#<- not really. im known to get pedantic about this.

[corantus]

back on my nausicaa obsession again (based on the book 5 cover art)

[oatbrew]

ok ok ok i just got home and as always here are my thoughts

really enjoyed colin lemoine's take. in terms of just pure vibes hes a step closer to damon daunno than reeve carney. he's not as boyish comic relief as nicholas barasch and he feels like the most.... grounded?? orpheus i've seen. he acts out the "touched" aspect without flanderizing orpheus into just his naivete and rendering him foolish and infantilized. the best way i can describe it is that he just seems like an optimistic but ultimately ordinary guy you could meet at a grocery store line who also happens to be plagued w Unfortunately Blessed with Musical Visions by the Gods Against His Will Syndrome

amaya braganza!!!!! jesus what a vocal powerhouse. her flowers killed me. something about her vocal inflection or acting choices really made her grief over losing her life and her love so visceral. she would be right at home at the obc recording because her voice was pitch perfect. she has a terrific belt but it's during the quiet moments where she's the most effective. like at the end of all i've ever known you can really feel she's already mourning her loss before she's even lost anything which is why flowers was more heartbreaking than normal

will mann is the most intriguing part of this cast to me. hermes actors have the choice of landing on the spectrum of objective narrator to a guardian figure. will feels like the most paternal. you get the sense that not only did he observe orpheus grow up he also had an active hand in raising him. when orpheus nervously stops during epic iii will says "go on, baby" with "baby" obviously ad-libbed 😭 like yes that is his baby

my only real critique of this performance is that the show doesn't actually pick up until way down hadestown. not sure if the cast just wasn't feeling the crowd or themselves until that point (it was a sunday night so i get it). i just make note of this bc livin it up on top is this high energy number that felt strangely middle energy for some reason lol anyone who was experiencing the show for the first time and had no frame of reference wouldn't notice anything amiss but bc im abnormal and pedantic i definitely noticed

and this is by no means a critique of lana gordon's persephone whose lady of the underground is one of the top highlights of the show. she brought the roof down during "there's a crack in the wall".

which brings me to my favorite part of the show: matthew patrick quinn. i didn't think anyone could replace patrick page in my heart but i was just in love with everything matthew brought to this character. he manages to combine facets of patrick and kevyn morrow's hades that i love together. matthew has kevyn's slick charisma and anger but he has patrick's power and world-weariness. he's this incredibly tall, serpentine, and long limbed figure that towers over everyone. patrick as an intimidating and antagonistic force felt like an ancient old god who can break your house by inducing an earthquake but matthew's vibe is more like he could literally be the snake that could tempt you out of a garden of eternal paradise

he and lana are also 🔥🔥🔥 like you can simultaneously feel the millenia of history between them but they also have the chemistry of two hot people going on a date for the first time after a long period of slowburn. the resentment, the familiarity, he way he's obviously repressing his desperation to keep her and both trying to look unaffected and turning to their vices when they reject each other's touch i could absolutely scream

which is why i was sobbing by the end of epic iii. i think the catharsis was just a lot lol and they were so playful during their dance too! like actual lovers who have the most absolute fun during good times. matthew does this little wiggle for her when they're sidestepping and im 100% sure lana broke character and they both started laughing it was so sweet

anyway the fates, the ensemble, everyone was astounding and im gonna see if i can grab another cheap balcony seat before they leave in a week to see if i can catch j antonio rodriguez as orpheus

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/23/2024

listen i got my last job through one of youse on here so weirder things have happened: i got fired bc the nonprofit wasn’t doing so hot. let me know if you have a weird data/database or market/tech research job. i promise my worksona is so so so nice and pleasant to work with. remote only, looking more in the $75k range but can be a bit flexible if it’s a cool enough job, i am in the central time zone of the USA and will not need sponsorship anywhere but DO need the cadillac of healthcare and dental plans. portfolio, publication list, and linkedin with my government name available on request!

listening

both of these are from my sister! this is another FULL ALBUM rec (good lord). The Offline’s album La couleur de la mer is a soundtrack to a movie that doesn’t exist, inspired by his long walks in the fog on the French Atlantic coast. a little spacey, a little soul, very sixties/seventies neonoir. i am quite fond of the very first track, Thème de la couleur de la mer.

she’s also sent me a bunch of tiktoks with Perfect (Exceeder) by Mason and Princess Superstar. hell of a goddamn music video for this thing. mid-aughts clubbing music at its finest. stopped me from dissolving into a puddle of emotions on the way to and from the vet today bc it’s too goddamn bouncy to be sad around

reading

im reading a trilogy i want to discuss as a whole whenever the third one comes through as a library hold, and a book by a friend. i do not typically talk about books or fics by friends here bc none of them have ever asked for critique, and i dont want to play favorites or inadvertently miss someone’s work. so here’s a story about porn on Wikimedia, which is the kind of database drama and technical arguments that fascinate me.

given the number of articles from 404 Media i shout about here and elsewhere i really should sign up for their $5/mo subscription tier when i have a steady income again

watching

somehow missed Star Wars Visions 2, their second anthology of weird little shorts. i was not super impressed by the overall storytelling this time around, but it was fun to see them reach out to more global studios and see a wider range of styles. there’s some goddamn incredible stop motion in here.

i particularly enjoyed Journey to the Dark Head, which not only has some interesting fringe Force believers and beliefs but has one of the sickest anime bullshit lightsaber fights in this season. this one is by Studio Mir, most known for the Legend of Korra.

also really liked The Spy Dancer by Studio La Cachette, partly bc it’s incredibly beautiful and i like when Star Wars leans into art nouveau, and partly bc it felt the most like a complete short story. emotional arc and everything! strong beginning middle and end! this IS a really low bar, but a lot of the shorts this season did not have a coherent little story to tell or a strong emotional arc, or fumbled their arc partway through, and were just kind of vibes and animation showcases? nothing necessarily wrong with that, also how i felt about most of the last collection. my expectations are underground for any Star Wars media.

playing

as is tradition i dithered about this section the most. this is more of a What’s Next? planning ramble.

the laptop gets shipped back to my old job today so i will no longer have a working modern computer. i have to dig the switch out and see what’s up. maybe start a whole new run in breath of the wild or whatever the last pokemon game was. i think i also have the sword boyfriend game everyone was up in arms about two years ago? and i think i am somehow part of a switch family plan that lets me have some older games?

this section may look very different in the next ??? amount of time until i get a company laptop again. or finally replace the motherboard on my personal desktop but that sat in my car for several weeks during the heat wave this summer while i did not have an apartment and i am really REALLY afraid to open that box.

oh the free epic game this week is a platformer, a genre i have historically not cared about. godspeed to those of you who do

making

soup bc aldi had alphabet pasta and that jolted me out of myself for long enough i was briefly convinced making alphabet pasta soup would fix me. so i found this recipe while in aldi. despite this not being a very good soup or a very good recipe, i feel a little triumphant bc i now know enough to brown the tomato paste before putting it in the soup. unfortunately i overcooked the pasta. there’s kind of a lot of texture happening here, and i wish i had chopped things finer, but i will probably steal my best friend’s blender tomorrow and blitz some of it down.

it’s edible. im going to eat it all. it will not be going in the rotation

[farolero-posting]

OneShot and Rain World assorted thoughts (aka making other iterators that aren't TWM). These all come from rambling on discord about this to a few friends.

We made Prototype an iterator, because he would be kinda frightening if he had the processing power to be one.

No clue what he looks like, but I named him Haunting Augury since it fits his whole prophet motif.

It abbreviates to HA which is ironic. It would piss him off if you point it out.

In OneShot the main thing he has going on is that he can "predict" the future. (i have headcanons but im not opening that can of worms rn)

But "predicting the future" isn't all that impressive in Rain World because iterators are already running multiple simulations on how to solve the Great Problem.

And a lot of it is about guessing outcomes.

So instead HA's main defining trait is predicting those ideal conditions for ascension and relaying useful info to his citizens.

Personality wise HA is not nice. Really blunt and a little intimidating. His relationship with ancients is sort of ambivalent.

He will answer your questions but will be kinda pedantic about it.

