#<- is usually too stressed to even THINK about his f/os most of the time

[thefangirlfever]

In this lifetime (a Miguel O'hara fanfiction)

Summary : When Miguel had jumped into an other dimension to replace his variant, he had not expected life to be so different…

Tags : fluff, romance, F/M, domestic fluff, kind of slow burn, suggestiveness (I tried to keep it PG-13), angst, mention of death, Miguel being a girl dad, soft Miguel O’hara, idiots in love, he fell first and hard, this is not a self-insert but it kinda is, maybe Miguel os a little OOC (he is just silly sometimes)

Notes : I sacrificed sleeping for this. The idea was too fresh in my mind and I didn’t want to let it go to waste. I’ve been inspired by all these amazing artists who have made horror concept arts about Miguel infiltrating this other dimension and those wondering about the possibility of Miguel’s partner in this dimension. I hope you enjoy my take on this.

English is not my first langage and I wrote this in the middle of the night. Therefore, I apologize in advance for my crimes against the English language.

Word count: 14 285

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Miguel looked at the shopping list with a highly focused look, way too focused for something as trivial as this but he was on a mission. And it may have been one of the most difficult he ever had to face : being a functioning father. Since he jumped into this new universe after the death of his variant and decided to settle in for the good of his daughter -or rather his variant’s daughter but Miguel tried not to think too much about this- he only had one thing in mind. Making this work.

Not a lot of things had worked in his past life, and it all started back in his childhood. That’s why he had made the promise to himself that he would not make the same mistake with Gabriella. He was no longer Miguel, the messy vigilante, tortured scientist who broke hearts here and there. No, he was a respectable father and this new attitude of him had to shine every time. He would just not allow himself to make any mistake. Even in the way he would follow a grocery list.

Miguel was a new man and that meant no more tantrums, no more stress and just an overflowing sense of calm and control. He had everything under control. He could easily balance the vigilante life with the domestic lifestyle. He would not be the first one doing this. Weren’t most mothers already doing the same ?

But it seemed that the world had already decided to test out his new resolutions. Just when he had stepped in front of his apartment door and passed the badge that allowed him to enter, the digital reader made a red light and a robotic voice said:

“Try again”.

Usually the calm of the robotic voice would have pushed him over, only making his frustration grow even more. But not now. He was a new man. He was ‘cool dad Miguel’ who never throws a tantrum, even when he is tired, locked out of his apartment with his arms filled with groceries on a hot Summer day. He took a deep breath and swiped his badge another time. Must be a small mistake.

“Try again.”

The echo of the mechanical voice definitely got on his nerves.

When he arrived in this dimension, he was amazed and relieved to see that it was not so different from his own. Most of the technologies, slang and even clothes were alike. He had no problem blending in. The only difference was that he couldn’t talk freely to Layla since his variant never had an AI assistant. He didn’t want people to ask questions that could lead them to suspect that he was not who he pretended to be.

Then why was this stupid machine not working?

An other deep breath, an other pass of the badge.

“Try again.”

Miguel groaned in annoyance. He was close to dump the bags on the ground and force the door at this point. He was already late on his schedule at this point of the day; Gabriela would be back from school any minute now and he still had to make dinner… Why wasn’t this working?

“Shock!”, he cursed under his breath before pressing the badge with more strength, trying his best to not let any grocery items fall from the bags. He knew that applying the badge like this would do nothing, since he already had that system in his own dimension. What he also knew was that after three trials, the box would send an alarm signal to the owner of the house.

He was about to curse an other less polite word when the door suddenly opened and to his surprise, the person in front of him was no one he knew. It was not Gabriela. It was a woman, a grown woman. She looked sleepy. Sleepy and pissed off.

Miguel eyed up and down the woman, from her bare feet and oversize shirt to the mess of her hair above a very tired face. He immediately recognized this look for he often had the same one. This was the look of someone who barely managed to sleep because of work, an underlying pressure and an unhealthy stress level. His sympathy went to the woman standing in front of him. Confusion ran through Miguel’s expression, along something else, something like curiosity. His eyes didn’t leave the silhouette of the woman in front of him and they did linger a bit too long on her bare legs to not look rude. A rush of heat ran through his cheeks, and he was pretty sure the summery weather had nothing to do with it, but those slender legs were more likely the cause of it.

He had to internally taunt himself: “Cool dad Miguel wouldn’t pry upon the legs of one of his neighbors this way.” No matter if said legs looked absolutely dashing with their tan, toned and almost endless. Just when his mind was starting to touch upon riskier territory, he lifted his eyes up and all trace of admiration disappeared. Not that the woman’s face was not the type he would usually admire, quite the opposite, but her gaze made it clear that any word from him would put him in great danger of getting his butt kicked.

“You think this is funny?”, the woman asked in a voice that left no room for any hesitation.

She had just spent one of the worst nights of her life, endlessly working under the worst conditions possible and just when she thought she could get some rest and take a nap, she had been woken up by the alarm signal coming from her door. The least person she was expecting to find on the other side of the door was her neighbor, Miguel O’hara. So far the single father had struck her more as the quiet type and not the type who would wake you up from a peaceful nap unannounced.

Right now the guy seemed like he wanted to disappear into the ground. His larger silhouette almost seemed crushed under the weight of her dark gaze and he only stuttered:

“I..I’m sorry...who...what are you doing here?”

At this point, she was suspecting that either the Sun had hit him too hard on his way here or that he was dumb, or maybe playing dumb. She replied with a sarcastic snicker:

“Oh, you mean, what am I doing here in my own apartment?”

Miguel’s brows rose in confusion, although the small grin of the woman only increased the warmth in his cheeks. He hoped she would put it onto the account of the really hot weather.

“Your apartment? There must be a misunderstanding, miss. This is my apartment…” His voice sounded less confident as he kept talking and the woman’s sarcastic grin only widened.

She pointed at the door at the end of the floor, the one facing a large window and replied:

“This is your apartment. Now, if you will excuse me, mister O’hara, I’ve had quite the rough night and I would like to rest now!”

“Wait...I’m so…” before Miguel could even finish his sentence, the door slammed shut in his face. A pack of cookies he had just bought fell to the ground and he couldn’t feel more stupid than in this moment. He didn’t need a mirror to know that he was red to the root of his hair, just like when he was a kid caught red-handed.

He had only just settled in this dimension and he still needed time to adjust. It was not enough that this world looked like his, because it was not his world. And that thought always made him feel sick in his stomach. Unlike his variant, he didn’t know every little detail about Gabriella or their apartment. So, the first night he didn’t find the cabinet with the plates, nor the one with the glasses. He didn’t know Gabriella’s schedule without looking at the planning on the fridge while his variant knew it by heart. He didn’t know what Gabriella’s favorite dish was, nor did he recognize her friend’s names when she mentioned them in a conversation. In these moments, he felt like an intruder and that thought always made him feel nauseous. He had already thought about leaving and returning back to his universe but… he couldn’t leave Gabriella alone. He knew what it felt like to grow up without the care of a father or to be betrayed by him. And he had sworn that he would be better than this.

But he was off to a rough start. Hell, he didn’t even find the door of his apartment. He didn’t even remember meeting his floor neighbor, which was a shame. The woman seemed to know him since she called him by his name but he had no idea of what hers was. Did his variant and her go along well? Now that he thought about it, Miguel has never been the friendly type. He didn’t know the names of his own neighbor in his original dimension. Maybe it was time to change this, and the fact that the said neighbor looked very charming had nothing to do with this decision…

“Dad? What are you doing here?”

Miguel turned around and noticed Gabriela on the apartment floor, holding her pink backpack on her shoulders. The sight almost made all the air in his lungs disappear, just like every single time. He couldn’t believe that she was there, all real and looking just like him. Maybe it could have seemed uncanny to see a mini-him, but every time he saw her dark brown eyes, her freckles and the long strands of chestnut hair, he was just in awe. She may not be his daughter, in the sense that she was not made out of his own flesh, but they looked too much alike for him to care. He was determined to take care of her as if she was his own daughter. Affection swelled in his heart and he replied with a light-hearted tone:

“Mija! You’re home early.”

He gestured in a way to open his arms so she could run to him and hug him, just like they did every day, but he only managed to make more groceries spill from the bags. And yet, he couldn’t care less. It was like, as soon as Gabriella was around, the moody Miguel just disappeared for a new version of him, one that seemed unable to get angry.

“Yes, Sandy’s mom got me home after the …” Gabriella replied while helping him gather the fallen groceries.

Sandy. He knew that name. He could even picture this girl. He was not doing too bad; he was a quick learner. Miguel was pretty sure that in less than a month, he would know everything about this world. His world.

Gabriella looked at the door her father was standing in front of and asked: “Did you talk with the new neighbor?” Miguel could feel the back of his neck burning under the heat of the shame he was feeling. Talking? Kinda. If you call being yelled at by a pretty woman talking, he wouldn’t mind talking a bit more often with her.

“It’s nothing, Gabi.” He would never admit that he had mistaken their apartment’s doors.

“You know she doesn’t like when people come talk to her.”

Oh really? Miguel grinned and replied:

“Yeah, I noticed.”

The little girl grabbed the box of cookies and a wide smile immediately blossomed on her face, making her nose scrunch up and Miguel’s heart melt.

“Those are the ones you wanted, right?”

“Yes, they’re my favorites! Thanks, dad.”

A wave of pride washed over Miguel as his daughter hugged his waist. He was still learning but he was definitely a quick learner.

***************

It’s been almost a week since the accident with his neighbor. Miguel hadn’t had the opportunity to see her again and he found himself looking at the closed door of her apartment every time he passed by. From what Gabriela had told him, she was the grumpy type, barely leaving her flat or speaking to anyone in the building. She moved in a few weeks ago, so it was not surprising that she was still shy. However, in her case shyness and grumpiness were two sides of the same coin.

This afternoon, Miguel had made extra time on his schedule to pick up Gabriela from school. The two had made a short stop at an ice cream shop on their way back home and were now waiting for the elevator while Gabriela’s incessant bubbling entertained him.

If someone had told Miguel that one day he would have the time for such mundane things and enjoy them, he would have not believed it. He never took the time for anything, not even having a decent meal sometimes. So, getting ice cream was not even an option. Hell, the moment he tasted that ice cream, he swore that his taste buds had never tasted anything this good in a long time. Was he really living such a dull life that he almost forgot the taste of ice cream?

Just when the doors of the elevator were about to close, he spotted someone walking in its direction and so he held the door for the newcomer. As soon as he recognized the silhouette, he felt a small tinge of both excitement and apprehension in his heart.

His neighbor thanked him with a sign of her head for holding the door and got into the small cabin without saying a word. She was standing in front of him and once again, he didn’t resist the temptation to eye her up and down. Her hair was tied in the back and she had her earphones on -clearly she was not the most talkative person in this building and she made it quite clear -, everything indicated that she must be coming back from some workout session. Her athleisure clothes highlighted even more the shapeliness of her legs and how long they were. This time, his gaze traveled a bit higher and he noticed her wide hips as well as the patch of bare skin above the hem of her yoga pants.

He must have been quite a desperate case if something as simple as the sight of some lower back and a hint of a belly got him all riled-up, he thought. But it turned out that ice creams were not the only thing Miguel had to deny himself with his busy lifestyle. He doesn’t even remember the last time he flirted with anyone; not that he didn’t get the occasion but he had never been prone to flirting with his colleagues and well, he never saw anyone outside of his colleagues. Needless to say that his last romantic experiences didn’t end well either. He had all the reasons in the world to keep it to himself.

But, does this mean that he couldn’t admire a beautiful woman or even try to engage in conversation with her? Absolutely not.

He was a new man, he was ‘cool dad Miguel’ and this new persona of his could definitely be a little friendlier toward his neighbor, right? There was nothing strange about engaging in a conversation with your friendly neighborhood. Miguel even began to think that he could become the type of guy who can easily chat about the weather. Everything was possible in this new life.

“Mhh, excuse me, miss?”

With her earbuds on, she didn’t hear him at first. It’s only when he cleared his throat that she turned around. Her lips were pursed in what could be either a grimace of disdain or annoyance and she looked absolutely done with everything and everyone.

For some reason, this only made Miguel more of a flustered mess.

“Hum...Hi...I wanted to apologize for the next day…”

Why did he have to stutter? He never stuttered. The piercing gaze of the woman didn’t help his stuttering. It seemed like his words had brought no emotion to her face and he even wondered if she remembered that day. Even Gabriella was staring at him as if he was some madman. Finally, the woman replied:

“It’s okay.” And without saying anything else, she turned back, clearly ending the conversation. Miguel didn’t know exactly what he was waiting for but it was not that. Was his pride hurt that a pretty woman didn’t seem to recognize him? Maybe. Was he a bit annoyed at her attitude? Maybe. Was he finding this attitude really attractive? Definitely.

He didn’t have any time to think about what was pulling him closer to this woman since Gabriella quickly resumed her ranting. Miguel was listening to her without saying a word, a fond smile on his lips as he wondered over her amazement of the whole world. At least, until Gabriella mentioned how impatient she was to do his nails again. That was one of the other tings that surprised him the most about himself -how easily Gabriella got him to do anything. She just needed to do her puppy eyes and he would agree on absolutely anything. Again, if someone had told him he was a girl dad, he would not have believed it. But here he was, playing dolls with his daughter or letting her paint his nails. He was very confident in his masculinity, so these things usually didn’t bother him. At least he thought so. For some reason, he was not too fond of the idea of a pretty woman hearing about his next nail appointment.

It looked like the woman didn’t hear Gabriella’s comment and for some reason, he felt relieved. He gave his daughter a soft smile and nodded his head.

“I want to try the one with the glitters! I’m sure it will look good on you!” Miguel internally winced in pain. It seemed like each sentence Gabriella uttered was like a direct kick into his ego but he knew better and simply replied:

“I’m sure it will, mija.”

“There are glitters in it!” Miguel will never understand the enthusiasm about glitters. He had stopped counting the number of times he found glitters on the pillows of the couch. These things should be banned.

A small chuckle echoed through the elevator. It was definitely not him and it was not his daughter either, so it could only be… Both Gabriela and him look at each other with a look of surprise until the woman slowly turned her head to look at them. And to Miguel’s surprise – and joy – a smug smile had crossed her lips, making one of her dimples pop out a little more. That was one dangerous smile and he understood why she wouldn’t smile too often. Not everyone deserved to see such perfection on a daily basis.

He gathered all his courage -who would have thought the moment you need to be the bravest is not in front of an army of zombies or a super villain but while facing the mocking smile of an attractive woman? - and tried to talk. But the words got stuck in his throat and before he could say anything, the doors opened and she left them alone in the elevator.

Miguel stayed frozen for a few seconds until Gabriela pulled on his hands and finally got him back to their apartment. He couldn’t resist giving one last look toward the door of the mysterious woman.

********

Miguel would only catch a glimpse of the woman during the next few days and he never had the chance to initiate the conversation, not that he knew what he would say. If it was like the last time, he would probably just end up stuttering a bunch of nonsense while getting lost in those deep brown eyes of hers like a man doomed to die in quicksands.

So, when he saw her entering the elevator that Tuesday afternoon, he made himself the promise to not speak a word and keeping it low. He didn’t need to embarrass himself more than he already did, twice. The woman seemed to recognize him as she nodded her head in his direction, which both scared him and made him feel butterflies in his stomach. He could notice more details about her as she stood by his side in the elevators. She had let her hair loose today and they bounced around her face in thick curls; glass frames in turtle-shell sat on top of her crooked nose and she was wearing one of these power suits with large shoulders. The color highlighted the glow of her skin and he couldn’t help but notice the subtle fragrance of her perfume.

But overall, he was not staring and he was definitely chill. Very chill. And laid-back. Not at all wondering what it would feel like to smell this scent directly from her skin.

To his surprise, he noticed her sneaking a quick glance in his direction from time to time. He subconsciously straightened up his posture –he had stopped counting the number of times he had been called out for his terrible back posture – and puffed out his chest. He would probably smack himself in the back of his head later for acting like some peacock. But it seemed like her eyes were more drawn towards his hands, especially the glittered pink nail polish on them. A smile curled up her lips, and this time it didn’t seem as mocking as it was the last time. Just when he was about to break the heavy silence between them, she said in a small voice- it was almost a whisper and he thought he had misheard her for a few seconds:

“She was right; it looks good on you.”

The doors opened with a small ‘ding’ and Miguel found himself dumbfounded once again, his jaw hanging low as he whispered in a hushed voice “Thank you”.

******

Miguel was heading toward his apartment building, more than eager to throw himself on the couch, and probably just dive into an endless slumber after that long day at work. Just when he entered the building, he noticed two things. First of all, there was a small sign on the elevator indicating that it was broken. And reading this sign, standing there, her arms overflowing with grocery bags stood his cute neighbor. As he stepped closer, he could hear her groan in annoyance. He didn’t need to think much before addressing her in a faint voice:

“Can I help you?”

Not only did he manage to talk to her but he also didn’t stutter. So, that was a win. The woman turned around and maybe it was his delusion speaking, but her smile seemed even more genuine when she saw him. Or maybe she was just happy that someone would help her out…

“Thanks but I’m okay.”, she politely declined his offer even though she was clearly not okay. Miguel didn’t dare saying anything and he didn’t need to. As soon as she made a step, she almost dropped one of her grocery bags down the floor. Thanks to his superhuman reflexes, Miguel was quick to catch it and she couldn’t deny that she in fact needed his help. Miguel sensed that it costed her to admit this and truly speaking, this was something he could understand and respect; being himself unable to ask for help even if his life depended on it.

