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#<- obligatory tag for mads' sake
commandermahariel · 5 months
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talking to cullen in da2 gives me an aneurism
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cybersoldier82 · 2 years
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Ranting abt a sci fi trope that gets under my skin, too tired to copy paste so have some screenshots, sorry for the tangent ;~;
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**SUBMISSIONS CLOSED**
WELCOME to the 2023 Himbo Showdown!
So.
Himbos.
We all know them, we all love them. But now it's time to find out... who is Tumblr's Favourite Himbo?
The buffest of buff...
...the dumbest of dumb...
...and the kindest of kind?
Well now it's time to find out.
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All 32 of these spots will be filled with a different character. So if you want a particular himbo to be in this competition, it's time to make your voice heard!
Submit your himbos here:
Deadline for submission: April 3rd 2023
RULES:
Just a reminder: himbos must be three things. Buff, stupid, and kind.
I say "buff" mostly for simplicity's sake; they don't necessarily have to be muscular. Any large man will do.
"Stupid" is also used for simplicity's sake; this can be a lack of intelligence, wit, knowledge, social awareness, or a general air of dumbassery.
Please only submit ONE character at a time.
Yes, Kronk will be in the bracket, don't fret.
Please remember this is all in good fun. Absolutely no harassment of any kind will be tolerated here. You will be blocked without hesitation.
(Obligatory tagging of inspiration: @nonbiney-swag-competition @autismswagtournament @raddest-hat-showdown @transmasc-coded-brackets @ultimatedetectiveshowdown @ultimateshowdownpoll @mad-scientist-showdown)
And without further ado...
Let the Himbo Showdown begin!!!
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flosalatus · 1 year
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USE THIS WEBSITE TO GENERATE YOUR MUSE’S POKEMON TEAM.
Victini - Vash's signature pose, it's pokedex saying it 'creates an unlimited supply of energy inside its body, which it shares with those who touch it.' and the colour scheme. It's just a very Vash pokemon.
His Victini found him as a child, watching a battle he and Nai had had with borrowed pokemon to help prepare them to go on their own journeys. Vash had been losing badly, but his determination to win had been so strong it moved the pokemon and lead to Victini attaching to Vash. He doesn't battle with it, considering it unfair in regular matches, but Victini's a good friend and cheerleader.
Jolteon - Yellow, spikey, fast and mun likes Eeveelutions.
Vash's offical first pokemon, an Eevee that Rem gave him to raise. He's a very protective, energetic pokemon and tends to bite first ask questions later, much to Vash's chargin.
Goodra - Goopy, silly, friendly but also Stronk.
One of Vash's main powerhouse pokemon, the few he has that are intended for battles. He found goodra as a lil baby goomy that just...decided to follow him around one day and never left. She's very cuddley and not the smartest 'mon in the world, but you can't be mad at her.
Absol - The disaster pokemon and the humanpoid typhoon? How could I not. Plus the fact that all it wants to do is protect people from the disasters it can sense? It suits.
Absol joined Vash's team after he patched her up after a village hurt her trying to drive her away, scared of the pokemon and what she represented. Vash took care of her and offered to let her come with him for the sake of protection from humans who didn't understand. She's more of a well loved(spoilt)pet than anything, since Vash refuses to even consider using her in battle, knowing Absol's don't like to battle.
Togekiss - Togekiss is all about the love and peace- Also it's pretty
Vash's other main powerhouse. Very sweet and almost parental sometimes towards Vash and the rest of his team but an absolutely ruthless monster when battling. Also very fussy about the human company Vash keeps, maybe a little over protective.
Happiny - Obligatory baby pokemon bc I think Vash would LOVE baby pokemon. Also it evolves into an eventual defensive powerhouse to round out the actual battlers of his team.
He hatched her all by himself and he's always so proud to show off his lil baby. She's still very young and doesn't know how to battle yet, so she's kind of babied by everyone and spoilt rotten, but she already has shown potential to be an amazing lil pokemon.
Tagged: @livio-the-doublefang
Tagging: @rosarionegro @knaivcs @pacifistwithagun @divinepunishment
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squentacles has some things to say about jurassic world: dominion
ok yeah i KNOW that i'm over 4 months late but i also didn't get a chance (didn't want to) watch it until yesterday. i'm tagging this a movie review for the sake of convenience, but it's closer to a rant. i guess.
anyways my opinions on the movie is mainly that it's massively disappointing. spoilers for jurassic park 5 and beyond etc etc. discussion is fine and welcomed as long as you don't be mean about it
first and biggest concern: IT WASN'T EVEN FOCUSED ON THE DINOSAURS :(((( the main thing was that this weird new world had to navigate the existence of Actual Fucking Dinosaurs, with maybe some ✨spicy ethical quandaries✨ thrown in for flavor. from the amount of times the dinosaurs showed up in the trailer and also the history of the Entire Franchise you'd rightfully think so, but instead of being the central conflict, they get one scene at the beginning, and then they're just setpieces. i am crying
the cowboy scene was definitely just wish fulfillment. i'm not even mad about that. good for whichever writer got that in the movie, i just though that was pretty goofy
the Giant Locust swarms were terrifying, and from the massive scale of the impacts you'd think it was going to be the main focus, but the corporation kidnapped the "clone" girl now! that's right this is a break in movie folks
just a disclaimer for people who were fucking terrified of the locusts (like yours truly :) ): insects can't actually get that big! most insects have external circulatory systems with spiracles to take oxygen in from directly outside. this is fine when they're small because the surface area/volume ratio of normal locusts is much higher than that of those fucking monstrosities (square cube law etc etc). this may be common knowledge to people. i will still put this disclaimer here for my own benefit.
sattler is so fucking cool. while grant was brooding about the dying funds of paleontology and malcolm was giving ted talks about humanty's inevitable downfall, she changed career paths and wrote several papers about soil and algae as an energy source. she actually managed to be productive. love that for her
but beyond that, i didn;t really get invested in many of the characters (other than kayla because she was cool). it wasn't as plot-focused as many other Big movies i've seen, but it still wasn;t really character-focused either.
i'm taking this quote from i thiiiink the infinity war pitch meeting, because it applies to so many movies: "so much happens in this movie that the characters don't have time to yknow. be characters"
can't forget the Vaguely Easter European/Middle Eastern/Just Generally Foreign Illegal Dinosaur Corrupt Fighting Trade Breeding Black Market! an extremely normal and not harmful trope
i pity the cgi folks who probably worked their eyes off for this movie, but also i think the cgi was bad. they should have used puppets dude
it's been nearly a year since i last saw jurassic park 5, so i don't remember the full details of the movie, including maisie's mediocre-ish arc, but it also would have been interesting knowing her decision over releasing the dinosaurs would have been different if she knew she wasn't a clone
also it was kind of weird for the writers to backtrack on the clone thing. that's all i have to say. it was strange
the scene where everyone had to split up into groups to do stuff (i forgot what said stuff was) was nice actually! it should have been longer. i love to see characters interact and bond in weird situations
(at this point there are 20 minutes left into the movie, i thought. how's the movie going to resolve the locusts and dinosaurs now? HAHAHAHA,)
of course, there was the obligatory dino fight!!!! but i think it was less than 3 minutes long. it even failed to give tension for the helicopter scene, which was the only other reason why it was there. there were no stakes in that fight
admittedly the locusts made a decent b-plot but by the end of the movie they were just gone. girl
in face, the ending felt like the movie gave itself too many plot threads for itself to handle, so it just tied them up as quickly and conveniently as possible. that cowboy rival dinosaur killer died in the black market. the billionaire got killed off in the tunnel several minutes before the finale, which was admittedly ironic and deserved, but then the locusts were completely eradicated within an ambiguous span of time. and then people just decided to be fine with the dinosaurs (which was also accompanied by a voiceover from charlotte lockwood, which made it fine i guess).
like. you had the dinosaur problem at the beginning of the movie, and then the locusts happened, and then that got resolved. x + 1 - 1 = x. you're right back where you started buddy.
as did the second two sequels of the original jurassic park movie, it also completely missed the Point of the original movie. where's the consquences for playing god? ian malcolm is rotating on the floor rn
seriously a mosasaurus(?) ate a fucking boat. are we not gonna address that
main takeaway(s): more dinosaurs, more character moments, more moral quandaries, and also at least one puppet. i think that would be swell
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widonotts · 5 years
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can we uhhhh stop just plainly describing caleb’s feelings towards nott after the Trap Incident as.... just... anger? like... yeah, he’s angry. unquestionably. but it’s a manifestation of fear and devestation and desperation and care, all of which cut far deeper than the anger, which is certainly much more than surface-level, but still.... not at all the core of his emotional state there
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anotherhumanpet · 3 years
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The Relationships of Dennis || Mobile
Characters and the summary of their relationship with Dennis will be added on as they are made, but please note that not everyone who has some form of relationship with Dennis is listed here. Characters are added on once there's been some significant growth in the relationship, but mainly my own motivation to do the work.
I am okay with making pre-established relationships, provided that there’s some discussion about it beforehand. Please know though that it's harder for me to write these sort of relationships because I'm working off of hope/speculation rather than what's naturally occurred between the characters.
Relationships are focused on what is seen in the main verse. AU relationships will not be listed for the sake of organization and focus.
Humans
Doctor Robert Wenny
#tag: supervisor parent (father)
Father. His work at the hospital keeps him pretty busy so Dennis doesn’t get to see or spend much time with his father. He says it’s fine because it means he’s left to himself a lot and doesn’t have to worry about being caught doing things he shouldn’t be doing.
Penny Grey
#tag: long distance parent (mother)
Mother. Since his parents’ divorce, Dennis doesn’t see her much outside obligatory visits. He misses having her around but understands why she chose to leave his father. Doesn’t mean he’s not still upset about it though.
Jaden Grey
#tag: smoke and mirrors won’t change what I know (Uncle Jaden)
Uncle, mother’s brother. He’s the one who inspired Dennis’ love for outdoor activities through his civilian work as a park ranger. Their relationship became strained and complicated though when Dennis learned Jaden was also an agent of M.E.C.H. and he nearly got Hot Spot killed. Jaden disappeared after that incident and Dennis welcomed him with a tearful hug when Silas reunited them.
Jack Darby
#tag: dude bro (Jack)
Best friend since forever, or at least as far back as Dennis can remember. He was pretty unhappy when Jack stopped hanging out with him after school and work without ever really giving a reason why. Dennis never thought that reason would be because of giant alien robots fighting in an intergalactic war, or that he’d soon wind up involved with it under “Decepticon protection” like Jack was.