Augury has heavy opinions on concepts of randomness and luck. Don't fucking ask him.

Also he would be the first to figure out the ancients would try ascending anyways via Void Fluid and would be pissed off about it, probably refusing to reveal that information to them.

Except it's pointless.

There's definitely something else you could say about memory loss down the line as cycles go by but I don't have anything to offer.

I also thought about Silver as an iterator.

She has no name yet but I KNOW she is modeled to resemble an ancient the most out of every other iterator. She absolutely had an intricate mask at some point. It's worn down now, she doesn't care.

She was designed with the mindset that an iterator should be able to closely relate to the plights of ancients and identify with them.

It's not all that effective. The ancients can't ignore the fact she is an iterator.

Her city is known for being Barren.

She caused some kind of incident that made the ancients leave her. Maybe her actions were related to almost breaking a taboo. The specifics are all in pearls that nobody's found.

So she's been isolated for way too long. She feels abandoned by the ancients, and is also distant to other iterators, finding it hard to relate to them too.

Her connections to other iterators are also faint. Closest neighbor is probably Augury but neither of them reaches out so it doesn't matter.

Her can has had time to get a stable ecosystem somehow.

I also think she would get creatures in her chamber more often than other iterators.

She may have a soft spot for scavengers, so if they're nice and play a game with her she will give them a pearl.

[dateamonster]

am i the only one who gets kind of peeved when people conflate ghouls with zombies? or just generally assume ghouls are undead? because, trust me, ghouls and zombies are nothing alike- in fact, ghouls are known to eat zombies on occasion (saprophages make do) and have a lot of tertiary features that we don’t share with humans whatsoever. entirely distinct convergently evolved species. still, that could just be me nitpicking. nice blog!

i mean if this is in response to my monster high posting, ur barking up the wrong tree if you want mh to care about any kind of accuracy or consistency.

but that aside, i dont rly get this ask. this is smth ive talked about before a little but its kind of a pet peeve of mine when people talk about certain kinds of monsters as if theres a 100% correct True Version rather than many many different interpretations. especially in the case where the "species" in question doesnt really have one single traceable point of origin.

"ghouls and zombies are nothing alike" "ghouls are known to eat zombies" by who? who knows this? please point me to the ghoul biologist id love a word with them. not to be catty, but my understanding of (whats cited as) the original mythology is basically that a ghoul is a monstrous being which is often associated with death and feeds on human flesh. they may not be the same as zombies, im not arguing that, but depending on the context, how meaningful is the distinction?

and if i wanted to get really pedantic (and i always do) i could talk about how many of the most recent incarnations of the zombie arent technically undead either, since a lot of modern zombie media focuses on zombies that have never actually died but were infected by a virus or parasitic organism, adapting older more mystical beliefs and fears about the dead to our present day fears about disease and contagion.

what is a ghoul? what is a zombie? a ghost? a vampire? the way we interpret and represent these creatures is constantly changing and evolving. what does it serve to neatly categorize every existent monster myth into neat little boxes with indisputable static characteristics to check off one by one, other than to restrict us?

it takes an opportunity to expand on a myth, use it as a means to think about all these big things, monstrosity and fear and history and humanity and spirituality, and turns it into like. the monsterfan equivalent of being the guy at the convention grilling everyone on who knows the most lore trivia.

anyway thats why i dont care if monster high gives a zombie a ghoul pun name thanks for coming to my ted talk xoxo

[gontagokuhara]

po!Nagito: *literally saves hajime from death, lives together with him, has been in a relationship with him since ancient times, has basically been raising children with him for centuries, is quite literally married to him*

also po!Nagito: does he even like me fr

It's like I understand it as a komahina enjoyer but it also makes me wanna cry as a komaeda enjoyer😭 though he's not in the story much your characterization is so full and spot on that like I can fully understand the characters who only show up in 2 chapters (cough cough TAKAA my beloved<3) Like in only 2 chapters of screen-time we literally saw the interior design/gardening geek nagito, the panicked and screamy nagito, the tired dad nagito, the heartbroken nagito, and the god of luck who played rockpaper scissors for his husband's life, again, in like 2 chapters alone!!!! Don't get me started on taka I already rambled about him in the comment section

P.S. It's also funny how literally everyone (mainly kokichi) is questioning the big five's relationship choices 💀 I honestly feel like naegami has something to do with "big five god eye candy"💀💀💀💀💀

just for the record i literally do not mind these asks/questions in the slightest to the contrary i LOOOOOOVE yapping especially about danganronpa especially about my own writing especially about pointy objects. no spoilers, but i do get a little in the weeds about behind-the-scenes, doesn't-fit-in-main-fic stuff

speaking of yapping: YOU KNOW THE DRILL

if only the extent of my yapping was known.........nagito and hajime are my favorite barbie dolls to mash together i love thinking about them i love writing them they are my danganronpa #2 and #3 (gonta <3) i am So mentally ill about them. ok.

so it makes me SOOOOO happy when people say they get my characterization. getting beneath a character's skin and making them feel both 1) recognizable as said character but also 2) distinct in that they fit naturally in the universe i'm writing them in is The thing i'm most attuned to when writing i think. (that and sniffing out plotholes i am so pedantic about my story telling). focusing on the v3 kids gives me very ample time to flesh them out into a balanced mix of the two, but with characters that aren't mainstays it makes me very happy hearing that it's not just, like, a dialogue machine spitting plot-relevant lines and instead the actual character that's meant to be talking. you know? ALL of that to say nagito is notoriously a tough nut to crack, it's a crapshoot on what you'll see him characterized as (with the potential to be really REALLY good and really Uh not so much), so hearing good things about MY guy <3 makes my heart grow five sizes or whatever

ok ok. god help us all when i post kmha writing again IM insane so moving on: other insane people (kokichi) (rantarou)

i could ALSO yammer on for ages about the messy god drama that i've mapped out in my mind palace. i can get much more specific once the fic is actually wrapped but the big five ESPECIALLY. oh what a mess. oh what a nightmare. there's like 1 and a half sane motherfuckers in that club and the half is presently threatening to end the world along with half the others. so. LMFAO

relationship drama especially (i've said that word so much oopsies) among the gods but the big five.........oh great heavens. it's not even the newest relationship within the big five but naegami has sooooo many haters. junko (makotophobic), mikan (in an abusive relationship, functionally makotophobic), nagito (byakuyaphobic), fuyuhiko & peko (also byakuyaphobic), izuru (thinks they're both cringe), hajime (wouldn't send rantarou/shuuichi to camp no matter how much he begged).....and that's only characters we've seen on screen so far LOL. kokichi is not alone in being a hater rather he's the new generation of virulently homophobic gay people. love wins <3

(also as an aside of the 'eye candy' thing; in the human world makoto doesn't beat the trophy husband allegations, but among the gods the roles are 100% reversed LOLLLLLLLLL when shit isn't hitting the fan he gets sooooo bullied during meetings if makoto isn't there)

okay and LAST thing that i sorta briefly touched on a second ago: no, rantarou has not been to camp before! hajime and nagito have offered COUNTLESS times, especially since shuuichi's mother died, but they've remained adamant on their decision to keep them at home in defiance of junko. they have very, very good reason to be extra vigilant about their kids' safety, and when contending with rantarou's precognition + shuuichi's ignorance on the gods......rantarou has been very informed on things, from a very young age. obviously he doesn't get Everything, but he's kept pretty up-to-date on the affairs of the gods. he knows about camp, he knows there are about a dozen or so there, and he knows who the counselors are — knew who hajime was as soon as he began teaching at he and shuuichi's last school, and who nagito was/had his number from a chat he and hajime had very early on into his tenure as their history teacher.

wow okay. THAT got long (as always) but as always i luv answering them!! so thank you <3

[raindropsonwhiskers]

Hi there! I know that this is really out of the blue but im asking for a favor or some help w/ my cats current medical needs. Please if you have an extra time to boost/share it for us so that we could get some traction or it could reach more people, it would definitely help a ton! I understand if its not okay, Im so sorry for taking some of your time and I wish you to be safe and healthy always, xx.(Please considering answering my ask privately or probably hit me a msg if its fine! 😭🙏

This is far from the first time I've gotten one of these, and I'm feeling spiteful, so I'm going to walk through why this is almost certainly a scam, for anyone who isn't already aware of these.

