/n, why don’t you and jeno talk anymore?

“jeno, why don’t you and y/n talk anymore?”

“he’s a jerk, mom. it’s complicated.”

“she’s fake, mom. it’s complicated.”

—

graduation was two months away and it had been officially two years and a couple months since your friendship breakup.

“hello!! earth to y/n,” waved hyuck with his hands in front of your face. “what’s up with you right now?”

after breaking the news to mutual friends, donghyuck had been stuck between the two of you for the longest time but opted to just stay friends with you and jeno because that wasn’t a petty thing to do. jaemin on the other hand, was a different story. after jeno told jaemin you weren’t friends before he told hyuck, jaemin had texted you to meet by the library to ‘talk.’ turned out, jaemin wanted to stay loyal to his friend and disregard you and your feelings; and that was the end of that relationship. so you basically lost two of your bestest friends within a span of a week without a clue as to why. that was the big question, though…. why?

you blinked as you looked toward his direction. “what do you want, hyuck?” he sighed before answering, “first class is free period, dummy. mrs. choi isn’t here today.” you slowly sighed as well, as donghyuck took you by your hand and dragged you out of the empty classroom.

“let’s go to mr. park’s. we can stay there until class ends. today’s long period anyway,” he explained, dragging you down the hall and up two flights of stairs. donghyuck barged into the room causing everyone to immediately look at the loud boy crashing the lecture.

“lee donghyuck! y/f/n! what are you two doing here? shouldn’t you be in mrs. choi’s room?” mr. park raised a brow.

“ayy mr. park! y/n and i are here because mrs. choi couldn’t make it to class today. besides, you’re our favorite teacher, why else would we come here?” the teacher hummed and excused you to sit at his, fairly large, desk. “just don’t bother my students,” he warned, mostly talking to hyuck. he only responded in a wink and signed a ‘keep going.’

about twenty minutes of unproductive work had passed and you finally looked up to observe the students in mr. park’s stem class. his room wasn’t that big and there were only about nineteen to twenty-four kids in the class. scanning the room, your eyes were met with jeno’s. you slightly snickered as your eyes twitched in annoyance and turned to hyuck.

“hey, guess who’s here.” his brows furrowed as he looked around, finally getting to see jeno. but being the good friend that he was, hyuck waved at jeno before greeting him. they apparently had a handshake and mr. park seemed to notice as he told hyuck to sit back down and for jeno to focus on his work. the tan boy pouted before sitting back at his seat, making some of the girls laugh.

he came back to sit next to you and you rolled your eyes toward jeno and turned to the boy. “really?”

“whaaat? just because you two aren’t friends doesn’t mean that he and i can’t.” what hyuck said was true. you shouldn’t let your aggravation get the best of you. it was donghyuck’s decision to be and to not be friends with people. you huffed out a fine and turned back to your laptop that does not have any completed assignments— though there were only two that you hadn’t done yet. but you knew that free period class was gonna be torture for the next hour or so.

your second period class was, fortunately, in mr. park’s room with hyuck. however, jeno happened to have mrs. choi for second period and asked mr. park to stay in his class for the time being. so while the three of you waited for the students to attend, jeno and hyuck had been messing around and the room filled with their laughter. soon, as the teacher was getting ready for his class, a couple of your extroverted classmates joined along in their joking as you just sat quietly next to hyuck.

while ten minutes had passed of mr. park talking and explaining something along the lines of graphical analysis, hyuck whispered, “what’s up with you today? you’re eerily quieter than usual.” yeah… why were you quieter today?

“uh, i don’t know, hyuck. maybe i’m just not feeling it today, i guess,” you shrugged and looked back to the class work stuck on your desk. then your mind wandered off to the conversation you had with your mother that morning.

“how? you two were the best of friends. what happened to ‘true friends are never apart. maybe in distance but never in heart?’” she asked, shoving down a spoonful of rice. but you just shrugged and replied, “hm, i don’t know, mom. he hasn’t spoken a word to me since new years of 2016. it’s been two years. besides, if he doesn’t want to be friends with me without telling the reason, then that’s on him. i quit trying a long time ago.”

it was true. after jeno pushed you off on multiple occasions, you had stopped trying to get on good terms again. he was the immature one in the first place; you just tried to fix whatever was going on.

but soon enough, second period was over and out you were to mr. yang’s ap chemistry class. sooyoung— one of your closest girl friends— had happened to be in that class as well so when you entered the room she immediately called you over. you sat down at the lab table where she was seated and rested your face against it.

“what’s wrong, y/n?” she asked, making you look up at her while rubbing your face from all the questions about your sudden change in behavior.

“nothing much. well… mrs. choi isn’t here today so hyuck dragged me to mr. park’s class and that asshole lee jeno was in there,” you explained to her but she got confused because you never really associated yourself with him since the sudden split. she was about to ask why you were so caught up with him all of a sudden but it was as if you could read her mind because your next sentence was, “my mom asked me about him this morning. she’s still bugging me about why we aren’t friends… his mom too, i’m sure. and i’ve just been thinking about it. usually she would ask and i would answer the same and be fine but i guess today is just not my day.” you'd be lying if you said you didn’t miss lee jeno. you truly did. after all the shenanigans you’ve been through, lee jeno was always by your side.

ugh just stop thinking about it. you told yourself, mentally slapping your face and turning toward the board. but throughout the entire class, you did not pay attention to a word that came out of mr. yangs’ mouth.

once the bell rang, you were snapped out of your trance and quickly packed your things to go to your fourth class of the day— mrs. lim.

walking up the stairs, you met donghyuck in the halls and told him to hurry to mrs. lim’s class before she gets upset. providentially, mrs. lim was short period and there wasn’t much to do besides take notes.

“y/n who do you have next?” donghyuck asked as he waited for you to walk to the door and out to the hallway. “language with ms. jung. you should know this by now, hyuck,” you playfully shook your head and punched his shoulder. he ignored it and asked another question, “oh! so you have first lunch?” you nodded and walked down the stairs to the first floor library.

“yeah but i’m not gonna eat. plus, i don’t know anyone during my lunch.”

hyuck dramatically covered his mouth and gasped. “yes you do, what the fuck? hello… me, duh!” you laughed at his extra self and stuck your hands in your pockets. “i mean besides you. everyone wants to sit with you anyways. and you know i don’t really eat lunch.” your response only made him pout and look at you with a weird face expression. “you know i would rather sit with you any day right, y/n?” you smiled brightly and looked at him. “... i know, but i’m just not hungry. i’ll be in the library for lunch, and after ms. jung’s class. mrs. bae isn’t here today either so i’m just going to spend my time there.”

he muttered in disappointment as he dropped you off at the library before heading to the cafeteria.

“bye stupid. thanks for walking with me.” he smirked and turned around. “bye ugly. i’ll see you here in two hours. love you.”

“love you too.” but a pair of brown eyes watched the whole scene. the scene that made his heart slowly break.

you walked into the library and sat at a vacant three seater table and pulled out whatever you had to finish out of your bag. five minutes had passed of you typing on your computer when a fellow junior— park jisung— walked through the double doors and immediately recognized his favorite senior— you.

“y/n!” he whisper shouted while speed walking to the table you were sitting at. smiling at him, you pulled the chair next to you so he would have a place to sit. then you asked him why he was here.

“mrs. choi isn’t present today so i’m just gonna stay here. mrs. bae isn’t here either, chenle’s gonna come during last period too,” he explained while getting out his computer and a notebook. mrs. bae was your ceramics teacher and it seemed like there were a lot of teachers absent that day; but it was only a regular friday.

after conversing with jisung for another twenty minutes the loud bell signified the end of first lunch and off you were to your language class with ms. jung. you left the library after packing up and bidding jisung a short ‘see ya later.’

however, you forgot lee jeno was also in ms. jung’s class with you until you saw the back of his head turn straight into her room. fuck.

shortly after he walked in and sat down, you walked through the door and toward the back of the class to sit at one of the desks. and you swore jeno was eyeing you down as you passed him, and not in a good way.

but to jeno… he was eyeing you because he just missed you. he missed hanging out with you, especially during class. ever since he had that chat with his mom that morning— as well as seeing you with hyuck in mr. park’s class, and seeing you two announce your appreciation towards each other— he realized that he fucking missed you. so much.

that day was a friday too, so your parents were definitely going over the lee’s tonight. mentally, you rolled your eyes and shut your brain from thinking anything else and to just listen to what ms. jung had planned for the day.

school was boring, though. and your class just continued doing whatever you did during your class, prior.

“okay guys! we’re together for short period on monday, make sure you finish your research over the weekend. you’re free to go.”

you just stuffed your notebook into your bag and walked up the aisle. but you stopped right when jeno had dropped his pen. he picked it up and looked at you,  quietly apologizing. you hadn’t heard him, though; he was too quiet so you just paused until he picked it up and walked out of class to the front lobby. he should’ve just spoken up but he was too late.

mrs. bae didn’t have a substitute to fill in for her so you walked to the library, planning to sit at the same table which, thankfully, already seated chenle and jisung. you sat across from the boys and sighed, laying your head down again.

“what’s wrong?” asked chenle. you lifted your head up and lazily smiled before shaking your head.

“nothing. today’s just been tiring, that’s all. you two do your work. i’m gonna try to take a nap.” they both nodded and let you rest for the remaining time, making sure to wake you up before the bell rang.

—

“hyuck!” you ran up to him. he picked you up from your house that morning and so he was going to drop you off. “we have to pick up jangmi today. she stayed after school to help her teachers prepare for their spring formal.”

“really? sungho stayed after school too. what a coincidence,” he chuckled as he unlocked the car door and started it up. jangmi was your little sister in seventh grade and sungho was donghyuck’s younger brother in the same grade, attending the same school. what your poor little sister didn’t know was that sungho had a tiny little crush on her. so said from sungho to hyuck. it was cute.

they both greeted the two of you and talked about their day staying after school.

“are you guys going to the dance together?” asked donghyuck with a slight laugh, making sungho flush red and stutter, “uh.. i don’t know. it’s up to jangmi. but i don’t have a date yet.” his little brothers response made hyuck laugh and you hit his stomach.

“don’t make fun of sungho. it’s not nice. jangmi, do you have a date for the formal?” you looked at her through the rear view mirror. “no. i don’t even know if i wanna go yet.” hyuck laughed again but you flicked his cheek before he could say anything else to his brother. and then it got awkwardly quiet in the backseat of the acura tlx.

“bye, jangmi! bye, y/n!” said hyuck and his brother. “same time tomorrow morning?” he asked after rolling down the window some more. you responded with a nod and walked into your house after waving one last time to the pair of siblings. only to be met with your mother rushing the two of you to change into something formal. your sister whined and asked why.

“we’re meeting at kwonsooksoo to have dinner with the lee’s.”

“but it’s only three p.m. why do we have to get ready now?” you furrowed your brows.

“because i know you girls will take forever. plus, it’s almost a two hour drive from here. we’re supposed to be meeting them at 7:30.”

that was a typical friday night. each of your parents spending way too much money on food that’ll be half finished by the time you left, awkward and nasty looks between you and jeno, and quiet conversations of you and minjung followed by jeno and jangmi.

so while fixing up the makeup on your face, you slowly stopped swiping the brush on your face and looked in the mirror at your reflection, then to the bedside table where you remember you hid a scrapbook from years ago. setting the brush down on your desk, you turned in the chair you were sitting in and opened the drawer to pick up the polaroid picture filled book.

covering the cream colored pages were silly pictures of the two of you from birth to elementary school, fun patterns of washi tape, and the messy handwriting of you and jeno. looking through the reminiscent book, you remembered the stash of old friendship items in a large shoe box hiding under your bed. quickly, you scrambled to the floor and dragged the dusty, wood-like box from its place.

you opened the top of the box and it looked like how you remembered it looked like when you packed it up two years ago. in the box contained some more photo albums and scrapbooks, a few framed pictures, letters that jeno wrote for your birthday—your seventh, tenth, and fourteenth— a few sheets of guitar notes, and a friendship bracelet each of you made for each other. and looking through all of the memories, a single tear had dropped from your face just as your mother walked in the room. she was going to tell you they were ready to leave until she stopped mid sentence, immediately looking sad at her daughter crying because of the friendship she used to have.

“auh… y/n,” her voice was soft as she knelt on the floor and cupped your cheeks in her palms. you just cried and hugged her, constantly saying that you missed him. you missed lee jeno so damn much. and you could never say it enough.

the lee’s never saw you that night. after that whole breakdown, your mother thought it was best to not let you go. it could’ve caused more erect feelings and she didn’t want that for you, even if she did want you to tell jeno that you missed him. but she didn’t force it on you, and they left the house to meet the lee’s without you.

the following hour, a knock was heard at your door.

it was na jaemin.

jaemin had lived in the area, but you were confused and shocked by his presence back in your life. hesitantly, you unlocked the door and there he stood. from the outside, you probably looked emotionless but on the inside, you were freaking the fuck out.

“na jaemin..? what are you doing here?” you had been straight to the point, not wanting to see his face any longer. but he just dryly chuckled and said, “my mom cut the power at my house. it’s gonna be out for a few days but i just wanted to see if you still lived in the area.” it sounded like he was mocking you and it made your eye twitch in annoyance and asked him what he wanted and why he was here.

“whaat? i can’t see an old friend?” that made you pissed and you shoved the door closed. though na jaemin had a fast reflex, and caught the door with his foot before opening it again. this time, your hand was rested on your hip and the other was holding the door, preventing it to be fully opened.

“we don’t like each other, remember. now spill it or i’ll crush your toes with my door.” you were still as sassy as he remembered and it made him genuinely smile this time.

“calm down, princess. i just really wanted to know if you were home since, you know, you and jeno’s family are out.” how did he know? lee jeno, that’s how. you just rolled your eyes and opened the door wider than it was before he just invited himself in your house. didn't he have any respect?

walking in after him, you watched as he sat down on your couch and you leaned on the wall. the space of your living room was quiet until he broke the silence.

“jeno said that you didn’t go with your family today… that’s why i’m here, okay.” he looked at you with guilt in his eyes.

to be honest, you missed jaemin almost as much as you missed jeno. you confessed it to hyuck, and you were almost 100% sure he told at least jaemin that you missed the two.

“i’m sorry,” he whispered out, “i miss you y/n… jeno and i both.”

you looked to the floor then back to the blonde boy, unbelievably. the boys were pranksters and this could be a sick joke.

“don’t lie to me, na,” you hissed out and pushed yourself off the wall to walk into the kitchen, jaemin following after. he sat at the island and watched as you rummaged through the fridge to find something to drink.

“i’m being sincere. we miss you a lot.”

scoffing, you left the kitchen to walk to your room. but you looked back at jaemin, sighed, and motioned him to follow you up to your room.

your room was still the same. the first door to the right when you walk up the stairs. of course, it had been revamped, but it still eluded the energy he always sensed from you since the two of you met. staring at jaemin scanning your room, you remembered how observant he was.

jaemin always knew when something was up, whether it was you being sad, you being frustrated, or when you were just zoning out. he knew you like the back of his hand, even if you didn’t know it. he was quiet but knowledgeable.

while looking around the room, jaemin noticed the old  photo albums opened and scattered on your bed. he walked to your bed and picked up the butterfly scrapbook. flipping through the pages, he smiled, and even slightly chuckled at the childish pictures and humorous comments that filled each page. when he was done looking through that photo book, he patted the seat next to him for you to sit down. grabbing the next scrapbook— a pokémon themed title page— he opened it up and leaned his head on your shoulder, causing you to freeze up.

it was as if he knew there were lots of pictures of him and hyuck in that specific book. it was your eighth grade memory book and you had known hyuck and jaemin for three years prior to that. the sweet smile was still on his face the entire time he flipped through the pages. he read and detected every picture and every little blurb of writing on each page, knowing whose handwriting was who’s.

“i missed this a lot,” he muttered while caressing the printed out picture of the four of you during your eighth grade graduation ceremony. then he glanced up at you. looking nowhere in particular, you whispered out, “me too. so much.” jaemin then sat up and faced you, wiping the tears escaping your eyes. you then looked at him.

“you know, y/n… jeno still has the friendship bracelet you made him,” he said, looking at the colorful arrangement of beads sitting on the floor. “actually, jeno has a lot of things in his room that remind him of you.” he leaned his head against your shoulder once more, lightly wrapping his arms around you to embrace your figure in a hug. then you leaned your head against his, slightly sniffling away the tears and picking up the last scrapbook you made before you stopped being friends.

flipping through the pages, jaemin recollected all the memories from two to three years ago in high school. about halfway through the book, the pictures soon came to a stop. the rest of the pages were left blank. he lifted his head up and there was a frown present on his face.

“you didn’t finish filling it out?” he questioned, getting up and closing the book.

“i didn’t get to. we stopped talking after new years.” he looked back at the page that was last filled. it was pictures of your families together during christmas eve playing secret santa. flashes of smiling faces and wrapping paper on the floor.

‘december 24, 2015, christmas eve. i hung these pictures up late this year. it’s currently january second and jeno won’t talk to me since new years night. i didn’t have the guts to put these pictures in here but these were the last pictures i had of us all being happy. i don’t think he wants to talk to me anyways…. happy new year and goodbye for now, it’s been fun :( - y/n’

jaemin’s heart broke while holding the crinkled paper in his hands. as strong as he was, mentally, his tears dripped onto the last filled page and looked to you. a single tear falling as he blinked. without a word, jaemin embraced you in a warm and comforting hug. a hug you missed for years.

slowly, you wrapped your arms around your ex-best friend as tears puddled your shoulder as he cried harder and harder. and after the ten minute crying session, jaemin had been rather sniffly and puffy eyed. feeling bad and somewhat guilty, you let jaemin stay over your house to have some takeout with you.

“is that why you didn’t go with your family tonight?” he asked, gulping down his water.

“yeah. i was getting ready and then i just remembered about it. the next thing i knew, i was looking through those pictures and crying... my mom felt bad and didn’t want me to go.” he just nodded in acknowledgment and placed down the cup. it was quiet for a few moments before a text message notification was heard.

“i gotta go. my mom’s wondering where i am.” you walked him to the door and opened it, bidding him a goodbye before he trudged down the street toward his house. just as you shut the door, your mother called you that they were almost home.

packing up the food, and tidying up your room, the jiggling keys caught your attention. it was only about 9:45 and your father walked in, followed by your family, and along came the lee’s. of course.

you scurried up the stairs and kicked the box of memories under your bed just as your father opened the door. you turned to him with your hands folded in front of you and awkwardly smiling.

“pooh! the lee’s are here, come say hi.” you figured your mother hadn’t told your father about the little scene she had witnessed. to be honest, he didn’t know how to react in those kinds of situations so you were kind of glad he was oblivious.

you ushered down the stairs in your easter pajamas and hugged mr and mrs. lee. while hugging them, they said they missed you for dinner and asked what was wrong.

“my stomach hurt a little bit earlier and mom said i could stay home for tonight. i’m glad to see you guys, though!” they cheered and nodded as they looked at their son, motioning— with their eyes— to talk to you.

jeno cleared his throat and greeted you with a small ‘hi’ before jangmi dragged him to her room. everyone remaining sighed and went to the living room while you just walked back up to your room. jangmi’s bedroom was diagonally across from yours and you couldn’t help but to eavesdrop on their conversation.

“jangmi… what would you say if i said that-” you quit listening and shut the door to your room. blowing the baby hairs out of your face,  you looked around your room and was face to face with the guitar sitting in the corner of your room. it was the guitar jeno had bought for your last birthday since you stopped talking. picking up the guitar, you sat back on your bed and grabbed the music sheet from the box, playing the nostalgic tune you and jeno had randomly come up with one day after school.

stepping out of your sisters’ room to go to the bathroom, jeno instantly heard the old song playing in his ears and leaned his head to your closed door. a small smile appeared on his face as he named the notes in his head. his father had come up the stairs and startled jeno, making him move his hand against the elongated doorknob and open your door, causing him to fall back first onto the floor of your bedroom.

you promptly stood up in surprise and your eyes were wide open. was he there the whole time? what was he even doing?

jeno swiftly picked himself off the ground and scratched his head in embarrassment, looking back to his dad who gave him the look. so entering your room and closing the door, you’re met with jeno’s gaze. your heart was pounding and your breathing was heavy, as was his.

tears glossed over your eyes again until he spoke up. “....you still have the music sheet to that?” he refused to look at you.

you gulped and replied, “yeah… i was just, uh, going through some of my old stuff. i found it earlier.” the tension between the two of you was thick and no one wanted to say a word after that.

“uhm.. well, i guess i’ll get going. jangmi’s probably waiting for me.” he was about to leave until he heard your sniffling. he immediately turned around and saw you with your head down and the guitar laying on the floor. he recalled the guitar he bought you for your fifteenth birthday. calmly walking towards your fragile figure, jeno asked what was wrong.

