#[ i've been listening to this podcast for like two years now and finally decided to DO something about it ]

[redstringraven]

oh, we're doing all 72 seconds of this exchange, lads. but for now have some extremely rough key frames because i haven't animated in like a decade and ya girl's trying to relearn and trust the process. also i still haven't actually drawn arthur yet, because i'm impatient/giddy and wanted to jump right into key framing, but we're here to have fun we're here to giggle, what we're not here to do is stress out and fall down the elevator shaft.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Can I ask somthing? You can totally ignore this if you're not comfortable!! Can you write somthing like reader has been SA'ed before and az or cass or Rhys(your choice who) doesn't know this and tries to take things to 3rd base but reader gets really uncomfortable and tells them what she's been through so the bat boy comforts her saying he'll wait however long he has to for her, holding her and then goes all angry psycho on the person who SA'ed her.

(I was SA'ed a few years ago and the 'date' is coming closer that's why I just need somthing to keep my mind distracted. Plzzzz ignore this if you aren't comfortable with it!! I totally understand!)

Finally Safe

Summary: Reader is the youngest of the Vanserra's, but like Lucien, is the daughter of Helion. She has a pretty dark past that she doesn't even want to think about, and so, no one other than she herself knows about it.

When her mate tries to take things further in their relationship, everything she has kept inside herself comes spilling out.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: Hi my love! I am soo glad that you sent this ask, it makes me so happy (this one is the first fic request I've received! I also feel extremely honored that you chose me for writing such a sensitive topic).

Also, I'm soo sorry that you had to go through that! I've never had any experience with SA or anyone who went through it, so I'm not sure if I can write something that really captures the depth of the situation, but I did listen to a few SA stories and podcasts ('Rotten Mango' podcasts, if any of you wanted to know) and I'll try my best with this.

Also, I've had this story idea for like a year now since I finished reading acosf, so I'm going with Azriel for this one.

Aaand I tried to make it as long as possible, hope it what you wanted to read.

Hope you like it! Enjoy!

Tw: mentions of SA, not graphic torture scene under '•○●⛦●○•', none more that I can think of, so let me know if I need to add anything.

•○🌑○•

Everywher her eyes went, there was darkness.

All she could hear, laughter, grunts and disgusting words spewed from equally disgusting mouths.

All she could smell was sweat, her own tears, and things she didn't want to think about.

All she could feel was the nauseating touches of a male she didn't know and the cool ground under her back.

All she could taste was the bile climbing up her throat.

She just wanted it to be over. She just wanted them to leave so she could curl up into a ball and cry herself to sleep.

Why?

She kept asking herself.

Why me?

She would probably never get the answer to it. And even if she did, she'd never understand how someone could do something as horrible as this.

Then she started screaming. As she always did.

•○🌑○•

Y/n jerked up, her chest heaving. She sat up, scooting back towards the headboard and pressing herself against it, tugging the blankets to cover herself as her eyes frantically searched around for any sign of movement in her chambers.

Of course, there was no one, but the fear never went away. Probably never would.

Long moments went by as she tried to calm herself, telling herself that she was safe. That she wasn't in that dungeon anymore. That she was far from it, she was in Day Court.

Her actual father's domain, apparently.

Soon after Amarantha had trapped everyone Under the Mountain, her mother had broken the news to her. That she wasn't Beron's daughter, but Helion's. And then, secretly, over the decades, Helion and Y/n had started to spend more time together. Her father was guilty that he hadn't been there for her when she was a kid, and so the two of them tried to make up for the time they had lost.

Y/n shook her head, laying down again and deciding to atleast try to get some sleep. There was going to be an important meeting in a few hours, and all the High Lords were going to arrive for the meeting. For planning the course of the war against Hybern.

She needed all the sleep she could get as it would be very stressful and she was supposed to be present as her father's Second in Command.

Still, she could not sleep. Knowing she would not be able to sleep anytime soon, she finally stood and made her way to the washing chamber when the watery rays of sunlight filtered in through the window.

She scrubbed herself raw in scalding hot water in hopes of washing away all the phantom stickiness she still felt on her body. After that, she got dressed in a white and golden flowy gown, the colours of Day.

Being the second of command of Helion wasn't the only reason she wrote this colours.

It would also be making a statement. That she had chosen Day Court over Autumn Court.

Beron knew she wasn't his daughter. He also thought that she was picked up from a dumpster. That's what Lady of Autumn had told him.

When she was pregnant with Y/n, she had stayed away from Beron for months, and when she returned, she returned with a newborn, saying she found the baby on the side of a road near a dumping ground. Beron didn't care as long as he was not concerned in the child's upbringing.

After Feyre had ended Amarantha's reign, Y/n had left the Autumn Court, making the excuse that she wanted to settle somewhere else.

And that's how she had ended up in Day. She had tried her best to convince Helion not to do this, as it could put relations between the two courts in jeopardy, especially as Beron would see it as a sign of betrayal. But he didn't care.

Y/n just prayed to the cauldron that the meeting would go without anyone dying.

•○🌑○•

She stepped into the airy meeting area, her dress fluttering around her feet.

The guards outside had informed her that the High Lords from Dawn and Summer Court had arrived quite some time ago, and Night Court had just come just moments before she did.

All eyes went to her, and all the Lords' eyes lit with recognition. She just gave a then a polite smile, before grinning at Rhys, who grinned back and pulled her into a hug.

"She was a friend Under the Mountain." He told his Inner Circle, pulling back from her. She nodded at the members that were present before her eyes landed on an Illyrian standing near a doorway, his eyes alert and on the High Lords.

As if sensing her gaze, he glanced at her. And when he did, everything in the world stopped. At least for Y/n.

Snap.

Her body locked up, her eyes widening. She stared and stared at him. She vaguely heard her name being called, but she couldn't process it.

"Y/n?" Her father touched her arm and she jerked back, gasping. She looked up at him, her eyes frantic. He had a confused smile on his face. She took a deep breath, pulling an indifferent mask on.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay? You look alarmed." She swallowed, glancing at the winged male to see if he had felt it too. By the confusion lacing his featured, he hadn't. She tried not to let her disapointment show.

"Yes. I'm fine."

Her father nodded, unconvinced as he gave her a look that said we'll talk about this.

Then she felt a tap on her mental shields. She opened a pathway and let Rhys in.

What is it? He questioned.

She thought for a moment before answering. Mate.

His eyes lit up and he smiled. That's amazing.

She nodded and walked to her seat, plopping down on it.

As everyone waited for others to arrive, Y/n couldn't help but keep glancing at the male.

Beautiful. He was beautiful.

As the meeting progressed, she kept chiming in with her suggesting but not really paying attention, completely avoiding looking at Beron. She also learned that the male's –her mate's– name was Azriel. She knew she had heard the name before, but couldn't place where.

But she would, soon enough.

•○🌑○•

"My dear, what happened back there?" Helion asked as soon as he and his daughter were alone.

She turned to him helplessly. "He–he was–is, my mate."

His brows furrowed. "Azriel?" When she nodded, a smile as bright as the Court he ruled over spread across his face. "You found your mate! You must tell him! Oh Mother, I'll hold a ball in your honor. I–"

"Dad. Who is he?" She would've called him father if not for his very pouty request that she call him dad. Father sounded too formal, according to him.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. How could I forget! He's the Spymaster of the Night Court."

Her jaw dropped. "The feared Spymaster of Night Court?" He nodded happily. "Then should we not be scared? Doesn't he have... quite the reputation?"

"That he does, but from what I've gleaned from my centuries, he's a sweetheart with people he cares about. Atleast, that's what Rhysand has been telling me. If he's lying, I'll be very sad."

Y/n couldn't believe it. One of the most feared male in all of Prythian was her mate. Her gods darned mate.

She didn't know how she would tell him, considering she had never had an interaction with him. Still, she'll have to figure it out.

Because, feared or not, he deserved to know.

•○🌑○•

After the war.

She had realised that any one of them could die at any moment after the war, and then she'll feel guilt for not telling her mate about the bond. And so, she wanted to get to know him first. She had no idea how she'd do that, but her father did.

The war was over, but that didn't mean that everything was fine. And so, under the excuse of strengthening ties with the Night Court, her father had sent Y/n to help in Velaris. Of course, when she had called his bluff, he had acted innocent and declared he didn't know what she was talking about.

So now, it had been a week off her staying in Velaris, and she hadn't had any sort of conversation with Azriel except for a few polite smiles here and there.

She was in a room right next to Azriel, which Rhys claimed had nothing to do with their bond.

She huffed and turned onto her side, trying to fall asleep.

That was when she felt a panicked tug on the bond. She practically flew out of her bed and into Azriel's room to find him writhing on the bed. It was pitch dark, his shadows frantic.

She quickly made her way towards the bed, realising he was having a nightmare. She gently placed her hand on his bare shoulder, tying to wake him up because she didn't know what else to do.

She shook him slowly so as not to startle him, but when he didn't wake up, she put a little more force into it.

Which was, she realised a little too late, was the wrong thing to do.

One second, she was kneeling on his bed trying to wake him up. The next, she was pinned on the mattress, Azriel snarling in her face, one of his hands wrapped around her throat, the other clutching her hands above her head. But that wasn't what caused her breathing to grow shallow or her instincts to scream at her to flee.

No. It was the fact that she was helpless as she was pressed into the mattress.

Dark dungeons.

Beron's Second in Command sneering at her.

Her screams.