The two of them climbed the stairs in silence and Miguel couldn’t resist peaking at the inside of the bags he was carrying. He had no idea on how this woman was living since she was always so secretive and it seemed like no one could get a glimpse of her life behind this closed door. In one of the bags he could spot a box of eggs, frozen pizza rolls and among other snacks one green vegetable. This made him laugh quietly as his own groceries were not so different when he used to live alone, before Gabriella. Not that he minded adding more vegetables to his own diet now. He also noticed a few cans of tuna in the other bag and multiple period pads. His cheeks instantly flared up at the sight, which made him curse himself internally for that. He was a grown man for God’s sake and a scientist. But periods were not what got him reacting this way, it was more likely the fact that he could catch a glimpse of such an intimate part of her life, when he even barely knew this woman.

He forced his eyes to focus somewhere else and they landed on her back and drifted towards the swaying of her hips as she moved up the stairs. Not good for his blushing.

They finally stopped at the right floor and he watched her opening the door. For the first time he noticed the small charm that she used as a keychain. It was one of these small Japanese cats with one of their paws raised to their head and a peaceful smile on their face. He smiled at the sight, finding this little touch of personality quite endearing.

The two of them parted away after she had thanked him and Miguel didn’t dare saying anything more than a polite “You’re welcome” but he was sure he had heard something, or someone, moving on the other side of the door.

******

After only two months in this dimension, Miguel could proudly say that he was fitting in nicely. He knew Gabriella’s schedule by heart, he had met all of her friends and he didn’t mistake the door of his apartment with the door of someone else anymore. Of course this didn’t mean that he knew everything about Gabriella or this world yet. But he had understood that he would need a lot of patience and that was fine by him. Overall he was satisfied by this new life, and it was easy to see. Or course, it was tiring to juggle between saving the multiverse on a daily basis and being a single father, but he managed to make it work. He had even fallen into a comforting routine.

Among all the small rituals he had now in this life – like doing Gabriella’s hair every morning before school, making a lunchbox for the two of them every night or their weekly movie nights – one of his favorites was seeing her...

At this point, Miguel had accepted the fact that he had a crush on his neighbor.

There was nothing wrong in having a small crush, even at his age after all. That’s what he liked to tell himself every time he was delusional. He was pretty sure that the feeling wasn’t mutual and that she was way out of his league, but a man could dream. Either way, he already had too much on his plate, right? Romance has never been a part of the plan anyway.

Then, how come he always ended up acting like a fool when this woman approached him? He had a phd on neuro-physic, had practically invented the inter-dimensional travel and was overall a pretty smart guy but she just had a way to send him back to default mode with one look. He clearly remembered that day he saw her approaching with her wet umbrella and the only thing he managed to say was:

“It’s raining, huh?”

Like, no shit Sherlock, of course it’s raining, he immediately thought. He genuinely wondered how this woman was not already fed up with him but she seemed to hold as much as patience as phlegm in her. He even caught her smiling in his direction from time to time, clearly feeding in his delusion. She didn’t seem to find him as annoying as he found himself and they even ended up chatting a bit.

But most of the time, he would only see her in the morning when he was heading off to work, just when she seemed to come back from work. He guessed that she must have some type of jobs with unusual schedules and this was only confirmed the day he caught a glimpse of her still wearing her scrubs. She must have had a rough night of work and Miguel felt even worse for the day he had woken her up. Her hair was tied in a tight up-do and dark bags settled under her eyes. He was not looking any better after spending a whole night in an other dimension trying to catch an anomaly. The two of them exchanged one knowing look inside the elevator and after Miguel asked “Rough night again, huh?”, she found herself chuckling a bit. This was the kind of sound that he could listen to on repeat for days, he thought.

When he first heard the knock on his door, Miguel wasn’t expecting to find her waiting on his doorstep at this time of the day. But here she was, dressed in that dainty sundress with a flower pattern that just perfectly highlighted the curves of her shoulders and hugged her belly tightly, asking him to borrow some eggs. At this point, he was close to ask for some mercy on his poor mind and body but he managed to calmly give her what she had asked him for. With this dress on, he would have given her all the eggs in the world if she had asked for.

The second time, she came asking for some flour. The third time, it was sugar. Surely, she would soon find herself out of things to ask for, which scared him a bit. He liked these moments when he would see her at the most unexpected times, asking him in a quiet voice to help her with those big brown eyes playing tricks on his brain. After some time, he slowly realized that she must be doing all of this as an excuse to see him; that or she was preparing to open a bakery of some sort.

She always made sure to let enough time between each visit to not look too suspicious but she was fooling no one, not even herself. And one day, Miguel had the utmost pleasure of seeing the subtle hint of a delicate blush on her cheeks when he joked about the fact that they literally had a supermarket down the street. She grumbled something he barely understood and he thought he would never get tired of seeing her like this.

*****

So, when he heard someone knocking at the door this Sunday morning, he immediately jumped on his feet and ran toward the door, hoping it would be her. And it was. But this time she seemed slightly more concerned and flustered.

“Hum...sorry to bother you but I have a problem with the water at my place… Do you think you could maybe take a look at this? It’s okay if you can’t...I just didn’t know who else to ask in this building…”

Miguel practically melted on the spot when he heard her asking for help. It was still early on the day and she was still in her pajamas. She had hastily thrown a robe over her clothes and her face was practically covered by a thick mass of heavy curls, the tip of her nose pointing up out of this beautiful mess. It took him all his willpower to not lean close to her face and start kissing her there, right on the tip of her nose. He had never been a romantic person but there was just something in her that got him enthralled by every detail he found on her body, even the smallest or most insignificant. Not that anything was insignificant with her, whether it was her laugh, her smile, the depth of her voice…

That’s how Miguel found himself lying on her bathroom floor, looking at the underside of the sink. He had been a bit impressed when he first stepped into her apartment. The place was a bit smaller than his and he found himself feeling quite comfortable with the muffled atmosphere. The gentle lights didn’t trigger his very sensitive eyes and he was very glad for this. It seemed like she had settled very well inside this apartment as it was filled with a lot of stuff already; she seemed to be more on the maximalist side of things, and it looked very lively overall. Even the bathroom had a certain level of messiness that he found charming. He quietly laughed when he noticed the huge mass of green plants hanging from different pots, some of their vines even running along the showers walls.

“I’m really sorry for the mess.”, she quickly apologized but he gave her a reassuring look as he began to fix the leaky pipes. He didn’t find this a problem, quite the opposite. He was glad to discover so many new sides of her after being so long in the dark.

He was so focused on the task at hand that he didn’t hear her coming closer, watching him work in silence. The small look of admiration she gave him filled him with pride and a softer feeling that dispersed through his chest.

“Is it bad?”

She had asked while leaning over his shoulders and as she did so, he could catch a whiff of her scent. It was not the same as in the elevator. This time, it was not some sort of expensive and delicate fragrance that perfumed her skin but her natural scent. It was a very heady scent with some spicy notes in it. He could discern something like cinnamon and an other more delicate and dainty scent close to vanilla. His hypersensitivity made the sensation even stronger and his nostrils flared up while he fought the urge to pull her closer to inhale deeply this scent.

“No, it’s nothing. We also got this sometimes at the apartment. You just gotta make sure those pipes don’t get clogged too often…” His words died on his lips when he noticed just how close they were now. Her warm breath was brushing against the back of his ear and he could feel the small hair on the back of his neck standing up. He suddenly realized just how small the bathroom actually was as their bodies were suddenly very close to one another and he tried to move away. Due to his larger frame, he only managed to hit his head against the edge of the sink. He was expecting her to laugh or at least crack a smile but she seemed genuinely worried as the impact had made some of the stuff on the sink fall.

“Are you okay?”

Without giving him any time to reply, she leaned a bit closer and her fingers carefully pushed some strands of hair on top of his head to check if he had any concussion. Miguel felt like her fingertips were directly sending a jolt of electricity down his whole body and to the tip of his hair. He sat there, quietly, letting her slender fingers rummage through his locks, trying to keep his gaze focused somewhere else, anywhere else than the pleasing sensation of her warmth so close to him.

She had insisted on thanking him with a cup of coffee and no matter how hard he had protested, she managed to make him seat on one of the stools in the kitchen. Miguel was still a bit flustered from their little moment earlier and he was trying his best to not stare too much at her, so his gaze traveled through the apartment. That’s when it hits him. Everything looked strangely old inside this place, or was clearly thrifted. Miguel knew that his original dimension and this one were really advanced in terms of technology compared to many others and therefore, a lot of the items and devices peopled used on the daily were highly futuristic and sometimes seem soulless… But here, everything, even the smallest trinket, seemed to have a soul, a story. He liked how everything seemed to belong to different eras and seemed frozen in time. The place was like a small, comforting bubble of warmth in the chaos of this futuristic raging city.

When she presented him a warm cup of coffee, they both exchanged a smile and she couldn’t help herself but joke:

“It’s not the finest China I have…”

“It’s perfect.”

Miguel made sure to carefully hold the cup as it seemed even older than both of them combined. He gave the apartment one last look and his eyes stopped on a fuzzy shape that he hadn’t noticed before. The thing moved and two pointy ears appeared from the depth of its black fur. Then two round eyes stared at him from the living room.

“Or should I rather say that it’s purr-fect.” Miguel chuckled, knowing that his lame dad joke was either a hit or miss and to his delight, she chuckled even more. His grip on the cup went a bit more shaky every time he heard her laughing.

The cat at the other end of the living room yawned and stretched on top of one the numerous pillows thrown on the couch. With a place like this, he definitely understood why she would never leave her home. He didn’t even want to leave himself.

****

“Look, dad, a cat! He is so cute.”, Gabriella cooed while looking through the kitchen’s window. There was indeed a small, fuzzy black cat resting on top of their balcony, a sluggish look on his face while his tail swayed from side to side in the air.

Miguel smiled as he recognized the said cat. However the cat didn’t seem to recognize him and he ran away as soon as Miguel made a move to open the window to Gabriela’s disappointment.

Nevertheless the cat came back a few times and soon even Miguel was smitten by this little fuzzball. There was even something in the mean looks the cat was giving him that reminded him of his owner. Even the shape of their eyes were almost alike.

Miguel could be in the middle of cooking when he would suddenly hear the cat meowing on the other side of the window, begging for some leftover, as if he wasn’t being fed already enough. To his surprise, Miguel found himself feeding the cat from time to time, even buying some designed snacks for him since he wasn’t sure that the feline could eat everything.

As soon as Gabriela had managed to pet the small feline and he had purred in her arms, Miguel knew it was over. She would beg him to adopt one cat and he was right. For the first time, he had to refuse his daughter something, no matter how much she would plead with her hangdog look or her sulky face, there was no way they could handle a cat here.

But Miguel had to admit the small feline had a certain charm to himself. He might look cold and unapproachable at first but as soon as people gained his trust, he was almost clingy. Like someone else Miguel knew too well… He even found the cat waiting for him on top of their building when he would come back from a mission late at night as Spider-Man. It felt good to see someone waiting for him, even if it was just a cat. It was like a link between the two lives he was living. Because there was no way he would tell anyone else about his secret identity.

***

“Why the glasses?”

“I’m sorry? What?”

Miguel had perfectly heard the question but he didn’t know he would answer it yet. She had asked him quite abruptly this question and he was a bit unsettled to say the least. Coupled with her most innocent-looking eyes, he was unable to think for a clever answer. The truth was that Miguel had to wear these glasses because of his mutation. His eyes were more sensitive than most people’s and if he didn’t want to end up with excruciating headaches, he had to result to this.

He stuttered:

“I...hum...when the Sun’s a little too bright, I end up having migraines and it’s very painful…”

Her silence made him feel a bit more uncomfortable and he kept sinking more into convoluted explanations:

“It’s like a condition...from my mother...hum...it’s very rare…”

It was a rather vague explanation but she seemed satisfied by it, or at least acted like she was. While they were walking to the doors of their apartments, Miguel couldn’t resist asking her why she asked this question in the first place. To which she replied:

“I just thought it was a shame that you had to cover your eyes like that…”

****

Miguel was quietly laughing as he looked at the different brands of snacks in front of him. The racks of the supermarket were overflowing with different varieties of chips, candies and probably enough sugar to kill an elephant; exactly what he needed. Gabriella was off to a sleepover with her friends and he finally got the whole evening for himself. What was making him laugh was the fact that all these brand’s names were almost the same as in his universe, but not exactly quite the same. It was often a small letter that changed the whole name and this has always been something funny to him to look at. It truly was fascinating to see how many changes there were between all the different universes, and yet, everything was part of something bigger and united. Like some sort of web.

He finally chose a pack of chips and an even larger one of marshmallows. A small chuckle that he immediately recognized rang behind him and he slowly turned around to face her. Of course they were leaving in the same neighborhood, so it was inevitable that they would end up shopping at the same place. Miguel gave her a stupid, little giddy smile and asked:

“Someone finally came to buy her own eggs and flour?”

Seeing the blush that spread all over her cheeks, Miguel felt very satisfied with himself. Not that he minded her visits at the apartment, but at this point she must know it. She was holding a basket with her own groceries and Miguel couldn’t help but smile when he saw all the cans of tuna she had bought for the cat. He assumed she just came back from either one of her yoga classes or a jogging because she looked a bit disheveled and her face was still red from the effort. Her skin looked very flushed around her face but what caught his attention was the way her skin seemed to glisten from all this sweating. He was clearly not about to complain about the view. Was there even a moment when this woman was not stunning? Must be something in the air of this dimension…

She looked at the bags of marshmallow he was holding and her smile only widened.

“Let me guess, movie nights?” Miguel watched her trying to grab something on the highest shelf and despite her more than respectable height, he had to help her. When he handed her the small box, he finally replied:

“Not really. I’m just planning on stuffing my face with as much snacks as I can. No particular reason.”

“I’m sure Gabriella gonna love this program.”, she replied with a soft voice that barely showed any sign of mockery. He had always noticed how she seemed to have a soft spot for Gabriella. Honestly, who wouldn’t? Maybe he wasn’t very objective, but he could proudly say that his daughter was like some sort of angel. And it seemed like she could even agree on that.

“Gabriella is not here tonight. She’s at her friend’s place.”

“And that’s a good news?”, she asked with a bit of a smile. She must have noticed how slightly disappointed he sounded while saying so. To be quite frank, Miguel was glad that his daughter had friends to spend time with. She was a very sociable little girl, unlike him when he was younger. He just couldn’t help but think that after waiting so much time to have his own family, he wanted to make the most of it. Maybe he was also a bit too protective sometimes, which apparently was not exactly his variant’s type. He was sure the variant made a good job raising Gabriella, especially since he was alone, but Miguel knew better than this. The dangers of the world were nothing new or strange to him and he wanted Gabriella to stay away from these as long as possible. To some extent, he wanted her to stay the little girl she was. Not in some creepy way but he had never seen her as a baby; he had missed her early years too and he wanted to enjoy these last years with her before she would enter high school and then leave for college… This thought alone made his head spin. For one of the first time in his life, he was able to make plans for the future.

He knew that this was just a slumber party but so many things could happen while she was away from the house. What if she fell down some stairs at her friend’s house? What if she burned herself while they were making s’more? What if she had an allergic reaction? What if…

The woman put one of her hands on his arm and asked him if he was okay. Miguel must have looked like someone who was spiraling down his train of thoughts.

“Yes, thank you. I’m perfectly fine. It’s just that…”

He didn’t need to say more. With an understanding smile, she replied:

“It’s her first slumber party and you’re afraid to let her out of the house?”

Miguel wasn’t sure that it was Gabriella’s first slumber party. She must have had many others before but for him this was totally new. All of this was new to him, just like the contact of her warm hands on his bare arm. “Focus, Miguel, focus.” He cleared his throat and asked:

“Is it that obvious?”

A cheeky smile curled up her lips, and Miguel could swear he saw more understanding in it than just amusement at his situation:

“You look like my parents when I used to go on slumber parties. I remember my dad willing to come pick me up at any hour of the night and my mom who could barely fall asleep if she knew I wasn’t at home.”

She even sounded nostalgic when talking about this. Miguel had the feeling that he was looking at a new part of her personality through a tiny window opened just for him.

The only problem was that he was pretty sure that ‘cool dad Miguel’ was not the type to spend hours getting his daughter ready before an innocent slumber party and stressing over everything and nothing. That wasn’t very ‘cool dad’ of him and he must have looked like one of those overprotective parents who would wrap their kids in bubble wrap if they could.

Was she viewing him like that?

“I think I understand your parents…”, he simply replied and to his relief she agreed with him.

“I never said I didn’t understand them. I mean, yes, it was frustrating sometimes to not be allowed to go out or go to some parties or even have a curfew while everyone was outside…”

Miguel’s chest tightened as he imagined a teenage Gabriella wanting to go at a party. That would be hypocritical of him to deny her this but at the same time, he knew he would spend his entire night worrying about her.

Was Gabriella frustrated with him being over-protective? Was he a little bit too much?

“...but one day I understood that they were doing this for my own good. In their clumsy, sometimes very awkward way, they just wanted to protect me.”

Her last words brought some comfort upon Miguel’s heart and he was thankful that she was willing to talk and listen to him about these things. For most of his life, Miguel had never been a father or even a parental figure to anyone and he never had the chance to learn this from his own parents.

“I just don’t want her to resent me for acting this way. I’m glad she is going out and making friends, really… But...I don’t know, maybe this is going too fast?”

Like, literally too fast. He was expecting a strong reaction from his interlocutor, but she only smiled even more softly.

“Trust me, she won’t resent you.”

“Hod do you know that?”

“Because I’ve seen the way you are with her. She is lucky to have a father like you.”

