#; i have missed suffering emotionally for my actions so i guess here i am checking in to see if the fandom is still kicking ;

[notebookscraps]

I’ve been rewatching Pandora Hearts lately and it’s been bringing back my Cheshire muse, so I guess uh.  Hit me up if you’re in the fandom and wanna rp with Cheshire (or maybe a number of human!Chains, I might bring them back too) on a disaster multimuse!

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Fic: Soulmate Survey Part 36

Sorry about the delay. But now its here and its ready for consumption.

Also, Shout to @asongeverlasting for beta reading for me and making sure I actually got this out.

Check her writing out on AO3 as ShamelesslyRomantic,

(Master post)

(Read the fic in a more condensed on Ao3)

_____________________________________________________________

“Finished,” the artist akuma stated as he addressed his master.

Masquerade got up from her throne to look at the room. The classroom had been transformed into a rather spacious throne room. The artist had erased and redrawn walls to ensure the room was much larger. This new space also had several large windows adorned with elegant black and white curtains hanging from the top. Reflekta servants decked out in masquerade themed armor stood at attention on each step leading to her throne. Beautiful artwork of her decorated the walls, including an imposing portrait of her behind her throne that made it look as if she was looking down at everyone looking up at it. To her that came off as self-interested yet tasteful. The masked akuma even loved the addition of a red carpet that led up to her throne.

“This is quite satisfactory, Evillustrator. Just be sure to reinforce the walls of the room then head to the roof and locate Simularé. I want this place to be a fortress,” Masquerade ordered

“Understood,” the akuma nodded, his expression unreadable from the white face mask. He quickly headed to the door out of the room and Stone heart was guarding the door with his large frame and had to let the artist out.

“Gamer! Robostus! Status report!”

“We have made it so we could hack into every screen in Paris that is connected to the internet, as per your request,” the Gamer responded in monotone.

Masquerade smiled at that.

“Excellent. Do we have the cameras ready?”

The Reflekta copies near the robot akuma were being outfitted with recording gear.

“Affirmative, we will be ready to go live at your request.”

The masked akuma smiled at that news, she turned her attention to Princess Fragrance and the original Reflekta, who had just finished turning the last of the captured individuals into obedient copies of her.

“Has everyone in the school been rounded up and handled?”

“Dark Cupid and Reverser are doing a final sweep of any runaway stragglers. Stormy weather is going around flooding and freezing any empty hallways to flush out any that are hiding. There are Reflekta copies guarding the blocked off exits should anyone try and escape. But over 96% of the student body has been accounted for and 99% of all Faculty.” Princess Fragrance answered.

‘The missing ones are likely Marinette and Adrien. Those two never did make anything easy for me, did they? But it didn’t matter, their luck would run out soon enough. Once Ladybug and Chat noir were handled, then I could focus on making them pay,’ Masquerade grinned to herself.

She could picture how it would be, finding them and seeing their desperate faces as they realized that no hero would be able to save them. The first thing she would do was show them both her little empire. They thought she was bad when she had the school wrapped around her finger, they will be mortified when they see Paris. She would have all their friends and family captured, their best friends leading the cruel treatment of the rest. This would have them in tears and begging for mercy.

She did once consider letting Adrien be her boyfriend, with some perfume to sway him. He would have been a perfect boytoy to taunt Marinette with, but Masquerade realized how far above him she was now. She didn’t need him anymore, and truthfully, he was just as bad as Marinette, if not worse. Marinette had the audacity to dislike her and challenge her, but Adrien, he was so condescending, acting like she should be better than her actions. She could swear she saw pity in his eyes, and that was so much worse.

Though she wasn’t completely heartless, if they begged to be her personal servants and apologized for standing against her, then maybe she would let them have some mercy. Having Marinette clean up after her and make those admittedly delicious baked goods would be nice and having Adrien wait on her hand and foot like a personal butler would be quite fun. Maybe they would think if they did a good enough job their families would suffer less.

She did want to daydream about that idea more but she knew that she needed to focus on the present.

“Alright, Let’s start moving to stage 2. Gamer! I want a comprehensive list of every akuma victim outside of the school. Robostus! Make sure the cameras and broadcast are ready when I tell you. I want everything to go off without a hitch.”

“Affirmative!” Gamer and Robostus responded in equal robotic unison.

“Reflekta! Princess Fragrance! After all of the copies pick up the stragglers, I want you scanning the area for Ladybug and Chat noir. Bubbler and Lady Wifi… wait. I think I remember something.”

She paused to check her charm, she noticed the question mark charm and touched it, allowing her to focus and see what akuma it was.

“Cancel that order, remain on standby unless we get approached.”

“Yes… so this is what that voice meant by merging. How very interesting. I think I will let that new akuma keep its directive. Ladybug and Chat noir will have no chance of beating...”

An akuma merged with Lady Wifi, Bubbler and Oblivio. Combined to make something new. Something that she knew even the heroes would have trouble fighting.

“Deadzone.” Masquerade said with a devilish grin.

______________________________________________________________________________

Ladybug and Chat Noir made their way down the hall. They easily dealt with a few Reflekta clones without much effort and continued moving.

They were expecting to see more akuma lurking about, but strangely, the halls they were walking down were all either empty or only covered by Reflekta duplicates.

“Masquerade likely has her stronger forces consolidating after bringing in as many people to her as they could. Those that didn’t hit the mark likely got turned into the copies we bumped into.” Ladybug answered.

“That does explain why they were singing, like when Princess Fragrance made servants,” the cat hero added.

“This might be our only time to catch a break before confronting her.”

“So, since we have time, do you mind if I ask if you're free to go on Patrol tonight?” the cat hero casually inquired.

Ladybug stopped.

“Tonight? That is quite sudden. Plus, we still don’t know how this will play out.” Ladybug gestured to the school.

“Well I am going to assume we stop the akuma and save the day like always.” Chat noir commented. “Call it a safe bet, but we usually win.”

“Always the positive outlook, Chaton. I’m glad you have so much faith in us despite our numbers disadvantage.”

“You said it yourself, most of the servants are pushovers or just puppets. The only real threat is Lila. And we have faced worse."

“True, but not anything this sinister,” Ladybug tacked on.

“Didn’t we fight Hawkmoth a couple of months back?” Chat noir asked with a twinge of confusion. Was Ladybug implying what he thought she was?

Ladybug held her tongue.

“You’re kidding right? You think Lila is eviler than Hawkmoth!” Chat Noir exclaimed in shock.

“No no no! Not eviler … just a bit cleverer than him,” Ladybug confessed.

Chat noir looked at his partner skeptically, but then considered her words.

“She is manipulative. Considering even without being akumatized she has done some rather twisted stuff. But thinking she is evil is a bit much. Especially when there is someone responsible for forcing emotionally vulnerable people to do his bidding,” Chat noir pointed out.

“Isn’t that what she is doing right now?”

“Yes, but she was akumatized. If we started blaming people for their actions as akuma we would have to throw innocent people in jail.”

“Right… but you read that article on the Ladyblog right? She could be more than just a victim of Hawkmoth, she could be an ally.”

The Cat hero thought about it more but was still not entirely convinced.

“I guess underestimating her would be dumb, but maybe she isn’t completely evil. I mean Chloé ended up showing a bit of humanity and did some good, maybe Lila is capable of it too.”

The crimson clad heroine smiled a bit.

“That’s what I like about you, Chat, you always focus on the good in others.”

The black clad hero gave a Cheshire grin.

“When it comes to the team, you’re the brains, and I’m the sidekick who brings the smiles and the heartfelt speeches.”

“You aren’t my sidekick, Chat Noir, we are partners. And you could be the brains too, if you would use yours outside of pun making.” Ladybug playfully bonked his noggin.

The cat chuckled at the playful teasing.

“Fair enough, but I can’t help it if I FELINE making a quip.”

Ladybug could feel herself groan at the lame joke.

“I take it back… you are the sidekick,” Ladybug deadpanned, her tone of mock annoyance causing the cat to chuckle.

“Alright I’ll…” He stopped speaking as he noticed something was amiss.

Chat Noir’s left ear twitched. He heard approaching footsteps.

“We better get moving, this abandoned hallway isn’t going to be so abandoned in a minute.”

“More Reflekta clones?”

Chat Noir extended the staff to the ground, his face showing a sudden sternness.

“No… Winter is coming.”

______________________________________________________________________________

Viperion peered through the door of the locker room.

“Clear.”

The snake and dragon heroes entered with their akuma prisoner.

“Pick a locker and let’s toss her in,” Ryuuko commented as she held the squirming akuma.

The two paused their movement when they heard a rustling in the lockers.

“Do you hear that?” Viperion questioned.

“How could I not?” Ryuuko replied.

Just as the two stared at the rustling lockers. The two shaking lockers doors flew off their hinges.

And stepped out an akuma that neither hero recognized.

“I don’t remember seeing that akuma before,” Ryuuko stated.

“Neither do I, but it seems vaguely familiar,”  Viperion responded.

As the Akuma was gathering its bearings, the heroes tried to gauge its powers. It had broad shoulders that had spherical, dark purple balls around them, which were connected to tight black sleeves with 3 white circular stripes at the end that ended at his wrists. Its left hand had a fingerless black glove which showed its skin akin to a purple silhouette. The other hand was what appeared to be a black laser canon with a phone attached to it. On its back was a large red, purple and black pipe which seemed to act as a holster to a blue bubble wand.  Its face was obscured by a large white theater mask much like all the other akuma. But there was the impression that it had distinct features. Its chest had a rounded purple bubble on the top half of its body akin to round armor and it had a logo that appeared to be a WiFi signal within an eye in a cage. The lower half appeared more akin to a skintight jumpsuit that was black with white stripes at the feet.

The akuma turned its attention to the two heroes.

“So umm… what are you doing in the locker room?”

“Merge complete, Deadzone is active. Mission objective, Capture Ladybug and Chat Noir,” The akuma answered in a robotic tone less as a response to the question and more as a statement, their voice sounded like the mix of two people.

“Well, Deadzone, we can’t let you do that!”  Ryuuko exclaimed as she glared at the akuma.

The akuma pointed its blaster at her.

“Your opinion on that really doesn’t have an impact on us.”

Deadzone’s left hand touched the phone on their blaster, and a purple bubble with a pause insignia shot out. Ryuuko and Viperion both jumped back as the bubble had direct contact with their akuma prisoner, causing her to be motionless as the bubble turned green and floated to the roof of the room.

“Okay, so don’t touch the bubbles,” Viperion noted.

“Positive side, we don’t need to worry about that one akuma,” Ryuuko commented.

Viperion and Ryuuko knew this akuma would be trouble if it got to Ladybug and Chat noir. They were going to need to find a way to stop it.

______________________________________________________________________

Fu had been observing the spoiled Mayor’s daughter after her confrontation with the Reflekta replicas. Using it as a means to help him find Ladybug and Chat Noir. He was aware that this girl had a knack for getting into trouble and making akuma target her, so it would not be too far off to assume she would be useful in locating his chosen. He would have called her, but communication was down, so he would need to adapt. But now he had a rather interesting quandary.

“Should I lend her the miraculous or not?” Fu spoke quietly as he pondered.

It was a tougher question he had initially thought. If he was asked if she was worthy of being a miraculous user, the answer would undoubtedly be negative. She was clearly a spoiled brat who saw herself above others. But after the events when the bee miraculous temporarily fell into her hands, he had started observing her. He did this with all of the chosen ones that Marinette had picked. Not because he didn’t trust his student, but more out of curiosity of why Marinette picked these individuals.

With the one she picked for the fox miraculous, Fu could see that the girl valued justice, but was cunning and saw the importance of distinguishing truth from illusion, an ideal pick for the fox miraculous. As for the Turtle miraculous wielder, Wayzz spoke highly of Nino, which really made him curious about the young lad. That boy showed a willingness to protect those close to him even if it meant getting hurt, and the calm to be ready to wait and roll with things. The miraculous of protection required someone that can keep a cool head and be ready to defend at the drop of a hat.

The other temporary heroes matched pretty well with the traits of the Kwami and were all good people deep down. Fu had no doubts that Marinette had the instincts of a guardian. The only one that brought doubt was Chloé. After the incident where she found the miraculous and got akumatized, Chloé was trusted with the bee miraculous 3 times. And her record had been mixed but overall she was decent when she fell in line and worked with Ladybug and Chat Noir.

Marinette mentioned that she didn’t want to trust Chloé with the miraculous after the last time. But has admitted to Fu that if needed she was a decent Bee heroine.

But if he was wrong and she decided to use this chance to stay being a miraculous wielder, he would have to deal with her as a rogue. Though, considering the circumstances, that would honestly not be the worst situation, as her identity was public and Ladybug and Chat Noir would deal with her like before.

“Wayzz, what do you think?”

His kwami companion popped out of his shirt pocket.

“This is quite a dilemma, Master. The situation is dire, but putting the miraculous in the wrong hands would also make things worse. Perhaps Pollen would be able to give better insight.”

“Very true, my friend.” Fu patted the kwami.

Fu cautiously went into the cleaning cart and pulled out the Bee Miraculous. The bee kwami popped out.

“Good morning, Master,” Pollen greeted the guardian with respect.

“Good afternoon, Pollen. We have a situation and I would like to know your opinion.”

“Very well, I am happy to serve,” The bee kwami replied.

“What do you think of Chloé Bourgeois? The one that used your miraculous recently.”

The kwami put her little hand to her face as she compiled her thoughts.

“She is complicated, Master. She didn’t talk to me much but I kind of got to feel a lot about who she was as a person. She is brash, she is confident, yet she is insecure. She is blunt, stubborn, and set in her ways. But I can tell that she is at a crossroads in her life. There is some small part of her that wants to be good and do good for others outside of herself, but her upbringing has made such a mindset seem like weakness, and she is scared of letting herself be vulnerable. Ladybug has been a good influence on her, but she is still immature in several aspects. She has the potential to be a good queen. If she could break through that self-imposed selfish mentality, she could be something extraordinary,” Pollen explained, finally.

“I see, well that is quite informative. Thank you,” Fu responded, nodding thoughtfully.

He put the Bee Miraculous back in a tiny box, causing her to go dormant.

“So, she is at a crossroad.”  Fu repeated as he stroked his chin

He turned his attention back to Chloé, who had continued walking towards another dead end. When he caught the eye of approaching Reflekta clones. And with that, Fu figured out a way to know.

“I think I just found a way to know the correct answer.”

______________________________________________________________________

“I swear this place is a maze.” Mayura grumbled to herself as she walked the halls.

She noticed her fan shake, notifying her of someone calling. It was Hawkmoth

“Yes?”

“Mayura what are you doing?! You were supposed to find the target and get out!” Hawkmoth exclaimed angrily. “And why did you transform? You knowutilizing the Peacock Miraculous is dangerous.”

Though she wouldn’t admit it, she was somewhat touched by the concern in his voice. Unfortunately, she did not have time to dwell on that so she was going to ignore it, as she had a task at hand

“Some unforeseen circumstances have caused some rather unfortunate delays. I am going to locate the sentimonster and gather information regarding the target. Afterwards, I will assist in getting Ladybug and Chat Noir’s Miraculous.” Mayura responded.

As she was speaking, an akuma with black wings flew into view along with an akuma riding a paper airplane.

“Seems the akuma servants have located me.”

She notices the akuma began preparing to attack her. They were practically mindless puppets that saw anyone who wasn’t their master as an enemy. This was quite an oversight, but it fit with the motif of the akuma villain. She felt the emotions of that girl, she knew exactly the type of insecurities Lila held. Thankfully for her, it meant they could easily be exploited.

“Get out of there this instant it is too dangerous. You are in no shape to…”

The akumas aimed at the unidentified villainess and fired off paper airplanes and arrows.

“We will discuss this later.” Mayura hung up before turning her attention to the two servants of Masquerade.

Mayura dashed through the hall, expertly avoiding projectiles and blocking with her fan those she couldn’t dodge. She jumped onto Reverser’s glider, grabbed the akuma and threw him at the flying Dark Cupid, leaving the two dazed and tangled together.

“I’m weakened, not helpless,” Mayura commented as she dusted herself off and hopped off the floating paper airplane.

She noticed that the two akuma that attacked her were slow in getting up.

‘Seems the akuma created by Masquerade aren’t just mindless, they are also rather slow in reacting. Ladybug and Chat Noir can exploit that. I suppose with the number of servants she made, this was to be expected. I should locate Simularé and get some details on our akuma’s little plan. I should step in and seize control if she gets too distracted like the last one. Gabriel has always been far too cautious when it comes to his plans, it’s time we were more active.’ Mayura mentally concluded.

She closed her eyes and focused on locating the sentimonster.

“She is on the roof. Odd placement for her most powerful ally, but I suppose there must be some sort of logical reason for what she is planning,” Mayura rationalized.

