#[ my graphics are self made and I didn't/don't have any friends ]

[mlssworld]

🐑 🍦 updates below.

[greenandsorrow]

the price for misbehaving (ii)

post rut Alastor x gn!reader

WARNINGS; the aftermath of a very horny fic, mentions of deer mating season, friends to lovers, deer/doe!demon!reader, reader with self worth doubts, a sprinkle of angst, curly-haired!Alastor, undertones of Alastor being a momma's boy, mentions of his past, making out, fluff (literally), plot

Dividers by; @saradika-graphics & @cafekitsune

Please do not repost or directly copy my work and don't use it on AI platforms either.❤️

From a smutty oneshot to a multi chap fic. Nothing can compare to the chunkiness of the 1st chapter, but I'm satisfied with this one as well. Enjoy you lovely beings and thanks for being patient with me!!! The art above is by @kalico-of-doom.

~masterpost~

The only time Alastor isn't smiling is when he's sleeping you have come to realize. You can't help but notice how tired he looks as you lay motionless beside him. You start petting his ears and he groans softly, nuzzling deeper into your touch without even bothering to open his eyes. A small smile forms on his mouth, a real one. Is this really the same man that has been fucking you until your legs stop working?

In the morning you wake up in his bed, a daily occurrence at this point. However, you weren't expecting him to be staring deeply into your contemned soul.

"A- Al?"

Your voice is hoarse from sleep. You scratch your deer ears, flop on your back and stretch. Alastor keeps staring, studying you and every micro expression you make.

You can feel fear creeping into your gut. Is this the end? Is the rutting season gone? Does he want to kill you and eat you now? Will he kick you out? One thing is certain.

He doesn't need you anymore.

After all, you were just a friend helping him go through a difficult time. Nothing more. Still, you would be lying to yourself if you said that you haven't caught any feelings. From his forceful claiming that hid a great deal of desperation to his tender claiming last night, Alastor has left more than just his mark on you. One could say that he owns you in the most primal and raw of ways, but if he chooses to deny that... that's all it takes really, then you were nothing but a fucktoy.

"Um... I- I'm gonna take a shower"

Is that you doing the walk of shame? Alastor is a gentleman, why isn't he saying anything?! Not a single thing that could make you feel less terrible about the whole situation!

Now that his hormones have died down and you are far from aroused as well, getting out of bed and standing completely naked in front of him... It makes you feel exposed, vulnerable, small and inferior to him.

This new emotion, the deep embarrassment that has your face feeling hot and your stomach to churn with anxiety makes you dress up and leave "your friend's" room in the speed of light.

You lock yourself in your much smaller room, preparing a bubble bath for your spent and tired body. You smile to yourself a little, remembering how Charlie had made sure you'd have your own bathtub so that you can read your books while soaking in the warm water.

Sinking in the water, having it envelope you, cleanse your energy and take his scent off of you feels nice. You let your eyes droop until they close lazily, you allow your shoulders to relax, your jaw to unclench. A long and audible sigh. Your hands around your frame.

You start crying.

If another deer demon resided in the hotel, he might as well had spent his breeding season with them. You weren't special. The mere thought of such a thing is killing you. You were just another victim of the radio demon's manipulation.

Still, it's your fault as well. For believing this was more than what it appeared to be? Maybe. You are getting more and more confused by the minute.

But oh the way he had been repeating your name like a prayer... It must mean something to him, you being there for him that is. You didn't even judge the way he had spilled tears of sexual frustration when handjobs weren't enough to relieve the ache in his loins.

Who else has seen Alastor Hartfelt of pride under this light? No one. You are the only exception. He wouldn't have allowed you to get so close to him if he didn't trust you.

As your thoughts keep overlapping and fighting with each other and you continue to cry softly, you peak up the all too familiar sound of static.

Another unfair thing! He can melt into shadow and go anywhere he pleases... The sound intensifies as he approaches... you? Is he really thinking of invading your space like that? You can't even cry and be miserable at peace! Not like you're in Hell.

"Bonjou! Konmen s'apé kouri? Huh?"

Not only are you not in the mood to ask him to translate what he just said, but Alastor literally spawned in your bathroom and he's now acting like this is okay to do. The way he's readjusting his lapels and smiles smugly like he wasn't a grunting mess last night infuriates you even further.

"Can you please get the fuck out of here?"

"Mh?" he just stands there in his usual apathy. He's even holding his cane.

"Can you at least stop smiling for a second?"

"Oh ho! I'm afraid I can't do that my dear!"

"But you can definitely get your ass out of my room! I-" The sound of your voice carries to your ears like a child whining. There's a lump in your throat that you're beginning to fear you won't be able to keep down for much longer. If your face and hair weren't already wet from the bath, then it would be crystal clear that you were weeping like an idiot before he suit himself in.

Alastor is quick to gauge your body language. You're hugging your knees, shielding your naked body from him. Sometimes you swear he can tell your emotional state by sniffing the air around you. It's like your scent is enough for him to piece together the puzzle you are. The radio demon scranches his nose.

"What's there to be so sad over y/n? Today is a beautiful day!"

Is he playing stupid?! Because if he's doing this on purpose... Well, there's not much you can do now that he doesn't need you anymore.

Your lower lip trembles at this terrible thought and the lump in your throat escapes your notice, resulting in a broken and weak sob to come out of you.

Tilting his head to the side way more than necessary and squinting his eyes, Alastor asks "Are you pregnant?"

You freeze and widen your eyes. "I- Is that even... even fuckin' possible in the afterlife?"

The fucker chuckles!

"Oh I don't think so, at least not for lowly demons such as yourself!" The worst part is that he wasn't trying to insult you by saying that, but rather calm you down.

"Go to Hell."

"Ironic."

You can't help it now. You break down in tears. Your chest feels tight as the sobs ripple through your body and make your frame retreat to itself. In addition to your general misery, the water has gone cold, causing you to shiver.

The overlord places his cane against the tiles of the wall and crouches down so he is eye-level with you. He won't let it show just yet, but Alastor is very worried. There's a guilt eating him from the inside.

While he was in heat, in breeding mode, or whatever you wanna call it, he wasn't fully aware of his actions. Alastor's mind was blurred from the desire to mate and basically reproduce. Now that he's back to his senses, he has come to the unpleasant realisation that he might have caused you harm in the process of letting out his passion.

And this simply won't do! This deer demon has done cruel and vile things that he doesn't particularly feel bad about, but hurting you... He would never be able to forgive himself.

You were there for him and showed him a great deal of love and understanding.

So, that's the reason you left so hurriedly from his quarters... He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. He hurt you. HE DID IT TO YOU.

Alastor's permanent grin fades just slightly. It is replaced by concern, evident in the way he looks at your trembling body in the water. He reaches out to gently touch your skin, checking for any signs of pain or discomfort. Your friend's voice softens, it's now filled with genuine worry and regret.

"I'm so sorry darling... I didn't know I caused you... pain."

It's true that you have many bruises and hickeys decorating various places on your body, but that's not the reason behind your breakdown.

"I- It's not th-" you just look down. You can't even explain yourself.

The radio demon's worry deepens after your vague response and he quickly takes action to be by your side, pulling you out of the bathtub and into a tight hug. Alastor whispers reassurances in your ear, his voice filled with remorse.

"I'm so sorry... We should have stopped when it got too much."

No one has heard Alastor apologize before, not even God, for all that's worth.

His expression softens even further as he sees your tears that just keep coming. He carefully brushes them away, worry etched into every line of his handsome face.

"I didn't mean to make you cry. You must know that."

"I'm not in pain... Just sad."

You do look rather devastated.

Alastor is almost frozen in place from all the guilt since he can now see the bruises forming on your skin. The water camouflaged them, but now they are exposed for him to observe and take in.

He swallows hard, his voice shaking with emotion like never before. "Y/n... I didn't mean to do that. I didn't. None of it."

"None of it?"

Your voice is muffled due to how you have hid your face in his chest. At least he's warm.

"My intention wasn't to cause you injury or physical pain."

You look up at him, finally making eye contact. He's looking at you as well, eyes shining with regret, guilt and what appears to be shame.

What really surprises you though, is the pleading tone of his voice. It's one thing to be vulnerable because he's hungry for sexual contact and another because he genuinely cares for you.

"Can you ever forgive me for this? I promise, it was never my true intention. I just... I got carried away. And now... It's not an excuse..."

"You really meant none of it to happen between us?"

"Now now little deer! Someone's getting ahead of themselves! That's not what I implied at all."

You sigh and settle in his lap.

"Oh mon cher, did you really think I regret our... stimulating times?"

Alastor's long arms press you against him, his clothes absorbing the water on your still bare skin. He then peaks you up bridal style and carries you to your bed. It's not king sized like his but he doesn't seem to care for such detail right now.

"Now let me see you."

"I said I'm fine!"

"The artist will be the evaluator of his work."

"No Al! Artists get critics to evaluate their work."

"Hmmm, did you say something dear? Cause I didn't hear you!"

It's a common tactic of his to hide his real feelings by being chatty and pleasant. You of course know that, but in your current state it's very validating to have him take care of you.

So he did care. And he still does after having stopped necessarily needing you.

Alastor isn't joking around. He's searching your body, subconsciously writing down every scratch, every bruise and hickey, every bite mark.

Ears alert on top of his head, eyes wide open. He can even make out the shape of his fingertips on your hips... He turns you on your stomach only to discover his whole palms are imprinted on your buttocks. Meanwhile, you just allow him to inspect your body for as long as he wishes. All the crying has left you drained but also tranquil and calm.

"I'm fine Al. Really."

"Shhh, I'm not done evaluating the damage."

"It's just a bite or two."

"I drew so much blood..."

"Yes and?"

He just keeps observing, keeps rolling you this way and that. The scratches and the bruises are the most triggering to him. They remind Alastor of unhappy memories, in the days when he still hadn't taken good care of his father. As long as he hasn't permanently marked you it should be fine.

"I'll ask Niffty for some ice."

"N- no... Can we just... sit here? Like... cuddle?"

"You were my solace."

"What-"

He gently presses a finger on your lips to shush you.

"Thank you."

"You don't have to say that. It's not like I helped you with a flat tire or something."

"I don't do cuddling."

"Nor touching for that matter. But... It's not that bad, huh? Just let me put something on first."

You stand up and go to your closet to pick something to put on. Your hair is still wet and your legs still feel sore from all of your intense moments, but it was a relief to know he still wants you in his life after the rut has ended.

Alastor's behaviour makes you wonder. He's contradictory. From fucking your throat in his radio station, to bending you over various objects in the hotel, taking you in missionary, against walls, windows and doors, he still seems pretty reluctant to give himself to intimacy. Unlike those times, his mind is now clear, no overwhelming heat involved. Intimacy -to him- equals vulnerability and vulnerability equals pain. The inevitable way in which things had worked out in his life.

"But we did sleep together until yesterday."

The radio demon cannot deny you. He's already sat at the edge of your bed, taking off his coat, shoes and anything else that could make the experience any less enjoyable.

"I wish I could say you'll take this to your grave."

You grin brightly and chuckle at his silly, little remark. Your confidence has been restored to an extent after he made it clear that he does concern himself with your wellbeing.

"But why do you not like being touched? Physical contact is a form of affection."

"Or a form of punishment, of intimidation, domination and... many other vile things my dear..." His voice is too low for your liking as he says that. You don't know what burdens Alastor's shoulders, but it can't be good. And I'm not even referring to his own cruelty and the pain he has inflicted on others. Maybe his opinion of physical contact is connected to the endless scars on his body.

"Oh well whatevs Al. I just want my cuddles."

The way his ears are pulled back and he looks at you almost like he's a shy and innocent boy makes your heart bit faster. At least there's no velvet rubbing off his antlers this time.

Alastor is extremely gentle and cautious in the way he handles you now. He lays down on his back and you use his chest as a pillow. It's a cozy place. His chest. He has some fluff there, just like Angel Dust, but unlike the former he hides it under layers of clothing and keeps it unstyled. Still, it's undoubtedly soft and fuzzy and you like to sink your hand in it or swirl the soft hairs around your fingertips. The radio demon isn't complaining as one might expect, it's soothing to have someone touch his body in a non-hostile manner. It's refreshing to have someone appreciate his body as it is.

Would you also appreciate it if you saw him as he once was?

His father hadn't. He could handle the child of a mixed marriage, but Alastor wasn't just mixed, but also looked the part and according to the racist beliefs of his father in the 1900's that was a bad thing.

As you're nuzzling against his long and elegant neck, your friend's mind wanders. You lived during the 90's. What would it have been like if he had also lived during that period? Everything would have been different. The town he grew up in, his relationship with his parents, his career as a radio host and a serial killer.

"Did you know that my hair is naturally curly?"

Your ears perk up at that and Alastor gently takes hold of them and pulls at them from the root, just slightly.

"That feels nice..."

"Oh I know."

"What were you saying?"

"Oh yes, my hair's curly! Since I was nothing but a tiny, adorable baby boy! ...my mother... she..." His hand lets go of your ears and you can feel the rise and fall of his chest as he takes a deep breath and lets it out in a long sigh.