If Miguel could have combusted right on the spot, he would have done it. His face was probably the same shade of red as Gabriela’s ladybug cuddy toy and he could feel even the back of his ears heating up. How embarrassing would it be for a grown man to have a meltdwon in the middle of the snack alley? He didn’t want to try his luck and find out, so he took a hold of himself and managed to keep his composure. First, she was touching him and then she was giving him one of the most beautiful compliment he would ever dream of...

“That’s...thank you. You’re...you’re being too nice.”

“I’m not. I wouldn’t be saying this if it wasn’t the truth.”

Her firm tone left no room for any doubt or way for him to talk back. This was like a nice pat to his ego but also very reassuring words to hear. It was not every day that Miguel got praised this way and he wouldn’t complain about getting this kind of praises by her, out of all people. Miguel appreciated how brutally honest she could be at times for it only made this type of moments even more enjoyable and he was sure she wasn’t lying to him just to make him feel nice.

“Thank you.”

She nodded in acknowledgment while the two of them moved toward the checkout. While Miguel was putting all his stuff on the conveyor belt, he saw her looking at a few newspaper put near the cash register. He cringed as soon as he was the front page. A large picture of him in his Spider-suit, in full color was on the first page.

Miguel knew he had to protect his identity but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t help the people from this realm. Just like in his own Nueva-York, the city’s underbelly was a paradise for any kind of criminals and the traffic of the rapture wasn’t helping either. He just couldn’t stand there and let this city be run by crime, even if it meant sacrificing some of his time with his daughter to run off in the middle of the night. Every time Miguel thought about the death of his variant he was filled with so much frustration. The fact that an innocent man could have been killed this way in the middle of the street and left for dead without anyone willing to help him really strained his faith in humanity. He couldn’t let that happen again; he wouldn’t let any criminal in this city make an orphan of a kid.

However, he was aware that some people were not very found of him and especially the way he was not collaborating with the police. But after all, it has always been part of Spider-Man’s identity. He had to work hard in order to gain people’s trust.

He couldn’t help but look at her face while she was looking at the front cover and when he saw a small smile on her lips, he really thought that was over. He will definitely have a melt-down at the checkout.

The title of the paper reads: “Spider-Man, criminal or hero?” and Miguel was curious about her answer.

“So, what do you think?”, he asked in a small voice. She looked back at him and Miguel was again about to lose it when he saw the pink hue covering her cheeks.

“You mean, about Spider-Man? I mean, is there even a need to ask this question? Of course he is a hero. I mean, before moving in Nueva York I was very anxious and everyone was warning me about this city. But since he is here...everything changed and for the better.”

Take a deep breath, Miguel. Just take a deep breath. Just don’t look at her in the eyes and everything will be fine. Of course, he looked at her in the eyes and he almost lost it. If this fool didn’t know better, he would have thanked her for this.

“You don’t think so?”, she asked and Miguel panicked a bit, trying to find a good answer without cringing at himself.

“I...I think that what he is doing is admirable. But I don’t know if he would consider himself a hero…”

“Then how would he see himself?”, she asked in an interested voice. Miguel swallowed hard before replying:

“I think, and that’s just an hypothesis of course, that sometimes he just feels alone… He probably didn’t have much of a choice when it comes to being who he is and he probably just feels like a guy who tries his best…”

The silence that followed his words made him immediately regret what he just said and he was about to back off:

“It’s just an hypothesis of course…”

“I’ve never thought about it this way…”, she replied slowly. “I hope he doesn’t feel as lonely as you think he is… He doesn’t deserve this.”

At this point of the conversation, Miguel’s legs were very mushy and his brain had some trouble forming even a simple sentence. The way she was looking at this picture of him made his limbs go all jittery and he wished that she could look at him this way. If she did one day, he would die happy.

They kept chatting all the way back home and when they finally parted way, Miguel felt like there was an unresolved tension in the air. They both stood in front of the door and looked at each other as if they were waiting for the other one to say it, to make the first step. He was alone tonight and so was she. What’s wrong in asking your friendly neighbor if they wanted to spend a nice evening with you? Nothing. Then why couldn’t he just invite her to come over?

He knew that as soon as the door would be closed on them, he would barely hold himself together. He would just burst into a million pieces like a broken puzzle just to let her build him back together. He would let her do anything she wanted with him, whether she desired to break him or just pamper him. He was hers without any doubt and that thought both made his heart race faster and ache. When was the last time he allowed himself to be this vulnerable around someone? What if he had to leave in the middle of all of this because of a mission? What if the feeling wasn’t mutual and he came off as pushy? What if she didn’t like him back?

Miguel felt like years of self-doubt and hesitation all rushed back to him. He suddenly remembered the fact that he was a mess, someone who didn’t really belong here and that his body was the one of a mutant. How would he explain the talons on his hands or even his fangs?

And that’s how the two of them parted away that night. Miguel knew that whatever choice he would make, he would regret it.

****

Miguel smacked an other kiss on Gabriella’s cheek before leaving his apartment. He was in a rush and under a lot of pressure as well as an unhealthy amount of caffeine. He hadn’t slept that much last night because of a mission he had in an other universe and when he was expecting to spend this day at home with Gabriella, chilling and rewatching one of their favorite movies together, he had been called at work for an emergency. If not for his brother, Gabriel, he would have had to leave his daughter alone at home all day.

Maybe it was time for him to find a baby-sitter. He knew Gabriella would hate this idea. She was already ten and she would argue that she would be fine alone. He didn’t doubt her maturity any minute but an accident could happen so fast… Even if he didn’t really like the idea of letting a stranger come into his house, he had no other choice. He just needed to find someone he really trusted enough to take care of Gabriella, and someone Gabriella appreciated.

He was very much lost in his thoughts when he heard a soft voice greeting him. Miguel lifted his eyes from his shoes and when he saw her, his breath almost left his lungs. She must have been going out today because she looked all dolled-up. His voice croaked out a small “Hi” and suddenly all thoughts about baby-sitters or work left his mind. The off the shoulder dress made his imagination run wild while his senses succumbed to the sugary aroma of her perfume. She was so close to him in this small cabin, so close he could run his hands over the satin of her dress if he just stretched his hand a little further, and yet so far away like some forbidden fruit. The memory of this aborted evening together had left a sour taste in the back of his mouth and he resented himself for chickening out every single time he found himself alone with her.

They engaged in some light chatting and Miguel couldn’t help but feel a slight pang of jealousy when she mentioned going out with friends this afternoon. He couldn’t really afford to be jealous since he was nothing to her and was too much of a coward to make the first move. He also knew how shitty of him that was to feel such things but he couldn’t deny it. The longer he kept looking at her in this dress, the more he wanted to pull her closer to him and keep her wrapped in his arms for days and days. It’s been months since he met her now and he was still at the first step of it all, which consisted of daydreaming about her and immediately feeling ashamed of his fantasies. This woman was turning him into a mess.

“It’s very rare to see you out there on a Saturday? I hope nothing bad happened…”

How sweet and considerate of her… If only his attraction to this woman depended only of the physical attraction he was feeling for her, this would be easier. He would just put it on the account of all these months he spend alone, living like some monk. But it was more than that. Miguel didn’t just want some easy hook-up with her. He wanted to wake up with her every morning; to have her taking part in their movie nights with Gabriella; to let him braid her hair before she went to work; to love her… He wanted so many things. He wanted that wit, that laugh, that tenderness of her into his life.

“No...it’s just that...we are working on something and they needed me at work… It’s...it’s complicated…”

Miguel didn’t want to bore her with his work stories but every single time he did so, she just stayed quiet and let him dump his worries on her shoulders. He felt terrible because he knew she already had a lot going on her side but at the same time, it felt good to have someone listening to him and even understanding him.

“Hopefully my brother managed to get some time off today to watch Gabriella. But I think next time I will need to find some baby-sitter… Do you think I could place an ad at the supermarket?”

“I could do it.”

“Placing an ad?”

“No, I mean, watching over Gabriella.”

Her proposition took him by surprised and he was too stunned to speak for a few seconds. This could be the right solution after all. Gabriella and her seemed to get along very well and she had her way around children with her job. He also knew she was someone he could trust…

“But I don’t want to bother you…”

“You’re never bothering me, Miguel.”

***

It was past midnight and Miguel was afraid to go back home, just like when he was a teenager coming home after his curfew at the Alchemax Institute. Only this time, he was worried for different reasons. He had managed to leave work early today but due to some troubles in one of the worst neighborhood in town, he had to put on his Spider suit and go, barely having the time to call for his neighbor to watch over Gabriella. He had thought all of this would be over soon, but it turned out he was wrong. He felt terrible, knowing he had to ask her for her help in such a short amount of time and he was coming back home way too late without looking suspicious. And if that wasn’t already enough, he was spotting a pretty bad bruise on the right side of his face.

When he entered his living room, he found her sitting on the couch, her legs under her body, wrapped in a cozy blanket, fighting off sleep with a book in hand. This triggered his sense of protectiveness and he just wished he could run to her and take her in his arms. He couldn’t believe she was waiting for him all this time.

“Hi…”

She was a little startled by the sudden intrusion and she jumped on the couch. She turned around and as soon as she saw his bruised face, her smile disappeared. Miguel tried to act as if nothing was wrong, asking if Gabriella was already asleep, to which she slowly nodded her head:

“Yes...yes she is. But...what happened to your face?”

“Oh this?”, he said while touching the bruise with his fingertips, “Nothing. I just...tripped.”

This poor explanation didn’t convince her and she was back on her feet in a matter of seconds. Her hands immediately cupped his face and her fingertips brushed against his bruise. The very focused and serious expression on her face made him imagine that this was what she was looking like when working. He always guessed that she must be a great nurse but he was definitely certain of it when he saw all the care she put while handling his beaten up face. He barely felt her touch, except for when she pushed her fingers a little more against the skin that was already turning purple.

He made a soft sound that he wasn’t even aware he could do and that made him feel terribly ashamed of himself and very self-conscious. The sound was between the gasp and the moan and made his loins burn immediately with the need to release all the heat trapped in his body.

“Shh...it’s okay. It will take maybe a week or two to heal but that will be fine…”, her soft voice comforted him and he had to fight the urge to just rest his head against the palm of her delicate hand.

She went to the kitchen to grab a bag of ice for his face and Miguel released a soft groan when her fingers left his cheek. He must really be down bad for acting like such a fool. When she went back and put the bag against his face, he immediately felt relief wash over him.

“I’m sorry for being home late…”, he whispered after a few awkward minutes of silence.

“It’s okay. We had a great evening together with Gabriella. She is really cute.”

“Yes, she is.”

He was growing a bit more uncomfortable under her gaze. There was no way she believed his lie and he knew it. But he couldn’t tell her the truth and risking her safety. Little did he know she already had some suspicions about him at this point and if he was suspecting it, he decided to let it go. He was too tired to have an argument or even a conversation tonight and he just rested his back against the couch, his head thrown over the pillows. The only thing her remembers before falling asleep was her voice:

“Please, be careful, Miguel.”

***

Not all Miguel’s missions implied fighting off goons or criminals. Sometimes he would have to rescue people trapped in a burning building or from any other type of disaster honestly. And today was one of these days. As soon as he had heard that a train had deviated from its usual route and was about to crash down the bridge in the middle of the city, he dropped everything he was doing and ran off to the place of the accident. Apparently one person was still trapped inside the wagon.

Miguel moved as carefully as he could, using his webs to swing from one part of the bridge to an other before landing on top of the train. A woman was holding one of the bars for her dear life and she looked so pale, he thought she was about to pass out from fear. It was true that the whole thing had stopped at a really concerning height. If the train just fell, this would kill them both instantly and this was without even talking about the shock of hitting the cold water underneath.

When he recognized the face of the woman, Miguel’s anxiety skyrocketed and it took all his willpower to not call for her and stay calm. He needed to keep a cold head and not let his emotions take over him during a mission, which was something he had learned to do years ago. He carefully slipped into the wagon through a broken window and made his way towards her, using his palm to stick to the wall.

“Hey, are you alright?”

She didn’t answer. Her gaze was locked on the dark water underneath and Miguel immediately guessed that she must have been scared of heights.

“Hey, look at me. It’s going to be alright.”

The woman turned his head toward him and her expression really shattered his calm behavior. He had never seen her so distressed and scared. She was usually so calm and collected, even wearing a slug smile from time to time. There was none of that now as her eyes were open wide and her lips quivering in fear. Just when she was about to say something, a strong gust of wind blew against the wagon and the fragile structure lost its balance and hung more in the void. She pushed a scream of pure terror while nervous tears rolled down her cheeks.

Miguel jumped as fast as he could across the train and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. He was no longer thinking as Miguel but as Spider-Man. Usually, this contact between the two of them would have made him flustered but not today. His grip around her waist tightened and he pulled her closer to his sturdy chest.

“Just close your eyes, okay, and trust me.”

His warmth wrapped around her as she closed her eyes and her own arms wrapped around him.

“That’s right. You’re doing just fine.”

When he was sure she was holding him tight enough, Miguel carefully took the two of them out of this hazard situation and shot one of his web toward a pillar of the bridge.

“We’re gonna move just a bit, okay?”

“What?”

She didn’t have the time to voice her concerns that Miguel jumped from the platform of the train while this last one dived into the water. Unlike what she was expecting, no sound of terror left her lips when she felt their bodies swinging through the air. Even if she was truly terrified, she trusted him and either way, her body wasn’t able to move from his tight grip and her fear. She just nuzzled her face deep onto the crook of his neck while holding him tightly. The wind blew through her hair with force and Miguel wished he could have felt it brushing against his skin, without the mask blocking it. He was a bit more relaxed now that they were out of this situation and he basked himself in the warmth of her body, certain that he would never have an other opportunity to feel it. The scent of hair made him feel ill with a fever so intense he never encountered one before. The need to just dive his face into those luscious curls was getting too strong for him and he needed to collect himself asap.

When he finally landed on the ground, he made sure to gently let her down. His voice was a bit hoarse after all of this when he asked her is she was okay.

But no matter how much his voice had changed, she definitely recognized it.

***

The sudden flash of a flashlight blinded him for a few seconds and he groaned in annoyance. Miguel was still wearing his Spider suit and he was panicking, hoping he could make it clear out of this situation from anyone who caught him going back to his place this late at night. He was just hoping that it wouldn’t be Gabriella because he knew he wouldn’t be able to lie to her. He wouldn’t even be able to lie to...

“I knew it!”

Shock! It was her. Miguel’s eyes squinted in the direction of the silhouette holding the light. Long curly hair, loose bathrobe and thick brows furrowing into a concerned expression. He was done.

“That’s not what it looks like.”

“You’re dressed as Spider-Man in the middle of the night, on top of our apartment building, Miguel. What does it look like to you?”

He was not sure if she was angry, frustrated or maybe both. Miguel tried to explain himself but after seeing him jumping from a building to an other and using his web, he would just lose his time denying it. She had recognized his voice, she was suspicious since the day she mentioned his glasses. There was no escape for him.

“I...okay, you got me there but…” Why was he acting like he needed to apologize? He did nothing wrong? Yes, he did lie to her and hid the truth from her but it was for her own good. He never intended to hurt her feelings or make her feel like he wanted to keep her out of his life.

“But what? Do you really think I was this stupid to not connect the dots?”

“I’ve never thought you were stupid!”

“Do you realize just how worried I was?”

This time, he didn’t have any word to reply to her. His mouth just hung low and he was breathing out some deep huffs. Did he hear this right?

“You...you were worried?”

Her fists tightened into balls and she kept on ranting:

“Of course I was worried! How do you think I felt every time I saw you coming back late and all beaten up! I even imagined the worst case scenarios, Miguel! I swear to God, you’re gonna make me go crazy one day! I just…”

Before an other word could leave her lips, Miguel put into action his other plans for them. He didn’t think of anything while doing this. But the fact that she cared so much about him, when he has spend his whole life thinking no one would and that he was worthy of such attention, had broken his last resistance. If she knew who he truly was and didn’t mind it, she might as well know what he was thinking and feeling.

With one swift move of hi wrist, Miguel launched a web at her and pulled her closer until she ended up in his arms, all pressed against his solid chest and stammering heart. And without giving it a second thought, his lips found her in a kiss he wished he could have given her sooner. His hands cupped her face, his thumbs playing along the edges of her jaw, holding back as much as he can to cover it in kisses and let his hands slide down her neck.

He wished he could devour her with his kiss, make up for all the time they lost. His heart practically bursts out of his chest when he feels her indulging into the kiss, tilting her head to the side so they could deepen the kiss. Her hands grabbed his suit tightly while she moves her plump lips against his. They are breathing into each other’s mouth and their bodies molding against one another, making him feel weak in the knees. Her soft curves brush against his body and he can’t fight back the urgency of this situation. Some strands of her hair get tangled with his fingers and he wants more. So much more in this moment.

They both had to break the kiss at some point because the heat between them has become unbearable and they needed to breathe. They huffed into each other’s face with their foreheads touching. Her eyes are still closed and he is watching her, admiring her like one admires a piece of art. His fingers brush against her cheek, her nose, her lashes and he shivers when he feels them fluttering against his skin. Her eyes are beaming with affection, the same way his do and he feels like he is watching a galaxy of lights and stars unraveling into these deep sloes.

“Do you always resolve a conflict this way?”, she asks with a small grin that almost makes him start to kiss her again.

“Only when it’s with you…”, he breathed out in a tender voice.

***

“Stop moving around.”

“Stop torturing me like this, then.”

She immediately stops the movement of her wrist and therefore of the needle she was using to stitch him up. He is sitting on the floor of her apartment on top of a mountain of soft and fluffy pillows while she was tending to his wounds, sitting behind him on the couch, his head on her lap. Life couldn’t get any better than this to his humble opinion and he couldn’t resist the temptation of bickering around. He slowly shifts his body, half-facing her and grips her thigh with his hand, a smug face on his lips:

“What kind of nurse are you if you’re always this brutal with your patients?”