The peacock themed villainess noticed that the akuma that attacked her were starting to move again, and she decided to pick up her pace a bit.

______________________________________________________________________________

“This is super ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous!” she exclaimed with anger. “Not a single exit in this place! Why is every exit coated in icky slime?”

She checked her phone.

“And still no signal.”

She ended up chucking her phone out of frustration.

“I wish Ladybug would just get here and beat the akuma, or better yet, come here and give me the bee miraculous so I can help kick butt,” she grumbled as she went to go see where she threw her phone. She'd remembered she actually liked the case she just bought for it and losing that would be a waste.

“H-help me please!” The wails of a person in danger caught Chloé’s attention.

“That sounds like a non-me issue,” the blonde told herself. As she continued walking to her phone.

“If only there was someone here to save me!” the voice called out again.

Chloé stopped moving for a moment.

“Well I am not a hero without the Bee, so I guess he better hope Ladybug and Chat Noir are nearby, or maybe those other two costumed nobodies that I saw earlier,” she said, clearly trying to convince herself not to do anything.

“Please! Ladybug! Chat Noir…. “

"The heroes will handle it." Chloé reasoned with herself as she picked up her phone. Now getting ready to go somewhere else and likely away from the screaming.

“ And a…Queen Bee.”

Chloé’s eyes went wide. Did someone call out for… Queen Bee?!

Chloé started dashing down the halls to the sound of the voice.

“Did someone call for a hero!” Chloé called out, looking confident.

She arrived to see an old man in an ugly Hawaiian shirt being cornered by 3 Reflekta copies. The akuma copies turn to Chloé.

“Surrender,” they sing-songed as they began to approach.

Chloé ran right at them, and proceeded to push them into each other, and let the impractical heels make it hard for them to get back up.

She rushed to the old man.

“Don’t worry, old man with good taste in heroes and nothing else. I, Queen Bee, am here to save you,” Chloé blustered.

“Thank you.” Fu said with a forced smile. She clearly only came when he mentioned her name. But she did show up. In hindsight, maybe his test was not as conclusive as he thought. But then again, he actually planned those out more.

Chloé looked around.

“Alright old man, normally I would have just left you to get saved by Ladybug, but you have good taste in heroes, so I am going to help you out. We need to move before those creepy akumas get back up. So follow me, I know a place you can hide out.” Her tone tried to come off as abrasive, but it did show an inkling of care.

Chloé began moving away from the cluster of Reflektas. The old man shrugged and followed behind. He supposed that this would be another good test for her. Maybe he will get a more definitive answer by keeping an eye on her. And if worse comes to worse, he had a feeling she would make a good distraction should he need to escape a band of akuma.

______________________________________________________________________

“Did you just make a...”

Ladybug was able to pick up on the sound of harsh wind heading their way and decided her scolding of lame references could wait for later. She grabbed her partner's arm and pulled him into the nearby science lab.

She quickly closed the door just as a cold front blasted right past them. The window on the door was covered in ice.

“Stormy Weather?”

“Stormy Weather.”

The two both look at each other with a bit of worry. The storm akuma was one of their more powerful foes, and with complete control of the weather in such a tight space, things were going to get tough.

“Any ideas?”

Ladybug weighed her options. Would now be the time to use her lucky charm? or should she save it for when they are in front of Masquerade? It was starting to get harder to make that call.

“We can’t have her roaming the halls, we will need to incapacitate her. So I say have your ice power up ready, and be ready to swap power ups at the drop of a hat. Stormy Weather may be tough, but we still have tricks up our sleeve.”

Chat Noir nodded.

“Sounds like a plan.”

Ladybug and Chat Noir both popped their Ice blue power ups and shift into their Ice forms. The two watched as the other’s suit gained ice skates, ice crystal and snowflake accents, becoming Ladyice and Icecat.

(AN: Yes, according to the Wiki, that’s what they are calling them. Personally, I would have called them Ladyfrost and Cold noir/ Cool Cat but that’s just me. This isn’t relevant to the story, I just wanted you all to know that.)

“You know, Ladybug, you really give off the ice skater vibe. Would you say you have experience ice skating outside of this form?” Chat Noir asked.

Ladybug felt her mind flash to her date with Adrien and her cheeks turned red.

“I- I may have some experience. And how about you, Kitty?” she deflected.

“Well, now that you mention it, I…”

They heard a loud bang on the door, cracking the ice that covered the window to reveal the white theater mask that Stormy Weather had covering her face.

“I’m gonna give it to her, she really knows how to break the Ice,” Chat Noir joked.

“Chaton, cool it with all of the ice puns,” she stated.

“Wait, was that a pun? My Lady I... OH SHI…”

A large ice stalactite burst through the door interrupting their banter and almost skewering them.

Chat Noir was about to say something when Ladybug cut in.

“Chat Noir, you are my partner and I respect you greatly. But so help me, if you say we should put this conversation on ‘Freeze’, I will not save you if you get impaled.” Ladybug stated.

Chat Noir paused.

“You know me so well,” he said with a smile.

The two watched as Stormy Weather entered the room through the stalactite hole.

______________________________________________________________________

“Hey Viperion?”

“Yea Ryuuko?”

“We both agree that we need to stop that crazy akuma right?”

“That is correct.”

“Then why are you carrying me away from it!?” Ryuuko exclaimed.

Viperion had picked up the dragon heroine fireman style in order to pull her away from the pursuing akuma.

“Do you want the reasons in alphabetical order?” the snake hero sassed.

“We can take it,” Ryuuko asserted. “We can’t retreat! There is no honor in it!”

“Well considering neither of our weapons can touch them, the concept of honor has flown out the window. Not to mention, I seriously doubt that we can take them on without a plan, and don’t say ‘try to hit them harder’ is a plan. It isn’t.”

Viperion had a smug look as he noticed Ryuuko look away.

“You’re right, but I'm mad about it,” the dragon heroine huffed.

“I can live with that.”

Viperion took a sharp left and noticed a dozen Reflekta duplicates.

“Juleka?”

“Come with us,” the clones sang.

“I’m going to assume they aren’t her,” Ryuuko said as she got off Viperion’s shoulders.

She punched his arm.

“Ow.”

“Your shoulder was bumpy.”

Ryuuko drew her weapon and dashed past the group of Reflekta clones. After a second, she holstered her weapon and all of the clones dropped to the floor groaning.

“Wow.” Viperion was impressed. He had to admit that it was super cool.

“Don’t worry, I used the flat end of the sword. They will be fine, and hopefully they will slow down the akuma.”

The two continued running, but glanced back as Deadzone arrived. He looked at the clones getting up and blasted each one into a green bubble in which they remained motionless and floated to the ceiling of the hall.

“It can’t distinguish between friend or foe,” Viperion commented.

“What?”

Viperion turned to his comrade.

“I think I just got an idea.”

__________________________________________________________________________

“This way,” the bossy blond teen motioned.

Fu pushed his janitor cart as they moved in the hallway.

“Do you really need to move that hideous thing with us?” Chloé questioned with clear aggravation.

“It's very important,” Fu responded.

“Ugh, whatever. Just move faster, then.”

Fu nodded and picked up the pace.

The mayor’s daughter led them down the hall and they had managed to avoid attracting attention.

“Okay, we are here.”

Fu looked at the door and realized that it was the nurse’s office.

“Hopefully the nurse didn’t get herself captured while I was gone.”

Chloé went to open the door and noticed it was locked.

“What the…”

“Let me try.” Fu interjected.

“Fine, just hurry up.”

He pulls out a jingling set of keys. Chloé shrugged as she turned around to keep watch.

Fu let his kwami companion out to open the door. Wayzz quickly undid the lock and opened the door before sliding back out of view.

“All done,” Fu said.

Chloé turned around as Fu opened the door.

The two quickly ran inside and locked the door behind them.

“Nurse Arugula!” Chloé called out. “I have a guest for you!”

“Arugala?”

“It was something with an A.” Chloé commented.

The two waited a few seconds, but there was no response.

They moved deeper into the office.

“Are you here?” Chloé questioned.

They flicked on the light switch to see the nurse in the cot.

“Oh, that’s great, I leave to go get help and be a hero and she goes off napping!” Chloé fumed.

Fu moved to the nurse and noticed she had a bruise on her neck, indicating that she was clearly forced into this state. He jabbed a pressure point and the nurse jolted awake.

“HUAGH!”

She nearly fell out of the cot.

“Glad you can join us from your nap,” Chloé hissed.

“Chloé? Did you call for help?” The nurse inquired as she gathered her bearings.

“No, the school is a total dead zone, and I couldn’t find a way out because they are all blocked by slime. Side note, I found this old guy.”

The nurse turned to the old man.

“Hello. I’m Angela.” She politely introduced herself.

“Nice to meet you. I am… Fung,” Fu lied. He couldn’t be too careful.

“Nice to meet you Fung, despite the circumstances,” she tried to make light of the situation.

“Every meeting can have a positive circumstance if one is looking for it.”

The calm in the air died when Angela realized that someone was missing.

“Oh no! The women you left in my care! She knocked me out and stormed out of here.” Angela exclaimed.

“Welp, she is probably captured,” Chloé shrugged.

“We have to find her, she has some sort of strange illness. Leaving her out there might be dangerous, akuma or not.”

Angela prepared to move to the door but was stopped by Chloé.

“Oh no you don’t! I brought this old man here for safety. You stay here with him.”

“But my patient!”

The woman was clearly shaking, but she was determined, she wanted to help her patient even if it meant going into danger. But much to Fu’s surprise, Chloé stepped up.

“I will bring your patient back. Mostly because being stuck in here seems much worse than dealing with a bunch of dumb akuma.”

Angela hugged Chloé.

“Thank you.”

Chloé tried to look annoyed, but a ghost of a smile appeared on the mayor’s daughter’s face. She accepted the hug for a moment.

Fu took notice. He had made his decision.

“Alright, enough touching! You deal with sick people all day. I don’t want germs,” Chloé stated as she tried to give off her usual air.

“That is very brave of you, young one.” Fu spoke.

“Pff, this is nothing. It’s what heroes do.”

As Chloé began making her way out of the nurse’s office, Fu quietly slipped the tiny miracle box into her bag.

‘I hope this was worth the risk.’

_____________________________________________________________

(END OF CHAPTER)

Well things are really heating up.

Will Ladyice and Icenoir be able to deal with stormy weather? Will Deadzone be the dead end for Ryuuko and Viperion? What is Masquerade's villainous plan? Will I update faster than every 40 or so days?

Let me know your thoughts and if you did enjoy the story.

REBLOG it and comment. Likes are nice but they don't really help content creators like they should.

[this-is-quite-homoerotic]

Yo! What did you think of the Expectant audio? I think it's the only TW audio that I listened to and thought mmm, that could've been so much more :( I get that it needed to have action and adventure but it kinda felt really obvious that the writer wasn't comfortable with Barrowman's dream. I think I expected better after how good so many audios like Broken have been :(

I’ll forgo spoilers in the first part for those who haven’t listened to the audio but might be interested in seeing a review, but there’ll be spoilers under the cut!

Anon, I agree with you! It definitely could have been so much better. I actually like the concept of the audio a lot, but the execution was... not to my taste, let’s say. To be fair, it really is a matter of taste, I personally didn’t like the humour, it did not mesh well with my sensibilities, though I also think it felt... outdated? I’m talking specifically about the sense of humour here.

The kind of jokes they made felt like something I might have found funny in the early 2000s when I didn’t know any better, before I examined some of the tropes/messages/expectations I’d absorbed from society and media (more about this under the cut because spoilers). The thing that bothered me the most about it was that it felt to me like the humour in it had not caught up to 2020 sensibilities, and Expectant is, first and foremost, a comedy piece. So if the humour’s failing then that’s a big problem.

Your mileage may vary, though, humour is a matter of taste after all. Interestingly, I actually think John Barrowman enjoyed the script and had fun getting to act it out? This is just the impression I got (certainly, he might have played it a bit differently if he didn’t), and I think this might be a generational thing as well as a matter of taste and sense of humour.

Spoilers below

As I said, I actually love the general concept of the audio: Jack, grieving and at a loss for what to do in the face of losing half his team, offers to carry an old alien friend’s child for them when political scheming means the unborn child might be in danger, in the hopes of ensuring the child’s safety, political stability for several planets, and (it is implied) as a symbol of hope that there’s good things in the universe too, not just loss and devastation.

There are obvious obstacles to Jack carrying a pregnancy while still being an active Torchwood agent, which is an interesting and fun thing that’s explored from the first scene: Jack has got used to being immortal and doing his job might well get him killed. Normally this isn’t a problem but if he dies while pregnant the baby can die too. But Torchwood is understaffed and still adapting to being a three-person team, so Jack has agreed to carrying the baby only if he can keep on working.

An interesting premise, vaguely tied in with a big moment from the show and the emotional fallout which wasn’t explored much in the show itself (Tosh and Owen’s deaths and how they affected Jack), some stakes from the get-go, plus a new original alien character (Jonty). So far, so good.

There are two main things that got in the way of me enjoying the audio: 1) how Jack was depicted as being hysterical during the pregnancy (and this being played for laughs), and 2) the indirect fatshaming (literally why, this was so unnecessary).

In the first case, they decided to write Jack as so emotionally unbalanced by the hormonal changes of the pregnancy that he had severe mood swings, with him breaking down crying supposedly triggered by insignificant things (like when he cries over a cupcake? Or something similar, I can’t be bothered to check). Jack having a meltdown would not be a bad thing to explore in an audio, except it felt to me as though they were using it as a joke? Like a “ha ha look how messed up he is by being pregnant, he’s so hormonal and out of control, isn’t that hilarious? Isn’t it so funny that this character is breaking down like a hormonal woman? Isn’t his pain just the funniest thing you’ve heard? :))))” (Sidenote but I also felt like John Barrowman overacted in these scenes, it didn’t sound like he was crying, it sounded like he was play-acting crying, and that didn’t help.)

The second thing was the whole fat camp-style spa subplot. While trying to get Jack to safety, Jonty takes Jack, who is heavily pregnant and showing, to a ““health spa”“ (read: weight-loss place) where Jack is put under a strict unhealthily-restrictive diet (especially given that he’s pregnant??), controlled by the overbearing spa lady (she literally takes food off his hands and watches him like a hawk to make sure he doesn’t “”overeat””), repeatedly fat-shamed, and this is all presented as a funny gag, presumably because he’s not really fat, he’s just pregnant! But people don’t know because he’s male/male-presenting, so all the micro-aggressions and abuse he’s subjected to are funny, right? Jack not being allowed to eat despite being hungry and heavily-pregnant is totally something to laugh at, surely (/s).

Disclaimer: this is not actually portrayed as though the fat-shaming is righteous and just behaviour, it’s sort of implied that the “”health-nuts”“ running the place were obsessive and weird, but that doesn’t change the fact that the whole subplot could have been something else entirely? Like, they obviously thought this was funny. Also, I won’t get into specifics but I am personally sensitive to these issues, so I can definitely see how some people might not be turned off by this at all; as I said, your mileage may vary and this is my own take on it.

So, these are my main issues with the audio. I don’t think the writer was uncomfortable with the concept as you say, Anon; I’d actually argue the opposite. It’s just that their take on it and their sense of humour were maybe not very in-tune with modern sensibilities (or with mine, at least) and the story suffered for it.

They took a look at the idea (a male/male-presenting character being pregnant) and came up with the worst tired comedy tropes for it: mood swings (and the resulting distress) played up for laughs, an emphasis on how big the character got being made fun of/criticised with an incomprehensible fatshaming subplot, they even threw in a reference that Jack’s previous pregnancy (mentioned in his first line in ep 1 of Torchwood) was a student prank (because men being pregnant is funny, I guess). Okay, that last one is a bit unfair, I just didn’t like it. They could have made Jack’s first pregnancy something meaningful (him carrying a friend’s child as a surrogate out of love for that friend, him carrying his own child born out of a relationship, etc.) but instead they made it into a cheap one-liner joke, and yeah it does fit into the tone of the audio, but that’s the problem: I did not like the overall tone of it.

There were some scenes with Ianto that were nice, and a couple of Owen and Tosh mentions that I enjoyed, and it’s interesting that you mention the action and adventure in your ask because I actually didn’t mind those aspects at all? The action was fine with me, it was the non-action parts mostly that bothered me (the emotional tone and sense of humour like I said).

This is probably more thoughts that you wanted but I was quite disappointed with this one (and I was so looking forward to canon mpreg), so I thought I’d take the opportunity to explain why. I do acknowledge that it was a matter of my own sense of humour and sensibilities not meshing well with the writer’s (I just checked and to my shock the writer is a woman; I would have put money on them being a cis man).

This one missed the mark with me. Badly.