Silas aka Gramps; Multiverse Variant
#tag: only one eighth dead (WarDog Silas)
The director of M.E.C.H., but not the director Dennis knew either. That man was (probably) killed by the Decepticons after he embedded himself into Breakdown’s body and failed to impress them with his doomsday gadgets. This man has managed to live on as a human (for the most part) and seems to be less obsessed with killing every Cybertronian in sight. Dennis isn’t sure what to make of him though. While Optimus taught him that every individual should be given a chance to redeem themselves, and Silas has both saved and mentored Dennis multiple times, Dennis still feels a little wary about Silas (or Gramps, as he generally calls him) sometimes. He trusts him with his own life and the lives of other humans, but he would never give up a Cybertronian to Gramps - even if his own life counted on it.
Silas aka Salad; Multiverse Variant
#tag: Dick Salad (CodeName Silas)
The director of M.E.C.H. that comes in a flavor Dennis is more familiar with. He’s wild, mad, and most likely on the brink of becoming unhinged. He’s an absolutely dangerous individual that Dennis should steer clear from, which is precisely why Dennis is barking at him whenever he gets the chance because fuck this guy.
Doctor Ralph Cech; Multiverse Variant
#tag: Doctor Killjoy (AskHuman Ralph)
An independent doctor working adjacent to N.E.S.T. and the Autobots, although his main focus is on the people of N.E.S.T. and not the Autobots themselves. Happenstance brought Doctor Cech and Dennis together because they both have a problem only the other truly grasps the difficulty of: being friends with a global terrorist commander while heavily affiliated with the organization that wants to take him down. Ralph has Salad, and Dennis has Gramps. Ralph wants to make sure Dennis is safe while he’s trying to navigate things with Gramps, and Dennis wants to give Ralph a break and make him feel little more appreciated.
Eve; Multiverse Variant; Demigod?
#tag: Hollywood’s freaky deer come to life (Eve)
A Hart of Yggdrasil, whatever that means. Dennis isn’t entirely sure what she is or what she’s supposed to be doing, but he does understand that Eve is a powerful entity that shouldn’t be trifled with. Luckily for him, she’s amicable and easy going, and seems to enjoy palling around him as much as he does her. Dennis wants to be the coolest cool he can be around her though so he doesn’t bore her into never speaking with him again.
Judas; Multiverse Variant
#tag: Judge Judy (CodeName Judas)
An agent of M.E.C.H. under the command of Silas, the Salad variant. He’s as unpredictable and unhinged as his boss is, but where Silas tends lash out wildly Judas is a bit more precise with his attacks. He regularly breaks into Dennis’ house to steal snacks because Judas feels it’s owed to him after he snuck Dennis out of the base twice during some magic-anon events. Unbeknownst to Dennis too, Judas is also taking it upon himself to make sure Dennis isn’t getting into any major trouble since the kid seems to be a danger magnet, and if he is, making sure it’s regular, normal teenager levels of trouble and not Silas - or higher - levels of trouble. Dennis has tried to run him off but none of his attempts seem to last very long, if they work at all. So, since he’s stuck with Judas, he’s refocusing his efforts on making the best of their weird relationship and being friends with him instead.
Achim; Multiverse Variant
#tag: Doctor Prick (Achim)
A mad scientist in every sense of the word. Dennis doesn’t know or understand who or what Achim is, let alone what he’s doing or what he’s trying to achieve. All he does know is that Achim is at war with Silas, the Gramps variant, because of a disagreement they had about taking over the world, and Dennis has become a target Achim has his sights set on to get back at Gramps. He’s hurt Dennis, a lot, and Dennis is absolutely terrified of him.
Jack; Multiverse Variant
#tag: still a bro no matter what (Convenient Jack)
Same kid from Jasper, same problems with growing up and alien warfare, but now with the added bonus problem of the Key to Vector Sigma never being reclaimed by the Autobots. Dennis still stuck to Jack like he was an old friend though, even if he was a new face to Jack himself. And after a horrible combination of magic, mysticism, and science turned Jack into a Transformer their dynamics have shifted slightly, but the boys still remain fast friends who are ready to throw down for each other - even when they really shouldn’t.
Yin; Multiverse Variant; A God? Vessel of a God?
#tag: your friendly neighborhood chaos god (KaijuCrimson Yin)
A God of Chaos, or the physical vessel for a God of Chaos. Dennis isn’t entirely sure which Yin is but Yin is nevertheless godlike, powerful, goofy, friendly, and now also protective of Dennis. He’s a nice person and while he does weird Dennis out occasionally, Dennis does enjoy spending time with him and tries to assist Yin with his struggles against Chaos whenever he can.
Autobots
Optimus Prime
#tag: here comes the general RISE UP! (Optimus Prime)
Leader of the Autobots. Extremely huge, scary looking, and intimidating, yet also extremely kind, caring, and gentle. Dennis looks up to him like a father figure and idolizes his heroic, familial image. While he knows he can never be as great as Optimus is (or the image he perceives of Optimus), he hopes can come at least somewhat close to it with his actions and as he grows up.
Hot Spot
#tag: my brother from another mother planet thing (Hot Spot)
Leader of the Protectobots. He has the personality of a puppy and a big brother meshed into one. Dennis loves to be around him, even if the circumstances that bring them together aren’t always ideal. He’d ride to the ends of the earth with and for this mech though, and would gladly take a bullet for him too (if he’d let him). Hot Spot is Dennis’ world and there is nothing that could take him away from his big brother.
Sanitatem (Sani); Multiverse Variant
#tag: friendly neighborhood stalker doctor (Sani)
A mysterious Autobot who’s been living and hiding around Jasper for two years without anybody ever noticing. She knows Dennis but he doesn’t know her, and the more he learns about her the less he trusts her. He doesn’t think she’s up to anything bad or means him any harm because she’s medically treated him and has acted quite protective of him, but it’s difficult for him to trust her when he feels like she has the entire deck of cards in her hand while he has none.
Ratchet; Multiverse Variant
#tag: crotchety but attentive (Autobot Ratchet)
The Autobot Chief Medical Officer and unofficial/official Second in Command to the Autobot Earth squadron. Although he’s not the same doctor that Dennis came to know at the tail end of the war, he is still the CMO who carries all the weight and burden of Team Prime’s health within his hands. Dennis, being familiar with the stress of being a medical professional thanks to his father, is trying his best to care for Ratchet and give him space to have relief whenever he can. Whether or not Ratchet takes it though is another thing, as Ratchet in turn has come to worry over Dennis and doesn’t want to see the teenager burdened anymore than he already is.
Decepticons
Knock Out
#tag: dagger eyes motherfucker (Knock Out)
Kidnapper. Dennis is forever salty at this mech. Knock Out might have ironically helped Dennis and Jack patch things over between them, but Dennis will never forgive or forget his transgressions.
Tarn; Multiverse Variant
#tag: a living nightmare (Tarn)
Dennis doesn’t know who or what this mech is other than a fanatic of Megatron. He doesn’t really care either. After Tarn kidnapped him and tried to take him home to make him into a gift pet for an unnamed psychotic friend, Dennis decided he wanted absolutely nothing to do with this mech.
Neutrals/Predacons
Krenjot; Multiverse Variant
#tag: not a Jurassic Park rip off (DuskFall Krenjot)
A predacon who didn’t come back to life through Shockwave’s personal Jurassic Park project. Dennis is working on building up her trust in him so he can say he has a cool robot dragon friend that he can roast marshmallows with. He fully intends to roast those marshmallows with her fiery breath.
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altumvidetur · 4 years
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Pacific Rim: Newmann Fic Recs
So, I was thinking about the coronavirus pandemic and what I could do to help people out. I’m isolated because I’m at higher risk, so I can’t really offer to go out for my elderly neighbors or my family… but I thought I could try to help keep people entertained.
Because I don’t have an AO3 account right now, I’ve been compiling fic recs for my own amusement for a year or so. And I thought – maybe that’s the time to share these with everyone? So everyone will have plenty of things to read while they have to stay at home, or even to escape anxiety a little bit if you’re forced to go out.
Of course, these cater to my own tastes, so you may find stuff you don’t like around here. I never include works in progress. The Mature and Explicit works will be in italic. I ask you to READ THE WORK’S TAGS before continuing, so you won’t find anything that makes you uncomfortable.
I haven’t managed to read the whole Newmann tag yet (started on page 183, am now on page 77). From what I’ve gathered, most of these recs are from before Pacific Rim Uprising. I watched that movie (although I wish I hadn’t), so feel free to discuss it. I hope you like them!
“The Things That Stay” ‘verse, by singagainsoon
a collection of non-linear moments, snapshots, tiny dots on an endless timeline
i would kill to make you feel, by singagainsoon
Hermann gets really red when he’s mad - his ears, his cheeks, his stupid fucking cute nose. Even his neck gets these big red spots on it. It’s funny. It’s really, seriously funny.
i’ll be a rockin’, rollin’ bitch for you, by singagainsoon
“Don’t be foolish, Newton. I can think of a hundred better things for you to do with that mouth-“
Entomologist AU, by singagainsoon
Two weeks ago, he’d been in the midst of furiously tapping out an absolutely incensed email to the man who somehow managed to consistently infuriate him from another department, even, and what Hermann would have given then to strangle him, truly - and then Dr. Geiszler himself had appeared in Hermann’s doorway, toeing the carpet with his scuffed up Doc Martens and asking if they might try to talk things out over dinner.
Hermann hadn’t known it was a date.
they did the mash!, by singagainsoon
obligatory newt-wears-a-sexy-halloween-costume-and-hermann-has-to-rail-him-because-he-can’t-help-himself ficlet!! tis the season!!
(video) call me at any time, by singagainsoon
When Newt finds himself away from Hermann for a business trip of sorts, they figure out fairly quickly that they won’t last until Newton comes home.
Good Vibrations, by singagainsoon
“Newton, are you quite certain about this?”
Newt smiles, gives the odd-shaped dildo in his hand a teasing wave and sets it aside in favor of the vibrator. His face seems to hint at something along the lines of Funny Thing To Say When You’ve Just Had A Dildo In Your Ass, but he doesn’t say it.
-
my lovely, talented friend and fellow writer gaby commissioned me to write this piece and let me tell you i had the time of my life (as did hermann, i’m sure)
A Certain Step Towards Falling In Love, by singagainsoon
“You’re terribly lucky, darling, that my father is away,” he says, voice low, smoothing his palm over Newton’s wind-tousled hair.
Eating In, by singagainsoon
It really was supposed to be just a massage.
you make me feel so young, by zach_stone
In the wake of saving the world, Hermann decided to appreciate the little things.
Or, Hermann and Newt go grocery shopping. And, because it’s Newt, shenanigans ensue.
seven minutes in heaven, by zach_stone
Hermann was enjoying a quiet, peaceful morning when Newton burst into the lab and shoved both of them into a closet.
in other words, i love you, by zach_stone
Newt is having a difficult day. Hermann has an idea to make it better.
hold me in this wild, wild world, by zach_stone
Hermann didn’t often allow himself to cry. Humanity was barreling towards the end of days, and he simply didn’t have time to fall to pieces, not when people needed him — needed his work. But four rangers had died. He decided he could allow himself one small moment of grief.