He was clearly messing with her since she was nothing but pure softness when it came to his wounds. And God knows he was giving her a lot of work. But he couldn’t help it. It was like she had unlocked a new side of him and when he was around her, he couldn’t help but feel playful, as if all the weight on his shoulder had disappeared.

“If you’re not satisfied, then you can go and find someone else as your new healer.”, she replied with a sarcastic tone, knowing damn well he wouldn’t leave even for the most talented healer out there.

“Mhh...I think I’m gonna stick around with you a bit more…”, he replied in a low voice before kissing her bare knee.

His eyes lifted up to look at her from above and his gaze darkened under his lashes when he saw her flustered expression. He could trace his way all along her thigh, only using his lips if he wanted to and the need to do it was growing stronger with every minute. Instead he kept squeezing her plush thigh with his hand, letting out a low hum when he realized how easily he could dig his fingers into her plump skin.

“How generous of you…”, she replied with a flirty smirk.

“I know, I’m so selfless sometimes…”. Just when he finished his sentence, he squeezed a little harder her thigh. But despite being careful and trying to keep it playful, one of his talons pushed against her flesh making her gasp.

“Shock! I’m sorry, it’s not supposed to happen. I didn’t mean to…” Embarrassment was filling up Miguel’s face. This was the reason why they had never been intimate together yet. There was no way he could trust himself around her. He knew he wouldn’t hurt her on purpose but he also knew an accident could happen so easily. His guilt would never let him find peace again if he hurt her.

“Wait, those are claws?”, she asked in an unexpected tone. No one has ever looked at these claws with a tone like this one. She looks genuinely curious and a bit… impressed. Her hands gently held his and she asked:

“May I?”

Miguel was genuinely too flabbergasted to even make a coherent sentence so he simply nodded his head while her fingers traced the lines on his palm. The feeling of it tingled him a bit and he squirmed a little. Not that he was uncomfortable but every contact skin to skin with her had this effect on him. In the silence of the room, he could hear his heart beating in his ears.

She was studying every detail of his hands, from the rough fingertips to the veins on them. One of his hands could easily hold both of hers and the skin on them was warm, just like a small personal heater. When her fingers brushed against his fingertips, one of his claws came out. He hated the fact that even after all these years, he couldn’t sometimes control them perfectly. Usually he did a great job at holding them back but he needed to stay absolutely focused in order to do so. And with her being so close and her breath hitting his skin did nothing to help his focus.

“You’re not scared?”

“Why would I be scared?”, she replied in the most genuine tone, almost making his heart melt. If he hadn’t already been on his knees in front of her, he would have fallen to his knees.

“Because...I could hurt you…”

A gentle smile cured up her lips and she brought his hand closer to her face. When she began kissing his fingertips, Miguel was left breathless, almost shaking. No one had even treated his body with such care after his transformation, and not his claws out of all the spots on him.

“You could never hurt me, Miguel…”

***

Miguel’s hands couldn’t stop shaking as he slipped them under the fabric of her top, feeling the smooth and soft skin of her belly. In fact his whole body was shaking and he felt like he needed to calm himself, to pull back just a little. But it was impossible. They had been waiting so long for this moment, he couldn’t let it go.

They were stripping each other off their clothes with a growing urgency. The cold air of the room brushed against his burning skin and he felt like he won’t be able to survive this moment. His body was burning hot like a furnace and he needed to release all this pent-up tension as soon as possible. Every muscles under his skin rippled, tensed and locked while he tried to hold himself back.

When the last piece of clothing had disappeared from his body, she looked up at him and Miguel swore he could have died right on the spot. It was worth waiting this long for the look of awe she was arboring.

“You’re gonna be the death of me…”, she whispered in a breathy voice and Miguel’s vision almost turned blurry the moment she touched him.

“Are you sure you want this?”

“Yes, I do.”

***

She was slowly waking up when she felt something sliding along her waist. Miguel’s strong arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer to his chest. It was barely 8 in the morning and he was already acting this way. She loved it.

“Hi.”

She felt his breath warming up the shell of his ear and her chest tightened when she remembered all the things he has whispered to her the night before. And all the other nights… She had stopped counting them but Miguel didn’t. He even remembered clearly every one of these moments they’ve shared together and he could have easily told them apart.

“Hi.”, she replied in a sleepy voice and that triggered something deep inside him. His hand left her waist and slides up and down her body, his fingertips gently tapping against her skin. Miguel’s face nuzzled against her neck and he proceeded to leave a trail of sloppy kisses all over her skin, from her ear to her shoulder. Her hair brushed against his face and he was close to let himself be suffocated by those locks.

When his hand slipped under the hem of nightdress, she shifted her body, trying to get him off her.

“Miguel...we already talked about this…”

“Please, just five minutes…”

“You said that the last time and I ended up being late…”, she lazily protested. The weight of his body was making her sink down the mattress and despite how good it felt, she knew she had to act upon this. She gently pushed him back and he obliged, after leaving one last kiss on her upper arm.

“I have to go to work…”, she said with so little enthusiasm that Miguel just wanted to pull her back into his arms.

“I know, bebita, I know.”

“Then maybe, you could let go off my dress, please?”, she replied with a cheeky grin. Miguel finally reluctantly let go off her. His arm stayed on her empty side of the bed, taking in her warmth and the scent she had left on the pillow. She grabbed her clothes on the floor and was about to go for the bathroom when she noticed his sulky face and the way he was running his fingers along the mattress.

When she leaned against him and placed a kiss on his lips, Miguel’s face immediately lit up.

“Tonight?”

“Tonight.”

***

There have never been a ‘tonight’, nor a ‘tomorrow’.

There have only been this day ever since.

Miguel will never forget it as it plays on repeat in his head, again and again.

***

First, there has been confusion. And then, denial. When he saw the whole world around him unraveling, he only had one question in his mind. Where were they?

Gabriella was at a game’s rehearsal but her… She should have been on her way to work by now… He couldn’t be less sure of it. Wait, didn’t she say she needed to get something at her place first?

Miguel remembers running as fast as he could. The door was still open and when he entered the small apartment, his heart sunk down his chest. It looked like madness. All the colors of the room were mixing together in a dreadful mix of shades. All the precious stuff she had accumulated over the years were gone, disappearing faster than he could even register it. But the worst was yet to come.

She was laying there, on the ground, the lower half of her body was slowly disappearing into what looked like a myriad of pixels. Her cat pushed a last meow and vanished as it it had been blown by the wind, as if it was nothing.

Miguel had only seen her this scared once before. It was that day on the train. Tears were running down her ethereal face as she was suffocating for air. Miguel knelt down by her side and immediately wrapped his arms around the last remains of her body. The pixels were growing and going higher on her with every breath she took.

He remembers that he had cried, that he wanted to tell her so many things… But all he managed to say was screaming “No” in denial. He couldn’t lose everything right now, not after he finally managed to find happiness. She couldn’t disappear like that. He remembers holding her in his arms almost an hour ago and she was fine. Her body was still whole, it was real and she was his just like he was hers.

“Please, don’t leave me! Don’t go!”

No plead could stop that. Her body was being consumed and he had no clue about what was creating this. She cupped his face one last time, begging him to let go, to go look for Gabriella, to make sure she was safe… She knew it was too late for her. And Miguel knew she was right. After that, everything happened so quickly. He remembers the taste of their last kiss, bitter like his tears as she vanished into the void.

***

Miguel already thought that his heart was broken at this point.

That nothing could ever compete with this moment.

And then he lost Gabriella.

In his arms.

He saw her vanish, he heard her last cries of terror and sensed the despair in her eyes.

He had failed her.

He had hurt them.

***

Miguel gave one last look at the screen in front of him. His office was dimly lit and he could watch on one of his giant screens one of his favorite memories.

Gabriella had won one of her games that day and she was hugging him. Gosh, he looked so proud of her and he certainly was. He took her in his arms, made her swirl around while she kept on laughing. Her little nose was scrunching up, just like every time she would smile.

When he finally put her down and looked up at the camera filming them, his smile became charming and his eyes lit up.

He could see himself talking at the person behind the camera, his voice warm and filled with nothing but longing.

And every time the Miguel from the present heard the voice talking back, he would finally let go of the tears he was holding back.

================================================

Notes: Thanks for everyone who read this story. I hope you all enjoyed it.

I’ll be posting less things this month because of college but I’m not forgetting mu dbf! Fiction and I’m already working on the next parts.

[a-special-ship-safe-space]

12, 18, 20, and 21 from the Romantic F/Os Takeover Asks, for Pomni!

-@all4theluvoflizzy

"W-wait you want me to answer these???..ok...sorry if i disappoint though.."

12) What is your preferred method of flirting? Are you physical, do you use cheesy but harmless pick-up lines, or are you heavy-handed in your approach? How do they react to being flirted with? If you don’t flirt with them, how else do you (or did you) show them you were interested in them?

"I CANNOT FLIRT AT ALL!! He is the one who usually flirts and if i try i just end up embarrassing myself..If i try to flirt he just blushes and snickers at it..he thinks its pretty cute..I showed my interest by..listening and just..show him i was there.."

18) What’s the silliest thing you’ve ever had a disagreement on? Were you aware at the time that it was silly, or do you only realize that now when thinking back on it?

"I think.. it was aboutttt..cats and dogs??.."which one is better cats or dogs?" i think.. it was obviously..very dumb"

20) What’s the most romantic thing you can remember having done for them? What’s the most romantic thing they’ve done for you?

"easy its was his digital anniversary (when they first appeared in the circus) and i made him these. flower things and left gifts around the place for him to find..he never really does anyting except work so it made him extremely happy.. And to the last question. One time i was extremely stressed and he was there giving me kisses and telling me how he felt and tried to calm me down.. it was super sweet.."

21) How romantic would you say you are? Do you do a lot of romantic things for your s/o, or do find that you’re more reserved with your affections—not because you love them less, but because it’s just your personality or you’re too busy to do much else (or whatever your reasoning may be). What about your s/o?

"romance..is weird for me im not..that good with that stuff.. heh...He on the other hand is super affectionate..he tells me how much he loves me all the time and can never stop hugging or cuddling me..even right now he is holding my hand heh.."

"EYYYYYYYYYYY..."

[angelshimaa-archive]

elysian and gründe for the ask game!

thank you thank you for asking lovely ahhh !!

elysian - have you or your f/o ever lied to each other? if so, was it easily forgiven or did you have to work to earn each other's trust again?

damn you rlly chose pain huh—

eijirou and i have lied before, but the most serious was a lie we both told at some point really. just about us being okay, about coping with all the stressful situations that come with getting to our goals.

sometimes, he’ll lie saying he’s not overdoing it in training, he’ll lie saying he’s doing just great when really he’s crumbling under all his past & current insecurities

when i lie, it’s about me coping with all the schoolwork and how i’m doing just fine, i just need to work harder, need to push more. i’ll say that i’m just fine when i’m most likely just overwhelmed by it all

and both of us lie when we’re not in the right headspace to help the other. it’s all we want to do really, just to be that pillar that support for the other to the point where we just shun our own crumbling

honestly, it’s just the “i dont want you to worry so in a way this lie isnt harmful”

whenever that lie gets discovered, it’s usually that whoever was lied to is more heartbroken at the fact that whoever lied felt the need to lie rather than being angry. and its just the comfort that comes afterwards really that has me so :( the whispered reassurances and the words spoken through tears and the painful apologies— mhm that’s it

otherwise, besides the little goofy jokes and banter, i don’t think he’s lied about something big

gründe - what were you and your f/os thoughts upon seeing each other for the first time?

we saw one another back in middle school, known each other since. i’d say, i thought he was kinda brave, the way he always jumped in front of the bullies to help others even when he wasn’t taken too seriously. i liked his sharp teeth too, found them kinda endearing ig

he thought my smile was pretty, i seemed to smile a lot whenever he saw me because smiling and laughing are things i do most of the time, and went onto thinking i was smart because of my school achievements

self ship ask game !

[dark-eyes-under-the-golden-sky]

I had a really shitty afternoon/evening and I’m exhausted. Plus holidays are coming up and I don’t really like the holidays because it’s always a very stressful time for me and I don’t really like spending time with my extended family. So to cope with all that I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to bring my f/os to my family gathering. 

I think my family would probably love Bruno. He’s polite and calm and I think people would definitely enjoy talking with him. He would be slightly awkward when my aunt inevitably tries speaking Italian with him, but overall he’d get along with everyone well. Well everyone except one of my cousins... yeah no that one Bruno would probably hate (Bruno wouldn’t agree with his uh... lifestyle, let’s just say it this way). I think Bruno would be the most likely to pull me apart and comfort me when things become too much (ugh I love him so much, he’s literally perfect, I want to kiss him so bad). I think he would definitely try to avoid confrontation, but I also think that if someone really hurt me, all bets would be off. He wouldn't be able to help himself and would just snap and chew the person off. I think overall, he’d be really pleasant to be around though and would make a really good impression on my family (they would give him all the leftovers). 

My family would like my second f/o (not comfy saying who it is yet... sorry). I think they’d be slightly taken aback by his rather loud personality at first, but overall they’d like him. He would either spend the evening talking with my cousins (and trying to show off...) or he would spend it playing with the children. Yeah, he would definitely try to play a board game with everyone at some point and become overly competitive too (man needs to calm down a bit). He’s a sore loser, so he would pout if someone beat him (nothing a kiss can’t fix tho). I feel like he would be good at dragging the attention away from me when things become overwhelming, which would definitely help. Like if someone said something mean he’d just say something like “yeah but I did something way more embarrassing once...” and tell a funny story about himself to divert attention. Overall, he’d be really fun to have around I think. 

My third f/o (*cough* Gojo Satoru *cough* ) uhhhhhh... I’m not exactly sure of how it would go down with him tbh. As much as I love him, he has a very intense personality and I wonder how he would get along with my family. On the one hand I feel like  the kids would really like him because he’s funny and he would definitely play games with them. My aunts would really like him too. They’d find him really charming I think (”YoU hAvE SuCh BeAuTiFuL EyEs” o o f, stop flirting with my man). On the other hand, I feel like he’d end up picking a fight with my uncle (which he’d win no question of course). I feel like he’d be the most likely to confront someone if they say something mean about me too (probably the reason why he would pick a fight with my uncle in the first place). Like someone would insult me and he would take it personally and insult the person right back, not in an angry tone, but in his usual arrogant tone. Overall, with him around, it would definitely be an interesting gathering. 

[apocalypseships]

Power supply unit (PSU), Central processing unit (CPU), Heat sink, Solid State Drive (SSD), & Chassis for any of your f/os ~ rebeccaselfships

Thank you for the asks and I’ll be sure to send some your way ✨

F/O:- Nathan Drake

✨ Power Supply Unit (PSU):- Which one of you brings the most energy to the relationship? Can it occasionally be a bit too much energy for each other?

A lot of the time I end up waking up at stupid hours meaning that when Nathan wakes up, I’m hella tired. Nathan is quite the opposite, he wakes up like a spring chicken every morning and is raring to go. However, if I’m not in the mood for his hype, I’ll usually just go back to bed.

✨ Central Processing Unit (CPU):- Are either of you prone to overworking yourselves? If so, how do you work through it as a pair?

I spend most of my day working and if I don’t finish, I bring it home to complete whatever task that I was working on. This is also the same with Nathan, our attic is filled with random artefacts that he brings home with him and he loves to research so we both get caught up in work and don’t realist times that we’re working into the early hours of the morning.

Normally, if one of us looks at the time, we’ll either drag each other back to bed or make each other a quick snack and drink if we forgot to have a meal.

✨Heat Sink:- How does your F/O help you destress and vent? Conversely, how do you help them?

When I need to destress or just vent, Nathan always asks me about what I’m currently interested in, he lets me ramble on and on for hours as he knows that if I’m talking about something I’m interested in, then I’m not thinking about what’s making me stressed.

When Nathan needs to destress, I tend to sneak away to the kitchen for a few minutes, letting him rest but also baking either cookies or brownies so he has something nice to wake up to and that he can enjoy rather than stressing.

✨Solid State Drive (SSD):- What are some small details about your F/O that you appreciate?

I absolutely adore the fact that when Nathan is working, he goes all professional and smart and the second he gets home, the tie comes off and the top button on his shirt is undone so he can relax and chill out.

✨Chassis:- Which one of you is more self conscious about your appearance? How does the other help?

Even though I know that I’m probably the most self conscious about how I look, Nathan tends to be very self conscious about the scars and random injury marks that he has acquired over the years. He feels like they make him look like a bad person and that he shouldn’t be trusted.

If I notice him feeling bad about them, I will normally point out how heroic they make him look and how tough he looks after fighting a strong opponent whereas if it’s me being self conscious, Nathan will just cuddle me, pointing out the good things rather than any flaws.

Thank you again for the asks and I’ll be sure to send some your way ✨✨

[ohtheseboysilove]

The life ahead of us I/III [Billy/Four x F!Reader]

Words : 4, 200 K +

Warnings : fluff, smut, angst, blood…

Summary : Billy and reader decided to quit the Six Underground team after three years fighting the bad guys. They agreed to help them finish this last job before starting their new life. Only three more missions to go for a life of freedom.

Note : Hiyyaaa, first 6 Underground writing and I’m beyond excited ! (and bloody nervous too!!!) I had this idea few days ago and I didn’t want to start writing it because I have a lot of other stuffs to finish/edit but I just couldn’t stop thinking about it so…The whole story is already clear in my mind, divided in 3 parts (was supposed to be a simple OS but I got carried away as usual…). Anyway, I hope you’re gonna like it as much as I do and don’t forget to tell me what you think (even if it’s just a meme or a heart emoji, I’m surviving on these little comments!). Lots of love xx

x Masterlist x

General Headquarters of the 6 Underground team.

