#<- i have a lot of thoughts on this but idk how to express them well

[daenysx]

Hey! Id love to request something for Modern!Aemond fluff/ hurt comfort. If you're not interested no worries at all! But maybe something where you're not together but you're also not 'just friends' and reader is kinda insecure bc they don't have a lot of experience with partners and Aemond starts to notice them acting weird and then it goes from there. But yeah idk if this is a good request or not lol, if you don't feel like writing this no worries at all! Love your writing!

thank you so much for requesting!! i hope you like it ♡ requests are open

modern!aemond targaryen x fem!reader, hurt/comfort

"what's wrong?"

sometimes you think aemond has super hero senses, how can he feel your distress when you're standing behind his chair? he can't see you but he somehow knows you are fiddling with your fingers, something eats you up inside.

he turns, still sitting on the chair in his room. he looks up to your face, still questioning what's gotten you so nervous.

"um- nothing's wrong, it's just-"

he holds your hands when he realizes your nails are hard on your skin. he separates them and keeps them in his huge palms on each side. "come on."

you take a breath. "do you remember the guy i told you about last week? he was a friend of-"

"rhaena." he completes. "yes, i remember."

"i was thinking- i don't know it sounds stupid now that i think about it but-" you start. you feel close to aemond, you're not ashamed of telling him a story about other guys. "he was acting like we're flirting you know? he was really nice and- i don't know maybe i was expecting him to ask me out after all that flirt."

your voice feels so small. "what happened?" aemond asks, he sounds like he could kill the guy for upsetting you.

"i saw him kissing a girl today." you say. "i don't know if she's his girlfriend but no matter who she is, it means i was hoping for nothing."

it's just a guy. nothing to be upset over. you're not in love with him, he could kiss anyone he wants. still, this is only a little piece of a bigger disappointment. you think no one will ever want you.

"i'm not sad, but i feel bad." you say. "why is it always someone else?"

aemond looks at your curled lips, he always thought you look cute with the frown. he keeps holding your hands, not quite knowing what to say. he's never been the best person to comfort someone but he cares. he cares about you. he doesn't want you to think you're unworthy of anything, he can see the walls of sadness and disappointment you build in your mind.

you straighten your posture when you see him say nothing. what were you thinking anyway? maybe you're looking for some reassurance from a man you're close to, you think he'll tell you you're pretty and smart, that guy should go to hell for making you feel like this. you close your eyes to take a proper breath, pull your hands back to your sides. aemond has an unreadable expression on his face.

"you know what?" you start, trying for a smile. "forget it. i mean, it doesn't mean anything right? there's nothing we can do."

aemond sees you blushing. "i'm sorry, i was just-"

"it's okay, aemond." you say gently. "i wasn't looking for pity or anything else, i'm sorry for overwhelming you with my insecurity."

you're being too honest. you don't care. it's no secret most of the guys you like don't like you back, even when they do, you don't know how to keep them. you have too little experience, the only guy you feel comfortable around is probably aemond. one of your friends said you look like a couple once and you were so surprised at her words you couldn't look at aemond for a week. you can't bring yourself to have romantic feelings for aemond even though there's a potential. you can't lose him.

"your insecurity?" aemond asks with a disbelieving voice. "i don't understand."

so he wants to hear all of it. he can deal with it then, you don't mind telling him.

"i don't think i'll ever be loved by someone i love. it's just- i'm full of half finished stories about that, i'm so sick of feeling like this." you say, taking another deep breath. "i'm not saying this because i expect anything from you. we're close and- you asked."

aemond's lips part open. you're so clearly blind to yourself, you don't even know how you make people feel. you don't know how pretty he thinks you are, how kind and sweet. he doesn't want to ruin his relationship with you- he doesn't even know what to call this thing between you two. friends? friends who secretly like each other but being too afraid of losing one another because how inexperienced you both are in relationships?

he holds your hand again, squeezes your fingers in an attempt to comfort you just one bit. you let him do that, you close your eyes when he rubs the back of your hand with his thumb. he brings your hand to his lips, brushes a tiny kiss on your skin. is that what affection feels like? you're a stranger but you could love it.