[sonicgetsrawed]

The Stars are Full of Hope, The Moon Shatters it

There will be a happy ending, I promise! Just bear with me through this one! On the plus? Side this is the first time I’ve cried writing my own fic so there’s that! Part three of the Var is captured by Donella fic! Enjoy! 

“The stars are so pretty tonight.”

“You would say something like that.”

“You don’t think so?”

“I think the moon is prettier.”

Varian hummed, leaning his head against Hugo’s shoulder, playing with his fingers. “I like the stars. They give me hope.”

“Are we still talking about the stars?”

“You tell me.” A smile played on his lips before bringing them up to meet Hugo’s.

Varian kept his eyes focused on the ground, he couldn’t look at the stars, the moon was shining too bright, taunting him, twisting his memories with its harsh light. He hated this, he hated all of this. He wanted to help Hugo, but at the same time he couldn’t stand to look at the other, all of the memories he once treasured would be tainted with this terrible bitterness of his betrayal. Was this how Rapunzel had felt? No, it couldn’t be. He was sure it still hurt like hell, but they were never anything other than friends, they might not have even really been friends then. He had idolized her, cherished the time they spent together, still it hadn’t quite been friendship at that point, he had just been eager to impress and she just wanted answers. With Hugo it was different, he had nothing to gain, still he gave himself to the other, emotionally, physically, in anyway possible, he was Hugo’s and Hugo was his. At least he thought.

He squeezed his eyes shut tight. He wanted to scream and cry and punch and kick. Most of all he still wanted to run into Hugo’s arms, let him comfort him, tell him everything was going to be fine, they’d figure it out together, they always did. Except they couldn’t anymore, they couldn’t rely on each other, they couldn’t trust each other. He found himself second guessing every part of their relationship, how much of it had been real? How much of it had been to get the information he needed?

“What did you wish for this time?”

“Maybe if I look at the journal I can find something you missed.”

“I like you! You stubborn bastard! Why is that so hard for you to understand?”

“Varian?”

He needed to get away he couldn’t do this, not here, not now. His mind didn’t seem to care, dragging up memory after memory. He was drowning in them, he couldn’t breathe, still he ran. Trying to out run his own mind as each resurfacing memory was slaughtered by the implications of Hugo’s betrayal behind them. He couldn’t breathe. He needed it to stop, he needed it all to stop.

“How many fingers am I holding up?”

“I can still see them, dumbass. Their just blurry.”

“Varian!”

“Why do you have my mother’s journal?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise, but you just have to ruin everything don’t you?” Varian shot him a look at that, Hugo holding his hands up in defeat. “I found a clue to the next totem.”

“Can you hear me?”

“Hey, Varian?” He hummed in response from where his head rested on Hugo’s chest, drawing patterns on his bare chest. “This might not be the most romantic way to say this but-“

Varian pecked his lips, smiling brightly. “I love you too.” Hugo’s eyes lit up like stars.

He blinked, tears blurring his vision. Hugo was crouched in front of him, concern evident on his features. Varian leaned against a tree, the coldness of the ground seeping through his clothes. He dug his fingers into the dirt, tangling the stands of grass around them. How had he gotten here?

“Varian, where are you?” Hugo asked, voice steady despite his own lingering tears.

Varian didn’t answer the question, bringing his eyes up to the sky. The stars twinkling down through the branches of the trees. “The stars look pretty tonight.”

Hugo laughed, Varian didn’t understand, it wasn’t funny, this wasn’t funny. “You would say something like that.”

Varian smiled softly, letting the slight breeze tousle his hair. It was a wonderfully blissful moment and for that moment he forgot what brought him there. It was just him and Hugo under the stars. And then it crashed down around him as Hugo’s hand found his. The pain, the betrayal, the lies, he felt like he was being stabbed in the heart over and over. He pulled his hand away, and somehow it made him feel worse. The anger welled up inside him, desperately trying to claw its way out. Hugo needed to suffer like he made him suffer. He needed to feel his pain, understand his hurt. He banished the thoughts, he’d been down that path before and he refused to return to it, still his pain remained, piling on with the guilt of even thinking those terrible thoughts. He opened his mouth to say something, to say anything that might help, but the words never formed, they never got the chance.

“Isn’t this sweet?” Donella cooed, stepping out from the fog that was swirling around them. “I thought you knew better than to get attached to your playthings.”

“Hey!” Varian yelled, pushing himself to his feet and shooting her the most menacing look he could as if he hadn’t been on the verge of a breakdown seconds before. He hated how she talked about him like he wasn’t even there. He hated it more when Hugo raised his hand to silence him.

“Varian, is not a plaything. He’s-“

Donella laughed, the sound echoing in the darkness. “He’s not? So you didn’t string him along with sweet words, promises that you’ll be better, that you can change. Did you tell him you loved him before or after you fucked?”

Hugo was shaking at his side, Varian could practically see the steam coming off of him. It didn’t really matter though, the words hurt, it hurt more that Hugo wasn’t denying it. He said nothing in his defense, he said nothing to contradict her words. Varian wanted to defend him, to stick up for him, but he couldn’t, he didn’t know him anymore, all he knew were the lies he weaved, all he knew was the hole in his heart.

“Don’t look so surprised, dear, I know all your tricks. Just give me the totems and I’ll forget this ever happened. I’ll even let your little toy go.” Donella had her hand outstretched again. Varian was getting sick of it. He took a step back fully intending to run, whether or not Hugo came with or after him was up to him. He didn’t get far, Donella’s henchman slamming him into a tree and pinning him there. He gasped for air, the wind having been knocked from his lungs in the confrontation. Still he tried to get away, a battle he knew from experience he’d lose.

“I need you to make a decision, Hugo.” Donella was sounding more impatient, tone taking on a sharper edge.

“I can’t give you the totems.” Hugo responded, hands clenched at his sides, eyes darting around as he tried to find a way out.

Donella clicked her tongue, nodding her head to her henchman. His hand moved from Varian’s chest to his throat, eliciting a gasp from him as his airways closed. He clawed at the hand, trying to get him to let go, he needed to breathe, his head was already spinning and this was not helping. He didn’t hear the conversation that happened in front of him, through his fading vision he could make out their lips moving, Hugo obviously angry, yelling, frantically gesturing to Varian. Donella looked bored, twirling a knife between her fingers, an action he’d seen Hugo do many times. And then he was dropped. He fell to his knees, greedily sucking in air, Hugo suddenly in front of him, his hands were running through his hair, his face, anywhere they could, checking to see if Varian was okay.

He placed a shaky kiss on top of his head, Varian didn’t have the energy to push him away. “Are you okay?”

This time he did push Hugo away. “What did you do?!” He asked between breaths. He didn’t know air could be so wonderful, how had he taken it for granted? He tried not to focus on it too much, Hugo was already digging around in his backpack. “What are you doing?!”

“I’d be thanking him if I were you.” It took him entirely too long to realize Donella was talking to him. “He did trade the totems for your life.”

“You didn’t.” He said, eyes wide as they searched Hugo’s for an answer. Hugo nodded softly, the action almost not visible it was so minute. He wanted to be mad, to scream, to fight, but he didn’t have it left in him, he was too emotionally drained.

“I did.” Hugo answered, although his eyes held something else beneath the words. A small twinkle behind all the emotion, something he knew meant he had a plan. He hated after everything he was forced to trust Hugo, he hated that he still did. He let Hugo remove the backpack from his shoulders, in one swift motion he swung it back and it connected with Donella’s henchmen’s head with a sickening crack. He dropped to the ground with a loud thud. Varian scrambled to his feet, the air leaving his lungs again when Hugo slammed the backpack into his arms. “Run.”

“I would listen to him, dear.” Donella warned as she lunged, swinging her knife through the air. He ducked just in time to dodge the strike. Hugo grabbed her arm and tugged it behind her back. She simply dropped the knife into her other hand, this time it was poised to strike Hugo. He released her arm to grab the knife. She let him, kicking him in the gut as soon as he had it in his grasp. He stumbled back, dropping the knife in the process, but staying upright. Varian dove for the knife scooping it off the ground. He fumbled with the knife, Donella punching Hugo as he struggled to grasp the item. He saw Hugo hit the ground, wasting no time in plunging the knife into Donella’s shoulder.

“You’re more trouble than you’re worth, little pest.” She screamed, pulling the knife out of her shoulder. She swung it through the air, Varian dodging at such a strange angle that he could feel the tip of it cut across his eyebrow. He blamed the added weight of the totems for throwing his off balance and sending him to the floor. Varian’s eyes grew wide in fear, as she rose the knife, he covered his face as if it would do anything against the incoming attack. He felt the wind as it sliced through the air, heard the rip of the fabric, and yet he felt no pain, not anymore than he already felt anyways. He brought his hands down, panic rising in his chest as he saw Hugo in front of him. Donella looked as mortified as he felt, dropping the knife to the ground. She looked conflicted, not sure if she should stay to check on Hugo or run while she still could. It seemed she chose the other, bolting into the woods.

Hugo dropped to his knees then, his breathing labored. Varian caught him, laying him on his lap. The cut across his chest was angry and red, blood flowing freely from it. Hugo just laughed, tears welling in his eyes as he reached up and cupped Varian’s face. “I-I told you I loved you.”

Varian didn’t know he was crying until the droplets stained Hugo’s shirt, mixing with the blood. He felt sick, he felt like his heart was being broken all over again, only this time there was no fixing it. “You don’t get to say that. Not like this.”

“It’s okay.” The tears flowed down Hugo’s cheeks, dulling the green.

“No! It’s not fair! You don’t get to fucking die! It’s not fair, it’s not fucking fair!” He was pressing his hands down on the wound, trying to stop the blood flow. It wasn’t fair, he didn’t get to pay for his mistakes this way, why did Hugo? He wasn’t going to take the easy way out. It wasn’t fair. He needed him, as much as he still hurt from his betrayal, as much as he didn’t want to, he needed Hugo.

“Promise me you’ll finish the trials? Free your mom and get your happy ending.” Hugo’s eyes were dulling and Varian was beginning to realize it wasn’t from the tears.

“No! I-I can’t do this without you. I need you, Hugo. And you’re going to spend the rest of your days making it up to me, okay? I’m going to make you so fucking miserable you’re going to wish you died today. Please, don’t leave me.” Varian pressed his forehead against Hugo’s, his cheeks feeling unusually cold now that Hugo’s hand wasn’t there.

Hugo laughed again. “I look forward to it. Hey, goggles?” Varian didn’t give a verbal answer, he couldn’t, but Hugo continued nonetheless. “You were right, the stars look pretty tonight.”

Varian laughed sadly. “You would say something like that.” He sobbed as Hugo’s breathing grew shallower. He fought when he was pulled away from him. He called his name as they dragged him away. He lashed out as Nuru tried to comfort him. He didn’t answer when Yong asked what happened. He denied help when he was offered it. Instead he sat outside the infirmary, awaiting whatever terrible news he would be told.

He looked to the sky. There were no stars tonight, only the moon and her harsh truth. There may never be stars again.

Previous Next

[kuronekonerochan]

The laziest compilation of thoughts about the mess that was Alice (spoilers)

I finish a lot of shitty dramas. Like a lot. I could review them, but I won’t bc there’s too many and I’m too lazy (when you ff some dramas from 45min to 5 per episode it doesn’t really count as watching too many dramas bc it’s really a commercial break, lol). Some I watch for the so bad it’s good content, or love hate watching or just to have something to watch while I eat, even if they’re boring af. It’s also a tiny bit of ocd bc I need to see how they end (even the ones I drop I check out the finale). I only drop the ones that as Marie Kondo says *Do Not Spark Joy, more specifically...annoy me and make me cranky.

I sometimes bitch about it on DMs with ranty spoilers without structure and that reference other unrelated dramas or shows, because ADHD and my mind refuses to stay on topic, which would make it probably unintelligible except if you are in the niche who happens to have watched the other unrelated dramas, so it’s probably useless as a review.

That said, here are some random disconnected thoughts about Alice.

MAJOR SPOILER ALERTS BEWARE

(this is like partly copypaste of DM rants bc I am that lazy biatch. Also, fair warning I will seem super harsh or this drama because that’s the thing about a bitching dm versus a proper review... I am not bringing up all the points and talking about the good and what I liked as well as the bad, it’s just the bad...and although the drama is imo a mess, it does have some good in it. So if it were a review I’d always argue pros and cons...ranty thoughs who cares about pros? boring..I will not be bothered with devil’s advocate).

This was fascinating to watch, interesting but not good... but like a trainwreck.

I continued watching this mess despite the headache inducing convoluted plot (I watched a lot of timetravel stuff and I love it...encompassing all the theories about it, from butterfly effect, to effectively changing the future (with characters forgetting it or keeping it in memory because “eye of the storm” theory, the “efforts are futile and you can try to change it but the future is set in stone”, to “small changes can be made but big events are fixed points in time”, to “every change creates a new time line” and multiverse, etc... and trust me, all of them can be done well when well written or turn out a confusing illogical mess and that has nothing to do with the theory chosen, but with presenting how time travel works for that story and what the basic rules are and sticking to them...or when something happens that contradicts them, come up with an explanation as to why that happens.

 I don’t mean the drama should be an exposition borefest with too much pseudosciency jargon...but this drama gives you too little in the way of rules and the viewers sort of figure out how timetravel works (which is not bad per se, huge fan of show don’t tell...but there’s a limit to how much they cannot tell or the characters chose not to ask just for the sake of plot and not without any logic to it). Anyways, the little “rules” that we gather along the way...the writing doesn’t stick to them and keeps contradicting itself without addressing or explaining it and hoping we’re so confused we don’t notice. Some dramas you just say “eh, forget it, it doesn’t make sense, let’s turn off our brains and enjoy it”, but here if I wanted to try and follow what was going on at all it required “brain on” mode for their convoluted plot twists...which also made me aware of so may plotholes the time road should have looked like Swiss Cheese. I could go into them...but I cannot be bothered and the list would be extensive and still incomplete, so I will just put 3 here bc I can’t help it:

 1) Hot Daddy with emotional turmoil the entire drama of “Oh no, I abandoned her in 92 and regretted it, it happened 1 year ago for me, and now I find out she died in 2010. How was she, did she suffer? What did she know? Oh god, if only I were a time traveler eventually going rogue who could show up and talk to her any time in the timeline between 92 and 2010...Alas, I have to live in misery with the consequences of my actions...there is just ABSOLUTELY no way of solving this. I guess I’ll just keep making unauthorized time travel journeys from 2050′s time agency back to the year of 2020 and only 2020 to constantly be blindsided by murder attempts on everyone everywhere without having a clue to what’s going on when I could simply go back to before 2010 and talk to the one person who is proven to know what is going on.” Here is where there could be a bullshit reason as to why he could go only go to 2020 and not before, but the drama didn’t even bother.

 2) They say Tae Yi’s mom was originally a time traveler who settled with her physicist dad in the past, eventually making way for her to discover time travel herself. The mom is missing and this is never addressed again. 

3) The book...who wrote it? Because I have guesses but they never outright answer it... and if the biatch author knew that stuff why the alice in wonderland stupid analogies?

 Coward, or petty, or both.... or maybe just a chaos gremlin godlike entity who wanted to watch them all squirm, like the author from Extraordinary You...and that I could get behind, but sadly they don’t go that metaphysical/theological with the plot...which is honestly the main problem with this drama. It seems ambitious in concept but it’s never explored decently in any way, not in the pseudoscience, not in the philosophical sense of the meaning of time/space/existence, not even in its relationships, with the constant back and forth and weirdness of it.

Besides the timetravel migraine, we had the weirdest directing, that made the relationship between the leads feel a bit too incesty...which was the main reason I kept watching this drama...morbid curiosity of how they wrapped up this mess of a plot AND especially the relationship payoff...would it keep being weird with trope romance drama scenes like the female lead and second female lead facing off and being jealous, or that weird hair washing that felt more sensual than maternal? I knew it wouldn’t happen but my inner chaos gremlin wanted kdramaland to grow some balls and go full “predestination: oedipus edition” with this mess. Alas they sort of did, mostly didn’t. Even that angle was a whole inconsistent mess: there were times where it felt too romantic, then for a short minute I misguidedly shipped the journalist friend, then it seemed the dude was ace, then they calmed their tits with the whole weird romantic vibes and it got platonic cute, then with the memory merge thing finally motherly vibes, then I shipped the journalist again for 1 sec only...and then the ending:

Alice ended with the lead solving every problem by shooting himself (technically) in the head...and that's the second meta perfectly fitting ending for a drama with a good cast and terrible writing that drove itself into a corner this year, after the sleepless princess ended with the leads jumping off a cliff. I don't think it's a self aware choice of the writers, or an admission that they themselves know it was bad, but the irony is delicious.

Spoiler for the ending: he undoes timey wimey stuff from when his mom first got killed in high school and closed the time travel door. So he became an architect and new Tae Yi just woke up in her bed remembering everything, but in reality she had just come back from a conference abroad and had never met him. So mom TaeYi didn't die then, but never got back on screen after the time undo so who the f knows what happened to her. 