She couldn't breathe she couldn't breathe she—

Suddenly, the weight was lifted from her body, her hands free and the grip around her throat vanishing. She gasped, scrambling to sit up and scoot away from Azriel, who was kneeling in front of her with a horrified expression.

"I– I'm so sorry. I didn't mean–"

Y/n shook her head, trying to find her voice. "It's okay." She rasped.

"Did I hurt you?" She shook her head. He seemed to think for a moment. "Did I scream?" When she shook her head again, his eyes narrowed. "Then how did you know I was having a nightmare?"

She paled. "I just thought you– I didn't..." She knew lying to him would be futile, he was a damned Spymaster for a reason. So she swallowed and told him the truth. "I felt it."

She did not meet his eyes, though he stared at her. "How?"

She stayed silent. A few moments passed before she sighed and tugged on the bond. Gently at first. When he gave no reaction, she tugged harder.

He gasped, leaning forward and clutching his chest, staring at her with wide eyes. It felt like eternity had passed before he finally spoke.

"How–how long have you known?"

She looked at him as she cleared her throat. "Since the High Lords' meeting. Before the war."

"That's why you kept staring at me. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I wanted to get to know you first. I was scared."

He seemed to have regained his composure as he nodded. He stayed quiet for a moment. "Do you– do you want the bond? It's okay if you don't want it. Want me. I know my reputation isn't... the best."

"I want this Azriel. I just want to get to know you more before we accept the bond."

A smile stretched across his face, stealing Y/n's breath away.

"Then... how do you feel about getting dinner tomorrow?"

She smiled. "I would like that. Very much."

•○🌑○•

It had been a few months since that night, and Azriel and Y/n had been courting each other traditionally, like they would have if they weren't mates.

They took it slowly. Just last month they had shared their first kiss.

They had told each other everything about their pasts. She knew all about Azriel and he knew all about her. Except that one thing that not even her father knew. It wasn't as if she didn't want to tell him. She just didn't know how to.

As she knocked on the door to his new home, she wondered if she should tell him today. Better late then never, right?

He opened the door, an instant grin spreading on his face as he opened the door wide.

"Welcome home love." He mumbled, kissing her temple as she passed by him. She smiled and set the box in her hands on the corner where the other boxes were. "Dinner's ready."

He had recently bought this house for the two of them. His stuff was already here, and the box Y/n had been carrying was the last of her belongings.

When she had insisted that she could bring her stuff herself and didn't need him, he had declared that he'd be cooking dinner then.

They sat in comfortable silence as they ate. After the plates had been cleared away, he forced her to sit and relax while he did the dishes.

So as she sat on the kitchen counter, she told him of the new book she'd been reading. Soon enough, he had finished his work and was standing between her knees, leaning on his hands on either side of her hips, listening diligently as she finished her story.

"And that, my love, is how they got their happy ending." She flicked his nose.

He sighed. "I wonder if I'll get my happy ending tonight."

She giggled. "And what do you think your happy ending will be?"

"Just a few sweet kisses from my sweet sweet mate."

She laughed and kissed him. He smiled into the kiss.

It was amazing and dreamy, like she had always imagined and wanted her life with her mate to be like.

But the dreaminess of the moment soon started summoning her nightmares as Azriel's hand started to inch higher on her thigh, his other hand tugging her towards the edge of the counter.

Panic flared in her as she placed her hand on his chest, trying to push him away gently.

But then his hand brushed the waistband of her pants, and she pulled away with a gasp, her chest heaving. "No."

His brows furrowed as he searched her eyes. "What happened, darling?"

Tears formed in her eyes as those memories started creeping up on her. "No– not yet Azriel. I–I can't–"

Seeing those tears, his face softened with understanding. "Hey, its okay. We can wait. There's no hurry. Can you tell me what the matter is? Is it something I did?"

She shook her head, taking a deep breath. "A century ago, I was still living in Autumn Court. Beron's Second in Command hated me, for no other reason that I existed, apparently. He was always trying to get me executed or imprisoned. One time, he succeeded. He convinced Beron to throw me in the dungeon because I was being rebellious, according to him. A few days in the dungeon would discipline me. And–and that he would personally look over my imprisonment." As her voice broke on the last part, Azriel's hands clutched her own and squeezed.

She swallowed. "He... he did overlook my imprisonment. Quite personally too."

He searched her eyes, his face hard. "The guards? They did nothing?"

She laughed, tears streaming down her cheeks. "They enjoyed watching him... discipline me." She wiped her face with her sleeves. "I'm so sorry, you have to wait because of me–"

He shushed her. "One thing I always want you to remember is that it wasn't ever your fault. It was his. Never apologise for someone else's mistakes." She sniffled as he pulled her into his arms, her head resting on his shoulders as she wound her hands around the back of his shoulders. He clasped the back of her neck as his other hand rubbed her back. He then carried her to their new bedroom, while she clung to him like a child, all the while murmuring about how it wasn't her fault.

He sat her down on the bed, helped her change into her night clothes before laying her down and settling down next to her. She lay her head n his chest, breathing in his calming scent.

"Can you tell me his name, love?"

"Orvyn."

She could feel him nod. She wondered why he asked, but couldn't think straight as sleep started creeping in.

She would ask him tomorrow, she decided.

•○🌑○•

Azriel's pov.

He was alert as the footsteps became louder and louder, until that bastard came into view. Azriel wanted to gut him like a fish, but that would not calm his rage. So he calmly stepped out of his shadows, only enough that he could be heard without having to shout.

"Orvyn?" He questioned. The blonde male turned, squinting to make out who had called his name. "Are you the Second in Command?"

Azriel watched as his chest puffed at the mention of his title. "Yes. That's me. Who might you be?"

Then Azriel stepped completely away from the darkness concealing him and smirked. He prowled closer, noticing how fear entered Orvyn's eyes, and how he refused to back down.

But while he was busy staring at the Spymaster, he failed to notice the shadows winding around his legs and arms. When Azriel was close enough to him, he whispered. "Your death."

Orvyn's eyes widened as he opened his mouth to scream, but before he could even take a breath, Azriel had winnowed the both of them away to the dungeons. The place where his mate had been kept.

•○●⛦●○•

As the darkness cleared from his vision, he found that his shadows had already bound Orvyn to the wall, keeping him standing. Some of them held his hand next to his head while some had bound his mouth so he couldn't scream. And some had already gone to keep an eye on anyone who might be coming near, sealing the ears of the guards nearby.

Azriel smiled at Orvyn as he whispered. "Where shall we start?" He pulled out Truth–Teller and placed it near his fingers. "Here? I think that's a good idea."

And then, as slowly as he could, he cut off the bastard's fingers. The stench of piss hit the air. "What is this? I thought you were supposed to be very brave and powerful. What happened now? If you're crying and pissing yourself now, I wonder what you'll do when I carve your dick out. I'll do that, then maybe even take your eyes as souvenirs. What do you say? Oh, and also, I want you to know that I'm not doing this because I'm being paid for it or anything. I just found out you assaulted my mate. Remember? Her name was Y/n."

His eyes were wide in recognition as tears started streaming down his face and Azriel clicked his tongue. He pulled out another ordinary dagger from his array of weapons and stabbed it in his thigh.

Then he placed Truth–Teller on his face and set to work.

•○🌑○•

Y/n's pov.

She groaned as she blinked the sleep from her eyes and stretched her hand out in search of her mate's warm body. But all she came across were cold sheets.

She was confused as she sat up and looked around for any indication of where he might be. He would have left a note if he was going for work. Maybe he was in the kitchen.

So she got up and waddled down the stairs, hunting for her mate. But she couldn't find him anywhere in their home.

Where was he?

Just then, she heard the front door opening and she rushed to meet Azriel. She had already expected him to be out, and he had returned now. Maybe he'd been running some errands.

What she hadn't expected was for him to be covered in blood.

"Cauldron boil me! Are you okay? Are you hurt?" She asked, trying to usher him into the bathing room.

"What makes you think I'm hurt?" He raised an eyebrow.

She faltered. "Well, first of all, you look like you just took a swim in a pool of blood. Forgive me for expecting the worst." She began turning on faucets and filling the tub for him, adding oils into it before turning to him. Hurt or not, he would want to take a bath.

"I could have been doing my Spymaster things." He said, stripping and stepping into the water, sighing.

"Whenever you leave for work, you leave a note. Where were you, Azzie?"

"Just having some fun." When she continued to glare at him, he finally told her. "Hunting down bastards." She raised a brow. "Second in Command. Orvyn."

Her eyes widened. "What did you do to him?" He ignored her. "What did you do Azriel?"

So he told her everything in detail, so much so that she wanted to gag even as pride surged in her for her amazing mate. When he finished, he stood and toweled off, coming to stand in front of her.

She sighed. "Don't you think this could strain the already fragile relations between Night and Autumn? Beron could decide to attack–"

He grasped her jaw and tilted her head back as he leaned closer. "Y/n, I do not care about any of that."

"Are you sure? I remember you saying that you would do anything for this Court."

"Night Court is important for me, but not as much as you and your happiness. The whole of Prythian could go to hell if it meant you would be happy. Just say the word and I'd set the world on fire for you, my love."

Wetness gathered in her eyes and she furiously swiped at them. He pulled her hands away, smiling softly. "I don't want to cry." She choked out. He laughed and pulled her in for a hug. She wrapped her arms around him so tight she wondered if he would choke.

But he didn't do anything other than hug her back just as fiercely.