Or, some Hermann-centric hurt/comfort because I just want to give him a hug. Set pre-canon.
it might be over soon, by zach_stone
To celebrate a victory, Newt steals a bottle of booze and he and Hermann drink, argue, and maybe finally act on their feelings.
hey i just met you (and this is crazy), by zach_stone
Newt Geiszler accidentally texts the wrong number when trying to message his roommate Raleigh, and instead winds up texting Hermann Gottlieb, who he’s never met.
(AKA a college texting AU that I promise was absolutely necessary)
worthy of celebration, by zach_stone
It’s a well-known fact around the Shatterdome that Hermann does not like his birthday. This year, Newt’s determined to change that.
lab-appropriate decor, by zach_stone
“For god’s sake, Newton, that is wildly inappropriate,” Hermann snapped. “Those things are not cute, they are abominations. I don’t know why I’m surprised, once again you prove that you have no tact —” “Oh, give it a rest, Hermann,” Newton retorted, rolling his eyes. “It’s not an abomination, it’s two feet tall and made of plastic.”
Or, some backstory to the one of the kaiju figures in Hermann’s lab in Uprising.
The Geiszler & Gottlieb Post-Saving-the-World Lecture Tour, by zach_stone
Following Newt and Hermann as they tour universities, argue across podiums, and fall in love.
feel your heartlines, by zach_stone
Newt and Hermann cuddling on the couch at the end of a lazy summer day.
We Don’t Skip A Beat, by decadent_mousse
Summary by me: Newt, Hermann, and their heartbeat over the years. 
the lure of adventure, by zach_stone
Newt is a reckless treasure hunter. Hermann is an intrepid journalist. On their search for some long-lost treasure, they run into a little more trouble than they bargained for.
AU based loosely on the Uncharted video game series - no knowledge of the games needed to understand the fic!
wouldn’t it be nice, by zach_stone
Newt and Hermann spend a day at the beach.
take your time, make it slow, by zach_stone
Hermann was far from shy in bed, but was quick to brush off Newt’s insistent (and one hundred percent correct, Newt might add) claims that he was the sexiest person to walk the earth. Well, if Hermann wouldn’t believe his words, then maybe he’d believe his actions. And Newt was nothing if not a man of action.
Prompt fill for Newmann Porn Fest 2018: “Body Worship” !!
when you are close to me, i shiver, by zach_stone
When the heating goes out in the lab, Newt comes up with a great idea on how to stay warm.
Another fic for the Newmann Porn Fest 2018! Prompt was “huddling together for warmth” ;)
it suits you, by zach_stone
“Newton, for goodness’ sake, can we just — no.” Hermann frowned at the selections Newt held up in front of him. A pair of overalls and a red-and-black flannel shirt, both Newt’s. “I am not wearing dungarees.” “Okay, first of all, cute that you call them dungarees,” Newt said, grinning. “Second of all, you would look very cute in these, they’re seasonal, and I am not kidding when I say you’ll ruin your slacks if you wear them to a farm.” He wiggled the overalls in Hermann’s direction, the buckles on the braces jingling as he did so. Hermann let out a long-suffering sigh, mostly for show. He really did need to invest in a pair of jeans.
Fic for the Newmann SFW Fest! Prompts were “sharing clothes/personal items” and “pumpkin/apple picking”
ease my slumber, by zach_stone
Newt can’t sleep; luckily, Hermann’s got a really soothing voice.
Or, a conversation about how Hermann would have a good voice for ASMR turned into this.
pick up and start again, by zach_stone
“This,” Hermann says imperiously, glaring at Newt from the other side of the elevator, “is your fault.”
Newt whips around to face him so fast he almost loses his balance. “My fault?! How the hell is this my fault?!” He gestures wildly at the elevator door. “Oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot it was my personal responsibility to make sure this piece of shit elevator is maintained so I don’t get trapped in it with the most annoying person in the Shatterdome —”
“You’re always trapped with yourself though, aren’t you?” Hermann sneers, and Newt lets out a hysterical bark of laughter. This cannot be happening. Of all the times for the elevator to break down between floors, it has to happen now, when he and Hermann are in the midst of a fight that’s quickly blown itself out of proportion.
Newt and Hermann get stuck in an elevator, and are forced to work out some of their shit.
just your touch could cure my lonesome blood, by zach_stone
Four times all Newt needed was a hug from Hermann, and one time it was the other way around.
(Or, sentimental cuddling: the fic.)
Heart and Soul, by zach_stone
A quiet day in the lab is interrupted when Newt coerces Hermann into playing piano with him.
My contribution to The Last Line of Defense Zine (spring 2019)!
Lullaby & Rain, by j_gabrielle
It still blows his mind, still makes him stop in his frenetic need to move, speak and think whenever he remembers that Hermann…
Whatever Hermann is to him these days.
Carry Me To You, by j_gabrielle
For the prompt on the kink meme that asked for; Hermann/Newton. Lab sex
the world ablaze, that’s the best for me, by postcardmystery
Summary by me: Newt and Hermann are two unstoppable forces of nature.
Please, Sir, May I Have Another, by eigengrau
It isn’t until Newt is bent over the desk, papers and glass specimen jars strewn about like the debris of a hurricane, white-knuckling the hard stainless steel with his pants around his ankles, that he realizes the gravity of the situation.
Hide and Seek, by DoubleStashed
Summary by me: Hermann Gottlieb - life and love for Newt Geiszler.
pull the trigger without thinking, by liginamite
It’s manageable for the first few days. Shared emotions, shared thoughts, words spoken in unison. But it’s only when they share a nightmare born of memories that it finally occurs to them that maybe this isn’t going to go away.
Rechtsbrecher, by Ezlebe
“If you’ve lost your key again, you’re not getting another,” Hermann says, sidestepping past Newton’s hunched form on the steps.
Darling, by BeeLove
In which Newton rides Hermann for all he’s worth. Or at least tries to.
unravelling, by kiyala
It’s been a while since Newton’s taken his meds. Hermann begins to notice.
All of Your Flaws and All of My Flaws, by CinnamonCake
Hermann is still there tomorrow and the day after and Newton tries to not break his face with the door again.
and i fell fine, by ohgod
The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide –
what history has given me, by kiyala
In which Newton is a girl and she really doesn’t have the time for your shit.
Solving For X, by griesly
No matter what opinion Doctor Gottlieb had proclaimed concerning his tattoos on numerous occasions, Newt knew the score. He’d glimpsed a heady rush of somewhat mortified appreciation, just an old memory surfacing in the Drift from the first time Newt rolled up his sleeves in the lab. He could still feel it like a taut string in Hermann’s mind, in the same way he knew his lab partner was too surly to ever admit it. It was all tangled up with his impression of the way Newt approached the world, a precisely calibrated instrument in one hand and a nail-bat in the other. Newt had to smile at the way Hermann saw him, a churlish adolescent and a half-mad genius all wrapped up in a hurricane.
…or, sometimes even the sharpest minds in the PPDC can be excused for a being a bit dense.
Towards, by orphan_account
Based vaguely off the Lemony Snicket quote: “When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.”
Hermann finds Newt in the lab after the clock stops, and realizes that sometimes all you can do is wait.
Dear Diary,, by ohgod
That is way, way, WAY too close to my whole InuYasha phase. Do-over!
the night will go on, by ohgod
Mako is sheltered, Herc is old, Raleigh doesn’t want to know about any of this, and Tendo is a perpetual asshole.
I Get My Kicks Above the Waistline, Sunshine, by ambitiousbutrubbish
Summary by me: Newton’s exploration of his asexuality.
corpus callosum, by hieronyma
1 + 1 = 1.
when it’s broken, it’s perfect, by liginamite
Love is not divided up into neat little graphs and numbers and theorems, able to be charted if one only took the time and effort to do so. No, love is… it is unpredictable and volatile. Hermann doesn’t really do unpredictable and volatile, but with Newt he doesn’t have much of a say in the matter.
After the Rockets Calm, by callmejude
written for the kink meme prompt: “The morning after Newt and Hermann sleep together for the first time, Hermann comes over all ridiculously British and can’t cope with the intimacy and loss of inhibition. Newt is having none of that nonsense and tells him to quit fussing and come back to bed for snuggles.”
behind us, by kiyala
After the Breach is closed, Newt asks Hermann to go to Boston with him. Hermann doesn’t leave.
They Say It’s Your Birthday, by callmejude
for the kink meme prompt: These two have worked together for many years, and obviously have had to continue working through special occasions, including their birthdays. I know they strongly disliked each other, but deep down they are good friends and I’d love to see anything (slashy or friendshippy) showing how they acknowledge or celebrate birthdays. I’m betting Newt is secretly into baking and Hermann comes in one day on his birthday not expecting anyone to even know, only to find a Kaiju shaped cake on his desk with a sparkler or a candle stuck messily in the centre. Or or or Newt comes in on his 30th birthday and he’s like depressed and absurdly quiet for the day cause he’s not ready to be that old and Hermann realizes why he’s being all docile so he takes off at lunch only to return with pizza and stuff to cheer Newt up and celebrate his birthday. OR YOU KNOW ANYTHING YOU WANT.
within reason, by kiyala
Newt goes to the Skull Temple after the Breach is closed. Hermann goes with him.
pull you through the mirror (before you come undone), by griesly
The War is over. The war is over, and everyone else has something important to do and somewhere else to be except Newt.
shaken, by kiyala
Newton has nightmares. Sometimes, Hermann has them too. 
Imagine Sisyphus Happy, by Jenni_Snake
They’re colonists… we’ve practically terraformed it for them. -Dr. Newton Geiszler
“The thing we saw with the Europeans was that they wanted their new world enough: they didn’t care who stood in their way.” -Dr. Melanie Mountain Horse
“Do not rely not on the likelihood of the enemy’s not coming, but on our own readiness to receive them.” -Sun Tsu
“The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor. … I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain. One always finds one’s burden again. … One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” -Albert Camus
How The Light Gets In, by griesly
He’d told Hermann time and time again that he didn’t love the kaiju, he studied them with a curiosity born from a life-long fascination with the giants of the earth. Newt had always been the dinosaur kid – still was, if he was being honest with himself, and the kaiju were the biggest, most awe inspiring terrors he’d ever seen.
the body is not an apology, by BeeLove
In which Hermann triggers some of Newton’s insecurities and strives to make up for it.
When Two Substances Collide, by Emileesaurus and ripkord
Doctors Geiszler and Gottlieb — the first ones in and the last ones out. Thirteen scenes from the countdown to the end of the world.
Scar, by mlle
A tiny thing written for Jaegercon Bingo.
Not every tattoo makes a scar.