Also, if new Tae Yi remembers, does that mean hot daddy from the future does as well, but he is just stuck in the future without a time door to ever see them again? The drama doesn’t care answering that and forgets his character is even a thing...I will miss you, my fave who looked emotionally and literally constipated 24/7 (it doesn’t care answering much at all tbf... a little known fact about the time travel paradoxes according to the physics of this world is that besides doppelganger chickenpox it induces severe lazy writing).

Anyways new Tae Yi went looking for architect (? okay...I guess) ML after she woke up, at first he didn't remember her, but it ends with him meeting her, apparently remembering her and they stare at each other... you know, like any bad traditional romantic kdrama finale....so there is still THAT vibe. 

Honestly, the usual romantic ballad score for scenes between the leads WAS NOT the most intelligent choice for this drama in specific but boy did they stick with it (not to mention the ending song... that goes, in english “we be like Bonnie and Clyde we ride or die...which...k, sure)...so technically the ending was exactly the cliche post amnesia running back to each other and staring for the final scene while romantic music blasts trope. Take it as you will.

[sadviper]

2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

Succumbing to peer pressure, haha, thank you @rain-hat, @smylealong, @ibelongtomousse, @macgyver-sheriff, @avauntus for tagging me~

It seems the common refrain is that this was the year everyone exploded into massive creative productivity after years of nothing, which is the exact same story for myself. I had read all the strategies of course: write 5 min a day, 1 sketch a day, don’t think about quality, do *something* just to keep the spark alive, etc etc, but it just got worse and worse. Honestly, I had been feeling so dire about it that I had made up my mind to stop trying anymore, because it was so depressing to try and fail so many times that it was much better to not hope at all.

Buuuuut.....then quarantine and telework happened, and woooah, guess what, all I needed was LOTS of time and space to myself where I’m not wasting it in an office checking emails and doing random training to fill all the downtime!!!

Much thanks to the serendipity that had me stumbling into @rain-hat , reading her early JY/KSR fics, and her encouraging me to go ahead and write that office yearly budget oneshot for TKEM (who writes BUDGET fics?? Who reads them???? lol). That’s not in my list here because it was very new and awkward, it was definitely the ball that got everything rolling.

Cut for super long-winded rambling:

1) Before There Was Zero (TKEM)

This was my first big fanfic in my life, and my most popular, and it absolutely gushed out of me in this massive torrent of *I MUST WRITE* where I would walk around at lunchtime giggling to myself, and type on my phone as I went, or wake up at 1am to scrawl something in a notebook in the dark because I couldn’t stop the words from coming. (How I miss that feeling now! ;__;) Actually, it also is the 2nd fully complete long-form story I had ever completed as well, so...lots of milestones here.

Looking back, it clearly was the product of my years of bottled up silence, where I stewed and dragged myself to the office every day wondering if I was going to calcify in a bureaucracy for the rest of my life (yes). But even as an office drone, I learned a lot of valuable lessons in how to manage, what leadership actually is at the worker bee level, the types of games white-collar workers play, and how to be a decent co-worker (and by extension, a decent human being--I don’t believe it’s possible to separate work life and private life. All your personas are you). It wasn’t all a waste after all!

Somehow I connected my day-to-day to the faceless, long-suffering Royal guardsmen in TKEM, headed by the utterly gorgeous, devastating, thoroughly underutilized, comedic prop military action star Jo Yeong, and thought--yeah! :D

2) Nil Desperandum (TKEM)

My biggest fic by far, full novel length at this point, massive in scope, I don’t even know how I came up with it based on the 10 collective seconds of screen time that Jeong Tae-ra and tyrant Jin got as a joke, but I was clearly still on that dam-gushing-pent-up-creative-high because this idea was fighting me when I was in the middle of writing “Before There Was Zero”.

I actually figured out the title while watching “Call the Midwives” where one of the peppy, indefatigable British nurses said to never despair, and I thought, yes, that’s it. All the horrible things I put my tyrantverse characters through, it was only so that when I save them at the end, it will be completely worth it. It’s a bit more violent (nothing beyond My Country levels tho) and quite emotionally dark, but I also tried to inject a lot of friendship, humor, and love into it as well, because there must always be hope.

For My Country fandom friends who didn’t realize, the tyrant!Yeong in this fic is essentially modernAU!Seon-ho, and I lifted Sung-rok entirely from My Country to be tyrant!Yeong’s second-in-command and loyal-superstar-extraordinaire. Writing them in this modern AU, and seeing the positive reception to Sung-rok’s grouchy, dogged devotion was the start of my love spiral for Sung-rok. <3 <3

3) The Veritable Records of King Taejo (My Country)

Going to cheat and lump 3 fics (soon to be 4) into one link. I rested a little bit after “Nil Desperandum” because I had completely emptied myself out at that point, just a husk of an author shell. Then I started poking out oneshots! Each one got progressively harder to write, lol, the creative gas tank was running out of juice, so I had to really start figuring out new strategies as a writer to keep going. One magic tool was coercing recruiting @rain-hat to beta for me, and WOW, THE BEST???? Who would’ve thought it’d be FUN to be edited!!! <3 Due to her efforts, I could avoid the “no beta we die like Liaodong” tag, hahaha.

I grew up watching cop shows, lawyer shows, monster-of-the-day shows, endless procedurals-- so I was super miffed that the drama would imply that Seon-ho spent YEARS just single-mindedly chasing private armies??! No! I want more family and friends development for this sad, dramatic whump child! I want him to be smarter than the show, inherently brilliant despite the stupid he descends into, and be recognized as such by the people who do recognize his value! And I want them all to be happy with no pointless death!

Also, the 4th WIP is now a Sung-rok lovefest written as an ode to his awesomeness, has stretched to 47K+ words, and is being an absolute royal pain to finish. ;__; All the ease and creative fervor from earlier? GONE. I’m a lone salmon flopping upstream on a ladder. I might get eaten before I finish laying my eggs. Any one have tips to get over this?

4) First Translation of Woo Do Hwan Japanese Interviews

More firsts! So much thanks to @ibelongtomousse to inspiring and encouraging me to do some real translating after talking to her about her sublime TKEM fics and translations thereof, and @staidwaters from emerging from the Internet depths to boost/correct my neophyte efforts! I’m now chomping at the bit to do more, even though I may ultimately discover that these interviews have absolutely nothing interesting to say, lol. But my first priority is simply to get better at the language, and 2nd priority is to soak in the words (and photos) of Woo Do Hwan, hahahah. Also, as far as I can tell, no one is filling this niche, so I guess I’ll keep going??

5) Fanart!

I started drawing again! As a procrastination tactic from writing oneshots, but it still was really nice to see that I hadn’t lost the touch entirely. I feel like I’ve mentioned this here and there, but writing wasn’t my first interest--drawing was. Animals first, then people once I discovered anime/manga. I went all into drawing comics, only to face the hard reality that I didn’t know how to tell a story end-to-end. Hence how I started trying to write. Along the way, things happened--I got RSI and had to stop drawing/writing for awhile. I discovered that pictures are NOT worth a thousand words, esp when it comes to long-form comics; my preferred tools of trade (dip pens) ended up exacerbating my RSI problems; then once I got a handle on my RSI, I found I could type faster than I can ever draw, and so here I am. I saw what @convenientalias was doing with their My Country werewolf fic though, so I am excited to try that for my Sung-rok WIP? :D

I think I’m the last hold out among artist/writer friends in answering this wrap-up, hope you enjoyed reading!

[kpopficsincorporated]

NK (New Kid)

Pairings: Bang Chan x reader, Jimin x reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst Romance

Words: 2217

- 

a/n: wow, I haven’t posted in, like, a million years. I hope you like this update.

-Admin Sam

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Prologue, Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6

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Warnings: not sure if this qualifies, but, there is mention of anxiety and panic attacks in this chapter. There was a small mention in the last chapter and I should have posted a warning there as well. I also need to state that everyone who suffers from anxiety and panic attacks have different experiences. Each person’s experience is their own. I used myself as a reference. I suffer from emotional outbursts that leave me numb afterwards, and then I am emotionally exhausted, but it’s better than the overwhelming panic I feel. This is from personal experience, and yes, I am receiving medical help for it.

I don't claim to know everything about them, but I know myself, if that makes sense. If this kind of thing bothers you, please don’t read this. 

- 

Chapter 5

You woke up to your phone ringing for the billionth time. You could have sworn you turned on ‘do not disturb’ earlier before you passed out, which meant that whoever was calling had been calling multiple times. You reached under your pillow, sliding to answer.

“Hello?” You laid the phone on top of your face, snuggling into your blanket once more.

“Y/N! I’VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU ALL DAY!” It was Chan. And he sounded frantic. You opened your eyes, checking the time on your phone and noticed that it was only about 3 in the evening. You also noticed the missed calls and piles of text messages and social media notifications.

You placed the phone back to your ear, sitting up. “What’s wrong?” You were worried. Chan had never shouted at you before, and with all those missed notifications, you were feeling your anxiety rising, causing you to tremble.

“I’m coming to pick you up. I want you to put on a hoodie; grab a cap and face mask, too, and meet me at the spot. Shit, actually, stay in your room, I will come and get you, okay?”

“What? Chan, what the heck is going on?” you asked, but you followed the instructions, putting him on speaker phone and quickly getting dressed. Chan never came to your dorm, and the fact that he was, scared you.

“I’ll explain when I see you. Just stay on the line. I’m almost there, okay?” You felt like you wanted to cry, because Chan sounded frantic and you really didn’t know what was going on.

“Chan,” you whimpered, wiping a tear that fell down.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay, Y/N. I promise. I just don’t want to tell you anything over the phone. I’m almost at your door.” You threw open your door, looking down the hall and finding Chan. He was dressed in all black, his hood up and mask on his face. He had a couple bodyguards with him, too. Now you were really scared.

“Why do you have bodyguards?” you asked as he came into your room and shut your door. The bodyguards stayed posted outside, and you could feel your heart racing.

“Come on, pack a bag. You’re gonna stay with me for a few days,” he said, rushing past you and grabbing your duffel bags. He started throwing your clothes and underwear into the bags haphazardly, rushing around. “Grab your phone charger, get your school stuff. Come on Y/N, we need to hurry.”

You were so confused. You didn’t know what was happening. Why did you need to stay with him for a few days? Why was he running around your room franticly? Why were there bodyguards outside? Your heart was racing and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. There were tears clouding your eyes and you stumbled a bit into your desk chair.

“Chan, what’s going on?” you asked. He stopped when he saw the beginnings of a panic attack.

“Hey, hey,” he muttered softly, enveloping you in a hug. “Breathe. I promise I’ll tell you, but I need you to breathe first.” You nodded, clinging tight to Chan. You breathed in the scent he carried around himself – a mix of his cologne and his bodywash and shampoo. Just as you had calmed down, there was a knock at the door, signaling for you to hurry.

“Okay, I’m going to give you the simple version, and I need you to stay calm , okay? Just stop me if you need a second,” you nodded in understanding, wanting him to hurry and tell you what the heck was going on.

“Okay, so short version is, when you were leaving BigHit and Jungkook was carrying you out, someone was hiding and took a picture, but they also followed you to the college. And before you ask, no they did not capture your face. They don’t know what you look like, they just know that you go to college here. So, until this dies down, you’re going to come stay with me.”

You didn’t know what to say. You should have been more careful, even if you think you’re safe, you should always be careful.

“Do they know that I’m NK?”

“No, but there are people who are taking guesses. Some say it’s you and some say it’s just a random girl who is in college. Bang PD is taking action against the pictures, and JYP is trying to take action silently. If people knew that JYP was taking action, it would just lead to further rumors and questions, so he’s trying to be quiet about it.” Chan grabbed your mask and put it on your face for you. He pulled a cap onto your head and pulled the hood up over it. “I know you need more time to process, but we gotta go. There are a lot of people waiting at the gates. We’re gonna go the back way and Mimi will pick us up there.”

“This is too much, Chan,” you muttered as you grabbed your backpack, double checking to make sure you had everything.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“No need to be sorry, bub. You didn’t do anything,” you ran your hand through his hair, petting his head for a second, before grabbing a duffel bag and putting your hand in his. “Let’s go.”

-

Luckily, there was no struggle getting to Mimi, and you were quickly on your way to Chan’s dorm. You handed your phone to him and asked him to check your notifications. You were too scared to even look at them.

“Okay, so you need to call Jungkook today sometime. He’s blown up your phone with worry. I already told him I picked you up, so it’s calmed down a little, but you still need to call him. Jackson is at my dorm waiting for you, so you don’t have to call him. JYP is also at the dorm. He wants to talk with you about everything-“

“Am I in trouble?” you asked, laying your head on Chan’s shoulder and wrapping your arms around his one arm. He maneuvered you, placing your legs on his lap and his arm around your shoulder to where you were cuddled to his side and hugging his body instead of his arm. He was trying his best to comfort you.

“I don’t think so, no. I think JYP is going to tell you that you should have been more careful, but I don’t think you’re in trouble.” He answered honestly. This was another thing you loved about Chan. He comforted you, but he never lied to you and tried to make things seem better than they were. He was optimistic when he needed to be, never pessimistic, but just honest. It was refreshing.

“I was just so tired, Chan. I wasn’t paying attention.” You started tearing up again. With the fact that you were on the verge of a panic attack in the dorm, you knew that just being hugged and comforted wouldn’t help. You needed the outburst of the emotion welling up inside so that the panic would fade away.

“Go ahead, you can cry, Y/N.” Chan held you as you let the dam break and by the time you arrived to the dorms, you were feeling much better. You didn’t feel happy. You felt slightly numb, but you knew that the numbness would pass after a while. The numbness was better than the overwhelming emotion that had built up; the emotional exhaustion was better.

After the bodyguards were sure that you weren’t followed or being watched, Chan helped you carry your bags up to the dorm. You were so lost in your head and numb to your surroundings that you didn’t even notice that you were in the dorm. You didn’t notice that you were being hugged by someone until Jackson whispered in your ear that it was going to be okay.

“Y/n,” someone called your name from the living room.

“Hello,” you greeted JYP robotically with a small bow. He gave you a sympathetic smile, understanding.

“Have you started seeing that doctor I told you about,” he asked as he stood, giving you a look that made you feel like you’d done something wrong.

“No, sir, I haven’t yet. I forgot to even look into it. I’m sorry,” you bowed again.

“It’s fine, Y/N. I’ll get you an appointment set up.”

“But-“

“You had your chance to set the appointment yourself. You waited too long and I know it’s getting worse,” he said with that ‘You know I’m right, so don’t argue’ look on his face.

“Yes, sir,” you bow again. He sighs heavily, motioning for you to sit on the couch.

“I need you to tell me what happened.”

You explain what happened, keeping your eyes focused on the coffee table in front of you, not looking up once.

“We had been working on the song until, like, 5 something. I was so tired and I hadn’t been getting much sleep lately. So I went into my ‘shut down, bed now’ mode and I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings. Jungkook helped me down to the van – I had almost fallen over completely in the elevator. He offered to carry me, and if it weren’t for that, I would have fallen asleep in the elevator and would have been dead to the world for a few hours. When I made it to the van, I went to sleep on the floor of it, and that was it. Mimi dropped me off at the campus, I went to my room and went straight to sleep. I’m so sorry for not paying attention,” you sighed, closing your eyes, and trying not to cry in front of the boss man.

“You’re not in trouble, but, because of this, I would like to move you to a private dorm that isn’t on campus. You’re already one of my artists, you have a manager who can drive you to the campus when you need to be there. You already spend most of your time either here or at the company. It won’t be much of a difference for you, except you’ll be safer. You’ll be a couple of floors away from Chan if you need any help. I think this would be the best course of action for now.”

You had a feeling that he would say this. When you had first signed the contract, he tried to convince you to move to a private dorm, but you were already paying to stay on campus. It would be a waste of money if you moved.

As you opened your mouth to argue, he held his hand up. “I’m not asking. I’ve already taken care of everything. Your new dorm will be ready in a week. You’ll be spending this week going to classes and packing everything up. Mimi will be with you at all times except during your classes. I’m also assigning you an extra manager, but she’ll be more of a guard than an actual manager. Mimi might be fierce, but she isn’t fierce enough that extra backup wouldn’t be helpful.”

You opened your mouth to argue again, but he kept going. “You don’t have to pay for anything. It will be taken care of, Y/N. I would also prefer if you stayed with Jackson until your room is ready, but I know you’ll be here with Chan, anyway.” At that, he gave you a knowing look.

You crossed your arms over your chest and pouted, a blush marking your face at what was being insinuated. “Where are the rest of the boys?” you asked.

