#[ keeping people at bay because of her upbringing; because of the abandonment. because of /seeing people leave/ and worse yet... ]

[babocka]

... This is such a little detail that no one will go looney over like me, but she drags her scythe across the floor as she rushes in.

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 24: Fragments (originally published on August 23, 2021)

AN: The end of the Alternate Future begins here! Or this story at least, I've got a few follow-ups planned after finishing this one, one of which I might set up here. But regardless, here we are at the end of Part 3 and from here on out, things will go downhill for our heroes & uphill for our villains. Can Steven be saved from both himself and Black Rutile? Who knows? Except for me that is, and a very select few as well. But I've had enough keeping you in suspense, let's get straight to the action.

Synopsis: Steven's condition gets worse and he seeks help from Jasper.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Lauren Ash as White Topaz

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball

Tom Scharpling as Greg

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Dee Bradley Baker as Lion

Ron Perlman as ?

--

"Hear me my followers and rejoice!" Black Rutile declared, with Aquamarine perched on her shoulder, as she recorded herself making a grand speech to her remaining minions in her cave lair. "Our day of revengeance is at hand! No more shall that sanctimonious half-breed tyrant enforce his iron-fisted rule over our people! Because despite claiming to be a pure-hearted child, recent intel has confirmed he is far from it."

As an example, Black Rutile played the footage of Steven crashing his father's van that her satellite had gathered. "Look at this absolutely abhorrent act." She stated. "What kind of child would ever dare murder their father without any rhyme or reason?"

"Actually, there have been a few throughout this planet's history that have done just that." White Topaz leaned into view to point out.

"SHUT IT TOPAZ!" Black Rutile angrily commanded before turning back to her viewers. "Anyways, soon he will be exposed as the monster he truly is, and with the army we have regrown from the colonies some of my subordinates have retaken, we shall lay siege to the tyrannical Crystal Gems and strike them at our weakest!"

"You sure about that my Rutile?" Black Rutile's Topaz bodyguard leaned back in, much to her master's anger. "'Cause I've gotten word from Cinnabar's faction that some of your former Black Pearls have formed, like, a little squadron to fight back against her."

"Can you not ruin my speech, you ignoramus?!" Black Rutile shoved her Topaz away. Just as she was about to make a grand conclusion to her speech, Black Rutile quickly declared "End transmission." and shut off the recording. "Now look what you did, I was making a motivational speech to my allies, but you had to keep getting in the way just like you always do!"

"Always?" White Topaz replied while making shadow puppets against the cave wall. "Look, I may spoil your plans some of the time, but your ego is just as much to blame the rest of the time."

"That is indeed true Topaz, but now I must ask," Black Rutile said. "what is with this attitude? Where's the overly polite idiot that always followed my orders without question, no matter how horrible they are?"

"I'm betting she's already having second thoughts about your plans." Aquamarine advised her superior.

"You mind if I," Eyeball suggested before making a slashing noise with her mouth and pulling her chisel from her gem. "put her to rest?"

"I'm being serious you guys!" White Topaz said. "The three of you may think you're Gems of the people, but I don't think Gems like those would ever hyperfocus on ruining the life of one person instead of just focusing on something healthier!"

"Like what, forcing ourselves to join those ingrates and deprive ourselves of our way of life in favor of becoming part of a hive-mind?" Black Rutile asked, menacingly pulling out her bowie knife to threaten her Topaz with. "I have been plotting against the Crystal Gems ever since Steven brainwashed the Diamonds, and I refuse to abandon those plans just because you don't like them! Now, are you going to be a good little bodyguard, or do you want to ditch your best friend in favor of the hypocrite?"

Although White Topaz showed tons of reluctance, she nervously got down on one knee and bowed her head to her three teammates. "No, my Rutile. I am at your beck and call, whenever you need me."

"Very good my Topaz." Black Rutile put away her knife to pat White Topaz on the head with an evil smile, before turning away to tap at her visor. "Now if we have nothing else to discuss, it seems the seeds of doubt I have planted in Steven's mind that fateful night have finally begun to grow." She stated before her visor created a holographic chessboard with pieces resembling herself & her minions on one side, and the Crystal Gems & the Diamonds on the other. "Now all we need is just one last push." On that last word, Black Rutile then spawned a chess piece resembling Jasper that she put squarely in the middle of the board.

--

Far from Black Rutile's lair in the woods, Steven and Greg had finally returned home to Beach City after a father-son outing that turned rather disastrous. Fortunately, the Crystal Gems were already home to be told of what happened and as Steven gazed out over the deck, Bismuth asked Greg what happened.

"So Steven just flew off the handle because of a song?" Bismuth asked while helping Greg put his van back together. "Frankly, I could think of weirder reasons to get angry."

"No, it wasn't because of the song." Greg admitted to the blacksmith. "It was because we drove off to my childhood home in Keystone and he learned that my upbringing wasn't too different from his mom's."

"I don't think you ever told anyone about when you were a kid." Bismuth replied.

"Not that I wanted to until now." Greg stated. "But after that crash, I don't think I ever want to bring them up again. Steven started ranting about how he wished the Gems never found Earth and he had a normal human life like I had."

"Whoa whoa whoa, where did all this come from?!" Bismuth yelled in alarm, raising her hands towards the former rock star.

"That's what I said!" Greg exclaimed before turning to his despondent son. "And now that I think about it, maybe he had good reason for those wishes after all he's been through."

Steven looked down in utter shame and regret before he walked back inside the beach house, clearly avoiding a chance to speak with his father about the incident.

--

As soon as Steven got inside, the other Crystal Gems were there to greet him, but the looks on their faces told Steven things weren't going to be good.

"Sit down on the couch Steven, we need to talk." Pearl commanded the son of her deceased lover, who did as he was told before Pearl began pacing around. "I just can't believe you, Steven! Crashing the van with Greg inside?! You know how fragile humans are, young man! These pink outbursts need to be dealt with!"

"It's not an outburst!" Steven yelled, briefly inflating himself as he turned pink.

"See, this is exactly what I'm talking about!" Pearl exclaimed before Steven got back up and started walking away. "What is happening to you?!"

"It's nothing, just puberty, honest!" Steven cried as he struggled to keep his pink form at bay.

"Whoa no little dude, I've seen enough sitcoms to know that is not what puberty is like!" Amethyst declared. "Right, Garnet?"

"I can confirm, this is not regular puberty." Garnet nodded before Steven put up a literal wall between him and his guardians.

"Steven, drop the wall this instant!" Pearl ordered as she pressed against the pink, hexagonal dome.

"I'm sorry Pearl!" Steven gasped in apology before the wall disappeared. "I just need some space, okay? I'll be in my room." But as Steven walked upstairs, Amethyst rushed to keep him from going any further.

"Not so fast, my dude!" Amethyst declared. "You gotta tell us what's going on!"

"It seems like Steven wants to avoid a serious discussion altogether." Garnet analyzed.

"No, I'M NOT!" Steven yelled, dropping to his knees and pounding his fist on the stairs, creating a shockwave that shook the entire room.

"Steven, either you talk to us about what's going on, or you're grounded until you're able to explain." Garnet firmly declared.

"She's right man, you gotta chill!" Amethyst exclaimed.

"We need to do something about this before anyone else gets hurt!" Pearl stated as Steven continued struggling where he stood.

"Don't let these strange powers control you." Garnet tried desperately to calm the half-Gem down. "You're better than this."

"LEAVE ME ALOOONE!" Steven finally roared, causing a pink shockwave to burst from his body and seemingly force the Gems to move in slow motion. Or rather, he was moving faster than everyone else. "I'm speeding up again!" he muttered while gazing at his equally pink hands. "I gotta get out of here!"

Steven ran out of the house and far away from the Crystal Gems. There was barely anywhere he could go right now. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl kept enabling these strange new powers, yet Peridot, Lapis, and Bismuth probably barely knew what to do about things. Thus, there was only one Gem left he knew could help him in his time of need.

--

"The Gems tried to help me, but they just kept making things worse." Steven explained to Jasper later that night while the two sat around a campfire in front of her cave. "And that's why I refuse to go back."

"So what you're saying is," Jasper answered before dramatically removing the cloak she was wearing. "you want a rematch?!"

"What?! No!" Steven exclaimed. "I just told you why I came here in the first place. I think my Diamond powers are coming out, and I have no idea how to control them. I just want to be alone so I can't hurt anyone or be super toxic and controlling."

"So, you finally admitted it, eh?" Jasper rolled her eyes as she got up and walked away. "If you want to be alone, your definition of it is horribly wrong!"

"But Jasper, this is the last place anyone would look for me!" Steven explained before running after Jasper. "Wait, don't leave me here!" he begged the bigger Gem. "This thing with my powers is the real problem."

"The only problem you have is your friends." Jasper declared, much to Steven's confusion. "Just like how you keep holding everyone back, they're doing the same to you!"

"Are you sure?" Steven asked. "I definitely believe I'm getting them all worried."

"That's because they're afraid of you." Jasper responded. "And not just of your powers, but your control over others. And you are too! You came out here to hide, but I'm not one to hide myself. I don't need to hide my power or try to stifle it, I let everything out by training!"

"Like this forest?" Steven wondered, looking around the patch of destroyed trees he and Jasper have stumbled upon.

"Exactly." Jasper answered, walking up to a tree and making it fall over with a single punch. "And to control that power, I have to use it. Those so-called friends of yours don't understand because they always want to make you feel bad for being yourself!"

"Yeah, I do feel bad." Steven muttered to himself, gazing at his fist before walking over to punch another tree, turning pink as he landed a blow that created massive cracks on the bark and wounded his hand.

"Yeah, crush that weakling tree!" Jasper cheered Steven on.

"No!" Steven exclaimed before kissing the tree to fix the damage he did.

"Are you kidding me?! That's disgusting!" Jasper gagged at the sight when she looked down to discover that Steven's kiss caused some grass to grow around them. "No, the grass!" she yelled and rapidly pulled out the grass beneath her. "Get out of here!" Jasper then angrily turned to Steven and picked him up by the collar of his jacket. "Quit helping this planet's ecosystem and show me! Show me your power!"

Jasper harshly threw Steven to the ground, causing him to groan in pain. "No way Jasper!" Steven coughed as he got up from the toss. "I can handle myself!"

"Shut up!" Jasper yelled and lunged at Steven, who turned pink on reflex and created a barrier to defend himself from the Quartz's ruthless attack, but it proved ineffective as Jasper punched straight through it, causing Steven to fall to the ground. "This is it; this is all you were worried about?! What a rip-off!"

As Steven helped himself off the dirt, Jasper just kept on yelling. "I am way stronger than everyone you hold back and are holding you back in return!" she bellowed while pointing at Steven. "Because I'm not afraid of this, and you shouldn't be either!"

In response, Steven turned pink again and created another shield to launch at his opponent. "Yeah, that's more like it!" Jasper declared eagerly and prepared to defend herself, smashing the shield with just her arm. "Now tell me, was it good to let your anger out that way?"

"Y-yeah." Steven realized how good it felt to vent his rage on someone who could be a match for him, allowing Jasper to let out a loud laugh. "If I stay here, will you teach me how to control all this?"

"I won't teach you until you fight me!" Jasper refused the offer.

"Well, I won't fight you unless you teach me!" Steven replied.

"Ugh, fine!" Jasper groaned in resignation.

"Really?!" Steven smiled as he returned to his normal color.

"Here's lesson number one," Jasper responded. "No smiling."

"But I've seen you smile." Steven pointed out the goofy smile Jasper wore when he agreed to fight her not too long ago.

"Lesson two, shut up!" Jasper yelled before she kicked Steven into the air, and the boy landed far from where she could see him with a thud.

"Guess my training starts now." Steven declared to himself before he heard footsteps behind him and turned around to find who was behind him. "YOU!"

"Training with Jasper, Steven?" Black Rutile snickered disdainfully. "Wow kid, you're not just one Spinel, you're an entire circus of them!"

"What do you want with me now Black Rutile?" Steven asked his new archenemy as Black Rutile's three minions appeared behind her.

"We just came here to talk." Aquamarine answered. "As much as we would love to kidnap you and hold you for ransom, or maybe even kill you right here and now, we think hanging with a brute like her is much more fitting."

"Besides, we all know you'll just drive her away like you did to everyone else." Eyeball laughed. "Or maybe even something worse!"

"Look, what we're trying to say is that you should just give up now and get the help you really need." White Topaz cautioned Steven, unaware of how angry she made her teammates. "We only want what's best for you, so you won't get in the way of my Rutile's plan!"

"Are you seriously trying to help our enemy here?" Black Rutile growled with eyelids lowered at White Topaz. "I thought you were at my beck and call whenever I needed you!"

"If you're trying to ruin my life again, it won't work." Steven firmly declared as he got up to face the four insurgent Gems. "I know what you really are, Black Rutile. You're no hero to Homeworld, you're just a callous bully who will do anything to get her way."

"GROW UP STEVEN, GROW UP!" Black Rutile abruptly yelled at Steven's face. "Sociopath, hypocrite! Refusing to save a dying pet because of the natural order when he refuses to accept everyone is leaving him! Who's the real villain between us two, my boy, hm?"

"Still you." Steven remained resolute against the Rutile.

"You can't even begin to comprehend my current plans." Black Rutile replied just as resolutely. "Soon, everyone on this accursed rock will see you for the monster you truly are."

"Hey, where are you?!" Jasper bellowed from afar, and Black Rutile saw this as her cue to leave.

"Wouldn't want to keep a certain someone waiting." Black Rutile smirked. "But at least the three of us agree the Crystal Gems are the real problem."

"Aw, but I wanna turn Jasper against Steven too!" Eyeball complained. "Plus it would be an honor to see her in person again. The real deal, not an Amethyst shapeshifting into her."

"Oh, shut up, and let's get out of here." Aquamarine slapped her Ruby partner and dragged her away by the hand.

"Hey, no hard feelings kid?" White Topaz asked Steven, causing Black Rutile to slap her mouth shut.

"We'll see each other again Steven." Black Rutile declared. "But until then, I'll be watching you, just like I've always had since our last fight."

As the four rogue Gems left, Steven was left alone with his thoughts once more. And with those thoughts, a certain voice in his head re-emerged. "You know, she does raise a few good points."

"You again!" Steven said to the voice. "What do you want now? Are you another Gem working for Black Rutile?!"

"Well, kind of." The voice answered. "I'm not directly working for her, but it's thanks to her that I'm even speaking to you now. Remember that night while the Gems were out in Los Diego? She helped me grow."

"I thought so." Steven muttered in a moment of clarity. "But please, just leave me alone!"

"Maybe I'll just sit back and watch while you worry your so-called friends sick." The voice laughed deeply. "Don't you worry, we'll be seeing each other again very soon."

With that foreboding goodbye, the voice once again vanished from Steven's thoughts. Was it true, was that voice even haunting Steven because of what Black Rutile said to him? Or could it perhaps be even older than that?

"Are you dead or something?!" Jasper yelled for Steven. "Come back over here if you aren't, we got training to do tomorrow!"

"I'm coming!" Steven cried and raced back to Jasper's cave. As soon as he got there, Jasper threw her cloak at his face. "What was that for?"

"Think you might need this." Jasper stated while peering out from her cave. "Humans need to sleep, right?"

"Aw, you really do care for me." Steven blushed at the seemingly kind gesture, but Jasper just scoffed and retreated into the darkness of her home. Steven then just shrugged and laid down on the ground with the cloak covering him like a blanket, gazing up at the stars and wondering how the Crystal Gems must be doing.

--

The next morning, the Crystal Gems were now searching across Beach City for the missing Steven. Pearl had placed posters all over town while Greg helped Lion and Amethyst sniff around for him, but so far they found nothing that would help them.

"Whoa, easy Amethyst!" Greg yelled as he tugged on the leash of a purple-furred Dalmatian with an amethyst gemstone on her chest, which then turned into an exhausted Amethyst.

"We're getting nowhere with this!" Amethyst complained. "I mean, I learned how he could slow down time through Smoky Quartz, and even I don't have a clue!"

"I hope we find him soon, I'm getting worried." Pearl whimpered before she found Garnet walking up to them. "Anything from Little Homeworld, Garnet?"

"Nothing, Peridot and Lapis told me they didn't see Steven recently." Garnet answered. "However, Zuli said she did see a pink blur zoom past yesterday."

