#// *gotta blame Kyle for every big event

[monmuses]

"Kyle, you poor poor soul. I thought you were better than this. Better than your people."

"Cartman, don't you dare finish that fucking sentence--"

"I didn't think you'd team up with other Jews to terrorize the townspeople. What, you got some secret phone line? You got other groups you're controllin'? Are you like a Hitler Jew, Kyle?"

"WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I'M IN CONTACT WITH OTHER JEWS FROM NEW YORK, YOU FAT FUCK?! WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER!"

"Lying about the truth isn't going to help you in your favor, Kyle."

"SHUT UP!"

(what i'm referring to)

[drownedinlavender]

Helloooo, so I'm writing a long kyman fic. It's gonna be a slow burn multi-chapter one. I got like a good 1/3 of it down with like a skeleton of events mapped out. Since I haven't been active in any fandom or like written fanfic since I was a teen, I wanted to post an excerpt to kinda test the waters a bit haha I'm kinda shy about sharing stuff but was greatly inspired by a lot of people's work.

Anyway, the premise is Cartman impulsively taking the fall on something and being admitted to inpatient cause of it. This excerpt is when he facetimes the gang to tell them about it. Stan and Kenny are at school during lunch, Kyle's at the hospital (has to do with what Cartman took the blame for), and Eric's at home about to leave.

I'd greatly appreciate any criticism or input! Thank u for ur time 💜💖 ^^)/

"Dude, a psych ward? That sounds pretty serious," Stan looks mildly concerned.

"It is serious, Stan. That's why Kyle's gonna owe me big time when I get back," Eric smuggly declares, "Like sucking my balls big big time."

Kenny sneakers at the brunette still obsessing over a bet they made years ago when they were just kids.

"Man, you gotta lay off the balls thing, Cartman. That's hella gay," Stan drily informs while munching on a fry.

"Hey! It's not gay! It's about humiliation and having power over an individual," Eric offendedly denies, choosing to die on that hill.

Kyle, who has been absolutely seething in the background, finally bursts, "Fuck you, Cartman! I didn't ask you to cover for me, you did that all on your own!"

Eric scoffs, "Okay, fine, Kahl, would you prefer me going to PC principal and telling him I take it all back. That he should take you off the team like he wanted? Is that what you want, Kahl?"

Kyle tenses his jaw muscles as he grinds his teeth. Of course that's not what he wants but is Cartman holding one over his head any better? His eyes flicker to the side as he contemplates for a brief moment. Stan continues eating, staring at his screen waiting for his best friend to speak as if he's watching an enthralling reality tv show. Once Kenny's giggling fit finally subsides, he lays his head on one outstretched arm and sneaks a French fry from whoever's lunch tray is right across from him.

"Fine," Kyle bitterly concedes with a sigh, "but I'm not helping you do anything illegal like murder or whatever. And I'm definitely not sucking your balls," he points at Cartman through the screen.

"Oh…" a small voice utters in surprise across the room from Kyle. The redhead looks up at a shocked nurse half way through the door. "I-I'll come back in a second to check your vitals," she embarrassedly scurries out of the room.

Kyle's mortified face soon matches his hair. "God, damn it, Cartman!"

Kenny practically dies of laughter, not even bothering to hold his phone up right anymore.

"Dude," Stan snorts before cracking up as well.

Kyle hides his face with one hand, trying with every fiber of his being to maintain any ounce of composure he can muster before combusting from rage.

Eric's amused smile warps into a shit eating grin, he absolutely could not be any more delighted by the current turn of events. He obnoxiously clears his throat before continuing, "Very well, I'll leave a legally binding contract in your room before departing, Kahl. Now Kenny," he seamlessly changes the topic.

Kenny straightens himself out the best he can. "Uh-huh?" He responds through tears.

"Wait a second, fatass, do NOT break into my room!" Kyle protests.

Eric purposely ignores his rival, knowing it'll anger him further. "Kenny, my mom says you can use your spare key to clear out my fridge whenever. She's gonna stay up in Denver with some cousin until I'm out. We don't want the food rotting up and stinking up the place so do it sooner rather than later, got it?"

"Seriously, dude?!" Kenny immediately straightens himself out in elated surprise. Woohoo!" He cheers. He knows their fridge is always packed so he and his little sister are definitely set for bit.

"Knock yourself out, dude, just don't let anything rot in there. Seriously, I'll kick your ass if I come back and my house reeks like spoiled ass."

"You got it, bro," Kenny assures with a thumbs up.

"Don't ignore me, asshole!" Kyle's demands only serve to further Cartman's amusement.

"Welp, gotta go pack up some essentials. Don't know how long I'll have to be admitted … but it's all worth it for my dear friend Kahl's sake," Eric fakes sincerity. With a hand over his heart, he winks at Kyle.

"Oh, Fuck off," Kyle rolls his eyes.

"Well, good luck, dude. Don't blow up the place trying to escape," Stan waves goodbye from his screen.

"Guys, wanna say bye to Cartman? He's gonna go do some time at a loony bin," Kenny asks, reversing his camera to show the rest of their lunch table.

"We heard. You guys are super loud," Craig complains before biting his burger.

"Hey! Don't call it a loony bin, asswipe! That's totally insensitive to people with mental health issues. Not cool dude," Cartman condescendingly lectures, doing what he does best, playing the victim.

"Cartman's getting admitted? Dude, that's crazy!" Tweek comments.

"Wait, who's getting what now?" Clyde looks up from his phone, unaware of the conversation going on around him.

"Cartman, dude, he got in trouble again so PC principal's sending him to a psych ward," Tweek rapidly explains.

"Oh," Clyde responds in his usual nasally tone.

"All in order to save Kyle from getting kicked off the team," Cartman adds.

"Don't act like you did it from the kindness of your heart, fatass!" Kyle quickly corrects.

"First it's Cartman, then they'll be coming for the rest of us!" The jittery blond panics.

Craig pats his boyfriend's shoulder. "No they won't, honey, we don't cause the town to blow up every other month like they do."

"Hey!" Kyle indignantly exclaims.

"We haven't been directly responsible for the town's destruction for like," Stan counts the time in his head, "at least a year now!" He defends himself and his friends, receiving a middle finger from an unimpressed Craig.

"L-l-later, Eric, don't dr-dro-dr-dro-drop the soap," Jimmy jokes before offering up his signature smile.

"Jim, that's for jail," Tolkien corrects.

"Aw, we'll miss you, Eric! Don't take too long in the psych ward!" Butters gleefully shouts.

Kyle rolls his eyes, feeling himself getting more and more irritated by the situation at hand. "Oh, for Pete's sake, it's not like he's dying, you guys." The longer these farewells are dragging on, the more he can feel a twinge of guilt spreading throughout his subconscious and twisting up his guts.

"Poopsikins, mommy can't find Mr. Kitty's carrier, do you remember where we left it?" Liane can be heard calling from the background.

"Just a second, meeem!" Eric hollers off camera before getting back in frame and sticking out his tongue with a peace sign, "Later, losers ~ " he sings-songs and hangs up.

"You know …. For someone being sent off to an insane asylum, he seems really unbothered by it," Tolkien points out.

Kyle's eyes flicker down for just a second before choosing to quickly dismiss further analyzing Cartman's reaction to being sent away. "Well, yeah, it's Cartman. Do you really expect him to react normally about anything?"

"That's true," Tolkien immediately agrees, chalking it up to Cartman just being Cartman.

For a brief moment, Kyle remembers the time he was admitted when the town wouldn't believe him about Mr. Hankey but before he can even decide on entertaining that thought, Stan speaks.

"Wow … so he's really leaving, huh?" Stan says more than asks, looking a bit absent minded.

"I guess so," Kenny pensively looks down at the lunch table, head resting on crossed arms. He turns to Stan and forlornly admits, "dude … I'm actually feeling kinda bummed out."

Kyle bites the inside of his cheek. The reality of their current predicament further sinking in.

"Aw, Ken," Stan frowns and pats Kenny's shoulder.

"It's okay, Ken," Butters comforts, patting Kenny's back, "he said so himself, he probably won't be there for long."

"Isn't this a good thing though? Things are going to be a lot more peaceful while he's gone," Tolkien suggests.

"If Cartman gets admitted for the rest of the school year, I'll be sooooo happy," Craig chants in a monotone.

A sniffle directs everyone's focus towards Clyde.

"Clyde, you okay, buddy?" Craig puts down his lunch to fully focus on his friend's concerns.

"We *sniff* were starting to *sniff* get along more *sniff* this year," he powers through a closing throat.

Kyle bites his cheek even harder. Cartman was certainly a lot tamer as of late. Things were finally getting comfortable between the two of them, too.

"He was being a lot c-coo-c-coo-cooler this y-year," Jimmy admits.

The nurse knocks before entering Kyle's room this time. "I'm going to take your vitals again, okay?" She smiles.

"Yeah, sure," Kyle replies before addressing his friends, "I gotta go guys. Stan, can you come pick up my keys and move my car before my parents get back? I have a minor concussion so I'm under observation for a bit."

"Yeah, dude, totally," Stan confirms.

"Later," Kenny mumbles, waving with one hand, his face fully immersed in his crossed arms.

"Alright, thanks, see you guys later," Kyle says his goodbyes, queuing the nurse to begin taking his blood pressure.

Kyle barely moves, too busy contemplating Eric's departure. First, Stan moves and now Cartman's going to be gone for God knows how long? He bitterly sighs.

[jaythelay]

Kyle Gass is getting in more trouble than Dump has ever faced.

Actually he's getting in more trouble than most politicians saying the same thing. Kinda lile when Biden said there were headless israel babies but it was actually headless palestinian babies.

In fact he sure is getting a bunch of shit for a quick joke on his Bday.

A joke maaaaaaany made and makes 0 difference regardless. Would've never heard of it had JackBlack not made it so well publicised.

Anyone else notice that Dump is a pedophile wanting to destroy our democracy? Hey, quick question! Why do we care about the dude who got a shitload of undercover agents killed because he sold (realistically just gave away) information to our enemies?

Hey remember that time he lead AN INSURRECTION that tried to kill his VP? Or what about his Covid body count? Hell what about the horse paste he lead his followers into injecting? Or bleach? Hey remember how he made his fanbase wanna kill Fauci, Pelosi, and Pence?

Hey remember that time Dump saw an old man fall and hit his head, bleed, and all he could say was "That's disgusting, my marble floors are ruined!" (Legit not one empathetic action or word)

Oh wait, this is Convicted Rapist Donald Trump!