And finally, after all these years, Y/n felt like she was safe. Nothing could hurt her as long as she had her mate.

And she couldn't ask for anything more.

•○🌑○•

Taglist: @eos-princess

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Good news, everyone! Alex Horne has chosen to bring back his lip synch skills! You know, the ones in that video of his stand-up that's somehow from 2014, even though it feels like the sort of thing that should be one of those old videos you find of a now-famous comedian performing in like 2007:

Anyway, that Zaltzman interview was fun. I enjoyed that he was wearing full cricket gear, not just messing around with a white shirt. Knee pads. Big mittens. Helmet with face mask. And, yes, carrying the bat. I love the idea of Andy Zaltzman finally getting a big break on TV, at almost 50, and saying he'll only do it if he can drag in an entire cricket uniform. No, no, not just a shirt. All of the gear. And the bat.

This is actually not the first time this week that I've heard these two interact. I decided to prepare for Taskmaster s18 by listening to the previous recordings of Andy Zaltzman with Alex Horne. Andy's done three episodes of Alex's 2013-2014 podcast Alex Horne Breaks The News, and he did one episode of The Horne Section's podcast.

Listening to those four episodes really drove home how many specific similarities there are in Alex and Andy's style of humour. They're not particularly similar overall, but they have a few fairly rare quirks in common, and are usually the only person in a room with those quirks, so it is fun to hear them put those to each other. I cannot wait to see them get to Taskmaster, and Alex tries to measure something in mice and Andy will not be put off in the slightest, will just start explaining why using cats is actually a more standardized system. Andy and Alex are both so big on tracking pointless stats.

All three of Andy's Breaks the News episodes were a lot of fun. Those were actually the 3-5 episodes I've heard of that podcast, as I listened to the two Ray Peacock ones earlier this year and liked those too, I might end up getting into all of that podcast. It's very funny. An excellent vehicle for showing off Alex Horne's quirky humour, and I always like being reminded how much of that humour was there long before Taskmaster.

I like how much of the Taskmaster origins you can trace in general, through Alex Horne's whole career. No More Women/Jockeys and We Need Answers are both Alex showing off his love of random pointless games. Tim Key has talked in interviews about how they used to play the stupidest games they could think of at university. And Breaks the News is Alex Horne making people play a variety of pointless games, which he introduces and scores in absurd ways with full commitment to the bit. I suppose making comedians play short silly games can't be called Alex Horne's invention, as it's the cornerstone of the entire panel show industry, but Alex has a signature way of doing it that's been consistent for twenty years. The way he'll ask the senseless questions with total sincerity. Throwing in unrelated things as though they go together.

Is it possible that Taskmaster rose above all other panel shows in national and international popularity because it's a rare panel show that was made in the image of the showrunner's genuine sense of humour, rather than just a concept based on what's previously worked with famous names attached? I mean obviously it was also a bit of the latter (I don't love the things about Frank Skinner like "used to be a lecturer who married his teenage student", but some things about him are better, such as "is the reason Taskmaster exists because no one else would do the show without a big enough name attached in season 1"), but I feel like it has more of the former than most shows.

Anyway, I'd say that of all the Horne/Zaltzman podcast interactions, the one that makes clearest their odd similarities is the Alex Horne Breaks the News with Andy Zaltzman and Liam Williams:

The above is an absolutely excellent podcast episode, I highly recommend it to anyone who likes any of the three people involved. Andy and Alex go back and forth brilliantly, getting a bit further than usual with their style of "present an absurd scenario but take it seriously", as they keep taking each other's scenarios seriously, which is where I get the idea that Andy will respond to Alex's Taskmaster mice measuring by converting it into cats. Andy Zaltzman is often so awkward on other people's podcasts, there's usually a beat missing where everyone else will be in their rhythm, and then Andy will just throw his weird lie-based joke at what they're doing, and it'll hit a wall, and the others will either find it funny or not, but it's hard for it to go anywhere. But in this episode, Alex is kind of also doing that, they get into their own weird rhythm, and every once in a while Liam Williams will throw one of his deep-voiced baffled cynical statements into the mix, and I think it's a perfect blend. I realize it might not say great things about the diversity of my comedy taste that I believe three straight white Oxbridge-educated men form the perfect podcast episode, but this is pretty much what I want out of comedy.

This exchange, however, is from the episode he did with Brett Goldstein (and Ian Smith as a very funny scorekeeper, it was a sideline role but he stole the show several times from there), and is probably the easiest summary of the sort of thing I'm talking about, when I say Andy Zaltzman's sense of humour is largely based on just... lies:

I love the Zaltzman lies, but it's so hard to find other comedians with whom they can fit into a panel show setting. Alex Horne might just be that guy, I look forward to hearing them go back and forth on Taskmaster.

And one more audio clip for this post:

That's from the end of last week's Bugle episode, with Andy bringing his usual level of smooth self-promotional skills to the plugging portion of the recording. The first of what should be many times that he has to plug his Taskmaster appearance, and I hope every single one is exactly that awkward. I'm also pleased to hear Nish Kumar and Tom Ballard will be the next guests, partly because they're an excellent combination and I don't think they've been on together in about a year, but mainly because those are two people who will not let Andy get away with not acknowledging that he's on Taskmaster now. This will be fun.

[veturiusofserra]

this love

jack harlow x brazilian!reader

summary: through a podcast interview, Jack reveals his deep affection for his girlfriend

genre: fluffffff

my masterlist

Jack Harlow sat down for a podcast interview, ready to talk about his latest projects and the music that had captivated fans worldwide. But little did the audience know that this conversation would take an unexpected turn —one that would reveal the depths of his heart and the unexpected love he had found.

As the host of the podcast delved into his creative process, Jack's mind drifted to thoughts of her — the Brazilian actress who had captured his attention and stolen his heart. She had been living in the United States for a few years now, pursuing her dreams in Hollywood, and Jack couldn't help but be drawn to her charisma and talent.

The host noticed a shift in Jack's demeanor, a subtle smile playing on his lips, and decided to ask the question that would unravel the enigma behind this change.

"So, Jack, there's been some speculation about a certain special someone in your life. Care to share any insights?"

Jack took a moment to compose himself, realizing that it was time to let the world in on his little secret. He took a deep breath and began to speak, his voice filled with both vulnerability and excitement.

"Yeah, there is someone," he admitted. "She's an incredible actress, Brazilian by origin, but she's been living here in the US for a while now. We met through mutual friends, and from the moment we locked eyes, something just clicked."

As he spoke, he couldn't help but think of their first encounter — the way her eyes sparkled with laughter and how effortlessly they connected, despite their different backgrounds and cultures.

"We have this unspoken understanding," Jack continued, "a connection that transcends words. She's like poetry in motion, and her passion for acting is contagious. I've watched her perform on screen, and every time, I'm in awe of her talent."

The host couldn't help but notice the glimmer in Jack's eyes as he spoke about this mystery woman. It was evident that she had left an indelible mark on his heart.

"And I think that's the thing," Jack added with a soft chuckle, "it's not just her beauty or her talent—it's her spirit, her energy. She's the kind of person who lights up the room when she walks in. And when we're together, it feels like we're the only two people in the world."

"I never thought I'd find someone like her," he admitted, his voice growing softer, almost as if he were confessing his love to the world. "She's become such an important part of my life, and I can't imagine it without her."

The host was captivated by Jack's candidness and couldn't resist asking one final question. "Have you told her how you feel?"

Jack smiled, a mix of nervousness and determination evident in his expression. "Not yet, but I think it's about time. I want her to know how much she means to me, and I don't want to let this chance slip away."

Little did Jack know that as he professed his love on the podcast, the actress he adored was listening intently, heart pounding in her chest. She had always admired his music and talent, but hearing him speak so openly about his feelings sent butterflies dancing in her stomach.

[lindentreeisle]

I think the birbs may have finally made the transition to living in the big cage. I didn't originally intend for it to take this long- at first, I wanted to give them a chance to practice moving around the larger space and be sure they were comfortable with it, since when I brought them home it was obvious they did not have the climbing skills they need to move around the larger space with clipped wings. Then, I was trying to encourage them to venture into the cage on their own because they aren't comfortable being carried yet and I don't want to do a lot of grabbing. I placed a perch between the cages and targeted them onto it to encourage them to realize they could cross.

It wasn't until a couple days ago, when it occurred to me that I could position the cage doors facing each other so there was a gap of only a few inches, that there started to be progress. Beep crossed the gap back and forth numerous times, but Duck was too intimidated. Eventually she figured out how to climb to the top of the small cage but she would still stand on the threshold hesitating. (In the second photo, Beep has crossed back over to encourage Duck.) Then it occurred to me to use that wooden ladder to create a more horizontal link between the small cage and a perch in the big one, and Duck joined Beep. They seem perfectly comfortable and are showing no apparent interest in going back to the small cage, so I've moved their water and food across and suspect they'll be spending the night.

Two more facts of note:

I've had a major setback with Duck. They started hiding from me when I came in the room, and I figured I must have done something to scare them without realizing. Then they started engaging in a weird behavior. Trying to figure out what a weird bird behavior means is like trying to diagnose yourself on WebMD, any individual behavior can mean anything from "absolutely nothing" to "go to the hospital NOW." Gauging bird health is a combination of zoology and copromancy, and it's difficult even when you've known the bird for years and are intimately familiar with all their behaviors. Watching Duck closely and trying to decide if this weird behavior combined with the hiding indicated A Concern, I saw a flash of reddish-brown when they stretched a wing that scared the hell out of me. Convinced I needed to be sure they did not have a wound on their wing, I caught them with my hand to check. It ended up being nothing, fortunately (apparently Duck has a band of reddish coloring across their wing feathers that is only visible with spread wings) but of course it shattered whatever trust we had managed to build. I will rebuild but it's frustrating to be back at square one and it makes me sad- having a beloved pet be afraid of you is such a terrible feeling.