"That's the same one I saw with Bismuth while we were fixing the van!" Greg declared. "Could that be Steven?"

"It probably is." Pearl said before she began to break down into tears and hug Greg tightly. "I miss my baby!"

"We all do Pearl." Greg sniffed and returned the hug, followed by Garnet, Amethyst, and Lion joining in to comfort the Pearl. "We all do."

However, little did the Gems know, Steven was perfectly fine. But not the kind of fine they want him to be.

--

Far off in the woods, Steven had fallen fast asleep underneath the blanket Jasper had lent him. But his rest wouldn't last long as Jasper emerged from her cave and smashed a wall, shocking him awake.

"Rise and shine, your training begins today!" Jasper barked as she walked up to the half-Gem boy and picked him up by the neck. "Now tell me, what are you here for again?"

"Uh, to get a better control of my powers?" Steven answered.

"Not enough energy." Jasper shook her head in disdain. "Why don't we start with the only way you can talk to people?" she suggested and then cleared her throat. "So you're here because of your mother, kid? Well, whoop-de-doo!" the big Quartz began singing while circling Steven. "You still haven't realized more have suffered than just you! If you wanna get tougher kid, here's a tip. I got three little words for you: get a grip!"

"Shouldn't that apply to you too?" Steven asked his new mentor.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Jasper growled while walking towards some boulders and picked one up.

"I mean, you're stuck here because of me." Steven continued, much to Jasper's anger. "Not to mention closets full of-"

"Do you want my help or not?!" Jasper roared.

"Yes ma'am!" Steven nervously complied before Jasper threw him a boulder.

"That's better." Jasper grinned smugly as she hoisted up more boulders on her back and walked away. "Follow me."

--

"You've been through a lot brat, but let me say something about that." Jasper began singing again as Steven followed her up the mountain with boulders in hand. "As a veteran, I've seen far messier, you should've seen the Clash at the Theater."

"I don't think I've heard of that before." Steven stated while setting the boulders down nearby.

"Doesn't matter, just giving an example." Jasper replied as she dropped her boulders too. "Now come on, throw me some shields!" Steven nodded before he turned pink and summoned multiple barriers to unleash on Jasper, who managed to break through all of them. "The fusion's all high and mighty. Amethyst can be pretty flighty. And the Pearl, wow, she's nuts, you see! They all got experience, but none like mine!"

--

"Maybe when you're done, you'll be feeling just fine." The next day, Steven continued training via splitting logs in half on a stump, while Jasper demonstrated her superior strength by knocking down a tree with just a push. In the meantime, Black Rutile whispered something into Jasper's ear without her knowing the Rutile was even there.

--

"If you wanna get tougher kid, here's a tip." As night began to fall, Jasper challenged Steven to a race, her spin-dash against his pink form's speed. "I got three little words for you: get a grip! Ya hear me!"

"Yeah, those three little words are 'Get a Grip!'" Steven joined in on the song as he began catching up to Jasper.

"Now we're talking!" Jasper cheered triumphantly.

--

"No time for healing!" As the training went on to the day after that, Steven had grown slightly taller and more muscular, and even began growing a beard as he threw another barrier at Jasper. "Who needs feeling?!"

--

"You're still reeling?" Steven caught a fish in the river with a more polygonal bubble that he cooked up to eat, while Black Rutile loomed behind him with another lie to tell him. "Well, my tips are quite appealing! Let's say it again!"

--

"If you wanna get tougher kid, here's a tip." Steven and Jasper harmonized while clashing fists in a forest clearing. "I got three little words for you: get a grip!"

"Yes, for everything to go as planned, get a grip." Black Rutile muttered while watching the two train with an evil smile, eager to see how far Steven has come and how far he'll fall.

--

The next day, thunder began rumbling far from Steven, who knelt in front of a campfire with a more muscular body that made him as tall as Jasper and a wildly different hairstyle.

"I found more rocks!" Jasper called out to her student while tossing over some more rocks for him to train with. "You won't believe how hard it is to find a good rock around here, especially since we broke most of them."

"I'm done with rocks Jasper." Steven declared while getting up to face Jasper. "I'm finally ready. For our rematch." He then put out the fire behind him with one stomp, showing the other Gem how serious he was.

"Took you long enough!" Jasper cackled as she cracked her knuckles and prepared for her long-awaited round 2. "Then come on, show me what you got!"

Steven responded by creating another hexagonal shield to launch at Jasper. However, Jasper jumped over the shield and attempted to punch Steven, but suddenly, she got punched instead. As Steven let out a gasp, Jasper summoned her horned crash helmet and slammed it into Steven's head, sending him tumbling backwards into the ground.

"What are you holding back for Steven?!" Jasper yelled while the resulting smoke began to clear. "You think you can't take it, that I'm just going to coddle you the whole way through, just like the Gems?! You still want to go back to them?"

"No!" Steven coughed from the smoke.

"You still afraid to be strong?!" Jasper continued taunting her foe. "Are you dull?! ARE YOU PITIFUL?!"

"I AM NOT!" Steven bellowed out loud, causing a shockwave that knocked Jasper back, and nearly shook a certain Rutile from a tree she was hiding in as he lunged at Jasper with fury in his eyes.

"Is that all?!" Jasper cackled arrogantly, forcing Steven to create more barriers to strike at her with, which finally landed a hit on Jasper and slammed her into a tree. "That's more like it!"

Steven let out a sadistic giggle before he lunged again, far faster than normal as he started repeatedly punching Jasper while the two soared through the forest and into the air.

"Come on, come on!" Jasper beckoned Steven as their brawl took to the skies. "Show your master what you can really do!"

Steven's maniacal laughter grew louder and louder with each punch before kicking Jasper to the ground. "You were right Jasper!" he declared while summoning more shields to trap Jasper with before forming an even larger one in front of him. "I HAVE BEEN HOLDING BACK!"

With a murderous smile and white diamonds in his eyes, Steven made his barrier grow razor-sharp spikes before launching it at his captive opponent. And for the first time in what felt like ages, as the spiked shield rocketed towards her, Jasper felt one emotion that she barely showed to anyone else.

Pure, unadulterated terror.

What had she done?

--

The cloudy skies gave way to a loud thunderstorm as Black Rutile climbed up to the top of another tree to watch the outcome of the fight, and she was more than happy with what she was seeing.

"Bravo Steven, I never knew you had it in you!" Black Rutile clapped loud enough for Steven to hear as he returned to his senses to realize what he had just done. "If I hadn't planned for that, she would've made a great bodyguard!"

With tears and raindrops staining his face, Steven hid whatever he was hiding in his balled-up fist while glaring at Black Rutile before he raced back to Jasper's cave. When Black Rutile decided to climb down the tree, she was greeted by the nervous look on her Topaz's face. "So, who were you betting on to win?"

"I was betting on Steven to curb his problems more healthily, and you just kept stringing him along!" White Topaz accused her superior, but her accusations were shut down by a bowie knife pointed straight at her face. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Would a shadow puppet make you feel better?!"

"No need." Black Rutile frowned, hiding behind the tree to watch as Steven, now wearing his jacket again, hid his fist in one of the pockets while running out of the woods. "Nothing makes me happier than seeing him squirm."

"Oh yeah, it's funny how pathetic he is." White Topaz laughed nervously in agreement. "Come on, let's head back to the cave. Don't wanna get wet."

"Indeed," Black Rutile agreed and strolled back to their lair with her arms behind her back. "wouldn't want anyone knowing what we did to him."

--

"I sent so many messages, but he hasn't replied!" Pearl fretted while pacing around the beach house as the storm continued. "Do you think he even had his phone when he ran away?! What if something horrible happened and it's all our fault because he wanted to stay away from us?! What if-" Pearl's panicking soon turned to hyperventilating as she curled up into a ball on the floor and began rocking back and forth when Amethyst stepped in to calm her down.

"Pearl, chill out!" Amethyst literally shook Pearl out of her traumatized state and picked her up off the floor. "Panting and sweating over everything won't bring Steven back! It's not like he's going to just barge in as soon as I finish talking!"

Just then, Steven finally returned home, much to the Crystal Gems' delight and worry. However, he had no time to tell them where he's been as he gunned for the bathroom.

"Steven, where have you been?!" Pearl cried out in fright for her surrogate son.

"No time to talk!" Steven exclaimed before ducking into the bathroom.

"Seriously man, we've been looking everywhere!" Amethyst added just as the door closed in front of her. "Hey, what was that in your hand?"

"Nothing important!" Steven replied, peeking out the door one last time before going back.

"The way he said that makes me get a bad feeling about this." Garnet declared ominously.

--

'This has been a horrible day.' Steven thought to himself while filling up the bathtub and snatching the three Diamond essence bottles from the mirror, taking a moment to find a dark shadow in the exact shape of his muscular self from earlier standing behind his reflection.

"I never knew you had it in you either." The shadow growled before Steven turned to dump all the Diamonds' essences in the bathwater and pulled his fist out of his pocket, unfolding it to reveal Jasper's shattered remains in his palms.

"Please work, you gotta work!" Steven muttered in total panic while piecing Jasper's broken gemstone the best he could and submerging it in the water. "Please Jasper, I'm sorry!" he began sobbing for the deceased Gem, his hot tears streaking against his face and dropping into the water.

"I'm sorry."

END OF PART 3: FRAGMENTED MIND

TO BE CONCLUDED IN PART 4: WE WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR FAMILY

--

Wow. Great googly moogly, it's all gone to shit, just the kind of shit that Black Rutile likes. Is Jasper truly gone? Okay, definitely not since next chapter after the break will be Homeworld Bound. Has Black Rutile won? Maybe. Will the voice in Steven's head take the wheel? Who knows? Find out on the epic final part of Steven Universe: Alternate Future, to perhaps begin after the usual two-month hiatus. Or maybe I should go for a shorter hiatus this time. Or maybe longer? What do you guys think? I mean, by the time I publish this, I'll be getting ready for sophomore year of college so my time will most definitely be filled up. But regardless, there are now only eight chapters left of laughs, tears and adrenaline rush, so don't even try to miss the next arc! Okay, peace!

[fvlminare]

✗✗✗   you see [ camille rivas ] around lately? yeah i heard that the [ cis female ] is up to no good. [ she / her ] has been here for [ three years ] now but they’re still pretty [ calculating ] which is fine because they’re also [ ardent ] so it balances out. the [ twenty-six ] year old [ dancer at mayhem ] actually looks like a lot like [ sofia carson ], don’t you think? it’s best to watch out, though, because it’s been said that they’re really into [ the rush of cocaine in her veins & a vice grip on her throat ]. 

henlo it me again! i hope u guys aren’t sick of me yet bc here’s my other bb! say hello to my boss-ass bish gal camile! she’s sassy, classy and a lil badassy. she’s a rather feisty, fiery, ball of rage and anger who cba with ur bullshit tbh n she’ll tell u this too if u piss her off enough! she’s lowkey cutthroat and always out for number one, aka: herself. but, i mean, she does have some redeeming qualities and her hair is bomb af so that makes up for it all really, doesn’t it? basically that meme: ‘ she’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll punch you in the face. ’ anywho, you know the drill, slap a lil luv on this n i’ll come pester u for all the good stuff : - ) 

fundamentals.

CAMILLE ALARA RIVAS     —     twenty-six, dancer at mayhem,   +   an honest-to-god vixen   /   hellcat   /   lil demoness ! 

aesthetics   ➤   dresses of black lace and red velvet, the scent of chanel perfume lingering in the air as she floats past, blood-red fingertips coiled around the pistol grip of a gun, red-bottomed heels clicking against marble floors, rose gold highlighter shimmering along the height of prominent cheekbones, satin dresses draped over a svelte frame that is shrouded in an air of mystery and intrigue, baby pink roses in a vase on the window sill, deft fingers stained with charcoal and oil paint, the melodic chime of piano keys, delicate digits adorned with moonstone gem rings, a coy smile spread across full crimson lips, long raven locks blowing in the cool breeze of a summer’s evening, battered books with dog-eared pages, a sense of freedom and carelessness when dancing for fun, & a sense of allurement and captivation when dancing for work.

nicknames. cam, cami, mil, millie, spawn of satan >:~)

date of birth. april tenth.

gender. cis female.

pronouns. she + her.

birthplace. manhattan, new york.

orientation. pansexual + demiromantic.

education. bachelor of dance degree obtained from nyu tisch school of the arts.

spoken languages. can speak fluent english, spanish, & latin.

negative traits. capricious, ornery, impulsive, guileful, caustic, brusque, obstinate, destructive, deceptive, & promiscuous.

positive traits. ardent, whimsical, intrepid, graceful, poised, elegant, headstrong, observant, independent, & confident.

strengths. optimistic, energetic, creative, practical, spontaneous, rational, knows how to prioritise, great in a crisis, & relaxed.

weaknesses. stubborn, insensitive, private, reserved, easily bored, dislikes commitment, & has a rather risky behaviour.

talents. ballet, knife throwing, hand-to-hand combat, horse riding, figure skating, piano, violin, painting, singing, & dancing.

physiology. hazel eyes. dark brown hair. five feet, four inches tall. of a petite, slender stature with subtle curves and long hair. has a long silvery scar on her back. her skin is clean of any tattoos. has both earlobes pierced. requires glasses but wears contacts most days. is right-handed.

psychology. aries zodiac. fire element. ravenclaw house. istp-a. true neutral. type seven enneagram. choleric temperament. intra-personal intelligence type. addicted to alcohol, tobacco, and cannabis. suffers from addiction and abandonment issues. her vices are lust, greed and wrath. her virtues are ... ( again ) honestly, probably just diligence tbh.

background.

possible triggers   :   child abandonment, abandonment issues, foster homes, alcohol, drugs, violence, gore, blood, murder, & death.

a synopsis.   ok so for this gal, let’s all give a big, warm welcome to sadness ( no, i was in no way at all inspired by salem from sabrina for that line ) bc boy oh boy, her life has been constant grief and pain, tbh. strap in for the bumpy ride, i’ll give u cookies for compensation. OK SO, camille was abandoned as a baby, never did—and still doesn't—know her biological parents and she doesn’t want to either, tbh. she bounced around from foster home to foster home, never sticking in one place for too long. given her turbulent upbringing, she was somewhat of a difficult child. too boisterous, too unruly, too stubborn, too inquisitive. too much of everything but never enough of anything. never enough for anybody to want her. it didn’t take the girl too long to figure out that it was just her alone, against the big bad world. from the age that she was old enough to realise it, camille knew that she had to fend for herself—that she could never truly rely on a single soul but herself. the hollowness inside her chest never quite satiated, leaving her empty and only too well aware of the lack of her real parental figures. as a young adolescent, this started to crawl under her skin and mess with her mind. it rendered her void of affection and unable to form genuine bonds with others—filling her with deep-rooted resentment that festered beneath the surface of the indifferent demeanour she plastered over herself every day. she always felt starved of love: as if some integral part of her heart was missing, leaving a gaping void that nobody could ever fill. anywho, she fell in with the wrong crowd which did little to aid her foster families hostility toward her. truthfully, most of her experiences in various homes were ... not pleasant. she’d encountered abusive ‘parents,’ horrible ‘siblings,’ and even worse schooling days. pressing the self-destruct button is this gal’s speciality thus she found herself gravitating towards her vices: things and people she knew were no good for her. drink, drugs, people, you name it. quickly, she realised that these things were no longer any good at keeping her dark side at bay: she needed something more, something deeper. thus, she began going down the road of petty crimes—stealing cars, smashing windows, theft, setting fires both metaphorically and literally. due to this lifestyle, she wound up entangled with some real shady folk who did … even shadier things. most specifically, she started dating a real jackass who was violent and truthfully, a horrible person, really. stupidly, she decided to run off into the metaphorical sunset with him * insert eye roll emoji here. * so, fast forward a year or so and things took a swift nosedive when her lowlife boyfriend’s hands were round her throat and not in the kinky way. while she’d clawed at him and tried to fight him off, she struggled against his weight and strength until, eventually, she lifted the first makeshift weapon she felt: a rusted pair of scissors. [ TRIGGER FOR VIOLENCE, GORE, BLOOD, MURDER, DEATH ] and, in a blind state of panic, she jammed them right into his jugular vein, his blood squirting out and decorating her face in crimson splatters. he’d stumbled backwards, clutched onto his neck, blood spurting from the webs between his fingers. naturally, camille was shook about this but somehow managed to flee the scene with less guilt rattling her soul than she’d imagined. [ TRIGGER OVER ] in her mind, it was an act of self defence. it wasn’t too long after the incident that she found herself in a rather perilous situation that resulted in her sudden realisation that she needed to get her damn life on track. therefore, she done the responsible adult thing and got herself a decent education. somehow, she managed to get into university where her life started to shape into a positive one—the kind she’d always dreamed of. once she graduated, camille decided that she wanted to see the world. following a couple of years travelling, she wound up in santa ysabel where she quickly fell into the employment of mayhem. admittedly, this was a far cry from the future she’d envisioned when she was just a sweet, innocent lil child. still, all in all, she kind of digs who she is and what she is: after everything she’s been through, she loves herself. it’s been a long and winding road but camille finally believes that she’s settled in her life now. tho she still refuses to let people in, her abandonment issues terrifying her to the degree that she feels that anybody she’d ever let into her life would eventually leave her in the end. * insert sad face emoji here. *

random extras.