Who Also Mind You told you, told just grieving parents, to "get over it" (In reference to a school shooting)

So color me fucking pissed when someone says "If Only" about the guy and that's treated as some moral boundary killer. Dump deserves no humanity. He has forgone it for every single human being. He's forgone it for himself. You cannot expect your humanity to change these people, the same who mocked Pelosi's husband being attack with a hammer by, you guessed it, a republican.

IMO: L take by JackBlack, definite strong mark against him for this. Dump told you to get over it when it was children, but you show more care for the pedo, rapist, insurrectionist, treasonous, thief than achool shooting victims, free speech, or comradery for those around you.

That tax cut Dump stuck us with definitely helped him while you can barely afford food or medicine. All that heartbreak, cruelty, death, and violent rhetoric, and the one time it gets turned back on Dump BY ONE OF HIS OWN PARTY, suddenly we gotta act like the past decade, the past several decades of Dump forcing people off their property, of Dump skipping bills for poor people and bankrupting entire towns. Of Dump being friends with our national threats and Epstein. None Of It Happened.

B- Because one of Dump's own tried to kill him.

So color me surprised when people suddenly start clutching their pearls as if Dump hasn't escalated everything to that day where a Republican tried to kill him. And then his VP pick is one that called him Hitler. Hitler. And ya wanna defend these people blaming BLM, antifa, trans, leftists and blacks for the republican shooting dump.

He raised his fist in defiance of his own tyranny, leaving everyone in the crowd, and those meat shielding him, open to more gunfire, because he desperately hoped it was anyone but a White Male Republican. That image doesn't go hard. It's pathetic. What it stands for is himself against himself. And Dems wanna let R's martyr him anyways. Pathetic.

Sometimes. It's okay to just admit how you feel when a historical event happens. It's always always always okay to mock and wish negativity upon those that make everyone, literally, fucking everyone's life, worse. Sorry, but ya'll are letting R's run the show.

In every POSSIBLE form of morality, Dump Told You To Get Over It.

It is not a big deal. He does not see shooting of children as a big deal, so why the fuck is it any deal when it's the 34 felony counter?

Leftist. Stop clutching your fucking pearls. Because you're letting R's take away what is the biggest reason NOT to vote for the child rapist. His own party is escalating political violence from insurrections targeting other officials to himself.

Allow me to say one more thing: Biden may be old, but at least his party isn't gonna kill him. Biden'll last longer in office at this rate, because again, Republicans are as they've told us, Domestic Terrorists. Who escalated from lynching blacks and beating up women in bathrooms to insurrections and killing presidential candidates.

And ya'll are enabling it to happen again and again and again. Ya'll aren't fighting political violence pretending to be bipartisan with active threats. You're coddling it. Enabling it.

Had it been a minority, anyone not republican, R's Told You It Would've Been Civil War.

They would've broken into homes to shoot people. They would kidnap and torture trans and immigrants. They'd burn your house down for having the wrong flag.

And. And we're just gonna act like...like this is fine.

When you show empathy, they take advantage. When you do nothing, they take advantage. When you stop progress. They. Take. Advantage.

Regardless of abundance of shitty people or not in the R party, all the violence has been stemming entirely from R's. But sure, commenting on that is baaaad.

But hey sure yeah we can't make jokes about the child rapist with an immense dead body count who mocked shooting victims and the dead and our veterans because one of his own shot him.

And of course it just had to be them evil leftists basing information off videos of Dump's own fucking words and actions. That's what caussd it! I say, so fucking what. The world would've been better off. Sucks to suck, maybe don't be that much of a world wide threat? Just a thought. Of course I do not wish for assassinations or any violence, but when R's are doing it, it's stupid as FUCK not to point it out and it's even dumber to act like pointing out the obvious is as bad as assassinations.

Do Not let republicans morally bankrupt you into not speaking your truth: It fucking sucks it missed. It really does. But I do not want anymore of it. At fucking all. And the only way to STOP anymore is getting Dump tf in a jail cell for the rest of his life. Not the ground. The earth deserves better than that. I do not want anybody throwing their life away because of this monster. Which is why I'm relieved it was, Once Again, a Republican.

Because that's an opening in political discourse to point out that last election Dump too lead a streak of political violence at the capitol. Now it's moving towards him and ya'll wanna be quiet.

Speak the fuck up or allow it to come to you.

It is your moral obligation to mock Dump and the situation so that he is safe in a jail cell. To not, is to enable political violence and I'm not even joking.

[spine-buster]

the storm before the calm (f. andersen) | 1

A/N: The prologue has 150+ notes...I can’t believe what a positive response it got!  Thank you so much for your support, comments, DMs, likes, reblogs, and tags!  It means the world!  Enjoy the first chapter :)

She could be at Early Mercy.

It was all Frederik could think about as he tried to celebrate Bee McTavish’s birthday.  She could be here.  She could be one of these people that keep looking at us, that keep brushing up against Auston and I trying to get our attention.  She could be one of their friends.  She could be in the washroom.  She could be coming, on her way now to Early Mercy, and she might walk through the door and I’ll see her.  It could happen.

That wasn’t to say that Fred wasn’t present and in the moment; having fun with his friends and celebrating Bee and her 24th year of life by buying drink after drink at the bar; but in the back of his mind, constantly, for the last three months – almost four – was the thought that in a random location in Toronto, in a random building, in a random place, he would lock eyes with the girl he’d seen in the middle of the night at Shopper’s Drug Mart and finally find out who she is, why she was crying, and why he was so devastatingly transfixed by her.

Fred had tried to find out who she was since then, almost obsessively so.  He was a man mesmerized and he needed to know.  He had tried to get the name of the band that performed at the function by contacting the heads of the charity, the head of public relations, the human resources manager, the man who answered the 1-800 call desk, even the poor accounts payroll manager whose email was listed on the charity’s website, but nobody would divulge the information.  He wasn’t allowed to know.  They weren’t under the discretion to divulge that information publicly (even though it was a public event).  He contacted the photographer who ended up uploading photos of the night onto his professional website (not one photo of her uploaded – what a load of shit), who expressed he couldn’t remember the name.  He tried remembering the members of his table that he had to schmooze with who could have picked up the name – nothing.  He scoured Instagram – the hashtags, the other girls that were there, the profiles, the tagged photos, the socialites he didn’t socialize with just to see if they had a picture with her or mentioned her by name.  He asked Brendan Shanahan if he knew.  He asked Kyle Dubas if he knew.  He asked every Leaf that was there that night if they caught the name, if they spoke to any of the members, if they took a picture, if it was in the background of another picture, if they remembered any minute detail that would give him a lead.  

Nothing.

His chest has been permanently tightened for almost four months now.  He needed to know.  He needed to find her.

“Serena’s here,” Auston’s voice interrupted Fred’s thoughts as he slammed his empty glass – his fourth of the night, at least – onto the bar beside Fred.  

“Who?”

“Serena – Serena!” he emphasized.  Fred’s face was still blank.  “Serena DaCosta, dude,” Auston said.  “Remember…we were hooking up a while back…”

“Oh.  Right.”

Auston looked at his friend skeptically.  “Dude, come on.”

“What?”

Fred could see the gears shifting in Auston’s head pulling him in two different directions.  Fred wanted to stop him.  Usually when this happened to Auston, it pulled him into conspiracy theory territory.  “Bro…you…you’re not hung up on Bee, are you?”

“NO!” Fred screamed, a look of disgust on his face.  “Jesus fucking Christ, Auston, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What?!  You can’t blame me for thinking it!” he tried to defend himself.  “Anytime she’s not in sight you look like someone ran over your dog.”

It’s because I’m looking for somebody.  And I can’t do that when the birthday girl is around.  “You’re a fucking lunatic.  And I know that’s the alcohol talking,” Fred shook his head.

“Then why do you look like someone ran over your dog?!” Auston persisted.  “The city’s hottest girls are in this damn club right now practically lining up to hook up with you and you seem to not give a fuck because of…what?  Hmmm?” Auston waited for an answer dramatically, sticking out his head, raising his eyebrows, and pursing his lips slightly.  “You can’t hate me for wondering.”

“Yes, I can.”

“So what’s the reason, then?”

“There’s no reason,” Fred shook his head again, taking a sip from his drink and hoping Auston would just end it.

But of course, that wasn’t the case.  Auston always had to explore the other side of the gears shifting in his brain – the non-conspiracy theory side.  The side that was – unfortunately – usually right.  “Wait a second…” Auston narrowed his eyes.  “Oh…dude.”

“What?”

“You’re not still hung up on that girl, are you?”

The hairs of Fred’s neck stood on end.  “What girl?”

“Oh, fuck off,” Auston said.  “The girl you’ve been obsessed with the last three months.  From the charity event.  That you haven’t been able to find.”

Fred didn’t mean to hesitate – he really didn’t.  But in his simple hesitation and shaking his head and stuttering out a “N – No,” Auston had him, Auston won, and Auston knew he was right.  

“Brooooooo,” Auston threw his head back in disdain for Fred.  “Let.  It.  GO!”

“Fuck off, Auston.”

“Are you honestly going to be hung up on her for the rest of the year?  For the rest of your life?” Auston kept asking.  “It’s already been three months, Fred.  You couldn’t find her.  You can’t find her.  It’s a lost cause.  You can’t let this dictate your life.  You’ve gotta…you’ve gotta move on.  If it was meant to be you would have found her already, and you haven’t.”

“Thanks, Auston,” Fred rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious, man.  Think about it.  You can’t get hung up on this girl when you don’t even know her name.  There’s so many other things you could be spending your time on, so many other girls you can be paying attention to, that can be paying attention to you, but you can’t even see it!”

Before Auston could continue his lecture, the girl Freddie could only presume to be Serena DaCosta appeared behind Auston.  Her long, wavy blonde hair and plump lips spread into a smile enticed Auston automatically.  “Hey,” Auston smirked.

“Heeeeeeyyyyyyy yyyoooouuuuu,” she drawled out flirtingly, giving him an unsolicited and dramatic kiss on the cheek.  “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here for a friend’s birthday,” Auston said.

“Anybody I know?” Serena asked.  Fred could see the rest of her group of friends approaching them.  He held his breath.

“No,” he said sharply.  Auston knew better than to mention Bee’s name in front of girls like this, after what happened.  Not that he ever did, though, because Auston was somewhat protective of Bee too and didn’t want these types of girls even knowing about her.  “What are you doing here?”

Serena shrugged her shoulders.  “Just had a feeling that I should be out tonight,” she said, her eyes flashing towards Fred.  “Hey Freddie.”  Fred nodded towards her as he took another sip of his drink.  He didn’t even bother.  When her friends approached them, he clocked out altogether.  Serena got the hint.  “Auston, you remember Jessy and Rachel and Loren?”