There's a melancholy about him now and you feel the need to comfort him. He's opening up to you by being genuine and vulnerable. Alastor is sharing a part of who he used to be and the least you can do is listen. You resume your activities on his fluff, almost massaging the area. He seems to like it, for a moment closing his eyes and letting a sound like purring.

"Can you keep this up?"

"Sure Al."

"Merci. What was I saying...? Oh yes of course! Mama and my curly mop."

The radio effect of his voice and his arms around you make you feel like you're a kid being told a bedtime story. It's a good thing the other residents have gotten used to you and Alastor disappearing together for long periods of time. His soft chest fluff under the pads of your fingers only intensifies the feeling of being told a story while tucked in bed, warm and safe from the outside world.

"It's truly amazing how much power is given to hair in certain cultures. In my culture, dear y/n, hair texture served as an indicator of social status. My family -a wedding between a white man and a creole woman of colour... oh ho dear! It was something else back then...-

As a kid, I was always the one teased for having “weird hair”, as if it didn’t match my other facial features. When school began, my sweet mama, she... she would put my hair in locs to protect the curls. Apparently they didn't like that at school! So my father... he radio static intensifies he made my mother shave it. He claimed that if my mother and I wore our hair differently then no one would take us seriously."

You take a moment to digest this new piece information. It's true that locs enclose the natural hair and help it stay intact. It's also true that Alastor grew up in a time when it was very difficult to be of a cultural background which was different to the majority's. You choose to not comment on anything, that's not your job.

You swirl some more of his fluff around your fingertips before moving your hand to his hair.

"Well, it's not curly in the afterlife."

You feel the vibration of his chuckle through your check that is resting on his chest.

"But it is!"

Alastor lets out a satisfied sound as he presses you even tighter against him and begins rumbling about his hair care routine. He uses anti frizz oils, heat protection oils and then blow dries it. Truth is, that's just the steps you managed to actually register in your brain, because a sleepiness started overtaking you as you stayed laying in his embrace.

You're now fading between consciousness and unconsciousness. It almost feels like you're floating. Is this what Heaven is like?

Maybe it is. Maybe it is not. But you did manage to find your little oasis in Hell. And so did he.

Alastor looks down at your much smaller frame curled up against him. Your breath has slowed down and your eyes are closing. Why does it feel so warm and soft to have you close to him like this? He knows he shouldn't be letting his guard down, but he can't help it when it comes to you. The radio demon is enamoured with you.

Wanting to make the experience even cozier and dreamier for his favourite sinner, Alastor starts singing quietly. His sense of rhythm is immaculate and his jazzy tunes make you fall sound asleep in no time whatsoever.

When you wake up an hour or so later, he still hasn't moved, but he acknowledges that you're awake with a small hum.

"Oh wakey wakey my darling y/n!" had been his usual response to you waking up while he was in the rut. However, right now he appears to be much more unguarded and raw than his usual persona. You haven't even completely woken up and you're already wondering about this new side of him.

"Al? Is everything okay?"

"Oh why yes it is, but there's this thought occupying my brilliant mind..."

"Care to share it with my not so brilliant one?"

You expected him to laugh or even chuckle but Alastor goes straight to the point. "All this... making love and we still haven't kissed. Not really."

Kissing him would mean that you actually view him romantically and that whatever "friends with benefits" situation you had going on will get destroyed. That's not a bad thing though. Despite your initial fears of your fellow deer demon being too emotionally unavailable and only needing you to calm down the torment of his lust, a kiss wouldn't hurt. Kisses are good.

"We can change that y'know."

You make the first step by leaning towards him, basically giving him the green light that you're consenting to this. Alastor notices it and loses no time, pressing his lips against yours while wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close into another embrace. He smiles widely as you kiss, his head tilting slightly as he runs his fingers through your hair. After a few seconds pass, he pulls his head back, slowly breaking the kiss as he looks into your eyes with a broad smile on his face.

"Aren't you delightful?!" and he dives back in.

Alastor's second kiss with you is firm and passionate, but not overly aggressive. His lips are very warm and he seems to enjoy the intimacy of taking his time to explore your mouth. As the kiss progresses, he gradually increases the pressure of his lips on yours. His arms wrap around your waist and his tongue slowly wanders further into the welcoming heat of your mouth.

Once again -just like when it came to sex- you have come to the conclusion that Alastor isn't that experienced, but some raw power, an instinct if you will, provides him with the ability to do all the right moves at the right time.

And then you just break character. You burst into laughter. His large and pointed ears twitch at that change of pace.

"When I thought I was doing a good job-"

"Oh no, that's not it at all. I'm just happy." You're giddy and so is he.

Maybe not needing you but actually wanting you isn't the worst case scenario.

To be continued.

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[athanza]

Starlett - Part 3

Cooper Howard/fem!OC (not self-insert)

Tags: Hurt/comfort (sort of?), non-allowed romantic connection, lots of tention, pre and post war drama, some fluff

Warnings: Mentions of domestic abuse (no graphic scenes or descriptions of that nature), angst, canon wasteland violence

This branches out from canon but I thought it was a cute story idea so I had to write it. Enjoy! ♡

Part 1 | Part 2 | Final part

2296

Suddenly Irene looked unsteady and she held a hand to the wound on her side.

"Fancy seein' you here." She chuckled painfully.

"I know, I haven't changed a bit."

She laughed but immediately regretted it, groaning in pain.

"You uh," she said, blood dripping down her leg. "you wouldn't happen to have a stimpak on you would ya? I'm uh...I'm not feelin' too hot."

He looked her over, the gash was deep, she'd need more than one stimpak. "Unfortunately I don't think I do."

Suddenly her legs gave out from underneath her and she collapsed.

"Whoa." He said, catching her before she hit the ground.

Irene woke up hours later, lying on her back in what looked like a small cave, her head resting on a saddle bag.

She didn't look any different than she did before the war, albeit a little dishevelled, Cooper figured that however Moldaver survived must've been how she did.

"Coop." Irene croaked.

He looked up from cleaning his revolver and saw her try to move.

"Easy there Starlett, you're pretty banged up."

She winced in pain again and lay back down. "I thought you were dead." She said, weak from the blood loss.

"I should be. So should you."

"Fate had other plans I guess."

Cooper scoffed quietly. She didn't press it, even though she wanted to know if Janey made it.

"You're gonna need some proper medical attention." He said. "Ain't much out here though."

"Eh, it's just a scratch." She joked, swallowing a mouth-full of blood.

Cooper got up and handed her a flask of water, half empty. She took a few sips and handed it back.

"I'm lookin' for Lee, you know where I can find 'er?

"I've been looking for her myself, I'm afraid I can't help you there, I've found nothing but dead ends. The bitch is hard to find even in a fucking desert."

He smiled a little at the very different tone coming out of her mouth than he remembered; she must've been in the wasteland for a little while, at least.

"I'm glad I found you cowboy. You're about the only fond memory I've got left. I needed that right about now."

"I'm not the man you remember."

"Doesn't matter. You've reminded me of something I haven't seen in years."

"And what's that?"

"Kindness."

2077

The doorbell rang and Cooper opened it to find Irene looking remarkably understated compared to her shows, but she still had that aire of grace that she always carried with her no matter where she was.

"Come on in." He smiled, stepping aside for her.

"I can't thank you enough for letting me stay, I know its a lot of ask of someone you just met."

"It's the least I can do."

He closed the door and took her suitcase for her.

Janey appeared with Roosevelt, having been playing in the backyard and Cooper gestured to her.

"Irene, this is my daughter Janey. Janey this is Irene, the friend from work I was telling you about."

"Irene Taylor!?" She said, her eyes sparkling. "I've seen you on TV! Your voice is sooo beautiful! You definitely should have won the award on last month's show."

Irene and Cooper both laughed.

"Looks like you have a fan."

"That's very kind of you." Irene smiled sweetly.

"Janey, why don't you watch some cartoons while I show Irene to her room?"

"Ok." She beamed and sat down with Roosevelt in front of the TV.

Irene followed Cooper to the back of the house where the guest room was and looked at all the family photos as they walked through. Wedding photos, Janey's baby photos, a puppy photo of Roosevelt. When they finally reached the room she felt even more uncomfortable.

"This is you." He said, placing her suitcase on the bed.

"I'm so sorry to put you in this position Mr. Howard, I do appreciate it very much. I didn't know who else to come to."

"Don't worry about it." He smiled warmly. "I'm just glad you decided to leave."

"So am I. You made me realise the cause wasn't worth the abuse, no matter how much I told myself it was. Lee won't be happy but it'll be worth it in the end."

"I'm sure it will."

She smiled softly at him. "I'll let you get back to your daughter. You'll barely know I'm here."

"Nonsense," he said. "You're joining us for dinner, plus I'm sure Janey would love to spend some time with you."

She got choked up a bit at that. Everything she had done since getting into show business had been for other people, someone doing something like this for her was something special.

"Thank you Mr. Howard."

"Cooper." He replied.

2296

Irene lay sleeping and Cooper sat wondering what to do with her.

He couldn't spare any resources, and he didn't need stimpaks, so he had none. Could he carry her to Filly and get her to a doctor? Sure, but that was in the opposite direction of where he was headed, where they were both headed.

It would be more humane to shoot her now to save her the pain, but he couldn't bring himself to do it and it angered him.

"Fuck." He said, getting to his feet and picking up his gun, walking out of the cave in search of supplies.

[purrrrplecats]

oh no i found it

the in correct quote generato-

(there a lot so if you don't want to read lots don't click keep reading)(theres loads i think 50-)

Scar: Grian and I are so close we even share a toothbrush. Grian: We what?

(he appoligised abt the joke later on.)

Mumbo: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

Grian: Hey, are you alright with swearing? Asking for a friend. Scar: Yeah? Grian: Bitch.

Mumbo: Is… Is that meant to be on fire? Grian: No… not really. Mumbo: Are you going to do something about it? Grian: Hm… nah.

Grian: Your future self is talking shit about you right now. Scar: Jokes on them. I'll ruin their fucking life.

Pearl: If looking good was a crime, you’d be a law abiding citizen.

Pearl: I’m proud to say I’ve come over my fear of ghosts! Grian: Eyy, that’s the spirit! Pearl: gasps whErE???!!!??

Impulse: So I have made the decision to trust you. Grian: A horrible decision, really.

Grian: Gem, is that my mug you’re drinking out of? Gem: No, it’s mine. Grian: It… looks just like the one I have… Gem: You don’t have one like this anymore.

(its and mug with pink and blue snails on it.)

Gem: This should be illegal! Pearl: It is.

Pearl: Okay, let's split 'em up and make 'em sing. Impulse: Two of you take Gem, the other two take Grian. Scar: Right. Bad cop, good cop. Mumbo: You know, it's interesting that they say "bad cop, good cop," because policing in this country is so broken it's really just "bad cop, bad cop". Impulse: Scar, you're with them. Scar: Got it.

Grian: Norwegia. Is. Not. A. COUNTRY! Scar: Then where are Norwegian people from!? Impulse: NORWAY!!

Impulse: Would you slap Pearl- Grian: Yes. Impulse: I didn't even finish! Grian: Sorry, continue. Impulse: Would you slap Pearl for 10 dollars? Grian: I would do it for free. Pearl: Rude…

(you could also swap Grian and Pearl around because I mean, SKYLINGS)

Grian: If you want my advice- Pearl: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times. Grian: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, they’ve also tried to kill me. Scar: It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.

Scar, to the Squad: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go. Impulse: But how- Scar, ignoring them: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.

Gem: I am strong! I beat Grian at arm wrestling! Impulse: Anyone can beat Grian at arm wrestling! Grian: Hey-

(sure Impulse sure-)

Gem: Grian, I am nothing if not a Woman of principle. Gem: Now let’s break into this apartment.

Pearl: Would anyone know any good vendors for professional-quality brass knuckles? Gem: I know you’re serious, but you say the scariest shit sometimes.

(again you could swap them around)

Pearl: Hey, you want a tarot reading? Mumbo: Those are Pokemon cards. Pearl: You got a magikarp. Mumbo: … Pearl: It means 'fuck you'.

Grian: Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere Gem: Where did you get that? Grian: My pocket. Gem: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket? Grian: Skills.

Scar: I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and a 'little shit’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’.

Scar: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

Impulse: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE! Impulse: SCAR IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW! Impulse: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !

Gem: Hey Pearl, check out this funny .GIF I found! Pearl: It’s pronounced “jif”. Gem: Huh? Pearl: “Dot jif”, like the peanut butter. The creator said so. Gem: That’s dumb, it’s Graphics Interchange Format. Pearl: The P in .JPEG stands for “photographic”, but I bet you don’t say “J-pheg”. Gem: “P” on its own isn’t pronounced like “F”, that’s totally different! Pearl: It’s exactly the same! Gem: Name one word that starts with “G” pronounced like “J”. Pearl: Gentrification. Gem: Shoot, should have thought of that. I was just in San Francisco. Pearl: For your logic to be consistent, you’d have to say “skuh-bah” (scuba) or “lah-seer” (laser)! Gem: Yeah? Well, you’d have to say “J-pej”! Gem: …Wait, “laser” is an acronym? Pearl: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation. Gem: Huh. Didn’t know that. Gem: You’re still wrong, though. Pearl: You just hate me because I’m right. Gem: I just hate you in general. Pearl: You mean in “geh-neral”? Gem: Ugh, I’m “joing” to kill you!