This is the pinned post on the blog:

It was made at 1:17 AM EST today, Jan 31st. Based on the timing and phrasing of this post, the emergency happened last Tuesday, as the poster seems to be in Montana and thus made the post at 11:17 PM on Monday. The vet hospital (VSS West) and the group Shelter Friends do exist, though Shelter Friends seems to be exclusively a "shelter assistance and networking group whose purpose is to help homeless pets find rescue or adoption" (their website).

They claim their cat is being held until they can pay the bill (pictured at the top of the pinned post, ~1600 USD) in full. This is a red flag, since as far as I'm aware, no respectable institution does this. Additionally, the timeframe on pickup seems uncertain - it goes between "picking him up tomorrow" and "cleared to come home by the next couple of days".

No goal amount is listed, nor is there any sort of tracker. This is extremely strange, since almost every signal boost/mutual aid/etc post I see these days has the OP pretty much constantly updating how much they have left to go. Not being upfront about the amount needed, or how much they already have, is a decent red flag for a scam.

They say they haven't made a GoFundMe because it takes too long and takes a fee. However, VSS West's website says payment is due upon service (see screenshot). Therefor, they must have known about the price for at least 5 days (assuming wiggle room from last Tuesday to the time of the pinned post) and - more importantly - they should have already paid for the surgery.

But let's say they delayed the payment and... used their pet as collateral or something. Here is a screenshot from GoFundMe's website:

So the fee bit is bullshit, too.

Now that we know why the scenario is a whole bunting's worth of red flags, let's tackle the blog itself. The earliest post is from 1:08 AM EST, Jan 31, 2023. AKA today, 9 minutes before making the pinned post.

The URL directly references the cat, Tonka, so surely the blog was created to be about him. It can't be a sideblog - those can't send asks. It could be an alt account, but why make one just for your cat's health emergency and then reblog ATLA posts, posts about the new Mighty Nein animation, and some random aesthetic photos?

And this is just me being pedantic: the name in the header, Nicolai, doesn't match the Nicole used elsewhere. On the bill in the pinned post, the name Susan appears in the client field, just before the blacked out phone number.

But even assuming this person did genuinely decide to make a brand new blog on tumblr and try to crowdfund for their cat, there's a few more red flags around the message itself.

1) This blog has never once interacted with me before. Not shocking since it was made less than 24 hours ago, but still. Not even a follow before sending me a scam? Rude.

2) They ask that I reply privately or via DM. This is very suspicious and VERY convenient for a scammer, because it's harder to provide evidence of the scam when nobody else has seen your correspondence with them.

3) They asked a random niche Doctor Who blog to signal boost them. Of all the demographics, Doctor Who Extended Universe shitposting was the one some desperate person worried for their cat chose? Yeah, right.

All that being said, I hope this post helps people be more aware of these sorts of scams in the future. There are a lot of genuine posts looking for help with their pets, too - but those posts come from real people with established blogs, who aren't sending demanding asks to strangers, aren't trying to hide how much money they need/have already, and aren't trying to take advantage of people. Always do some due diligence before donating to a cause; the worst that can happen is you spend a little time looking through someone's blog and find that they're a real person.

[kicksnscribs]

Scribs you have got to tell us about the CAVE GOAT you can't just leave that in the tags I am begging you

ok so listen imma tell you about this damn goat that i learned from a tumblr post that circulated years ago that i swear was just a shitpost until i looked it up and it turned out BETTER than what the post was advertising!

LONG POST INCOMING IM SORRY!

seriously this thing is up there in terms of my all time favorite animals such as the hartebeest and the spaghetti squid [or magnapinna squid if you want to be pedantic lol]

SO

mytoragus are a genus of extinct goat-antelopes that used to live on the Balearic Islands till about 4500 or so years ago that had about six species attributed to it. One of which is the magnificent M.balearicus who was known for being just the greatest thing to ever come out of the primordial soup in my opinion:

just look how cute he is!!

Anyways these particular little dudes apparently were funkier than anyone else on their family tree due to the fact that they weren't all that great at jumping [if they even could at all thanks to those inelastic ligaments wrapped around their feet] and pretty much only shuffled about as they went about their day snacking on boxwood.

Not to mention that their sense of sight, smell and hearing weren't all that great either. But it was cool bc there wasn't really anything snacking on these guys anyway to warrant such unnecessary senses.

They grew slowly, managing to get to an estimated 50cm tall at the shoulder [that's like...less than a border collie in some instances lol such a tiny lad!]

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!

because of this kind of slow growth [or maybe not idk im not a scientist] it is theorized that it adapted its metabolism in response to changing environmental factors such as food and water availability and temperature changes [hence the theoretical cold blooded nature of this beast]!

but that's probably not what you're here for right? You're probably curious to see if there is anything that could help you visualize this majestic beast outside a picture of a skeleton

yes.

yes there is.

~*BEHOLD!~*

THE LAD HIMSELF!!

lets get him from a different angle shall we?

schta-BAM!! GLAMOUR SHOT BABY!!

there have been others who have tried to capture this creature's magnificence in physical form but...well the results are shall we say:

less than pleasant? [then again they may be closer to the actual thing than the first, recreations are funny that way]

and this is just straight up the devil

[omg thank you for letting me gab about this damn thing i love it so much and sure there's probably a lot im missing out on but again im no scientist i'm just a person who really likes bizarre animals lol]

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

Something you missed.

https://lapithae.tumblr.com/post/702003747138715648/2-major-factions-in-chaldea-the-14-yr-old-heroic#notes

????? are you talking about their reblog?? their tags??? i literally reblogged their commentary about the translation about the scene what are you trying to say here??? i read all the tags on everything i post i definitely read what they said, and trust me, i am NOT the ' people focusing too much on the 'drinking age' thing and sort of. missing the point.' literally the only reason i started bringing drinking age up was because people WOULDNT STOP FOCUSING ON IT

THE POINT IS NOT ABOUT ALCOHOL OR DRINKING AGE

IT IS ABOUT HOW TIME HAS PASSED, BEEN CONFIRMED IN GAME TO PASS, AND THEY ARE STILL CATEGORIZED INCONSISTENTLY AS A CHILD

I WAS MAKING FUN OF IT BECAUSE ITS SILLY. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FUNNY POST. WHY IS THIS MAKING EVERYONE SO WEIRD????? THERE HAVE LITERALLY BEEN SEVEN CHRISTMASES AND SUMMERS AND YET THEYRE STILL TOO YOUNG TO DRINK, WHICH SUGGESTS CHALDEA HIRED THEM AROUND AGE 13-14. CAN I NOT FUCKING JOKE ABOUT THE IMPLICATIONS OF PINNING HUMANITY'S CONTINUED SURVIVAL ON A SINGLE 13 YEAR OLD???

like im sorry if i seem to be getting really irritated about this but it wasnt even supposed to be about kintoki's comment in the first place, he was just a more recent example of someone saying that sort of thing! im well aware kintoki is the kind of person who would get involved if he thought someone needed help regardless of their age, and if i'd known this would have brought the pedants out in full force i wouldve...idk compiled a post of every example of someone calling the mc a child? not made the post??

i legitimately dont know what you were trying to tell me with this. i saw this post. i reblogged this post. i'm definitely not mad at lapithae and i appreciate that they added context to kintoki's scene (SINCE I THOUGHT I HAD MADE IT CLEAR IN THE OG POST I KNEW KINTOKI WOULD GET INVOLVED REGARDLESS OF AGE BUT IT SEEMS READING IS DIFFICULT FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE THIS WEEK) but what do you hope to gain with this?