“... you jerk…” you took a deep breath in and looked up at him. “get out of my room… please. jangmi’s waiting…” in that moment, jeno realized that he didn’t want to leave, he wanted to stay with you. so he did the next best thing, walked out, informed your sister in what was going on, quickly walked back to your room and hugged you as tight as he could. maybe your best friend was back.

he just constantly shushed you and held you like you were a piece of glass getting ready to break. one of his hands held your waist and the other held your head against his chest as he swung the two of you back and forth, slowly. jeno just let you cry in his embrace as small tears fell from his eyes as well. the only sounds that filled the room were the sobs that escaped your mouth.

during the time, jangmi had rushed down the stairs to let your parents know what was happening at that very moment. it was a miracle to know that you two were actually close to each other in the same room. you two were true friends, indeed.

the night ended with you drained out and falling asleep against jeno’s chest. just as he and his parents were going to leave, jeno made sure to tuck you in bed and bid you a small goodnight before shutting the lights and leaving with his parents.

—

the following morning— around nine in the morning— you were awoken by the alarm you had set prior. you can feel the puffy of your eyes and instantly remember the night before. you and jeno hugged. you were crying and jeno comforted you. to some degree, there was a small smile on your face as you stretched to get ready for work.

you worked at some pho restaurant— pho-nomenal— downtown and hyuck promised to drop you off even though you were fully capable of driving to work yourself. but he just insisted and said he was going to eat pho with a friend.

“y/n! hyuckie is here!” screamed your sister from downstairs. you replied just as loud saying you were tying up your hair. you said goodbye to your parents and told them you were off work at four.

getting in the car you screamed out what happened last night. donghyuck pretended to be shocked. jeno had  already told him by the time they left your house. and hyuck told him that you were working in the morning and to have some pho before off to a college interview.

checking in, sooyoung had greeted donghyuck and sat him down at an open table. he then proceeded to ask sooyoung to ask you to serve for his table. did you mention that sooyoung had a teensy crush on said boy?

she was a little upset but you two were best friends so she just nodded and went to the back to say you had company.

“hyuck, what do you want? why didn’t you let sooyoung serve you today?” you whined while placing down two menus and a buzzer on the table. “because i want you to,” he shrugged and looked past your figure to see jeno walk through the doors. looking back to where your friend was looking, you directly saw jeno as well. that sneaky little prick.

growling and flipping him off, you walked back to the front desk and grabbed some more menus to serve the other people that filled the restaurant.

coming back to hyuck and jeno’s table, you were unable to look jeno in the eyes as he ordered first. when he was finished, you glared at hyuck as he hid his laughter behind the menu. going to the back room, you called out the order and clipped it onto the board and walked back out to stand in front of the main desk. the restaurant wasn’t that busy in the morning so you and your coworkers stood at the front ready to greet other customers and get the meals prepared.

when their food was ready, you rang the buzzer and up came lee jeno. you were going to kill lee donghyuck.

sooyoung and a couple other coworkers were unavailable so you were the only one to give jeno their food.

just as he was about to talk, you gave them their meal and mumbled, “enjoy your food.” it was all too abrupt. but he thanked you and walked down back to the table. both he and donghyuck sighed. you were too stubborn.

“no, hyuck. she’s just scared to be friends with me again. i mean, i would be too if she did that to me. we’ve been best friends since diapers…. sorta… but i still know what kind of person she is,” jeno said, slurping down his noodles and looking at your back as you were preparing some drinks for the other customers. the other boy just shook his head and got ready to take another bite.

once they were finished, and their finished food was taken care of, jeno offered to pay for the meal, just so he could talk to you. as desperate as hyuck was to have the two of you interact, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t happy that jeno was paying just for the sake of your relationship.

“total is $16.83,” you hadn’t even said a complete sentence. sure it made sense but it wasn’t complete; and it broke jeno’s heart that you didn’t want to see him anymore. glancing up, donghyuck gives you a look and you already know what he’s going to text you later. rolling your eyes at him, you give jeno his change back. your hands brushed against each other as you handed back his coins and it made jeno slightly shiver.

the rest of the day was pretty boring. some of the same customers, everyone ordering the same things, the busy back room. as your shift was coming to an end, you got a text from hyuck that jeno and jaemin were coming along to pick you up. just great.

hanging up your apron, you texted your mom that the boys, though you told her only hyuck, was going to pick you up from work and drop you off. you groaned and walked outside after saying your goodbyes to your crew mates.

“hurry up, donghyuck! it’s going to rain, i can hear the thunder,” you nagged while persistently looking around to spot his car. “okay, okay, i’m down the street. hold your horses.”

finally pulling into the parking lot, donghyuck stopped in front of you and you climbed into the back seat next to jaemin. he and you had exchanged phone numbers the previous night and it seemed like he was back to his affectionate self. he greeted you with a hug from the side and showed off his charming smile and pearly whites. you awkwardly hugged him back, not knowing you two were already in this stage of becoming friends again. jeno looked back through the mirror, he was jealous jaemin was working so fast and already making little progress.

“y/n… i forgot to tell you that we’re all staying the night,” hyuck mockingly laughed. “i already told your mom too. jangmi’s excited.” he finished with a teasing wink. oh brother, you mentally rolled your eyes, sighing into the leather seat.

“cheer up y/n! we can catch up..” jaemin’s sentence became less enthusiastic. you just slightly smiled and looked at him, “okay then.” and it was quiet for the rest of the ride.

opening the door, jangmi’s voice is heard from the opposite side yelling at your dad, “dad! y/n, hyuck, jaemin, and jeno are here!” the boys laughed and all took off their shoes before greeting your sister and father.

“pooh! mom’s at the grocery store right now. you’ll have to help her put away the stuff when she comes back,” he informed. you just nodded with a yes and told them to follow you up to your room. then it got you wondering. three boys sleeping over a girls house at the age of eighteen? curse lee donghyuck.

at around 6 p.m. or so, your mother comes through the door and asks for help to bring the groceries in while she’s greeting the three boys.

“hi boys. i’m glad you could stay the night here! and i’m happy you four are friends again.” your eyes shut from embarrassment and told your mom that there was one last gallon of water in the trunk.

after putting the food and whatnot away, you all walked back upstairs and it was silent for a good few moments. “uhm, we have some extra towels and i think i have some toothbrushes in my closet. you guys can just sleep on the inflatable bed, it’s all we have.” jaemin clicked his fingers. “duh, our stuff is in hyuck’s trunk. we packed everything y/n, don’t worry. i mean, besides the bed but you know what i mean.” you chuckled and nodded as they went back outside to get their belongings. however, jeno had asked them to bring up his bag and so it was just the two of you again.

you were playing with your fingers when he said, “...i’m happy you’re letting us in..” you looked up at him and shyly smiled. “it’s the least i could do. we used to be friends so…”

“yeah but i want to change that, y/n. i want us to be best friends again. remember  ‘true friends are never apart. maybe in distance but never in heart’?” his heart hurt and he was physically in pain. as much as you wanted to yell at him that this was all his fault, you didn’t have the guts to. because he’s back and he wants to be friends again.

the night ended with all of you huddled on your bed watching some thriller tv show that hyuck chose. though you weren’t paying attention at all. the four of you talked throughout the night and looked back on all the memories from middle school to freshman year.

“yeah, yeah! remember when we dared y/n to sit next to mark lee? that was gold! i still have those pictures on my phone!” exclaimed jeno while scrolling to the top of his photo album on his phone. your eyes were widened and your face flushed red, remembering the embarrassing moment.

“ugh stop. i didn’t even like mark lee like that,” you said, covering your face in the palms of your hand. mark lee was your senior at the time of that incident. you were fifteen and he was sixteen. your friends and mark all had the same lunch; but being the popular boy he was, mark lee was sitting with his other friends. they were recalling that you had a supposed crush on the boy and when they had the chance, forced you to sit next to him. it was all just humiliating sitting next to someone everyone thought you had a crush on. and you knew mark heard about those rumors going around.

“yeah okay, y/n. keep saying that,” hyuck smirked and rolled his eyes. jaemin was just laughing and having a good time listening to the conversations going on.

around midnight jangmi walked through your door and joined in on some of the joking the boys were doing. “get out jangmi! we’re talking about high school stuff, plus mom’s gonna be mad at you tomorrow,” you scolded, making her stick her tongue out and hug the older boys goodnight. brat.

you don’t remember when, but when you woke up the next morning, the only person who was sleeping was jeno. jaemin and hyuck were awoken an hour prior and they wanted to let the two of you rest since you were both notorious for going to sleep late and waking up late.

it was only ten in the morning but you pushed yourself out of bed to wash your face and brush your teeth. when you walked down the stairs, the aroma of food entered your senses and jaemin avidly greeted you.

“good morning y/n! we were about to wake you and jeno up but since you’re awake, go tell jeno food’s ready.” he turned you around to face the stairs. sighing, you walked up the stairs and back into your room.

carefully shaking jeno, you repeat, “wake up, food’s ready.” being the lazy bum he was, turned the other way then threw a pillow to your face.

“stop bothering me, monkey.” you were in a trace. monkey and bubba; that’s what you two called each other. you stared at his back, but somehow he felt more awake and sort of uncomfortable. shifting around, he turned to you and sat up.

“what’s wrong with you all of a sudden?” he questioned, waving a hand in front of your face. he must have just blabbed that out while he was half conscious and wasn’t paying attention.

“.... eat. my mom, jaem, and hyuck made breakfast,” you mumbled and walked out the door and down the stairs. from then on he wondered what had gotten into you. but while he was getting ready he remembered what he had said. monkey, the nickname he gave you when you were both eleven. jeno then wondered what would happen if he continued to call you monkey. would you be all flustered? would you complain and yell at him? or would you call him bubba? he’d hope you’d call him bubba again. he missed your nicknames.

your friends and family all enjoyed breakfast together, and your mother was stoked to have the four of you back before leaving for college. instead of the three musketeers, it was the four musketeers. you, lee jeno, lee donghyuck, and na jaemin.

after breakfast, they left to run their errands or start their schedules for the day.

—

while monday started, you wondered if jaemin and jeno would talk to you. welp, only one way to find out.

driving your way to school, hyuck had texted you where you were.

i’m on my way, just wait omg sent, 7:28 a.m.

parking your car and walking towards the front lobby, the two boys pushed through the row of doors and rushed to you. jaemin, being much more comfortable, hugged you and hyuck joined soon after. jeno was a bit on the slower side, deciding to tone down his excitement.

“ayy look at this cool guy,” jaem turned around and teased jeno as he walked to you with his hands in the pockets of his sweater. the boy just smirked and shook his head.

“morning monkey.” you tensed again, then turned pink since the energetic boys stood confused. “monkey? is that what we’re calling y/n now? because i’m totally up for it!” exclaimed hyuck.

your eyes widened and shouted, “no! you guys are not going to call me monkey. that was just a nickname he used to call me.”

jaemin spoke up, “really? since when? how come we’ve never heard this ‘monkey’ come out of jeno’s lips until right in this moment?” you glared at jeno and responded, “it was just a thing between the two of us. besides, you know i have nicknames for both of you, too.” the two boys just rolled their eyes as jeno smiled and cheered in some sort of victory. you stuck out your tongue and caught up with the salty boys who were a couple feet ahead.

but during the walk to first period, in which mrs. choi wasn’t there again, the trio was greeted by everyone as they looked at you, questioning to themselves why you were hanging out with jeno and jaemin. some even forgot the four of you were a thing, and some just didn’t know.

“woah, y/n hanging with them? nana and jen?!”

“i thought they stopped being friends…?”

“damn. i haven’t seen ‘em together since sophomore year.”

and other variations were heard throughout the halls as you, hyuck, and jeno went to drop off jaemin in mrs. moon’s room before walking to mr. park’s.

right when you three walked through the doors, mr. park playfully sighed and gave you and hyuck a look. then looking at the students whispering and already starting to gossip. oh great.

while loosely paying attention to the teachers lesson, you looked around the room, hyuck doing his work and occasionally looking up, some students— of which were mostly female— looking between you and jeno, and jeno, continuously peering over to you. when you met eye contact, he was quick enough to look away and act as if he was taking notes. was jeno really starting to like you? again?

he would probably never admit it but during eighth and ninth grade years, jeno developed the tiniest, and by tiniest he really had the biggest, crush on you. of course, you never knew, only seeing him as family and one of your bestest and closest friends. but it was all in the past and he kind of figured you never really liked him like that anyway.

you diverted your attention back to the laptop screen and started doing some more research for your language class. but as the seconds ticked by, jeno started to glance at you more and more, especially since he knew you were no longer paying attention to his class.

before you knew it, first class was over and you and hyuck sat at your seats in the same room. jeno just stayed in his seat but tapped the desk to the right of him to signify for you to sit there. sort of uncomfortably, you plopped yourself onto the desk and took out whatever you needed for his class. him and hyuck talked, as usual, but jeno made sure to include you since you were now both on speaking terms.

small smiles and shy laughter. it’s always been who you were, it’s always been one of the reasons why jeno fell for you. the whole school scene was just always too overwhelming for you, much rather being on the quieter side. it probably never seemed like it back in middle school but you were always way too much of a nervous wreck to actually do something bad. you were all bark and no bite.

so when class started, and students started to fill the desks one by one. kyong, a well-known— but basic— popular classmate came walking into the room, planning to sit in her seat, which was next to jeno, whom she subtly liked. but seeing you sit there all of a sudden startled her.

“hi, y/n,” she smiled with flames burning in her eyes. “uh that’s my seat, i’m sorry.”

you looked her in the eyes and apologized, getting ready to pack your things to sit next to hyuck until jeno stopped you from doing so and said, “there’s no assigned seats kyong. just go sit next to…. jihoon,” he pointed across the room. her eyes twitched slightly before smiling again and walking to sit next to the knocked out boy.

throughout the class, jeno and hyuck proceeded with their joking around until mr. park had enough and turned around. giving them the ‘you are a senior in high school’ speech. but to be fair, they were being a biiiit immature.

directly after the bell rang, you went straight to mr. yang’s lab class and sat next to sooyoung, after you said goodbye to jeno and hyuck. immediately explaining your weekend out to her.

“i’m sorry he WHAT?”she whisper-shouted hoping mr. yang wouldn’t hear. unfortunately he did and shushed her before moving onto the next part of the lesson he was teaching. you just made a face and nodded before returning back to your notes, sooyoung still in astonishment.

when ms. jung’s class arrived— which was after mrs. lim’s— you sat right where you had been sitting. but before you walked past him like he wasn’t there, jeno greeted you with a smile. thankfully, you did return it and got yourself situated for that class.

—

once your classes were over, you walked to your car and started the engine before jeno called you on your phone. confused, you picked up.

“hello? why are you calling me?” it sounded a bit rude but you didn’t mean for it to come out like that.

“i just wanted to ask if you left yet. you just speeded out the room and i kinda…. sorta…. need a ride,” he elongated the last part of his sentence. you sighed and replied, “can’t you drive? i know you took your drivers permit. and i know you have a license.”

“my car’s in the shop, getting the tires fixed. hyuck picked me up,” he laughed.

“then didn’t you leave with him?”

“that ass left before i had the chance. please, y/n?” he whined and you could practically hear his pout. roughly, you sighed and breathed out ‘fine.’ it seemed like ever since you were nice to each other again, the little prick had been taking advantage of you. but that wasn’t jeno, right?

just as he shut the passenger seat door, you said that you had to pick up jangmi before dropping him off.

“i’m cool with that. besides, jangmi loves me,” he bragged. you just snorted and rolled your eyes before driving off to her school

when you arrived at her middle school, she peered through the passenger window and straight away, a smile was placed on her lips. she opened the door, “jeno! you’re coming home with us today? where’s aunty?” he just laughed and turned his head to her before answering.

“no. y/n is just dropping me off today, and maybe the rest of this week,” his sentence trailed off as he looked at you, only for you to look back and scowl at him.

“maybe tomorrow. if y/n allows me,” the damn teasing tone in his voice. jangmi looked at you with hopeful eyes through the mirror.

“what? it’s not my house. plus jeno’s probably gonna make me not take him home after school anyways.” you were quite annoyed with the duo. as much as you love them, they were a pain in the ass.

dropping jeno off jangmi asked, “what happened between you two?” you just laughed and responded with a little shake of your head, leaving her confused and complaining that you were a bad sister and a bad friend.

“i am not! you’re just too young,” you teased her again since the age difference between her and you was significant. more so, significant enough.

—

graduation day. thursday, june 14th. the day you would remember forever.

it was the morning of senior graduation. nothing much was going on, just the hectic scene of constant practices and nervousness.

“i cannot believe we’re graduating high school together! first middle school and now this!” clapped jaemin with his cheery smile. all four of you were glad to be together in that moment at that time, together. after the feud, your relationship had been stronger than ever and you were all glad.

your parents had come together the couple previous days in order to plan your surprise graduation party for the four of you. it was to be held at your house, as your mom insisted to your dad, so when you all got home, your friends and families would be there.

prior to you leaving the school auditorium, your parents had treated you to some ice cream money before ushering the four of you to go out and have some celebratory treats so they could prepare the little party.

when you reached your house, it was eerily quiet. their parents had parked a couple streets down to hide the fact that they were all a part of the surprise party. so after you walked through the door, all your friends and family popped out of their hiding places and yelled ‘congratulations!’

every since you and jeno got close again, he started to realize his feelings had been coming back. and this time they came by and hit him like a whole truck. once he knew about the party— because of his loudmouth parents— he knew it then. jeno was going to confess.

but he was scared; as he should be. he was scared to lose the friendship he just gained back, but he was also scared of losing the relationship with jaemin and donghyuck. but it was worth a shot. it was all or nothing. besides, there was a chance your feelings could be reciprocated, right?

so while the sun was setting and the bonfire was getting started, jeno was seated next to you at the swings with no one to bother you. he made sure to tell his plan to hyuck and jaem— and also your beloved family— so they wouldn’t mess it up. but when jeno found the courage to speak up, the bundle of nerves distracted his thought process and he was spitting out stutters.

“hey, bubba. you okay?” your face showed concern which did not help the situation he was in.

“yeah, i’m okay,” he was upset at himself for not having the balls to confess to his first love. will he have enough courage to confess later? only time will figure it out.

looking off to your family, jeno was having a mid-war crisis in his mind. beating himself up for being so quiet all of a sudden. but while the silence followed between you and jeno, you had been having a hell-of-a-ton of questions and statements in your mind as well.

why couldn’t you confess to him already?

man up. it’s just jeno. no matter what happens you two will always stay friends. at least that’s what you hoped.

as the amount of misquotes grew larger, and the purples and pink in the sky turned blue, jaemin and hyuck had gone to the closest supermarket to pick up some s’mores for everyone to enjoy. gathering around the campfire, everyone made their own marshmallow goodness and joked the night away. until the swarming mosquitoes started to bite everyone.

and while the crickets were heard, everyone was in the living room playing your family time games with a twist. but you ended the night with a movie— or two. so as you were busy making the popcorn, your friends and families all crowded jeno and asked if he had confessed yet. awkwardly, jeno declined and admitted that he hadn’t said a word about his feelings to you. your parents had then ushered him to say a little something about his feelings toward you.

mustering up whatever sort of bravery he had, jeno trotted his way to the kitchen where you were preparing the last batch of popcorn for everyone. he leaned his figure to the wall, admiring you for a moment before softly clearing his throat to catch your attention.

just go up to her, dammit. jeno repeated in his head.

“uh— you know, monkey. i uh— we should— i kinda wanna go to the mall and— no we should go to that new seafood restaurant— no no, scratch that…. but can we-” you interrupted his cute rambling before resting your hand on his chest and kissing his cheek.

“i got the message jen,” you laughed. “of course i’d go out with you this weekend.” by the time he walked back to the living room, he was a ball of goo and all eyes were on him; especially your family. just by the look of his face when he came back, they all knew what you had said, and it was affirmative.

—

your first date that next weekend went by perfectly. jeno had ended up taking you to an aquarium and dinner for the evening and it was the best date you’ve ever had. really, it was the only meaningful date but best, nonetheless.

appreciatively, the date you and jeno and went on was not awkward at all. it was just as if you two were just hanging out as friends, but of course, better.

you were just joking along with each other and recalling smaller, more precious memories between the two of you before the conversation got a little more serious.

“i got accepted into yonsei university!” he exclaimed, not knowing you had also applied to the university and got accepted a few days prior.

“congratulations bubba! i got accepted too!” he cheered at you and gripped your hand in affirmation and proudness.

now you knew. maybe you two were truly meant to be.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

a brand new start.

august 29th. first day of the new semester of a new year, a whole mouthful.

the major you had chosen for your path at yonsei was interior architecture. jeno was majoring in computer software and media applications.

luckily, you and jeno had classes about the same times on the same days so you each had time to briefly see each other on campus or meet up while you’re both free. it was a little hard to adapt at first, but you two were champs and still even had time to meet up with hyuck and even sooyoung— who both went to hanyang university— and jaemin— who attended hongik university.

“monkey!” yelled jeno who was about ten feet in front of you. your class had just ended and you were just walking around the entrance of jeno’s building, waiting for him.