Scar: What's worse than a heartbreak? Grian: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging. Mumbo: Waking up in the morning. Gem: Waking up.

Scar: I love you. Grian: Me too.

Grian: Fight me! Scar: gets on one knee and pulls out a ring Scar: Fight me for the rest of our lives.

Pearl: What’s your favorite color? Gem: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature. Pearl: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP? Gem: My favorite color is pink.

Grian: Do you love me? Mumbo: We’re literally married. Grian: Yeah, but as friends or—

(logic is that Waffle duo got married as a bit like Clingy duo (Tubbo and Tommy) but G is like Tommy and doesn't want to get a divorce because he wants to commit it the bit.)

Grian: I'm not mean. Name one mean thing I’ve ever done. Pearl: When we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren't real. Grian: They're not. Pearl: Haha, very funny. Grian: I'm serious. Didn't you hear? Pearl: No… what happened? Grian: …Why would you fall for this again-

Scar: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees? Gem: Bees? Scar: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES! Gem: Wait- Impulse approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly

Scar: Mx. Grian, I accidentally dropped my seed into my mouth and then I accidentally ate it. Am I going to have a lemon tree grow inside my belly? Grian: Well, let's think about it. Did you also swallow a wet paper towel? Scar: Yes. Grian: Grian: Alright, let's go to the nurse.

Grian: Some people are like slinkies. Pearl: What? Grian: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. Pearl: Pearl: Please don't push Scar down the stairs. Grian, pushing Scar down the stairs: Too late.

Pearl: You’re just being paranoid. Again. Scar: When have I been paranoid? Pearl: Um, when you first met Gem you thought they were an undercover cop…? Scar: No one has a wart that big, I thought it was a surveillance camera! Pearl: And last year you were sure Impulse was a mermaid! Scar: They hate wearing shirts! COINCIDENCE?! Later, when Scar’s theory is proven wrong Pearl: Do you have anything to say for yourself? Scar: I still think Impulse is a mermaid.

Grian: Scar, Pearl keeps bullying me at school. Scar: Ask your teacher for help. The next day… Grian, to their teacher: Will you help me beat up Pearl?

Pearl: Being gay isn't a choice. It's a game and I'm winning.

Scar: Being gay isn't a choice. It's a game and I'm winning.

(same quote 2 times in a row!?!?!)

Impulse, near tears: Please, Grian, I don’t speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!

Gem: I need to dye my hair. Impulse: … Gem: Or get another tattoo. Impulse: … Gem: Or a new piercing. Impulse: Why? Gem: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods.

Grian: aggressively throws pencil at Scar Grian, deadpan: Oh no. I’ve been stabbed. I’ve been impaled.

(Double Life = soulmates)

Scar : So you like cats? Grian: Yeah. Scar : tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table

Impulse: What have you done with Scar ?

Grian: Nothing. Why, do you think I should?

Pearl: Scar , let’s go! Grian : Oh, yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about writing maybe a letter. Pearl: Okay, you know what? That’s it, you had your chance. Grian : What-? Pearl: Mom, Dad, Scar smoked pot in college. Grian : You are such a tattletale! Grian : Mom, Dad, you remember that time you walked into my room and smelled marijuana? Well, I told you it was Jimmy who was smoking the pot but… It was me. I’m sorry. Pearl: And Dad, you know that mailman that you got fired? He didn’t steal your Playboy’s, Grian did. Grian : Yeah, well, hurricane Gloria didn’t break the porch swing Pearl did. Pearl: Grian hasn’t worked for a year! Grian : Pearl and Gem are living together! Pearl: Grian married Scar in Vegas and got divorced AGAIN! Jimmy: I love Jacques Cousteau! Etho: I wasn’t supposed to put beef in the trifle! Doc: I wanna gooo!!

(I changed some names, aka added Doc, Etho and Jimmy, also Etho is the mum Docs the dad, and Tim is ofc the younger brother.) (the family situation is defo not from TTSBC)

Mumbo: I will send my army to attack! Mumbo: releases a dumpster of raccoons

Gem, throwing their head into Pearl's lap: Tell me I'm pretty! Pearl, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

(awwwwww)

Squad is playing Among Us Grian: I believe Pearl is innocent, I was with them the whole time. Mumbo, what were you doing? Mumbo: Oh, I was just murdering… I mean, nothing!

(I was gonna change Pearl to Scar and change Mumbo to Impulse because Impulsetor)

Pearl, in the hospital: Will you visit me when I get out? Grian: Lol nah, I hate graveyards.

[bougiebutchbinch]

It baffles me that some people think the only reason people talk about the awful things Ed did in canon is because they hate him

not because he's... y'know..... a SUPER INTERESTING CHARACTER

Redemption arcs are freaking delicious, man. But in order to have one, you need to actually have done... bad shit.... to begin with??

Like how Izzy was a bossy bastard to Stede's crew in S1? Then stepped up to protect that crew from Ed, when Ed turned on them all and Izzy started to see 'the kids' as his crew?

The redemption arc of Ed - a man who's done genuinely bad abusive shit that was certainly influenced by his atrocious mental health - would have been even more fascinating. If it had been handled well.

As anyone who suffers with severe mental health issues knows: this shit is fucking ugly. It's not about pretty sadboy aesthetics or quirky 'teehee so chaotic' bouts of hyperactivity. Sometimes you fuck up. Sometimes you fuck up, badly. Sometimes you hurt people. You lose friends and push away family and may even end up isolating yourself through cruelty to others as a form of self-harm.

Before the inevitable bad faith actors wilfully misinterpret what I'm saying: Mental health problems don't cause abuse.

But they can be one of many contributing factors. If you have a disorder like my own (which I certainly headcanon Ed as sharing!) where you are incredibly sensitive and reactive to any hint of negativty or rejection, you have to expend genuine time and energy on learning techniques to control yourself, for the sake of others. When that doesn't happen... well, I was excited to see the consequences depicted graphically on screen.

But no matter the cause, you still have to take responsibility for the harm you perpetuate?? And I want to see that on screen, too!

If you were physically mutilating a guy repeatedly over whom you held power as his captain (and no, Izzy did not 'deserve it'; get your victim-blaming bullshit out of here), and you kept everyone else in a perpetual state of fear in the hopes that one of them would snap and kill you..... you still did that? Even if you were motivated by suicidality?

If you forced two people who deeply cared for each other to fight to the death, because your mental health was so awful that you couldn't believe that love was real......... you still chose to hurt them in such a deeply personal way?

If you chased a guy around with a knife For Funsies and made him constantly break down in tears because you were so engrossed in your own issues that you genuinely didn't realise you were traumatising him... You still traumatised him!

Exploring what comes next is incredibly interesting. It could have made a great plot about accepting accountability for one's actions - but also understanding that even people who've done terrible things can change and heal (although obviously, their victims owe them nothing).

Like. Excuse me for wanting to explore such a complex, fascinating, multi-faceted storyline centred on mental health issues near and dear to my heart for one of my favourite characters? And for being disappointed that the show and half the fandom took the simple & boring way out by pushing all of The Atrocities under a rug, because they struggle to love a character who has done abhorrent things?

[finnickfan8]

Blue Jeans

Pairing: Finnick x reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Reader is mentally ill so there’s mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts (if you squint)

Tonight had been particularly rough for you since Finnick had been called to appear at one of Snow’s parties, where women who wanted him were plentiful. There's thoughts that race through your head every time: "What if she's prettier?" "What if she's skinnier?" "What if her body is nicer" "What if she's more stable than me?" and they rip through you like a violent wave ravaging an already sinking ship. You start to shake and cry, trying to calm yourself down. Not even trying to distract yourself with TV is working now. Nothing but him works, he’s your sanctuary.

You feel bad when you talk to your friends about it because they say "Y/N we love you, if he ever leaves you have us." They don't understand. They can't understand how your entire existence depends on his moves. Admittedly, you love them but only his love matters when you’re like this. You know that even if he leaves and you survive the break up, you'll always be stuck in this cycle.

Dark thoughts of what you should do to prove your love and devotion to him start to play in your mind like a graphic horror movie. Your sobs grow louder and louder until you're flailing around the room. Your body bounces from floor to wall to sitting to the floor again, over and over until that door opens.

"Hey Sweetheart" He pauses as his smile drops at the sight before him; the love of his life piles on the floor in shambles, paper shredded up about her, and broken items everywhere. He extends his arm down to caress your back, as you’re clinging to his leg for dear life. "What went on here Honey?" You didn't dare to look back at him, ashamed of being like this. He pulls you up on the couch and lays you on top of him. Tears fall harder when you smell expensive perfume on him.

You didn't ask to be like this and he had to deal with it. This just made you sink deeper, sitting up to hit and scratch your face.

"Baby, breathe. Look at me." Finnick calmly says as he grabs your hands and holds them tightly but tenderly. "I just wanna know what happened, it will be okay"

"You're gonna leave me." You muttered somewhat resentfully as he gives a pain stricken look.

"What makes you think that I would leave the most gorgeous girl in the world?" he runs his thumb over your hands which are marked with the scars of lovers past.

"You're with them and they're probably prettier and better and richer and just-" You sigh in frustration because any girl he could find seems better than you.

"They're people who are willing to pay for what you get for free, they're desperate lowlifes and they're not you." His hands now move to your face, cupping it and running his thumb on to your cheeks. "They aren't the girl that sits and listens to me bitch about anything and everything." He smiles slightly and you giggle a little. "They don't make the best food in all of Panem. They don't 'make' me dress up and match with them. They don't and couldn't do half of what you do for me." he kisses you softly, but you're still unsure.

"Have you ever broken one of our pinky promises?" you trail off wondering if he'll keep the promise you want him to make next.

"I wouldn't say i've broken any, but i haven't fulfilled one." he pulls you into his chest and strokes your hair.

You felt some panic set in. "Which one is that?" You were scared this would be the moment that he leaves and you almost reverted back to your state that you were in 10 minutes ago. You started to slowly scratch at your hands in fear of what he would say.

"No." he holds your hands again. "I promised that I'd marry you, and I just haven't done that yet." He smiles at you and kisses your forehead. Instant relief fills you and you feel a rush of happiness submerge you and you're all joyful again. "There's my smiley girl!" Finnick embraces you tightly, greatful for that mood to be over. "How was your day, Baby?"

"Good! I hate cleaning, but I like doing things for you so it was okay and I cleaned the whole house." You were excited and hoping for his approval which he gladly gives you.

“I’m so proud of you, pretty girl.” He’s letting you continue, listening intently.

You start to blush, but know you should keep talking. "Then I organized your shells by size and color, and I put the wilted petals of the flowers you gave me last week in the box with the rest of the dead flowers.” He nods, it was his idea to have you use the dead flowers in your wedding. “Oh how rude of me, are you hungry?” This was the routine on nights that he was in the Capitol: he comes home; sometimes he comforts you, others you comfort him; you fix him a plate while he takes his Capitol-scented clothes off; then the two of you cuddle.

“No Baby, it’s okay, I’m alright. Are you hungry? Have you eaten today?” Finnick always makes sure that you eat and drink lots of water. You nodded and noticed him fumbling with his buttons, giggling you ask, “Need help pretty boy?” You start to help him take his shirt off, noticing little scratches, bruises, and a hickey. You gag a little at the thought, getting up to go grab your medical kit and a frozen whisk.

You start to clean the cuts, bandaging each one before promptly placing a kiss on each one. “You know you don’t have to do all of this.” Finnick starts trying to massage his neck with the whisk.

“No, but you took care of me now i’ll take care of you.” You grab the back of his neck and pull him in for a more chaste and passionate kiss. “This is what we do, we care for each other.” You finish up with bandaging him up and he pulls you down to lay on his chest.

“Never leave me.” He softly whispers in to the bend of your neck, leaving you shocked. You know that if one of you leaves it will be him, but that’s scary to think about.

“I won’t baby.” you smile down at the perfectly bronzed boy on top of you, the light hitting his naturally highlighted hair in a way that made him seem golden.

He sticks out his pinky, “promise me.”

You stick out yours in return and lock them together, “Promise.”

[gatheredfates]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡

Aww, I love positivity asks! I can't say mine are in any way profound, but:

My loved ones. Cheesy, I know. Shout-out to my partner who does have a Tumblr account but refuses to be perceived because I know he'll read this and appreciate the fact I didn't tag him. I've been asked before how on earth I've been in a relationship with one person for over half my life and that's simple: I fell in love with my best friend. 💖 Also huge shoutout to @riftdancing who will be perceived because she's the platonic love of my life and, without her, I would not be who I am today. These two have seen me at my literal worst and stuck by me — I love them to bits! There's also my FC members/close friends @lightwrought / @gaygentofchaos / @whirlwyrm / @snakemoltsiren / @swingbeard / @dragons-ire / other people I have missed and/or wouldn't like to be tagged but know you are included because I love you. IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW. Also everyone in Seafloor!