'haha op doesnt know that japan can't depict minors drinking so thats why ritsuka is a minor forever' i did in fact know this. literally why make them a minor in the first place if its such an issue. they literally had a scene last month where they offer van gogh absinthe and then give her the child trait. 'haha op is fixating too much on alcohol when the specific scene is-' the specific scene was just one picked to support a joke post. i couldve used another one. the only reason i started talking about alcohol was because other people wouldn't shut up about it and it had nothing to do with the scene in question but because i had about 10000 people nagging me about how ritsuka is a minor, and thus can't drink, and so they have to note it, when we all know damn well most people from most older cultures wouldnt have given a shit about modern drinking laws and frankly even drank more beer than actual water even as children. please give it a rest

i dont understand what you're trying to say

[basilpaste]

im talking about my spider guy more because hes very silly. this time: mostly relating to the choice of spider!

so. robin is based on metagryne bicolumnata, the "bunny harvestman". important thing about harvestman spiders is: they arent! theyre not spiders. theyre arachnids, but not spiders. now. everyone recognizes daddy longlegs as spiders- and theyre also harvestmen- so thats like. pedantic bs.

harvestmen also do not produce webs! which is another reason i decided robin would be a fashion student! he has non-organic web shooters. but instead of relying on chemistry to get the job done, it was his familiarity with fibre-craft and how fabric works. he knows how silk has been historically refined and industrialized and kinda... reverse engineers synthetic spider silk out of that knowledge. he also doesnt have webs for a while! he gets the idea to work on fake webs from watching a spider dangle from theirs.

he got his bite at the zoo. uh. little freaks escaped their enclosure and one of them just happened to be weirdly radioactive. totally random chance in that way of literally anyone can be spiderman. he was truly the most unremarkable man before that.

his powers are... really mostly unremarkable. harvestmen are known for their absolutely massive legs in proportion to their bodies, and as such he can get some serious air while jumping. he uses his webs to propel him further than a leap would allow, rather than a typical spiderperson might. his spidey-sense is also incredibly strong. So while his "rabbit ears" arent actual ears, they do kind of respond like them, as his spider-sense is mostly through them. he also uh. to make up for his lack of webbing, he can produce like... a noxious gas though his hands? if he rubs them together. which he learned... incredibly on accident at a very inconvenient time. no yeah he stinkbombed a guy he brought to his dorm. it was. bad.

coed dorms! this is fashion school baby so few men are in the industry. his dormmate is his kind of 'guy in chair'. she laughed very hard about the boy story. her name is hallie. you get it. mostly she just makes sure he doesnt fail his classes.

[spideyanakin]

Across The Stars  - P3

Will Turner x Sparrow!Reader

Don’t come at me but it’s based on this song

Synopsis; You found yourself across the stars from the one you love

Series Masterlist 🍒

Normal Masterlist 🧚🏻

Night fell on both of you as you tried to find a plan to save your father from his cells.

"Once again im so sorry Y/n" Will stated for the fifth time this evening.

"Will, please you don't have to be. I know you hate pirates." You chuckled at the irony. "Although you're marrying one..." You smirked.

"Hey..." He slightly shoved your shoulder which made you crack a smile.

"I know." You replied dropping a kiss to his lips as you added details to the map of the prison where your father was kept.

Suddenly you heard a large boom similar to cannons followed by the ground trembling.

"I know those cannons." You replied standing straight up like a cat who had heard something in the distance.

A second cannon blew and you snapped your head towards Will.

"It's the Pearl." You said a mix of fear and happiness mixing together.

You walked out, Will chasing you out. Suddenly you were met with a wave of cursed pirates coming from every corner of the city.

Sadly it wasn't your luck as your pedant had flown out from inside your shirt. Resting on your chest, for everyone to see. It got the attention of a pirate, whose hand became bones with the moonlight as he reached for you.

You took a few steps back Will stepping up to protect you. Unfortunately, a pirate took you away at the same time as Will got knocked to the floor. You screamed for his name as you saw the pirate creep behind him knocking towards the ground, making both of you powerless.

You tried to fight off the two men who were grabbing you but you could do nothing. You were dragged towards the sea and onto the deck of the Black Pearl.

You stepped onto the familiar Pearl. Even tho you hadn't seen it in 8 years it felt like home. You watched the once beautiful black sails who were now ripped to shreds as you walked towards the captain.

"Captain wants to see you." One of them spitted in your ear as he walked you forward.

Suddenly you were surprised by the arrival of a second prisoner. You recognized her as Miss. Swann, the Governor's daughter.

"I demand Parley!" She said as she got closer to you, the pirate holding her taking a halt right next to you. One of Barbossa's crew slapped her right across the face as she continued talking.

You thought to yourself of how stupid it was that she tried to follow the pirate code. She wasn't a pirate, the code didn't apply to her, and Barbossa wasn't going to let the code stop him from getting what he wanted.

"I would shut up if I were you." You whispered scream to her.

"Who are you?" She asked turning her face to you confused as too why a pirate would be taken away too. You were dressed like a real pirate, the hat, the sword, the boots. She wondered why you were here if you were possible one of them.

"We do not harm people in the protection of Parley." The captain arrived breaking your conversation and your face lit up in surprise.

The man who slapped her retreated himself while Barbossa stepped closer to the two of you.

"I've been searching for you two for a long time." He said as he stepped closer to you and placed a lock of your hair behind your ear. You watched in anger, doing nothing but resembling all your cold blood.

"Names?" He asked standing right in front of the two of you.

"Turner." You both said at the same time and your eyes lit up in shock. Your head snapped towards Elizabeth Swann and you shot her daggers with your eyes.

"Alright well, one of you is obviously lying." The pirate said before turning towards Elizabeth. "Explain yourself."

"Elizabeth Turner Sir. Im a maid in the governor's household." She replied and looked to you.

Barbossa's face lit up as he heard the name.

"Married into the name. She's my sister in law, Im widowed im afraid." You gridded your teeth through your lie to protect Will. You placed your hand up to show your brand new ring which made Barbossa's face twist.

"Bootstrap?" The crew started whispering. "Didn't know he had twins." They all started discussing the matter and Baborssa shut them all silence falling back on deck.

Barbossa walked towards you, putting his face inches close to yours.

"You can hide yourself all you want behind a name, but I know how to recognize a Sparrow when I see one." He spat out. "You clearly know why your here Y/n, so just give it, or be ready to walk." Barbossa pointed to the plank on the other side of the ship. You stared at it, zero fear in your eyes.

"Then give me back what's mine." You stood up straight.

"What? The Pearl?" He scoffed and looked around. He started laughing at you and the whole crew followed.

"The Pearl will never be yours, Darling." And with that, he grabbed the coin from your neck and ordered two men to grab you. You tried to fight them off but one knocked you unconscious right onto the hard floor of your beloved ship.

Wicked laughter could be heard around the pirate ship, as Barbossa turned his attention back to Elizabeth.

"Welcome aboard misses Turner!" Barbossa stated a wide grin painting his wicked face.

"What do we do with her sir?" One of the crew members pointed to your unconscious body.

"Throw her overboard. She's no use for us anymore." He replied as Elizabeth was being carried into a cabin.

The men nodded and carried your body towards the edge of the ship. You had already set sail out of port royal and Barbossa knew you had 0.01 percent chances of surviving a fall like that.

But the crew had known you before. They had been here when Jack first got the Pearl and seen your bright toddler eyes the first time you walked its decks. They'd seen you charm Davy Jones into lighting the deal to only 100 souls and spare some of the crew's life. Him not being able to resist the charm of a 5-year-old.

So when they picked you up to drop you into the cold sea, they could barely bring themselves to do it. They looked at each other and waited for Barbossa to enter his cabin to hide you.

One of them threw a bucket of cold seawater to your face harshly waking you up.

"Sorry miss." One of them added feeling a little guilty.

You breathed out trying to calm down from the sudden awakening.

"Where am I?" You asked scanning the room, soon realizing you were still aboard the Pearl.

"Lower deck miss. Hidden from Barbossa. He wanted us to throw you overboard, we couldn't do it, so we hid you..." He replied trying to hide the blush creeping on his undead cheeks.

You took a second to realize the situation and a smile crept on your face.

"Thank you." You nodded. "I realize I can't stay here." You said as you looked towards the door. "You have a way to get me out without the captain realizing?" You asked as you wiped the water from your face.