“sorry i was late. professor oh kept us back,” he scratched the back of his head. only for you to shake your head and give him a ‘no worries’ smile. it was a thursday and you and jeno had some sports meetings right after class. once again, with the same schedule. it wasn’t a bad thing, not at all. but there were times where you wished you never hung out so much. even so, you loved jeno— in fact, you were the first to pull the ‘i love you’ card a few weeks back.

walking to the campus gymnasium, the both of you get changed into athleisure attire and separated ways, jeno to the field and you just a couple of walks to the gymnasium. you had been playing volleyball to stay fit and to find a hobby while living the college life. jeno, to much surprise, continued to pursue football during his college years, so as to stay fit and to keep his passion of playing football alive.

“i’ll see you later, monkey. we have community service later, yeah?” he asked while greeting some of his teammates. you nodded and waved to your girls before jeno smiled lovingly at you and held your chin in his hand to peck your lips. teasingly, he winked and walked to where the boys went out. shaking your head at him playfully, you walked into the gym to start with some stretches and warmups.

apparently you were the best woman on the volleyball team so the girls immediately nominated you as team captain. discussing about the plans your coach had given you prior, the girls stopped chatting and got straight to practice. chanmi was one of your peers on the team who was seemingly jealous of you; of which you did not know she was, but it was better for her to know rather than for you. you had just thought that she didn’t like you, like, at all.

“ugh i don’t understand why y/n is team captain. it’s not fair,” she complained to her friend one morning. you were on an early coffee run for you and jeno when you heard her familiar ringing voice. following them from a distance, chanmi just continued to talk bad about you which made you sad realizing that she didn’t like you.

“plus she gets lee jeno. i heard he’s the best on the football team,” she whined again, “and he’s the hottest, no doubt.” her friend agreed before gushing over your boyfriend when he appeared behind you, covering your eyes and making you guess who. rolling your eyes you turned around and gave him his drink before walking to class together. the two of you had literature together— with chanmi— and it seemed she hated you even more, especially after you walked in the room with jeno’s hand around your waist, standing impossibly closer to you. but it wasn’t your fault his hand was there anyways.

ever since that day, all you received from her was snarky remarks and burning glares. and she almost never complied to you or your requests which was why the coach was having thoughts about kicking her off the team.

when your volleyball practice was over, you quickly refreshed yourself and gathered your things to walk to the football field to watch jeno finish his practice.

sitting on the bleachers, however, was chanmi— who coincidentally was jaemin’s cousin— and her little friend vigorously cheering for the boys. about five minutes passed before jeno walked to you and downing his water, saying that today’s practice was going to be a little longer than usual so you both might be late to the tutor sessions you planned to help some of the younger kids.

“it’s okay, bub. i’ll just stay here and go over some notes. i have an exam tomorrow,” you explained and looked up at him with squinted eyes. he looked around before looking back at you, catching chanmi’s attention before saying, “okay. don’t overwork that brain of yours,” he laughed as he skittishly poked your head.

“also, do you have an extra water bottle? i need it desperately, coach is working us extra hard today for some reason.” you nodded and fished out your metal water bottle to give to him. “thanks, monkey,” he kissed your temple and returned to the field where everyone was waiting.

enviously, chanmi watched the scene with her eyes and she felt as though she wanted to barf; oh how desperately she wanted to be in your place, though. it seemed as if you and jeno had the perfect relationship. of course there were the doubts but you and jeno managed to pull through and you’re as strong as ever. in which chanmi daydreamed about her perfect relationship, somehow throwing jeno into the mix. “the perfect man,” as she called him.

during the beginning of the year, when chanmi first found out about her fellow peers, some more than most, she was instantly interested in you and jeno. the constant questions of ‘are they friends?’ or ‘are they actually a couple?’ flowed throughout your classmates' mouths and you and jeno had proven to them that you were in a relationship, and very serious about it.

she sat closer to where you were sitting near the front of the bleachers.

“hi, captain!” she said enthusiastically. you were puzzled as to why she was talking to you out of the blue after the constant bashes of attitude. she was, what nineteen, the least she could do was act more mature, right? genuinely, you smiled and greeted her before striking a small conversation.

“chanmi! where’s your friend?” you asked and turned to meet her figure. toxically, she smiled and pointed in the direction of her previous seat. you’d been talking for a few minutes when the blow of a whistle stops her mid-sentence. hearing the shouting of the football coach, her pulse accelerated as she saw jeno coming closer and closer. with hopeful eyes, she hears nothing of your next words as she is solely paying attention to lee jeno.

almost movie-like, her vision slows as she drools over the boy who is running to where you two were seated.

“hey monkey!” he cheerily said before sitting to your right to collect his things to put back in his bag. “.... chanmi..”

she dreamily sighed and waved jeno a hi, but her daze came to a stop when she saw him caress your cheek with his hand and sweetly smiling at you. evidently, chanmi had completely focused her attention on jeno as she had stars in her eyes. subconsciously feeling a stare, jeno looked to where chanmi was and of course, she was already looking at him with star struck eyes. but obviously, her gazing made him feel uncomfortable and uneasy. she looked at him like how you looked at him; pure love and ecstasy. he scoffed to himself and grabbed your hand to pull you away from the girl.

“hey, hey! what was that all about,” you whined as he continued to pull you to the parking lot where his car was parked. throwing his bag in the backseat, jeno’s grip was still just as firm, preventing you from climbing into the passenger side. just as you were about to protest again, he turned around, wrapped his arms around your waist and hid his head in your neck, taking in your natural scent while nuzzling his nose against your collarbone. in disarray, you enveloped your arms around jeno’s neck and played with the hairs on the nape of his neck.

“what’s wrong, bub?” you softly said as he then lifted his head from your neck and gently rubbed his nose against yours. he shook his head and continued to hold you in his embrace. but jeno was a horrible liar, and you knew he wasn’t telling the truth.

you both never ended up going to that tutoring session for the community service opportunity. jeno had been consistently whining on how he wanted to just lay in bed with you and rest for the weekend. and you simply couldn’t refuse his cute ass.

before you could do anything else, jeno pushed through the front door of your apartment and made you lay on the couch for him to rest on you. his body stuck like a koala against yours as his head laid on your chest and his arms were once again enclosed around you.

his behavior was off the roof that day and you were perplexed by his actions. something was off with him.

and you were right; something was off with him. na chanmi was jaemin’s distant cousin— maybe third or fourth— but ever since he met na chanmi, which was almost two years prior, she appeared to be utterly in love with jeno, barely even knowing who he was. providentially, he never really saw chanmi around long enough for him to catch feelings for her, but she was always so damn sure she attracted jeno in some type of way.

chanmi had this sense of weary aura around her presence and it always made jeno feel twitchy when it came to her which was why he acted like that.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

it was finally senior year of university. fortunately, after everything you and jeno have been through, your relationship was healthy, and there wasn’t much more you could ask for. you even ended up moving in together in the same apartment during your junior year. everything was going to be perfect.

yeah, that’s what you both thought.

—

“where were you, y/n?” jeno asked right when he heard the front door open.

it was a friday night and you were out with sooyoung and a couple other friends to study and hang out at a local diner. you didn’t text jeno where you were but to be fair, you did try calling him three times before giving up and enjoying lost time with your friends for the night. unluckily for you, jeno had flooded you with nonstop phone calls almost ten minutes after you stopped trying to reach out and tell him what you were doing for the night. time really does fly by.

“i’ve been calling you for the past hour and you haven’t responded to me once. where the hell were you?” you knew he tried to remain calm and mature but you’ve known jeno long enough to know that he was enraged; the glint of anger reflected in his eyes and you knew you were in trouble.

the relationship you’ve had the past couple of months were not the greatest. these were one of the occasions that balls of fire were thrown at each other. accusations and yelling one after another only to make up the next morning.

but something just wasn’t sitting right that night with jeno.

“where were you and who were you with?” he stated again, hands rested on his hips. you sighed, trying to calm down the situation.

“i was with sooyoung and mark tonight.”

“then why didn’t you reply to my calls?” he was really starting to get mad.

“i called you thrice but gave up since you didn’t answer,” you said while walking to your shared bedroom to get ready to shower.

“that doesn’t explain why you didn’t pick up!” he bursted out. and to be honest, you don’t think you’ve seen or heard jeno this mad at you before. something in you just clicked.

you scoffed to yourself and rolled your eyes, “you need to chill! i didn’t do anything wrong, i don’t know why you’re making me the bad guy! we were just hanging out.” but it was too late. jeno was furious, for maybe no reason. or maybe he did have a reason.

though you denied liking mark lee back in middle school and the beginning of high school, jeno was the only person you told about your little crush on the boy. mark lee was the sweetest person ever; caring, thoughtful, and cute. who didn’t have a crush on him?

little did you know, jeno always felt jealous whenever you gushed about the boy. and maybe that was what was going through his mind right now.

but nothing happened, sooyoung and mark were close friends and she offered for you to hang out with them, of course you had to accept their request. you missed them.

however jeno just dashed out of the room, throwing his phone to the ground making the loudest noise. you really fucked up. but you didn’t, jeno was in the wrong, so you tried to convince yourself. but you were too nice to admit that it was entirely his fault. because you still loved him dearly, though the months have been going downhill. you just shook your head and showered.

we’ll be okay in the morning. or so you hoped.

when you got out of the shower, you were wrapped in your towel when you saw jeno sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. he was fuming mad at this point and wanted you to leave.

“you need to leave,” he blatantly said without looking your way. the sound of your bare feet padding the floor stopped. you were speechless. this was the first time he’s kicked you out. but you paid half the rent so you said no.

“it’s not a question, y/n. i need you to get out, we need time off.” you were taken aback by his words. what a dickhead.

“uhm, i don’t know if you’re aware of this but i pay half the rent and half of these damn bills, there’s no way i’m getting out of this house. if anything you should leave…. at least stay in the guest bedroom,” you added. when jeno looked up and finally met your soft brown eyes, the only thing you could see in his was pure anger. it made you hiccup a sob.

staring at him for what seemed like forever, you blink away the tears that accumulated in your eyes and packed everything you could.

“lee jeno you will never be a real man. you’re still the pussy i knew you were,” you dryly laughed and slammed the front door as hard as you could. you stuffed all your shit into your car and called your mom.

“we broke up.”

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

by the time you reached your parents house, you called sooyoung and haechan, informing them about the dramatic scene that happened just moments ago.

you didn’t even know how long but when you reached your parents house it was almost one in the morning. thankfully, your mother was still awake, concerned for her crying child.

knocking on the wood door, it opened immediately and your mother embraced you in her welcoming hug that felt like home.

you weren’t able to sleep that night. thinking about your relationship with lee jeno. from when you two were in diapers to when he stopped being friends with you to getting into the relationship to now. it was all a roller coaster that you did not want to go on anymore.

it was funny, your mother tucked you in your bed that night, telling you to just rest and try your hardest to not think of him.

rising against your bed that following morning, you looked like a train wreck. puffy eyes, swollen face, chapped lips. and it’s about at nine in the morning when you get a facetime call. deep inside you wished it was jeno apologising to you but it was just hyuck and jaem.

looking at you, the boys show so much sympathy and sadness through their faces, having almost similar expressions.

“y/n, we’ll pick you up today then, yeah? we can go in jaemin’s car and we’ll pick up sooyoung and mark too, okay?” says donghyuck once he heard a sob escape your lips. you nod, nonetheless, ending the phone call and getting ready to look presentable to the public.

—

luckily for you, the two boys pick up the rest of your things from jeno’s before coming to get you and the rest of their friends.

they help you put your things away in your room and hug you with so much love. in that moment, you were have to have friends like them.

“let’s go get sooyoung and mark. i wanna go to the amusement park.” they obliged to your request and the three of you walked out of your house after bidding your parents goodbye. everyone in your family was concerned about your well-being but you said you were fine and going to heal yourself with your friends.

when mark and sooyoung are in the car, the pair immediately hug you as tight as they could while sooyoung cursed at lee jeno for breaking your heart once more.

“i swear i will kick his ass. i don’t care how strong he is, bitch i will kick his ass all the way to fucking jupiter,” you laughed at sooyoung, she seemed more upset at your breakup than you were. but everyone laughed and agreed that they would all tag team and best jeno’s ass so hard that he can’t even remember your name.

the day was spent better than you had thought, you five stayed on the bay walk until dusk. then you went out to get some korean barbecue and ice cream, all their treats to make you feel better about yourself.

your friends and family really helped you get over your relationship with jeno. however, of course your mothers continued to talk and gossip about your relationship.

“they’re really doing this again? jeno didn’t even tell me yet. i’ll make sure he gets his ass beat by both me and minjung,” his mother says while on speaker, courtesy of your mother cleaning the dishes in the kitchen. she hummed and spotted you hiding behind the wall. you’d been listening to their conversation the second your mother called out mrs. lee’s name.

noticing your mother stare, you whined at her, “mom can you at least be a little more discreet when you’re talking about us?”

“we just wanted to catch up. you know, mrs. lee hasn’t seen jeno since your breakup— didn’t even know you two broke up.” you pursed your lips into a straight line before sitting on a stool. “don’t you think you guys will ever make up again? it’s happened once after constant pushing.”

you scoffed and rolled your eyes, taking a bit out of an apple from the fruit bowl.

“he’s a jerk, mom. it’s complicated.”

but just then, you heard jeno’s baritone voice through the speaker of your mothers phone.

“she’s fake, mom. it’s complicated—” but before you could hear anything else the jackass had to say, you mother hung up.

you sighed out of annoyance and walked to jangmi’s room. she was supposed to start her new job today.

“jangmi, are you ready? i need to work soon too,” you shouted through her door while listening to her rummaging through her room before opening the door.

“yeah i’m ready. let’s go,” she took your hand and dragged you down the stairs. saying bye to your mother she slipped on her shoes and walked out the doors, waiting by the passenger side of your car.

jangmi got a job at some aesthetically pleasing library in town and she was excited to get the job.

you stopped and parked the car before she opened the car door. however you stopped her before she could even set one foot out.

at this point, you and jeno had been broken up for three months. but seeing jeno with chanmi— who is laughing and hitting his arm playfully— your heart breaks more, albeit holding jangmi’s arm a little too tightly. once she looked in the direction of your face, she immediately knew you had a reason.

“y/n, you’re hurting me,” her voice snapped you out of the trance you were in and you apologized and asked her if jeno and chanmi go into the library. it seemed like they were going inside. she shot an ‘okay’ sign and finally got out of the car.

if jeno was being honest, he got over your break up fairly quickly and got back into the dating jazz almost two months after. well, more like he got heavily intoxicated with alcohol and had a one night stand with chanmi. he didn’t know how or why, neither does he know now.

you drove away to an empty parking lot and frantically fish out your phone in your pocket to dial jaemin.

“nana… is chanmi and jeno, like… a thing?” jaemin found out that they were seeing each other— whether romantically or not— about two weeks prior, but he didn’t have the heart to break it to you.

the boy sighed through the phone and admitted that they have been seeing each other for about a month and a half now. but he made sure to quickly say that he just found out and didn’t know how to break the news to you. because as fine as you claimed you were, jaemin knows you more than anything, and he knows you’re still affected.

“it’s okay jaem. we can see other people, it’ll be fine,” you reassured him as you heard the worry in his voice. but even through your voice, he knew you still weren’t okay, so he drove to your house after you ended the call.

you just wanted to sit alone in your bedroom binging horrifically bad tv shows while eating to your heart's content.

but a knock on your door prevented you from doing anything you planned for the rest of spring vacation. because those thoughts filled you through the three months prior.

it was your four bestest friends, and you would trade anything to be with them; even jeno.

they didn’t end up leaving until three in the morning. making sure you were fine and didn’t have a worry about lee jeno. and it helped, for the most part.

—

when returning to campus, you immediately sensed jeno and directed your gaze to something else. however, jeno had a few things up his sleeve and wrapped his large hand around your wrist. you struggled for a moment and threatened to shout out ‘stranger danger’ though it was more immature than you thought it was so you opted to not say anything.

he roughly pushed you against a hidden wall and shoved his face in the junction of your neck and shoulders. tears.

this might’ve been your second or third time watching, experiencing jeno cry actual tears. whether in sadness or frustration. you tried to pry him off of you.

“jen, i have class. what are you doing?” you struggled in his strong grip around your waist. jeno was crying up a storm but was still glad to hear a nickname of his come out of your mouth.

after moments of seeming hours, the man slowly lifted his head from your now wet neck. you stared in his eyes and you never saw the look of pure pain in his eyes. slowly, jeno rubbed his strong nose against yours, leaning your foreheads against each other. he then released his secure grip from your torso and gently cupped your face, his fingers ever-so-softly wiping the tears you didn’t even know escaped your eyes.

that moment was all a blur and neither of you attended your classes that day.

now here you were, sitting across him, across the island that stood in the middle of the kitchen. the apartment still looked the same as when you left, besides the unclean dishes piling in the sink and crooked frames. from that previous scene to now, not a single chirp leaves your mouths. it was dead silent. until he rubs his tired face, jeno is the first to speak up.

“monkey… bubba,” he started, unable to look at you in your eyes, scared to look at your reaction as he planned out his next words carefully. but at this point you figured you knew what he was going to say. because like you said before, jeno is not a man. though he may look and feel like one, he never will be if he keeps up his immature behavior. mentally, lee jeno is not a man, at least not in your eyes. and maybe he never will be, but you’re one to know.

your eyes were emotionless and cold as you looked at his bowed head. the intensity of the room was rising by the minute as he paused on his words.

it seems as though now, jeno is broken. as broken as you were when you broke up. it’s what he deserves. you don’t feel a thing as he continued to shed his tears quietly. but one look and it’s done for.

you don’t know when and you don’t know how, but you ended up on the couch with his puffy face lying on your chest. hesitantly, the pads of your fingers traced his sculpted face as he rests after his crying session.

but why were you doing this? he’s a jackass

hm, he may be a complete asshat but he’s still your best friend over everything. so you push aside all your thoughts and only think about your middle school relationship.

‘true friends are never apart. maybe in distance but never in heart.’

you don’t know whether it’s your best friend jeno calling you or your boyfriend jeno calling you, but you hope it was best friend jeno. because it was a way simpler time then and he was always there when you needed him most.

carefully, you lifted your body and looked at the blaring red digital clock sitting on the desk. it was seven in the evening and you had to return home. well, pick up your car from the parking lot and then go home.

feeling you moving, jeno held you closer, squishing his cheek against your décolletage. as much as you did not want to see him, jeno was still as cute as ever. if he wanted to try again, maybe you’d consider.

to hell, you are not going to consider it. you need to go home.

“jen… jen…” you whispered, shaking his body as he maneuvered his head so his nose is tickling your neck. you actually debated on slapping the shit out of him to wake him up. it’s what he deserves. so you do. not too hard but enough to wake him up and hold his left cheek.

“ow!” he whined and rubbed his eyes. what a child.

“jen i need to go home.” only causing him to pout and holding you close to refuse you to leave.

“we’re done, jen. i need to go, i have stuff to do. plus we missed class today.” he whined even more.

“stay with me. we’ll go to class tomorrow,” he mumbled through your neck. but now you were starting to get aggravated.

“lee jeno. this is absurd! you want to constantly make accusations of me cheating with mark, break up with me, and now you want me to stay? all this in four and a half months? you must be out of your goddamn mind. there’s no way in hell i’m going to stay here tonight. we can be friends, yeah, because we’ve known each other our entire lives. but if you think i’m going to get back with you, especially now, you’re fucking crazy,” you breached with tears of frustration in your eyes, “plus i thought you and chanmi were a thing. i saw you two a few weeks ago when i dropped off jangmi at work.”

but the man— or boy— stayed silent. the only noise of the passing cars filling it. tension was high as jeno looked at you with the most lost puppy eyes. but he agreed with you in his mind, he was a little immature. okay, he had to admit that he was very immature, and still is. maybe he just doesn’t know how to work relationships.

no more than three moments later he opened his mouth, only for you to talk again. but in a more calmed voice, “listen, just take me home. i don’t wanna be here right now.” you felt suffocated by the apartment you used to call home. you felt suffocated by the person, you used to call home. but right now you couldn’t make up complete thoughts. it was too overbearing and all you wanted to do was shower and sleep.

without a word, jeno rubbed his eyes and picked up his keys, signaling you to go outside. you released your temper and walked out a minute after he did and got into his car. it was his fault he would not let you go.

he dropped you off with zero words spoken on the twelve minute drive to your parents house. quickly, you muttered a ‘thank you’ and dashed out of his car and to your front door, breathing out whatever breath you were holding.

jeno made sure to leave once he knew you were inside safe. and once you opened the door, questions bombarded you.

‘where were you?’

‘who was that?’

‘why are you home so late?’

but you just shook your head and told your family that you were tired and wanted to shower and rest. leaving you alone was the least they could do.

the hot water was hitting your skin as you stood there, thinking about him. what was going on with him? why is he acting like that all of a sudden? you don’t know. but all you knew was that you needed some time away. to think and to compose yourself.