“Hey ladies,” Auston winked at them, not remembering them at all.  

“Catch you later,” Fred said quickly into Auston’s ear, attempting to get up from his seat to go and find Bee, Morgan, and Tyler.

Fred saw Auston’s hand come up and hold him down.  “Have you met Loren?”

***

“Are you guys going to take a taxi home?” Bee asked as she clung onto Morgan for dear life.  After dancing the night away at Early Mercy, Fred knew Bee was ready to call it a night.  Auston had tried to convince the manager to keep it open (while Serena hung on his arm, nonetheless), but to no avail.  Special rules couldn’t be made for Auston Matthews.  It was law.  The manager was really sorry.  So everybody decided to call it a night.

“Don’t worry, sweetcheeks,” Tyler fumbled around with Auston’s phone.  “Our Uber’s just down the street.”  He looked towards Auston, another ping coming from his phone.  “That girl just texted you five times in a row.”

“Of course,” Auston rolled his eyes.

“Am I still sleeping over yours?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not cockblocking am I?”

“Far from it.  If you’re over it gives a legitimate reason for her not to follow us home.”

Tyler’s eyes widened.  “I’ll call the cops if I need to.”

“Freddie?” he heard his name called by Bee’s overly sweet voice.  “Freddie how are you getting home?” she asked as she approached him, clinging onto the material of his shirt.  

“I’m grabbing an Uber with Auston and Tyler,” he said, holding her in place so she wouldn’t fall over.  He loved seeing Bee like this, if only because she was so poised and in control of herself 99% of the time.  He loved seeing her let loose. 

“Are you going home?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to be safe?”

Fred giggled at her tone of voice.  “Yes Bee.  I’ll be safe.  I don’t know many people who would jump a six-foot-four, two-hundred-and-forty-pound man.  In an Uber.”

“But you always look so expensive,” she said.  He also loved that Bee had no filter.  “You always dress so nice and wear such expensive things and look put together and I once got told by this lady that people look for people who look rich because --”

“Bee --”

“Because it means they have money and did you know that thieves will actually target people who have sleeve tattoos because it means they have a lot of money if it means they can get all that work done?  So Auston has to be careful too.”

Fred couldn’t help but laugh as he saw, in his peripheral vision, their Uber come up along the curb.  Tyler was waving his arms like one of those flag guys on the tarmacs outside of planes.  “I’ll make sure Auston is safe, Bee.”

“Thank you, you big boy.”

“Alright!  Let’s blow this popsicle stand!” Tyler yelled from the car.  Fred gave one last ‘Happy Birthday’ and kiss on the cheek to Bee before shoving himself into the backseat (why, oh why didn’t they order an SUV?  His legs were going to cramp so bad), pulling an almost-drunk Auston in with him, and ordering Tyler to take the front seat (it should have been him taking the front seat, because, you know, leg room.  Tyler was 5’9”.  He could fit in the trunk.) so they could get on with it.  

Because they had ordered the Uber from Auston’s phone, the driver was bringing them to Auston’s address.  Fred made sure to tell him right from the get-go that he would need to make two stops.  The driver complied easily.  

“Did you like any of them?” Auston asked as he leaned awkwardly into the middle section of the backseat, looking at Fred with beady eyes.

“Like any of who?” Fred asked.  He overheard Tyler making awkward conversation with the Uber driver from the front seat, telling him his name was Inigo Montoya a la Princess Bride.

“Loren thought you were hot.”

“Oh for fuck sakes,” Freddie sighed.  “Auston--”

“Get over her,” Auston said authoritatively.  “She’s not gonna appear out of thin air, Fred.  She’s not just gonna appear in a Starbucks while you’re ordering coffee.  Loren is a real person,” he emphasized.  “With lips, and boobs – nice ones – and--”

“Auston.”

“Will you at least just think about it?” Auston asked.  “I hate seeing you so pissy.  You’re Frederik fucking Andersen dude.  You should be having every God damn girl in this city if you wanted.”

On the one hand, Auston had a point.  Fred hated to admit it, but he did.  Maybe he was too hung up on this.  Maybe he was over-the-top about his search, about his constant thinking about her.  Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, and he was just holding onto a dream that didn’t need holding on to; a dream that needed to stay unfulfilled, undone, incomplete.  Maybe he was trying to force fate – the last thing anybody should do.  

Fred took a deep breath as they felt the car pull up to the curb.  Out the window, Fred could see the façade of Auston’s apartment building.  “I’ll think about it.”

Auston smiled mischievously before winking.  “Atta boy,” he pulled himself up, opening the door to the car.  “Her Instagram is at lorenxoxo.  Thank you kindly, sir,” he directed to the Uber driver, saluting him dramatically.  “Slip into her DMs.”

“Goodnight Auston,” Fred dismissed him.  Fred watched as Tyler and Auston stumbled their way into Auston’s building, getting inside safely.  The car had been quiet from a lack of music, but as he saw Tyler open the door, the opening notes of a guitar riff began to play over the stereo.  

Suddenly, Fred heard the back door opposite his side of the car open, and a body slipped into the backseat beside him, closing the door once they were in.  The first thing he noticed was the abundance of thick, luxurious hair, styled in old Hollywood waves, cascading down the back and side profile, obstructing the view of her face.  Then, he noticed the outfit: a loose, spaghetti strap, silk v-neck top, lazily tucked into tight, seamless black pants, and strappy black heels.  

“Take me to Stewart Street, please,” the woman said to the driver.  Her voice was off, somehow, but Fred couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“Ma’am – I – I already have a passenger.  I--”

“Stewart Street, please,” she begged, and Fred could hear in her voice that she was crying.

He looked up.

***

Aleida Casillas was crying.  Again.  She felt like she had been crying for months, that her tear ducts were getting their own workout now for how often she used them.  She cried in bed.  She cried in the shower.  She cried in her car.  She cried in her Ubers.  She cried in restaurants.  She cried in restaurant bathrooms.  She cried at her parents’ house.  She cried at her sister’s house.  She cried in her own house.  She cried on her couch.  She cried underneath a blanket.

She cried alone.  

And right now, she needed to get into the privacy of her own home so she could cry there.  But she’d have to cry in the back of an Uber to get there.

As she walked down King Street, she saw an Uber – she knew, thanks to the sticker on the back windshield – pull up and let out two drunken men who scurried into the glass condo building.  She ran towards the car as fast as her heels could carry her before it could drive away.  She opened the backseat door and slipped in, closing it behind her.  

“Take me to Stewart Street, please,” Aleida said to the driver.  She could hear the cracks in her own voice and hoped to God the driver didn’t make some sort of comment about it.  She didn’t think she’d be able to handle it.  She really didn’t think she could sob any harder at the back of an Uber more so than she had been doing the last few months.  Uber drivers in Toronto probably had her on their radar.

“Ma’am – I – I already have a passenger.  I--”

“Stewart Street, please,” she begged, looking down at her feet, her feet in their strappy heels, so she could wipe away her tears before the driver could know she was crying.  She wasn’t really listening to him.  She didn’t really care about what he was saying, truthfully, the other passenger be damned.  Turn it into an UberPool – whatever needed to happen for her to get home.  She’d even pay for the other passenger’s fare.  They could live all the way out in Scarborough.  Mississauga.  Aurora.  Newmarket.  She didn’t care.

“Holy shit.”

She looked up.

***

Fred was going to pass out.  

Her.

It was her.

He was pretty sure that his mouth was gaping open; that he looked like a complete idiot at the other end of the backseat, but his mind couldn’t process what his eyes were seeing fast enough.  The rich, dark brown hair.  The perfectly tanned and contoured skin as smooth and flawless as glass.  The dominant eyebrows that framed her face.  The perfectly cut cheekbones blushed and highlighted.  The lips, full and bow-shaped, painted with a neutral pink instead of the daring red he’d seen so many moons ago.  

Her eyes with their striking hazel irises, were staring directly into his soul.  Again.

She was here.  

In the car.  

Crying again.

“Fred,” his name escaped her lips quietly, the tears immediately stopping.  She was just as shocked as he was, apparently.  Because, really, what were the chances?  To be going home at the same time, to get into the same time…

“It’s you,” he said, not knowing what he was saying.  His brain was still trying to process everything, and it was doing a shit job.  

“It’s me.”

“Ma’am, you’re going to have to leave the vehic--”

“No no, it’s fine,” Fred said quickly, making eye contact with the driver in the rearview mirror, waving him off.  “Take her to Stewart Street.”

“You sure?”

“Positive,” Fred said without even looking at him.  Soon, he felt the gear shift into drive and the driver pull away from the curb.

The girl had begun to wipe the tears away from her face delicately, trying to mask her condition.  As if Fred didn’t catch it.  He watched her for a few moments as she stared straight ahead as to not make eye contact with him, not knowing what to say at all.  What could he say?  That he’d been obsessed with her?  That he’d badgered his teammates and strangers about her?  But before he could overthink it, his mind decided to say the one thing that was true.  “I’ve been trying to find you.”

She didn’t bother to look at him, still trying to collect her tears, her emotions.  “You have?  Why?”

He had to be honest.  “Your eyes,” he admitted.  It was at that point that she looked at him again, the hazel irises stabbing him.  “Your eyes are so sad.”

They were both hyperaware of the verb he used.  Are.  Because they definitely were sad then, and they were sad now.  For a moment, however quick it was, there was an acknowledgement on her face; it soon turned to anger – brows furrowed and lips pursed, looking away again.  “That’s none of your business.”

Fred acquiesced.  He knew that.  Maybe that was too forward of him.  “What’s your name, then?  I – I need to know your name.”

She shot him a glance.  Against her better judgement, she answered him.  “Aleida.”

“Aleida what?”

“Aleida.”

“How did you know who I was…am,” he corrected himself.  

Aleida gave him another look.  “Everybody knows who you are, Fred.  Goalie extraordinaire of the Maple Leafs.  Girls in this city would line up outside your bedroom if only you’d let them.”

It was Fred’s turn to give her a look.  That wasn’t true at all.  Well, not to him.  He could still go around some places in the city without getting recognized – especially when he was alone.  He mostly just kept to himself.  When he was with Auston it was a different story, since Auston’s reputation preceded him.  “Why don’t I know who you are?”

“Maybe you just weren’t looking hard enough,” she said.

That was a joke.  If she only knew what he had been up to.  If only she knew.  “Why aren’t you answering my questions?”

“Why do keep asking them?”

“Because I want to know who you are,” Fred hit back, more firmly this time.  Didn’t she get that?  Didn’t she get the reason why the first words out of his mouth were ‘Holy shit’ was because of exactly that?