~

You let out a struggling breath as you rowed through the tough seas. You watched your compass and lifted your head towards the stars rowing towards Tortuga as fast as you could. You looked behind you and finally saw the small piece of land you were waiting for. You let out a sigh of relief as you watched the lights from the city twinkle.

You fixed your hat as you walked off from the small boat.

"You can have it." You pointed to the man who was looking weirdly at you and your boat. "It's all yours." You added with a smile as you shook your arms the pain of rowing so far slowly hitting you.

You walked through the familiar streets crossing paths with a familiar set of women.

"Y/n?" One asked with wide eyes.

"Scarlette?" You asked and your face twisted as you knew what she was thinking of your father.

"Well, you wouldn't believe me when I say I saw your father about 5 minutes ago." She added, not being mad at you in any way for your father's actions. It wasn't your fault after all.

"Really?" Your face scrunched up in confusion as you walked towards the tavern stopping when you heard Will's familiar voice from the pig house.

"Will? Gibbs?" You asked and the three men turned their attention towards you. "Dad?"

They all looked at you with confusion and Will felt a pressure go off his shoulders as he realized you were safe. He ran up to you and brought you into a tight hug, bringing confusion to Gibbs and a disgust expression to Jack's face.

On the other side of the story, Will had managed to free your father, who was still confused as to why he knew you.

"You! Sparrow!" Will went down to the prisons in a fury after waking up.

"Hmm?" He asked lifting his head from the ground and placing it back down.

"You're familiar with that ship the Black Pearl?"

"I've heard of it." Your father moved his head to be more comfortable.

"Where does it make berth?" Will asked a little too confident.

"Where does it make berth? Have you not heard the stories?" Jack replied as he placed his head up and looked at the boy who was talking to him. "And how do you know my daughter by the way." He pointed out before placing his head back down, silence falling between the pair. Jack knew he wouldn't get any answers to he replied to Will's question "Captain Barbossa and his crew of miscreants, sail from the dreaded Isla de Muerta it's an island that cannot be found except by those who already know where it is."

"The ship's real enough, therefore its anchorage must be a real place... Where is it?"

"Why ask me?" Jack picked his nails.

"Because you're a pirate..." He replied holding onto to the bars of Jack's cell.

"And you want to become a pirate yourse-"

"And they took Y/n." Will cut your father's sentence and fear rose in Jack at the thought of you being Barbossa's captive.

"As so it is that you found a girl." Jack clicked his tongue. "And it just so happens to be my daughter." He hummed and Will's face twisted a little scared as too how he was going to drop the fact that he asked you to marry him without his blessing.

"What your name boy?" He asked still on the floor.

"Will Turner," Will replied without any other words trying to scan the expression of your father's face.

Jack sat up getting a little more interested in Will.

"Im sure its short for William I suppose?" He added thinking about Bootstraps and how in this entire world did you end up being with his son.

"Well as much as I'd love to help you save my daughter the key's run off and I have no way out."

"I helped built these cells," Will replied as he looked at the bars separating your father from freedom.

After a few adventures later and Will finally accepting that his father was a Pirate, soon realizing he was the boy in question that you told him about a few weeks back. Will found himself hugging you in Tortuga, after being scared Barbossa had killed you.

"Their sorta together," Jack explained joining his fingers to show Gibbs that you two were in a relationship. "He seems to love her." Your father added as he walked towards you. "Well Y/n... Im glad your safe!"

-Tag List- 

@ourfavoritesergeantbarnes​ @carolxnaaa​

[thestuckylibrary]

Mods’ Reads: January 2020

Here’s the list of everything the Mods have read this past month!

Mod Blue

Sine Tactu by justanotherStonyfan (complete | 22,586 | M)

“Want me to help with this?” Steve says quietly, head about level with James’ stomach as he stares up at him, fingers reaching up for James’ fly, but James shakes his head.

“No,” he says, wets his lips - Steve is all skin and muscle and he’s totally naked and he’s right here and- “no, I’m.” He swallows hard. “I’m not getting naked. This is about you.”

Part 29 of Honey Honey

Propius by justanotherStonyfan (oneshot | 6,178 | E)

Steve comes home kicking snow off his shoes, although a lot of it’s gray colored, and he’s shivering. Despite that, his cheeks are bright with the cold and his smile is bright with affection, camera in hand.

“Hi!” he says on a breath, shoulders hunched to keep the cold air out of his collar, and James smiles, crosses the conversion to reach him, and grabs the trailing ends of Steve’s scarf to draw him down for a kiss hello. “Mh.”

James wrinkles his nose as Steve’s nose presses into his cheek.

“Jesus, you’re freezing,” he says, and Steve laughs softly.

“Yeah,” he says “That’s why I came back inside.”

Part 30 of Honey Honey

I Believe In Something More by cydonic (complete | 74,304 | M)

In April of 2014, two very important things happen: The Winter Soldier is prepped for a mission as part of Project Insight which never ends up happening, and Steve Rogers finds out his mother is dying.

In October of 2018, Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers meet in the Sculpture Garden at UCLA. Bucky has spent the ensuing years building a life for himself, learning that he likes to study in the sunshine and build friendships with people who just think of him as ‘that nice guy who’s really smart’, not what he used to be. Steve has tried to make it in Brooklyn, but everything reminds him of Sarah. He needs a change of scenery, and following his childhood best friend Sam Wilson over to California seems to be the way to do it.

Rare Is This Love (Keep It Covered) by histoires_eternelles, musette22 (complete | 66,773 | E)

It's 2014. Captain America has been out of the ice for three years and is trudging along, saving the world and trying to get used to living in the future. Steve thinks he knows how the rest of his life is going to pan out – a life of duty, which he chose when he signed up to be Erskine’s science experiment. But then, he meets Bucky Barnes: the out-of-this-world-gorgeous mechanic and war vet, who turns Steve’s life upside down and makes him question everything he thought he knew. Slowly, Steve comes to realize there is more to life than duty and punching Nazis. Just one problem though: how on earth does a 96-year-old virgin who only just realized he may not be entirely straight make the transition from crush to relationship? Cue healthy amounts of self-doubt, awkward flirting, pretty blushing, existential crises, emotional growth, and maybe, possibly, a sexual awakening.

darling heart, i loved you from the start (but that's no excuse for the state i'm in) by voxofthevoid (oneshot | 19,725 | T)

“I thought you’d make a terrible Nazi but turns out you’d make a terrifying one instead.”

The year is 2012. Loki has vanished with the Tesseract, and Manhattan is a blazing wreck. A very tired Steve Rogers goes home and meets another very tired Steve Rogers.

Or, the one where Steve saves the mind stone for last and decides to fuck the timeline beyond all recognition, which regrettably involves crawling delicately up Hydra's asshole and less regrettably involves showering a very confused Bucky Barnes with affection.

Kissin' by the mistletoe (Love came to stay) by obsessivereader (oneshot | 4,949  | E)

“I told you,” Steve wheezes, as he tries to catch his breath. “Didn’t I fucking tell you we'd fall if you didn't quit pushing?”

He’d laugh if he had any air left in his lungs. Instead, all he can do is stare up at Bucky as the sound of his carefree laugh winds its way around Steve’s heart. He barely even registers the cold seeping in through his jacket and jeans as he lies in the snow, attention catching instead on the snowflake clinging to Bucky’s lashes. Were Bucky’s eyes always that luminous? The crinkles around his eyes so endearing? Were his lips always that pink?

Bucky’s laugh dies away at Steve’s continued silence. A strange expression settles on his face, like he’s looking into the face of a stranger for the first time, studying and cataloging Steve’s features one by one—eyes, nose, mouth.

Based on this tweet, which has, sadly, been deleted: FUFJFJ ITS SNOWING A LOT IN NY RN AND IM WALKING HOME AND THESE GUYS ARE LIKE PUSHING EACH OTHER IN THE STREET AND ONE GUY GOES “YOU ASSHOLE STOP PUSHING ME IM GONNA FALL” AND THE OTHER GUY WAS LIKE “.... For Me?” and the other guy was like bro... no fuck you” AND THEY BOTH FELL

Part 2 of Happy Steve Bingo!

thot through the heart (and you're to blame) by Deisderium (complete | 9,899 | E)

"You look like shit," Steve says, and that breaks the spell a little because fuck you, Steve, he looks good. Steve's nostrils flare. "Is that—is that blood on your mouth?"