I’ve got nothing to say but it’s ok, by madness_and_smiles
Newt’s burned into Hermann’s brain now, like an itch he can’t scratch. Whenever they’re in the same room together – which Newt likes to make sure is almost always – there’s the low hum at the back of his mind telling him Newt is there and Newt is feeling and breathing and sometimes they feel and breathe in unison and it makes Hermann drop his chalk.
in which kaiju guts were not part of the wedding vows, by orphan_account
“You’ve got your glower face on,” Newt remarked above him, and Hermann opened his eyes just to scowl at Newt’s concerned face.
“I am a thread away from murdering my own science team, so, yes, I suppose a glower here and there would not go amiss.”
Seeing in Color, by what_alchemy
The Dr. Geiszler Hermann had found in the publications — printed pages worn with constant handling and tucked into his briefcase for easy access — was an eloquent scientist whose work functioned at a level far above almost anyone else Hermann had ever encountered in the field, and yet he neither patronized his readers nor expressed himself in the inexplicable jargon which so infected much academic work. He was singular in his intelligence. Hermann thought this was a man he could understand — and who could understand him in turn.
More fool he.
Kämpfen, by Huntsmonsters
“The point is that Hermann loves numbers like they were his children, except that Hermann hates children. He loves them and the way they go together the way Newt loves every sample that enters his collection, the way he loves tattoo needles and his books of scribbled anatomical drawings and the harried, barely legible, 4 in the morning notes scrawled around them when the first pieces of a freshly dead Kaiju come in. These are the tools with which they carve themselves, the knives and chisels and guides, the planes on which their shapes are made. Hermann is held up by his cane, but it isn’t the reason he’s standing. They’ve both gone through the rabbit hole and come out again with something clenched in their fists. ”
In which arguments are had over equations and entrails, vivisections are banned, and Newt uses ink to prepare for the possibility of death.
I Was the Match And You Were The Rock, by griesly
Written for the Jaegercon Bingo Square: ‘The Drift’
'Hermann is strong and solid and stable even if no one else at the PPDC would ever think so, Newt knows so, and come to think of it, he always has. He just never knew the man’s mind would be so goddamn beautiful, so bright and full of purpose and satisfaction at a job well done that somehow, impossibly, included him.’
Lucky Number Seven, by griesly
'Newton?’ Hermann called out, only to hear an answering 'Shhh!’ issue from behind a moving curtain. He appeared to have cordoned off an area in the back corner of the lab with heavy screens, labeled 'Light-Sensitive Specimens – DO NOT TOUCH.’ Newton poked his head around the corner with a slightly manic grin.
'Lock the door,’ he advised before motioning Hermann enthusiastically over to a break in a thick curtain. Hermann frowned and paced across the room, wondering what could possibly be so important and so secretive that Newton would have to obfuscate its very existence.
Whatever it was, Hermann was certain he wasn’t going to like it.
autoclave, by cynicalRaconteur
Or: How the fuck is she so attractive, she dresses like my grandfather, I want to punch myself in the face: the Newt Geiszler story.
nyctophobia (into the light of the dark black night), by orphan_account
“See, the thing about birthdays is they’re totally an annual thing,” Newt explained, handing Hermann his latte. “And I’ve known you for, what, twelve years? Thirteen?”
“Fifteen,” Hermann interjected tersely. “And a half.”
Do you have Prince Albert in a can?, by mwestbelle
Newt has a Prince Albert piercing. That’s about it.
This Most Beautiful System, by rosepetalfall
Like Watson and Crick, Newton Geiszler and Hedda Gottlieb are two scientific names almost invariably thought of together.
-
Hedda Gottlieb and Newton Geiszler grow up, save the world, conquer academia, defy the odds, do some ill-advised things, do some brilliant things, and learn about love. Not necessarily in that order.
In the Midst of the Blackest Storm, by TrufflesTheMushroom
Tomorrow. Tomorrow, at the precipice of our hope, at the new beginning of our time, we can choose not only to believe in ourselves, but in each other. Tomorrow, there will not be a single person on our shores who shall stand alone. Not tomorrow. Tomorrow we will face the monsters that are at our door and take the fight to them. Tomorrow, we are facing the apocalypse. As one.
Or: Tendo Choi used to coerce every Jaeger Strike Team in the Hong Kong Shatterdome into boosting its dwindling funds with shady black market deals, and this is how he gets everyone to slowly become a family once more as the world faces the re-opening of the Breach and humanity’s darkest hour.
Or: How To Trust When All Seems Hopeless
i forget the difference between seduction and arson, by gyzym
Ignition and cognition.
animals trapped (the cage is full), by liginamite
Because that’s the problem, isn’t it? The world doesn’t have time for affection, for intimacy, for anything more than quickly coming and cleaning off and heading back to work like nothing ever happened.
The Mathematician’s Answer, by ConstanceComment
“Prosper our handiwork; O prosper the work of our hands.” — Psalm 90
People Might Laugh at Your Tattoos, by callmejude
It’s armor.
Conversations You Don’t Know We’re Having, by adventuring
The spleen was doing something very uncooperative now, turning colors no alien spleen was meant to turn, and oh god, was something bubbling? That could not be good. “No, baby, no, I can fix this, I can do better, just give me one more chance,” he begged it, ignoring Hermann’s baffled, “Pardon?” in his ear. He grabbed frantically at the tongs, fumbling them, realized he probably couldn’t fix this situation one-handed, and said to Hermann, “Gotta go, important work to be done.”
“Newton, I swear to you, do not hang up this phone, follow my instructions—”
“No time, man, science is happening,” he said, and then without thought tacked on, “Bye, love you,” and threw the phone in what was likely the direction of his desk, not bothering to end the call. Hermann probably kept talking, but hello, science.
California King, by notastranger
Hermann is not a sleep cuddler. Bummer.
that every man might have need of other, by lymricks
In the few hours it took to reconcile Newton’s gone with Newton left, Hermann had created an elaborate fantasy: Newton kidnapped, Newton taken, Newton needing to be saved. He had not considered that leaving had been Newton’s idea. He had not thought it would be voluntary.
You Lost, Doctor?, by hailtherandom
“The next morning, Hermine goes to work with a clear head. It sticks for all of about thirteen minutes, until Newt walks into the offices in a pair of jeans and an old, threadbare undershirt instead of her usual button-down, and numbers flicker out of Hermine’s mind like lights in a Jaeger. Newt glances up and shoots her a filthy grin, then drops her coat on her desk and pulls out a pair of gloves. Hermine loses whole equations to the kaiju rippling over the muscles in Newt’s forearms.”
Private in Public, by spirogyra
Dr. Newton Geiszler and Dr. Hermann Gottlieb get introduced to life in a shatterdome, and somehow survive showering together for ten years even when they’re on separate continents.
Nightmares, by beckettemory
“Hermann frowned, remembering the bags under Newton’s eyes and the constant bubbling of the coffee maker in the corner brewing pot after pot of strong coffee all day.” ——————- Hermann, sore after a long day, passes the laboratory and realises that, though well into the night, Newton is still working, and has been acting strangely for a few days.
Lights On, by berlynn_wohl
Hermann’s solitude and shame was an immovable object inside him. He had yet to find out that it would soon encounter an unstoppable force.
Not While I’m Around, by callmejude
written for the kinkmeme prompt: In all the years they’ve worked with each other, Hermann can’t remember ever seeing Newt angry - upset and frustrated, maybe, but never angry. Sure, they argue and raise their voices at each other all the time, but that’s just lively intellectual discourse - they’re never really mad at each other. Hermann has always just kind of assumed that Newton is so easy going that nothing can set him off.
And then someone messes with Hermann, and Newton absolutely explodes with rage.
Come Away To The Water, by funnylookingfella
The Kaiju War is over, there are no Jaegers left, the mourning period has passed… but the hive mind lingers.
A Little Friendly Challenge, by moonblossom
Newt knows how to get Hermann to cooperate.
I wear your granddad’s clothes, I look incredible., by notastranger
Newton comes up with what he thinks is a hilarious Halloween costume. Things do not go as planned.
venus in fleurs, by indications
6.7k of boring-ass white boys touchin dicks
so it goes, by liginamite
The world needs Newton Geiszler, and with that thought in mind, it’s Hermann that drifts with the Kaiju instead.
sugar, spice, and graduate programs, by classyfanperson
Newt works at a coffee shop. Hermann is studying abroad at MIT. Pumpkin lattes are good for the soul.
Good Day for Ghosts, by cryogenia
Hermann wakes into the new world, and carries the remains of the old with him.
Equality, by pickleplum
“‘Immediate family only’ is our policy and no amount of yelling at me will change it, Doctor Geiszler. Unless you are Doctor Gottlieb are long-lost brothers, you need to calm down and wait in the reception area or we’ll have to ask you to leave.”
Newt makes a very loud exasperated noise and throws his hands in the air, but turns and marches into the waiting room. He drops himself onto a couch and pulls at his hair in frustration. I’m going to behave, he tells himself firmly. I’m not going to freak out over this total bullshit and get myself tossed out of here. No way. I can do this.
no man is an island, by narcomanic
Running away from the hive mind is easier said than done, especially when you’ve been so clever all your life that you never had to learn how to ask for help.
Time Will Crawl and Our Mouths Run Dry, by hailtherandom
It was Hermann’s idea, oddly enough. Sometimes Newt never quite believes that, thinks he made it up in a dream or a drunken haze, because Hermann, Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, does not suggest things like that. But he did, and Newt laughed in his face, and then blinked a few times and said, “what, really?” “Yes, really,” Hermann said. “It’s logical, Newton, if you take a moment to think about it.” — Hermann and Newt. Mutual handjobs at twenty-one hundred hours every Wednesday and Friday. Slight complications develop.
After Zero, by what_alchemy
The war is over. Hermann and Newt get on with their [sex] lives.
More Than I Can Return, by callmejude
written for the kinkmeme prompt: “Newt likes to flirt with Hermann, the fact that he never flirts back does not discourage him at all. An outsider might think that Newt is foolishly in love with someone who doesn’t care about him back at all. But one day in the lab out of nowhere, Hermann says, "Alright, what if I just bring you off with my hand? Will that make you more bearable?”
Newt’s thrilled and doesn’t miss a beat. “God, Hermann, a handy would be awesome right now! Thanks, man!”, all while he’s unzipping his fly and grabbing the surgical lube for improper use.
From then on they start hooking up whenever it pleases both of them. Sometimes handjobs, sometimes frottage, occasionally one will penetrate the other. But most importantly, Newt never stops calling Hermann “man” or “dude” during the act, and keeps talking as if Hermann was just doing him a mundane favour, or he was doing a favour for Hermann.
It isn’t until they sit on the sofa in Hermann’s room one night, cuddling up and making out after a taxing workday, with no signs of anyone unclothing or unzipping, that Newt thinks maybe affection has something to do with it.“
Jackpot, by notastranger
People say some strange things when coming out of anesthesia.