JYP gave you an infuriating smile – a smile you wanted to wipe off of his face but knew it would be extremely rude to do so. He knew he won by the change in topic, but he only won because you didn’t get a chance to say anything earlier. Despite everything, you were happy that he was trying to make sure you were safe. Having a bodyguard posted outside your door on campus would be like a huge blinking sign that said, “THIS IS NK, SHE LIVES HERE IN THIS ROOM.” You understood why he was making you move and understood why you were getting an extra manager; you respected his decision. He was only trying to help. Plus, he was paying your bills right now anyway.

“They’re at practice,” Chan answered from his seat at the kitchen table. You sat up so quickly, you felt slightly dizzy.

“Did I make you miss practice?” you asked, worried. Chan deserved better than a friend who was a constant distraction.

“No, JYP did,” he answered, smiling at his boss.

“Chan is going back to practice in an hour,” JYP rolled his eyes with affection, smiling kindly. “Jackson is going to stay with you for now. I should get back to the company and see if we can get things sorted with all of those reporters posted outside the university.”

He stood to leave, everyone standing as well to walk him out the door. He told you he’d keep in touch and keep you updated on the details and you were grateful.

It had been such a long day already and you were ready to go back to sleep.

[hissyreviews]

September Reads!

Sooooo, who’s 12 days late to show all the books I read last month?

This bitch!

So here’s how I decided to do this end of the month wrap ups. I’m going to add a read more, give the back of the book summary, my snap thoughts, and then a rating. That way, if you don’t care for long posts you don’t have to suffer.

You’re welcome.

The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris

A young FBI trainee. An evil genius locked away for unspeakable crimes. A plunge into the darkest chambers of a psychopath’s mind- in the deadly search for a serial killer. . . .

Thoughts: MMMM yes, this is the good shit. Hell to the bells yes. This is my shit. One of my faves. Top ten books read ever.

Rating: 10/10 would recommend

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

The Road is a profoundly moving story of a journey. It boldly imagines a future in which no hope remains, but in which a father and his son, “each the other’s world entire”, are sustained by love.

Thoughts: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. This book is rough. This world is absolutely horrifying but the relationship that McCarthy crafts between the father and son is so emotional. I have heard that this is one of McCarthy’s least rough books to read in both emotional trauma and philosophical nihilism. (Also I think there was a Jesus allegory in the son. I don’t know why but it felt like he was the future religion. Look, I was too busy crying. I don’t think I could handle reading another McCarthy, alright?)

Rating: 4/10 I didn’t really like it but I think it’s like Pulp Fiction. Everyone should read it once.

The Beguiled by Thomas Cullinan

Wounded and near death, a young Union Army corporal is found in the woods of Virginia during the height of the Civil War and brought to the nearby Miss Martha Farnsworth Seminary for Young Ladies. Almost immediately he sets about beguiling the three women and five teenage girls stranded in this outpost of Southern gentility, eliciting their love and fear, pity and infatuation, and pitting them against one another in a bid for his freedom. But as the women are revealed for who they really are, a sense of ominous foreboding closes in on the soldier, and the question becomes: Just who is the beguiled?

Thoughts: This is one of those books that I came into with high hopes. The story itself was good. I liked the overall story. I was not fond of the writing style. It’s the 1960′s trying to emulate the 1860′s. Overall, it went over like a lead balloon.

Rating: 5/10 Take it or leave it. You’ll either like it or you wont. (Check it out at the library.)

The Ghost Map by Steven Johnson

It’s the summer of 1854, and London is seized by a violent outbreak of cholera that no one knows how to stop. As the epidemic spreads, a maverick physicians and a local curate are spurred to action, working to solve the most pressing medical riddle of their time. Ina a triumph of multidisciplinary thinking, Johnson illuminates the intertwined histories of the spread of disease, the rise of cities, and the nature of scientific inquiry, offering both a thrilling account of the most intense cholera outbreak to strike Victorian London and a powerful explanation of how it has shaped the world we live in.

Thoughts: I loved this. I know that history can be dry and dull but this had a dynamic way of speaking about the past. The writer is a journalist not a “true” historian so it makes for good reading. No shade, but many historians just write like dust. Sooo dry. Mmm, book good, much education. I feel illuminated.

Rating: 9/10 would recommend

Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann

In the 1920s, the richest people per capita in the world were members of the Osage Nation in Oklahoma. After oil was discovered beneath their land, they rode in chauffeured cars and lived in mansions.Then one by one, the Osage began to be killed. Mollie Burkhart watched as her family became a prime target. Her relatives were shot and poisoned. Other Osage were also dying under mysterious circumstances, and many of those who investigated the crimes were themselves murdered. As the death toll rose, the case was taken up by the newly created FBI and its young, secretive director, J. Edgar Hoover. Struggling to crack the mystery, Hoover turned to a former Texas Ranger named Tom White, who put together an undercover team, including a Native American agent. They infiltrated this last remnant of the Wild West, and together with the Osage began to expose one of the most chilling conspiracies in American History.

Thoughts: This is a book that will make your blood boil. It shows the blatant racism with an unapologetic stare. As an Irish Cherokee living in Oklahoma, I was biting my fist in rage throughout this entire book. These crimes, these absolutely disgusting crimes should be taught in history books. If you have no idea what this is about. Read the damn book. If you have an idea of the events. Read the damn book. If you live in Europe. Read the damn book. Events like this should never be forgotten. And God bless Mollie Burkhart. Read the book and you will feel that way too. Just read the book.

Rating: 10/10 read the damn book

The Circle by Dave Eggers

When Mae Holland is hired to work for the Circle, the world’s most powerful internet company, she feels she’s been given the opportunity of a lifetime - even as life beyond the campus grows distant, even as a strange encounter with a colleague leaves her shaken, even as her role at the Circle becomes increasingly public. What begins as the captivating story of one woman’s ambition and idealism soon becomes a heart-racing novel of suspense, raising questions about memory, history, privacy, democracy, and the limits of human knowledge.

Thoughts: Holy shit. This is why I don’t own a smart phone. Read this book and you will second glance at every piece of technology that you own. In thrillers I try to guess what is going to happen and I was wrong about the ending of this book. Which, to tell the truth, made me happy but I was paranoid about the ending. Like it feels like life is moving towards this kind of universe and I don’t like it. May I just say that I am Mercer.

Rating: 8/10 would recommend

Voices from Chernobyl by Svetlana Alexievich

On April 26, 1986, the worst nuclear reactor accident in history occurred in Chernobyl and contaminated as much as three quarters of Europe. Voices from Chernobyl is the first book to present personal accounts of the tragedy. Journalist Svetlana Alexievich interviewed hundreds of people affected by the meltdown - from innocent civilians to firefighters to those called in to clean up the disaster - and their stories reveal the fear, anger, and uncertainty with which they still live. Comprised of interviews in monologue form, Voices from Chernobyl is a crucially important work, unforgettable in its emotional power and honesty.

Thoughts: This book  will take you through every possible emotion known to man kind. Alright. Do not read this if you are in an emotionally compromised state. It will make it worse. That said, I truly believe that this is a pivotal piece to understand the Chernobyl disaster from the ground up instead of the top down view that much of the western world understands. Also, with that Chernobyl series this seems an apropos time to read this.

Rating: 9/10 Everyone should read this once.

Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi

Every Tuesday mornign for two years in the Islamic Republic of Iran, a bold and inspired teacher named Azar Nafisi secretly gathered seven of her most committed female students to read forbidden Western classics. As Islamic morality squads staged arbitrary raids in Tehran, fundamentalists seized hold of the universities, and a blind censor stifled artistic expression, the girls in Azar Nafisi’s living room risked removing their veils and immersed themselves in the worlds of Jane Austen, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Henry James, and Vladimir Nabokov. In this extraordinary memoir, their stories become intertwined with the ones they are reading. Reading Lolita in Tehran is a remarkable exploration of resilience in the face of tyranny and a celebration of the liberating power of literature.

Thoughts: You know a book that makes you frustrated with the author when they did something you know that they would regret in the past? I felt that. I won’t spoil it but I did say on multiple occasions “You asked for this!” This book is living proof of the old adage “Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” Yeah, that’s what I felt and pity. There was some pity going on.

Rating: 8/10 Read it if you are interested in Middle Eastern history or women’s studies. I don’t think it’s everyone’s cup of tea.

The Perfect Girlfriend by Karen Hamilton

Juliette loves Nate. She will follow him anywhere. She’s even become a flight attendant for his airline so she can keep a closer eye on him. They are meant to be. The fact that Nate broke up with her six months ago means nothing. Because Juliette has a plan to win him back. She is the perfect girlfriend. And she’ll make sure no one stops her from getting exactly what she wants. True love hurts, but Juliette knows it’s worth all the pain. . .

Thoughts: This book is an easy read. It’s a day and a half for someone who reads a lot. Easy to get into, easy to understand, but it doesn’t act like it thinks you’re stupid. Creepy in the same way You was creepy. If you liked You you will like this book. If stalkers aren’t your thing avoid this one. I will say that I found the ending underwhelming. It felt like the author was tired of writing and just wanted to end the freaking book. Other than that, it was fine.

Rating: 6/10 Like You? Read this one.

The Trial of Lizzie Borden by Cara Robertson

When Andy and Abby Borden were brutally hacked to death in Fall River, Massachusetts, in August of 1892, the arrest of the couple’s daughter Lizzie turned the case into international news and her trial into a spectacle unparalleled in American history. Reporter flocked to the scene. Well-known columnists took up conspicuous seats in the courtroom. The defendant was relentlessly scrutinized for signs of guilt or innocence. Everyone - rich and poor, suffragists and social conservatives, legal scholars and laypeople - had an opinion about Lizzie Borden’s guilt or innocence. The popular fascination with the Borden murders and its central, enigmatic character has endured for more than a hundred years, but the legend often outstrips the story. Based on transcripts of the Borden legal proceedings, contemporary newspaper articles, previously withheld lawyer’s journals, unpublished local reports, and recently unearthed letters from Lizzie herself, The Trial of Lizzie Borden is a definitive account fo the Borden murder case and offers a window into America in the Gilded Age, showcasing its most deeply held convictions and its most troubling social anxieties.

Thoughts: I have always been fascinated with this case. It is one of the first nationally publicized cases and as such everyone knew. Can you imagine never being able to go anywhere without being recognized as the one woman who got away with murder? In America we still sing “Lizzie Borden took an axe, gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, gave her father forty-one.” No one alive in America doesn’t know who Lizzie Borden is. If you like true crime and history you will like this. I think you probably would even if you aren’t a connoisseur of those genres. P.S. I still think Lizzie did it.

Rating: 9/10 would recommend

Jane Austen, the Secret Radical by Helena Kelly

An illuminating reassessment of the life and work of Jane Austen that makes clear how Austen has been misread for the past two centuries and how she intended her books to be read. In Jane Austen, the Secret Radical, Helena Kelly, dazzling Jane Austen authority, looks a the writer and her work in the context of Austen’s own time to reveal this popular, beloved artist as daring, even subversive in reaction to her roiling world and to show, novel by novel, how Austen imbued her books with radical, sometimes revolutionary ideas - on slavery, poverty, feminism and marriage as trapping women, on the Church, and evolution. We see that Austen was writing in a time when revolution was in the air (she was born the year before the American Revolution; the French Revolution began when she was thirteen). England had become a totalitarian state; Britain was at war with France. Habeas corpus had been suspended; treason, redefined, was no longer limited to actively conspiring to overthrow and to kill. It now included thinking, writing, printing, and reading (Tom Paine was convicted of seditious libel in 1792 for ideas considered dangerous to the state), the intention being to pressure writers and publishers to police themselves; those who criticized the government or who turned away from the Church of England were seen as betraying their country in its hour of need. In this revelatory, brilliant book, Kelly discusses each of Austen’s novels in the order in which they were written. Whether writing about the fundamental unfairness of primogeniture in Sense and Sensibility (influenced by Mary Wollstonecraft’s 1792 A Vindication of the Rights of Women) or about property and inheritance, war, revolution, and counterrevolution in Pride and Prejudice (Kelly describes the novel as a revolutionary fairy tale written in response to Edmund Burke’s Reflections on the Revolution in France) or about Mansfield Park, with its issues of slavery and the hypocrisy of the Church of England, we see Austen not as someone creating a procession of undifferentiated romances but as someone whose novels reflect back to her readers the world as it is - and was then - complicated, messy, and filled with error and injustice. We see a writer who understood that the novel - seen as mindless “trash” - could be a great art form and who, perhaps more than any other writer up to that time, imbued it with its particular greatness. And finally we see Austen - the writer; the artist; the serious, ambitious, clear-sighted woman “of information” - fully aware of what was going on in the world around her, clear about what she thought of it, and clear that she set out to write about it and to quietly, artfully make her ideas known.

Thoughts: Damn that synopsis. Advice for publishers: create an engaging synopsis in one to three paragraphs. That being said this was a fascinating read. I love Austen so I enjoyed having more context to the stories. Great for women’s studies, english literature and a perspective of slavery rarely mentioned (at least in my readings).

Rating: 9/10 will enjoy if you enjoy Austen

[mangled-dreams]

Sins of the Mother: 5

Chapter 5: Accidents

Previous chapters:

Collection  Agreement  Terms  Truth

Pacing back and forth in the living room Ollie remarks you’ll wear a trace track into the flooring. You apologize and tell him to go clean his teeth before heading to bed pausing just long enough for Ollie to disappear from your sight before pacing again. Trinity hasn’t called or checked-in with you since she left in the morning around six AM.

It’s unlike Trinity to not even shoot you a text or emoji letting you know she’s okay. You’ve tried calling her a few times through out the day and sent her a few messages that she hadn’t returned or answered. It worries you, scares you really!

This isn’t normal behavior and you fear that something bad happened or he had a reaction to her medication. Looking at your phone you groan a little and try calling her again. It rings a few times before going to voicemail.

“Hey, Trin, it’s your favorite hovering sister. I haven’t heard from you at all today and I’ve left you a few messages now, please call me back. Let me know you’re still with me, okay?” You say trying to walk the fine line of casual and overbearing. Hanging up you sighs, pocket your phone, and look at the front door.

Thankfully you haven’t seen Dark since the uncomfortable discussion nearly two months ago, but that doesn’t stop you from worrying about your future. Even as you haven't seen Dark he has left--what your sister calls love notes and gifts. You pretty much disregard them until you're alone.  

You’d talked with Trinity as you’d promised, but left out the more… horrifying details of your reality. She’d been distraught as you’d expected, but after reassuring her—and yourself, she calmed down and things returned to relative normality.

You haven’t been worrying to much about Trinity’s behavior as its greatly improved and she seems back to her pervious self. She told you her medication seemed to be helping a lot and in combination with talking with the councilor she’s feeling better than ever. You applaud her, telling her how proud and happy you are for her.

Mid thought your phone rings and you pull it quickly from your pocket answering it would looking at the contact name. “Hello?”

“Hello, is the guardian of Trinity Scarlett available?” A male asks and your heart drops. He sounds too emotionless and precise to be just a random person asking.

“Th-that’s me. I’m her guardian.” You say already blinking back your tears. You just know this is bad, so very bad.

“My name is Officer O’Neil; we need you to come down to St. Rose Memorial Hospital. There’s been an accident.”

Covering your mouth your mind goes blank. He could be telling you the secret to the universe, the meaning to life, or directions to an ancient Aztecan city and you wouldn't hear a damn word.  Calling your neighbor, Cassandra Whittle, she agrees to watch Ollie and Fern until you or your father arrives home allowing you to race down to the hospital.

You have no idea what happened but you fear the absolute worse case scenario. When you get to the hospital, and after you quickly put your car in park, you rush into the building making a bee-line for the receptionist’s desk.

“My name is Y/n Scarlett. I’m Trinity Scarlett’s older sister. I have power of attorney for her. Her birthday is…”

The older looking woman behind the desk holds up a hand halting you before you can say Trinity’s birthday. “Miss Scarlett, please, I understand you’re scared but take a few deep breaths. You look ready to fall over.” Her tone is warn and soothing, and you follow her suggestion.

“Please, I need to know if Trinity is alive.” You say looking to the one way locked doors leading to where your sister is.

“I need you to sign in first. I’ll have an orderly take you to her.” She says calmly handing you a book to sign into before paging one of the floor orderlies to come collect you. Within minutes you are escorted into the back, a small slip of paper wrapped securely around your wrist tethering you to Trinity during her stay.

“Oh, God!” Your hands cover you mouth to keep from sobbing out loud. Nothing in your wildest nightmare equate to this horror. Rushing forward you hovers just beside Trinity’s bed your hands hesitating to touch even an inch of her. A respirator tube is shoved down her throat, breathing vital air into her lungs for her. IV lines are jabbed into both arms, red and clear liquid being pumped into her body.

You want to touch her, to feel her skin beneath yours as reassurance she’s there, but nothing in you can make that final touch.