her tell? playing with her hair: when she’s lying, nervous, flirting—you name it!

can drink any man under the table. 

she loves art in every form: paintings, sculptures, music, dance, people, etc. she loves the freedom that expressing herself through these mediums gives her.

she’s ... experimental. she’s experimented with just about everything: hairstyles, clothing, drink, drugs, people ...

can be hella calculating and vindictive so do not cross her.

quite power-hungry tbh.

she does have a shot at redemption but she doesn’t want it lmao. she’s already been to hell so why bother trying to right her wrongs?

and boy, are her wrongs a century-long list shkjsh.

high key is not above killing people who don’t do things her way.

doesn’t believe she’s capable of loving anyone.

she’s lowkey a perfectionist to the point of being ruthless, also cutthroat and egotistical.

if ya ain’t of use to her, then what the heck is ur purpose???

she’s v ambitious, v morally ambiguous, v self-serving and v self-involved.

she can be ... aggressive sometimes and most definitely has anger issues.

dry sense of humour one million per cent.

her signature look is her blood-red lips.

extremely skilled with knives and blades. and always carries one on her person at all times.

her most prized possession is her brushed chrome zippo lighter. it has her initials engraved into it and where she got it from, or who is something she’ll never tell.

always says she needs to quit smoking but never does and probably never will either.

did someone say ... resting bitch face???

tho when she smiles it’s like sunshine uwu

high key will sleep with anyone.

first place is the ONLY acceptable place, ok??? 

one of those people who just excels at everything she tries her hand at.

absolutely adores animals. much prefers them to humans.

she’s quite adventurous and loves to feel the adrenaline in her blood.

doesn’t take herself or her life too seriously.

always up for a good time and is usually the life of the party.

outspoken and quick-witted with a sharp tongue.

much too sassy and sarcastic for her own good.

really, she does what she wants to, when she wants to, without seeking the approval of others.

truthfully? she’s a bit of a spitfire if you really irk her. so, watch out.

you can find a pinterest board for her by clicking anywhere here.

[marvels-agents100]

waltz (part 4)

steve wasn’t the first one to find bucky in romania

pairing: bucky x fem ! reader

word count: 4347

trigger warnings: mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts

You were still in his arms when Eckstine's voice faded from the air, a gentle sway still moving the two of you together. Not wanting the moment to end, you kept your cheek against his, cherishing his soft touch. His left hand held you against him by the small of your back, right hand still intertwined with yours. Another song began, a swell of strings ringing through the room. A ghost of a smile settled on his lips, thankful that he wouldn't have to let go of you to restart the music.

The night is like a lovely tune

Beware, my foolish heart

His eyebrows pinched together slightly, not recognizing the lyrics, but recognizing the unforgettable voice of Nat King Cole. Maybe this particular song came out after 1945.

How white the ever constant moon

Beware, my foolish heart

You sighed, moving your forehead to rest on his shoulder, completely content with where you were. You didn't think about the lies you told Steve, you didn't worry about Bucky's past, you weren't stressed about what the future held or wether Bucky would be present for it- you let go of all of the answerless questions. Swaying in the arms of James Barnes was all that occupied your thoughts. If life decided to steal everything away tomorrow, to take every ounce of happiness from your life, at least you had the memory of dancing with a man who, despite how broken he may be, was able to put you back together.

There's a line between love and fascination

That's hard to see on an evening such as this

It had been a hard road to get to where you were. Your upbringing had left you with little opportunity for a future full of success, so every single thing you had managed to accomplish had to be through hard work and dedication. It did bring you a bit of pride, knowing you were self-made, but it also brought low points where you considered falling asleep without the chance of waking up. But you fought, and continued fighting everyday. All of the fighting seemed to end as soon as Bucky had entered your life. He brought upon you a reason, a purpose in a world where you always had felt like a wandering warrior. He brought upon you a peace and stillness you hadn't known for a long, long time.

For they both give the very same sensation

When you're lost in the magic of a kiss

He didn't realize how tense and on edge he always was until your face was nuzzled into his neck. His heart jumped in his chest, your closeness bringing an overwhelming relaxation over him, every muscle in his body letting it's guard down. For so long, he had been constantly in soldier mode, always ready to fight. It took something as simple as slow dancing with you to help him let his defense go and truly enjoy the moment. And boy, was he enjoying it. He was completely enchanted by the way your hand felt so delicate in his, or the way your eyelashes fluttered along his cheek. The emotions he felt were something he couldn't even begin to explain, all of them familiar, but so neglected that he couldn't pin point what they were. All he knew is that he would give anything to keep you in his arms forever.

Her lips are much too close to mine

Beware, my foolish heart

There was the small voice in the back of his head, screaming that he should leave now before it hurts too much. He tried to ignore it, but it was a fact he had to face. All that surrounded him was temporary, including you. Just a couple weeks ago, he would've ran as fast as he could from the feelings he felt now. He would've avoided any attachment, any ties. But, he was sick of running. He was sick of running from normalcy just because he believed he didn't deserve it. He thought about every time you had told him he deserves happiness, staring at him like he hung the stars in the sky. You would hold his hand across the table in that small bakery and tell him that the world owed him for all of the pain he had endured. And hell, maybe you were right. Maybe this was the world paying its dues.

But should our eager lips combine

Then let the fire start

You hoped he could feel it too, the connection. The small smile on your lips was unmoving, your face still settled in his neck. You prayed silently- to anyone or anything that would listen- that he enjoyed holding you as much as you enjoyed his embrace. Almost on queue, he let out a breathy chuckle.

"What is it?" You asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

"I forgot how much I loved dancing." His voice was low and sincere, his arms wrapping a little tighter around you as he spoke. It made your heart swell.

For this time, it isn't fascination

Or a dream that will fade, and fall apart

"Did you dance a lot?" You asked quietly.

"I did, yeah." You felt the vibration of his voice through his chest, "I remember hearing something about finding the right partner."

It's love

This time it's love, my foolish heart

He leaned back slightly, your head lifting so you could meet his eyes. The blue of his irises were bright and vibrant, complete and total adoration in his features as he took a moment to hold your gaze.

"I think I finally understand what they meant."

It's love

This time it's love, my foolish heart

***

"(Y/N), come on," Sam shook your shoulders slightly, knelt by your side, "we have to go."

You let out a pained groan, the blaring of an alarm slowly gaining volume as you regained consciousness. Your eyes finally opened, seeing Sam's worried expression over you.

"Good morning," he chirped, his voice rushed and slightly panicked, "can you stand?"

You nodded, reaching for his forearm as you got yourself sitting up. The pain that radiated through your side was almost unbearable, your free hand immediately holding onto your ribs.

"Slow and steady, I got you." Sam said softly, putting himself under your arm and supporting your side. "Ready? One, two, and... up."

You let out a cry as he lifted you to your feet, pausing to let you adjust yourself around him before beginning to walk down the hall. With deep breaths, you were able to get to a normal walking pace beside him. He led you to the stairwell, practically carrying you up a flight before opening an emergency exit door and emerging into the sunlight.

"Are we running?"

His eyes met you when you spoke, your voice small and broken. He hadn't ever seen you like this, and honestly, it was something he was sure he wouldn't be able to forget. You always held your ground and kept fighting, despite your pain or hardships. You had a way of intimidating thugs and criminals, then turning around to help and comfort friends. Even as SHIELD fell, you stood tall by his and Steve's side, fighting for what was right. Sam had come to admire your spirit, something he also admired in Steve. It was something that he had trouble finding now, not only with your damaged body, but what- what a he guessed- was a broken heart.

"Steve has him. Said he knew a place." Sam spoke softly, his eyes scanning around him for authorities, "You know me, he says 'jump' and I say 'how high'."

You cracked a smile at that, sensing the joking tone in his words. Sam was always able to bring a smile on your face.

"Too bad your wings are all locked up," you swallowed thickly, wincing slightly as a shock of pain traveled up your side, "I was hoping to meet your new little friend."

Sam chuckled, "Ah, good ol' Redwing. I would say he is gonna love you, but he's a bit shy around new people."

You laughed again, a small silence following. The smile soon fell from your face, jaw clenching as you allowed yourself to process everything that had happened within the centre. There were so many new problems to face, new questions to ask, on top of the list you already had. Sam noticed the change in your demeanor, his head immediately going into help mode, calling back to his time in the VA.

"Hey, it'll be alright," He said, your gaze lifting to meet his, "don't think too hard until we get to Steve. You just know he's gonna want to talk it all out."

You nodded, focusing on your steps and keeping your thoughts at bay.

***

When Steve had said he 'knew a place', you weren't sure what you were expecting. Maybe you imagined a cozy safe house, or a hideout in a Motel that was built in the middle of nowhere. You didn't expect a grimy, abandoned factory in the middle of Berlin.

You and Sam had reached the warehouse first, Steve having sent Sam the address. Sam helped you sit on a wooden crate pressed against the wall, your hand still clutched to your side. He stood and walked towards the door, peeking through the small crack between it and the door frame. A helicopter buzzed overhead, no doubt looking for the four of you. It was a hard thing to accept, being a fugitive. It was even harder to accept that Captain America and Falcon were also fugitives.

Steve came in roughly ten minutes later, dragging an unconscious Bucky with him. Your breathing stopped as soon as you saw him, his shirt soaked and droplets dripping off the ends of his hair. Sam rushed to help Steve move Bucky, and you just tore your eyes away from them, staring at the seam of the warehouse where the wall hit the ceiling, trying to ignore the sounds of a vice working in the other room.

Sam came to sit on the floor beside you, his arms resting on the top of his bent knees, head leaned back against the wall and eyes closed. You were surprised he was still as coherent as he was, seeing as to how he had been tossed like a bowling ball into a solid glass pane. Steve took Sam's previous position at the entrance, eyeing the still hovering helicopter.

You let your thoughts finally drift to Bucky. Accepting that the man whom you had fought back in the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre was the same man who you had danced with in Bucharest was not an easy task. It left you shell shocked, now aware and familiar with the Winter Soldier that everyone had feared. You didn't blame them, not a single bit. The way his eyes stared into you with no emotion was something you were sure would haunt your memories. You were positive that his metal hand had left bruising around your neck, and the force at which he threw you against the wall probably had cracked a rib. It all served as a painful reminder of what lied within the deep, dark crevices of Bucky's mind, a place you had never been exposed to before. Yes, you had read countless files about his past life, everything he had done. But even as SHIELD collapsed, Steve didn't let you near Bucky during the fight, knowing you would be killed without hesitation. You never realized it until then, that even Steve harbored fear for the Winter Soldier, hence his need to protect you in 2014.

But you didn't fear Bucky. You didn't fear him. You feared what he was capable of. You were scared of what he could do to other people without a second thought, and terrified of what he would do to himself once he woke up and remembered it all. It was something you guys would talk about in that small bakery, everything he remembered. He told you his biggest struggle was their screams, their begs for mercy, their desperate pleas while he held a gun to their head. He told you how he could hear them when he slept, how he would sometimes hallucinate and hear them as he walked down the street. It was a constant reminder of the horrible things he had done, making it harder to believe that he deserved a place in the world. You hoped he wouldn't remember what had happened in that building, knowing that the thought of him fighting his best friend would bring on an unbearable guilt to him, one that he was finally managing and mending.

"How are you?" Steve asked, pulling you from your thoughts as he walked towards you.

"I think I can say my ribs are officially cracked." You said, a tight smile on your lips. Steve leaned on the wall beside you, arms crossing over his chest. "I'm sure once I can ice them for a bit I'll be able to work through the pain."

Steve nodded, a soft smile on his lips. "And how are you?" He asked again. You locked eyes with him, noticing the way his eyebrows were slightly upturned. It was the first time you had seen him without his serious, Captain-face on since he found you and Bucky in Romania.

"I'm..." you began, thinking about your words before answering. Honestly, you couldn't give him a real answer without talking for the next hour. "I guess... I guess I'm worried. For us. For Bucky."

He nodded. "What happened in Romania?" There it was again, the serious tone.

You sighed, your head dropping slightly as you looked at the floor. "It's hard to explain Steve-"

"Well, try." His voice made you wince slightly, anger evident in the way he said his words.

"I was just trying to help him," you began, head leaning back against the wall as you met Steve's gaze with your own, "he didn't let me, at first. When I had met him in Moldova, he questioned me about who I was, why I was there. That's when I called you."

Sam was now looking at you too, eyes darting to Steve every few seconds to gauge his reaction. He could remember Steve telling him about that call, how completely hopeless he was after it. After two years, the one lead you were able to investigate was a complete failure, or so they thought.

"He was angry when I continued following him, but I couldn't just let him go. I knew he didn't want me to tell anyone where he was, but I kept up with him just in case he changed his mind." You tore your eyes away from Steve, looking at the wall ahead of you. "He confronted me in Bucharest after about a month of living there, and that's when I told him again that I was a friend and that he could trust me. That time, it seemed to stick."

"What do you mean?" Steve asked, preparing himself for whatever your answer may be.

"There was this bakery I went to almost everyday. He started coming there, too. He told about his struggles, his memories... he told me a lot about you, Steve." Your eyes met his, his whole expression softening. "He told me about your adventures as kids, your battles with the Howling Commandos... but he also told me about HYDRA."

"What did he say?" Steve pressed.

"He remembers every face, every name." You said sadly, taking a deep breath, wincing as it made your side throb. Steve's gaze met the floor, an obvious sadness on his features. He didn't ask any more questions, which you were thankful for. The bubble of normalcy you and Bucky had found in Bucharest was something you wanted to keep to yourself, to hold close to your heart and protect. The feelings you held for him wasn't something you were ready to share.

"Thank you." Steve said softly, making you turn your head to him in surprise.

"For what?" You asked just as quietly.

"For being there... when I couldn't be."

You reached your hand towards him, palm stretched upwards. He looked at it for a moment before unfolding his arms and placing his hand in yours, squeezing your palm gently.

"He knows you're there," you said, "just needed a little time to remember it."

Steve took a deep breath, giving you a genuine, albeit sad, smile. He gave your hand another squeeze before releasing it and walking back to the door, resuming his watch of the outside world. He needed a moment to process it all, but ultimately he was happy that Bucky had found someone to confide in, even if it wasn't him.

"So dramatic sometimes." Sam mumbled under his breath, standing and walking towards the room Bucky was in. "I'll keep watch on Rapunzel."

***

"Hey, guys!" Sam called towards you and Steve. Steve rushed to you, helping you stand from the crate you sat on.

"I got it, I got it." You waved a hand at him, standing straight and walking beside him towards Sam. It seemed as though you had begun to get used to the pain in your side.

You walked into the side room, keeping your face emotionless as you saw Bucky. His metal arm was in a vice, his shoulders slumped forward in defeat. It tore at your heartstrings, but you controlled yourself, resisting the urge to run towards him and hold him until he believed that everything would be okay.

"Steve." Bucky said with a raspy, worn voice. When his eye lifted and saw you standing beside Steve, they softened slightly. "(Y/N)."

"Which Bucky am I talking to?" Steve asked, coldly.

Bucky searched his thoughts for a moment before speaking again. "Your mom's name was Sarah. You used to wear newspapers in your shoes." He let out a small chuckle, the mere fact that he was smiling bringing a small wave of relief over your body.