I've been playing music for the birds when I'm away, as I always did for Raz, thinking they might like the noise- they do seem more likely to chatter along if there's something playing. But I think I've discovered something interesting, which is that they are far more likely to respond to prolonged human speech than music. I do a lot of cross stitch (took it up just before last Christmas, and just now I'm working on a very large project) and I like to sit in the office and listen to podcasts or watch youtube videos. They seem to really enjoy narration...wondering if I should load some spoken word recordings or podcasts onto the phone I use as a music player for them.

[iantimony]

didn't poast last week so this is a two-week extravaganza post! con: got roped into DMing dnd pro: none of these fools have read mdzs so i can steal plots from there. hope the party is ready to be lead on a quest by a disembodied arm!

listening: oh shit SO many things. i will not be linking to all of them.

depeche mode: basically just their top songs on spotify, not any specific album. strong shoutout to 'shake the disease' and 'wrong' (which featured in my secret samol post!)

disturbed: ditto

franz ferdinand: albums 'hits to the head' and 'tonight'. throwbacks

phoenix: 'wolfgang amadeus phoenix' ditto throwback

inxs: 'x' DITTO throwback. doesn't hit the same as when i first listened to em years ago unfortunately

streetlight manifesto: album 'somewhere in the between'

boy and bear: 'harlequin dream'

sammy rae: 'let's throw a party', 'the good life', and their 'everybody wants to rule the world' cover

hozier: 'wasteland baby' and 'unreal unearth'

paramore: album 'this is why'

grizzly bear: 'veckatimiest' and 'painted ruins'

haken: their newest album 'fauna' because i'm thinking about whether or not to go to one of their shows in feb (leaning towards yes right now)

my SO's pinecore playlist

shosty symphony no 5 (<3)

and, finally, a lot of borodin symphony no. 1 in e flat and the last two movements of rimsky-korsakov golden cockerel because that's what the youth orchestra i'm volunteering with is playing right now haha

for podcasts, i've listened to the new counter/weight prequel eps! i'm so charmed to see these characters again. i still haven't finished millenium break holiday special because i lost my spot when a bunch of an episode played without sound by accident so i finally went and scrubbed back to the beginning of the episode (it's the second to last part) so by next week i will FINALLY be out of holiday special zone.

reading: finished rereading tgcf lol,,, in loving memory of square checkbox: apparently apple is switching to circle ones? hateful wikipedia page for kessler syndrome my friend @celestialtourguide sent me a dm to ask about a few of the characters in this manuscript and i was immediately charmed by it. it's so pretty, i loved the informational blurbs, just really cool stuff. it was already on waybackmachine but i've gone ahead and updated it.

watching: kurtis conner looksmaxxing. weird little subculture peek. rewatched sideways' why the music in cats 2019 is worse than you thought because my roommate was interested. this led us to the same channel's why avatar has the most ironic soundtrack of all time because roommate misread ironic as iconic and she really likes that movie. no accounting for taste, but aight. much more interesting than i thought it would be. that video then lead us to tony hinnigan's woodwind demos because hell fuckin yes. big-ass panpipes.

i've been keeping up on dunmeshi anime in little watch sessions with my SO, and also am working through kill la kill with him! i've seen it before but he has not so i'm really enjoying that.

playing: fallow.

making: i managed to finish my secret samol gift in time for reveal day!!! comics are fuckin hard dude!!!! i don't know if i'll be doing it again but it was a fun challenge. i decided to use a New App for some reason instead of procreate because procreate has not been hitting right and i wanted comic half tone brushes for this project. app is called sketchbook, it's an orange icon with a pencil on it. shrug! it's fine! i'll probably keep using it for a bit. started working on an english paper piecing project! soliciting tips for that because right now my method is: cut out hexagon using pattern piece i made to be 1/4 in larger all around than the template, gluestick template onto hexagon, baste edges down neatly, whip-stitch right sides together. remove template once all six sides have something attached. i'm sure there's a better way to streamline this process, i'll have to experiment. this will end up as a dice bag i think.

finally, pottery starts again this week! so next week will have some of that in here

eating: ah beans i did not do a good job keeping track of this. uh. made the ground pork & cabbage thing again because my roommate got SO much napa cabbage for making kimchi and we had a shitload left over. napa cabbage isn't as good as a more standard cabbage for this imo, standard cabbage tends to be a little sweeter i think once it's cooked in? idk. had some stage 5 mental illness moments last week trying to cook dinner on a very short time scale with lots of other shit to do, following a recipe because fucking of course my roommate wanted me to cook with a recipe that night. anyways.

misc: like said at the top, somehow i managed to sign up for Another Activity god damn it. so now every saturday evening i run dnd. tl;dr i'm in a group irl that meets biweekly, someone who i give a lift to for that was complaining in the car that their other online group's dm ragequit after his encounter wasn't well-balanced (skill issue) and before thinking about it i just was like oh well i could probably step in if you need! god damn ittttt lol i have missed dming so it should be fun. i vibe checked them for a session 0 last week and they seem chill and honestly shouldn't be too much work on my end, especially if i yoink plots from mdzs ha ha ha. other than that, all is basically well. i've settled back into a schedule, applied for some summer positions (!), and absolutely hate the amount of busy work in one of my two classes. yippee

[phantomspren]

Okay so now the question is how long can I hold out before starting to listen to TMA for the third time.

I just finished relistening and I. I love it so much.

And I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I think I'm going to switch my major from anthropology to media production. Because of this podcast.

My end goal has always been to write. Since I was like eight. That's what I've wanted to do. But you gotta have a day job! And unfortunately I am not interested in anything that would make any money so I decided to major in anthropology.

And I genuinely love it so much.

I've also been working as a stage tech for the last year, and love that as well, I love the technical aspect of performances and things like that. I genuinely would not mind doing that for a living. (I mean it's a lot of moving furniture around but it's also super cool beyond that.)

But. I was listening to the Q&A episodes this summer at work. And they were talking about sound design and the production of the show. And I thought that sounded. Really fucking fun.

And I've. Done sound stuff for live shows. I know the basics of that. I can set up mics and know the basics of how to make them work good! I love it.

I think I'd love audio editing.

And if I went into audio stuff. I could work on all sorts of things. There's audio in everything.

It would also be a much better way to get into a writing gig of some sort. My backup would be directly related to what I want to devote myself to. And if it didn't work I'd still probably love it and get to work on cool things.

(I mean most people who see this have probably seen me talk about it on Discord but I just want to talk about it cause I'm thinking about it and have started classes and stuff.)

So not only is this a top tier piece of media for me, but also it may have just totally changed my career path. By pointing out something I already enjoy and saying "you can do this with stories, not just concerts and lectures."

I'm taking some intro journalism courses this semester (the journalism program at my school has a film and media production emphasis), and at the moment it's really rough. I love social sciences and am quite frankly really good at them, so it's a total shift from taking a 400 level anth class last semester as a freshman to intro writing classes as a sophomore with a bunch of freshmen. I'm really going to miss anthropology. (I also switched schools so that's impacting things.)

But I'm looking at the media production classes and the script writing class and podcasting class that I can take in the future and I'm getting so excited. I'm also considering taking an acting class next semester, which I never would have done before I considered the fact that I could make my own projects. I am not limited just to writing.

It's been wild.

I'm hoping I get through this semester alright. My creative writing class will keep me sane, hopefully. :p

But yeah.

Yeah.

I'm excited. :)

Also ERKJHSEKLRJHSELRGHSLEKRJGESRHKLJSGH MAGNUS

Protocol finale on Thursday too, it'll be fucking wild.

Also I'm cosplaying season two Jon at FanX on Friday and season three on Saturday so I may post pictures of that if it turns out alright.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

[in-arlathan]

Get To Know Me

Who dis? It's me! Been a hot minute, hasn't it? This year has been a pile of dung up until now, if I'm being completely honest, hence my absence from Tumblr and most social media. I had an accident in December and have been feeling like dirt ever since. But: I'm back now! Mostly thanks to my beloved @johaerys-writes and the amazing @mogwaei who tagged me for this game. Thanks to you two! ❤ It's been a please reading your posts.

And now: Let's dive in!

Share your wallpaper: I'm a very boring person who has her own artwork as a wallpaper on her phone (talking about this study I did last year). XD It reminds me that (every once in a while) I do create something that I actually enjoy without any self-doubt or regret, and I like that.

Last song you listened to: "Eyes Closed" by Ed Sheeran. I'm a very basic person, lol.

Currently reading: Let me check Goodreads real quick... Yeah, I'm reading far too many books at the same time again. So here's the top 3 of books I'm reading and enjoying the most atm:

The Blacktongue Thief by Christopher Buehlman

Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir

There's also a bunch of fanfic I need to catch up on but my mind has been all over the place.

Last move: "Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves". My P&P podcast party had been invited to a preview 2 weeks ago and we had a fun time watching that movie.

Craving: Time off. I've been working non-stop for the past 8 months or so (with Christmas being the only exception) and I'm feeling super drained right now. Luckily, there are a few short trips coming up in April and July, so there is that!