“Ma’am, we’re here.  Stewart Street,” the driver said from the front seat.  “Wasn’t a log drive.”  He put the car in park and unlocked the doors, the sound dramatically filling the air.

She took once last look at Fred as she opened the door.  “My name is Aleida.  That’s all you will need to know more.”

And then she was gone.

***

Frederik found himself riding the elevator up to the 31st floor of the St. Regis Hotel.  The elevator attendant marveled at his size, trying to hide the fact that he was staring.  The other women in the elevator – four of them – stared too, trying not to giggle to each other.  But Fred could see their eyes.  He could see their eyes dart towards him and then to one another, smirks appearing on their faces, stifled little giggles escaping them as the elevator rushed up.  

When the elevator pinged, and the doors opened, Fred found himself at Louix Louis, the luxurious, gilded bar that had Torontonians salivating at the mouth.  It was the most luxurious of the luxurious.  Lavish.  Opulent.  You name it.  It was everything people loved about indulgence.  Everything people loved about exclusivity; about standing in line and not getting in; about calling for reservations and being denied; about watching people, seeing people, wanting to be seen, waiting to be seen.  

“Hey Fred,” the hostess winked immediately as he approached her podium.  “Auston’s been waiting.”

“Thanks,” he responded shyly as she grabbed a menu from beneath her.

“Follow me, sweetie.”

Fred shook his head and chuckled to himself as she turned her back to him, leading him down the bar and to one of the booths in the back where he could already see Auston waiting.  And of course, like the sky is blue, Auston was wearing a beanie.  He was the only person in Toronto who would wear a beanie in Louix Louis.

“’Bout time,” Auston smiled as Fred shuffled into the opposite side of the booth.  

“Shut up.”

“Serena, Jessy, Rachel, and Loren are on their way,” Auston winked.

“You didn’t,” Fred deadpanned, thinking this was just going to be a quiet night.  He should have known better.  He should have known better to accept an invitation by Auston to go to Louix Louis.  

“Oh, I did,” Auston smiled.  “She’s into you, bro.”

“Who?”

“Loren.”

“Who’s Loren?”

“Oh, fuck off, Fred.”

Fred rolled his eyes.  He couldn’t care less.  He decided to one up Auston; to tell him what he wanted to tell him ever since he agreed to go out with him tonight.  “I found her, by the way.”

“Found who?” Auston sipped at his drink.

“The girl.  Aleida.”

Auston almost spit out his drink.  “What?!”

Fred nodded his head.  “She got into the Uber the night of Bee’s birthday once you and Tyler left.”

“You’re fucking telling me--”

“Aaaaaaustttooooooonnn!” a perky, overzealous voice cut their conversation way too short.  From the opposite end of the bar, where Fred was let in, he saw the same group of girls from Bee’s birthday make their way towards them.  Their designer purses hung on chains against their shoulders as their long hair, perfectly blow-dried at some salon in Yorkville, moved with their scurried movements.  At Louix Louis, you wanted to be seen in the same booth as Auston Matthews.  

“Hey heeeeey,” Auston smiled, scooting over to make room while the four girls entered all on his side.  The girl Fred could only assume was Loren eyed him like a hawk, the waitress approaching the table not long after to get everybody’s drink orders.

Auston exchanged formalities with the ladies as Fred stayed silent, but he could tell that Auston was pressed about the news Fred had just revealed.  For all Auston seemed like he didn’t care about things and was generally aloof, he could be a snoopy bitch.  A really snoopy bitch.  And Fred could tell Auston wanted to talk about it so bad.

Fred thought he would wait.

But he didn’t.  

“Hey girls, can you help me with something?” he preempted quickly.  “Actually, it’s more so helping Fred.”

Fred’s eyes widened.  “N – No--”

“What do you girls know about a girl named Al-ay-da?” he stressed her name – improperly – eyeing Fred quickly.

“Oh my God.”

“Oh my God.”

“Oh my GAWD.”

“Aleida Casillas?!”

“Oh my God, are you joking?” Serena piped up over the other three.  “There is no way Aleida Casillas didn’t bite Fred’s head off if she met him.  That girl is a fucking cannibal.”

“What?  Listen, all I wanna know is the details,” Auston held his hands up innocently.

“What is there to say about Aleida Casillas,” Jessy quipped, and Fred felt like she was going to break out into the Regina George monologue from Mean Girls.  “You know who her mom is, right?” she directed at Auston, but looked between him and Fred.

“No, I obviously don’t.”

“It’s Dr. Casillas – she’s, like, the best plastic surgeon in the city.  The country.”

“Girls who go to her say she does the best work,” Loren contributed.  Fred so desperately wanted to ask if she had gotten anything done for her to say something like that, but he of course decided against it.  “It all looks so natural.”

“And her dad – he’s like, the best cardiologist in the country,” Serena added.  “I’m not exaggerating.  My cousin in med school once watched him perform a quadruple bypass and a ten hour ventricular restoration.  He’s even done heart surgery on a former Prime Minister or whatever.  He’s been honoured for his work all over the world.  It’s insane.”

“Not to mention the family is loaded.  She’s got everything anybody could ever want.  I mean, Aleida thinks she owns the city,” Jessy said.

“Well…she kinda does,” Rachel said something besides oh my God.  “She’s got all the money in the world, she knows everybody worth knowing, but like, she’s friends with them too, and people want her to wear their clothes or whatever, or come to their bars, or attend their charity events.  I mean, it’s mainly because of who her parents are, but still.  She sings, sometimes, I think, but I think mostly she just shows up places--”

“--she’s a model--”

“—she’s a model, and she’s pretty, and people are, like, scared of her, because I heard one time she, like, ruined the career of some up-and-coming influencer – or was it a designer? – but she ruined his career cause that person, like, didn’t dress one of her friends for an event or something and she went ballistic.”

“She’s a cannibal, like I said,” Serena said assertively.  “She’s a huge bitch.  Why would you want to know anything about her?”

Fred was shocked, to say the least.  The person he’d met – if you could even call it that – in the Shopper’s Drug Mart that night, and the person he’d seen in the backseat of the Uber could not have been the same person.  There was no way.  There was no way that crying girl was a ‘cannibal’.  There was no way.  The family stuff could be true, sure – who was he to question that – but the other stuff?  Ruining a career?  Impossible.  It wasn’t that Fred thought they were lying.  But maybe…maybe they had the wrong girl.  How many girls could be named Aleida?  Maybe they were…embellishing.

“Yeah.  Why would you want to know anything about her?” Loren asked, eyeing Fred like a hawk again.

Fred tried not to make it seem like he was physically uncomfortable every time she looked at him, but he was getting physically uncomfortable.  “She just performed at an event we went to,” Fred explained briefly.  

“I wouldn’t even think of like, doing anything,” Serena took charge again.  “She’ll rip your head off.”

Well Fred knew where she stood.

“Enough about Aleida,” Auston held his hands up again, looking past everybody at the waitress that was bringing their drinks to the table.  “What are we up to tonight?” he smirked.

Fred clocked out.  He didn’t care about anything that was being done or said around him – he didn’t care what those girls were saying at all.  He didn’t care.  He didn’t care.  He didn’t care.  

Casillas.

Her last name was Casillas.

He got up abruptly, asking a passing waiter where the washrooms were.  Auston was too entranced by the girls to care, so Fred had no qualms leaving.  As he made his way towards the washrooms, he pulled his phone out of his pocket.  He typed out her name into the Google search bar .  ‘Aleda Casiyas’

‘Do you mean Aleida Casillas?’

Well fine then.  

There she was on his phone screen.  It wasn’t like she had a Wikipedia page or anything, but perhaps even more important, especially in this city, was that she had her own tag on the Toronto Life website.  The Narcity tag was there too, but that wasn’t as important.  He clicked on the Toronto Life link.  

Aleida Casillas, wearing vintage Jean Paul Gaultier, at Soho House, Toronto.

What Aleida Casillas wore to the premier of Guillermo Del Toro’s new film.

Aleida Casillas is the face for emerging Toronto fashion designer Guinevere Jones.

“I’d be careful if I were you,” he heard an all-too-familiar voice behind him.  “Loren’s barely turned 18.”

Fred spun around dramatically.  

There she was behind him.  

He almost couldn’t believe his eyes.  Almost.  But if she could sneak into the backseat of his Uber, she could appear at Louix Louis.  She could appear anywhere.  And of course, she looked flawless.  Makeup flawless, hair flawless, all of it.  If she really was a model, he could see why.  “What are you doing here?” Fred asked.

“Who isn’t at Louix Louis on a Friday night?” she countered.  

Fred’s head whipped back and forth between the direction of the booth and Aleida standing in front of him.  He was willing to ditch this entire scene.  “Are you ready to talk?”

“About what?”

“Why you were crying in a Shopper’s Drug Mart at two in the morning four months ago,” Fred deadpanned.  “And why you were crying before you stole an Uber?”

Aleida’s face dropped.  Whatever confidence she had in her power and persuasion over Fred left her and was replaced with something else – that something else, Fred didn’t know yet.  But it wasn’t confidence, and it wasn’t self-assurance, and it sure wasn’t was the cheekiness she’d displayed in any and all interaction she’d had with him (however brief) up until this point.  “You don’t want to get into it,” she said, her voice soft.  And for the first time, emotional.

“I do.”

She looked at him.  “Fred.”

“Can we get out of here?”

Aleida took a deep breath.  She tugged on the hem of his shirt as she started walking away.  

He followed her.

She made an abrupt stop at the booth.  When Auston saw her, he didn’t think anything of it, but when he saw Fred behind her, his eyes went wide.  All the girls stopped talking and looked like a ghost had just appeared in front of them. 

“Ohmigod Aleida, hi,” Serena said first.  

Aleida smiled at her, but it wasn’t politely.  She focused her attention back to Auston.  “I’m taking Fred.”  She didn’t give him an option.

“Th-that’s cool,” he couldn’t say anything else to her.  

Aleida looked back at the girls, specifically Serena.  “I’m sorry, who are you?”

Serena’s jaw almost dropped from embarrassment.  It was clear to Fred that despite calling her a cannibal a mere ten minutes ago, Serena would butter herself up if it meant Aleida would eat her.  “It’s…it’s me!  Serena Da Costa.”

Aleida’s eyes flashed.  “Oh!  Right!  From my mom’s clinic!” she exclaimed, her surprise feigned and her polite tone just as fake.  She pointed at Serena.  “You came in with…” she went through the girls with her pointed finger, stopping on Loren.  “You!  How was your eighteenth birthday in June?  Looks like your parents allowed you to get the boobs you wanted.”