"Can't read that in a museum." Steve said, a small smile on his face.

"Just like that, we're supposed to be cool?" Sam chimed in, arms crossed over his chest. Steve looked over at Sam, eyes falling in defeat, knowing that the trust was still broken. Sam wouldn't accept Bucky's knowledge of Mrs. Roger's name as an apology for the concussion he was positive Bucky had caused.

Bucky locked eyes with you, communicating everything in a single look, knowing you would understand him immediately. His eyes plead with you, asking for forgiveness and trust when he knew it was something he didn't deserve. You narrowed your gaze slightly, challenging him without a single word.

"For this time, it isn't fascination. Or a dream, that will fade and fall apart." He sang to you softly, just as you did when his hand was around your neck, "It's love. This time, it's love-"

"My foolish heart." You finished, your voice just as gentle as his. Steve and Sam both looked at you in confusion, but your eyes never left Bucky's. "It's him. It's Bucky."

Steve sighed, knowing then that you hadn't told him the whole story of Romania, but that was a problem he would have to face later.

Bucky let out a breath of relief, head dropping for a moment before rising to look at Steve.

"What did I do?" He asked.

"Enough." Steve spared him the details.

"Oh, God, I knew this would happen." His gaze fell again. "Everything HYDRA put inside me is still there. All he had to do was say the goddamn words."

Bucky was angry. He was beyond pissed. He had thought he was making progress, he thought that him being able to open up to you, to live in what seemed like a halfway normal life in Bucharest, was a sign that he was getting better. He thought he was healing. But he was wrong.

He couldn't help but feel relieved, just the smallest bit. He was relieved that HYDRA found him when he was locked away, far from you. If they had discovered the two of you in Romania, he could only imagine what they would've made him do. He was waiting for everything to fall apart, and he was glad that you were far away from the fallout when it did.

Little did he know, little did he know.

"Who was he?" Steve asked, referring to the 'therapist'.

"I don't know." Bucky replied.

"People are dead. The bombing, the setup... the doctor did all of that just to get ten minutes with you. I need you to do better than 'I don't know'."

Bucky let himself think for a moment. "He wanted to know about Siberia. Where I was kept. He wanted to know exactly where."

"Why would he need to know that?"

"Because I'm not the only Winter Soldier."

***

Bucky began to recount the creation of the other Winter Soldiers, from the way they were injected with the super soldier serum, to the way he had to train them all. It made you wince a couple times, the way he described it. He spoke of their screams from their cells after the serum a placed into their bloodstream. You only could wonder what it felt like when Arnim Zola had injected a similar serum into Bucky's body. Imagining the pain Bucky must've felt was something you tried to keep your mind from, but it was hard to ignore.

Steve released Bucky's arm as he talked, stepping back to lean against the wall, his arms crossed.

"Who were they?" Steve asked.

"Their most elite death squad. More kills than anyone in HYDRA history. And that was before the serum." His eyes flashed to you before moving to the floor. The guilt that ate away at his heart was only intensified when he saw you. You were in this mess because he dragged you into it, and he hated himself for it. You could've been at home right now, completely okay and content with life, but he chose to keep you close. It would've killed him to leave you in Bucharest, to disappear before you got too deep, but he should've. He should've left before the inevitable failure of his attempt at domesticated life, but his selfishness and undeniable feelings for you clouded his judgement.

"They all turn out like you?" Sam asked, breaking Bucky out of his thoughts.

"Worse." He said, though he wasn't sure how true it was.

"The doctor, could he control them?" Steve asked.

"Enough." Bucky repeated Steve's previous answer to him, looking down at his hands.

"Said he wanted to see an empire fall." Steve looked over to Sam.

"With these guys, he could do it." Bucky spoke, "They speak thirty languages, can hide in plain sight... infiltrate, assassinate, destabilize. They can take a whole country down in one night, you'd never see the coming."

Sam crossed the room until he stood in front of you and Steve.

"This would've been a lot easier a week ago." He said in a hushed voice.

"If we call Tony-" Steve began.

"No, he won't believe us."

"Even if he did-"

"Who knows if the Accords would let him help." You interrupted, tearing your gaze away from Bucky to look at Steve. He looked away for a moment, searching for an answer before turning back to you and Sam.

"We're on our own."

Sam nodded slightly, shrugging a shoulder, "We have (Y/N). Plus, I know a guy."

Steve huffed an amused smile on his face. "Do I know this guy?"

"Eh," Sam smiled back, "maybe a bit."

Steve shook his head and chuckled, taking one more look at Bucky before putting a hand on Sam's shoulder and leaving the room to start their plan. You watched them go, a smile on your face.

"(Y/N)." Bucky said, his voice barely a whisper. You turned back to him, smile gone when you heard how sad he sounded. "Can you be honest with me?"

You walked to him, carefully sitting to his right to avoid irritating your injuries. Your hand reached out and slowly grasped onto his, your senses picking up on the way his shoulders relaxed slightly from the contact.

"Of course, Bucky." You said softly.

He kept his eyes on the floor, his hair falling like a curtain around his face. "What did I do?"

You wished he had accepted Steve's avoidance of that question. In all honesty, you didn't want to tell him what he did. You knew if you gave him details, it would break him.

"You hurt a few people," his grip tightened as you spoke, "but everyone's okay now, so it's okay."

"Did I hurt you?"

You went silent, unable to bring yourself to answer him. He looked up at you, eyebrows turned upwards and mouth in a frown.

"(Y/N). Please," He begged, his voice cracking slightly. He tried to swallow the tightness in his throat. "Tell me I didn't."

You reached up and brushed his hair behind his ears, on each side. You let your hand linger on his cheek, thumb swiping gently over his cheekbone.

"I can't do that, Buck." You whispered. He let out a shaky breath, eyes closing and lower lip beginning to tremble.

"What did I do?" His voice was so quiet, you almost didn't hear it.

"Bucky-"

"Please."

You took a deep breath. "You almost recognized me. I... I tried to bring you back. I might have a cracked rib, but that's it. It could've been so much worse, Bucky."

"And your neck?"

You sighed and closed your eyes- you were hoping he didn't notice the bruising on your throat. He took your silence as his answer.

"Dear God." He huffed. Breathing deeply, he controlled his emotions before he became a mess.

He leaned forward until your foreheads touched together, your hand still resting on his cheek. The tip of your nose brushed against his, so impossibly close and yet, you could feel the wall being built between you.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered, his breath hitting your lips, "I'm so, so sorry." His hand reached up, met yours upon his cheek, before pulling your touch away. He let himself cherish you for a moment more before leaning back, eyes never meeting you. Standing from his spot next to you, he left the room without another word, never looking back.

You sat where he left you, eyes on the floor. The relationship you had built with Bucky had been reset, all progress thrown away. You knew why he was building his walls again, he needed to protect himself, but it still hurt with every brick he added. You could feel your heart break in your chest, wishing you didn't already miss his touch.

TO BE CONTINUED

TAGLIST:

@thewolfgirluniverse​ @stressisakiller​

[hollenka99]

The City of Angels

Summary: Jameson moves to California with his family. Things are starting fall into place and the family expands.

May 5, 1911

Dear Pearl,

Do you recall asking me if you could join us in New York? I reckon this would have been around the time I preparing to propose to Siobhan. Well, I'm afraid you won't be able to live in New York with us after all.

You are, however, more than welcome to join us in Los Angeles when we move there in the summer. Edison is driving many of us to leave New York so his schemes won't affect our businesses. I hear the landscape varies greatly in California, perfect for filming on location, and the weather is generally good throughout the year. Another advantage to moving to Los Angeles is that is much closer to Mexico. Should anyone come to cause us trouble, we can flee past the border. I won't say we'd be untouchable in Mexico but it's far easier to avoid patent claims when those patents are not applicable in the country.

We'll be moving to an area called Hollywood. It seems to be where a lot of independent filmmakers are flocking. That will mean competition but anything is better than Edison. I'm quite looking forward to arriving in a new place. That said, I am aware we will be living much farther from Saint John than before. Visiting all of you in Canada will prove trickier.

The offer is there, Pearl. You can move to California with us or stay in Saint John with the rest of our family. Personally, I would love to embark on this new chapter of our lives with you near. I always feel a little lonelier whenever I have to return to New York after seeing you. Don't tell Cliff that, of course. He is good company but it was always the three of us. Our endeavours are unlikely to realise their true potential if you are not involved.

I hope to hear back from you soon, Jameson

May 23, 1911 Dear Jem,

Do you even have to ask me? If Los Angeles is as appealing as you said, I am enthusiastic about living there too. California has a coast, doesn't it? Is Los Angeles anywhere near the water? I am so used to the Bay of Fundy that I struggle to imagine myself living somewhere landlocked.

Nevertheless, tell me when exactly you plan to leave. I will do my best to get all my documents ready before then or shortly after. What role exactly do you plan for me to fill? You write the scripts and Cliff directs but I don't see any specific position available for me. Should I just be an actress? I will leave the financial aspects of the business to you. You were always the best at mathematics compared to the rest of us.

Excited to join you soon, Pearl

June 7, 1911 Dear Pearl,

Although I was completely expecting you to accept, it is nevertheless wonderful to have you confirm it. As for your role, actress is the default position available. You could also be responsible for anything costume related. I know you are good with a needle and neither myself nor Clifford are experts in fashion. I understand it is a little cliché to expect a woman to assume the role of fashion advisor. However, those are your areas of personal expertise and I don't believe you should ignore what you are good at. In time, you might become confident enough to take more advanced roles. Who knows, perhaps you will direct a feature film or two in the future. You do enjoy making your presence known.

Elizabeth is not going to come with us. Understandably, she is unwilling to move to the other side of the country when she has friends and a life in New York. She is likely to keep the children in Manhattan with her. It is a shame. I was thoroughly enjoying being an uncle to Clara. Their second child is less than a month away from being born so I won't get to know them either. Please don't tell Mother. You know how she feels about their union. I suspect she will become unbearable if she were to find out.

We are planning to begin our train journey across the country on July 12th. I don't know if that will give you enough time to be able to travel to California by then or not. Come whenever you can.

Give the others our love for us, Jameson

September 8, 1911 Dear Jameson,

I can't believe Cliff is distancing himself from the Church. Your father and I raised you all to be devout Catholics. I am almost insulted he has abandoned everything he was brought up to believe. Could you not have dissuaded him?

He turns his back on God, leaves his wife to raise their children alone and never gives a thought as to how that makes us look. People will begin talking. They will look towards me and say I did not perform my duty as a mother properly. I am not proud to say I knew his split was coming.

I hope you and Siobhan are doing well, Your mother

September 20, 1911 Dear Mother,

I have told you time and time again, I am not responsible for Clifford's actions. If he renounces his Christianity, there is not much I can do. Elizabeth understandably refused to leave her life in New York at short notice. He would have been indifferent about his children being bastards if he did not know you would personally deliver damnation to him. This has been coming for years.

Was it mostly lust? Possibly. Was his heart fully dedicated to being a husband? Doubtfully. Are both of us upset that we may never see Clara and Daniel again? Of course.

This is not my issue. I am tired of acting as an informant for you on matters concerning Cliff. I am surprised you aren't interested in making me spy on Pearl as well. Please, for the sake of my sanity, discuss all this with your son. He is unlikely to listen but at least I can remain uninvolved.

If you are at all interested in how I am doing, I am enjoying the novelty of a new city. I am motivated to begin work and find success with the rest of the independent filmmakers. Siobhan and I are doing fine.

Yours, Jameson

December 12, 1911 Dear all,

The Jolly Gentleman has been born. It's taken me a while to gain the courage to introduce him to the world. The hat was a birthday present from Siobhan a few years ago. His 'theme song', if you will, was composed by Siobhan herself. If he is what I am remembered for after death, I will not mind. We are a family company and my creation has been further moulded by family. Pearl suggested a blue waistcoat as opposed to the black one I owned. I suppose blue does suit me better. Pearl claims it is because of my eyes. I will have to trust her.

We are yet to see how the short does financially. I am hoping for a decent profit but that is out of my hands now. Above all, I want the public to enjoy the character so I may use him again. He is a fun man to bring to life.

Yours, Jameson

February 13, 1912 Dear all,

Siobhan and I are delighted to announce we are expecting our first child. They should arrive at the beginning of August. Needless to say, we are excited by the news ourselves.

We have equally been apprehensive about bringing children into the world. There is a chance they may inherit the condition that runs in Siobhan's family. It's called Huntington's Chorea. You might have heard of it. Siobhan's mother died of complications connected to the disease when she was 12. There is a possibility that Siobhan will develop symptoms in 10-20 years. The same goes for her brother.

The two of us were worried our children would have a similar upbringing to Siobhan's and be forced to watch her health decline drastically over many years. Not only that, they would live with the chance of suffering the same fate in adulthood. Becoming parents is laden with risks and arguably selfish. I have chosen to subject myself to the reality of her potential illness. This child will not have that choice.

Of course, this could all be pessimistic speculation. There is still the possibility that neither Siobhan nor her brother have inherited the disease. Therefore, any children we have will be spared.

We are planning to approach this with cautious optimism. After all, this is our first child. Despite everything to be anxious about, I am overjoyed.

Yours, Jameson

February 16, 1912 Dear Harvey,

I suspect this letter will arrive the same time as the one I sent to Mother. If it doesn't, I am happy to announce Siobhan is three months pregnant.

I was hoping you had some wisdom to impart. I know I could ask Cliff in person but, it is best not to. Besides, your third is due in the coming weeks. You are more knowledgeable on the subject than him anyway. If you wish to leave me to figure it out, I understand. You had no prior help so it is only fair I do not either.

Any advice you are willing to give will still be appreciated.

Yours, Jameson

March 4, 1912 Dear Jameson,

Make sure your child doesn't die, that is generally the rule of parenthood. I don't have any particular advice for you. It will come to you in time. Simply do your best. That is what everyone else does.

You'll be a good father, Jameson. There is nothing for you to worry about. Only bring him or her to Saint John once they are born.

Congratulations, Harvey.

April 24, 1912 Dear Mother,

How damaging is a mother's stress on her unborn child? A friend of Siobhan's has been missing for the past two weeks. She is fearing the worst in regards to her friend's safety. I feel being such a constant state of dread is unhealthy, especially in her condition.

This is because that ship sank. Her friend married some nouveau riche entrepreneur and suddenly they're buying first class tickets for an ocean liner. I'd blame the British for incompetency but unfortunately, I hear it was built in Belfast. Essentially, RMS Titanic sunk over a week ago and RMS Carpathia delivered the survivors to New York 6 days ago. We haven't heard of news concerning her friend yet. At the time of writing, she, her husband and children are presumed dead. The water was cold and no human can survive in the ocean for this long without a boat or food.

Siobhan is in denial and insists her friend is out there or that the news she is fine simply hasn't reached us yet. The emotional strain must be affecting the baby negatively. I am unsure how to proceed, other than attempt to prove her I am supportive.

Yours, Jameson

Anthony Isaac Jackson Male August 7, 1912 Los Angeles Siobhan O'Hara Jameson Jackson

August 9, 1912 Dear Mother,

Anthony was born on Wednesday. I was out filming when Pearl began dragging me away. Regrettably, we arrived too late. By the time we reached the house, Siobhan was already holding him. I've been apologizing profusely after unintentionally breaking my promise to her. She won't have it.

On a more positive note, Anthony is healthy and Siobhan is recovering well too. As I'm writing, he is sleeping on the other side of the room. I can't help but wonder what life he will have. If I do succeed in my career, he is likely to grow up in comfort. He won't be like me, believing he is destined for the dockyard or a factory. He won't have to live in a cramped house, go hungry or worry about when the next illness is coming. He can have a better childhood than I did.

This is nothing against you, please don't think that. I had a happy upbringing. You gave me all you could and it was more than enough for me. I am simply saying I can give him more. We'll be able to afford medical bills without stressing about debt. I always did feel guilty for getting sick so often. I don't want Anthony to desperately rely on education to raise his position.

All that is to come in the future. So long as he is happy, I will be too.