—

your dad dropped you off at university that morning. the questions that were unanswered that previous night were still left hanging from his mouth. yet you still didn’t answer the questions, you couldn’t.

thanking and saying goodbye to your dad, you got out of his car to walk into yours to mentally prepare yourself for the day. there was still about thirty minutes before your first class and you wanted to use that time to think about possible scenarios that could happen. you just hoped they don’t ever happen.

continuously, you rubbed your face as you fidgeted in your seat and stared out onto campus. taking deep breaths, you finally walked out of the car and made sure to lock it. walking to the literature building, you spotted jeno with a couple of his football friends on the courtyard. and before you met contact, you whipped your head into the direction of the literature building.

jeno sighed to himself and knew he fucked up. big time.

instead of going up to you, he thought to himself that he should leave you alone. he was being bipolar and he didn’t want to overwhelm you and your feelings even more. as much as he was suffering alone, he would stay away from you, but observe you carefully.

you actually had a volleyball game later that day— the last game of the season— and chanmi had asked him if she would watch her. without hesitating, jeno agreed to come but mostly just to see you, but he’d obviously keep that to himself. so once your classes were over, you walked to the gymnasium and into the girls locker room to change. by the time you exited the locker room, people filled the side bleachers and watched the girls (both from your team and the opponents) practice bumping the ball to each other. the opposing team was on the opposite side of the gym to practice while you were on the other. unluckily, your team was practicing on the opening side of the gymnasium and that was when you caught a glimpse of jeno. you looked at him for a brief moment and almost missed a teammates bump when chanmi had run up to greet the guy.

some of his football teammates were actually already sitting on the front of the bleachers and admiring the girls that were hitting the ball with their spandex shorts. jeno hugged chanmi because even when he said they weren’t close, they had gotten closer over the five months after your breakup. but your attention was then reverted to your friends. jaemin, hyuck, mark, and sooyoung had come to cheer on your team for moral support. since jeno wasn’t there to be by your side anymore.

“y/n, you can do this. we know you can! and even if you guys don’t end up making it, this is all for fun and we’ll treat you out for ice cream tonight. all on us. good luck!”

soon the referee blew the whistle indicating the five minute mark. there were five minutes before the final game of the season, and the final game of volleyball you’d ever play for your university. the last game was a home game so you were the first to actually serve the ball. as close as it was, the ball was bumped by a girl of the away team and the game actually started.

time was ticking, and there were only ten minutes left before halftime and the third set of the game. so far, your team was up by eight points. six. four. the bell of halftime filled the gym as the girls on each of the teams walked to their respective sides to have a team talk and rest.

“come on ladies, this is the last game. we’re ahead by four points. we can make it through the last set and win this tournament. it’s the last game of the season, good luck!” encouraged your coach as the rest of the girls discussed who was going to the field first.

“y/n, lia, chanmi, kana, areum, and sohee— you girls are up first. y/n is serving again.”

so far, your team had one the first two sets, and the pressure was up for the last set. you needed to win this. you did not care if this was for a hobby of yours. some of those girls were not so nice while you walked to the gym, giving you the side eye. you just felt like you had to win this game. not for your teammates nor for your friends. not even for jeno. but more for yourself and your pride.

three minutes were on the clock and they were up by two points and you just needed to get at least four points ahead to win the game. you never faltered your serves that set, no one else served besides you and when it was time to switch members, your coach always needed you in. you were bouncing the ball on the floor, getting ready to serve as best as you could. throwing the ball in the air, you swung your arms and for sure, the ball was hit over the net. game start.

the whistle was blown, two points given to your team. the scores were tied now and all you needed to do was gain at least two more points to win. the ball dribbled on the floor in front of you and you then served the ball, hitting it with all the strategies you accumulated throughout the years. the girls immediately missed the ball and the score was down to you again. there were now forty seconds left, as you served the ball again and the girls missed the ball. the pressure was all on them and they couldn’t get over the fact that they were losing.

“we won!” screamed your teammates as you rested yourself on your knees, taking deep breaths. your four friends ran up to you worried and helped you sit down to rest.

“y/n, you were working yourself too much during the last game. why did you not go back? you could’ve watched,” said sooyoung while she was rubbing your back. jaemin was giving you water and rubbing the sides of your arm while mark was massaging your shoulder and hyuck was sitting by your legs.

“take it easy for now. you bid the opposite team good game,” hyuck rubbed your thigh. you sighed and got out of the seat you were in to meet up with your teammates. you all stand in a line and high-fived the opposing team before you got your bag and sat back down with your friends.

“let’s go get ice cream now,” you tiredly said and slumped the strap over your shoulder.

“uhm, before we go… i dropped off chanmi here so she might need to go with us,” jaemin scratched the nape of his neck. you all shook your heads in a ‘no problem’ and he walked up to his cousin to tell her his plans for the rest of the day.

“oh it’s okay jaem. i was going to ride with jeno, is it okay if we came along?” she asked while looking behind her to see his muscular figure talking to a few of his friends. jaemin kept his composure, though, and did the mature thing. he just accepted her request and walked back to his group of friends to tell them about the situation.

when he did, all eyes were on you with worry in your eyes. by this time, you were feeling a lot better than what you were feeling before and laughed at them.

“guys, i’ll be fine. we’re not together anymore, he can do whatever he wants.” though deep inside, you were really going to shit your pants because of the circumstances that happened the day prior. but it was better for them not to know, at least not yet.

in your car seated sooyoung and hyuck. you were on your way to a regular ice cream parlor which a friend worked at.

“renjun!” shouted you, jaemin and hyuck. renjun worked at this ice cream parlor for a while, you got to know him by coming here on the regular, especially during nights when you were stressed over exams or when you and jeno were having problems. therefore the guy was actually a pretty good friend of yours. renjun was a transferee at hyuck and jaemin’s university, they got to know each other then. they developed a pretty good relationship with each other too, you could tell with the way they conversed with each other.

you were laughing and joking around with renjun and your shared friends as you sat on the matching chairs of the countertop. the red reflecting in jeno’s eyes as he watched you joke with your friends and completely ignoring him and chanmi who were seated at a booth not far from where the group was. but he decided to keep quiet and try to pay attention to chanmi, she was just trying to have a good time and he didn’t blame her. but he just couldn’t help but to keep looking back at his old group of friends that all got along so well.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

it was now the last football game of the season; thursday 6 p.m. jaemin and hyuck had begged you to go after you constantly refusing and excusing that you had ‘fuckton of homework.’ they both came to your house and rang the doorbell anyways, forcing you to get ready and dragging you to the car.

“come on, jeno still talks about you. The both of you are still friends, no?” questioned jaemin. it took you a while to answer him but you guessed that was what you could call yours and jeno’s relationship as of now.

the three of you arrived on the field and sat on the bleachers right above jeno’s team. just fucking great, you rolled your eyes and mentally punched both jaemin and hyuck where they did not want to be punched. with burning eyes, you glared at your friends and wished to get away from that situation. you sat fidgeting on the metal seats and looked down. there were still a few minutes before the big game and you saw chanmi hug jeno before kissing his cheek and wishing him good luck. the boys then looked to you— who was sitting in between them— and asked if you were okay.

“i’m definitely okay. i’m so okay… listen, i don’t know why you guys are so caught up between jneo and i. it’s our relationship and if he moved on then good for him,” the sarcasm was dripping from your voice. but they picked up on the bitter tone that dripped out of your lips.

you focused back on the field. and you don’t know whether it was the chilly wind or your feelings overcoming you, but there were tears in your eyes almost the entire game. not a word was spoken between the three of you. the boys were still friends with jeno so you broke the silence and excused yourself to go to the bathroom. however in the hall, stood jeno with his hands covering his face.

you were his best friend over everything so of course he noticed you were there. he was happy you ended up going after the begs of hyuck and jaemin, after begging his friends to ask you.

“hi, jen,” your soft voice interrupted his lonely session. he smiled at you and greeted you as well.

“so, uhm, how’ve you been? it’s kinda been a while, yeah?” you asked, initiating the conversation. his eyes are lit up, “i’ve been good, you? and yeah it has been a while, i hope you’re doing okay.” the conversation was more civil than you thought it would be, but it wasn’t bad, of course. better than what you imagined your next conversation would be.

“minjung’s been wondering what you’ve been up to. she misses you tons.” you laughed and thought about his beloved older sister. “jangmi misses you too. so does my dad.” the atmosphere was awkwardly quiet for a moment before you heard the whistle from the ref. you then patted his shoulder and wished him good luck before actually going to the bathroom.

your university football team won that night. and you were immensely proud of jeno. he truly was blooming into a man, especially after the conversation the two of you had. he was growing as a person, and you were happy he was. you’ve known him all his life, you knew he was changing, and for the better.

—

“true friends are never apart. maybe in distance but never in heart,” the two of you recited while looking through memory books from who knows how long. you almost lost your best friend because of stupid feelings, but you both learned and grew from them. it was all for the better and you are both glad to still be best friends.

“jeno’s just a friend, mom. it’s simple.”

“y/n’s just a friend mom. it’s simple.”

“we’re best friends. nothing more, nothing less.”

[strayfreckles]

all on you.

☕︎︎ hwang hyunjin x reader (ft. ryujin, felix, & yeji); highschool au, friends-to-lovers au, barista au, bulletpoint fic.

maybe you would’ve gotten out of highschool with your emotions (and pride) unscathed if it weren’t for hwang hyunjin and his so-called romantic, obnoxious—and, in your case, unfortunately effective—antics.

includes: fluff, angst (especially in the middle), mutual pining, somewhat slow burn (?), gn!reader, barista!reader, a hefty amount of swearing, the only consistent thing you’ll see here is how utterly terrible this is, fluctuating humor

notes: this was requested by a wonderful anon! before you dive in, i’d like to inform you that this is my first fic of any kind, so please tread gently 😔✋ though constructive criticism is appreciated !! hope you enjoy (and hopefully not cringe too much sdkdnkdks) <33

wordcount: 2.8k

let me be the first to say that you absolutely abhor romance films with every existing fiber and cell in your body.

like, you cannot physically withstand the atrocity that is occurring right before your very eyes and you have to tear your gaze away before you bash your head to the nearest table.

and though you do admit that you’re overreacting sometimes

you also admit that you’re a massive dumbass for falling prey to one of the most common—and one of the most infuriating tropes—that is falling for your best friend.

yeah, hwang hyunjin? that boy holds your heart between his palms and with every smile you fall deeper and deeper

you’ve known that kid since you started eating crayons in elementary, and since then you’d been attached at the hip, clung to each other through all the clownery of middle school

finding each other in places is like a sixth sense; it only takes you both less than a minute to find the other before startling them with a quiet “hey, you”

but time is impatient, and that timid, starry-eyed boy you knew became the dimpled heartthrob come highschool—geared with the smarts and the talents and love-laced words that sent boys and girls running after him

but to you he was always just that kid who nearly consumed clay cakes because “it looked so real!”

until he wasn’t

it just came to you like a blow to the face, in the middle of sophomore year, sitting on hyunjin’s bedroom floor on a weekend trying to cram revise for your upcoming exams

you decided to take a quick break, and made the mistake of looking at hyunjin

and my oh my was he stunning

every laugh that tumbled from his lips sounded like a fucking symphony

and the bastard was just playing with kkami !!

he looked so damn soft as he planted kisses on his coat

every single constellation you knew was embedded in his irises

haha heartbeat go brrrrrrr

and maybe all you wanted was for him to never stop smiling, because he looked the most beautiful when he did, and maybe you wanted to brush his hair away from his face because you couldn’t see his eyes all that well and what the fuck—

you just malfunctioned

because that was your best friend

he noticed you staring, of course, and had the audacity to smirk, and in a second you wanted to set yourself on fire

“y/n, i know i look good, but at least try to be subtle.”

“you look like a low-budget minion, hyunjin.”

“i’d rather be a minion than a shabbier version of gru, thank you.”

(many fists were thrown that day, and hyunjin learned not to pick fun at your clothing lest that he face humiliation)

for the first few months you were in constant denial, even going so far as to blame hyunjin himself for forcing you to watch countless romcoms on your weekly sleepovers

but once you catch hyunjin staring at you with that fond look in his eyes, one he’s carried since childhood, your heart finally has the courage to murmur into the concaves of your chest, i am in love

it gets worse around senior year

the summer after junior year you land yourself a job at miroh café, a coffee shop at the heart of the town bc you’re broke as fuck and you need the cash

and, as expected, hyunjin becomes a frequent patron

he’s armed with a pickup line every single time he orders

and every single time you have to tell your heart to calm the fuck down he’s always been like this c’mon gimme a break

it’s even gone to the point where the regulars mistake him as your boyfriend

and as if your conscience nagging you 24/7 wasn’t enough mental baggage, your coworkers and fellow seniors, felix and ryujin, decided to weigh in

“if that isn’t the look of someone who’s simping over you then i don’t know what is,” ryujin nudges you, and from the repetitive force you’ve sustained from the past week you’re surprised your ribs aren’t bruised yet.

“you act like you’re not in the same dance crew,” you scoff, “ryujin, he flirts with everyone—he even had the balls to hit on chan!”

“let me remind you that denial is always the first stage of falling in love,” felix chirps, cheerful as he replenishes the pain au chocolat in the display.

“and let me remind you that i’m holding a very hot cup of coffee straight out of the machine; ‘accidents’ can happen, felix.”

of course, you weren’t in denial—you’d been past that stage long ago

it’s just that you didn’t wanna give yourself false hope

you didn’t want to lose this beautiful thing with him that’s lasted for nearly a decade because of your stupid emotions

so you’ve trained yourself to remain indifferent to the many compliments and lines he sent your way, hoping that if you could fool the others into thinking he didn’t affect you, maybe you could fool yourself, too

but oh ho ho, do i have some news for you (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

you don’t know how hyunjin’s pulse speeds up whenever he sees a handwritten note on his coffee wishing him good luck

you don’t know how often he forces himself to stop staring at you whenever you’re not looking

you don’t know how stupidly happy it makes him when he sees you smile

especially when he’s the reason why.

maybe everything about you makes hwang hyunjin happy

and maybe if you weren’t so kind and gentle and considerate during the times he lost a competition then maybe he wouldn’t have fallen this hard

but you were (and still are)

during the times you cried from laughter at all his antics

or cracked a smile at one of his pickup lines

he’d think that maybe—just maybe—he could stand a chance

but every time he did, he’d spiral into self-doubt

because there’s no way you would ever fall for him

you’re the kindest, most talented person hyunjin has ever known who deserves the universe

and he’s just… him

even if he did plan to confess, he’d be putting everything at stake; you’re too important to him, losing you would be a loss too heavy for him to bear

so he’s content with playing this role

even if the idea of you being with someone else hurts him so much

he’s content with reminding you everyday—even if it isn’t direct—that your mind is like no other, and that anybody would be blessed to have you

you both think it's always going to be like this

with you struggling to keep your feelings from showing

and hyunjin battling his inner demons

and those left to perceive the “discreet” ogling across the room and the hidden yearning in your voices are none other than (you guessed it!) felix and ryujin 🤩

it was funny the first few months

but now it’s just plain frustrating and they want nothing more than to bash your two oblivious heads together because y’all !! are !! idiots !!

no matter how much they persist, they’re always met with either a sad, gentle smile with a shake of the head or a monotonous “ha. you’re really funny.”

both have considered dropping your asses but they can’t because they love y’all too much

so all they can do is hope for a change

and change does indeed arrive when september rolls around

dance practice has just ended and hyunjin feels hyped because it’s movie night and he can’t wait to cry to kimi no na wa again

and lowkey stare at you for the entirety of the film

he exits his dance crew’s studio and is about to go straight to 7/11 for snacks when he spots the team’s newest recruit by the road, waiting for a ride home

hwang yeji’s only moved here two months ago and in a short span of time she’s already become one of the well-liked kids at school

but she’s a kind & humble sweetheart who deserves all the love & attention !!

so being the good sport he is, hyunjin approaches yeji with the brightest grin, having only talked to her a few times prior

“hey, there! yeji!” when the girl turns to him, her smile looks and feels like liquid sunshine. “waiting for your date?”

yeji turns rosy when he asks, like she does when everyone teases her about her special someone, who she’s been crushing on for weeks and who she finally had the courage to ask out. “c’mon, stop that. i don’t even know if they like me like that—they probably think it’s just another friendly date.”

“they’re a fool if they don’t end up liking you after, then,” hyunjin quips, hoping the bitterness doesn’t seep into his tone and wishing he has half the luck and strength yeji has, and she laughs.

“you know them, actually.”

“oh?”

“yeah! y/n l/n?”

oh.

o h

hyunjin can only blink at her dumbly, feeling like a thousand arrows are digging into his skin

you… with hwang yeji?

is that why you asked about her the other day? because you like her back? and that her feelings are far from being one-sided?

watching a dark cloud loom over his features, yeji thinks about asking if he’s okay when he blurts out an inaudible excuse as he walks away, zooming past the convenience store when he does

when he heads off he doesn’t even look at where he’s going, relying solely on muscle memory

he feels like he wants to grow smaller, biting his lower lip and clenching his hands into fists

he doesn’t even know why he’s upset

you were never his to lose

why would he regret what couldn’t be in the first place?

when his feet instinctively halt in front of miroh café, all he can do is stare blankly at the glass doors, at your figure behind the counter

but he wills himself to move away again, and when he does he clashes with another body

“hey, watch where you’re... hyunjin?”

ryujin stares at him with her mouth half agape, and she flinches when she sees his eyes glistening, his face flushed with the shade of pure heartbreak

“did you know about them?” he’s afraid to raise his voice, because doing so would mean there’s no stopping his emotions, “about… y/n and yeji?”

the lack of response provides the answer, and hyunjin walks away from the block

that afternoon, a cup of coffee with his name scrawled on the front went forgotten on the countertop

that evening, hyunjin doesn’t show for your monthly tradition for the first time in five years

you spend the rest of your evening obsessively checking your phone for text from him, wracking your brain for reasons he couldn’t come

of course, there are multiple reasons: like schoolwork (you are seniors, after all) and the upcoming dance competition

but you know he would text you over the slightest inconvenience, so why isn’t he saying a thing?

you rack your brain for anything you might’ve done, and your chest tightens when you think that maybe—just maybe—he’s finally caught on to you

you try to distract yourself with other thoughts as you lie wide awake in your bed: like your midterm exams, the nearing debate tournament… your date with yeji

bright, splendid hwang yeji who shares the wittiest jokes in biology and has the most colorful personality around

the first time you spent time with her she made you smile so wide it made your cheeks hurt

her laugh is the loveliest one you’ve ever heard; like dewy lavender fields beneath the spring sunshine

but every time you hear it you’re reminded that it isn’t hyunjin’s laugh, that you aren’t with him and every time you realize it you wanna cry

bc yeji’s been nothing but sweet and considerate this whole time and you’re more than guilty at the fact that all her attentions will be wasted because of you and your stupidity

you barely escape the wrath of crying yourself to sleep when you finally doze off when the clock hit two am

the next day at school, you both barely even make eye-contact

even the underclassmen who’ve heard the frequent calls of your names feel uneasy when they don’t hear hyunjin’s high-pitched voice or your shrill tones

felix especially, who’s experienced the trauma of sitting in between you two at history and feeling the tension that nearly chokes him

you’re more than terrified to look at him at him in the eye, terrified that once you do you’ll realize he doesn’t gaze at you the same way anymore

something inside hyunjin aches every time he spares you a glance, because every time he does it’s painfully obvious that he’s always been hopeless

in all honesty, hyunjin wouldn’t have shown his face at all if it weren’t for the tiny thread of patience inside ryujin snapping

so here he is, inside miroh a quarter before closing time

felix’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head when he sees him, so he sends a pointed look to his coworker,

“what did you do?” he murmurs. ryujin’s eyes are sharp when she looks at him, and he feels his blood run cold.

“what i needed to.”

no, she didn’t threaten to kill his entire family, if that’s what you’re wondering

she merely gave him… a warning

so one can imagine the surprise you feel when you emerge from the staff room, and felix drags ryujin outside to give you privacy

you both remain silent once they’re gone, neither one of you moving in place

until quiet words escape your mouth, and the familiar greeting makes hyunjin’s heart clench:

“hey, you.”

he doesn’t make a sound, so you continue, the tension heavy

“you owe me three dollars, by the way. i just wasted a perfectly good iced latte with the other day when you didn’t…”

when you trail off, hyunjin opens his mouth to let out an apology, and he realizes with a start that the words tumbling out are completely different:

“why didn’t you tell me?”

“what?”

“why didn’t you tell me about yeji?” hyunjin’s eyes begin to quiver when they meet yours, “we’re best friends, aren’t we?”

your jaw tightens, i told you. best friends. nothing more. “because you worry too much about everything; if i’d told you about us then you’d—”

“y/n, we’ve been together for a decade!” hyunjin intervenes, “we’re always going to worry about each other, whether you like it or not. and this— this is… i…”

every coherent thought vanishes as hyunjin grapples for more things to say. he knows he’s being selfish, undoubtedly so, but he wants you. he wants you so, so bad. the fight in him leaves until, eventually, all that’s left to say is the truth: “please, don’t go. don’t go… with her.”

your heart is close to breaking your ribcage when you stare at his face, you wait for him to say anything, to justify why he’s said it, but when the quiet settles, all you can see is red

“this is why i don’t tell you about these things,” you grit, trembling violently. “when i do, you say— say stuff that make me believe that you feel the same way i do when you actually don’t.