Loren looked absolutely mortified.  “I--”

“And your new lips,” Aleida focused on Serena again.  “Isn’t my mom just so great?”

Now Serena looked absolutely mortified.  But it was Auston who looked ready to crawl into a hole and die since she mentioned the eighteenth birthday party.  “Uh--”

“Anyways, see you guys later.  I’m sure one of you will want a nose job soon,” she winked at the group before walking off.

***

“So why were you crying?”

Fred was on Aleida’s couch now, after having followed her home by foot, walking for half an hour.  Half an hour along King Street West, illuminated lights and flashing storefronts lighting the way.  Eager clubbers spilling onto the streets tried to do their part to distract Fred or block him from following, but he was like a man possessed.  His eyes were like a hawk’s on her.  There was no way he was losing her again in a crowd full of people on King Street.

They passed the Shopper’s Drug Mart.  

It was when they happened upon a row of expansive, luxurious, modern townhomes, coincidentally just a few blocks from his building that Fred began to realize that maybe the things those girls were saying were right, or at least partly true.  But the other thing he realized made him want to scream.  He had searched for her for months and she was practically just a few steps away from him?  He understood the universe worked in mysterious ways, but this was just plain cruel.  That she had been so close to him, physically, and he had no idea.  It tore him up.  

They’d gone inside.  She took off her heels.  She’d opened a bottle of wine and poured it into two glasses before standing at opposites ends of her expansive kitchen island, staring at each other, waiting for the other to speak.  It was Fred who obviously broke first.  It was Fred who couldn’t wait any longer; who wanted to get to the bottom of why her eyes were – are – so sad that night, and in the Uber, and tonight.  Because behind her façade, he could see her sadness.  Behind the snarky comments she made towards those girls with Auston, Aleida Casillas was profoundly sad.  

She took a deep breath.  “My uh…my old piano instructor – from when I was a kid – she passed away earlier that day,” Aleida revealed, her voice low.

“Were you close?”

“I think I loved her more than I loved my parents when I was a kid.”

Fred was shocked to hear such a statement come out of her mouth.  Considering that he just learned who her parents were, it was…different for him to hear such a thing.  “Why?”

She shrugged her shoulders.  “She listened,” she said simply.  “No-one ever listens.  No-one ever…no-one ever listens.  To me.  But she did.  She listened.  More than anyone.  And she saw me."

“She saw you?”

“She saw me for who I was and not what she wanted me to be,” Aleida continued.  “She was the best.”

There was a moment of silence between them.  Fred was unsure of what to say.  He knew he wanted her to open up to him, but he wasn’t expecting…this.  Truthfully, he was expecting something completely different.  A breakup with a boyfriend, or at least a fight.  A disagreement with a friend.  A lost job opportunity or a firing.  But not a death of a childhood piano teacher.  “I just couldn’t get over your eyes – the sadness in your eyes.  And it’s still there.”

“Listen.  I don’t know what those girls told you about me tonight.  And I didn’t mean to make you scared that night when I called you Fred and knew who you were.  I just…you made it obvious that you didn’t see me in there.  Nobody did.  And that was a stark reminder to me of her being gone.  Anyway…there…there’s a lot going on right now, and nobody cares.”

He could tell she knew she was rambling; that she stopped herself from revealing too much.  He persisted.  “Nobody cares?”

“Nobody fucking cares,” she stressed before taking a long sip of wine.

“Well, can you tell me a bit about yourself?” he asked.  Her eyes flashed at him, her brows furrowing.  “So I can get to know you?  So I can care?”

“I’m sure those girls told you enough about me,” she commented.  “Whatever people say I am, I am.  Isn’t that how all this works?”

“No, and you know that,” he said.  “You apparently know all this information about me and about those girls with Auston, but why don’t I know anything about you?  Just be honest.”

“Well what’d those girls say about me?”

He paused before taking a deep breath.  “Cannibal.”

“Cannibal?”

“Serena said you were a cannibal.  Your parents – doctors.  Your family – loaded.  All the money in the world.  That you’re a model.  A bitch.  That you ruined someone’s career because they wouldn’t dress your friend for an event,” he listed off.

Aleida’s eyes narrowed at the last bit.  Her tone was as assertive as the click of her heels on the sidewalk on the way here.  “That designer attempted to sexually assault one of my best friends, so you’re damn right I ruined his career.  And I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

So she was misunderstood.  Or at least her life was.  Fred still didn’t know.  “But what’s the truth?”

“Isn’t there a bit of truth in everything?” she asked rhetorically.  

“You tell me.”

Aleida couldn’t help but let out a chuckle.  “Everything they told you about me is true.  Doctor parents.  Loaded.  All the money in the world.  A bitch.  A cannibal.”

“Yet you cry about your piano teacher dying,” he commented.  Her eyes shot daggers at him at his comment.  For a second, he was sure he was going to die right then and there.  “You’re hiding behind this tough exterior and I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude but I think you care more than anyone.”

“Don’t you ever use that against me ever again,” she snapped back at him.  “I do fucking care, okay?  Everybody fucking cares, and if they say they don’t they’re liars.  That’s why Serena was practically salivating at the mouth when she saw me and couldn’t handle it when I pretended not to know who she was.  She’ll call me a cannibal but if I’m the shark she’s that fish that attaches itself and sucks the bacteria off my body.”  Her tone was so scathing, Fred had never heard anything like it.  She paused.  “You want to know the truth?  Here’s your truth.  I’m Cuban-Canadian.  My dad is one of the best cardiologists in the entire world and my mother is the best plastic surgeon in the country.  I’ve got an older sister named Alejandra who’s a plastic surgeon too.  I grew up in Rosedale.  I went to private school.  I received the best education.  I have millions and millions of dollars at my disposal whenever I want it and get to spend it however I want it.  People ask me to model their clothes, to go to their events, to say nice things about them.  They want me to sing and play piano and give this air that their event is high-end and exclusive and luxurious just because I’m there – because my presence apparently means something to a lot of people in the city.  And every single one of those people – my dad, mom, sister, her husband, everybody who wants something from me – they look at me, all the time, but they don’t see me.  And for once in my life…for once in my life, I just want to be seen.”

Fred listened.  It was all he could do as she went into her speech.  There were no words of comfort that could be said to her, no grand gestures that could be done to make her feel better.  He barely knew her – really.  He barely knew her.  He only felt a connection to her; to her and her sad eyes, to her tears, to the image of her cathartic crying at two in the morning in a drugstore neither of them had any business of being in at that hour.  

So instead, he stared at her.  He nodded his head in understanding.  Because he did understand, to some extent – how people in their lives look but they never really see.  It was something that bound them together.  In the vast city of Toronto, from the bright lights of King Street West to the luxurious décor of Louix Louis, to the couch they found themselves sitting on sipping on an expensive wine, it connected them.

He took a deep breath.  “So you play piano then?  And you sing?” he asked.  Aleida nodded her head.  He couldn’t read her emotion as she took another sip of wine.  “Can I hear or see you play sometime?”

“No.”

Fred nodded.  It would take a while for her to open up more.  To show him more of herself, to let her guard and her attitude down.  For her to allow him to see her.

But he’d be there for it.

[prorevenge]

Yell at me for skating, get arrested.

TLDR at the bottom.

Yesterday, June 21st, was national go skate day. As such a lot of skateparks around the states were hosting competitions for various reasons. Parks were overcrowded, people who don't normally skate were getting out. Typical holiday stuff.

This shop I've been trying to get to carry my skateboards happened to be hosting one such contest, at one such skate park. I was going to tell you guys which but then I thought someone might go to the park and look for the kid I'm writing about. Anyways this park has some of the notoriously worst skaters. Absolute jerks. They cut each other off, yell at each other, fight, and if the shop I wanted to see was not there I would never skate this park.

​

So being me, I decided to arrive early, maybe it wouldn't be too busy and I could skate around for a bit without any trouble? I was so terribly wrong. I had collisions with four different skaters. Maybe those were my fault, maybe I wasn't paying attention very well. Maybe it was their fault? I'm ready to let it go, but I'm on edge.

​

I decide to drop into the pool because it is one of very few spots at a skatepark you go one at a time. So I get in there, I started skating in circles just trying to get the feel for this pool. Warming up too. Then this kid, who we'll call Kyle starts yelling at me from the top of the pool. Whatever I've only been in the pool for a moment I know it's still my turn.

​

Still though, this kid I can clearly make out every word he's yelling.

​

Kyle: "Get out of the pool you douche! This park is for good skaters! I need to warm up so I can win the contest that Local Board Shop is hosting! You suck! You clearly can't do any tricks! You have no shot at winning!"

​

Whatever I think. I hate it here. Time to stop skating and just socialize. I pop out of the bowl by Kyle and he pushes me.

​

Kyle: "Locals only mother fucker. Don't let me see you step on that board again in my park."

​

Me: "Whatever kid I'll leave you to it."

​

I go to put my board away when my revenge plan kicks into gear. I own a skate company, and everyone seems to think skate company's sponsor anyone who can kickflip. So I figure, I'm going to let it leak around the park that I'm here scouting talent to recruit to my team.

​

I go and cheer a few kids as they do their super basic tricks. Call them over one at a time to tell them I'm here scouting talent. Sure enough, within half an hour kids all over the park are coming to me to introduce themselves. Asking me to pay special attention, what company I represent, what sponsorship requirements are, that kind of stuff. At this point even if my plan fails I've just created a ton of buzz at this contest and everyone is talking about me and my company.

​

Somewhere in the mix though, Kyle comes to talk to me.

​

Kyle: "Hey look, man, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to yell at you. I was excited that's all."

​

Me: "Look I get it, so I'm going to give you another chance. You said you're competing right?"

​

Kyle: "Yeah I'm here to destroy these fucking losers."

​

Me: "Alright listen, I saw you skating around a bit while I was talking to people. You're really good, exactly the level of skating we need for someone on our team. I plan on keeping on eye on you, don't disappoint me. What's your name by the way?"

​

Kyle: "My name is Kyle, and fuck yeah bro. You know I got this on lock!"

​

Kyle actually was a very talented skater in case you're wondering. I had no plans of actually recruiting him, or anybody, but he was good.

​

A little time goes by and the contest starts. We start by doing "Best Trick" on the A-Frame. This is an A-Frame so you can visualize.

​

There is absolutely no coordination on who goes when, the guys from the shop just tell them to go and start calling out tricks they see on their megaphone. I start closely filming Kyle. Sure enough, he's skating the contest like the douche he was being earlier. Yelling at people, pushing people out of the way, and he even hit a guy with his board. I get every single confrontation on video. I thought about sharing the video, but again we don't need a witch hunt.