His mouth was hot, almost burning against yours, tongues and legs intertwined together in a passionate and lustful mess.

His thrusts were becoming sloppy as he was coming closer to his orgasm, his fingers quickly working on your clit to bring you with him and he was doing an amazing job as usual.

“Fuck…baby I’m so close” He breathed against your face before devouring your neck with light bites and small kisses.

“Me too, babe” You whined and sunk your nails into the skin on his shoulders, a low grunt escaping his throat at the gesture. “Come for me, Billy” You murmured and grabbed his face, your teeth tugging on his bottom lip as his whole body tensed, his strong orgasm washing over him followed by yours few seconds later.

“Holy shit” The blond moaned as he rested on top of you, still inside you, too lazy to move immediately. “I got—”

“Are you done fucking in here ? We’re leaving in ten !” A loud bang echoed through Billy’s trailer and the sweet and melodious voice of One could be heard. “If you’re late again, I will shoot the both of you myself !”

“Give us a minute !” The blond yelled back, his voice slightly croaky as he still breathless from his previous activities. “Fucking wanker”

“I heard you, Four !” You giggled quietly at One’s answer and sighed when you could hear his footsteps on the sand, signalling he was walking away from the trailer.

“We better get dress” You whispered and pressed a single, loving kiss on Billy’s swollen lips, earning a little groaning. Sex before a mission was probably your favourite. You were both giddy and full of good nerves, fucking them out in the best way possible. “Come on, babe” You pushes away few sweaty locks from his forehead and he gently kissed the inside of your wrist, mouth hiking up higher on your arm. “Billy” Instead of sounding like a warning, it was more like a desperate moan and it made him smirked proudly.

“In few months, we will finally be able to have as much sex as we want…” He dropped his mouth above your chest, his tongue lazily lapping between the valley of breasts, your throat going dry at the incredible feeling. “…without any disturbances…“ He cockily sucked on the love bite he made earlier under your right boob, just on the little mole which he found insanely sexy. You hissed, fingers grabbing his roots roughly. ”…no One…or Two…or Three…zero fucking numbers…“ His lips came back on yours for long, lazy kiss which always made your head spin. ”…just you and me, baby" You sighed loudly, the idea bringing butterflies in your belly.

You and Billy had decide to quit the team at the end of this major mission. It wasn’t an easy decision but it was the right thing to do. You arrived few months after Billy in the team as Eight and the both of you immediately clicked. It was the last thing you excepted when you integrated One’s little team. But only few weeks after you arrived, Billy and you started seeing each other and you never stopped since. You didn’t have family or close friends and you were quite good with a gun and especially with explosives, he made you an offer and you didn’t even think twice before accepting. You never regretted your choice once.

But now, three years later, Billy and you agreed that it was time for a change. But you couldn’t just quit and let the others handle the rest of the job by themselves. You would first finish this job, three more missions were planned to wrap the operation. But the desire to leave was itching through your veins a little bit more everyday. Everything was ready. Passports and new identities. Flights ticket toward Costa Rica. A beautiful house right on the beach. A good amount of cash to survive few years without raising a single finger.

“Three more missions, babe” You whispered, his smile matching yours immediately.

“Three more missions” He repeated with dreamy eyes.

You couldn’t wait to start your new life with Billy by your side.

***********************************************

Mission 1/3.

“Eight, how it’s going ?” You breathed slowly as the voice of One echoing in your earbud, your fingers perfectly stable as your worked on the explosive device.

“Slowly but surely” You murmured quietly as if you spoke louder everything could explode. Which wasn’t possible of course, but you needed all your concentration for the job. “Two more wires to go” You added as you carefully cut a black wire, Five next to you was holding a flash light right on the bomb.

“Copy that. Four and Seven, how is looking up there ?”

Five immediately plugged out your earbud and you murmured a quick thank you. It was one of your rule for this kind of job, you couldn’t listen to Billy because you would just be distracted and then risking stupidly yours and everyone’s life. Sometimes your heart would beat so strongly because of the blond that you couldn’t hear anything else and it was the last thing you needed.

Few more agonisingly long minutes later, you switched back on your earbud and murmured Billy’s favourite words : The bomb is disconnected.

It was for him the most stressful moments of these missions, waiting for you to confirm everything was fine. He was always worried to, instead of hearing you, hear the loud explosion which would result if you failed your mission.

But you never failed.

***********************************************

Your bigger job was over, the bomb wasn’t a danger anymore and you made peoples evacuated the building without really being noticed. Everything was going as it was planned.

“I have my eyes on the target” Three announced with his thick and easily recognisable accent. “Two, mi amor, do you see this hijo de puta ? Leaving through the second elevator”

“I got a visual” The french girl confirmed. “But call me like that one more time and the next bullet is for you, imbecile”

“You never complain when I call you like that in bed, mamacita” Javier was pushing his luck and One let out a little groan, ordering him to focus.

You couldn’t repress a little giggle at their familiar teasing. Javier and Camille were adorably cute and domestic at the base but during mission, Two was dead serious and you knew that Three loved to tease her about that.

Your heart ached a little at their kind of cute interaction and you couldn’t help yourself but checked on your amor.

“Billy, everything’s good on the roof ?” You didn’t let your voice betrayed your worry even if it was obvious for everyone.

“All clear, babe. Seven and his rifle can be quite useful” He always had this cheerful tone and sometimes it was driving you mad because he sounded so reckless. But he also always managed to come back to you.

“I save your ass at least a thousand time, you ungrateful wanker” Blaine chimed in.

“I bet you did, hiding away from the real danger” Billy teased gently and you could hear his quick breathing, indicating that he was running or doing some parkour shits.

“Oh shut the fuck up” Seven groaned and the blond chuckled loudly.

“Alright, Blaine stopped distracting him, he need to focus” You murmured and you could guess Seven was rolling his eyes at your comment.

“Yes, mom” He replied sarcastically.

“You heard the lady, Sniper ? Stop bothering me”

“Asshole”

"Enough, the three of you” One cleared his throat and you immediately complained, claiming your innocence in this stupid quarrel. “Especially you Eight, you’re the one distracting Four” One added, completely ignoring your previous words.

You humphed with annoyance and Billy laughed quietly.

"Can’t argue with that one. She can be very distracting”

***********************************************

You grimaced, the throbbing pain on your cheekbone was making your head spin and you almost throw up at the feeling. Your ankle was also slightly touched, swollen and red but hopefully nothing too serious that few days of rest couldn’t fix. But you didn’t have time for any of that right now, the mission was done but more and more guards were deployed on the building and it was time for you to evacuated quickly.

You were the last one with Five. You lost her somewhere between the third and fourth floor, after a man assaulted you, knocking the butt of his gun right in your face. You managed to take care of him but Amelia was nowhere to be seen. You hoped she was okay, your earbud had fall somewhere during your fight, you couldn’t imagined how Billy must be worried.

“One more floor, come on” You encouraged yourself as all your muscles were sore and begging you to just stop and lay there.

The evacuation was on the roof, a zip line carefully installed by Billy and he already evacuated everyone except the both of you. His worry was growing as you still weren’t here, the sound of shotguns echoed through all the building, not helping his nervousness.

When you finally reached the roof, your gaze frankly searched everywhere for Billy, a relieved sigh leaving your mouth when you saw him, waiting patiently next to the zip line.

"Took you fucking forever, was about to leave” He falsely complained, the relived smile on his face was contradicting his words.

“You wouldn’t dare” You said as you quickly walked toward him before stopping net at the sight of large man right behind him. “BILLY !” You yelled and barely registered his surprise face as the man jumped on him, both of them falling loudly on the floor.

You grimaced as Billy’s head knocked painfully loudly on the concrete, the sound seeming to echoed through your head as you made your best to reach him. You weak ankle was slowing down drastically.

One punch.

Two punch.

At the third punch Billy’s head fell on his side as he spat blood on the floor, his eyes watching you as you came closer.

You didn’t have any more bullet or this fucking asshole would already be dead. The blond tried to take back the control of the situation but he was clearly still a bit dazed from the violent punches he just received. He was struggling to hit him back as his arms were stuck under the big guy, a groan of exasperation and pain falling from his mouth.

When you saw the man grabbing a large knife from his belt, a rush of adrenaline courses through your veins. You literally sprinted there just in time to see the man roughly throwing his weapon toward Billy’s chest, trying to stab him. And he almost did. You let at a strangle cry at the gesture and almost tripped over but thankfully the blond rolled on himself at the last second, avoiding the – probably – deadly stab.

“Don’t touch him, you sick fuck !” You threw yourself on his back, not really your smartest move but you couldn’t think straight when Billy was in danger.

“Get off me, bitch !“ The man tried to dodge him from his back but you didn’t budge and quickly grabbed the thin rope from your belt, wrapped it around his neck and putting as much as pressure as you could.

The man started chocking immediately and Billy didn’t lose a second, pushing himself off the ground and stabbing the man with his own knife, right through his heart. A weak gasp escaped his throat as blood started dripping from the corner of his mouth, Billy quickly helping you get off from under his back.

"You’re okay ?” You immediately cradled his face, checking the bruises already forming on his beautiful face.

“Peachy” He mumbled, hissing quietly as he wiped the fresh blood from the scrap of his forehead. “Thanks to you. Would be dead without you” He added with a little smile as you both walked to the zip line, your hands still shaking at the previous events.

You could have lost him so easily. That was also why you both wanted to stop being part of the team. Always worried about your other significant, wondering if he would make it alive today.

“You scared the shit out of me, Billy” You whined as he quickly and skilfully hooking you to the zip line from the belt you were already wearing. "I thought he was going to…"A sniffle fell from your mouth and you immediately cleared your throat, it wasn’t the time to let the emotions drowned you.

"I know babe” The blond pressed a short kiss on your hairs and hooked himself to the line too as you took a deep breath. You weren’t safe yet. “Let’s go home” You both walked to the edge of the building and you hugged tightly Billy as he jumped off the roof, sliding fast down the safe place where the other were waiting.

***********************************************

General Headquarters of the 6 Underground team.

“How you’re feeling, Nick Fury ?” One snorted as soon as you strolled in the HQ, wearing this stupid patch on your left eye.

“Ha-ha, very funny, One” You rolled your eyes, well your eye and took a seat at the large table, slamming of piece of paper in front of your boss.

“What the fuck is this ?” He asked, a spoonful of cereal crushing loudly under his teeth.

“You said you were going shopping later, I need that” You slid it toward him and threw a quick glance without any real interest.

“Why on earth would I do your shopping ?”

“Because I look like a fucking pirate and I practically can’t walk because of this stupid ankle” You glanced angrily at your foot which forced you to stay in bed for the past five days.

“And what about Skywalker ? Too busy doing nothing ?” One groaned exasperatedly.

“In fact, I’m too busy doing my darlin’ girlfriend” Billy chimed in a he walked in the living-room, biting in an apple. “Maybe you should try and get laid too One, couldn’t hurt you”

You pretend to be annoyed by his comment but your amused smile betrayed you. It was hard to resist his cheeky grin, especially when he was looking so good, all sweaty and just back from the gym.

“You’re fucking gross” One stood up and grabbed your shopping list before leaving the room mumbling quietly.

You and Billy exchanged a fond gaze, knowing that under his shell, the big boss considered all of you like family.

“You’re supposed to be in bed” The blond commented as he walked to you, dropping a little peck on your hairs.

“Yeah but I wake up and you weren’t there anymore” You shrugged and giggled stupidly when he crouched down at your level. “Billy, seriously I can walk to the trailer, it’s not that far”

“Up on my back, missy” You shook your head childishly and watched your boyfriend stood back up, brows arched. “You’re not supposed to put pressure on your ankle, back to bed now” He softly pushed few locks of hair behind your hairs, giving you the sweetest look ever.

His way to convince you to go back lay down on your bed.

“I’ve been laying in bed all week Billy” You whined with a pout. “I’m so done staying in this damn freaking bed. It’s boring” You crossed your arms, remembering that you already asked him three times to go buy a new mattress and still nothing.

“Well I don’t know for you…” He tilted his face close to yours, his lips hovering above your mouth but quite not kissing yet. His warm breath gently caressing your face making you momentarily forgetting about his request. “But I, have few ideas to pass time in this damn freaking bed” His cocky and raspy tone sent a wave of electricity directly to your core, your fingers involuntary curling against your palm.

“Oh yeah ?” You grabbed the hem of his tee-shirt, tugging him closer to you and he smirked wider at your receptiveness. “Like what ?” He slid a finger under your chin and tilted your head toward him before pressing a hot, dirty kiss on your desperate mouth.

“Like…"He broke the kiss but didn’t let go of your bottom lip, tugging at it with his teeth until you hissed, feeling him grinned against you. ”…fucking you face down onto this mattress that you love so much…“ You didn’t even mind the irony about this damn mattress, too occupied with the hotness growing inside your body. "Sound good to you, babe ?” His question was useless and you both knew it. The unsteadiness of your breath and the way your hands were tightly clasped around his forearm were enough hints to understand the situation easily.

But he loved hearing you saying it anyway.

“Yes” You breathed out quietly, his digits rubbing dangerously high on your thigh, each of his stroke deliciously burning your skin.

“Yes what ?” He repeated with a teasing smile, earning a little whine from you.

You should have excepted that from this cocky bastard.

“I want you to fuck me with my face down against the mattress Billy” You repeated and internally cringed about your desperation. “Hard, please”

For all answer he gave a predatory, toothy smile which made your core throbbed with need before grabbing you roughly by the waist, throwing you on his shoulder like a rag doll. You gasped loudly, scolding him for his brusqueness and he only chuckled carelessly, delivering a sharp slap on your covered arse, a little moan leaving your parted lips.

***********************************************

“BILLY !” You screamed his name again and again, trying to reach him but you couldn’t move. “Billy…“ You let out a strangled sob at his pleading eyes looking toward you.

He was being tackled against a wall by a man, a hand tightly wrapped around his neck, applying a strong pressure on it. The lack of air in Billy’s lungs were obvious as his head was slowly turning a worrying shade of red. The little vessels on his eyes were bright red, his eyes popping out of their sockets from the urge to breath.

You could see his hands trying to push away the man from him, little desperate gasps chocking out from his parted lips.

The man decided to move away his hand and instead threw him violently on the floor, kicking his ribs roughly.

Billy coughed loudly, thin dash of blood escaping from his mouth.

"Let him go !” You yelled again, forcing your body to move but a sharp pain on your wrists made you looked down. Ropes. So tightly wrapped around your skin that every little move was burning, atrociously scratching your body.

You looked back at Billy and this time he was on his knees. Arms crossed behind his back, his face covered in bruises and dry blood. You opened your mouth to call him but nothing came out, unable to make a single noise.

The same man from earlier came back, holding a gun in his hand, walking straight for Billy. You eyes widened at the sight and you tried your best to wriggle out of your chains, gaze fixed on your boyfriend.

No, no, no.

Please, no.

Everything went horribly slowly as you watched the man raising the hand holding the deadly weapon, tears obscuring your vision. Billy stayed still, his chest straight as he fixed the man, jaw clenching firmly.

“Are you afraid ?” The man whispered dangerously low, gun pointing directly on his head.

For a split second you locked eyes with the blond before he looked back at the man.

“Never” Billy growled before spitting a bit of blood on the floor, gaze fierce and burning with anger.

The man chuckled darkly. Completely useless, you watched the man’s fingers taking off the security of his gun. The unmistakable sound brought shivers down your spine. You barely noticed the spams in Billy’s jaw because of your whole body was shaking violently.

“Liar” The man murmured with a satisfied smirk, slowly pressing the head off the gun on his forehead.

A strangle sob escaped your throat painfully at the gesture. That caught Billy’s attention. His beautiful green eyes fell on yours, tears silently falling on your cheeks. His lips mouthed something to you but you couldn’t understand it. The loud thumbing of your heart against your rib cage was making your head spin.

The deafening sound of a bullet leaving the gun tore the heavy silence, echoed loudly in your head. And then the noise of Billy’s body collapsing on the ground, the thick smell of powder and iron making you sick.

“BILLY !“

You jolted awake on the mattress, eyes wide opened, sweat dripping from your forehead and heart beating too quickly.

You let out a loud, throaty sob, your whole frame shaking and shivering violently at the vivid memories of Billy’s dead body. You didn’t even notice your movements, rocking yourself in poor attempt of calming your nerves, gaze staring at Billy’s empty side of bed.

You didn’t hear the sound of the door’s trailer opened before two soft hands clasping around your shoulders.

"Baby, what’s going on ? (Y/N), (Y/N) !” You felt someone cradled your face, warm digits stroking your wet cheeks. “Breath with me, baby. Inhale…exhale…just like that, love” You did as he said, feeling your pulse starting to slowing down and your breathing becoming easier.

Several seconds later, you could finally see him. Billy, alive and well, looking worriedly at you.

“You…“ A small cry fell from your mouth and the blond pressed a kiss on his forehead before bringing you against his chest. “You were dead” You breathed out almost painfully, hands desperately grabbing him, the fear that he would disappeared making you sick.

“Still having these nightmares ?” You nodded weakly, nose pressed against his jumper, feeling a little bit more at ease with his familiar scent. “You know I’m not going anywhere, baby. There is no way I’m leaving you alone, love you too much for that” A small hiccup escaped your mouth, bringing Billy to only hug your tighter.

You had absolutely no idea for how long you stayed like that. Minutes ? Hours ? ? All track of time was lost in his strong, safe arms, his lips gently kissed your hairs and murmuring sweet nothing to you until you finally calmed down.