"Miss Scarlett? I'm Officer O'Neil. I need to speak with you."

Holding your phone to your ear you wait. You feel numb all over, yet again. Your sister's recovery will be short of a miracle at this point.

She had bleeding and swelling on her brain, she's suffering from over seven broken bones in various locations, mainly on her right side, she had internal damage to her intestines, and the worst of it all, it was all caused by her so-called best friend Helen who'd been driving under the influence of drugs. To make things worse, Helen didn't get nearly the same injuries as Trinity and had left the scene and ran home.

She'd been caught because it was her car and Trinity had been buckled in to the passenger side front seat. Even when Helen had been caught she tried to blame Trinity. Her parents had brought her into the hospital at the same time Trinity had been brought in.

They tell you if Trinity does survive and manages to wake up that she won't be the same girl. She's suffered too much brain damage to make a complete recovery to the person she'd been. You didn't realized just how much one heart could break in a matter of two days.

"Hello?"

You don't respond instantly. Biting your lip you finally force yourself to speak. "I need you."

"As you wish."

It took everything in you to finally make the call. You guess it finally had to happen when you saw the looks of despair in the eyes of Trinity's care team. No one believes she'll make it.

Within moments Dark arrives in the hospital. With his wide stride it takes only a few seconds for Dark to reach you. He doesn't reach out to touch you but that means very little. The moment he's within rage you rush into his arms.

You haven't been able to reach your father and you need someone to hold you, even if it's from a cold demon like Dark. "She's going to die, Dark. I couldn't protect her." You sob into his chest. Your tears are hot and sting your eyes as they race down your blotchy face. You've been crying so much you didn't think you could shed any more tears and yet here you are.

Dark stands ridged. You surprised him yet again. He never would have thought that you'd call him here to simply have him hold you. He already aware you're father isn't in the hospital; why else would you call upon him to be your support? He'd never given the impression he'd be one to come to for such things.

The death of another human means very little to him unless it's you. Now that he's claimed you he cannot replace you with another Scarlet decedent, and on a much more personal level he's plagued with a kind of affection for you. You're tenacity and ability to over come your fears has solidified his choice in you, and had endeared you to him.

Looking over your head Dark sees your sister lying on the bed, near deaths door. Of course he knows what happened and whose fault it is. Just because he’s chosen his bride doesn’t mean he’ll stop keeping tabs on the others.  

In no way will he allow some over sight to steal away his claim. However, right now his claim is sobbing against his chest, your heart crumbling under the decision you’ll have to face sooner or later; whether to continue to allow Trinity to live as she is, on a ventilator and fluid IVs for nourishment, or to pull the plug and allow her the grace of death.

It’s already very obvious by the faces and emotions surrounding Trinity’s room that she’ll end up dying either way. “Why did you call me? Do you wish me to save you sister?” Dark asks. He doesn’t mind being used in such a way if it benefits him, but it would be unlike you to simply cave in.

Lifting your eyes to his, you shake your head. “No, I…” Your words escape you. Dropping your gaze you answer honestly, “I can’t ask you to save her, no matter how much I want too. Trinity wouldn’t want me to do that if it means losing more of my freedoms. I needed someone emotionally detached from the situation.” It feels shitty to admit you don’t want your family around you, but their kind words and added emotions will just cause more pain than you need.

Dark understands. You’re family would do the family thing and try to tell you everything will be okay, but very rarely does someone recover from these kinds of injuries without repercussions. Wrapping his arms around you Dark pulls you to his chest.

“Despite what you may think of me I am sorry you are going through this. I am fully aware how precious your sister is to you.” You melt a little at the sincerity in his tone. He may or may know his words would affect you, but apart of you believes he is actually sincere in his words and actions.

“Thank you.” You whisper burying your face into his chest again. Silently Dark nods his head, wrapping himself around you tightly. He presses a soft kiss to your crown as you cry.

[crystalelemental]

USUM Did Bad - Lillie’s Family

Ooooh god.  Okay.  I wasn't originally going to bother.  I feel like other people have said it better, and I got my complaining out.  But I've apparently made this into a series of articles and I've referenced this in every single one, so fine, let's talk about the biggest blunder in Pokemon game history: Lillie's family, and the absolute removal of their characters from USUM.

MOHN Let's talk backstory.  In Sun/Moon, through files you find, you learn that Mohn is a professor who studied the ultra wormholes, but went missing.  Based on appearance and implication, everyone figured out Mohn is Lusamine's husband. His disappearance is oft cited by defenders of Lusamine's actions as the reason she is this way.  Personally, I agree.  I think Lusamine's always been controlling, but Mohn's disappearance was something she couldn't control, and it resulted in her losing the one she loved.  People talk about Nihilego's toxins, and Mohn's loss as causes, but they're really not.  It's catalysts at best.  Lusamine was always set to be this controlling.  Mohn's disappearance just spiked the behavior to the point things got bad.  Even Gladion confirms, she was better when he was around, but it got rough when he vanished.  Given how Mohn is as a person, I don't think he'd stay with someone who was always an abusive level of controlling.  More than likely, she was controlling, but able to keep that in check. That's the impression I always got.

Now, in USUM, Mohn comes back!  For a short scene in the post-game, in which Lusamine talks with him, and lets him leave without a word because "he seems happy."  Excellent writing, USUM, great job.  The woman loses her husband, spirals out of control, and we're just going to brush that all aside.  Get used to the term "brushed it aside," by the way, because it happens a lot with this game.

LUSAMINE So with the history out of the way, let's talk Lusamine.  Because I can't explain how bad Gladion and Lillie got it until we've talked about Lusamine.  Lusamine...is awesome.  I love her as a villain.  My main complaint in Sun/Moon, however, was that her entire character, through implication, seemed to hinge on Mohn's disappearance.  I don't blame people who say Mohn is the main cause of Lusamine's actions.  The game kinda frames it that way.  All we ever get from Gladion is that Lusamine seemed okay prior to their dad's disappearance.  Certainly implies he's a cause.  What we never got was what she was like before.  Based on her actions, I think it's safe to say that she was likely always fairly controlling, just not to the intense degree we see in Sun/Moon.  In those games, she's awful.  Lillie dresses only the way she wants, she manipulates Guzma into following her despite him having nothing to gain, and she preserves her Pokemon in ice to keep them with her forever, probably against their wishes.  She is all about control and manipulation, and it likely stems from both her being that way, and from a heavy sense of loss.  I never minded that Mohn was a catalyst.  I minded that it was implied he was the ONLY reason she was like this.   Fear of loss is a powerful motivator, and for that to be expressed as the reason she manipulates and controls brings in a sense of her being damaged, and having the potential for a redemption arc.  Implying that her husband disappeared and I dunno man, she just went crazy, implies that she has little agency as a character, and Mohn's return would be a simplistic fix.

Which was EXACTLY what I feared would happen.  I saw the spoiler that Mohn came back to Aether, and we all knew they'd try making Lusamine good in the upcoming games as some ridiculous twist.  I expected it to be the worst possible confirmation. Instead, they somehow did something WORSE.  Oh, they talk about Mohn disappearing as a reason for her actions.  But that's explicitly stated more than implicitly felt.  At no point is there any dialogue or action that implies her reason for seeking control is to keep things safe.   Instead, they deviate. Now she wants to stop Necrozma.  Best case scenario, it's to help people. Worst case scenario, it's to add to her collection she still has.  Phyco implies she's the worst case scenario, stating that it's arrogant of her to attempt solving all their problems on her own, but again, that's the only line of dialogue to that effect. Everything else implies that she was being selfless, because they next time we see her, she got beat by Necrozma, you take off to combat it, and in the time you were gone Lillie tells you she talked with Lusamine and they're fine now.  No redemption arc, no struggle, just an off-screen brushing aside of the entire conflict of the previous game.

It hurts Lillie and Gladion substantially, but it hurts Lusamine as a character as well.  What could have potentially been an explanation to her actions and a push toward redemption through this whole "working together" undertone they had going, instead gets brushed aside in favor of a quick and tidy resolution in which no one has to talk about the hard stuff.  It's like they started with the ending premise that Lusamine was going to be a good guy, and someone mentioned "Hey, didn't we make her kinda really abusive to her kids?"  And instead of backpedaling and deciding whether this was a good idea or not, or hell, going forward but acknowledging how hard it would be, they decided "that's fine, we'll just say they talked it out and it's all good."

YOU. CANNOT. DO. THAT.  It invalidates EVERYTHING.  Not just the suffering that Lillie and Gladion went through, but any and all meaning for Lusamine's redemption.  Let's be real here: does anyone truly believe that USUM Lusamine is not still an awful, horrific person?  She kept her frozen Pokemon.  When Lillie tries to confront her and talk her down, Lusamine still snaps and tells her she has no children because they dared to disobey her.  Gladion is still terrified the entire time they go through Aether to save Lillie.  SHE STILL HAS HER FROZEN POKEMON COLLECTION.  Lusamine wasn't redeemed at all.  Her actions are still terrible, and nothing was shown to demonstrate that she's gotten any better.  We're just told she did.

I know people who were entirely against any redemption arc for Lusamine.  I can understand this, but I myself am not against it.  I think there's always a way to demonstrate a good turn from evil, but it's a process.  It takes time, it takes effort, and there's a reason that so many redemption arcs end in death.  It is incredibly hard to do redemption, and it gets harder the more villainous you've made a character.  Granted, this seems to apply more to relational villainy, as someone who, say, abuses their kid is seen as much less redeemable than someone who just wanted to unmake reality because of their ennui.  But still, it can be done.  The important thing to remember when deciding to redeem your villain, however, is to make sure that you're showing how difficult it is.  That you're demonstrating how hard it would be to mend relationships, or break old habits, or even just acknowledge what you did was wrong.  When you do that, it can be a powerful story.  When you decide instead to go "They're a good guy now, just make them talk it out off-screen," you invalidate that process, demean the suffering of the victims of their actions, and insult the reader by expecting them to just go along with this paper-thin facade.  And you cannot impress me with this.

GLADION Remember when Gladion's power-seeking attitude was because he had immense guilt over running away from his problems instead of facing them head-on and leaving his kid sister in the hands of his abusive mother to fend for herself?  Yeah, neither does USUM.  Because now, Gladion did all this because he wanted to be strong enough to fight the cool guy Necrozma (who is super cool, did you know?) so his mom wouldn't have to.

Honestly, do I even need to keep talking?  Re-read that paragraph.  Lusamine is virtually unchanged in any significant way, they just tell you things are different. And Gladion, who acted terrified the whole way through Aether?  Yeah, I guess that was just nerves about fighting Necrozma or something?  Probably not important.  Certainly not related to any psychological scarring brought about from years of abuse or the immense guilt for not being able to help his sister out of the situation too.   Definitely not.

His character is so set aside now.  He doesn't DO anything!  And his relationship with Lusamine, for some reason, is just fine.  The entire time they interact, it's fine.  He's concerned about her safety.  Okay, fine.  Maybe if you want to demonstrate the lasting impact of the emotional abuse, we can show that he's willing to fight Necrozma in her place because she's somehow manipulated into it.  Oh wait, no, she's insisting she'll do it herself and calling him a good kid, literally seconds after shouting at Lillie that she has no children.  Seriously, does no one else hate the whiplash of this scene?  We went from Lillie trying desperately to talk her mother into listening and being told that she wasn't Lusamine's child anymore, to a scene where she's calling both of them good kids and wishing they would just let her handle this so they're okay.  These are back to back scenes!  Did you even think?  Just remove the first one if you wanted to go the route of the second!  This is not that hard!

LILLIE Okay, deep breaths...

Lillie is a fan favorite, and it is super easy to see why.  So easy, in fact, that most people would be surprised if someone said they didn't like Lillie.  So easy, that the only way to not understand why Lillie was such a relatable and well-loved character, would be to have your eyes closed shut, head stuck in the sand, shouting "lalala, can't hear you!" while making loud farting noises with your butt. Which must've been what the writing staff did, because good GOD.

For those uncertain: Lillie is so well-liked because she is a character caught in a situation where her mother is emotionally abusive and controlling of her every action.  In an act of empathy and desperation, she defies her mother to save Nebby's life, and is teleported to a place she's wholly unfamiliar with, scared and alone, until Professor Burnet takes her in. She spends all her time out in the world amazed at what it's like, but also fearful of everyone she encounters until they've proven they're a friend.  In the end, she grows enough as a person to change the appearance her mother crafted for her, and confronts her mother by calling out her actions as awful.  She reaches a place where she can reflect on all that's happened and say "I don't deserve this," and pushes back against unjust actions.  That is not a narrative often seen, and to have the message that victims don't deserve this treatment and that people are not something to be controlled by another, is incredible.  Lillie, as the main character of this story, shines beautifully.  For those who are good with a redemption for Lusamine, the end of this confrontation, where Lillie is still willing to save her mother's life and help her recover, only makes her more likeable.  She's able to state that what Lusamine has done is not okay, but is still willing to make an attempt to help her. It's an implied beginning to a redemption arc, and frankly, if you're gonna go that direction, that's what you need to do.  Imply.  The time it would take, and the effort it would take, cannot be demonstrated all within this game.  But you could try.  Instead, they chose a reasonable sendoff, with the implication of mending the damage, rather than trying to force a quick resolution.

Then USUM shows up and is like "That's for idiots, watch this!" and tosses it all aside.  Lillie is virtually removed from this game.  The entirety of her character arc following the Aether invasion?  Gone.  She still gets her change of clothes, and still has the scene on the bridge of her running forward, but she doesn't confront her mother, she doesn't get her scene with you on Exeggutor Island, and she doesn't even get time with Nebby.  What she does get is an off-screen resolution, where she tells the player all that she needed to do was talk to her mom and it was fine.

I've been trying my best to cut back on swearing, but BULLSHIT.  Not only is that insufficient to mend what's been done, but do you know what Lillie attempted to do during the Aether invasion? TALK TO LUSAMINE.  She was actively trying to get her mother to stop and consider her actions, and Lusamine told her that she had no children because they won't do as she says.  Did they just forget?  How else do you explain the fact that they kept the scene of Lillie talking to Lusamine and being shut down, but then turn around and insist that talking solved their problems?  It's ridiculous.  And more than any other character, it hurts Lillie.  Her entire character got removed.   Oh, she's still there, but like most of them, she's a caricature.  She exists for no purpose now.  We've taken the focus off of Lillie's history and the damaging family dynamic for her and Gladion, and instead we've replaced it with...what, exactly?  What does Lillie still have going for her?  She's cute?  She doesn't have any agency.  And that's the entire issue.

This whole family was taken out of the equation.  They have virtually no bearing on the plot, barring Lusamine's decision to awaken Necrozma for some reason. And even then, her justification for doing so is conflicting within the scene it's established, and the justification they want us to believe isn't consistent with her actions.  She's just as quickly removed after waking up Necrozma, so there's nothing to build on after that either.   Gladion's fear of confronting his mother is completely unjustified with their new setup, and his actions of running away and getting stronger to confront Necrozma doesn't even make sense given his age at the time of leaving, and when the Ultra Recon Squad showed up.  And Lillie. Poor Lillie was just removed from every poignant scene she had, and was given an immediate off-screen resolution to everything she experienced.  The story is disjointed, the characters inconsistent, and this entire family rendered meaningless within their own game, all in favor of focusing on a new Strawman Group and the lame Ultra Necrozma fight.

CONCLUSION USUM is known to be the last handheld game.  "Steve, the Switch is-" No.  It is not.  Pokemon is leaving handhelds, and this is straight-up their sendoff. They've confirmed it.  And looking at it as that sendoff, as the beautiful wrap-up of 22 years of games, I am horrified.  We've made so much growth over the years. We went from a very basic game with virtually no plot or characterization, to full-blown stories about ethical treatment of animals, or how people handle abuse, or even just exploring the human condition.  But at the end, at our cap-off, what do we get?  Characters and story brushed aside in favor of what they think is a really cool and hard final battle with a big glowy dragon thing, and a post-game story focused on the Gen 1 team again.  You could've done so much to be a send-off.  You could've shown so much of your growth and highlighted so many things you've developed.  And instead, you went back to nostalgia pandering and flashy battles devoid of meaning.  If this is sincerely the best cap-off you could produce, and is meant to be the demonstration of you moving into the future console, then for the first time in 22 years, I am inclined to agree with genwunners and say that Pokemon is dying or dead.  Because this?   Shameful. Pathetic.  Inexcusable.  I honestly feel like you didn't even try.  If this is the level of quality we can expect from here on out, then we've hit a point where old fans are dissatisfied because they cannot be satisfied, and newer fans are dissatisfied

[jam2289]

On Resentment as the Path to Destruction

Resentment is the most destructive emotion. It seems like hate and anger might be, or jealousy. But, notice that all of these things spring from resentment. Resentment is the underlying foundation that fuels these other destructive emotions. Let's take a quick look at six demonstrations.