Cleaning Days, by jotc
All Hermann Gottlieb wanted was a clean lab space of his own.
Feels Like Reckless Driving, by lakehymn
“Did you just say I’m right about something?” Newton asks, feigning shock. Then he lightheartedly elbows Hermann in the ribs and adds, “I always knew you loved me.”
everyone needs a place (it shouldn’t be inside someone else), by orphan_account
His brain goes a gazillion miles an hour in loopy misdirectional circles, and when he dreams he dreams of kaiju biology, of being back in their lab, of sharp elbows in a small bed.
Chatter, by berlynn_wohl
“What do you think? Is today going to be a good day?”
Unhappy Campers (or Why You Can’t Perform CPR on Someone Who’s Still Breathing), by Jenni_Snake
A summer science camp field trip to the mountains. What could be more fun? Probably anything, especially for a group of nerdy science kids.
Hermann Gottlieb’s Stacker Pentecost Obsession Trapper Keeper, by what_alchemy
Hermann has a giant man crush on Stacker.
Newt finds it delightful. Herc, not so much.
what’s your rush, by Byacolate
Summary by me: An elaboration of Hermann and Newt’s relationship before and after the closing of the Breach.
Baby, You’re Hotter than my Bunsen Burner, by SkysongMA
They argue like they breathe—but that’s not all there is to it. Newt flirts, and it’s disgusting.
It’s not that Hermann minds flirting. The Kaidonovskies have propositioned everyone in the PPDC, or so it seems, and Tendo has intimated more than once that he wouldn’t mind spending some time in the lab, “talking numbers.” The Shatterdome is a small place. One has to practice somewhere.
It’s just that Newt is so bad at it.
Becoming History, by Scientia_Fantasia
Sure, the phrase “crotchety old man who obviously pays no attention to the current scientific community” may have snuck its way into one of the letters, but hey, that’s what you get for calling Up-And-Coming Scientific Rockstar Newton Geiszler “some kid.” Like, the guy had it coming. Really.
It Is not Heaven, It Is Home, by bravinto
Finding the love of your life is awfully anticlimactic.
Fleece, by berlynn_wohl
Newt and Hermann enjoy a day of terminally fluffy domesticity, with maybe a few minutes set aside for shenanigans on the sofa. Also, monsters (duh).
For What It’s Worth, I’d Do It Again, by callmejude
Between finding Newton seizing on the floor and running to get Pentecost, Hermann needs to make sure Newton is okay.
The Stretch and Pull of Disused Hearts, by billiethepoet
Newt notices that the move to the Anchorage Shatterdome is affecting Hermann’s leg. So Newt builds him a hot yoga studio out of spare parts and an abandoned storage closet. Obviously.
Best Cock On The Block, by hobbitdragon
They’ve been so close and yet so far for fourteen years now, but the drift is the pebble that starts the avalanche of change. (By which we mean sex)
This started out as a short ficlet and quickly grew beyond ficlet status into a full-blown fic. I guess I really wanted to write more trans smut.
The Seconds In Between, by orphan_account
Sort of a day in the life of Hermann (and Newt, always with Newt). Mostly, I had a lot of tiny little headcanons and then tried to spin them all together in a fic.
hallo mutti, hallo vati, by classyfanperson
Newt and Hermann visit the Gottlieb family after the Breach is closed. Some are happier to see them than others.
The Cost of Craving Dark Instead of Light, by sonnie
Summary by me: Monica Schwartz and her son, Newton. 
The Two Weirdos Who Work In The Lab, by berlynn_wohl
Two vignettes about the worst kept secret in the Shatterdome.
he’s thunderstorms, by mundaneanarchy
Wherein Newt maybe possibly has a teeny tiny itsy bitsy almost microscopic crush on a certain grumpy old mathematician and Hermann falls and can’t get up. Angsty pining ensues. (explicit for chapter 2)
Never Done with Killing Time, by orphan_account
In between one day and the next, there’s always some time for some loving.
Quantum Degeneracy, by trell
Newt makes a sound from where he’s hidden behind his kaiju, behind his arms, and then he croaks, "I can’t play anymore.”
Hermann’s eyes flick to the electric keyboard sitting near Newt’s desk—a paper-covered, disorganized disaster of a thing—and he says, quietly, “Ah.”
the best laid plans, by liginamite
The plan, you see, was to totally sex Hermann up immediately after the world was saved. But you know that old saying about well-laid plans.
Generated Affects, by trell
Twelve is you washing your hands ten times up to the elbow in the space of the half an hour you spend prepping kaiju entrails for long-term cryo. It’s him that stops you, him that struggles over to the sink on his cane and grabs you by the wrists, hands fitting perfectly over the open maws of Hundun and Yamarashi, and he says “Stop,” and “Newton, think, this isn’t like you, it is like—” and the me hangs unspoken but you get it, let him guide you over to a bench in the lab and force you to sit still long enough to tone down the compulsion.
five times newt proposed to hermann and the one time he said yes, by mundaneanarchy
title is self explanatory.
alternate title: the fear of falling apart
warning: cheesy and kinda dumb
macho dudes in lace undies, by mundaneanarchy
Summary by me: Newt, Hermann and a lingerie kink.
one last kiss while we’re far too young to die, by mundaneanarchy
Newt and Hermann meet, fall in love, hate each other, lose each other, find each other, kiss drunkenly, save/destroy the world, and get married. All in that order.
it is one way to live, by fuckener
Newt would stay stuck in the wartime if nobody tried pulling him out of it.
Black Velvet Rabbits rockstar AU, by spirogyra
Summary by me: In which Hermann is the number one fan of Newt’s rock band, The Black Velvet Rabbits.
Sea Swept, by cypress_tree
A high seas fantasy AU in which Hermann is a ship’s navigator and Newton is found washed up among flotsam.
there are no atheists in foxholes, by liginamite
Newt and Hermann have been feeling off since they helped to cancel the apocalypse. They’re losing time, long black-outs, periods of aggression. The feeling that there’s something else, something they can’t pin down.
The thing is, the Kaiju drift left something behind in the both of them, and it’s determined to get out.
Can’t Wait for You to Shut Me Up, by callmejude
written for the kink meme prompt: “Hermann tells Newt to shut up, Newt tells Hermann to make him. They make out. That’s the prompt.”
(That may have been the prompt but I admit to it going much further than that.)
Dead Letter Chorus, by QuokkaFoxtrot
It’s if you’ve never heard anything true. But we will try 'til the next time or the last time. Dead Letter Chorus - You Am I
Newt owns a coffee shop. Hermann is a tenured professor at the local university. Their relationship has its ups and downs.
Also: Chuck is a champion barista, Mako is a world travelling Direct Trade negotiator, Stacker and Herc play a lot of chess, and Tendo owns Shatterdome Records.
Much coffee is consumed. (Except by Hermann who is a priss about how his tea should be prepared.)
bones, sinking like stones, by mundaneanarchy
You don’t love him. You don’t love him even though you do, you know you do, you know you do so much it hurts, but you don’t.
have yourself a merry little christmas, by classyfanperson
Hermann isn’t going home for Hanukkah, so Newt insists they both visit his family back home. They continue to not talk about their feelings.
Or: A Very Geiszler Christmas.
Newton Geiszler’s 11 Ways to Save the World, by kaijukonjou
Keep to yourself, keep your chin up, and maybe you’ll make it out in one piece.
Five Times Newt And Hermann Kiss While They Are Drunk, by luceluceluceluce
A brief timeline of the apocalypse from the perspective of a pair of nerds: a story of science, alcohol, and love.
Become What We’ve Always Been, by irisbleufic
Hermann doesn’t have enough time to experience a crisis over Newton’s response to his unvoiced request; he’s drifting into that self-same lethargy, eyelids heavy, his arm across the cane gone slack.
it wouldn’t be make believe, by infinituity
“By the way, dude,” he says, and he reaches down both to grab his notepad as well as to avoid looking at Hermann, “my parents think we’re dating.”
Instead of the expected angry yelling, he gets only silence in response, so he looks up to see Hermann opening his mouth to speak, reconsidering, closing it, and repeating. After several more repeats than strictly necessary, he sighs and slumps down in his seat.
“Of course they do,” he says.
sweet as anything, by classyfanperson
Newt is embarrassed about certain aspects of her body. Hermine is considerably more enthusiastic.
The Statistics of Touch, by WheresPeebs
Alternate Title: If You Would Just Stop Interrupting Each Other, Everything Would Be Worked Out in the First Friggin’ Paragraph.
Hermann is uncomfortable with public displays of… well, anything. It causes problems.
First, by cypress_tree
Newt and Hermann’s first time is Newt’s first first time.
Roses are red, and if that’s kaiju blue so help me Newton, by unnecessary
Summary by me: Newton and Hermann have some communication problems. 
point me in the direction of the last setting sun, by orphan_account
They were two women standing against the end of the world.
Urine Trouble, by kinkitsecretkinkitsafe
Hermann has a thing for watersports. Newt finds out.
breathing free and even, by classyfanperson
He’s working on it. They’re working on it.
High-Five for Hatesex, by kinkitsecretkinkitsafe
Summary by me: Newton has a thing for Hermann and justifies it as hate!sex. He might be wrong.
Counterpoint, by kinkitsecretkinkitsafe
Summary by me: Sequel to High-Five for Hatesex.
a thousand spiders down the drain, by Byacolate
Children can be so cruel to boys who pick flowers.
Secret Agent Scientist, by Malteaser
Written for the prompt: Hermann, secret badass; He has something cool like a fencing saber installed in his cane and when someone fucks with them he kicks their ass and keeps talking like nothing happened.
A Little Kindness Goes a Long Way, by patster223
Newt liked to purposefully annoy Hermann in order to get rough sex. Which worked out great, until Hermann found out about it and decided to punish Newt by giving him excruciatingly nice sex.
cross my heart and take me with you, by drashian
The first time Hermann meets Newton Geiszler, they are pleasant with each other for about 10 minutes until suddenly they’re duking it out about Hermann’s theories of transdimensional transport.
The second time Hermann meets Newton Geiszler, they just start yelling.
The third time Hermann meets Newton Geiszler, it is in the toxic blue haze of the Drift.
Anthology ‘Verse (& Related Errata), by irisbleufic
Summary by me: a study of the relationship between Hermann and Newt, from the beginning to the future.
Parallax / Perihelion, by irisbleufic 
Parallax—the apparent displacement of an observed object due to a change in the position of the observer; from the Greek, παράλλαξις (“alteration”). / Perihelion—the point in the orbit of an asteroid, comet, planet, or other celestial body where it is nearest to the sun (again from the Greek, περιήλιο).
One-Week Rule, by irisbleufic
Somebody’s got a stick up his theoretical vortex. Starting this off with a bang?
We’re Revolutionaries Now, by AxolotlQueen
One really shouldn’t attempt to cut one’s own hair.
