#[ nnoitra is meant to be a bad person ]

[despairforme]

Would nnoi change his ways if someone who was kind, patient and empathetic taught him he shouldn't be so closed minded about women and minorities

❝ How is fuckin' lecturin' me considered kind? If someone is kind they should respect my fuckin' opinions. ❞ That was his opinion on THAT subject. He'd had plenty of people throughout his life try to teach him what the "correct" views were. Fucking cocky assholes who thought their opinion was more valid than his. It was annoying as shit when someone tried to force their world-view onto him. He couldn't imagine how anyone could "teach" him something that would make him change his mind about his basic beliefs.

Sure, if you WERE going to teach him anything at all, you would have to be patient, because Nnoitra was a slow learner in most things ( except practical stuff, in some cases ). Nnoitra also liked empathetic people because they were easy to walk all over. He, himself, had very little empathy. Taking advantage of those people was a go-to behaviour for him.

Nobody was going to TALK him into changing his mind. Nnoitra was not big on theories. He liked to see how things were in real life. His views were based on experiences and what he could observe. It didn't matter to him if his views were "wrong" or "evil" or whatever. It wasn't HIS fucking fault that the world was made like this. If people wanted to close their eyes and live in fucking fantasy-land, then they could go ahead and do that. He just wasn't going to join in.

[sakura-rpblog]

@despairforme​ answered:

  There was more blood than usual tonight. Nnoitra LOVED when things got bloody, as did the crowd. They especially loved it when HIS fights got bloody. He was known for having, on average, pretty short fights, because he always demolished his opponents within the first minute or so. Fighting wasn’t like what you saw in movies, where people could take hit after hit and still keep going. In REAL LIFE, all it took was one proper aimed hit, and the other guy wouldn’t be getting up. This time, the fight had lasted longer than usual, and yeah - that meant more blood. Of course, Nnoitra had walked out victorious, as he always did, but for once, he had received some punches himself.

    They had a medic among their staff now. Something they had had to add as a direct result of how dangerous it was to fight Nnoitra. The club’s activities was already borderline-illegal, but at least having a medic on-site made it less questionable. Nnoitra hadn’t received treatment from her before now though.

    She was cute. Real feminine, and looked out of place here. With that pink hair and gentle eyes. She didn’t belong, that was for sure. Nnoitra was holding out his hand for her to treat. His knuckles had gotten torn BADLY. It had been a while, and apparently, she thought it best to stitch him up. Pretty futile, Nnoitra thought. He would tear the stitches up tomorrow night anyway. ‘ Not your night? ‘, she asked. Nnoitra arched his brow.

    ❝ I still won. Ain’t my fault ‘da guy wouldn’t stay down. ❞ Repeated punches was what had torn his knuckles. ❝ Mah, my knuckles are already scarred as hell. ❞ He held up his other hand to show her. Nnoitra’s hands were pale and bony, and also very large. His long fingers were slightly pink right now from the adrenaline still rushing through him. His knuckles, on both hands, were white and pink, scarred far, far beyond ever healing properly. Normally he would use gloves and protective tape to not break his fingers, but of course, tonight he had both ran out of tape AND forgotten his gloves. It was all due to moving out of his apartment. The change in routine was fucking with him. ❝ Been ages since someone stitched me up. Do I need ‘ta take it easy ‘fer a few days now or wha’? ❞ It was a joke, of course. He wasn’t going to ‘ take it easy ‘. /

It wasn’t too long ago when Sakura started working for the fighting ring Nnoitra is in. If she had a choice, she wouldn’t be here. All this time her motivation for studying medicine comes from a place of love and understanding. Fulfilling her dream of having a place with lesser sick people around, a doctor using expertise to care for the dying, even the less-fortunate.

A noble dream, or one laced with so much naivety. Even so, there is so much more she could’ve done with her degree than stitching someone so they are well enough to go on another rampage.

“ Ideally -- yes. I’d recommend taking it easy so the wound heals nicely. I’d admit your injuries weren’t that bad considering you didn’t wear any protection at all, “ a quick glance over Nnoitra’s other hand seeing the markings of varying shapes and sizes enough for her to know he didn’t mean anything he said. Nnoitra is not the only one, the other fighters do, too. And it is while she is in this train of thoughts Sakura is reminded of another fighter, a novice. The fire raging in the fighter’s eyes that night an epitome of a person desperate to win regardless if the wounds she stitched up ( for him ) just a few minutes ago hasn’t even stopped bleeding.

“ Well, that’s how this sport works, right? I guess everyone wants that prize money. I can’t blame them, though -- it is a lot. “

There is bitterness in her mouth after letting the words out. If she thinks about it, she is like that novice fighter, too. Trading her oath to save lives in the best of her abilities in exchange for the hefty pay of becoming a ringside medic.

“ You’re right, it is the first time we meet, “ a small and gentle smile makes its way across her face. There is no need for hostility. Albeit his imposing posture ( and choice of words ), he is still her patient, “ I’m Sakura. And you are Nnoitra, right? “

Everybody knows who he is -- from the executives to the old man closing the gates after every night of fighting. It is not only the difference in his physical appearance commanding other people’s attention to him, “ Even after that, you are still the title holder. I’ve been told you haven’t lost a single fight since starting here, is that true? “

[asukaskerian]

For the character ask thing: Shawlong from bleach? Or any of Grimmjow’s fraccion?

ahaha wow XD gotta think about this one.

okay first thing is my headcanon is that hollows don't look first for romance or attraction when looking for a partner but for trust, and all of grimmjow's fraccion trusts him to come down like the angry fist of god on anyone who would dare to snack on them mid-coitus. so like... they probably all sleep around.

My NOTP for them : don't think i have any.

My BROTP for them : sexta fraccion foreverrrr T^T

My OTP for them : all of them / grimmjow lmao.

My second choice pairing for them : -Shawlong doesn't fuck outsiders. (also tbh he likes watching better.) it's not so much that he's ace, he's just choosy and has trust/control issues. he'd go out more if all his dating options weren't cannibals with poor impulse control. -i made this joke once in the ABO fic that Edrad was friends (or "friends") with one of Baraggan's fraccion, and someone asked if that was Ggio and if that meant Edrad likes catboys, and that was hilarious enough I instantly headcanoned it. how does it work? neither of them knows, they're still just hanging out and circling each other. I also like Edrad/Charlotte, he'd be amused by her bombastic, snarky personality i think. -Yylfordt sleeps around and is kind of a fuckboi so this is basically yyl/everyone who gives him the time of day, but one time he hit on cirucci and boy did she dom the fuck out of him. he's been yearning ever since; all the fraccion rag him mercilessly over it, because she was like "ok not bad but not good enough for an encore" and destroyed his ego. -Nakeem probably hangs out with some of baraggan's fraccion but since he's slow and has a hard time articulating his thoughts he doesn't feel it's very safe to get too close to outsiders. in-group he gets along best with shawlong though, but he honestly gets a lot of his touching/sex needs met by the fraccion. -Di Roy has hooked up with Menoly and Tesra (not at the same time sadly XD) but only when Loly and Nnoitra's backs were turned. (note: not cheating, but they're intensely possessive of "their" people) He likes the adrenaline. Loly would just be a bitch in general which is tiresome but not too dangerous, but getting Nnoitra's attention and draggin di roy's espada into it for self defense would be Bad for everybody involved, so then he went to confess to Grimmjow and let him box his ears for it. Menoly was just kinda a wet blanket so he hasn't tried to hit on her again.

My fluffy pairing for them : fracciooonnnnnnn looove.

My angsty pairing for them : does... does yyl/cirucci count lmao.

My favorite poly ship for them : ... do i need to say it

My weirdest pairing for them : tbh they're probably all weird already.