Aesop created some fables 2,600 years ago. Those stories are still popular. That's impressive. "The Fox and the Grapes" deals directly with resentment. There are many versions, here's one.

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ONE hot summer’s day a Fox was strolling through an orchard till he came to a bunch of Grapes just ripening on a vine which had been trained over a lofty branch. “Just the things to quench my thirst,” quoth he. Drawing back a few paces, he took a run and a jump, and just missed the bunch. Turning round again with a One, Two, Three, he jumped up, but with no greater success. Again and again he tried after the tempting morsel, but at last had to give it up, and walked away with his nose in the air, saying: “I am sure they are sour.”

        “IT IS EASY TO DESPISE WHAT YOU CANNOT GET.”

- - - - - - -

The story of Cain and Abel is 6,000 years old, maybe quite a bit older than that. It also perfectly addresses resentment as the path to destruction.

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1Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten a man with the help of the LORD.” 2And again, she bore his brother Abel. Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, and Cain a worker of the ground. 3In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, 4and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, 5but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. 6The LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? 7If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.”

8Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him. 9Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?” He said, “I do not know; am I my brother’s keeper?” 10And the LORD said, “What have you done? The voice of your brother’s blood is crying to me from the ground. 11And now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. 12When you work the ground, it shall no longer yield to you its strength. You shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth.” 13Cain said to the LORD, “My punishment is greater than I can bear. 14Behold, you have driven me today away from the ground, and from your face I shall be hidden. I shall be a fugitive and a wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.” 15Then the LORD said to him, “Not so! If anyone kills Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold.” And the LORD put a mark on Cain, lest any who found him should attack him. 16Then Cain went away from the presence of the LORD and settled in the land of Nod, east of Eden.

- - - - - - -

These stories point out important truths about the world. Specifically, they show how resentment develops and what it leads to. Here are some definitions of resentment.

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a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury

to dislike or be angry at something or someone because you have been hurt or not treated fairly

the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult

- - - - - - -

The Fox was resentful, and so was Cain. The Fox was rejected and denied by the grapes, Cain was rejected and denied by God. Then, naturally, they had hate. What do you think would have happened if the Fox had seen someone else eating and enjoying the grapes? I'm guessing bloody things, just like Cain. What follows are historical examples of the same thing in action: the Columbine shooters, Timothy McVeigh, the Unabomber, Hitler, and Panzram.

For instance, the Columbine shooters were pretty straight forward about why they did what they did. They wanted to destroy the world because in their eyes the world sucked. So, they tried to create the greatest spectacle of destruction that they could imagine pulling off. The plan was much worse than the actual event. They killed 13 people, if they did what they had planned to do they would have killed hundreds.

Eric Harris had long posts on his website where he listed what he loved and what he hated. Here are a couple of examples.

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YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE!!?

---When people mispronounce words!and they dont even know it to, like ofTen, or acrosT, or eXspreso, pacific (specific), or 2 pAck, learn to speak correctly you morons.

YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE!!?

---Natural SELECTION!!!!! God damn its the best thing that ever happened to the Earth. Getting rid of all the stupid and weak orginisms........but its all natural! YES!I wish the government would just take off every warning label. So then all the dumbasses would either severely hurt themselves or DIE! And boom, no more dumbasses. heh.

- - - - - - -

There's some resentment showing through there. These two entries were some of the nicest ones. His partner Dylan Klebold was a completely different personality, but they had resentment in common. Here are some of his journal entries.

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Fact: People are so unaware... well, Ignorance is bliss I guess... that would explain my depression.

I swear -- like I'm an outcast, & everyone is conspiring against me...

The lonely man strikes with absolute rage.

- - - - - - -

Now, obviously these kids had other problems too. One was a psychopath and the other had a psychotic break. But, resentment was the driving force.

They are not alone. Here's a disturbing chain of events. The massacre at Ruby Ridge led to the massacre at Waco. The massacre at Waco directly led to the Oklahoma City bombing. The Oklahoma City bombing was an inspiration for the Columbine shooters. An evil chain of events. Here are a few selections from the letters of Timothy McVeigh.

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I chose to bomb a federal building because such an action served more purposes than other options. Foremost the bombing was a retaliatory strike; a counter attack for the cumulative raids (and subsequent violence and damage) that federal agents had participated in over the preceding years (including, but not limited to, Waco). From the formation of such units as the FBI's Hostage Rescue and other assault teams amongst federal agencies during the 80s, culminating in the Waco incident, federal actions grew increasingly militaristic and violent, to the point where at Waco, our government - like the Chinese - was deploying tanks against its own citizens.

When the post-inferno investigations and inquiries by the Executive and Legislative branches of government concluded that the federal government had done nothing fundamentally wrong during the raid of the Branch Davadians at Waco, the system not only failed the victims who died during that siege but also failed the citizens of this country. This failure in effect left the door open for more Wacos.

Some time after the fact they received awards, bonus pay and in some cases promotions for their disgusting and inhumane actions at Waco and Ruby Ridge.

It was in this climate then, that I reached the decision to go on the offensive - to put a check on government abuse of power where others has failed in stopping the federal juggernaut run amok.

- - - - - - -

You can see that this thinking is quite a bit different than the Columbine shooters. Harris and Klebold resented the world in general. Harris for everyone being stupid and having no worth or value. Klebold for being a rejected outcast. They chose the closest, easiest, and most brutal target they could think of. McVeigh resented the US government specifically and made his choice for that reason. Cain resented the person that was getting what he thought he deserved, and God. The Fox resented what he couldn't get.

This is not a fun article to write, I've kind of emotionally exhausted myself at this point by even paying attention to all of these evil thoughts and deeds. But, it's important to see the bad and how it works so that we can both avoid it and seek the good. I only have three more examples to go.

Theodore Kaczynski was a math prodigy that went to Harvard at age 16. While there he was put into a psychology experiment that he was lied to about. He had to develop essays on his personal life philosophy. Then he was subjected to military style interrogation techniques specifically designed to mentally break enemy combatants and spies. This experiment went on for 3 years. The records of all of that were purposefully destroyed to keep them secret from the public, but I think we can get a pretty clear idea of what the essays were about from the Unabomber's manifesto that he wrote later in life. Here are several selections.

- - - - - - -

1. The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. They have greatly increased the life-expectancy of those of us who live in “advanced” countries, but they have destabilized society, have made life unfulfilling, have subjected human beings to indignities, have led to widespread psychological suffering (in the Third World to physical suffering as well) and have inflicted severe damage on the natural world. The continued development of technology will worsen the situation. It will certainly subject human beings to greater indignities and inflict greater damage on the natural world, it will probably lead to greater social disruption and psychological suffering, and it may lead to increased physical suffering even in “advanced” countries.

59. We divide human drives into three groups: (1) those drives that can be satisfied with minimal effort; (2) those that can be satisfied but only at the cost of serious effort; (3) those that cannot be adequately satisfied no matter how much effort one makes. The power process is the process of satisfying the drives of the second group. The more drives there are in the third group, the more there is frustration, anger, eventually defeatism, depression, etc.

60. In modern industrial society natural human drives tend to be pushed into the first and third groups, and the second group tends to consist increasingly of artificially created drives.

178. Whatever else may be the case, it is certain that technology is creating for human beings a new physical and social environment radically different from the spectrum of environments to which natural selection has adapted the human race physically and psychologically. If man is not adjusted to this new environment by being artificially re-engineered, then he will be adapted to it through a long and painful process of natural selection. The former is far more likely than the latter.

179. It would be better to dump the whole stinking system and take the consequences.

211. In the late Middle Ages there were four main civilizations that were about equally “advanced”: Europe, the Islamic world, India, and the Far East (China, Japan, Korea). Three of those civilizations remained more or less stable, and only Europe became dynamic. No one knows why Europe became dynamic at that time; historians have their theories but these are only speculation. At any rate, it is clear that rapid development toward a technological form of society occurs only under special conditions. So there is no reason to assume that a long-lasting technological regression cannot be brought about.

- - - - - - -

The Unabomber was resentful about all of science and technology. He's written several books specifically on this.

Lastly, we have Adolf Hitler. The entire story of Hitler is filled with all kinds of resentment. On a larger scale we have the surrender of Germany in WW1. This was seen by the German army as a betrayal by the government officials. The signers of the Armistice were called "The November Criminals." The Nazis promoted this idea and said that it was the Jews that had stabbed the nation in the back to take power. This is called the stab-in-the-back myth today.

Then, there were a bunch of war reparations imposed on Germany. They had traditional German land taken, they had to pay billions of dollars in damages, they suffered a hyperinflationary economy, and had severe restrictions on a bunch of other things. To a large extent resentment was the fuel behind all of WW2.

But, let's just look at Hitler the man. It's commonly known that he wanted to go to art school when he was young. He used his inheritance from his dead father to move to Vienna. He applied to the art institute in Vienna twice, and was twice denied. He was told he was good at drawing and painting buildings, but he lacked talent in representing the human form. During this time his mother was dying of cancer. He made a poor living trying to sell his art. Some of his friends, his art dealer, and some of his patrons were Jews at this time. After that he joined the army and fought in WW1, then went into politics. But, he never let go of art. Here's a quote from Hitler in 1939 from the "British War Blue Book".

- - - - - - -

I am an artist and not a politician. Once the Polish question is settled, I want to end my life as an artist.

- - - - - - -

A resentful and rejected artist, plus a resentful generation of army veterans, plus a resentful national populace equals WW2.

I think all of this clearly shows the dangers of resentment at multiple levels and across different contexts. There is value in the real-life stories, but I think the pure stories are more valuable for a couple of reasons. One, they are less depressing to think about and research. Two, they are a hyperreality, meaning that they select what is important and leave out what is not. With the real-life stories there is just too much information, it's overwhelming. We can see that the same principles apply, but it's much easier to see in "The Fox and the Grapes" and "Cain and Abel" rather than in the other examples. Three, there is a little detachment in the stories. You can get a better perspective because they are less real. This helps you to clearly see what is happening, how it's happening, and why. In the real-life stories important points can be lost in the details.

I've heard it said so many times that no one can know why these horrible things are done. That just isn't true. It's very easy to know why horrible things are done. It's very easy to know how these people think. It's fairly easy to find out why they did what they did and what motivated them. Most people just don't want to know, and hey, fair enough. It's not fun. But, self-deception is a dangerous thing. It's important to realize that we are all susceptible to resentment. And, that's a problem that has to be dealt with on the inside, in the attitudes and views that we take towards the world. These attitudinal values are the most important values.

Most of us let our resentment become some sort of passive aggressiveness, mostly resulting in snide comments. This is a lot better than violence, but it's walking down the wrong road and is sure to lead to nothing good. Others run rather than walk down that road. One last example, here are some excerpts from the letters of Carl Panzram.

- - - - - - -

After serving about 2 years there I was pronounced by the parole board to be a nice, clean boy of good morals, as pure as lily and a credit to those in authority in the istatution where I had been sent to be reformed. Yes sure I was reformed all right, damn good and reformed too. When I got out of there I knew all about Jesus and the bible so much so that I knew it was all a lot of hot air. But that wasn’t all I knew. I had been taught by christians how to be a hypocrite and I had learned more about stealing, lying, hating, burning and killing. I had learned that a boys penis could be use for something besides to urinate with and that a rectum could be use for other purposes than crepitating. Oh yes I had learned a hell of a lot, from my expert instructors furnished to me free of charge by society in general and the state of Minnesota in particular. From the treatment I received while there and the lessons I learned from it, I had fully desided when I left there just how I would live my life. I made up my mind that I would rob, burn, destroy and kill every where I went and everybody I could as long as I lived. That’s the way I was reformed in the Minnesota State Training School. Thats the reasons why.

If you or any one else will take the trouble and have the inteligence and paitince to follow and examine every one of my crimes and actions you will find that I have consistently followed one idea thru all my life. I preyed upon the weak the harmless or unsuspecting. Those I have harmed were all either weaklings either mentaly or phisicaly. Those who were strong in either mind or body I first lied to and led into a trap where they were either asleep or drunk or helpless in some way. I always had all the best of it, because I knew ahead of time just what to expect and the others did not. I therefore was strong in my knolledge and stronger in body than those preyed upon. This lesson I was taught by others. Might makes right.

You know that I spent several years in one of those places [reform school] when I was a boy and the so called Training that I recieved while there is mainly the cause of my being the degenerate beast that I am today. I have thought about that system of Training young boys for all of my life and I know that the whole system is wrong. That system of beating goodness, religion and Jesus into boys in the 99 times out of 100 has the direct opposite effect of taking all of the goodness, kindness and love out of them and then replacing those with hate, envy deciete, tyrany and every other kind of meaness there is.

- - - - - - -

You see the same type of pattern here. Now, I'm not giving a solution to resentment here. What I'm saying is that it's important. It's an important problem to confront and overcome, lest we become overwhelmed by it. We cannot ignore this type of problem, but we can seek to understand it and do something about it by changing ourselves. By knowing about evil we can learn to avoid it and to seek the good.

(In the book "Moral Disengagement: How People Do Harm and Live With Themselves" Albert Bandura breaks down the eight mechanisms that allow people to do these types of things. But, for today, I'm done with this subject. Maybe that's a topic for another time.)

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You can find more of what I'm doing at http://www.JeffreyAlexanderMartin.com

[nookishposts]

Ponderables

Heads up. This is not a tale of woe, nor a pity party, but a collective of observations, mulled and spiced recently in the cauldron of my own head. If you care not for navel-gazing, you are welcome to stop reading here, no harm, no foul.

2018 has brought it’s challenges for myself and our household . Nothing horrible, in fact far from it, but if you think of water dripping slowly over time against a surface, it can eventually make itself a space and given enough time, put a hole in solid rock. Watching and/or anticipating each drop can be downright maddening. But in the end, the landscape, internal and external, changes. I have felt unwell in body and spirit for a good part of this year, assuming that stress and misplaced-expectations had a lot to do with that. Turns out there’s more to it, and no I do not have some horrible, terminal illness. Too many of our contemporaries have endured or are enduring way more than I could possibly imagine, but I have only my own stuff as a frame of reference, so that’s is the one thing I can authentically speak to.

My Beloved and I have a dream-in-progress that involves a small home on a bit of land, to live sustainably within simple means. We’ve long been working steadily toward it and believed that 2018 would bring it to fruition, but it looks like we will be waiting a little longer and we’ve recently made the choice to be consciously okay with that. Back in January, we thought we had found our place. I had just been unexpectedly fired through company re-structuring, so moving us forward became my full-time job and a welcome recovery distraction. We readied our house for sale and made plans.I even closed my part-time massage practice after 22 years. At the 11th hour, our buyers backed out, and we lost the northern property we’d been looking at. We took our For Sale sign down, explained to the people who’d already arranged farewell send-offs, and we started looking again. I found some tidy employment that was physical and low-stress and paid decently: until I got injured through no fault of the people I was employed by, but by one of their contractors. I could not continue the job I’d enjoyed. Through the kindness of friends who own a business, I found employment I could learn from and they generously took me on. I am a hard worker and pretty mindful, but my insides began to act up in ways I wasn’t used to and my sick time began to pile up. We’d found another house to purchase and put our own back on the market by this point, but things just weren’t progressing and I also was surprised to find myself in residual chronic pain...a first for me since I have always been strong of body. Discovering the joys of a great osteopath took care of the physical pain beautifully but I still wasn’t feeling quite myself. My own Doc of 30 years was away for a while dealing with cancer of her own, and I didn’t really care to start fresh with someone who didn’t know me, so I plodded along. Once again, we had a buyer who after hard negotiations that saw us drop considerably in asking price, backed out at the very last minute. And a second time, we lost the property we’d pinned our hopes on to someone else. I took it all quite personally even though in the end, it really was just business. 

We both had been so ready to move on. We live in a fantastic neighbourhood, but our home is smaller than most, just 2 bedrooms, and even though quite a few buyers returned for second and third viewings, they could not see a way to make it bigger without building an addition. Too small for a student rental or a growing family, and too old for a single professional first-time buyer. Fair enough. The feeling of coming to a complete stall, not once but twice left us rather baffled about what the Universe might have up it’s sleeve, and we still don’t know. We’re trying to be patient, and keep perspective. But it has been a very long and exhausting process. It got to the point where no matter what I did I was not sleeping more than 2 hours a night, and was therefore cranky, impatient, sloppy, and not thinking at all clearly. Missing so much work didn’t help my sense of groundless-ness. I felt lost and completely ineffective. I consciously withdrew from friends and social situations, knowing I was not good company. My Beloved suffered in her own quieter way and we reassured one another, hand in hand, no matter what. But keeping the house tidy and having strangers wandering through several times a week for months on end is daunting on it’s own. Property-hunting at a distance is also tiring and frustrating. We KNOW how incredibly fortunate and privileged we are in the greater scheme of things, but this breath-holding was how we were spending our year, while still trying to be supportive of others in our lives who were hurting in other ways. Sometimes all you can really do is bear witness and stand by in case you are needed. We did our best.