(Or, Hermione Gottlieb gives herself a bad haircut and Newton Geiszler helps out.)
Newton Geiszler and His Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Interns, by cambion and casdere
“I know, it’s all a bit silly,” he admits.
“You always get a bit silly about your crushes, yeah?” She teases easily, and Hermann nearly spits out his mouthful of soup. Jasmine gives him another concerned look, but he waves her away.
“Vanessa, can you please not,” he hisses under his breath, and she laughs with the phone pulled away from her face, sounding like distant bells, and he feels taken back to high school, and remembers the fumbling idiocy of his crush on her, and knows immediately she is right, and he ought to give up the fight. He has a crush, an honest to God crush, and at his age! He knows, surely, it started with his fascination of the man’s intellect, but he also knows how quickly and easily he was drawn into his off-kilter charisma, as well.
or: hermann and newt are college professors, newt is working on his sixth doctorate, hermann is nursing a nasty crush, and i fit way too much into one chapter
scene after scene, by drashian
Everything had been banking on the world ending.
It doesn’t end, though, and that leaves everyone with this big hole where the future they didn’t plan for suddenly stretches ahead of them.
Newt struggles and reaches to fill that hole, and comes up with two things: Hermann Gottlieb and a cross-country road trip.
Chalk It Up To Love, by patster223
Newt replaced all of Hermann’s white pieces of chalk with pink ones. Or: the one in which chalk is a form of courtship, Hermann is head-over-heels, and somehow the entire Shatterdome gets involved.
The Apple In Our Hands, by irisbleufic
Summary: 1950!AU in which Newt is a cryptozoologist trying to find the Loch Ness monster, Hermann is more or less the same, and they have to share a cabin in Scotland.
Ice to Meet You, by patster223
Hermann is eating a rather phallic-looking popsicle and Newt is pretty sure he might actually die from sexual frustration.
In Sweden, and Elsewhere, by rillrill
Newt had just thrown down his end of the half-assembled bookshelf and shouted, “Whatever! It still makes no sense that two acclaimed and accomplished scientists with the combined brainpower of four average adults can’t put together a goddamn shelf!” Because, seriously, he can build an improvised neural bridge out of old lab machinery and an ancient Mr. Coffee, but he’s undone by three missing pegs? Fuck this.
Newt and Hermann rebuild, relocate, accept the Nobel Prize for Physics, fight over furniture, and strive to carve out a space for themselves in a world where they’re inextricably linked - in the the press, in their personal lives, and in their own heads.
Magic and Progress, by patster223
The Hogwarts AU in which Newt is a wizard, Hermann is a Muggle, and somehow they manage to save the world and love each other anyway.
Self-Destruct, by pinkmoon
“He learns how to never be wrong. He learns how to be indispensable. He realizes it makes him unstoppable.
Newton Geiszler is one tick away from self-destructing for the rest of his life.”
A character study of Newt’s lifetime of risky behavior and predilection for taking risks of the “rock star” sort. (Spanning many years, continents, arguments, and accidents, but landing, unexpectedly, in a happy ending.)
Today Your Barista Is: Hella Fucking Gay, by unnecessary
Hermann is a professor. The barista at the coffee shop across the street is cute and very, very single.
It is inevitable, really.
Predictable, by cypress_tree
It’s a movie date, but they’re not really watching the movie.
Adventures In Knitting, by decadent_mousse
Newt decides to knit Hermann a sweater, with… mixed results.
You’ve Taken A Pizza My Heart, by decadent_mousse
Hermann and Newt are so busy with work, they don’t get much time to go out to dinner, so Newt decides to improvise.
Fear of a Name, by uhnonniemiss
Newt and Hermann never could decide on how to define what they are to each other. It takes several years, thousands of kisses, a vat of acid, a big fight, and a sunny Boston evening to help them choose.
every day I fight a war against the mirror, by thekaidonovskys
“It came at a price,” he says. “To understand them, I had to learn how to fear them.”
Cut to the Chase, by patster223
Hermann needs a haircut. He does not need the cute hairdresser to flirt with him, he does not need a scalp massage, and he does not need anything trendy or stylish done to his hair.
Thankfully, these are things that happen anyway. Barbershop AU, featuring hairdresser!Newt and smitten!Hermann.
The Sublime, by Lucretius
The waves are coming closer to them now, and yes, the tide is coming to them with crescendo crashes.
The white fringe of sea is mere fathoms away.
“Can we?” Hermann asks.
And it is the question that one asks because, the choice having been made in what feels like another lifetime, now, for the first time, there is someone here, here, right here—who can see a way of being and seeing long dormant under so many layers of performing and seeming.
Recover, by irisbleufic
You’re my new favorite blanket. Come inside?
Untoward, by LemonScience33
Newton licks his bottom lip. “Maybe, um…” he says.
Newton doesn’t continue. Hermann wills his breathing to remain steady. “Yes?”
Newton shrugs casually. “Maybe we could give each other a hand,” he says. “Just two friends… you know, helping each other out.”
Knocking Socks, by decadent_mousse
Hermann and Newt go sock-shopping.
Listening, by cypress_tree
Newt has a dirty talk kink, and Hermann has a really nice voice.
Act Together, by irisbleufic
“You know I’m only a liar when it matters, right?”
You + Me = Happiness ², by steviekat
The thing is, Newt had never really put much thought into the future. The future of K-Science? Sure! Her own? To be fair, this probably better than anything she could have imagined.
Got Your Back, by Doooooooom
The workload is taking its toll on Hermann’s shoulders. Luckily, Newt is a dab hand at shoulder massages.
That’s one way to shut you up, by offensiveagentpie
Based on this fanart by pixiepunch.
Hermann tries a new tactic to get Newt to be quiet for once.
wash us away, by thekaidonovskys
Thank god Hermann undresses after he’s entered the bathroom, or else walking in to find Newt sitting on the bench top would have been much much worse.
visions are seldom what they seem, by mundaneanarchy
Hermann likes Tchaikovsky. Newt likes Hermann.
The Sun On Your Face (I’m Freezing That Frame), by irisbleufic
“Hate to break it to you,” Newton whispers, kissing Hermann’s neck with a happy sigh before letting his head drop to rest against Hermann’s shoulder, “but we’re busted in five, four, three—”
“Your ass is mine, Geiszler!” shouts Officer Hak, barging into the lab. “You too, Doctor Gottlieb. If you think you can get off so easy—”
The Good Old Days, by decadent_mousse
Hermann and Newt go scavenging for supplies during a blackout and get more than they bargained for.
A Proper Family Christmas, by uhnonniemiss
When Hermann ends up in the medical wing, he looks all set to spend Christmas by himself. Not if Newt gets a say in it, though.
Or, in which adopted and blood family save the Holidays
The Friendmas Ficlet Collection, by cypress_tree
A collection of five unrelated ficlets written as Christmas gifts for friends:
geniusbee: Hermann hurt/comfort patster223: Hermann wearing nail polish thehorrorinsymmetry: Hermann in lingerie bravinto: belly rubs decadentmousse: Harvest Moon AU
Aftershocks, by tastewithouttalent
“Hermann has to stumble away because the Drift is still too fresh and he can’t tell the heat of Newton’s body apart from his own anymore.” The impact of the Drift hits Hermann, and he and Newt don’t make it back to the laboratory.
Au Naturel, by decadent_mousse
Newt gives Hermann a wake up call during a very boring meeting.
Fortune’s Favor, by tamerofdarkstars
In which there is kissing, the end of the world, the subsequent salvation of the world, and more kissing.
Fills Trope_Bingo: Round 4 - Celebratory Kiss
Bump in the Night, by unicornsandbutane
Newt’s made a mistake, and it’s really a subjective matter whether it was a poor decision altogether or just a mere miscalculation. Regardless, he is forced to phone Hermann in the middle of the night, to deal with the consequences.
But the Gesture is Ruined, by cypress_tree
Five times Hermann tried to be romantic, one time he succeeded without even meaning to. A K-Sci romcom, basically.
Strange Bedfellows, by decadent_mousse
When Hermann and Newt first arrive at the Hong Kong Shatterdome, a paperwork mix-up forces them to share a room for awhile.
followed your ashes into outer space, by parpar
The numbers of the War Clock ticked down to zero, and the resulting euphoria was thick as smoke in the air. The assortment of PPDC members and civilian contractors were in an uproar, and Hermann and Newton made their way down the LOCCENT steps to stand in the midst of it.
When Tendo had finally managed to get Mako and Raleigh to stop hugging and cooperate with the rescue team, Newton had leaned his forehead into the curve of Hermann’s shoulder.
“We actually pulled it off,” he had whispered. “We did it, holy shit, it’s over.” Hermann had gracefully ignored the tears soaking into his collar and patted his colleague on the back while he pulled himself together.
Occupational Hazard, by decadent_mousse
Hermann overworks himself and gets a migraine.
In Space No One Can Hear You Mop, by decadent_mousse
Hermann and Newt are janitors sent to a derelict ship to clean things up after a group of aliens massacred the entire crew… but are they the only ones on board?
Liminality, by what_alchemy
What we know, after.
Fortuna Favet, by Mipeltaja
Newton seemed to think one could invoke good fortune simply by being bold enough or loud enough, a notion Hermann found utterly ridiculous.
It wasn’t that Hermann didn’t believe chance could on occasion work in his favour, it was just that life had taught him not to rely on it.
Brainspace and Kinkspace, by Emmalyn
Summary by me: Newt and Hermann exploring some of the delights of kinky sex.
Desperate Times, by decadent_mousse
Newt finds Hermann in a terrible state.
Matchsnaking, by patster223
There is a snake in Hermann’s apartment. This is not how he wanted to start his day.
Apartment neighbors AU where Newt’s snake keeps sneaking into Hermann’s apartment.
Put a Pin in That, by unicornsandbutane
Newt tries to convince Hermann to participate in a charity event. What ensues might be classed as ‘hijinks’, ‘shenanigans’, or ‘hilarity’, depending upon your perspective.
Remains, by berlynn_wohl
Newt and Hermann wrap Christmas presents and talk about death.
You Love Me Not, by mundaneanarchy
A story of love and coping with love told from the second-person perspective of Newt.
Newt loves Hermann and Hermann loves Newt but sometimes it’s not that easy.
Statiscally Significant Other, by unicornsandbutane
Flattery will get you everywhere.
Or, the fic computerbaby on tumblr requested, in which Newt compliments Hermann and Hermann is really really into it.
Pasta Aisle, by cypress_tree
Hermann and Newt meet for the first time in a grocery store. Hermann helps Newt grab something off a high shelf. Newt takes offense.
Disconnect, Connect Again, by cypress_tree
Raising Newt Geiszler has never been easy. Seeing him fall in love can be harder.
The development of Newt and Hermann’s relationship, from Jacob Geiszler’s point-of-view.