What are you wearing right now: Basic black jeans and a white knitted sweater. It's spring but it's still flipping cold in my apartment. Ooph!

How tall are you: 168 cm or 5'5 feet (I guess?)

Piercings: Just the two for my earrings. As I said, I'm *very* basic. :')

Tattoos: Currently I got two but I plan on getting more later this year. Gotta save up some money first.

Glasses? Contacts? I got 3 different glasses (transparent, gold and brown frames) and contacts because I like to switch things up.

Last drink: I'm currently having some coffee with oat milk aka The breakfast of Champions. Or so I keep telling myself XD

Last thing you ate: Chicken wrap with lots of cheese. It was amazing.

Favorite color: My taste in color(s) shifts constantly but I'm currently obsessed with green in various tones. I keep getting back to like a warmer green because it makes me feel very cozy. But I also adore a good color combo of orange and violet/lilac or yellow and dark blue. It depends on my mood.

Current obsession: Truth be told, because of the current state of my mental health, I have a hard time being obsessed about anything. It's not like I can't enjoy things (I know that that feels like and I don't want to get back to *those days*) but there's not hyperfixation that lives rent-free in my head. And you know what? It feels terrible! I miss the feeling of being utterly obsessed about something. I crave that level of excitement, honestly!

Unrelated Obsession: Okay, I guess this means non-fandom obsessions. I do have one of those! A short while back, I read a book by the title "Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World" which was fascinating. I loved that it was not Euro-centric and instead focussed on the achievements of Genghis and his successors. I've been gobbling media with the same or similiar topics – including finally playing "Ghost of Tsushima" which send me reading up on the Mongol invasion of Japan. It's been an intriguing ride!

Any pets: I'm too allergic to have cats, dogs, and other animals and I hate it. I want a little doggo so badly... 💔

Do you have a crush on anyone: IRL? Not anymore. I used to have a crush for most of last year but since he started ghosting me a few months back, I decided to focus my attention elsewhere. I'm *done* with dating and have been for the past couple of years. As for fictional characters... I have to go with Solas, although (as I mentioned) my excitement has died down somewhat. I still love that boy to death but I'm not as obsessed as I used to be.

Favorite fictional character: How dare you make me chose one?! I have a trillion fave characters and they're all precious to me ;_; No, I will not pick one because I truly can't!

The last place you traveled: I went to Cologne, my hometown, three weeks ago, but I assume that doesn't count as traveling. I think my last real vacation was in 2019 when I travelled to the Leipzig Book Fair. Oh my... 😅 (And I was wondering why I felt so drained all the time, lol. Dang... what a reality check. This hurts!).

That's it! Hope you enjoyed the read :3

Time to forward some tags. As always, please feel free to join in or ignore the tag: @serial-chillr @faerieavalon @thebookworm0001 @ohmypawsandwhiskers @pikapeppa @oxygenforthewicked @fiadhaisteach @noire-pandora @ellie-effie. Sending all of you lots of love. I hope you're doing great!

Until next time, lovelies! <3

[bronanlynch]

once again I've watched more anime than done anything else this week but I promise I also have other stuff to talk abt

listening (podcast):

Great Gundam Project: almost done with their 0079 episodes and it's so funny to hear how confused and surprised they are that Newtypes don't get mentioned until the last 10 episodes. also, once again, hearing them talk about Char reminds me that I miss seeing Char on my television screen :/

Palisade: once again it was crazy good this week. shout out to fucked up dream sequences/visions of alternate futures, gotta genuinely be one of my favorite storytelling devices

listening (music): MakeDamnSure by Taking Back Sunday, which is going on my Partizan/Palisade playlist for Balence reasons

reading:

Imperial Uncle: got to more fun reveals that make the main relationship a lot tastier and more fun. still having a good time with this one

The Death I Gave Him: part of the appeal of this book for me (other than that I love Hamlet & Hamlet retellings) is the romance with the sentient lab AI. this should shock absolutely no one (at least no one who knows me as the Sokrates/Integrity guy lol) but I'm real into stuff that explores like, how intimacy works when you don't each have your own separate bodies

A Power Unbound: also started & finished something I've been looking forward to, A Power Unbound by Freya Marske, the third book in a romance/historical fantasy trilogy (different main characters for each) set mostly in Edwardian England. I've enjoyed the other books in the series, and I enjoyed this one too (though I think I prefer the other two for reasons that probably don't have to do with the actual quality of this book and have more to do with what I like & don't like in a main relationship, and actually it's a testament to how strong the writing was that the relationship worked for me anyway, because it did feel earned in terms of both characterization & themes, even though it's the sort of relationship dynamic that I tend to be hesitant about because I often see it done very badly in fanfic in ways that do a disservice to the personalities of both characters involved). anyway. my actual review is that I love fucked up magic houses and there are several of those in this book so shout out to that, and one of the main characters is extremely my type (short, angry, hates the aristocracy, etc)

watching:

I'm in Love with the Villainess: we're caught up now, and I do love class conflict even if I'm sure it's going to be incredibly simplistic and silly because that's the show this is (which I am fine with, to be clear, this is a romance anime based on lovingly parodying otome games, I am treating it with the same kind of seriousness that I would treat something like Scum Villain)

Bakeoff: I'm glad that this year they seem to be better about not putting way too much weight on the showstopper and sometimes deciding star baker based on other challenges like. finally some respect for people who do really well in the signature!!

Legend of the Galactic Heroes: I mean. I've been posting through it about this one so I don't think I have any new insights here just. man. I love it when a major character death is done really well. what a show (positive)

Gundam Seed: you may, at this point, be asking why Seed is our next Gundam after finishing ZZ, especially when every week I talk about pining for Char. the answer is because my roommate watched some of it a while ago and wanted to revisit it, and also because we're saving Char's Counterattack for when we get really desperate for Gundam that isn't Seed. anyway. Seed is fun so far!

the above description of Gundam Seed was written a few days ago when we first started but before we got to the info dump about what's up with Coordinators & Naturals so I'm editing this to say: oof. it really is like what if someone took all of the parts of the original Newtype stuff that I was most skeptical about, took out all of the metaphorical stuff from Zeta that redeemed the concept for me, and then explicitly added literal eugenics. don't like that!

the other thing about Seed is the misogyny which like. god. at least the misogyny in Zeta felt more interesting to think about. at least it felt like Tomino was saying things about gender even if I didn't always like it. this is just peak early 2000s misogyny where everyone including the writers hates women so much that every man comes across as incredibly gay because their relationships with other men are treated so much more seriously

at this point you might be asking what I actually like about this show since I've been complaining for several paragraphs and the answer is I love it when childhood friends end up on the opposite sides of a war. also, a lot of Seed feels like it's trying very hard to Be A Gundam Show (for better or worse tbh, I can feel myself being marketed to, I can practically hear Bandai being like, hey remember how cool it is when a blue-and-white mobile suit fights a pinkish-red mobile suit, don't you want to buy some models), and I am not immune to classic Gundam shit like "oops these kids are involved in a war now because the military was developing a top-secret superweapon right next to where they live" and "your lives are at risk and/or you might get arrested for trying to protect your friends because the higher-ups are incompetent/selfish/do not care about you." I am also not immune to squads of edgy anime boys, or giant robots that each have their own special weapon/power, or whatever the fuck Le Creuset's got going on. I love him. I still miss Char and he's not quite filling that void but I do love him

playing:

another session of my Blades in the Dark campaign, based on the image below (from here). the crew was asked to get the sea serpent to go away and leave ships alone, and absolutely no one was surprised that the secret actual mission was to protect the sea serpent (a baby one) from the coast guard who were going to try to make it leave but more violently because we're playing Blades like it's a game about befriending creatures (see also: Missy is currently trying to resocialize a former fighting goat and Xiao Yun collects extremely fucked up birds)

Ace Attorney 5: not very far into the trial but man. sorry for falling for the trilogy nostalgia but I love to have Edgeworth as a prosecutor, I love the energy that he and Phoenix have, I'm such a sucker for defense attorney & prosecutor working together to find the truth and also they're in love

making: vaguely spanakopita-inspired stuffed pastry wreath. we made it once before and put too much extra vegetable in that released too much water while it was baking so the dough just straight up did not cook. we did it better this time! the dough is actually baked! (it's store-bought crescent rolls, we did not make the dough). anyway. there's spinach and mushroom and herbed goat cheese in there, and it's tasty

drinking: the grocery store had peppermint bark creme liqueur, and it's pretty good in hot chocolate

writing: continued to pick away at a zine fic, figured out what I want to write for my Nirvana in Fire exchange fic, and also did a little bit more on the Integrity fic that I've been working on. it has been a minute since I've written an action scene huh

The Principality knows how to contain divines, to leash them, to defang them and bend their powers to its will. And Integrity is an old divine, and never among the most awe-inspiring. Integrity is a small, quiet thing, precise and intimate and not suited for flashy displays of power like many of its fellows. But it is a divine nonetheless, and when it fights, it brings death. Orbit-and-Integrity steps into the corridor where the Princept fled. Orbit bares their remaining teeth, blood pooling in their mouth and seeping through the seams that begin to open in Integrity’s armor where it no longer has the focus to keep them closed.

[blocksruinedme]

Okay so this is what I decided not to post on an ask about Jimmy's namemc skin spoiler

but then left some of the text there!!!!! Incredibly embarassing! so now that i've accidentally put part of this out... here you go.