[conquiistador]

RULES.

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[littleeyesofpallas]

Okay so maybe making a big long post just as a lead up to this was too dramatic and I’ve hyped myself up for nothing, but here we go...

I think the Hollows are actually a natural reincarnation process that the Shinigami disrupt by slaying Hollows.

That has a lot of implications that I’m trying hard not to try(and fail) to wrestle all at once....  But at the broadest level of context: Kubo pretty frequently references Buddhist myth and cosmology, in particular some of the Naraka, which are a little more specific than generically deity figures like Enma or Guanyin, showing that he is specifically familiar with the Buddhist penance cycle of reincarnation where bad karma is basically worked off by living and dying lifetimes in different rings of afterlife, being reborn more pure each time, until becoming human again.

Note that it’s the souls of evil humans, even after they’ve become Hollows, that specifically go to hell.  That’s why Zanpakutou only “purify” Hollows, and not actually kill them, because the Hollow’s aren’t actually innately bad people.  And we do briefly touch back on this with Zommari’s dying rant.

And of the characters that we can infer are/were introduced as Vastlord, they do all share a kind of innocence: Ulquiorra is clearly the model of the silhouette of the Vastlord in exposition when explaining the 3 Menos Grande levels, and his overall character arc shows him as being the most sympathetic of the Espada.  We see Wonderweiss’ creation and his humanoid size and shape as a Hollow, we see his distinctly childlike (if eerily so) demeanor, and Tousen calls him “Pure.”  Nel appears as distinctly childlike, with unusual status outside the ranks of Aizen’s army, and is foreshadowed to be much more powerful that she appears (and the twist we do get for that wasn’t remotely satisfying, but I’ll get to that later...).

I think as the Menos Grande change forms as they eat more human souls and other Hollows, they become not just more humanoid in shape, but more human-like in moral quality as well.  The Vastlord have never threatened Soul Society or even the human world before, despite their immense power level, because they have no intention to; and they are difficult to find because they are actively avoiding conflict and hiding because they don’t want to fight.  This particular attitude is reflected in Nelliel, Ulquiorra, and Starrk, where they all have a kind of default position of non-violence, and even when they do fight they do so with minimal investment or enjoyment.

And Zommari’s dying protests about the Shingami, and his praise of Aizen in relation to it, as well as Aissingler’s dying words about Hollows being born from fear and drawn to Aizen for his defiance of the fear of death further lend to the idea that Hollows, as ghosts of the dead consumed by the negative emotions surrounding their own deaths, ultimately just want to be alive again.

Under these terms, Nel, Ulquiorra, and Wonderweiss I think were all meant to be Vastolords when they were introduced —the intent behind Starrk is harder to place because of how early yet little he appeared before any real information was given to us— and all share the trait of being essentially “good,” albeit dangerously powerful, people.

I think the original plan with Nel (if there even was real “plan” at all) wasn’t actually for her to be a “former Espada” I think Kubo was going to reveal her as one of the coveted Vastlords and make her one of his new Espada, alongside the likes of Wonderweiss.  I think Kubo salvaged part of that plot to put into the awkward round 2-of-3 of the Nnoitra fight, and that what we got was just what a hastily truncated version of that whole dynamic looked like.  (The entire delay on bringing up the two of them makes the eventual confrontation seem like an afterthought.  The reveal itself seems like nonsense and requires way too much exposition just to justify.  The transformation itself isn’t actually explained.  The fight doesn’t even go anywhere or forward the plot.  And the transformation back isn’t explained either.)

So, on this basis, Nnoitra being been sent to track down Vastlords and senselessly slaughtering hollows in the process was something i think Kubo wanted from an early point, but that was also back when looking for the Vastolord was still an actual plot hook. (Consider that by the time the Nel fight was happening, it hadn’t been mentioned in forever and never would again either.  So, if it wasn’t wrapping up the Vastlord plot, and wasn’t developing it toward anything, why bring it up?  Because it wasn’t written with the future plot in mind, it was written with the past plot in mind.)

But in his mix of arrogance and insecurity Nnoitra wouldn’t bring any Vastolord back to Aizen, he’d strike them down so they couldn’t be made into Arrancar that would be more powerful than him. And you can see how this idea and what we actually got share all that same basic shapes of character dynamic and even plot beats(as crudely outlined in the assortment of Nnoitra’s dying memories), even within the context of different narratives.

But Aizen’s plans also clearly meant to make use of Orihime’s Rejection powers, though we never really learned how. One hinted at option was that his method of forcing the Hougyoku out of hibernation was damaging it, and that he intended to have Orihime undo that damage. Or alternatively to have her just undo the sealing process that forced the Hougyoku into hibernation in the first place.  Either way, putting the full power Hougyoku in his hands before the projected deadline of “Winter” that Soul Society was planning for.

But another consideration in that he could have had her Reject the imperfect Arrancar process of Mock-Arrancar like I assume Nel was meant to be, like Starrk was (I assume unintentionally) shown to be, and like Ulquiorra was kind of established as out of core continuity, so that he could remake them more completely with the Hougyoku.

I think this is where Nel’s adult form was actually going to come from, (rather than randomly turning into a woman and then given an even less explained transformation into a child in the first place) and also why Kubo had a second Resurreccion for Ulquiorra fully prepared as a design (remember he only used his first resurreccion for like 2 chapters before busting out Segunda Etapa) and yet never bothered with an in-world explanation for what or why it even was.

Speaking of Ulquiorra, I don’t feel like I have a lot to add about his particular character development.  It didn’t quite have what I’d call a “satisfying” conclusion, but it seems like we got most of what Kubo was aiming for from him: that he’s kind of the ideal model of an Arrancar, an empty vessel —A creature without a heart given human awareness— slowly being filled up with emotional understanding as he watches Orihime never give up on her friends.  Even without a more dramatic turning point for it, plot wise, he did basically complete his process, at the very last minute, of being won over.

Going back to the Nel part of this rewrite: If Aizen had Orihime revert her to a Vastlord so he could make her into a more powerful Arrancar himself, while the plot development would inevitably have a menacing tone to it, there’d be the fun exploitable loophole where, because Orihime’s powers are abstract and not time based, reverting Nel from a Mock-Arrancar to a Hollow wouldn’t actually erase any of her memories or experiences, so she’d still be fundamentally good and herself and loyal to Ichigo.

So to bring this back around to pt.1 of this big rant, if the Winter War scenario had been able to play out under these circumstances, it would stand to reason that when Aizen arrives with the Perfect Espada, taking the Gotei 13 by surprise and overpowering them completely the first “twist” of the climactic battle would’ve been the Visored —with complete training Ichigo— would arrive to fight Aizen, and subsequently reveal that they aren’t actually allies with Soul Society just because they’re also fighting Aizen, they steal the Hougyoku for themselves, Orihime tries to spring her Rejection plan into action before it’s too late, and the new shuffle leaves Ichigo and Orihime and their personal circle of innately good Arrancar, against (at least some of...) the Visored.

And I honestly I kind of figure that Tousen’s whole science-experiment hybrid form was something that Shinji probably would’ve wound up with instead, with about the same heel-face-turn tone as Ginjou stealing Ichigo’s Fullbring.  Which would’ve just ended with Aizen taking the Hougyoku back, probably gloating about his experiments, and then just roll right into his god form ascension, not actually all that dissimilar to what we wound up with anyway.

I don’t really know that there was a coherent conclusion to this.  it started with wanting to get the Vastlord and Arrancars as good guys thing, and collecting the surrounding evidence and logic for that, but talking about kinda necessitated outlining its function in the broader plot and themes, which meant my headcanon... so here we are.... but I dunno what else to get into about this whole thing without just derailing into a whole other offshoot of rants... so I guess we’re done here.  for now...