“and i hate you so much but in the end it’s all my fault because i’m the idiot who caught feelings for their best friend and—”

hyunjin doesn’t let you add anything else, because his lips are on yours and you’re overwhelmed with the feeling of him, him, him

the kiss doesn’t leave any room for doubt; he’s shaking, and his legs might give out, but he wants you to know that everything he feels is real

you’re both gasping for air when you pull away, but his hands still linger on your face and he traces the edge of your mouth, and you can do nothing but pull him closer by the waist

“still hate me now?” he asks, and you chuckle breathlessly, putting your forehead on his.

“yes, very much so,” you look at him tenderly, and he yelps when you pinch him gently, “this is all on you, y’know. if it weren’t for your godforsaken romcoms, we wouldn’t have ended up like this.”

“but if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have ended up with a boyfriend, amirite? ow, shit— i’m kidding!”

bonus!

“oh, thank fuck,” felix exhales, looking through the windows one more time before ambling beside ryujin, who looks pleased with herself as she places her apron on the crook of her elbow. “so, spill: what did you tell hyunjin?”

she smiles, “i told him not to give up before he’s even tried anything; sometimes, there are people who are worth taking that risk for.”

just as felix is about to commend her for sounding the most wholesome he’s heard her, she adds: “and i threatened to revoke my tutelage—his ass is failing calculus so hard.”

[yessoupy]

the @imetyouonljpodcast episode this week gave me lots of thoughts and feelings about star wars. more like, reminded me of all my thoughts and feelings around my first fandom. thus, I decided to write my own journey into and throughout star wars fandom, and what it means to me. buckle up, this story spans decades.

my very first memory of anything star wars-related is a yoda puppet that my grandmother had. it had to be from the original run of the movies, because I was maybe 4 in my first memory of it, and i was born in '86. my sisters and I loved it, and one of our cousins was deathly scared of it so we'd chase him around the house with it.

my second memory of star wars was going to the movie store with my dad and sisters and seeing our favorite yoda on the cover of a VHS. "yoda yoda yoda! daddy, it's yoda!!! can we get it?" we were holding up the display cover for return of the jedi. dad said no, we couldn't get that one yet because we had to watch them in order. so we rented a new hope and all I remember was falling asleep while artoo and threepio were trundling across the tatooine desert sands. at five I guess I was too young.

in early 1997 the special editions of the original trilogy were aired in theaters and I was in 4th grade. dad took us to see one of them (I think empire, at some point we'd finally finished a new hope). at school that grading period I sat next to a boy named mark and he noticed I was drawing little x-wing silhouettes on my paper. "you like star wars too?" he asked. when I said yes, he declared that because of my name, he was going to call me skywalker. that's the name on the back of my high school letter jacket.

in fall of 1998 I started the 6th grade and I came home from school one day to a hardbound book my mom had checked out for me from the library. heir to the empire by timothy zahn. mom pointed out where it said on the cover it was a trilogy, and I could get the other books when I finished this one. she hadn't found the young jedi knights series for me. she'd checked out a GROWN-UP star wars book.

in spring of 1999 the phantom menace came out and my parents' friend took me to see it on opening day because neither of them were free and I HAD to go that day. later on that year she took me to a star wars exhibit at the museum of fine arts. that was also the first time I saw a monet and a renoir. the exhibit had costumes (real costumes!!!) from the original trilogy and the newest prequel. I bought a book about the myth of star wars in the museum gift shop.

I read every expanded universe book our local library had, which was a lot. I had a lot to catch up on, too, since heir to the empire had been published in 1992. you never saw me at school without a star wars book. I read while walking in the hallways, even. in 6th grade I read during lunch, since I was in varsity orchestra with 7th and 8th graders and was terribly shy. they'd tell me I should socialize at lunch, not read my books, but... I wanted to read. I had a lot to learn. I have a lot to know.

I was in 7th grade when I read vector prime, the first in the new series. my first class of the day was science, and the boy I had a crush on was in that class. we had DEAR time at the beginning of that class - drop everything and read. not a hardship for me. that day, I read the part of the book where chewbacca was killed. I looked up, astonished. heartbroken. I locked eyes with the boy I liked. he nodded at the book and I showed him the cover. he nodded sympathetically. "they killed chewie," I whispered. he said "I know."

I wrote original characters in star wars fan fiction when I was about 13. I had an internet friend named rachel who lived in brisbane. then there was dave and 'roswell' who gave me ideas for my story. I loved being able to talk about the wide world of star wars with other people. we used aol instant messenger and email. my username in those days had 'skywalker' in it. I am pretty sure we met in an aol chatroom. I didn't find much of use on the official star wars site and I have probably visited it fewer than 10 times since 1999.

I read those books all through middle and high school. they were my christmas presents and my birthday presents. I moved into our family beach house after college. it sounds really nice but I didn't have running water because it was the summer after Ike hit. I would go to the used book store on 23rd street and buy a stack of star wars books and read them while I waiting for calls to interview for a teaching position. weekends I'd go into town to stay at a friend's house and help her with wedding stuff. I'd shower there, too. that's where my new stash of star wars books started, with me catching up on the legacy of the force series I hadn't read in college and then finishing up through the fate of the jedi as those came out. I felt that I had grown up with these characters. I remembered when kyp was just an orphan han rescued, when jacen and jaina were five years old, when corran horn had no wife, no kids, and was just finding out who his family was. I had capital o opinions about what color lightsaber i would have and why (silver; bc corran), I knew the geography of the galaxy and where everyone was from and my favorite planet was dathomir because women ruled it. I knew all of these characters' histories and motivations and the difficult decisions they'd made and had to live with. I loved them.

i never ventured into the online fandom space for star wars, even after I'd found other online fandom spaces, because I didn't feel like there was anything anyone could add to it for me. I was satisfied with all I'd gotten. sure, favorite characters had been killed (after chewie, the one who stung most was Mara, luke's wife), but people die. and in such a long-running series spanning so many years and trillions of miles of space... you come to expect it.

people would ask me ALL THE TIME when the sequels were coming out and I said never. then, disney bought star wars. initially I was excited (tears of joy happy) to have sequels confirmed. my mind raced, imagining a trilogy centered on the events surrounding jacen's descent to the dark side. the original actors would be the right age for that. who could play jacen?

then, the announcement came that the canon was now 'legends' and they wouldn't be taking any of it into account when writing the sequels BUT that didn't mean we wouldn't see old canon favorites. they announced adam driver as the villain and I thought "jacen." I held onto the idea that this knowledge I had, these years of knowing these stories, would still be worth something. that I'd be able to add new information to my mental bookshelves and maps. that my universe would expand further.

the force awakens was a bitter disappointment. I was upset from the crawl, leia's title making it clear to me that she wasn't chief of state, she wasn't the mother to three children, han wasn't her husband, and all of her history I'd grown to love really was gone. what I saw was the older version of a woman I'd met when she was 18 and hadn't seen her since her early twenties. I didn't know her.

I didn't know the galaxy, either. starting with the new jedi order series, a map of the galaxy was included in the front of each book with the planets named so you knew where everything was happening. the new galaxy was bare. it was small and knowable. while the hosnian prime system was destroyed in the movie, I'd never known it, and all the planets I DID know were similarly blasted out of memory. where was dathomir and its fierce warrior witches? if their planets were gone so were their people.

as the movie trudged on, a retelling of a new hope, I kept thinking, "at least let his name be jacen." I hung my hopes on this sith character being han and leia's son and sharing that name of the boy I'd known and the man who'd grown up to turn to the dark side. at that first shout of 'BEN!' I was angry. Ben?? that was the name of LUKE'S son! that was MARA'S child! Ben??? with three letters jacen solo and ben skywalker were also dead to the galaxy.

I know, I know. I should get over it. I AM thankful for poe dameron. the x-wing books were always my favorite. poe was familiar to me the way other new characters weren't. he was part of the new republic navy. I knew what that was. he flew an x-wing. I knew what that was.l and what company manufactured them. he was from yavin IV, I knew where that was and what it looked like. finn was a stormtrooper, yes, but the empire had not stolen children to be raised as stormtroopers. they were recruited like any other position. his story wasn't real to me, it wasn't something I could easily accept. and the idea that the new republic just LET the first order rise? leia's new republic would NEVER. but leia wasn't chief of state in this universe. leia hadn't had that power.

I read a lot of articles about the force awakens and the reactions to it, and never saw myself in any of them. the star wars fanboys whom I'd never known were painted as being angry because their fan knowledge was useless and "boo-hoo poor widdle fanboys" they would be mocked, rightfully. but that's why I was angry, ultimately. everyone I knew and loved was dead. worse, they'd never existed. "what do you think will happen?" some unsuspecting coworker would ask. I'd shrug, but inside I was yelling "who the fuck knows! my favorite characters don't exist anymore. nothing I know as this person you know as SKYWALKER means anything anymore."

it only got worse from there. One day I spent four hours figuring out how far the casino planet was from the drifting ships in the last jedi and doing math to figure out how long it would REALLY take to get there, using old canon star wars physics. I couldn't suspend my disbelief during that movie. everything was wrong. (the other space physics quibble I had was from TFA when poe is using comms while in hyperspace, and dropping out on a command and not... when nav told him to?? you'd fly right through a star!! were they HOVERING in hyperspace? none of it made sense.) I knew too much and too little to enjoy it.

TROS was a narrative mess already retconning new canon and I decided that I would only keep what I liked about the new canon (poe and his family) and pretend the old canon is all there is. one day I'll write the story of poe being part of the storied rogue squadron being sent by leia's new republic to put down the fascist upstarts at the edge of the unknown regions. one day.

one more quick story -- i met my college friend’s three kids for the first time when the oldest was 6. i’d sent a toy lightsaber as a gift when he was born, because i believe every child should get their first lightsaber from a skywalker, and his father had shown him the movies when he turned 4. when i walked into the house i said hello and he said, “i have some questions about star wars.”

we sat on the couch with the tfa visual dictionary, a book he’d gotten out of the library. every question he had was an excellent question, and i couldn’t answer any of them. “why does his lightsaber look like that? and why does he have the extra blades?” 

“well, kiddo, let’s see what it says here about how lightsabers are made. i used to know all about it, but they changed everything on me.”

---

what i love about star wars since disney bought it:

poe dameron, cassian andor (and all of rogue one, i got over the fact that the movie wouldn’t be about rogue squadron it was PERFECT), solo (a fucking DELIGHT), the mandalorian, and i’m sure the cassian andor live action will be amazing and i’ll love it. 

[candra-hearts]

Heart of a Queen

This has been a wip on my computer for over two years, and I never really had any intention of finishing it, but @starry-serenade asked me to post it, so here it is!

also lowkey tagging @starswirlblitz and @jessucakes bc you might like it?

This story I think lies between KH2 and Dream Drop Distance, with the change that Kairi is present and has been helping Queen Minnie and the rest. It’s been a while since I’ve dived deep into KH lore, so please forgive any inconsistencies or incorrect applications of KH magic!

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

When Sora and Kairi find a mysterious Heartless, they take a chance and bring it back to Disney Castle. Fortunately for them, one lucky rabbit is able to aid them in their quest to find out who it could be…

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

“What is that, how did it get in here, and why do you have it?” Donald asked harshly.

Kairi raised her eyebrow at the royal magician. “It’s a Heartless, and Sora and I brought it back for King Mickey to take a look at it.” She protectively laid a hand on the head of the small black creature that crouched at her side.

“Wak? Why?” Donald looked up at Goofy. “How did you even get it here? The castle’s magic should keep out all Heartless!”

“It should. I guess it doesn’t work all the time,” Sora said, shrugging.

“Ah-hyuck. Why would ya bring a Heartless here? What does His Majesty need to see about it?” Goofy asked, scratching the back of his head.

“It looks different than the others we’ve fought,” Sora said. He pointed to the top of the Heartless’s head. “It has pointy ear-things, and its eyes are green.” Which they were, and from all the time he spent helping his friends cleanse the darkness from their worlds, all the time he spent whacking Heartless back into dissipating shadows, he was pretty sure they weren’t normally that color.

“I can feel that it’s special. I don’t think it’s a normal Heartless,” Kairi added.

“But if it’s not a Heartless, then what is it?” Donald asked. “This makes no sense. I’m telling the King.” He darted out of the room.

“Okay. That’s fine!” Sora called after him. “Tell him to come out and see!”

“Sora, I hope your hunch is right,” Kairi murmured to him.

“You said you can feel it’s different than a normal Heartless, right? I trust you, and I think you could be right,” Sora said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry. King Mickey’ll see what we’re talking about.”

Goofy bent down to look at the Heartless, which, frightened, hid behind Kairi’s leg. “Gawrsh. It’s kind of a cute little feller, ain’t it?”

Donald and Mickey arrived in that moment. “What’s all this about a Heartless in my castle?” Mickey asked, raising an eyebrow. He summoned his Keyblade in a flash of golden light.

The Heartless hid behind Kairi, and Sora put himself protectively between her and the King. “Your Majesty, this Heartless isn’t here to hurt anyone. We brought it here.”

“You brought a Heartless? Here?” Mickey put his Keyblade away and looked up at the boy in confusion. “Why?”

“It’s okay, sweetheart, King Mickey isn’t going to hurt you,” Kairi crooned gently, persuading the small shadowy creature to come out from behind her. It looked over at Mickey, still holding onto Kairi’s leg with tiny hands. “I just… I just have a feeling, in my heart, that this Heartless is special. It’s different… it looks a little different, its presence feels a little different…” The girl shook her head. “I don’t know why exactly…”

“Well, remember when I took my own heart?” Sora said, tilting his head. “I got split into a Heartless, and Roxas, my Nobody.” Goofy nodded, remembering. “I got turned into a Heartless, but Kairi…” he blushed, “…turned me back to my normal self.”

Goofy snapped his fingers. “So ya think this might be the Heartless of somebody we know?”

“We… we think it might be,” Kairi said. “Maybe that’s why the castle’s magic… isn’t really affecting it.”

“Hmmm.” Mickey pondered this. “Well, it makes sense. All right. We’ll keep it until we can figure out how to turn it back into whoever it is. But it needs to be watched at all times; we can’t leave it unattended.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” Kairi said with plain relief, bowing her head to the mouse king.

“Aw, Kairi, we went over this,” Mickey chuckled. “Just King Mickey is enough.”

“Right. King Mickey.”

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *            

“BLAAAAAHHHHHAAAAHHHHRRRRGGHHAAAAAAAHHHH! OW! OW! OW!”

Oswald spun wildly out of the portal and bounced directly onto Disney Castle’s back lawn. He spit perfectly manicured blades of grass out of his mouth and rubbed his head, sitting up and groaning as his Keyblade Armor disappeared and the portal closed. “I hate between-world travel…”

He’d been a Keyblade Master longer than he cared to admit, but traveling through the Corridors was not one of his specialties. After a couple more minutes his vision stopped spinning and he was able to make out an enormous blue and white marble building towering over him. “Well, at least I’m in the right place.” He stood up and made his way toward the Gummi Ship Hanger, searching for the one mouse who could hopefully help him out.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Minnie looked around her. She, Riku, Kairi and Donald had spent much of the afternoon in the library doing research on the Cornerstone of Light and Disney Castle, among many, many other things. “Oh, now where were we?”

“The History of Disney Castle, Volume X,” Riku said, cracking a grin.

“The Keyblade War, Volume II,” Kairi added.

“That’s right. Oh, and where is the King? I asked him to meet us hours ago…”

“I’ll go find him, Your Majesty,” Donald offered, and before she could say yes or no he was already out the door and down the hall.

Minnie sighed and replaced a book on the shelf.

Less than ten minutes later, a familiar voice spoke up from the doorway. “Don’t worry, Your Highness, I’m here for ya!”

The Queen giggled. “Oh, Mickey.” She put her hands on her hips. “But you’re still late, what kept you?”

Mickey grinned and stepped into the library, followed by two other figures: Sora and Oswald.

Riku raised an eyebrow. The rabbit who had followed the King in the door was about his height, though his tall black ears added a good foot to his stature. He looked remarkably like the King, but his face was white instead of peach. He wore a similar outfit as well, simple clothes for traveling, he supposed, but it was blue, silver, and black instead of red, gold, and black. Unlike the King, he wore no gloves and no shoes, choosing to walk barefoot.

“Oh, King Oswald!” Minnie curtsied.

Sora and Riku bowed and Kairi curtsied as well.

The corner of Oswald’s mouth turned up in the ghost of what once might have been called a smile, but it vanished almost as soon as it appeared. He waved his hand for the teens to stand and turned his attention back toward Mickey. “Mick, I hate to admit it, but I need your help.”

“’Course, Oswald! Brothers gotta stick together, ya know.”

“Brothers?” Sora whispered to Riku.

“Half-brothers, actually,” Riku replied, remembering a long-ago conversation with the King in which he’d told him about Oswald, about the rabbit king who was his half-brother, who ruled a land much different than his.

“Yeah, but don’t forget, I’m older than you, mouse,” Oswald grumbled, shoving one of his hands in his pockets.

Mickey put his hands on his hips. “What’s the trouble, Os? I haven’t heard from ya in… well… time’s different in each world, but it’s probably been a while.”

“Well, my world was taken by the darkness and—”

Five different gasps punctuated the room. Sora, Riku, and Kairi looked at each other. Minnie looked at Mickey who looked horrified at Oswald. “Wasteland’s gone?” the Queen gulped at last.

Oswald winced but nodded affirmatively. “Yeah. I… I don’t know what even happened. I was out walking on Mean Street when a tidal wave of darkness surged down an alley toward me. I got out my Keyblade and put up a Refleza, but even that didn’t do much of anything; I blacked out and found myself in Traverse Town.”

There was silence in the room for the span of a few heartbeats. “Did… did anyone else make it out?” King Mickey asked with a soft gulp.

Oswald sighed, a deep sigh that seemed to travel all the way from his large black feet up and out of his mouth. “I haven’t seen Ortensia. I don’t know where she is. I looked all over Traverse Town, even asked around, but nobody’d seen her. My sweetie pie, my kitty…” He sighed and reached up to tug on one of his ears in an aggravated motion. “Not to mention my 420 Bunny Children, who knows where they all are… and Gus and all the other Gremlins, I didn’t see anybody and it’s just…”

Kitty? Something clicked in Kairi’s memory. “Oh! Your Majesty?”

Minnie, Mickey, and Oswald all looked at her. “Yes?” they asked with one voice.

“I’m sorry, I mean King Oswald,” the girl amended, twisting her hands in the fabric of her skirt.

The rabbit in question looked up at her. “Yeah?”

“Your wife… you said she’s a cat?”

Oswald smiled dreamily. “The most beautiful cat to ever live.”

Kairi glanced meaningfully at Sora, but he hadn’t seemed to put the pieces together. “Can you excuse us for a second? We need to go check on something.” Minnie nodded but returned her attention quickly to Oswald’s worries.

Kairi took Sora’s hand and dragged him bodily out of the library. “Kairi, what are you doing?” he queried as she continued to yank his arm out of his socket. When had she gotten this strong?

“That Heartless we found, it has pointy ears like a cat, right? I think… I think it might be Ortensia’s Heartless,” she explained.

“Oh. Oh, okay. That makes total sense,” Sora said, nodding like he’d known it all along. “Where did you leave it?”

“I left it in the garden, told Pluto to watch it… oh no.” The pair halted by the railing overlooking the back lawn. The Heartless was there, all right, but so was Donald, and out of the corner of his eye, Sora caught a glimpse of Pluto trapped in a cage made of great icicles. Angry barks echoed between the topiaries as the gold mutt tried to break loose.

Kairi inhaled a sharp breath and felt Sora’s hand cover hers in a comforting grip.

“You’re dangerous…” they could hear him muttering to himself. “You’re dangerous, I don’t care what the King says, I’m gonna take care of you once and for all…”

With a flash of white and silver Kairi was alone on the balcony. Sora had vaulted over the railing with smooth precision borne of much practice and flung his Keyblade at Donald… not to strike him, only to distract him. The Keyblade embedded itself in the lawn up to the teeth a foot from Donald’s beak.

“Wak! Who’s there?” he quacked angrily.

“Donald, don’t!” Sora shouted as he ran to retrieve his Keyblade. “It’s Ortensia!”

“Ortensia?!?” Donald repeated, his brows flying down into a confused line.

“Kai, go find the Heartless!” the boy shouted back up to the balcony.

Kairi nodded and vaulted over the railing herself, scanning the area for the little black creature.

“What makes you think that thing is Queen Ortensia?” Donald complained, folding his arms, his staff stuck under his arm.

“King Oswald’s here, he lost her, and we think this Heartless… might be her,” Sora explained as he summoned his best Fira’s to melt Pluto’s prison.

“She can’t be a Heartless, that’s ridiculous…” the royal magician said, waving his hand dismissively.

Sora put his hand on his hip, still focusing the tip of his Keyblade on the icicles. “Uh huh. And when I got turned into a Heartless, who hit me on the head a bunch of times? I still remember that!”

“Wak! Oh, all right, maybe it could be possible…” Donald relented grumpily.