Scar loves Buff Scar, right? We all love Buff Scar. But I get emotional about the buff scar skin, for bummer reasons??? I would up talking about Buff Scar on the ask post and it turned into me finally writing out thoughts I've been having about myself and my health and... what I feel when I think about Scar? I say I "have health issues" and I have no looked up any definitions of "disabled" and idk that I do... physically it's mostly chronic pain and bad GI stuff (seeing a new specialist next week!)

But this personal and it's kinda heavy and I wasn't sure if I was going to post this, and it's... talking about another person's health while talking about my own, so I'm going to put this behind a cut. I don't want this thrown in anyone's face, and I think it's the most vulnerable thing I've posted on this account. And the first time I've ever turned off reblog.

I often get weirdly emotional about buff Scar, cause that image? That is something he must have have and lost. From hearing about his swimming career as a kid/teen, fuck. My dude would have been BUFF in the chest and arms and also shirtless a ton.

He was only 16 when he first got sick, I had thought it was 18 for some reason. It's nothing compared to Scar's situation, but I have a lot of health issues and... I don't think I project, I emphasize but it's more, idk that it's representation but maybe a little, honestly I don't know what it is, but I expected hearing him talk about his stuff hits different for me than most people who are fully able bodied. It just does stuff to me.

I watched part 2 of his imp & skizz podcast recently, and it's the most I've ever heard Scar talk about himself. People can get really weird when talking/thinking about other people's health, and I don't want to be doing that, but it was very emotional to listen to him talk about his dreams and plans that his health got in the way of. It's not like I'm in a wheelchair, but there's a really major thing in my life I can't do because of my health and I'm grieving it still. It's only been two years, and I'm doing my fucking best to not dwell and live the life I can have instead, but fuck. It's genuinely a really big deal (that I am not at all ready to talk about outside close friends.)

mood shift! i wrote this out of order and i'll cry if i keep dwelling on it.

A friend told a little anecdote about people (lovingly) commenting on Scar's choices about health and his creative work, and I did not react as they expected. I go (internally) ballistic when people say that kind of thing to me, like how I shouldn't write if I have a bad pain day?? Do not tell me how to manage my pain! This is my life and my body and you can never understand it, I barely can. I do not want to be infantilized, ever, but especially when it comes to managing the parts of my life that suck the most. Sometimes we take risks with our health because we decide it's worth it, because you have to have joy in life, not just life. Every time I get in the car I'm risking my life, y'know? If writing gets me through pain, that's what it does! And that's not even risky. (I spent 6 hours in the ER working on "whatcha gonna do?" because i was going to go insane sitting there waiting to find out if I had a stroke (i didn't)).

So we people with ill health have to figure out how to balance things. There's no "I'll wait till I'm healthy to do that", it's not like we're got a stomach virus. Everything is a compromise. If someone wants to finish uploading a video before they go to the hospital, maybe it's because of an skewed life/work balance, or maybe they're putting their self worth in places-some-people-would-call-wrong, or maybe they just don't want to worry about the fucking video and get the joy of "i've just put up a thing" while going off into a shit situation. I don't know! You don't know! "Put your health first" is pretty complicated, actually, when your health is *never* going to be "good" and there's too many options and you can't know what might work. People will sometimes hear something that's going on and say "are you going to go to the doctor?" and it's like... I can't go to my pcp everytime something like this happens cause then I'll be in all the damn time. It's not worth it. I am getting some kind of medical care every week.

When I went to the ER... so I had a really weird episode that might have been a migraine but the symptoms didn't quite match up with the general list and were concerning. All the symptoms went away after I laid down. I eventually got convinced to go to the ER to get checked out - and then, do I run out the fucking door in my workout clothes? Do I pack up stuff I want to have? Do I do that but also take ten minutes to eat something? What's the right choice? In the end everything was fine, but I'm always happy to get some clean imaging to have in my file. (in this case, brain mri and brain ct scan, w/ & w/o contact. the mri tech said i should get a frequent customer punch card when i said it was my 5th time in that mri. lost my shit. it's been <1/year but still.)

Scar talked about how early on they were chasing the cure and then you get to the point where... doesn't look like there's going to be a cure, this is fucking forever, and it fucking sucks. A friend just got that yesterday with a chronic fatigue syndrome diagnosis, and... now they know this is it. I'm still chasing a cure, or a way to keep things in remission, with my god damn gut biome. My current GI MD said "this is all i can do" and for some reason I let that stay? I never would have let a friend just give up - but I wasn't thinking of it that way. It is SO HARD to go and advocate for more medical care when you have so many things going on.

To be super clear i 100% think of myself as "barely in chronic pain" and "not really chronically ill" and "definitely not disabled".

Anything can become normal. For good, for ill, for weird.

Anything can become normal.

[stitchwitchsapprentice]

On Converting to Judaism: May 2023

In August 2022, I walked into my synagogue and announced "I'm not Jewish, but I would like to be." It had taken me nearly two years to get here. I had decided to convert during the COVID-19 pandemic, while living in a town of about 5,000. As you can imagine, there were not a lot of resouces available. After about six months of listening to podcasts and reading things online, I made contact with the rabbi at one synagogue over an hour away from my house. The drive time didn't matter much, since they were mostly still meeting online, but the next summer, the congregation dissovled, due to lack of attendance. 

This was how I found my way to Temple Shalom, also over an hour drive from my house, though in a different direction. The members of the synagogue were happy to have me and jumped to share any resources they could, from the temple library to showing me to how find an Introduction to Judaism class online. Online because, as they warned me, they weren't particularly well-equipped for conversion students. It was a small community, and they expected their visiting rabbi about once a month from out of state. In short, we don't have a lot of Jews here. What we do have a lot of, surprisingly, are converts.

My first few visits, I met two other potential converts, and shortly after high holidays, a third showed up. Soon, it seemed that every other person I spoke to at Temple Shalom was part of our rapidly growing group, and by the time the rabbi arrived to meet with us in October, we had fourteen names on the considering conversion list.

To be fair, we've lost a few along the way. At our most recent meeting, we had just over half that number. And yet, over the last year we have collectively attended high holidays, the Passover Seder, and the Purim carnival. We've played majong and Jewish D&D. We've learned how to make challah and hamentaschen. We've counted the omer, lit Chanukah candles, and we're planning a late night Torah study for Shavout. Anyone attending service on a Friday night can expect to see at least five or six of us, and we're often the last to leave. We've been known to stand in the parking lot, even in the dead of winter, having one last talmudic discussion before saying our final goodbyes. In short, we've become a staple of the community.

And our community responded. This little synagogue, with its visiting rabbi, that doesn't typically have conversions, is preparing for several, which may happen all at once. Right now, this involves putting together an online group, so we can all communicate more regularly, with each other, and with the rabbi. Later, it will involve logistical planning, likely including a two-hour group trip to the nearest mikvah.

I am told our group is uncommon. And while I don't have any other experience to judge by, I suppose it is odd that eight or ten people living in the same area independently decided to convert to Judaism within a few months of each other. As an additional potential oddity, I would like to add that none of us seem to have Jewish partners. I started openly pursuing conversion at the same time I was preparing for my wedding, but rather than one being the cause of the other, these life changes were coincidence. Two of the other members of my cohort have mentioned girlfriends, neither of whom are Jewish or converting, but both of whom are highly supportive. I've met one of them, as she sometimes attends service, but the rest of us typically arrive solo.

But coming by ourselves does not mean we're in this alone. We're sharing books and podcasts with one another, and having discussions like: What it does it mean to keep shabbat and make it separate from other days of the week? What is our intention behind behind keeping kosher or wearing a kippah? And how to do we discuss our new religion with our families and co-workers? For many of us, the answers to each of these questions will differ, but the very Jewish practice of discussing them collectively is often how we reach said answers. I cannot imagine a better way to convert.

When I first began to consider conversion, almost three years ago, the task looked insurmountable, but I guess you could say God made it happen. In short, there may not be a lot of Jews here, but we're about to get a whole lot more, and I am so very proud to be one of them.

[signalwatch]

Psycho (1960)

Watched:  10/26/2023

Format:  Peacock

Viewing:  3rd or 4th

Director:  Alfred Hitchcock

So, it's not really worth talking too deeply about Psycho (1960) here at Ye Olde Film Watch Journal.  The movie is one of the most written about, discussed and analyzed flicks that one is likely to see.  So I won't get into plot, analysis, etc...  Y'all can chase that around on your own.  

I hadn't personally seen it in probably two decades, so I decided to give it a whirl as part of our Halloween spooktacular cinema series.  

Probably my foremost comment is that the movie actually lives up to the hype.  Some movies do.  Lawrence of Arabia.  2001.  The Godfather Part II.  I can go on listing great movies, but just assume I agree with you as you fill in your own blank here.

Maybe those movies show signs of age or that they were made in another time, but there's nothing about them that doesn't pull you in and hold you.  And Psycho - minus the weirdo psychoanalysis at the conclusion - is kind of a perfect film.  Every line has weight or double meaning, every shot provides you with information about the story and characters, and the sound and atmosphere are on point.

Hitchcock is known as the master of suspense, and from the moment Janet Leigh picks up the money, the movie never really lets up.  That it breaks deeply ingrained narrative tradition and bumps her off - now one of the most famous scenes in cinema - is still a mental jolt.  You're all in on Marion's flight and plight by the time she decides to get clean (itself a double meaning).  