"aemond, what-"

"i know how much you hate being wrong but- you are in fact wrong, sweetheart."

he kisses your hand again, it feels nice. "you think you're unloveable? do you even see yourself?"

you can't help a tear escape. "i'm-"

"no, you don't." he answers his own question. "you don't know how pretty you are. you don't know your effect on people. your effect on me."

you try to pull your hand back. "you don't have to prove anything. i didn't tell all these to get something in return, i don't want your pity."

he is strong as he holds your hand. he looks up to you, gives you a smile. "i'm not pitying you. if there's anyone who needs pity it's me."

he promises himself that he's not gonna ruin anything. he will not mess this up. he can't. aemond targaryen's life is full of ruined relationships and sad stories, he'd be damned if you'd be one of them.

"aemond, we shouldn't-"

"no, i know." he stands up. "i know exactly what you think. i've been thinking the same things since i met you."

you look unsure. this is a dangerous game to play, you don't know if you're brave enough.

"tell me about them." you say, can't control your thoughts or your words. "tell me what we think."

aemond takes a deep breath, he places your hand on his heart. "we both think this is too fucked up. we don't want to lose each other but-"

you look deep into his eye, consequences be damned. "but?"

"we are losing the chance of a perfect pairing." he says with a low voice. "i can be better than all those guys who made you upset. you really don't know how i see you."

it feels exciting, your heartbeat goes into madness. can you let yourself accept buried feelings for him? his look is promising and confident. your brain stops thinking when you rise on your tiptoes to kiss him.

the kiss feels like true insanity. you don't know if you'll feel satisfied or regret what you did minutes later. aemond kisses you back and the clouds of madness disappear. he holds the back of your neck, a possessive kind of touch that you've never felt before.

"we still have a lot to talk about." you say, breaking the kiss.

aemond presses his forehead against yours softly. "i know." he says. "just let me kiss you one more time."

[pidgefudge]

SO. i have listened to @gooboogy 's wonderful green album. and i wrote down my thoughts on each song. and now i am putting them here!!

"thoughts" being actually somewhat coherent comments that devolve into What Would This Be In A Video Game because this is me we're working with after all

and you reading this. yes you. go listen to it

verdant: oooough blorpy,,,, very cool i like. good beat it's quite foot tappable. also the name itself might be a new vocal stim. verdant. vvvverrrrrdant.

halls: much noises!! the instrumence in this scratch my brain in a good way. feels a bit like im 7 years old watchinf my brother play 2d mario stages and reimagining the music

agua: oooohh arpeggio action and a SICK beat. once again the Noises are lovely. big fan of all 3 so far but this one in particular methinks. however i have many more songs to go (!!)

doot doot: very fun i also like this one a lot :3 and coming to you from my one-track autistic mind: this album would be a fantastic game soundtrack

side note i know im writing less for some of these but thats bc im experiencing them in shapes and colors more than expressable words. trust me they're stirring the brain stew

going for a walk: i know the title is about a walk but im envisioning this as the soundtrack to a sort of road trip montage animation thing. specifically my road trip with family from san francisco to la. oh yes this ending is us finally getting to the hotel and me flopping onto the bed

forward: im liking the melody here a lot <33 this album is making me want to boot up lmms again and try my hand at original music,,, ive only ever attempted remixes (i tried to do aquarium park from sonic colors a few years ago and gave up but now i kinda wanna go back to it,,, i wonder if i was cooking) ok yes back to the actual song whoops this one is soo cool one of my faves so far

snag: i like these opening chords!! i dont know what you actually call them but the like. buildup parts?? you know?? those bits??? big fan OOH and a uh. build down (lol) bit too! also liking the sparkly chimey instrumence

blazen: OHHH YESSS this would be the theme for my favorite antagonist in the hypothetical game that i am apparently going to be referencing multiple times (dimentio and mr L came to mind immediately) absolutely jamming

beep boop: fuck yeah man it sure does OH SPOOKY NOTES OH OH COOL BEAT ASWELL i am in for a fun time this is. also the theme of my favorite antagonist. but the battle theme i think. oh hell yeah the orchestra hits. yes yes definitely battle theme. sorry for putting all these in a vgm context shfjdkfkssghf i just listen to a lot of it so thats how my brain parses instrumentals

hunt: strimgs :3 wohhh this is so cool. buzzy in a good way. golden brown triangles and other spiky shapes. that's kinda meaningless to anyone but me but. oh nice more Noises always love the Noises

overwhelm: theme for when i have a project due the next day and am swamped with other homework shdjdksfjdh