Music. I've always loved music, but I really only got into music and listening to different things later in life! Sleep Token fundamentally altered my brain chemistry and I will thrust them on anyone who will listen (start with Sundowning through to Take Me Back to Eden if you want the whole ~experience~ but Jaws is also a good separate introduction). I've also come to love Crywolf, Ashnikko, Bad Omens, as well as old faithfuls like Red, Evanescence, Halsey, etc.

My cat. She's not really my cat, but she adopted me. Ratticus le Catticuses the third of her name; brat cat, rat cat; little goblin; my little baby girl, love of my life. (Her name is Lucy).

Graphics design/creativity. I make it no secret my favourite part of my irl work is when I can make a brochure/pamphlet/poster. I don't profess to be an absolute master in it, and I'm entirely self-taught, but there is something about making something better. It's the same with GPOSING and the like. I don't do it often, but my edits are there. There are people in the community that use the little dividers I put together in Canva. It makes me happy!

My current mental health/personal journey. I'm in a really good spot mentally. My diagnosis has changed my life, and I was already on a good trajectory with my personal mantra/outlook on life prior to it. A few years go I was extremely depressed/anxious, I had a lot of trauma/paranoia around my spaces, and acted in ways I'm not proud of. I've reached out and reconciled a lot of it, and it's allowed me to engage with this community and my personal projects in a manner that's healthy and engaging for me. I was in a spot of ~drama~ recently (which I won't get into — that's another personal choice I made to keep things between relevant parties) and, rather than freaking out and thinking everyone hated me... I just dealt with it. I took all sides, formulated my opinions and blocked the people I didn't want to deal with. I was SO proud/happy with myself — I still am! It's not world-ending like it used to feel and that's so freeing for me as someone who used to be a chronic people-pleaser/conflict averse. I still want to try to be the latter, but I really believe the manta of 'be kind, take no shit'. It's done wonders for my happiness.

This got really long, I appreciate anyone who got to the bottom! I'll send these out to ten people from my permanent interaction call because I think that's nice. Thank you @disciple-of-frost for sending this in!! ✨

[ice-sculptures]

Okay well I’ve already forced u to look at most of my pets so I’m kinda just gonna copy u…what r ur favorite buck and/or eddie quotes?? I can NEVER think of any when I’m making graphics and u remember the show so much better than I do LOLL

OHHHHH MY GOD THERE'S SO MANY

some off the top of my head:

"two cut lines" - like. okay. i still maintain that the rest of the firefam doesn't actually know how close buck & eddie are and definitely do not fully realize the extent of buck's role in the diazes' life, but one thing that the rest of them Do know is that buck would rather die than leave eddie behind and i love tht these three simple words encapsulate the strength of that undying devotion

"and that started with you. whatever happens to him next, you gave him that second chance. maybe that's the point." i will never ever ever ever ever ever be over this scene and how buck found the exact words to bring eddie back from the brink and show him that what he does matters, that there's still hope, that there are things worth living for and that he made a difference in someone's life. and i think that this right here is more than romance more than love this is just. soulmatism right here. i mean....to be seen to be found isn't that what we're all searching for?

AND ON THAT NOTE. BUCK. THERE'S NOBODY IN THIS WORLD THAT I TRUST WITH MY SON MORE THAN YOU. makes me fucking INSANE because what do you mean eddie forgave him instantly?? in any other show with any other pairing this would be a season long arc with the two of them tentatively reconciling at the very end of it all. anybody else would be (understandably, i might add) nervous to leave christopher with buck after what happened, but eddie forgave buck immediately. eddie, who adores chris with all of his heart and soul, who loves that boy more than anything else in this world, saw not that buck wasn't able to hold onto chris, but that he loved him enough to try. he didn't hold it against him for chris getting swept away, he only focused on the buck that spent all day bloody and bruised, searching for his heart. but more than anything, i think he saw all of that love and heartbreak and guilt and the self doubt that matches his own reflected in buck and decided to give his best, truest friend the chance that was never given to him 🥺😭

"comes in handy when you have a bunch of holes in the wall" i can't explain why i love this bit of casual reassurance so much but i just. i think it's so simple and so sweet and a testament to how they make each other feel so loved so easily :(

i don't remember the exact quote right now but do you remember that scene where eddie and hen are gossiping about hen's mom and eddie says that his abuela would love the tea bc she loves telenovelas and buck beams at him w the fondest grin ever and teases eddie about loving telenovelas too? i know they're soulmates and in love and all of that shit but they're also Best Friends and i love all these little reminders of how well they know each other and how much they genuinely like each other. also this being in the same episode as buck's look of complete confusion when his long term gf tells him she loves him was a Choice™️

"just gonna be you and me" from the LS crossover episode for no reason other than it was cute & i love buck's subsequent jealousy

"guess all that company must've wore you out" bc of the obvious Implications that maddie tried to rope eddie into her plan of sending buck visitors to cheer him up and eddie straight up said no because he knew that wasn't going to help. yet another one of the million examples of these two knowing exactly what the other person needs & also Being exactly what the other person needs

"three minutes and seventeen seconds" because what do you MEAN he knows the exact amount of time buck was dead for. what do you mean he counted the seconds that he lived in this world without his best friend, praying and begging that he could outrun the clock and he wouldn't reach the time that would make it permanent. what do you mean he memorized the amount of time and then he threw out that line so casually because he couldn't stand the way they were talking about buck's death as something fascinating instead of as the worst three minutes and seventeen seconds of eddie's life...

the one-two punch that is "you don't need to pretend with me" and "you don't have to be anything for anybody" because both of them have spent so much of their lives not feeling good enough and not truly living for themselves...and yet around each other they've never had to do that and are free to be nothing but themselves and still be loved not despite it, but for it.

and finally last but not least....the very thesis of their relationship: "you can have my back any day" / "yeah. or, you know, you could… you could have mine" because it's stayed true ever since the first day they met and will remain true for the rest of their lives. also i'll never stop thinking about how 911 straight up said "isn't that what we all want in a partner? knowing that they have your back?" in the season five finale and have shown time and again that buck and eddie have tried to accomplish this in their previous relationships but have only ever been able to have a full and true partnership with each other...yeah that shit will Haunt me forever

this is probably incomprehensible but my mind is running at a million miles an hour right now so i am not going to go back and edit it

[sjsmith56]

That’s What Friends Are For - A Private Man, Chapter 4

Summary: Sam comes to visit. Bucky confides in him about his concerns about several things.

Length: 4.3 K

Characters: Bucky, Rebecca, Sam, Amina.

Warnings: Bucky’s self doubt and anxiety is always there.

Author notes: The connections between family, friends, and people who care are explored more in this chapter.

<<Chapter 3

🪽 🎶 📘

Bucky's intervention in the robbery made it to the late news as the young woman told the TV reporter about Bucky Barnes being the only one with enough balls to stop a robber. They bleeped out the word "balls" but her account of what he did was graphic enough that some reporters came to the house to talk to him the following day. It was a surprise to him as he had been working at the docks while the late news was on. Even Rebecca hadn't seen the coverage, already being in bed, asleep. Bucky was polite but declined to be interviewed saying he was just a private citizen who did his civic duty. As the footage from the security camera in the store was played on the TV news for several days the reporters began showing up at the docks, hoping to talk to him as he arrived at work or when he was leaving. They finally gave up but he was referred to as a "reluctant hero" who obviously didn't want to be singled out for doing what any good citizen should. Several stations showed companion segments outlining his past and how he had redeemed himself with the Avengers. A couple of the stations also asked why the Avengers were not active any more. It must have made the news elsewhere because he received phone calls from several former Avengers, including Scott Lang, Clint Barton, Colonel Rhodes, and Sam.

When Sam arrived late Saturday morning he was in a good mood. After ringing the doorbell and coming in the house he kissed Rebecca on the cheek, sitting on the couch near her.

"So, how does it feel to live with a reluctant hero?" he asked.

"I've always been proud of him," she replied. "About time other people saw what I see."

"You know Buck, that story showed up on the Washington newscasts," said Sam. "A few people in the Department of Defence asked why you weren't taking on contracts for some missions."

"I hope you told them why," replied Bucky. "I can't depend on the odd contract. Not when I have responsibilities."

"That's what I told them," said Sam. "I guess Rhodey has been advocating for the Avengers to be reformed as a full time quick response team. That's why I was there this past week; to try and convince them that we're needed."

"And?" asked Bucky.

"They're interested but not enough to put funding behind it. There is a rumour that Thaddeus Ross is organizing something, but exactly what is a mystery."

Bucky smirked. He wouldn't willingly join up with that man, not when he was pushing to have Bucky shot on sight when they thought he did the bombing in Vienna in 2016. Sam turned back to Rebecca.

"Tell me about this agency that's been helping you."

"The nurse that Bucky likes, Tracey, contacted them," replied Rebecca. "They help new immigrants and refugees get used to living here. Within a couple of days we had enough people to stay the nights with me. They're ever so nice. I consider them my friends."

Bucky nodded in agreement. "They are good people. Did you tell them you asked Sam to make an appearance?"

"I might have mentioned it," laughed Rebecca. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all," replied Sam. "I can fly over there while Buck drives the rental car. When do we go?"

After lunch Sam geared up while Bucky took the wheelchair and put it into Sam's car. He carried Rebecca out of the house and placed her in the front seat, buckling her seat belt. He gave Sam the address so he could input it into his GPS on the suit. When Bucky pulled up in the car there was a considerable crowd of people waiting out front. Like before there were no shortage of volunteers to wheel Rebecca around and they had already lifted her out of the front seat by the time he brought the wheelchair to them.

"Where is Captain America?" Kafeel was tugging on Bucky's sleeve. "I thought he would be in the car."

"Why ride when you can fly?" Bucky smirked as everyone's face looked up to the sky.

Suddenly Red Wing appeared above the crowd and Sam's voice came out of the speaker.

"Why don't y'all move to the back of the building where there's more space?" he asked. "I'm going to arrive in style. Bucky, go park the car. I'll wait until you're in place."

There was laughter at that last part and Bucky shook his head with a smile. He drove the car to an open spot and headed towards the back of the building. Searching through the assembled people he found Rebecca, surrounded by her caregivers and their families.

"Mr. Bucky, good, you're here," said Amina. "You don't want to miss this."

He looked up and from the west he could make out Sam approaching. A line of red smoke trailed behind him and he watched amused as Sam did all sorts of aerial maneuvers above the crowd. It was almost like watching a fireworks display as the people in the crowd gasped and cheered at the different moves Sam made. Finally he ended up hovering above them then slowly descended to an open space as the crowd parted for him.

"How y'all doing?" he asked. "I'm so glad to be here today to meet the people who have been helping my friends Bucky Barnes and Rebecca Proctor."

Bucky watched with a smile as Sam began shaking hands and doing selfies with everyone. He always was more comfortable with the recognition. To Bucky that aspect of the job always made him feel uncomfortable, like an imposter, considering that between World War II and Thanos he was regarded as something evil by most of the world. It must have shown on his face as he felt a hand slip into his. Looking down at his sister, he saw her smiling softly at him.

"It's okay," she said. "I know the truth about you. You are good, Bucky. Believe that."

He squeezed her hand and watched as Kafeel had a selfie with Sam. Then the boy looked at him and came over.

"Can I have a selfie with you?" he asked. "Could you make it look like we're arm wrestling with your metal arm?"

Rebecca took the phone as Bucky pulled his long sleeve up then he and Kafeel posed as if they were arm wrestling. When the boy looked at the picture he had a big grin on his face. Several other kids came up and Bucky obliged them as well. Amina called together the volunteers who worked with Rebecca and asked someone to take a picture of all of them with Bucky and Rebecca. Sam came up and asked to be in on the action. Standing behind them all he opened his wings to their full extent behind everyone. She texted the picture to Bucky so he could share it with Sam.

When the event began to wind down Bucky asked Rebecca if she was ready to go. She nodded, as she was ready for her afternoon nap. He brought the car around and lifted his sister out of the wheelchair, placing her in the front seat. After placing her wheelchair in the trunk he looked at Sam.

"See you back at the house?" he asked.

"You bet," replied his friend. "See you shortly."

Ten minutes later Bucky pulled up in front and carried Rebecca into the house. When he came out Sam was at the trunk taking the wheelchair out and Bucky locked up the car. After helping his sister lie down for her nap Bucky brought out a couple of beers and headed outside where Sam joined him after changing into his civilian clothes.

"They were nice people," said Sam. "Reminds me of the neighbours in Delacroix. Helpful, thoughtful people."

"They are," agreed Bucky. "If you want to go out tonight a couple offered to sit up with Rebecca."

"I'm good," replied Sam. "I was out a lot in Washington, schmoozing and trying to bend anyone's ear to fund the Avengers. It was like pulling teeth. I don't know what the issue is."

"It's funny, but the first time we went to the newcomer centre I jumped onto the roof to retrieve a soccer ball," said Bucky. "They all asked why I wasn't an Avenger still. They seemed disappointed that the government wouldn't fund us. I had no answers for them, me the unlikely Avenger."

Sam leaned forward and put his hand on Bucky's shoulder. "Oh man, don't say that. You were in Wakanda, you were in the Battle of Earth then you and I fought the Flag Smashers."

"Yeah, we did but I pissed the Wakandans off to do it. I got to watch John Walker get a big money contract to be U.S. Agent and I'm working night shift on the docks barely making enough to pay the bills. It's ... disheartening."