I can only imagine how audiences felt in 1960.  You'll hear it pitched as the first 30 minutes - but the car sinks at about the 1 hour mark of a 110 minute film.  To actually have a victim built up as a protagonist, it just naturally seems she should survive - something that Leigh's own daughter would perfect in Halloween.    And the beautiful leads almost always survive in horror pictures - drop a comment to name a movie where one doesn't, prior to 1960.

It's also impossible to say enough about Anthony Perkins in the movie, who possibly did *too* good of a job and got himself planted in the world's consciousness as Norman Bates, no matter what other roles he took on.  But, man, not a false note in the film, and putting in a performance utterly ahead of its time.  This role is closer, timelinewise to Dracula by 30+ years than it is to today, 63 years on.  Absolutely unreal.  And if you were only partially there with Norman, the final moments of the film are one of the great selling points.

I've seen and enjoyed the direct sequel - but I'm not sure it ever should have had one.  That final shot should have been the end capper.

I'm not clear on the production of the film.  I know the studios didn't want to make it, and it seems like a good 1/3rd of movies that go on to be genre-busting classics come for very passionate filmmakers studio execs want to out guess.  I know you wind up with some duds from letting name directors chase their bliss, but sometimes you wind up making one of the most important films of the century.

Psycho has its sequels, a TV show and it's been endlessly referenced, ripped-off, homaged, and a good chunk of films are now a xerox of a xerox of the original.  And for good reason.  A lot of horror would learn its tricks from the movie and how its framed, how Hitch used the stairs and sets and camera placement.  Montage would tell us more than actually just showing the thing in the shower sequence.  Reveals that show us things are endlessly more f'd up than we first expected when we find Mother in the cellar.  

I don't know that simply dipping back into the well is able to recapture what's there.  It's the Hitchcockian synergy of all the elements working together, and that's lightning in a bottle.  That some can do this over and over is just amazing fortune for audiences.  

If you listened to our Texas Chainsaw Massacre podcast, you'll be aware that I recently finally Googled the murders of real life psychopath Ed Gein, which partially inspired TCM, Psycho and portions of Silence of the Lambs.   There's a whole lot to unpack there, and it's absolutely horrible, but turns out the author of the original book that Psycho is based on lived near Gein, so you can see how he'd have some inspiration.

I don't really have much to say on it, and I don't particularly think you'll sleep better actually reading up on Gein, so don't.  But it's also fascinating that one guy seems to have spread his personal horrors out through so much culture and pop culture.

[batri-jopa]

Okey, my day of Contemplating the claimed "pitiability" of a single life is coming to an end, so here's the summary:

Riding a bicycle for the first time in the season finally - trip was not too long but I had my delights of wide space and morning dew lovely shining in the grass. Nobody's around to tell me "not now", "what for" or "who cares".

Listening to my favorite podcast - so I've been laying half naked in the sun and regularily shaking with laughter hearing how two 40 y.o. guys are discussing about the greatest absurds in The Blob movie from 1958.

Pyrography - also first time since... half a year? Only about an hour of work this time

The movie (My Happy Family / ჩემი ბედნიერი ოჯახი, 2017) turned out to be more "single-life-contamplating" than I thought... Mixed feelings: I wanted to fully sympathise with the main character - but then I so understand why her family is feeling hurt by her decision - and of course not everyone should get married and have children in the first place - but then if you already do have husband and children it's not like you can just suddently change your mind and leave them - but everybody is a free person to do what they feel - but then again why would your feelings matter if you don't care what others are feeling? - but they're all grown up and nobody gets hurt - but then... learning that your husband also could have had left you long time ago but decided not to and yet you decided to left him just like that... I have very mixed feelings with sympathising with a woman who probably was depressed and maybe even AroAce forced for marriage by society norms, even though she always wanted to kuve alone... (Society norms are like: her 20 y.o. son is asked "Why don't you marry yet?" - jeez...😑) But to sacrifice yourself for others, for "the happiness of your family" is what I've been taught and believed in and lived by all my life... So, okey, that was more theatre than a film and one most valid conclusion is: multi-generetional family living in one apartament is VERY BAD IDEA. Unless "the queen" would be retired. Maybe.

[doorbloggr]

Wednesday 4/8/22 - Media Recommendations #37

At the start of 2020, my friends and I set aside a day a week to get together and play Dungeons and Dragons. While the four I played with had some experience in D&D, I had never played before, after playing together for 2 years now, I think it's an experience all nerds should take part in.

And since I have grown a light obsession with D&D over the last couple years, I have been lightly keeping up with the latest season of a podcast called Critical Role, and it has only fueled my obsession further. So today let me tell you what Critical Role is all about.

Critical Role

Just like any other at-home D&D group, Critical Role started out as a group of friends playing a table top RPG. But one day, they decided to upload a recording of their sessions to Twitch, and changed the internet's perception of Dungeons and Dragons.

Keeping up with Critical Role has been a fairly unique experience for me. I do indulge in Podcasts quite often these days, but Critical Role is different to your run of the mill podcast, because there's an overarching plot and narrative.

Unlike my usual recommendations, I can't really give a plot synopsis, since each campaign is hundreds of hours and any major plot detail is a spoiler. But I CAN say that each adventure is a unique and gripping plot that has you keen to listen to the next episode.

Clara Daly (@ eldritchblep on twitter)

Critical Role explores the original world of Exandria, a fantasy realm of numerous cultures and deep worldbuilding. Each of the three campaign spans different continents across the world, and explore issues of rotten monsters, corrupt organisations, and the meddling of deities beyond their realm. The system is based in Dungeons and Dragons 5th Edition, and despite how perfectly the plot seems to go sometimes, every session is spontaneous, and largely unplanned by the players.

@keyvei

The DM Matthew Mercer has collaborated with dozens of other creators to craft a huge world, and there are several 5th Edition source books they have built from this world. Matt also works with his players to craft engaging backstories that have the others at the table, and those watching from home, on the edge of the seats.

I must also commend the players, Sam Reigel, Laura Bailey, Travis Willingham, Liam O'Bbrien, Marisha Ray, Ashley Johnson, and Taliesin Jaffe on their amazing voice acting and improv skills to make these beautifully enthralling characters with multi faceted personalities and lore.

@smolspoopy

Despite the concept being a bunch of white nerds doing a very white thing, the world, and community of Critical Role is a bastion of diversity and representation of various cultures, gender and sexual identities, and mental and physical challenges. Both the main cast and guest stars explore a variety of complex issues including PTSD, abuse, body dysphoria, substance dependency, broken homes, and broken souls. And that's just the stuff from campaign 2!

@starving-and-arting

Finally, I will lay out the actual structure of how one would go about experiencing Critical Role.

At the time of writing, there are 3 campaigns of Critical Role. Each story can be viewed without prior experience, but faithful viewers will get a kick out of Easter eggs and callbacks to earlier parts. Each episode is usually around 4 hours along, with a half hour break somewhere in the middle.

Campaign One, also known as Vox Machina, is 115 episodes, plus spin-off episodes released later. This series was their first to be broadcasted, and I've been told the production value at the start is not amazing, but it improves. Campaign Two, The Mighty Nein, is 141 episodes. They really hit their stride with this season, and despite the end of the campaign running into the start of the Covid 19 pandemic, it never lost its spark. Campaign Three, Bell's Hells is still ongoing, and at the time of writing, up to episode 28.

All three campaigns are archived on their YouTube Channel, and new episodes are streamed to both YouTube and Twitch on Thursday Nights (Pacific Daylight Time), and then the vod is released on YouTube the following Monday (Tuesday for me).

Subscribe on YouTube or Twitch

I personally have only just finished watching Campaign 2, and am up to date on Campaign 3. I have not watched Campaign 1, but if you are looking for content on that adventure, there is a series on Amazon Prime called the Legend of Vox Machina (reccomended earlier) that chronicles part of that campaign. You can watch the Campaigns in any order, but my personal advice is try to catch up on Campaign 3 at least sooner rather than later, since it is the easiest to catch up on.

Hope you enjoyed the read, and let me know if you enjoy the reccomendation.

Also, the fanbase, the Critters are amazingly passionate, so check out the artists I tagged on this post, and more if you get the chance.

[sugar-vi421]

𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇 𝐌𝐄 | 𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘺 𝘫𝘰𝘩𝘯��𝘰𝘯

Prologue.

tw: nothing yet.

A LATE EVENING DINNER

My Parents insisted on bringing me to a fancy place to spend some time together talking about our lives and what's been going on. I loved going out to restaurant's- God just the food...but with my parent sit was a different story, you'll see.

I was sitting across from the two while they handed the menus off to the waiter waiting for them to say something first.

Did I forget to mention that I haven't seen them since they sent me out to college? That was when I was 18. I'm 26 now.

"So, tell me what has my precious daugther been up to these last few years?" Mom asked grabbing her glass of expensive red wine taking a sip eyeing me down while I try to come up with the right words to tell her.

Meanwhile my father has just been sitting there looking at his phone not paying any mind to us.

"Well, Recently I've gotten a new job" I lifted my glass of water to my lips looking into the glass as her face lights up with a smile.

"That's wonderful! Isn't it James?" Mom looks over to her side looking at dad, but he was still stuck on the phone.

She tapped his shoulder while saying his name again to get his attention and he looked up at her putting away the phone quickly into his suit jacket agreeing with my mom even though he had no idea what she was talking about.

She rolled her eyes and focused back on me- "Now, did you get a nice office? You at least need to be comfortable in your new workplace as a lawyer!"

This is what I was talking about when I said it was a different story...