Yours, Jameson

March 19, 1913 Dear all,

Greetings from Ireland! I have finally set foot in the ancestral homeland. We are staying with Siobhan's father while in Limerick. I don't think I've met Michael before as he was unable to attend our wedding. They both seem like good men, even if they are partial to a smoke. Michael is the opposite to us. He refuses to marry or become a father. I don't blame him for choosing to live cautiously. I do find it a shame he needs to subject himself to loneliness. Both him and his father were ecstatic to meet Anthony. You will too one day, whenever we can arrange a trip.

We celebrated St Patrick's Day quite enthusiastically. I spent the entirety of yesterday recovering. They all outdrank me. Your Canadian blood has spoiled me. Perhaps, once he is older, Anthony's Irish heritage will restore an iron liver to the Jackson line.

I hope to travel north to County Offaly while we are still here. The farm is probably owned by another family by now. I still would like to see for myself where we came from. Anthony is too young to understand me but I will tell him stories passed down from his great-grandmother. I'll omit some of the more inappropriate ones, don't worry.

Wishing Father could have seen this, Jameson

March 23, 1913 Dear all,

We've visited the farm. I was right, it is privately owned by another family. They may be distant cousins who inherited it. I didn't come close enough to the place to even see the inhabitants or ask. Even so, it wasn't quite how I imagined it would look. Over 60 years has certainly passed since the starvation. The fields don't show any obvious traces of yielding nothing edible the last time Granny was here.

It was late afternoon when we were there. We are staying for the night in a geometrically challenged village. They have a circle in the road, a roundabout as the Europeans call it. However, these villagers refer to their roundabout as The Square. I am almost inspired to include this in a script.

We will be returning to Limerick and thereafter Los Angeles tomorrow. It has been good to be in Ireland, not only to let Siobhan spend time with her family, but to explore my roots. Anthony should visit at least once after he reaches adulthood.

Goodbye for now, Jameson

August 17, 1913 Dear Mother,

Anthony is picking up ASL fairly quickly now. It fascinates me quickly a child learns the things we take for granted. He is standing on his feet and able to tell us about his basic needs. I've heard the signing may slow down when he begins speaking. I don't mind that. After all, he will be a bilingual child. I feel it is more important he is able to communicate with both of us in the long term than when exactly he is able.

I've included a photograph I took of Anthony to celebrate his birthday. I know how disappointed you were when I said we couldn't come for Christmas last year. However, the five of us plan to be there in October for Thanksgiving.

Yours, Jameson

September 19, 1913 Dear boys and Pearl,

The Imperial Theatre is opening today. We will finally be able to watch your creations. I am looking forward to seeing moving pictures in general. The three of you should release something soon so I can see my children be credited.

Jameson, Anthony looks very sweet in that photograph you sent. I'm glad he is doing well. I would be delighted to have all of you there for Thanksgiving. You don't know how excited I am to finally meet your son.

Wishing you well, Your mother

November 29, 1913 Dear Mother,

With Clifford at Keystone to help our prospects, Pearl and I are missing his help. We won't betray Sennett's trust. I don't think he included a clause into the contract to prevent Cliff from working for Jackson Trinity. It is still better not to risk him being called a double agent or the like.

This does, however, mean I need a new director. The men do not take myself or Pearl as seriously as they did Cliff. He hardly ruled with an iron fist yet he was far more of an authority here than us. I am easy to ignore and Pearl is a member of the fairer sex. It is incredibly aggravating to maintain order. The contract is for two years so we must survive until then.

We are determined to make this work.

Yours, Jameson

February 14, 1914 Dear Mother,

I know you have been annoyed by Cliff's romances (and their failings). You always seem to treat me as some informant. This time I will update you on his love life willingly. All I ask is that you don't let on that I have told you when he tells you about Loretta himself.

The two of them met on set. Hers was a minor character who never interacts with Cliff's. However, when the cameras were not on them, they talked at length. He is truly happy in her company. The age difference is morally grey. At 19, she is 9 years his junior. It is not illegal by any means but there are those who may be uncomfortable with it.

Unlike with Elizabeth, he doesn't seem to be speeding through milestones with Loretta. I think he understands love takes time and effort. If he were to marry her, it is years away. He should enjoy the present.

Yours, Jameson

March 1, 1914 Dear Jameson,

This is all very nice news but you know full well he cannot marry her. In terms of the law, yes they are not married. In the eyes of God, they are still united until death. It is mentioned in the ceremony as a reminded of how serious of a commitment marriage is. What do suggest he do, kill Elizabeth? Then what of their children? They need a mother.

Yours, Your mother

March 18, 1914 Dear Mother,

I feel you are jumping to conclusions. The whole reason he distanced himself from the Church was to improve his chances of being granted a second marriage. Even so, I never said he was planning to marry her. They have known each other for less than a year. They are progressing the relationship slowly.

Although, I may steal your idea for a feature. I'm not too well versed on murder mysteries but I could always give it a shot. I don't how I could credit you. I can hardly include "Idea inspired by Florence Jackson's motherly rants" in the credits.

Yours, Jameson

June 30, 1914 Dear Jameson,

Did you hear about the assassination? I'm not very knowledgeable on European affairs but I can tell this might become a political disaster. Austria-Hungary must have allies. I can't recall who is allied with the Austro-Hungarian Empire but I'm sure Germany is one of them.

I don't think this assassination will end typically. Normally, the public figure will get mourned en masse and would be replaced with the next leader. This is different. There has been plenty of tension in that area of the world, hasn't there? After all, that is why the archduke got shot in the first place. Those Serbians hate the Austro-Hungarians so furiously, they are prepared to stain their hands with blood. Who knows what the assassins were trying to achieve. Probably a little more than a message to those in power.

I feel there is going to be a war in Europe. Serbia will fight Austro-Hungary and Germany will find themselves caught up in the mess. You'll be hearing about it by the end of this year.

Yours, Harvey

[maptoourescape]

Hi I just wanted to say I love your blog and I love the way you display Tom's thoughts and mentality. I wanted to ask what do you think about this whole situation with Tom, is it hard to keep roleplaying him and to reenact his thoughts when he has been acting so unusual lately? Do you think he is happy? Keep up the great work! ^^