[badheart]

You literally have sexy statues of a 14 year old girl. I don't think you have any right to say anything lol.

Ah my figure collection! ♥ Another one who stalks my blog, instead of simply doing something more useful. 

Because really, what do you hope to achieve? No doubt this is all going to be hate now. You are being literal bullies, you are acting beyond immature. I think you lost the moment you send ‘anon hate’ or make any kind of vague posts. Because you are in no state of mind to care about anything what I will say now. It will change absolutely nothing about your views about me. All you feel now is hate, and disgust and who knows what. You do not want to make a better person out of me, you just want me gone, otherwise this topic would have been directed in a far more mature way from actual adults (who srsly try to play police online), or simply ignored, because in theory, you would have never seen the post, because we are not mutuals. 

Which will lead to... ultimately nothing in the very end. 

I will keep writing, I will keep having fun with my friends and mutuals, I will keep developing my characters, I will keep living my life... while a bunch of strangers get beyond furious about a single person who likes characters being assholes, that’s the actual reason I like them, because they are evil, because they are nasty. That in this scene Hime was to see, was in the very end simply unfortunate, but it did underline only more what a kind of asshole Nnoitra is, that’s probably the reason Tite drew this scene. I am just some fan, loving his damn long fingers. You are once again making a mountain out of a molehill. There could have been ANY character, like Grimm, I would have liked the display of Nnoitra being an asshole. If you cannot relate, that is fine - but you gotta admit, a lot of people usually like villains exactly because they are evil, and one way or another they need to show it. And if you cannot stand potentially very triggering content, then is Bleach simply not your type of Manga. It was unfortunate, that is all! 

I am not thirsting after lil’ girls now, or whatever people might be thinking now (I mean you see the characters I mainly rp, bad boys & mature women) I am just liking the character being shitty. And I have not rped such content either. You are making a mountain out of a molehill. You mis/interpret too much evil, disgusting intentions in a single post. 

And if you really want me to talk about my figures. I just love them, it is like having an art piece in real. And these few mature versions, got a style I quite liked with the long legs. Because I am quite a Bayonetta fan. I enjoy the anatomy, the style, the details, the outfits. And I love women, I find them beautiful. That’s me enjoying art. There are no dirty thoughts behind it. I am not hurting anyone with this hobby of mine, apart of the idiots who love to get themselves triggered via stalking my blog. I do understand that is probably weird to see characters all aged up, perhaps even questionable, I cannot fully explain it either apart of my artist self, really loving the work behind it.  

But this explanation will probably never satisfy you. Perhaps you do not even care, and there is just some personal bias, jealousy behind it. Who knows. Some people just hate other people, I cannot change that. I am how I am, I am aware of what kind of content I consume, and I do not force it upon anyone. 

I just kindly ask you, to leave it be. Because in the very end, everyone should know I meant no harm to anyone. And if you feel nevertheless harmed, there is a block button! Not available irl, but online! Use it! 

[zanguntsu]

you're not saying what you think you do with "you sure love groups based on nazis" , we all would punch a nazi if see saw one irl. characters like giselle, bazz-b or jugram are nothing like nazis, they have unfortunate clothes design but thats it. people are allowed to like fictional villain groups, be it quincies or star wars' first order/galactic empire whatever without being told that they "sure like groups based on nazis" , it doesn't make us bad ppl irl and is just a cold take over fiction

‘we’d all punch a nazi if we saw one irl’ yes, i’ll take that claim at face value from the anonymous user who cannot even bother to show their url. sure, i’ll believe that. and i’m sorry i know i’m a fucking idiot but how the fuck can you not see the n*zi parallel like are you willingly choosing to ignore it? read this for the obvious references and since it’s a little out of date there’s even more issues.

here’s them saying that they would purge the shinigami. not fight. purge. intent to wipe out. do i have to spell it out.

here’s some nice bloodline purity! isnt this yknow. eugenics to wipe out the ‘inpure’ members and spare the desirable ‘pure’ quincies.

and here’s yhwach literally calling ichigo, who has mixed heritage, a racial slur. back to blood purity i guess!

i genuinely cannot find a way to stress this point enough. they are clearly meant to resemble n*zis. it goes beyond unfortunate clothing choice and coincidence, kubo actively created the allegory in fact we should have seen it the moment we saw the first member of the vandenreich in those clothes that could not be a bigger red flag

and my point is that a member of a marginalized group has the right to be wary and uncomfortable with people who adore chacters that are allegories for their oppression. if a person of color is uncomfortable with a group meant to reference a white supremacist group, they have a right to be uncomfortable! if a gay person is uncomfortable with people adoring a group meant to represent homophobia, they have a right to be! i cannot express how shitty it is to brush off and ignore that person’s uncomfortableness.

and this isn’t just me saying ‘no you cannot like villains. ever. i’ve liked villainous characters before. I have no problem with akatsuki. unless i missed something, they’re just a villain group woth no references to oppression. they are not inspired by a hate group as far as i’m concerned.

the nnoitra point is because i see people either brushing his violent misogyny off or even justifying it, specifically his hatred of nel because she doesn’t listen to him or whatever and there are plenty of nnoitra stans i already had to block some and i had a few interact with me before it’s not like they don’t exist. i just don’t want to interact with people who adore a character with misogynistic traits. how the fuck will i know if they are disgusted by misogyny if they will look at a character who casually talks about assualting a teenage girl and even outright says he hates women and go ‘yeah they’re my fave lol’

and on a final note, why are you so obsessed with this point. you could just block me or whatever. i’m literally just an anime blog what are you even gaining from this.

[apothecarywormcrud]

11 and 13 for Masato? 👀 i wanna say all of them for Masato but.

oh i am DOING all of them i wanna talk about masato

or. well. most of them. 

1. Does your insert have a name that’s different from yours? Does the name reflect their character in any way, or is it just because it sounds nice? How did you come up with it?

I’ve talked about this before, but Masato’s name is very specifically spelled 眞人, (the kanji for “real” and “human,” respectively.) I sorta knew from the start that I wanted to give them a name with 人 in it; something deliberately ironic, because Mayuri is a dick who loves a bad joke. 

(It’s a particularly cruel joke in the context of Masato’s original backstory, where they were meant to be an experiment in what happens when you let someone think they’re a real person and then strip that assumption away. But I wanted to give them sick powers, so that was shunted to the sidelines.) 

2. Does your insert have a very strong relationship with a f/o, maybe more than one? 

I talk about Szayel enough on here so I’m gonna talk about Nnoitra instead. In my version of canon, his mask is cracked open by Kenpachi, reducing him to a state similar to Nel’s. (That’s karmic retribution, bitch!) Suffice to say he’s pretty upset about this, and proceeds to skulk about Las Noches refusing to let anyone see him until Szayel gets back to fix things. 

Masato meets him by chance when their powers are still sealed up post-jailbreak (this one’s seal 2: electric boogaloo) and is all like, what’s with this sassy lost pre-teen? Eventually they become sparring partners, since while Nnoitra’s regaining his powers, Masato is the only person in Las Noches capable of fighting at such a low level; and once he’s got them back, they can go hog-wild without worrying about fucking him up too much. Their relationship doesn’t have the same...belligerent romantic tension that Masato and Szayel’s does, but Nnoitra is fond of Masato, even if he’s horrible at admitting it. They’re friends and they suck! 

More abt. Nnoitra actually bc I love this song: nerfing him puts him in a position where he’s forced to rely on other people, and despite feeling totally worthless and vulnerable and having to undergo the humiliation of being protected, there’s also the experience of being told, “So what if you don’t have any power? That doesn’t make me respect you any less.” So he has the opportunity to build his self-worth back up based on something less subjective, and now he can actually interact with other people on the same level, which is great news for Tesla, who gets to strengthen his spine and be truly up front about his feelings, because Nnoitra no longer has any power over him. 