"I hear you," replied Sam. "I've only had a few military contracts since the Flag Smashers. At least the fishing business is picking up. I met Jasmine. Tell me more about the nurse. You have a picture?"

Bucky pulled his phone out and looked through his photo gallery. There was a picture of them from the Sudanese gathering, showing them together looking at a display. Amina sent it to him. He handed the phone to Sam. With a smile he looked closely.

"She's very nice looking," he said. "What's her name?"

"Tracey Harris," said Bucky. "She's divorced, quiet, but a good listener. I feel comfortable with her. She's in Belize, doing volunteer work. Said she didn't think she could stay away during the cooling off period. She's been gone three weeks."

"Have you ...?"

"No," said Bucky quickly. "One kiss, when she said goodbye. But she's the one who made the first move. Asked to be removed as Rebecca's nurse. I dreamed of her. A nice romantic dream of us dancing."

"To one of your 1940s songs?"

"No, it was another song, newer. I don't know the name but there's Rudolph Valentino and Greta Garbo in the lyrics. It was nice."

Sam looked up the lyrics on his cell phone and found several songs. He picked the first one and began to play it. Bucky leaned forward and listened, his face breaking into a smile.

"Yeah, that's it! What's it called?"

"Right Before Your Eyes by a group called America," said Sam.

Bucky looked it up and saved it to his playlist. Sam smiled softly at his friend's excitement. This nurse must be a very understanding person for Bucky to feel a connection to her. A thought occurred to Sam.

"I might be out of line but if you haven't been hooking up with anyone how are you going to handle seeing Tracey when she gets back?" asked Sam. "That's a long drought. When was the last time you were with anyone?"

"I don't want to talk about it," said Bucky, tersely. "If it gets that far I'll be a gentleman about it."

"Alright," replied Sam. "Fair enough. You're a private man. I just thought you might want to talk about it with a friend."

Bucky took a drink of his beer and gave out an audible breath. Damn Sam and his counsellor tactics. He had been thinking of it, ever since he kissed Tracey. It was going to be hard enough to show her what he was packing, never mind keeping control, and a part of him imagined her backing out of any relationship with him once they became intimate. He looked over to his small garden trying to come up with something, anything to explain his turmoil.

"Buck," said Sam, gently, noticing the anxiety on Bucky's face. "I know it hasn't been easy for you. For as much as I tease you I do care that you're alright. It's not something I'll gossip about; I can assure you of that. All bullshit aside, you're my friend and I'm here for you."

Bucky took another drink of his beer. "The last time I was with a woman was in Wakanda, before the Snap," he admitted. "It was a kindness that was offered by a local woman, no strings attached. I've had a few other ... encounters since I started living with Rebecca. I'm not proud of them but it was just a way to get a release."

Sam considered Bucky's words and realized what that admission probably cost him. As a man of an earlier time it was probably something he would rather not have spoken about. Sam took a drink of his beer and looked his friend in the eye.

"Thank you for trusting me," he said. "There's no judgement from me because I know how hard it is for you to connect with people. I'm genuinely happy you've found someone to have a relationship with. She'll be involved with a man that I consider to be kind, loyal, and honourable."

Bucky nodded his head in acknowledgment and drank his beer. It was still a difficult admission to make and he was silent for some time.

"I was thinking of stringing some lights up in the trees," said Bucky hesitantly at first, "and getting a nice patio table with a couple of chairs. Could even get one of those outdoor speakers that connect to the phone so we could have music back here. I'm still not comfortable going to a restaurant but I could make something and serve it to Tracey back here. I think I've made this back garden look pretty nice."

"It is a nice garden," agreed Sam. "You've kept it up well. I could help you before I have to leave tomorrow night. You could have a nice date back here."

Bucky smiled in appreciation and finished his beer. He asked Sam if he wanted another and went inside. Rebecca was awake and he helped her into the bathroom while he picked up three beers and took them out to the garden. He brought another lawn chair out from the shed and returned to the house to get his sister, carrying her out in his arms, and placing her in the third seat. Sam told her about Bucky's idea to string lights around and get a nice table so they could eat a meal outside.

"That sounds wonderful," she replied. "It already looks good with all the flowers you planted and the lights would make it look so pretty at night. We could sit out here and enjoy the fresh air. Why don't you call one of the volunteers to sit with me while you two go to the garden centre?"

Half an hour later Sam and Bucky were on their way to the garden centre while Amina sat with Rebecca. She brought her children with her and they played a board game on the grass while the two women had tea. In the car Bucky gave Sam directions and tapped his finger to the music playing on the radio. It was tuned to an R&B station, with some older Motown that was sprinkled throughout the more modern offerings.

"You should compile a playlist for that date," said Sam. "You have that first song but there are others you could play to set the mood."

"I'm not trying to seduce her," said Bucky. "I want a relationship, not just a, what do you call it, a booty call."

"I know, but she is a modern woman," replied Sam. "You need the right songs. Do you know any of her friends?"

"Just the other nurse that took over from her and I don't know if they're actual friends. I think Tracey's like me, solitary."

"Okay," said Sam. "I would say to go for soft jazz, maybe even some songs from your era." Bucky looked at him, expecting some criticism from Sam. "Don't give me that look. There's some good music from your era. Hell, you probably listened to Ella Fitzgerald, Duke Ellington, Count Basie, all of those legends. Am I right?"

"I saw a few in the clubs," replied Bucky. He thought for a moment. "There's a song that came out in the late 30s, The Nearness of You. Hoagy Carmichael wrote it but Glenn Miller Orchestra performed it. Danced to that a lot."

"I think I've heard an Ella Fitzgerald version," said Sam. "We can look that up when we get back to your place. What other songs were your "go to" songs for romance?"

Bucky made an audible sigh as if he couldn't believe Sam was making him do this. "Harbor Lights, sung by Frances Langford. The Man I Love. I saw Billie Holiday sing it live; she poured her heart into it. Saw Lena Horne sing it live as well. She was from Brooklyn."

"You saw Billie Holiday and Lena Horne, live, back in the day, no shit?"

"No shit," smiled Bucky. "Sam, I went to a lot of jazz clubs, not just in Brooklyn but in Harlem, too. Incredible music. Good people."

"Damn, we've known each other what, eight years?" smirked Sam. "You still surprise me."

"Eight years minus the five of the Blip," replied Bucky. "You never asked before."

Sam chuckled then pulled into the parking lot of the garden centre. They found the lighting section and began looking at their choices. They settled on a combination of white fairy lights for the trees and coloured fairy lights that could be strung along the fence and bushes. Sam also suggested a couple of lanterns that could be placed on the ground for extra mood lighting. They picked out a café table that could fit three and took three chairs, one for Bucky, one for Rebecca and one for a guest. Just before they went to the cash register Bucky stopped and looked at a pergola.

"That might be nice for shade during the day," he said, then looked at the price tag. "I don't think I can afford it."

"Maybe they have a payment plan," noted Sam, who looked for a sales person to ask.

The sales person confirmed that they had a no interest payment plan. They would also deliver it to the house as the package it came in was quite heavy, which made Bucky smirk. After several seconds considering it he nodded his head and they began to enter the information. As they looked up Bucky's credit record the sales person turned to him.

"There's no credit record for you," he said. "Um, it's not really a problem but I can't offer the no interest plan. I have to charge 5%. It will add about $10 a month but the good part is that you'll get a credit record from it and as long as you make your payments it will serve you in the long run."

Bucky could feel the anxiety building inside of him as he looked at his hands, feeling almost helpless. Sam put his hand on Bucky's arm and nodded that it would be alright.

"Okay," breathed Bucky. "I'll agree to that."

A passerby dropped a package and Bucky leaned down to pick it up for them, revealing his metal arm. The sales person saw it and gave out a little breath.

"You're him," he said. "I saw the news story about you stopping that robber at the liquor store. They had another segment on you, about your past life. That's why you don't have a credit record. Man, you went through so much." He reached into his shirt pocket and took out a business card, writing a phone number on the back. "Listen, these pergolas can be tricky. Call me on my cell. I can come over and help. My grandpa was in the 107th, after you joined the Howling Commandos but he only had good things to say about you."

The man extended the business card and Bucky smiled, taking the card, but feeling slightly embarrassed at the recognition. They finished the paperwork and the man gave him a slip for the cashier. On the way out to the car with their purchases Sam watched Bucky's face, saying nothing.

"Nice man," Sam finally said. "You should take him up on his offer. You're going to need two sets of hands for some of that."

Bucky nodded, feeling a little overwhelmed by the man's attention and his offer. Sam put the radio on and they drove back to the house in silence. When they brought everything into the back yard Amina's kids asked if they could help put up the fairy lights. At first Bucky was hesitant but Amina assured him they had done something similar at their house so he nodded. Both Amina and Rebecca watched as Sam and Bucky got the lights out and unravelled the strings. Kafeel began to climb the bigger tree to begin stringing the lights in it.

"Amina, are you comfortable with that?" asked Bucky.

"Yes, he climbs trees all the time," she replied. "Besides, you would catch him if he fell, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah, but what if he falls when my back is turned?"

"Then he learns to be more careful," was her answer. "Mr. Bucky, my children were born in a war zone. Danger has been part of their lives until we were accepted as refugees here. I'm not going to stop my children from climbing a tree."

Kafeel gave Bucky a big grin and climbed up to the first set of branches, taking the string with him. Sam helped the other two children with stringing the coloured lights on the fence. By the time Amina was ready to leave Kafeel had fully strung the biggest tree while Bucky nervously monitored him from below. The other children and Sam finished stringing the coloured lights along one fence and the bushes at the base of the fence. After they left Sam and Bucky assembled the table and unpacked the chairs. Bucky started up the barbecue and went inside the house where he had steaks marinating while Sam sat with Rebecca. Pulling out some baking potatoes he prepared them to go on the grill and set them on the rack. Then he made a big salad. Sam came in to get another beer for himself and a glass of water for Rebecca. They both relaxed as Bucky handled the cooking.

The sun was almost setting when they finally sat down for supper at the new patio set. Sam set up the patio speaker and synced his phone to it, bringing up a soft jazz playlist. As it got darker the sensor on the power source activated and the lights turned on bringing a glad cry from Rebecca.

"Oh, it's looks so pretty. I really like this Bucky. That was such a good idea."

Bucky looked around at the lights. "It does look nice, doesn't it? You know, with these lights we could probably host a little gathering with the volunteers. It was nice having Amina and her kids here. They were helpful."

They ate their meal in the glow of the lights, enjoying each other's company and by the time they finished Rebecca was yawning. As Bucky prepared her for bed Sam cleaned up. Then Bucky came into the kitchen with what Sam would call a shit eating grin on his face.

"She wants you to read her a bedtime story," he said. "I usually read to her every night but with you here ...."

"What should I read?" asked Sam.

Bucky gave him an even bigger grin. "She already has it picked out."

The two men walked to the bedroom and Rebecca handed Sam a slim paperback that looked like a children's book. When he saw the cover he laughed out loud, then gave the old woman an incredulous look.

"You really want me to read this?" he asked.

"Hell yes," she said, then gestured at Bucky. "He won't. I paid good money for that book. Ordered it online. So someone is going to read it to me."

"Alright then," said Sam, sitting on the edge of the bed as he opened it. "Go the Fuck to Sleep, by Adam Mansbach."

Bucky watched from the door as Sam read the entire book to Rebecca. By the last page they were both giggling and Sam could barely say the words as he couldn't help laughing but he toughed it out. He looked back at Bucky with a big grin then leaned over Rebecca and kissed her on the forehead.

"You are the coolest younger sister I've ever met," he said. "You're way cooler than my sister, Sarah. Don't ever change, you hear me?"

"I hear you, Sam," she said, smiling mischievously. "Can I have some water?"

"No," he laughed. "Go the fuck to sleep."

They both laughed hard, and he kissed her again then Bucky came over to kiss her, taking the book and putting it on her dresser. After fixing the covers so they were perfect he followed Sam to the door and stood by the light, gazing at her with fondness.

"You know I love you, right?" he said to her.

"I know. I love you, too."

He turned off the light and closed the door. Sam was sitting on the living room couch and watched Bucky come out of the hallway. It was understandable why Bucky was devoted to Rebecca. Even Sam found it hard to contemplate ever living separately from Sarah and the boys. Rebecca was Bucky's anchor to normal and he needed it, needed that connection to people.

Chapter 5>>

Series Masterlist

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[sangyeonsmuse]

BUTTON EYES

Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | All Chapters

PAIRING | OT8, MC SEONGHWA

WORDS| 344

GENRE | Coraline au, angst, suspense,

SUMMARY | What happens when Seonghwa returns to the home he was once fond of as a child? This time around making his return as a full adult with the company of friends. Nightmares and old friends return and the button eyes that Seonghwa desperately escaped as a child have returned to haunt he and his friends.

WARNING | Graphic descriptions, mentions of death, ghost children, witchcraft, grsphic nightmares, arson, lost memories

MORE | Based on the childrens novel & Henry Selick film Coraline

Before i go any further i want it to be known i am in no way claiming Coraline as my own. I wrote a concept for a part 2 or spinoff long ago and I just felt that it was time to finally put it to use. I do not own Ateez or any Coraline named Characters in this story but the Storyline is indeed a self made one.