The Heartless had hid in a bush at the rear of the garden, and Kairi was on its tail. She knelt down and parted the leaves carefully. The Heartless scooted further back until it was touching the marble wall. “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s me, Kairi, remember me?” Kairi said soothingly. “Are you okay, Ortensia?”

The Heartless seemed to perk up, turning its head toward the girl.

“That’s your name, isn’t it?” The Heartless began to crawl toward the front of the bush and Kairi moved out of the way. “King Oswald’s here. He misses you a lot. Do you want to go see him?”

The black creature parted the leaves, stepping out into the afternoon sun, and gave a very slight head motion that might have been a nod. “Good,” Kairi said, relieved. “He’s up in the castle.”

The Heartless took her offered hand and together they made their way back up toward where Sora had finally freed Pluto.

The second he was out, Pluto darted over to Donald and began barking at him angrily.

Donald fended him off with his staff. “Pluto, cut it out!”

“Ruff ruff gurrr rufff ruff ruff!”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry for freezing you.”

“Gurrrrruff ruff rrrr ruff grrr…”

“Oh, fine! And I’m sorry for trying to hurt the Heartless!”

Pluto stopped barking and snorted, nodding his head sharply.

“You’re such a good dog…” Kairi said, rubbing the mutt’s head affectionately.

Sora dismissed his Keyblade. “Kairi, you found it?”

“Right here. Let’s go find King Oswald.”

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Fortunately, he hadn’t left the library, as he was still in the midst of a heated discussion with Mickey. “…flung to all the worlds! It’s too reckless, and besides, it’s against the rules. Master Yen Sid wouldn’t be happy.”

Sora elbowed the door open and held it for his girlfriend and her charge. “We’re back, Your Majesties.”

“King Oswald?” Kairi ventured.

“Yes?” He glanced over at her, his arms folded and one foot tapping a frustrated rhythm on the tiled floor.

“We have someone we would like you to see.” Kairi gently ushered the Heartless in front of her, where it stood stock still, seeming to be frightened.

Oswald felt his heart give a soft flip. Only one person ever made that happen. “…Ortensia?” The Heartless looked up at him and tilted its head curiously. Oswald slowly approached it, feeling his heart grow warmer even in its presence. “It is you… isn’t it… Ortensia….” He took its hands, and in an instant had it in a warm embrace. “My Ortensia…”

There was a poof and a flash of light and the Heartless vanished. In its place stood a female cat Oswald’s height, wearing a lacy pink gown and gold gloves. A tiny gold tiara with a white-gold flower in the center was nestled between her pointed ears.

“Oh, honey bunny!”

They separated for only a second before Ortensia began to kiss him all over his face. Grinning he picked her up and twirled her around. She shrieked with laughter. “You’re all right after all! Oh, I’m so glad!” Oswald cried, his heart thrumming with joy and relief.

Mickey sighed and put his hand in his pocket. “Well, that answers that question.”

Donald tapped his foot, grumbling. “…can’t believe it worked…”

Kairi curtsied again. “Queen Ortensia, I presume.”

Oswald stopped spinning and put his wife down. She hopped a little, her black and gold heels tapping on the tiled floor. “Oh, yes. That’s right. Oh, it’s so nice to be me again! Thank you for being so kind to me!”

“Glad to help, Your Majesty!” Sora said, grinning excitedly.

“I… I don’t know what happened…” Ortensia sighed, touching her cheek softly. “I was doing the flower arrangements for the party and all of a sudden everything was shadowy and cold and there were tendrils of darkness everywhere. I tried Pearl and Holy and neither made the darkness retreat for long. I shouted and shouted for you, Oswald, hoping you would hear even though I knew you were out about town today…” She sighed again. “I guess I must have blacked out because I don’t remember much of anything after that.”

“Well, you’re here now, hon, and you’re okay, and that’s what matters,” Oswald said, taking her hand and weaving his fingers between hers, still plainly relieved. “And somehow we’ll figure out how to save our world.”

Mickey shook his head. “It seems like every time we take two steps forward with that, we get pushed three steps back. I thought all the worlds had returned, but if there are some that are still disappearing, then I feel like we’re just… at a standstill.”

Minnie took his hand. “We’re all working very hard to figure out what to do,” she said softly. “And as long as we’re together, as long as our hearts are together, the Light will guide us.”

Mickey pecked her on the temple. “You’re right, Min. We’re gonna figure it out together.”

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

BONUS:

“Oswald, where are the kids?”

“Missing? They probably got flung to all the worlds of light just like those puppies did a couple of years ago…”

“All 420?”

“Yes, honey, all 420.”

“What are we going to do?”

Oswald tilted his face up toward the ceiling, a frustrated groan escaping through his teeth before addressing the room at large. “Who wants to go on a quest?”

[hqolympia]

chicago’s very own 𝐎𝐋𝐘𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐀 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐕𝐄 has been spotted on madison avenue driving a chevrolet corvette z06 , welcome ! your resemblance to 𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒍𝒗𝒊𝒏 is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your 𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒅 birthday bash . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒗𝒆 , but being 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒆 might help you . i think being a 𝒈𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊 explains that .  3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be 𝐦𝐢𝐝𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐧 ,  𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐳𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐧 & 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 . 

hi ,  peachy !  my  name’s  char  &  that  smile  of  yours  is  making  my  heart  melt !  🥺 allow  me  to  introduce  u  to  my  fren  over  here !

full name :  olympia  giselle  hargrove

nickname :  oly ,  pia  (tho, the latter one is reserved for her grandmother)

date of birth :  may  22nd , 1997  (23) 

birth place :  chicago , il

sexual orientation : pansexual

occupation :  competitive diver

labels :  the  crimson  /  the  icarian

𝐢.  𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

one :  picture a little girl with bright blue eyes, pigtails bouncing with every step she takes as a grin makes its way upon her face . she seems happy ---- and in the moment she truly is, despite the fact that the people she needs the most, her parents, are a few thousand miles away and aren’t here to see olympia say her first words or take her first step. she is too young to understand --- honestly, too young to even think about the reasons why they left her.

two :  she is a little bit older now, a full-on eleven years old --- taller, thinner and, most importantly, rowdier. she has quite a few friends, although they all seem to be having picnics with their barbie dolls and sleepovers dedicated to watching princess movies whereas olympia wants to run around and jump all over the place. the girls just don’t seem to match her energy, the boys aren’t exactly welcoming towards her, having this stupid, “ew, but you’re a girl!” mindset. she just wants to find something for herself, something that will keep her interested for longer than three hours ---- that something turned out to be diving.

three :  it’s a few years later, and now she’s standing at the 10m platform. it’s her last dive, and she needs to get it exactly right to win the gold medal. olympia would honestly be lying if she said her legs weren’t shaking because of how nervous she was --- but there’s a camera right in front of her face, therefore she has to keep it together. she turns around, takes one last breath, and then she’s up in the air. fifteen seconds later she’s fully submerged into water ----- and fifteen minutes later she has tears coming out of her eyes. she did it. she’s the world champion now.

four : it’s exactly a year later, and a lot has changed. olympia finds herself in the sunny city of rio de janeiro where she’s come to compete in her first olympic games --- which is exactly what she’s always been meant to do, judging by the name her parents gave her. except this time she’s nervous for an entirely different reason --- she’s now a successful athlete, this season’s leader and the one to watch out for. she’s the reigning world champion, for god’s sake, so she has to prove every single person out there she didn’t win on an accident. a lot of things seem to be going wrong; from oly flubbing her first dive to her coach coming up to her before her final one to say that her parents have showed up at the arena. eventually she finds herself in the same exact position as she did back in Russia ---- her palms are sweating, her legs are shaking, but there’s no turning back. the only way is down, so she has to dive one way or another. a jump, two somersaults, a twist ----- she’s back in the pool, and as she immediately drowns in the roar coming from the audience, tears start coming out of her eyes. she did it again. she’s lived up to her name.

five :  ever since she got back home, her life has completely changed. interview after interview, a campaign after a photoshoot, an event after the other ---- all of that mixed in with her training routine has it ups and downs. her schedule keeps her busy yet there’s something missing. she’s looking everywhere in the hopes of finding that missing piece, and at some point she feels like she’s found it in the face of a stranger who ends up in her bed that night. it brings her a sense of serenity, that lasts a few weeks ---- but olympia knows it’s all too good to be true, and it’s proven to be that way as she stumbles upon a certain page on a random night. it doesn’t seem real at first, but when she spots a tattoo on the girl’s ribcage, a realization hits her ---- she’s plastered all over porn sites, and that particular video featuring her has generated a few million views in a span of two months. she doesn’t remember the night at first due to her drunken state, but she recognizes her bedroom, particularly a personalized louis vuitton gym bag sitting in the corner. details like that help her piece the night together, and from that point on there’s nothing but fear of it all coming out and ruining her career.

𝐢𝐢.  𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀

basically ! this intro is all over the place so here are some bullet points to get u up to speed !

oly was born in chicago but grew up and spent most of her time in toronto with her grandmother, since her parents were setting up their business overseas. they were coming by to visit her maybe once or twice a year, so she isn’t as close with them.

she is a competitive diver (a quite decorated one bc .... why wouldn’t she be 🥺🥺🥺)  representing canada bc of her upbringing despite the fact that she now lives in new york (she moved here in 2017, after the rio olympics)

astrology wise, she is a gemini sun cancer rising .... so sorry to all of u for this

her placements mean that she is quite creative, capricious and may appear manic sometimes --- but really she is just downright STUPID bc she is always trying to get her ass into trouble. like, you can’t even imagine how many times her coach had to drag her out of the mess she got herself into ... 

she is very much about having sympathy for others and helping them and whatnot, but unbeknownst to her, these tendencies can be explained by the “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” mindset. she has to keep her act straight, so getting onto someone’s bad side isn’t in the cards for her --- god knows what kind of shit she may end up in now that she’s a part of ... this world of glamour and fame, u kno?

olympia also really loves to talk, preach, argue --- just do whatever to be heard

in her free time (the time when she doesn’t feel like wreaking havoc tbh) she usually cooks deserts (vegan banana pudding? blackberry sorbet? key lime cheesecake? u want it, u got it!), reads books (painted veil by somerset is her ultimate FAV) and ... drives around town whilst listening to some cheesy music 🥺 

other than that her usual routine consists of training, clubbing and messing shit up due to the chaotic stupid personality !

𝐢𝐢𝐢.  𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

i promise this intro won’t be that long ... after this ! 🤠🤠🤠these are just the few ideas i can get off the top of my head so ... there’s always room for brainstorming ! :-)

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐂��𝐎𝐖𝐃 / close friends --- everybody needs some sort of a support system in their life, and oly is no exception to this rule. she’s never really had a big family, therefore she’s always surrounded herself with people in the hopes of filling the empty space in her heart. and honestly, if it wasn’t for these people, she would’ve quit diving right after winning the olympics, moved to the suburbs of toronto and just lived a quiet life --- but the pride for her friends just gives her enough motivation to move further and become better.

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐄 / best friend --- we all have that someone who’s impossibly close to us; who we cannot imagine our lives without. the bond is so crucial to them both parties that it feels as if there’s never been a moment without each other. the general public and tabloids, though, feel as if there’s more going on and will not stop nagging them about the details.

𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐘 𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐃 / friends drifted apart / exes --- as weird as it is, oly is very much a yolo person. in addition to that, she has a ton of love and devotion for every single person she’s ever had in her life no matter what happened between them or what caused them to drift apart. though, her ever-changing nature is known to drive people away which, tbh, happens to be a blessing and a curse -- it helps oly sort of “filter” through her circle of friends, but then again, if someone enters her life, they leave and undeniable impact on it. therefore, she misses whoever left her life more than they could ever imagine.

𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔 / rival (?) --- olympia isn’t perfect in any way, shape or form. she knows that, but most importantly, the public knows that and will not stop critiquing every little thing that she does. this person, though, is the exact opposite - the public LOVES them to the point where even olympia’s parents would probably say things like “ugh, i wish you could be more like that!”. this makes the relationship between the two quite ... strained. because as much as olympia may love them as a person, there’s always this lingering sense of jealousy that just enables her petty side.

𝐢𝐯. 𝐎𝐎𝐂

ok so ! if you’ve reached this part of my intro ... i cannot thank u enough bc this ?? this is long as HECK but i wanted to actually try and describe the kind of muse i envision in my head. i love u all a latte & if u feel like plotting w/ my dumb kid, leave a like on this post or feel free to mssg me on discord under futurenostalgias#1692 🤠sidenote tho: i’ll probably get to the mssgs in a few hours seeing as i have a few assignments to complete and i’m sorta braindead ... love u , cannot wait to write w/ u ! xoxo ur friendly neighborhood trash char  

[cultofbeatles]

hello reece i am the teach me led zep pls anon yes hi hello hehe idk what i wanna know mabye like ur fave song from each album and basic facts about each member ??? dont be afraid to ramble btw im taking all the info i can get !!!1!1!!! thank u sm ily 🥺

annie i have three words for you... i got you. i already told you this, but i am working on a “beginners guide to led zeppelin.” i planned on it being more giggles mainly, but i'm going back and adding a decent amount of information just for you

fun facts about led zeppelin and the beatles: led zeppelin were the band that beat the beatles record held for most attendance at a concert (55,000 people). on may 5, 1973 (and with no opening act) led zeppelin beat that record by having an attendance of 56,800 people. also! for the beatles movie ‘a hard days night’ jimmy page did the instrumental version of this boy that plays while ringo is wandering around. pretty rad. oh, and george harrison went to a led zeppelin party once and was thrown into a pool by john bonham. 

i gotta say this before i begin though, led zeppelin is one of those bands where hardly anything gets confirmed or denied. at least nothing “controversial” or anything more than basic gets an answer to it. so sometimes you gotta take things with a grain of salt, and you gotta just have the mindset of “well this might not be true so I'm not gonna claim it as so.” with that being said i'll start with getting you into led zeppelin. 

through the span of their short career led zeppelin had eight studio albums. 

led zeppelin (january 1969)

led zeppelin ll (october 1969)

led zeppelin lll (october 1970)

led zeppelin lV (november 1971) this album technically doesn't have a name but we all call it ‘led zeppelin lV since it was the fourth album

houses of the holy (march 1973)

physical graffiti (February 1975)

presence (march 1976)

in through the out door (august 1979) 

they also have a few live albums and compilation albums as well. but when people talk about led zeppelin albums they're mainly referring to these ones. i like all of their albums. i think they're all good. my personal favorites are the second and fourth albums. i do think that led zeppelins music isn't for everyone though. they're not as clean as some other bands are. I will list my favorite songs from each album. 

led zeppelin: good times bad times, dazed and confused, babe i'm gonna leave you, communication breakdown, how many more times, i can't quit you baby 

led zeppelin ll: whole lotta love, the lemon song, thank you, heartbreaker, moby dick, ramble on

led zeppelin ll: immigrant song, since i've been loving you, tangerine, that’s the way 

led zeppelin lV: black dog, rock and roll, stairway to heaven, misty mountain hop, going to california, when the levee breaks, the battle of evermore

houses of the holy: the song remains the same, the rain song, over the hills and far away, the ocean, no quarter, dancing days

physical graffiti: the rover, houses of the holy, kashmir, ten years gone, trampled under foot

presence: for your life, achilles last stand 

in through the out door: fool in the rain, all my love 

i think all of these are good starter songs for someone just now getting into led zeppelin. i hope you like them! they have one movie, the song remains the same, and it’s weird but also good. it’s basically concert footage of their madison square garden show but there’s also cuts of little skits they made? idk how to describe it lol.

in my beginners guide post i'll write more about the members and go into more details and funny facts about them. right now i'll just briefly introduce you to them. to talk about led zeppelin you have to start with the yardbirds. jimmy page (zeppelin’s guitarist) was in the yardbirds until they broke up in 1968 and then jimmy started looking for his “super group.” him and Peter grant (zeppelin’s manager) started looking for the best of the best people. in 1968 led zeppelin was formed. 

jimmy page is known as one of the best guitar players in rock history. he’s usually always in the top three listings. he was a session guitarist for a while and would fill in on people’s records. on Joe cocker’s version of ‘with a little help from my friends’ jimmy is playing the guitar on it. and he joined the yardbirds with eric clapton and jeff beck who are also listed as the best guitarists. he was a soft spoken, quiet dude. he seemed very shy and introverted. but then you read groupie stories about how he had whips, handcuffs, and razors. he was also given a lot of shit for studying crowley’s work, and was known for his “witchcraft ways.” he struggled with addiction (heroin and cocaine) and pulled himself through in the end. but he was, and still is, an amazing guitar player. he also produced all of zeppelin’s albums. so he’s an amazing producer as well. he got a lot of unnecessary hate and criticism back in the day (still does). and you can thank jimmy for all the newish led zeppelin stuff we get bc that’s all on him more than likely. 

john paul jones is known as one of the best bassists in rock history. he was not only zeppelin’s bassist but also keyboardist. and he can play recorder as well. like jimmy, he was also a session musician. jimmy and jones knew of each other  and when jones heard about jimmy putting a group together he called him. he was more of the serious member in a way. jimmy, bonham, and robert were more wild and would cause chaos. john paul jones would deadass book a room at another hotel and not tell anyone where he was. he just wasn't into that kind of thing. so I don't think he was really all that close to the other members. he felt left out a lot. him and john bonham were an amazing rhythm section. the best in history. they knew exactly what to do to stay in sync. he was also the one to find john bonham when he died. so that’s sad. 

robert plant is known as one of the best vocalists in rock history. his voice is *chef kiss.* i love him. he wasn't jimmy’s first pick in a singer. in fact, jimmy’s first pick was the one who recommended robert to jimmy and also said that he looked like “a greek god.” robert plant is just about the most attractive man ever. jimmy liked roberts voice a lot but doubted his songwriting skills so was weary of him at first. robert had never written songs until joining led zeppelin. robert was the reason john bonham joined the group. him and bonham were best friends before the group even formed and remained that way until bonham’s death. robert also went through a lot of shit during led zeppelin’s timeline and honestly i'm so proud of him for getting through all of it. right now robert likes to act like he was never in led zeppelin though lmao. 

john bonham is known as one of the best drummers in rock history. i’m not even kidding. his power behind the drums is mind-blowing. when he was approached by jimmy about the band he denied the offer. and continued to deny the offer bc he had a family to take care of, and didn't know how well this band would be. but it was robert plant who convinced him to join so they could play together. he loved his family very much (a wife and son who name is jason). he hated being away from them. he was known as the sweetest man ever unless he was drunk. the problem was that he was always drunk. he had a drinking problem. he did a lot of stupid shit when drunk. he died in 1980 after he had the equivalent of 40 shots of vodka and threw up in his sleep causing himself to choke. after he died, led zeppelin died as well. 

after john’s death the band called it quits. they all like to say it’s because no other drummer would be able to compare to bonham. robert says that he loved john bonham too much and couldn't force himself to go out there and do a show without him as the drummer. robert plant is likely the reason we’ll never get another zeppelin reunion show. there were three reunion shows in the past. the first reunion was their live aid show which fucking sucks. john paul jones wasn't even informed about the event and ended up on keyboard instead of bass, jimmy was likely on drugs bc of how out of it he was, robert’s voice is awful, and the drummers hardly knew the material. it was a rushed show but it was for charity and i'm sure they made a lot of money. the last show being the celebration day reunion in 2007 where jason bonham (john’s son) played the drums. it’s a really really good show and i cry every time i watch it. you can watch the whole thing on youtube. still to this day it’s evident that jimmy, Jason, and jones would love to do a reunion show again. 

led zeppelin is one of the few groups that can say all of their members were just about the best at what they did. each member will always be in the top ten rankings for lists of the best artists/musicians. that’s really impressive. they were really, really good together. I hope this was a good starter post! 