Spaces Between, by adropofred
Newt had not realised, somehow, that the world not ending would mean it would stubbornly keep on turning without waiting for him to catch up.
So what? He’s a scientist. He’ll do some catching up of his own and lose himself in the labyrinth of his and Hermann’s brains and their bodies.
This is absolutely not to be considered hiding, not that they can hide much anymore.
The Six Million Pillows Man, by adropofred
As it turns out, Hermann’s room is nothing special. His bed, on the other end, is very, very special.
Of course, Newt wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t find a way to turn this revelation into a situation where he could put his foot in his mouth.
Time For You and Time For Me, by patster223
A collection of Newmann prompts that I’ve filled on my tumblr. Contains: AUs, pining, flirting, bickering, several chapters of Hermann’s filthy exhibitionist kink, and two nerds learning to love each other in as many ways as possible.
The Beholder, by ItsClydeBitches
Written for the Newmann-uendo Hurt/Comfort challenge.
Hermann is feeling pretty insecure about his body. He’s unattractive. That’s a fact. Luckily Newton Geiszler’s number one law is still in place:
Hermann Gottlieb is ALWAYS wrong.
we’ll leave our tracks untraceable, by confused_android
When she steps off the plane in Logan International, something tight in her shoulders cracks, loosens, and she shakes free the last barb the PPDC had through her spine, through her brain, keeping her tense and wary for most of a decade. She yanks her heavy suitcase off of the carousel, identifiable by the years of layered duct tape repairing a seam that could once have been stitched, and flags the first taxi that will stop for her.
Permanent Ink, by mundaneanarchy
Inspired by this piece of fanart (http://rockstar-ologist.tumblr.com/post/126950663313) by rockstar-ologist
Newt gets Hermann’s initials tattooed on his hand. A month into their relationship. Hermann isn’t too happy about it.
Castaways’ Window, by Chancy_Lurking
“There are no words for the thoughts he has in that moment, because they are not his thoughts.”
Rings, by perniciousLizard
Three scenes, post movie. They’re happy.
Right Hand: Heart, by QuokkaFoxtrot
Two beers. That was all it took these days.
Dance In The Graveyards, by LemonScience33
As they round the next corner and lights come on, Newt’s first thought is, This had better be worth it, because we’re definitely gonna get caught.
His second thought is, That is the skull of Otachi’s baby, with lights strung over it.
His third thought is, This is definitely worth it.
Sweater Wars, by paenteom
Hermann takes his fashion illiteracy to new, festive levels. Newt is forced to retaliate.
Die Musik Kommt, by romangold
Maybe everyone’s drowning in the day, the night, memories and regrets and guilts, in relief, in pure, unadulterated happiness. Maybe they’re all dying.
Hermann finds Newt after the apocalypse is cancelled, and the two realize that perhaps they aren’t so toxic together after all.
Nigel, by uhnonniemiss
A particularly harsh snowstorm has brought the boiler- and Hermann- to a standstill.
(My piece for the 2015 Pacrim Holiday Swap!)
Etude, Op. 25 No. 12, by romangold
The climax always resolves to major, no matter how many times you play the piece. And the heroes always win, despite the amount of times you rewind to the beginning or fast-forward to the end.
sharing half our genes, and nothing in between, by getmean
“Christ, Hermann, is this a letterman jacket?” Newt cried, spinning and holding it up with a level of glee he hadn’t reached since he got that salivary gland from Mutavore. “How cliché can you get?”
Plausible Possibility, by cissues
Newt and Hermann experience some odd post-drift effects.
mountains sunk below the sea, by getmean
Newton has been, and always will be, what his father calls a ‘tough nut to crack’, but has an element of horrifying vulnerability that makes Hermann’s skin crawl. He selfishly likes Newton best when all his walls are intact.
netflix and chill, by w0rm
Hermann does the Netflix, Newt does the chill.
How to Deal with Accidental Neural Oversharing and Other Scientific Conundrums, by yourguardianangel
The world has not ended. Operation Pitfall is successful. Celebrations are had. But how are two snarky scientists meant to cope with having way too much of each others internal monologues retroactively overlaid with their own memories?
(with smut, that’s how.)
It’s All Good, by spirogyra
Thoughtless words, hurt feelings, cryptic statements, the drift makes things easier and more difficult, but in the end… it’s all good.
追伸, by lamphouse
“If I recall correctly, this is the man who confessed to wanting a pet Godzilla for his twentieth birthday, is it not? Glass houses, Dr. Geiszler.”
It takes two months for Newton Geiszler to fall in love. It takes thirty months, around two hundred letters, several time zones, and two missed-ish connections for him to actually admit it.
it’s alright, don’t you let it inside, by areunasty
They’re taking Gipsy Danger out for a trial run, and Newt watches with mild interest as the mech slices cleanly through the ocean. He thinks that if he was that big anything would be easy. Loving someone difficult, being loved, the quiet and painful twist of Hermann’s mouth whenever he looks at Newt recently.
The Price of Ghost Drifting, by confettiinmyhair
Newt is home early. Hermann has a surprise.
concentric circles, by lamphouse
It’s times like these that Hermann finds himself checking and double-checking his list of reasons why he works at the library. It’s also times like these that prove why nowhere on said list does it mention the people he works with.
The Boyfriend Experience, by berylnn_wohl
In the Shatterdome, Hermann confesses his disappointment that his and Newt’s relationship lacks romance. After the war is over, Newt vows to spend one year righting this wrong as they travel the world together on a lecture tour.
Everything We Never Said, by JennaCupcakes
Newt has a few regrets about his drift with Hermann. Namely, that he’s had a crush on the guy for a while and really doesn’t want him to find out.
Echoes in the Well of Silence, by unicornsandbutane
Hermann can hear Newton through the ducts.
Wishbone, by cypress_tree
Hermann doesn’t have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving, so Newt invites him over for food, family, and a little bit of flirting. Just a warm, fuzzy college AU to get you through the holidays.
Do Scientists Dream of Cloned Sheep?, by paenteom
Newt fumbles with the key card before he finally manages to swipe it, throws the door open and freezes.
There’s only one bed.
It’s massive, and covered in the fluffiest blanket he has ever seen, but it’s undeniably singular.
“Uh,” he says. “Awkward.”
Laughter, Confession, by cypress_tree
He’s nervous and awkward and he’s afraid he’ll mess up, but god, he wants this so bad.
Proving a Point, by steampunkepsilon
Newt thinks Hermann is a shy, reserved, vanilla kind of guy. Newt is wrong, and Hermann has sources.
Slumber Sequence, by strigine
Summary by me: Newton and Hermann’s sleeping habits.
Clean Clock, by cissues
'“So, you’re that guy, huh?” The man says, finally. He has his back to the newly emptied and even more newly dirtied sink and Hermann’s gaze is fixated on the encrusted plates and wine-stained glassware.’
Or, where Hermann is a hermit and also a clean freak with messy roommates.
Linguistics, by cypress_tree
Literally just a thousand words of Newt masturbating while listening to Hermann give an interview on a podcast.
i ain’t holy, i ain’t close, by queenofthestarrrs
The end of the world feels like home.
tell me you’ll love me for a million years, by buckgaybarnes
Hermann is working late, so Newt decides to be a great husband and tackle their chores. He mostly succeeds.
lost connection, by orphan_account
When the Shatterdome stays open for continuing research, the K-Science team realizes they’ll actually have to deal with the after-effects of their Drift.
Trial and Error, by cypress_tree
A romantic comedy of errors in which Newt and Hermann try to spice things up….and fail spectacularly.
Mixed Signals, by SkysongMA
After the Drift, Hermann starts having sex dreams.
Newt’s sex dreams.
That are all about Hermann.
Oh Mein Me, by junkiechurch
You wonder how a heart like his could ever love a man like you.
clothes (or a lack thereof), by orphan_account
Once the war is over, Hermann and Newt move in together. Newt realizes how little clothing they actually own.
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Meesa been a dipshit, Perry the Platypus!
(I was gonna just edit my sidebar for this information but there’s some sort of HTML error with hyperlinks that I can’t seem to fix because I don’t remember how to Tumblr, so here’s a post instead)
I am just back real quick to clear a few things up. One thing I’m not clearing up is my reputation, which is very deservedly not so great 
Here’s the deal. This blog is a museum of cringe and rather than deleting it, I'm going to leave it here as an example of what not to do/how not to act/etc. A lot of times I was really positive, and it was genuine! That’s fine. But... A lot of times I was really negative, and it was also genuine. That’s not fine. Negativity is always a two-way street, no matter who ‘starts it’. Point is, it’s really important to control how much of yourself and your views you show to a group of people or a community, and I failed to do that. It’s really important to separate how people see you from who you are, and I also failed to do that. It’s really important to be able to comprehend criticism of behavior just as well as you can comprehend criticism of media, and I failed to do that. It’s really important to remember that negativity rots your brain and your soul no matter what’s ‘right or wrong’ about whatever situation is negative, and I failed to remember that! 
(’keep reading’ link on account of a sensitive topic mentioned, see tags for warnings) 
So, I spent all of these years refusing to tell anyone in the community that I’m a CSA and sexual assault survivor and that this is what the sexual shit was about. (There are a lot of reasons, but I think the main one was that I didn’t want to deal with the excessive sympathy from some people contrasted with excessive hatred from other people. I just wanted to be a run-of-the-mill NSFW writer, not someone capital-W-capital-C Writing to Cope... which is the truth.) Well, ‘about’ meaning I started down that path to cope and it grew from there. Obviously I was not writing jokey NSFW tales for coping, those came later after I’d successfully gotten a handle on how to feel ‘normal’ (meaning comfortable, I guess) about sex. 
I sometimes wonder if I should have been open with people about this from the start, but I’ve also heard the opinion that survivors don’t ever owe anyone that detail (the victim status) -- and while I’ve long felt ‘on the fence’ between those two options -- especially after I had other victims get mad at me over the fact that I hide it -- I’m leaning more toward the latter opinion now. IMO it doesn’t need to be anyone’s business if someone has been raped, regardless of what media the person creates. This is just my opinion of course. 
Back in September I briefly revealed my victim status but received immediate hateful backlash for it and deleted the posts. In hindsight I don’t think this was a true reflection of how people see survivors in cases like mine, even on Tumblr; rather, it was a fluke chunk of people who were probably the same person, or fewer than they seemed. I still believe that the majority of people are understanding toward survivors, even those who ‘don’t fit the social narrative’ or however people want to phrase it. If anyone wants to, for the sake of... anything I guess, the edited/redacted posts are still in the September text post archive; only the direct disclosure ones were deleted. 