Oh, fuck. Bucky needs to work on not being a sloppy eater. He wipes his mouth hastily, and without thinking, licks his hand clean. Steve stares.

*

In which Bucky is a baby vampire, a disaster, out to have a good time, and hopelessly in love with his roomate; and in which Steve has a few secrets of his own.

Part 1 of food for thot

Scratched Ragged and Rubbed Raw by cheesethesecond (oneshot | 3,788 | T)

“How are you gonna sleep tonight,” Bucky asked, letting his head fall back against the wall and closing his eyes, “knowing that a guy who tried to kill you is sleeping in the next room?”

“Like a baby,” Steve said.

This Lonely Hour Before Daybreak by cheesethesecond (oneshot | 2,912 | T)

Steve knew there would be good days and bad days. That’s how this sort of thing worked.

Except sometimes, the bad days go like this.

Something Great by dragongirlG (oneshot | 1,485 | G)

The Soldier knows he is not Bucky Barnes, but he still seeks out Steve Rogers after the helicarriers fall, inexplicably craving Rogers' affection. Rogers gives it. (Basically, the Winter Soldier wants a hug. Steve gives him that and a little more.)

Based on a prompt from withinmelove: I have a love for Winter Soldier as his own person so Winter Soldier and Steve cuddling is my prompt! Maybe WS is touch starved and is really eager to be affectionate with Steve who is happy to be close and tender with him.

The Right Partner* by LeeHan (oneshot | 41,651 | E) *graphic violence

“Now, correct me if I’m wrong,” Bucky said, tapping his chin thoughtfully, “but I believe I was promised a mocha.”

When he turned to look at Steve there was laughter in his eyes and a touch of heat in his smile.

Dating a civilian was always risky. Luckily, Bucky seemed like a nice, genuine guy and Steve knew he could gently reject him with the smallest shrug and that Bucky would accept his decision easily. It was the smart thing to do.

“Don’t forget the croissant.”

—

Steve meets a beautiful man with a bright laugh on a sunny day in Italy. Captain America meets the elusive Winter Soldier moments later.

Date Bucky Barnes. Defeat the Winter Soldier. Bring down Hydra. How hard could it be?

Pedantic Affectations by fannishlove, relenafanel (complete | 15,858 | M)

Steve Rogers: khaki pants and ugly tweed wearing art history professor specializing in historical queer art (by day). Is actually Captain America, vigilante and the bane of Detective Barnes’s existence (by night).

Detective Bucky Barnes: A very clever cop who suspects something is up with Steve. Is frustrated that Captain America exists and is dedicated to finding him because he loves a good puzzle.

So, how does Steve convince Bucky that he's too boring to be Captain America? Go on a date with him.

(Steve is kind of really, really bad at this secret identity thing)

The Comfort in Certainty by justanotherStonyfan (complete | 20,554 | E)

"You were right when you said we need to talk," Steve says softly ... "Is there anything you want to say first?"

... James can't stand the suspense. If it's going to happen, if he's going to do it, James wants that bandaid ripped off now.

"Is this a breakup talk?" he says, and his wishes his voice would be stronger but he’s almost glad that it’s not.

Steve takes a deep breath in through his nose.

Part 31 of Honey Honey

Honeypot by cleo4u2, xantissa (complete | 133,204 | E)

Preconditions: One Sasha Marozow - internationally renowned assassin for hire, known as the Winter Soldier, ex-Hydra operative freelancing for the last five years; One Steve Rogers, Captain America - recently defrosted national hero and Avenger; One assassination contract; One set-up known in the intelligence community as the “honeytrap”.

Expected Result: One Winter Soldier in custody, the name of his employer attained.

Actual result: Definitely not as expected.

Part 1 of Honeypot

Give Up the Ghost* by cleo4u2, xantissa (oneshot | 19,518 | E) *graphic violence

They were happy together and the year had been good for them. They thought nothing could tear them apart. They were wrong.

Part 2 of Honeypot

i'm a believer (got a fever running through my bones) by voxofthevoid (oneshot | 16,742 | E)

Everyone knows Captain America is an alpha. His tragic romance with Howard Stark is as popular a topic for movies and academic papers as his exploits in the war. Sure, Stark never said a word, and he clearly moved on, given that Tony Stark is currently alive. But even now, people like to gossip in hushed whispers about how sad it is that Howard Stark passed away a mere two years before they found the good Captain in the ice.

Bucky gets it, alright? Alpha/omega is the norm. Matches sanctioned by god or whatever bullshit your conservative Christian sect of the day likes to ramble about. It’s the twenty-first century, and the world still runs on a maddening policy of straight until proven otherwise. Thing is, Bucky has most certainly proven otherwise and has been doing so since he was a wee alpha panting after some knothead or the other because being queer didn’t magically make him any less stupid than your average horny teenager.

Bucky’s an alpha, Bucky likes alphas, and he’d love nothing more than to climb Steve Rogers like a goddamn monkey bar.

- Steve meets Bucky on a flaming helicarrier. It’s not the most romantic first meeting, what with the Nazis and the bullet wounds, but they make it work.

the jackpot question  by biblionerd07 (series, ongoing | 16,126 | G-T)

Steve needs a ride home for Christmas. Bucky needs a passenger.

Winter Gorgon* by Quarra (complete | 74,067 | E) *graphic violence

For as long as Steve could remember, all he ever wanted to do was what was right. So when he hears about his father's old regiment being held as POW's by the Nazis, he's determined to put what Doctor Erskine gave him to good use and goes AWOL to rescue them.

But the 107th isn't all he finds there. Deep in the labs is a very unusual prisoner; one with snakes in his hair and a mask nailed to his face. Despite the man's monstrous visage, Steve can't in good conscience leave him to the enemy. That one act of mercy will change his life, the course of the war, and even the future of the world.

[takecarc]

hey there dudes, it’s me… ya boi. i won’t bore you with a long ass intro about me, but just know all you gotta do to befriend this fellow bean is yell into my ims that you wanna plot or legit anything else… i like yelling in all caps. anyways, my name’s amanda, i reside in the sunny gmt+1 timezone and i go by she/her. that’s abt it i guess ?? i never rly know what to say in these so i’ll just proceed to telling you about my children ethan and mallory under the cut

ps: like this and i’ll come to you for plots or yknow… just hmu !!

✎⌠sebastian stan. male. he/his⌡❝ — well, look who’s just arrived ! if it isn’t the one and only ethan bronson. though, around here they’re known as the cinephile. don’t tell ‘em i said this but the thirty five year old hollywood director and producer kinda has a reputation of being incessant and pedant. but y’know, they can be visionary and intuitive too. typical virgo. anyways, welcome home and stay safe ethan ! ❞ ↷ amanda. 19. she/her. gmt+1. 

when i saw there was a vacancy for the owner of reel tide cinema i just knew i had to bring my son ethan into this group. his parents would have bought the place back in the 80s and now that his dad passed away her mom must likely put it in his name since she doesn’t feel like she’s capable of running the place all by herself.

ethan grew up in that movie theater, spending his early childhood sneaking into exhibitions of films he had no business of seeing at that age and helping his folks renovate the halls with a fresh coat of paint. nothing else has ever changed about the cinema and he likes it that way .... in all its original, outdated, moldy, classic glory.

anyways, up with two film enthusiasts as parents and just about the easiest environment to learn about movies in general it’s really no wonder that ethan always dreamt of becoming a big hollywood director. he’d pull out his camera anywhere he went, filming little scenery shots, his friends talking, stray dogs eating and anything else he found worthwhile. he was a completely geek.

he got into UCLA with a scholarship for filmmaking and screenwriting but ended up dropping out and pursuing directing on his own. his first ever film was an absolute knockout at every film festival it was showcased in and he went on to win a spirit award for best director and being nominated for as oscar. ever since then his life has been a roller coaster of awards and amazing movies he’s either directed, produced, written or a combination of the three. 