​

Kyle ends up doing pretty well, landing 3rd place with a big flip over the A-frame. I couldn't find a video of a big flip, but here is a bigger flip. A big flip is a kickflip with a 360-degree board rotation and a 180-degree body rotation. It's an impressive trick. Somehow he got beat by a kid that did a tailslide, and someone who did a kickflip into a boardslide with a shuv out.

​

Me: "Hey Kyle, I saw your big flip over the A-Frame. That's a hard trick and I'm impressed. You got anything special planned for the next contest?"

​

Kyle: "LOL, it's called S.K.A.T.E. you idiot. It's like H.O.R.S.E. but for skateboarding. Fuck yeah, I got something."

​

Me (Annoyed because I know exactly what a game of S.K.A.T.E. is) "Yeah... Anyways I'm excited to see what you can do."

​

The rounds of S.K.A.T.E. start and we do a single elimination bracket. I'm still aggressively watching and filming everything Kyle does. Every time his competitor misses a trick he makes fun of them, every time they go to throw a trick he yells something totally obscene to throw off their concentration. Every time he makes a trick he does a mini-celebration, and every time he misses a trick he blames his competitor and pushes them. You know, because it's their fault he couldn't land it.

​

He ends up getting knocked out in the third round. He throws his board across the park, and it almost hits someone, and storms off for a bit. When he comes back I congratulate him on getting so far.

​

Me: "Good job getting to the third round. I really liked some of those tricks you had. I got a lot of them on camera, I'll edit all the film from the day and show you later."

​

Kyle: "Whatever that fucktard that beat me cheated. Everybody fucking knows you're not allowed to do body varials."

​

Me: "Get him in the next event."

​

Kyle: "Oh fuck yeah bro. I got that fucking race on lockdown."

​

It seriously irritates me when people use cuss words as filler for normal conversation. I just want to say I'm annoyed with him and how he speaks. I'm sure he chalked up my visible frustration to him losing though, because that's how Kyle's are.

​

The next event is a race around the park, simple. Best time wins. Kyle isn't even close to being a contender on this one. He's slow, he isn't hitting obstacles correctly, and it seems like all this pressure I'm putting on him is really getting to him. He shoved some people out of the way so he could be one of the first to go too, so he has to watch as 10-15 people just crush his time.

​

Every time someone looks like they're going to be doing better than him, he starts yelling at them and screaming. He even threw sand on the course. Probably so people would slide on it. I'm not really sure what his goal was but it failed. I decide I'm going to make an excuse for him on this one so he has an easy cop-out, but also thinks I'm on his side.

​

Me: "Bro, looks like you need some new bearings. You kept losing all the speed, but your form was great."

​

Kyle: "Yeah bro, but my mom is being a bitch and won't replace these shit bearings. Fuck her!"

​

Me: "Well listen, man, I gotta go grab something real quick, company emergency, will you be here in like an hour when I get back?"

​

Kyle: "Of fucking course dog."

​

There's one more event, I didn't bother to watch I already had what I wanted. So I start going through all these videos of Kyle, and I make an edit of every time he screamed at someone, cheated in an event, or had poor sportsmanship. There's like 10 minutes of him yelling at people and being a dick all edited into one super edit. I also grab lunch, because of food.

​

I get back to the park and I grab a brand new deck out of my car. Just a prop. As I walk into it, I wave Kyle to come over to me. Looks like all the events are over, and the shop I came to see is just socializing with skaters.

​

Kyle: "Oh no fucking way. Is that for me? I got the spot!?! I got the spot!"

​

Me: "Hey yeah so come check out this video. I want to show you exactly what I was paying attention to the entire time you were skating."

​

I show Kyle the video, it opens with his bigger flip, then it proceeds to show him just being a dick. He makes excuses throughout the whole video. He tells me at several points he didn't mean it. It was a mistake. Typical loser stuff.

​

Me: "Here's the deal. I love how you skate. but I expect better behavior out of any rider the might come ride for DJ Skate. If you go find all of these skaters and makeup with them before I leave, we have a spot on the team for you."

​

Kyle: "These losers fucking worship me. They'll all be fucking ecstatic to see me on your team."

​

Me: "Alright well, when you make up with them tell them to come to see me. I want to hear it from them that they're cool with you."

​

I go hang out with the shop owners for a bit, I point out everyone at the contest riding one of my boards and how they should carry my deck because their audience is skating them. After a few minutes, Kyle comes up holding this little kid by his ear.

​

Kyle: "Tell him we're cool right fucking now or I rip your ear off."

​

Poor kid: "Yeah what he said. We're cool. We're cool."

​

I wave him off and he goes back out, but now I'm watching him bully all these kids into coming over and saying we're cool. The shop asks me what it's about and I tell them how I said we couldn't sponsor anyone that behaves that way, and he wanted to be sponsored. They agree, and we just watch in awe as Kyle gets worse and worse.

​

Finally, one of the kids bigger than him seems to refuse the apology and a fight breaks out. I rush over to break it up, but Kyle has already had his face beaten in by this kid. The kid yells about how no one likes him and how there is no way he would ever tell anybody for any reason to sponsor him.

​

Kyle (Crying and sniffling): "Look DJ Skate, I tried to apologize and he beat me up. I didn't do nothing wrong to him."

​

Me: "Oh don't worry I saw the whole thing. The guys at the shop saw too. We know exactly what happened."

​

I didn't know yet, but that very familiar sound of sirens goes off in the background. I didn't think anything of it until police rushed passed me and start pinning guys to the ground.

​

Police officer: "What happened. One at a time."

​

Kyle (Lying): "I was just skating minding my own business and this guy beat me up. I didn't do anything to deserve it."

​

The kid who beat up Kyle: "Not even you came over here shoving us, telling us how we have to apologize to you for cheating in the contest and go tell that guy we're cool so you can get sponsored."

​

They go back and forth and the police finally come to me.

​

Police: "Is that true? Did you tell him you'd sponsor him if he made up with everybody here."

​

Me: "Oh boy do I have a video for you guys..."

​

I show the police how he's been pushing people and yelling at everyone all day, and I explain how this kid just decided he had enough and fought back to protect himself. They walk Kyle out in cuffs, and I don't even need to tell him he didn't get the sponsorship. The police check with everybody who came to tell me they were cool with Kyle to make sure he didn't hurt them too badly. They also check with some people in the video, and get everyone's contact info.

​

They start asking people older than 18 if they want to push charges, and start calling the parents of the younger kids to ask if the same thing. A few people let it go, but at least 10 people want to push charges on Kyle.

​

The police ask for my video, as well as the raw footage, and I email it all to them. He also spends a painstaking amount of time recording my phone while the video plays using his chest came. Took like an hour of me just waiting to get my phone back.

​

At this point the shop is packed up and heading out, promising once again to answer my email with whether or not they want to buy.

​

I'm not going to bother to keep up with Kyle, but I'm sure he'll be getting some jail time for that fight. The kid that beat him up seemed to be in trouble too.

​

TLDR: Went skating before a contest, when Kyle yells at me. I tell him I'm looking to sponsor the best skaters in the contest, and he starts being a dick to all the other skaters. I record Kyle being a dick, and tell him he needs to apologize. A fight breaks out, and the police are called. I show them the recordings, and they arrest Kyle.

(source) story by (/u/DJSkate)

[lostinthe-pines-blog]

Family Time pt. 4

PREFACE: This is a fluff piece about MC and Chris on a family visit to Chris’s home in Maine for AJ’s birthday. Some story-lines from the App have been altered. These events are placed between The Junior and what I can only hope will be The Senior. NOTE: This is a fictional story based on Pixelberry’s Choices App. *Books The Freshman, The Sophomore, The Junior. I am not affiliated with Pixelberry nor do I own the rights to their characters.

The night goes on and the tense feelings from the hours before are brushed aside. AJ has fallen asleep on the couch her head on her mother's lap. Lilly strokes her daughters soft blonde curls.  while a movie plays. Kyle sits on the floor leaning against the couch and Chris and MC are cuddled on the loveseat crossed the room. There are lingering glances between them all no one sure what to say or when to say it. The whole night had been refocused on AJ after the fight and now that she’d fallen asleep the rest of them had no idea where to start. Chris tightened his grip on MC’s hand hiding under the blanket as he spoke up.

“Are you excited for school to start?” he asked his brother, immediately regretting his choice of question.

“I am actually” he responds to Chris’s surprise “I just got my class assignments. Science is gonna suck this year.”

The brothers look at each other and a pure moment of siblingship erupts as they speak at the same time. “Mrs. Marcovich!” after realizing they’ve said the same thing their laughter plays in sync.

“She’s the worst” Chris spits “Remember when she lost all my homework assignments for the term and then blamed it on me! I’m surprised she still works there after she went after mom. Saying my ‘non traditional single parent upbringing’ may not have taught me to hold on to things and assignments.”

“Yes! She’s so crazy, Chris I haven’t even had her as a teacher and she already takes hits at me. Last week of school right and I’m walking down the hall and she stops me. ‘Mr. Powell’” Kyle says mocking the science teachers flat and toneless voice “‘I heard your brother left here on a football scholarship, which mundane sport have you chosen?’” he continues. “I’m not kidding Chris! I don’t know what she has against our family”

“I do” Lilly speaks up “She grew up with your father” MC squeezes Chris’s hand in return knowing the conversation to come might be hard on him.  “They were childhood best friends and were on the same boating teams in High School. They went to prom together senior year and when your father brought me home after his first semester in college she cut him off. I’m pretty sure she thought she’d be his forever girl.” Lilly trails off as she feels the younger more dramatic version of her coming back to life. “Though come to think of it, besides loosing you kids I probably would have been better off if she’d stayed with the bastard anyways.” everyone in the room laughs awkwardly at Lilly’s remark. “She hates you boys because you’re the spitting image of your father. Oh and don’t worry Kyle I’ll be telling Principal Shaw to remove you from her class as soon as possible.”

“How’s English?” MC speaks up asking Kyle quickly and changing the subject of the room. She instantly feels tension remove its self from her boyfriends body.

“It’s great, I’m almost done with my English credits for the next two years but I’ve filled some of my electives with English related subjects like Latin and Creative Writing. I’m enrolled through my high school with the local college and will be taking online courses with them. With any luck I’ll graduate with my high school diploma and an associates degree.”

MC sits up and smiles, this conversation putting new light in her eyes. Could it really be possible that Kyle was more like her than he was like his own brother. “Kyle, that is amazing. I know you’re only going into your junior year but is English something you want to pursue?”