“You were out ?” You mumbled sleepily, head resting in the crook of Billy’s neck, exhaustion growing in your bones.

“Yeah, couldn’t sleep. I went for a run then I heard screaming when I was coming back” He pushed back the bed cover with his free hand and gently moved you under the warm blanket, chuckling softly at your drooping eyelids. “M gonna go for a quick shower, okay ?” He kissed your shoulder as you barely managed to murmur a little okay before settling comfortably in the bed.

Those nightmares weren’t new for neither of you. It was the normal consequences of a constantly dangerous life. Always worrying about each other. About your friends. Wondering if it was your last day truly alive.

For you it was always the same way. You fell asleep and suddenly everything seemed so real that you couldn’t tell if you were awake or no. Usually you were so scared you whole body were just freezing, not able to wake up until either your boyfriend did it or something really intense happened in the dream. Translating by Billy’s death most of the time. Gunshot. Stabbing. Falling. Drowning. And every time you woke up, you were terrified it happened for real one day.

That was mostly why you and Billy were leaving the team. You didn’t want to worry every time you were apart for few hours.

For him, it was different. He couldn’t fall asleep. Someday his mind would race about the dangerousness of the missions you were all doing. The thick tension which wrapped around his body each time you had to take care of explosives. It was a deep, freezing kind of fear running through his veins. He would remember that you would have to do it again and again. He would just lay in bed, making sure you were next to him, keeping his eyes open with the fear of seeing something he didn’t want to if he closed them. So, sometimes he would go for a run, changing his mind or running until he was too exhausted to even think about anything.

Few minutes later, you were fighting the sleepiness drowning you, eyes closing by themselves every two seconds but you wanted to wait for Billy. Too scared to just go back right into this nightmare. You felt the mattress quietly creaked as the blond joined you in bed, switching off the light before sliding under the covers behind you.

“Try to sleep, baby” He murmured lazily, knowing you wouldn’t fall asleep without him. He pressed his chest against your back, one arm sliding under your head and the other one resting gently on your stomach. “Good night, gorgeous” A small kiss dropped on your hairs and you sighed quietly at the gesture, relaxing against his warm frame.

“Two more missions” You quietly said, eyes closed and hand linked with Billy’s one.

“ Two more missions” The blond repeated in a soft sigh, his head resting on top of yours, the sound of his steady heartbeat quickly lulling you to sleep.

2 more missions left.

[ajokeformur-ray]

So! Question about your parental F/Os...what kind of advice do they give you for various situations? I know you said they are supportive of you; how do they show it? What do they tell you whenever you need an extra bit of advice (for any scenario you feel like discussing) ☺️💗 I love you!

Rosieeee ~ 🥺💗 omg darling asdfghj 😭🥺 after the vivid daydreams I had the other night, I’m really feeling the love from my parents and I’m🥺🥺🥺

Thank you thank you thank you for sending this in! My parents are my longest standing F/Os ever and it means so much that I get to talk about them, especially with you!🥺💙 I love you too, darling, so so much!!!💜💜💜💜

You know what’s under the cut🥺😭😭💕💕💕💕

Word count: 3, 553 (😱🥺💗💗💗)

what kind of advice do they give you for various situations?

Mary’s not really the type to give advice. Mama’s absolutely favourite thing to do with me is to sit with me at the kitchen table with a pot of tea between us (I don’t like tea but I drink it because otherwise Mama would get up and make me a separate pot of coffee and she already works far too hard as it is and I don’t want her to do anything other than to relax when she’s with me). We usually sit opposite each other. Mary’s very intuitive and if she feels that I need some extra comfort, she will lay a hand, palm up, on the table. If I take it, it means that I have something to talk about. Mama will listen to me and she will respond to what I don’t say. If I’m struggling to motivate myself to study or to get out of bed or if there’s something I’m putting off, she will say something like, “it’s best to get it done now, Erika.” and there’s... gentleness on her face but there’s a spark of determination in her dark eyes which makes me want to do whatever it is that I’m delaying. Whatever the issue is, Mama makes me feel better with just a cup of tea, her hand in mine and one or two sentences which tell me that she understands. When we’re done with our talk, I get pulled up from my seat with a hug, and she kisses my forehead and tells me that she loves me. Most times, she’ll bring me to tears because I just love her so much that it hurts - I’m tearing up even typing this. 

Henry is always the one I go to for advice. With my Father, I try (try being the operative word) to deal with things myself, but there’s only so long he will be patient in waiting for me to approach him. After maybe a few days of me obviously keeping something to myself (I can’t lie to my parents, they know me too well), Henry will find a way to get me alone. I like to do odd jobs around the house to help everyone out while I also do my studies and such (my Father is a man of science so my spare time is usually spent in his study so I can use his tomes and such to help me out), but at some point Father will step out of his study and say, “Erika, will you step in here a moment? I want to speak to you.” He is firm and usually I get a hot head and immediately feel like I need to run (I can’t deal with confrontation, it stresses me out) and his firmness will soften. His eyes will show tenderness and understanding and he’ll drop his voice into something soothing, “Let me help you, my child. Come, sit down.” He’ll lead the way (he’s in control of the situation, if only because he’s my Father and the head of the house so it comes very naturally to him) and we’ll sit in front of the fireplace together. He sits on his green leather armchair and... if I’m not crying already by this point, then I’ll sit opposite him on the part of the bookshelf which juts out and acts as a sturdy seat, but if I am already upset then I’ll sit on my Father’s lap. And... he’ll listen to me.  I’ll talk until I can’t anymore and then there’s a few moments of silence while he reflects and thinks and then he’ll tell me a story about how he’s had an experience with this himself and that’s when I need to listen - my solution is in his story and if I’m not paying attention, I’ll miss it. Father doesn’t spoon feed me advice but he gives me the tools with which to find my own advice and I know if I get it right when I get a proud smile several days later! 

Edward... omg😭😭😭 Edward doesn’t so much as give me advice as he gives me an outlet. If I want advice and guidance, I have Henry and Mary. If I want to rage or scream or cry, then I have my Papa. He doesn’t care what I do or when  I do it or how I do it. And I mean, he literally... does not care. He’s as apathetic as someone can get but if there’s one person he’s protective of... it’s me. Within his apathy is my safety. When I want to rage, scream, cry... he’ll let me. He’ll stand there and let me give myself that outlet which I need, and he’ll wear a proud smirk the entire time. There are, not gonna lie, times I get so frustrated and existentially bored that I just wanna smash plates or do something destructive and during these times, Edward will find some plates (Henry sent out for them earlier that day and put them in a place only Edward (himself) would find) and he’ll let me do that... smash plates. We do this in the laboratory so the other staff members don’t find out and obviously either Mama or myself will clean it all up later. When I’m done raging, Edward will say, “are you quite finished?” or “How do you feel?”... sometimes my anger, once vented, turns into tears and Papa will just sigh (in genuine annoyance but also in relief because he managed to get through to me) and say, “come here” and I get a hug. My Papa’s hugs hit me in a way Mama’s and Father’s don’t; I love them all dearly, but Edward is the parent I’m closest to. I don’t know why but it’s probably because he was the side who conceived me; I’ve never asked and he’s never told but it’s clear even so. Sometimes Papa wakes me up at three or four AM (if I’m not already awake; I’m a night owl) and we’ll go lay outside on the flagstones and look up at the stars and we’ll talk about anything and everything. I can say whatever I want and none of it will be repeated; my anger makes him laugh because it amuses him how free within myself I am (and he’s so proud, too!). I give my Papa that space to do and be as he wants to, as well. Papa and I give each other freedom and we’re the only two in the household who can do that for each other. We have a strange relationship but the love is so strong.

I know you said they are supportive of you; how do they show it?

Mary is the most outwardly supportive parent. She’s extremely in touch with me and she shows me support through her actions. Mama’s only ever known the roles of housemaid and mother, and she can switch back and forth between the two flawlessly, though I’m sure it costs her more energy than any of us are aware; including her, I suspect. I don’t like to be disturbed when I’m studying but Mama takes it upon herself to, in her spare moments, bring me a fresh cup of coffee or maybe some food if she knows I haven’t eaten for a while. She never asks me when the last time I ate was because she knows I won’t give her an honest answer, so she does it of her own accord. Her instincts are very sharp. She doesn’t do it all the time because she’s extremely busy, but the fact that she does it at all means the world. Father and I usually forget to eat and such when we’re working so Mama’s usually gently lecturing one or both of us at least once a day. Mama shows her support in small ways but she does them often enough that she may as well say the words aloud, for I can hear those sentences in everything she does: I support you. I’m proud of you. I’m here for you. I love you. She says these things as often as she shows them.🥺 I try to show Mama that I support her too and as often as she does things for me, I do things for her. Many a time I’ve done a small job around the house just because it’s quick and easy and I make the time away from studying to help. She never asks me to help, she never tells me how hard she works, but I know, and that’s exactly why I do it. Her shy smile when she goes to do something and realises someone’s already done it (she always knows it’s me; mothering instinct, I suppose, though perhaps someone saw me and told her) is reward enough.

Henry shows his support by holding me accountable. When I say I’m going to do something, he expects me to do it. It could be anything - washing my hair, studying for an hour more or less, going to bed early, getting up early... If I end up not doing it, then he’ll make his disapproval known. He won’t say it out loud, but the frown on his face makes me feel so guilty and it pushes me to do and be more in the following days to make up for it. The only time he won’t disapprove if I don’t do whatever I said I was going to is if something happened which was outside of my control. I’m harsh on myself, anyone who knows me knows this, and Father understands what that’s like so he tries to help me to do things the first time I mention it. If it’s a serious thing, like studying more or less, then he’ll “happen” to walk into the room and check my progress. He takes an interest in my studies, having studied much of it himself when he was younger, and if I get stuck on something then he’ll take on a lecturer tone until I understand it. He has a way of putting things which turns even something convoluted into something which I can understand; I’m not stupid but sometimes I get so inside myself that I can’t see the forest for the trees and Father’s good at fixing my perspective and exposing me to new ideas. As I explain my progress, his pride becomes more and more obvious and the older I get, the more I realise that in the end... Father will always be proud of me, even if he doesn’t approve of my actions or how I approach a situation. His approval is expressed just like his disapproval and sometimes I have to really look to see which of the two it is; he suppresses so much of himself that it can be hard to read him sometimes. A quick conversation with Mama always helps in these instances!

Edward shows his support by picking up the pieces. He’s my biggest emotional support and I may be an adult but that doesn’t ever stop me from climbing into my Papa’s bed if I can’t sleep because I’m so stressed I can barely think for myself. It doesn’t stop me from braiding my hair so that it curls like his does; I’m his daughter whether I do this or not and he frequently and gently tugs on my braids with a pleased smirk on his face to remind me of this fact, but I do it because it makes me feel closer to him. It’s something I’ve done since I was sixteen and realised that I could do what I wanted with my hair because it’s mine. It’s a tradition, a way for me to say that I love my Papa in a way only the intended hears (though of course everyone in the house knows about it and many a time Mama will help me to braid my hair). I climb into his bed only sometimes, on the truly rough nights when I need someone to cut my soul in two, to carve out the bits too damaged to heal and replace them with something I can work with. Edward truly doesn’t care at all about anyone or anything outside of him but he loves me (and Mama) fiercely. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for either of us and that means that when the day’s out and I’m tired and yet somehow unable to sleep because there’s so much to do and so little time, I can safely crawl into his bed. I somehow always know when it’s Papa and not Father, it’s like a tugging within me, a puzzle piece in my stomach that fits only when Papa’s awake, and even at 3 AM I can simply walk into his room, slip into bed... and he’ll roll onto his back and reach out for me at the same time. “Sleep, child.” The fact that only I and Mama can do this makes it all the more special. There’s nothing to be romanticised about falling apart but Papa picks up my pieces and helps me to fit myself back together. When at last I’m asleep, he’ll go and cause havoc in the late night streets and woe betide anyone he comes across - adult, child... no one’s safe from Mr. Hyde. Except me and Mama. When I wake, he’ll be gone, but those moments with him, I treasure. 

What do they tell you whenever you need an extra bit of advice (for any scenario you feel like discussing)

Scenario: I’m unable to see the forest for the trees due to overthinking and I can’t sleep because of it.

Mary knows this feeling well, especially towards the later half of the novel/film. Her journal entries become more cluttered, more disorganised and multiple times she doesn’t understand anything which is happening but she carries on because what else can she do? So Mama often tells me to write down what I’m feeling. Even after we’ve had a conversation in the kitchen, she will tell me to write down things which are in my mind, to “get it all down onto the page” and then if I want to, I can show her the pages afterwards, the next day when I’ve time to think and to reflect and to be for a time. She will read the pages and then while she’s sat there, she’ll ask questions as they occur to her and together we work through my problems. It’s not necessarily that she gives me advice, but she stays and she helps me to work things out logically and she doesn’t give up on me. Even when I’m at the point where I don’t know what to do, Mama’s there with kind eyes, a gentle smile and an outstretched hand. I always take it. Just having Mama there gives me strength... I want to make her proud, to live a life she’s proud of. We will sit at the kitchen table like we always do and we will talk and simply spend time together; sometimes that’s all I need. At some point, we’re both going to reach the point where we’re ready for bed and she will walk me to my bedroom. “For when would you like to be woken up?” - whatever time I tell her is the time she will wake me up so I have to think about it and if I can’t come up with a decision on the spot then the decision is handed over to Father. I could stay in bed all day if I got my way (and it’s happened often enough because my body likes sleep a bit too much) so Father makes sure I don’t wreck my sleeping schedule by waking me when he thinks he should (never less than seven hours from the time I go to bed and I’m always gently woken up). If it’s an especially rough night then Mama will come and sit down with me and I’ll rest my head in her lap. She’ll play with my hair and talk to me mindlessly, just like I’m her journal... except I can respond back. In this way, we advise and comfort each other and we stay together. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for each other.

Henry is often up late. He and Papa don’t have much of a routine with who’s awake and when so he’s usually exhausted and he sleeps at all hours of the day and night. So if I can’t sleep, then I’m out of bed and in front of his study door before I have even fully registered that I’ve moved. When the house is quiet and the staff has gone to bed, Father leaves the study door open so that Mama and I know that we can go in and talk to him if we want to. With darkness comes the end to daily responsibilities and duties, and we are free to interact with each other in any way we want to. I hover most often in the doorway because I don’t want to disturb Father but after a few moments I’ll go in and sit with him. If he’s busy working then he may not respond to me right away but at some point I will be greeted. There are times I can’t sleep because I know Father isn’t okay and even if he waves off my concerns, I’ll stay with him while I do my own thing until I’m so tired I need to go to bed. In these instances, I’ll be sent to bed with a tender smile, “go on to bed, Erika. You’ve done all you can for me tonight.” and with much hesitance I’ll do as he says but not before I tell him that he is loved. During the nights I’m the one who needs the comfort though, Father will be the one to follow my lead. Whether I speak or not, he’ll hear me. If I get upset and cry, I’ll be pulled into his lap, “Oh, my brave child.” He doesn’t ask me to talk to him about my problems, but in this state, with Father holding me, I can’t not and everything comes pouring out. He’s silent the whole time and then in a logical order he’ll ask me questions and assess the situation, whatever it is, as he does so. That night brings no comfort except cuddles but in the morning, I’ll be called into his study and Father will make everything better to the best of his ability. Sometimes he gets upset because I’m upset so his cuddles are as much for me as they are for him. If I truly cannot sleep, then I can stay with him in his bed for the whole night, but that is only for emergencies or extreme circumstances - Papa’s freer with affection than Father is but even so, I cherish every moment.

Edward again, doesn’t say much... but he shows it. I said earlier that I can slip into his bed for cuddles if I know he’s the one awake, but sometimes he’s not awake when I go to bed and Father is the one I say good night to... if these two things coincide, then Papa is the one who comes into my bed in the middle of the night. I’ll wake up to the mattress dipping and the smell of whiskey will be enough for me to know that the dark mass beside me is my Papa. During these very rough emotional times for me, Papa won’t say anything... until I start talking. He asks all the right questions to keep me talking and he works everything out while I talk. He’s quick, sharp, and very ready to call me out on any bullshit. Too harsh on myself? He’ll snap at me to stop it. Not working hard enough? He’ll tell me. Where others may soothe and comfort me, Papa won’t if he knows it’s not what I need in that moment. Sometimes self-care is cuddles, but sometimes self-care is discipline and getting things done and Papa knows that line as well as I do; I walk it every day and no matter which side of the line my feet land on, Papa’s there to set me to rights and help me to find my balance again. To put it bluntly, Papa is harsh and to the point with me and though it feels bad in the moment (that’s why he cuddles me at the same time - it takes the bite out of his words and means I don’t get upset), by the morning, it turns out that his harshness was exactly what I needed. He says what he means and he means what he says and I lean on him so much even on my best days because of this. He won’t give up the fight until he believes he’s done a good enough job. If that means re-hashing the same conversation for hours on end, then so be it. He and I both know that one night with my Papa can soothe days of pain. It’s not unusual for us to be up all night speaking and then being woken in the early afternoon - and when I do get out of bed gone noon, everyone in the house knows what must have happened in the night. No one ever believes that Edward Hyde is the cause of my raised spirits (except Father and Mama), but that makes our bond even more special. 

I love them dearly. I always have and I know that I always will.