I think, for relationships like these, finding a level playing field is super important! And I’ve always been fascinated by characters who develop in opposition to one another and eventually meet in the middle. Masato and Szayel are also that way, in that they round out some of his edges, and he sharpens some of theirs, and the actual feelings proper don’t start developing until a ways in, and they’re not even admitted until post-canon, because in order to even consider that sort of relationship, the two of them have to come to respect each other first. Enemies-to-lovers is a fucking ART. 

3. Who in their canon are they closest to? 

Kurosaki fam and by extension, Ichigo’s friends. Masato has commissioned at least one custom jacket from Uryu. Also Arrancar Squad and my friend Percy’s insert Juro, who’s a creepy little goth weirdo and a visored.  

4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? 

Masato is a mod-soul based off of Mayuri’s quincy research. They’re designed to passively absorb reishi until at max capacity (which is quite large), at which point they can be forcefully “detonated,” destroying them in the process and causing a significant amount of damage to the surrounding area as the stored reishi is released. As a weapon, they’re highly experimental—meant as a last resort rather than something put to regular use. 

Mayuri dumped them in the human world, where their reishi absorption wouldn’t negatively impact the Seireitei, and planned to let them simmer there for about ten years. There’s a seal incorporated into their gigai that not only blocks them from accessing the reishi inside of them, but prevents any outside force (such as hollows) from sensing it. 

Once they become aware of what they are, Masato gets big anxious about anything that implies they’re not a real person. I’d love to salvage Kon’s original personality from before he was relegated to pervy comic relief because I think there’s the potential for some interesting interactions there. 

5. Does your insert have any magical talents or otherwise special abilities? 

Passive reishi absorption, and after Uruhara modifies their gigai so they can access their power reserves, they can vent it from their body and use the force to blast themselves around or add more power to their blows. Their body is about as resilient as a normal human’s, but the only way they can truly “die” is if their soul candy is crushed, which means that injuries that would normally be fatal are just excruciatingly painful. This definitely isn’t just an excuse for me to fuck them up beyond all belief. 

Due to Szayel’s tinkering, they eventually end up as what’s effectively an artificial Quincy. 

6. Do they fight? What’s their weapon of choice? What’s the motivation for them to fight, or to stay OUT of a fight?

They prefer not to fight if they can avoid it, but if shit gets real then they won’t hesitate, bitch. They’re reasonably proficient with a blade after several years of kendo training, and like to bring a practice sword into dangerous situations. It’s not going to do much good against the likes of shinigami or hollows, but it makes them feel more secure, and it’s a good misdirection tactic. 

Due to the whole “functionally unkillable” thing, they’re also far more likely to take risks in battle, and have a tendency to rush in without thinking when one of their comrades is hurt. 

7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? 

It’s all cropped jackets and harem pants up in this bitch. I drew them in that sort of outfit once and now it’s all I give them. They don’t particularly care for their arrancar clothes, but it makes them less conspicuous and also, Szayel insisted on it. Can’t have your prized experiment running around looking like some sort of ragamuffin, after all. I keep meaning to write something where they visit Sastre for a fitting, because what good is having other arrancar OCs if I don’t do anything with them? 

8. How do they fit into their canon world?

A side character who tags along with the main cast but ultimately doesn’t impact events too much. They have their own wholly separate plot going for them and it involves self-actualization and kissing arrancar. 

9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? 

Kendo, gardening, bike rides through the countryside.

11. How easy is it to make your insert angry? Sad? How easy is it to twist their emotions into negative things? 

Masato’s actually pretty difficult to rile up, unless you’re pushing some Very Specific buttons (personhood is the big one), at which point they become incredibly easy to mess with. Szayel is...uncomfortably good at making them upset. 

13. What are your insert’s goals? 

Up to a certain point, they were happy to live a normal life and protect the people around them when called for. Then they wind up back in Mayuri’s lab and proceed to jailbreak Szayelaporro, retreat to Hueco Mundo, and strike a deal with him in order to gain more power and get mutual revenge on Mayuri. 

Post-canon...they start coming to terms with the fact that their body will never age and grow like a normal human’s, and that if/when they die, their soul will effectively be destroyed, and they decide, hey, fuck that shit, actually, and do a bunch of crazy science until they’ve got that shit sorted out (ultimately becoming like Nemu, if not something that improves on her design). 

14. Does your insert have any family relations? 

Isshin was the one who found them shortly after they were dumped on Earth, and kept them around for a number of reasons (the majority of which involved his Soul Reaper Senses tingling). So Masato’s got what’s effectively an adoptive dad and three younger siblings, who they dote on and bully interchangeably (and whose last name they may or may not have borrowed) (Isshin insisted on it, actually, since it’d make the documentation easier). They have temporary solidarity with Yuzu over not being able to see spirits. 

Mayuri is....arguably family but also like, fuck that. Masato does consider Nemu to be something like a sister, though, and feels particularly protective of her the more they interact. They have just as much a desire to help Nemu escape Mayuri’s influence as they do themselves. 

15. Does your insert have any enemies? What’s that dynamic like? Why are they enemies? Did they ever get along in the past? Is patching up differences out of the question for the future?

Fuck Mayuri me and my homies all hate Mayuri. I shouldn’t really need to explain this one. He treats Masato solely as an experiment and tool for his use. Unlike with Nemu, the fact that Masato is developing on their own is more of an inconvenience than anything, and before they broke out with Szayel, Mayuri was fully intending to wipe their memories and start over from square one. There is some good news, however, which is that Masato does get their revenge and uses their shiny new Quincy powers to seal up Mayuri’s reishi and get him kicked out of the captain’s seat. 

Szayel starts off as an enemy, since you can’t really have an enemies-to-lovers plot without one. He’s done some pretty atrocious things to Masato, but he treats them significantly more like a person than Mayuri ever did. Masato has very little respect for him, and the only reason they start working with him to begin with is because he represents a means to an end. Of course, the more time they spend together, the more tolerant they become of each other...among other things. 

[cryinglittlepeople]

If Gin had for some reason brought Izuru with him instead of leaving him at the soul society, do you think Izuru would have gone willingly and fought against the soul reapers?

This is a pretty rough question. 

It wouldn’t be “willingly” in any case because being coerced by your abuser doesn’t count. I believe Izuru would have gone with him if he believed it would save the lives of his loved ones. If him agreeing to go with Gin meant they would leave faster and so cause less death, yeah.

He most likely also would be smart enough to know that leaving with Gin meant he’d be living on borrowed time anyway. He’d either be killed by Gin or Aizen eventually, or the shinigami would invade and kill him for being a traitor. Which, considering Izuru’s nature, would be what he felt he deserved. 

As for fighting the shinigami that’s hard to say. We don’t know how much of his true personality would remain if he was in hueco mundo. We know Gin’s knack for twisting someone’s own thought and feelings, and that together with the isolation and the guilt, I don’t think it would be pretty.

He’d either fight them genuinely because he couldn’t really tell friend from foe anymore, or it would be suicide-by-shinigami (kinda like nnoitra, which is funny in a way). 

So in any case, it wouldn’t really be through free will no matter the circumstances, and it would be a bad time for everyone involved except gin. 

[cooliogirl101]

Hi. The reviews on ffnet for chapter 11 of TLM got a lot of interesting prompts. I hope you like some as well. I found the scene between Ichigo, Sayuri and the little sisters very disturbing. I'm not sure Sayuri can not be called a villain at this point, even if she feels some mild regret for her actions. So, how do Karin and Yuzu fare in Hueco Mundo ? How do they get along with the Arrancar ? Aizen ? Sayuri ? Who gets to babysit them ? "Fortunately" Inoue would care for them. Thanks a lot !