The eight of them silently trudged through the dark woods no one dared say a word. They had hoped that mingi was simply mistaken or that maybe it was some sort of sick and twisted joke. But after all this was Mingi, shit like this completely creeped him out and the fact that he was literally trembling as they grew closer told them that this was indeed real. As they walked further and further Seonghwa could sense that Hongjoong had gone tense like the area they had been nearing was familiar to him. They found themselves in an old abandoned park, old broken down swing set and merrigo round was rusted and slowly fading away.

"wait..I don't understand she was right here..s-she was here.'' He backed away and immediately made his way over to Yunho, locking their arms together.

"Bro are you kidding me we came all the way out here so you can joke around?" San grumbles and turns around to head back in the direction of the house only to be yanked back by Yeosang.

"What did she look like.'' Seonghwa spoke up, earning a questioning glance from mingi.

"Uh- I I dont know um she had pigtails tied up with brown ribbon she wore a tutu and.'' Mingi hadn't even let Mingi finish before he finished the man's sentence.

"Brown hair, black dirty pink tutu with a white frenge top.'' Mingi went silent and all eyes fell upon Seonghwa.

"How did you..?''

"I saw her, that night at the pub I saw her.'' Yeosang immediately remembered something that Seonghwa had said that night, of course Yeosang thought the man was drunk and seeing things but now it occured to him that something more was going on.

"So that night when I came outside, you said you were asking someone where there parents were..you meant the girl.'' Seonghwa didn't respond, his eyes had fallen on Hongjoong that had stayed silent the entire walk there to now.

"Kim Hongjoong you tell us everything you know. EVERYTHING.''

[hargrove]

「 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! I resurrected this blog at the end of 2023, but in these few months, this dash has given me more happiness than I could have imagined. honestly, I came back as a means of escape when I had a major loss in my family and just didn't want to deal with irl. and y'all have been so welcoming and so amazing, that I want to take this moment to hurl my love right in your faces!

@havvkinsqueen ➠ Victoria!!! I was so excited to learn that you were still bombing around on the dash since I last left. your heather was always a treat, but your Chrissy is such a delight and I'm so stoked to have her in Billy's life. you are an absolute gem, a POWERHOUSE of kindness and positivity. you exemplify everything the rp community should be. I type this wearing the bracelet you made for me, it gives me so much good vibes. I really am serious about running around in cosplay at a con with you this coming year. it'll be rad as hell! here's to a whole new year of crazy rp and irl shenanigans!

@zoomingupthathill ➠ I cannot describe the sheer joy I feel every time you're on my dash, Bee. from waaaaay back when I was writing Klaus and you were Katherine, to now in the ST fandom, you always leave me in awe. the love you have for your own muses is infectious and in turn, makes me love them and want the best for them. you know I don't really do exclusives, but I always considered your Max and my Billy a packaged deal. whatever your Max is going through, she can always count on my Billy to have her back. likewise, I am always there for you. you're an amazing talent and an even better friend. I look forward to a whole new year of sibling craziness, as well as other muse stuff. and good lord, CAN WE GET THIS GIRL A LUCAS??? (I'm trying my best to work on it, I am lol).

@thebabysittertm ➠ dude. friendo. bruh. stark. I don't even know where to begin. my favorite kind of rp is the slow burn stuff filled with lots of character development and headcanons and background stuff, etc. it's basically the hardest thing to find but somehow from the moment we started talking, it all just clicked. the details and thought you put into all of your muses is astounding. I adore the thought process you have in your muses' reasoning behind things. and your writing is out of this world! I feel so lucky that I get to bounce hc's and au's off you all day. all of our ideas and stuff makes me so excited and has fueled me to jump back into this hobby only 10 times harder. all your talent aside, you also an incredible friend who I'm so stoked to talk to every day. here's to a 2024 filled with our two idiots!

@malka-lisitsa ➠ how do I even begin to compliment the sheer amount of talent that exudes from you, November?? from muse development, to writing, to graphics, to server maintaining, to... I don't even know what else! seems like you can do it all! I can't lie, when I initially came back to the dash, I was shying away from any and all cross overs because I have so much anxiety in this community and wanted to keep my corner of the world super small. but your Katherine broke through and I'm so glad she did. I love how you took a character that so many people (even the freaking writers of the show!) wrote off as 2 dimensional and you give her life! layers! meaning! she never feels like a self insert style oc, but she feels so much more well rounded than any version we saw on the show. it's honestly admirable the amount of work you've put in. I'm so lucky to count myself as one of your rp partners and I can't wait to see where Billy and Kat will take us in 2024.

I unfortunately don't have the time to write a seperate message to all of the people on my dash, but I still want to tag people that bring me joy every time I see your urls. all of the following has made the past few months (that should have been dark and awful) feel bright and full of hope. I appreciate every single one of you. ➠

@vitaegratis

@edhellfire

@vcnusians

@scarednotscary

@pierprincess / @nancewheelr

@hangtenn

@calistayed

@asiphon

@nexusvcrti

@multi-royalty

@helltothefire

@mhunster

and of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't list my ride or die. the people who make tumblr rp the amazing place that it is, and people that I will cherish always, whether we're writing together or not. y'all are stuck with me! ➠ @seesgood @breakthings @mysharxna 」

[nayialovecat]

Wish Songs

Ok. Let me make it clear: I haven't watched the movie "Wish" made by Disney. I'm planning on doing it, but after seeing so many reviews and hearing plot summaries (including from my best friend, Titatotrix), I'm having a hard time getting around to it. However, I'm going to do it so that I can insult this film legally.

However, as part of getting used to the idea of ​​watching this animated crap, I started by getting to know the songs... and oh, these songs alone hurt me so much that I have to share it.

If by any chance there are Wish fans in the room, I'm sorry - but there is nothing good about this movie. Well, maybe one or two things. You'll see soon.

By the way, just by listening to the songs and analyzing the lyrics, music, framing, colours, and in combination this with the stories I listened to about the plot and the logical errors pointed out - I came up with a certain conspiracy theory (no, not that the script was written by AI, and the graphic design of the film was too - but that's a good conspiracy theory too.) However, I will present it in another entry - when I finally watch this damn movie. And for now, the songs.

---------------------------------------------

Welcome To Rosas

Oo, "The Family Madrigal" but worse. Well, the music is ok, but the whole thing is so... secondary idea. In other words, from the middle of the song, when I was just listening (not watching yet) to it, I felt like "this is the opening song, which makes a rude exposition sung by the young main character of the movie with the choir and (probably) choreography - WHAT DOES THIS REMINDER ME?".

---------------------------------------------

At All Cost

A love song at the beginning of the movie? Oh boy, one of them will turn out to be the bad guy here! (Reference to Frozen, in case anyone didn't catch it.)

This is a love song. Don't tell me otherwise. In addition, it's a very boring love song, where in the second verse (when Asha's vocals came in) I was like "is this still going on? why?". But it's a love song and it's one of Disney's worse and more boring love songs.

Wait... Isn't she minor and he isn't married? FFFFFFF!

---------------------------------------------

The Wish

Ok, this one is quite catchy and enjoyable, listening to it doesn't make me want to bang my head against the wall. Although Polish (my native) version is terrible both in terms of lyrics and performance.

Still, it's a pretty cool song that I haven't been able to get out of my head for a few days now and I've been humming the chorus. So taken out of the plot context and without the verses, it's pretty cool.

In the context of the movie, this song makes no sense at all. And I know this without even watching the movie itself - I know this from the first song, which presents Rosas as a paradise on earth. WHAT IS TO CHANGE HERE? Seriously, am I the only one who feels like the main character is a spoiled brat who's angry that she didn't get what she wanted, so now she's bitching at everyone and has to fuck something up? (But more about this when I watch the movie and write down my conspiracy theory. Wait for it :3)

---------------------------------------------

I'm A Star

This song exists. This could even be a reason to want to scratch out your own eyes 'cause they bleed anyway. Ears too.

The lyrics are so stupid that all I heard was "blah blah cute talking animals, 'cause a princess has to talk to animals".

---------------------------------------------

This Is A Thanks I Get?!

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! The first lines of the text - where before was the king a self-absorbed narcissist? And what caused his reaction to the light show to be "someone is trying to betray me, so from now on I will be evil"?! Ok, this song is not only stupid, but also terribly done - in a completely different style, not keeping the atmosphere of the movie. I was counting on more songs in the rhythms of "Welcome to Rosas".

Apart from the plot - my first association: Maui and his song "You're welcome"? My second association when the chorus and choruses came on: that terrible song with reindeers from Frozen 2, which I stubbornly push out of my brain and pretend it doesn't exist. Disney, why, when you plagiarize your own works, choose something like this?

Let's get back to the plot of the song, 'cause this is where I started to wonder... Magnifico sings that he fulfilled 14 wishes in one year - how big is this damn city if he didn't exceed the limit by fulfilling 10-14 wishes a year? My point is... how many people turn 18 there every year? The city doesn't look like a metropolis with a million inhabitants! And there are quite a lot of unfulfilled wishes there! How come, I ask?

---------------------------------------------

Knowing What I Know Now

Yay! Finally! A villain song! And it's quite cool, seriously... catchy, rythmic, really nice. Although the Polish text version hurts a bit, especially with strange text connections.

Yes. This is a villain's song. And no one will convince me otherwise. Look at the colours. Look at the tone. Look at the manipulation of images and information by Asha, Star and that irritating goat. Look again at the colours. And then play "The Mob Song" from "Beauty and the Beast." I don't give a damn what the song is actually called - for me it's called "The Mob Song 2".

Don't believe me? Look at Asha's face in every other scene. This is not the face of the good character, but the face of Scar in the song "Be Prepared". Her way of scaring other reminds me of Mother Gothel from "Tangled" (Mother Knows Best). Damn, this is a villain song like no other! And I like it :3

---------------------------------------------

The Wish (Reprise)

It only exists to add choruses and 'cause they didn't feel like explaining why all these things were happening.

---------------------------------------------

Well, we've come to the end. Two relatively good songs, all the rest are autoplagiarisms or painful experiences for the ears and/or eyes.

You have the right to have your own opinion - this is mine. Please, respect it.

You can also guess from my comments what my conspiracy theory is - I honestly can't wait to present it, but this - in addition to watching this terrible movie - requires me to review a dozen other Disney films and take appropriate screenshots to my argument was coloured with illustrations. Lucky I have Disney+. Wait for this! I think it will be worth it!

[meraki24601]

Whumptober 2023 Masterlist

I successfully completed Whumptober! Woohoo!!!

I never thought I would actually make it to the end between work, making my Halloween costume, and prepping for NaNoWriMo, but here we are! Here is a list of all my posts for the challenge with short descriptions of each.

All of my posts have OCs. Please don't use or repost any of my writing, but you're welcome to use the prompts as inspiration. If you do, I would be grateful for a short shoutout. I'd love to see your work!

Fast List:

Not Sick (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8)

Prompts (Dialogue, Concept)

Accidentally Triggered

Pulling Punches

You're a Liar

Dawn (Part 2 and Part 3 written after the event)

Cliff (Part 1, Part 2)

First Mission

Quotes

New Collar

Taken Away

Not Tonight

Thief (Version 1, Version 2) (Part 2 of Version 2 written after the event)

Just a Fever: Part 3 (Part 1 and Part 2 written previously)

A New Pet: Part 3 ( Part 1 and Part 2 written previously)

You Look Awful

Don't Look at Me

Scented Candle

Held

Empty

Day 1- Not Sick: Part 1

Prompt: “But now this room is spinning while I’m trying just to fill in all the gaps.”

Content: sickfic, refusing medical care, collapse

Whumpee is sick, dizzy, and completely in denial. Could they ask Caretaker for help? Yes. Are they going to hold out until Caretaker finds out on their own? Also yes.

Day 2- Not Sick: Part 2

Prompt: thermometer

Content: Sickfic, fever, touch starved, touch aversion, weak whumpee

A continuation of part 1, Caretaker is taking care of a very sick Whumpee. They'd never seen Caretaker so kind. It was kind of nice.

Day 3- Accidentally Triggered

Prompt: "Make it stop."

Content: Panic Attacks, learning triggers

Whumpee was just trying to research the symptoms of a panic attack. They didn't expect it to trigger their own. It's a good thing Caretaker was there to help them through it.

Day 4- Not Sick: Part 3

Prompt: "You in there?"

Content: Sickfic, fever, hiding, weak whumpee, found, protective whumpee

A continuation where Whumper comes to bring Whumpee back. If they weren't sick, maybe they could have done something to make sure Whumper could never find them or Caretaker.

Day 5- Pulling Punches

Prompt: Pinned down

Content: Hiding injuries, nongraphic blood, passing out, protective Villain

Hero has to fight Villain with injuries from another enemy. Of course, Villain doesn't know this. They can't let Villain know. Villain would kill them in a heartbeat, wouldn't they?

Day 6- Not Sick: Part 4

Prompt: Made To Watch

Content: Sickfic, fever, vomiting, implied self-harm, non-graphic torture

A continuation where Whumpee makes a deal with Whumper. If that deal happens to involve watching as Whumper hurts their friend, well, they don't really have a choice, do they?