INTRO &DISCLAIMERNow what I am going to tell you is obviously just how I see the situationpersonally. This might not be the representation of reality whatsoever, eventhough I’d like to think I’m a good judge of character. I don’t know thesepeople. They are, by all means, strangers to me as I am to them. But I DIDhappen to grow up with them, observe them through years of footage, and seemany of their quirks in real life as well whenever I had a fortunateopportunity. Saying that, I feel like even though their stage personas (orwhatever you might call them) are “built strong” sometimes, you can still peekright through them if you have enough of a “people sense”.Look, most folks probably realize that Tom isn’t all that he gives out to be,but they don’t really think about it all TOO much. And honestly, I don’t either- it just comes naturally for me to psychologically evaluate people. And myevaluation of him is that he is full of unresolved issues.I don’t even mean that in a bad way, I really don’t. I just want all the bestfor him. But let’s just say that seeing how his life was up until now, thereare multiple factors that play out in his current “out of character” behavior. Toa certain extent, I can also relate to him in some regard. Similarly to him forexample, I too use a weird sort of humor to hide behind, almost as though it’smy shield, so none of what I’m saying is said in a judgmental manner. We all haveour own issues after all, and that doesn’t make us any lesser.BUT FIRST THING’S FIRSTTalking about humor, let’s just get straight into it, because we have to startsomewhere… Humor is a stress relief weapon by its poetic definition. In Tom’scase, it isn’t any different – only maybe he takes that a few steps further,still. More than just as a casual thing, his jokes are also being used to takethe edge away from what he considers to be serious and/or emotionally intangiblesituations. Why? Because Tom doesn’t appear to be someone who would like to“show his real self” to people in a situation he can’t properly evaluate,unless he knew for SURE they are to be trusted. In other words – he doesn’twant “the emotion that would be shown from him” to be used as a weapon againsthim later on, especially if he doesn’t know what kind of a reaction to expect from thecounterpart. “If you appear vulnerable, this same vulnerability is going to beused against you” is the mentality here – that’s a lesson of sorts that he’s probably learned how to incorporatein his daily life at a very young age already. So deflecting a lot of shit withhumor is basically an act of protecting himself. Same with his manly-manboasting, and all the confident penis commentary, which many people look at justsuperficially, saying that it’s trashy and/or annoying – even though what itreally turns out to be, in my opinion, is a (not all that uncommon) copingmechanism. So the next thing you’d ask would probably be “but what on earth is he copingwith then?” I guess it would be probably safer to ask what he isn’t coping withat this point, because we’re talking about a bunch of things here, all muddledtogether in one big ball of anxiety. Main things to highlight probably include a)fear of abandonment, b) some art of repressed self-consciousness, c) some weird(intrigue by and a fear having lack of?) dominance issue and etc. all the wayto the last letter of the alphabet.I’d say it all started in childhood with his father leaving and being, as faras we know, generally problematic (because honestly, that fucks us divorceekids all up, and it’s so internalized that we don’t even really realize ituntil it hits us in the face as adults, when we are suddenly facing multipledaddy issues all at once lol). Maybe even beforehand, depends on what sort of anupbringing the twins’ parents decided to give them. Then we have the general yearsof complete hell, also generally known as the school days, full of bullies and nasty youngadults with too much time on their hands. We all know the baseball bat stories –need I go into further detail? Then comes the growing up under the spotlight,of course – the unusual puberty they had to go through, as Gustav so nicely putit in the documentary – and being pushed into a harsh ass business at such ayoung age… just basically dealing with a bunch of stuff that kids usually haveno place dealing with, and maybe learning some lessons that normal people onlyget to really learn in their 20s or 30s. Namely how it is to be working with allthe wrong people, and probably having at least some sort of taste of a betrayalon a professional, working level etc.If there is one thing, one lesson that ties all of these separate life erastogether to make a nice whole, it’s one of how you have to be careful aroundpeople, and how forming trusting relationships isn’t a very simple task,whatsoever. Between parents leaving, peers bullying you, media shitting on youand the industry silently pulling their own strings behind your back – oh, andhave I mentioned stalkers and the literal walls they had to build around theirhouse in order to keep them at bay? which didn’t work anyway because their private space WAS invaded by gross people? – I guess you pretty damn quicklystart losing your naïveté. Or well, if not that, at least your trust in prettymuch anyone that hasn’t been with you since the very, very beginning.And then comes, obviously, the relationship he had with Ria.Now, again, everything I’m saying is based purely on my speculation from mereobservation. I don’t actually know any of the people they associate with either.But the vibe I got from his relationship with Ria was honestly… not that bad inthe beginning. I think that, at least at the start, she was really, really goodfor him. And that he got even more attached to her eventually, because she wasthere when he emotionally needed her most (read: the big move to the USA,stalker problems and lack of motivation to keep being in a band from all thepressure…). I also think that he kind of thought this relationship was really“it”, you know? As years went on though, just as any other relationship, theirsseemed to have become this sort of “routine” as well. And we all know that feeling, don’twe? If not from our own experience, then from some of our friends’ experiencesat least? The feeling when the stomach butterflies die down, and the initialeuphoria just settles into a still?My take on it is that he really, REALLY tried a LOT to make it work, even afterit sort of started “crumbing down” for whatever reason. I feel like he feltsuper comfortable with her BECAUSE they’ve been together for so long. Maybe itbecame a sort of a routine for him too, but it was one he definitely sought toupkeep. Tom didn’t want to let go of her. Because ruining what he had with herwould mean “having to find someone new”. And “having to find someone new” wouldmean “having to open up to someone again” – something that isn’t all that easyfor him to do, for the already before mentioned reasons.Pretty sure we all know about some infidelity speculations being rumored tohave been going down between them as well, especially from her side. Andhonestly, that would explain a thing or two about how his behavior has changedin the time ever since they’ve officially broken up. I obviously do not knowthe specifics, but I’ll be damned if I don’t realize it takes two in order toa) form a relationship, but also b) in order to not fix it if it goes south.Doubtlessly, none of the two was a complete saint. And doubtlessly they bothhave their own character flaws. But though dubious in its legitimacy, hersupposed infidelity really ties well with what’s happening right now, in thismoment. Just think about it… Yet another massive betrayal. Another one of themassive disappointments he experienced along his life’s journey. This onecoming from someone he perhaps even considered to be his (other) life partner.Only now that we got the mere basics down can I finally start bringing upShermine, and the point of this entire conversation anyway: his “change” asbrought up with his dynamic with Heidi. Because I really think that in order toproperly understand why I think this Klum relationship is toxic, you firstneeded my quick review of “the entire story”.BACK TO THE POINT AT HAND NOW I don’t think the Shermine relationship was honestly all that different fromthe one Tom has with Heidi now. I can’t claim to know the reasons why itprobably “didn’t all work out with Sher” (besides the obvious fact that thiswas never a relationship in its full meaning of the word, but rather just whatpeople usually call “an affair”), but it might have been them just beingseparated by where they lived and what not – or maybe also Shermine seeing howmuch of a “child” Tom really was in certain regards. It’s not like she was thisperfect example of maturity either, mind you, having to constantly post hintsabout how she’s together with him and what not, but at the end of the day, Isort of feel she got more tired of HIS bullshit than vice versa. And by “hisbullshit” (again, not meant to be judging) I mean this strange passivity that has been surrounding him recently (examples and explanations coming up). If someone on twitter now points out how “unlikeTom it is to let Heidi post on social media about him,” another person then instantlyyells out saying “why do you care, if he apparently doesn’t care anymoreeither!”And to me, it is exactly THAT that is the concerning factor anyway.People are, in a strange way, right when they shout “Tom doesn’t care aboutbeing public anymore!” but they don’t look deep enough into it to see theproblem behind it. Yes, it’s true – if Tom wouldn’t want to be posted on socialmedia, then his old enough, almost 29 year old ass could’ve just told Heidi to NOTfucking do it. So yeah, you know what? Most probably, he’s NOT stopping her.But him “not being bothered to go against it” doesn’t mean he’s automaticallyokay with it. Those two are not mutually exclusive. What I see in his behavior right now - that is also something that’s seemingly been there forever since he’s been hooking up with Shermine too - is mindlessness, carelessnessand a complete disregard for what he used to stand for in regards to his “morals”.May I note that I can also see he has this sort of complete disregard abouthimself floating around as well? He appears to be very passive, and seems asthough he really just isn’t putting any thought into… well, pretty muchanything he’s doing… like ANYTHING, whatsoever. And yes, I realize that “people can change,” and that Tom too could’ve just aseasily had a spiritual awakening, and was suddenly like “you know what, I’m NOTgonna stress about being on social media that much anymore, and I’m NOT goingto stress about being in the press…”. But the thing is – these sorts of thingsdon’t just happen overnight. Especially not with the life he’s been leading andhow much it’s been fucking him up along the way at times. You don’t go fromwanting complete privacy because of your own very legitimate paranoia, to goingto an Amfar Whatever Gala event in front of millions of press to out yourrelationship, just like he did. You don’t go from avoiding cameras as much ashumanly possible to vacantly stare at a paparazzi’s Canon in the distance inorder to see if it’s getting the right shot of you and your new so calledgirlfriend. This sort of mental change CAN obviously happen. But overtime, and usually– dare I suggest? – with therapy (which we are bringing back up later). By myinterpretation of how he is as a person though, I don’t think this “transition”was something that happened in an exactly healthy way. More than seeing Tom as “careless but happy,” (as people paint him out to be), Iright now see him as being “careless and confused”. Numb, even. Out of placeAnd “out of place” is a phrase to describe him best when it comes to how helooks like as soon as Heidi’s around.VAGUELY EXPLAINED CAMP EXPERIENCE INSERTI’ve been there on this Camp, and the way he reacted to literally everything –people, his surroundings, most everything you can imagine – changed bizarrelyas soon as he knew she was around. It’s almost like he was being nearbypetrified. I have no idea why either. One would think that if you’re datingHeidi Klum, you’d want to show her off or something. Or at least be ascomfortable with her as on (play pretend or not) all those paparazzi photos that keep popping up. Especiallywhen literally NONE of the campers really cared for her presence there, so it wasn’t like he was afraid for her wellbeing or whatever. So no, no psycho had the intention to attack her, literally no one cared, but Tom still just turned into this… anxious little mess?Mind you, when I saw her arrive, my mind was also still open. I was like, “ya knowwhat, all of their other family and friends are being so lovely – Georg’s gf who justjoined in on the activities, and Gustav’s wife too, just supporting her hubbyand speaking to the fans… maybe Heidi’s going to prove everyone wrong and bereally lovely”. But honestly, from the moment she entered the Camping grounds, you couldFEEL the atmosphere drop.Never mind the fact that she was having a stare-down with many fans (includingmyself) for no apparent reason, which I still do not understand… From where Iwas sitting, she was making it very damn obvious she wanted to just “geteveryone’s attention”. Her glares were basically daring us “to go spread theword that she arrived”, and when we wouldn’t care (because surprise surprise,we weren’t there for her, so obviously no one really cared?) she would stare atus even weirder. But as I said, that in itself isn’t all that important. What Ineed to convey is how insanely uncomfortable TOM appeared to be when she wasaround.(As a side note, I also feel like we all kinda expected a huge ass party to godown on the last day of Camp, seeing how on the previous few days, the guyswould kinda leave at latest 2 in the morning – which made sense, becauseeveryone knew they were gonna have responsibilities the next day. But literallynothing was planned for Monday morning, and I felt like everyone was superpumped about the guys finally having an opportunity to party with us reallylong and really proper. Only, you know, that never really happened. And I daresay it was mainly because of Klum.)I digress, at some point of the evening after the firework finale, the twins actually came tothe counter in order to hang out with people (after they’ve left to refresh first, leaving people confused as to if they were even returning), and I thought “Yay, maybe they’ve actually joined us again to party like everyone kinda expected, so that’s great!”. But no suchluck. It was there exactly - at the counter - where the difference of how Tomis without her around VS when she IS around became so prominent. Only a nightearlier, the guys would stay behind the counter for AGES, just interacting,taking pictures, drinking, having a good time… on Sunday, they weren’t therefor even 10 minutes, before leaving towards a backstage area of sorts. I sawher being at the counter for a while as well, with literally no one botheringher whatsoever, but she eventually disappeared, initially making me think “Oh, maybeshe’ll just mingle with people, go chat up Georg’s GF or something… maybe thisevening is actually gonna be bomb!”. But her leaving simply resulted in Tom REPEATEDLYpressing Bill into “going to the backstage area”.Tom looked NOTHING like the night before. He was TRYING to interact with somefans, but was mostly just looking really out of place. It happened on at least3 separate occasions in those short ten minutes, that he would poke Bill atevery opportunity he got, just to press him into going to the stage area. Hekept on elbowing Bill whenever the other would turn around to get somethingfrom the fridge, pointing to the stage, looking vaguely lost, not really payingproper attention to his surroundings. Bill was visibly giving hints that he “wantedto just stay for a while longer,” even going as far as showing Tom his drink asthough he were to say “lemme at least finish this first?” until Tom eventuallyprevailed and they actually decided to move to where she was – to the infamousbackstage area. Again, I thought that maybe they had plans on going on stage to the DJs again(seeing how they did that on the nights before), maybe give one last propergoodbye to people before mingling in the crowd some further. But that neverhappened. Honestly, thinking back on it, it was kind of bizarre to think theyjust huddled up in the little space behind the stage. They wouldn’t even pull acurtain to have some sort of privacy – if you went behind the stage, you couldliterally just see them interact there, being all secluded from the rest of thepeople. More secluded than on the previous day when it was raining cats anddogs but they STILL made the effort to just hang around with all of us! The situation lefta bitter taste in my mouth, because at that point I KNEW that if she wasn’tthere, the party would have been so insanely different, so insanely cool. Ifelt bad for Bill, who was just longingly looking onto the stage, taking videosof it – he gave off the vibe that we wanted to go party, but (for some bizarrereason) “couldn’t”. It felt as though hedecided he would rather stick to the out-of-place-looking Tom, which Ihonestly, at the end of the day, can’t really blame him for.Not even half an hour later, the golf carts arrived to pick them up, and that washonestly so strange to observe too. Not even once in the whole entire weekend did Ihave a feeling of them rushing anywhere. Whenever the boys would arrive orleave with the carts, whenever they’d change locations, they would always honkand scream around, letting everyone know what they were up to, shooting people with water pistols if in range even. But suddenly then, the golf cart had topark backwards towards the stage in order for them to “have a clear and quickstart”. There was no honking, no proper goodbyes we were used to from theearlier days. They just kinda… drove off. And I know for a damn FACT that itwouldn’t have been like that if it wouldn’t be for her. I wish this would just be me – that this would just be a plot of my own damnimagination. Because I WISH she wasn’t a cunt, for Tom’s sake obviously. But Ihave talked to a bunch of people, and they have all had their separateexperiences, most of which only furthermore confirmed how I see the situation. Factsare these: 1. Heidi was there for the obvious reason of getting our (thefans’), as well as the media’s attention. 2. She was acting all high andmighty, as well as really possessive (even jealous at some moments, which is sosuper bizarre to think about), and it wasn’t a good look. 3. And I don’t knowwhy EXACTLY, but as soon as she was around, Tom ALWAYS sort of froze on spot.Look, I don’t know, maybe he’s just intrigued by that sort of dynamic and getsoff on it, and just doesn’t want to publically admit that he “likes herdemanding demeanor”. But yo, even if that was the case – at the end of the day thatdoesn’t make the whole relationship any less toxic. OKAY, TO THE CORE NOWShe has subtle manipulation tactics down to the T. I can tell, because I knowhow to use those in my advantage as well. And you’ve probably had this happento you too, mostly without even realizing it. It comes to the surface in a waywhere some parents make their kids feel bad for “not cleaning up the dishes”for example. Instead of demanding “it gets done because otherwise they’ll beconsequences”, some choose the more toxic approach of emotional manipulation,saying things like “don’t worry, it’s fine, what’s another hour more to my nineto five working schedule anyway?” It’s in the way that one friend of yours says“oh okay” without a smiley face when you cancel on going out with them. It’swhen something comes out of people’s mouths, and the meaning is dubious.Something that is meant to make you walk the line between “but is it reallyokay?” and “I feel uncomfortable that you feel uncomfortable, so let me help”.  Her entire presence just screams that demeanor,and I don’t doubt I’m right in this. She probably even pulled something like that in that counter scenario I was talking about too, going like “oh you go hang out with fans, I’ll just be there… having my drink…” The question now remains if Tom is oblivious to these attitudes or not.Honestly, both yes and no seem like a legitimate answer to me in this case.Neither of the twins seem to really be capable of a good “evaluation” when itcomes to perception in regards to human character. They’re not short inadmitting that themselves either, and said it numerous times that this is whysongs like “Never let you down” happened to exist in the first place. But italso makes sense if we again tie it with the fact that they had a puberty muchunlike ours is. Meeting people was always sort of arranged in their world, so gettingto know someone spontaneously isn’t really an experience that’s been followingthem ever since they were socially capable of “making their own friends”. Can’tsay that that’s a concept that’s completely alien to them, having lived in theUSA for so long now and what not, but we also can’t say they have as many experiences withit as someone who had a “normal lifestyle” either.I’d say Tom is intelligent enough to realize what’s going on, but simply toonumb to do anything about it. What’s more, maybe he even enjoys this sort ofdynamic.“But why,” you might ask “would anyone enjoy this sort of manipulative dynamic?”Honestly, I feel what he likes about it is that someone’s taking away hisresponsibilities to himself. It basically feels as though you’re giving the reins to your insides into the possession of someone else - someone who you feel can makethe most out of them when you obviously couldn’t. And even if they couldn’t exactly “makethe best out of it” – Tom’s been steering himself for too long, only torepeatedly be faced with complete disappointment on the roads he’s taken. It’snot like he cares what happens anymore, as long as he gets to feel at leastsomewhat at peace. So why not let someone else “take his life into their ownhands”? Why not be the follower of someone who seems to not be bothered by literallyeverything he usually stands against? Someone who seemingly had more luck inlearning about how to cope with this reality that is “being famous and beingshat on”.My conclusion drawn from what I’ve experienced and heard is that she “keeps himon a short leash,” while simultaneously trying to boost her own importance andego as they go. From what I see, he is being very much so infatuated with her,but I wouldn’t dare calling that love by any means. Yet another heated affair,if anything. I think he really lost himself along the way of people fucking himup in his life (especially since the breakup he had with Ria), so he isn’treally thinking straight anymore at all. He’s just going with the flow, doingwhatever the fuck he wants to, fucking whoever the fuck he wants to, and hasthis little rebellious side of him tell him to “fuck the rest”.Which WOULD be a good thing – fuck the haters, imma do my thing and stuff… Onlyif he wouldn’t be doing it out of all the wrong reasons. Namely what seems tobe a desperate attempt and need to just “change himself for the better” because“he isn’t a weak ass motherfucker”.I feel like he has quite some problems with the concept of vulnerability. He has this sort of a persona built up which he strives to be, but really isn’t– basically a sort of an alpha male persona – and right now, he’s probably sofar off in his head, that he just wants to desperately fit this picture perfectimage of himself, no matter how many broken pieces are waiting for him to berepaired on the inside. He wants to prove that “he’s better and stronger” tohimself, as well as to everyone around him. He’s ignoring his issues, pushingthem aside, thinking that “ignoring” his problems is better than to face them,“because after all, facing them only ever brought him pain and anguish anyway”…But holdingthings inside like that, suppressing all the negatives by all means necessary…I think most people realize how bad this can get – a person turning into aliving ticking time bomb that can be triggered into an explosion at any time. Hemight be feeling happy now, in this moment of bliss he’s created for himself,just ignoring everything that’s been eating away at him from the inside, neverletting it surface. But you can only keep your demons at bay for so long,before they come haunting you again, with even more vigor.Prolonging the inevitable in this way is pretty much the most horrible idea onthe long run you can have. But Tom isn’t thinking on the long run. He’s thinking “peaceof mind, now, or I’m gonna lose it”.I don’t know what it is that triggered this “obsession to be okay”. Maybe hewants to be spiteful to Ria. Maybe he wants to prove to her “how much betteroff he can be without her” and “what a changed and open man he has become”.Maybe it’s not even Ria. Maybe he just can’t deal with being without SOME sortof a sexual partner, because it makes him feel like a failure. Maybe he cravesa sort of intimacy he used to have, but is now gone, so he fills his time withwhat he thinks is “second best”. Who knows. It could be a number of things, andmany more than I can probably never even think of.At the end of the line, my personal perception of what he’s doing is that it’s –and I’ve repeated myself in this wordall too many times now – toxic. No matter the reason why he’s doing it. I thinkhe would be better off alone for a while, and, if not getting therapy, at leastletting himself have some breathing space, and just give himself a second toheal from whatever is gnawling at him. Heal from whatever seems to be “pushinghim” from the inside to be this perfect ideal self he so desperately seems towant to be. AND BEFORE I FINISHLet us just quickly dive into this one last important element of this dynamic –namely where Bill comes in, and how it all comes together at the end of the day. If we assume I am at least vaguely correct in my interpretationof things, it’s obvious that there’s no way in hell that Bill would be blind to somethingnot being entirely as it “should be” with Tom. Clearly if even we as fans can perceiveTom as being out of character, how on earth would then his twin miss it?Doubtlessly, no matter the partnership any of the two had/have with anotherperson, it will always affect BOTH twins in one way or another.So how do we explain this undying enthusiasm Bill seems to be sprouting everytime Heidi posts yet another picture of Tom on her social media.Well, there’s a few rough possibilities I see here.1. First would of course be realizing that social media is meant to feed uscontent that isn’t always the exact representation of how the reality is. Whoknows if Bill’s endless heart emojis really are as heartfelt as we imagine themto be in the first place. But I digress. I sincerely think Bill’s not fakinghis enthusiasm. Most of all because his idolizing when it comes to Heidi reallyseems to know no bounds. Which leads me straight into the more possible optionnumber two.

2. Billsort of admiring and romanticizing the relationship Tom and Heidi have – to thepoint where he thinks Tom feeling out of place is just sort of his imagination…Because “how in the world could this picture perfect scenario ever be hidingsomething less than PERFECT”. Bill is like that – the romanticizing idealist.And I bet he has this one picture in his head of how Heidi is, and doesn’tstray from it, even if there’s weird signs that she might not be all heimagines, and no matter what other people might suggest in order to persuadehim. Stubborn. The twins are so. Damn. Stubborn.3. What I imagine most – or well, wish to imagine, hoping that Bill isn’t toolost in his ideals in regards to Heidi – is that Bill actually tried talking toTom about what’s wrong, but Tom refusing to tell him, continuously saying that“all is fine” as he probably does so many times with his manly-manpersona up. And then Bill letting it slide, just being as happy as possible forhim, even though he knows something’s up. Because what else is he to do anyway?STUBBORN, REMEMBER?

Whatever itmight be – at the end of the day it’s really sort of exhausting how the twinsjust give each other concession over and over again. Recently, an old interviewresurfaced where they talked about how “they don’t need therapy, because theyhave each other”. Well, with both of them so stubborn and both of them so damnproud, with both of them being unable to take a sincere word of advice as anythingbut a personal attack… Of course they prefer each other over someone else withperspective. Because a therapist would not massage their egos as they do to oneanother. A therapist wouldn’t let them drown in pity and join in on their spitelike it’s their own. Because that wouldn’t resolve anything.Relying solely on someone that is also really similarly fucked up might makeyou not feel alone, but it sure as hell won’t drag you out of shit. They’re eachother’s excuse, constantly, probably unknowingly only dragging each other downwhen it’s really bad. Instead of telling the other “no, you need to dosomething about yourself, you’ve been down in the gutter for too long”they probably just go “yes, that person did a horrible thing, and I’llcontinue hate them with you while we wallow in our joined self-pity”. Whatthey would need is to challenge each other more, and not just give one anothermore silent vigor to just stay miserable…OUTROBut, hey, this is where I stop babbling, even though I feel I didn’t evenremotely scrape the surface, or tell everything that’s been building up insideme lately.I’ve been debating with myself if I should really go into such excruciating detailregarding my thoughts on Tom – mostly because I don’t think traumas ofdescribed sort are something to discuss online in such a manner, no matter if true or not. In a way, Ifeel protective, because the mere potential of my thoughts being correct gives me a nasty feeling of this being a text of “exposure”. Butthen again, the internet is getting too loud with their weakly argumentedopinions, and people don’t seem to take in account that this human being hasbeen through shit a lot of us can’t even remotely imagine. So I settled foreducation. I wanted to maybe build perspective for someone who hasn’t beenthinking about this all too much.I mean at the end of the day, worst case scenario is that I’m right, but that I’vestill built some sort of perspective for people who think that “Tom’s just a fuckboi”.And best case scenario is that I’m simply overthinking everything anyway, andthat he IS actually just simply happy. In which case, ya know, I’m really,truly happy for him.At the end of the day, that’s exactly what I want, and this is exactly why Iover think it – because I want nothing but the best for all four of these idiots (as said lovingly, of course). So to finally answer your very prevailing question:Do I think Tom’s happy?Solely superficially. Really, properly happy? Alas, I doubt it.Do I want to be wrong?Abso-fucking-lutely.Thank youfor your time, if you by chance came back to find my ass finally thinking of a proper response. It really has been a long time coming.Love,Tina

[renwritesstuff]

Samantha Traynor Appreciation Day 1

Day 1- Colonist Upbringing:  I chose the Skyllian Blitz as a focus on Samantha Traynor’s colonist upbringing. With a 26-year-old Sam, the Blitz would have occurred when she was around 16. I imagine the Skyllian Blitz as a September 11-type of event, especially for other human colonies: something to watch unfold while hugging your family tight.

Shouting, Samantha Traynor burst through the front door. “Mum! Dad! Are you watching?!”

A 16-year-old Sam was clad in a burnt orange school uniform, a shield embroidered on the front left pocket. The black slacks were dusty around the ankle cuffs from her abrupt exit out her friend Nicole’s skycar at the end of the cul-de-sac. Her short—normally neat—bob of black hair was tousled from the impromptu run.

Running was highly out of the ordinary for Sam (and not just because she was an asthmatic). As was Sam home at noon on a school day (she wasn’t known to bunk off school. Ever.)

Sam’s schoolbag was already half-slung over her shoulder before she abandoned it by the coat rack. Black (dusty) shoes were kicked off next to the door as the girl tore down the hallway of the prefab.

“No running in the house!” Priya Suresh-Traynor barked back, more strain in her voice than usual.