“I’m still deciding which facets of it I like most but yeah, I think it is.” He responds shyly. Due to his brothers heavy sport related upbringing Kyle always appeared ashamed of his love for academics.

“So these Ivy Leagues… where are you thinking?” MC pressures

“Georgetown, or University of Pennsylvania” Kyle speaks quick but quietly without even thinking for a moment. It’s clear he’s already thought about this but hasn’t had anyone around besides Lilly who cares enough to ask. MC untangles herself from Chris’s arms and moves to sit on the ground next to Kyle. Chris and Lilly take this as a cue to leave as well. Chris picks up AJ who is clearly too big to be carried to bed but he makes the exception anyways. He gives MC a loving glance before leaving.

After dropping AJ off in her bed Chris returns to the kitchen where he sees his mother eavesdropping on MC and Kyle.

“Mom” Chris laughs “knock it off!”

“They’re laughing!” she insists on listening but Chris pulls her attention away

“You’ve gotta just let her have her time with him. She’ll probably get more out of him than either of us could. She’s obnoxiously good at getting people to open up to her.” he sighs

“Okay but what do you think they’re talking about?” Lilly prys

“MC had Ivy League dreams but they fell short because of family and financial issues. She doesn’t talk about it much but she was accepted to Columbia. She knows what it takes to get there I hope she’s giving him advice. She’s also a published author so I can only assume their conversation will be lengthy” Chris explains. He loves how much his mother cares to listen or to ask. He’s never taken for granted the love and attention she’s instilled in him.

Lilly pulls her attention from the conversation on the other side of the wall and places it on her eldest son. “So. How are you then Christopher? How’s school, I know it’s been difficult.”

“Football is my dream Mom but I can’t live every day praying that I’ll get offers. I’m working on my political science major too. I guess I’m ready for whatever happens this year. I just feel like I’m constantly holding my breath.” before meeting MC, Chris had only ever opened up to his mother no matter how hard it was. He told her everything and she listened.

“So maybe school isn’t the greatest part of your life right now… what is?” Lilly smiles as Chris sits up on the counter as he had over and over throughout his life. This was not the first talk they’d had like this in the kitchen.

“She is” Chris blushes. “On my worst days when I feel like everything is going wrong I come home and she’s there on the bed reading a book, mind you it’s never the same book she goes through them so fast. She’s always there even when we’re fighting she comes back she owns up she’s the most stable thing in my life out there.”

It wasn’t a secret that Lilly wasn’t the fondest of his son moving in with MC before even getting engaged. She knew she had an opinion that was so far in the past, and she never once fought Chris on it but he knew it bothered her. But on the other hand she could see in his eyes that he was truly happy. She’d always worried that the events of his past could leave him scared of love but it could not have been more opposite. Her son loved openly and honestly and he loved everyone but most of all he loved this one girl.

“You know my next question Chris.” Lilly responds flatly.

“We aren’t ready” he rolls his eyes “I’ll marry her, I dont doubt that for a moment but right now we’re good, we’re happy but we are also focused on our own careers and futures. If we take the step to make that bond, we lose the ability to fully focus on ourselves if we need to. We both agree that after this year we will seriously consider it.” Chris watches at Lilly’s eyes light up.

“Don’t let her get away Christopher, I haven’t seen you so strong and so weak in your entire life. And that’s good. Let her be there for the weak.” she puts her hand over her sons “I know I’ve been single for 10 years and my advice might not be the most reliable but I have some that I’d like to give to you. Let her be there for you in all the same ways that I know you are there for her, push and pull. Don’t hide your vulnerability from her, ever.” Lilly tears up to Chris’s surprise and he pulls his and from underneath hers.

“Mom don’t get soft about this” he laughs playfully and pulls her into a hug. “Thank you for the advice, I promise I’ll never let her go.”

Lilly smiles at her son and they continue to talk for another hour about life, school, work, past and future. Their conversation is interrupted when MC and Kyle re enter the room laughing, completely opposite from they way they had spoke to each other earlier in the evening.

“I’m going to bed.” Kyle says clearly through a huge smile, one not even his mother had seen in a while. “Thank you again MC, I appreciate it.” Kyle nods at his family and heads up the stairs to his room.

“What did you do to my son?” Lilly asks shocked.

“Nothing, truly.” MC laughs. “I think he just needed to talk to someone who wasn’t his mom, or a school counselor. He’s got a lot of aggression and anger but he’s also quite brilliant. You’ve raised him well and he respects you so much.” MC smiles to Lilly “If I can ask you for one thing, if that boy gets into one of his dream schools… please let him go. No matter what it takes let him soar.” Lilly nods in response and excuses herself for the evening.  

Chris looks at MC through tired eyes “My mom asked again.”

“About a wedding?” she responded quietly

“Yeah..” Chris trails off

“You know I’m not ready” she sighs, she knows that he’s ready and that she’s holding him back. She hates letting him down she hates being a burden to him and most of all she hates making him doubt how much she loves him.

“Lets go to bed” he says ignoring the conversation he never should have started.

[wavemaker9]

Me: Kyle and Mel having a good close friendship that makes them both happy Also me: Make them fight and have kyle jeopardize that like everything else he loves

(it got long sorry)

So Kyle doing the cornered, ‘animal in a case’ thing with mel. Unlikely if she won't press but if it did happen that'd prolly hurt mel so much if the thing she values most about her friendship with him is not feeling judged, just feeling like a lot of her perceived flaws are accepted without question. Because I've mentioned when kyle argues back defensively, he gets nasty. Just like Austin will lash out physically if pushed hard enough, if Kyle feels cornered in a convo, even if it’s only in an attempt to help him, he will turn on them verbally to get them to back off. He's not always aware of everything (see his relays with summer/doug that he dismisses the aggressively negative behavior yet his relay with art who he's frustrated with for just not displaying that art cares in a way that kyle gets), but he's pretty good at spotting people's insecurities and then using them during heated arguments without thinking about it. He wouldn't genuinely mean anything he said, he just knows. Well, his insecurities and/or fears are being brought up and he wants out of the convo more than anything, so if he does the same to them, they'll back off too. Again, Mel not being the type to press or call out specifically because she doesn’t want it back, so it's not like Cami or something where it'd be relatively likely, but if it did ever happen, suddenly this second person ever that mel has had that hasn't judged her is listing every problem and flaw she has, searching for the topic that gets the sharpest reaction and focusing on that. I remember Khep and I discussed this with Cami and Kyle and then other stuff too (during the 2p event in Hetalr, Austin said some mean stuff to Cami because he considered all the 1p nations imposters trying to fuck with them so that plus her refusing to leave because this is her friend but like super wrong finally irritated him enough that he asked her how alone she had to be to be desperate to spend time with him. basically he hopes to never see this woman again so who cares about being polite when she won’t listen to his requests), she ended up just popping him in teh face and storming off, and I have to imagine it’d be like that at least. Mat least those first few moments of accusation and betrayal and /hurt/, there’s gotta be a surge of anger that bubbles up enough to swing at least one punch his way, yeah?

Which actually speaking of that, that might be more likely to make kyle and mel clash like that since if his mood dips hard enough he’ll also get instigatory without being provoked first. It’s another self-destruction method. He gets a mindset that he deserves punishment for fucking up so badly about something and getting beat up in a fight works for that. How does he get someone mad enough to kick his ass? Make them furious with him, make them /hate/ him. And of course he doesn’t think about long term ‘do i really want them to hate me forever? No! Will they understand i was just being the world’s biggest dick to them because i was in a low place? Probably not, especially if I don’t tell them!’ so he’ll regret it later but he’s not thinking clearly now, his brain is full of bad time thoughts right now, so that’s all he can focus on, especially since in that headspace if he /does/ consider it, his brain justifies it away that he doesn’t deserve them anyway and he’ll finally send them off which will be doing them a favor and blah blah blah

Actually actually, even when he’s not in a bad place, like if he feels someone’s holding back in a fight, even if it’s just sparring, he’ll try to push them and provoke them because when he’s angry, he’s willing to fight harder, so clearly the same must be true for them. I think it was mentioned the same is kinda true for mel and that she instigates or at least instigated stuff with austin a lot in the hope it’d get him to fight her. He’s very much teh same. If he can piss them off, they’ll actually fight and that’ll be more fun than them going easy on him (I had this thought because of the taz xover since griffin had said avi was so nice he went easy on the thb when training against them and that’d annoy kyle quickly. You’re my friend and I love you but if you don’t fight me with your all that’s at best a weird unneeded secret about what you’re capable of and at worst an insult in that you think I can’t handle it, and i won’t stand for either. Gimme your hardest punch, damnit. )< ). He’s usually less emotive and fight-or-flight-y there, though, so he’ll be more careful about what he says in that he won’t aim for the comments he knows would cut deep, but he’ll reach for a lot of more shallow careless insults then and that can still get irritating very fast.

Anyway, Kyle is always super regretful and apologetic afterwards once his fight or flight reaction eases, but the problem is that he's already said those things and cannot take them back. He can apologize to mel all he wants and assure her he doesn't believe anything he said before and she shouldn't either, but he still said them. Even if mel recognized at the time that this was him being aggressively defensive, that doesn't ease the hurt of still hearing it. If she thinks about it logically, she could probably figure it didn’t mean anything and was him just being a childish asshole, but it’s hard to be 100% objective with this sort of thing. He can tell her he didn’t mean it but that doesn’t undo the hurt she felt when he said those things. It's something I never want to make canon for any of kyle’s relays because he does seriously like fuck up these good things of trust he has and that can’t easily be undone, but it’s always interesting to consider. Pushing away people he loves is something he's very good at.

Also, the one person that doesn’t tend to happen with is ivan and I think that’s very much a case of ivan never wanting to make kyle mad so he’d back off before things got that far. If he sees either of them are genuinely frustrated, he’ll back off until things cool down or switch to seeming more accommodating so that kyle doesn’t feel the need to fight as much. Besides, ivan probably would forgive kyle even if kyle said some mean shit. There might be a limit but Ivan’s super good at forgiving kyle. On the other hand, kyle would do the same if it was reverse and ivan said some super mean shit. Honestly, no matter who said it, kyle would 100% forgive the person eventually if he even remotely liked them. again, kyle took like months after being cheated on and manipulated in an old rp to even consider for longer than 3 days that maybe he should leave the relay. you have to /try/ to push him away. He wouldn’t really get past the hurt either, but it wouldn’t be a betrayal of trust or anything like I feel it would be if he was the one attacking them. Doug has gotten him really used to constant criticism and just blatant insults and has conditioned him to see that being ‘honest’, so if another friend spent 5 minutes suddenly tearing into him. Like it’d hurt and crash his mood but he’d never blame /them/. It’s /his/ fault for being so shitty. If he were better, they wouldn’t have anything to talk about, he can’t be mad at them for telling the truth, what kind of asshole does that? (see him when anyone who /isn’t/ a friend suddenly criticizes him; he’s the kind of asshole who does that) And like, he rarely fully trusts that a person 100% genuinely likes him so hearing someone suddenly flip and be overly aggressive to a hurt point like. He knew that was coming, he’s surprised they didn’t reveal how annoyed they are with him sooner. It’d never come back to the other person; it’d shake the relationship up badly enough but, unlike the reverse in at least some cases, it’d get back to where they were, and if the person showed enough effort to apologize, he’d treat them and view them exactly as he did before, no blame on them. Again, though, the exception to this is if he didn’t already like them before hand in which case it falls to the grudge level. As i’ve mentioned, poor ludwig in hetalr criticized kyle once during a bad mood time (and that time it was just genuine issues not even just aggressive argumentative callouts) and kyle has never forgiven him.

Other stray thoughts! If he did end up doing that to mel, not just mel fucking pissed off at him, but micha when he finds out what kyle did. Two friendships one stone, whoops. Micha probably even worse? Like Mel’s probably not happy with kyle but suddenly dealing with a lot of self-critical thoughts again. Micha wasn’t the target though, not dealing with that, just full on ‘how dare you make my sister feel like that’ anger. Remember that ‘bitch was talking shit, now bitch can’t talk no more’ ask micha had a while ago? That. Micha 100% killing kyle brown, fucking finally. Even if mel recognized why kyle did that and eventually got even partially past that, i feel like micha wouldn’t ease up on that even after some time because that wasn’t at him, that was at mel. He liked Kyle, a part of him still wants to like him, but that man hurt his sister terribly and so Kyle can suck a fucking big one.

Also, less expected, but like. austin would def kind of side with mel, too. Mainly because he’s just so annoyed by kyle constantly, it’s very much the burr vs hamilton ‘i just want him to stop talking and acting so confident, that’s what i’m here for’ thing, but also. Like in family au especially, kyle gives /a lot/ of shit to austin. Like /a lot/. I’ve made at least a couple posts about how kyle knows how to get under austin’s skin and knows austin doesn’t have the strength to get him back so he fucks with austin constantly. Austin’s in a bad combination zone in that he’s family so teasing/being a dick as a form of showing love is acceptable to kyle, and austin’s cold and selfish personality makes him seem like a dick to kyle + he’s not trying by kyle’s standards so it falls under ‘the asshole has it coming’ category. Austin tries hard, just like mel, or kyle, or anyone else. It’s not always obvious and there are some times sure where he’s not trying as hard as he could, but more often than not, austin actually is doing his best to just manage here. he’s not an overachiever or anything. when he cares, it’s barely and surprising, but just because he’s not putting his all into it every second doesn’t mean he isn’t trying at all. But he’s cold, he’s selfish, he’s asocial and solitary, he’s not charismatic or kind or loyal or empathetic, he’s passive and he takes for granted the things /kyle/ sees as austin’s best assets in life (his family), he’s all the things kyle looks down on, and there aren’t many things kyle /does/ feel like he can look down on, so kyle looks downon them extra hard. I said how kyle is very much the ‘as long as you’re trying your best, that’s fine!’ person, but the catch to that is that /he/ has to accept that you’re trying your best. Just like how he’ll not always catch on that someone loves him as much as they do because they’re not showing it in ways he recognizes as affectionate or caring, he also is clueless to the idea of someone trying in a way he doesn’t recognize. It’s really something i guess most if not all teh australias show, but while with aus and aud, that conflicts with people like mel, for kyle, he wouldn’t get aus or aud. That’s why he totally gets mel is trying, it’s very much in the same way he is. But austin’s trying is by being reserved and proper, and it doesn’t make sense so clearly austin just /isn’t/ trying. Kyle is very aware of only the things he can recognize. He understands that people have different views and ways of handling things like scientists understand how the brain works. He knows it’s technically there, and he understands parts of that to a point when given the chance to learn, but if you really look at how much he gets that, it’s surprising how little he actually understands for how open minded he tries to be sometimes. Which is another thing i don’t like about him. I gushed before and said i was too hard on him but right now nah i remember why i don’t like him, i’m probably about right in how hard i am on him.

Anyway, austin deals with kyle’s shit constantly and, as i’ve mentioned in the hp au talk, he’s well aware that kyle’s charisma and charm and loyalty and people-pleasing nature all make people like him more. He’s obnoxious and irresponsible and reckless and instigatory and has about a billion double standards that are shitty as fuck, but kyle tries to make friends and is passionate enough to win people to his side, so people tend to not acknowledge kyle’s shitty behavior as much when he’s an asshole to austin. They're easily swayed by the ‘he was an asshole and had it coming. Besides, we’re cousins so it’s fine’ argument. He knows Kyle has his ‘good’ sides, but he also is aware of kyle’s negatives, sometimes seemingly more so than kyle is. Which makes the ‘austin’s not trying’ conclusion kyle reaches even worse because austin’s trying specifically to keep his more negative sides on lock, like his bad temper. Kyle lets that shit run free and then has the nerve to criticize austin for not trying?? And I don’t think austin would be annoyed in any cases where mel and micha befriend kyle. Again, he expects that, and while mel and micha are his best friends, he doesn’t fully see them as such and certainly not in a ‘tehy’re /my/ friends, you can’t have them’ way. They’re adults, if they want to befriend kyle great. Maybe they can distract him so he stops trying to hang out with austin all the time, that’d be nice. But austin probably mentioning that to mel when she and kyle are first going to meet. She’s an adult and can choose her own friends but kyle is (“objectively” austin says which he isn’t but to austin he is) terrible and she should have all the information and understand how fucking annoying kyle is sometimes before she meets him. Of course he’s bad at clearly listing all the reasons why with examples, and he complains about everything, so it probably comes off as a ‘oh he’s just annoyed because kyle’s all energetic and fun and austin hates fun’ thing. 

But then kyle reveals the shitty child he is underneath and it turns out austin was actually somewhat right? I also think, if mel was confronted by just how aggressively hurtful kyle can be in his worse moods, that’d surprisingly not be an ‘I told you so’ moment from austin (provided she didn’t make a huge deal of dismissing any early comments he made. If she did, she’d get a little ‘i told you so’ then). Because again, people being charmed by kyle happens all the fucking time, it’s not their fault they made a shitty friend. If he wasn’t asocial and totally aware of how bad to be around kyle can be, he’d probably like him more too. It’s not an ‘i told you so’ thing at this point, it’s just a ‘finally someone else sees what a jerk he can be sometimes thank god. Unfortunate it was from him messing things up again but silver linings and all that’. Austin that’s a silver lining for you, not for mel, cmon. Though on the other hand, It might be an ‘i told you so’ at /kyle/. Mel didn’t do anything wrong by befriending him, but austin’d absolutely use this as a ‘hey, get off your high fucking horse and acknowledge that you’re a piece of shit!’ thing which is relatively ironic coming from austin. I mean, just because austin’s trying doesn’t make him any less of a piece of shit too, since he doesn’t actually regret a lot of the hurtful things he does to people and, as mentioned with the cami thing, he’s willing to do hurtful things if he feels they’re necessary to his best interests, he just also doesn’t pretend like they don’t exist. Austin thinks the positives of his personality outweigh the bad, sure, but he still has some bad he knows about and tries to handle and he’s also fully aware not everyone would view all those positives as positive. He knows he has a bad temper so he avoids things that irritate him and 90% of the time it’s /kyle/ pushing him into those situations that set him off. Kyle should recognize by now how aggressive he himself gets when defensive, how much he can hurt people, but does he try to avoid those cases? No, of course not. That would take being responsible and mature! Half the time, kyle purposefully tries to provoke people as some self-destruction attempt that he doesn’t care about dragging someone else down with him on.

I think i’ve mentioned before that this is why i prefer austin to kyle despite, weighing the pros and cons of their personalities, how kyle would more likely be the ‘better’ person than austin is. Kyle has a lot more pros and they are to a far higher extreme, but the negatives are equallly as low and he ignores them completely. Refuses to acknowledge them, very irresponsible about that. Even when called out, he gets dismissive or instigatory or that ‘can’t you take a joke’ bullshit that I think I still hate most about his personality. Austin is a dick but he’s usually aware of it, knows he’s not a total victim in life. He’s more responsible and part of that is accepting bad behavior in oneself. Changing bad behavior is usually the best option, but neither boy does that. Austin at least accepts and acknowledges it and tries not to go out of his way to let it affect others. He’s polite in most cases if he has to socialize with someone, and besides that he does try to stay on his own most of the time. That’s also, again, the asocialness, but he sees it as a win win for everyone. I’m going to be annoyed by them, they probably won’t appreciate me, it’s best we keep to ourselves. Kyle hides it before springing it on someone and, again, I know that’s not 100% his fault, it’s very much a side effect of his childhood and a nasty combination of disorders he’s struggling to deal with, but that doesn’t make it 0% his fault either. Cool motive, still murder, except not murder of course, just being an asshole, but i still very much like that phrase for that kinda thing. It’s great that he has a reason to explain why he feels the need to behave like that, but he’s not unaware. It may feel hard or impossible not to choose that option, like, say, staying up late again for 2 weeks in a row when I definitely know I need more than ~5 hours of sleep a night- but that’s still me failing to go to sleep on time. i might have to fight myself on it some nights, but i’m still making that choice, y’know? 

In most au’s, someone points it out to him at some point, and he refuses to change that bad behavior and worse, it’s often times not even a ‘i’m trying but I can’t’ situation, he just doesn’t want to acknowledge another flaw of his and that is. That’s why he drives me up a fucking wall sometimes. He always tries to portray himself as super friendly and understanding and accepting and good, he tries so hard to be good. like i said, when he cares, it’s so much and over the top and to the point of sacrificing at a moment’s notice, but he can get a holier than thou mentality on morals and yet either isn’t aware enough or just doesn't care to see both the attempts other may make using methods he’s not used to as well as how necessary it is to address and try to change his own major and friendship-threatening flaws. I have my own high standards for others that I myself don’t meet, but I don’t fuck over people who don’t meet those standards either, y’know? I go ‘maybe we’re both shit’ and I move on with my day. He’s literally the ‘when he’s good he’s great’ line except instead it ends with ‘but when he’s bad i wanna kick his fucking ass’