Day 7- Not Sick: Part 5

Prompt: “Can you hear me?”

Content: Sickfic, fever, blood, mentioned blades, past torture, passing out, restrained

A continuation where Whumpee and Caretaker deal with the immediate aftermath of Whumper's visit.

Day 8- Dialogue Prompt

Prompt: Outnumbered

Content: Dialogue only, impossible situation

A few lines with two characters discussing the future.

Day 9- You're a Liar

Prompt: “You're a liar.”

Content: traitor, confrontation

Sidekick has betrayed Hero and given Villain their plans. Hero needs to gather proof before Sidekick realizes they know.

Day 10- Not Sick: Part 6

Prompt: broken phone

Content: Sickfic, fever, touch aversion, weak whumpee, injured, checking for injuries, refusing medical care

A continuation where Whumpee and Caretaker attempt to help each other recover now they both have a bit of their strength back.

Day 11- Dawn

Prompt: “All the lights going dark and my hope’s destroyed.” and animal trap

Content: Vampire Whumpee, trapped, left for dead

Whumpee is caught in a bear trap. Will their only hope (a human hunter) save them, or leave them there to die in the morning sun?

Day 12- Not Sick: Part 7

Prompt: “I haven't slept in days, but who's counting?”

Content: Sickfic, fever, blood, insomnia, injuries, ptsd, weak whumpee

A continuation where Whumpee and Caretaker are finally able to rest. Whumpee fully intends to do so, but they have to do something first. They can't rest until their job is done.

Day 13- Not Sick: Part 8

Prompt: “I don’t feel so good.”

Content: Sickfic, fever, weak whumpee, falling asleep, talking about mental health

The end of Not Sick. In this, Whumpee and Caretaker talk about what happened. Maybe if they're honest with each other, they'll both make it out alright.

Day 14- Cliff

Prompt: water inhalation

Content: drowning, falling, knocked out, passing out, rescue

Villain threatens to kill Civilian by dropping them off a cliff. Can Hero save them, or will they die trying?

Day 15- First Mission

Prompt: “I’m fine.”

Content: injured, worried, getting advice

Mentor is worried about Hero. Hero is worried about Sidekick. Can they talk it out or is there a reason for greater concern?

Day 16- Quotes

Prompt: “Don’t go where I can’t follow.”

Content: Hospital, LOTR quotes, hurt/comfort

Whumpee is a nerd. Their love of quotes means more when they're dying.

Day 17- New Collar

Prompt: Collar

Content: pet whump

Whumper is buying their pet a new collar. A friendly sales associate stops to help them find the perfect one. It amuses Whumper to know they don't know the collar is for a human, not an animal.

Day 18- Taken Away

Prompt: Blindfold

Content: Kidnapped, chloroform, knocked out, betrayal

Whumpee is terrified as they're taken from their own home. The heartbreak of being betrayed by the ones closest to them only makes it worse.

Day 19- Not Tonight

Prompt: “I’ll take one final step, all you have to do is make me.”

Content: Suicidal ideation, mind control, protective villain

Villain is ready to fight, but Hero is ready to die. When Villain realizes this, what will they do? Will they take advantage of the situation or force Hero to fight to survive?

Day 20- Whump Prompts

Prompt: Blanket

Content: Whump scenarios

Whumpy situations to put your favorite Whumpee in.

Day 21- Cliff: Part 2

Prompt: “Don't move.”

Content: Drowning, secondary drowning, waking up, rescue

Civilian and Hero survived the fall, but can they make it back to safety before anything else goes wrong?

Day 22- Thief Version 1

Prompt: “Watch out!”

Content: homeless, stealing, hiding injuries, framed, protective villain

Villain catches Hero stealing from their store. What happened to their rival? Is this the end for Hero, or do they deserve to be saved?

Day 23- Just a Fever: Part 3

Prompt: Stalking

Content: Sickfic, stalking, weak hero, kidnapped

A continuation of a series started before Whumptober where Hero finds themselves at the mercy of Villain. Taken from their home, can Hero even stand or will they anger Villain?

Day 24- Thief Version 2

Prompt: neglect

Content: homeless, stealing, hiding injuries, framed, protective villain

A second version of the story where Villain catches Hero stealing from their store. What happened to their rival? How is Hero even still alive? What will Villain do about it?

Day 25- A New Pet: Part 3

Prompt: Storm

Content: Pet whump, related caretaker and whumpee, injured, blood, training, kidnapped, previous torture

Caretaker has been reunited with Whumpee. Now, they just have to get Whumpee away from Whumper before they're killed.

Day 26- You Look Awful

Prompt: "You look awful."

Content: Sickfic

Whumpee is sick. Caretaker is ready for dinner.

Day 27- Don't Look at Me

Prompt: Scars

Content: Scars, Hero x Villain, panic attack

Hero is weak. They're not strong enough to be worthy of their enemy. Not in battle, not as a lover, not at all. Unsurprisingly, Villain disagrees.

Day 28- Don't Pass Out

Prompt: “We might not make it to the morning, so go on and tell me now.”

Content: Stranded, non-graphic blood, injury, trapped, rescue

Hero and Villain are both stranded in the middle of nowhere. Will Hero follow their new orders regarding their enemy?

Day 29- Scented Candle

Prompt: Scented Candle

Content: Panic attack, flashback, triggered, hurt/comfort

Whumpee is triggered during their birthday party. Caretaker helps.

Day 30- Held

Prompt: Bridal Carry

Content: Injured, waking up, carried

Whumpee wakes up in Whumper's arms.

Day 31- Empty

Prompt: Empty

Content: Depression, ptsd, dissociation, threatened

Whumpee is scared, and the only way to deal with that is by making sure they're numb any time they're around Caretaker. Unfortunately, Caretaker isn't a fan of that plan.

[morerandombullshit]

Tinted Blue Rating: 18+ (MDNI if you don't want trauma) Summary: Someone's been a prick, and they've had just about enough with it Word Count: 2495 CW: Alcohol mention, murder, antifreeze poisoning, cruelty (I didn't expect to be so cruel holy shit), angst, suicidal ideation, self-harm mentions, subtle mutual trauma dump, guy being a prick, graphic descriptions Note: I had to do this because it was an idea but like, I made it to be a self-insert? Idfk this is my therapy for dealing with Luke for the last 9-10 months, enjoy the...whatever this is

Ao3 version i had to orphan this one bc someone might find it but that's a story for another time

(Image by me due to a Canva speedrun)

There's always something so satisfying about handing someone poison without them knowing it's poison, and that's what Ash had done, though no one would ever know. They'd gotten their friend Layla to do the dirty work because they both share a mutual hate for him, but...yeah, Ash still did it. There's always something so humorous about poisoning someone and them being stupid enough to drink antifreeze, of all things. But then again, Luke's always been stupid. He was stupid when they were freshmen, and he's just as stupid now. 

Ash takes their phone out of their pocket and checks their texts, snorting at the "Bottle given" message from Layla. How long do I have for this period left, again? they think, going onto Tumblr now. Their homepage pops up, and they consider adding to their blog for a moment, but ultimately decide to add to their blog later. They do have a couple fics to finish up, but they might get to it. Maybe. 

But it'll be really funny to see Luke stumbling in fourth period. Probably means Ash is a bit of a psycho, but come on, seeing Luke being stupid is the highlight of their day sometimes.

-0_^_0-

Have the lights always been this bright? is Luke's first thought once he's done changing into his gym uniform. The girls' class is on the other side of the gym as usual, but he only really pays attention to one. Thick, dirty blond hair tied back into a messy bun is all he can see right now, but it doesn't really matter to him. She's still an enigma to him, despite what Josh has said about her so far.

That girl's a mystery to him, but he knows that she's definitely got some sort of attitude. The only words she utters in his presence are particularly vulgar curses and words that are foreign to him, maybe a mumbled "Fucking deal with it" once. Either way, Luke's always some shade of frustrated when he thinks of that goddamn...whatever the hell that girl thinks she is. And every time he tries to talk to her, something stops him. 

Cold. Mysterious. And entirely too appealing.

Christ, what was in that water bottle?

-0_^_0-

Ash puts an earbud in as they walk to the gym's main doors, the earbud playing Breaking Benjamin's Dance With The Devil, but no. Life has them bump into an increasingly swaying and giggly Luke's back. My tolerance for this guy is less than zero, they think to themself as they step back and wait for him to move. Good thing he's gonna be gone soon. 

The bastard doesn't move, and their patience has always worn thin all too quickly. "Kurwa mać." they grumble, the Polish curse flowing off their tongue like venomous honey. They're a bit of a polyglot, and Polish is their first language, so the accent comes naturally to them. So does the aggression—one of the reasons why their mind goes to Polish curses most often is the inherent aggressiveness in them. Maybe they shouldn't have used one that's so common to hear, but it's the first that pops into their mind. "Fucking move, princess."

The "princess" slips out as a way to insult his masculinity, but let's be honest—that was a long time in the fucking making. Luke's dumb ass still doesn't fucking move, and they want to push him, but they'd attract attention. And the last thing they'd want to do with their anxiety is attract attention of any kind.  They're also sick and tired of this whole ordeal, and they know they've got to raise their voice. "Hey." They raise their voice so he can hear them. "Did you hear me? Or are you too invested with fucking your friends in the ass?"

Somehow, that catches his attention. Brown eyes that look like the darkest pits of hell blankly look into their soul, but they hold his gaze. They won't flinch, not when that'd mean weakness. Ash rolls their own eyes, mumbling a few languages under their breath and pushing Luke out of their way. They haven't had any Red Bull or alcohol today, and they won't take shit when they're the most anxious fucker to exist right now. 

They rush out, swallowing the panic rising in them, heading for the door to leave. They've had enough of this, and the school's always put them on edge, so they can't stay for long. They put their other earbud in and go on their phone to find a good song, before sighing and deciding on Bury the Light, letting the pure motivation start playing. 

I am the storm that is approaching...

They don't realize it, but they're humming along as they walk. Ash stops when they feel like something's off, though. Like someone's watching them, maybe—but they aren't sure. All they know is that the feeling skittering across their skin right now is less than pleasant. If I had some rum...

Rum sounds like something they can have when they get home. They look over their shoulder, and there's Luke, still drunk-looking. Their brows knit together as they take an earbud out. "Something up, princess? You're looking pretty intoxicated."

They know why he looks like that, of course, but they won't let him know that. Their tone is its usual cold and sharp flatness, but they hear a little smugness in there—they know he's too retarded to tell. And the "princess" is an automatic thing at this point—they can't stop it. They can't stop the blood-freezing panic that overtakes them, either. Only difference is that they can take that panic and make it their strength.

He stares at them for a moment longer, before saying, "What did you do?"

"Be more specific." Ash has an idea of what Luke means, but they want to hear it for themself, confirm it. They're ready to leave if they have to, ready to do anything if things go south. Their lighter presses into their hand, thumb rolling the gears but not lighting it fully. He looks at them, brows furrowing—a look they've never seen on him before. "That...that story. The one the principal showed me a while back, like ninth grade while back. Did you write it?"

So that's what this is about? Laughable how he's bringing it up now, when he's going to die in...less than 24 hours, if he's lucky. "So what if I did?"

"I read the whole thing." He swallows. "You're one sick bitch."

Ash laughs. God, why is that so funny? "Thank you." they say, not wiping all the amusement from their voice but being too far into their laugh attack to care. But even in their temporary amusement, they know he's hiding something else. Something they never want to know, because if it's what they think it is...Luke looks at them weirdly before stepping closer, which has them tensing and almost lighting the lighter in their hand. It'd be so easy to burn him right now...

"You are." He stops a couple inches in front of them and that blood-freezing panic in their veins turns into red-hot anger and pure disgust. "But that doesn't stop me from being curious."

"It should." Why does everything sound muted now? Why can't they move?

 He smirks a bit, and their hand tightens on their lighter. "I don't even know why I am. You're not that hot anyway."

They laugh again. Why's Luke talking when he looks like an accident, especially with the buzz cut? "Ironic." they quip. "But irony doesn't save you from death, princess. When your time to go comes" —Which will be in about eighteen hours, they think— "No one will be there to honor you as your corpse gets put in the ground. You wanna know why?

"It's because you're a prick who thinks he's the shit, when he's clearly got nothing but words to back him up. You're clearly another insignificant, insecure high school boy who can't find himself and instead picks at people who're doing better than he is, just because he wants to stop crying himself to sleep. I'd bet money you cut yourself, too. Not my issue—we all have our own—but by the look in your eyes, you haven't wanted to be here for a long time now."

Silence suffocates the air as Ash watches their words hit their mark, one at a time. They've never been so cruel in their life, but this? It gives them a rush, spitting words out that once would've been a fever dream to them. Something within reach, but unattainable. They watch Luke's face crumple with apathy, and he takes a deep breath. "You got me. I've wanted to kill myself since the day I first saw you."

Huh. Is this supposed to be an insult, or... 

"You were just so you, even with that tired, done-with-life look in your eyes." He smiles bitterly. "Defiant, mysterious, not giving a shit about what others said about you. Sure in yourself, even if you were constantly anxious. I'll admit, I wanted you, but I also wanted to be you. To experience what being sure in myself would feel like. I wanted you to teach me the ways to be that carefree. To toss such unpredictability into the world without a single consequence."