Oh yeah, no, Sayuri was 100% a villain in that scene, there’s no doubt of that. Personally, I think she would be a terrifyingly effective villain, down to her twisted sense of mercy (because eliminating a threat without killing them is what counts as mercy for her). 

In regards to your questions, I don’t think Inoue would be involved at all. The only reason she was kidnapped was so Aizen could lure half of the Gotei 13 to Hueco Mundo and that only worked because Ichigo was involved. With his sisters kidnapped and in very real danger– well, I don’t really see him doing anything that could possibly antagonize Sayuri, you know? Sayuri told him to grab his people (which includes Inoue) and run, or at the very least, remove themselves from this war. And as much as he cares for Rukia, his sisters are the priority for him. Can you really see him finding the resolve to fight knowing that the second he draws his zanpakuto, his sisters will die?

(“You really didn’t have to do that, you know. The boy has potential…and I would’ve enjoyed a challenge.” “You can enjoy your ‘challenges’ once my neck isn’t on the line, Sousuke.” “Have you so little faith in me, Sayuri? You know I’d never let anything happen to you.”)

In the meantime, I think Sayuri would get Halibel to look after the kids. She’s reliable, one of the most powerful Arrancar, unlikely to get emotionally compromised (like, for example, Starrk), level-headed, and even if she’s not the best with children, she’s a hell of a lot better with them than Ulquiorra. 

Aside from Halibel and to an extent, her fraccion, the rest of the Arrancar would have little to no interaction with them, I think. Starrk because he’d get attached too easily, Barragan because…no. Just no. Ulquiorra already has a job as Sayuri’s bodyguard (“Ulquiorra-san, regardless of what my brother has ordered you to do, I am quite capable of taking care of myself. You don’t need to follow me around.” “I have no doubt of that, Sayuri-sama.” “…you’re not going to stop, are you.” “You already know the answer to that, Sayuri-sama.”). Nnoitra because…no. Just no. Grimmjow because chances are he’d return the twins if it meant he could get Ichigo to fight him again. Zommari isn’t banned from seeing the kids, per se, but he has no interest in doing so. Szayel because…no. Just no. Aaroniero also has no interest in seeing the kids  Yammy because she doesn’t trust him not to eat them. 

As for how Yuzu and Karin fare…well, they’re treated as well as any prisoner of war can be treated. Regular meals, no physical or mental torture, and it doesn’t hurt that both Sayuri and Sousuke have a bit of a soft spot for twins. Karin lashed out a couple times in the beginning but immediately stopped after being threatened with separation from her twin. In reward for good behavior, they’re allowed certain privileges– Karin gets to play soccer with Halibel’s fraccion, Yuzu gets knitting materials (Sayuri promises to help her with her drawing skills if Yuzu helps her improve her knitting), updates on how Ichigo and their dad are doing, books to read, etc. After a few weeks have passed with no signs of resistance, Yuzu gets a fluffy orange cat. Karin gets a hyperactive puppy. They have tea with Sousuke once a week; he listens to them, asks after their well-being, talks to them like they’re adults and unlike Ichigo or Isshin, he tells them about the shinigami (and the many problems inherent in the system) and their own family history (the Shiba clan, how their dad was once a shinigami captain). And they can’t help but feel a little special, that a man as busy and powerful as Aizen Sousuke takes the time to check in on them so regularly. Sayuri hardly ever smiles and when she does, it’s usually for her brother…but occasionally her eyes will warm when she looks at them and her lips will curve upwards when Karin scores a goal or Yuzu brings her something. There are times where she slips up around them, reveals hints of her and Sousuke’s past, and it hurts to hear– neither Yuzu nor Karin can imagine what it’s like having a mother that would give them up. 

Sayuri’s not such a bad person, really, Yuzu decides after a month has passed. A little scary at first, but it’s clear she’s never wanted to hurt us.

They have a point, Karin thinks. The shinigami system…it sounds really messed up. Imagine having a government that allows people like that Kurotsuchi guy to go free! That regularly commits genocide! It’s no wonder they want to change things.

Gin looks at these two children who are already so enamored with their captors and can’t help but feel a twinge of pity. But then, it’s hardly a surprise. Aizen Sousuke once won over the entire Gotei 13 with his charm. As for Aizen Sayuri…he thinks of Tousen, Ulquiorra, the men and women she’s ruined, hungry for every scrap of approval she throws their way. So very desperate to be the one she graces with her rare smiles, the one she trusts with her secrets.

Two eleven year old’s left in the dark by their father and brother, with no prior experience with manipulation? They never really stood a chance. 

(So no, neither Sayuri nor Sousuke would mistreat the twins. They don’t need to.)

I guess, as a question back to my readers: have I made Sousuke and Sayuri sufficiently scary yet? :P

[deadvalentine]

nnoitra from bleach

(Anon you're absolutely blessed for sending my favorite boi right now. Also I meant to answer this in the morning but I ended up not being able to ;~; Thank you for the ask tho!)"Sexuality headcannon" - Gay, ace, and trans!"Otp" - mmm I kinda have two otps I guess? I like Nnoitra x Tesla, but Nnoi is also part of my ot5, which is him, Szayel, Grimmjow, Starrk, and Ulquiorra. I can't choose between them, so I have two!"Brotp" - I can see Nnoitra and Grimmjow being pretty good friends, even tho I also ship them romantically"Notp" - Nnoitra x Nel...I really can't stand it 🤢"First headcannon that pops into my head" - uuuuhhh he wears hoodies. A LOT. That's his go-to outfit. He also really likes having his hair played with!!!"Favorite line from this character" - idk why but "I wanna be cut so that my breath is gone before my body hits the ground. That's the kind of death I wanna have" reeeaally speaks to me. I can't figure out why but yeee."One way in which I relate to this character" - This boy, this poor boy has some real bad image issues. He hates himself so much and only believes that he's good for fighting/being strong and nothing more. I'm very similar, although it's not with fighting/being strong, I just don't see myself being good for anything really. And we both try to cover that with an "ego" of some sort."Thing that gives me secondhand embarrassment about this character" - mm, nothing comes to mind really??"Cinnamon roll or problematic fave?" - hah, well I don't personally see him as my problematic fave, I definitely don't see him as a cinnamon roll either lmao. He's more of a sinnamon roll 😅

[despairforme]

What could MAKE you apologize? For any reason/fault. (Canon or modern or both, whatever you see fit)))

❝ I ain't never gonna apologize 'fer nothin'! ❞ Came his immediate reply. Sure, he'd ironically say "my bad" or whatever, but it was never an actual apology. He couldn't imagine what could make him actually feel sorry. To feel remorse, you definitely had to care about someone. Respect them. Admit that you'd wronged them, and that they deserved to have said wrongdoing acknowledged. There were lots of emotions you'd need in order to arrive at the conclusion that an apology was necessary, nevermind actually wording it. There was no way in hell that would ever happen. He wasn't sorry for ANYTHING. Considering all the bad shit he constantly pulled, it was clear that he had no conscience. It was something he should've gotten when he became an Arrancar, and took that step towards human emotions, but he'd never gotten his humanity back. He didn't feel sorry for anyone or anything. Not to mention, if you truly pitied someone, you would not SHOW them that. That would just be rubbing salt in the wound. If you cared, you wouldn't do that.