VERDANT!: once more with gusto!! loving the faster tempo. constellationy crystally instrument is particularly pleasing. oooughh so gooddddd

creepin': spacey!! im watching a crew set out in their little shuttle, oblivious to the horrors awaiting them on their station

envy: this is a boss fight that's emotionally heavy for the protagonists. perhaps fighting a former friend or mentor or team member

whomp whomp: quite a tricksy track!! some sort of haunted place,,,, maybe the place where the previous battle takes place. maybe it's actually a ghost (especially if the protagonist had some role in their death and feels crushing guilt) (bonus points if the ghost openly expresses resentment for the protag)

gromulous: the word ever. final boss' lair for sureee. yeah this song sure is gromulous. idk how else to describe it you hit the nail on the head

largemouth: oooh a bit silly but also cool guy. im thinking some sort of underground secret society/lab thing they have to infiltrate that's hiding a Sinister Secret (the big plot twist of the game) doesn't even have to physically be underground it could be a moon base situation. maybe i should just make this whole thing into a scifi space rpg

a way out: i can see this as the final boss music and as you get further in the fight it ramps up. i know i already assigned songs to the main antagonist but shhhhh. (or i can always pull a super paper mario in terms of antagonists)

under over: oh!! i love this one!! hometown theme. chill and familiar but still upbeat rather than sleepy. and it has a very strong nostalgia factor,,,,, in love with this song it might be my favorite. but there are still 3 more so!

float: this beginning is very cool im loving the vibe. dire dire docks but make it just after sunset and watch the ocean come alive with bioluminescent lights and fish raves. i guess it isnt a space game anymore. or maybe dream sequence beach episode?? WOAHHH OCEAN MAGICANT i might be cooking with this one Hold On. yesyesyes ok some sort of trip/dream where theyre shrunk down marinauts (whatever ocean prefix) as opposed to astronauts and exploring a cool coral reef/ocean floor area and talking to the sea life and woahhhhhh this would look gorgeous in pixel art. tbh this one could be in its own game considering how vivid the imagery is

outside: post-final-boss world returning to normal/person being rescued or uncorrupted/whatever magical thing happening. very fond of the bird chirps too <33 OH MUSIC BOX SOUNDS i also adore this one. i think the ending of this game is kinda bittersweet. we saved the world/person/whatever but At A Cost. this is sooooo pretty. would also transition well into credits

Green: and roll credits!! this would be the kind of credits theme i sway in my seat and contemplate the game to. the entire album is fantastic and these last few especially have been so lovely

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

"It's just you now. Take care of mother."

i have the normal amount of emotions about them (lying) <3

[junotter]

getting weirdly emotional about Hungary looking after baby Italy

[themthistles]

i think that while micro labels can seem useful and affirming ultimately they're isolating and kind of an obstacle to your understanding of self. that's because you can never find a word specific enough. there will never be a label or two labels or even ten, twenty of them to perfectly capture and describe all of your thoughts, feelings, experiences, preferences, needs, interests, identities, etc. because you learn more and more about yourself every day and then you change and your wants and needs change with you. having to hop between labels, fearing that you don't 'fit' into a label anymore (both in your own and others eyes), worrying how soon your current label will wear out, questioning if you'll ever fully fit a single one. all that causes a lot of uncertainty and anxiety which could be avoided by just picking a more general thing and molding it according to what it means to YOU. because words will always mean different things to different people, you will never be understood immediately and maybe never completely by anyone but yourself and that's fine

[indelicateink]

.