Then again, it also wasn’t usual for Sam’s mother to be home this early in the day.

Nothing about today was usual.

Geoffrey Traynor called over from the wide living room at the end of the hall. “In here, sprog!”

Sam came skidding to a halt, already breathless from running up the stairs of the unit of prefabs. Wheezing in ragged breaths, she fumbled around in her pockets for her inhaler. A few deep puffs soothed the burn in her chest as she fell into the open spot on the sofa next to her dad.

On the screen covering the wall, a news program was already in progress. The Alliance News Network reporter on the screen was an older gentleman in a crisp black suit. His handsome face was lined with seriousness as he continued his broadcast.

[“—ports are still scattered at the moment, but the Human Systems Alliance has confirmed an attack was repelled from Elysium early this morning, around 05:21 GST. Again: the human colony in the Skyllian Verge, Elysium, has been under communications blackout for the past seven hours after a large-scale attack. Estimates of the dead are upwards of 10,000 and may be as high as a tenth of the colony, humanity’s oldest in the system.”]

“Oh shit fucking hell. It’s true.” Sam sighed as she tucked her knees up under her chin. She coughed slightly as the burning in her chest cleared.

I was hoping—hoping—the other kids had just gotten it wrong. Some fake news chaining its way around the colonies like some sick, shitty joke.

And knocking off school early? Was the entire school, or all of Horizon, in on it?

Just—uhhh—shut up. Let me have my denial.

An arm wrapped around her shoulder gently shook Sam as Geoffrey admonished, “Don’t swear. Especially like that. …Good lord, what are they teaching you in that high school?”

“All the essentials, clearly,” Sam quipped back, her eyes still trained on the screen.

A small crawl feed trailed in the corner of the screen. [“Targeted bombings reported at key locations around Illyria. Wall breaches in five sectors. Coordinated attack leaves colony in chaos and stock futures for Baria Frontiers and ExoGeni Corporation remain in freefall.”]

Thousands of people are dead, probably by pirates, and these arseholes are worried about their bloody stocks? Samantha scowled into her knees. God, I hate arseholes. I hope I never become one.

Gotta get rich first. Then become an arsehole.

Priya’s voice was faint in the other room, clearly on a call with the hospital. “—re we taking in any of the survivors? …then what about volunteers? …when we will know when it’s clear to offer assistance? …Look, Mark, I know we’re all overworked as it is… But this could have been us… I disagree, who are we to know if they’d ‘do the same for us?’ …This isn’t about what-if, this is about—“

A feeling of pride swelled in Samantha’s chest as she listened to the ferocity in her mum’s voice.

“I see the uni got dismissed before the high school,” Sam observed to her father out of the corner of her mouth, eyes still glued to the screen.

“I was still in office hours before the announcement went out. Didn’t even make it to my first class,” Geoffrey returned with a sip of his tea before placing it back on the side table.

“That’s such bollocks.” Sam scowled. “Everyone knew by first period and they didn’t dismiss finally til third. …what’s the time differential?”

A smile curled under Geoffrey’s beard. “Don’t be lazy. You know the time dilation formula. Three relay jumps. Galactic standard time adjustment. Horizon operates on a 37-hour day, Elysium on a 27-hour day. What is the time differential? Tell me my tax dollars haven’t been an utter waste.” The professor’s eyes sparkled in challenge.

Closing her eyes, a series of math formulas popped into Sam’s head. Her fingers drummed on her shin as she worked through the equation. “Ugh, this is such bollocks. Time is utterly absurd on a galactic scale… Because technically they’re like seven months in the future. But—carry the four—the attack occurred around like… lunchtime? Noonish?”

Geoffrey checked his Omni-tool. “Correct.” A hand stroked his chin in pride while his other arm squeezed Sam’s shoulders. “Batarians are already taking credit for it.”

An irrational stab of hatred flashed in Sam’s eyes, her nostrils flaring. “What do those nasty four-eyed buggers have against us?? Bloody slavers who wouldn’t—“

That arm rocked Sam’s shoulders again. “You forget we weren’t here first, Sam. And you forget your human history. Israel and Palestine ring any bells? Land promised to one civilization then given to another? Years of conflict as a result?”

Ughhhh…

This is what happens when your dad is a professor. Everything is a bloody learning experience.

…Can’t I just be upset?

“…can’t I just be upset, dad? This could have been us.”

“You’re right. It could have been. And this was symbolic and they knew it.” There was a hardness to her father’s words, an edge he was trying to keep dulled.

The reporter on the news chimed back in after a few stock videos of past Alliance skirmishes.

[“The Alliance has just confirmed one initial rumor: the communication blackout was broken by a team of heroic off-duty soldiers led by an N7 marine. This team stormed a bunker and managed to activate the emergency beacon system. The SSV Agincourt war frigate is already credited with an unconfirmed 42 ships brought down around Illyria of pirate bands attempting to hold the colony. That number is still climbing as other Alliance Navy ships have arrived.”]

“This is like a movie. I didn’t think this happened in real life,” Samantha remarked. Since she’d heard the news this morning, there had been this heaviness in her chest. A sense of smallness and disbelief.

It seemed so absurd. An entire colony going dark? All communications offline?

Communication is all we bloody have out here. Without it, we’re not the Human Systems Alliance. We’re just Another Backwoods Colony Trying to Make It On Our Own.

And lambs to the slaughter, apparently.

The rumor mill at school had been unstoppable for hours. A few upset parents had swooped in to pick up their kids before any formal announcement had been made. Sam had been hunkered down in the hallway with a pair of friends, Omni-tools out and combing through reports. A few clever custom filters had screened out some of the more ludicrous claims (“Third Contact War with turians nigh (Citadel Council does nothing)!” or “Geth returned from quarian space to conquer galaxy!” or, Sam’s personal favorite, “Civil War breaks out in Elysium over Illyria’s loss in the bioti-ball play-offs!”) all seemed to agree on one thing: a human colony had been attacked.

Nicole had chewed her lip, a number of relatives from (or stationed on) Illyria.

Victoria next to Nicole had tried to be reassuring. The brunette had put a hand on her girlfriend’s wrist. “It’s probably some training exercise gone awry.”

Nodding, Sam tried to feel optimistic. “Or they’re blowing it out of proportion. You know how those gits love their ratings.” She’d snapped her mouth shut at Victoria’s withering glare.

Only when Ms. Steinhold had released them from Applied Statistics had the news started to feel real to Samantha. But the epiphany wasn’t immediate. It was deadened by numb disbelief even as she hitched a ride home from Nicole and Victoria. Even as the car radio repeated the claims back. Even as Sam gasped for breath across the brown dirt of her street and saw other families home, their own wall screens tuned to the news in rapt attention.

Everyone on Horizon—maybe even every human on every colony—had gone home to hold their breath.

It was some analyst who came on later who coined it the “Skyllian Blitz.”

A blitzkrieg. “Lightning war.”

Geoffrey Traynor had nodded at the aptness of the phrasing. “Not a movie, sprog. History repeating itself.”

“I don’t see turians or asari dealing with this sort of ‘history,’” Sam retorted, indignant. It was all she could to keep the smallness at bay, the hopeless misery of feeling hated by the entire galaxy.

Are they really that much more advanced than the lowly humans? No one picks on them? No one tries to wipe out their colonies?

“Maybe it will bring the galactic community closer together,” Geoffrey suggested, his tone neutral.

It took all of Sam’s energy not to scoff. She was filled with childish indignation at this point, an impotent rage that mirrored the latest fire-and-brimstone retired Admiral calling for swift and immediate action against the batarian hegemony. Definitely a better feeling than despair, but without any outlet: what could Sam do?

Mum is organizing off-world volunteers to take care of the wounded. Dad will probably counsel his students and fellow faculty.

And I’m 16 and all I do is go to school and play chess. I can’t enlist for two years, and even then I’d be too bloody terrified to pick up a weapon. Does the galaxy really need someone like me on the front lines?

God, I hope not. Because humanity is fucked.

A fresh face interrupted the latest speculation, much to Sam’s relief. She felt herself getting wound up by all the aimless rage. Some calm heads and facts would be a welcome respite.

[“This is Artermis Kingston, reporting live from Arcturus Station. We have acquired ground footage from Elysium in this firsthand report from a survivor in Illyria. This footage made be disturbing to some viewers due to its violent subject matter. Discretion is advised.”]

A jerky Omni-tool video proceeded to play. It followed a heavily breathing camera operant, a young Black man with terrified eyes. His uniform bore the logo of the monorail corporation of Illyria.

The view swung dizzily back below him, his frantic breathing a constant background sound. A smoldering train could be seen down the line as the man crawled around the raised platform. Occasionally, his frantic breathing formed words of prayer under his breath.

Popping gunfire could be heard in the distance along with the crackle of fires. The noonday sun was oddly cheery in the background as dozens of smoke lines drifted lazily to the sky.

Just below the man, an explosion drew his attention and the camera jerked. The sound decayed to static from just sheer overwhelming noise. It died down though the crackling persisted. The camera ducked for cover for a moment before peeking back up to look.

The central ring of the inner wall of Illyria had just caved in as a swarm of pirates fired into the colony. A dozen Alliance soldiers crouched behind blockade walls below the camera and attempted to repel the invaders. One by one they were picked off.

It sickened Samantha to see their bodies fall limp. She leaned into her father’s side, occasionally burying her face into his sleeve when the camera lurched forward for a close-up of a soldier’s lifeless face.

Zooming back out, one lone soldier with a red stripe on the arm shouted for backup. But when they realized the man next to them was dead, the person clenched their fists in anguish. Pinned down by at least 15 pirates, the last soldier standing should have been dead.

Sam felt fear catch in her throat. This wasn’t a movie. This was really happening. She was watching people die.

Oh God, please be okay. Why would the ANN show this??

…I can’t watch.

Suddenly there was a flash of blue and the soldier wasn’t there anymore. The camera was just as confused as Sam was, the screen panning around trying to find the subject again. Another flash of blue as the camera found and zoomed in on the fray of pirates being torn to shreds by a flashing Omni-blade and surging biotics.

What should have been a massacre was quickly turned against the advancing pirates. They were torn to pieces by a lone combatant who was faster, fiercer and better trained than them. Every moment of hesitation from a pirate or a missed shot was an open opportunity for the soldier to strike and move on.

Sam squinted at the footage.

Is that… red hair? Is that… a woman?

A total badass woman, that’s for bloody sure.

The camera/man sighed with relief as the soldier rummaged through the bodies and found whatever they were looking forward. A moment later, charges were set and a large billboard jutting up next to the hole collapsed into the space, blocking at further incursion.

The video paused as the soldier stood overlooking the rubble, a shotgun primed over one shoulder. Just like at the end of a movie.

Except real life. This woman, this soldier: she was real.

[“The Alliance confirmed the hero in this footage was off-duty N7 marine Lieutenant Annelise Shepard, 22. The Alliance has also confirmed the team that activated the emergency beacon system was also led by Lieutenant Shepard.”]

22… 22??

I’ll be 22 if—when I graduate university… and she—she fought off an army of pirates??

Bloody hell.

How—what could I ever do that would even come close to that? Win the Kepesh-Yakshi Grand Tourney on Illium?

Ms. Kingston winked at the camera before quickly regaining her serious composure. [“The ANN will have an exclusive interview with Lieutenant Shepard—and the other heroes of the Skyllian Blitz—as this story unfolds.”]

The male newscaster returned to the screen with a sober smile. [“Thank you, Artemis. The Citadel Council has condemned this horrific attack on human soil and has dispatched goodwill ambassadors—along with aid ships—to the Skyllian Verge to assist in the recovery effort. The Human Systems Alliance has opened up comm lines for charity and volunteer organizations as well. There is a—“]

Geoffrey patted his daughter’s head, ruffling her hair affectionately, before joining his wife in the kitchen. The Traynor parents quietly discussed the Elysium attack.

Sam feigned interest in the news while also attempting to eavesdrop. Her father was muted with worry, fearing for Horizon in the wake of the attack. Priya was more fiery in her resentment. They’d been through hell to move out to this colony and no one was going to take their home from them.

Something nagged at Samantha that started her down a rabbit hole of extranet articles. It kindled something within Sam that was different from outrage or despair.

It was curiosity.

How could a coordinated attack bring down an entire colony’s communications network?

What sort of comms don’t need a buoy network to function? A buoy network that can be assaulted and brought down so easily?

Sam came across a stub of an article in the research section of the Alliance R&D tab.

“Quantum Entanglement Communication: Practical Applications.”

And started to read.

[allofbeercom]

Who is Leanne Wood? A profile of the Plaid Cymru leader – BBC News

Image copyright Getty Images

When Plaid Cymru started looking for a new leader in 2011, Leanne Wood faced rival candidates grounded in the party’s Welsh-speaking heartlands.

But it became apparent that Plaid members wanted change.

They found it offered by a left winger from a non-Welsh speaking background in the former industrial valleys of south Wales.

She won a decisive victory and took the Labour stronghold of Rhondda, her home patch, at last year’s assembly election.

But success with the wider electorate in the rest of Wales has not come so readily.

Born in 1971 to parents Jeff and Avril, she and her sister Joanna were raised in the village of Penygraig.

Image copyright PA

Image caption With parents Jeff and Avril in the former mining village of Penygraig where she lives on the street where her grandparents lived

She still lives there with her partner, Ian, and daughter, Cerys.

Their private life is just that – private.

Though she has spoken frequently about how her working-class upbringing shaped her politics, she keeps her family away from the media.

Understanding why she has stayed so close to home is crucial to understanding her politics, says Plaid AM Adam Price, a long-time friend and ally.

“She sees the role of a politician that you represent the people in whose community you live and you have a real sense of what matters to them because you live among them,” he says.

Witnessing the decline of those communities and the miners’ strikes of the 1980s was a political awakening.

Image caption Described as very clever by school friends, Leanne Wood became interested in political issues around the time of the miners’ strike in 1984-85

She has recalled how her father was laid off from the builders’ yard where he worked, and talked about the experience of joining a separate queue for free school dinners.

“I understand what struggling means,” she wrote on her website.

While at Tonypandy Community College – or “Pandy Comp” – she had no intention of going into politics, dreaming instead of becoming a TV newsreader. Moira Stuart was a role model.

She left school at 16 and got a job in a factory making artificial flowers.

Low pay and poor conditions convinced her to go back and study for A levels.

For many politicised young people from that background, there was a well-trodden path into the Labour Party.

But some thought getting rid of Margaret Thatcher was not enough.

They decided fundamental changes were needed to the way power operates in the UK.

Who is Leanne Wood?

Date of birth: 13 December 1971 (aged 45)

Job: Probation officer, university lecturer, Plaid Cymru leader since 2011

Education: Left Tonypandy Comprehensive at 16 – remembered as “clever” and “great fun” – to work in a factory. Returned to education and graduated from the University of South Wales

Family: Partner Ian and 12-year-old daughter Cerys Amelia

Hobbies: Allotments, where she grows her own vegetables. Beer enthusiast and member of the Campaign for Real Ale. Musical tastes include Catatonia (as seen in “van share” with Victoria Derbyshire), Massive Attack, Bob Marley and Bach. Favourite single… anti-monarchist anthem God Save The Queen by the Sex Pistols

A colleague who has worked closely with her says Leanne Wood saw poverty arrive in the valleys and concluded that “it would never be a priority for a Westminster government and the answers were to be found here in Wales – that we would have to plough our own furrow, shape our own future”.

Image copyright Leanne Wood

Image caption Wood and Jill Evans were arrested in 2007 for blocking a road into Faslane Naval Base, home to Britain’s Trident nuclear missile system

“We were abandoned, effectively, by the Labour Party, and seeking a new political home,” says Adam Price.

When they found that home, they discovered Plaid could claim its own tradition of radical left-wingers.

Among them was the economist DJ Davies, a founding father of the party who wrote about the economics of Welsh independence. Leanne Wood cites him as an influence.

Image copyright Alamy

Image caption A borough councillor at 25, Leanne Wood became political researcher for Plaid MEP Jill Evans in 2000, a year before launching her campaign as Westminster candidate for Rhondda

Image caption The campaigner – Leanne Wood at the Cardiff Bay Republican Day in 2011 and at the city’s LGBT Mardi Gras (r)

After studying at what is now the University of South Wales in nearby Pontypridd, she became a probation officer.