[angeltrapz]

ooghdhf hi I just saw ur posts abt F/Os n may I just- 🤝 🤝 very rad that Eric n Lawrence r both our F/Os! i would love 2 hear yr favorite things Eric n Lawrence do for you on quiet days, when yr feelin bad, + to surprise u (or just for like a date if yr not big on surprises) !!

kjdfkds thank u so much omg,, mood kinda carried over into today so it's nice to just talk abt them for a bit!!

eric:

⦁ on bad days eric doesn't try to make me explain anything, and actually stays pretty quiet himself, and the biggest theme in his approach is physical affection,, I hardly ever have 2 ask him to do anything bc he just Knows what I want most times. I'm never rly ready to talk abt anything right out the gate n he understands that, so he kinda just lets me lay on him bc it makes me feel better 2 be so close. esp if I'm crying bc I don't rly like ppl to see/hear me do it, but I feel safe around him so. compromise

⦁ mostly I just stay close 2 him n he lets me bc in all actuality it helps both of us (pressure stims!!!), and he listens when I finally feel like I can talk about why I'm upset. n that means the entire world to me <3

⦁ quiet days r the ones where we don't have anywhere to be, anything to do, or any pressing matters of any kind rly. depending on how eric's feeling that day, I like to make a lil pillow fort in the living room w our blankets n we just watch movies/tv/maybe even play games like uno just cause it's about keeping each other company, sharing space n just relaxing. eventually tho eric ends up w his head in my lap n I know he's gonna be asleep real soon after that lol

⦁ eric's surprises mostly consist of lil things like "I saw this and thought of u" and sometimes he's a lil shy abt it but he doesn't have 2 be 'cause I'm always like!!! babe!!! that's so fucking sweet I love it!!! (sometimes it can be smth like. a cool rock. and I will b just as delighted bc it made him think of Me)

⦁ Specifically Tho fave lil gift was actually smth he ordered. so like we bond a lot over shared stims n whatnot n he knows I like those chew necklaces so he got me this lil teal pendant but didn't say anything til he got it and he was just like "it's like my spinner ring, do u like it??" and I was just. 🥺 of course I do!!!!

⦁ we don't typically go out on a lot of dates (social interaction can b rly difficult for me too,,) but when we do it's always at some sort of lil diner place! there's no real stress to dress up or anything n it's a low energy sort of environment (depending on the time), so it's rly just a nice lil outing. I always feel safer in places like that n its good to not be surrounded by a bunch of people/overwhelmed by a bunch of noise!!

lawrence:

⦁ the most important thing lawrence does when things r shitty is he just... holds me. my favourite is when I can lay my head on his chest n he'll rest his cheek on th top of my head, i'll have an arm around his middle and one of his hands will curl around my forearm, n with his other hand he plays w my hair. he doesn't make me talk if I don't want 2, n honestly usually I don't at first, so he'll either just sit w me on the couch like that or he'll tell me abt his day to help get my mind off things.

⦁ sometimes he reads 2 me just bc he knows I like hearing it and bc he knows it can be a positive distraction. his voice gets all soft n his words are slower but not too slow, a good enough pace fr me to follow along w/out having to try too hard. depending on how bad I feel he sometimes does like various inflections n voices n shit to make me laugh!! he's a fucking dork (affectionate)

⦁ quiet days are ones where we might both be doin our own thing, but we're always sharing space in some way. like he can be reading on the couch and I'll be sitting on the floor writing/scrollin thru my phone/etc., but we're still together. we might both end up on the couch together while lawrence does crosswords (I love helpin him w em) n I'm readin smth else, but what matters is we're together n nearby!!

⦁ when it comes to surprises lawrence is honestly very similar to eric!! smth we do a lot b4 bed if he's not too tired from work/it's not too late is he just kinda lets me. infodump a lil bc even if he doesn't rly understand, he likes hearing/seeing me get excited abt stuff! so like lawrence Remembers stuff he hears me talk abt so if he's out n about n sees smth he thinks I'd like he'll come home n be like "I got u smth!!" n Every Single Time I'm just like 🥺🥺 is for me???

⦁ favourite thing he got me tho is this lil worry stone made from rhodonite!! fits in the palm of my hand n he was just like "u talk abt gems a lot n u fidget with things so I thought this would be a good thing for u!" like omg,,, baby I Love U

[indigobluedreams]

💗 and 🌟 for Ryoma and Teru! ^^

Thanks for the ask!! ':DD I appreciate it dude!!! Keep in mind your f/os love youuuu cause they just,,,, CANNOT express how much they love YOUUU!!!!

💗: How do you two like to cuddle?

Tennis baby

I feel like it'd take a while to build up not only the confidence, But for Ryoma to be comfortable with hugs in general. Especially after what happened to his girlfriend ':( So We have to take it slow. Thoughhh, When he DO cuddle!!! It's the best thing!!! Usually either in a spooning position or just a plain ol' hugging position where he like, Chills. I'm usually the big spoon due to the height difference and just,,, Funky trust issues. Also I'm scared I'll accidentally crush him. But the best thing is burying my face into the top of his head, Cause his hair texture is really nice and his hat is also nice if he's wearing it. Either way he's just a good vibe. Very smoothie, Top notch. Or just,,, When he's not paying attention and hugging, I just hold him close,,,, Then I'll say his name, He's just like " What? " and MWAH. His face is pampered with kisses and snuggling innnn because affection yay. Other times he knows what I'm doing so he's like " Haha no " cause he doesnt think he's worthy of it but JOKES ON HIMMMM, THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!!! I'm going to smooch you and you cannot do anything about it. So yeah, Wholesome snuggles and love for small man. Small man filled with love and cats.

Mama's boy

We!!! cuddle!!! alot!!! He's alot more comfortable with physical affection and um, Cuddling is real neat. It's a nice way to unwind when he's either been stressed about his mother, Been in the kitchen all day making stuff or just,,, Cause he's whiney and wants my attention. Agian, I'm usually the big spoon due to height but sometimes we switch it up, Cause he wants to hold me but I'm kinda nervous about that jsgdgfdgg. But more often I prefer holding Teru cause Im a nervous ediot who doesn'r trust myself to be held nor sit still for long enough. But he's so SQUISHY. He's like a teddy bear and I!!! love!!! teddy bears!!! Whilst cuddling though, I enjoy playing with his hair. It's always so nice!!! He takes real good care of it so it's always real silky and soft so running my hands through it??? YES PLEASE. He probably makes lots of comments about me being a pretty neat person or something, I dunno I don't have a positive image of myself so, Y'know. But My flustered ass either hides my face in his hair, Neck or chest. Depends on what position we're in. And if he continues??? I am DEAD. BECAUSE I CANNOT TAKE A COMPLIMENT KDHDHFD.

🌟: Who’s the tease in the relationship?

RYOMAryomaRYOMAryomaRYOMA

Ryoma. Which is a suprise but like, He enjoys seeing my dumb flustered face. Also cause I can hardly get HIM flustered '>:(((. No matter how much I try to tease him,,,,, The only occasions I manage to his when I'm rambling about him and how amazing is is. Then he gets flustered cause he can't believe I think that 😔 But I do and he deserves to feel happy about that I think so HIGHLY of him,,, He just makes a couple comments, Then THE GREMLIN, Calls me a DORK??? The NERVE!! I mean I am,,,, but,,,,,,, please don't call me out 😳. Plus his,,, Teasing with,,,, His voice is just,,,, I can't,,, Kfhdhfb It sounds so nice then also  Either way, He's definetly more of a tease cause mines pretty much fail 95% of the time. But I WILL still try until I DO. He cannot stop me from doing so, Watch him try.

Teruteruteruteruteruteru

Hdndgvv Teru's more of the tease by far. I'm to flustered to say anything like that most of the time because if I try to HE JUST REBUTTALS AND KDJFIFUFU,,,, like please, Babe. Lemme just be like " Well, not my fault your a snack!! " But NO, He gotta hit me with a  " Thank you, I know I am. Want a bite? " then I'm flustered cause bRuhhhh, Even if I try " Your such a nerdddd " and then he'll be like " Yeah, But your a nerd too, Spesifically my nerd " and I go woosh,,,, Cause I am,,,,, And before I can come back with some, He's already hitting me with more and GHDXHSHHFH,,,, I cannot take it. Sometimes I do successfully tease him though and he has no comments to add!!! And when I do I get a stupid lil smug face like " >:^) " I did that. Haha!!!

[astralshipper]

OKAY HI IM SORRY I HAVENT BEEN ON IN A COUPLE DAYS REALLY!! i had midterms the past two days so i have been. stressing. BUT the worst of them are over! while i was gone i got tagged in that new selfship tag game a couple times (thank u k and aricka!!!) and ALSO HELLO IF U HAVE TAGGED ME IN APPRECIATION POSTS U ARE ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE AND I APPRECIATE U SO SO MUCH!!! THANK U SO MUCH!! okay! gonna do the self ship tag under the cut!! doing it as astrael bc Fun :000

KEY: Italics is Astrael. Bold is Sam.

Introduce yourselves. Who are you? What do you like to do? Hi! I’m Astrael, I’m an angel of the lord, and all that fun stuff. I like music a lot, and I’m really into art, even though I’m not the best at it. I also really love reading and writing! Those rare nights that we can just hang out in the silent bunker and dive into a good book, they’re the best nights for sure. Hey, my name’s Sam, I’m a hunter. Like, “things that go bump in the night” kind of hunter, not the Bambi kind, heh. When we aren’t out on a hunt or stopping the world from going off the rails for the seventeenth time this week, I really like reading and history. True crime stuff is really interesting to me, and I’m a huge fan of ancient lore and really just any knowledge I can get my hands on, you know? If I’ve got the time, watching football is always a good way to spend an evening too. 

How was your first meeting like? Oh, dad, I don’t know if I wanna really say... it’s kinda embarrassing. So, I kinda... searched him down? Not in like! A creepy way! I’m an angel, right? So, Sammy boy over here was supposed to be big bro Lucifer’s vessel for the apocalypse. Big family dinner drama and all that. So, us angels were tasked with basically... trying to kick his ass at any point possible. Ha! That didn’t work out too well, did it? So, yeah, she found me at this library while Dean and I were working a case. She didn’t tell me what she was or who she was, but she ended up helping me with the case and we got to talking for a while. Then, Dean called me, and I had to run before I could get any contact information. Not that you needed it anyways. You were friends with my brother already, luckily. I had found him because I wanted to see who this big bad evil guy was that everyone was talking about, and I... didn’t expect this... giant puppy, basically. Hey!

How did you get together? Who confessed first? Oh god, this one... Listen, I didn’t MEAN for this to be how it went down! What he’s trying to tell you is, he’s the one that confessed at the absolute worst possible time. Okay, well, I thought you were gonna die so I wasn’t exactly thinking straight. The words just kinda came out, alright? 

What are your thoughts on PDA? Believe it or not, I’m... kinda shy. So I worry a lot about making people uncomfortable. That’s not that I don’t WANT to be affectionate with Sam in public. And that’s where I come in. Hi. Most PDA is initiated by me, somehow. 

How do you show your affection towards each other/what are your love languages? Sam reacts best to acts of service, I feel like. Though, different moods tend to call for different things. If it’s general love, it’s more of the acts of service. If he’s scared or worried, it’s more physical affection. I show my affection mostly through physical affection and verbal affirmations, since that’s usually what Astra prefers. But I’m big on performing acts of service too. 

Who's more introverted and who's more extroverted? We’re both introverts.  Oh, but you KNOW you’re the more extroverted one. You can handle being around people way longer than I can. Well, yeah, but it’s not my favorite thing in the world. We took that, uh, personality type test? I’m INFJ, she’s INFP. Just in case that means something to you guys.

Who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon? I’m big spoon. Okay, not ALWAYS. Don’t say it so intensely like that. Nope, it’s definitely always me. Sam, baby, you aren’t fooling anybody. That, like, 5% of times that you’re the little spoon doesn’t make you any less of a man.  Can we please move on?

What do you like doing together the most? Reading! Netflix! Making fun of Dean! Sleeping! That’s YOUR favorite, angel.

Tell us a fun fact about the other! Ooooh, okay. Well, Astra takes notes in her books as she reads them. Like, keeps a pencil with her and writes notes on the sides of pages. I have no idea what she’s taking notes on, but I don’t think she knows that we’re not in grade school and she doesn’t have to do the annotations anymore. I trusted you with that information and you betray me. I can’t believe this... Just for that, hi everyone, Sam once tore the whole bunker apart because he couldn’t find this one specific damn flannel, as if he didn’t have seventy other identical ones hanging up in the closet already. Also, I’m an angel, I never went to grade school, asshole. Check and mate. I don’t think that sounded quite as cool and intimidating as you wanted it to.

Tag other selfshippers and their f/os. anybody that wants to!!!!!

[princiere]

Self Ship Interview

aight so @ultradumpsterwolf​ invited me to do this so here we go!!

also I know the “keep reading” break doesn’t work half the time, Idk how to fix it, so I’m sorry abt that :( blacklist “long post” if you’d like

Introduce yourselves. Who are you? What do you like to do?

Matthew: “Hi, I’m Matthew. You can call me Matt if you want, I’m fine with either. I like to draw, write, and play video games. I also like to do embroidery!”

Akira: “Hello. I’m Akira Kurusu, leader of the Phantom Thieves. I’m also known as Ren Amamiya. I like to cook and garden, and I also do a bit of woodworking and felting on the side.”

How was your first meeting like?

Matthew: “Ah, well...I first saw him between classes when we were still in school. I’d just transferred there, so I wasn’t aware of the rumors about him, but...either way, I was still too nervous to approach him.”

Matthew: “I guess I wasn’t being very subtle about keeping an eye on him - n-not that I was stalking him or something like that! I was just...really bad about not staring at him when I got the chance.”

Akira: “If it means anything, I consider it a compliment now when he stares at me.”

Matthew: “Shut up.”

Akira: “Anyway, I noticed Matt’s interest in me, but just assumed he must’ve heard the rumors and was probably wondering if they were true. Apparently Ryuji had a problem with him staring, though, and dragged me into practically cornering him into talking. I...still feel bad about that.”

Matthew: “It’s alright, I don’t blame you for that...interesting first meeting. Ryuji was just looking out for you.”

Akira: “As he said, it was just a case of being too shy to introduce himself. I guess Ryuji could tell how lonely Matt was, since they were in the same class, so he started inviting him to hangouts, and everything else took off from there.”

How did you get together? Who confessed first?

(We both blush at the memory.)

Akira: “...Do you wanna tell them?”

Matthew: “Yea, yea, it’s fine, I got this.”

Matthew: “For context, I used to crush on him when we first met, but I lost it after a few months because I figured he was straight.”

Matthew: “Anyway...after we were both out of school, we ended up getting an apartment together back in June last year. We were just friends at the time, but considering all that we did together, everyone thought we were dating way before we actually started to do so.”

Akira: “I’ll admit, that was...mostly my fault.”

Matthew: “I could tell my relationship with Akira was...definitely not just platonic, but I didn’t wanna say anything in case that maybe I was reading the situation wrong. Maybe he just really trusted me enough to do certain things that friends wouldn’t normally do. I didn’t know, but I didn’t judge either.”

(Akira’s blushing worsens.)

Akira: “You never told me you could tell it wasn’t just platonic.”

Matthew: “I didn’t wanna embarrass you, babe! I used to have friends that would do similar stuff, so it wasn’t like this was new to me.”

Matthew: “Anyway, it got to a point back in...early January, I believe, where my feelings about him basically came back in full force. I ended up getting so stressed about it that one night I...kinda had a breakdown? I don’t remember this part very well...”

Akira: “I’ll take it from here, then.”

Akira: “Matt had been extremely on edge lately, so when he clammed up and almost had a panic attack when we got back home after another hangout, I wasn’t too surprised. It wasn’t until he started spouting his confession at damn near the speed of light that everything suddenly made sense. I let him get everything out, and when I told him I felt the same, he almost fainted on me.”

Matthew: “I’m never very good with this sort of thing...”

Akira: “You did the best you could. Aside from nearly panicking and fainting, I thought it was kinda cute. You were so fidgety and red, and you would look at everything but me and-”

Matthew: “That’s enough, next question!”

What are your thoughts on PDA?

Akira: “I’m only okay with smaller gestures. I’ve already had my time of being stared at, so I’d like to avoid that now.”

Matthew: “Same here. I don’t really like to kiss in front of other people, so we’ll usually just hold hands, or we’ll hold the other’s arm if they’re busy with something.”

Akira: “The closest we’ll get in public is when we’re on the train, which is just a given, no matter if we’re dating or not.”

Matthew: “Wait, you don’t wanna tell them about the secret kisses?”

(Akira blushes, frowning.)

Akira: “Does it even count as PDA if I drag you to a secluded spot to do it?”

Matthew: “Heh, I guess not, but I thought it’d at least be worth mentioning~”

Akira: “...Next question, please, before he kills me.”

How do you show your affection towards each other/what are your love languages?

Matthew: “Mostly quality time and physical touch. I’m...still working on being verbally intimate, so I try to show most of my affection physically.”

Akira: “He’s got a thing for my hair. Petting it, burying his face in it, anything. That and hiding in my chest.”

Matthew: “You say that as if I’m ashamed of it.”

Akira: “He also likes to make out a lot.”

Matthew: “As if you don’t enjoy it just as much!”

(Akira laughs.)

Akira: “Mine would also be physical touch, but I also enjoy giving gifts and words of affirmation. Anything that I think Matt would like, I get it for him.”

Matthew: “He knows he can basically kill me when he starts talking sweet.”

Akira: “That’s true, yes.”

Matthew: “I know you also really like acts of service too. When I help in the kitchen, or do little things that I know you wouldn’t be able to get done after work or your Phantom Thief business. You also really like it when I help with any injuries of yours.”

(Akira blushes, but smiles.)

Akira: “...I guess you’re right.”

Who’s more introverted and who’s more extroverted?

Matthew: “Akira’s more extroverted, but not by much.”