[ofphcenixes]

THE PHOENIX || BLUE HAWTHORNE.

ok i won’t lie i stole this intro from veritas 2 kdJKDGF BUT ! if you want to get to know this guy definitely hit the readmore below *shaky eye emoji*. also hi i’m lilac i’m an admin and also a sims enthusiast anyways, back onto what’s important here, this lil bean called red blue !

personality

THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING TO BLUE FACTS. PLEASE TEXT ‘STOPBLUE’ TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION.

but if you have seen blue’s blog sidebar and title, i feel like you will gather a LOT about his personality lmfao

he is playful, jocular, and honestly? immature

always looking for the childhood he never got to have, y’know?

he is secretly very insecure and always has a need to please. if someone doesn’t like him, he’ll tear himself apart to figure out why.

he’s always telling jokes and always laughing. he’s known for his Memes and is always a good time to be around… if you know what i mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

but also Anti-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) because ya boi has commitment issues so high they’re past the inevitable spaghetti monster that’s probably floating out there in space

he can also be very maternal when the need arises. he is not good at talking about emotions but he’ll give you a meme or a plate of cookies to Heal You

honestly? the human embodiment of a puppy. cannot be alone for very long, has a short attention span, and craves validation lmfao. give him a squeaky toy and he will be Contented

as a footballer he can be Tough on field when he needs to be but he’s also v sensitive and talks to birds he passes on his morning runs like he’s a disney princess djkgfdk

he struggles academically as he has a short attention span most of the time and thinks too little of himself. however, he’s a lot brighter than most people give him credit for. he’s incredibly creative and a lateral thinker. maths makes him want to die, tho.

also what’s money? blue does not know

to many, blue’s known as the troubled kid who turned his life around. to others, he’s known as the local Meme Dealer. but to a lucky few, he’s known as a friend who would do anything for you.

most just know him as the moron named after a colour tho.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

history. (trigger warning: illness, death, drugs, depression)

WHO’S READY FOR SOME CHROMATIC CONTENT

blue hawthorne, who never goes by his birthname bc he hates it dfkjgdgdf ( what is his birthname ? he’ll never tell ┌( ಠ‿ಠ)┘ ) was born right here in ashmont.

despite not having a lot - he grew up with just him and his mum ( his father left before he was born, never knew a thing about him ), in a tiny trailer park on the outskirts of town. a far cry from the opulent manors peppered all throughout town, and the very lifestyle blue’s mother was accustomed to as a child. however, the pair were content as long as they were together.

despite not having much, blue loved every second of his childhood. he wore his mischief like a crown, smiling wherever he went. he’d always resonated with a love of music and dance, and like his mother before him, danced. ballet was his passion growing up, and started as young as 5.

as a child blue was often teased for this, and the fact that he was so close with his mother. he was also very outspoken and strong-willed, and never let his peers get the best of him. he danced, he laughed, he bruised his knees at any given opportunity. what he lacked in possessions he gained in the abundance of joy he felt in his heart growing up. his mother and a few of his close friends were his world.

when blue turned ten, everything changed.

the jubilant, mischievous, but altogether kind-hearted boy was given the heart-breaking news that his mother had been diagnosed with cancer. margarette hawthorne, much like her son, was a fighter - and didn’t let such a diagnosis keep her down. despite their dwindling lack of funds now going towards medical bills, and the fact blue began sacrificing his own childhood as he took to the role of a caretaker of sorts for his mother, he never took his time with her for granted.

things were okay for a while. there was a point where the doctors were convinced that she was going to make it. blue was a fool. blue believed them.

at the age of thirteen, blue lost everything. he lost his place to live, he lost his childhood and lust for life, and he lost the person he loved most in the world. he lost his best friend.

it wasn’t long before the overbearing sympathy from those around him soured blue. he was sick of being bullied, people not liking him, and altogether not being in control. so what did this boy do ? he quit ballet (the thing he’d loved since he was able to stand), he started drinking, he got involved in a very bad crowd and became a frequenter of the local ashmont police station. blue became a certified Bad Boy™

blue was sent to live with the grandparents that despised him and never acknowledged his existence before that moment. righteous and conservative in their views, they had cast aside their daughter when she had blue out of wedlock, and only reached out to her in her final months. for this reason, blue despised these people (he refused to call them family). he tried his best to be appreciative of a house and food ( which was much better than anything he had growing up ). but he was cold. always cold.

as a teenager, blue fell into a rapid succession of bad decisions. still small, still frail in stature, he found himself at a dissonance with his image and began growing insecure about his looks, the years of torment weighing on him. he found anesthetic in the party scene outside of school, taking to alcohol and drugs as a sedative from the life he felt forced to lead. his grandparents were pigeon-holing him into a preppy, studious boy who’d go on to be a banker or a lawyer, when all blue had wanted to do was be himself. he couldn’t decide if he hated himself or he hated the world more.

at the age of 16, his rap sheet seemed to grow with each rising of the sun. he’d fallen in with a bad crowd, hardly ever heading ‘home’ and couch surfed. at the age of 16 he’d gotten his own car and lived more out of that than the stuffy house on top of the hill where he was supposed to stay. his grades were sinking towards the bottom of the barrel, he was always looking for validation from the bad kids he hung around with and made some very poor decisions in the hopes he’d be liked. in the hopes he’d find a new family.

the partying, the stream of hook ups, his criminal record (mainly with traffic offences, a few write ups for public intoxication and fighting), sobriety, the instability of his living situation and his future all came to boil just before he turned 17. physically he’d started to fill out, and look more like the man people know today. he was no longer frail and no longer weak, and when asked, he used to his fists to forge that path he thought he wanted.

after a dark night, it became apparent to blue that his path of self destruction was hurting no one but himself. whether by choice or by accident, he knew he wasn’t ready to see his mother again. so… he’d hit rock bottom with a spectacular thud. but blue knew the only way to go from there was up.

through nothing short than a McMiracle (sponsored by Ronald McDonald, bc no one else is rich enough to pull it off lmfao) blue managed to scrape by and complete high school.

blue had no doubt his family name (that of his grandparents) helped him secure an athletic scholarship to st etienne. in his year of transformation from 17 to 18 his grandmother had softened to the boy she’d always hated and was riddled with guilt for the years of mistreatment, and promised to pay for his education (that wasn’t covered by his scholarship) as long as he promised to make something of himself. his first year of college, things really started looking up for blue. he was finally back on track.

then woops, grim came a-knocking again

bidding farewell to the grandmother he was only beginning to know, his grandfather had no reason to extend her kindnesses, and cut blue off. at the age of 18 he was homeless, with nothing but a car and a handful of pokemon cards he’d had as a kid. not worth anything or even particularly sentimental, he just likes pokemond kgfjfd.

living in his car for a while before eventually crashing with a close friend, blue managed to absorb his days in study and in work. he quickly found his passion in helping kids, and giving them the childhoods that he never got. going into teaching seemed like a no-brainer.

although blue’s wild days are behind him, there are some things locked in his past that still haunt him. there are doors he never hopes to open again. but he got his fresh start, and is determined to live the life a young blue would have wanted for him, and one his mother could be proud of.

then the grim reaper came back a third time, his scythe begging for daisey rutherford.

the investigation.

blue’s connection to daisey is that they danced in ballet classes together… as you can imagine, daisey had to put on her Evil Training Wheels somewhere and unfortunately, blue was one of her earliest victims. teased constantly for his appearance, his love of ballet, his lack of wealth, and on awful days, his single parent household.

for the most part blue had grown resilient in ignoring these comments. but he never forgot how daisey mistreated him, and sparked a wave of similar comments from people in their year when they were only children.

hey now im not gonna rEVEAL (bc what if he is ??? :o ) anything relating to the crime if he was the murderer, but know he is Lorge and Strong and could probably push daisey over with his finger lmfao

it’s also worth noting that one of daisey’s parents, a beloved surgeon, treated blue’s mother whilst she was in hospital with cancer. the late detection of its return is what caused her death, and blue has been vocal in his blame in the rutherford family for the loss of the person closest to him ever since.

now i’m not saying blue did anything… but if he did, his ‘eye for an eye’ motive ? maybe not as crazy as you may think. especially when you consider your boi already has a criminal record. ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

plots.

atm i am still working on blue’s blob and getting his stats/connections page up BUT !! here are a few fun lil plots beyond his skeleton connections that i’d absolutely love to explore. also here’s his current connections page for further ideas ! 

CHILDHOOD FRIENDS  - blue grew up in ashmont, and didn’t have a lot of friends kfgjfd. if your muse would have been down for a Young Memey Mess that’s fond of a pirouette, blue is your Man. on the flip side, if your muse is one of the Cool Kids and is looking for potential animosity, i’d love someone who tried to squash blue like a bug in their youth (~:

FLIRTATIONSHIP - blue is currently in a (hidden) relationship, and for the first time in his life, gasp, might have feelings. but he’s a fucking walnut and refuses to admit that, so a plot of someone with an unrequited crush, a fun flirtationship, or even someone that just wants to be his wingman would not only be fun, but also incredibly painful - which is what we deserve. 8) (also note, blue is bisexual so any muse would work. <3)

COWORKERS - blue works as a trainer at the ashmont fitness centre ( …. dont @ maaria for the page not being done fgjdgkdf  WE ARE IN THE PROCESS OF UPDATING THE PAGES NOW KDFJGDKFJ). but i’d always be down for plots in the workplace !!

UBER - sorry for the lame ass name lmao but dkjfgfkd blue is not about the party scene anymore ( lowkey bc he’s afraid to get addicted again and throw away everything he’s worked so hard for). but he does care a lot about people, and a pal of his is v much still hooked to that lifestyle and he very dkfgjdf determinedly drives them home every time to ensure they’re safe. could be former party friends, could be current friends in some capacity. maybe there was an incident in their past that blue feels guilt over ( a fight perhaps, trigger warning - maybe an overdose?) and so now he looks after them. or even just having a sibling-like bond, which (as blue is an only child) i’d also love something like that!

STUDY BUDDY - blue is a moron and needs someone to help him not fail kdfjgdf. he may not be naturally adept at getting good grades, but unlike many, he’s trying his absolute hardest. in return, he’s more than happy to be your Meme Dealer. bonus points if it’s unlikely friends, or if they didn’t exactly get along at first. :D

FELLOW FOOTBALLERS - 2 bros sitting in a hot tub five feet apart bc they’re not gay. dkjgdgdf but for REAL. exploring the team dynamic of the football team would be so fun, especially with blue’s reputation and the fact he only started taking up the sport when he was about 15-16, which may be a lot later than other guys in the team.

RIVALS - god they’re probably rivals about memes and i hate that but that’s just what it is :/

ok i have nothing else to say other than thank you for being a sweetheart and reading through this ??? i know it was a McMess but, if you’d like to plot with said mcmess definitely hit me up - or wait it out a lil bc i plan to do some starter stuff and plotting later today. (~: love you all, and viva la daisey ! 

[chainsawcorazon]

KO-D Blues: The Current DDT Main Event Scene

Anyone who first heard about Cyberagent acquiring DDT back in fall of 2017 knew that change was coming. It often does with acquisitions. Sure, the general understanding was that there would be more capital to float ideas and new projects, bigger paychecks for the personnel, but with great power comes great responsibility- more capital inevitably comes with more stakeholders.

Customers, as in the DDT audience, has been the longest and most consistent stakeholder at DDT pre-aquisition, simply because of the fact that up until fall 2017, DDT was a technically an independent whose business strategy tapped into the niche puroresu market that craved the absurdist, outlandish, and overall nontraditional approach at professional wrestling in a market that was flooded with similar content (don't @ me, but every Ace is the same kinda Ace across the big Five promotions, with a lil tailoring here and there). They have several sister promotions each doing their own thing, all part of the DDT umbrella, but running their own hijinks for their small, but loyal fanbases that buy the tickets and merch as loyally as any person consuming the mainstream content.

But after fall of 2017, they were no longer a successful indy, but now a cog in a larger machine aiming to make money. They were acquired, there's technically a new boss in the story, and even though at first it didn't seem like much would change, something has.

When Shuji Ishikawa won the D-King Grand Prix, I was livid for multiple reasons. I knew there was no way in hell he was gonna win the belt off Takeshita because by that point, it was common knowledge that Shuji would be over in AJPW the entirety of April for Champion Carnival. There was no way in hell a DDT could put their top belt on a man who had to disappear for a whole month, no matter how loyal he was to his mother promotion, bc that would have inevitably started a war between President Takagi and Uncle Jun. My pick was always Daisuke Sasaki, but some wanted Akito, some Yukio, the possibilities were endless because they're full-timers, and all of them amazing wrestlers, and we already knew Harashima was well on his way to lighter feuds and semi-main event status because his Ace days are coming to an end. We knew, but we didn't fret because other people were just are ready for an amazing push, but the victory went to the man who was already known to be a special attraction at Sumo Hall. There was a reason why HaraMarufuji had to drop those belts at Sumo Hall, and only half of it was to push Higuchi, because the other half had to salvage whatever dignity the men had left bc NOAH didn't book HaraMarufuji for shit and DDT could barely make do with Marufuji's sporadic appearances. Sometimes, it works out (like with Yuko), but a lot of times it just doesn't. So Shuji wasn't gonna win, we knew, but DDT management still played the game of thrones, and that led to the upset at Judgement 2k18.

The polls wanted Shuji. The fans wanted Shuji. Deep down, I feel like god wanted Shuji too, but no one can stop Management when it's high on one person regardless of how much the fans, the culture, the whole damn industry wants otherwise. Everyone else becomes an afterthought. People who have worked hard to keep the company alive are no longer in line to get a nice push. Suddenly, everyone becomes food for the top guy, no matter how good the build-up was for the other players, no matter how hot the crowd was for the opponent, no matter how willing the crowd was to forget that Shuji had AJPW dates to fulfill in two weeks, just because they loved the build-up to the Sumo Hall show and wanted Goliath of DAMNATION to come out as champion and give Ryogoku a concert to remember. But reality won in the end, and Shuji got pinned, and there went January through March, straight to the garbage because they fed Shuji Ishi-fucking-kawa to a 22 year old boy who can barely cut a promo and keep a crowd hot after winning a main event.

It's a tragedy from three ends because 1) Takeshita's literally a fucking novice who's only been wrestling for five or so years and is literally in the age group of the current trainees of the damn promotion, 2) he has no character or personality to speak of that people can get high on except the select few that enjoy his 'notice me Endo-san' yandere tirades, and 3) ... he lacks the spirit of DDT.

If DDT was all wrestling, everyday, I'd be watching NOAH's shitty booking and eating ice cream while trying not to let my soul slip outta my mortal coil, but that's not what DDT is. DDT is fully fleshed out characters and over-the-top storylines, DDT is gay-friendly and intergender-wrestling friendly, it's gimmick fuckery for everyone in the promotion, everyone gets to have more than one character, BOYZ shows run social critiques on heterolinis, YAROZ act out the hypermasculine thotheads, Ganbare lets Imanari have emotional meltdowns during ring takedown, TJP has zombies, BASARA has a deathmatch samurai for an Ace, and a wig is the crown for anyone who wants to be general manager of the promotion. It's content fuckery at its best, and it's fun. Takeshita Konosuke? He's not fun.

I'm not gonna try and dissect why he's not getting over, but the fact of the matter is- he's not getting over. And yet- and yet he's still being pushed like he's king of the world. Suddenly we're back in Sumo Hall, and the crowd's dead for Konosuke. A couple of weeks back, when Takeshita lost, he flipped. There was something there, a spark that came and went regularly since Takeshita and Endo began feuding, a rage that bubbled to the surface whenever Takeshita couldn't get his way. There was a character- a semblance of a character worth looking forward to because there was an unparalleled emotion there that was almost tangible.

But like a dying flame, the spark fizzled out, and we were left with an inconsistent character. Like is you mad? Is you happy? You never fuckin know with Take, man. The only consistent thing about him is his undying love/hate for Endo-san.

So Takeshita won, Shuji bowed out, and then Shigehiro Irie rolled up. Suddenly, there was some hope again, because Shige had his own storyline that made sense in the grander scheme of things. With Management so gung ho behind Takeshita, it was excellent storytelling to bring in the guy who has WORDS for the promotion who conned him out of a D-King Grand Prix spot, and had him consider quitting. But Shigs had his own story, his own reason for being, a freelancer like Shuji in his own right, but still tied to the Motherland, to DDT, at the end of the day. Still a heel, but a heel of the people- and if he wins at Max Bump 2018, a champion of the people.

Akito, on the other hand, is gonna be ten years in DDT next year, and he's one of the best wrestlers on the roster, but is still one of the most underpushed (understandable as his character is rather bland even if his skills are exceptional). Coming out with a bad Prix record, he then went on to question Shige's right to challenge. Like an older brother protecting the golden baby of the family, Akito stood up against a literal beast. And he lost. More than that, he was shamed. What's a person to do?

So what changed? Over the years, a number of champions have held the coveted KO-D. OK, maybe 'coveted' is pushing it. It's a hot title, aight? It's the top guy's title, whether that top guy for the moment is Harashima, Kudo, Ibushi, Ishikawa, Sakaguchi, Togo, Poison Sawada Julie, Dino or Mikami. But that didn't mean the title didn't change hands. For its eighteen year existence, its changed enough times for a title spanning forty years, but DDT went from zero to hero. Suddenly the belts weren't all jokes, the talent wasn't just here for the shenanigans, but for an actual chance to be the rightful King of DDT. So what changed?

Across Harashima's nine reigns over eleven years, he clocked in well over a thousand days. Takeshita is on his second reign, at 22, and clocked in almost five hundred days over eleven different defenses. The push is real, but the push isn't getting over. So I wonder again- what changed?

Everyone knows the worst civil war a promotion can get into is the war with its own customer base. The crowd died at Sumo Hall after Takeshita retained, and they were barely waking up again when Irie popped up. The story's there- the Old Guard of DDT having to deal with the new Management that came with the acquisition, Irie's need to show Takeshita that DDT is still what it used to be, even if Shigs is bitter and jaded that things have changed so quickly, the constant, nagging feeling in the back of every DDT fan's mind that 'jfc, we gotta deal with Takeshita again?” There's only so much a promotion can do until the push fails. We still have to fill up seats for Peter Pan. The hottest stable on the indies for the last two years was DAMNATION, but now that their push and hype was used on Shuji and Goliath's been slayed, what's next for them? Shige is almost certain to lost at Max Bump because anyone who slays Takeshita, will be slaying the Future and taking back DDT for whatever reason. That's not happening at Korakuen with a guy who's been MIA since December. Harashima's time is over. The generation of DDT wrestlers that came after 2005 are still lagging in the midcard, and times are... intense. We have a Sumo Hall double show coming up in 2019, and it looks like we really will be hosting Tokyo Dome if 2020 if we continue at this pace.

So what changed?

I don't want to give up hope yet because I trust that crowd sentiment matters to DDT, but with Takeshita's victory at Judgment, his lukewarm hype, and now the setup to feed heel!Shige to Takeshita in order to fluff him up as a face... it's not looking too great. Shige losing now means the Old Guard loses a warhound. One of the few things that can salvage his loss is Akito having a heel turn, but the turn hasn't been triggered in years, and seems unlikely even now when the moment is most opportune. There are... no challengers left for Takeshita with a proper build. The one man who was capable of running with his push had to lose to Mike Bailey. We're at a standstill right now- halfway to the dawn of a new era, but moments away from severe backlash because of the near omnipotent reign of a boy king who can barely keep his emotions in check around his ex-bff/love of his unfortunate life. Given, DDT didn't die even when Ibushi quit, so I doubt Takeshita's lackluster reign is gonna kill the promotion dead... but it doesn’t spell out a good future if there's meant to be a cycle of this lackluster character work.

Especially if they intend for him to be the Ace for good.

Alas, the main event scene at DDT right now is rife with mixed feelings while we prepare to work the five hundred other side-projects DDT has going, while preparing for a fall Peter Pan, with no clear picture of who will be the two men standing face-to-face at the last marquee event of the year. We'll see at Max Bump if Shige can win one for the Old Guard and take the belt off Takeshita long enough to build up other characters that can have formidable reigns, but until then, it's a rocky road. At least Smile Squash held it down for the crowd :/

[negativitybegonnn]

just some hq parents headcannons

no this is not mpreg

karasuno

daichi and suga

- fuck ton of kids. i’m talking five. the four oldest are all girls three years apart and the youngest is a boy who is four years younger

- daichi is one of those dads who comes home and falls asleep on The Chair (but he’s usually accompanied by one or two of his kids)

- suga is deadass so chaotic and would not care if the kids wanted to jump from the roof onto the trampoline

- the oldest (imani) was the first kid in the big vball group and everyone LOVED HER

- iwaizumi would not leave this baby alone

- imani had some tough teen years and shaved her head when she was 14

- but then became a menace with all her sneaking out but levels out and becomes really responsible

- then three years later there’s yume whos mf crazy

- once skateboarded down the roof and effectively shortened daichi’s life span

- then after another three years there’s mei who is like mf chill

- complete opposite of yume in all regards

- just content in sitting back and watching the horror unfold

- then after even another three years there’s rina who is best friends with iwaizumi hikari

- unseparable and she is so pure and nice to everyone

- then finally after four years there’s yuuto who just loves his big sisters and will do anything with them

- he loves to take part in his sisters games so he’s either being put in a dress or making ‘blood sacrifices’ in the woods

hinata and kageyama

- pretty late into the kid thing but that’s just because they were busy with vball

- both equally wanted kids and just kinda decided one night

- kageyamas the kind of dad who’s pretty serious about teachings and thing but has been known to holds their baby feet up to his ear and answer like a telephone

- hinata is the fun dad

- he will do anything, roller coasters, let you get a peircing, anything

- but he always made them eat all their veggies which made them mad

- their oldest is their daughter akari

- she’s a fricking beast at volleyball

- but to everyone’s surprise, she plays libero

- she’s pretty crazy and is just a bright haired girl who’s a lot like her dad

- very energetic and can also be scary in the short person kind of way

- haruto is two years younger and a lot like his sister

- he’s another volleyball god and plays wingspiker

- also very energetic but he’s not scary at all

- pretty tall and kinda towers over hinata which angers hinata

- he’s just like a pure boy with good intentions

yamagucchi and tsukki

- tsukki wasn’t sold on the whole kid thing at first

- bc he didn’t really care for his friends kids

- but his own kid

- man he loves him

- yama really wanted kids and is such a kind dad

- he always goes out of his way to do nice things for him

- his name is ichiro and he’s very nice

- but so goddamn sarcastic

- tsukki really tried to push dinosaurs on him but he was more of a train kind of kid

- he loves his uncle akiteru and tsukki hates it

- ever since he was a kid he like playing with him and every time his dad just seethed in the background

- he also loves his uncle kuroo and when he’s older they play a lot of volleyball together which again, tsukki seethes

tanaka and kiyoko

- y’all know he’d be a good dad

- they end up having twin girls and he’s obsessed

- every waking moment is spent teaching them volleyball and playing tea party

- kiyoko let’s them braid her hair and paint her nails badly

- miyo is the oldest of the twins and lets her sister know it

- has a very big personality and is a princess warrior as a kid

- her twin kaori is just as boisterous

- they definitely win class clowns when they’re in school

- those two fight a lottttt

- but they always have each other’s backs

- have been known to pick up stray animals from the street and bring them home

- yes, they have mistaken a opossum for a cat and brought it home

- tanaka allowed this and was yelled at by kiyoko

- they loveeeee their aunt saeko

- they beg her to teach them everything she knows

- they wanted to be as cool as her

[illnameitlast-blog]

OMG it’s been more than a week since I’ve started this personal project.