❝ Ain't 'bout what I did, but who I did it 'ta. If I'mma apologize 'ta someone, 's gotta be someone important. ❞ Nnoitra reluctantly admitted. He was not generally one to apologize. Not because he couldn't admit when he was wrong ( he knew he was wrong pretty much all the time ), but because he didn't care. He didn't care to put himself through the humiliation of apologizing if said person's opinion of him didn't matter. That person had to be important. It had to MATTER. Nnoitra had to NEED their forgiveness.

It wasn't like he'd never apologized before in his life. He'd apologized to Grimmjow plenty of times, and lord knew he fucking SHOULD as well, considering everything he'd done to him. In the end, it hadn't mattered, Nnoitra figured. In the end, Grimmjow hadn't forgiven him. Nnoitra didn't blame him for that. Who WOULD forgive the shit Nnoitra had done? There could be no redemption, no matter how much he wished for it.

So yeah, when he did something HORRIBLE to a person he cared about, he WOULD apologize. This sort of "strict policy" meant that Nnoitra's apologies weighed heavy when he delivered them. He never said "sorry" just to get out of a situation. He always, truly MEANT that he regretted his actions when he told someone he was sorry. Of course, those times were few and far in between. He wondered if he'd ever find another person who he'd want to apologize for, and also... What sort of EVIL thing he'd do to them, that would warrant an apology.

[ghoultyrant]

Bleach falling

So I’ve watched ‘the fall of Bleach’. I... don’t really agree with a lot of their conclusions -among other points I don’t see much difference between early art and later art- but it was useful food for thought. In particular, I had no idea Tite Kubo had a tense/hostile relationship with his editor(s), and now that I know that it puts a lot of things in a new light. The video itself notes that Ichigo entering Soul Society could be viewed as entering the world of adults/adulthood, but I rather suspect it’s more directly influenced by Tite Kubo’s experiences with Shounen Jump.

Ichigo himself seems to basically want to be a normal person who fits in, frustrated by his inexplicable orange hair marking him out as different, frustrated by how his ability to see ghosts interferes with trying to be normal, and frustrated by how his father is, rather than being a respectable adult one might aspire to be, a clown of the highest order. This last bit is the relevant bit: it’s easy to imagine that Ichigo imagines that once he enters the world of real adults -people who actually act like adults, unlike his father- that things will get better.

And then Soul Society arc is a complete and utter shitshow that makes his father’s clownery seem endearing by comparison.

My suspicion is that Soul Society is to Ichigo what Shounen Jump was to Tite Kubo -that Tite Kubo imagined Shounen Jump would be a bastion of whatever good qualities he imagined adults to have, and what he found instead was a monolithic, patriarchal, brutal organization that treats people like shit for no discernible reason beyond ‘that’s how we’ve always done things’.

Furthermore, I now suspect editorial interference interfered with the Hueco Mundo arc.

See, the sequence where Orihime is ‘kidnapped’ was jarring and out of character of Bleach. Oh, it fits some of the series’ broader trends -subtle disrespect of women, bad guys abusing their ability to teleport sometimes but not others, I can go on but I won’t- but it’s jarringly out of place at this point in the story. If the series was always planning on doing this to Orihime, why did it establish her heading off to determinedly train? Why did the story play up her powers as being utter bullshit if she’s going to immediately be sidelined for an entire arc?

Now I’m wondering if an editor pushed Tite Kubo to have a woman kidnapped to ‘up the stakes’ or some such nonsense. If so, it would put some other things in a new light -Aizen explicitly comments that actually Orihime’s power is useless to him, even though it was the claimed reason for kidnapping her in the first place. Originally I interpreted this as the story crapping on a female character because lol, but now I’m wondering if this is Tite Kubo being passive-aggressive: “Okay Editor-San, you got what you want. I’ve butchered my plot and had a woman get kidnapped because you told me to have it happen. Now I’m going to spell out that this happened for no reason and basically ignore it as a plotpoint, because fuck you.”

Adding to my suspicion is the nature of the Arrancar -they’re all, more or less, set up as counterparts to one of the people who head into Hueco Mundo. Nnoitra is basically Zaraki: a combat monster of unfair toughness who is, on a social level, an utter asshole. The scientist looks, dresses, and acts a lot like Uryu, and of course the comparison to Soul Society’s own scientist-monster is pretty obvious. Etc. I’m not going to go into the whole thing because it really deserves it’s own post and is secondary to my point, but I’m setting it up because:

Harribel.

Harribel is present, but her role in the plot is sort of aimless. She could be taken as a parallel to Orihime on the basis of, among other things -sigh- their tremendous breasts that are on display. If she is meant as a parallel to Orihime, than she was probably originally meant to fight Orihime, in which case Orihime being kidnapped is killing off one of Bleach’s sub-plots, in which case it makes a lot of sense that Harribel is this odd dangling plot thread that never properly goes anywhere. She just sort of gets no-sold by the kid Captain and ignored by the plot -and it’s worth noting that said kid captain was A: a fan favorite and B: actually somewhat disliked by Tite Kubo.

So I kind of suspect he threw a grudging bone to fans of the kid captain -”Look, here’s him being a badass and soloing and Arrancar”- while also doing something with Harribel, as a kludged solution to the mess that resulted from an editor forcing him into the ‘kidnapped Orihime’ nonsense.

Which, if all this is true, puts basically the entire Hueco Mundo arc in a new light and actually raises my respect for Tite Kubo several notches.

[despairforme]

What kind of drunk are you if you have consumed enough? A sleepy drunk? A big fun? A depressive one?

❝ Takes A LOT 'ta get me real drunk, but once I've consumed enough... ❞ He paused. Nnoitra was not a big consumer of alcohol. He'd have a beer every now and then. He rarely drank hard liquor, and he almost never drank in public. He'd gotten paranoid over the years, which meant he didn't like having his senses dulled by alcohol. Not to mention he worked pretty much every night, and he'd rather not be drunk on the job. Nnoitra wasn't a bad drunk when he just had a light buzz. It would lighten his mood, and make him more care-free.

However, when he got properly drunk? He was no fun to be around. Nnoitra already had a violent, unpleasant personality. When he was drunk, this part of him was amplified. He became a lot more sadistic. He also lost all his patience, and could get angry over the smallest of things. There was no good way to handle him when he was that drunk. He was completely unreasonable, and straight out dangerous. Since he was such a big, strong guy, it would be impossible to restrain him.

Luckily, he never got this drunk. First of all, he'd have to drink a TON to even get this drunk. He burnt off alcohol like a goddamn machine. Secondly, there was no kind of alcohol that he enjoyed enough that he'd want to consume a large amount of it. And thirdly - he didn't like having his senses dulled. He liked staying sharp and focused, in case he needed to defend himself. ❝ I ain't no FUN drunk, let's just say that. ❞

[despairforme]

CHAPTER 4 - The pull.

[CHAPTER 3]

What was he? A six year old on his first day of school? What was this GIDDY feeling? Why was he so excited just because he’d made a friend? It was not an exaggeration to say that Nnoitra didn’t have any friends. The only people he interacted with on a daily basis were his fellow members of the basketball club. They were his teammates - not his friends. Everyone in class avoided him like the plague. It didn’t make him lonely, since he’d never desired friends in the first place. If you wanted people to like you, you had to pretend to be someone you weren’t. Nnoitra wasn’t about to fake his personality just for popularity. If that meant he was going to be an outcast and a loner? Then so be it.

When Murasakibara (Nnoitra would be damned if he was going to forget the name of his one friend, even though it was a very difficult name) had asked for his email, Nnoitra had been stunned. He could not believe he wanted to be his friend, even after he had literally stolen from him. He might not have been looking for friends, but now that he had one? It was nice.