"You don't understand. There were consequences. But it doesn't matter now." Ash's hand tightens on their lighter some more. "You'll never get what you want, princess. I hope you understand that."

And so they leave Luke there, walking as fast as they can and just wanting to go home. His problems aren't theirs, they'd separated themself from any emotion involving him three years ago. Deemed it too much of a risk to keep it, and it seems they were right.

Bury the light deep within..! Cast aside there's no coming home! We're burning chaos in the wind! Drifting in the ocean all alone!

-0_^_0-

He ends up puking into his garbage can, the vomit ending up with a blue tint as well. He groans in pain, his vision blurring as his heart rate speeds into just-had-ten-Red-Bulls territory.

Oh God. Is he going to die? It sure seems like he's going to die...

-0_^_0-

"You ready?" Ash asks as they slip gloves on, side-glancing Layla again. She nods, slipping her own gloves on. They cast a glance in the dark to Luke's body. They hadn't expected him to die so fast, but maybe that's because they tossed quite a bit of antifreeze into the water bottle of bourbon they'd prepared. They get in through the window and look down at his corpse. This had once been a problem in their life, like a parasite, kind of.

They feel tension lifting from their shoulders, leaving their mouth in a soft exhale. He's gone. They grunt and pick his body up, keeping quiet, even if he's about six feet and they're five nine, they carry him well. They pass the corpse to Layla and she tosses it into a body bag before Ash grabs it and they both dash like mad.

The duo end up driving out to Muskoka region—oh, the irony—and Ash stops the car in a forest. They side-glance Layla before getting out and getting the body bag. "Do we have the evidence?" they ask. She nods and pulls it out. They nod back. "Good. Set it down, we'll burn it when we're done with the body."

"Okay." she mutters, putting it down and helping Ash with getting nitric acid, opening the body bag and watching what used to be Luke disintegrate to his bones. They dig up a shallow grave under a bush, a stroke of luck being there's already a dead coyote pup there. They place the bones, fill it back up and step back, tossing the shovel and nitric acid into the pile. "Rest in hell." they say before turning their back and helping Layla burn the evidence until it's only ashes on the wind.

-0_^_0-

Luke wakes up in a startle, looking around him. Dark palace, magma surrounding him like a volcano. A man lounges on a throne, yawning. "So you're another unlucky soul, are you?" he asks, the British accent surprising him. "God. What'd you do to die so young?"

"I don't..." he swallows. "I drank something, I...felt like shit when I got home from school. Puked and then everything faded."

The man laughs, getting up and brushing his spotless, expensive suit. "Ah. I know why you're here." Black eyes with burning red embers bore into him, making him shiver. "Ash killed you. Their plan was bloody brilliant, I will admit."

"Ash?"

And then it hits him. Every withering glare...the girl was Ash? And they? What the fuck is this man saying? "Yes, Ash." the man smirks. "Poor boy. Well, since you're in Hell now...let me entertain your worst memory."

"Worst—"

Luke gets cut off when he gets transported to when he had been getting smothered with cruelty by Ash’s words. Hard to believe it was just before he'd died, but...it hurts. He's trapped in a prison of his own making, his guilt, his desires, his own foolish mindset.

And for the first time in his life—well, afterlife, he supposes—he screams bloody murder.

LetmeoutletmeoutletmeoutLETMEOUT—

Even if he knows there's no escape for the rest of eternity.

-0_^_0-

It’s scary, but it’s sort of gratifying. Gratifying that they’d gotten rid of some major issues. They keep their face straight as they walk, but for some reason, Luke’s spat-out confession before he’d died comes into their mind.

You were just so you, even with that tired, done-with-life look in your eyes. Defiant, mysterious, not giving a shit about what others said about you. Sure in yourself, even if you were constantly anxious. I'll admit, I wanted you, but I also wanted to be you. To experience what being sure in myself would feel like. I wanted you to teach me the ways to be that carefree. To toss such unpredictability into the world without a single consequence.

They don’t regret anything, but those words have been haunting their limited sleep lately. But when they hear a scream somehow cut through their earbuds playing Swimming Pools (Drank) by Kendrick Lamar at full blast, their feet are on the move.

Ash subtly pushes their way to the front of the crowd, and unlike their classmates’ pale, ashen faces, theirs is blank. They’ve seen gore on-screen before, so it isn’t as jarring as it should’ve been.

The body is almost unidentifiable, but by the stature…well, they know of only one guy who’s about 5’4. Oliver. 

He’s been a pain in their ass, but there were moments where he was a genuine friend.

But now…

Who killed him? Ash wonders to themself as the other students whisper and look nauseous.

[kaddyssammlung]

SH - related Sleep Token lyrics Part 1

Let's do this.

To me many things are very obvious and I feel SH is a big theme in all of this so that's the next topic I want to well....what do I want?! Deal with?! Idk.

Lately my mood is very stable and I feel strong enough to deal with this topic.

Obvious TW (you know I get graphic sometimes but with words only)

The Offering

“You've got diamonds for teeth, my love So take a bite of me, just once,”

I'm hung up on this. It's sounds so cool and yet I would like to know how he came up with this. I mean diamonds for teeth....

Other then that it makes me think about having a desire to get hurt by someone. This is something that I didn't really have but I can see why this is. When you are in emotional pain you can reach a point where you try everything to get rid of that pain.

I also get that this has something sexual to it. I mean you know what I mean BDSM stuff.

“This is a given, an offering In your favour, a sacrifice in your name”

Sometimes I ask myself what type of sacrifice he means. I do think about stuff like that a lot sometimes but I'd rather not talk about that.

It makes me think about something very personal. I have someone's name “written” on me. It's barley noticeable anymore but it was the name of my best friend (or rather BPD obsession fave person type of friend). I don't remember what had happened but I ended up cutting her name into my lower abdomen. I was drunk when I did that and I was also very drunk when I told her what I did.

Levitate

“Remember my cracking bones”

I remember one incident where I was so angry that I made a really strange move and ended up punching my floor with my hands. I did hear something crack but I don't remember if something was broken or not. Probably not but my finger looked really weird for a long time and did hurt like hell but it went away and no I did not seek help.

I had no idea how to explain this to someone. My fear of being locked up against my will is very big (we don't really have a 5051 here or something like being sectioned...our rules are not very strict when it comes to certain things but the fear is there and it still can happened or could have happened).

Dark Signs

“The new scars that I didn't ask for”

This a weird one when you really think about it. How does anyone ever ask for scars?! I know that when I do certain things that it will leave scars. I know what they will look like before I even do it. You just know. It depends on the objects that you use and how deep the wound is.

I don't even want to think about what it would be like if this left no scars. I don't have to think about that because it does leave scars.

Idk what to make of this any other then maybe there was an accident that left scars or maybe he actually means metaphorical scars.

Because trauma certainly leaves those.

“tear my arms off”

Each time I hear this I feel a sting in my heart. I just feel this.

I preferred my thighs over my arms though because it's easier to hide the scars there.

Higher

“the blood and the fury takes us a little higher”

I'm sorry Vessel but this a weird one and I don't really get it. Do you like fighting? Or did you just smoke the greens to calm yourself and that's what made you high?!

I don't really like thinking about blood. I'm not grossed out by it but also idk I just don't like thinking about it.

“and we are exhausted by all this pretending we just can't resist the violence”

I often got exhausted by pretending that everything was fine and I took that out on myself. Using self-harm in order to be able to function again. It was only violence against myself. I tell myself that to turn this into something that's okay. But it's not.

Especially when I still went to school I needed that feeling of fresh cuts to make it through the day.

Take Aim

“and you make me hate myself make me tear my body”

It's mostly my ED that me feel like that. I said this before but it belongs in here too: I used to cut when I felt like I had to much to eat. And also I would sometimes gain weight really fast and then I just could not stand looking at myself anymore. I hated my body so much.

“break me apart”

Again that wish to maybe have pain inflicted on you in some way.

Gods

“No more teeth to bite with”

I connect that with getting caught. When my parents found out about my self-harm I was already 18. I had kept this secret for four years. I'm still kind of proud of this. But when you think about it, it does not really help. Of course I continued to hide my struggles with this. Maybe this is one of the reasons why my drinking became more heavily. It left no scars but being drunk is not easy to hide.

“You wanna watch me bleed? 'Cause I bleed so well”

No thank you, Vessel. I believe you.

I put this in here because of the word blood but it's more about relationship dynamics. At least that's how I see this.

“Do you like the way it feels? Like fire from the heavens Carving past the surface into you”

I often felt nothing and even hurting myself did not really change that. But when I did feel and felt like punishing myself and felt what I was doing then I kind of indulged on that burning sensation that it gave me. It was a punishment that I deserved.

“Tearing me asunder beside you”

I just put this in here because it fits the vibe.

Sugar

“We still know how to bleed”

Why does he mention blood or bleeding so often? I was not really aware of that.

This is another weird one. Of course you know how to bleed. I mean I do. We all do. Right?! Let's just leave it at that.

“Addicted to the pain”

Yes, it's an addiction. The way your body can long for stuff like that is kind of impressive but also scary and just feels horrible. It feels like wanting to peel your skin off.

Say That You Will

“Till the sweat turns to blood”

Blood again. I still don't understand this line. The sweat meaning sleeping with someone and then it turns to blood meaning that instead of being nice to each other they start hating each other?! I don't really get it.

I have nothing tied to this.

“Is that a blade in your palm?”

No, Vessel I keep them some other place. I started with scissors that I had in my school bag and then just knives from the kitchen and turned to blades later because I had to buy them and I was a bit scared. Buying blades, band aids and bandages all at once it not really weird at all. No....not at all.

Blood Sport

“Even if the earth breaks like burnt skin”

Right...most humans connect with self-harm certain things. Mostly cutting, I guess. But there are other things such as burning. I never did that. But I did hit myself with a belt that had a buckle on it until my skin would break open. That and I always have quite long fingernails. And they are also really strong. I used to scratch myself or just bury them into my skin.

“I made loving you a blood sport”

Again this reminds me more about relationship dynamics but I can feel that line. My BPD made me do crazy things and self-harm that was related to something that someone else did or did not do was very common.

“You're still my weapon of choosing”

I can feel that. I just feel this.

[drdemonprince]

I love the name Devon! Howd you choose it

Before my name change, my middle name was Dawn. In my Midwestern accent, that name is indistinguishable from Don, and I got a real thrill out of people being surprised that I had a "man's name" for my middle name throughout my childhood. That probably led me to gravitate toward names that started with the letter D.

I was also besotted by a female cellist in my high school orchestra with the name of Devon; she was quiet and self-serious and incredibly talented in an unshowy way, and I just thought it was so damn cool that she had an androgynous, male-leaning name. I'd always found it so cool when girls had names like Ryan or Max as well.

Later, in college, I'd become close friends with a sarcastic, witty environmental studies major named Devon; we talked a lot about Sufjan Stevens music and got drunk together before a falling out between my boyfriend and his roommate kinda drove us apart. As an adult another Devin, this time with an "I" instead of an "o" became my friend through the Chicago Live Lit scene. He's a gay ex-evangelical and comic book nerd with a sweet disposition, encyclopedic knowledge of graphic novels, and a winningly boisterous laugh. So the name had only positive associations.

Around the time my transgender egg was getting cracked, I was on the tabletop role playing podcast @wheelandway. My character in the first season was a hillbilly wizard named Dale. I tried that name on for size because I liked the letter D, and I thought it suited my Appalachian background. Eventually I decided it didn't quite fit, it didn't have enough of an edge for me, but I was headed in the right direction.

I considered other, loosely similar names like Damon (yeah like Albarn, sorry), but Devon seemed the most appealing to me. It was English and kind of classy sounding to my American but British-and-Scottish-ancestried ear, and I liked that it meant "shield" and nicely matched my chosen last name, Price. I liked that it was androgynous but leaning masculine, with the majority of babies named Devon today still being male -- usually once a name becomes androgynous, it breaks in a more female direction, in terms of enduring naming trends. Devon is one of the few names to remain solidly neutral and something people will still willingly name their boy babies as well as girls.

All in all, it felt right, seemed like a name that both suited me and on that was appropriate for me to claim, it looked and sounded good with my last name, and it only evoked positive memories of other people for me. I'm so fortunate that I didn't google the name Devon Price before choosing it, because if I had, I wouldn't have become close friends with another social psychologist nearly my exact same age who has the same name and occupation as me.

I've had many names in the past and I don't view any of them as dead names or anything I feel any need to conceal from people. Part of me does experience regret over trying to distance myself from my dad and my hillbilly family by getting rid of their surname in favor of Price. At the time that I made that choice, when I was eighteen, some of it was motivated by a desire for respectability and a shame over my family's class background and how I might be perceived within academia. My current public-facing name is very friendly to being an academic and a noted public thinker, and I think it's kinda wack that I've profitted off of that. Sometimes I think if I ever attain enough notoriety that it becomes a real problem I'll switch back to my old last name to disappear into obscurity and reclaim the sides of myself that I used to run from, and the family that has largely died out.