I’ve decided to permanently come clean about my victim status because I am tired of feeling like I am lying by omission, and the majority of my bridges are either burned or nonfunctioning now anyway. So there’s that fact, maybe it will make my tonally and topically awkward presence in this community make more sense, if not then aight 
Back on track: Overall, make sure you don't give energy back at -- or otherwise contribute to -- drama in Internet communities, because it can mess up one’s life big time. I learned the hard way, so please don't learn it yourself the hard way; instead use people like me as an example and avoid making these mistakes. All of my worst mistakes are right here on this blog and public, and I did it to myself by both taking others’ bait for negativity and contributing my own original negativity; what’s in common between those types is that I could have stopped both of the patterns by doing nothing. I hope something constructive can come for somebody else from my leaving this blog as-is; look through it, see how I overshared about my life and feelings, see how I’d fluctuate between ‘totally fine for months’ and ‘snaps all of a sudden’, see how I gave the SCP community too much of myself and thus became someone who takes everything too personally for his own good... and keep in mind how that all came across despite the fact that I had good intentions. Intentions don’t mean shit, sadly, if behavior doesn’t reflect it. Making enemies easily is a curse, but it’s a curse the affected person can remove if they make the effort. I should’ve made the effort. 
If anybody wants to chat or wants additional context or whatevs, my Discord is Cyantreuse#6266. (Obligatory warning that I don’t always reply quickly because I’m running errands/working.) 
I won’t rule out using this blog again one day, but at this time I don’t want to have a platform readily available where I can spew whatever I want at a couple thousand people at any given time, because that’s the circumstance I put myself in for years and it made me act a dipshit on too many occasions. While I think I’ve learned how I fucked up, I don’t yet trust myself enough to have the resource available beyond making this one post about the relevant issues at hand. Right now I use Reddit; I am fond of it because the comment voting thing is an ever-present reminder that there are repercussions for what people say -- conversation format is important, and I do sometimes wonder how I’d have turned out if I’d learned how to Internet in threaded conversations instead of in reblog chains.
Please do reach out on Discord if you wish, though know I’m only giving that because I am about to log right back out after I hit post and not look at my blog again for however long it takes me to feel like a stable person -- just don’t want to permanently ghost everybody either.
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cyberneticlagomorph · 6 years
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Wonderland & Underland
ok it’s been a long while since I've done one of these so forgive me if I’m a bit rusty. But that’s all unimportant.
Let’s get this started shall we?
EDIT: THIS POSTED ENDED UP 5 MILES LONG SOMEHOW I’M SO SORRY…
Some background:
Wonderland is a country on Fairyland, a planet in another solar system in another dimension accessible by most any manner of portal. 
Fairyland is a pretty silly name for it, its original name is Alfheim and it has been home to the majority of fae kind for millennia
Fairyland/Alfheim was founded by the First Fae, the literal first faeries ever born.
The First Fae were descended from literal stars, void, stone and raw wild magic floating around out  in space
They found Fairyland when it was just a barren planetoid with no star to orbit and terraformed it with magic, afterwards they stole some other planets to form a solar system, made their own star and boom called it home
Fairyland was eventually overrun by True Royals, the offspring of Elder Gods and Fae. 
It was rough and sent a lot of First Fae into hiding, before they could be hunted down and murdered 
Jack, Alice, and the Red Queen are all related. Alice is Jack’s grandmother on his mom’s side and the Red Queen is Jack’s great-grandmother on his father’s side (it’s complicated, time fuckery happened at one point)
if u have questions abt fairyland (or anything else for that matter) please ask, not a lot abt it will be covered in this post for time’s sake tbh?
ok so, the history of wonderland:
wonderland was “founded” (read: stolen from the First Fae) by an Elder God by the name of the Lifeblood
The lifeblood is the goddess of carnal desires (lust/love/sex), blood, (re)birth, hearts, fertility, and chaos
she founded wonderland but immediately gave it up to her 4 true royal children as a gift
Dusk (eldest, Queen of Spades), Clover (second eldest, prince of clubs), Shard (third oldest, prince of diamonds), and Diamour (Youngest, Queen of hearts)
All but the queen of spades previously held the title prince(ss)
Each had their particular peculiar “collection”
Hearts collected cores (the metaphysical “heart” of one’s soul where emotions are kept), dyed her clothing in the blood of her enemies, made a show of her brutality by beheading people in public 
Clubs was almost gentle, loved pets of all kinds (even sapient ones) and had a vast menagerie, he fed those that displeased him to his creatures 
Diamonds was a creature of greed and excess, everything he owned was gilded and golden, if it was expensive and strange he wanted it but quickly grew bored with his new playthings, he had the bodies of his enemies dipped in molten gold while they were still living and kept them as statues in his gardens
Spades... Spades was vitriol and death wrapped in calm smiles and offerings of tea. Cool and calculating, she studied combat, war, the arts, medicine and necromancy alongside her "womanly duties". She took a husband young and let him think he ran the show, she killed him a dozen times over until there was nothing left but screeching essence
wonderland was prosperous for awhile until Princess Diamour learned just how small a fourth was and decided that she wanted the whole country and killed her siblings one by one
Presumably she was under the control of the Wyrm Tyrant, an ancient Dracolich that wanted/still wants to take over the world and isn’t above commiting and number of atrocities to do it (it’s “dead” now, more accurately it’s a disembodied consciousness under heavy guard locked away in Hel but it still has reach and influence but that’s another post in itself)
After disposing of her siblings, Diamour crowned herself Queen and reshaped the country in her image and anyone who dared oppose her was beheaded in public as an example
Everyone else in the country was subject to Diamour’s Charm, an ability found in most True Royals to manipulate the emotions of their victims, after all it’s hard to commit regicide if you love your Queen so much you’d die for her
Overuse of Charm can cause withdrawal symptoms, or even brain damage
Wonderland was widely considered place of "madness" which could both be attributed to Queen Diamour overusing her Charm and the flagrant shows of decadence and sexuality that might have startled any human visitors
The Bloody Queen of Hearts was eventually usurped by a young Witch named Alice and a band of freedom fighters
The country was ravaged by war, and then ravaged by the Lifeblood who turned it into a wasteland after Diamour was presumed dead
Diamour was not dead, just locked away with other Royals in a complex prison-lock to protect the Looking Glass
The Looking Glass was a relic, an item made from the body parts of an elder god or true royal, that could peer through time and space and thus gave Diamour (and previously Dusk) a huge military advantage over her neighbors. As if having a monopoly on agriculture wasn't enough.
The present-ish:
Jack eventually opened the prison lock, killing the trapped royals and destroying the Looking Glass (there was a whole event about it awhile back that I need to go find and like… tag or something)
Diamour escaped and hid herself inside his body, gathering her strength and biding her time, eventually turning his heart into a soulstone crystal and enchanting it to be her phylactery
She later made herself a body using his blood (this was also a Big Thing that i actually DID tag, you can read it HERE)
After getting her ass handed to her by Jack several times she slunk away to some unknown region and really hasn’t been seen until recently
Since opening the prison-lock jack has been carefully rebuilding wonderland from the ground up and ruling it as Prince Regent 
Diamour, now “affectionately” nicknamed Queenie, has built her own kingdom in the abandoned catacombs and buried First Fae castles far below wonderland
Ok now that i have you all up to speed, lemme get down to the real nitty-gritty
Wonderland NOW:
Obligatory Pinterest board so you can understand the aesthetic better
Now that it’s under jack’s control it’s a lot softer than it used to be
Surrounded by a giant living wall made of magical metal and thorns  
Populated almost solely by test subjects jack saved from delta facility, some Andrids and a few other people that decided that they wanted to live there
More technologically advanced than it was in the past, earthly cars have been converted to run on liquid magic instead of gas, there are condensers that suck ambient magic out of the air and turn it into a more usable liquid form
The architecture is more or less the same it was when Diamour ruled, very one with nature, hard to spot from the air unless you know what you’re looking for. 
Houses built into trees/mushrooms or underground as burrows
Lots and lots of plants, GIANT plants, thanks to the volcanic ash and old magic in the soil even the most mundane plants get MASSIVE if planted in wonderland
Oh yeah wonderland sits on top of a mostly dormant-ish volcano, there are hotsprings scattered all over the place and the beaches have black sand but it hasn’t erupted in millennia so it’s fine… probably
The crater left over from the last time the volcano erupted is now an inland sea of considerable size that provides seafood and salt to the rest of wonderland
Has the potential to be an agricultural powerhouse if jack can ever get the hang of food production on such a massive scale
There’s a railway but it’s in serious need of repair and renovation
Jack promotes the worship of the Lifeblood since she IS a fertility goddess and doesn’t really ask much besides a few (animal) sacrifices in her name
Wonderland’s main exports are: tea, flowers, tobacco products, hemp, mushrooms, sea food, sea salt, silk, wool, honey, milk, fruits, vegetables, and a few exclusive things like jubjub bird eggs, tulgey wood, tulgey seed oil, and raw magical energy
Underland:
Obligatory Pinterest board so you can understand the aesthetic better
Created by diamour after she realized that it’d be way too much trouble to fight jack for control of wonderland
Effectively “wonderland 2” as far as Diamour is concerned
Located below wonderland the abandoned catacombs, caverns, lava tubes and buried First Fae castles literally under the land
Diamour no longer uses her Charm to help her rule, and has stopped brutally murdering people that disagree with her (for now)
It is unknown if she has turned over a new leaf or if she's just biding her time
Surrounded by old mines and mineshafts that allow eerily complete access to much of the surface, allowing Diamour and her followers to bounce around wonderland totally unseen
Populated by any number of folks descended from the original wonderlandians, succubi/incubi, goblins,vampires, and just anyone who’s looking for a good time
A giant, near-constant bacchanal (her mom is the goddess of carnal desires after all)
A lot of their tech is goblin in nature, specifically earthborn goblins that know how to keep up with things. That is to say, kingdom-wide Wifi babes.
Architecture is a little showy, most structures are carved from the surrounding stone and accented with metals and gems of varying worth. Sure paint is cheaper but the gems and metal shine in whatever light is present and make a bigger statement 
A lot of buildings are built into stalagmites or stalactites, the ones that aren't are cobbled together from loose stones, built into the mineshafts, or hang from the cave roof on chains to safe floor-space
Any plants down here are either some sort of fungus/moss/mold, or are magically modified to grow underground which is difficult and time consuming 
It’s all very whimsical, lots of plants and fungi have biolume and are often used as living streetlights 
In terms of weather, the cave system allows enough condensation for fog and occasionally rain but not much else. It’s cold, wet and dark.
Worship of the Lifeblood is alive and well, with orgies and sacrifices being held in her name on an almost daily basis
The first wonderland was thought mad for its shows of sexuality and decadence but underland makes that look like an absolute joke
There are feasts, orgies, literal fountains of booze, parades, drugs and other parties at varying levels of debauchery being held every day
Despite all of this, underland is very dependent on trade and tourism
Underland’s main exports are: alcohol, spider silk, elysium (a potent, highly addictive faeire drug, sometimes called “the saffron of narcotics”), precious metals and gems 
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