He was determined to make sure his team did well at the Interhigh. Tsukinogai was a middle-tier team. They weren’t outright bad, but they had no star players. Well - they did now that he was here. He was well aware that if the team was going to have any sort of chance, it would be up to him. He’d have to carry it all. Working hard, having a ‘team spirit’ - that shit became worthless in the face of someone who had both height and talent. He didn’t do much training with the team. Why would he? He was going to do all the work anyway. Offense, defense - he’d do it all by himself. The best thing his teammates could do was stay the fuck out of his way. Nnoitra focused mostly on endurance training, and that was something he could do by himself. No matter how good he was, it would mean nothing if he ran out of steam. Carrying a whole team on his back was going to be physically exhausting, so he had to be prepared.

What he’d been afraid would happen - happened. His biggest (and only) weakness when it came to basketball, was his build. He had noticed it more than ever when he played against Murasakibara. The other had weighed a lot more than him. Nnoitra had a lean build. He’d always been lanky. He had muscles, sure. Long and thin muscles. He was far stronger than he looked, but in terms of weight, he could never compare with someone who was bulky. Doing weight training to build muscles did nothing for him, because he had no fat that he could convert to muscle mass. If he trained excessively - like he had been doing the past few weeks - he ended up losing weight, which meant he was losing muscle. His body burnt calories like a fucking machine on overdrive. No matter how much he ate, it was never enough, and to allow him to keep going, his body had no choice but to take energy from the only place left - his muscles. 

Nnoitra watched his weight obsessively, since he was always trying to gain. He noticed straight away when he started losing. He’d been worried it would happen. There was obviously something wrong with his body. His.. What did they call it? Metabolism? He should probably get it tested, but--- What if the results were devastating. What if it meant he couldn’t play anymore? Not like he loved basketball all that much, but it was the one thing he was good at. It was his future career. Without it? He had nothing. Yeah, he knew that if he was ever going to play professionally, he’d have to get medical examinations, and if there was something wrong with him - they’d find out. But he pushed that problem away and onto his future-self. His current-self had enough to deal with.

He didn’t stop his endurance training. He wasn’t going to back down for anything. No matter what happened, he was going to push forward, in true anime style. He ate as much as he could, and every morning he stepped on the scale with his fingers crossed. If his weight was the same as the day before, he’d exhale in relief. If he had dropped, he’d empty the fridge for breakfast. He knew his food-intake was taking a toll on the family’s budget. But what could he do?

April turned to May. His teammates and the coach had been unhappy with him, because of his reluctance to practice with them (they didn’t like him in the first place, and this conflict only made it worse). However, in the beginning of May, the attitude towards him changed.

          ❝Oi, Gilga! You better be prepared to pull your weight today.❞ That was the captain, another third year named Arinaga. He was not exactly strict - in fact he’d done his best to try to make others get along with Nnoitra. In the end though, he appeared to have given up. Nnoitra couldn’t blame him. Nnoitra sent him a glare, not liking the phrasing.

        ❝Yeah, no problem. Ya’ll think I can’t play with ya just ‘cause we don’t practice ‘tagether? Don’t make me laugh, moron.❞ He said, and it sounded like he was about two years away from laughing. He knew what they were doing, of course. He’d overheard the coach and the captain talk together about him. The coach seemed to think it was a good idea to put Nnoitra in the upcoming practice match. The coach’s plan was to show Nnoitra that when he didn’t practice with his teammates - it would be impossible for him to sync with them during an actual match. Nnoitra couldn’t wait to rain on his parade.

No matter what sort of match he was playing, Nnoitra always wanted to win. If he didn’t win - then it meant he wasn’t the strongest. He wasn’t going to let the fact that he had a weak-ass team keep him back. The team they were playing didn’t have a reputation for being great either. It was probably why the two schools had agreed to a practice match in the first place. The mid-tier teams not scraping the bottom of the barrel for practice matches, but also not begging the top-teams for scraps. This would be his first game with this team.

Even if it was just a practice match, the other team would’ve done some research. Nnoitra knew that, and yet - he could see the looks the other team was giving him. One thing was reading on paper that they were going to face a guy who was 215. Another thing was seeing him in real life. They couldn’t help but look intimidated. 

The teams lined up, and bowed for each other before the match. Nnoitra barely lowered his head. This was one of the Japanese traditions he didn’t like much. Nnoitra was playing center - they’d be fools not to place him in that position. When the referee tossed the ball up to start the game, Nnoitra barely had to jump to beat the other team’s center, and secure the ball for his team. He had almost expected his team to refuse to pass to him, to make a point, but - they actually did give him the ball. As they should - he was in a good position. The pass was sloppy, or maybe it was just difficult to receive because he truly did find it hard to communicate with and read his teammates. No matter. He could deal with difficult passes. Now that he had the ball, nothing was going to stop him from scoring.

Everytime Nnoitra got the ball, he scored. His teammates began to automatically send their passes his way. Over and over again, the ball found his palm, like he’d become some sort of hyper-sensitive ball-magnet. Nnoitra didn’t slack off in defense either. He loved scoring, but it was almost more satisfying to prevent others from scoring. The look of distress on their face when he towered over them. The growing despair in their eyes when they realized they weren’t able to score.

When the final buzz sounded, signaling the end of the match, the scoresheet made everyone quiet. Even though everyone had watched it happen, it was still hard to believe. The other team hadn’t scored a single point.

Nnoitra was dripping sweat, his chest heaving. He was dead-tired. Ugh. Against such a weak team as well? He needed to get stronger. He’d achieved what he had wanted though. He had proved to the team and to the coach that he didn’t need to practice with them. What he hadn’t expected was their reaction. In the end, they all wanted to win. Nnoitra had given them a huge victory. His teammates were excited and in awe. The coach was impressed to the point of being at a loss for words. The mood around him changed, like someone had flipped a switch. Suddenly, he wasn’t the outcast of the team anymore. He was their ace. The man who was going to carry them to victory. Their hope.

❝Hope, huh? What kinda fuckin’ bullshit ‘s that?❞ Nnoitra mumbled to himself as he lay down in bed. He still had homework to do, but he was too damned tired. He was not in a bad mood, but... He had thought he’d feel better about the positive change in his status. After the practice match, the team had went out to celebrate. They’d all gone to a ramen shop, had dinner and chatted. Nnoitra wasn’t used to being this social, so maybe that was part of the reason why he felt tired now. It had been... Nice enough, he supposed. He even remembered a couple of his teammates’ names now. He liked getting credit for his hard work, and having people admire him was not a bad thing. So, what was the problem? He didn’t want to admit it, but - it was the pressure. The pressure was the problem. Now that they had seen what he could do. He had even more to prove now. He had the feeling that this wasn’t going to be some wholesome story where everything went smoothly for him. He was still far, far away from being strong enough. So while his teammates had been convinced of his strength, Nnoitra had been reminded of his shortcomings. His weakness. His team might feel hopeful, but... He did not.

Not this fuckin’ depressive shit again, ‘fer fucks’s sake.

It was always like this. Fucking always. Why couldn’t he enjoy victories? Why couldn’t he enjoy anything? Why was everything always so heavy and why did this feeling of helplessness always come back to haunt him? He sighed.

         ❝Nnoi-chan?❞ his mother knocked on the door. He groaned in reply. She’d know that that meant ‘ come in ‘. He sat up in bed to look less pathetic. He had the feeling he didn’t fool her. It was one of the nice things about her. She could see his bad mood, but she didn’t press him about it. Didn’t talk to him about it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. ❝How did the practice game go?❞ Oh, she’d been aware he had a game today? He couldn’t remember saying anything about it. Seemed she was paying closer attention to him than he’d thought. 

         ❝We won.❞ He said it with very little enthusiasm. If he had had any, it had been all spent during the ‘ celebration ‘ together with his team.