I’m going to retry calling as much as I can remember up to today.. 9/11/2017. Might not finish. 

so 

the original plan for that Thursday was to connect two friends in the music industry at 2, clothing photo shoot w a Postmates driver, L, who I quickly befriended at work (a cafe in Brentwood) at 5, and then around 8pm I was going to sleep over at a coworker’s house so that she could bleach and re-color my hair. 

..here’s what really happened. 

I woke up somewhat early, maybe around 9:30/10am. Currently my long-time high school friend Kristine is going to move in with me into the small studio I live in. Her lease ends the last day of August, & that’s today, Thursday. The night before, my friend Taylor said last-minute she needed a place to couch surf after all & will be putting her room up for Airbnb. [Taylor lives in a master bedroom by herself in a large apartment right next to The Grove. The last time I saw her a few months ago I told her I would be down to move in with her and she agreed it would be cool. We agreed she’d Airbnb her room for extra money for September, while I saved rent money to move in with her in October.] 

I walked less than 10 minutes to get a bunch of breakfast for myself. I’m talking about pancakes, toast, eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, and sausage. When I come back, I eat about 3/4 of what I ordered and eat half of an acid-laced sour patch kid, roughly equivalent to half a tab (I’d like to think). It’s about 12:30. 

Alright, now I need to start getting ready as fast as possible before the acid hits. First I talk to house owners Danny & Tara about Taylor moving into the studio with Kristine & I. A little unsure at first, they eventually agree. I go back to getting ready. 

The acid doesn’t hit until about an hour later, when I’m about to leave for my 2pm froyo meeting with friends Yael & Josephine. After getting Pressed Juicery’s matcha “froyo” w almond butter, pineapple, & extra pineapple, we walk withYael to some place she knows of where we can hang out. We’re on Abbot Kinney and arrive at the TOMS store. As you walk in, there’s a coffee bar. Past it, a seating area with tables on the right side and shoes for sale on display on the left side. Past THAT, you go down a few stairs onto grass turf with tall, stair-like seating all against the right side with a couple tables & chairs on the floor against the wall across the entrance of area. We all sit & talk for a bit, where I find out that Yael will be at the Anaheim House of Blues the next day, Friday, where I’ll also be to support a friend’s band that’ll be performing. We agree to try to see each other the next night. Around 3:30/4, we leave to walk back towards our cars. On our way back, we pass the Wheel of Fortune that seems to be some type of known landmark? I spin the wheel, first getting WISDOM but then it quickly switched over to FUN. currently, I do not disagree. maybe later in life I might. 

I get back to my car. right before meeting Yael & Josephine, L texted me asking to rain check the photo shoot. since I was free & I knew Kristine needed some help bringing things to my place, I decide to go over to her apartment in Westwood. when I get there, I’m feeling amazing. I had just linked two amazing people in the music industry and that was the first meeting I’d ever scheduled. I was ecstatic! earlier in my day I had come up w the idea that instead of Taylor putting her room up for Airbnb, Kristine & I could just move in instead. I was going to move in October anyways. I needed to check with Kristine first, & she was for it. So I called Taylor & told her my idea. Taylor loved it! In the span of about a 5 minute phone call, we were moving to West Hollywood. Because of that I was also able to help another one of my friends that was looking for a place to stay for the month of September! ***side note about the weather, during my phone conversation with said friend, that was the day when there was like, apocalyptic weather going on, where it was very warm & humid, but pretty windy & even started raining at some points during the day. I say this because I was observing the weather from the open window at the moment***  during my time there I created this tumblr on impulse. eventually Kristine’s roommate finally left for home & it was just the two of us. it was starting to get late & nothing had been put away in the car yet. WE NEEDED TO BE OUT & DONE BY SUNRISE.

I start packing things in the car. We need to start moving. Once we finished, we drove to Kristine’s home home, about 1:15 hour drive away. We got back to the apartment around 4am I believe. I’ve never mentally pushed myself that hard before, I was so freaking EXHAUSTED moving everything to the car while Kristine cleaned, back & forth, from the 3rd floor (but thankfully had an elevator). We didn’t finish til 7am. I ordered food around 7:30 for pickup on my way home. 

I leave Kristine around 8am. She’ll meet me at my place for food & a shower soon. I get home, scarf my breakfast sandwich down, eyes-closed, hoping to simulate resting. As soon as I finish I hop in the shower right away. I get ready, tell Kristine how to lock up, then leave. I go to work from 10am-6:30pm. 

I’m EXHAUSTED. I magically make it on time. Work is rough. After about an hour, I use the bathroom & check my messages for anything important. Tara is very upset about Kristine leaving her burrito leftovers & the dog got to it, after just telling me the other day to make sure the rules about food in the studio were known. I don’t have time to reply, so I just go back to work & go back to cutting the watermelon up for juice, since we didn’t have any ready. I’m extremely stressed at that point & start tearing up. My coworker/big brother figure Isa sees me, takes over, & sends me to the bathroom. I’m crying. The only 2 bathroom stalls are occupied. I’m crying. A woman on the phone walks into the bathroom & is in line now. I’m still crying. One of the shift leaders Val comes in, hugs me, & takes me to the office in the back. She’s had enough breakdowns to know what was happening with me & I’m thankful for the care she showed me. FINALLY, I’m done crying. I go back to work, feeling better, and finish the rest of my shift. 

As soon as I clock out, I change outfits & head to the House of Blues Anaheim to see birthday! I saw birthday @ SXSW earlier that year, where I also met the frontman, Duran. Although I was DEAD & exhausted, I had this show in my calendar for about 2 months, had told them I would be going the same day they announced it, & refused to flake on them. Their last show I’d missed their set, but I’m so glad I saw this one. The energy was amazing, & it made me want to introduce him to Yael even more for potential booking purposes. Unfortunately, Yael was in a different room than me & couldn’t leave, since she was there as Production Assistant for the show. After birthday’s set, Duran & I catch up a little & watch a few songs of the next opener. It was very interesting. 

Duran says there’s a band he wants to see in a different room & is going to find the stage hand to see if we’d be able to go check it out. The guy gives us two shiny pink wristbands & we head outside towards the entrance to the Foundation Room. This is the room Yael is in! I’m STOKED. We go past the door, it’s immediately an elevator. Take the elevator to the 2nd floor. Exit, walk across the catwalk above/between the stage downstairs & the ramp entrance to the room I saw birthday perform in. 

We enter the room, which is in the shape of a rotunda. Very nice. Duran is standing behind my shoulder. I ask the girl at the front desk if we just walk in. 

Girl: “Do you have tickets for the show?” 

Me: *shows wristbands* 

Girl: “Oh! You’re a member?” 

Me: *quick pause of hesitation* ... “Yes! :D” 

Girl: “Would you like a glass of champagne?” 

Me: “If you would like to pour it for me, thank you so much!!!” 

Duran & I walk in, both holding a glass of champagne. Eventually I introduce Yael & Duran to each other. Towards the end of that show I run into Alexa / Plexxaglass! Shortly after, Duran & I dipped. we went back to the first room we were in. He gets me backstage, into the green room. I help the boys put away their things to leave. In the next room over, Bro Safari is playing.. & Duran has 4 tickets. It’s about 11:30pm. As much as I really wanted to go, I knew I couldn’t let myself, unless I wanted to LITERALLY die of exhaustion. Also, I worked the next day 8am-4:30pm. Duran offers to walk me to my car, except we actually literally walk down the ramps instead of take the stairs to the floor I needed lol. Long story short, I lost my car, we looked for it for about 20 minutes including one of the other boys in the group, then found it on the floor beneath the floor we were looking all over. 

I get into my car, & check my messages. Turns out my friend had moved into the studio already, meaning to me that I couldn’t sleep over there that night. Kristine was at her old apartment where her friends had moved into, but there was no furniture yet meaning there was only hardwood floor to sleep on. Taylor’s place wasn’t an option yet, as she was still cleaning her stuff for us to move in. On my way to Anaheim I’d seen a sign to Riverside & thought about sleeping over @ my best guy friend’s house. Except he’s in Vegas for the weekend. I didn’t wanna go back home home to Rancho/Fontana bc that was way farther than Riv & I know I was already so tired.. So I texted my coworker Bekah, who was supposed to color my hair the other day, to see if I could sleep over for the night. I got to her place at about 1. Her cute ass bought me granola bars & milk in case if I wanted cereal in the morning. (’: We talked a bit, drank wine in bed, then I FINALLY passed out. I woke up the next morning, left around 7:30, and there was ash on my car bc apparently that day there was a fire nearby. Nature is being hella crazy as of lately. 

[ofphcenixes]

THE PHOENIX || blue hawthorne. 

am i two hundred years late to the party ?? you bet your biscuits i am. but hiya all, i’m lilac, i am from the land of Quokkas and the Wiggles. i am already gonna apologise in advance for the mess of an intro below, so HERE is one of my fave videos as Thanks for wanting to learn more about my boi blue !! who, for the record, is so much lamer than he’ll let you believe. then again, i’m watching the nancy drew (2007) movie so who am i to judge lmao.

personality

THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING TO BLUE FACTS. PLEASE TEXT ‘STOPBLUE’ TO CANCEL YOUR SUBSCRIPTION. 

but if you have seen blue’s blog sidebar and title, i feel like you will gather a LOT about his personality lmfao

he is playful, jocular, and honestly? immature

always looking for the childhood he never got to have, y’know?

he is secretly very insecure and always has a need to please. if someone doesn’t like him, he’ll tear himself apart to figure out why.

he’s always telling jokes and always laughing. he’s known for his Memes and is always a good time to be around... if you know what i mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

but also Anti-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) because ya boi has commitment issues so high they’re past the inevitable spaghetti monster that’s probably floating out there in space

he can also be very maternal when the need arises. he is not good at talking about emotions but he’ll give you a meme or a plate of cookies to Heal You

honestly? the human embodiment of a puppy. cannot be alone for very long, has a short attention span, and craves validation lmfao. give him a squeaky toy and he will be Contented

as a footballer he can be Tough on field when he needs to be but he’s also v sensitive and talks to birds he passes on his morning runs like he’s a disney princess djkgfdk

he struggles academically as he has a short attention span most of the time and thinks too little of himself. however, he’s a lot brighter than most people give him credit for. he’s incredibly creative and a lateral thinker. maths makes him want to die, tho.

also what’s money? blue does not know

to many, blue’s known as the troubled kid who turned his life around. to others, he’s known as the local Meme Dealer. but to a lucky few, he’s known as a friend who would do anything for you. 

most just know him as the moron named after a colour tho.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

history. (trigger warning: illness, death, drugs, depression)

WHO’S READY FOR SOME CHROMATIC CONTENT

blue hawthorne, who never goes by his birthname bc he hates it dfkjgdgdf ( what is his birthname ? he’ll never tell ┌( ಠ‿ಠ)┘ ) was born right here in ashmont. 

despite not having a lot - he grew up with just him and his mum ( his father left before he was born, never knew a thing about him ), in a tiny trailer park on the outskirts of town. a far cry from the opulent manors peppered all throughout town, and the very lifestyle blue’s mother was accustomed to as a child. however, the pair were content as long as they were together. 

despite not having much, blue loved every second of his childhood. he wore his mischief like a crown, smiling wherever he went. he’d always resonated with a love of music and dance, and like his mother before him, danced. ballet was his passion growing up, and started as young as 5.

as a child blue was often teased for this, and the fact that he was so close with his mother. he was also very outspoken and strong-willed, and never let his peers get the best of him. he danced, he laughed, he bruised his knees at any given opportunity. what he lacked in possessions he gained in the abundance of joy he felt in his heart growing up. his mother and a few of his close friends were his world. 

when blue turned ten, everything changed. 

the jubilant, mischievous, but altogether kind-hearted boy was given the heart-breaking news that his mother had been diagnosed with cancer. margarette hawthorne, much like her son, was a fighter - and didn’t let such a diagnosis keep her down. despite their dwindling lack of funds now going towards medical bills, and the fact blue began sacrificing his own childhood as he took to the role of a caretaker of sorts for his mother, he never took his time with her for granted. 

things were okay for a while. there was a point where the doctors were convinced that she was going to make it. blue was a fool. blue believed them. 

at the age of thirteen, blue lost everything. he lost his place to live, he lost his childhood and lust for life, and he lost the person he loved most in the world. he lost his best friend. 

it wasn’t long before the overbearing sympathy from those around him soured blue. he was sick of being bullied, people not liking him, and altogether not being in control. so what did this boy do ? he quit ballet (the thing he’d loved since he was able to stand), he started drinking, he got involved in a very bad crowd and became a frequenter of the local ashmont police station. blue became a certified Bad Boy™

blue was sent to live with the grandparents that despised him and never acknowledged his existence before that moment. righteous and conservative in their views, they had cast aside their daughter when she had blue out of wedlock, and only reached out to her in her final months. for this reason, blue despised these people (he refused to call them family). he tried his best to be appreciative of a house and food ( which was much better than anything he had growing up ). but he was cold. always cold. 

as a teenager, blue fell into a rapid succession of bad decisions. still small, still frail in stature, he found himself at a dissonance with his image and began growing insecure about his looks, the years of torment weighing on him. he found anesthetic in the party scene outside of school, taking to alcohol and drugs as a sedative from the life he felt forced to lead. his grandparents were pigeon-holing him into a preppy, studious boy who’d go on to be a banker or a lawyer, when all blue had wanted to do was be himself. he couldn’t decide if he hated himself or he hated the world more. 

at the age of 16, his rap sheet seemed to grow with each rising of the sun. he’d fallen in with a bad crowd, hardly ever heading ‘home’ and couch surfed. at the age of 16 he’d gotten his own car and lived more out of that than the stuffy house on top of the hill where he was supposed to stay. his grades were sinking towards the bottom of the barrel, he was always looking for validation from the bad kids he hung around with and made some very poor decisions in the hopes he’d be liked. in the hopes he’d find a new family. 

the partying, the stream of hook ups, his criminal record (mainly with traffic offences, a few write ups for public intoxication and fighting), sobriety, the instability of his living situation and his future all came to boil just before he turned 17. physically he’d started to fill out, and look more like the man people know today. he was no longer frail and no longer weak, and when asked, he used to his fists to forge that path he thought he wanted.

after a dark night, it became apparent to blue that his path of self destruction was hurting no one but himself. whether by choice or by accident, he knew he wasn’t ready to see his mother again. so... he’d hit rock bottom with a spectacular thud. but blue knew the only way to go from there was up.

through nothing short than a McMiracle (sponsored by Ronald McDonald, bc no one else is rich enough to pull it off lmfao) blue managed to scrape by and complete high school. 

blue had no doubt his family name (that of his grandparents) helped him secure an athletic scholarship to st etienne. in his year of transformation from 17 to 18 his grandmother had softened to the boy she’d always hated and was riddled with guilt for the years of mistreatment, and promised to pay for his education (that wasn’t covered by his scholarship) as long as he promised to make something of himself. his first year of college, things really started looking up for blue. he was finally back on track.

then woops, grim came a-knocking again

bidding farewell to the grandmother he was only beginning to know, his grandfather had no reason to extend her kindnesses, and cut blue off. at the age of 18 he was homeless, with nothing but a car and a handful of pokemon cards he’d had as a kid. not worth anything or even particularly sentimental, he just likes pokemond kgfjfd. 

living in his car for a while before eventually crashing with a close friend, blue managed to absorb his days in study and in work. he quickly found his passion in helping kids, and giving them the childhoods that he never got. going into teaching seemed like a no-brainer. 

although blue’s wild days are behind him, there are some things locked in his past that still haunt him. there are doors he never hopes to open again. but he got his fresh start, and is determined to live the life a young blue would have wanted for him, and one his mother could be proud of. 

then the grim reaper came back a third time, his scythe begging for daisey rutherford. 

the investigation. 

blue’s connection to daisey is that they danced in ballet classes together... as you can imagine, daisey had to put on her Evil Training Wheels somewhere and unfortunately, blue was one of her earliest victims. teased constantly for his appearance, his love of ballet, his lack of wealth, and on awful days, his single parent household.

for the most part blue had grown resilient in ignoring these comments. but he never forgot how daisey mistreated him, and sparked a wave of similar comments from people in their year when they were only children. 

hey now im not gonna rEVEAL (bc what if he is ??? :o ) anything relating to the crime if he was the murderer, but know he is Lorge and Strong and could probably push daisey over with his finger lmfao

it’s also worth noting that one of daisey’s parents, a beloved surgeon, treated blue’s mother whilst she was in hospital with cancer. the late detection of its return is what caused her death, and blue has been vocal in his blame in the rutherford family for the loss of the person closest to him ever since. 

now i’m not saying blue did anything... but if he did, his ‘eye for an eye’ motive ? maybe not as crazy as you may think. especially when you consider your boi already has a criminal record. ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

plots.

atm i am still working on blue’s blob and getting his stats/connections page up BUT !! here are a few fun lil plots beyond his skeleton connections that i’d absolutely love to explore. 

CHILDHOOD FRIENDS  - blue grew up in ashmont, and didn’t have a lot of friends kfgjfd. if your muse would have been down for a Young Memey Mess that’s fond of a pirouette, blue is your Man. on the flip side, if your muse is one of the Cool Kids and is looking for potential animosity, i’d love someone who tried to squash blue like a bug in their youth (~:

FLIRTATIONSHIP - blue is currently in a (hidden) relationship, and for the first time in his life, gasp, might have feelings. but he’s a fucking walnut and refuses to admit that, so a plot of someone with an unrequited crush, a fun flirtationship, or even someone that just wants to be his wingman would not only be fun, but also incredibly painful - which is what we deserve. 8) (also note, blue is bisexual so any muse would work. <3)

COWORKERS - blue works as a trainer at the ashmont fitness centre ( .... dont @ maaria for the page not being done fgjdgkdf  WE ARE IN THE PROCESS OF UPDATING THE PAGES NOW KDFJGDKFJ). but i’d always be down for plots in the workplace !!

UBER - sorry for the lame ass name lmao but dkjfgfkd blue is not about the party scene anymore ( lowkey bc he’s afraid to get addicted again and throw away everything he’s worked so hard for). but he does care a lot about people, and a pal of his is v much still hooked to that lifestyle and he very dkfgjdf determinedly drives them home every time to ensure they’re safe. could be former party friends, could be current friends in some capacity. maybe there was an incident in their past that blue feels guilt over ( a fight perhaps, trigger warning - maybe an overdose?) and so now he looks after them. or even just having a sibling-like bond, which (as blue is an only child) i’d also love something like that!

STUDY BUDDY - blue is a moron and needs someone to help him not fail kdfjgdf. he may not be naturally adept at getting good grades, but unlike many, he’s trying his absolute hardest. in return, he’s more than happy to be your Meme Dealer. bonus points if it’s unlikely friends, or if they didn’t exactly get along at first. :D

FELLOW FOOTBALLERS - 2 bros sitting in a hot tub five feet apart bc they’re not gay. dkjgdgdf but for REAL. exploring the team dynamic of the football team would be so fun, especially with blue’s reputation and the fact he only started taking up the sport when he was about 15-16, which may be a lot later than other guys in the team. 

RIVALS - god they’re probably rivals about memes and i hate that but that’s just what it is :/

it’s super late here (for me anyway, as i’m a certified Grandpa ™ so any time after 9pm is basically 3am to me lmfao) but i know these connections aren’t the best that ever was dfkjgdf but i am so excited to plot and come up with things that fit our muses !! if anything in this intro sparked an interest, one of the connections are intriguing, or you’d just like to plot and see what happens, please give this post a like and i’ll come to you !! i will get back to you all tomorrow when im awake aest time, but for now dkjgkfdfg yOU DESERVE COOKIES FOR READING THROUGH THIS ABODIMABLE MESS. i am literally so excited to plot with you all fjdgfd after reading your apps i hOPE I AM WORTHY. so please leave a like on this bad boy and you will find a message on your tumblr tomorrow. (~: