# last one is from 2014 and quite the embarrassment

[mrfoox]

I miss creating stuff... I used to do so much when I think about it..

[tomorrowusa]

People in Washington have belatedly been taking notice that Ukraine, a country with not much of a navy, has chased Putin's fleet out of much of the Black Sea. Things are relatively close to normal for Ukrainian grain exports which use shipping on that sea.

In the Black Sea, Ukraine forced the Russian fleet to retreat from the historic headquarters of Sevastopol in Crimea after hitting ships and key buildings repeatedly with drones and missiles. That was a personal blow to Russian President Vladimir Putin, who lauded the Russian annexation of Crimea in 2014.  The maritime success also opened a corridor for Ukraine to move grain shipments in defiance of Russia’s decision last summer to cancel an export deal, an economic and symbolic victory in the war.  “Ukraine won in the Black Sea,” Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky said during a trip to Washington last month.  Zelensky has made the Black Sea victories a central part of his pitch to Western allies and supporters in the past couple of months — a sign of Ukrainian strength after the ground counteroffensive launched in June largely failed, delivering a stalemate on the frontlines of eastern Ukraine.  “This is huge,” said Olga Lautman, nonresident senior fellow at the Center for European Policy Analysis. “They literally shifted the balance in the Black Sea. … Besides practically reopening the Black Sea, they’ve taken out Russia’s navy and pushed them out for the most part. And the attacks continue.”  Ukraine has maintained an edge in the waters of the Black Sea since the war began in February 2022 — and Kyiv does not have a naval force, let alone one the size of the Russian fleet.  In the early days of the war, Ukraine secured its hold on Odesa, a Black Sea port city in southern Ukraine, and sunk the Russian flagship the Moskva.  Ukrainian troops also liberated Snake Island, where defiant Ukrainian troops emerged famous for cursing at a Russian warship, in spring 2022.  In August, Ukraine stepped up attacks on the Black Sea fleet in Sevastopol, a hub for the Russian navy since Moscow annexed Crimea, but which has historical importance for Russia going back to the 1700s. In September, one strike damaged the headquarters of the Russian navy in Sevastopol. That month also saw Ukrainian special forces retake oil platforms in the Black Sea from Russia years after Moscow first seized them.  For the next two months, Ukraine kept assaulting Russian ships, leading to a full Russian naval retreat from Sevastopol and western Crimea.  After the fall attacks, Zelensky hailed Ukrainian forces for “pushing the Russian navy out to the eastern part of the Black Sea,” saying they “totally changed” the situation in the maritime domain.  “Russia can no longer use our sea to expand its aggression to other parts of the world,”  Zelensky said in an Oct. 31 address, “Ukraine’s success in the battle for the Black Sea will go down in history books, although it’s not being discussed much today.” 

It's become increasingly difficult for Russia to resupply its positions by sea. Last month Ukraine sunk a Russian ship loaded to the brim with munitions. This took place in Feodosia in occupied eastern Crimea which is only 100 km by road from Kerch where Ukraine damaged a bridge which connects occupied Ukraine to Russia.

Despite heavy and embarrassing losses, Putin will not give up his desire to conquer Ukraine unless he is forced to. Ukraine has been holding its own, but it needs help obtaining weapons and equipment. The GOP House of Representatives is holding up aid to Ukraine for its own political purposes. We need to contact our representatives and tell them to quit acting like Putin's agents on Capitol Hill.

Find out who your House member is.

Find Your Representative

Then contact him or her using the contact information given at the site. With Republicans, invoke the name of Ronald Reagan and insist that they quit supporting measures which help the Evil Empire. Be firm but polite.

[chattichat]

Looks like someone’s still in denial.

This is disgusting. As someone whose been a fan since the 2014 buzzfeed days, watching the TRI guys statement brought me to tears. To see how hurt and betrayed they all looked and sounded. Eugene looks like he’s ready to hunt Ned down and kick his face in while wearing the most slay outfit ever. Zach looks like he’s probably broken down and cried over this everyday for the last couple weeks. Keith... don’t even get me started. Keith looks like he’s had a really hard time processing this situation and seems to be on the verge of laughing and crying simultaneously. I mean grief is different for everyone. They are grieving. They lost a VERY close friend. A man who they thought they could always trust. Someone they’d built an entire brand with. Can you imagine risking everything to build a company with your friends, laying it all out on the line, actually separating yourself from buzzfeed and making it big time... only to have the least entertaining one create a huge scandal and almost tarnish its name? We shouldn’t be making light of this situation, what Ned Fulmer did is unforgivable and is in no way justified. I’m sure you know that though. For the people making memes from his dumbass statement... you give his words power. Maybe it’s clearly to make fun of how idiotic he sounds, but you’re using the words he chose to use as a half assed apology to the fans... the guys- to HIS WIFE. Nah, what an embarrassment. Can you imagine how Ariel must feel right now seeing it all? The internet is absolutely unhinged. I won’t say anything about Alex because we’re not sure about that dynamic quite yet, but damn... this is a lot to unpack. Real people have been affected by this, a family at that! Let’s be kind and remember that we don’t have to make fun of every situation we see play out online. They are handling this with such care and professionalism we generally don’t see with influencers. Mad respect to them and their whole team.

[damonfuckingalbarn]

Can you do the second part of thehistory of a cheating heart ? ( When you can or have time )

Oh my gosh, I actually!!! Wrote something!!!

Part one is here, if you want to refresh your memory before you read this.

“The History of a Cheating Heart” 2014 Damon x Reader (Part 2)

Pairing - 2014 Damon x Reader

Words- 1196

Warnings- No warnings, it’s all a bit sappy

My requests are open but I am SUPER slow at writing them at the minute, but still do send them over as I’m answering them on a bit of an adhoc basis at the minute.

You weren’t sure if you’d ever felt this worried about knocking on a door in your life. You couldn’t even stall and pretend you couldn’t find his house, ever since he had given you his address you’d looked it up on Google maps so many times you almost felt embarrassed.

You weren’t surprised he’d ended up living in Notting Hill, it was always one of your favourite places to visit when you were together. Though, you were surprised he still lived there after all these years, you would have thought it was starting to grow too gentrified for his liking nowadays.

You walked up the short path before inhaling deeply and knocking on the door, you knew that if you’d waited any longer you’d talk yourself out of it.

It didn’t take him long to answer the door and as soon as you saw his smile the worry that had built up inside of you, quite literally, melted away.

“Hi darling” He grinned, opening the door further to let you in before gently brushing his lips against your cheek as he greeted you “How are you?”

“I’m good thank you, how are you?” You responded as you placed your coat into his outreached hands, watching as he disappeared into a small cupboard with it.

“I’m all the better now you’re here” He called out to you, making your already red cheeks grow warmer.

You knew this was unbelievably tame flirting for Damon, in fact you were pretty sure he wouldn’t even class it as flirting, but it had been such a long time since anyone had spoken to you like that, let alone it being the man you used to be so madly in love with.

“I wasn’t completely sure what to cook, if I’m honest” He told you as he started walking through to, you presumed, the kitchen “I was going to order something but I thought that was cheating”

You laughed at his words, appreciating being behind him so you could quickly glance at the decor as best as you could. There were certain African paintings, wooden sculptures and little trinkets that just screamed Damon to you, but there were also aspects that you could have never imagined him choosing himself and you couldn’t help but wonder if they had been chosen by his last girlfriend.

“Sorry everything’s so mismatched” He laughed softly, you felt a pang of nausea when you realised you hadn’t been that discreet and he had been watching you take in your surroundings “My daughter chose a lot of the stuff and I want here to feel as homely as possible for her, even though she doesn’t always stay here”

You took a seat at the kitchen island, nodding your head as he gestured towards a bottle of wine before thinking about your next words carefully.

“Tell me about your daughter” You prompted, not being able to miss the smile that came across his face just at the thought of her.

“She’s amazing, you would love her” He gushed, sitting down next to you before taking a sip from his wine “She keeps me on my toes, I miss her when she’s not here”

Before you could comprehend what you were doing you reached across and have his hand a reassuring squeeze. You didn’t want to pressure him into saying anything but you felt like you had to know what he’d been doing all these years.

“If you don’t mind me asking Dames” you paused slightly, letting your hand rest on top of his “what happened with-“

“-Missy-“

“- sorry, what happened with Missy’s mum?”

“She erm, well she’s amazing but we just sort of realised that we were really meant to just be friends” He shared, taking a sip from his glass before glancing over at you “No matter what happened between us she gave me Missy and for that, I’ll forever be grateful to her”

“When did you break up?” You probed gently, a big part of you couldn’t help but wonder if Damon’s unfaithful habits had travelled into that relationship too.

“Officially, about 6 months after Missy was born, but we lived together for almost five years to try and make raising Missy a little bit easier” He pulled a slight face before shaking his head “But enough about that, tell me everything I’ve missed since I last saw you”

The conversation between you flowed as easily as it ever did and a part of you felt like you didn’t have almost twenty years to fill each other in on.

You couldn’t help but notice all of the small details he had clearly deliberately put around the house. You were a creature of habit and luckily for him, none of your favourites had really changed in the past years, as there was a bunch of your favourite flowers on the table, your favourite wine pouring freely and your favourite dinner being served up.

All throughout the dinner, the same question kept on spinning around in your head ‘What did he want to get out of this?’

For you there were two easy answers, a shag and a relationship. You laughed at how fickle your morals were, ready to drop to your knees the second time you’d seen him, but then he had always had that effect on you.

You shook your head to almost try and dispel all of those thoughts, you had to remind yourself that you were in his company, he was sitting right there.

“Still a day dreamer” He grinned, his hand reaching out to squeeze yours, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Sorry Dames, I just, I just honestly can’t believe I’m sitting here” You laughed lightly before taking a sip of your wine “With you”

“That makes two of us” He dropped his eyes from yours, shaking his head slightly before making eye contact with you again “I feel so lucky that you’re here after everything I did, it almost feels like it’s too good to be true”

“Damon, it’s in the past, I’m over it and clearly you’re not the same person you used to be” You tried to reassure him, though you knew your words weren’t reaching him.

“I’m not the same person, I’ve changed for sure” You noticed how he caught his breath, almost as though he was hesitating on his next words “Though one thing that’s never changed is how I feel about you”

You suddenly felt very aware of his hand that was still resting on top of yours.

“Leaving you and treating you the way I did has been my biggest regret” He sighed, you subconsciously held onto his hand tighter “Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you and wish I could go back in time and change everything so that we would still be together now”

“Damon” You responded quietly, a part of you wondering if he could hear your heart pounding “I don’t know what to say”

“You don’t need to say anything darling” He mused, a smile growing on his lips as your eyes met “Just know that I love you, I always have done and I always will do”

[slexenskee]

Hey :)

I like your playlists and I found lots of new songs that way. Would you mind posting your spotify wrapped? I'm curious 👀

This just... made my year??? Omg thank you???!

Ok plot twist I don't actually use spotify 😅 I must be the only person on planet earth that switched back to an iPhone so I could use my iTunes again... but yeah I don't use a streaming service, but I do have my most played for the year! I uploaded it here - its on my instagram as a highlight reel!

For people who don't / can't access gram:

Most Played Songs by Month:

January: Mob by Eve

Shockingly my only Eve song for the year?? Last year I had like 3. Fight Song by Eve, one the CSM EDs, was my second most played Eve song but wasn't quite in my January Top 10

February: Shiki no Real by Chanceデラソウル

Suuuper groovy future funk remix of Shiki no Uta, the Samurai Champloo ED and one of my all time favorite/most played songs in my life lol

March: You Know How We Do It by Ice Cube

I go through a huge Dr. Dre/Ice Cube/Snoop phase every year and I'm not embarrassed to say it lol (also yes these are color coded by seasons bc my iTunes top playlists are separated by seasons idk why and yes that I am embarrassed about)

April: When Your Ex Says He Wants You Back by LTB Remix

I have no idea what the real name of this remix is?? I know it's a remix of When Your Ex Says He Wants You Back by Surface, but idk which one. On a related note no idea how I managed to get a full version, the only one I've found online is this version at the very beginning of this big mix

May: Deep Down by Neverdull

I will never pass up a song that samples Crystal Water's Gypsy Woman, and I am also a massive fan of everything Neverdull has put out, so it was no surprise this was my most played song when I discovered it and was in the Top 10 for several months after

June: Blame Brett by The Beaches

Omg man did I get obsessed with this band after this song. Also a huge fan of their other single Me & Me.

July: Disco by Surf Curse

I don't dislike Surf Curse but I don't listen to much else from them but this song, that always ends up on my Top 10 lists during summer. idk what it is but it's such a great beachy vibe for me. I genuinely cannot go to the beach without listening to it several times

August: Slingshot by Good Kid

Good Kid is actually my top artist of the year, and I'm thrilled to see it. It's really rare that I like so many songs off of a band's discography, and I think I have every single one of theirs. Also in my Top 10 for August was Alchemist, Osmosis, Tell me You Know, and No Time to Explain from them.

September: Honey by ID Chief

My favorite kind of future funk is when the original song isn't so spliced you can barely hear it, but there's still enough remix involved to really modernize the disco.

October: North Wind by Six Lounge

Shockingly enough I didn't actually listen to Ao no Sumika - arguably 'The' J-rock song of 2023 - very much even though I like that song a lot. I think I just can't handle my own feels, and tbh, as far as J-rock for this year goes I liked this ED from MHA more? I think the hook is just a little smoother and catchier imo.

November: From the Start by Good Kid

While I also love the bossa nova vibes of the original Laufey version, this cover is soooo freaking good. It definitely has summer anime OP vibes and there's actually an AMV using the first JJK S2 opening that gives me so many feels.

December: Standing Next to You by Jungkook

Ooof ok I'll come clean here I used to love k-pop back in 2014 and kind of got sick of the genre after EXO and F(x) broke up and was never into BTS or any of the new K-pop acts. But man this song slaps. I'm obviously a disco fan and there's some major disco grooves in this song

[borathae]

chapter 1

“Thank you good sir” i havent seen this in a serious manner in a long time, and laughed cuz it sounded like 1890s memes 😭 im sorry

pulls the door open with ease. NO WAY I PUSHED AN PULL DOOR BYE U DIDNT HAVE TO ATTACK SOME OF US LIKE THAT 😭 violence i will be meditating

ALSO IS IT TAE OR JIN AAH HOLD ON JOON IS TALL TOO maybe kook??

“I’ve been a student here for quite some time actually” this sits at the same table as "how long have you been 17? a while"

oh it was jooniebug WHY IS OUR PRESIDENT A DICK 😭😭

“At least I don’t look like a stoner from the seventies” JIN STOP, HOBI U LOOK AMAZING

funky what is funky why is funky when is funky where is funky how is funky who is funky

what is she studying to have history and human anatomy together?/srs. ooh literature with different stuff for minor

boi i havent heard the word coolio in a decade, the last time probably while reading ff in 2014

oh my god its the bad boy. is it yoongi? YES I WAS RIGHT

4 HOUR LECTURE ON ONE TOPIC?? BOI I WOULD HAVE DIED AND RESURRECTED IN THAT TIME. i have 2 hour lectures with 5 minute after an hour and its amazing

"No reason really”, *plays why u always lying meme

Hoseok agrees with a quirk of his perfectly styled eyebrow. YES HIS EYEBORWS ARE HOT AS FUCK

ofc kook is a sports major

rest of the Alpha dirt”, damn hoseok really got beef with them

status from royal blood? eww hoseok is slay for that *me acting like i wasnt being a thot while reading yoongi, tae, kook drabbles/oneshots

FUCK SOCIETY

“Dear lord, give me strength”, jin and joon with bangtan

JIMIN WTF U WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LIL FLUFF BEAN *bitch stop u knew how they were in the beninging(yes i misspelled for the meme) YES KICKING IN THE SHIN SUPREMACY

what is a hacky sack? i found out its a game? but what is he exactly studying lol?

also its the way she is making friends and talking to people LIKE SHE SPOKE WORDS YALL could never be me, sure i would have asked someone to help me to my classes but i wouldnt be talking after that, would have said im busy even though im not

if you would excuse me, but you’re quite weird, BYE IM LEAVING THE EARTH THIS IS THE 2ND TIME IM EMBARRASSED you can find me in 134340 business days, where i will be rotting under my blankie bye

“Perfect, now that everyone is welcomed accordingly. an example of when theater theaters in the most theater form

It leaves you wondering what he meant with that. u know what he meant by that, this is where you do the whole twilight thing

“I feel I just witnessed a man high on three different drugs theatre kids in a nutshell (apparently people on tumblr are either gay, english major or a theatre kid, and i sent the meme to my friends, guess what they said................... "looks like you fit all three category" our schools dont have it, but im apparently a theatre kid to them 😭)

WHY DOES THIS MAN WANT TO KILL ME SHUT UP I HATE YOU GO AWAY *gets closer again

How is he walking that quietly you walk with your entire feet, part by part, like in those "special" shoes ads, that helps in reducing sound. slow yet quick

“well, that is indeed a predicament.” oof so elegant, classy, AND RUDE (there 2seok, happy?)

your voice actually comes out squeaky. girl mine would have came quiet yet squeaky way before 😭

BABY CONNECT THE DOTS HOW DID THEY GET THAT FAST QUIETLY??

let’s get the 1860 one.” IS SHE THAT SPECIAL?? WHATS GOING ON AAAH

Seokjin actually answers him with a quiet “yeah!” OFC HE WOULD DO THAT

THEY GOT DEAD BODIES IN THE FREEZER

If you died here tonight EXACTLY U GONNA DIE BYE GIRL, YOU WILL (NOT) BE MISSED jk jk lol

ig kook is scared of girls *eww that was cringe bye Maybe he just needed to take a really urgent shit OH MY GOD PLS😭😭 this is going to stay in my mind forever, everytime i see him running im gonna think of this no doubt

“exactly, that is the reason. He is really shy.” aww such a shy lil bean OK BUT IK THATS NOT THE REASON *inserts suspicious hobi eyes

you must have the crispiest oxygen sounds like an indian water ad, that said "more of oxygen " Arrey yaar h2o water has not turned into h2o2 toxic hydrogen peroxide 😭

i love ur descriptions, they are very picturable and i love the vibes. it is soo good, i could smell the place? the seats, library, just the university smell, restaurant. it was great. i dont think my words do any justice lol

NO WAY I PUSHED AN PULL DOOR BYE U DIDNT HAVE TO ATTACK SOME OF US LIKE THAT 😭 violence i will be meditating

I think this is like a universal human experience to push a few pull doors lmaooa

ALSO IS IT TAE OR JIN AAH HOLD ON JOON IS TALL TOO maybe kook??

questions over question mhmhmmhm

oh it was jooniebug WHY IS OUR PRESIDENT A DICK 😭😭

QUESTIONS OVER QUESTIONS INDEED

what is she studying to have history and human anatomy together?/srs. ooh literature with different stuff for minor

honestly? i gotta be honest with you, don't think too deeply about the logistics of her studies. i chose her courses for the sake of plot and nothing else LMAOAO

boi i havent heard the word coolio in a decade, the last time probably while reading ff in 2014

coolio still slaps like 10/10 word (also you see how I made them using "outdated" words wink wink almost as if they were from a different time wink wink)

oh my god its the bad boy. is it yoongi? YES I WAS RIGHT

BADBOY YOONGI AWOO

Hoseok agrees with a quirk of his perfectly styled eyebrow. YES HIS EYEBORWS ARE HOT AS FUCK

THEY ARE THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT

ofc kook is a sports major

djjfja thinking back, it makes no sense for him to also study JFJDAFJ (you'll understand it later fasdjfj)

JIMIN WTF U WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LIL FLUFF BEAN *bitch stop u knew how they were in the beninging(yes i misspelled for the meme) YES KICKING IN THE SHIN SUPREMACY

HAHHHAHAH he may have tricked you fadjfjas

what is a hacky sack? i found out its a game? but what is he exactly studying lol?

yes it's a game fakdsfka in theory he studies dance PLEASE don't think too much about the logistic I literally just went with vibes

also its the way she is making friends and talking to people LIKE SHE SPOKE WORDS YALL could never be me, sure i would have asked someone to help me to my classes but i wouldnt be talking after that, would have said im busy even though im not

i get both sides like i would want to make friends but would be too scared that they would hate me FADJFJ if people like 2seok talked to me though? helloooooo :)

if you would excuse me, but you’re quite weird, BYE IM LEAVING THE EARTH THIS IS THE 2ND TIME IM EMBARRASSED you can find me in 134340 business days, where i will be rotting under my blankie bye

hahahahhaha this part is actually so embarassing bHAHAHHAHAHAH

“I feel I just witnessed a man high on three different drugs theatre kids in a nutshell (apparently people on tumblr are either gay, english major or a theatre kid, and i sent the meme to my friends, guess what they said................... "looks like you fit all three category" our schools dont have it, but im apparently a theatre kid to them 😭)

i don't get the hate on theater kids, all I see is people who don't fit into the "societal norm" and are therefore labelled as weird losers. we don't have stuff like "theater kid" or "sports kid" in Austria either becuse school is solely there to study not to offer clubs but I still never understood the weird hatered some clubs get in America jfdjfa

THEY GOT DEAD BODIES IN THE FREEZER

👀👀👀👀

ig kook is scared of girls *eww that was cringe bye Maybe he just needed to take a really urgent shit OH MY GOD PLS😭😭 this is going to stay in my mind forever, everytime i see him running im gonna think of this no doubt

as for now it seems like he is ooooh 👀

“exactly, that is the reason. He is really shy.” aww such a shy lil bean OK BUT IK THATS NOT THE REASON *inserts suspicious hobi eyes

SUSPICIOUS INDEED MHHHHM

i love ur descriptions, they are very picturable and i love the vibes. it is soo good, i could smell the place? the seats, library, just the university smell, restaurant. it was great. i dont think my words do any justice lol

OMGG THANK YOU!! gosh this is actually such a big compliment :( I'm so happy to know that I managed to really make you exprience the place gaaah thank you for this review heheh 💜💜

[c-schroed]

get to know me meme

I was tagged by @a-schrodingers-fox - thanks so much! And sorry for me taking so long. I was busy this weekend, and then things just escalated a little further. 😅

Do you make your bed? Yes. Usually after I showered, when ventilating the rooms. Unless I'm short on time. Then to hell with it.

What's your favourite number? 47. Actually I love almost all prime numbers equally. But 47 a slight bit more. And 2 is pretty cool, too. Because it's the oddest prime.

What is your job? I'm a research associate (postdoc) in developmental and emotional psychology. I. e., I plan and conduct studies dealing with changes in how people of different ages deal with their feelings.

If you could go back to school would you? Fuck no. I'm way too old for all that stuff!

Can you parallel park? When I last drove a car, I was able to parallel park. But that was ten years ago at best. So... maybe? But better not risk our luck?

A job you had that would surprise people? I once had a school internship at a dental technician. That's as surprising as it gets, I'm afraid.

Do you think aliens are real? Yeah. The odds are very much in their favour. Though I highly doubt we'll encounter any extraterrestrial form of life in the foreseeable future.

Can you drive a manual car? I'm a bit rusty, but yeah. In fact I only drove manual cars so far (automatic transmission is rather uncommon where I live), so the real question here might rather be can I drive an automatic car?

What's your guilty pleasure? Buying and hoarding cool dice, although I never play with them.

Tattoos? Still waiting to find the one for me.

Favourite colour? That pink hue of the Evangelion Unit-08 from the Evangelion: 3.0 You Can (Not) Redo movie. Also, any colour on the extra-sprectral Line of Purples.

Favourite type of music? A very eclectic mix of anime show OSTs and songs from Welcome to Night Vale's The Weather segment. Currently, I especially love "Inferno" by Mrs GREEN APPLE and "I Already Like You" by Dessa. Oh, and a special place in my heart is reserved for anything done by Unwoman.

Do you like puzzles? Yeah. Though I have no problem with leaving a puzzle unsolved when it gets too frustrating. But I'll happily give it a try for a few minutes.

Any phobias? I wouldn't call it a fully fletched phobia, but I get really queasy at high places without proper barriers. Like, see-though barriers as high as me? Or windows? Cool, love the view from up here! But some meager, waist-high railings? Fuck that's high, can we go?

Favourite childhood sport? Badminton.

Do you talk to yourself? Yes. And I get quite embarrassed when others catch me doing it.

What movie(s) do you adore? The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) is the best depiction of madness I know, Last Year at Mariendbad (1961) is the perfect riddle, After Hours (1985) has the perfect pacing, The Fall (2006) has the most marvellous colours I've ever seen, The Tale of the Princess Kaguya (2013) wrenched my heart, took it away, and never gave it back, Clouds of Sils Maria (2014) is the most clever piece of metafiction I ever encountered, and Promising Young Woman (2020) has an ending that will haunt me forever.

Coffee or tea? Coffee in the morning, black tea, green tea, or matcha in the early afternoon, and for late afternoon or evening it's herbal tea. Because I'm old and need sleep.

First thing you wanted to be growing up? A private eye, I think.

tagging @amusedmuralist @kneebie and @iwhoneverbelievedinwar to answer next. If they find this a fun thing to do, too. And feel like it. And find the time.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

I had this article from upworthy (a clickbaity fb page tbh) on my fb newsfeed the other day. some of the comments on it were the typical "bc they're so lazy and want mummy and daddy to drive them everywhere till the end of time!!!! they never want to grow up!!!!! the true meaning of a spoilt generation who'll always want to mooch off of everyone else!!!!" and the like. others were kinder, luckily, citing the ever climbing petrol (gas) prices in the US/worldwide, the skyrocketing prices of cars in the last couple years due to the pandemic, and the cost of driving lessons or car insurance etc etc. as valid reasons for young people to be dissuaded from driving in general, and also from getting their license.

for me, as a younger millennial/elder gen z/whatever the fuck a 1995 baby is, me not getting my Ls licence at 16 here in australia in 2011 and my Ps directly a year later at 17 in 2012 was inextricably linked to my mental health.

I've talked on many, many, many posts over my years on here about my struggles with getting my license. I couldn't go at 16, because I was ~vaguely suicidal~ and rather depressed/anxious; and most worryingly very attached to the emo kid thing of "crash my car just to feel again". I was filled with so much self loathing at the fact that I NEVER got to be 😎👹🤟 R E C K L E S S 😎👹🤟; that my first thought about learning to drive/having my Ps was to immediately crash a car into a tree or something else, just so people would believe that i was reckless and edgy and whatever the fuck other bs. and also maybe crashing a car would make people care about me more??? idek. i was really mentally unwell. period.

on the mildly safer flip side, this was very much linked to the annoying pop-punk theme of hating and escaping your hometown- which was a little more bearable and understandable. wrapped up in this was my belief that "escaping" to a uni 8 hours north of me would suddenly make me rich and famous (lmao fuck x10), so much so that i would come back to my shitty hometown and rub it in everyone who thought i was useless and embarrassing and whatever else, faces. which still isn't the best reason for learning to drive, either, let's be real here lmao. all in all, 16 year old me's mental health was a fucking trash fire: so why on fucking earth would you put her behind the wheel of a goddamned rolling death trap???

the last part of what stopped me learning to drive in high school was my marks at the end of it in 2013. when i got my ATAR (the uni entrance mark in new south wales) I got 38.25. for some bizarre reason I thought getting that mark made me "too stupid to learn how to drive"- quite literally. so I didn't even bother to pursue learning to drive till about early march (maybe) 2014.

when i finally went to my first driving lesson in 2014, i mistakenly unloaded some of the above info onto the instructor. by the end of my first lesson, she told me "your driving is so awful that no one in the Illawarra (our local area) will EVER BOTHER to teach you. stick with me, and you'll learn." so what did i do? i ditched that woman and didn't drive for another year.

when i got back to driving lessons in 2015, i think, at some point, my trainer with another driving school was great. i still wasn't getting consistent driving at home with my parent, bc he was also teaching my sibling. he also found me too stressful to teach, bc i was SO anxious that he just pushed it completely off on to the driving school instead. my lessons with this instructor were great (except for him always playing the radio during the lessons and that really distracted me). until my parent was like "uni is far more important than learning to drive. so focus on uni instead". so i dropped driving for another 6 months, by which time I was okayish at driving- but still hella anxious around trucks and during heavy traffic and doing reversing (which I still fucking hate and still gives me anxiety to this very day along with parking).

then I went back to it in 2016 or maybe 2017 again. in my first lesson with my 3rd instructor with the same driving school as the guy above (he'd left by the time I got back to it), we gelled. I finally got my licence in 2019 after two or three years of lessons and MANY failed tests (about 6 or 7 I can't remember now tbh). we stuck with me till the end. she eventually told me that she used me as a success story for anxiety as well, to all the kids who were incredibly anxious with driving.

my main reason for telling this story is because I imagine that I think many gen zer's would be the same. driving is incredibly anxiety inducing for many people, especially while they're learning. for example, when I began learning to drive my speed limit on my Ls was literally 70km/hr. which meant I was anywhere between 10 to 40 km/hr slower than everyone on highways- where the speed limit can be anywhere between 80 to 110 (for example the speed limit going to Sydney is 110km/hr- whereas the local highway I drive to work every day is 80km/hr and other parts of the highway are 90kms an hour). now the speed limit on Ls and your red Ps is 90.

but being on your Ls means that a vast majority of drivers will either aggressively overtake you, assert their road rage (usually assholes in jeeps and utes tbh), honk at you bc you're too slow (like sorry i can't go any faster on my Ls than 70 bro back in 2014, go fuck yourself). like i fucking hate driving so much, that i don't know why i even bothered buying my car tbh lmao.

just yeah. there's a myriad of reasons people don't want to or maybe even can't learn to drive; and for me it was mental health related and the fact I had to mature out of my angsty pop-punk and emo phase first as well. i shouldn't've had to meet the "standard" of getting my licence during high school when i very obvs wasn't ready or even mentally healthy for it at the time.

like. don't get me wrong, my mental health was still not the best when i was trying to get my licence in my early 20s.... considering i was hating very heavily on myself for not getting my licence at the right time like all my acquaintances from catholic school (*cue rich boy at tafe asking me in 2013 why I didn't have my licence yet*). but yeah. for many people, the whole getting your licence in high school thing just isn't possible, or let alone a good idea.

[quietborderline]

Tagged by @kikiroo and since I ignored you completely the last time you tagged me in one of these sort of games, it's only fair I answer now! Not tagging anyone but please always say I did if you want. <3

--

Last song: Hotel California - The Eagles

Last movie: Music and Lyrics. Which is slightly embarrassing because I'm 99% sure this same movie came up in another game that you had tagged me in lmao. But see, while most people watch horror movies in October I watch horror movies all year long, so in October I watch my favorite romcoms/etc. to balance the vibes. 😂

Currently watching: The new Goosebumps show on Hulu

Other stuff I watched this year: TV/series only? Ted Lasso, Good Omens S2, My Liberation Notes... probably other stuff I am forgetting, but I honestly don't watch that much TV stuff these days.

Shows I dropped/didn’t finish: A whole shit ton. 😇

Currently reading: Stuff for class. Nothing exciting lol.

Currently listening to: "Who Am I?" from Annie 2014.

(This playlist is quite random haha)

Currently working on: Life decisions, and also my Ersatz fic series. <3

[clementine-kitsune]

Every reason the vegan teacher is bad

I will probably update this quite some after I watched more of her videos, I am also going to tag every fast food restaurant that contains foods that contain meat on the meat on the menu that I can think of. (Update February 19 2014: that made no sense lmao↑)

She brought up callmekris's past trauma. In a hate video. About Kris. Seriously?

Shearing sheep isn't harming them, not like anybody will shear sheep in the middle of winter.

Poor Bella. Dogs are not meant to eat completely vegan foods their entire life.

Okay, I kind of agree with how drinking directly from a cow is stupid but not drinking any milk your entire life seems very unhealthy.

I don't really see how she's convincing people to be vegan... Some vegans are probably too embarrassed by her to call themselves vegan now.

She "cries" over cocomelon videos... She's really not making herself look any better by saying it like that.

BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP IS A FREAKING CHILDREN'S NURSERY RHYME WHY THE FRICK WOULD YOU RELATE A ANIMAL HAVING BLACK FUR (or wool in this case) TO A HUMAN SKIN COLOR

About the last one: only the sheep's wool was black. That is not close to it's skin at all.

She (at least tries) to make companies (cocomelon) and other people (such as callmekris) look bad to make herself look like a saint.

There is no way she's a teacher bruh

I have never in my entire life respected coco melon more than when she made the baa baa black sheep video.

Now that I think of it I am so glad that she cries over the littlest things

CATS ARE FREAKING CARNIVOROUS CREATURES AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS. GET OVER IT.

She thinks she would become the next jesus lol

Y'know, you're never THAT vegan. You had to drink milk or eat peanut butter or chocolate at least once. (1 pound of peanut butter can contain 105 bug fragments and 5 rodent hairs and chocolate always contains bug fragments.) (Also I haven't watched the vegan chocolate video so I'm not completely sure.)

not everyone and everything can be vegan. Some animals such as polar bears don't have much of a choice and some people are allergic to most fruits and vegetables. (it's not necessarily common, but it's very possible)

She has talked about literally everything except what matters. Which isn't very much, so that would give her way less to be her own jesus for. And 2.2K of her subscribers as well.

What are you gonna do with the cats after you've euthanized all of them, huh? Throw them out for the other animals to eat? Bury them for the other animals to eat? Cremate them for the other animals to eat and get sick? Cremate them and put all of the dead cat ashes in your house?

Cats and dogs (but specifically cats here) work just like livestock. You kill them and they suffer too.

But I'm pretty sure euthanizing animals (specifically cats still) is pretty quick and easy... WHICH IS THE EXACT SAME WITH LIVESTOCK.

She's gonna cry when she runs out of excuses for how cocomelon is bad and how plants apparently can't feel pain

She is also gonna cry when she finds out that pretty much all environments can't survive without predators and prey

Pigs are livestock. Dogs help herd the pigs. Cows are livestock. Cats.... Well cats kill random birds so I guess that's a bit of a help... I guess.

(I would say more about Bella but turns out dogs can live off of just vegan foods soooooo)

[pseudo-apollo]

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun Made Me Say I Wanted to Drink Bleach: Here's Why

Disclaimer the First: I have only and only intend to read the first volume (45 chapters) of this series.

Disclaimer the Second: I'm writing this to vent my own frustrations and give them form. And because this blog is tiny so I doubt many people will see this post. I'm not trying to do a call-out or start drama with the fandom.

Disclaimer the Third (Final): My gripes with this book are NOT over the sensitive content it contains. I had a good idea of what I was getting into when I picked it up, and honestly it sounded like my cup of tea. Don't worry, I'm not going to bitch about the Geneva Convention violations (lol)

Now, let's jump right in:

This book reads like fanfiction of The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System. From the time when I read the synopsis of the book to the point I put it down for the last time, that was a constant thought running through my mind. After finishing the book, I did the most minimal of research, and what would you know, SVSSS first published in 2014, and The Husky and His White Cat Shizun started publishing in 2017.

I'm not here to make accusations of plagiarism, but...

To set the scene, we have a story about a young disciple from a humble background and his abusive, uptight shizun. There are two other disciples that are central to the story, one of whom is a love interest for the main disciple, the other is a rival. The young disciple is naturally gifted at cultivation as well as being an exceptional cook and stunningly handsome. Despite being orphaned and abused by his shizun, the disciple grows up to be a powerful, ruthless ruler, and uses his power to exact revenge on his shizun, confining and torturing him, but not killing him for a long time.

The story itself properly begins with the death of the main character via self-induced poisoning, who is then transported to a previous point in what could be called the previous timeline. The main character then must do what they can to change outcomes of the story without revealing themselves. The relationship that then evolves between shizun and disciple ends up being more affectionate than in the previous timeline, and conflict arises surrounding who is "supposed" to be the disciple's love interest.

In arguably the first arc of the story, the shizun and disciples set off to gain experience by helping a wealthy man in a small town who is being troubled by a malicious entity. The main character, while remembering this from the original story, uses their knowledge to sound smart, but ends up changing things so they no longer know what is going on. This creates an embarrassing situation where the disciple grows closer to his shizun rather than his fellow disciple who "should" be his love interest. The clue that helps solve the entire mystery ends up being perfume.

The shizun is quite handsome, repeatedly associated with a plant, and presents a very stoic face. Despite his outward calm, he constantly struggles with his complicated feelings toward his disciple.

The disciple uses his good looks to manipulate people, constantly seeks his shizun's approval, and is often likened to a dog in some capacity. He also has a *ahem* sky pillar impressive enough to warrant several mentions.

Now...I feel I've quite made my point, whether or not anyone else agrees with me, I can understand either way. These are the major similarities that I most readily noticed, but there are of course smaller similarities as well that I couldn't fit in, or that I missed. I will end my comparison to SVSSS there.

However, I would be remiss if I didn't bring up the major similarity I also see between The Husky and His White Cat Shizun and Heaven Official's Blessing. The funny thing here, is that both began publishing in the same year, but I couldn't find the months, so clearly these similarities are, in my opinion, more likely to be coincidental. When taken with the other striking similarities to another of MXTX's works, though, I feel it at least worth mentioning, if for no other reason than to stop it rattling around in my head.

As the first "mission" of the story, we find a woman wronged by her lover has become a malicious entity seeking revenge. The transgression relates to marriage and her lover leaving her for another woman. Her actions have caused people to seek the help of our main character and two of the main character's companions. In order to investigate the matter, the main character must dress in wedding garb and they and their love interest end up playing the role of "husband and wife".

And of course, there are other smaller similarities that will go unmentioned, as the smaller the similarity, the more likely it is to be unintentional or coincidental. Much of this could be coincidental, in fact, but taken all together, I hope one can see how throughout reading this book, I was endlessly reminded of things I'd read previously. I was imagining what it may have looked like if it were fanfiction.

I would love to say that's where my issues with the book stop. Really, I'd love to. But here we are, and I'm already this deep into it. The similarities I saw in the synopsis of the book were actually why I bought it in the first place. I figured if I liked SVSSS as much as I did, surely I would enjoy this book that promised much of the same, just darker. I was VERY onboard for that.

However, what I got was something that made me bored and disappointed, while also cringing. It was completely underwhelming from what I expected reading other reviews of the book. Of course it could get more intense, but with how strongly I disliked the majority of the characters, I knew I couldn't continue reading to find out. The only reason I finished reading it at all was

I paid about $11 for it, and was determined to get my money's worth

I was hoping, very sincerely, that it just suffered the common issue of having a rocky and uninteresting start. I wanted to see it get better

Once I came to the conclusion it wouldn't get better, I wanted to see just how strongly it resembled SVSSS so I could make this post and get something out of my time

When the most detailed depiction of graphic events (in my opinion, of course) is during a three-chapter long flashback about a character who doesn't matter where a man is trying to force-feed a young girl an orange, I'm not getting the dark fucked-up mess that I expected. I'm getting excessive backstory for a character I don't care about, and finding myself surprised that this is the scene in the book I find most unsettling.

As I said, it probably gets more graphic later in, but I'm not sticking around to find out. It's also possible some of the disturbing stuff just didn't hit for me, that happens, and that's fine.

For me, it's the unlikable characters on top of non-committal violence and darkness, with cheap, cringe-inducing sequences and too-familiar structure and plot elements done poorly. I kept wanting to like it, but I couldn't. At best, this book had a couple good moments, and that wasn't enough for me. I don't mind irredeemable characters. Irredeemable characters can still be likable, and these ones weren't.

Anyway, this feels like it's getting repetitive and rant-y (if it wasn't to begin with), so I'm wrapping it up here...

My rating for The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (Vol. 1) is:

1/10: Don't Waste Your Money Or Your Time

[parcy-anda-but-with-actual-posts]

Semi-finished line of Fakemon I’m redesigning; long story short, an embarrassing number of years ago, I made Fakemon of a hypothetical Water-Music type sheep for a region based on a certain country... then Gen 8 happened. XD

A friend revived my interest in these guys, but an overhaul was more than called for; and that’s okay, because this was really fun and it’s not done yet! The evolved forms up there will have an aquatic form, for reasons better kept to myself if I don’t want to ruin any semblance of creativity these designs have.

Anyway, as with the last installments, I’ve been working at making Fakemon that actually look like Pokémon, I hope you like them. ^^ See bonus material and an obnoxiously extended Fake’Dex entry under the cut. ^^

Allegramb Dex Notes:

Young Allegramb are gregarious little Pokémon. They will bond and flock with others easily, attaching themselves to caretakers and peers to the point that separating them will cause great upset. At this stage, they are primarily concerned with playing in whatever water is available, honing their natural skills of manipulating it.

They gather water in the recesses of their backs, channeling it through ducts that lead to the head, from which they can fountain at increasingly higher pressure as they become older and stronger (though at this stage, it is more often used for bathing and play than battle). Males have trickier ductwork to practice with as pathways instead wind through intricate channels in their horns, as opposed to the singular blowhole-like structures of females.

There are times they let these recesses run dry, however, and that is when it is time to "sing". Air taken in through the mouth and nose can also be funneled through their skulls and out the openings, creating an array of calls. At the Allegramb stage, they have much to learn and often create quite the cacophony, but when matured, will weave elaborate tones for everything from battle cries, to warnings, mournings and courtship songs.

Throughout history, migrating herds would occasionally be mistaken for flowing rivers at a distance, their shining blue and white coats blending into one shimmering vision. In fact, these Pokémon would move from oasis to oasis, divining their location and — if only by chance — leading many a lost traveler to salvation. For this reason, the Pokémon are highly revered in the region and are extremely popular (and happy) in gardens.

While more subtle in the Allegramb stage, Tremwoolo’s overcoats grow to luxurious lengths, the hems of which go so far as to resemble fins in appearance and texture, and in fact, their fetlocks sport spines; to those unfamiliar with the line, this would be quite puzzling, but all is explained when they are allowed to fully submerge themselves in water…

Tens of thousands of years ago, the region was covered in rivers and seas, and the Allegramb line was fully aquatic. When the climate changed, populations adapted — or perished. Those that evolved to live in the growing deserts, attuned to the region’s oases, persisted and became the Allegramb we know today, but that affinity for deeper water is still there, in their very DNA!

~  ❧ ~

Not sure what will ultimately happen here, but I had whipped up a couple Shiny candidates for the babies (though a small unsatisfying area of the male’s overcoat was retained here, whoops), and while I’m leaning towards the Prismatic-Spring-Black-Sheep model for ‘more extreme environments’, the Red-Tide version is tempting for a regional variant basis. We’ll see.

And just for giggles and the sake of comparison... enjoy the original sprites from 2014... ;w;

[250813soulmates]

My Life Review

Est: 2002-2011 Getting punished by my parents & beaten for every "wrongdoing" in my life & underperformance in school. Shit ton of unrequited love because I had no balls to interact with anyone. Extremely quiet/emo because I was too embarrassed to be myself; I'm weird. At some point, probably lower primary school I was molested by my cousin for a couple of months. No sexual knowledge and had no idea what was going on. Eventually, consciousness hit and I initiated a halt to everything. Games and anime were my only saving grace from those suffocating times.

2013: First exclusive date with a classmate (1.5yrs). Life was truly amazing.

2014: Got bullied in poly for a year because I was a slow learner and a dumb fuck at programming, but I eventually became relatively good at it & came in first for a prestigious competition that was even featured in the school's magazine.

2015: I lost my first love and fell into depression. Got dumped and I reacted extremely badly. Filled with anxiousness & hatred; spammed and judged and was so rude and emotional to her because of what she did to me. I was an extremely insecure & emotional person with no sense of logic.

2016: Took my emotions for a ride and competed in a physique competition. Lost with pride because I brought my best package amongst a group of druggies.

2015-2017: Living hell, depression, suicidal, self-harm. Think of the worst and i've either tried or at least thought about it. Wanted to be a "fuck boy" and started smoking, drinking, and clubbing and learning how to "have game" which i quickly quit (except smoking) because i wasn't being true to who i am.

Early 2017: Second date from tinder (6months). Dating app was never a good idea. Generally filled with either depressed or fucked up people. Congrats we're a match! But hey I've "learned my lessons" and in this relationship, as fucked up as she is, somehow i wasn't insecure at all. Life was great while it lasted.

Late 2017: Of course, it ended badly with third/fourth parties. Went through some details in my 2018 posts below. Fell into depression again. Didn't manage to solve my emotions. When shit went down, i blamed her and hated her like how i did in 2015. Life was miserable as i was in the military. 5 weekday of depression in camp and 2 weekend of unloading all my pain at home for almost a year.

Early 2018 (?): Can't remember which year exactly but at some point the "bad boy" version of me tried to go on more dates and at one point, hooked up with someone. I hated it. I thought being nice wasn't enough so I wanted to be different. I hated who I became and went back to my true self.

Mid 2018: Third love, still in the military. No surprise its from tinder again. Generally filled with either depressed or fucked up people once again. Trying to be co-dependent without first achieving self-love and self-worth. But of course, i can only say and realize this now - because it finally ended, after 5 years. But don't get me wrong, while it lasted, it was amazing going through all thick and thin together. I had complete control over my emotions and still held on to my ability to trust and be 100% secure in the relationship. Learned my lesson from the first two and this time I made plans and asked her to be my girlfriend. Unfortunately for her case, insecurity was a major trait alongside ADHD. This would lead to our eventual downfall.

Well, she was a player who hooked up with different people on a daily/weekly basis. An extremely carefree person who simply wants all the instant gratification she could get. I was potentially "just another guy" to her. This however does no dismiss the fact that she too has been through abuse and shit before.

Early 2019: Caught her nudes on her phone in some hidden telegram folder. I was overseas for 2 weeks for a military operation and during that time she used locanto to sell nudes to make quick cash (which i didn't know what was those photos for at that time). My initial feeling was shock and fear, but just as quickly i recomposed myself, approached her, and forgave her without a second thought or even questioning her. With tears & guilt in her eyes, I hugged her and told her everything would be ok. She thought that i would break up with her, but instead, i gave her a second chance and trust that through this, she would learn her lesson about how it is not worth the risk of losing someone like me. We moved on from here and was happy again.

July 2019: The one and only time but we didn't know better. I had no knowledge about the menstrual cycle and she told me it was safe during her most fertile period. 2 weeks later we were deciding between keeping or aborting. This was probably the toughest time i had to go through in my life. A potential life was at stake, but luckily the heart had yet to form. We negotiated and we weighed the pros and cons. Her motherly instincts were definitely there but we ended up choosing the latter option. I took responsibility and was there for her through every step of it and every procedure i could attend. With a few thousand in my bank, i depleted almost all of it because that was the least I could do as she bears the weight of going through this physical and mental turmoil. The stress we had to go through was insane.

What made it worse was that during this time i had to go for nasal and tonsil surgery. Things were going fine until I was discharged and had complications (5% chance of throat hemorrhage). Ended up being sent to ER thrice in 2 weeks. Each time blood would flow out constantly and choke me up. I had to ice my neck and constantly spit the blood out until the ambulance came. The third time it became so bad I spat out almost 500ml of blood and clots into the blood bag provided by the paramedics on the way to the hospital. This time tho, i was hospitalized for almost a week. Literally had diarrhoea 24/7 from the antibiotics to the point where even the nurses were annoyed. Was on IV drip diet, and I lost ALL my gains. The guilt i had to go through when i was supposed to be there for her, but now she had to constantly be here for me in the hospital is indescribable.

Sept 2019: Started my career as a personal trainer right after ORD. New environment, new structure, and with no idea of what to expect. Stayed with the company until the first circuit breaker of covid which resulted in them closing down. However, it ain't all sunshine and rainbows. I was mentored by a dictator who disciplined and scolded me worse than my parents. Treated like a dog holding my clipboard, paper, and pen, walking to lunch with him while asking questions and taking notes. Everything that had been asked or answered before, i wasn't allowed to ask again before i got a scolding for being dumb. Scolded for my lack of spatial awareness, lack of critical thinking, and being judged for every action i took on the gym floor. Vacuum, mopped, cleared the thrash, and cleaned the toilet, because i was new. Shouted at me and slammed weights on the gym floor once while everyone was around and training clients. Insane personal growth, tough love. Later do I know half the shit he taught was either false or an overcomplication of what was necessary; however the other half was gold.

Late 2019 - May 2022: Life was great with her. Had some ups and downs, but we were grateful for each other and tried to iron out our differences as much as we could.

Sept 2020 - May 2021: Life was great. Worked at a new gym, was respected, promoted and i worked my ass off to develop my skill as a trainer. I would even dare to say i was the best in-house trainer at that place. Had a few drama going on in the company and it did got very toxic. But i was able to steer clear of most of it. However, the gym eventually closed down due to circuit breaker 2. In which i had to find a new place again.

Some time around here i broke down once and probably changed my dad forever. Though he no longer beat me like before, the anger issues and attitude was still as bad. I could vividly remember what really happened. But he got mad and I had fucking enough of this shit. I shouted back at how harsh and shitty he's been, i sat down with my back against the wall and started smashing the back of my head against it countless times it until he ran over to stop me and calm the fuck down. Since then, he's been aware and really, much better.

July 2021: Joined a new gym opened by a friend of mine. Grateful for the opportunity with an arguably higher pay compared to before but damn well a better and premium work environment to further improve my skills as a trainer. Met amazing colleagues there too and got to know all sorts of clients ranging from MNC/SME/Start-up business owners, directors, doctors, lawyers, taitais, rich stay-at-home-moms, rich spoiled brats, traders, corporate workers, pilots to even the low-income ceiling ones trying their best to improve their life by using our service. Steep learning curve at the start, but no biggie.

Dec 2021 - May 2022: A good friend hooked me up with a shady investment. Gave great return and honestly till this day (Nov2023) it is still paying out at about 7% per month. But greed took over, and he introduced me to another one which was 15-20% per month. Naive and uneducated as i was, i Invested half my life savings into both platforms at that point. The latter one got shut down eventually and became an international case and MAS was also heavily involved with it. In order to recuperate my loss, i ventured into cryptocurrency and got myself into even more shady investment schemes, and at one point, i even recruited a whole family tree of people online (10 over investors) to be under my name and got their commissions. I was highballing and reinvesting the gains, rarely ever withdrawing. 3/4 way through my recuperation, I got scammed by a fake admin and lost 80%. With 20% left, the way back up was long, stressful and tedious. Soon after, the platform rug pulled but luckily i was able to withdraw whatever i had left into my crypto wallet. Once again i ventured into many other platforms until one day I got destroyed by a bitcoin pyramid scheme and lost everything again. Withdrew back everything from my first platform due to fear into my fiat bank (DBS).

All or nothing. Sometime after, i got to know someone online, and as stupid as it sounds, i trusted "her" and to cut it short, invested my entire bank account into it. Bit by bit, more and more. I lost close to 6-digits. Platform admin needed me to "pay tax for withdrawal" and "someone reported my account so i needed to top up the balance to prove that i wasn't laundering money" At that point, a few thousand meant nothing and i was too blinded to pull back. Borrowed 2k from my love and 3k from a friend i once lend some money to as a return of favour. Topping my with the last 5k in my bank, needless to say, i lost it all once again. But she was still there for me, being my greatest supporter. Which i will forever be grateful for.

To be clear, this stranger/scammer that i built a friendship with, I made it clear to "her" that i have a girlfriend and that nothing will go on between us. I was in it for the money. Maybe "she" if its even a "she" had other intentions, it was not for me to care about.

And why did i even attempt to try all these? Because she didn't have a plan or a job. I felt the need to be the breadwinner and make her a taitai. I thought only the brave could take the risk and reap the rewards. I wanted to get rich quick and make our life better. I risked it all and lost it all.

May 2022 - Oct 2023: Bankrupted, but i wasn't depressed. I was calmed and composed. I accepted reality as it is and immediately took action to draft out a plan on what i should do moving forward. Stay away from ALL investments and work honestly on my day job until the day i recuperate everything back. Be extremely thrifty and only spend on necessities. I became so hyper focused on money that our relationship took the hit. Well, she tried to be understanding and never once complained. I thought everything was fine and this was simply a phase of downturn. September 2023, I officially recovered all my losses. I felt a great sense of relief and freedom. With a clear mind, I finally start putting in more effort into the relationship and also started to plan on marriage and housing. "I made her wait long enough" I told myself. "Next year i'll have to propose" I told myself. 17th October 2023, we celebrated our 5th anniversary. Everything seemed fine.

25th October 2023: I received a text for a break from the relationship. My heart sank. I knew what was coming. I knew she went out herself to calm her mind and will be back anytime soon. 10:15pm, i stood on the void deck, outside her lift without letting her know until she finally return at 11:20pm. She couldn't look at me in the eye and asked me to go home. I didn't want to be possessive and toxic so I allowed her to head back without stopping verbally/physically. She left me in front of my eyes. Should I have pulled her back? Would anything I say at that point help to change her mind? I will never know the answer. But I know that the reason why i did not act was due to my past 2 relationships. Both ended with me trying so hard to get them back and being all emotional. I didn't want history to repeat itself.

I sat down somewhere trying to process what had just happened. I couldn't. My mind went blank. I texted and ask if I could talk to her, to see her, to stay the night. "Go home" she texted me. "Don't push my buttons". "Go home, don't make me repeat myself". "Take bus home".

My mind was blank. My vision was blurred. Hyperventilating. I knew the bus stop was just a street away yet no matter how i walked, i couldn't find it. Took a few steps in every direction and each time i stop, i didn't know where i was.

25th-29th October: A couple of back and forth texting with me explaining how we could still make it work. How it's not worth ending our 5 years of memories. How we all deserve another chance. How the lessons we learned could have been applied to us again, instead of starting from ground zero with someone new. No hatred, no emotional and reckless talking like I did before. But maybe my sin was too great for her to handle.

"the stranger who scammed you, why was her photo in your deleted album and you answered with your story, i lost trust in you" Why should I keep a selfie of a stranger in my photo album and why are you checking my phone this deeply when you know clearly how much i respect my personal space? You didn't even trust in me since day 1. Yet I was the complete opposite trusting you a 100% even after what you did.

"you changed your phone password and that made things worse. If I could turn back in time, I would have told you how upset I am every single time life comes and hit us w something and we have to delay our plans for the future. How scared I am once my career stabilises, and yours get rocky again. And we have to restart the whole process. I wish I could have told you how much I don't trust you, how much I miss the old us, how much I missed being happy, instead of just being contented"

"I've given you chances and chances again. I always asked you out, but I know you're too tired. So I stopped asking you out and spend time w u at home instead. I know you're too tired, I know what I want; but I don't even dare to ask you out."

"I hate that I love you so much, but I doubt we have a future together. I don't know if I can trust you that you'll start putting effort into this rs. Ever since your incident last year, I've been patient."

"I've been hurt so many times, yet I just kept quiet. When you went out with Marcus (my best friend of 10years which we meet only once or twice a year) I realised how lonely I am without you. I don't want to depend on you for happiness anymore. I need to find it within myself. To fill the void you weren't able to."

"I hate that I know you've been working hard for us. I hate that I don't know if I can see a future w you bc I just have so much doubts. I hate that this has caused me so much pain too"

The old us had no troubles. The old us had all the time in the world to date and be stress free. The me after bankruptcy was fighting for our future. She talk about doubting our future when I was there fighting for it in the present.

I said "If you see yourself 50 years with me then you'll realise you won't have 50 years of the same thing & perhaps this is just 1/50 phase of the relationship" in which she replied "When you're saying all these, do you ever pause and admire the moment? Live in the present?"

So was it our possible future or the present that she was unhappy with? My present had a fuck ton of stress. Crazy workload while dealing with the financial loss and the delay of our future. Was it my fault that i wasn't strong enough to stay active and happy and "live in the moment"? Or was her insecurity and the need for instant gratification the root of our downfall? I asked myself this and I realised that it doesn't matter. There's no need for closure.

She'll be happier without me now and i'm proud that she knows what she want. She's finally heading towards a good career and she's learning to love herself, which is ever so important. Nobody is perfect and each of us are always in the journey of healing. With this, she gave me a new dumped-experience to heal myself from too.

29th October 2023: "I can't ever go back to "us" anymore. I hope you can respect that and let's move onto the next phase of life." She said. This was it. I was sad, but i wasn't depressed. I gave her a few final text to ensure she's certain. I listed out the good and the bad of us. I apologized for my shortcomings and mentioned how grateful am I to have her in my life. I thank her for giving us this opportunity to heal and grow ourselves. Life goes on.

On the same day, i broke down in front of my mother as i spilled the beans and revealed the details. This brought me and my family together, closer than ever before. For the first time, i became vulnerable in front of her.

30th October 2023 - 26th November 2023 (present) : No contact has started and I began my personal healing journey. I left no regrets and accepted life as it is. I've been through too much in life to dread over spilled milk. Everything happens for a reason and with every obstacle, i grew stronger. This is my opportunity for linear growth and I have to take advantage of it. I know i needed to love myself and i know i need to be happy enough as an individual before i jump into another relationship like a dumb dumb again. I know my self worth and i know how loyal, genuine, patient, kind, honest, forgiving, respectful, grateful for every little thing, driven, weird, eccentric, funny and playful i am.

I am not a cheater, i hate letting people down. I strive to work hard but also to live a balance life. I know what i want and i know that whoever that steps into my life next needs to also be a happy enough individual with similar enough mindset as i have. Being into fitness is definitely a huge bonus too since fitness is literally my life. I know that this time it'll be someone i meet in real life and not from dating apps. I know the law of attraction and i know that as long as i continue working on myself, the right one will come one day even without me chasing for it.

Chasing brings the excitement of challenges that'll die along with it once you obtain it. Chasing is a sign of lack of self respect. It needs to come from mutual investment, or move on.

Meanwhile, i'll continue to upgrade my fitness knowledge, explore more into cooking and singing. Take care of myself by dressing better, getting a few more trims and get some skin care routine going on. Spend more time with friends and family which i've neglected my whole life. I'll live my best life knowing that storms will still come ever once in a while. I'll identify and accept those negative feelings. I'll go into a space of observational awareness while waiting for the storm to pass, then jump right back into the path of never ending healing of life again.

In only 26 years i'm glad to have been through most of life's grieves and have the emotional maturity to take on whatever that's yet to come. My only uncertainty to how i'll react is the loss of health which may interrupt/inhibit my training/nutrition routine or the loss of health/life of my parents (no details but my dad's memory has been getting worse rapidly over the past 2 years). But when the time comes, which it will. I have full faith in my future self that i'll be able to handle it.

This is all for now. It's time to be positive. Looking through all my older posts since 2015, I'm fucking proud of where i'm at now & i'm sure my future self will be fucking proud of me taking this step today too.

Hello J from god knows if tumblr will still be around. 5 years? 10 years? Look at me and be glad i've yet to throw my life away and give up. Because of my decision today, you get to be who you are now. BLEH.

[feral-goblin-24-7]

Hotter than Diablo Sauce

(Chapter One)

Elizabeth Huxley was busy stuffing her face with a chalupa from Taco Bell and paying attention to putting mild sauce on it and not where she was going as she pulled out of the parking lot in her 2014 red ford fusion. If she had been, she would have noticed the car in front of her had stopped. Panicking after the crunch of her bumper, she slams her car into park. She looks up to realize the car she’s run into is an old corvette. The matte black car with the double gloss black pin stripping. Black Pearl painted in the same gloss black on the now crushed bumper. A massive hotrod intake stuck out of the hood. She realized she was double fucked when out steps Jackson Howl, her old Nemisis from Highschool. Though, it wasn’t the Jackson Howl she knew. This Jackson was even taller, coming in at 6’2” now, his light skin a dark tan. His loose curls were now well kept and short, not the long, almost Afro of his mom who was from India. He, also surprisingly, wore a dark gray suit with a white button up underneath with a black floral print on it. It’s maroon pocket square accented his skin. His suit jacket was thrown over his shoulders as he prowled to her door with a snarl, rage flickering in his amber eyes. 

Elizabeth was stunned, especially at the toned muscle that could be seen underneath the tailored suit. She wiped the sauce from her mouth and licked her fingers real quick before stepping out of the car. 

“So you’re the fucking bitch who rear ended me?!” He snarled loudly, not recognizing her. 

She stood their quietly, trying to keep the red from her cheeks at the thought of all the embarrassing things he’d done to her in Highschool. “Bitch? Bitch! Maybe I wouldn’t have rear ended you if you weren’t such an asshole!” She shouted. 

He stood there stunned for a moment. “And who,” he dawdled “has the audacity to claim such a thing?” As flames flickered in his eyes. 

“Elizabeth Huxley, you moron. And I know who you are, Jackson Howl” she stated almost calmly

“It’s Ellis now. It’s Jackson Ellis” he said darkly, his eyes guttering. 

“Oh,” was all she could think to say at the sudden shift in the atmosphere 

Jackson took a deep breath and said “well, now that I know that you’re Lizzy, I’m not gonna worry about this then. I know better than to fuck with you.” He sighed. 

“What?” She stammered, but whether it was at the huge insurance problem that about had her heart exploding out of her chest disappearing or the fact that she realized he had a slight British accent now, she wasn’t quite sure and didn’t know what that said about her. 

“I’ll just pay for the repairs, it’s no big deal. It should only be like 10,000 American dollars to get my body shop to fix it. Besides, I don’t want to have to deal with you longer than I have too”. He signed. 

She starred, slack jawed, at him. Where he was getting all this money, she didn’t know. All she could remember about his financial situation is that he was pretty poor when they graduated 4 years ago. 

“Now listen here, I fully expect you to buy me some bloody fuckin Taco Bell for all this mess, so park the damn car and meet me inside.” Jackson demanded with an arrogant air. 

Elizabeth met Jackson inside, where he stood standing, scrolling on his phone holding onto his jacket with one hand thrown over his left shoulder. 

“So, Jackie, what happened to you these last four years? You seem to have made a lot of money. What’s ya do? Marry and old lady and made love to her before she died? Ya kill someone? You rob a bank? Or perhaps you found some estranged foreign cousins and are now their little toy?” Elizabeth smiled wildly, making fun of him. 

“Oh, bolux, here we go. No I did not fuck a grandma, I don’t have the stomach for a moldy and mildewy nether regions, I didn’t get all this money by killing someone, no, there was no robbery involved, at least not of banks, they don’t hold that much anyways. And no, there was no estranged cousin.” He said, exasperated. 

“Well then how did you get it, Jackie?” 

Jackson blushed, glanced away and mumbled something underneath his breath. 

“…what?” Liz asked. 

“I… I got a lot of it from onlyfans”.

Liz was in utter shock. Seeing this, Jackson explained “ six months after we graduated, I, uh, attempted suicide. After I was released, I made a promise to myself, every time I felt myself starting to go down that spiral again, I’d workout till I was spent. The physical activity not only kept my mind off of things, but being productive helped. Eventually I realized that it helped another way, that getting in shape helped my view of myself. And it was after about 8 months after that, I realized that people would pay to appreciate me too. I’m, not fond, of the idea of what I know some people to do pictures of me or the sound of my voice, but everythings been PG-13 as far as how much skins actually been exposed. I also wear a mask so people won’t recognize me in public, which I’m guessing adds to the allure”. 

“A-and… and the accent?” Liz stammered. 

“I picked it up after I spent 9 months in London doing several photo shoots. I guess I got quite the chameleon voice, so I picked it up quick. I’ve only been back in town for two or three weeks now, so it hasn’t quite gone all the way back.” Jackson finished with a sigh. 

Lizzy stared at him dumbfounded, before Jackson said awkwardly “well, I suppose I should get going now. Thanks for the free food. I’ll get my people to get ahold of you for the bill on the car. Be seeing you.” As he got up and left. 

Lizzy mumbled “OnlyFans, huh…”

End of Chapter One

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

277 of 2023

100 questions about you, plus one.

Created by cinymin

How long have you been online today?

Not that long, I was at work.

First name?

Joeri.

Middle name?

Stijn.

Age?

Almost 33.

Male or Female?

Male, from what I know.

What part of the world are you from?

Belgium, if you even know where it is.

How tall are you?

180 cm.

How's your hair?

Short and brown.

What's your favorite color?

Black and green.

What color(s) are you wearing right now?

All black.

What's your shoe size?

Depending on the brand, anything between 41 and 43 in European.

Who owns the computer you are on?

Myself.

What is the first thing you see when you look in the mirror?

Blurry stains of colour lol/. I don’t really see without glasses.

What was the last dream you remember about?

Train station, and the certain person I mentioned once in another survey.

Do you have any birthmarks?

Yes, quite a few.

Do you have any tattoos?

Yes, two.

Do you have any peircings?

Yeah, eight.

How many siblings do you have?

One younger sister.

What's your favorite type of music?

Metal (djent, sludge), hip hop and industrial (EBM, futurepop). But I will listen to almost everything.

What's the worst song ever?

That Dance Monkey shit omg.

What's your favorite movie?

I don’t watch movies.

How long ago did you watch it for the first time?

N/A.

What's the worst movie ever?

All of them, so fucking boring.

When was the last time you went to the theatres?

I don’t go to such places.

What's your favorite show?

All the old British sitcoms.

What's the worst show on television?

All these reality crap shows like Married at First Sight.

What's in your pocket right now?

My work badge and a MOBIB card (De Lijn transport).

What is your first childhood memory?

I don’t remember, I hate this question.

Are your parents still together?

Yeah, 34 years and counting.

Are you adopted?

No, I’m not.

Are you strait, gay/lesbian, bi, or unsure?

Gay, but asexual.

Are you in a relationship?

I’m married.

For how long?

For a year, but we’ve been together for five years.

Ever been in love?

Yes, but was it romantic? I’m not sure.

Are you in love now?

Sure I am.

Do you have kids?

No, I don’t. Not on my own.

Do you want kids?

Not at all.

Do you drink? How often?

No, I don’t.

Do you smoke? How often?

No.

Do you do drugs? What? How often?

Nope.

Look left: What do you see?

My husband.

Look right: What do you see?

Floor lamp.

Are you right or left handed?

Ambidexrtrous, left-dominant, but my left hand got paralysed once and didn’t come back to full mobility.

Can you say the alphabet backwards?

With troubles.

How long are your fingernails?

I always keep them short, I hate long nails.

Is your bedroom a mess?

There’s a bit much in there, but okay.

What's under your bed?

Suitcases.

Do you keep a journal or diary?

Yes, but more like daily planner.

Do you have a house phone, cell phone, or both?

Cellphone only, we don’t have a landline anymore.

Can you keep a secret?

Yes, I can. I’m known for it.

What color are your curtains?

We don’t have any curtains at home.

Do you remember faces or names more easily?

Names, definitely. And I’m even better at remembering voices.

What did you eat for supper last night?

Supper is not a thing in my country.

Who made it?

N/A.

What is your favorite school subject?

Physics.

Are you in school? What grade?

No, I’m not. My uni is still on hiatus.

How long have you been out?/When do you graduate?

I graduated school in 2010 and I did a university degree in 2014.

Can you do a handstand?

No, one of my hands is disabled.

What's your favorite game to play?

Life.

What's your favorite sport?

Basketball.

Would you rather watch sports on TV or go to the game?

I’d better play.

Ever broken a bone?

NO. I’ve never broken a bone in my life.

Ever had surgery?

I had twop, one of them was major, to save my life after brain bleeding.

Ever embarrassed yourself in public?

Probably more times than I can count.

What happened?

The most recent thing was getting aroused in front of the guy I liked. I still hope he didn’t notice it.

Ever had a long distance relationship?

Yes, it didn’t work.

Ever had an online relationship?

No, you can never be sure who is on the other side for real.

Would you ever do it/do it again?

No. It’s simple.

What do you hear right now?

TV and my husband watching videos.

What are you afriad of?

Death, failure, losing.

Do you like scary movies?

I don’t like any movies.

Ever gotten a prank phone call?

I don’t remember.

Are you thirsty?

Not that much.

What was the last thing you had to drink?

Cherry Coke.

How well can you hoola hoop?

I couldn’t care less about these.

Who is the most annoying person you know?

That Romanian dude at work no one likes. He’s a fkn transphobe and homophobe and sexist and all.

What is your dream job right now?

The job I’ve had for the last 9 years.

What was your dream job in kindergarten?

Never thought about it at that time. Probably vet or so.

Do you have a job now? What?

Rail electrician, last 9 years and counting.

What would you do with $1,000,000?

Buy a house and travel the world.

Do you have any pets?

Two cats.

Do you have any hidden talents?

Probably, but they’re not hidden.

Are you double jointed?

Yes, I am.

Can you dance?

Boring question, I don’t give a shit about dancing.

What color are your eyes?

Grey.

Do you need glasses/contacts?

Yes, I’m very nearsighted.

When is your birthday?

This month.

What would be the best present?

A day off somewhere nice with my husband.

What is the worst present you ever received?

Sex toys lol.

What is your pet peeve?

Fries are not French okay?

What did you do last Saturday?

Went for groceries.

Did you shower today?

Like every day.

If you were one of Snow White's seven dwarfs, which one would you be?

I don’t care. I don’t even know their names.

What will you do after you finish this survey?

Maybe another one.

How much sleep did you get last night?

Seven hours something.

What kind of chair are you sitting in?

I’m not sitting on any chair.

Ever been to jail? For what?

No, I haven’t.

When you go swimming do you like oceans, lakes, or pools?

I czan’t swim.

What is the temperature outside?

10°C.

What do you want the temperature to be?

20°C so I can wear my band tees.

Congratulations and here's the last question:

Okay?

What did you think of it, be honest:

Could be better.

[lethiwebhengu]

BLOG 5

In the medical context, cultural humility may be defined as a process of being aware of how people's culture can impact their health behaviors and in turn using this awareness to cultivate sensitive approaches in treating patients. Prasad SJ, Nair P, Gadhvi K, Barai I, Danish HS, Philip A (.2016 .Feb).

My patient comes from the Xhosa culture which is quite similar to the isizulu culture. Bhat R.T (April. 2014) reports that “the medicinal plants are mainly used in making infusions and decoctions or poulties to be taken orally or applied externally. Some lants are used as a source of scepters for healing ceremonies and driving away bad spirits”.  This is just like the Zulu culture. The patient had lost his new-born baby in 2014 and had a wrist drop due to car accident in 2019 and now a TBI in 2019.

According to this culture this would be explained as that the patient had not performed certain rituals when the baby was born and when the baby passed. Therefore, it will haunt him until these rituals are done. The patient could go a traditional healer “nqhwele” to consult which rituals he is to do but knowing my patient does not believe in IsiXhosa traditional

ways of healing and believes in medical and western ways, the therapeutic implications for his treatment would be to not take the patient’s use of traditional medicines into account when planning treatment.

It has been a busy week and final week for blogging. Overall, it was an amazing week for me because I got to know more about myself, how I’ve grown and how I have changed since entering UKZN Westville Campus.

Monday’s day. I really do not like Mondays, I won’t use the word hate because it’s really not that deep. Mondays are full days and normally the patient that sees you later in the afternoon gets the exhausted and very hungry version of you (lunch is never enough). Last week Thursday, I was assigned a TBI patient who also presents with a wrist drop. All has been going okay ever since, I met him. To me he is one of those patient’s I will never forget. H has been quite a big eye opener in terms of my overall progress and clinical performance when I’m working with patients.

I am a panicker by nature by I think that has been working for me as now I am receiving assistance from various people with different perspectives and clinical reasonings. On Monday, I had planned to do a sandwich making activity using his left affected hand. My supervisor is not crazy about this choice of activity, but I had hoped it would work considering the feedback she had gave me when I had done it the first time which was that it does not bring many demands to the patient but wrist movements and gravity at play. I had also considered the fact that wrist extension is the functional position so I was positive it would work. And guess what? It didn’t quite work.

Well mainly because yes, the activity requires wrist movements, but does it really require wrist extension.NO. It is so embarrassing when your session doesn’t turn out to be what you had hoped for but rather become a total flop.

The main feedback that stuck on my mind was using activity analysis. I didn’t really prioritise this in my mind given the amount of time I have to do my session write up as I get to res late and had gotten away with it quite a number of times and really did not think it was that important.

It wasn’t until that my mentor read my write up on Wednesday and said the same thing. She broke things down for me, slowly and I got the importance of it. I had a visit from our academic leader to check on my progress which was quite intimidating considering his position but was effective as I am in desperate need for help. He also said the same thing. Do you know that thing that happens when different sangomas from totally different areas you don’t know of randomly bump into you and start telling you the same thing and it starts to force you to believe them and start making what they are saying a priority. Yes, that is exactly what happened to me. My supervisor, the academic leader and my mentor all saying the same thing just in different languages.

Another thing our academic leader picked up on was my lack of confidence. This is sad actually because I am not one to act like Miss-Know-It-All and I’m the youngest at home. I am the person you tell what to do not the other way around. But that has to change because it is going to be problem to my career overall.

 REFERENCES

Prasad SJ, Nair P, Gadhvi K, Barai I, Danish HS, Philip AB. Cultural humility: treating the patient, not the illness. Med Educ Online. 2016 Feb 3;21:30908. doi: 10.3402/meo.v21.30908. PMID: 26847853; PMCID: PMC4742464.

Bhat R.T (2014, April). Medicinal Plants and Traditional Practices of Xhosa people in the Transkei Region of Eastern Cape, South Africa. Indian Journal of Traditional Knowledge. Vol.13 (2), April 2014, (pp.292-298)