Akira: “I can handle strangers longer than Matt, but only by an hour or so. We’re both able to be around friends for a while, and thankfully they’re more understanding when we need to go home to recharge.”

Matthew: “People are exhausting, but...it’s different, with Akira.”

Who’s the big spoon and who’s the little spoon?

Akira: “I’m mostly the big spoon, if Matt can stay in one position in his sleep for more than five minutes, that is. I’m used to it.”

Matthew: “I’m only the big spoon when we’re facing each other for a while. Sometimes I wake up because Akira’s got me in what I call an “octopus hug” with his face buried in my neck.”

(Akira flushes, suddenly wide-eyed.)

Akira: “I thought you always slept through those!”

(Matthew laughs, leaning his head on Akira’s shoulder.)

Matthew: “You always look so comfortable! I’d feel horrible if I ever made you move, especially with how little sleep you tend to get.”

(Akira pouts, but lays his head on Matthew’s regardless.)

What do you like doing together the most?

Matthew: “For the most part, we actually just tend to do our own thing in the presence of the other. I watch videos while Akira does his woodworking, or he plays video games while I embroider. That kind of stuff.”

Akira: “I think the main two things we like to do together though is cooking and shopping. Even if Matt’s not a professional chef, he always wants to help with making dinner, and we always have to stop by a store we didn’t plan on visiting when we go out for groceries. I can’t blame him - some of those thrift stores have the most interesting finds.”

Matthew: “Like that super fat frog plush I found?”

Akira: “Precisely.”

Tell us a fun fact about the other!

Matthew: “Akira always feels like he has to dress up, even if we’re not leaving the house. I think it’s got something to do with that “extra gene” us Virgos have.”

Akira: “Matt will hold onto anything that makes him happy in the slightest. Not to a point that he’s a hoarder, but...let’s just say there’s no such thing as a “theme” in our apartment.”

Tag other selfshippers and their f/os.

I actually don’t like to tag others in case they don’t wanna do it, so to anyone that sees this and wants to try it out, go ahead!

[hisgirlwonder]

Atonement - Part One

Length: 2.5k words Warning: Extreme smut/extreme humiliation, multiple kinks – maybe don’t read if you aren’t into that sort of thing? Synopsis: Michael finds out you disobeyed his one rule and decides to make an example of you in front of the rest of the Outpost. Notes: I tried to be somewhat brutal with this OS but I also added in a touch of ~feelings~ because Michael is still human and he let Y/N into a part of his life that nobody else was allowed into. Basically, Y/N is in love with Michael but he scares her/she doesn’t think she’s worthy of him (or that anyone is) so she does something careless to try and relieve her from the numbness she’s going through. She’s locked her feelings deep inside her and it’s causing her so much pain which is why she did what she did. Michael feels the same but doesn’t know how to show love anymore after being hurt one too many times/rising to power when he becomes the Antichrist.

You’ve held the position of Michael’s assistant for the past month and it has been interesting, to say the least. Most of the time there are perks and then other times you’ve witnessed less-than-desirable things happen. It has taught you many things including the fact that that man has more power in one of his ring-adorned fingers than all of the inhabitants in Outpost 3 put together.

“Would you like some water, sir?”

Michael sits at the head of the table about to hold a conference on his laptop. Today was different to others – his meeting wasn’t with The Co-Operative instead it was with those who lived at Outpost 3.

He nods his head in response to your question as he usually does and continues on with what he’s about to say.

“I’ll make this quick. There appears to be an issue within this Outpost. Before any of you make an assumption it’s not the incessant bitching behind my back nor is it about holding a grudge against me. The issue at hand is that some of you here think that it’s acceptable to open your legs without my permission. I implore that you all remember my father owns you therefore I own you too. You only eat because I allow you to be fed, you only sleep because I allow you to rest. I’ve given the privileges back that Venable had once restricted, and what do I ask for in return? The decency for openness and honesty. You’re all about to learn soon why you shouldn’t cross me.” He abruptly closes his laptop, without so much as a goodbye, to end the session.

You know exactly what Michael is talking about. It’s you. You’re the issue. You slept with one of the other members in the Outpost. It wasn’t anything great but you needed to feel something, anything.

A shaky hand of yours picks up the glass of water and places it down in front of Michael on a coaster. When your eyes meet briefly it’s very clear you’ve well and truly fucked up; nausea is pooling in the pit of your belly and your skin is crawling. How did you ever think you’d get away with it?

Usually the lack of words being spoken isn’t a cause for concern when you’re in his office – the room would be filled with the sound of him tapping his keyboard and not him tapping the table out of concealed aggression. You gather together any courage left inside to speak, trying to break the tension in the air, “Michael, I know this is about me. I can explain.”

He stops tapping on the table and leans back into his chain with clasped hands held in front of his stomach. One second he’s cold and the next the cockiness he begins to emit almost chokes you.

“Oh, can you? That’s good! Then I will have an answer as to why you’re making a fool out of me and we can forget this whole thing happened. I mean, you’re just a poor little girl and nothing is ever your fault, right?”

These stupid actions were going to cost you everything you’d worked so hard for over the last four weeks; You and Michael had built up a special rapport. You realised words won’t help your cause but attempt to apologise regardless, “I’m sorry I just-“

He interrupts your attempts at making amends as his interest was placed elsewhere. To him, an apology only came across as a vapid attempt at appeasing the pain he was experiencing.

“Call me intrigued but why did you let that boy inside you, anyway?”

Your words stay stuck in your throat and won’t budge, leaving you to stumble over them when you finally force them out, “I-I-I j-just wanted to f-feel something.”

Michael’s sight out of those blue eyes runs rampant over your body; half curious at what you may look like naked on his bed and half deciding how best to cut you down.

“I see. This will work perfectly since you certainly are going to feel something. It truly is unfortunate. If only you came to me about your urges then this could have been avoided, but you had to be a slut, didn’t you? Go into the bathroom and get undressed. I don’t want to look at you right now.”

You’d say Michael was killing you softly but that was an understatement. He knows exactly where to hit you and he does it hard. You could deal with disapproval from your family, from Venable, but not Michael. For every ounce of intimidation in your body that Michael gave you there was just as much of an ache to fill the inevitable loneliness in his life that he must have felt. You knew you weren’t worthy of such a privilege; nobody here was.

-

You weren’t sure how long it took you to reach the destination because you disassociated to deal with the embarrassment, like you always do in a stressful situation, but Michael snaps you back to reality when you get to those doors, letting you know the two of you had arrived.

Beyond the entrance there was room slightly bigger than your living quarters. It had beautiful wooden floors, reminding you of the house you used to live in, but was decorated rather plainly and at present full of people. He walks to stand in front of everyone and you’re following a few paces behind; refusing to take your eyes off the ground in an endeavour to hide others from seeing your shame.

Michael takes a position with you by his side where neither of you can hide. You bring your head up and scan the crowd – your eyes count twenty people in the room; twenty faces staring at you.

His feet begin pacing across the floor while looking straight ahead, refusing to even glance at anyone.

“This girl here is someone you may or may not recognise but the point is she is naked, stripped of any ability to conceal herself, reeking of desperation. She’s going to atone for her wrongdoings before all of you. Not only is this her own punishment but she serves as a warning. If anyone else would like the same treatment as you’re about to witness by all means feel free to disobey me. Need I remind you, however, if you are in this room and still follow through then your punishment will be more severe than Y/N receives today.”

Michael retreats to your side and forces you to kneel before him. You comply with the demands; any further disobedience would only make things worse. You clench your mouth shut to hold back any snivelling sounds because Michael would only revel in these and who knows what kind of effect that would have on what he was about to do to you.

A hand reaches for your face with the thumb and index finger forcing open your mouth, causing pain to your cheeks from the pressure. He pushes you backwards out of his hand, jarring you slightly. His eyes lock on you waiting for you to steady yourself again before he decides to inflict the next lot of degradation on your body.

You become balanced but are still unaware of what Michael is going to subject you to; whatever it is, you’re sure that you deserve it. He spits in your face followed by that same hand which squeezed you rubbing it in, smiling as he does it. It seemed as if your ignorance act of defiance had hardened his heart. It became more and more apparent that Michael did care for you underneath it all but it was late.

You wipe back the spit from your face and Michael squats in front, the two of you becoming level. His tone changes and this time he speaks to you as if you were a child in need of praise, “You’re such a good girl, aren’t you? Now you want to be clean? Oh, I don’t think so.”

He rises from the squatting position to be at full height, leaving you feeling like he might just step on you. Little do you know that would be better than what’s about to come. Michael says nothing but pulls himself out of his pants, semi-flaccid, and starts to urinate on you.

“You wanted to be a dirty bitch so now you get what’s coming to you. How does it feel to be my toilet? Is this how dirty you wanted it? Are you feeling something now, huh?”

The contrast of the temperatures catches you off guard – this warm liquid against your cold, naked skin. The stream hits your face and runs down your body to cover your tits and thighs in a golden shower. Once his urges have been relieved, he pulls out a crumpled tissue from his pocket to wipe any stray drips then he forces your mouth open and shoving it inside what he calls your other useless hole. You spit it out, scratching away at the bits left behind on your tongue, and listen as Michael addresses the audience, high off the authority he was holding.

“Y/N told me her excuse for opening her legs for another member in the Outpost was because she wanted to feel something so we’re giving her just that today. Here comes the fun part. Since this little piss covered whore is so desperate for a nice hot load,” he grabs at your face again, eyes locked with yours and digging his fingers in even harder, “We’re going to give her just that.”

You break away from the contact and look down to Michael’s cock which had hardened at the thought of what he’d just said; the power and control left him needing relief. He starts to stroke himself while belittling you as his hand travelled the length of his member repeatedly, “I know you wish your worthless pussy was my hand but unfortunately for you it’s not. This is as close as you’ll get to sating your desires and fucking me.”

He was right and oh how you wish he wasn’t.

His glance dropped and all you could focus on were the narrowed eyes and furrowing brows – his anger couldn’t mask the enjoyment he was experiencing fucking his hand over your submission. You hadn’t even tried to fight back and he loved it. He loved that you took the punishment he was dealing out. In his eyes, you were a toy planted in the Outpost, his Outpost, purely for his own amusement.

Michael would never tell you that he hired you as his assistant so could watch you; he wanted to take in every inch of the being he was going to destroy. He was the lion, and he decided from the day you arrived that you were his lamb. He was going to rip the flesh from your bones and devour you whole, he just never saw it happening like this.

He didn’t even need to say a word because his face was saying everything - His nostrils became flared, those perfect teeth bit down on his even more perfect lower lip, and it was clear he was holding back the moans in case they escaped his mouth.

It took so much strength to hide his enjoyment but it fell short when it came to him instinctively thrusting while he fucked himself as he got lost in the thrill of it all. It overpowers him and his eyes shut, small moans of pleasure had built up in his lungs and he breathes them out at you, no longer being able to hide the truth.

He edges closer and closer until finally he cannot contain himself anymore. He does what he said he would and covers your face in a thick, hot load. Once his high wears off, he puts his weakening erection away and turns to the crowd, “I hope this has been made very clear.”

So many adulterated thoughts are running through your mind as you’re wiping the viscous mess away. He reads his mind (of course he does) and this is too much for him. He knows it all. Part of you didn’t learn your lesson. Part of you still made him feel like he failed.

-

He mercilessly drags you out of the room with his hands digging into your arm and throwing you into the corridor. You’re already tired from his torment and are unable to land on your feet which leads you to take a tumble, grazing your knees as you fall down.

“Y/N, I have this sneaking suspicion my punishment didn’t work, care to explain just why that might be?”

You continue trying to clean off what Michael left behind, unable to speak. The sticky remnants of his disgust begin to solidify and you can feel your peach fuzz sticking to your skin.

“Speak to me when I ask you a question, grey, and remember if you lie I will know.”

Gulping back the fear that was bubbling in your throat, you admit that he was right and that it didn’t help you because it made you weak in other ways. Michael’s perfect lips transformed into a smirk on what befell his ears – the confession that transpired in that moment showed him you were putty in his hands.

The next sentence was one that fills you with dread. It became obvious that there was nothing that could be hidden from Michael; he got under your skin and there wasn’t a thing you could do about it.

Seductively he asks, “Do you find me arousing?”

You gazed upon your now dirty fingers, picking the evidence off your nails, avoiding him as best as you can. “Y-y-yes sir.”

“Do you sometimes wish you could be the floor beneath my feet and have me step on you? Remember, I will know if you are dishonest and the consequences will be severe for attempting to lie to me.”

You nod, feeling sheepish at your own desires. It was your deepest, darkest secret that you tried to keep locked away from the world and the one person who you desperately wanted never to find out saw right through you.

“Ah, yes, look at you wallowing in your shame. God, you’re a disgusting mess.”

He strokes your ruined face, lulling you into a false sense of security before yanking you up by your hair, bringing you close to his mouth so you can hear nice and clearly what he has to say.

“Don’t you ever pull that fucking shit again, okay? Otherwise, you’ll give me no choice but to leave you longing to meet the same fate my horses did.”

Taglist: @avesatanormalpeoplescareme @sensitivethot @sammythankyou @sevenwondr

[universal-kitty]

Hi Aki! I have question from the Self shipping alphabet! What do you and your F/Os do for K, I, and X?

Self Shipping Alphabet

K - Kissing what is it like kissing them?

   I have a TON of F/Os, but... I’ll pick some out for these! (A balance between many, but not too many, lol.)

   Kisses with Tom are pretty gentle, only rising in heat if he’s frustrated in some way. They often taste of some kind of sweetness- a soda or syrup- and a liquor he’s indulged himself in. (He doesn’t actively drink to get drunk anymore, but he still has a cup or two.) Kisses always feel like lazy comfort with him, especially if it’s a quiet day and he plays Susan (his bass guitar) a bit... It’s...so comforting. Homey.

   Tord kisses are pretty rough and passionate. If they’re soft, then something is wrong; he’s upset. Scared by something. Needs comfort and kindness mixed with gentle kisses that assure him I’m not going anywhere. Other than those times, he kisses to tease. To lead up to something more. Always tastes faintly of cigars, a hint of liquor, and sometimes bacon (his favorite snack).

   Kisses from Billy Lenz depend on his mood. If he’s being good, they’ll be gentle. Maybe a little bite on the bottom lip for more attention, but so, so gentle and sweet. If he’s being a meanie, he’ll get sloppy and rough. Harsh kisses that sometimes result in clacking teeth and slobber. I just have to be patient for the calm, gentle with him and encouraging. His kisses taste like mint- always- and sometimes some other sweet, like chocolate or syrup or some other candy treat he’s gotten ahold of.

I - Imagine what do they imagine their futures together like?

   After the adventures of the crew, Tom just wants a laid back life. Do art, play music. Hey, maybe release a single someday? Could be nice. Didn’t think much of marriage before, but...we have agreed marriage isn’t out of the question. Kids are still a question Tom hasn’t decided on yet; I’m cool with them, he’s nervous. It’s something we’ll take our time on.

   Tord would be happiest with me as his bride, making us the rulers of the world. Commanders of Red Army. We will be unstoppable, all of our wants and needs met without question... Yes, even if it means Edd getting his cola back. (As I drink cola on occasion as well.) Probably a few kids, too... Rulers eventually need their heirs, no~?      I, personally, would like....less world-ruling in my future, but he won me over with the idea of me owning as many cats as I like with plenty of room for them to run and play. A section of staff dedicated to feeding them and helping me care for them... Ah. Sometimes, he knows me too well.

   Billy is simply happy with things as they are. This cozy little space that I fix up and adjust (to his specifications). A home for both of us... It makes him so, so happy!! He can stay in the attic or climb down to cuddle in bed with me...or I go up with him! He hasn’t thought much about kids or rings (like I have before this), but since it feels like things are good this way...then they are! I’m happy long as he’s happy.

X - X-ray how do they help the other if they’re sick or tired?

   Tom is all about getting straight to the point. What do I need? What will make me comfortable? Do I need food or drink? What kind of medicine do I need...? He tries to give me space, but also hovers a little in concern, especially the more sick I am.      ...Not gonna lie, I’m about the same. Hovering in concern and doing my best to help out. I do better with foods these days and hydration is always important...but getting medicines does worry me, since I’m not sure...what kinds to get..... But it usually works out, thankfully.

   The Red Army has a medical wing, so typically Tord sends me down there instead of personally helping out...but only because he knows it will do me better to be treated by people who know what they’re doing. Not their busybody leader, who is most certainly not stressed and anxious about how I’m doing. What would give you that idea? (And even once I’m allowed back bc I’m just recovering, Tord’s still a mess. He’s such a protective worrywart.)      Tord does the same thing to me, where he forces himself to work until he can’t, and then I make sure he goes down to the medical wing to be taken care of. I, also, am prone to hovering. Especially since I don’t do much in the Red Army aside from mild paperwork and a few supply checks when the latter is done.

   When I get sick... Billy becomes a mess. He’s immediately super worried over how sick I am and frustrated that he can’t just....fix it. Make it go away. Taking medicine is GROSS and he knows it! But he’s also not good at cooking... Getting water he can do, but if I try to make food, then guess what? He’ll throw a fit! It makes it hard to manage, but it’s also understandable. He’s just upset and overprotective. It does help that he helps me walk around the house if I’m feeling lightheaded. Also dusted the attic so I could go up there with him and not be sneezing a lot or have it mess with my throat.      On the flip side, Billy hates getting sick. He hates medicine, doesn’t want to drink all water to help his throat, and.... Okay, soup is pretty good. He likes having soup on sick days and in the wintertime! Everything else is BAD and he HATES IT!! Bad stuff! Getting him to take it is a fight in itself, but when all else fails..... Bribe him with kisses and treats.