hanging out with the big guns of hollywood has certainly refined his taste. he’s a lot more judgmental and short tempered than before, uninterested in ideas or conversations he doesn’t find remotely interesting. on the bright side he’s extremely creative, smart and cultured. Woke, if you will. he’s also a big perfectionist and won’t quit until something is done exactly how he wants it done. 

coming back into town he feels like a stranger, like the odd man out, as if over the years he broke the tether that connected him to this place and can’t seem to find it anymore. but he needed a break and his dad just passed away so he thought it’d be nice of him to come help his mom for a while ... breathe a simpler air than the one of hollywood and la. 

wanted connections: a childhood best friend that was also rly into movies, a girlfriend he left behind to go to college, a fling he would have whenever he’d come in and out of town in his early 20s, some kind of rival or enemy bc those are always fun. and MORE. ANYTHING. 

pinterest board ( i just started it so not much there yet ! )

✎⌠zoey deutch. female. she/her⌡❝ — well, look who’s just arrived ! if it isn’t the one and only mallory dunn. though, around here they’re known as the instigator. don’t tell ‘em i said this but the twenty one year old bartender kinda has a reputation of being unreliable and petulant. but y’know, they can be alluring and uninhibited too. typical gemini. anyways, welcome home and stay safe mal ! ❞ ↷  amanda. 19. she/her. gmt+1.

drug use, neglect and abuse trigger warning !!!

boy oh boy, yall bettle settle in your seats bc you’re in for a RIDE

this messy binch did not have it easy for most of her upbringing. without delving too much into more triggering subjects, she was taken from her drug addict parents and put into the foster system due to neglect. she was put in a number of foster homes but the families never rly cared abt her nor the other kids ... they just wanted to make bank of the financial support given to adopting families. the last foster home was the worst of all, to the extent she had to beat up the father with a bat as to not let him do ... things he shouldn’t be doing to children.

this would explain why at age 16, when she was told a nice family from misty hollow wanted to adopt a whole ass teenager she thought it was a prank or a sick joke. she did not believe it and even after she moved in she did everything to try and show them they shouldn’t keep her. but they did. and she’s never felt more loved in her life.

thing is, ever since mallory got to town she’s done nothing short of cause utter and complete havoc. straying good angelic teens from their rightful paths, leading married individuals ( read both male and female ) into the sinful hands of adultery, trespassing into abandoned locations, getting arrested for misdemeanors. 

no-one ever knows what to expect of her. she’s completely unreliable and too smart for her own good. she’s got a stellar intuiton and she’ll play you before you can even think about it. charming as can be when she wants to. loud mouthed, unhinged, moody.  drinking, doing drugs, having sex, keeping secrets. that’s the best description of mal i can give you.

oh and a completely useless detail: she refuses to wear anything other than high top chuck taylor converse. she has them in every color, pattern and even platforms. 

wanted connections: a total partner in crime, someone she corrupted, relationships that ended badly ( screams, tears, cheating, toxicity !! all the angst ), fwbs, the ‘i hate you but i can’t get enough of you pls answer my call i’m so horny’, someone whose marriage/engagement/relationship she broke off bc they cheated with her ( i love my lil homewrecker ), a yin to her yang ... and literally anything else. 

pinterest board.

if you made it this far you’re an absolute trouper and ily for it. if want any of those connections or any other you have in mind pls don’t hesitate to contact me ! 

[kaleidotropepodcast]

the great inbox dump continues!

chetungwan said:

You followed me the same day I finished the podcast, how did you know

Just the Sidlesmith magic, @chetungwan! 

Anonymous said: 

so i just listened to the rent rant and i love this podcast and it is taking me over however i might’ve lost it when drew said the movie is bad, it’s one of the few musical movies i even care about.

Look I (Aja) bawled like a baby the first time I saw the movie, just like I do every time I see / hear the show. And fwiw, Drew would be the first person to tell you that no criticism of a piece of media should ever make you feel ashamed of loving it, because if it speaks to you, then that’s all that matters. <333 And Rent itself is all about that idea, too, so embrace it and go moo your heart out. :D

fancygeorgejones said: 

Sick Benjamin Britten reference I LOVE YOU

THANK YOU, @fancygeorgejones! one of us may have written our music school thesis on homoerotic themes in benjamin britten operas so we very much appreciate your appreciation.

Anonymous said:

late to the party ig but. love the podcast it’s so cute!! anyway just wanted to say that the song Valentine by Atlas gives me Big Harridrew Vibes and I can’t help but imagine drew singing it to harrison bc it’s like... exactly something his overly romantic gay ass would write

Harrison definitely has this song memorized, and definitely Drew would notice and try to memorize it and then rap it to him adorably for Valentine’s, and then they would have lots of half-hug half-cuddle sweater moments, what, it’s fine, we’re fine

Anonymous said: 

I really want to review your show but it has 69 reviews on itunes right now and I desperately do not want to be the one to break that so im at a crossroads because I also want to help it get noticed.....

We’d tell you that you’re in luck because now there are 122 ratings, so you can review away! But in fact reviews apparently don’t make much of a difference in shows getting noticed anyway, so the best thing you can do to spread the word is, well, spread the word! IE tell people that we exist! :)  <3333 (And we know so many of you guys do just that and we love you so much for it!!)

Anonymous said: 

Is your podcast on Spotify?

I’ve heard good things about it and really want to start it but can’t find it on Spotify :(

We are not on Spotify! we applied but were rejected, probably because we recorded everything in a garage on dial-up at the bottom of the ocean 😭

Anonymous said: 

Do you think Harrison would make a good zookeeper?

Harrison would be slightly less awful than Drew, but between them they would turn every single animal encounter into an Event, and no zoo needs that much drama 😂

Anonymous said: 

have you ever considered publishing a book surround drew and harrison's story? like the transcripts, or even a novel, cause i would 100% buy 7 copies of it

....well, we’re considering it now!

Anonymous said:

I'm preparing a fanfic about the Sidlesmith founders, and trying to use the story on the website as a base, but combining the dates from that and the date of the contract in the show, the contract is more than two years after Sidlesmith received their trust funds, while in the contract it seems like they're yet to get them. So, to be true to canon, which i know is not a requirement, but i want to be, would I have to work that into the story somehow or should i change the date of the contract?

Oh, no, a continuity error! We wrote the story on the website first, I believe, and the story itself is canonical, but we all know dates are fuzzy like that.  The website and the show are both consistent that the contract was signed before they got married and the fake relationship was to end once they got their trust funds a year later. That’s the important thing — the dates are *handwaves* whatever.

Remember, this is a town that’s a thriving sea port surrounded by mountains, that’s located south of the Ozarks (Arkansas) but north of the Mississippi River (Minnesota). Time and temporality are funny things, at a baseline. So feel free to have fun with that! :D

Anonymous said:

I'm writing an enemies to lovers, fake dating sidlesmith fic. is there anything more you can tell me about them? or even the construction of the college?

oh i hope there are two of you!!! 🙏

Harriet was smoking hot and desired by everyone, and Henrik had one hell of an impressive beard. Harriet was hot-headed, but also frustratingly pedantic, while Henrik was stodgy and something of a dullard until he stumbled across a subject about which he was passionate. 

They had identical taste in literature, how annoying, and always interpreted everything they read in exactly opposite ways. They each had very advanced ideas about things like sexuality, polyamory, and gender, but expressed them in their very different ways, which means they rarely realized how often they in fact agreed. They absolutely did not get rip-roaring drunk one night after fighting furiously over Melmoth the Wanderer, then raid each other’s wardrobes in order to try on one another’s clothes, and absolutely did not then have the best sex of their lives while still Harriet was still clad in Henrik’s breeches and suspenders and Henrik was still wearing her hoop skirts and corsets, after which they absolutely never ever talked about it again, because there was nothing to talk about. 

Or maybe they were both ace and aromantic, and the fact they started a magic school of romance is a giant irony. Who knows!