       ❝Congratulations.❞ She said with a small smile.

       ❝Thanks.❞

       ❝I thought maybe you’d like these?❞ She held out a stack of pocky to him. Where the hell had she been hiding those? Nnoitra recognized the assortment of purple boxes. The ones he had bought that day. 

       ❝Yeah, I would.❞ Nnoitra held out his hand for them. She took a few steps into the room to hand them over. They looked at each other for a moment.

GOD I hope she ain’t gonna say: I’m here if ya wanna talk.

She didn’t say that.

        ❝There are leftovers in the fridge if you’re still hungry.❞

        ❝Can I have ‘em ‘fer breakfast? I’m sleepy.❞ He said ‘ sleepy ‘ instead of ‘ tired ‘. She gave another small smile and nodded.

        ❝I’ll let you rest.❞

Nnoitra opened one of the pocky boxes after she closed the door behind her. The purple reminded him of Murasakibara. They hadn’t texted each other a single time after exchanging contacts. Nnoitra was not one for texting in the first place. He had dyslexia so writing was a challenge. He found Japanese to be a lot easier than Spanish though... The latin alphabet was shit. Maybe he’d give texting a go. He bit down on the pocky stick. The sweet chocolate flavor mixed with almond was nice.

[ to Murasakibara Atsushi ] - 

He stared at the screen of his phone, tapping his index finger against the side while he tried to come up with what to write. Texting him out of the blue was kinda random. What did you usually say when you texted a friend? If the two of them could even qualify as that. In the end he just decided he’d tell him about today’s match. Might as well.

[ to Murasakibara Atsushi ] - Had a practice game 2day, didn’t let our opponents score a single point.

He pressed send. Some of the heaviness in him seemed to lift, strangely enough. Like the text was something he’d needed to get off his chest. He ate some more pocky. It didn’t take long for a reply to buzz in. Murasakibara was quite a... Lazy guy. He spoke with disinterest in an almost sluggish way, like he could hardly be bothered to get his words out. He hadn’t expected him to reply so soon (or maybe not at all).

[ from Murasakibara Atsushi ] - Keep that up, I wanna be the first one to score against you in an official match.

Nnoitra breathed out a mute laugh. He stuck another pocky in his mouth as he wrote his reply.

[ to Murasakibara Atsushi ] - Bring it on.

This felt different, Nnoitra decided. The thought of playing against him in an official match didn’t feel like pressure. It felt like motivation. He felt excited. Hyped, one might even call it. He stuffed the rest of the pocky in his mouth. How about those dinner left overs? He was going to eat them and then go for a late-night run. Like hell he could just lay in bed now! It was crazy, how fast his emotions could switch. He’d gone from wanting to just lay down and die, to having something that felt like goddamn butterflies in his stomach.

He changed into his training gear, before he went into the kitchen.

❝I thought you were going to sleep?❞ his mother asked, surprised. Nnoitra opened the fridge and found the leftovers.

         ❝Nah, I need ‘ta go ‘fer a run first.❞ Yeah, he needed to. He really felt like running right now. He placed the plate down on the table, pulled his chair out and sat down. The leftovers were delicious - his mother was actually a pretty good cook. He ate with eager, almost stuffing himself.

         ❝Did something happen?❞ she asked. How rare of her to ask something like that. Nnoitra sent her a look.

         ❝Mah...❞ Nothing had really happened. He had just been reminded of his future very strong opponent who he was going to beat. Anyone would feel the need to train after something like that, right? At least if you actually wanted to prove yourself to be the strongest. “Just feelin’ motivated.” he decided to say. It was not a lie. He rarely spoke of his feelings, and it was even rarer that he even had emotions that could classify as ‘ positive ‘. His mother smiled. She almost looked relieved.

         ❝I’ll make you some more food you can have for breakfast. You’ll need lots of protein for all that running you’re doing.❞

Ah. It was not often he felt like he was being taken care of. But right now? Yeah. She was being very motherly. Nnoitra didn’t know how to deal with her when she was being like that. Didn’t know how to thank her. Didn’t know how to get his feelings across.

         ❝Yeah, I’ll need it.❞ he said.

[CHAPTER 5]

[despairforme]

She isn't there to wish him a happy birthday in person. It would certainly not be happy if she was there to ruin it with her condescending presence. But... she does wish him well. She could never kill him, even if the task would have been all too easy. It is because she was glad he was alive. So instead, he will find a card and a single, gold bangle. He could wear it or toss it, she does not mind - she is not there to see it. The card is hand-made with lovingly scribed messages from Pesche and Dondochakka: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NNOITRA-SAMA! THANK YOU FOR NOT KILLING US THIS YEAR AS WELL! WE HOPE THIS GOOD FORTUNE CONTINUES!! - PESCHE, THE HANDSOME BROTHER

[the writing is blotched and stained through tear drops (?)]

Yeah... happy birthday. Such... such fortune you're alive to terrorise us... not! NOT that we are afraid! I am not afraid. Wait... no you are the strongest Espada! I mean- wait... happy birthday!! -Dondomakka, I swear that is my real name for identity purposes!! And a final message: Whatever dream you're dreaming, I hope it comes true. I am glad you are alive. You have shown me a mirror of who I am and who you are. It is a good to exist at the same time as you. - Neliel

NNOITRA’S BIRTHDAY 2022 ! 🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈

      He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t on the look-out for presents today. It WAS his birthday after all, and yeah - some of the resident in Las Noches might know about it. Not that he expected anything. He didn’t care about his birthday. For someone with a deathwish, a birthday wasn’t exactly something to celebrate. He was going back to his room, when he picked up the trace of a reiatsu he knew all too well. It belonged to Nelliel. It was instinct for him to become guarded by feeling her presence, but he tried to remind his body that it was fine. Things between them had... Changed. He didn’t need to go into full survival mode every time she was near. Nnoitra opened the door to his room, but she wasn’t there. Just the trace of her. Nnoitra could tell she’d been there. Looking for him? No, she would’ve known he wasn’t around. She too could probably sense his presence easily. She had left something for him, he realized as he entered the room spotting something on the table. He didn’t need to guard himself against whatever it was - it was her words he had always been terrified of. He was curious now.

      A single gold bracelet was laying on the table. It was big enough for him to put his large hand through, so obviously it was meant for him. There was a card too, or was it a letter? Nnoitra didn’t know the difference. He picked up the golden bangle. It was light. The exact opposite of the ones he already wore.They were specially made to weigh him down and make fighting more difficult. This one... What was the point of it? Was it just supposed to look nice? Probably. Nnoitra put it on. It was from her, so it was significant. It meant she thought they’d come this far. This far away from their previous relationship. He liked that. Wanted it to be true. It probably wasn’t meant as a grand gesture or whatever, but Nnoitra felt her approval of him through it. Looking at it, he wasn’t reminded of the bad times with her. Instead, he remembered what she had said to him, when she had FINALLY understood him. Accepted him. SEEN him. He let out a breath, glad nobody could read his thoughts, or even see him right now.

      He picked up the letter next. He’d never received a birthday card before. Only a note or two. There was a lot written on it, in different hand writings. Nnoitra couldn’t read, so he just stood there, looking at the letters as if they’d suddenly make sense to him. Then he folded the card and put it in his pocket. He didn’t know what it said, but maybe he’d ask someone to read it to him. Should he ask Tesla? No, probably not. He’d like to keep what had happened between himself and Nelliel private, and he didn’t know whether the letter referred to that or not. That meant - if he wanted to know what it said, he’d have to ask her. That --- That was a tall order. He didn’t know if he wanted that. Still, he’d keep the letter, in case he did decide to ask her. For the time being, he could imagine that what was written on there was something nice.