She was a local councillor, worked for the Plaid MEP Jill Evans, and lectured in social policy at Cardiff University, before being elected to the Welsh Assembly in 2003.

The year before, in 2002, her boyfriend, David Ceri Evans, took his own life.

Years later, she spoke to ITV’s Good Morning Britain about coping with the tragedy, saying it was “something that is informative to politics because I think my experience having worked as a probation officer as well has meant that I’ve seen some real difficult experiences that people have had to live through”.

Anyone who had never met her before she became an AM could be in no doubt about Ms Wood’s politics when she arrived in Cardiff Bay.

A republican, she was once kicked out of the chamber for calling the Queen “Mrs Windsor”.

Image caption Leanne Wood “inclined her head” instead of curtseying when she met the Queen in Cardiff last year

She was arrested in 2007 at an anti-nuclear protest at the Faslane naval base.

And in the same year she was among four Plaid AMs opposed to a coalition with the Conservatives.

Eventually, the then Plaid leader, Ieuan Wyn Jones, took the party into a coalition with Labour.

In her own words

Setting things straight in a leaders’ TV debate when UKIP’s Paul Nuttall kept getting her name wrong: “I’m not Natalie, I’m Leanne”

Telling BBC Wales that Brexit was not the only thing on voters’ minds before May’s local elections: “Most people talk about dog poo”

Her verdict on the Queen’s speech in December 2004: “We are more at risk now than we have ever, ever been before and the measures outlined in Mrs Windsor’s speech will not address this risk”

Meal times at Tonypandy Comprehensive School: “We were stigmatised for having free school meals. We used to have to stand in a separate queue from the paying children”

At Plaid Cymru’s conference in Newport this year: “If you live here and you want to be Welsh then as far as we are concerned, you are Welsh and your rights will be defended by the Party of Wales”

There was no ministerial job for Leanne Wood, leaving her free to roam across subjects.

She delivered a lecture to Plaid activists in 2010 asking whether the party needed a new direction.

The following year she published a pamphlet about an environmentally conscious economic strategy to revive the former coalfields.

It combined two of her passions: co-operative politics and allotments.

When election defeat ushered Mr Jones out of office, Ms Wood started talking about how young Plaid members were encouraging her to stand – a hint that she would offer a break from the cautious, centrist Mr Jones.

Image copyright Rhys Llwyd

At the start of the leadership contest, she was an outside bet.

But enough Plaid members liked what they heard and read, choosing her as their first woman leader and the first leader not fluent in Welsh.

She took up the reins with a call to work towards “real independence”.

She has a much higher profile than all previous Plaid leaders, thanks to her inclusion in the leaders’ TV debates for the 2015 general election.

Lining up alongside David Cameron and Ed Miliband was, says an aide, a “huge deal”.

Her team poured their efforts into preparing for the debates, trying to make sure that she left an impression in voters’ minds that Leanne Wood was the voice of Wales.

Image copyright Keith Morris

Image caption Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has praised Leanne Wood’s performance as leader

Supporters say viewers liked her authenticity, pointing to good approval ratings as proof.

What they cannot do is point to seats won in parliament – Plaid still had only three MPs.

And although hopes were high in Plaid before last year’s assembly election, the leader’s victory in the Rhondda was its only advance. Plaid won 12 seats, the Tories 11 and Labour 29.

What others say

“I was proud of Leanne, I know you were proud of Leanne and I promise you I will always work with Leanne Wood in the best interests of our two countries,” Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon said at Plaid Cymru’s conference in 2015.

Vice chair of British CND and friend John Cox: “She’s a campaigner who happens to have become a leader of Plaid Cymru. But it’s not like some people I’ve known who throughout their political lives have been climbing from one step to the next. She’s not that sort of person. She’s not a successful politician; she’s a successful campaigner.”

Former Pontypridd probation service colleague Rob Thomas described her as “a doughty fighter, who will not take no for an answer very easily”.

Soon after the election, Conservative and UKIP AMs lent her their support, causing a dramatic tie between Ms Wood and Labour’s Carwyn Jones in a vote to nominate the first minister.

It forced Labour to make concessions to Plaid, although there is no formal coalition between the two parties.

In reality, there was never any real prospect of Ms Wood becoming first minister last summer. She has ruled out ever working with the Conservatives, let alone UKIP.

Meanwhile, there’s a debate within Plaid about the party’s attitude towards Labour – something Ms Wood herself conceded when she said on the eve of a party conference last year that it was something Plaid was “actively considering all the time”.

Image caption Leanne Wood won praise for her dance skills during a Strictly Cymru Dancing 2016 fundraiser, pictured with actor Richard Elfyn (l) and Plaid Cymru councillor and actor Danny Grehan

The current arrangement – in opposition, but sometimes working with Labour – probably puts Ms Wood in the centre ground of opinion in the party.

She campaigned with Mr Jones for a Remain vote in the EU referendum and helped draw up a Welsh Government plan for Brexit.

But her “project” is to eventually replace Labour.

The Scottish nationalists provide the blueprint – first become the biggest party, then build the case for independence.

Both goals are some way off and Plaid members are annoyed by unfavourable comparisons to the Scottish nationalists’ success.

Defections mean Ms Wood no longer leads the largest opposition group in Cardiff Bay.

But positive results in local council elections have boosted Plaid’s hopes of inflicting wounds on Labour in the snap general election on 8 June.

Image copyright Plaid Cymru

Image caption Looking down on the village of Penygraig in the Rhondda Valley

Before the local elections, she said her five years at the helm had seen its “ups and downs”.

While campaigning, she has let rip with her anti-Tory convictions, asking voters to “defend Wales” from a Theresa May government.

And she pondered in public about whether she should stand as a Westminster candidate in the Rhondda, a move that would have required her to quit as party leader under current rules.

Eventually, she decided against.

Senior figures in Plaid privately told the BBC they were dismayed by her openly flirting with the idea.

Nevertheless, the Rhondda is one of two or three seats Plaid hopes to snatch from Labour on 8 June. If it does so, this election will be remembered as one of the bigger “ups” in Ms Wood’s political career.

Related Topics

Plaid Cymru

Leanne Wood

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/08/who-is-leanne-wood-a-profile-of-the-plaid-cymru-leader-bbc-news/

[samanthasroberts]

Who is Leanne Wood? A profile of the Plaid Cymru leader – BBC News

Image copyright Getty Images

When Plaid Cymru started looking for a new leader in 2011, Leanne Wood faced rival candidates grounded in the party’s Welsh-speaking heartlands.

But it became apparent that Plaid members wanted change.

They found it offered by a left winger from a non-Welsh speaking background in the former industrial valleys of south Wales.

She won a decisive victory and took the Labour stronghold of Rhondda, her home patch, at last year’s assembly election.

But success with the wider electorate in the rest of Wales has not come so readily.

Born in 1971 to parents Jeff and Avril, she and her sister Joanna were raised in the village of Penygraig.

Image copyright PA

Image caption With parents Jeff and Avril in the former mining village of Penygraig where she lives on the street where her grandparents lived

She still lives there with her partner, Ian, and daughter, Cerys.

Their private life is just that – private.

Though she has spoken frequently about how her working-class upbringing shaped her politics, she keeps her family away from the media.

Understanding why she has stayed so close to home is crucial to understanding her politics, says Plaid AM Adam Price, a long-time friend and ally.

“She sees the role of a politician that you represent the people in whose community you live and you have a real sense of what matters to them because you live among them,” he says.

Witnessing the decline of those communities and the miners’ strikes of the 1980s was a political awakening.

Image caption Described as very clever by school friends, Leanne Wood became interested in political issues around the time of the miners’ strike in 1984-85

She has recalled how her father was laid off from the builders’ yard where he worked, and talked about the experience of joining a separate queue for free school dinners.

“I understand what struggling means,” she wrote on her website.

While at Tonypandy Community College – or “Pandy Comp” – she had no intention of going into politics, dreaming instead of becoming a TV newsreader. Moira Stuart was a role model.

She left school at 16 and got a job in a factory making artificial flowers.

Low pay and poor conditions convinced her to go back and study for A levels.

For many politicised young people from that background, there was a well-trodden path into the Labour Party.

But some thought getting rid of Margaret Thatcher was not enough.

They decided fundamental changes were needed to the way power operates in the UK.

Who is Leanne Wood?

Date of birth: 13 December 1971 (aged 45)

Job: Probation officer, university lecturer, Plaid Cymru leader since 2011

Education: Left Tonypandy Comprehensive at 16 – remembered as “clever” and “great fun” – to work in a factory. Returned to education and graduated from the University of South Wales

Family: Partner Ian and 12-year-old daughter Cerys Amelia

Hobbies: Allotments, where she grows her own vegetables. Beer enthusiast and member of the Campaign for Real Ale. Musical tastes include Catatonia (as seen in “van share” with Victoria Derbyshire), Massive Attack, Bob Marley and Bach. Favourite single… anti-monarchist anthem God Save The Queen by the Sex Pistols

A colleague who has worked closely with her says Leanne Wood saw poverty arrive in the valleys and concluded that “it would never be a priority for a Westminster government and the answers were to be found here in Wales – that we would have to plough our own furrow, shape our own future”.

Image copyright Leanne Wood

Image caption Wood and Jill Evans were arrested in 2007 for blocking a road into Faslane Naval Base, home to Britain’s Trident nuclear missile system

“We were abandoned, effectively, by the Labour Party, and seeking a new political home,” says Adam Price.

When they found that home, they discovered Plaid could claim its own tradition of radical left-wingers.

Among them was the economist DJ Davies, a founding father of the party who wrote about the economics of Welsh independence. Leanne Wood cites him as an influence.

Image copyright Alamy

Image caption A borough councillor at 25, Leanne Wood became political researcher for Plaid MEP Jill Evans in 2000, a year before launching her campaign as Westminster candidate for Rhondda

Image caption The campaigner – Leanne Wood at the Cardiff Bay Republican Day in 2011 and at the city’s LGBT Mardi Gras (r)

After studying at what is now the University of South Wales in nearby Pontypridd, she became a probation officer.

She was a local councillor, worked for the Plaid MEP Jill Evans, and lectured in social policy at Cardiff University, before being elected to the Welsh Assembly in 2003.

The year before, in 2002, her boyfriend, David Ceri Evans, took his own life.

Years later, she spoke to ITV’s Good Morning Britain about coping with the tragedy, saying it was “something that is informative to politics because I think my experience having worked as a probation officer as well has meant that I’ve seen some real difficult experiences that people have had to live through”.

Anyone who had never met her before she became an AM could be in no doubt about Ms Wood’s politics when she arrived in Cardiff Bay.

A republican, she was once kicked out of the chamber for calling the Queen “Mrs Windsor”.

Image caption Leanne Wood “inclined her head” instead of curtseying when she met the Queen in Cardiff last year

She was arrested in 2007 at an anti-nuclear protest at the Faslane naval base.

And in the same year she was among four Plaid AMs opposed to a coalition with the Conservatives.

Eventually, the then Plaid leader, Ieuan Wyn Jones, took the party into a coalition with Labour.

In her own words

Setting things straight in a leaders’ TV debate when UKIP’s Paul Nuttall kept getting her name wrong: “I’m not Natalie, I’m Leanne”

Telling BBC Wales that Brexit was not the only thing on voters’ minds before May’s local elections: “Most people talk about dog poo”

Her verdict on the Queen’s speech in December 2004: “We are more at risk now than we have ever, ever been before and the measures outlined in Mrs Windsor’s speech will not address this risk”

Meal times at Tonypandy Comprehensive School: “We were stigmatised for having free school meals. We used to have to stand in a separate queue from the paying children”

At Plaid Cymru’s conference in Newport this year: “If you live here and you want to be Welsh then as far as we are concerned, you are Welsh and your rights will be defended by the Party of Wales”

There was no ministerial job for Leanne Wood, leaving her free to roam across subjects.

She delivered a lecture to Plaid activists in 2010 asking whether the party needed a new direction.

The following year she published a pamphlet about an environmentally conscious economic strategy to revive the former coalfields.

It combined two of her passions: co-operative politics and allotments.

When election defeat ushered Mr Jones out of office, Ms Wood started talking about how young Plaid members were encouraging her to stand – a hint that she would offer a break from the cautious, centrist Mr Jones.

Image copyright Rhys Llwyd

At the start of the leadership contest, she was an outside bet.

But enough Plaid members liked what they heard and read, choosing her as their first woman leader and the first leader not fluent in Welsh.

She took up the reins with a call to work towards “real independence”.

She has a much higher profile than all previous Plaid leaders, thanks to her inclusion in the leaders’ TV debates for the 2015 general election.

Lining up alongside David Cameron and Ed Miliband was, says an aide, a “huge deal”.

Her team poured their efforts into preparing for the debates, trying to make sure that she left an impression in voters’ minds that Leanne Wood was the voice of Wales.

Image copyright Keith Morris

Image caption Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has praised Leanne Wood’s performance as leader

Supporters say viewers liked her authenticity, pointing to good approval ratings as proof.

What they cannot do is point to seats won in parliament – Plaid still had only three MPs.

And although hopes were high in Plaid before last year’s assembly election, the leader’s victory in the Rhondda was its only advance. Plaid won 12 seats, the Tories 11 and Labour 29.

What others say

“I was proud of Leanne, I know you were proud of Leanne and I promise you I will always work with Leanne Wood in the best interests of our two countries,” Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon said at Plaid Cymru’s conference in 2015.

Vice chair of British CND and friend John Cox: “She’s a campaigner who happens to have become a leader of Plaid Cymru. But it’s not like some people I’ve known who throughout their political lives have been climbing from one step to the next. She’s not that sort of person. She’s not a successful politician; she’s a successful campaigner.”

Former Pontypridd probation service colleague Rob Thomas described her as “a doughty fighter, who will not take no for an answer very easily”.

Soon after the election, Conservative and UKIP AMs lent her their support, causing a dramatic tie between Ms Wood and Labour’s Carwyn Jones in a vote to nominate the first minister.

It forced Labour to make concessions to Plaid, although there is no formal coalition between the two parties.

In reality, there was never any real prospect of Ms Wood becoming first minister last summer. She has ruled out ever working with the Conservatives, let alone UKIP.

Meanwhile, there’s a debate within Plaid about the party’s attitude towards Labour – something Ms Wood herself conceded when she said on the eve of a party conference last year that it was something Plaid was “actively considering all the time”.

Image caption Leanne Wood won praise for her dance skills during a Strictly Cymru Dancing 2016 fundraiser, pictured with actor Richard Elfyn (l) and Plaid Cymru councillor and actor Danny Grehan

The current arrangement – in opposition, but sometimes working with Labour – probably puts Ms Wood in the centre ground of opinion in the party.

She campaigned with Mr Jones for a Remain vote in the EU referendum and helped draw up a Welsh Government plan for Brexit.

But her “project” is to eventually replace Labour.

The Scottish nationalists provide the blueprint – first become the biggest party, then build the case for independence.

Both goals are some way off and Plaid members are annoyed by unfavourable comparisons to the Scottish nationalists’ success.

Defections mean Ms Wood no longer leads the largest opposition group in Cardiff Bay.

But positive results in local council elections have boosted Plaid’s hopes of inflicting wounds on Labour in the snap general election on 8 June.

Image copyright Plaid Cymru

Image caption Looking down on the village of Penygraig in the Rhondda Valley

Before the local elections, she said her five years at the helm had seen its “ups and downs”.

While campaigning, she has let rip with her anti-Tory convictions, asking voters to “defend Wales” from a Theresa May government.

And she pondered in public about whether she should stand as a Westminster candidate in the Rhondda, a move that would have required her to quit as party leader under current rules.

Eventually, she decided against.

Senior figures in Plaid privately told the BBC they were dismayed by her openly flirting with the idea.

Nevertheless, the Rhondda is one of two or three seats Plaid hopes to snatch from Labour on 8 June. If it does so, this election will be remembered as one of the bigger “ups” in Ms Wood’s political career.

Related Topics

Plaid Cymru

Leanne Wood

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/08/who-is-leanne-wood-a-profile-of-the-plaid-cymru-leader-bbc-news/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/08/who-is-leanne-wood-a-profile-of-the-plaid-cymru-leader-bbc-news/