As for the school, during the spiritualist craze of the late 19th century, a number of students held seances to try to summon the spirits of Sidlesmith, until it’s rumored that Harriet got tired of being summoned and declared she’d curse the next person who called her back from the Beyond because she and Henrik were enjoying very cozy afterlives, thank you very much. Shortly thereafter, a student who was known to be highly interested in witchcraft was seen entering a small copse of trees in the center of campus, right at midnight. The student vanished, and the students who saw her enter the trees were never able to say precisely where she had gone. And they say that today, if you examine the original blueprints of the college, there’s a small area in the middle of campus that’s completely untraceable today — as if the Sidlesmith curse had wiped out both the student and the grove in which she walked. 

[aerosolar]

1, 4, 5, 11, 17, 20, 24, 27, 35, 40, 43!!!

24 and 43 already answered :3

1. Your first OC ever? OK THIS QUESTION IS SO FUNNY CAUSE LIKE. i dont use this character anymore but. i literally stole my first oc. when i was very young (like 9 years old this was like over a decade ago) i was obsessed w this one youtube animator called superturtlethefirst who had an oc that was a gray cat named sasha, and they made an amv w that character to bring me to life by evanescence where she got possesed by some demon and Did A Murder. and i stole that oc sdkgjdslkgjsdgjkkdsjglkdsglkdsgldsghds (also superturtlethefirst’s channel is still up but be careful if u go there some of the videos have the r slur in the title....its that old)

4. A character you rarely talk about? ALL OF MY MINECRAFT OC’S...i made a real world au for them that i LOVE but i NEVER TALK ABT IT EVER....ALSO the villains in awn and zee’s story cause whenever i do anything with awn and zee i just get wrapped up in making them cute and gay together and i ignore their actual story djskgds. also the ghost space adventure crew i havent done anything w them pensive

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be? my gut says sayre but only because she technically was once already well known-ish back when she was a ddlc au ask blog........ahhh the good old days. but if not her.... maybe epoch because he has Big Tumblr Sexy Man potential and i WILL bank on that. i am not above being that person who makes a tumblr sexy man in order to make my stuff popular.

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? DOES WISH COUNT....its like literal starshine and the sun is a star. and personality wise it fits it is VERY bombastic and friendly. also awn and zee they are both so sweet and loving and kind.

17. Any OC OTPs? SO MANY. -inhales- Nat and Yvonne, Awn and Zee, Lightshow and Dark Opal, Inkfree and Tentacular (hehe >:3), Glitter Bomb and Carnelian (HEHE >:3c), Wanderer and Pedant, Glaze and Contessa, Peachy and Finn, AAAAND Curse and Wish. -exhales-  and those are just the ones im Really Into, i have so many other characters in relationships kjdsg

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)? I HAVE A FEW OC’S WITH VOICE CLAIMS WHO SING SO HEHE...Molly’s voice claim is Monika DDLC so she probably sings in the same way that Monika sings Your Reality. The entire pirate crew, which molly is in, probably sings a LOT of sea shanties and drinking songs. Malcolm’s voice claim is Ben Folds and i came up with an au of an au with him after listening to Rockin The Suburbs, + he’s a shitty white boy garage band singer in that au. Thuccopith’s voice claim is fucking HEXXUS so. YAKNOW. HE WOULD SING TOXIC LOVE THATS JUST IN CHARACTER FOR HIM. also purple poets whole crew probably sing a lot because theyre all dramatic little fucks, including purp’s niece who is. a literal popstar kljgsdlgj

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? .....I DONT THINK SO...?  I CANT REMEMBER...i have lots of songs i associate w my oc’s and lots of playlists but i cant think of any that directly came from any songs. maybe bits of their stories yeah but other than that idk.

35. Any sibling characters? Yep!  Pedant + Glaze + Holly, Contessa + Peachy, and Shepard + Simon!....i just realized theyre all my mc oc’s kljdgslkdgjdsg

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share! Sayres old askblog....It was a really fun time. Especially becuz thats how Sayre and Jenn first started interacting. Also the superverse in general makes me emo becuz it was just me and theo at first and then a bunch of ppl joined and now its so big and beautiful and im. wails.

THANK U FOR ASKING AAA :’3

[bvrtram]

NICO MIRALLEGRO —— well, if it isn’t BERTRAM AUBREY, the HUFFLEPUFF superstar. for those of you who don’t know HIM, you can spot them sitting with the other SEVENTH years. most people think that they’re CANDID and RESILIENT, but they can also seem pretty SELF-RIGHTEOUS and PESSIMISTIC. sometimes people call them the PEDANT. sure, they’re a MUGGLEBORN, but that doesn’t define them.

this intro is gonna be messy as fuck im warning you already

he’s got a pinterest board but it doesnt have much on it yet 

wow. what an asshole.

ok so the only canon thing known about bertram is that james & sirius hexed his head to grow to twice its usual size and i think that’s so fucking funny

can u say chip on his shoulder? legally blonde style? was born to a father who dropped out of high school and now works in construction and a mother who wanted to become a teacher but left that dream behind when she unexpectedly became pregnant with bertram when she was 19. bertram’s parents did love him but they really never had a lot growing up and it caused a significant amount of stress on the fam

so obviously they were like all super shocked when bertram was magic and was approached to come to hogwarts and shit especially cause like neither of his parents had gone to university or anything ? so bertram vowed not to fuck up this chance

has a little sister who he’s hella protective over

his parents divorced a couple years ago and even though it was a long time coming he’s still like .... very salty about it 

he’s like ..... percy weasley mixed with ron swanson and uhhh lil bit of xander harris 

people are always surprised he’s not in ravenclaw cause he’s smart af and works hard af to get good grades af lmao and then they’re always more surprised he’s in hufflepuff especially since he’s uh... how do u say...... a bit of a DICK 

but his values are very hufflepuff. he values honesty and fairness and hard work

has very high standards. for everyone. will judge the fuck out of you if you don’t meet those standards. like if you slack even a little bit ? get ready for bertram to be pompous as fuck and go on some self-important condescending lecture. i h8 him

very practical, very down to earth. has no time for fairytale stories or puppy love or really anything that doesn’t have a useful application in the real world. 

he’s like weird cause he’s pessimistic in that he doesn’t believe people will naturally do the right thing but like, he believes that they should and they can. like he doesn’t expect much out of people but still holds them to high standards

he doesn’t lie. like. he doesn’t. for one thing he couldn’t if he tried, but he also values honesty like a ridiculous amount and can often be very blunt while sticking to these values

you know that gifset of like prince charming chris pine from into the woods where he’s like “i was raised to be charming not sincere”? it’s the opposite for bertram. sincere not charming. sorry folks he’s nobody’s prince charming

like he’s an asshole but u gotta give him credit, he sticks to what he believes and he’s not afraid to share those beliefs. it’s gotten him in a sticky spot quite a few times but he’s also very clever with his words and can often talk himself out of it which is good cause he can’t fight for shit. someone kick his ass please

i don’t have words for how self-righteous he is ok i know i talked about this a bit already but i need you guys to know he’s a pompous self-righteous asshole. like you’ll see his good qualities and then be like “oh maybe he’s not that bad” but then he also sees his good qualities and points them out to u and ur like shut up bertram

doesn’t apologize easily but when he does he means it. like if you’ve ever had bertram apologize to you it’s so funny he gets so solemn about it 

you know that john mulaney bit where he’s like “get out of here with your facts. you’re like the kid at the sleepover who after midnight is like ‘it’s tomorrow now’. get the fuck out of here with your technicalities. just cause you’re accurate does not mean you’re interesting. like hey why don’t you get your sleeping bag and GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. take your goddamn epipen and gET OUT OF MY HOUSE” 

thats bertram. he’s the kid at the sleepover

but if you need help, he’ll give it to you. he might be annoying and condescending about it but he’ll be there for you whenever you need him. and he’s so so so loyal to those who are close with him 

like, he’s a good guy, deep down. deep deep down. he values fairness and honesty so even if he has the chance to have an advantage that might be considered unfair he won’t take it, and idk he’ll stick his neck out for people who are struggling 

and he’s faced a fair amount of shit in his life for idk being the way he is and also for being a muggleborn but he just shrugs it off and keeps going

i love him. but i hate him. someone take the stick out of his ass. or just kick his ass, that works too

um anyways plot with him