[caffeinatedopossum]

Oh my god making eye contact with specifically allistic people makes me so uncomfortable. Like they're so emotive and they're eyes seem so wide I feel like they're on crack and it scares me. I don't get that at all with other autistic people.

[da-proti-toku-grem]

feeling like a total asshole today 👍

[akkivee]

😭😭😭

[backslashdelta]

.

[damnprecious]

love having a weird relationship with gender (read: what is gender) and people wishing "happy international women's day" in a group chat when they perceive you (and a couple of others in the group) as women and then sitting there going "so do I just respond something like a thanks bc I guess technically yes but also no or do I just ignore this and risk appearing rude or what do I do"

[noxtivagus]

i love talking w others ( apollo especially tonight ) but oh man i shld really sleep it is 3 am

[jooniez]

okay wow so today was a whirlwind of emotions 😭😵‍💫🥹

[ed-e]

another saw movie down another step closer towards watching jigsaw. agony

[bastardlybonkers]

i feel like not enough ppl are factoring in the cultural clash between laios and shuro and the many micro agressions shuro faced while being in their group. literally the name 'shuro' in itself is one

his name is toshiro 😭 lets also not forget that he has his own communication issues, in the opposite way that laios does- thats literally a factor in their argument, that his envy for laios's ability to express himself sincerely manifested as part of his distaste for him.

ig all this to say like, was their fight heart wrenching, especially when reading laios as autistic? absolutely. anybody whos ever been in laios's position knows how much it hurts to realize someone you thought was your friend doesnt actually like having you around, especially when they didnt tell you and you had no way of knowing due to not understanding their cues. but im begging yall to step back and see the nuance of this situation cause im gonna be real a lot of you are kinda just brushing over it acting like everything is toshiros fault and that hes a terrible person when in reality hes an average guy who really, really clashed with laios and it led to a very long misunderstanding due to their supremely opposite methods of communication. even laios and toshiro, after letting everything out in their fight, were able to come to an understanding and start a foundation for an actual friendship built on better communication

ok yknow what Edit: i shouldve made it even more explicit at the end of this post, i hadnt thought i would need to since i started the post with this, but i think a few too many people are missing my point so i just wanna clarify. i shouldnt have said 'really clashed' and left it at that because yeah they did, but it wasnt just their opposite methods of communication, it is also very much that toshiro was experiencing microaggressions via laios. it may have been unintentional on laios's part, but it still happened and wore him down, made it harder for him to communicate on top of both the more subtle social cues that he was raised with and his own communication difficulties. i also want to say that the fandom reaction to toshiro and the complete ignorance of this point is also racist tbh or at the very least ignorant. i understand that the anime did not cover this panel, and neither did the manga, as this was an omake, but im gonna be real with you guys. there are enough context clues within the story to clue you into this. if you didnt pick up on it thats ok, but i think this is a good lesson in picking up subtext in the stories that youre watching and/or reading. kui shouldnt have to explicitly say 'by the way laios was racist to toshiro' for this point to be understood, and at the very least, when the author portrays a character in a sympathetic light (as kui clearly does) it should make you question Why they are doing so and what makes them sympathetic, rather than youre immediate and only reaction to be 'well i hated what this guy did/said so i hate them and they suck'. idk exactly how to finish this, just. idk. question your biases and gut reactions to things you see in media and stories, and think about whether or not theres subtext that youre missing.

[ihavebeesinmybrain]

i know plenty of nonbinary people freely and comfortably use gendered labels like boyfriend and girlfriend with no threat to the security of their identity but i have never been one of those people i have always asked the people i’ve dated to use either partner or SO meaning exes who were both men and women but idk now that im exclusively and permanently dating women and men are totally out of the picture i find myself kind of…. softening? on things? like idk if im cool with someone calling me their girlfriend but at the very least it’s no longer an immediate hard no, i kind of like the idea of using all of them, girlfriend boyfriend partner SO all interchangeable, and i think i like the idea of being girlfriends with someone and being able to refer to myself and a potential partner as girlfriends. like, girlfriends?? are you kidding me? how fucking adorable is that? how sweet and special and enviable? the idea of even wives, eventually? the idea of a woman calling me her wife? idk kind of slays.