God here comes the judgmental looks.

"Mom I'm not a lawyer, I work for the FBI as a Criminal Behavior Analyst." I said clearing my throat fidgeting with my hands looking back and forth between her and my fingers as I wait for her dramatic reaction.

She's never approved of my interests, I grew up on crime podcasts and documentaries while my older sister jenny went to med school and became a doctor like my parents wanted her too, they also wanted that for me but after I rejected it the first few times, they had just assumed I wanted to be a lawyer instead.

Yeah, me being a lawyer was not happening, I had to deal with enough from my rich egotistical parents and I was and still am not up for dealing with a random client's attitude because they gave all their money to an ex-girlfriend.

It just wasn't for me, but they wouldn't understand that.

Her smile dropped immediately, and she just stared at me for a moment giving me a disappointed look, she put her wine glass down and sighed- "Luci, you know that wasn't the career choice we had in mind for you."  

Dad decided to also cut in adding "We have never judged you for your hobbies Lucinda but really? You can't be serious!" He whispered to avoid causing a scene.

"Yeah, never judged at all" I muttered, taking another sip of my water. So, the multiple times you've told me to stop listening to those "stupid videos" telling me it's a waste of time must've never happened?

In his eyes I must be crazy to go against what they claim to be "my real future" so I can keep the family successful and full of doctors, lawyers and accountants.

While dad keeps trying to change my mind, Mom sits there with her thoughts probably thinking on ways she could still get me to be a lawyer and possibly make me quit my job even though I haven't even worked a single night yet.

She stops my dad from telling me whatever nonsense he was saying that I wasn't even paying any attention to and says "Fine. You don't want to be a lawyer? That's okay." I just stop doing whatever I was doing and shoot her a confused look.

The waiter finally arrives with the food and places our dishes Infront of us, she waits for him to leave to speak up again.

"You want to work there then you're going to be working in a town where I have eyes and ears." She says as she grabs the knife and fork on the side to cut into her steak.

"Excuse me?"-

"You're an adult I know, but I want you to be safe. I want you to take your grandmothers house in Roseville. Since Grandma Millie has passed, I think you should have the house, you were always her favorite anyways..." She takes a bite of the meat on her fork, and I just smile to myself.

Well, that wasn't expected.

My grandma was the best. She always supported me and my interest...I was glad to live in that house. I always loved visiting her when she was there anyways, so this was a positive thing.

I'm still a bit worried about why she's not being unsupportive and furious about this but I'm just going to take it as a win for today and not question it, so she doesn't change her mind.

I smile at her.

"Thank you, mom."

"Don't mention it sweetheart."

After we all finish dinner and my dad pays for the bill, my mom tells me to drive up to the house in the morning and to pack my things tonight, it wasn't so late so I agreed. I said goodbye to them at the restaurant and left.

The drive home wasn't so long, and surprisingly the roads were empty which I was so thankful for because I did not want to sit there for 2 hours waiting on a busy highway.

I got home around 8pm and decided to just get started packing.

-

I opened the front door, dropping my keys in a basket on the side table and started taking off my jacket as I walked over to my room, I put my jacket on my desk chair and sat down. First, I just needed to email my employer about the location change.

"Hey I wanted to notify you that I will be taking a position in Roseville instead of here in the city, I hope you don't mind the sudden change, if anything ill be willing to talk about it.

Thank you."

-Lucinda Sidney Williams

I hit send and sigh, leaning back into my chair closing my eyes for a moment. Tomorrow I'm going to move into the house and start my first shift at my new job after a few nights.

It shouldn't be too bad right?

Whenever I visited Roseville, it was always a nice and safe place, I never really paid any attention to any crimes that had happen over there because I was a little kid, and my focus was spending time with Grandma Millie.

Even if anything did happen to us, she would always be there to protect me and my sister.

At least I won't have to deal with any case that's too crazy, living in Roseville will just be like old times.

What's the worse that could happen in a town like Roseville?

-an

AHH I'm so excited to start this book, and I know this doesn't even have a mention of the killer you all came for but just realize this is the introduction, and please tell me if this sucks or not I need feedback or I'm gonna keep unknowingly writing a terrible book that non of you enjoy. :(

also 1209 words is pretty short so I might work on longer chapters.

TAG LIST :

@infinitewhore @mama-miya @m4gn3ziu @sleepyashe

note to be tagged again <3

[topsytervy]

Good Books, Bad Movies ~ Rafe Cameron, JJ Maybank

Blurb: After reading the first two Percy Jackson books, JJ discovers that there are movies.

Word Count: 988

Warnings: swearing, grammar/spelling mistakes, no big spoilers just brief plot description, I think that's it.

This was based on a random little shit post I made a while back and I decided it's been a while since I've completed ANY of my writings that I'd whip up something short and new. This is definitely not the best but it's here and it exists.

also, don't mind me dropping off the face of the earth for months at a time and never posting anything, just interacting and reading things. Between work and my brain finally grasping at the fact that I don't need to have every little thing I write to be at least a thousand words, I've got barely anything to post.

~~~~~~~~~

You sighed as both of the boys got situated, Rafe and JJ making themselves comfortable with their heads on your chest.

Just a couple of minutes ago, they were playing some video game as you sat on Rafe's bed, a book you've read countless times before in your hand.

"Seriously, Y/N/N. What book is more interesting than us?" JJ whined as he paused the game, looking back at you as you raised your eyebrows and looked at him over your book.

"A 13-year-old boy killing monsters."

Rafe and JJ shot each other a look before setting down their controllers. "What?"

"Percy, the kid, is a demigod and he has to head out on this quest and a lot of shit goes down in the process. Good series. I've read it at least five times all the way through." You explained, shuffling into a more comfortable position.

Rafe glanced at JJ before returning his gaze to you. "Would you read it to us?"

Your eyes flickered between the two boys before nodding. "Sure."

And now here you were, looking like a mother about to read her two sons to sleep, the game forgotten about as you flipped to the beginning of the book.

"Chapter one, I accidentally vaporize my pre-algebra teacher." You began, earning a smile from each of them.

By the time you reached chapter four, you grabbed your bookmark, assuming both the boys had fallen asleep on you but Rafe lifted his head.

"Why are you stopping?"

You stared at the older boy as you shut the book. "Well, I thought that'd be a good place to stop for now."

"No. One more chapter. Come on." Rafe whined like a child.

You felt JJ nod his head against you and you sighed once again. "Fine. One more chapter."

You didn't end up going to bed until 1 AM, making a good dent in the book before you told the two that there was no way you could make it through another chapter. Over the next few days, every time you were with JJ and Rafe, you three got comfortable somewhere and read The Lightening Thief.

It didn't take long for your little trio to be on the third book, you reading and sipping a tea or hot chocolate as one of the boys played with your hair and the other drew mindless shapes on your legs that you had draped over his lap.

It was early morning when JJ burst into Rafe's house with a bag in hand, looking as if he won the jackpot.

"Rafe, Y/N's been holding out on us." He said as he dropped the bag on the counter, making his way towards the pantry and pulling out the popcorn.

Rafe and you both raised an eyebrow at the blonde pogue as he walked towards the microwave, put the popcorn in, and set the time before hitting start.

"Did you know that they made the first and second Percy Jackson books into movies?"

Rafe's eyes lit up as you groaned, placing your head on your arms that were resting on the island. "JJ, please tell me you did not spend money on those movies."

Rafe walked over and placed his hands on the younger boy’s shoulders. "JJ, please tell me you did."

JJ grinned. "Oh, I did, my dear friends. I did."

Rafe clasped his hands together and closed his eyes, a smile on his face as you groaned again.

"J, no." You drew out, as you slowly shook your head, not moving from your position.

Rafe and JJ both shot you a look. "What are you whining about? You love these books, rightfully so, and now we have the movies to watch." JJ pulled them out of the bag.

"That's why I'm whining. I love these books and the movies...oh my god." You raised your head as you looked at them. "I already watched the movies and, on their own, they're good but they don't do the books any justice. Like, the writers fucked it up to the point where Rick Riordan was like 'uhm people aren't going to like this'."

Rafe and JJ both blinked at you before Rafe spoke up.

"I'll go grab the beers."

"Yeah. Grab some blankets too. We gotta be comfy for this."

***

You shot the two boys a look that screamed 'i told you so' as they made a face as the credits of the second movie rolled.

The two had spent the majority of both movies pointing out the differences between the films in the books. Rafe even opened up his notes app and began writing all the flaws, claiming he'll need this for reference later when he writes a review.

"I cannot believe the writers would do Uncle Rick dirty like that," JJ muttered, shaking his head as he tipped back his beer.

You stood up and crossed your arms. "Maybe next time you'll listen to me."

The boys shot you a look before turning back to each other. "I wasted money on this." JJ sighed.

You walked over and placed yourselves between them, leaning your head on Rafe's shoulder as your hand-rubbed JJ's back.

"Time to start a podcast called 'books vs. their movies: which ones were good and which were disappointments'." You closed your eyes as you remembered all the books you read and then watched the movies just to feel the regret of watching them.

"Had your heart broken one too many times?" Rafe asked, smiling down at you.

You nodded. "The only reason why I watch the movies at this point is for the actors."

Rafe patted your thigh. "Well, how about we grab The Titans Curse and continuing reading that to take our minds off of this?"

"Alright." You agreed before you all stood up and made your way back upstairs to Rafe's room, the boys stomping up ahead of you, skipping steps as they did.

~~~~~