So....finally I got to see my own Doc a week ago ( she is doing extremely well now thank heavens) and we ran the gamut of basic tests. I asked to be referred to a good nutritionist as well. Every time a new set of results came in, Doc would text me the lab page with a comment; “Your Vitamin D is in the toilet, start 2000 I.U. daily. Today!”  Then; “ You haven’t been keeping up your iron...get back at it please. Your liver isn’t happy.” Turns out, both iron and Vitamin D are critical for good sleep and lowering stress. Aha! Something I could actually control. I have also used a CPAP for years and it turns out my mask was leaking, so a new mask helped.  Three simple fixes. I am up to 4 hours of sleep a night already, expecting to improve.

 Then came her latest text: “I’m sorry to tell you, but you are now officially diabetic. Re-jig your diet , look at your exercise,and we will repeat the blood-work in 3 months. Call me if you need to.”  I saw on the lab report exactly what she was talking about. I come from two families riddled with diabetics, so it wasn’t a huge shock. But,it also turns out that the biggest contributors to tipping into the diabetic zone are long term insomnia and long term stress. Well, now. I could hear the puzzle pieces landing with a resounding thud. The very good news, is that we caught it early enough that I have an excellent chance to successfully manage and possibly even reverse it if I take action now. Which I am doing. No meds required. My glucometer goes everywhere with me and I am quickly learning a whole new normal, but small things like getting up 45 minutes early to shovel heavy wet snow this morning can skew my numbers and insulin requirements enough to bring me home early from work today feeling like crap. I’m learning some stuff the hard way, but I’m learning.

What’s my point? Well, I guess it’s just this:

Life is so precious and we North-of-55-ers have some reckoning to do if we are to stick around for good long innings. Some smartypants-ers among us saw this coming and got to the gym and cleaned the crap out of their cupboards in preparation. Some of us bolstered our souls with a return to church or have taken up a spiritual practice involving  simultaneous honouring of the physical body. But I have discovered that about 40% of my contemporaries have in the last couple of years had to learn to cope with chronic health issues that  crept up insidiously while we were all still pretending we were 35 and could get away with stuff. Instead we are discovering that if we aren’t minding the store, age-related illnesses sneak in and swipe the things we have taken for granted, leaving the shelves bare of valuables like energy, concentration, ease of movement, and overall well-being.

It’s been a stressful, draining, somewhat disappointing year. My overly-bountiful body, always strong and ready to dance, has become needy for overdue attention. My brain is tired of running on fumes and both my acuity and my interests have dulled. I kept pushing, emotionally and physically figuring it would all just pass if I tried a little harder...until it became so much harder to try. Cramming fuel-carbs in place of sleep made me sick. The warning lights on my dashboard were blinking and I chose to ignore them until the whole engine seized up. I am very lucky that I get a chance to fix it. But what if it had been something much more serious that I couldn’t fix?  Iron, Vitamin D, and an ageing pancreas can bring a list of unwelcome relatives to the door, standing impatiently on the porch waiting for a chance to invade and put down roots. Depression, anxiety, bone, organ, and tissue damage. I will never be immune to cancer or MS or a host of other possibilities, but I can do those things that remain within my control and that I should have been mindful of long before they smacked me right in the limping, insomniac,harder-to -employ-each-year visceral guts. Bi-focals don’t help with hindsight, but should have reminded me to have some extra foresight.

This ain’t no pity-party, table for one. Nor is there any point in self-flagellation. But 40% is significant, and I have slipped so quietly over that line to join the ranks of those with age-related chronic disease.I intend to climb back over the wall, and I will, but I waited too long to ask for help, and explained the warning signs away rather than getting them checked out. We all know better. It’s reminding ourselves to DO better that becomes ever more critical. And it really is never too late to start. I am replacing arrogance with gratitude, and denial needs to become a personal river I can swim or paddle my canoe in for both the exercise and the joy of it. I am not Betty White on a football field and a Snickers bar isn’t going to be my saviour.(It was a Superbowl commercial, you can YouTube it). 

Please my friends and fristers and partners in all-sorts: check in with yourself and see if you are a quart low somewhere or need your tires rotated. If you are feeling “off” then there is probably a reason and most likely something you can do about it, particularly if you make it a priority.  We aren’t 35 anymore and we don’t have the same amount of bounce-back. Life can wear you down when you push hard without perspective. We aren’t raised to put ourselves first and it isn’t our comfort zone, so we have to make it one. There are bucket-list trips ahead, spontaneous dancing to grocery-store 1970s Musak, milestones to celebrate, and one another to nudge along the next untried section of road. It comes with speed bumps and potholes, but it’s still a journey well worth taking. Remember to pack some healthy snacks and build in time for naps. Drink lots of water, between the hard-earned glasses of good wine. We have at least 40 years left to fill with adventures, and to spout hard-earned wisdom to the upstarts, and to listen to one another’s stories. Some of us will have it harder than others and we need to keep ourselves tuned up for the times we are really needed. I sincerely apologise to those whose phone calls and texts I haven’t returned because I have been quietly avoiding reality and hoping to get my shit together. I will probably never completely group my poop, but I ain’t ready for diapers just yet either. Time goes much faster than we do now. Fitbit and fibre cookies, here I come!

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WEEKEND TV HOT FILM PICKS!

Check out my guide to the top films on TV this weekend, best of the rest and what to avoid at all costs. Enjoy!

LATE FRIDAY 24th NOVEMBER

HOT PICKS!

More4 @ 2100     Rush (2013) *****

You may see this film advertised on TV and think it’s not for you as you are not really a big fan of Formula 1…STOP. This film transcends a simple “sports film” and is a fantastic film for all. It’s a biography of F1 champion Nikki Lauda, specifically around the 1976 F1 season, focusing on the intense relationship between himself and arch rival James Hunt, we see the highs and the lows of one of the most competitive relationships in sporting history. Ron Howard has pulled out all the stops here and created something quite amazing, packed full of emotion, with characters you can really feel, combined with some of the best action facing sequences I’ve seen for a long time - Rush is a great success. Sit down, strap in and hold on tight.

Horror @ 0220     Let the Right One In (2008) *****

This is my favourite film of 2009 (UK release date). This amazing vampire drama from Sweden did suffer the indignity of a U.S remake “Let Me In” - but luckily they somehow pulled that one off - but here’s the original in all its glory. A thoroughly engrossing and touching film based on a superb book. Watch this! 5 Stars. It’s a dark love story set in Sweden. The bleak and snowy back drop compliments the pace and mood of the film. The sound, direction and acting are all perfect. I find it very difficult to find fault with any part of it. The relationship that is built between our two young lead actors is simply fascinating to watch, there’s so much realism. This is a tender and touching film but also subtly horrifying. The end of this film will stay with me for a long time. So much is said with so few words. It really leaves a mark on you. A truly great film.

Best of the rest:

TCM @ 2100     Kill Bill Vol 1 (2003) *****

C4 @ 0005        Boyhood (2014) *****

ITV3 @ 0030     The Theory of Everything (2014) ****

TCM @ 2310     Goodfellas (1990) *****

Film4 @ 2310    Aliens (1986) *****

***SO BAD IT'S GOOD!***

Film4 @ 0215 Piranha DD (2012) * SO BAD IT'S GOOD!

I expected awful and even potentially unwatchable. I saw the reviews and prepared myself that I could even be angry with how bad this film would be... but would you believe it, it's not as bad as the majority say. This is a B-Movie that knows exactly what it is, doesn't apologise and really doesn't care. It makes no attempt to cover up its shortcomings, it uses them to its advantage. Don't get me wrong, this film isn't great, it's not even good but it just about squeezes in enough gratuitous wobbling body parts, awful jokes, ridiculous death scenes and, most importantly, appearances from Gary Busey and David Hasselhoff to make this throw away comedy better than you've read about in the press. If everyone understood this films place as well as its makers did, I think it would get a little less horrendous panning.

***AVOID AT ALL COSTS!***

W @ 2100    Dark Shadows (2012) * AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

Dark Shadows marks a definitive end to my patience for the continuing dross being offered from the Burton / Depp camp. I fail to actually see who this film was supposed to be for. If it's for adults it's far too childish, if it's for kids there is far too much innuendo and sexual themes. I personally think it's was for Burton himself who seems to know he can somehow churn out whatever tickles his fancy and still get paid. Very disappointing indeed.

SATURDAY 25th NOVEMBER

HOT PICKS!

C4 @ 2100      Ex Machina (2014) *****

I can't believe this was Alex Garland's directorial debut. He was the writer on 28 days Later and Sunshine - so here's his directorial debut and it's unmissable. It's hard to even think this is his first film at the helm. The film oozes beauty in every shot - the clinical setting and awesome camera work produce some fantastic visuals in what is in essence a very tight and small set with 3 main characters in the most part. Ex Machina is one of the best Sci-Fi films to come out in recent years. It follows Domhnall Gleeson as Caleb, a 26 year old coder for the world’s largest internet company. He wins a competition to spend a week at the private mountain retreat of the company CEO - Nathan (Oscar Issac). Nathan is a recluse and the social interactions between the two are fascinating. Caleb finds out that he is to participate in an experiment interacting with the world’s first true artificial intelligence, housed in the body of a beautiful robot girl played by Alicia Vikander. This is true Sci-Fi. It could very easily be set right now. It's only a matter of time before one of the big players launch something truly stunning. Thought provoking, brilliantly story telling that keeps your eyes glued to each interaction and the wonderful script wraps its way right through you. It lingers long after the credits roll. Don't miss this. Look out for the trailer for his next step into Sci-Fi that I for one am very excited about… Annihilation.

Horror @ 2100     The Descent (2005) *****

The best British Horror film of the noughties. Neil Marshall’s superb Brit Shock Horror “The Descent” is chilling, creepy and full of suspense. It’s packed full of shocks, not just run of the mill cheap tricks, these are great shocks, perfectly timed with fantastic twists. This was just what the genre needed. It withstands multiple watches and has become a firm favourite of mine. If all else fails… Stick The Descent on.

A group of young women go on a caving expedition that goes horribly wrong and they soon become lost in an uncharted cave system. As panic escalates they come across some strange and very dangerous creatures. Here begins a fight for survival. This is a very accomplished Horror that excels in all aspects; the relatively unknown cast are all superb and help along the back story nicely. The cinematography is second to none, capturing all the awkward angles of the confined spaces as well as the vast open space of the caves; the story is wonderfully layered and is excellently told. This certainly is NOT a cheap teen horror. Neil Marshall hit our radar with his 2002 debut “Dog Soldiers” which was a lot of fun and showed a lot of talent, but in 2005, he had obviously honed his skills and produced this dark, bloody and claustrophobic Horror with a fantastic story line. It has some beautifully executed twists that will stick in your mind for a long while. From the very off this film is set at full speed and rarely lets up - every time your adrenalin begins to drop you are thrown back into heart stopping tension and fantastic frights that all add up to one of the great Horrors of modern times. If you like Horror… Love this.

Best of the rest:

Film4 @ 1300     Field of Dreams (1989) *****

ITV2 @ 1850       Inception (2010) *****

TCM @ 2100      Goodfellas (1990) *****

ITV4 @ 2300       Full Metal Jacket (1987) *****

SUNDAY 26th NOVEMBER

HOT PICKS!

Sony @ 1630     Another Earth (2011) ****

Through all the improbabilities and implausible ideas in this elaborate work of fiction, Mike Cahill brings us a subtle, affecting and intimate story that takes place as we discover another planet, another Earth, getting closer and closer to our planet. An exact replica. This huge and admittedly outrageous Sci-Fi concept is merely a sub plot to the main event - It is a story of how two people meet and how their relationship, forged through tragedy, grows.

Brit Marling, who not only co-wrote this film but it is also her fantastic debut in the lead role as Rhoda, turns this light weight, low budget story of a tragic relationship into a serious heavy weight contender. This is no doubt the start of a great career for her. I still haven't managed to catch her in the 2012 release Sound of My Voice which I'm very much looking forward to.

The film does raise a ton of unanswerable questions but sensibly chooses to stick to its guns and focus purely on Rhoda, her decisions and the reasons for the path she takes. This emotionally charged Indie Sci-Fi fascinates and mesmerises with its subtle, slow pace, mysterious soundtrack and affecting performances.

C5 @ 2100       Fury (2014) ****

There are plenty of war films with the same old formula, and this film does follow a rather formulaic approach, but here we focus solely on a U.S. Sherman tank crew. Not since the amazing Kelly’s Heroes had I seen a film focus on these tanks. A history lesson in itself for the ignorant and uneducated - the Nazi Tiger tanks they are up against completely and utterly out gun them and with armour so strong - the Sherman’s found it extremely difficult to stop them. Comparatively this film is nothing like the almost light hearted, satirically barbed Kelly’s Heroes, here we have a film attempting to capture the realism of war, the death, the squalor and the sheer inhumanity. It does this very well.

It’s dark, rich colour palette and beautifully framed cinematography certainly keep your eyes glued to the screen. The poor Sherman crews did not have much hope. We are taken deep inside the belly of “Fury” the Sherman tank with crew of 5 led by Don “Wardaddy” Collier played by Brad Pitt. Never before have I seen such oddly perfect hair styling in a war zone since Clint Eastwood’s barnet in Where Eagles Dare.

The claustrophobia of the tank is captured really well but it also somehow creates space with every odd angle when we see times where this crew felt secure in their new found home. The performances are the icing on the cake here with everyone pulling out performances to be very proud of. Not a film that will survive a re-watch mainly down to its bleakness, but never the less a film I am very pleased to have seen.

Film4 @ 2320     The Lincoln Lawyer (2011) ****

Before McConaughey did anything good at a time when mediocrity saturated his filmography with sub-standard Rom-Coms and Sahara… I hate Sahara…. Anyway - Here we see him in a fantastic role as (you guessed it) a lawyer who works out of the back of his car - a Lincoln… See what they did there! I’m a sucker for a good court room drama and this is certain one of those. Plenty of twists. Stand out McConaughey. Great supporting cast. Don’t miss it.

Sony @ 2320      Sunshine (2007) *****

It’s been a while since this has graced our TV schedule. Don’t miss Danny Boyle’s splendid venture into the space Sci-Fi genre: Sunshine. I love this film. It pulls from so many influences from Science Fiction greats such as Alien, 2001, and even Event Horizon. The film is set 50 years in the future, a team of astronauts are sent on a mission to reignite the dying sun. They are Earth’s last hope of survival.

Sunshine relies heavily on the quality of the cast to drive this through and they all do a sterling job. Particularly Cillian Murphy and Chris Evans. They all capture the essence of how 16 months cooped up in a confined space must make you feel. The mission takes a turn when they find the original lost ship from a failed mission in a decaying orbit around the sun. This is the beginning of a string of unfortunate and strange events that put not only their lives but their mission to save the world as well.

Boyle dishes out some seriously tense scenes and towards the end of the film it changes from Sci-Fi to Horror as certain things are revealed. Although not everyone welcomed these changes, I think they worked really well and it was a good twist ultimately carrying film to conclusion. Sunshine is a thrilling and very gripping Sci-Fi feast from a great British Director. A must see film.

Best of the rest:

ITV2 @ 1605       Despicable Me (2010) ***

Film4 @ 1705     The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) *****

C4 @ 1805          Men In Black 3 (2012) ***

TCM @ 2100       The Day of the Jackal (1973) ****

Sony @ 2100      Unbreakable (2000) ****

***AVOID AT ALL COSTS!***

Film4 @ 2100     Cowboys & Aliens (2011) * AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

First off - Ignore the cast. You would wrongly assume that a film with Harrison Ford / Daniel Craig / Sam Rockwell / Olivia Wilde / Paul Dano / Walter Goggins & Clancey Brown would at least be slightly watchable. You would be wrong. It may as well have cast Hugh / Pew / Barney McGrew / Cuthbert / Dibble & Grub. Disjointed, Unentertaining, dull and horribly boring - Nothing stands out here. I haven’t felt this disappointed in a “Western” since Wild Wild West and I’m still angry about the sheer existence of that grot. Why was this film even made?? Maybe it’s a cover for something bigger, maybe Money Laundering!!? - filtering money through the stinking bowels of this “film”…Who knows… What I do know - AVOID AT ALL COSTS!  

BBC2 @ 2240     John Carter (2012) * AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

What an unfortunately boring waste of a colossal budget. Slap-dash, hurried and choppy story with some ludicrous ideas. We’ve seen enough special effects to now not be simply wow-ed by that alone. John Carter looks good but bored the hell out of me. AVOID!